#inclusive homemaking

[tinyhandsonmyapron]

05.19.2024

I found out yesterday that I'm finally pregnant! 💛

We had actually just had our consultation with a fertility specialist Friday, the day before. I feel like that timing is so funny, like I had to scare my body into behaving: "if you don't work, you're gonna end up poked and prodded and all kinds of shots and medications, so get it together!" Idk maybe that's just my sense of humor.

Now to call my OBGYN tomorrow, get on the waitlist at my son's daycare, and decide when to tell people!

We're going to Disney World in two weeks. I had wanted to wait to tell my family until 12 weeks because honestly my mom stressed me out last time haha, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep it a secret when I'm turning down going on rides I love so much.

I'm just so relieved and grateful and maybe now more anxious? What if after all this time and heartbreak month after month I lose it?

Also I have a strong gut feeling it's a girl. I didn't have that with my son, at least, not until I started feeling his flutters around 16 weeks. Then I knew he was a boy, even if I somewhat preferred a girl. I also had a different girl name in mind, but it's the strangest thing. If it's a girl after all, I know her name, and I was actually not my first choice.

I just love this baby so much already 💛🥹

[melisssg99]

My partner bought himself second hand woolen pants that match one of my woolen skirts in colour and is close to the same pattern.

He said he wanted to match for my birthday party. It's so cute ♡

[samwisethewitch]

Homemaking, gardening, and self-sufficiency resources that won't radicalize you into a hate group

It seems like self-sufficiency and homemaking skills are blowing up right now. With the COVID-19 pandemic and the current economic crisis, a lot of folks, especially young people, are looking to develop skills that will help them be a little bit less dependent on our consumerist economy. And I think that's generally a good thing. I think more of us should know how to cook a meal from scratch, grow our own vegetables, and mend our own clothes. Those are good skills to have.

Unfortunately, these "self-sufficiency" skills are often used as a recruiting tactic by white supremacists, TERFs, and other hate groups. They become a way to reconnect to or relive the "good old days," a romanticized (false) past before modern society and civil rights. And for a lot of people, these skills are inseparably connected to their politics and may even be used as a tool to indoctrinate new people.

In the spirit of building safe communities, here's a complete list of the safe resources I've found for learning homemaking, gardening, and related skills. Safe for me means queer- and trans-friendly, inclusive of different races and cultures, does not contain Christian preaching, and does not contain white supremacist or TERF dog whistles.

Homemaking/Housekeeping/Caring for your home:

Making It by Kelly Coyne and Erik Knutzen [book] (The big crunchy household DIY book; includes every level of self-sufficiency from making your own toothpaste and laundry soap to setting up raised beds to butchering a chicken. Authors are explicitly left-leaning.)

Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair by Mercury Stardust [book] (A guide to simple home repair tasks, written with rentals in mind; very compassionate and accessible language.)

How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis [book] (The book about cleaning and housework for people who get overwhelmed by cleaning and housework, based on the premise that messiness is not a moral failing; disability and neurodivergence friendly; genuinely changed how I approach cleaning tasks.)

Gardening

Rebel Gardening by Alessandro Vitale [book] (Really great introduction to urban gardening; explicitly discusses renter-friendly garden designs in small spaces; lots of DIY solutions using recycled materials; note that the author lives in England, so check if plants are invasive in your area before putting them in the ground.)

Country/Rural Living:

Woodsqueer by Gretchen Legler [book] (Memoir of a lesbian who lives and works on a rural farm in Maine with her wife; does a good job of showing what it's like to be queer in a rural space; CW for mentions of domestic violence, infidelity/cheating, and internalized homophobia)

"Debunking the Off-Grid Fantasy" by Maggie Mae Fish [video essay] (Deconstructs the off-grid lifestyle and the myth of self-reliance)

Sewing/Mending:

Annika Victoria [YouTube channel] (No longer active, but their videos are still a great resource for anyone learning to sew; check out the beginner project playlist to start. This is where I learned a lot of what I know about sewing.)

Make, Sew, and Mend by Bernadette Banner [book] (A very thorough written introduction to hand-sewing, written by a clothing historian; lots of fun garment history facts; explicitly inclusive of BIPOC, queer, and trans sewists.)

Sustainability/Land Stewardship

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer [book] (Most of you have probably already read this one or had it recommended to you, but it really is that good; excellent example of how traditional animist beliefs -- in this case, indigenous American beliefs -- can exist in healthy symbiosis with science; more philosophy than how-to, but a great foundational resource.)

Wild Witchcraft by Rebecca Beyer [book] (This one is for my fellow witches; one of my favorite witchcraft books, and an excellent example of a place-based practice deeply rooted in the land.)

Avoiding the "Crunchy to Alt Right Pipeline"

Note: the "crunchy to alt-right pipeline" is a term used to describe how white supremacists and other far right groups use "crunchy" spaces (i.e., spaces dedicated to farming, homemaking, alternative medicine, simple living/slow living, etc.) to recruit and indoctrinate people into their movements. Knowing how this recruitment works can help you recognize it when you do encounter it and avoid being influenced by it.

"The Crunchy-to-Alt-Right Pipeline" by Kathleen Belew [magazine article] (Good, short introduction to this issue and its history.)

Sisters in Hate by Seyward Darby (I feel like I need to give a content warning: this book contains explicit descriptions of racism, white supremacy, and Neo Nazis, and it's a very difficult read, but it really is a great, in-depth breakdown of the role women play in the alt-right; also explicitly addresses the crunchy to alt-right pipeline.)

These are just the resources I've personally found helpful, so if anyone else has any they want to add, please, please do!

[beta-therapy]

How to Deal with Sadness/Frustration from Rejection

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had a crush on a beautiful woman and wanted to give her the world, only to find out she has no sexual interest in us. Maybe she puts you in the friendzone; or maybe she makes it clear she wants nothing to do with you at all. It’s normal to feel frustrated in these situations, knowing that she probably has a vibrant sex life with other men, yet doesn’t have any sexual interest toward you.

When this happens over and over again, it can make us question our own self-worth: how come so many women have decided that sex is an activity which is off-limits to me? Do my sexual needs not matter? How come a woman can be salivating with excitement as she begs certain men to engage her in the most personal of ways—whereas with me, so much as asking if she’s single gets me permanently labelled as a creep?

As society becomes more and more accepting of personal freedoms, (especially regarding women) like allowing people to dress how they want, freely express themselves, do what they want in their own bedroom, etc., there indeed looms an increasing mental health crisis among those men who don’t get included in all the sexual fun. They can feel inferior and isolated. In this blog, I’ll discuss how to handle these emotions.

Although it might bring you feelings of shame, insecurity, and jealousy to find out that women consider you unsuitable for sex, it is important to understand that these feelings are rooted in misogyny. It is an outdated, oppressive idea that the goal of a man’s life is to acquire dominance, status, power, and wealth; and use this prestige to seduce beautiful women. This idea is so evil because it views women as beauty objects rather than equal human beings. Women are not trophies.

Women are full human beings with no less intelligence, leadership abilities, creativity, and dignity than the men who forced them to be quiet and submissive for all human history. A lot of men still refuse to acknowledge this today. They want to keep seeing women as less intelligent, less capable, submissive homemakers whose value comes from their sexual beauty.

That sexy woman you know probably does have a passionate sex life, but you should strive to admire her as a person: smart, strong, kind, witty, dignified. She can still have all these great qualities to her even if she has zero sexual interest in you. Considering her a “sexy woman” is—in and of itself—toxic masculinity at work. Why is “sexy” the first trait that comes to your mind when it’s clear that her sex life is off-limits to you? Maybe she is sexually submissive in her bedroom, but why should that concern you? She’s allowed to explore the “feminine” part of her existence in her private life without it subtracting from her value as an interesting, fascinating person in her public life.

You can still be a happy, nice, and fulfilled person even if all the women around you would prefer not to have sex with you. Just because the female community around you doesn’t want you as a sexual/romantic person, doesn’t mean you have been rejected as a person entirely. Sexuality is just one component of the human experience, and it’s very common throughout history for people to be deprived of it.

We have evolved for survival and reproduction, not necessarily to have good morals and be happy. For example, racism is part of our DNA. In prehistoric times, racism helped us stay away from warring tribes, so it was positively selected-for with respect to evolution. But in modern times, we can recognize that racism is a huge problem if we want an inclusive, happy society, and so we must actively denounce this artifact of our DNA.

Our sexuality is much the same way. Throughout history, the evil, abusive, tyrant was always better able to protect his children due to his status and wealth, in comparison to the poor, harmless, gentle, and caring man. That doesn’t mean the evil tyrant was a better person, but it does unfortunately mean that women would evolve a sexual attraction toward higher status, dominant men even if it meant overlooking their moral evil.

As a result, the things women are sexually attracted to are not necessarily the things that are good. You can take solace in this fact. Being sexually undesired by women does not mean there’s something wrong with you, it just means they see you as more harmless and submissive rather than powerful and dangerous.

[tieflingkisser]

Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Tells Graduating Women to Get in the Kitchen

“I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabelle would be the first to say her life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother," Harrison Butker said in a commencement speech.

Harrison Butker, a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, on Sunday addressed the graduating class of Benedictine College, the Catholic liberal arts school known for forcing a queer-identifying basketball player to remove a Pride flag from his dorm. The 28-year-old spent his allotted 20 minutes encouraging students to denounce “dangerous gender ideologies,” and “the tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion.” Bold of a man who’s only six years older than the average graduating student and identifies as “@buttkicker7″ on Twitter to tell young people how to live their lives but what else is new? “I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolic lies told to you,” Butker said. “Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.” In a country where forced birth is the law of the land? Nothing gets a 22-year-old who’s just shelled out $34k a year on tuition more hyped than the notion of the certificates in their hands collecting dust in lieu of caring for screaming kids. “I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabelle would be the first to say her life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother,” Butker went on. (Why let your wife speak for yourself when you, a man, could speak for her, eh?) “I’m on this stage today, able to be the man that I am, because I have a wife who leans into her vocation.” You reading this Sheryl Sandberg? Insurrection Ken gets to kick a ball over and over again because his wife leaned in. Butker continued—whilst choking up, I might add—saying, “I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.” Not to be dramatic, but I’d rather be dead than hear that my entire existence was reduced to the key that unlocked a man’s potential. Considering the school’s tenets and reputation, Butker’s remarks were not particularly surprising, and it wasn’t like he was booed off the stage. Regardless, I’m not a praying person, but I am most certainly having a word with the big they upstairs about this man’s downfall before bed tonight.

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

I thought DIVERSITY & INCLUSION was a good thing? 🤔

It wasn't enough for Disney and Serena Williams to spit on Pat Tillman's legacy, they doubled down by publicly berating Harrison Butker.

Despite the NFL's reputation as the National Felons League, Harrison Butker chooses to be an upstanding citizen & athlete, deeply committed to his Catholic faith and values.

Serena & Venus used their Espy Platform to CATHOLIC shame Kansas City Chiefs' super bowl winner, Harrison Butker.

A CATHOLIC university invited Butker to inspire their graduating class. Harrison dared to encourage EVERYONE (including the women with a desire to become mothers and homemakers) to be proud and unashamed.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Meghan is no feminist.

I’m also irked that they focus so much on boys just listening because in the society we live in, we need boys to do more than just listen or sit back, we need them to be speak up about injustice, inequality etc.

It is not enough for just girls to be speaking up. Also society is also very intersecting now and I’ve noticed how exclusionary she is towards LGBTQIA+ in society - her feminism doesn’t include them.

Men and women, boys and girls - whether cis, trans, gay or lesbian - all need to work together to make our society truly equitable and inclusive.

Meghan doesn’t understand feminism at all.

Whoever we are, we have a choice. We have a choice to be a mother or not, to adopt or use a surrogate, to work or be a homemaker, to have one child or half a dozen kids… feminism means we don’t diss or degrade women for choosing the opposite to what we do or have.

Boys and girls need to learn the same and act the same, otherwise we won’t get any better.

Also how she seems to be raising Lili or talking about her, is that Lili is going to be a Grade A Narcissist and wild child out of control…

The only person who calls Meghan a feminist is Meghan.

[sovereignsimmer]

Tips for Maximizing the Use of Clubs in The Sims 4

Greetings everyone,

If you've played The Sims 4, you're likely aware that Get Together is one of the best expansion packs ever released for the game! It adds new dynamics to your gameplay and social clubs that can be used to improve your sims' lives. In this post, I'll share my favorite ways to use social clubs in The Sims 4 to help you get the most out of them.

It may be a lengthy read, so proceed at your own discretion.

Using social clubs to control sims' autonomy 

One of the most significant advantages of social clubs is the ability to control your sims' behavior. Club activities override individual sims' autonomous actions, allowing you to direct their actions in a more productive manner. You could establish a private club for your household and use it to make your sims do chores, study, have fun, or anything else that comes to mind. You can alter club activities at any time as long as you are the club leader.

Creating your own lore through social circles 

Friendships and relationships are easy to establish in The Sims 4, but they are often shallow and meaningless. It's more realistic for sims to be friends with others who share their interests or hobbies. By bringing these sims together in social clubs, you can create your own lore and stories.

In addition, you can cause drama and rivalries between different clubs by encouraging mean interactions or by banning friendly interactions with selected ones. Trust me, it brings so much life to your gameplay!

Using social clubs to explore new spaces 

In The Sims 4, you can easily stay on your home lot and self-sustain indefinitely, making the game feel isolated and limited. By using social clubs, you can direct your sims to hang out at designated lots or locations, allowing them to explore the world outside their home.

Here are a few examples of social that I use in my game, based on different interests and social circles:

Interest-based Clubs

Adventure Associates: Join our nature-loving social club! We hike, fish, climb, ski, and snowboard. Connect with like-minded individuals and explore the great outdoors. (Requirements: Traits like Adventurous, Loves Outdoors, and skills such as fishing, skiing, rock climbing, etc.)

Budding Pals: Budding Pals is a gardening club for nature enthusiasts to learn plant care through sustainable practices. From novice to expert, join us in cultivating a beautiful and sustainable community garden. (Requirements: Traits like Green Fiend, Loves Outdoors, Animal Lover, Recycle Disciple, and skills such as flower-arranging and gardening)

Covalent Bonds: Not intimidated by rocket science? Think you could solve the Unsolvable Hetu Hypothesis if only you had enough moral support? Want to share electron pairs to create a stable balance of attractive and repulsive forces? Join the Covalent Bonds! (Requirements: Traits like genius, geek, overachiever, and skills such as rocket science, logic, robotics, etc.)

Desperate Homemakers: Desperate Homemakers is an inclusive group of close-knit stay-at-home folks inspired by "Desperate Housewives". They gather to gossip, play cards, and enjoy a bottle of chardonnay every now and then. (Requirements: Unemployed Sims)

Digital Divergence: Digital Divergence is a social club for gamers, coders, and streamers. Meet like-minded people, share ideas, and collaborate on projects. Join us for LAN parties, coding competitions, and streaming workshops! (Requirements: Traits like Geek, Creative, Socially Awkward, and skills such as programming, video gaming, media production, photography)

Epicurean Elites: A circle of select foodies who appreciate fine dining and culinary experiences. Members gather for exclusive events and tastings, exploring new flavors, techniques, and cuisines. (Requirements: Traits like Foodie, Snob, and skills such as Cooking, Gourmet Cooking, Baking, Mixology)

Grizzly Gang: Grizzly Gang: the ultimate club for alpha sports enthusiasts who push limits, crush goals, and dominate fields. Join like-minded beasts to unleash your inner grizzly and reach your full potential! (Requirements: Traits like Active, Bro, High-maintenance, Self-assured, Overachiever, Ambitious, and skills such as Fitness, Snowboarding, Rock Climbing)

Major Chords: Major ‘cause we’re important. Chords ‘cause we sound together. Don’t you want to sound together with us? (Requirements: Traits like Music Lover, Creative, Self-centered, Snob, and skills such as Piano, Violin, Singing, etc.)

Readaholics Anonymous: Are you a seasoned bibliophile? An aspiring writer? Grab your book and join us for lively discussions and plenty of page-turning fun! Our welcoming club offers a warm community of like-minded readers! (Requirements: Traits like Bookworm, Geek, Socially Awkward, and skills such as Research and Debate, Writing)

Tapestry Posse: Tapestry Posse is a social club that brings together individuals who share a passion for arts and crafts such as painting, knitting, cross-stitching, and candle-making. It's a friendly and relaxed community for artists and hobbies alike. (Requirements: Traits like Creative, Art Lover, Snob, and skills such as Painting, Cross-stitching, Knitting, Fabrication, etc.)

The High Society™ is a secretive society of the world's most influential people, from politicians to celebrities. Its true purpose is unknown, but membership is the ultimate status symbol among the elite. (Requirements: Wealth (Rich), Career: Law, Politician, Business, Actor, Entertainer, Military, Detective, Sciencist, Secret Agent, Criminal, and traits like Self-assured, Perfectionist, Ambitious, Snob, etc.)

In order to foster a sense of community and belonging, I suggest adding the 'Insider' trait as a requirement for membership in all clubs. Sims with the 'Insider' trait are naturally drawn to social groups and are more likely to participate in various club activities, ultimately enhancing the overall experience for all members.

Age-based Clubs

Lil' Wabbits: Lil' Wabbits is a playful and imaginative children's social club, where kids can make new friends and have fun with various activities. From dress-up to play pretend, it's all about having a great time in a safe and supportive environment. (Requirements: Age - Child)

Seasoned Seniors: Seasoned Seniors is a social club for elderly folks looking for fun and connection. Enjoy games, outings, and social events in a supportive environment. (Requirements: Age - Elder)

Youthopia: Youthopia is a social club for teenagers that offers fun activities and events to promote friendships and a sense of community. Youthopia is the perfect group for teens to hang out with and have a good time. (Requirements: Age - Teen)

Occult-themed Clubs

Aristoclaws: The Aristoclaws are a pack of wealthy and influential werewolves who balance their strength and ferocity with skilled diplomacy. They defend their territory with sharp claws and fierce howls, but also rely on their ability to negotiate and form alliances. (Requirements: Wealth (Rich), Werewolf (Trait))

Council of The Forgotten: The Council of Eternal Night governs all vampires globally from Forgotten Hollow. This oldest organization holds high esteem, guiding its members to reach their true power and potential. Register your household to connect with fellow vampires. (Requirements: Vampire (Trait))

Coven of the Dusk: Led by an enigmatic teen warlock, this coven follows ancient beliefs and practices green and dark magic for protection. Teenage witches gather to perform divination rituals, brew potions, cast spells, practice herbalism, and celebrate nature. (Requirements: Age - Teen, Spellcaster (Trait))

Faelwyn Union: The Faelwyn Union unites elves to promote peace and protect their rights. They preserve nature, known for their elven lore knowledge. Strong scholars with mutual respect for other races. (Requirements: Spellcaster (in my game, my elves are Spellcasters))

Glimmerbrook Magistrate: The Glimmerbrook Magistrate governs spellcasters, ensuring responsible magic use. Experienced members oversee training, investigate disputes, and prevent misuse. Respected authority in the magical community. (Requirements: Spellcaster (Trait)) Ivanovich House: Led by patriarch Dmitry, Ivanovich House is a vampire clan of northeastern heritage. They keep to themselves, wary of outsiders, and are known for their refined taste and skillful manipulation of those around them.

(Requirements: Vampire (Trait), Vampire Knowledge Skill)

Nzarogg Clan: The Nzarogg Clan, descendants of Windenburg's merfolks, now reside in Sulani. Adapting to their new environment, they retain their culture and traditions. They have no hesitation in putting anyone who opposes them in their place. (Requirements: Mermaid (Trait))

Steelfangs: The Steelfangs are a werewolf pack exclusively for affluent teenagers. With power, wealth, and influence, they rule their territory with sharp claws and a howl that strikes fear into their rivals. (Requirements: Age - Teen, Werewolf (Trait))

Tideglow Tribe: Native to Sulani, this conservative merfolk community sees newcomers as potential threats. Their strength and agility make them formidable defenders of their territory, and outsiders are only welcome if they earn the tribe's trust. (Requirements: Mermaid (Trait))

Additionally, you can make more clubs for your Sims' high school friends, university friends like "Foxbury Alumni," and organize annual events and gatherings to reminisce on old times and friendships.

I hope these examples gave you some inspiration to start your own social clubs and use them to their full potential in The Sims 4. Remember, social clubs are a great way to add depth and variety to your gameplay, and they can help you create unique stories and characters in your game.

[justinssportscorner]

Shruti Rajkumar at HuffPost:

After over a week of silence, Kansas City Chiefs’ kicker Harrison Butker publicly defended the controversial commencement speech he gave earlier this month at Benedictine College.

During the “Courage Under Fire Gala” hosted by the Regina Caeli Academy on Friday, the Catholic football player doubled down on remarks he made in his speech at the Kansas college that were criticized by the public as homophobic and sexist. “If it wasn’t clear that the timeless Catholic values are hated by many, it is now,” Butker said Friday evening at the address in Nashville, Tennessee. “As to be expected, the more I’ve talked about what I value most — which is my Catholic faith — the more polarizing I’ve become. It’s a decision I’ve consciously made and one I do not regret at all,” he continued later. On May 11, the Catholic football player’s commencement speech dove into a ring-wing, bigoted rant, during which he slammed abortion rights and dogmatized “dangerous gender ideologies” and the “tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion.” Butker also called LGBTQ+ Pride Month “a deadly sin” and suggested that female graduates “embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.”

“I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you,” he said in his commencement address. “Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.” [...] On Friday, Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce weighed in on his teammate’s remarks during an episode of his podcast “New Heights,” saying that he believes Butker is “a great person and a great teammate” who he has seen treat others with “nothing but respect and kindness,” but that he disagrees with his views. “I can’t say I agree with the majority of it, or just about any of it, outside of just him loving his family and his kids,” Kelce said about Butker’s speech, but added that he doesn’t think he should judge Butker’s views, especially his religious beliefs. Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes backed Butker, saying that he didn’t agree with all of his teammate’s conservative views but that he is a “good person.”

Chiefs K Harrison Butker continues to double down on his hateful and bigoted commencement speech remarks he made at Benedictine College that impugned women and the LGBTQ+ community.

[tinyhandsonmyapron]

10.14.2023

Ghouls Night pumpkin painting results 🧡🖤

[melisssg99]

I patched a hole in my dungarees with some simple embroidery.

It's a bit wonky but I'm proud anyways.☺️

[cherienymphe]

“Feminists say trad wife is problematic yet I don't see protests in the whole world to support girls and women who are treated worse then animals in Muslim countries.”

Okay sorry mini rant that you can totally ignore:

Trad wife is problematic bc of the false image it sends of how that lifestyle is like - all those women do have a job: social media content. Plus it’s not about being a homemaker (which is a perfectly valid choice) - it’s infusing this role with being entirely subjugated by the husband and losing any sense of personal identity. Not to mention shaming women who do not choose that lifestyle for not being “real women” since a woman’s “job” is to stay at home and make babies. This is about a movement and its connection to other problematic movements, not just the simple idea of choosing to be a housewife (ex: toxic masculinity & white supremacy).

Also protests to support women in Muslim countries happen all the time (some helpful + crucial & some just focused on white feminism and using what happens to Muslim women as an excuse be racist/demonize Muslim brown men also hurting Muslim women in the process)

Last thing as a Muslim girl why are we randomly brought into this conversation 🥲 this generalization aside, the topic is about the trad wife movement in the US which last I checked is a mainly white Christian movement - I promise ppl can talk about this stuff without randomly doing the “what are we? Muslims in a third world/eastern country!” bit anytime discourse about things in the US take place.

*This is not to say there isn’t an array of injustices women face in SWANA - trust me I know. Also I wanna be clear when I say white Christian I mean that in regard to the tradwife movement not Christianity itself or white ppl in general. I hate overgeneralization (esp since I know how that feels being muslim) so I wanna make sure I’m not doing that to anyone else!

Yeah all of this says what I didn't have the energy to lol. TRAD wife and just wanting to be a wife are two veeery different things 😭 not sure why that anon thinks the two are mutually inclusive? And also people talk about Muslim countries like America is some ultra progressive ass place for women or something and idk why. Baby child marriage is still legal here

[arvandus]

u know obey me mc isn’t a she right….

The whole purpose of MC is as a self-insert. That’s why you get to pick your own name for in-game. So when I’m referring to MC in regards to how I relate to the character and how I’m self-inserting, then I’m using the pronouns I use for myself. I know in-game, the pronoun “they” is used, which is good - they should, because it keeps it inclusive for all players, and I’m assuming it keeps the game programming easier for the developers. But my last post wasn’t about that, and I wasnt attempting to ignore it.

The post you’re referring to was very Arv specific, as is evident by identifying myself, personally, as a mother and housewife (both specifically female identifications compared to more neutral terms such as parent/homemaker). This fem self-identification impacts my perception/experience of MC as a character that is, from my perspective, mother-coded, and ties into the way female/fem-coded characters are often boxed into the caregiver/support role in a predominantly male cast.

This doesn’t have to apply to you if you don’t identify as female/feminine. GN and male/masc can also be caregivers/parents and homemakers (e.g., Lucifer, Barbatos). But I used she/her because I’m referring to my experience as a self-identified female player, especially an older one who holds the caregiver role in real life, and sees this trope come up all. The. Time.

Sometimes when we talk about our experiences with something, that’s going to exclude others by default. It’s nothing personal or meant as an attack or erasure. My post wasn’t intended to be applicable to everyone, or even anyone else for that matter. It was purely personal and anecdotal, which is why I used fem terms.

[solar-sunnyside-up]

Did you know that cottagecore has been known to have ties to fascism and colonialism?

this was the link added in a separate ask, and it is a very good conversation so I'm putting at the top here!! https://www.tumblr.com/solarpunkcast/189377668416/time-to-stop-tagging-cottagecore-alongside Yes I am very aware of this problem. While I think it's a problem to fix, I don't think it's worth abandoning the entire thing. To be brief though if you can't read the linked think yourself, cottagecore, and trad like sub cultures always have ideas of colonialism, classism, ableism, racism, sexism baked into them. And in general just a very western perspective to things. So I totally understand why this is gross to ppl who are looking to escape those systems through solarpunk. These points are the most important part to this convo, I think these points should be on everyone's mind when interacting with almost any aesthetic. We as a solarpunk community aren't safe from Nazi shit. we aren't safe from our bigotry seeping in. And if anything I post is either tied to or supporting this you let me know I'll sort it out (with violence and arson where needed) I think cottagecore in particular is a … weird one. A lot of its bones of cottagecore are related to why ppl like Solarpunk. But not just that. It was born in a time of isolation, of the government abandoning it's citizens during a plague, of burn out over ungrateful and exploitive jobs. Ppl where rejecting the American Dream in mass, questioning the appeal of city and career. Instead they wanted so badly to make clothes for their friends, to read books on rainy days and make soup, to have control over their food supply. I know many ppl in solarpunk who started in that initial trend of cottagecore and then realized they didn't have to day dream about a cottage lifestyle that half of them couldn't even live bc of accessability. They could build it where they were. For me the reason is bc cottagecore is this gutteral reaction. There is something WRONG with society, and our natural instinct, particularly when burnt out and too tired to even dream of a better place, we think of running away. Run away from war, from environmental disaster, from the bigots on your doorstep that want you dead. Run. it's the only option!! But then they tend to create small social circles through crafts and recipes, jokes about coliving with friends in the city, and somewhere in there they realize ppl need each other. Slowly the mentality goes from a flight response to a "I'm going to just do what I want in the place I already live" and mutual aid and common spaces form almost on accident. But bc of the base appeal, just like homemaking circles, the community that doesn't examines things further tend to breed this  Colonialistic, ablest, sexist culture of farm life being the only answer. But I don't blame cottagecore for this if we don't give them any other options to remove the bigotry but keep the helpful, kind and sweet parts. I like to think about it like Riot grrrl, a group with good intents that didn't dissect just ENOUGH of the problem to remove the racism from their ideals. But there where still parts worth saving, parts worth reusing and refining and protecting. There were ppl in these circles that took it to the next step of equality, that handled that problem of solidarity and inclusion. But many stayed within the Riot grrl circles to refine this rather then abandon it in its entirety. I think it's worth letting cottage core go through the process of letting them know better is possible even within their aesthic niche. Just know I'm not turning my eye from this, I won't ever turn my eye from the truth. I know it's a festering wound that could kill off any good intent it had. I just think it should be given the chance to realize the overlap we have.

[redheadbigshoes]

honestly im an aro lesbian and i tend to say (though i waver between this and going yeah everyone is - im ultimately undecided) aro heterosexual and ace heteroromantic cis people are apart of the community if they connect with that, because there is no denying that many aromantic heterosexual cishet men have never experienced an identifying queer experience that would have them connecting with other LGBT+ in any way, and many cishet aro men wont even realise they're aro in the first place because of the societal structure around sex for men (casual, flings, fwb, high body count, bachelor lifestyle, being emotionally/romantically detached from partners) all being in their favor while for aromantic straight women they're shamed for those things and are expected to settle down, love and care for their partners, be a homemaker and be a perfect wife not to sleep around as a single woman. they don't have to think about their lack of attraction to women and identify it because societally this is expected of them and gets them a pat on the back from other men u know what i mean? a man like that who is benefiting from modern patriarchal standards of what sex should be for a man and how it shouldn't be for a woman has literally nothing in common with a queer aroallo imo.

idk i know u aren't aro or ace but you often talk about men being men and misogyny + patriarchy so id love to hear your thoughts about this from that perspective even if its disagreeing with me in places because i don't think this is something people often talk about or think about when it comes to aromantic - specifically - straight cis men. asexual cishet men have a vastly differing experience because of the same structure which can cause more distress and pressure to perform. but cishet aro men can fly under the radar in their "queerness" in comparison.

it sort of reminds me (and i am also polyamorous) the idea of "polyamory being inherently queer" where-in a polyam cishet allo man has two gfs who are dating each other, has never interacted with the community aside from his bisexual gfs dating each other in his vicinity, would be considered lgbtq+ based off that statement when he quite literally could just turn around and immediately hate crime or fetishize us (which is super common with these types of guys)

i feel sometimes blanket statements being thrown like a net to cover the most ground in inclusivity can lack nuance in discussion

No but you brought up very interesting points that I hadn’t thought of. I agree with everything you said, in this case it depends on what the person feels more connected to. Not only because it’s not really my place to have an opinion about it since I’m not ace or aro, but also because of the points you brought up.

Though I see some similar things when comparing being cishet and aro or ace with polyamorous, I don’t think they’re necessarily the same (in terms of comparing) because one is about attraction while the other is a choice, you know? But I definitely get it it’s not something simple to discuss.

[considerourknowledge]

Harrison Butker Wins People Magazine's 'Most Punchable Face'

Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison's Butker's comments in a ridiculously tone deaf and misogynistic commencement speech last weekend at Benedictine College have earned him the title of “Most Punchable Face” by People Magazine. In his 20-minute address, Butker denounced abortion rights, Pride Month, COVID-19 lockdowns, and "the tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion" at the Catholic liberal arts college. He also told women in the audience to embrace the "vocation" of homemaker, which was a huge key to him winning the title of 2024's "Most Punchable Face." "Just look at that smarmy little jizzface. Even if he didn't say all that horribly sexist stuff, you'd want to pummel him over and over," said Sister Mary Joseph, a member of an order of nuns affiliated with Benedictine College. "I want to knock his giant teeth out. Why don't you go back in the kitchen, you douchebag!"