#in which colt isn't sure what he expected either

[celestiall0tus]

Hey, so I had another idea for Colt in Siren's Song. Maybe the reason he is unable to properly show the level of affection and love expected of a father towards Felix and is so emotionally distant and aloof is because of his own parents. Imagine Siren's Song!Colt's parents would have like how Colt is in other aus. So basically, Colt's parents never really cared enough to bond with him and treated Colt more as a tool/heir to the company. They were very controlling and meticulous with what Colt did and was and wasn't allowed to do, and when Colt tried to go against it, they got physically abusive. This left Colt to have great difficulty connecting with others emotionally. Amelie was able to get through to him since she was able to understand and relate to him, due to having similar experiences herself from her own parents (though less bad). Felix isn't do to understand since he's never met his grandparents on either side of his family (Amelie and Colt, Colt especially, we're very adamant on keeping their parents away from Felix) and was never told about it. On the topic of Felix, I imagine the reason why Colt struggles as a parent is because, since he never had a good role model growing up, he really doesn't know how to be a good father all he knows is to not be like his parent's, which cause him to be distant from Felix thinking he's giving him space to be himself and do what he wants and enjoys.

Hmm, I do like it, and it could blend well with another idea for Colt and Felix I had brewing. More Colt than anything.

I was thinking the reason Colt is distant with Felix and not in love with Amelie and more friends stuck in a legal arrangement by their parents, was how he was born. I was thinking of making Colt aroace with no dreams of having a family or lover, likely being more on the repulsed spectrum of Aroace, as I've not written a sex repulsed ace and haven't written a romantic repulsed aro in some time. As such, when Emilie presented Amelie with the solution to their shared infertility issue (Emilie assumes that was Amelie's issue when in reality, her and Colt haven't done anything) Amelie took the opportunity to have a magic child created with her and Colt's blood. There's be no suspicion should the child not look like Colt and appease both their parents.

As such, yes, Colt wouldn't be like his parents, making sure not to treat Felix how he was, but there is that deep level of disconnect. Because while Felix has been told repeatedly by the grandparents Colt is his father, Colt feels no personal connection to Felix, thus leaving Amelie to raise Felix while Colt was more just in the background, doing his own thing.

At least, that's what I was thinking. LMK what y'all think

[taciteaneremite]

-- taciteanEremite [TE] began messaging estrapadingTrueblue [ET] at 21:37 --

TE: Hey, Joel.

ET: What. Oh.

ET: Sup dude.

ET: Just got back.

TE: That's alright... Uh...

TE: I just have somethin' I need to tell you.

ET: Okay. Everything good?

ET: Havent seen from yall in a few weeks.

TE: Yeah... We're ok.

TE: We're just out on another job.

TE: I'm... uh...

TE: Not really sure how to tell you this, though. I thought I knew but I think I was bein' naive.

TE: So, I'll just say I went and done somethin' pretty spontaneous.

TE: ... A big somethin'.

TE: Me and Little got married.

TE: No big weddin' or nothin'... It was just the two of us.

ET: Spontaneous is one way to put it lol.

ET: Seems like something you would want to make a big deal out of.

ET: Or...

ET: ...

ET: Unless youre being serious for some reason.

TE: You know I wouldn't joke about that sorta thing...

ET: I dunno maybe you would?

TE: Well, I'm not...

ET: Why are you telling me now? Wheres like.

ET: Literally everybody else?

TE: It only just happened... So I'm only just tellin' people now.

TE: I wanted you to be one of the first people to know.

TE: ... But I know I shoulda said something before instead of after the fact.

ET: Its your choice dude. Your life.

ET: Therefore. Its cool.

TE: Is it?

ET: Its gotta be I reckon.

TE: So, it's not.

ET: You tell dads yet.

TE: No... Not yet.

ET: You ought to.

TE: I know... Reckon I'll message them next if I can get ahold of them.

ET: Shouldnt be hard. Theyre always around.

ET: Just a matter of doing it.

TE: ... Yeah.

TE: Joel, if you're upset with me, can you just tell me?

ET: Dunno dude. Thats a p important thing to relay.

ET: Ill have to think on it.

TE: Please don't be like that...

TE: We weren't tryin' to exclude anybody.

ET: But you did and it sucks.

ET: Sorry.

ET: This is stupid.

TE: No... I'm sorry.

ET: Its done C. Youre married now.

ET: Why tf you gonna be sorry enough to go back on that.

ET: Cant and you wont.

ET: Nobodys gonna ask you to jesus christ. Especially not me.

TE: I'm not apologizin' for that.

TE: I'm apologizin' for not considerin' how other people might wanna be included in that.

TE: I still would've wanted to do it the way we did... But I should've let people know.

ET: What else is gonna be done dude.

ET: Now. We just live with it.

TE: Yeah, except you're gonna keep bein' pissed cuz you'd rather be angry than admit you're hurt.

TE: You don't have to "just live with" that, you know.

TE: And I'm

TE: I watch you do this all the time and I'm just so terrified you're gonna push me away completely cuz I made a mistake and you don't wanna talk about it.

ET: Honestly whats the point. Actin like this shit wasnt a long time coming.

ET: You know I wouldnta done it to you right? But what the fresh hell am I talkin about.

ET: Maybe it was just a matter of waiting for the right foothold to come out and straight up say it. You dont got room for any of my bullshit. And I dont blame you.

ET: So Ill just do you a favor and give you your space man. Lord knows you need it.

TE: I

TE: I don't understand.

ET: Nothing else has got to be going through your goddamn mind Colt.

ET: You want your discretion? And you got it. Im not about to bug about it.

ET: You dont get to give me shit when I ask for mine.

TE: It's not about discretion... Yeah, we wanted privacy but it ain't a matter of keepin' anybody out.

TE: I know it's important to people and I appreciate that. I do care about that... And I'm sorry my decision makes you feel like I don't want you to be a part of my life or somethin'...

TE: But I do want you in my life. Of course I do. I'm tellin' you right now.

TE: And if I act ways that seem otherwise it's not intentional and I just wanna make up for it.

ET: Well tough luck bro. I aint here to give you that answer.

ET: But Im sure everyone else or like. Literally anybody else who isnt me might.

ET: Cuz I as far as Im concerned I might as well be anybody else.

TE: Joel... Please don't say that...

ET: I reiterate. This is really stupid and I dont know what you hoped to accomplish.

TE: ... You know what? You keep actin' like I'm the one who shut you out but you won't even try to listen to me.

TE: I'm trying to fix this.

TE: I guess it is stupid to think you'd wanna fix it too.

TE: I'm not tired of your "bullshit," Joel. There's never gonna be a time where I won't come running if you need me. There's nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you.

TE: But I'm just a person too. And I mess up. I don't think it's fair you get to assume you did something to make me wanna push you out of my business, while completely closing yourself off to any attempt at me trying to validate your feelings.

TE: So you can keep acting like I irreparably fucked up and that I don't get to care about how you're feeling, but it won't change the fact you're just running away from it.

TE: It doesn't help either of us.

TE: So I dunno what you're trying to accomplish either.

ET: Guess were done here then.

TE: I guess so.

ET: Lemme know if anything else comes up. Ill be around.

TE: Fine.

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] stopped messaging taciteanEremite [TE] at 00:45 --

[diamondchoices]

Meet the MC

Ride-or-Die: Amaya Decker

- Lowkey resents her dad for his overprotective attitude and never letting her do anything but also completely understands it comes from a place of love

- Amaya's greatest fear is failure

- Being held to such high expectations has led to Amaya developing generalized anxiety, which goes unmedicated as she could never bring herself to tell her dad about it.

- She has never been 100% honest with her dad, despite what he believes.

- Amaya tried alcohol for the first time at age fifteen and smoked her first cigarette at seventeen. She didn't particularly like either of them but like hell she would tell her father about it

- Likes classic rock and pop punk music

- In particularly intense study sessions, she listens to heavy metal. It makes her feel like she's on a quest to do something great and this is her training montage

- Amaya has wanted a tattoo since she was thirteen. She isn't sure how much of that desire is because her dad hates them and how much of it is because she thinks they look cool

- She hates that she finds Colt attractive since he can be such a jackass but damn does she like him anyway

- Mona is the hottest girl she has ever seen, hands down. ("I'm serious, Ri! She's a goddess on Earth. It's totally unfair.")

- Unaware of it until meeting Logan, but Amaya is a total adrenaline junkie. There's no telling what she'd be willing to do once she's on that high.

[mittensmorgul]

I'm not sure calling out Mary for saying "I love you" is entirely fair, or comparing her use of the words to Cas'. Of course she doesn't love Sam and Dean as strongly as Cas does. How could she? She just met them, she's just getting to know them. But I think it's important to remember that even if Mary was raised as a hunter, she was still raised by a very traditional looking family, and the bar for saying "I love you" in a traditional family isn't so damn high. (1/2)

Mary's frame of reference for those words is so different. Mothers tell their children they love them, all the time, for no real reason (I'm generalizing here. I'm aware there are lots of moms who don't do this). Even when they feel distant from you, or they're angry at you, or they don't understand you. I think it says a lot more about what Sam, Dean, and Cas have been through than it does about Mary that in order to say things like that someone has to be dying. (2/2)

Oh, no. I’m not “calling her out” for telling her kids she loves them. I mean, I’m a mom, and I tell my kid “I love you” every day. The thing is, it’s not what I think about the importance or profound meaning behind a casual love declaration like that is. It’s what 12 years of Supernatural has stated this phrase means.

In TWELVE YEARS, Sam and Dean have never ONCE come out and directly said, “I LOVE YOU.” TO ANYONE.

(yeah Dean said it to Mary, while reenacting a scene that had occurred when he was four years old, and he once told Sam-- in his djinn dream-- to tell Mary he loved her)

But as far as we know, Dean hasn’t said those words TO ANYONE in more than 30 years.

Yet I don’t think that any reasonable person could argue that he doesn’t love Sam, or Cas, or Mary... because for Dean the words are meaningless without the proof, and that happens through actions. This isn’t me judging Mary for saying the words, this is how the SHOW ITSELF has established the way Dean understands what it really means to be “family.”

This is how DEAN defines love, explaining it to Crowley in 10.17:

DEAN: Never saw that coming, either. What is it, huh? Why you letting mommy dearest tie you into knots?CROWLEY: Because... We're family. Blood.DEAN: That's not the same thing. A wise man once told me, "family don't end in blood," but it doesn't start there, either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, bad... all of it. They got your back... even when it hurts. That's family. That sound like your mother?

Someone can SAY “we’re family!” until they’re blue in the damn face, but if they then turn around and stab you in the back and expect you to just roll over and accept it “because we’re family!” then... 

I mean going back to 6.21, Cas hadn’t really learned this lesson yet, either. He THOUGHT he had. The whole reason for agreeing to Crowley’s plan to “pop purgatory” was based on the fact that he could leave Dean entirely out of it. He started down this road in an attempt to PROTECT Dean, to leave him “in peace.” And he’d already gone too far down the road, and his desire to keep Dean out of it had already failed.

CASTIEL: I thought you said that we were like family. Well I think that too. Shouldn't trust run both ways?DEAN: Cas, I just can't...CASTIEL: Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call, and I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing.DEAN: Trust your plan to pop Purgatory?CASTIEL: I've earned that, Dean.

Thing is, Cas was desperate here. If Raphael got that power instead, the apocalypse would start right back up and there would’ve been nothing anybody could’ve done to stop it. He was in an impossible situation.

I think Dean even recognized that, because he couldn’t even offer any viable alternative for Cas. He just knew that nothing good could come of Cas’s current plan. Partly because Cas had done ALL of it behind his back.

That’s one reason I’m relieved that Mary has come at least PARTIALLY clean here as early in the season as she did. It means she still has time to turn back and find another way.

She also doesn’t have the fate of the universe resting on her choices here, the way Cas did when fighting the war in Heaven. There were real stakes involved back then. If he lost, the whole planet would lose.

Mary’s not fighting a war. Not a real one, anyway. And yet, without planet-ending stakes on the table, she’s demanding Sam and Dean trust her choice to work with the MoL, despite what they’ve already experienced about working with them...

And she’s basing her demand that they “hear her out” on the fact that “they’re family.”

Which for Dean is just a different way of telling someone he loves them. People have to EARN that designation, even if they’re blood.

It’s fine for her to say “I love you,” and it’s a biological fact that they’re family. But to Dean, there is a difference between family and ///FAMILY///, and Mary’s violated one of the biggest rules for him:

She didn’t have their backs. She chose the people who’d been party to Sam’s torture over her own sons. And when the whole truth comes out about her part in 12.12, and what she’d really been sent there for... I think there’s going to be a MAJOR sense of betrayal.

Sure, she had no idea things were going to go so horribly wrong there, but if she hadn’t been lying in order to prevent Sam and Dean from finding out the truth about her working with the MoL, they would’ve been able to prevent that entire situation from happening in the first place.

And even AFTER all that went down, she STILL went back to work for the MoL.

That’s just not, in Dean’s definition of the word, what family would do.

All the words in the world can’t make up for her choices and her actions if it hasn’t changed anything. No amount of “I love you’s” can just make that betrayal disappear if she doesn’t actually do anything to demonstrate the fact.

Mary learned that the MoL had given her “bad intel” that nearly got Cas killed and DID get Wally killed. But she accepted Ketch’s apology and went right on working for them. Not only that, she handed over the Colt. If that had been Dean, he would’ve walked away from that arrangement. Like he did after Samuel tried to feed him and Sam to ghouls...

Samuel was “family” too. What would Mary have thought of his choice to resurrect her at the expense of her own sons’ lives? THAT’S NOT HOW WE DO FAMILY AROUND HERE!

Yet, that’s exactly how Mary’s choice to keep working for the MoL feels to Sam and Dean here...

Granted, Samuel had never known Sam and Dean before. They didn’t really mean anything to him. The fact they were Mary’s children was sort of an abstract concept to him. Mary was all that mattered to him.

That’s... kinda monstrous, no?

It’s this twisted bargain to bring back Mary at the expense of Sam and Dean’s lives that made it impossible for ANYTHING Samuel said to overcome that. In 6.16 (granted, it’s while he’s possessed by the Khan worm, but still...)

SAM Put your gun down.SAMUEL What you gonna do, son? You're not gonna shoot me. You got your soul back. You gonna shoot your own family?SAM Yeah, I wouldn't go with the family thing. Try again.

And then later, when Sam is feeling guilty for shooting Samuel:

SAM I don't know. I mean, I barely remember him, and what I do remember – it's not good. And what he did to us...But...DEAN There's a "but"?SAM I mean, I just can't help but think...What would Mom say?DEAN You know what I think Mom would say? She'd say just 'cause you're blood doesn't make you family. You got to earn that.

And just... in the show’s own shorthand, saying “I love you” and then turning around and going right back to work with the MoL are two contradictory things. Saying “we’re family” but then announcing you’ve been secretly working with the people who’ve hurt your family all along negates the family sentiment.

Yes, Mary wants a chance to explain, she wants Sam and Dean to hear her out, but I don’t really think there’s anything she can say to make her choice to continue working for the MoL okay. If at the end of 12.14 she stays on the MoL’s payroll, it would be as bad in Dean’s mind as Samuel feeding them to the ghouls.

And no combination of words can fix that. Only actions can.

One week after the earth-shattering weight of Castiel’s “I love you,” Mary’s casual and repeated use of the phrase despite having kept up this betrayal, combined with her pulling the “we’re family” card when she confessed... and then proceeded to “explain herself...” Well, this had better damn well be one hell of a weighty explanation here to justify those words, at least to Dean.

I’m just saying that the show has instilled both “I love you” and the concept of “Family” with far more meaning than they’d have to anyone else on the planet. To Dean (and to Sam, and even to Cas), they know and understand that these are not terms that are thrown around lightly. And the show has demonstrated over and over again that Mary doesn’t yet understand this.

This will be her “teachable moment.” 

[bldrdsh]

There it was. HE'S HARDLY surprised, but he had a feeling so it doesn't exactly shock him when the answer he gets is effectively what he had expected to begin with. An exhale comes and he watches him with arms crossed over his chest. He isn't sure he's going to enjoy this as much as Colt insists he will, but he's willing to give it a shot.

"Costumes? Really? Why costumes?"

GRANTED he knows the second the words pass his lips what the answer is going to be, but he feels stupid not asking considering the fact that he has a sinking suspicion that was part of this 'magical' halloween night that Colt had planned. He glances up and after a second he sighs.

"Alright alright, I already agreed to it, stop being a dead horse, before I change my mind–I'm watching you with this costume nonsense, so help me god if you pick out something weird I'm going to zap you."

He has a feeling that this is going to wind up being the case either way considering the fact that Colt seemed entirely too excited & entertained after Karter had agreed to this in the first place, which only further exasperated his worry. HOW HALLOWEEN was this about to be?

Colt couldn’t help but smirk at Karter’s clear hesitation. He leaned casually against the wall, arms crossed, watching the other man with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, I may have had something in mind," he said, dragging out the word to emphasize the playful mystery. "You didn't think I’d suggest a night off without a plan, did you?"

His grin widened, leaning in slightly as if about to reveal a secret. "We’re picking out costumes. You know... masks to hide our identities." He gave Karter a knowing look, his tone dripping with irony, but there was something soft about the way he spoke, like he was trying to ease him into the idea of letting loose.

"Trust me, it'll be fun. No crowds, just a small Halloween party—low key," Colt added quickly, sensing Karter's reluctance to be out too long. "And hey, if anyone starts getting too close, they won’t know who we are. Plus, if it all gets too much, we can bounce. But... you might actually enjoy it."

He gave Karter a wink, pushing off the wall with a lighthearted chuckle. "So, what do you say? Ready to embrace the magic of Halloween... and maybe get a little creative with a costume?"