#injured pride + doubting his judgment = angry murder sabre getting angrier and murder-y...er

[thatswhatsushesaid]

this watershed moment between nie mingjue and meng yao is from cql, obviously, but imo it highlights the fundamental conflict between these two characters in all versions of the canon:

i am once again re-reading the entirety of the empathy flashback chapters because once i start, i just can't stop! there's just too much important information overflowing from this sequence of events! and considering this is the only lens through which we are able to look back at jin guangyao's past as meng yao--and considering how much that lens hates him at this point in canon--so much of what is presented to us as objective fact has to be examined more critically.

so, it bears repeating: all of this is nie mingjue's resentment-addled fierce corpse's recollection of events at least fourteen years in the past, communicated to the reader through two additional filters--empathy, and wei wuxian himself.

Meng Yao had probably carefully worked out how to avoid the vital areas. With both caution and composure, he pulled the sword out of his stomach, producing a string of small, bloody splashes, and pressed the wound—this was all he did to treat it. Nie MingJue, on the other hand, still remained in the posture that he used when trying to help Meng Yao. Half-kneeling with his head raised, their eyes met.

i mean. sure, i guess? this is related to an ask currently hanging out in my inbox that i haven't been able to answer yet (there are so many asks), but i think we really ought to consider just what a life-threatening gamble this was regardless. also painful! it is painful to stab yourself, and then to mash your hand against an open wound to stop the bleeding! why would anyone choose to do something like this unless they felt they had no other choice?

Nie MingJue didn’t say anything. Meng Yao didn’t say anything either. He sheathed his sword, bowed toward Nie MingJue, and sprinted away without looking back.

i've read a few posts criticizing meng yao in this moment either implying or flat out stating that if he can bow and sprint away, he clearly couldn't have been that injured. leaving aside that nie mingjue is perfectly capable of recognizing a serious injury when he sees one, wei wuxian also sees the blood splashing onto meng yao's body and clothes as he withdraws the sword from himself. so, he's hurt. he has seriously injured himself. that he still forces himself to bow before fleeing does seem significant to me. what else could he possibly have said? what would nie mingjue have wanted to hear him say anyway?

He had just acknowledged his mistake and agreed to receiving his punishment before feigning suicide and setting up a trap. Now, he was already long gone. It was probably Nie MingJue’s first time seeing such a shameless person, especially one that had just been the trusted aide whom he promoted himself.

i could live the rest of my life in this sentence (exaggeration. but only slightly), there is so much going on here--first, that wei wuxian feels confident enough in his understanding and interpretation of nie mingjue via empathy to presume that this is nie mingjue's first exposure to such 'shameless' behaviour, because let's be real, how can he possibly know that? like leaving aside the fact that he is the older brother of the jianghu's most dedicated and shameless drama queen, he's been a sect leader for years at this point. beyond that, he is a sect leader during a time of war. mingjue-xiong has seen some shit, ok? i think it is specifically because this supposed shamelessness comes from someone that he himself trusted and promoted, as wei wuxian next points out, that he is so furious.

this part is key, for me, because it emphasizes not the shamelessness (is it tho?) of meng yao's trickery, but that such trickery could be carried out by someone that nie mingjue himself had invested with such trust. he doesn't just feel betrayed by meng yao, though of course that is part of it. his pride has been injured. which makes sense, given the next part of the text:

For this, he flew into a terrible rage, being especially fierce during the Wen Sect’s battles. Even when Lan XiChen had the time to assist Langya, a few days later, his anger hadn’t died down one bit. As soon as he came, Lan XiChen laughed, “MingJue-xiong, what a temper you seem to be in. Where is Meng Yao? Why does he not come and douse your flames?”

i'm not sure i actually want to know what a 'terrible rage' from nie mingjue looks like given what we already know about his brutality on the battlefield. like... this is after he has decapitated wen ruohan's son, wen xu, and made a brutal display of his head and remains to send a message to qishan. meng yao's betrayal has triggered truly unprecedented levels of rage and fury from nie mingjue, something that was already escalating due to his focused cultivation with the sabre, but it results in a man who absolutely cannot handle hearing meng yao's name.

Nie MingJue, “Don’t mention such a person!”

see? (mingjue-xiong don't snap at lan xichen like that 🥺)

Without any exaggeration, he told Lan XiChen of how Meng Yao killed and planned to blame someone else, then feigned death and ran away. After he heard the story, Lan XiChen was also surprised, “How could this be? Maybe there was a misunderstanding?”

Nie MingJue, “I caught him right on the spot. What misunderstandings could there be?”

Lan XiChen thought for a moment, “Judging from his words, the person whom he killed had definitely done wrong. However, he should not have taken his life either. We are in harsh times, so it is quite difficult to determine who was at fault. I wonder where he is now.”

Nie MingJue spoke in a harsh tone, “He should hope that I don’t catch him. If I do, I’ll offer him as sacrifice to my saber!”

(where's a good theresalottounpackhere.gif when you need one)

first: "without any exaggeration" is doing quite a lot of narrative work! even if we accept that what nie mingjue recounts to lan xichen broadly conforms to what wei wuxian witnessed via empathy, what wei wuxian witnessed in the first place was still nie mingjue's recollection of the events as they transpired. wei wuxian did not witness these events himself with his own eyes. sure, i trust that nie mingjue is telling the truth when he shares this information with lan xichen, but he cannot be an objective source of information for wei wuxian--and i think it is significant that wei wuxian doesn't clock this.

second: i think this is why there is an understandable impulse to respond to lan xichen's circumspection with 'hey what the fuck??' when he says 'maybe there was a misunderstanding.' because we are right in the moment alongside wei wuxian, who does not recognize his own bias. and so we end up like, what do you mean, lan xichen! nie mingjue caught meng yao red-handed! wei wuxian-via-empathy told us so! how could we misunderstand any of this when wei wuxian confirmed for us that nie mingjue did not exaggerate any of his explanation?

but lan xichen's thoughtfulness and his instinct to pause, to seek out additional clarification and understanding, are perfectly rational responses given the circumstances, and ideally what he says is something any equally rational person would say in his position. two people he has invested with a great deal of his trust and esteem are at significantly crossed purposes, and he only has one half of the story. lan xichen obviously trusts that nie mingjue is telling him the truth as he recalls it; he just understands, as wei wuxian clearly cannot, that his understanding of this situation is incomplete until he hears the other half of the story from meng yao himself.

However, as though his words turned into a prophecy, during the next few years, it was almost as if Meng Yao had suddenly disappeared, as if he had sunk like a rock into the ocean. No trace of him was left.

Now, Nie MingJue loathed him in the same manner that he had once valued him. Whenever the name was mentioned, he put on an angered face, expressing things hard to explain in speech. When he was certain that no information could be found, he refused to discuss Meng Yao with another person ever again.

i'll wrap this post up shortly because i've already written much more than i initially intended, but i just want to highlight that literal years pass between their confrontation on the langya front and their bloody reunion in nightless city. that is a long time for nie mingjue to spend "loathing [Meng Yao] in the same manner that he had once valued him"--plenty of time for resentment brought on by his sabre cultivation technique to thoroughly sink its claws into his judgment, and his wounded pride.