#insearchofme

[eyez-ff-blog]

😭😭😭😭that ending was so perfect !! OMG girl that was literally #writergoals . You've singlehandedly given me the nudge I needed get back into my writing 😳😘😍 && I'm skipping my ass on over to read focus .

I'm so honored I was able to motivate you, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you so much!

[rollinjuno-blog]

Didengar dan berbagi

Semua punya cerita untuk didengar. Semua punya cara untuk berbagi. Bahwa siapa yang kamu anggap layak untuk dibagi dan didengar, your choice.

Ada yang dapat dengan mudah membagi hidupnya, ada yang memilih menutup rapat dan hanya membiarkan segelintir orang masuk. Aku? Mungkin yang kedua. Waktuku banyak kuhabiskan untuk mengenal aku, memahami perasaanku, mengerti apa yang kumau. Egois? Ya, emang. Aku, kamu, dia, pada dasarnya manusia memang egois. Namun kadang aku berpikir, apakah aku terlalu memikirkan aku dan lupa dengan sekitarku?

Hidupku sempura. Setidaknya orang melihatnya begitu, dan aku juga menganggap begitu. Sesempurna itu, hingga aku mengira semua orang hidupnya seperti aku. Selalu berkecupukan finansial, berlimpah kasih sayang orang tua, dikelilingi teman-teman asik, tidak bermasalah di sekolah. As I grow up, I was exposed by some of my friends’ stories. Suka nggak habis pikir sih, kok bisa mereka punya masalah seperti itu. Kok bisa mereka survive dengan segala beban mereka. Kok masih bisa mereka tertawa bersamaku, sejenak melupakan pedih kehidupan mereka.

Sering aku membayangkan ada di posisi mereka, terjepit antara pilihan-pilihan suram dan hanya bisa mengandalkan diri sendiri. Aku rasa aku tak sanggup. Aku pasti hancur, layaknya porcelein koleksi rumahan yang sering dilap kemudian tiba tiba dijatuhkan dari lantai sekian. Jadi berkeping-keping, berhargaku akan sia-sia. Tapi, apa yang terjadi pada mereka banyak yang tiba-tiba. Lalu ketakutan menyerangku, akan apa yang hidup akan tawarkan di masa depan. Ups I mean, akan apa yang harus pasti akan aku hadapi nantinya. Apakah aku bisa se-baja mereka yang sudah pernah merasakan dibanting, diinjak, dilempar? Takut, sedih, pusing, menolak, itu sih yang aku rasain kalo mikir ini.

Mungkin, selain terus mengenal diriku yang sangat kompleks, aku mulai lebih membuka diri. Sambil terus menyadari, betapa beragam dan lucunya hidup ini. 

Menyiapkan diri, untuk ada saat siapapun ingin berbagi. Meneguhkan hati, bahwa ada seseorang yang mendengar dengan peduli.

[lilismilemexd]

- Karen Salmansohn #InSearchOfMe #NeedToGetMyShitTogether #wordsofwisdom @words_of_women 💪🏽🙏🏽💙 (à Cork) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnEk_kpn6l-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1l4nvy6e10xph

[hellonearthff]

Ty need me on the case . Put me on the legal team .

Lmaooo we gonna start a whole legal team for this guy and no matter the evidence or logic he still gonna be guilty in our eyes hahah

[eyez-ff-blog]

Jermaine & B , what are you guys favorite physical attribute on your spouse ? What is one thing they can unconsciously do that will make you want to take them down immediately?

Jermaine: "Anything having to do with her mouth is enough for me."

Beija: "His eyes. They say so much more than his words do a lot of the time and I can always tell when he's undressing me with them. Makes me squirm every time."

Jermaine: "Is that right..."

Beija: "I'm still not talking to you. Don't even try it."

[rollinjuno-blog]

The ones not being swept away by the waves

“Every great story has a beginning, middle, and ending, not necessarily in that order. We are all great stories, but not each of us write their own story.” (Phil Kaye - Beginning, Middle, & Ending)

Lately, I was exposed with some ideas of writing. Like writing anything in your mind. No, this isn’t all about the cheesy stuffs as a seventh grader girl who’s introduced to own a blog the first time and simply pour her heart out and let the world know her crush, no!

I’m talking about moments in life, the ones which after it happened I can still remember it vividly on the day after, two days after, but don’t ask me a month afterwards cause I must have forgotten the details, and often the most lively parts. I know it wasn’t my brain’s fault. Just like a writing on a beach, once seem deeply carved on the sand, but easily swept away when the waves come. I’ve learned that memorizing hasn’t always be my strength, like at all. But, I’d like to keep some of those wordings on the sand, maybe to reflect on those or try to see something that used to be crystal clear.

So, I gave myself a little present on my latest birthday last November. A diary! Or a journal? You name it. I like to call it my twentieth chapter.

Another thing I realize is that, through writing I can finally be honest to myself. I fckin force myself not to deny my thoughts while writing, not to filter any words that my mind come to produce. Here it is. Everything that I think of. Ain’t afraid of somebody to read it, ain’t got a plan to show it anyway.

Also, the best thing is that, again, I can be honest even when I don’t feel like writing anything, simply because I’m too busy or pretend to be. I can just pick up wherever I left off because hell yeah this is mine! Can do whatever I want with this one Jaha! Interested in writing your own chapter?

Here is the not-so first page (what do you call the page behind the cover?) of mine. Plus, a quote that since the end of last year been stuck in my mind (and scared me):

“That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

[tiffanyspr-blog]

Tell the World Your #ShowOut Moment!

Support the movement & spread the positivity around. Let the world know about that new car, getting out of debt, weight loss... anything you would call your #showout moment... let's hear about it! Attach it with the hashtag #showout 

Debut single #ShowOut by @jadenovah, now available on iTunes!

[mendoksunah-bro]

 insearchofme

[hellonearthff]

I literally read this whole thing starting at work on Friday to not to long ago . You got a long ass review coming your way . I just wanted to give the heads up .

ooooooh hey boo! lmaoo thanks baby doll, Im ready for it!

[jadenovah-blog]

Faith, trust, and pixie dust. 💋 Photographer: @allencooley Make Up: @ellaadair Hair: @lezlehair Stylist: @icontips Designer: @niccibynicci @niccihou #InSearchofMe Coming Soon...

[eyez-ff-blog]

I don't think either of them are wrong , both have validity in the reason why they decide what and how much they put onto their partner . I want them to make up tho 😔

They do need to make up. But then again, they might really need to vent to one another - or J needs to vent to Beija, because it seems like it's him who has a lot of pent of feelings about some of the things they've been through.

[eyez-ff-blog]

I'm so sad . I know how bad depression can get , I see it all the time . I applaud J for being there for B . I know it has to be hard for him to see her literally become another person . I can't imagine what went through his head when he saw her in that tub . That was literally his worst fear !!

Man, I just thought about that too. I actually don't even wanna know what he was thinking at that moment. It was scary just to think of the fact that his worst fear when it comes to her nearly came true. It ties into so many of his other insecurities about being in control of things when it comes to them and their problems. It's a hard pill to swallow when you feel like you're fighting something with every ounce of effort and it still threatens to beat you into the ground. I feel so bad for both of them.

[eyez-ff-blog]

Girl im trying to work my way through these chapters , you are awesome for all these adds . I'm used to waiting weeks for updates hell you do it every few days . You're the real MVP for it too ❤

Honestly I am surprised at how much muse I have for this story, because I usually take a while. But I appreciate you reading and showing love, it really makes me feel good to know you’re enjoying it.

[eyez-ff-blog]

Now my mind is going wild , I'm thinking of all the things that could go left . Whoooo Jesus . I love me some drama like the next but ( throws a tantrum ) I ain't ready .

Honestly, me either. Whatever it is, I'm sure they can handle it. Or at least I hope so.

[eyez-ff-blog]

I don't need that kinda stress in my life ! The is supposed to be my stress relief 😂

I've been writing a long time, and my vet readers know how I get down. Nothing can be too good for too long lmao. But it won't be bad forever!

[eyez-ff-blog]

Lawd all I ask is that you don't get me in my feelings and crying . && don't have Mr. DeMarco coming after J to kill him dead for not keeping his word 🙈

Oh GIRL, imagine Mekhi and ALL of the Demarco brothers trying to find this nigga if he broke Beija’s heart. The STRESS!