#insert jedisith is a chaos gremlin who is motivated by food

[vodkassassin]

Jedi turns sith for Fives please! (wouldn't we all lol)

@planeoftheeclectic

For context, I gave the insert a system bc systems are a lot of fun to play with in a story, but (and this could be a spoiler but whatever I’m telling you anyway) the system in this story is literally just the Force translating itself into a form that easier for the insert to understand.

—

Fives rubs tiredly at his eyes and finally lets himself be dragged down until he’s sitting.

“Fine, okay,” he says. “I’m sitting now. See? I’m sitting. …Why am I sitting again?”

“Break.” His Jedi kidnapper says seriously, shoving a ration bar into his face. “You’ve been running on empty for Force knows how long. You need to eat and you need rest.”

Fives feels his expression darken. “I don’t have time to rest.” He snaps. “My brothers are out there and they don’t even know —!”

He shoves the ration away and rubs at his face again, eyes stinging. “They don’t even believe me.” He whispers.

There’s a beat of silence. Fives doesn’t look up to see them, he doesn’t care to find the judgement for his weakness in their countenance. If this was Kamino he’d be sent to be decommissioned for this lapse.

Hell, he’d would have been sent to be decommissioned a long time ago, before any of this. Fives was never the poster boy of the e clone troopers. He’s never been quite right.

Maybe that’s why he’s the only one who realized that anything was wrong.

Or… maybe the wrong one is… him…

Something whacks him in the face, and Fives flinches back, jerking into awareness. The ration bar falls into his lap.

He looks up to find the Jedi turning away from him, arms crossed. He still can’t see their eyes because of the dark hood of their uniform, but that is definitely a pout curving their mouth downward.

“I believe you.” The Jedi says tonelessly. “You are more depressed when you are hungry. Eat.”

Five states at them. They pointedly feature to the ration and then turn away from him.

Fives reaches down at the order and grabs the ration bar. He swallows down his thoughts of inadequacy and turns his focus toward peeling back the biodegradable wrapper.

That’s right. This Jedi believes him. Or at least, they say they do. He’s not sure how that’s helps yet, but it has to be something, right?

He bites into the ration bar, and then makes a face.

“What is this? It’s worse than usual.”

“Hm.”

The Jedi tilts their head in thought, staring at the ration as if they’re examining a specimen under a microscope. They reach out and hand to grab Five’s and bring the bar closer, giving it a sniff.

“No idea. What is it…”

There’s a brief moment of silence where the Jedi is perfectly still, the odd behavior they do sometimes that Fives has given up trying to understand — maybe they’re conferring with the Force magic? For… a ration bar, though?

“Oho.”

The hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Fives regards the Jedi with alarm as their straighten up and give the ration bar all their attention.

“What?” He says, wondering if he should throw it away. “Poison?”

“No.” The Jedi’s voice holds a note of wonder. “Cabbage.”

“The hell is that?”

Something about the Jedi seems eager. They grab his arm, and Fives barely has time to realize what’s happening before he’s being dragged away from where he was forced to sit. The ration bar drops to the ground.

“Hey, wait — I thought we were resting?!”

“No. Forget the war for a bit. We’re going shopping.”

“Forget the—?!” Fives digs his heels in, aghast. “You can’t just forget—! Hey, stop! Why are we suddenly—?!”

“Kimchi.”