#initially very scary but all my friend r angels so i was still able to have a rlly good time :)

[chiuuee]

a little french patisserie boy!!

[jollyteatime-archive-blog]

talk abt mattea + jealousy / feelings of inadequacy

THIS IS WHO I AM !  →  @inlookingglass.

this is something which i am not quite sure how to talk abt bc inadequacy, in itself, is interwoven into her canon character, but jealousy is less evident throughout the show & there’s several arguments u could make to show she wasn’t jealous when the canon events occurred, but…   i’m Basic & i have this tendency to wash out characters & make them basic so i am just going to say my hatter is like semi-jealous.

this is also considering how much i’ve expanded her canon storyline. we know, from the show, that the hatter is a hat lady living in wonderland. we know wonderlanders r ppl who lived in the real world, but took an alternative route to suicide & ended up in wonderland which isn’t, actually, all that wonderful. we have no indication of the hatter’s personal life or identity outside of wonderland. even in wonderland, we know little abt her history. she’s in a position of power, relative to the others, but she doesn’t utilize this power; she drinks tea all day & offers the queen jam tarts. it has never occurred to her to go through the looking glass to change - at least, not my interpretation, bc like i said, i’m #basic.

first, to talk abt inadequacy !   this is a big one. in my blog canon, the hatter grew up in a middle class family in london. her parents were somewhat neglectful. not particularly neglectful, when considering relative to a “normal” child, but mattea required a lot of care. the feelings of inadequacy didn’t begin to settle into her until she was around eight. it rly came out thru embarrassment. she was old enough to tell no one liked her, but still too young to fully understand the extent of why.

inadequacy was something buried deep within her, but she was casual abt mentioning it around her parents. she regularly made comments such as i’m not smart enough for u to love me or maybe if i were less loud u would care for me more & her parents never contradicted her. this was not out of malice from their end - it was out of lack of patience for mattea’s seemingly mindless chatter.

bc mattea’s common sense is lacking & she’s intellectually disabled, she was rarely able to Do Things in group settings & mattea, a very social person, only felt an increasing sense of inadequacy due to this.

her suicide attempt when she was twelve was bc of bullies - not exactly bc of feeling inadequate. but by the time she was fourteen & contemplating suicide again, it was out of inadequacy. primarily, it was based off the realization that she’d been infantilized her whole life — and that no one actually saw her as useful, but as just a lil angel. all her teachers calling her sweet & precious, strangers calling her angelic & congratulating her parents & telling them they, too, were angels for tackling on such a challenging child…   when mattea came to this realization, she felt more inadequate than ever. she was useless; she was good for smiling & looking cute; she’d never be independent or be able to marry   ( as she’d always wanted )   & have six kids; objects in motion tend to stay in motion; scary things are scary ( & mean ).

& most importantly, death follows scariness & meanness.

& that’s why she was going to attempt suicide. but she was still hopeful. that’s why she followed the white rabbit to wonderland.

once there, she was accepted, initially: everyone was odd & strangeness was a norm. people were animals. anything was possible. mattea was smitten with the queen — queen briella, enchanting & brilliant. for a while, mattea did not feel inadequate.

the queen entrusted her with the hat factory & mattea felt powerful & the bit of authority gave her the largest confidence boost she’d ever experienced, which sadly, was not enough. when queen briella was overthrown, mattea assumed the full position as the head of the hat factory & discovered everyone was completely employed by herself. still, with the new queen, hats were still not in production. nobody even knew the location of the hat factory. except mattea. her endless obsession with hats had long ago earned her the title of the hatter, but now, people began attaching mad to it insistently.   & with this, brushing the hatter off was easy — she’s mad, ppl could easily say, as a means to discredit her. tensions flared between the hatter & the wonderlanders & feelings of inadequacy returned, full force.

of course, the nice clean new queen charmed her. this queen had a more motherly charm. the hatter was unsure of its source, exactly, but the call was clear.

i’d say the hatter’s main focus shifted to making jam tarts & serving lots of tea & generally trying to ensure her head would not be cut off. getting the hat factory running & making friends with the current wonderlanders took a backseat. the queen was easy enough to please through jam tarts alone, but the hatter craved more affection. it was something unspoken, always   ( something v difficult for the hatter, who has a hard time not verbalizing her thoughts & feelings )   & the hatter’s desire to please the queen, along with her withdrawal, was the main wedge between her & the other wonderlanders.

the lack of sufficient recognition angered the hatter because she felt inadequate — she felt as though she SHOULDN’T be feeling inadequate & ppl should value her more.

& honestly. going through the looking glass hadn’t occurred to her. it hadn’t occurred to most wonderlanders. ofc, she’d fantasized abt what it would be like to go through & come out adequate, but fear always stopped her from thinking too much into it.

…anyway a lot of the anger came out post-looking glass. canon events went down — she fucked up big time, etc. after coming to terms with who she was, she chilled out a bit. but honestly ??   everything that happened kind of proved to her that she’s inadequate as fuck ??   she went through the looking glass to try to BETTER herself only to find out her original self was the best version of herself ??   that was so disappointing bc the original her was extremely inadequate ??

talking to alice helped with her self esteem, but after everything she did, she always feels the nagging guilt of everything she ALMOST did.

now…   jealousy. um. like i said, i guess i see her as semi-jealous ?   she’s not exactly JEALOUS of ppl, exactly — she just wishes she could be more like everyone else so she could fit in & have friends.

during the musical, i WILL say she’s jealous of ellie for her intelligence & of alice for having a daughter like ellie. i think when she says i’ll keep her forever, alice, it’s p clear she’s jealous. she regards ellie as…   an amazingly talented individual. to her, ellie is a smol child who is a genius — who’s brilliant, an incredible singer & songwriter,   & who does lots of cool things. she mimics ellie’s talking & her movements bc she literally thinks ellie’s the coolest person ever. i wouldn’t say she’s jealous of ellie for all of these qualities — just for the intelligence. with the rest, she just wishes she possessed these qualities, but she’s not actively jealous.

i’d say she’s jealous of alice for having ellie.   & honestly, ellie was complaining to the hatter abt how alice didn’t pay enough attention to her or get her shit together & the hatter immediately thought — i could make ellie my equal & adore her for all the times alice hasn’t. but she doesn’t actually have any beef with alice besides…   ellie’s existence.

she’s…   somewhat jealous of the queen…   but it’s more of a feeling of frustration which i’m not going to go into in this post.

& i do have to mention twinverse bc it’s the verse where she feels most jealousy. fedora’s beautiful; she’s a genius; she’s good with ppl; she’s good with money; ppl like her; she’s so graceful…

the list could go on. this is all relative to mattea, ofc, but bc fedora IS her twin…   she feels v jealous & spends countless hours wishing they’d been identical twins instead of fraternal.

still, she harbors zero anger for fedroa & loves her more than anything. she just wishes that she was more like fedora.