#insert that buddhist line or something about how suffering isnt a requirement for pain and is how you think about something

[doctor-says-im-alright]

Ive got the beginnings of a philosophy but no second half. I firmly believe life doesnt need to be worth it defined by being successful, have all these things, be happy and recovered, pain free, completed milestones like having a job or partner, in order for a day to be worth being experienced.

So like people will tell you it gets better, one day itll be worth it, etc, but why cant it be worth it now? And i dont mean in any literal sense like it is applied to before. I mean take the judgment out of things as being good or bad, just being things, and going along with things. I mean its hard to say being in pain or miserable isnt bad, but a big part of the experience is the inherent alienation that comes with it and tied with it is not a lot of people experiencing it, people thinking that you cant have any sort of life and the only time your existence would be acceptable to them is if you were cured.

I know despite being deep in a severe disorder, at home or in a hospital again or whatever, part of the pain is not having people who get it, who look at me with pity, make me feel like my life is not worth it the way it is and I have to try harder, and feeling like Im messing things up/behind/whatever in life.

I mean its corny but perspective really does decide things, pain and suffering dont have to exist together. What you think is being positive (itll get better! Just means you havent tried hard enough yet :))) ) is equivalent to reaching for the next best thing again and again, youll never be happy and frankly its real that some people wont recover, or will get worse, and how long do you wait until its been long enougj for it to be worth it? Forever? I dont know if Ill live forever. Why cant things be okay now?