#info travel express

[honeykaes]

futile cure

mara-struck!jing yuan x reader II 4.5k

warning: smut, 18+ content, minors do not interact, afab!reader with no pronouns, heavy angst, multiple major character deaths, can be read as yandere, monsterfucking, handjob, blowjob, deep throating, creampie, rough sex, info might be wrong because i haven’t completed 2.4 story quest yet, unedited

synopsis: with jing yuan’s blessing, you left the xianzhou’s luofu to join the astral express crew and follow the trailblaze. one hundred years later, the newly appointed general, yanqing reached out to you in desperation. Your former boyfriend is now mara-stricken

The air around the Express was lively as folks chimed with champagne, laughter, and music. Another world was saved, and another Stellaron crisis was averted. 

You sat at a table with two others who had been on the Express for the longest time, Dan Heng, the incarnation of the once-feared Dan Feng, and the living Stellaron himself, Caelus.

The three of you were focused on the 3 young crew members that recently joined, bickering and teasing one another in the corner of the train car. The corner’s of Dan Heng’s lips curved up, admiring the young group. His olive eyes drifted down to his cup, swishing the liquid side to side in thought.

“Y’know they’re bickering the same way you and March used to,” Dan Heng murmured. Caelus chuckled, leaning his elbow against the table. He rested his hand against his cheek in amusement.

“Kinda weird, we're the old ones now. Does that make me Mr. Yang and you Miss Himeko?” Caelus joked. You rolled your eyes at his response.

“Yeah, you wish. You still act as goofy and immature as ever, Caelus,” you retorted. Dan Heng sighed, looking off at the group of young travelers again.

“...I miss them. Miss Himeko, Mr. Yang, March…” he trailed off. The three of you remained silent as music played out, along with whatever the other group was talking about. Seeing them so happy after completing their second mission brought nostalgia. It seemed just yesterday that you all were in their positions.

Your gaze softened, looking at Pom Pom reprimanding them for being too loud. 

”I do too. Sometimes I wish all lifeforms had the same lifespan.” you murmured, looking at your own reflection in your drink. Caelus' face momentarily lit up, as an idea popped into the eccentric's head.

“Y'know what. Why don’t we go back to one of the worlds we used to like old times! Penacony! Jarilo-IV! Oh! Even your hometowns in Xianzhou Alliance’s Luofu!” Caelus suggested. Your heart churned hearing him say the Luofu. It had been decades since the crisis there where you had left to join the Astral Express, leaving your former boyfriend behind with his blessing.

You could still remember his soft gaze and sad smile, holding his hand with your own:

“The heart of a gentleman cares not about his own selfish desires, but of all that it encompasses from his breadth of heart.”

You hadn’t seen Jing Yuan in ages. You had heard he had retired and his apprentice—now grown—took the mantle of his position but you were too busy saving a world to attend the ceremony.

”...Personally, I prefer not to. However, (Y/n), I think it might be beneficial for you. Catch up on your old friends and see him again might do you some good. Although we are trailblazers, some of us with homes can get homesick. These opportunities are rare,” Dan Heng suggested.

Caelus quickly grabbed his drink, shooting it back and slamming it back down to the table. 

”Exactly! So, are we in agreement to go to the Luofu?” Caelus murmured, nudging you. You opened your mouth to retort to the drunken human stellaron but your phone buzzed in your back pocket. Your elbow nudged his stomach as he groaned before you lifted your phone up to see the message.

Your eyes widened, lips parted seeing the message on your phone. It was from Yanqing. You hadn’t spoken to him in years.

As the general, he rarely reached out to you. Even prior to his promotion, you could tell he held some animosity towards you for choosing the path of the Trailblaze and leaving his master, Jing Yuan. 

You couldn’t blame the child, just bore his unapproving gaze with a sad smile.

”Please come to the Luofu when you can. It’s important and I need your help. Only you can help him.”

Your heart sank as your grip on your device tightened. Out of all scenarios, there was one you could think of that Yanqing would bite his pride and reach out to you. But part of you didn’t want to believe it. It would make it real.

”What are you so focused on all of a sudden?” Caelus murmured, looking over your shoulder before getting quiet. You pulled your phone back and placed it on the table. Caelus peered at you with sympathetic eyes as Dan Heng’s narrowed in confusion.

“(Y/n)?” he asked, confused about your sudden somber and worried expression. You get up from your seat, the joy of the celebration completely gone leaving nothing but fear, longing, regret, and worry.

”Pom Pom,” you called out. The group of young travelers looked at you, noticing the change of your tone.  The small conductor turned to you, leaning his head to the side in confusion.

“Yes, Mx (Y/n)?”

“Please set a course to head to the Xianzhou's Luofu.”

Docking at the Luofu ship you could feel your heart beating a mile per minute. You felt light-hearted, stomach churning from the amount of anxiety bubbling throughout your body. Yanqing would only reach out to you for something serious.

Had something happened to him? He seemed fine when you last visited, but that was decades ago…

”Jing Yuan…” you muttered, looking down on the ground. Dan Heng had convinced the group to stay on the Express for the time being. The boys you had known for so long knew you wanted to handle this alone. You’d have to thank him later.

Disembarking alone onto the ship, you could barely focus on the hustle and bustle of the square. Your pace was fast, gaze scanning and looking for someone familiar.

You finally focused on the tall young man with arms. His hair was long and tight in a low ponytail. When he opened his eyes, the familiar amber greeted you back. Your eyes softened as you approached him.

“Yanqing! you grew up. Oh! Wait, I guess I should call you General Yanqing now,” you chuckled awkwardly. Yanqing forced a smile, his brow furrowed from stress. You could see the bags under his eyes, from countless restless nights. Whatever this was, it was truly getting to the newly appointed general. 

“Yanqing, what’s wrong…” you asked. The Cloud Knights adjacent to him looked to the General as he sighed.

”Let’s speak in my office, away from noisy ears and gazes,” he replied. You were caught off guard, by how deep his voice was. He had changed so much that the young apprentice who used to always come to you about stories of Jing Yuan.

As the two of you reached his office, you noticed a woman sitting on his desk. Your eyes narrowed trying to pinpoint where you recognized her, before a small smile appeared on your face.

”Yunli? Is that you?” you asked. Her eyes lit up as she gave you a polite smile..

 “(Y/n), it’s nice to see you. I hope this blockhead hasn’t been too rude to you,” she replied. Yanqing grunted at her response.

”Not the time, Yunli!: he barked. She rolled her eyes, unamused at the blond.

”I don’t care!” she seethed. “The idiot is still prideful but I was hoping he, at least, bit his pride and contacted you.”

She strummed her hand along the wooden desk in irritation. You could see a silver band on her finger. Once again, it seems you missed a lot in your time Trailblazing. You turned to look at Yanqing once more.

“Yanqing, what’s going on?” you asked again. Yanqing massaged his brow, lips parting as he tried to find the right words.

”Master, he…” he struggled. “You know about Jingliu, his master, right?” 

Your eyebrow furrowed. You could recall his somber face as he told you stories about her. She was an accomplished warrior who was a part of the High Cloud Quintet. Dan Feng's sin led him to his next incarnation, Baiheng died, a newly immortal Yingxing became the barely quelled mara-stricken Stelleron Hunter Blade, and Jingliu got mara-struck as well and went mad…

Leaving Jing Yuan by himself. 

But it was not as though you could judge, you ended up leaving him too.

”Yes…”

”...Jing Yuan is mara-struck.”

Time seemed to pause as those words continued to ring out. Mara-struck? Mara-struck? Haha no. He couldn’t…could he really? This is what you feared when you got that message from Yanqing.

”What do you mean by that,” you whispered, struggling to process the information. Yanqing looked at Yunli and sighed.

“When Jing Yuan retired, it was because the mara was getting to him and affecting his cognitive abilities,” he responded. “To not cause panic with the public, I and a few others said he had retired before I was promoted as the new General.”

You balled your fists, nails digging into the flesh of your palms.

”...He had been suffering for that long and you didn’t tell me Yanqing!” you out. Yanqing tightened his jaw, Adam's Apple bobbing as he tried quelling his dry throat in shame.

“You were so busy going off and traveling! I didn’t think you cared or had the time to care!” he shouted back.

”You should have told me! I would have come back to the Luofu for him!” you barked back. Yanqing’s nostrils flared as he took a step forward.

”Yet you still left the Luofu despite Master!” he shouted back. The two of you stared each other down. Your chests were heaving, ready to yell, shout, and bicker; whatever insult and claims that came next but neither one retorted. Soon, the anger in both of your eyes subsided back into pain and shame. Both of your gazes shifted away.

”...Where is he” you whispered, eyes fluttering to stop any tears threatening to drip down.

”.Held in a secure solitary confinement. The knights I have patrolling that area have said he has been getting more aggressive. We don’t think we have much time before he tries to escape,” Yanqing admitted.

It was beginning to get harder to bat away the tears as you shook your head at the new information. You always thought you would greet Jing Yuan with that lazy smile of his again. Not…a monster, an abomination of Yaoshi’s. 

”.What do you want me to do then?” you asked. Yanqing paused as Yunli sighed and got up from her seat, walking next to him. 

”Those soldiers have heard him call your name at night. For some reason, your name has a soothing effect on him. Makes him…almost normal again. As normal as you can get being mara-struck, I guess,” Yunli revealed.

Her hands weaved with Yanqing who struggled to come up with words. Yunli clicked her tongue gazing at him before turning back to you.

”.Yanqing, thought it was best for you to come. As a last effort to try to quell the mara within him. If this doesn’t work, he will be forced to subdue his master to protect the Luofu and Xianzhou Alliance,” she murmured. Yanqing's eyes closed at Yunli’s blunt words. 

You looked down on the ground. 

Jing Yuan. Jing Yuan who always pulled you back in bed, lazily cuddling with you whenever it was time for you two to get up. Jing Yuan who would tease you with Tanghulu, stealing the last fruit without you realizing it. Jing Yuan who got you to hand the sparrows that seemingly always loved to land on him. 

Jing Yuan whose lips dragged across your ear, whispering how much he admired you.

Jing Yuan who was the first person to tell you they loved you.

“Mx (Y/n)?” Yunli called out. You snapped out of your thoughts, quickly wiping away the tears that managed to spill out.

“Yes! Sorry, Yunli. Continue…. “ you replied. Although Yunli’s mouth opened to respond the next words were not heard but Yanqing

”Will you go and see him, please…” Yanqing begged in a broken whisper. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes.

”Yes, but with stipulations…”

Out of the places of the Luofu, you had explored and aventured, this was the first place you had never gone.

The secret unit had over five levels of security clearance and four levels underground. There was specialized personal guarding the only entry point. You and Yanqing walked in silence until you finally reached the final floor, where there was a single cell.

In the corner, Jing Yuan curled himself into a ball on the bed. His hair was wild and unkempt, but pieces of glowing ginkgo leaves seemed to be growing from it.

Yaoshi’s curse was claiming another.

Yanqing looked at you, eyes worried.

”Are you sure about this…” he murmured. You try to give him an encouraging smile to subside his fears.

”I’m positive…” you murmured.

Yanqing silently nodded as he opened the door to the former general’s cell. Jing Yuan didn’t move or react. You walked into the cell before the door was shut behind you.

”12 hrs. Remember, no one is allowed in here until then. Okay?” you called out behind the iron bars. Yanqing hesitated but nodded.

“Knights, clear out this level and guard the one before it,” Yanqing yelled out. 

“Yes, General!” they all shouted in unison. The Cloud Knights in the area stood rigid and saluted before making their way up the stairs with him, leaving you and Jing Yuan alone.

You turned to him as he slowly uncurled himself, laying on his bed. His head had leaned against the concrete wall, a collar on his neck, wrist, and ankles. 

You had heard in some cases, Luofu technology for high-risk prisoners would include these mechanics to induce an electrical shock but knowing Jing Yuan and his extreme power, it probably didn’t work on him.

His eyes finally met yours, narrowed and calculative—not the lazily warm way he used to. The biggest shock was how red they were, like freshly spilled blood than the warm golden light of the sun they used to be.

“You, why do you seem familiar? Who are you,” he grunted. You forced yourself to smile, gaze softening.

“Jing Yuan. It’s me. I know it’s been awhile. My hair might’ve changed a bit, but it’s me…” you whispered. You reached your hand and placed it on his cheek. As he recoiled back about to plant a counter attack on you, you could see him pause. He cautiously leaned back into your touch, eyes gazing up in your searching.

”...(Y/n)? You stayed. You didn’t leave after all!” he murmured. You could feel your heart shattered, as he grinned, wrapping his arms around you. His head leaned into the nape of your neck. 

”I’m so happy you decided to stay after all. I didn’t want to be selfish and prevent your dream from seeing other worlds in an attempt to find a solution to Yaoshi’s curse…” he whispered, hugging you tighter. “But I wanted nothing more for you to just be by my side…”

He leaned away, eyes now an orange hue, mind, and body fighting against the mara in his system. He leaned away, grabbing your waist. His once usual lazy grin on his pale face.

”Marry me…”

”Jing Yuan...”

”Marry me…please. I’ll find you the best ring I can tomorrow, so forgive me for being so forward. I want to spend these centuries with you, and you being here in front of my eyes proves we are meant to be with each other,” he murmured.

You couldn’t stop yourself from breaking down in tears hearing his confession. You had left wanting to find a cure, to fight against an Aeon, to see Jing Yuan happy that no one else in Xianzhou would have to fear being mara-struck, but you found yourself here.

The one person you feared most getting it, without anything to show for your travels. How did you think you could compete against an Aeon? Perhaps this was Yaoshi’s personal punishment to you.

Jing Yuan sighed, getting up. His chapped lips kissed the salty stream of tears from your cheeks.

”Shhh, qīnàide. Why are you crying, my love? This should be a happy moment,” he cooed. You shook your head, lips quivering as you hiccuped and struggled to stammer words out.

”Jing Yuan, I love you too. Of course, I would marry you but…”

”No but’s. You said yes…” he teased. You placed your hands on his cheeks, pleading with him. You pressed your forehead against his, hoping your touch would ground him.

“Jing Yuan, I did end up leaving. I still haven’t found a cure for mara…for you, for everyone suffering on the Xianzhou. It’s been over 100 years since I left and joined the Astral Express.”

”I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,” Your blurry vision looked up to see Jing Yuan. His eyes were red again, but they gazed softly against yours. He brought his hand down, gently caressing your soft hair.

”I know. I’m sorry for being confused at first. I’m sorry you’re seeing me in this state, but I still meant what I said,” Jing Yuan sighed as he brought your crying form on his chest, lying beneath the uncomfortably small bed.

”...I’m not going to be able to stop this, am I?” you asked the now fluid Jing Yuan. He flashed a somber smile. 

“...No.”

“Yanqing…”

“I know…”

You paused not knowing what to say.

“...I do have a favor to ask you though. However long we have to be together…” he murmured 

“Marry me. Be mine for an hour, a day, anything. I’m just happy to have you in my arms once more.” he murmured. Lifting his hand to wipe more tears. His nails were sharpened and black.

”...Anything for you, Jing Yuan.”

His lips reached over and kissed you. Hand gliding up your sides as if to remember the feel of your skin beneath his touch. His large palms found a way beneath your shirt, guiding the fabric over your head and onto the ground. 

He grabbed a handful of your chest. Lips moving away from your lips and trailing on your jaw and neck. You could feel his teeth were sharper than before, the tip of his canines grazing the sensitive subtle areas of your neck.

Jing Yuan easily ripped through his thin shirt, revealing areas where the mara could be physically seen, botches of his skin beginning to blacken and glow in golden hue.

Your hands gently glide down his large pectorals and abdomen, resting at the waist of his loose pants. Your hand darted beneath his pants, feeling his heavy cock beginning to rise from your touch.

Jing Yuan’s whole body shuttered before letting a grunt out. You tightly gripped his length, pulling it in a rhythmic motion as his breaths got heavier and heavier. Precum budded at his tip, as his cock quivered from your jerks.

You shimmied his pants down, as his cock slapped against his abdomen. You leaned down, poking your tongue out to lick the slit of its head. Jing Yuan grunted, eyebrows furrowed. His nails buried in the thin mattress of the bed, desperately trying to control himself.

Kissing his tip, you opened your mouth engulfing his length to your mouth. Salty yet sweet precum was already leaking down to your tongue. His grip was getting tighter, as an almost unhuman growl came from him.

“F-Fuck, darling!” Jing Yuan choked out with his head hung back to the wall. He desperately tried to quell his desires, wanting nothing more than to pull your head all the way down till he felt the back of your warm, wet throat. 

You bobbled your head up and down, fingers drifting down your pants. Noticing this, Jing Yuan easily ripped the fabric—exposing your slit, drooling and waiting for him. As your tongue hit a prominent vein at the back of his cock, his body became more rigid— gingko beginning to glow more. 

His large fingers swiped a finger between your folds and let it nudge against your throbbing clit with every stroke. Feeling your slick dripping down your inner thighs and his finger, he pushed past your puffy folds and slid it inside your dripping pussy. You bit your lip, barely muffling a moan feeling him pump. His eyes lapped up every shiver and moan from your lips. Memories of the times he had claimed you coming back to him. 

He could feel your cunt fluttered down on his fingers drilling inside of you. 

He wanted more. 

He wanted to make up for these hundreds of years of not being beside you.

“...(Y/n)!!” Jing Yuan grunted. He let his desires finally get to him as his hand went down to your head, pushing you deeper against his cock surprising you, as you slightly choked. His hips slightly bucked, as you grabbed onto his thighs nostrils flaring to try and breathe.

His hips jolted as ropes of thick cum shot to the back of your throat. You tried swallowing, but it felt like a never-ending stream. Eventually, you lifted your head coughing as his essence streamed down your lips. His pace continued to be brutal, letting his thumb rub tight circles against your clit as your thighs squeezed together.

“That’s how I remember you. Come now, let me be reminded of that cute expression of yours,” he cooed. Your body shivered as your back arched, finally reaching your high with his name echoed from your lips. Jing Yuan smiled, sliding out of your pulsating cunt.

Jing Yuan repositions themselves, hovering on top of his still-hardened cock. It was still twitching as the veins wrapped around it throbbed in excitement.

Cock teased against your slit, nudging the top against your needy clit repeatedly as it burned in stimulation. 

Catching your breath and looking down, you noticed his cock was unusual. In the darkness, you couldn’t tell much difference but observing it now, you could. You recalled him being long, and thick, with a few moles decorated near the base. It had a gradient now, his pale skin turning into an obsidian hue. His veins were golden, with every pulsate the light would brighten and dim. 

“I finally get to have you again…” he whispered out almost in ecstasy, moving on top of you.

The head of his cock pressed into your entrance back and forth. Your body jolted as he slowly entered inside of you. You sucked a breath in, feeling him stretch you out wider and wider as he plunged deeper. 

Jing Yuan hummed,  letting his fingers swirl against your clit once more trying to distract you from the dull pain. A moan escaped your lips as he eventually bottomed out, tip hitting against your cervix.

Not even giving you time to get used to him, Jing Yuan began thrusting hard inside of you. Your hands gripped the sheets tightly, fingers digging into the cheap sheets. The bed squeaked and moaned, wood hitting against the concrete wall with the rapid pace he had set.

His lips connected with your neck, sucking and nibbling the skin. His canines, poke you every so often. A groan escaped Jing Yuan’s lips, addicted to the feeling of having your cunt squeeze him, trying to milk every drop from him. His balls smacked against your ass as your legs wrapped around his waist. 

Lost in the pleasure, Jing Yuan let one of his hands go from your hips, noting the crescent moons from his sharp nails already developing there before grabbing onto your chin. He was drinking up your expressions. The way your lips curled and shouted his name. The light sheen of sweat on your skin. The smell of your perfume mixed with sex in the air.

He drank up one hundred years' worth like a man starving.

“I love you…I love you…I love you...I love you…” he grunted. His groans were becoming more and more unnatural and inhumane, as you desperately clung onto him.  

Your velvety walls squeezed tight feeling the ridges of his cock rub against that mouth-watering spot inside of you. Your legs wrapped around his waist in a futile attempt for him to get even deeper. 

His cock twitched inside of you as he propelled his cock inside of you faster. With his continued ministrations on your clit, it wasn’t long until you reached your second climax wrapping your arms around him.

He snapped his eyes shut, hips flattering letting ropes of his thick cum shoot inside of it. He slowly thrust, pushing it deeper, trying to nurse his body down from his high. A trail of his essence managed to leak out, and travel to your inner thighs despite his cock still plugged inside of you.

You caught your breath as Jing Yuan’s gaze shifted to the side, seemingly colder before meeting yours once more and warming up again. You brushed your hand against his white hair clinging to his forehead.

“...Will you be leaving again soon? I’m sure you can’t stay in my cell forever. 12 hours right?” he asked, placing his palms on top of yours that were on his cheeks. You could feel his cock still pulsating inside of you, his lazily bucking into you every so often.

“...Yes, but then in 24 hours I’ll see you again. I’m staying, this time. I promise. I’m going to make you better and make up for all that time,” you murmured, wrapping your arms around him. Jing Yuan merely stared at the wall, crimson mara-struck eyes narrowing before turning to you and smiling.

“As long as you remain in the Luofu, by my side, I will be happy…” he replied.

The world seemed almost grey, your mind as foggy as a cloud. You don’t know how long you have been crying for. You just knew your eyes were puffy and stung from how much you had. 

A few days after you saw him, Jing Yuan went to the point of no return. Many soldiers were lost in the chaos of it all. 

Despite your visits, and him acting…mostly normal with you. Whenever you would leave, you’d hear reports the next day on how aggressive he had gotten. It only took three days for him to try to escape.

Reports read that he was set on leaving with you, no matter what it took. Yelling how he had to make it to the Express to see you. Or how you were waiting for him in your old shared apartment together. How you had promised you would come back to him. 

Seeing you in the flesh and leaving again and again, even for short periods, left Jing Yuan’s mara-struck form desperate to get you back again and feel “normal”. His sanity finally had gone, leaving nothing but the mara to control your once beloved boyfriend.

Yanqing gave the last blow last night in a hard fought battle.

There wouldn’t be any more visits and the hope of finding a cure. He is gone, for good now.

Yunli had given you a key to his old place, insisting to get anything before the Cloud Knights removed everything.

Yet you found yourself curled into his old apartment and bed gazing at the unsent letters hidden in his desk drawer. Stacks of them for years. You could hear his voice telling you about his day, what he was working on, how Yanqing was improving, how he missed Jingliu

…How he missed you.

How he wished he actually proposed.

How he wished he started a family with you.

But most of all, how he wished to see you happy.

“It’s okay though. As much longing in my heart I have, I feel pride knowing you are saving other words and looking to help the Xianshou people. Whenever I look to the stars, I think of you. I love you. I wish I could see your smile right now.”

[nereidprinc3ss]

weber's law

in which spencer reid comforts fem!reader when she's having a panic attack at the rossi mansion

fluff warnings/tags: panic attack lol, spencer is really cute and sweet my little perfect cutie pie angel baby, classic spencer info dumps bc they're pretty much his love language, established relationship, cheesy and sweet at the end a/n: this one is for my queens with panic disorders who are triggered by literally nothing and everything i see you have this ilysm

When Spencer had invited you to a small get-together at Rossi’s, you’d imagined a small get-together at Rossi’s. 

And maybe that makes you a complete idiot. 

Or maybe Spencer is just so used to FBI work functions that to him, this really is small.

But now you’re sitting on an expensive couch in a very nice house, and you’re surrounded by FBI agents who are all milling around and talking and laughing, and you’re worried maybe your outfit doesn’t look as nice on you as you’d thought it did, and you keep having very vivid visions of spilling your drink all over a furry throw rug that probably costs more than your rent does. 

Music that could reasonably be considered relaxing or at the very least not objectionable plays over the sound system throughout the whole house and thus is inescapable—not that you’d get up from the couch even if you could, because Spencer is sitting to your right and he has his hand on your thigh and it’s the only thing that has until this point been keeping you from a full blown panic attack.

Maybe that makes you a complete idiot, too.

Regardless, you try to focus on nothing but the weight of his hand as it travels slowly up and down from knee to hip over the jeans you’re not so sure about, and the feeling of your breath coming and going, as slow as you can possibly summon it without passing out. 

Spencer is laughing at something JJ is saying as she stands next to the couch with Will and you really like JJ but her voice seems so loud right now, and nothing is going particularly wrong but everything feels so, so wrong it’s scary. 

All the buzzing tension in your body telling you to run away because you’re unsafe and at the same time locking you into place builds until you have to express it somehow. So you revert to an old habit—bouncing your leg rapidly like a rabbit thumping its foot. It’s not entirely conscious, but it feels better than being completely still. That is, until Spencer’s hand strays inward and cups just above your inner knee, where he begins fanning his thumb back and forth over the fabric. 

“What’s this?” he murmurs, head angled toward you and voice low enough to not draw attention. You force yourself to plant your heel to the ground even though it worsens the feeling of gears crunching in your chest. 

“Nothing. Sorry.”

That gets his attention. 

Because of course it does. He’s always telling you to stop saying sorry so often. 

His tone solidifies, still quiet but committed to this conversation now and no longer the whispery apparition of a quick aside. 

“Why are you sorry?” 

“I don’t know, it wasn’t—it’s nothing.”

You barely avoid apologizing again. 

For a moment he doesn’t speak, just watches you—and you make the mistake of raising your gaze to meet his. He has that curious, analytical look about him, concern tightening his eyes and knitting his brow. He’s doing that annoying mind-reading thing again, and as soon as he actually sees your eyes, he’s figured you out. 

“Do you want to go outside for a minute? Get some air?”

After examining his face for any clues that he’d rather stay in here, (not that you’d really know what to look for), you nod hesitantly. Spencer mirrors your nod and stands, holding out his hand for you to take as you follow suit after setting your drink on a side table (without spilling.)

JJ is now wrapped up in conversation with another agent and the two of you manage to abscond without attracting unwanted attention, which makes you feel slightly better as Spencer leads you deftly through rooms with high-vaulted ceilings and big windows and heavy, expensive looking oak furniture. It seems like you’ve been wandering through a maze when you arrive to a quieter part of the house and he opens a french door for you—which leads out onto an empty patio. 

A cool breeze immediately sinks into your skin, and your nervous system is so hyper-alert that it gives you chills. Spencer notices the way you shiver and steps closer after closing the door behind him, his hand finding the small of your back immediately. 

“You okay?” he asks, intentionally avoiding impeding your view of the sweeping backyard and the trees beyond. Sometimes focusing on something stationary is less overwhelming, but they’re so tall they seem imposing. Threatening, even. 

But then again, everything feels threatening right now. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

Spencer seems unconvinced by your monotone—when you glance over at him he’s still watching you like you’re a puzzle to be solved. 

“Are you sure? You can tell me if you’re not.”

“Why are you so convinced something is wrong?” you laugh, but it comes out too manic. You cross your arms. He looks pointedly at the motion. 

“For starters, that. Often times crossing your arms is a subconscious way of comforting yourself when you feel defensive or threatened. And you could say it’s because you’re cold, but—” he pauses, reaching out to touch your cheek. “I can feel how hot your face is, and you shivered when we came outside even though it’s 71 degrees because your nervous system is overreacting to external stimuli. The leg-bouncing is also often indicative of an activated parasympathetic nervous system. Is me touching you okay?”

Again, you nod—unsure how to deflect when he calls you out so efficiently. 

Spencer’s hand slides down to just beneath your jaw, where he rests two fingers. Each second that passes has him looking progressively more worried. You wish you weren’t quite so catatonic—the fairy lights hanging from the pergola shine through his hair and make him glow so appealingly you want to kiss his cheek. 

“Your heart rate is really high, honey.”

That would be due to the sense of impending doom. Thanks for pointing it out.

But you’ve lost your words, and along with them has gone your sense of humor. All you can manage for a 30 second span is a meaningless shake of your head as you avert your eyes, staring at the sprawling carpet of blue-green grass soaked in night as each blade doubles with your tears. 

“I think I’m dying,” you finally croak.

“Technically, we all are. Very slowly.”

Ah. There’s that social tact he’s so well known for. 

“Spencer.”

“Right,” he kisses your cheek as you stare up at him, affronted, and pulls you into his chest. “Sorry. I was actually trying to be helpful. Changes in brain chemistry and hormonal activity associated with panic attacks change your perception of time and make things feel really fast which can contribute to feelings of anxiety. But in reality time is moving just the same as it always is. One second is always one second. Sometimes remembering that helps me to slow down. Not literally, of course. My gravitational pull isn’t great enough to have any discernible effect on the passage of time.”

You sniff, pressing your cheek to his tie. His words make your head spin, seeing as you hadn't been prepared for a lecture in psychophysics—but it spins in the opposite direction than it had been going previously. It's nice.

“Change your perception of time?”

“Weber’s law of perception. Stimulus sensitivity will increase proportionally with increased stimulus intensity. You’re only perceiving time to be going faster because your cortisol and adrenaline levels are making you hyper-vigilant and sensitive to all the markers of time passing.”

“Like what?”

Spencer hums, the bass of it a comforting resonance against your ear, and strokes your hair unhurriedly. 

“Like… your internal clock. Your body measures time with your heartbeat, so when your heart rate increases, time seems to go faster. Also environmental cues, which lead you to understand that the world is not stagnant and thus is not frozen in time. Like the sound of the wind chimes…” he pauses, long enough for you to realize that indeed, you can hear the gentle, sonorous ringing and tinkling of steel chimes bouncing against each other. “And the wind itself, which is coming all the way from the Gulf of Mexico. Some studies actually suggest that wind direction can affect your energy levels and mood.”

It’s a gentle breeze more than it is full-blown wind. It feels cool against your hot skin. 

Spencer’s hand on the back of your head, still rhythmically smoothing your hair, seems to slow down the passage of time as well. You focus on that, and the sound of the wind chimes and the breeze on your skin for a few minutes, until your breathing and your heart rate slow and soon you regain your footing in the temporal dimension, exactly sure of where you stand on Rossi’s patio and in your boyfriend’s arms. 

“You tricked me into doing a grounding exercise,” you mumble into Spencer’s jacket. 

“I did not trick you,” he defends, voice quiet to match yours. “I just wanted to make you feel better. Did it work?”

You pull away from him and he lets you, watching on as you sniffle and wipe your tears on your sleeves. 

“Yeah, it did. Thank you.”

For a moment, neither of you speak as you gather yourself. He leads you by the hand to a cushioned hanging bench at the end of the patio, taking a seat next to you and gently rocking the swing. 

“Do you know what triggered that?” Spencer asks, over the gentle creaking sound. You shrug, observing the dance of the fireflies in the grass. 

“Nothing. Sometimes I just feel like everything’s wrong and scary but I didn’t want to tell you and ruin your night.”

“Hey,” Spencer murmurs, pulling you into him with an arm around your shoulder. “You are not ruining my night. I don’t want you to worry about that.”

“But all your friends and coworkers are inside, and you’re out here with me.”

He angles his head down toward you and you look up to meet his eyes, even warmer than the sticky summer night. 

“I am. Do you know why?”

“Because I suck,” you sniffle, more hot tears rolling down your cheeks as you attempt to look away. But Spencer’s not having it. He encourages you to sit up again so you can look at him properly, before wiping tears away gently with his thumb. When he speaks, it’s in soft, soothing tones. 

“No. I’m out here because if all my friends were inside having fun, and you were outside having a panic attack, I would choose you every time.”

You manage a laugh through the crying. 

“I don’t know if that’s healthy.”

“Whether or not it’s healthy is an entirely different discussion,” Spencer smiles wryly, before it melts into something softer and more sincere. “All that matters is that it’s true.”

For a while after that, you simply lay your head on his shoulder. Spencer controls the speed of the swing with his much-longer legs, kissing your head and rubbing your arm as you admire the expanse of Rossi’s lush yard bathed in moonlight and the black silhouette of the forest beyond. 

Eventually, Spencer speaks again, likely to make sure you’re not spiraling alone in your head. 

“Can I tell you an extremely classified secret that I've been trying really hard to keep to myself for three days?” he asks, and the mischievous edge to his voice catches your attention. You hum in assent, already wondering what kind of information Spencer would have a hard time keeping to himself. It could be anything. 

“Anderson is sleeping with Childers from Operational Tech.”

“What?”

Despite not working for the FBI yourself, Spencer and Penelope have you so filled in on the drama that you know exactly why that’s shocking. 

You pick your head up to look at him like do not fuck with me right now. 

His eyes sparkle as he nods.

“Yep.”

“Didn’t you tell me Childers was dating that girl in sex crimes?”

Spencer raises his eyebrows. The corner of his mouth twitches. You gasp. 

“No! What? Does Anderson know?”

“I don’t know. I certainly didn’t want to be the one to tell him.”

“Wait—Anderson told you this?”

“Yeah!” He laughs incredulously at your complete disbelief. “People tell me things! I’m an excellent confidant!”

“If you’re relaying all of this information to me then you’re a terrible confidant,” you chuckle, still watery—but feeling light years better. 

Spencer brushes your hair away from your face fondly, leaning a fraction of an inch closer. 

“You don’t count. Telling you secrets is basically the same as keeping them to myself.”

“Basically,” you tease, angling your head up by a few degrees in invitation. Spencer says nothing, does nothing for a long moment—just studies you with soft eyes, continues stroking your cheek. When he takes too long to kiss you, you get impatient. “I’m still kinda anxious, you know.”

He smiles knowingly.  

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” you nod, looking pointedly at his lips. “You should kiss me better.”

“I think that would take more than just one kiss,” he murmurs through a smile, leaning ever closer until your noses are bumping. “I think I would have to devote several hours to that. Maybe even a whole day.”

“How does tomorrow look for you?” 

He’s laughing as he finally presses his lips to yours. The kiss is sweet and lingering. 

“For you? It’s wide open.”

[mythicalmaven]

Gotta Be You - Charles Leclerc (TWO)

Time for another chapter😊 Chapter three will be out soon too! & i promise you, some major interesting things will happen😏

masterlist | promptlist | previous chapter ↳pairing: charles leclerc x female!gasly!reader ↳word count: 3,5K ↳warnings: tension, angst, friends to enemies to lovers, jealous!charles ↳side info: reader is Pierre's younger sister & Arthur Leclerc's childhood best friend ↳summary: In which you go on a shared holiday with both your best friend's (arthur) & your brother's (pierre) friend group, forced to be confronted with your former teenage crush Charles LeClerc yet again. The only problem is? You can't stand him nowadays, until you suddenly can.

You could carefully say that you'd managed to handle the first three days with Charles on the same floor as you. Survived was probably the best way to put it. You’d thought that your somewhat civil exchange on the balcony might pave the way for more neutral ground between you, but that illusion had quickly shattered. In fact, the tension seemed even worse now, and, if you were being honest, you weren’t entirely blameless for it.

Every interaction had become a test of wills, a clash between your determination not to fall into the Charming Prince Charles trap again and his maddening ability to push your buttons. You told yourself it was for the best—that if you didn’t keep your guard up, you might let old feelings resurface, feelings you were certain you’d buried long ago.

At least, that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

This morning, you were trying to distract yourself from all of it, rifling through your suitcase for something to wear to the beach. You pulled out a black bikini bottom and a pair of shorts, slipping them on quickly. You paired it with a matching top, but as you tied the straps around your neck, you realized you couldn’t reach the ones at the back properly.

You sighed, glancing around the room for a solution before deciding to use the mirror in the shared bathroom. It was supposed to take all of ten seconds, and you didn’t bother locking the doors—your side or Charles’. After all, what were the odds of him walking in at just the wrong moment?

The mirror wasn’t much help. The angle was awkward, and no matter how you contorted your arms, you couldn’t get the strings to tie properly. Frustration bubbled up, and you huffed loudly, letting the straps fall to your sides. The fabric of the bikini top hung loosely, barely covering your chest as you pressed your elbows in to keep it in place.

You leaned against the counter, grabbing your phone from your shorts pocket to text Kika for help. Just as you hit send, you felt it—a shift in the air, a presence behind you.

The scent hit you first. That maddening mix of his cologne and something undeniably him. Your body tensed as you froze, and your phone slipped from your grasp, clattering onto the floor. You didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“What are you doing here?” you snapped, whipping your head over your shoulder. Your suspicion was confirmed: Charles stood leaning casually against the doorframe, arms crossed and a smirk firmly in place.

“You left the door open,” he said, his voice infuriatingly calm. “And it sounded like you needed help.”

Your breath hitched as his eyes darted down, openly taking in the view of your exposed back. His gaze lingered on the curve of your shoulders, the bare expanse of your spine, before traveling lower. Heat rushed to your face as you straightened instinctively, clutching the fabric tighter against your chest.

“Charles, leave,” you said, your voice wavering despite your best efforts. “I don’t need your help.”

“Right,” he said, stepping into the bathroom anyway, his smirk deepening. “Because you were doing sooo well on your own..”

Your pulse quickened as he closed the distance between you, his movements slow, deliberate. You could see him in the mirror now, his expression equal parts amusement and something else—something that made your stomach flip.

“Charles, I mean it,” you tried again, but your voice came out softer than intended.

“Relax,” he murmured, his eyes meeting yours briefly in the reflection. “I’m just tying a knot. Unless you’d prefer to flash everyone at the beach?”

You opened your mouth to retort, but no words came out. His hands brushed your hair aside, the gentle touch sending a shiver down your spine. He draped it over one shoulder, exposing more of your back to his view.

Charles hesitated for a moment, his hands hovering near your skin as if giving you a chance to protest. When you didn’t, he reached for the loose strings, his fingers grazing your sides lightly as he pulled them together.

Your breath caught at the contact, and you watched his every move in the mirror, unable to tear your eyes away. His touch was careful, almost reverent, as he tied the straps securely.

“There,” he said softly, his voice low and steady. “All done.”

But he didn’t move away. His hands lingered, smoothing the straps into place, his fingertips brushing against your skin in a way that felt far more intimate than it should have.

You couldn’t stop your eyes from flicking up to his in the mirror. For a moment, the air between you felt charged, thick with something unspoken. His gaze was heavy, his usual confidence tempered by something quieter, more vulnerable.

“You’re staring,” you muttered, your voice barely audible.

“So are you,” he countered, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

Before either of you could say another word, a loud cough broke the tension.

“Am I interrupting something?”

You turned sharply to find Kika standing in the doorway, arms crossed and a knowing grin on her face "N-No, Charles was just leaving" you stuttered.

Charles carefully smiled, the smirk every so small, but yet still noticeable, clearly enjoyed by your flustered reaction.

Kika held up her phone in your direction, obviously referring to your text "Got your text, but looks like someone beat me to it,” she teased, glancing pointedly at Charles’ hands still hovering near your waist. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

“Kika, wait!” you called, but she was already walking away, her laughter echoing down the hall.

You started to follow her, but Charles caught your wrist, his touch firm but not forceful. You glanced up at him, confused, only to follow his gaze to the floor where your phone still lay forgotten.

“You forgot your phone,” he said, releasing you.

You bent to grab it, muttering a quick “Thanks” before rushing out of the bathroom, your heart pounding as if you’d just run a marathon.

The moment you caught up to Kika, you opened your mouth to speak, but the Portuguese girl was quicker, holding up a hand to stop you as a smirk spread across her lips.

“Y/n, don’t even try to convince me that was nothing,” she said, her tone dripping with amusement.

You groaned, rolling your eyes. “Shut up.”

Kika laughed lightly, tilting her head as if studying you. “Hmmm…” she hummed, her grin growing.

Her teasing was relentless, and as you tried to suppress the heat creeping into your cheeks, you gave her a playful shove. “Oh, stop it, will you?”

Kika stumbled slightly, laughing even harder. “I’m just saying, it’s interesting timing. Very interesting…”

You opened your mouth to respond but were interrupted by Arthur, who had just stepped out of his room. He raised an eyebrow as he took in the two of you, his curiosity clearly piqued.

“You seem awfully cheery,” he remarked, his gaze flicking between you and Kika.

Kika’s smirk deepened as she turned to Arthur, her voice laced with mischief. “Did you know that your brother just had his hands—”

“Oh my god, no,” you interjected quickly, cutting her off mid-sentence. You reached out, clapping a hand over her mouth to stop the words from spilling out. “Don’t even go there.”

Kika mumbled something against your hand, laughing, and you gave her a mock glare before letting go. She grinned wickedly, clearly enjoying your discomfort.

Arthur, on the other hand, raised an eyebrow, his interest now fully piqued. “His hands were?”

You groaned, exasperated, throwing your hands in the air. “She’s acting as if I voluntarily let that happen. Ew. Absolutely not.”

Arthur’s confusion turned to amusement as he folded his arms across his chest. “Okay, so what did happen?”

You sighed dramatically. “Nothing major. I couldn’t tie my bikini top, and Charles just—”

“Had his hands on your back,” Kika interjected, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Tied my top!” you corrected quickly, pointing an accusatory finger at her. “That’s it. That’s all he did. Don’t get your hopes up, okay? I still hate him.”

Arthur chuckled, leaning against the doorframe. “Sure you do. Sounds like a riveting story, though. Keep going.”

“Arthur,” you groaned, dragging a hand down your face "You two are acting like this is something massive.."

Kika wasn’t letting up, either. “You two being in the same room and not trying to kill each other? That is massive.”

“Oh, please.” You gave her another playful shove, but her laughter only grew.

Arthur tilted his head, his grin widening. “To be fair, it does sound like progress.”

“It’s not progress!” you snapped, though the laughter bubbling in your chest betrayed your indignation. “It’s called tolerating someone for a split second.”

Kika leaned closer to Arthur, mock-whispering, “She’s in denial.”

You groaned again, throwing your hands up as they both burst into laughter. “You two are impossible.”

Arthur straightened, a teasing smirk still plastered on his face. “Hey, at least now we know Charles can be useful for something.”

Kika snorted, leaning against the wall for support as she laughed. “You mean tying knots and causing chaos?”

You shook your head, exasperated but unable to stop the small smile tugging at your lips. “Okay, we’re done here. Both of you—out of my business.”

Arthur raised his hands in mock surrender. “Fine, fine. But for the record, I still think this is hilarious.”

Kika grinned, looping her arm through yours as you both started down the stairs. “I’m just saying, if you guys don’t kill each other by the end of this trip, I’m calling it a win.”

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, Thur” you muttered, though the laughter in your voice betrayed you "Still got a month to go"

As the three of you made your way downstairs, the teasing faded into lighter banter, but the lingering heat in your cheeks and the memory of Charles’ hands on your back stayed with you. You hated how your mind kept returning to that moment, to the way his touch had felt far more intimate than it should have been.

But for now, you shook it off, determined not to let them—or Charles—get to you. Not again.

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The sun hung high over the sparkling blue ocean, casting a golden glow over the beach. Waves crashed rhythmically, blending with the sound of laughter from your friends. The sand felt warm under your feet as you adjusted your stance, eyes locked on the volleyball soaring through the air.

With a leap, you smacked the ball cleanly over the net, landing the perfect shot. Arthur groaned dramatically, while Inès burst into giggles as they missed the return. Arthur wiped sweat from his brow and looked at Inès with mock defeat. "Honestly, I didn’t expect us to be this horrible at this game," he admitted with a chuckle.

You laughed, adjusting your ponytail. "You’re good at other things, Thur. Let me win at least one thing!" you teased.

Before you could serve again, Dennis appeared by your side, grinning wide. His sun-bleached hair was damp from the ocean, and his smile carried an air of mischief. "You’re better at this than I expected," he admitted, his voice teasing. "But… I think you could use a little pro-level trick."

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t suppress a grin. "Is this your not-so-subtle way of telling me I suck at beach volleyball?"

Dennis laughed, his shoulders shaking. "No, no! You’re honestly good at it," he promised, placing a hand lightly on your arm. His touch was casual but lingering just enough to seem… something else. "I just know a trick that’ll make it even funnier when we destroy those two."

"Hey!" Inès protested from across the net, pointing at you both. "That’s not fair! This feels like cheating!” she accused, her hands on her hips, a laugh leaving her lips.

Dennis raised a brow, unfazed. “How is teaching cheating?”

“You’re practically glued to her!” Inès shot back with mock indignation, though she was clearly fighting back laughter.

Arthur crossed his arms, smirking. "Getting cozy there, Hauger?" he called out, emphasizing Dennis’s last name with playful sarcasm.

Dennis turned his head slowly, fixing Arthur with a mock-threatening glare. “Jealous, Arthur? Want me to teach you too?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, laughing. “We’re playing beach volleyball, not filming a rom-com!”

Your laugh burst out, light and easy. You nudged Dennis with your elbow. “Alright, coach, show me this magical trick before Arthur starts drafting a movie script.”

Dennis smirked but quickly turned serious. "Okay, watch carefully.” he positioned himself behind you, gently placing his hands on your waist. "It’s all about balance and angle," he explained, sliding his hands down to adjust your stance, his fingers brushing your hips. "You’ve got great posture... perfect for this."

You smirked, shooting him a knowing look. "Smooth way of complimenting me, Dennis."

He grinned unapologetically. "What can I say? I'm observant, can’t blame me for stating facts. Also... you smell like coconut sunscreen—kind of unfair when I’m trying to concentrate."

Before you could respond, a flicker of movement caught your eye. Charles was stood off to the side, making his way over to one of the loungers, casually watching, though his jaw seemed a bit tighter than usual.

“Hold your arms like this when you jump," he instructed, adjusting the angle of your hands. “When you hit the ball, let your wrist snap like this…” His hand covered yours briefly, guiding the motion.

His voice dropped slightly, almost teasing. “And try not to get distracted by how good I smell while I’m being incredibly helpful.”

You rolled your eyes, biting back a grin. “I thought I was the one who smelled like coconut sunscreen.”

Dennis leaned just a little closer. "Fair point—you do smell pretty good," he admitted with a smirk.

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of Charles, now sprawled out on a sunbed, his gaze fixed on the two of you, obvious even through his sunglasses. His expression was unreadable, but his jaw still seemed noticeably tense.

Dennis chuckled softly, lowering his voice. “Pretty sure Charles is sending me daggers right now.”

You snorted. “Trust me, he’s probably thinking of killing me, not you.”

"You're oblivious, girl" he joked back at you.

You rolled your eyes at Dennis and sighed "Oh shut it, before I use my perfect posture to slam the ball into you" you huffed out with a laugh, playfully pushing his shoulder.

Dennis grinned but stepped back, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright, let’s see what you’ve got.”

Focusing, you adjusted your stance, trying to copy exactly what Dennis teached you. As the ball came sailing over the net, you bent your knees, jumped, and snapped your wrist just like he’d shown you.

The ball hit the far corner with precision, landing just inside the line.

Cheers erupted from your side of the net. Dennis whooped, grabbing your hands and spinning you around. “Yes! You nailed it!”

Arthur groaned, falling backward into the sand with theatrical defeat. “We’re doomed. This just got so much worse.”

While you were having fun, playing beach volleyball with the others, Charles had spend the entire time mocking, unable to enjoy the sun. He had been sprawled out on one of the loungers, had his sunglasses perched low on his nose. The sun beating down on him as if mocking his sour mood. The waves crashed gently on the shore nearby, a rhythmic backdrop to the laughter and chatter coming from the makeshift beach volleyball game a few feet away. He tried his best to appear disinterested, but his eyes betrayed him, constantly flicking back to the game where you were laughing and joking with Dennis, Inès, and Arthur.

The sound of your giggles carried over the beach, clear and light, grating against his nerves in a way he didn’t fully understand. He used to be the one who made you laugh like that. The one who knew exactly how to tease you until your face lit up with that same carefree joy. Now, the distance between you felt insurmountable, and it frustrated him to no end.

“When are you gonna stop acting like a complete douchebag with her?” Joris asked lazily from the lounger beside him, breaking through Charles’ brooding thoughts. He sipped his drink, his tone teasing but laced with genuine curiosity.

Charles rolled his eyes, leaning his head back against the lounger. “She just gets on my nerves. Every time I see her, it’s like she’s trying to piss me off.”

Joris chuckled, swirling the ice in his glass. “Right. And you’re just an innocent victim here. Come on, Charles, she doesn’t get on your nerves—you let her get to you. There’s a difference.”

"It's not as if all those arguments are fake, she's honestly really making me angry loads of times" Charles huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “She’s not exactly being nice to me either, you know.”

Joris raised an eyebrow. “I’m not saying she is. But this whole fake arrogance thing you’re doing? It’s not fooling anyone, except for her maybe”

“What the hell are you insinuating?” Charles muttered, his voice clipped.

“Oh, I don’t know…” Joris drawled, setting his drink down and turning to face Charles fully. “Maybe that even a blind man could see you’re in love with her?”

Charles froze for a second, then scoffed, the sound bitter. “I am not in love with her,” he said, though the lie tasted sour in his mouth. “She just knows exactly how to push my buttons, that’s all.”

“Right.” Joris snorted, leaning back on his lounger with a knowing grin. “And that’s why you’re glaring holes into Hauger right now.”

Charles’ jaw tightened instinctively, and his gaze snapped back to you. Dennis was behind you again, his arms loosely wrapped around yours as he helped you practice yet another volleyball technique. The proximity between the two of you was maddening—Dennis’ hands guiding yours, his voice close to your ear, and your laughter spilling out freely as if you didn’t have a care in the world.

Charles’ fingers clenched into the fabric of his lounger. “I don’t care who she cozies up to,” he said, his tone sharp and unconvincing.

Joris let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “You’re a terrible liar, mate. That’s eating you alive, and we both know it.”

Charles didn’t respond immediately, his gaze fixed on the game as his thoughts churned. He watched the way you smiled at Dennis, the way you tossed your hair back in the sun, completely at ease. He hated how his chest tightened at the sight, jealousy twisting inside him like a knot.

“And even if I was…” Charles muttered finally, his voice softer, tinged with frustration. “What difference would it make? It’s not like I can do anything about it. She doesn’t feel that way about me anymore.” He hesitated before adding in a near whisper, “Not anymore.”

Joris’ teasing demeanor softened at his friend’s admission. “I’m not saying you should do anything about those feelings. But treating her the way you are now? That’s not working either. If anything, you’re just pushing her further away.”

Charles sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “It’s easier this way,” he admitted, his voice barely audible over the sound of the waves. “If she hates me, maybe I can get over her. I tried being friends with her before, and it didn’t work. I couldn’t stop feeling like this.”

Joris leaned forward, placing a hand on Charles’ shoulder. “You can’t control how you feel, Charles. But throwing away your friendship because of it? That’s not the answer. You two had something great. Don’t let it go to waste just because you can’t sort out your feelings.”

Charles didn’t respond immediately, his gaze drifting back to you. You were now doubled over with laughter as Dennis tried—and failed—to demonstrate a trick shot, tripping over the volleyball in the process. The sight should’ve been funny, but it only made Charles’ chest ache.

“I know,” he admitted, his voice thick with regret. “I just… I could’ve had my chance, and I wasted it.”

Joris sighed, squeezing his shoulder. “You’re not wrong. But sitting here wallowing about it isn’t helping anyone. And honestly? It’s stupid to waste everything you had—everything you could still have—over a crush. Treating her like this? It’s not just unfair to her—it’s unfair to you. You’re better than this, Charles.”

Charles closed his eyes, frustration and regret warring within him. “The problem is that it's not just a crush, Joris,” he muttered after a long pause. “It’s not something I can just turn off. I’m so in love with her… it hurts.”

Joris leaned back, giving him a moment of silence to collect himself. The sound of your laughter reached them again, and Charles opened his eyes, watching you as a sad smile played on his lips.

“Just don’t let your feelings destroy what you still have, my friend” Joris said softly. “Because if you keep going like this, you’ll lose her completely.”

Charles didn’t answer, but the weight of his friend’s words settled heavily on his shoulders. The truth was painful, but it was impossible to ignore.

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taglist: @vroomvro0mferrari @fishyfishersticks @prttylight @tempo-rary-fix @suns3treading @a-beaverhausen @formula1fordisaster @janeh22 @leclercdream @sageskiesf1 @ch16les @emryb @vyctorya @asmoothoperator

[botanicalsword]

Mercury in Houses & Signs - How does Mercury govern their languages, tones, thoughts?

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❥ Mercury in Houses

Mercury in the 1st House - Enhances intellect and self-awareness, often prone to overthinking

Mercury in the 2nd House - Skilled in negotiation, places importance on financial matters

Mercury in the 3rd House - Excellent communication skills, enjoys traveling

Mercury in the 4th House - Values family and home life

Mercury in the 5th House - Proficient in intellectual games, enjoys performing

Mercury in the 6th House - Emphasizes health and well-being

Mercury in the 7th House - Values and admires an intelligent partner

Mercury in the 8th House - Enjoys studying mysticism and has the ability to uncover secrets

Mercury in the 9th House - Likes to enrich oneself through reading

Mercury in the 10th House - Mostly engaged in intellectual and research-oriented work

Mercury in the 11th House - Has a larger circle of friends

Mercury in the 12th House - Prefers to keep their thoughts and ideas hidden

❥ Mercury in signs

Mercury in Aries - they tend to speak directly and lack patience and sometimes are stubborn with their words.

Mercury in Taurus - they are shrewd and conservative in their speech. They carefully choose their words. They are good at leaving themselves room to maneuver.

Mercury in Gemini - they are skilled at communication and may use a mix of truth and fiction in their speech.

Mercury in Cancer - they are are sensitive and empathetic communicators, they avoid using harsh words when they genuinely like someone. They prioritize maintaining emotional connections in their communication.

Mercury in Leo - They have a strong desire to be seen as right and may express themselves boldly and confidently, sometimes even exaggerating their points to prove themselves correct.

Mercury in Virgo - They are known for their precise and clear communication style. They express themselves with clarity and attention to detail, ensuring that what they say aligns with what they think. They value accuracy and practicality in their speech.

Mercury in Libra - They are skilled at sweet-talking and using tactful language. However, their ability to follow through on their words may vary, as they prioritize maintaining harmony and balance in their relationships.

Mercury in Scorpio - they are sarcastic and may disregard others' feelings. They have a sharp and sarcastic communication style. They may disregard the feelings of others unless they have a deep emotional connection. They are often straightforward and unafraid to speak their minds, even if it may come across as harsh.

Mercury in Sagittarius - they tend to speak impulsively and without much filter. They may say things without fully considering the consequences and often forget their words quickly.

Mercury in Capricorn - they take responsibility for their words and have a serious and practical approach to communication. They prefer to speak with purpose and avoid engaging in meaningless conversations. They value clarity and reliability in their speech.

Mercury in Aquarius - they hold strong opinions and are often resistant to changing their views. They can be persuasive communicators and have the ability to influence and even brainwash others. They are independent thinkers who value intellectual stimulation.

Mercury in Pisces - People with Mercury in Pisces speak based on imagination and intuition. They are easily influenced or misled, but they can also be manipulative and deceptive.

It is advisable to approach astrology as a tool for self-reflection and guidance rather than relying solely on it for making major life decisions.

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[starglitterz]

♡ SPICY. // PART ONE

❝ ‘cause i’m too spicy for your heart, ring the fire alarm! ❞ // attractive things the genshin men do

✧ feat ; al-haitham, ayato, childe, cyno, diluc, heizou, kaeya, thoma, wriothesley, xiao x gn!reader

✧ warning(s) ; fluff, suggestive, implied kamisato!reader for thoma’s, reader is shorter than ayato for his part, modern au for wriothesley, traveller!reader for xiao’s

✧ a/n ; yeah yeah i’m a slut we all know that already let’s move on 🙄 /lh i was brainrotting sm LOL i hope u guys enjoy! 

part one︱info︱part two

please reblog + leave comments ! it helps a lot w motivation <3

✦ “are you listening?” AL-HAITHAM’s voice cuts through your messy thoughts and you scramble for your pen to scribble some nonsense and at least pretend you were concentrating. your eyes are glued to the paper in front of you, too embarrassed to meet his gaze after what you were daydreaming about him. without warning, he uses his index finger to tilt your chin up to face him with a curt “pay attention.” his green irises bore into yours, scanning them as if to discover why you haven’t been focusing and the intensity of his gaze makes heat rise to your cheeks. his actions clearly result in the opposite of the desired effect though, because it’s made you ten million times more distracted, too busy thinking about your tutor doing things that certainly aren’t academic.  

✦ there’s definitely something in the way that AYATO leans down to hear you better. it’s a simple gesture, but when he bends down to listen to what you’re saying, it proves that he’s putting in the effort to continue the conversation and is genuinely interested in your chatter. or even if it’s something like leaning against the door frame, a reminder of how idiotically tall he is, it always gets your heart beating quicker and you lose your train of thought. but maybe he isn’t as clueless as you think he is, because the smirk playing about his lips as he admires your flustered expression while you stumble over your words definitely says otherwise. 

✦ sometimes when you see CHILDE’s idiotic smirk, it takes everything in you not to punch it off his face. however, when he’s in the heat of battle, the way his lips curl just so as he lifts an eyebrow at his opponent daringly, almost as if he’s asking them “you really think you can defeat me?” you’d rather punch him with your lips. the sheer confidence he exudes as he fights, the casual manner with which he switches his bow to his hydro polearm, the easy grin dancing about his mouth – it’s incredibly attractive. 

✦ it shouldn’t be a big deal, but whenever CYNO wraps his arms around your waist from behind to pull you into his embrace, you swear your heartbeat accelerates to the speed of light. he’ll rest his chin on your shoulder too, and if he’s feeling mischievous (which is practically all the time), he’ll tilt his head ever so slightly so he’s at the perfect angle to press fleeting kisses against your neck. you can almost feel his smile against your skin as you shiver from the sensation of his warm lips. 

✦ DILUC is not one for grand public displays of affection. you don’t mind, you’re fine with it, but one day another patron at the angel’s share keeps flirting with you, and suddenly you feel the winery owner beside you, one arm snaking around your waist almost possessively. “it’s nice to meet you,” he murmurs to the other man in a tone icy enough to freeze over hell. his fingers tap a steady rhythm against your hips and you feel like his touch is branding you through the layers of fabric. it evidently gets the message across because the poor customer leaves immediately with his tail between his legs, and all DILUC does is squeeze your waist lightly and press a soft kiss on your forehead as a hint of a smug smile curves his lips. 

✦ being a genius detective and also just being really annoying are certainly not mutually exclusive, as HEIZOU continues to prove every single day. case in point; the way he’s proudly walking around the tenryou commission, the array of wine-coloured bruises you left on his neck last night blatantly out for display. the other inazumans who notice look scandalized, while kujou sara seems dangerously close to bursting a blood vessel. “heizou!” you hiss, pulling him into a secluded corner to scold him, “why didn’t you wear a scarf or something?!” the detective merely gives you his trademark grin and winks playfully, “why should i? it’s a mark of your love, i wouldn’t want to hide it~”

✦ one thing’s for certain whenever you talk to KAEYA – he will give you his undivided attention. you love that about him, but sometimes his piercing gaze is almost distracting, the varied shades of sparkling blue a stark contrast to the matte black leather of his eyepatch and often making you veer wildly off-track to whatever you’re telling him about. it only worsens when you catch his stare sometimes drifting to your lips, but he’ll shake his head as if jolting himself out of a reverie before he continues looking at you and nodding like he’s been paying attention this entire time. and if you call him out on it, he’ll just raise both hands in surrender, “sorry, babe, i can’t help it – you just look so kissable when you’re talking!”

✦ THOMA is an absolute softie, always making your favourite foods and spoiling you as the housekeeper of the kamisato clan. it makes sense that you’ve never realised just how strong he actually is. but then you catch a glimpse of him one evening after a long day’s work, and as he lifts up the edge of his shirt to wipe the glistening sweat off his face you think you could collapse. the gesture exposes his toned abdomen, muscles clenching as he lets out a soft groan, and the only coherent thought running through your mind is; why has he been hiding this the entire time?! maybe it’s time for you to switch the kamisato housekeeper uniform to a crop top… 

✦ WRIOTHESLEY is a gentleman who’ll never let you take a cab home alone, especially not after a long night out in the city. but as he’s pulling up to your house, your thoughts are definitely nowhere near appreciating how sweet he is, rather you’re admiring how close his muscled arms are to your face while his hand is on the back of your seat as he turns to check the rear mirror. from the passenger seat, you get the perfect view of his side profile, his chiseled features, the barely visible trace of stubble on his chin, his stormy gray eyes… he’s like the dark male lead of every romance manhwa. and when he catches you looking, he gives you a smile that’s almost teasing, “like what you see, beautiful?” 

✦ even though XIAO is the one who’s supposed to teleport to you whenever you call his name, you can’t help but find yourself gravitating towards him whenever he says yours. it must be how he utters it, softly, lovingly, almost reverent in his gentleness as if you’ll shatter before his eyes if he whispers it even a decibel louder. and sure, he calls you by several petnames (butterfly, dove), but the way your name slips past his lips like a prized jewel will always be your favourite. sometimes it feels as if your name is going to be worn out from how often people use it, begging you to help them with miscellaneous tasks and pushing you to exhaustion. but during those late nights at wangshu inn as you rest in his embrace, he whispers your name as if it’s a secret for just the two of you and the stars and you can’t help but think how lucky you must have been to be born with such a pretty name, created for your adeptus lover to murmur with so much affection lacing his tone. 

GRR i lowk love this... hope yall do too! don't forget to check out part 2 when it's published as well <3

© starglitterz 2023. do not repost or modify in any way – reblog / follow if you enjoyed !

[viperbunnies]

"Nothing good ever comes out when I start hoping... but maybe just a little bit."

[Thank you to @.unfinished-projects-galore , @.ai-kan1 and @.stestylius-arts for the assets! Thank you as well to @jovieinramshackle for giving me the inspo to finally start on this, and to @crystallizsch , @angelwishess and @twstgo whose oc intros I took inspo for the layout 🫶]

An outlier from the school, due to his situation he was home-schooled for the majority of his first year. They have decided to accompany the Ramshackle prefect in their daily endeavors, serving as a guide and as a companion in the worn-down dorm.

BASIC INFO.

NAME: Oswald "Oz" Damarys BIRTHNAME: ???? ??????? ALIAS: Oz, Ozzie, Flashlight Fish (Floyd), Monsieur Porcelaine (Rook) Shortie-senpai (Yuudai) AGE: 17 BIRTHDATE: August 26 HEIGHT: 154 cm SPECIES: Half-human half beastmen GENDER: Demi-boy (Uses they/he and masc titles) ORIENTATION: Demisexual ALIGNMENT: Lawful Neutral MBTI: ISFP Voice claim: Here! (Stc)

LIKES: Stargazy pie, Seafood in general, Acrobatics, Crochet, Art in general, Reading, Fairytales, Music boxes, Classical Music, Card games, Mystery books, Sightseeing, DISLIKES:Wishmaking, Shooting stars, Crowded places, Performing, Being observed, People touching his birthmark, His "Luck", Basketballs

Unique Magic Your Next Line is! [ Flash Forward ] — "An indisputable future is what I see... Your Next Line is!" Oswald is able to take a peek into someone's future as long as they keep contact with his pearly white eye. It can be anything from 5 seconds from now or a day later - This visions manifests like rolls of film - Lately It appears his unique magic is going haywire, showing him visions without the need of eye contact. (They aren't pleasant visions)

TRAITS +  Easy-going; Flexible; Warm; Appreciative =  Tolerant; Perceptive; Witty; Impartial -  Overworker; Indecisive; Reliant; Worrisome

BRIEF OVERVIEW (STC)

Oz is a man of many tricks; he was raised to entertain the audience, which is why he is great at lightening up the mood of the room. The many tricks he can do reminds others of a puppy trained on how to play dead, or shake hands. Despite that, Oz actually struggles in actually expressing the his true feelings— used to being the brunt of many jokes growing up, he believes that he is simply a puppet used for the entertainment of others. He sees himself as a hollow doll with no real personality, only meant for display. He is confused about who his truly is, used to what others want to see and not what he wants to show. Slowly, he is realizing that he is merely human, and that he should live for his own sake. (Old info from my notes)

TIDBITS

Random Facts - Part-beastmen, specifically a rabbit beastmen but he lacks actual features aside for his tail that was cauterized off when he was younger - He doesn't look the part but he also likes getting into shenanigans, sometimes instigating Yuu and Adeuce with the pranks they do (No one really believes the trio when they say it was Oz's idea) - He's double jointed which is helpful with his Acrobatic hobby. - Love language is gift giving, and has a tendency to make crochets for other people. They're typically things that remind them of the other. - Has a lot of birthmarks on his face, but he started to cover them with foundation after Floyd made fun of it. - Has a terrible sense of direction so he gets lost easily, but he'd like to travel around the world someday. - He has terrible luck, and while he doesn't believe in superstitions he began to be wary about them. Doesn't want to get knocked out unconscious by a basketball whenever he passes by the gym. - Doesn't really mind being called Oswald, but he associated that to whenever he'd get scolded... so Oz is his more go to nickname.

TYPING QUIRK: - His friend got him into using Kaomojis, he likes the ones with bunny ears. - Likes sending voice messages to get his point across. - Usually types in sentence cases, (although when he isn't feeling well he types in lower cases) SPEAKING QUIRK: - Uses a lot of onomatopoeia to describe unknown things. - Speaks firmly when he feels strong emotions. - Sometimes bites his tongue when he rambles, or not focused. BEHAVIOURAL QUIRKS: - Nose has a tendency to twitch when he’s interested, or irritated. - He also unconsciously thumps his foot when he’s annoyed.

RELATIONSHIPS (WIP)

(Might put a brief overview on their more notable relationships in the future!) Note: - Main Oc x Canon is with Jamil (ignore that pink on silver and jade) - Divus is his foster parent

PNGS BELOW:

p∀ƎH ⅄W NI פNIH┴ƎWOS SI ƎɹƎH┴

[sweetvanilla222]

Pick A Fragrance ୨୧₊˚ʚ ;

messages from your higher self <3

you can pick based on appearance of the perfume bottle, or the notes which i will put below ♡ these fragrances are all by Le Monde Gourmand

pile 1 ~ thé matcha (notes: fig, cedar, matcha tea, bitter orange, vetiver)

pile 2 ~ chai épicé (notes: violet, fig, musk, lily of the valley, blonde woods)

pile 3 ~ fraise fouettée (notes: strawberry, banana, california orange, butter, heliotrope, coconut water, sugar, vanilla)

pile 1 - thé matcha

hello hello hellooooo. i got a feeling from your higher self that you're a bouncy person. i heard "free-looking" but also free-feeling. carefree kind of person. i'm getting taurus & sagittarius energy (could be significant placements or the house that they fall under in your astrology chart is calling your attention right now! for example, if you're a taurus rising, your higher self would be calling attention to your first house of identity, appearance, self-expression & such). if this resonates, it's extra confirmation that this is for you. i will also pull some paper slips with keywords for extra extra info <3

keywords: searcher & finder (got the message that you're a searcher/you spend lots of time searching but in a fulfilling sense), weekend, sequence, between the lines, triangle symbol (fire, so i'm getting you have a prominent fire placement), missing puzzle piece, "follow ♥︎", illusion, "full?", in the zone

cards: 7 of swords, 2 of swords, the world, page of cups

something your higher self is drawing your attention to is being more strategic when it comes to attaining something. to be more straightforward and honest with yourself. let's say you've been feeling lazy about getting a job but when you see, then fully accept that you have a Need to fulfill, you start to plan out how to attain that goal. you start with your resume, you pretty and polish it up, you create a profile, you start looking for jobs you'd be willing to work at. that's just an example of course, but something about getting real with yourself and getting organized as a result. your higher self is encouraging you very much and also protecting the situation for you. i definitely think they're being loud and clear about it, so if you've been seeing a lot of sings or been called to many readings recently, or been thinking heavily about a change you can make, that's them reaching out! "devote and dedicate yourself to what's important to you". you could be passionate about many things and have many goals but there's something here about re-prioritizing and organizing yourself so you don't overwhelm yourself with goals. take it step by step, one day at a time. just organize your thoughts, take the time to get to the root of your current needs. your higher self is highly recommending you to be decisive right now. and it'll be easier to make decisions once you organize yourself.

the way your higher self is seeing you right now is with pride. you are already so accomplished and maybe don't fully realize Just How Accomplished you are. not to the extent. so they want you to give yourself credit. compare your current self to a past version of yourself that wasn't as wise and didn't have as many tools, and you'll start to recognize just how many things you have done. you've overcome so much and your higher self is like "that's my girl" kind of vibe. you don't have to be a girl of course but it's that kind of feeling of a parent watching a child grow and gently guiding them towards success but really that child is doing so well on their own. but you can rely on them fully (your higher self). they want you to know they're always there for you and that you're so strong! also if you're into travel, they want you to know that you'll be able to do so much of it in your life, and that they'll protect you. "the biggest blessing you're receiving is that you're gonna start to get your shit together and take over the world" lol.

with lots of love, what they're working on and "crafting" up for you right now is: a new learning venture, a new passion/interest/love, an opportunity. take all of those as they resonate.

channeled songs: whenever, wherever by shakira, illusion by aespa, drip by izna, illusion by ateez, bus by travis

pile 2 - chai épicé

omg HIIII i got a burst of energy for this pile omg. i couldn't even spell LOL. okay. getting a cozy energy from this group like you could be a lover of comfort and all things mellow and relaxing. don't think you enjoy heavy and unpleasant media, which is some interesting wording so maybe you have a nice and adequate vocabulary or you're the kind of person that remains graceful in hard situations even if you're feeling quite intensely about something. i'm getting peaceful, pacifist, but strong vibes from you. your higher self really praises this because i think you've gone through quite an array of difficult experiences but you remain charming, kind, and loving. i just heard "i shed a tear", like i'm picturing your higher self and i think another guide of yours? perhaps an angel, or a "motherly" kind of spirit. definitely a feminine spirit. if saints resonate with you, i do feel that as well. you're definitely being commended for the person that you are. these are all intuitively channeled so far.

keywords: cheer up! signs, bad (i thought of bad, bad, bad by LANY), tell me, journey, set me free, zone, beauty, butterfly

cards: ace of pentacles, 6 of swords, king of cups, 4 of wands

first of all, your higher self is once again commending you for being the way you are. you are very balanced and well-rounded, seeing as we got an earth card, an air card, a water card, and a fire card. you have all the elements within you! and truthfully, we all do, but there's a tendency to lean into some elements more than others. you have the balance. you seem to really alchemize in your life and take in things that are important and necessary to you, leave out the rest, and create beauty. you spread it. i was also hearing that you're the kind of person that people talk about to their friends like. you make good impressions on others quite often. and you are respected. right now, your higher self is calling your attention to keeping your eyes peeled for some sort of promotion/upgrade. if you've been working on a project, they really want you to put it out there and do it your own way. there's a prosperous result on the horizon for you. so pay attention to any creative ideas, inspiration, and epiphanies that come your way! document them! clouds and hanging flowers could be positive signs that an idea of yours will come into bloom or have a very wonderful outcome <3 if you're interested in chakra work, i would suggest doing crown chakra activities/exercises during this time (feel free to look some up!) but yes, your higher self is saying to definitely move towards any creative endeavors right now. there are soooo many possibilities. a book that has really TRULY been super insightful to me as a writer and creative is "the creative act: a way of being" by rick rubin. if you're called to that, please please look into it! ♡

some blessings that your higher self is working on for you at this time are: a good support system, connection, compassion, important (& beautiful) gatherings, wish fulfillment (significant steps that you're taking in the 3D and 5D towards dreams of yours are shaping up into the physical and getting closer to you), celebrations (i also heard congratulations) 🎊🎂

i'm super duper excited for u and i think you're doing wonderfully. if you believe in fairytale endings, i do think that kind of energy is absolutely meant for you. things are happening pile 2!!!! keep movin' <3

channeled songs: bad, bad, bad by lany, any songs that have the keywords i mentioned at the beginning of your reading, such as "butterfly", congratulations by day6.

thank u for being here 🎀

pile 3 - fraise fouettée

welcome in, welcome in ♡ getting such a sweet vibe from this pile. magical. pink. if this isn't how you see yourself, maybe your higher self embodies that kind of pink, light, fluffy energy. i'm getting you could be really into pinterest, collaging, scrapbooking, ribbons, cake, dainty clothing, white clothing, be into fashion. getting a bit of jennifer aniston kind of energy.. your aura is definitely giving PINK. i also feel like you could smell very good (this is interesting bc the other two piles did not mention anything about the person smelling good despite this being a "pick a fragrance" lol) so i think you're very put together physically, and care a lot about how you present yourself. i think you take other people's feelings into consideration. you have a gentle leader kind of archetype. take that however it resonates. those were the intuitive messages i got, now for keywords!

keywords: bunny, wonder girls, "say ahh", like (with a heart on the i <3), black hair, hundreds, unlock, party, charm, cake, girl's generation (make u feel the heat), sensibility

cards: the fool, the star, 5 of swords, justice

let's get started! i'm getting that you're a smooth talker. you love talking or your passion has something to do with using your voice and really getting a point across to people. and i think you're naturally gifted at that whether you sense it or not. your higher self is reassuring you about this right now, and also bringing your attention to situations where you have to either be upfront with people, explain something to them (maybe some of you are tutors or teachers of some sort), or present ideas to people. so if things like that come up, it was divinely guided for sure. you are meant to really take in this situation and learn from it. i think a lot of doors are opening up for you at the moment, perhaps you're in a "blank canvas" part of your life right now. so many things you could do, so many ways you can go. and it's all up to you. i'm hearing "design your own life". if you're skilled in the arts, you are also skilled in manifestation. that was specifically for you. your higher self is really recognizing your potential right now, if in the past you had a hard time listening to your intuition, they're thanking you now for having faith. "it's not easy, but it's so beautiful and true to you and your journey". for some reason marie antoinette just popped into my mind. you could really influence people because of your natural abilities. and i do think you have lots of potential to gain a lot of recognition for them. big scale. the house that scorpio falls under in your astrology chart could be significant right now, so if you're curious, look into it! at first i was getting such a pretty vibe from this group, and you still are, but as i got more into it, I felt a very sharp and direct feeling from you. you could surprise a lot of people with your thoughts, way of commanding a room, and overall your approach to communication and life. very cool person if i do say so myself.

blessings that your higher-self is sending your way are coming out in quite a straightforward manner: karmic justice. people getting what they deserve. the truth being revealed. unveiling.

i think that your higher self has watched over every single situation where you've been treated unfairly by others. it's funny to them, because they know exactly why those people were acting that way, and they're just happy you won't end up that way. they want you to rest assured, you have nothing to worry about. you can leave all of that in the past, and know that they, and the rest of your guides are all here for you. standing next to you. protecting you. and giving you the wisdom to see through those kinds of situations. you become smarter and much more compassionate each step of the way. your higher self is really working on giving you a more gentle time of your life, full of light, forgiveness, and innocence. beautiful and positive relationships and experiences are coming your way.

channeled songs: smooth operator by sade, pity party by melanie martinez, tell me by wonder girls, dying by echobelly, closer to fine by indigo girls, see you by depeche mode

i got the idea for a "pick a fragrance" out of the blue but i have watched a video by Kino Tarot on youtube where she did this so inspiration was derived from her :D

thank you for being here ♫⋆。♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. 🌷

[purpleqilinwrites]

you.

a/n: i fell in love with homicipher and i couldn't help writing a little something for the most off-putting of all the potential love interests (affectionate)!!! i just had some thoughts about mr. scarletella's origin story and wrote a little something for him.

fandom: homicipher

character: mr. scarletella

genre: general (can be read as romantic)

info: reader can be read as mc

warnings: -

synopsis: mr. scarletella recognises the human who fell into the ghost apartments.

word count: 0.7k

Mr. Scarletella

There was someone new in the apartments.

It wasn't something that happened very frequently. As the self-proclaimed watcher of the apartments, Mr. Scarletella sped through the shadows to the place where the stranger's presence could be felt most keenly.

Irritation prickled across his skin when he noticed the crawling man had found the human first. He scratched his nails against the handle of the umbrella in his hand uselessly, thinking of how best to separate them from the other man. However—

YOU..?

(He looked up at you, peering down at him with a curious look on your face.

Scrubbing at his tear-dampened eyes, he quickly masked his sniffle with an unnecessarily loud series of coughs. Your expression never wavered, and he wondered if you were dumb. Couldn't you tell that he had been crying and was trying to cover it up? Dummy. Dummy, dummy.

You pressed something cool against his forearm. The carton of strawberry milk had begun to sweat in the late afternoon heat, a trio of droplets veering off-course and trailing down his skin instead. The dampness made him feel yucky. It reminded him again that while you were dumb, he was a crybaby. Weak. He was weak. Weak, weak, weak!

He was worse than you.

"Don't cry anymore, okay? They're gone!" You gave him a wide smile, your lips stretched as thinly across as your face as it could go and he could see most of your teeth. He was counting them, including the few gaps between where your new adult teeth hadn't yet sprung up, before he could stop himself.

"—'m already done!"

He snatched the strawberry milk you were offering him, remembering his manners and thanking you only after he had taken a large gulp of the sweet beverage. You didn't seem to care whether he would show appreciation or not, sipping noisily on your own carton of milk.

"Why did you give me strawberry?" he asked. He made sure that he had finished his milk before speaking. That way he wouldn't have anything to share, even if you wanted to try some.

You blinked slowly, keeping your eyes on the playground sand beneath your shoes and the patterns formed in them by the soles. "No reason!"

He snapped his head in the direction opposite of you. There was another yucky feeling in his chest. He knew it was because you'd be smiling at him again. If he looked, he would offer to buy you a new carton of strawberry milk from the vending machine, even if the last of his allowance was for his bus fare home.)

Not a lot of time had passed since you arrived at the apartments, but you managed to make a constant travelling companion of the crawling man. The other man was not a social creature. None of them in the apartments were.

YOU.

I KNOW YOU.

Something about your arrangement with the crawling man rubbed Mr. Scarletella the wrong way. At every instance when he spotted the two of you together, there was that prickle of irritation again, getting hotter each time.

It was almost funny, really. When was the last time he felt like this?

WHY HIM?

He intentionally announced his presence from down the seemingly endless hallway, dimming the already murky lights and artificially painting the whole place red. As far as his eyes could see, he made sure his presence could be seen and felt. If the human was who he thought they were, they would recognise him too.

They liked red. He liked red too.

I LIKE YOU.

The panic in the crawling man's voice was palpable as he approached. Mr. Scarletella swiped his tongue across his lips with much gusto. This was fun. He liked that the other man was afraid. If the human was really you, he would hope someone was keeping you safe in this savage place full of creatures that were worse.

He rounded the corner to where he knew the two of you were and peeked.

It was a mistake.

His blood boiled at the sight. You were cowering at the far edge of the hall, and the crawling man was kneeling to shield you from him.

NO. BAD!!!

WHY HIM?

WHY NOT ME?

[starrylevi]

Levi doesn’t get how you find The Sims entertaining.

 “It’s a virtual dollhouse.” He tells you. “That’s what so great about it!” You retort. “Whatever floats your boat…” He mutters to himself. He says this but he makes sure you have all the sims 4 packs (there are A LOT of them). And when one is coming out, He’ll listen to you passionately explain the premise of the pack. “When it comes out, just let me know.” He’ll give you his credit card info so you can charge it as he doesn’t want you to spend any of your money.

“I made us in the Sims!” You excitedly sit in Levi’s lap with your laptop in hand.

“Hm?” Levi places his chin on the crook of your neck as his hands gently graze the sides of your thighs.

“The Sims!” You exclaim again. “Look, there’s you and there’s me…” Your finger points out each of your sims on the screen. “Oh, and we have a child together!” Levi’s eyes follow your finger as you point at the child sim. “Her name is Kuchel.”

You feel Levi tense up behind you for a moment. “Wait…what’s her name?”

“Kuchel.” You repeat, quieter this time. “Sorry, I can change her name if you don’t feel comfortable with it.” You add quickly.

Levi’s expression softens; he stays silent for a moment before speaking again. “...Can you make her?” He asks you quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Your mom?” You turn slightly so you can see his face.

He nods to confirm.

 “Of course, I'll do my best.” You tell him with a soft smile.

You ask Levi to describe her to you, his eyes filled with fondness as he recalls her features and her personality. You spend hours on the Kuchel sim, wanting her to look and be as accurate as possible.

After a few days, you show Levi the finished product in the game as you have the Kuchel sim interact with the Levi sim. You look at Levi for a brief moment while the Sims are speaking to each other. The expression on his face is hard to read. It’s a mix of pleasant surprise, awe, and sadness.

“Is it okay, is there anything I should change?” You ask him, worried you didn’t capture her likeness as you watch him study her.

He silently shakes his head. “No…she’s perfect.” 

You tell Levi he’s more than welcome to play whenever he wants. You’re surprised when he does take you up on that offer. He picks up on the mechanics quickly and soon he has the whole family (Your sim, Levi’s sim, your daughter, and Kuchel) traveling all over the world, going on adventures, and trying new things together. At one point you suggest the Levi sim and the Kuchel sim spend some time alone together and Levi does just that, taking them to coffee and tea shops, having them take walks in the park, and going to the library. As you and Levi continue to play together, you learn more about Kuchel as some of the actions in the game trigger different memories of his mother.

Levi doesn’t say it but he’s thankful for this silly little game you introduced him to because he can now have a cup of tea with his mother, even if it’s only pretend.

[novy2sirius]

᭓ ྀུ༺ a degree theory by nikola stojanovic

please read before proceeding

important note: this is not my info. this is all from nikola stojanovic’s theory on degrees in astrology. he has books on it that i think you can find online and download for free

trigger warnings: murder, car crashes, sex, and suicide

sign degrees

zero degrees: 0°

the same characteristics as the sign it’s already placed in. example - aries venus at 0° is purely an aries venus, obviously aside from the house energy

aries degrees: 1°, 13°, and 25°

beginnings, leadership, taking action, fighting spirit, not giving oneself up to fate, struggle, war, abuse, labor, diligence, etc

taurus degrees: 2°, 14°, and 26°

food, money, stability, earth, luxuries, sound of voice, singing voice, etc

gemini degrees: 3°, 15°, and 27°

communication, self-expression, technology, books, siblings, neighbors, etc

cancer degrees: 4°, 16°, and 28°

home, traditions, nurture, loyalty, faith, mother, the ocean/water, etc

leo degrees: 5°, 17°, and 29°

life, children, attention, fame, creativity, strength, happiness, light, etc

virgo degrees: 6° and 18°

improvement, health, to diminish, routine, animals, acts of service, etc

libra degrees: 7° and 19°

harmony/fairness, charm, beauty, law, music, art, dancing, pleasures, etc

scorpio degrees: 8° and 20°

death, major transformation, wealth, jealousy, sex, secrecy, taxes, etc

sagittarius degrees: 9° and 21°

wisdom, abundance, college, travel, photography, success, beliefs, etc

capricorn degrees: 10° and 22°

hard work, fear, public attention, karma, father, boss, isolation, history, etc

aquarius degrees: 11° and 23°

unexpected experiences, technology, friendships, networking, divorce, etc

pisces degrees: 12° and 24°

spirituality, escapism, dreams, illusion, the sea, mysteries, the hidden, etc

special degree meanings

supreme power: 2°

this degree is often found in the charts of people with remarkable achievements, who had extreme power, and who were highly respected according to nikola’s research

eroticism/a fun life: 5°

many sex symbols like marilyn monroe have this in their chart. nikola believed this was the best degree in general as well. he thought it indicated lots of fun and pleasure in one’s life

suicide/divorce: 11° and 23°

according to nikola the aquarius degrees (11 and 23) both indicate divorce occurring when placed in prominent positions in the chart. 11 is the only one indicating suicide though

car accidents: 15°

nikola believed that when this degree was connected to 8th house or scorpio placements it could indicate getting into car crashes

pure evil: 18°

nikola believed that this degree indicated a negative destiny for someone. he thought it was the worst degree you could have in your chart, based on his research he thought it was solely about facing hardships and nothing more. he also believed it could indicate being an evil person with no good intentions

to kill or be killed: 22°

just as the title reads, nikola believed this degree indicates being killed or being a killer. another thing he believed it could indicate was abandonment in the area of life it’s placed

clairvoyance: 29°

nikola believed this degree indicates someone that has very good intuition and can make accurate predictions about the outcomes of events

my opinion on astrology degrees

i personally don’t believe in nikola’s theory 100%, although i do think there’s accuracy to the signs being associated with specific degrees. i have always had stronger belief in my numerstrology degree theory than anything when it comes to this subject though. i definitely do not believe 18° is fully negative like he claims since the universe is yin yang so there’s always both positive and negative ways things can manifest. these are just my thoughts though

do you believe nikola’s degree theory? comment below!

[reidsaurora]

Your event is so cute!!! Could I get a sun kissed Malibu dream house with Aaron?? 🥹 in need of some fluff with him hehe

i am so so sorry this took me so long to write! writer's block these past few months has been kicking my butt. but, thanks to my awesome betas, i think i wrote something you'll like! hope you enjoy!

"Summer Lovin" ~ A. Hotchner

Summary: As the start of summer arrives, you and your friends at the BAU find yourselves feeling a bit reminiscent of the summers before. Along with that reminiscence, you start to miss the days when you and Aaron had little babies instead of big kids…

Pairing: Dad!Aaron Hotchner x Mom!Reader

Word Count: 2,019

Content Warning: lots of talk of babies/pregnancy, sexual humor, kind of fade to black smut if you read between the lines lol, small mention of food, lmk if i missed anything!

Extra Notes: i'm so sorry this took so long, i had a very hard time writing this and def meant to post it sooner. however, in the spirit of my city being under a heat advisory today, this feels appropriate to post 😂

Originally Written: 06/04/2024 through 06/25/2024

Beta Read By: @dungeons-are-too-cold and @virtual-vivi 🫶🏻🩷

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

Summer Celebration info can be found here!

Sun Kissed - fluff requests

Malibu Dream House - domestic!au

Aaron tossed off the blanket, letting out a small sigh of relief. “When did it get so hot?” he grumbled, his morning voice prominent. As he rolled over to his back, you spotted a big wet spot on the front of his tee shirt from just how much he was sweating.

Still, you scooted closer to him anyway and tossed an arm over his abdomen, his familiar scent filling your senses. “News said there’d be an excessive heat wave today.”

“It's probably ninety degrees already,” he complained, “and it's not even 9:00 yet.”

Rolling onto your side to face him, you left a trail of kisses along his jawline. “Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills,” you giggled, referencing one of your kids’ favorite movies. “When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do?”

“It's sweltering! How in the world could you possibly want to cuddle right now?” Aaron ignored your attempt to brighten the mood, instead opting to toss a pillow over his head and groan into it.

You just pulled the pillow away and left another peck on his jaw. “Because I love you. And because our children are gonna come in here any minute to take you away from me.”

He noticed the small pout that followed your statement, the expression enough to soften even Aaron Hotchner, king of stoicism, up. “Alright, fine. I'll allow it. But only because you drive a hard bargain.”

Your pout was replaced with a smirk as you snuggled closer into his side. “Mmm, that means a lot, coming from an ex-prosecutor. Maybe I should've gone to law school with you.”

“You're too sensitive for the big house, or whatever they say,” Aaron snickered. After noticing your look of offense, he quickly covered with, “I didn't mean it in a bad way. You have feelings. It's a very nice thing to come home to after dealing with emotionless psychopaths all day.”

“I think you're trying to compliment me. I'll take it.”

His lips met yours for a quick peck before saying, “I have nothing but compliments for you, my love,” Then, he met you with a second, much longer kiss, and while he tasted like morning breath, moments like this were so rare that you were willing to look past it.

One of his large hands met your leg, his calloused fingertips trailing along your bare skin. It felt like a lifetime since you'd been like this, with two children always needing your attention and the FBI always needing Aaron's. Just a simple touch of his fingers had you forgetting about the outside world, if even for just a moment.

Your lips met his neck, his stubble scratchy against your skin. He'd been away on a case in Seattle for about a week, and you were certain he hadn't shaved the whole trip. You liked it that way anyway.

His hand traveled further up under your nightgown, settling on your thigh. He squeezed the supple skin, a gesture of both affection and want.

“Are you trying to go for number three?” you joked before kissing his neck once more.

“Believe me,” Aaron chuckled, “if I knew I had enough time, I'd certainly try.”

As if on cue, four scurrying feet came stamping across the hardwood floor into your bedroom. “Good morning, Daddy!” both of your children yelled in sync, climbing onto the edge of the bed.

“That's why you're not allowed a third,” you mumbled into his ear. “The ones you have don't even appreciate me.”

“They love you, I promise,” he whispered, kissing your cheek. To the kids, he said, “Good morning. Don't you have anything else you want to say?”

They both turned to you, sheepish looks coming across their tiny, adorable faces. “Good morning, Mommy.”

“That's better,” Aaron said, gaining him a snicker from you. “Now, may I ask why the two of you are up so early and you're already in your swimsuits?”

It was then that you realized he was right. Jack, the older of your children, was sporting his favorite Spiderman swim trunks, while his little sister, Libby, had managed to dress herself in a cherry-print swimsuit she hadn't quite grown into yet. They made your heart melt.

“Daddy,” Libby sighed, clearly exasperated with her father, “don't you know what day it is?”

It happened to be the day your kids hadn't stopped talking about for weeks: the beginning-of-summer pool party you and Aaron threw every year for your friends and his coworkers at the BAU.

Aaron tapped a finger against his chin, his brows furrowing as he thought. “Let's see… it's not Libby’s birthday, and it's not Jack’s birthday, it's not my birthday, and I don't think it's your mom’s birthday,” his last comment earned him a sarcastic look from you. “Hmm, what day could it be?”

You joined in on his little game, tapping against your chin as you pretended to think. “Perhaps it's Christmas?”

Jack narrowed his eyes at you. “It's too early in the year for Christmas,” he said matter-of-factly.

“You're right.” As you continued tapping your finger, you shot Aaron a knowing look, which he gladly returned. He could tell by the gleam in your eye exactly what you meant with that look. “Is it…”

Each of you grabbed a kid, tickling and eliciting little squeals and giggles. “Pool party day?!” the two of you shouted in sync.

Libby thrashed around in your arms, laughing and squirming, while Jack attempted to escape his father's arms. Moments like these were almost as rare as the ones with just you and Aaron, so you had to take advantage of them while you could.

“It's pool party day!” Libby squeaked, while Jack was laughing so hard, he could barely breathe.

Their smiles and laughs pulled at your heartstrings. You wondered when the universe decided to make your babies grow up, since it seemed like only yesterday when you had a newborn and a two-year-old.

Bringing yourself out of your nostalgic trance, you pulled yourself out of the bed, grabbing each kid by the hand. “Who wants to make pancakes while Daddy’s in the shower?”

—

Soon enough, all your friends had arrived and it felt like summer had too. Penelope and Spencer were currently entertaining all the kids, while the other men were crowded around the grill and the rest of the ladies were sitting poolside and working on their tans.

“You ever wonder if either of them will have kids?” JJ asked, nodding toward Penelope and Spencer.

“Spencer, a hundred percent,” Emily answered, like her statement was a fact. “Penelope, I'm not so sure.”

You were next to jump into the conversation, not even bothering to look up from your magazine. “Why do you ask, Jen?”

JJ let out a longing sigh. “It's been so long since we've had a baby around here.”

Putting the magazine down, you looked over to her, eyebrows creased. “Henry's only three. It hasn't been that long.”

“You don't miss having a baby at our get-togethers? Emily, where do you stand?”

“Don’t look at me,” Emily said with wide eyes. “If I didn't have to change another diaper for a lifetime, it still wouldn't be long enough.” She was the one person in the group that was rather indifferent to children, but babies, she'd rather not talk about or be around.

“Yeah, babies are nice,” you said, “but the pregnancy part? That's what I'd rather go a lifetime without.”

“Well, I'm sure there's one thing we can all agree on,” JJ snickered. “At least making the baby is fun.”

Emily tossed the pillow behind her back in the direction of her coworker, giggling all the while. “Jennifer!”

“What?” she laughed as she swatted the pillow away. “Am I wrong?”

You let out a small snicker yourself, shooting a glance in the direction of your husband, who was currently taking his turn in manning the grill.

Neither of your friends missed that look, both their mouths falling agape at the expression. “Spill!” they squealed in sync.

Penelope made her way over from the edge of the pool, her face overtaken by the brightest smile known to mankind. “I heard the ‘Someone has beans to spill’ variety of squeals and giggles. What am I missing?”

“Nothing,” you insisted with an eye roll.

Emily patted the edge of her chaise, welcoming Penelope over. “Come sit, we're gonna get it out of her. After all, two out of three of us are profilers.”

Your eyes narrowed at the brunette. “Do you forget that I also used to be a profiler before my kids came along?”

“Stop changing the subject,” Penelope said with a swat of her hand. “Spill your guts. What did I miss?”

“Well, we were talking about how it's been so long since anyone on the team, past or present, has had a kid,” Jennifer explained.

“And someone looked at her husband with that look,” Emily further explained.

You scoffed. “It was not that look.”

“It totally was,” your friends spoke in sync.

Penelope's face lit up like a child in a candy store, her mind clearly running rampant with ideas of what the look meant. “Oh my God, are you-”

“No!” you quickly interrupted, knowing exactly where that question was headed. “Not yet anyway,” you mumbled under your breath.

The three of them practically jumped out of their seats and gathered around you, all screams and smiles.

“We haven't even had the conversation yet!”

“But you're going to!” Penelope insisted.

You rolled your eyes, but internally, you couldn't be happier for the gift of friendship from these three women. Jennifer, the mom friend in more ways than one. Emily, the voice of reason who not-so-secretly had a funny side and always knew how to make you laugh. And Penelope, the perfect shoulder to cry on and perfect soul to confide in. Lucky didn't even begin to describe how you felt about knowing these women.

Suddenly, you found yourself— as Penelope had said— spilling your guts. “I don't know. This morning just felt… different. Like, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have another baby around.”

The three of them flooded you with comments of love and support, hugs wrapping around you from each direction. Having another baby would be different, of course, but your friends were making sure that you knew it would be a good kind of different.

“I still have to get Aaron on board, so no one get too excited,” you reminded them.

JJ was already way ahead of you. “We've got the kids, Rossi and Derek have the grill. Don't worry about anything out here. You and your man deserve a moment of free time.”

“Just so we're clear,” you said, pointing a finger as if to further prove your point, “we are just going to talk. No funny business.”

Emily snickered. “Yeah, the same way you guys used to ‘talk’ on the jet?” Your cheeks heated to a bright red shade at her comment.

“Ew, Hotch is in the mile high club?!” Penelope practically screamed. Luckily, everyone else seemed too engrossed in conversation to hear her, but you were still mortified nonetheless.

“Okay, scratch what I said. I'm actually going inside to give myself a lobotomy.”

And with that, your friends were shouting in sync different variations of “Have fun!”

Then, with a smile on your face from both the joy of friendship and the love you had for your husband, you found yourself heading over to the grill and pulling Aaron away. His reaction was nothing short of laughter as you practically dragged him toward the house, his shirt nearly coming off with how hard you were tugging it.

Lips met skin as you closed the back door behind you. Aaron let out another chuckle, though he surely wasn't protesting your affection. “Woah, that look in your eyes tells me you're the one thinking about number three,” he commented, referencing your words from that morning.

“Well,” you said as your fingers started to trail under the hem of his dark gray tee shirt. With another kiss to his neck, you continued, “About that…”

taglist: @1234-angelika @lowsodiumfreaks67 @drayshadow @alexxavicry @cordyandbilliehavemyheart @the-lucky-ones311 @mercuryvapours @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @esposadomd @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @paintlavillered @lavhoes @rhyanishere @danielle143 @handsupforamiracle @ah-blossom @reidselle @dungeons-are-too-cold @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @cwritesforfun @lover-of-books-and-tea

[ravens-two]

PAC: What your Future Spouse will be like and how will you meet them?

This reading includes:

your FS's personality, vibes, and general info

how and where you will meet them for the first time

songs that represent the vibe of this relationship

The extended reading includes:

your FS's first impressions of you

your first impressions of your FS

a little moodboard

(this first extended reading is available for free!)

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone.

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Hierophant, Hermit and Page of Swords

"Love/I said real love, it's like feeling no fear"

How will your FS be like?

Your FS has a lot of earth energy, for me it feels mainly like Capricorn and Virgo, but there's also Taurus here. This doesn't have to be their zodiac sign, I actually think it's more their overall vibe. They're responsible, down-to-earth, grounded and tend to take things seriously. They also seem to be more traditional, or at least they're someone that respects authority and think that you should follow the rules. Despite being traditional, I think that they're pretty open-minded and open to new experiences. In fact, they like to try new things, they give me scientist vibes tbh. It's like they'll try anything at least once, just to see what it will be like.

When it comes to their work they might work in STEM, law enforcement or in management. I also think that they really like to read, mainly non-fiction because they're always trying to acquire more knowledge. If they're not really readers, then this is more of a nerdy vibe when it comes to their favorite hobby. If they love cinema, then they really like cinema and will be telling you about behind the scenes and production stuff every time you two watch a movie.

I feel like they have a hard time expressing their feelings though. It's not that they're thinkers rather than feelers, it's more like they don't feel comfortable being vulnerable, however I also think that they'll do their best to work through this. These people will not cheat on you and they also do not tolerate cheating or any perceived betrayal. They are very loyal. They're in this to actually get married and stay together, not just to play around.

Also, this is very specific but I also think that they're atheists, but they're very attracted to the occult and spiritual - it's like they really want to believe in something, but they can't believe in something they can't prove.

How will you meet them?

I feel like this will be quite different for everyone, but I'm getting two main things. For some of you, you might meet your person through the internet. This could be through a dating app, social media, some of you will even meet them through an online game I'm seeing (I'm actually seeing you being really frustrated with your person, maybe they're playing against you and winning lmao). For this group your relationship might start long-distance or you and your person might have to travel a lot to see each other.

For the other group I see you meeting this person while you're away from home, this almost has an adventure vibe to it. For some, you might be going away on vacation and you meet someone there. For others, this could be a work trip and this person could be somewhat related to your work. I'm also seeing that some of you aren't exactly traveling, but you're out of town, like the city next to yours or something like that.

your vibes in songs

Cherry - Lana del Rey

Like Real People Do - Hozier

Heavenly - Cigarettes After Sex

Blackbird - Beatles

Francesca - Hozier

(checkout the first extended reading on my patreon - available for free)

Pile 2

Seven of Wands, Nine of Pentacles, Two of Cups

"put your life out on the line/you're crazy all the time"

How will your FS be like?

Oh right away your person attracts other people's attention and jealousy. They're probably very beautiful, visually striking or they've got money or status. Either way people can't take their eyes off of them. For some of you, this attention isn't for the best reasons. People might feel wary or scared by your person.

This is someone that doesn't take shit from anyone. They are assertive and have high self-esteem. People might try to put them down, but it's literally impossible. I'm actually feeling Leo, Libra and a bit of Taurus vibes here. They're like the brightest star in the room. They also believe that they're the best - not in the sense that they're better than other people, but more in a self-motivation way.

If they've got money and status - like a good job for example (I also think that they're known for their job and they are very good at it) - it's because they worked really hard for it. They don't really come from money, they worked hard for what they have. That's the other thing they are hard workers and will not settle for less than what they have envisioned. They also don't like lazy people or debbie-downers. They firmly believe that everyone makes their own destiny. (for some reason I'm also getting that they like the movie Brave lol).

When it comes to the relationship they love to shower you with gifts, it might be their love language. Also, something that they will do is support your goals and motivate you when you're feeling down.

I also get a bit of a secretive vibe from them, it's almost like they make you look at the brightest parts of them to distract you from the shadows. They sometimes might struggle mentally, I feel like this might come from some childhood trauma or anxiety. Despite this, they're fighters and don't stop trying to get better.

How will you meet them?

Unlike pile 1, I feel like this is a very old-fashioned type of meeting. You might meet in a public place, like going out to a party or to a restaurant or something like that and you see them and they will start a conversation with you and ask for your number.

Others of you will meet your person through someone else, like a friend or a co-worker will introduce you to them. I don't think that this will be match-making, but you two will be instantly attracted to each other.

Either way, this feels like a more traditional courtship type of situation lmao. You'll both take your time getting to know and really dating each other. I feel like this will be very romantic.

your vibes in songs

Art Deco - Lana del Rey

Angels - The XX

Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

Yellow - Coldplay

Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones

(checkout the first extended reading on my patreon - available for free)

Pile 3

Tower, Knight of Swords, Eight of Pentacles

"they say I'm too young to love you/they say I'm too dumb to see"

How will your FS be like?

Talk about scorpionic energy. Your person is a force of nature, pile 3. They might have a lot of Pluto or Scorpio influence in their chart. I feel like this is the bad boy/girl pile - in a good way though. If this is a woman she is the embodiment of that dark feminine aesthetic, think Megan Fox for example. In general, they give me dark, edgy, goth vibes. But some lean more towards a romantic, Byron-esque energy. These are the type of people who will seduce you with their gaze and then with their words. They have a very intense sexual energy.

Your person isn't afraid of change, in fact, I think that they crave change. They might start out as being a bit commitment-phobic actually. Your person has also been through a lot, they might be the tortured artist type. They are deep thinkers and love to talk. Like they will talk and talk and talk. Honestly, they're happy to talk about anything, but especially about philosophical stuff or conspiracy theories or that type of thing. Also, as they are so open minded they will be open to talk about anything and are really good listeners. Like, for example, you might love Star Wars but they've never seen it, they're still super happy to talk to you about it and will know about it enough to hold a conversation. They have this gemini energy that they know a little bit about everything. They are very supportive and whenever you have a problem or are feeling down they'll sit you down and ask you to tell them everything.

I get the feeling that they know more than one language and they might actually work as translators, editors or linguists. In general though, I think that this person works freelance and does a lot of different stuff. They want to try as many professions as possible.

They love poetry or music and will either read poetry or sing for you. Again, there's an artist vibe here. They might not be an artist by profession, but they love the arts.

When it comes to their love and emotions they are very passionate. They might express their feelings in really over the top ways. It's like when they're happy they're really happy, but when they're sad they're also really sad. They feel things deeply. Being loved by them is something all-consuming.

How will you meet them?

I actually feel like most of you will meet your person through work. This might mean that you will be co-workers or that you will meet them whilst you or them are working. Let's say that you work as a lawyer for example they might become your client and that's how you get to know each other. Of course, nothing can really happen whilst they're your client, but it will happen afterwards.

For other people, you will meet them during a period that you are very focused on your career and/or you have a lot of work to do. For some people, I'm even seeing that this will be while you're doing your thesis. You're completely focused on something, maybe even feeling a bit stressed and you just meet them randomly. You won't really have time for them right away, but they'll be persistent and keep showing up on your radar until you have enough time to actually get to know each other.

your vibes in songs

Brooklyn Baby - Lana del Rey

West Coast - Lana del Rey

Can't Catch Me Now - Olivia Rodrigo

The Louvre - Lorde

Patience - Guns N' Roses

(checkout the first extended reading on my patreon - available for free)

Pile 4

Queen of Wands, Fool rx, Nine of Swords rx

"I live to love you/and I love to love you"

How will your FS be like?

Right away I can see that your person is very stubborn and strong-willed, pile 4. This manifests in both a good and a bad way. It means that they are persistent and don't change their minds without good reason. But, it also means that once they have their mind set it's very hard to make them come around.

This person is very fiery. Mainly I see Aries and Leo energy here. They are extroverted, confident and some of them are a bit brash, while others are charmers. They are also very confident in their charm and sexuality, and it's probably what will draw you to them at first.

I also see them as wanting to boost your self-esteem and show you off to others. They love some jealousy lmao (you being jealous, and also others being jealous of them and your relationship). They are absolute drama queens/kings. It amuses them to blow things out of proportion and they love it even more when you do it back at them. Okay, the scenario I'm getting is they trying to make you jealous by doing something silly or talking about an old partner, they would then love it if you were super dramatic about it and pretended to be really upset. They like to argue for fun as well. Like, honestly you need to rein them in at the dinner table so that they don't push your families/friend's buttons. They are very passionate.

I also think that they are a bit pessimistic at times, but when they really feel like that they will try to keep it to themselves instead of being overtly dramatic. I also think that they're looking for stability and a serious relationship after a time of not having it.

They really don't like surprises. And might not be too excited about change. They would prefer if everything always stayed as it is. I also, feel like sometimes they have a hard time balancing between feeling adventurous and not feeling like leaving their safe space.

I think that most of them speak really fast, and often without thinking. Which ends up with them regretting their words more often than not. Also, acting without thinking.

How will you meet them?

I'm not getting a place/physical circumstance as much as the other piles. But, I think that you will meet your person after you have been through a really hard time. Perhaps you have been struggling a lot with anxiety and are now recovering and then you randomly meet them. I feel like you'll know it's them because they will give you a feeling of calmness and peace.

For others I think that this will be a really difficult situation like the loss of a friend, family member, pet, or even a job. It will take you a long time to recover and you will still be quite vulnerable when you meet your person. You might also be a bit anxious about getting into a relationship at first.

your vibes in songs

Music To Watch Boys To - Lana del Rey

Religion - Lana del Rey

More Than Words - Extreme

She - Elvis Costello

National Anthem - Lana del Rey

(checkout the first extended reading on my patreon - available for free)

[libraryraccoon]

The Aeon Of Creation : Surprise ?

P1 (here) -> P2 (coming soon)

TW : English isn't my first language, bad english. Spoil Penacony quests.

Gender : Male/GN

Pronouns used : He/They

Info : I was sad when I haven't found any hsr sahsr au, so I decided to write one.

There was an Aeon that everyone know in the universe.

The first Aeon that have been appeared, The Aeon Of Creation.

It’s said that The Aeon Of Creation was the first being that had appear, that it’s them that have create the universe, the worlds, and that have created the others Aeons. That it’s them that say who can be an Aeon.

But no one has seen them for a while now. Even the others Aeons were worried, even Nanook.

It’s only decades later that a trailblazer saw them.

<----->

His name was Caelus, he was in a dream at Penacony when he meet them.

They seems so familiar, but also they seems like a stranger.

“Excuse me.” Said the grey hair, looking at the h/c hair. “Have we met before ?”

They had h/l h/c hair, e/c, s/c, and they were wearing a white shirt with a sleeveless sweater on top, a trench coat, black pants and shoes.

They had a men body, and they look like a men in every way. But, more Caelus was watching them, more they don’t seems to be human, and more they remember him someone- but he don’t know who.

It was.. strange.

“Maybe yes, maybe no.. Who know ?” ask the person-thing. “I'm sorry, I have a bad memory."

They were lying, Caelus didn’t know how, but he just know it.

He hate when people lie to him.

“I’m Y/N and my pronouns are he/him. Just a person traveling in the universe. Nice to meet you.” He introduced himself lifting his hat a little in a sort of reverence- since when did he have a hat ?!

Caelus ask no question -he was used to things like that.

“I’m Caelus, a nameless.” He said, Compared to usual, he didn't make a joke or show off like he usually did. He didn’t really think about it at that moment.

<----->

Caelus was often with Y/N.

They was what we can called ‘best friend’.

Every time Caelus was in Penacony, he would go straight to Y/N.

Y/N gave off a sort of comforting and familiar aura. One that he found difficult to part with. Maybe the reason he clung so tightly to his friend was to avoid a repeat of Firefly, to protect him. Caelus didn't know, and he didn't search for an answer, focusing on the present.

“Caelus ! Do attention ! I swear one day you will die soon if you continue like that !” His friend swore as Caelus passed on the road to join him, not paying attention to the passing cars, almost being run over by one.

Caelus only give a nervous laugh at that.

<----->

Being the Aeon of Creation for them was boring.

They knew everything, having nothing to learn. That annoyed them. They wanted to learn, to discover things.

But with their creations worshiping them, some much, MUCH, more than others, it was impossible. So they took a human form and visited the planets, the worlds, that they had created from another point of view.

<----->

Humans were very attached to all this gender and sex stuff, so they took on a masculine appearance and he/him pronouns. Like that, they really look like the other humans ! Well, except for their blood. They had a blood that was like the universe, no, that was like their blood was the universe ! Just like their tears. And it's never touching the ground, disappearing in the air. They had to be careful for not being hurt or crying in front of people (but why and how they know their tears colors ?)

They was travelling alone until they meet him.

He was a boy with short grey hair and yellow eyes. His name was Akivili.

They traveled the universe together, in the Express.

Akivili was their first friend, their first best friend,

Their first love.

They were really closed, and the Aeon realized too late that they were falling for him.

The day they wanted to confess, Akivili disappeared.

The Aeon of Creation have done all for finding him, but always in a human form, they didn’t want people to realize who they was.

And, one day, in a dream they meet someone that look like Akivili.

His name was Caelus, a nameless, just like Akivili.

The Aeon of Creation thought that maybe, just maybe, he was Akivili, a reincarnation, or a descendant of him. They were sure the two were related.

Especially that he have the name Akivili wanted to give to his son.

The day before the Creator turn Akivili into an Aeon.

“Hey, if one day you have a kid, what name will you give them ?” ask Akivili.

“Huh- I don’t know ?” said the Aeon confused. They thought about how everyone always gives two names to this question, one feminine and one masculine. “Aether if it’s a boy and Stelle if it’s a girl.”

“Great names. You’re always creatives for names.” Said the mortal.

“And you ?”

“Caelus if it’s a boy and Lumine if it’s a girl.” Akivili answer easily.

Akivili always had something for picking great name.

It’s him who gave them the name Y/N after all. 

So, for knowing who really Caelus was, they decided to stay with him.

Of what they had understood, he lost a dear friend, so Y/N helped him at the same time with all his grief thing.

And that worked ! Well, in a way ?

Caelus was feeling better now that Y/N was here, but he was what mortals called ‘clingy’.

The Aeon found that funny – Akivili was always clingy with them when he was tired. So that make them think of the past.

They was happy to compare Caelus to Akivili, making some theories about it, and not to some creep that prayed them..

Maybe The Aeon Of Creations have what mortals called a trauma caused by a few of their believers.

<----->

The Aeon Of Creation is traumatized of all this Sagau imposter AU/j I thought making the creator having a universe color blood and tears will be funny because, you know, they created it- The Creator thinking Caelus is Akivili is an idea that would hurt when it will be more developed.

[toskarin]

Toskarin as you are a wise and traveled user of the internet I turn to you with a difficult question: how do I express to my older relative that I think it is really awesome that they are essentially a fujoshi. In addition to published works, they write and consume BL fanfiction but only volunteered this info after I mentioned that I read kinda trashy romance and fanfiction. They were talking about it in kinda circular terms and I don't want to come across to strong. real question, what do?

"I like your yaoi, [relative]" and then you clap a hand on their shoulder and be sure to grip tightly. maximum eye contact, firm but cold

[starsworldd]

Venus Return observations

you guys wanted some more observation posts so here you go!!

readings for these types of charts are open :)

these observations were made using whole signs

how to open your venus return chart: type in “venus return chart” in your browser and click on the first link you see (should be astroseek). insert your birth info and under “return of the planet” click on venus. select the year you want to see your chart for, however it is possible that you won’t have a return chart every year so you may have to use previous/future years

-> having the 1st house ruler in the first means that you could be more confident in the way you express affection/charm/flirting with others.

-> moon in 1st house could be a year where you focus more on self-care

-> the vertex in your return chart and where it lies in your natal chart can show where you may receive compliments or events/experiences having to do with pleasure/fun:

vertex in the 12th house can mean doing unusual/new activities (especially in isolation) that you find fun

vertex in the 5th can mean more recognition for your talents/hobbies

vertex in the 2nd house can mean some experiences with money (positive/negative depending on planets aspecting it)

-> 10th house stellium shows that you may be more popular or be getting more recognition for your art/fashion/charm

-> whereas a 6th house stellium can show someone who finds pleasure and fun in improving their artistic sense AND/OR the native could feel as if pleasurable things have more responsibility now, this could actually mean getting big bucks but also what should be pleasurable (art, music, dance, love) may feel more like a chore or a sacrifice now. i actually see significant 6th house placements in this chart where celebrities have gotten big publicity/success that year (olivia rodrigo, doja cat, billie eilish)

-> 9th house ruler in the 9th shows really important experiences that may help you better your philosophy on self-love, friendships, romantic love, etc… i had this and it was legit one of the best years of my life

-> planets/signs in the 2nd house show what the money/ situation is like that year (ex: mercury shows that you profit off of writing, marketing, communication exchange, etc… or having sagittarius in the 2nd could mean doing something new and exciting that deals with immigration/travel)

-> you should look forward to a year where you have sagittarius rising in this chart…abundance, new experiences, fresh slate :)

-> which house venus sits in for this chart shows how you will find pleasure/happiness/harmony,etc:

venus in 7th = reliable partnerships being formed, possibly getting into a romantic relationship

venus in 8th = easier time in reforming relationships, relationships/art/money are shown in a new light and bring value/worth to your current life

venus in 9th = blessed with a larger perspective on life this year, forming relationships with people outside of your comfort zone

-> natal OR venus return jupiter/part of fortune conjunct venus return rising can mean having an easier time getting what you desire

-> mars in the 7h can mean breaking away from a relationship for your own pleasure/relief

-> jupiter in the 8th can indicate good experiences coming to you from others (sex, vacations, money, etc…)

-> but i think having an 8th house stellium in this chart is bittersweet because it shows that venusian topics may become more of a responsibility/burden, it can limit the way that you want enjoy yourself for that year, BUT as with most 8th house topics, you come out the either side wiser and with a stronger sense of direction and purpose.

-> jupiter in the 4th house, especially if it’s well aspected, on the ic, or in a sign that it likes (cancer, sagittarius, pisces) can show that you make wealth from doing hobbies at home

-> when the sun is in detriment/fall, you could feel less appreciated during that year

-> saturn on the mc can mean that your putting out a lot artistic content for that year or there may be a lot of pressure on your social reputation (another success indicator in my opinion)

-> whereas saturn on the ic can show that the pleasurable/fun experiences you have at home present obstacles, there's something preventing fulfillment of compassion, love, etc... with family. difficult placement in my experience

-> mercury conjunct part of fortune (whether that be in the venus return chart alone or x natal) means that people agree and get along with you better

-> venus return moon conjunct natal ascendant indicates a year where you will feel extremely sentimental and passionate about the things and people you love, you may be reconnecting with old hobbies and interests you left behind

-> sun square mars in the venus return chart means that you're really trying to get attention in an artistic/romantic/connection (depends on what houses the square is in) sense, but you could struggle to feel satisfied, may be an overall unsatisfying year especially if detriment/fall placements are involved (if its >3 degrees orb i wouldn't worry too much)

-> may be obvious, but planets/asteroids that are conjunct your venus highlight important themes for that year:

venus conjunct mars - a year where you may be working more on your hobbies, looks, compassion, etc... depending on the sign indicates succeeding in your goals

venus conjunct saturn/pluto - transformative year, may change your viewpoint on current and future friendships, artistic pleasures, and overall how to find more happiness/fulfillment in your life

venus conjunct mercury - knowledge (book smart), charisma, and social exchanges (online and in-person) are highly beneficial for this year

hope you enjoyed!

[skzdarlings]

the kingsguard ; jisung x reader ; part ii

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | tba | ao3 link

pairing: han jisung/reader summary: You are a queen. He is a kingsguard - a member of a holy order that vows to defend the king in the name of the gods. They forsake all earthly goods and swear a vow of chastity to avoid worldly temptation. When he stands in as proxy for the royal wedding, all those vows are tested.

content info: reader is described with curly hair.

content warnings: a royal affair between queen reader and guard jisung. the king is a violently abusive man and continually disrespects reader in this part. this chapter has an additional content warning for emetophobia.

word count: 5100 words.

<3

-

Morning dawns with a cool, clear light, but it fades as quickly, dissolving in the burning sunshine.  Every hand is at work, preparing the royal retinue for its return journey to the capital. 

You watch as the last of your trunks are loaded onto a wagon.  Each click and latch echoes inside you.  Your life is bound in iron. 

You walk to exert the worst of your nerves, fluttering inside you like a thousand frantic butterflies.  You lift your gaze to the sky and will those butterflies to carry you away, but then you see your family waving from a balcony. 

You cannot let them see your pain.  It is too late to do anything about the marriage, even if your parents expressed some regret for the arrangement.  That regret was tentatively posed to avoid treasonous speech but they were undoubtedly taken aback by the king’s poor behaviour.    

Your mother insisted on dressing you this morning.  She was teary-eyed so you faked your best and brightest smile.  There was no sense in you both suffering. 

The child in you wants to fling yourself at your family.  The woman you are, the queen you have become, forces a smile and waves back. 

You continue your walk.  Your mother dressed you finely but comfortably, a long, loose gown with flowing sleeves, your curly hair pinned in a twisting up-do, a flower behind your ear in lieu of a crown. 

There are courtiers milling about.  Some are travelling with the king’s party while others will divert course to visit their own lands.  Judgemental eyes trail the sweep of your hem across the earthen path.  You feign indifference as you weave in-and-out of the bustling bodies.

The courtyard has never been so busy.  The clamour of trunks, the stomping of horses, and the din of busy chatter blend into cacophony. 

Distantly, you hear a guitar.  

Han Jisung.  The first name you associate with music. 

You are flushed with embarrassment, remembering last night’s sorry return to your room.  Jisung escorted you back, a silent trek that agitated your frayed anxiety at the time.  In the light of day, you realize just how much he did for you.  You would not have survived the journey, at least not in one piece, and if anyone else had caught you, your life would have been equally forfeit. 

He committed an offense against the crown, a sin in his faith, one that would have demanded a great deal of reconciliation.  You have heard stories of kingsguards self-flagellating in the pursuit of forgiveness for even meagre transgressions.  The fact Jisung understood your betrayal, the fact he forgave it, the fact he saved you, is not insubstantial. 

You wonder who this man is, to wear the cloth but help his friend first, to keep secrets for a woman he hardly knew because he sympathized with her pain.  To have a sword at his hip and a song on his lips. 

You follow the guitar.  It leads you to the royal carriages and a circle of kingsguards in a hushed argument.  Jisung is playing a comically frantic tune while they debate. 

“What’s going on?” another kingsguard approaches.  It is the shorter, stocky one from the ceremony.  You learned the names of the other kingsguards at the evening festivities.  You recognize this one as Seo Changbin, an undoubted force of brute strength, striding up to his brethren with a hand on his sword hilt. 

“Felix disappeared,” Jisung trills, fingers dancing over the guitar strings, “and the kingsguard is afeared, because the king is not too dear—”

“What?” Changbin interrupts, looking at the others.  “Felix is gone?”

“Not just Felix,” a brown-haired guard, Lee Minho, says.  His brow is pinched.  “The king’s mistress is missing too.” 

Your eyes widen, your careful mask cracking under the assault of shock. 

The woman who ran off with Felix was the king’s mistress?   

It does not take much knowledge of the inner circle to deduce that does not bode well for anyone.  A kingsguard breaking his oath is one thing, a kingsguard running off with a woman is another still.

A kingsguard conducting an affair with the king’s mistress is a personal betrayal heaped on top of sin.  The only worse crime would be if he pursued the king’s wife. 

Jisung looks at you. 

He spots you across the crowd and strums a foul note, fingers clumsy with surprise.  The bad note draws attention to him so the other guards follow his line of sight.   They all straighten when they see you, their strong shoulders tense with anxiety.

Minho and Changbin immediately duck into a bow.  The other two, Kim Seungmin and Yang Jeongin, exchange a glance before following suit.  Hwang Hyunjin, the preposterously beautiful one, bows but not before he grimaces with discomfort at their conversation being overheard by the queen.

Jisung is still staring, his eyes darting from your face to the flower behind your ear.  He meets your eyes.  For a moment too long, he holds your gaze.  The events of the previous evening seem to play in the space between you, every panicked whisper and solemn glance.

Then he notices the rest are bowing.  With a yelp, he swings down into a bow too. 

You take a breath to steady your voice.  “What’s this about a missing person?” you ask. 

They straighten one by one, sharing uncertain looks.  Minho and Jisung have a mute conversation, Minho clenching his jaw and lifting his brows as if mutely scolding Jisung.  Jisung stares back with furrowed brows as if challenging it.

In the end, it’s the youngest one who speaks.  Jeongin is a shaggy-haired youth and his whole face is scrunched with worry. 

“A kingsguard is missing,” he blurts.  “But he’s not a bad guard!”  He frantically waves his hands.  “Really.  We don’t know what happened.  It’s not like him.  And the king’s mistress is missing too, but that doesn’t make sense.  No, it doesn’t make any sense at all.  Felix wouldn’t do that.  It’s not like Felix.  It’s really very strange, your Majesty.  We don’t understand, Your Majesty.  Your Majesty.”  He dips into a bow every time he utters your title.

Seungmin kicks him. 

“Stop talking, dummy,” Seungmin says out of the side of his mouth. 

“Right, I’m sorry,” Jeongin says, bowing again.  “We’re all very loyal.  We’re the kingsguard.  You know that. Of course you do.”

As if anyone would not recognize the cluster of black-robed soldiers, looking very austere among the courtiers and servants. 

You cast your gaze around the assembled soldiers, doing your utmost to avoid Jisung lest you betray too much secret knowledge. 

“There is no cause for concern,” Minho says, drawing your attention.  “Everyone is just… surprised.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin mutters.  “Surprised it wasn’t Hyunjin.”   

Hyunjin whips around to glare at him. 

“Excuse me,” Hyunjin says, catty in tone. “I let them look, but I don’t touch.”

“And what do they touch?” Seungmin teases. 

“Yah, knock it off,” Changbin says, waving them apart. 

“We’ll fix it,” Minho says to you.  “Have no concerns, your Majesty.”

You do not say that you are very concerned.  You worry the king’s attentions will return to you sooner than he threatened.  If that was his conduct when he had a mistress for pleasure, you are loathe to imagine how he might behave in her absence.    

But that is not an admittance you can make to the holy order sworn to enforce the will of the gods-blessed crown.

The king is wearing that crown as he storms over.  He is already ranting and raving, barking at the leader of kingsguard.  Chan follows him, hand on the hilt of his sword, stoic face not betraying a hint of anxiety.  He nods patiently at the king’s ranting. 

When they reach the guards, a single look from Chan compels them all to stand in formation and bow before the king.

“I want them found!” the king hollers.  “I want their heads on pikes outside my window!  And if I find any conspirators in this fucking plot—”   He shoves a passing servant.  “They too shall pay the price of treason.”   

The servant crawls into full obeisance, prostrate on the ground.  The king snarls and steps over him. 

“Sire,” Chan says curtly, a vague acknowledgement before he helps the servant up and sends him on his way. 

The king has already moved on, still ranting to himself as he storms across the courtyard.  He starts shouting about his wife, evidently missing you in the crowd.  You swallow down the choking terror in your throat and follow him. 

“If that whore ran off too—” He turns around and finally sees you. “It would have been preferable,” he says with a sneer.    

You say nothing.  You dip into a respectful bow and keep your eyes down.  It conceals both fear and frustration.  You hope it is interpreted as submissive.   

“It is not necessary we overindulge in company,” he says.  “You will ride in the carriage behind mine.  The kingsguard will surround us.  You will not bother them.  You will not be a grievance to me.  You will be quiet.  You will be obedient.  You will do as told and move only when bid.”  He does not wait for a reply, turning to look at the guards.  “We depart.  Now.  I want to leave this disgusting territory behind me.”

He spits.  It is just on the ground, a slight against the land, but it falls close to your feet.  It is abundantly obvious what he is actually spitting on. 

You take another steadying breath, staring at that spot on the ground.  When you find the strength to lift your gaze, the guards are staring at you.  Their expressions run the range of pity and irritation.  You suppose they would be offended by the king insulting you so outright.  Though his blood is divine by birthright, they believe the gods control the fates of men, so if you are queen it is because the gods will it so.  You have also been chosen by heaven and it is not appropriate for the king to conduct himself thusly. 

They are visibly disgruntled, Chan included, his brow furrowed as he stares after the king.  The shake of his head is nearly imperceptible.  You would have missed it if you were not looking at that precise moment. 

The king leaves an awkward silence in his retreat.  It is broken when Jisung strums a melodramatic chord on his guitar. 

Chan shoots him an unimpressed look.  Jisung giggles nervously.   

“Put it away,” Chan says.

“Heh, right,” Jisung says, spinning on his heel.  He putters towards his horse where he packs his guitar with his saddlebags. 

In spite of yourself, you feel the tug of a smile, very small but very real.  Your eyes follow Jisung until Chan steps forward, his hand over his heart as he bows politely.

“Your Majesty,” he says.  “I’ll escort you to the carriage.” 

You start to follow, casting a final glance back at your home.  When you do, you see something that draws you to halt.  Your heart pulls like a lead weight. 

“Your Majesty?” Chan says, tilting his head.  He holds out his hand. 

“I’m sorry,” you say.  It comes out on a breath.  You clear your throat but your voice is still shaking when you say, “Can you give me just one more moment?  I’ll be fast.”

His squints, perplexed, but he nods. 

You gather your skirts so you can run quickly over the courtyard bricks.  You hurry to the cluster of household servants who are gathered in a teary-eyed throng by the palace.   When they see you coming, they all rush forward.  You meet them halfway, throwing your arms around the woman directly in your path. 

You manage to restrain your tears, enveloped in the friendly embrace of the household that raised you.  You spent more time among these people than anyone else, always respectful of their important duties, cherishing their friendships as dearly as any noblesse. 

You know it is inappropriate for a queen to hug her servants one-by-one.  You suspect you will draw ire regardless so you hug and thank them, wiping a few teary faces as they wish you well. 

“You’ll come back and visit, right?” a little girl asks.  She is the daughter of a handmaiden your own age, a woman you consider a friend.  You spent many hours entertaining the little child, helping with chores, giving gifts, watching her grow. 

You crouch down to her level, holding back tears as you nod.  You know it’s not true, that the king will undoubtedly forbid it given his contempt for this place, but you say, “Of course I will.  This is my home.  I’d miss you all too much.”

“We’ll miss you too,” her mother says, hugging you next.  When she does, she slips something into your hand, a small phial of a dark liquid.  “Sleeping draft,” she whispers in your ear.  “For the nights the king needs his rest so you may have yours.” 

You laugh through your tears, kiss her temple, and a mouth a thank you as you withdraw.   You tuck the phial into a pocket pouch inside your gown. 

After a few more goodbyes, you stand before them and bow.  You offer a smile as they return it.  It carries a very different respect than the terrified cowering of the servant before the king. 

You are not the only one who thinks so.  When you turn, you find the guards all staring at you, their faces a wall of blinking surprise.  Jisung is the worst at hiding his thoughts, his brown eyes the widest.   Chan is the best, but even he cannot hide his contemplation.  

“I’m ready,” you say gently. 

You lift your hem and walk onward.  You do not look back.  You wait until the carriage door is closed behind you, then you bury your face in your hands and cry. 

-

Your sorrow passes, bleeding into frustration then fury.   Alone in the carriage, you have time to stew in this myriad of emotions as you deliberate on your circumstances.  You resolve to stand firm before the king, to not crumple beneath his cruel sneers, to bear his wickedness with grace.  You will make him ridiculous in comparison to your obvious virtue. 

This commitment falters very quickly. 

For the first hour of travel, you are passing through your family’s property then the village.  The roads are paved and the passage is smooth.  When you reach the forest path, it is a different matter entirely.  Though there is a road that cuts through the great woods, it is a trail of gravel and packed, uneven dirt.  The carriage jostles constantly, bouncing up and down at inconsistent intervals.

You last three hours.  By the end of that third hour, you are so queasy that the scarlet interior of the carriage turns to a murky green.  Your spotted vision swims through that grime even with your eyes closed.  You do everything you can to ease the discomfort, taking down your hair pin-by-pin until every curl is loose, even discarding the flower because its scent was too strong.  You sit in every possible position, craning towards the window and fresh air, but the nausea only worsens as the trail gets bumpier.  

You try to distract yourself, listening to the aimless chatter and laughter from the kingsguards.  Their horses trot along at an unhurried canter, far smoother than the carriage wheels jumping over rocks and earth. 

After a particularly violent jostle, you give up.  You are going to be sick and you would rather not do it in the carriage. 

“Excuse me,” you say, waving to the first guard you see.  Minho is not far from the window.  “I’m sorry but I need to stop.  Right now.”  You want to elaborate but your stomach rolls and your voice catches. 

You must look sufficiently ill because Minho clicks his boots and quickens his pace, riding up to Chan near the king’s carriage.  You slump against your seat while they have a quick discussion.

Chan lifts a hand and the whole train comes to a halt. 

You do not wait for them to open the door, bursting out of the carriage in a clumsy frenzy.  You run to the treeline where you fall to your knees and promptly empty the contents of your stomach. 

You feel hot and frantic, heaving as you struggle to hold your hair off your face.  Your lips quiver as another wave rises inside you. 

Someone jumps off their horse and lands beside you.  You spare a brief glance up at Minho.  His brow is pinched with concern.  You want to reassure him but then the king shouts out aggravations, so you throw yourself forward to vomit some more.

Minho helps, gathering you hair as best he can and holding it out of the way.  Hyunjin is the next closest soldier so he also dismounts and approaches. 

Vomiting is not exactly dignified.  It feels even worse to have every single person in the royal retinue watch you spew your breakfast over the forest floor.

You lift your head, turning to offer an apology but your voice is shot.  Minho still looms rather protectively, Hyunjin nearby.  You look around for Chan to address him, but your eyes find Jisung first.  He is the farthest away, perched on horseback, fidgeting with the reins.

The king shouts again.  It’s a block of noise to your ringing ears, but you suspect he is angry at the delay.  He told you not to be a grievance.

You try to stand but your knees wobble.  You use a rock for balance, then Minho when he takes your arm.   Hyunjin steps in and takes your other arm.  Together, they get you back on your feet. 

“I don’t think she can continue yet, sire,” Chan says, riding into view.  “Maybe we should rest here for a bit.”

“We are stopping to rest in an hour,” the king snaps.  “I will not be delayed so near to our schedule.”

“What made you sick?” Minho asks.

“The carriage,” you say.  You groan as you wipe your mouth.  You are certain you make a ravaged sight.  At least your stomach is empty now, the worst of the nausea passed, but you cannot imagine climbing back inside that rattling monstrosity.  

You step forward, away from Minho and Hyunjin.  Your legs quiver but you steady yourself. 

“I’ve never ridden a carriage so far,” you say.  “I’m very sorry, I am.  The terrain is just so uneven.  I’ve only ever ventured to the village and back.”  Even then, you travelled on horseback with company.  Sometimes you would sit on the back on a wagon or two, but it never went farther than the ends of the property. 

“Why doesn’t she travel on horseback?”  That sounds like Seungmin, speaking somewhere behind you. 

“Can you ride a horse?” Hyunjin asks, to which you nod emphatically. 

“It might be less intense at this pace,” Minho agrees. 

They look at Chan.  There is something significant about the fact every guard looks at Chan and not the king, but you are too unsettled to contemplate anything too deeply. 

Chan is the one who looks at the king, lifting a questioning brow. 

“There are no horses to spare,” the king says.  “If one of you wants to wrangle the brat, then take her.” 

Hyunjin promptly steps forward and offers his hand. 

“No,” the king says sharply.  “Not you.” 

Hyunjin steps back again.

The king, who is still in his carriage, cranes his neck to look around the gathered guards.  He snaps his fingers. 

“Bard boy,” he calls.  “Take the queen.”

“Jisung,” Chan says, waving him forward.  “Come here.” 

You look at Jisung who is visibly startled by his selection.  His black hair is windswept, the longer tufts curling up at his nape.  Wide, brown eyes find yours, slowly blinking to attention.  With a shake of his head, he picks up the reins and rides over to you.   

You step back, staring up at him on his perch.  He says nothing but extends his open hand, blinking those captivating eyes at you.  You are not sure why they ensnare you so, nor why your heart skips a beat when you delicately place your hand in his and his sword-calloused fingers grip yours tightly.  It is not like you to be flustered by a glance or touch. 

Minho and Hyunjin boost you, Minho holding your waist while Hyunjin guides you.  You seat yourself side-saddle in front of Jisung, ramrod straight so you are not pressed against him.  You do not look at his hands when his arms come around you to take the reins. 

Despite the king’s presumption, Hyunjin would be less distracting than Jisung.  The king simply sees what everyone else sees, that Hwang Hyunjin is startingly handsome for a kingsguard.  The black cloth does not diminish his elegance but exaggerates his devotion and competence, his appearance as intensely maintained.  His long black hair is tied back, sleek and pristine, and he has sharp features and a fine figure. 

However, a handsome face has never much moved you.  You always thought yourself too logical of a character, your heart shaped oddly next to others.

Now you are looking at Jisung’s dark-painted nails, his soldier’s hands on the reins.  Now you are feeling his breath at your nape, the warmth that emanates from his body, hot from wearing black in the summer sun.  You are very aware of him and it is not merely because of his athletic body or handsome face or any obvious charms.  No, instead you think of him helping his friend.  You think of him helping you.  In the span of a few moments, he risked himself to help multiple people even though there was nothing in it for him.  This makes him more than a handsome face. 

Your stomach twists in a very different way than before.  That feeling is exacerbated when he reaches into a saddlebag and retrieves a waterskin. 

“Here,” he says in a soft voice.  “Drink. Go on.”  He puts it in your hand. 

You take a deep drink, purging your mouth of the foul residue of sickness.  You thank him just as softly and hand the waterskin back.  

Once settled, the train resumes course.  Chan waves and everyone marches on.

Despite your best effort, movement knocks you into his chest.  Jisung sputters as your undone hair flies into face. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you say, desperately smoothing it down.  All your pins are the carriage and you suspect the king will not be too enchanted if you stop the train to fetch them.

“It’s okay,” Jisung says.  “One second.”  He lays the reins down, his thigh muscles clenching behind you to maintain balance. 

You feel the brush of his fingertips on your bare neck.  It sends an immediate cascade of shivers shooting down your spine.  He gathers your hair carefully in his hands and guides it over your shoulder, away from his face. 

Minho also pulled back your hair, but it was a very different sensation. 

This you… feel.

He takes up the reins again, arms circled around you.  You pull yourself upright as the horse moves along. 

You think this might be a stiff, uncomfortable ride, but then he begins to hum.  You find the gentle melody placates your nerves.  Your frantic energy simmers to a cooler calm. 

After a while, conversations resume.  Jisung tells some jokes to the other guards and you smile, though it is weak.  Their camaraderie makes you miss your own friends already. 

Jisung resumes his humming, almost like he can sense your discomfort.  It is most likely a coincidence but you still find yourself sighing pleasantly. 

With the worst of your anxiety tempered, at least for now, you ask him, “Where did you learn to play music?”

“Sorry?”  The question catches him off guard.

“I don’t mean to pry,” you say.  “I’m just curious.” 

Though there is often a bard-like character in the kingsguard, it is nonetheless an intriguing amalgamation of skills.  They do not let just anyone into the kingsguard service, even if they are willing to take the vow of chastity and surrender their earthly goods.  Jisung must be an exceptionally skilled swordsman to be admitted, an interesting background for such a talented musician.  Though he was joking with his music earlier, he is very capable of composing melodic poetry.

“Music and swordplay just seem an odd match,” you say.

“Maybe,” he replies.  “Maybe not.  They both require dedication.  Time.  Practice.” 

“You are a devout man, I suppose,” you say. 

“Of course,” he answers confidently.  “I am absolutely the most devout and most impressive one here—ow.”  Someone, probably Seungmin, chucks a coin at his head.  

You laugh, looking at Jisung over your shoulder.  His eyes dart briefly to your smile, his own face brightening at the sight.  He laughs back and nods. 

“Honestly, I grew up with music,” he says.  “I didn’t, uh… I didn’t exactly grow up in a palace to say the least.  But, you know, it was definitely palace-adjacent and not a hovel on a street in the capital,” he jokes.  As he talks, you picture a little boy with a guitar, strumming on the busy city streets.  “I used to write songs and sing for money.  Then I got older.  I was looking for work when the war started.  I got recruited like a lot of boys, but I was pretty disciplined and a fast learner.  After the war, I met Chan.  He put in a good word for me, so I was able to put myself forward during the new recruitment season.”

“So you haven’t been there long,” you say.  The war only ended a year ago. 

“Ten months,” he says cheerily.  “But it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

“That’s commendable,” you say.  “I can’t imagine making so many sacrifices.”

“Can’t you?” 

The question is posed softly but lands heavily.  You suppose Jisung is correct; you have both made sacrifices to be where you are, though the journeys were very different and your futures more so. 

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly.  “Fuck, that wasn’t my place.  Your Majesty.  Oh, fuck, I swore.  Fuck, sorry.  Ignore that.” 

You laugh in spite of yourself, catching the sound in your palm.  He laughs behind you.  Even with a sliver of distance between you, you can feel his chest shaking.

“Good thing foregoing curses is not one of your oaths,” you say.

“Oh, fuck, no, I’d fail that one for sure.  Sorry, ignore that too.” 

He is being purposefully silly but you appreciate it, smiling as you move beneath a canopy of trees.  It is much cooler in the shade, alleviating the discomfort of the hot sun.  You exhale and let your posture slacken, just a bit, just enough your bodies touch on every downward canter. 

“Were you ever scared?” you ask.  The king’s carriage is ahead of you.  You watch the wheels turn and turn. 

“Yeah,” he says.  “A bit.  A lot.  Completely.  Entirely.  But not about the vows.  I was just scared I’d let everyone down.  Especially Chan.  He put his own reputation on the line when he stood for me.  I don’t know what he saw in me.  The gods only know no one else ever saw it.  Me included.”

He laughs at his self-deprecation but you do not.  You fall into thought as you watch the shadows of the forest roll over the carriage.  You think of Jisung in that barn, risking everything for the wellbeing of someone else.  Your cheek tingles, remembering where he wiped your tear during that lonely ceremony.  Your heart still races at the memory of him singing a springtime song, dedicated to you despite the antagonistic crowd.    

“I do,” you say.

“You do what?” he asks casually. 

“I see something good in you, Han Jisung,” you say. 

“Ohh.”  He is stupefied for a moment.  You are not sure of his expression, too shy to look at him.   “Well, I don’t know about that,” he eventually says.  “I’m definitely the lowest ranked in the kingsguard.  Sorry for that, by the way.”

“Sorry?”  Now you look back, meeting his gaze.  “Why would you be sorry?”

“Well, uh…”  He looks away, to the road ahead, his voice strained with awkwardness.  “There’s a reason I was picked for proxy at the ceremony.  I’m not the best swordsman or the most pious priest.  I’m, uh, bard boy.  And the king – His Holy Majesty – he uh… well, I mean…  It had to be someone like a kingsguard but he didn’t want… I mean, that is…”

“It’s all right,” you say.  “You don’t have to say it. I understand.” 

Yes, that makes sense.  The king was heaping insults on you and your family so of course he chose the lowest ranked kingsguard to stand in as proxy, just like he chose him now. 

Irritation creeps up your neck, heating your skin.  You glare at the carriage. 

You are not even annoyed for yourself.  What a disrespectful insinuation for the king to make about his kingsguard!  The kingsguard service is as ancient as the regime.  They are a respectable, powerful order.  Admission to the order requires a great deal of work, more than simply being born in the right house.  The king has no right to insult a soldier like Jisung.  A good king should not insult any of his subjects.    

“So yeah,” Jisung says.  He clears his throat and tries to sound cheery as he says, “That’s why I’m sorry!  Anyway, it all worked out.  I’m sure I’m your favourite already, right?  I’m everyone’s favourite, obviously.” 

He is speaking jokingly but your heart skips a beat anyway.  In the next moment, the horse jumps, manoeuvring around a ditch in the road.  You fall against his chest with a thump, throwing your hands out instinctively.  You catch his wrist and hold tight. 

“Sorry,” you say in unison. 

“It’s all right,” he says.  “I got you.”

With a flush of embarrassment, you rip your hand back.  In your flustered state, you quickly say,  “I’m not sorry the king picked you.  I’m glad it was you, Jisung.” 

You turn, finding your faces closer than before.  He stares at you, as surprised as he is rivetted. 

Softly, so only he can hear, you whisper, “I believe you saved my life even before you found me in that barn.  So yes.  I’m glad it was you.  I’m glad he chose you.  I would have chosen you too.”    

“Oh,” is all he says, moved to silence. 

You remain in his arms, leaning against his chest.  You pick up the melody he was humming earlier and hum it yourself, making him laugh on an exhale.  You feel the tension leave his arms and his heartbeat skip then resume its normal cadence.