#in which I am overly and unnecessarily verbose

[adickaboutspoons]

Thank you for taking the time to wade through my ridiculous tag novel and replying so thoughtfully and kindly. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is in fandom to find someone who doesn’t take a disagreement of interpretation on a topic as a personal attack. I’m glad you love talking about “The Plan”, my v. dear, because I do too, and Brevity? I don’t know her.

So in re: Ed worrying about whether he would fit into Stede’s clothes - the thing is, Stede’s clothes aren’t nearly so well-fitted or highly tailored as you might think. The reason Stede wears all those layers in the hot Caribbean sunshine complete with frock coat (other than because that is what the well-dressed gentleman is wearing) is to hide the fact that a lot of his clothes are split up the back and fit is achieved by means of tightening laces. Here’s a bts pic of Rhys that demonstrates what I mean:

But you can also see it at work in the back of Ed’s Academy breeches:

It’s the reason why we’re meant to understand why Stede was able to clothe everyone from his wardrobe during the Tea Party scene from slimmer body types like Jim and Frenchie to larger like Olu:

(Who wore it better? Though, to be perfectly fair, it’s clear to me these are cut from completely different pattern blocks and only made to seem as though it’s the same garment)

Fit through the thighs is a simple matter of taking in or letting out the seam allowance at the sides and inseam - a simple alteration that, (in spite of Pete’s assertion to the contrary) as sewing was a normal part of a sailor’s skillset, would have been easily done. Fit at the knee is a simple matter of moving the placement of a button on the cuff or loosening or tightening a buckle.

What I’m saying is that Ed has no good reason to suspect Stede’s clothes wouldn’t fit at least well enough to get him to a tailor for any more complicated alterations. At worst, he might have to worry about whether they're the same shoe size.

With regard to “disfiguring beyond recognition”, a fire that consumes, at the very least, the head and right arm sufficiently enough to render the body unrecognizable, but somehow leaves the identifiable clothing unscathed is… unlikely. And even if that did pass muster, there’s still the matter of body hair. Stede’s (presumably unburned) leg, pubis, chest, and left armpit hair are still going to be yellow. Or at the very least NOT black.

Why would someone disrobe the corpse? Well, an excellent question, but one I would answer with another - WHOM is the corpse FOR? To convince Ed’s crew (minus Izzy, who is in on The Plan)? Well, waste not want not with good leathers. An enemy that invades their ship? Why would they take the word of a bunch of pirates that the corpse is Blackbeard and not just someone dressed up in his clothes with a highly improbable pattern of burn marks? (Not to mention the truly gruesome things that people used to do to the bodies of enemies of the state). Was he planning on somehow letting people get a good look at him in his distinctive clothes on a ship he was raiding, sneak off during the heat of battle and dress up the corpse, and hope to sneak off without being noticed?

And that’s the thing - it’s not just the corpse part of The Plan that reeks. It’s just a bad plan. Certainly not one worthy of the genius of Blackbeard. Consider:

Why take over the identity of a guy who, presumably, has already mixed in society at least to some extent, instead of making up a whole new identity? It's not like he needs Stede's money; Ed already has more money than you can shake a stick at (though look me in the eye and tell me the man who, within 24 hours of waking, shared with Ed his secret wardrobe, the very clothes off his back, a pleasant night's sleep in the main top, and breakfast of his favorite marmalade, wouldn't just GIVE Ed money if he asked for it). So the only benefit of taking Stede's identity for his own is what doors the Bonnet name can open for him. But the cachet of the Bonnet name isn’t going to automatically grant him entry into high society spaces. He can’t, for instance, show up at some fancy party and say “I’m Stede Bonnet. Of the Bridgetown Bonnets?” and expect to be granted entry. For that he would need either a letter of introduction or a shared acquaintance. 

And you can be sure that, even if the host permits entry based on no more than a promise of shared acquaintanceship, the first thing they’re going to do is send off a letter to said acquaintance with news and commentary about “Stede Bonnet’s” conduct. Ed might have moved on by the time the reply comes stating “My dearest Cecily, what ARE you on about? Mysterious dark looks? Stede Bonnet is FAIR!” but before long, word would spread that there is an imposter trying to pass himself off as Stede Bonnet amongst the rarified set.

And that’s the BEST CASE scenario. Suppose there was someone else in attendance who already knew Stede? The game would be up before it even started. And how dangerous to rouse the ire of people who can afford political influence by claiming the identity of one of their own. Ed would be jailed for fraud or sentenced to death for murder before he could blink.

Supposing he didn’t want to try and insinuate himself into other people’s affairs - suppose he just wanted an excuse to buy a lovely manor-house by the sea and quietly retire? Well. A gentleman of leisure is still expected to receive visitors and host gatherings. Does he trust that Stede would be able to sufficiently  impart ALL of his training-since-birth to navigate those social situations? Because, no slight upon Ed’s considerable intelligence intended, a few weeks training is not sufficient time to cover every contingency. In fact, Stede’s training had ALREADY failed him the night of the Boat Party, and I mean before he even had a chance to select a single wrong spoon. Ed was already seated at the table when the rest of the party started to file in. Apparently Stede neglected to inform him that there is a very strict protocol for the order in which the party is meant to enter the dining room, based on where one falls in the hierarchy of social standing, and that an accountant would surely have been among the last in the procession.

“Well how is Ed supposed to know all this junk?!” I hear you cry (or not; I don’t know you well enough to put words in your mouth). That’s kind of my point. Ed is a genius. He knows well enough that there’s plenty that he DOESN’T know, and couldn’t hope to anticipate. How much BETTER an idea, if a gentlemanly retirement is all he wants, for Ed to invent an identity of his own design, and keep this man that has captured his fascination around to write all those letters of introduction and advise him when an unfamiliar scenario arises? After all, who’s to say that the corpse, if a corpse there must be, HAS TO BE Stede?

Izzy. That’s who. The Plan only really makes any sense if you’re trying to sell it to someone who HATES Stede Bonnet. Who needs a plausible reason why you’re going to be spending ALL your time with him. Who is so accustomed to your brilliant plans and so shamed by his recent failure to trust you that he won’t interrogate the merits of This Plan too closely.

Because here’s the thing - at the beginning of ep 5, Izzy monologues that they’ve been on board the Revenge “nearly a fortnight.” That’s fewer than two weeks from the moment Ed scooped Stede up from the deck of the Spanish ship (or, more likely, had a couple of his heavies come rig up a stretcher. Whatever. You get where I’m going with this) and set him to recover in his own bed on the Revenge to “Stab Me” night. Let’s look at that timeline more closely.

Let’s generously offer Stede one whole day for his fever to break, and then we have Lighthouse Night. After “a few days of training” (so let’s say day 4), we have the raid and the Boat Party. At which Ed suffered a humiliating setback, and nothing could be clearer that he’s going to need a whole lot more training before he can reasonably pass himself off as a gentleman. And now MAYBE a week later, Izzy is demanding that Ed gets a move on with The Plan and send Stede to “doggy heaven”? Under any criteria that’s an absolutely bonkers timeline (For comparison, I was once part of a small team sent by my company to transfer a small part of the workload from a branch in Indianapolis. The projected timeline at the beginning of the trip was one month. I ended up being there THREE months because there was just too much shit to learn. And that’s just one small cog in a much larger machine - not the work of a lifetime of breeding). If The Plan all along was to kill Stede and take his place, all Ed would need to say is “Chill your oddly sculpted tits, Iz. The trial-run with those toffs on the party boat went to shit, and I need more instruction before I’m ready.” If The Plan was only ever to placate Izzy, though, THIS is the moment of critical failure, and the point at which a New Plan needs to be devised.

I DO think that when Ed said “It’s my mess; I’ll do it.” that he fully intended to kill Stede himself. But NOT because that had been The Plan all along. Because Izzy had just smarmed up to him on deck and said, “I’ll happily end it.” creating the crisis point at which a New Plan needed to be initiated. Ed has every reason to suppose that if he doesn’t do it, Izzy will, whether Ed wants him to or not. Izzy had demonstrated himself to be insubordinate multiple times. His problem-solving approach is v. much of the blunt tool variety. Right now he views Stede as the Problem to Solve. And Ed is RIGHT in his supposition; just look at what Izzy does the INSTANT it becomes clear that Ed is not going to go through with The Plan.

At this point, The Plan is v. much about What Izzy Wants and Izzy has made it clear he’s going to get What He Wants one way or another. What agency Ed has in these circumstances is deciding How It’s Going To Go Down. I genuinely think he thought he could make himself do it. After all, the murder of his father was an act of mercy to the person he cared about most; his mother. If HE is the one to kill Stede, and Stede IS going to die one way or another, then he can make it another act of mercy; he can at least make it fast and relatively painless, and make sure Stede doesn’t have time to be scared or surprised, as opposed to whatever Izzy has planned for him. That’s why he raises the dagger behind Stede’s back behind the curtain. It’s an act of love.

Just one last note - the music cues during the conversation about The Plan are what really seal the deal for me that it was Never A Thing. Ed and Izzy briefly discuss retirement and how it’s not a thing in their line of work, and then, as Ed start to spin out the idea of a corpse in Blackbeard’s clothes, the dark cello of the Blackbeard theme begins to play. When Izzy tells him “You’ve still got it”, Ed spreads his hands and gives a little bow. In this moment, he is PERFORMING Blackbeard for Izzy. The instant he turns his back, the strummy guitar of “The Empty Boat” starts playing instead, Ed lets out a tiny sigh and just looks. SO. Done with everything. You know - like he told Stede he wanted to be done with being Blackbeard. Right before they started playing dress up.

All of which is to say, I fully respect your interpretation of events and I don't need you to agree with me. Lord knows I have plenty of dearly beloved headcanons based on far less actual text (Lucius in the walls; Olu came to the Caribbean on his Grand Tour, lost all his money in a rigged card game run by Jim's long-lost brother, who was abducted and raised by the Siete Gallos and now is an enforcer in their ranks and married to Spanish Jackie, etc.). I just wanted to spell out (exactly, with excruciating detail) why the "Always a Plan" hypothesis holds no water for ME.

all the posts abt the clothes swapping that are like “these fools just speedran all the important dating tropes the first day they met each other” or “can’t believe ed made stede get into his right leather pants like the man is recovering from a stab wound” or “they’re playing dressup like little kids” are cute and like i agree but like

i feel like i’m one of the only people who watched ed start to explain his plan to izzy at the end of e4

and after watching how ed pondering the shape of the clouds was him assessing the weather and how ed making lucius count down was him keeping track of time until sundown,

heard ed say “he’s wearing blackbeard’s clothes,” and IMMEDIATELY thought “oh my god ed wasn’t just goofing off when they swapped clothes. he was checking if stede fit in his leathers”