#incorrect 911 lone star quotes

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“TK: When I lived in New York, I was in this pick up hockey game and I twisted my ankle kind of bad. They called an ambulance and I called the guy I was seeing at the time from the hospital to come pick me up. On the way down, he stopped and met his friends for a beer.

Carlos: He stopped for a beer?

TK: Yes.

Carlos: You called him to pick you up when you were hurt. And he stopped for a beer.

TK: Well he was supposed to meet his friends, he stopped to tell them why he couldn’t.

Carlos: And had a beer.

TK: Yep. But see? You’re better than any of my old boyfriends. There isn’t anything for you to worry about, babe.

Carlos: Hey, TK?

TK: Yeah?

Carlos: I want you to know, that if you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for a beer.

TK: If you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for a red light”.

[incorrectbuddie-tarlos]

Carlos’ mom: Did you bring TJ?

Carlos: What?

Carlos’ mom: You know, that guy that makes you giggle all the time.

[bby01boi]

Owen: TK isn’t answering his phone.

Carlos: I’ll call.

Owen: Judd and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

TK: Hello?

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Owen: Do you ever wanna talk about your feelings, Judd?

Judd: No.

Mateo: I do!

Owen: I know, Mateo.

Mateo: I'm sad!

Owen: I know, Mateo.

[queenandani]

Judd: Thank you for agreeing to speak with me

TK: I didn't. You just came into my room and started talking

Judd: I don't have time for a history lesson.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“Carlos: TK, I think it’s great how you glued your boxes to the floor.

TK: Babe, I didn’t glue the boxes to the floor.

Carlos: Oh, so you mean you can move them?”

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“TK: Don’t worry, I brought reinforcements.

Paul: Nice. You brought Carlos?

TK:….No, he’s at work. But I brought the next best thing.

Mateo: Alright, let’s move some stuff!

Paul: You brought Mateo? The next best thing would have been Nancy!

Mateo: Normally I’d be offended, but Nancy IS freakishly strong”.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“Carlos: Babe? I need to hear those three words from you.

TK: …. I love you?

Carlos: The other ones.

TK: You were right.

Carlos: There it is”.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“TK: Look, Dad, I know you’re mad-

Owen: Mad? TK, do you know what it’s like to get a call that three of your firefighters- who went there to volunteer- started a dodgeball riot in a senior center? No, you don’t know what that’s like, because that has not happened before ever, in the history of the world!

Mateo: Do we at least get points for being original, Cap?”

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“Mateo: (in his sleep) No! Don’t take him! It was me! AAAHH!

Nancy: Mateo! Mateo! Wake up!

Mateo: (wakes up) Nancy? What… what’s happening?

Nancy: I think you were having a nightmare… you were like screaming in your sleep.

Mateo: Oh. Sorry I woke you up… I hope I didn’t wake up anybody else.

TK: (runs in waving a stuffed but very lifelike-looking raccoon) I heard screaming, are you guys okay?

Mateo: Sorry man, that was me.

Nancy: He was having a nightmare… TK what were you gonna do with that? “Raccoon” someone to death?

TK: Well when I heard yelling, I grabbed the first thing off my nightstand.

Nancy: You have an angry raccoon on your nightstand?

TK: His name’s Buster. He’s also a light. I don’t know how people decorated before the internet. Carlos doesn’t like him too much, though.

Nancy: There’s something scarier than your dream, Mateo. TK paid someone money for that thing”.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“Carlos: Would someone like to tell me what is going on here?! Judd, you said you had this!

Judd: I did! But I had a family emergency, so I had to leave Marjan in charge.

Marjan: And Cap left me in charge of everything else, so I left TK in charge. I told Mateo to help him out!

Carlos:….

Mateo: Which means this is clearly your fault, Carlos.

TK: It’s okay, babe. We forgive you”.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“Carlos: TK, have you seen the burr coffee grinder?

TK: What’s the big deal, Carlos? It’s just a coffee grinder.

Carlos: It’s not just a coffee grinder, TK. It’s a top of the line conical burr coffee grinder. That means it doesn’t smash up the beans, but it actually grinds them for a deeper, richer, more satisfying flavor profile.

TK: Ah. Well I haven’t seen it… nor have I used it repeatedly to make homemade crayons”.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“Carlos: TK, did you let a wild animal loose in our home?

TK: What is this, make everything a big deal day? (Whiny voice) Ugh, there’s a possum somewhere in the house! The living room smells like guacamole!

Carlos: That’s what that smell is! TK, what happened in here?

TK:… I may have thrown a burrito at Mateo”.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“TK: Cutting this eggplant is taking forever!

Paul: That’s cause you’re using a spoon.

TK: Because Carlos took my knife away!

Carlos: Only after the third time you pretended to cut your thumb off, TK!”

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“TK: Dad, thanks for doing this.

Owen: (hugs him) TK…, thank you.

TK: For what?

Owen: I wouldn’t know where to begin”.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

“TK: Dad relax, it’s just a first date. And you look great.

Mateo: Those are some funky socks, Cap. Where’d you get them?

Owen: Oh well I… oh my god. TK, your mom gave me these socks. I can’t wear them on a date with another woman! What if she asks me where I got them?!

TK: Dad trust me, if you’re talking about your socks… date’s already dead in the water”.