#in which case...you'll have to say smth else. idk

[fideidefenswhore]

everytime a weird tory monarchist is like [X] hobby isn't manly/‘kingly’, you can remind them that henry viii did it because he probably did (he did almost everything...except fucking another man. probably.)

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

hiya.

you can call me v, like the english letter. i'm 24 and a professional user of they/them. i'm black and an nb aroace lesbian. which is a mouthful, so i just like to say queer dyke or eldritch lesbian. they're synonymous for my identity.

this is a blog for talking about my physical shit, neurodivergence (autism + adhd), mental illness (C-PTSD, DID, OCD), and my experiences being black and queer. it was originally just gonna be for physical shit (and still mostly is tbh) but y'know.

i've got funny b

i might talk about S, L, A, and M a lot on here. S is my therapist, L is my previous case manager, A is my current case manager, and M is my APN :)

uhh idk what else to put here. my pfp was emu otori for a while but now it's rui kamishiro bc he vibes with me a lot tbh.

i also sometimes post general project sekai shenanigans here; it's less fandom stuff (i have Anxiety), and more gameplay. proseka is smth i can see visible progress in and therefore gives me comfort. i also just love vocaloid and have since high school. if you're curious, i'm at a point of practicing Expert difficulty, getting through 23s easily and learning 24s and easier 25s :)

likes come from elsewhere.

boundaries + fyi

if you don't wanna see my vents, you can filter "#v is venting". that's my neg tag.

i don't have a dni because the kind of people i'd have in my dni wouldn't respect my dni anyway. but i do not have the time, energy, or fucks to give to people who engage with me in bad faith in any sort of meaningful way. you'll probably just get ignored. i also block liberally.

sorry if i tricked you into thinking i'm a pjsk acc i just hurt a lot and enjoy the viddygame and think i'm funny. v unfortunate combination

respect my banners please lol. i really don't like when my posts get derailed and like it and blocking are the only ways to get around that and i'd rather TRY being polite first lol

any posts that have any emoji other than 💛 (which isn't a sign-off) are me keeping track of who was present with me/who i was when i made a post, just because it's helpful for me. no, i will not be giving specific information about those parts. it literally makes no difference to you.

more stuff will be added and removed as needed.

[gokartkid]

maxiel— lawyers au (max recently said he would be a lawyer if he wasn’t a driver lol.. idk it made me think of succession au even tho not rly related but similar vibes!!)

this ask is actually perfect because did you know my comfort show forever and for life is suits XOXOXO

max as a first-year-associate on that GRIND (put to work doing all the research that everyone else doesn't want to do) and daniel's just a bit higher up in the food chain re: he keeps coming over to max's desk to chat to him which max is at first like can u pls shut up and let me work 😭 but then daniel is yk eating his salad talking shit and he looks over maxs shoulder and says hey wait-- look. thats a major discrepancy (because when max talks as well he is listening, while he's making fun of him!)

daniel giving max tips and tricks re: yeah no dont even try talking to helmut if you see him have more than 3 coffees in the morning lol not worth it you'll get shut down. DO talk to christian if he's got his door open, and especially if he's had a meeting with toto-- he'll be so out of it he says yes to anything you ask about

max staying late because FUCK he has to get this pro bono case done and it, like, sucks, and he still doesn't know what the fuck billable hours are-- and he thinks he's all by himself until daniel rocks up with a pizza and is like. STOP. right now. you need brain food, like, yesterday. come on. ill help you out (working thru the night in the case library oooh)

daniel fucking it up in a trial and-- he's having a crisis suddenly and suddenly MAX is the one that can help HIM because "daniel of course I have been following your case you've been so stressed and look-- on page 28 there is this clause--" and they winnn!!! or whatever. im not a lawyer btw

max clearly getting on the partner track and daniel is getting. defffinitely feelings for him but they are-- also definitely discouraged from having relationships within the company let alone-- like, daniel doesn't want max to get any weird nepotism or fucking-your-way-up accusations and theres like a drunken moment where they kiss maybe, and max is suddenly like oh! oh wow i have feelings for daniel, whereas daniel is kind of at the end of this journey of "yup i definitely 100% have feelings for max. fuck. fuck fuck fuck." (also like. homophobia or whateverr they work at one of those pinkwashing rainbow tick companies but yk very "oh we have a gay employee (one)" :))

and so daniel... leaves! VERY shock news because ppl were like, oh suuurely he'll become a junior partner at some point in the next few years-- and its like, rlly shocking AND he has to not work for 3-6 months or smth because of sensitive client info and like, he has to start new at this new company (renault vibes) now and max feels like, horribly betrayed because obviously daniel didn't talk to him about it and-- why didnt he talk to him about it???

and daniel gets caught up in the move and sorting out his life and everything as well so he barely has the time to talk to max or to contact him or anything let alone like, examine his feelings now that a relationship would be POSSIBLE. anyway long story short: max feeling betrayed, daniel trying to see him again but only managing to do it in passing at like, trial overlap times they have and max is avoiding him because to HIM thats the clearest rejection you could get! (can't think thru a reconcile now but they do, and its hard, but then theyre lawyers in love or WHATEVERRR)

send me an au and ill make up some headcanons!

[pixeljade]

Idk. I mean on the one hand threatening the CEO while saying "I wonder what itll take to get me banned" DOES fall under Play Stupid Games Win Stupid Prizes, but. I still have a lot more sympathy for Predstrogen than Photomatt in all this.

I get that threats of violence are never okay but enforcement has been alarmingly selective over Tumblr's history. Yeah Photomatt blames that on an "external contractor" but that doesnt let Tumblr off the hook imo, thats still a choice you made. You DECIDED to contract with them, and therefore you should take some responsibility, and not just shrug it off as someone else's doing. Foisting responsibility onto others is a very VERY childish move, up there with naming a company after yourself!

The reality is, as a trans woman online, I've been chased off one platform after another, while watching cis people who do the same shit as me get away with it endlessly. I got doxxed by Nazis on twitter way back when, you wanna know how Twitter protected me? By recommending I block the user. I got harassed so heavily during that era that I ended up having to delete my account, setting back my career YEARS, just to get a bit of peace.

Now here on Tumblr I've been slightly safer, but I still get death threats, suicide suggestions. And I've had a LOT of those continue on without a hitch on technicalities. "Technically they didnt tell you to kill yourself, they just told you to join the 41%, which could mean ANYTHIIIIING". 🙄 Still, I gave them the benefit of the doubt, because my work and life experience has shown me that moderation of communities is a tricky thing: make one move that could be viewed as overstepping policy or making exceptions, and you open yourself to lawsuits. I know this, I have written policy and enforced it in different spaces.

But the answer in these cases is to update your policies to clarify, not to continue blindly following these bad policies. And, in situations wherein a person with a platform DOES seem to be sending death threats over a genuine misunderstanding, maybe try talking it out with them first??? Does your policy not take that into account Photomatt? Every policy I've ever seen on user code of conduct allows for discussion. So why not just talk it out with Predstrogen and clear up the misunderstanding instead of deleting her account and threatening to call the cops on her?

@photomatt that post comes across to me (and seemingly the greater trans community here) as immensely tonedeaf. Predstrogen made a frankly extremely unserious "threat post" about you (car covered in hammers? Really? This sounds like a real threat to you?) most likely angry over some misunderstanding over the management of this site (something which transfem people are IMMENSELY on guard regarding because well, have YOU SEEN THE NEWS LATELY), and you decided to react by hitting her with a ban, no appeals allowed, and *threatening to call the cops on her*??? It straight up feels like you didnt even try to empathize, to recognize your privilege, to understand, none of that. And you may be thinking reading this "I shouldnt have to do that while being threatened!" But again, the threat example you use is not one which is really actionable on Preds part. Its a *joke*, albeit a poorly chosen one.

I did see a post this morning that said "if Photomatt saw the kind of death threats I receive daily he'd throw up" or smth to that effect, and god thats the truth here. If you want to prove otherwise then stop this crusade and talk it out like an adult.

Or you can just ban me too. If ya do you'll be setting back another trans woman's career. In case he does, mutuals, find me on bluesky, @cosmotropic.bsky.social! Because frankly I wouldnt be surprised if the lashback here causes another purge. Photomatt, do better or not, you have the choice here.

[fleshrenderturbine]

idk why hes poking at u for being childish and edgy lol. bro has no place to be like "hurrr ur edgy" when he's a stereotypical gore-loving sanrio and gloomy bear edgelord

Big unintentional tangent coming up, i've got nothing to do this hour so I ended up spilling feelings/reminescent thoughts from the day But yeeeeeeeah I mean there's nothing wrong w/liking said things, I AM edgy and proudly cringe to be fair but i tend to flip flop between dark aesthetics and then weird angelic surreal aesthetics because. It's cool. It's what I identify with personally for a variety of reasons. As for the roblox + childish quip, I never got to enjoy dumb games/stuff like roblox as a kid and I think there's smth nice with indulging in little happy stuff as an adult, like yea i have my dumb happy indulgent side but I also am heavily focused on self-improvement outside of this, obviously like everyone else im also flawed but I really like tackling it and im finally doing better in life now after my own escape with abusive family, but it was hell to get out of and I also got lucky. I might complain about my past (it was bad and ofc i have residual problems, its still fresh) but i do acknowledge that besides the problems said past has loaded me with mentally, im doing much better for myself now and almost completely individualized, I drive, work, and am pretty independant despite how childish i may appear, sure. But on this topic again iirc Spencer age regresses and stuff + plays roblox too. A LOT of adults play fortnite, minecraft, roblox ect nowadays they're just stupid fun games, idc. As long as ur not being weird on the platform cus good grief roblox is bad with that.

People will hound and pick apart anything for insults-sake just because they dont like you despite anything ironic about it, and it really shows here. I can dig into him if i wanted to and embarass the fuck out of him w/what I know, but it's old and I dont think reflects his current persona despite him playing down how big it actually was to look better. You can tear just about anyone down if you know how to depending on what material you have to go off of, all I did was change my desc to a link to a song I liked, threw on a pfp, and bam they rip into it.. which despite how tame / relaxed my main is, it just goes to show that I was right to remain anon. Regardless I won't go out of my way to insult like that, just bluff about it (obviously). There's truly nothing constructive in insulting that kind of thing and anyone who has eyes can see the hypocrisy even if they like the guy but won't say it. That itself is embarassing to anyone watching. This is off topic, but while I'm here im still cringing at the "if you wanna talk to him you'll have to go through me ):<" big baddie viktor persona or friend or alter in his account whoever that was attempting to intimidate me. Wow. Now IRONICALLY the problem to me is that if I spoke directly, i'd be chill + almost too chill despite how harsh i've been here. I have a side of myself that is very, very dedicated to helping the right people if they listen and genuinely wish to help themselves. I helped myself escape my situation ofc, helped my partner, I helped 3 people deemed irredeemable elsewhere, (arguably who didnt need help, and I understand why theyd be hated for xyz plus i'd emphazise to them that if they want to change, they have to see what others hate about them and agree its rational. I dont believe in people becoming the worst versions of themsleves and hurting others in the future if it can be stopped) I generally know how to help people look for resources but sometimes it is really hard depending on your personal case. That said as well i can also be rage bent and chase anyone who I think escaping, identifying with the same behavior after knowing better, and choosing to be miserable. I LOATHE people like that and it absoloutely shows. I'll reiterate on this but I used to be similar to him until my 4th and most effective therapist called me out on it. I was pissed initially but then overtime i learned that damn ok, she's actually right. I blame a lot of my own personal growth on her help. Sometimes being 100% gentle isn't going to work but neither is beating someone to death ofc. I also think there's a difference between sugarcoating vs. dead-honest critisism, I like the latter. This is going to sound harsh but generally; I dont want you to prove to me how inhibited you are or how bad you have it to make a point to me and garner sympathy from those around you. There's been enough of that. It's def good to vent but theres a difference here im trying to make clear - after a select few instances, its very obvious for me and others that Spencer has learned how to profit and gain a following from acting pathetic, lying, and playing up what he seems to go through to garner an overprotective circle in a way. Its good to have a support group, always, but this feels different. IM NOT SAYING HE WILL REMAIN THIS WAY. I HOPE HE DOESNT. Im simply calling it out and im sure despite the song and dance on main he knows what i mean.

I want to see motivation to grow instead of choosing to wallow in misery, it might suck for awhile to brave through what you're enduring but you'll thank yourself later for sure. My talk with ybt also showed to me that I dont think these people know what they're doing w/resources, honestly. But again what I want to see self respect and TRUE admittance to ones mistake. People do not know how actively damaging it is to choose to play up their misery to a level thats unrealistic and isnt actually reflecting what they're going through for pity/donations/etc. (disclaimer, I will say a lot of the time you dont even know you're doing it but i have reason to believe he should know) i've been that way myself before, so I do know what it's like. I just got very lucky with my resources last year and someone irl who helped me out. I have a bad habit of also suddenly becoming way too soft when communicating with people like this. Probably bcs due to [insert disorder here] and i'd take on the "oh everything is ok now!" type of tone and regretting it later like i have before bcs I will fail to really hammer in what I need to, thus rendering the conversation ineffective and possibly being taken advantage of. I'd go on but itsssss.. intricate and tedious to get into. I can ramble forever if im given the stage. Whoops.

[ravenekrops]

RUFF LORE RAZ LORE AAAAAA HI IM SORRY! Good on the teens for not telling! I think! ma'am hunter please razzis firend:( the transformations are cool!! but also i don't really know what the right thing to do here is.. ruff is dangerous but if they like contain him with science or smth idk or imprison razz altogether it would be really bad and:(((( how did he even end up there?? was razz born with him? so so sorry for taking a while!!! im still here!

yee, good for them! this way they gain his confidence in a very solid way, and he'll be eternally grateful to them. he really values when people genuinely put their trust on him :]

i do have the scene where the hunter finally catches Raz kinda figured out, but it needs more polishing before i post it here ehe. you'll have to wait for that one :3c

there's really not a "right thing to do" here, this isn't a heroic story with an obvious, predictable happy ending and a lesson to be learnt. not saying this won't have a happy ending either! i just prefer to keep things more original and realistic than your regular fairy tale. complete happy endings are very rare and hard to get, a lot of things have to go well for them to occur, so i want to aim for the more tangible "lesser evil" kind of ending. let's cross our fingers so things end up well!

Ruff is only dangerous because it feels trapped and restrained by Raz. imagine if your entire existence and mind was constantly being drowned by someone else. you too would desperately try to claw your way out of the darkness...

i don't believe science can be used to contain the supernatural in this case, those two don't mingle well as far as scientists know. or maybe they just haven't found the correct way to approach it...? it remains a mystery for now 🤷

i have an idea as to how his childhood was, although i'm not sure about it...

the idea would be that his biological parents were killed by a werewolf while he was only bitten, after which the werewolf was able to revert back to human form before killing him too. seeing the massacre that he had created, the man inmediately regrets his actions and takes Raz with him, deciding to take care of him to repent for what he had done. this man is the one who gave Raz his name, and he takes care of him until he's a toddler, living in the wilderness as he's been doing for a very long time, away from human contact. one day while his adoptive father is transformed and Raz is in his human form with him (maybe playing or having Raz habituated to his big form), some hikers spot them in the woods and inmediately call for help, thinking that kid Raz is in danger of being eaten by a wild animal. he gets killed while protecting Raz as he manages to transform and runs away.

days later he is discovered in a different town by an old man cowering inside his chicken pen, shivering and covered in blood after having eaten several chickens because he couldn't find food on his own (i have this scene engraved in my mind, i might end up drawing it and all 👁️👁️). the old man and his wife decide to take him in. after a few days they learn that the kid's a werewolf and despite being scared they still decide to take care of him, convinced that they can properly teach him to not be dangerous. they are obviously wrong, as you can't tame a werewolf by external means, he's too dangerous and they're too fragile to be able to properly help him. after an accident in which one of the old people gets severely hurt by him, Raz ends up running away when he's around 15, becoming officially homeless.

that's all i got for now! i definetely need to keep going, i'm so curious to see what happens next, hopefully just as much as you are! the story is out there, waiting for me to uncover it. i can feeel it....

[skopostheorie]

hey i hope this doesnt come across as antagonistic or in bad faith bc i genuinely do like you as a person and have followed you for years but that post you made about thinking you were bi for being attracted to transfems is a wildly bad look. im a lesbian and have been with transfem and cis partners and like i dont know but. i think that is your own trasmisogyny out in the light. bc cis gay and cis lesbians and cis straight people have trans partners too and associating genitalia with attraction isn’t smth ive seen solely associated with bisexuality at all. in fact ive actually only seen terfs say it when they say theyre bi but “only attracted to women and trans women” (yes there are terfs that date trans girls can you believe this shit)

like im genuinely not trying to accuse you of anything but I do think that line of thinking was transmisogyny on your part and idk it’s just fucked up to me a trans guy had that line of thinking bc I feel like other trans people should know better then to associate what’s in your pants with attraction . a cishet woman dating a trans male is still straight and a cishet man dating a trans woman is too. same with cisgay people with their trans partners. idk. like please reconsider how you view transfeminine bodies bc I feel like someone that held such a transphobic line of thinking for so long should not be making “women and real women” jokes

Hey anon, I appreciate you taking the time to send this to me, and it doesn't appear antagonistic at all - to the contrary! Nonetheless I hope you can understand what I have to say to this. It wasn't Literally Only being attracted to trans girls that made me think I was bi - I've dated several boys before too, mostly because I was hoping it would "fix me" and turn me back into a girl. Every time I'd get quite distant from the guy at best due to not actually having any true interest; once I accepted I was not going to be "fixed" I was able to be happy as a straight guy.

It was merely that another factor was being told that straight people tended to have genital preferences, and the fact that I didn't was probably thanks to being bi. It was not the cause of me thinking I was bi but a large part of me thinking it was my only option as far as self identification is concerned. For all I know it is only TERFs saying this is the case, but that would mean just about every well meaning cis person I know is a TERF which seems.. wildly unlikely? This is coming from like. My guy friends who will reassure me "there's always bi girls and straight girls who don't care, no reason to think you'll never find a girlfriend" etc etc. I doubt any of them even know what being a TERF means. It is also just a proven fact that most het women don't wanna date a trans guy - IIRC the stats sit at something like 3% of het guys wanting to date trans girls and 1% of het girls wanting to date trans guys, and I'm sure the stats go lower when asked about if they haven't had bottom surgery. That sort of mentality makes it very easy to think not having genital preferences is largely due to being bisexual.

As such, I feel the issue of miscommunication here is a confusion of cause and effect? The conjecture that lack of preference made me bisexual was effect, not cause, of my former bisexual identification.

If I am genuinely transmisognynistic due to having missed the point somehow I welcome being told how and what I can do to remedy it, as I take that stuff incredibly seriously. In addition, I'm extremely sorry for any transmisogyny I have perpetrated in the past or present, as that's totally unacceptable and not what I stand for in the slightest. This notwithstanding, that post was seriously just one facet of a wildly complicated story and the stuff I choose to say on a whim online is by no means the whole picture, and making character judgements like that it like judging a stranger for how they act on a bus.

Thank you very much, anon. If there's something else I need to address please let me know.

[blueboltkatana]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.

Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.

Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:

So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.

Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.

I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.

Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.

I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.

Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk

Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.

With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.

You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.

The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.

(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2

Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.

I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.

I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.

The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.

Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.

This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.

You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.

Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.

The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.

Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.

Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.

Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.

Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.

Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.

Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.

A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.

With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.

Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.

The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.

Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.

With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.

This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.

Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Episode 12 is 24 mins long, its the longest one yet please tell me theres something here thats not just filler

Its the same day as the previous episode and shes walkin around, doin what she always does and interacting w/ the villagers, I think we'll just show this as a kindof montage

I feel like she hasnt been interacting w/ Emmalyn since she moved into her own house, maybe they have a lil girls afternoon at Emmalyn's or something to distract her

Then we get the scene w/ Logan at the plaza, which plays out like it does in the OG, I might adjust Aphmaus dialogue to be a bit more irritated n shit. I also might lead into the scene by having one of the villagers be like "ay, this merchant isnt selling stuff, what up w/ that"

Once shes done w/ that, she goes to check on Brendan again and has an exchange w/ Garroth thats slightly different than the one in the OG, I mainly wanted him to say that he and the Brightport doctor helped Brendan bc yknow, he was there too. I would still like to have Garroth being good w/ injuries as a trait though, bc hes a guard and I feel like it makes sense for him to know how to handle them

Also, at the end of his plea for Aphmau to stay here I'd like to add something like "And I ask of you, please rest. You look... tired."

Okay, ive decided that Aphmau doesnt have a hamster, rn she just has her cat so Im cutting this subplot about the hamster growing istg if that turns out to be important

So yeah, Aphmau leaves decides to check on Zenix and asks him if he's feeling alright bc yknow, hes about to go chase not!Zenix and he seems like a dangerous fella. Their convo starts the same sans a few tweaks, Im extending it a little and adding more of a back and forth so it seems more like normal human interaction, and Im cutting that bit where he asks her to make him three arrows bc thats another one of those things that makes sense in a Minecraft RP but not really in any other story

Logan has set up a makeshift archery stand like in the OG and Aphmau approaches him but his dialogue is a bit different bc yknow, Zenix actually does have a bow and arrows here. Maybe he can instead mock him for being really bad at archery, saying smth like "A real knight would know how to use more than one weapon!". Maybe that could even trigger some kind of fight between Zenix and Logan bc Zenix is not standing that far away from him. Idk, I feel like quite a few of these convos really need to either be longer or feel less like they take place in a vacuum where no one else can hear them, but I'll worry about that when I polish this a bit more

In any case, ya girl is too tired to deal w/ this so she just interrupts them like "Hey, Zenix, do you mind showing me your archery skills" and so he does and he sucks ass which is. not great. And Aphmau is just like "ahaha, yea, you, youre not good... hopefully you'll get better though 👍 im leaving, have a nice day" and then she leaves and goes to rest at home

Man, I feel like some of these episodes are just so nothing, I hope i can rework them into something thats a bit less hard to pay attention to. And again, a lot of these issues just come down to "theyre trying to tell a story in Minecraft, but it currently just comes across as a playthrough of a fantasy openworld rpg in the worst way possible" but stilllllllll, i have a really low attention span man :(

I also get why theyre taking it slow in the beginning, I also want to take it slow so that the audience can get attached to this place and the people in it so that its like, tragic when shit starts hitting the fan but ughhhh idk what this is man