#incorrectdgmquotes

[redcrossroads]

Two types of mentors:

Tiedoll: I heard you were involved in a fight today, Yuu.

Kanda: Yeah, what about it?

Tiedoll: You know violence isn't the answer.

Cross: Did you win?

Allen: It ended in a tie.

Cross: You just didn't try hard enough. You'll ask for a rematch tomorrow and you better fucking win. I bet all of my money on you.

[redcrossroads]

Lavi, introducing a new Exorcist to the ways of fighting Akuma: Just hit it until it dies, capeesh?

Newbie: What if it doesn't work?

Lavi: Well, I usually set it on fire, but I've been told I can't solve all my problems by making them go up in flames and it's bad for the enviornment, so...just run, I guess.

[redcrossroads]

Lavi: I was stabbed.

Lenalee: By whom?

Lavi: Allen. I wanted to steal a bite from his cake and he just stabbed me with his fork. Look, it's still sticking out of my hand!

Allen: Be glad you got to keep your arm. Some of us aren't so lucky.

[redcrossroads]

Lavi: *groans*

Allen: What's wrong?

Lavi: Timothy possessed me for shit and giggles and it wasn't fun. I feel so violated!

Allen: ...Oh no, what a nightmare! I can't imagine how painful it must be to have someone forcefully take control over your body!

Lavi: ...sorry.

[redcrossroads]

Allen: You're like the wolf in sheep clothing fable come to life.

Nea: What's that supposed to mean-

Allen: Just because you've got a pretty face doesn't mean you're not a bitch.

[redcrossroads]

Lavi: What's the plan?

Lenalee: End the war and go back home.

Allen: That's a wishlist.

Lavi: Right. Let's be realistic here. If one of us makes it out alive in the end, we'll count it as a win.

[redcrossroads]

Lavi: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Lenalee: Happy.

Allen: That's an option!?

Lavi: Yeah? What's your answer?

Allen: Preferbly alive. Guess I set the bar a little low.

[redcrossroads]

Lavi: Allen~! I've got a question I need to ask ya for research purpose. Top secret Bookman stuff, actually.

Allen: Shoot.

Lavi: When you finally have sex, is that technically a threesome because you share your body with you know who?

Allen: I'll give you ten second to run.

Nea, mentally: Make that five.

Later

Allen: So as the expert, what's your answer?

Cross: Never have sex. You're not allowed to spawn. Either of you.

[redcrossroads]

Komui: Someone needs to get General Cross in here. We cannot start the meeting without him and he's terrified everyone I sent into submission.

Allen: I'll go get him. *walks out*

Lavi: Poor Allen. That monster of a man's gonna make him cry.

Allen, shouting from the other side of the Order: What do you mean "no"?! GET YOUR LAZY ASS TO THE MEETING SHITTY MASTER OR SO GOD HELP ME I'LL FUCKING SEND EVERY WOMAN YOU LEFT CRYING YOUR WHEREABOUTS!

Cross: *walks into the room with a scowl*

Allen: *smiles innocently*

[redcrossroads]

I lost the war but at least I survived the battle.

- Nea. D. Campbell

[redcrossroads]

Nea: I've been awake for an hour and a half and I'm so tired.

Allen: You slept for 35 years!

Nea: I've done a lot of shit before going to sleep! What have you managed in those 10+ years? Less than me, so shut up. I deserved my nap.

Allen: Go back and take another one, maybe it'll make you less of a little bitch.

[redcrossroads]

Allen: I told you that's not how this works!

Link: So what? You cannot speak to the 14th or let him speak with us?

Allen: It's not like I can just ring him up and ask him to stop playing the piano with the Devil so he can answer some questions!

[redcrossroads]

Lavi: Why are you eating so much?

Allen: *thinking of his Innocence* Shut up, I'm eating for two!

Nea's ghost in the reflection of a window: *turns green*

[redcrossroads]

At the start of DGM:

The Black Order: We're the good guys! The Noah are evil. People can trust us. We've got the Innocence!

The Noah family: Look at how much we love each other! We're one big family made of evil and sadism.

The Earl: I have a plan I must follow, no matter the cost, but first I'll have tea time with my family. No need to rush into things.

Allen: I finally got another family! People who love me and a home to call my own while fighting for the right cause!

DGM now:

The Black Order: Corrupted. Used to do experiments and create Zombie soldiers.

Apocryphos, the independent Innocence: *kills Exorcists without giving a fuck*

The Noah family: Mental breakdowns left and right. Has got 7000 years of trauma and homesickness. "I love my family but I'll kill you regardless because reasons".

The Earl: *crying and has literally no chill* If I'm me and Nea, who's also me is alive in Allen, who's not Nea, then who am I!?

Allen: *100% done with everyone's shit* Fine, we're going to play death match now. It's everybody for themselves in this fucking shit show.

[redcrossroads]

Allen: Can I get a new one?

Cross: What do you mean?

Allen: My emotional supportive ghost uncle isn't doing his job properly! I need a new one.

Nea: *smiles creepily from behind Allen's reflection*

[redcrossroads]

Allen and Kanda at the Beginning:

Kanda: You're so annoying, shut the fuck up!

Allen: I swear if you insult me one more time it's your body we'll be burying next!

Now:

Allen: Shit!

Kanda: What the fuck did you do now?

Allen: I killed someone, but I swear it was an accident!

Kanda: ...

Kanda:I'll help you hide the body, so stop crying already!