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Lyric Breakdown in my Last Life (mainly Martyn-centric) song, "Corners of the World"
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'Abridged' version here, and longer analysis (ft. a lot of Martyn character analysis... and also the full lyrics I'm actually talking about) under the cut.
"I'll lie, double cross to best them all" is yet again a reference to a line from Martyn's Last Life teaser poem ("Surpass them all/Take friends for foes"), which was from the perspective of the Watchers (and was previously referenced by them in the first song, Middle of Nowhere). Martyn using this phrasing hints that the Watchers already hold some influence over him, hence the outline of the lyrics flashing purple in the video!
"Walls, corners, edges" is taken from Martyn's speech after Ren's beheading (as is the title of this song, for the same reason):
"You took me in when I was a lowly traveler, going across the land, searching the four corners of this world. I learned there was nothing in this world for me – nothing but walls, corners, edges. And you know what, you showed me life. As much as I’ve taken it from you, you gave it back to me in buckets’ fulls."
The point here is that, after the events of 3rd Life, Martyn's reverted back to that previous worldview. That life he was shown clearly meant something to him, but ultimately, its price was far too high. So now, he's deliberately separating himself from a mindset that would allow him to care too much about others and feel that same pain: the world is walls and edges; the people in it are figures to use for his own benefit, not to care about; the world does not hold those buckets' fulls of life. As we see with his reactions to the Southlands' fall, he doesn't really end up being successful in this (and it's a major topic of exploration throughout the musical) – but it doesn't mean he doesn't want or try to be.
Of course, the wordplay this verse ("You'll be cornered in the corners, and on edge in many more/And walls you'll build and walls you'll raise(/raze), and walls will fall in war") is to establish Martyn's strengths in that area. Getting the voice right is an important part of musical characterisation too!
"Keep it a void you're fighting for" is either dramatic irony or foreshadowing depending on how much you know of his lore. Martyn's only referring to not fighting for anyone else's sake here, but between the seasons the players do spend their time falling through the void (while unconscious) – regardless of whether they win or lose. By fighting to win, you are just fighting for that same void... which of course, Martyn doesn't know (because surely winning means something). If he knew nothing changes after you win, the incentive to win would be much weaker, and I'd argue we do see that in c!Martyn post-Limited Life. But despite his cynicism and distrust, he's still naïve to this particular cruelty of the world... :) i mean lore-wise if you win a fragment of your soul does get protected but 1) no bearing on last life and so on this musical whatsoever, and 2) how is c!martyn supposed to know that even after his win
"Careful with the name you pick/Don't want it to get flamed" is (as the editing hopefully makes clear) a pun – 'you don't want your name to be made fun of', and 'your tree fort is flammable'. This is again meant to establish Martyn's quick wit as well as progressing the song/storyline, and as well as showing us him messing with people, which he very much likes to do! (I am also aware Cleo was the one who informed Lizzie, but I had to streamline various things for the sake of the medium – this is both a Martyn character establishment song and an intro to the world and various figures in it, so it's easier if Martyn is the one who introduces that to those figures (and for us to get more information about Martyn based on how he interacts with them). And Lizzie's reaction to that information was something I wanted to keep in)
Of course Skizz and Etho were in the Red Army too, Martyn's just being cheeky/faking indignation here (if there'd been space, I'd have given Skizz a line of protest, but from a musical standpoint I preferred the instant transition into Scar's section). But guys.... BEST/Dogwarts parallels... guys.....
"(...)I'll lead, not play a pawn"/"(...)little pawn" (sung simultaneously, the first by Martyn and the second by the Watchers) is a callback to the first song, Middle of Nowhere, in which there's a section of randomised lives being given out. The first line there is "Four for the traitor, four for the pawn", and this confirms/establishes 'the pawn' as referring to Martyn (referencing what he's treated as by the Watchers). Note that here Martyn's desire 'to lead' refers to being in control of his actions and not deferring to anyone, not specifically to leading an alliance. Of course, Martyn's part is full of dramatic irony on his behalf :)
Those are the 'flashier' lines and word choices I especially wanted to highlight. Now, for the version with way more character analysis!
As mentioned, Corners of the World is Martyn's – our main character's – introductory song. Regardless of whether it counts as an 'I Want' song or not (it's a bit nebulous, because yes, he does express things he wants – to win, to be in contol of his own actions and not at others' whims. But for me, the more important part of the song is what he doesn't want to do, what things he's distancing himself from that he's presumably done before, and the questions and implications that arise from that. And the core of that is explored slightly later on), it's going to be our first impression of him as a character. The traits and worldview established here will be viewed as important, and will form the basis of his arc throughout the musical.
Because of that, the two verses focus on establishing that inital worldview (as well as establishing what he's aiming for):
MARTYN (Verse 1) Right, here I go again — new world, another start. New chance to see who’ll reach the end, and who will fall apart Well, won’t be me – this time I’ll be the very last to fall No care for cost, I’ll lie, double cross to best them all
So we know he wants to survive and win the game (especially after not doing so last time), we know he's willing to play dirty to achieve that and definitely should not be trusted. We know he's under no impression that this is anything other than a death game (or death match, to quote his Limited Life self) – he doesn't hide from the knowledge that people will fall apart, that only one person will be left standing. Importantly, this means he's playing the game exactly as intended, with no intentions of defying it or even deviating slightly* from what the first song has expressed to be the goal (to 'best'/'surpass' everyone else). Even as he expresses the wish to play for himself, he's already committed himself to following others' unseen rules.
Walls, corners, edges, I’ve been this way before. You’ll be cornered in the corners, and on edge in many more; And walls you’ll build and walls you’ll raise(/raze) and walls will fall in war, Kinship destroyed, so keep it a void you’re fighting for.
And here we get an exploration of Martyn's mindset in more detail. I've touched on this already, but a major point of exploration throughout the musical is Martyn's relashionship to emotional attachment – he's coming right off the bat of Ren's death in 3rd Life, which "broke" him and made him play more selfishly since (both statements taken from the LimLife lore stream), and he is someone who tends keep his distance and who'll prioritise himself over allies whenever things get dicey. But the "life" that closeness gave him back in 3rd Life was still clearly important to that version of him, and he does inadvertently (and unwillingly) start chasing that again this season – ending up growing close to the Southlanders (bar Grian) despite his efforts, enough to hallucinate them and be manipulated by the Voice's(/Watchers') false promise to bring them back to life if he follows its commads (in a moment where he expresses resistance to following its commands, and where the Voice is clearly distressing him). LL Episode 8 intro my beloved...
Still, that's to come. At the start of Last Life, he's firmly in a reactionary mindset to the events of 3rd Life, separating himself from that life and that version of him. 3rd Life was a failure on his part (in addition to the emotional damage, but he's trying to separate himself from that side of things and to focus purely on the win), and he's absolutely not wasting this new chance at victory.
So corner to corner, I’ll keep wandering on, Border to border, through woods, through caves, through spawn, Sure, laugh with some, don’t keep it glum, so long as lines are drawn Forego the rest, and don’t invest, just keep on wandering- WATCHERS Wandering, wandering MARTYN -on.
It's Watcher manipulation time, encouraging unhealthy mindsets that help them further their own aims! The more untied he is, the easier he'll be for them to play (less loyalties to others –> the more likely he is to rely on the Voice, and the less resistance there is to doing certain things that might involve those connections). Yes, emotional connections would mean more emotional pain (and so more negative emotions for them to feed on) in the future, but Martyn's very resistant to that idea right now, so it wouldn't do much to push it. They do encourage emotional connections later, though (heavily pushing him towards Ren for example, and note that that's only once it would mean Martyn betraying his own alliance (which would mean more emotional pain for someone, regardless of its impacts on Martyn himself. Or it would've been if that was revealed)).
There's another important part here, though. After all the 'allies won't help you' etc in the first two verses, I wanted to make clear that Martyn's not against being around people, far from it – he's almost constantly around people, just not generally around the same ones for an extended period of time – it's just the emotional investment he's trying to avoid. He is a very social player, he does enjoy joking and/or messing around with others and does it constantly, that's also an important aspect to him (he's a very "you talk a lot but never say anything" type of person**). So "sure, laugh with some, don't keep it glum" is a very important line!
LIZZIE Welcome, oh welcome to my tree fort, yet unnamed. MARTYN Be careful with that name you pick — don’t want it to get… flamed. LIZZIE …Ah. They won’t demean A fellow green? …Your lives? MARTYN That’s mine to know Is that a tower over there? See you, I’ve got to go!
And immediately, here's an example of Martyn actually messing with someone (as a new player, Lizzie is fun to tease)! His "don't want it to get flamed" triples as that, as a wordplay demonstration, and as another recognition that they are living in a world where people will inevitably turn on each other. If something's flammable, it will be burned.
Lizzie's characterisation here is meant to show her as someone who wants to do her best and is establishing herself, but is unsure/nervous about how the game will unfold due to having had no past experience (, the '...your lives?' comment is prompted by the momentary urge to want to know how close Martyn is to turning Red and potentially burning down her tree fort) There is the element of naïvité coming from not having lived through a previous series, too – not thinking about how badly having a flammable base may end, 'they won't demean a fellow green' again here, etc.
Because this verse is a dialogue, I focused a lot more on trying to keep the character's voices true to themselves as well. With Lizzie, the "Welcome, oh [welcome]" is moreso there to suit the 'fairy queen' persona she was going for, but the "tree fort... yet unnamed" would be something she'd say for humour's sake, in her particular style which I cannot for the life of me describe; her 'ah' would be quite deadpan in that way too (again, not sure which words to use to describe it). With Martyn we have the aforementioned wordplay, but also his method of slipping out of situations that go in directions he wants to avoid... which is to pretend to get distracted by something else, promptly change the subject to that thing, and run off (a clear example of this is in Wild Life when Scott is questioning him about his powers, and he conveniently gets 'distracted' by a zombified Skizz dying in the distance instead (~17:30 in his vid). Maybe not the smoothest of getaways... but a habit nonetheless).
TEAM BEST BEST will be the best, and we’ll show em what we got With our matching shields, and our towering snow fort MARTYN Hold on a sec, where’s your respect? BDUBS Respect? MARTYN Yeah, that’s my bit! Same shields? Snow? A world ago? With Ren and- fine, have it
Again, this verse is largely leaning into character voices and interactions. BEST do initally set out to be the heroes of the server (eg by recovering the enchanting table and returning it to the server), and do have some very loud/enthiusiastic figures within their ranks (Bdubs and Skizz), so the tone of their lyrics is meant to reflect this (though the instrumentation, which we'll talk about in a different post, does a lot of this work as well). Of course you also have Etho who's the complete opposite of course (and Tango somewhere in the middle), but it's the louder voices that are going to be heard in the interactions so it's their side of things I'm portraying. And, as mentioned before, we also have Martyn completely going into mock-offense mode.
SCAR/BEST/LIZZIE/MARTYN No matter if you're in your sixes or twos/Let's find some ore to- I'll sell you an offer you/-mine cannot refuse/It'll be the fairy fort! Crystals for fleeing,/I'm fine just to chat Crystals for flame,/Not falling for that! Survival's the ALL Name of the game!
Pretty self-explanatory here, with Martyn not buying into Scar's deals and other alliances going about their lives. BEST heading down to mine is set-up for the next song (aptly named "Down In The Mines"), in which Bdubs reveals he was cursed with the Boogeyman curse while down there, narrating his experiences in the form of a ghost story.
SCAR/BEST/LIZZIE/MARTYN Corner to corner, I'll just keep on wandering, wandering on/Yes, join the fairy fort, I'd love to have you here!/BEST will be the best, with our diamonds and our gold We can build a secret passageway so we'll always be near!/Put us to the test, and you'll see that we won't fold/A crystal or spell, oh, Joel, you'd help me sell?/Through woods, through caves- -But still for my sake I probably should find a team: it would do me some-/We'll aid each other when we need, together we will succeed, oh-/Put us to the test and you'll see that we'll do-/Goody! Magical Mountain we'll be! ALL (including Cleo, BigB and Joel, who are now onstage with their respective alliances) Good – It's this I've understood!*
Here we see the different players' attitudes to playing the game, and what they've "understood" about how to play it, as well as more alliances forming. Nothing much to say about Scar and Martyn here (aside from Martyn expressing the fact that he does want to be part of an alliance for numbers' sake, which we'll build more on in Song 4 (A(ha)lliances) when the Southlands are formed; and also continuing the thread that he sees others as figures he can use to benefit himself. Maybe there were things to say about Martyn here!), but a lot of Team BEST's part is foreshadowing ("put us to the text and you'll see that we won't fold"... they will fold. They will) in addition to contuining the 'server heroes' thread from earlier. Meanwhile, Lizzie's part continues to show her as a player who hasn't experienced the way the server devolves into bloodshed, still having a pretty idealistic view about the co-operation between herself, BigB and Cleo without thinking about the ways they'll inevitably have to turn on each other if they get later in the game.
The part about the tunnel connecting the Fairy Fort to Cleo and BigB's base is taken directly from the first session (originally proposed as an escape tunnel, in the same conversation that Cleo pointed out that the fort was flammable).
UPPER WATCHERS/LOWER WATCHERS Oh, wander, wander on/Wonder, wonder On/When they'll all start to turn tails Wonder, wonder/Wander, wander When trust will yield to betrayals/On
I've mentioned it before, but the Watchers feed on negative emotions, which is why they run the Life series. This is one of the few times we see emotions from them, as they're very excited to see what chaos and carnage this new game they've formed will bring (which I took care to portray in my voice)!
WATCHERS/MARTYN Till the rest are gone.../Right, here I go again – I'll fight with my axe drawn* Oh, wander, little pawn/But, unlike then... I'll lead, not play a pawn.
I've talked about this in the 'abridged' version, so I won't repeat that. The other thing here is the axe being an obligatory Dogwarts reference (or, more accurately, an obligatory rhyme (with 'pawn') which gave way to a Dogwarts reference I took).
[End]
(You can hear the instrumental continue for a while – ideally, Martyn would talk for a bit with Scott, Pearl and Jimmy, but though I can act through singing I can't act through speech and I'm not subjecting viewers to that xD)
If you've read this, thank you so much! You can definitely chart me going more and more unhinged as this progressed...
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*eg by also wanting to find friendships, to be helpful while you can, etc, in addition to winning. There's no secondary aim there, aside from protecting himself from emotional harm.
**(to quote Martha from Doctor Who)
#last life smp#llsmp#trafficblr#mcytblr#martyn inthelittlewood#life series character analysis#lizzie ldshadowlady#goodtimeswithscar#gtws#ethoslab#bdubs#bdoubleo#bdoubleo100#tangotek#skizzleman#lyric breakdown#last life: the unofficial musical#that tag... will not work as a sorting tag i need to find something else#eyesandears au#(since this follows it directly)
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Sorry i live under a rock but whats a map?
omg do i live in a world where people dont know what maps are anymore??? what have we become (not mad at you anon im being silly)
TO ACTUALLY EXPLAIN maps mean multi animator projects, they're produced as passion projects usually free of any monetary incentive outside of individual creators putting wips/early content on their patreon and such if they have that.
basically a host cuts up the song into "parts", where it's either free game (which was mostly the case for 2010s maps, less so now), driven by a script/designs/instructions for what to animate in order to follow a continuity, or its completely storyboarded! animators will each take one part, sometimes several, which vary USUALLY from about 3-7 seconds of time. sometimes people collaborate/split up the work too.
back before things got REALLY intense and the standard of quality in the warrior cats fandom skyrocketed, this was a really good opportunity for smaller/inexperienced animators to find traction without a huge workload, because they only had to animate a couple of seconds. and pieced together it would be one big amv! a little while ago in the wc fandom making maps of scripted aus was really popular, and a couple of sparse people would even do maps of their ocs, and with rise's love for aus/fics being so apparent from my time here my brain automatically correlated the two lol
most "reanimated" projects of scenes of shows/movies are technically maps under a certain theme, but the ones the wc fandom did are popular for being completely original in composition since they were adapting parts of a book. and i swear to god something was put in the water and it was probably CRACK COCAINE because these people are CRAZY JUST LOOK AT THIS!!!!
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sorry of course i had to use the opportunity to plug louixie. genuinely digital james baxter and she makes WARRIOR CATS MAP PARTS
wc community is crazy because as long as you have the patience to write up a script, organize a community, find traction in there, sort through applications, and maybe doodle up a couple of designs you could just get other people to make the amvs you want for you just because it comes from genuine shared love for the source material, and that's magical 2 me,,, even if there are some inter-community issues lolol
#ask#wow is this an infodump#not even autistic i just do it for the love of the game LOL#its sad i dont see this as much in other fandoms! usually when they actually DO exist they come from wc fans anyway#its usually cat-ified/warrior cats aus cause of that lmao#there used to be some other types of stuff but i see way less of it these days ... any fandom maps and oc maps how i miss u
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Every time I forget to update simply plural a really hot girl DIES
#incentive for me to actually do the thing#did system#systempunk#actually did#sysmed#syspunk#anti sysincus
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I hope Missing-Link has parties and group chats and ways to send people gifts and heal each other in battles…
#I know they won’t do the “gifts” one because of players with multiple accounts#but still… let me do nice things with my friends please#Actually I wonder if there will be any sort of “ranking” or competition#you would have to think there will be because that’s the biggest incentive to spend money on medals
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Hi everyone! 💕
I made a Patreon if anyone's interested in supporting me a bit more:
Patreon.com/Darlingsart
My patreon will run more or less like this blog, but with a few extra goodies! Over there, I'll be posting a few more sketches/doodle pages, WIPS, voting polls on what I should draw next, and some speed draws!
I'll still be posting all of my art on here like I always do! Patreon will just be like a little tipping jar so if you enjoy my art and my fics (and if you're able to!), feel free to subscribe to help me out. If not, I still appreciate all of the love! 🥰
#angie.txt#not to get too personal BUT I am unemployed and having a hard time finding work bc of my disabilities#I thought this would be a nice way for anyone to help support me while I write and draw bc those are really the only things I can do atm#so yeah if you enjoy this blog and my ask blog please consider! again I completely understand if you cant#im just glad to have all the love yall already give my work!#and this is really new for me so I'm still figuring this all out#more incentives might be available in the future and higher tiers if this goes okay#EDIT: I did just change some stuff around on there bc I actually don't like the way i initially set it up
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That’s it—if I’m not married, in a serious relationship, or otherwise made a significant place for myself within the society in which I live by the time I’m 25, I’m moving to the UK
#I feel like a ghost in my own hometown y’all#5 months out of college and she’s already losing it ladies#I feel like moving to another country would fix me but like. I’m too broke for that lol#I’ll figure out the logistics when I turn 25#but ig that isn’t much incentive to integrate more bc I am already dying to move to the uk I miss it so much#of all the insane things I’ve considered doing this isn’t actually the most insane—I have friends over there and have an alright lay of the#land#if my dad could’ve gotten a job over there I actually would have moved there when I was 8
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For the micro story ask, how about number 7 (silent fury) for Pete? With your choice of other character/s <3
Ohhh, that's a good one, my friend, thank you so much ❤️ ----------------------- "Hey, P'Pete." "Hm?" "You used to do boxing, right?" "Ah... yes, why?" "What was your nickname?" "My... what?" "The name you'd been given as a fighter. Like how P'Porsche was called The Phoenix." "Well-" "Silent Fury." "Bro, you're not funny." "What? It suits him, doesn't it?" "It sounds stupid and you know it." "It does sound a little stupid, Vegas." "I only meant to emphasize your strengths, Pete." "You did a bad job." "Shut up, Macau." "Phi never answered the question. What was it?" "I... didn't have one." "You didn't? But why?" "No point for a fighter who's bad at his job." "Pete-" "No, I refuse to accept it. We're giving you one right now... Don't laugh, Phi, I'm being serious!" "Fine, Macau. Do whatever you want. But it can't be Silent Fury." "It suits you-" "Hia won't participate in the brainstorming. Only me and P'Pete." "Okay, that's it. No dinner for you." "Will I not get dinner either, Vegas?" "It depends, Pete. Are you going to behave?" "Ugh, never mind, I'm out of here. You started being gross again." "Food will be ready in an hour!" "You better have finished until then!" "No promises."
#ahhh I've wanted to write a dialogue-only snippet for quite a while and this prompt gave me the incentive to do so#(in reality it was the fact that I had no clue from whose POV to write this)#(I hope it's clear who talks when if not my apologies)#(I tried my best)#I do love angst and I did want to make this angsty but the wholesome and funny new-minor-family vibes won over#(although a little angst is there if you squint)#about the boxing thing I'm pretty sure every fighter has a name even the bad ones#but this isn't meant to be taken too seriously#and there is a chance Pete never competed in any actual events and stuff so#I took the liberty to write this regardless of what is actually true#forgive me for the lack of realism hahaha#ok I'm rambling now so I'll stop#thanks again my friend <333#vegaspete#macau theerapanyakul#ask game#yu is writing
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It continues to give me the warm fuzzies that basically every person at work has said they'll miss me. And it's not really utility, even if I'm useful; I am not in a critical position. There are many people who can do the things I do, even if the majority are less experienced. I'm not management, or a lynchpin, just a long-time worker bee.
But people like me, and I just handled a Crisis Situation well enough that the AD took the time to personally thank me, and my manager was like 'not only am I willing to be a reference you can use my personal phone number if that's easier' and even some of the newest additions said they're going to miss me on desk, and I just.
I love my job and my coworkers and it's really nice that the people there know it and love me back.
#I told mom about Crisis Situation#and tonight when dad got home she was like COME IN AND TELL YOUR DAD#and then both of them were like WHEN COMPANY COMES NEXT WEEK TELL THEM TOO#haha#I mean dad did follow it up with 'no you may not drive across the country alone we will figure something out'#I'm gonna work on him about it we tried the thing where all of us are in one vehicle#Tuesday screamed the whole time and mom wanted to kill her and also me#I shall remind him of that#I think he will probably come around#if I could convince someone to come with I would probably make it an actual road trip#'come to TX for the eclipse!'#'we will drive through the deep south and hit some Neat Shit and then go up the coast!'#like you could make that a fun drive#I'm not gonna do the long version if I'm solo tho bc my parents are convinced I will be murdered#which is silly; I have not infrequently been in Situations and strangers have been kind#also the odds of getting strangermurdered for no damn reason are SO low#and the incentives to murder Me Specifically are also very low#and if a white cishet-passing woman dies 90% of the time it's a romantic partner and I'm aroace so like#I really wonder what they're imagining is gonna happen#babble tea (blacklist this for less chatter)#tea writes tag novels
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hiiiii i have returned from the depths of the underworld (self imposed hiatus) (3 week break that felt like 3 years)
#posting this then going 2 bed so i actually have incentive to start posting again i’ve been meaning to for like. two days now LOL#i’ve just been genuinely stressed LMAO but i started reading a new book n getting into new media so things mightttt be okay.#u know its been a wild time if smth convinced me to take a break from tumblr for like a month#n it was lmao. first it was the fatigue then it was the health issues which the fatigue stemmed from#then it was doing work n then it was literally nobody cares am i alive yes am i doing well sure(?)#am i gonna be active WE'LL SEE#genuinely missed my mutuals which is why i was bad at this i still checked in from time 2 time just did not post#im like 5 days off of this being an actual month long break but i was like waittt lemme post smth before#the month ends i dont wanna skip february so yeah#tldr most chronically online person ever thinks that like 3 weeks away from her blog is like 3 years. iam right#my text#🍅🍅🍅 this was a long rant boooooo get off the stage#i probs sound like a hectic mess bc i am anyway goodnight happy bhm happy valentines happy february hope it has been kind
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This isn't actually prevalent and ultimately a non-issue but I was looking through the comments of their older videos and I always feel like it's a bit silly when I see the occasional stray commenter say that &team would be significantly more successful if they were based primarily out of Korea and got int'l recognition when Japan is the world's second largest music industry.
Like any issues with how much more successful they could be has less to do with the country they're primarily based in and more to do with Hybe Japan being kind of incompetent.
#anyways this is just me speaking into the void#&team#andteam#like the reason why jpop isnt more prevalent in intl (read: western) audiences is that the jpop industry doesnt have the same financial#incentives bc they already make a ridiculous amount of profit just off of the domestic market#if looking at it from the perspective of HLJ labelling them a 'global' group that's a slightly different thing#anyways from what i understand theyre actually doing pretty good for such a young group but yeah I think#1. a lot intl fans dont get a lot of insight into what success they do have bc of how insular Japan's industry is and 2. HLJ is incompetent#i also have...thoughts...about the association w/ the idea that catering to intl markets = success but that's a whole other rant
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when it comes to life i keep wondering: what’s the payoff to all this pain???? is there a light at the end of the tunnel or is it just an endless, lonely dark slog all the way to the finish line????
#i used to be optimistic#but so many things have happened to me that i have trouble keeping it up#it feels like i’ve squandered the very few opportunities i’ve actually ever had#and i’m just stuck indefinitely#trying to find an incentive to keep going but it’s really just one day at a time#at my worst it was literally the promise of a soda every day that helped me which is unhealthy#but now i have to take care of my pets and my parents when i can barely take care of myself#before you ask: i do not believe in an afterlife#only the throes of oblivion
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lowkey i keep looking at my own art fight attacks and being like 'damn. this is really good'
#i dont rlly pay much attention to teams/scores but honestly the point incentive i think rlly drives me to actually try new things with#my art that i wouldnt normally do like little animations and backgrounds and more complex shading
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just read about Roko's Basilisk and feel comfortably, dopily ensconced against the infohazard it presumably is by being too dumb to properly understand what it's getting at. "you heard about the potential scary future robot so now it can get you! ""ah, not if i'm dumb as a rock :}"
#it just feels like a creepypasta 'once you've read this it can GET YOU' supernatural thing.#which i know is because i don't actually understand it lol. but. supposedly i should not try. ?_?#my current interpretation of the situation can't possibly be it. must be missing something (and lack incentive to go reread until i get it)#i could devote the rest of my life to trying to understand how to make a benevolent AI and would have no effect on the situation#becuase i do not know how to make that and probably wouldn't be able to even with a life of effort. so idk what beef it would have with me#since i have no *ability* to contribute to its existence. so. idk man i can't help you.
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#went to reblog this post with additional commentary but apparently my drunk (?) lizard brain deleted it????#anyway. perfect birthday. awesome gift plus incentive to actually go frame shopping so I can hang this and my kaneki and goncharov stuff up#in my office so the people I’m in charge of know I’m a nerd#but…I’ve already forgotten what the extra tags were gonna be#probably something something not even my professors spell my name right but this bitch scrapped the first draft to do it right#idk why that’s so important but it is#anywhoooo…#Jhasmine drunk blogs#oooh actually lemme share the nerdies thing in my office#uno momento#audrey#putting that tag because you got it for me even though you don’t watch the show
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is it just me or... are the reputation rewards for fontaine underwhelming as hell?
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#like i guess the crystalfy trap might be useful...?#i don't usually have below 300 crystalflies in my inventory so i don't need it#i just don't condense my resin that much cuz i'm either doing bosses or leylines most of the time#people who are constantly out of crystalflies might find some use out of it tho#but it might end up like the sumeru ingredient speeder-upper thing and be completely impractical to use over just catching them manually#unless you're too lazy to collect them. which is fair enough#i doubt it's actually gonna be that convenient unless it works like the parametric transformer tho#the wind generator looks interesting. but not enough of a draw for me to divert my bounties to fontaine to rush to get it#i hope it essentially works like a mid-air dash forward. or like a wind ring. that might give me incentive to use it over the feather fan#even the wind glider is kinda...#this is just my personal opinion and mine alone,but the asymmetrical color scheme is not doing it for me#my main hope was to get a different blue glider that isn't the wings of companionship so qiu doesn't have to keep wearing the latter#but i don't like how it looks on him at all. the light blue side just clashes too much#and the only characters i have that kinda look good with it are barbara and layla#except for the fact that the wings of companionship match layla's aesthetic and color scheme perfectly#and the dragonspine wings just match barbara way better#it'll basically only look good on focalors#and even then it doesn't look like it'll match her perfectly since the asymmetry on her outfit doesn't look as pronounced#but i guess theme-wise it fits her perfectly so that's probably enough#i'm gonna put it on chongyun for a while whenever i get it just for the hell of it#but yeah. i'm not a big fan of this glider#i'll be not-so-patiently waiting for natlan's glider instead#i hope to god it's true fiery bright red and there's no asymmetrical or stripey bullshit a la kfc glider#i will forever hope for a pink event glider tho#(event glider cuz i doubt they could possibly justify being able to get a pink glider in-story)#(although if they do i hope they do as soon as possible)#(yk what. i wish the reward for maxing out the sacred sakura was a pink windglider and not the teapot realm)#(and they just made the teapot realm purchaseable after the archon quest like the sumeru one)#(cuz that's the literal only place that would've made sense to have it permanently in-game)
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oh i got 3 compliments on my nails at social anxiety group tonight🥺🥺
#also i finally got to talk to the other girl* who's actually in the group#one of the compliments was from her and the others from one of the. um idk what you call them. ladies training to be psychiatrists#part of the appeal of these nails is the are 3d so they are very tactile#also im realising that the autism is also making the Getting Over Social Anxiety hard#bc the social anxiety def came from the autism so. there's things i just don't do and im very adamant about not changing them but#like#eye contact and such. im never going to do that and i think tahts OK!#sorry these tags are like. getting in depth. BUT#ive been like. performing societal norms super hard lately which is not good for my mental health like im out here making a gazillion#facial expressions a day bc idk im stressed outta my mind! idk!#i really need to get my therapist to understand that i am fucked up in a way bc last time I saw her (last week) i said i vaccuumed my room#and she was like wow ur doing gr8! nvm the fact that i still had piles of washing and so much shit to still Pu away#i did clean my room fully tho tonight bc my sister is coming over tmr#but that's bc i wanna set a good example#incentives don't seem to work on her 13yo brain but they do for me! but as i said she's coming over tmr and since im going str8 from work#to pick her up ive left it up til the LAST MINUTE lmfao#but. i did it#OK guys sayonara I'm going to read these tags to my therapist next time i see her tho#diary
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