#in truth I always wanted to play cello too those people were so cool

[siredcrab]

laughing because I saw a video that said violinist are like the Regina George of the conservatories

[iamkidfish]

OMG. That one! That one! We need a continuation to the lips chasing with a little “grabbing the other’s hand to pull them back to them” added when they inevitably talk about the kiss. This needs to happen. I’m am dying for this now!

part 2 of the truth or dare fic!

Leah finds her at the waterfall, hours later.  

It takes her longer than usual for a variety of reasons: Dot holds her back from stumbling off into the high grasses that buffer the sandy beach from the woods, the gummies are still reeking havoc on her decision making, but mostly because, apparently, Fatin is fucking fast when she wants to be. Leah’s never seen her run before (she has a vague memory of Fatin refusing to run the mile in freshman year gym class, telling their teacher “shin splints really won’t help my chances at Juilliard but I guess you want to destroy my career before it starts”), but after Leah pulls back from their stupid Truth or Dare kiss, evidently it was so terrible that Fatin turned into a world class athlete and sprinted into the woods. 

So yeah, it’s late afternoon, by Leah’s most accurate guess, when she finds Fatin sitting on a rock overlooking their waterfall. She thinks back to the first time they found her at the waterfall, all those weeks ago, and how different her own relationship with Fatin was: tentative friendship or volatile in a way that usually blew up in both of their faces. Honestly she can’t really imagine the Fatin who smeared blood on her face would be the same girl whose hands were shaking as she kissed Leah, but she supposes if she’s learned anything in the past year, in the past two months even, is that people can change quickly on you. 

“You gotta stop running away like that,” the unspoken from me weighs too heavy in the air for the calm, cool, collected feeling Leah is trying to convey. It’s a little hard to be casual when you’re trying to confront the girl who ran away after she kissed you on why exactly she ran away (or even kissed you) in the first place. 

“Well, you should stop finding my hiding spots,” Fatin says with a small, twisted grin.

Despite herself, Leah smiles. 

“Maybe you should find better spots to hide,” she fires back. This is easy, Leah can do this, can do casual, can participate in witty banter to distract herself from the feeling of Fatin’s lips on her own. Distract herself how Fatin had kissed her and then left. 

“Nah I can’t be too elusive. Don’t want Dorothy stressing too much and sending another search party after me,” Fatin says easily. 

Leah thinks back and realizes that Fatin never saw, never knew, how utterly destroyed she was during their first time looking for Fatin in the woods. Sure, they had made their peace after and then it shifted and solidified into friendship, but Leah never told her how the others, even Dot, wanted to turn around, to give up on Fatin, but she was the one who made them all push forward and keep looking. 

And it hits her now, all at once: maybe Fatin wanted Leah to find her at the waterfall. Knew that Leah knew to go to the waterfall to find her. 

It makes her so dizzy that she has to sit down, but maybe that makes the whole thing worse because now they’re on the same eye level and Leah can’t even tell what Fatin’s thinking. 

She decides to go for it, because not knowing is worse than just straight up rejection.

Leah Rilke has been called a lot of things (crazy, psycho, bitch, a combo of all three), but never timid.

“Fatin, why did you kiss me?”

God, Fatin won’t even look at her now and Leah knows the rejection is coming, can feel the sinking pressure folding up her insides like clothes in an air-tight vacuum seal. And really, she brought this upon herself. Because she’s always been good at loving the wrong people, loving in excess until her entire being is consumed and she’s drowning under the weight of it all.

“You heard Rachel and Toni, it was just for fun, no strings attached,” Fatin says, but what Leah hears is you’re just another warm body, just another person for Fatin to fuck.

Actually, maybe she lied. Maybe rejection is worse than not knowing.

“I don’t really do the whole ‘no strings attached’ thing,” and fuck, Leah’s not going to cry in front of Fatin. 

“I know,” Faith says, “and I’ve always done ‘no strings attached.’”

It’s too much. Leah stands up abruptly, would rather not look Fatin in the eyes as she snaps Leah’s heart in two. There’s no point in this, she’s heard enough.

Fatin luring her all the way out to the waterfall just to say she’s not interested is a new low. She’s made her intentions clear; Leah doesn’t have to stick around in the carnage, waiting to get hit by debris.

She turns to leave, takes two steps, before a warm hand is sliding between her fingers.

“Wait,”

Leah doesn’t know what causes her to snap, just a little, but she does. (Maybe it’s the way she remembers the feeling of Fatin humming into her mouth, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the base of Leah’s head, the way her expensive perfume lingered on Leah’s own clothes and how she can smell it, even now.)

“What Fatin? Don’t you think my life’s already fucked up enough without you rejecting me?”

Fatin doesn’t even deny it. In fact, there’s something like a smile on her face. Leah hasn’t seen her have this much nerve since their early days on the island.

“Girl, you need to get your listening comprehension skills checked.”

What the fuck? Maybe she accidently says that out loud.

“Did you not hear the contraction? I said I have always, not currently.” Fatin pulls on Leah’s hand and she lets her. They sit back down on the rocks overlooking the waterfall. 

“I still don’t....what?” 

Fatin huffs like it’s a chore to explain how thoroughly she’s rejecting Leah, like she’s annoyed at her instead of the other way around.

“Do you remember that guy I told you about? The one from Smart and Final?”

“No,” because how would Leah differentiate between him and the tens of other guys that Fatin’s mentioned on the island. Then, there’s that itching, gnawing, feeling that starts at the back of her head and Leah thinks back to the first night on the island, after they buried Jeanette, after the alcohol burned the back of her throat. Tries to remember—

“You lost your virginity to him,” she says dully. 

“In the front seat of his mom’s Honda Pilot,” Fatin looks off wistfully. “Sorry, not the point.”

“Fuck, I’m really fucking this up,” she cringes and well, Leah doesn’t totally disagree. “Look, yeah we hooked up and he took my virginity or whatever but that doesn’t matter. I loved him, like really loved him. And maybe that’s stupid because we were fifteen or the way my parents were, but fuck, I loved him.”

Leah makes a noncommittal grunt because hearing about a guy that Fatin’s had genuine feelings for? It makes everything stinger a little sharper. 

“I was so excited to have a boyfriend but my mom shut it down as soon as I was skipping rehearsals to see him. Gave me this whole speech about women and success and how men will always be there but opportunities won’t,” Fatin rolls her eyes.

Despite herself, Leah feels her lip twitch into a smirk.

“I know, not very female empowerment of her. Anyway, I got the message: no boyfriends to distract myself from the cello. And the next best thing was sleeping around, but not because I wanted to, but because it was easier. If there’s no feelings in the first place, then you can’t get hurt.”

Across from her, Fatin takes in a shuddering breath, “but that was before the island. Before you, Leah.”

Oh. 

It never occurred to Leah that Fatin wanted to kiss her, for reasons (and feelings) completely unrelated to their stupid party game.

“So that’s why I freaked out and came here, not because it was a bad kiss, because I knew it was a good one, but it kinda solidified everything for me, feelings wise.”

“You have feelings..for me?” Leah blinks, not really believing the words that are coming out of Fatin’s mouth. 

Suddenly, she’s aware of how Fatin’s still holding onto her hand, has been for this whole conversation. 

“There it is,” Fatin says and Leah can’t even be mad at her, not really.

“So, if I kissed you now, strings attached, would you kiss me back?” Her voice comes out small, barely audible over the sounds of the waterfall. 

“Yes,” Fatin whispers. 

Leah leans in and Fatin leans in and Leah’s not too sure who makes contact first, but then suddenly they’re kissing: slow and hungry and desperate. 

Fatin was right, their Truth or Dare kiss was good, but this one is so much better.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Evanescence's Amy Lee Talks Musical Evolution, Growing Up & Life Under Quarantine

The frontwoman opens up to the Recording Academy about the hard-rock mainstays' forthcoming album, 'The Bitter Truth' and its lead single, "Wasted On You"

The current coronavirus quarantine has turned out to be a mixed blessing for Evanescence leader and singer Amy Lee. While she is elated about the new music her band is producing for their first album in nearly nine years, they have to figure out how to finish the project being apart. They also had to postpone touring Europe with Within Temptation and cannot interract with their fans anytime soon. That feels ironic given the anticipation for their new release. At least Lee did not have to face being separated so soon from her five-year-old son Jack and explain why his mother had to go away on tour, and she got to jam virtually with Lzzy Hale on the Halestorm song "Break In." At the same time, Lee admits, her immediate family members are driving each other a little bit crazy. That's to be expected.

Lee and her bandmates have been adjusting to the circumstances. They decided to change the choice for the lead single off of their forthcoming album The Bitter Truth by swapping it out for the song "Wasted On You." Thematically, however unintentionally, it feels like now and features all five band members in their own homes engaging in various activities from contemplation to playing music. The video is very fitting for a band whose singer frequently channels inner emotional turmoil that people struggle with alone. Thus the clip feels like a natural extension of their work.

"Yeah, this is the place I always put myself in," concurs Lee, speaking on the phone to the Recording Academy from her home in Nashville, which fans are seeing for the first time through that video.

"Most of us in the band are very private," notes Lee. "Showing my home is a big deal for me. Just being our real selves without makeup, just living in real life, not acting. What's powerful about that is that everybody around the world is doing the same thing. The idea behind it was to show that at our core we're all still connected even though we're not physically together."

When she saw the first edit of the clip from director P.R. Brown, whom she praises highly, it made her feel very connected to her band. "I missed them," admits Lee. "I pulled the trick on myself, feeling all these emotions about being close to you guys and how we're going through the same stuff. I guess it was going to be effective because it totally worked on me."

Given how depressing life feels for many people right now, Lee believes that new music is extremely necessary, and there are new Evanescence songs still in the making. The Bitter Truth is not actually finished yet, and Lee is not sure how many songs will make up its entirety. Individual tracks will just be released when they are and eventually be collected as a cohesive whole.

"I like living in the moment, and I don't have it all planned out," says Lee. "And that's beautiful. We always wanted to do it this way. It's lucky because we got to continue down our path. We went in for the first batch of songs with Nick Raskulinecz in the beginning of February. We have that batch, but I'm not sure exactly when we're all going to be able to get back together again since we live all over the world. Jen's in Germany. But whether we're going to have to do some things remotely, we still have to get together to some degree."

Usually, the band records new music and it takes a year or so for it to reach the public's ears. They started working on "Wasted On You," a break-up song of sorts about freeing oneself from routine and toxic patterns, the day before New Year's. Sharing it with fans and getting feedback so soon after it was completed feels like a gift of instant gratification that they find special and rare.

Naturally, many fans have been anxious for a new Evanescence album, but they have continued to snap up concert tickets and have remained loyal throughout the near decade-long duration. "It's not like they got pissed off and left," remarks Lee. "They still want it whenever it's going to come, and that's a huge gift. Especially now. There's just so much music out there that you can only find if you're searching for it."

Lee has continued making new music over the last nine years. Following her emancipation from her previous label Wind-up Records in 2014, she jumped into many new projects. The first was the Aftermath album that served as the soundtrack to the movie War Story starring Catherine Keener as a war zone photojournalist. That was done in collaboration with cellist Dave Eggar, who also worked with her and producer/composer/drummer Chuck Palmer on music for the 2015 short film Indigo Grey: The Passage by Irish/hip-hop dance troupe Hammerstep. The musical trio further collaborated on scores for the documentary short I Am Her (2016) and the feature film Blind (2017). In 2016, inspired by the birth of her son two years earlier, Lee did an album of children's music songs entitled Dream Too Much.

Such diversity should not be surprising considering that at the core of Evanescence swirl goth, metal, and pop sounds that commune without overriding each other. This makes the band less easy to tag and simply reflects Lee's diverse musical tastes. Last year, they released a cover of Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain."

"I like a lot of pop music," says Lee. "I like a lot of dark, trippy, trap-pop weirdness. Even if that just comes out in the way that I'm crafting a melody, it's there for me enough that I feel it in the way that I want to feel it. Then all those other elements that play a role, like cool guitar riffs and things from other genres, it's when it all blends together that it really sounds right. That's a picture of who we are."

While she knows people certainly expected certain new music from her, Lee has needed to scratch that creative itch that led her to such outside explorations. She felt that denying herself these opportunities would make her feel like she was not being true to herself, even though her fans craved a new Evanescence album. Lee felt compelled to work on that "weird song idea" or collaboration with a cellist. "If I don't let myself do it, then I get frustrated," she concedes. "There was something else I needed to get off my chest first."

The singer and pianist mentions that when she was pregnant, she thought her mom phase would outweigh work, but her need to create only got stronger because it was such an emotional time for her.

"Up until the week before Jack was born, I was working on that Aftermath album which was so great because it was moody and weird and creative, and it didn't all rely on the same old tricks," recalls Lee. "A lot of it was instrumental. People want me to sing a ballad. I actually wanted to play the piano live with Dave [Eggar] and write as we play and record that, then create the song that's totally weird, electronic, Africa-inspired. There's all kinds of weird stuff on there."

Ten months after Jack was born, a lot of emotions were welling up inside of Lee, which naturally led to Dream Too Much. "I just felt like I had a whole new chamber of my heart that started up that I didn't know about before, and I needed to express it," she elaborates. "Weirdly, becoming a mom made me need to create a lot more. There hadn't been an all original Evanescence album until now, but it's just been everything else." She chose to jump onto all of those "someday, I want to do..." projects.

When Lee did return to making music with her main project, it was for 2017's Synthesis album featuring Evanescence songs reworked with a full orchestra and electronic music elements along with two new songs and three instrumentals. She notes that many people thought that that release was a clue as to where the band's music was heading, but in fact, it was the opposite.

"Because we got to do that very different thing, I felt so motivated and inspired to run the other direction and really dive headfirst into the rock part of our music and our current sound as a band," says Lee. "I think allowing yourself to do all the things that your heart wants to do as an artist is just healthy. It's not like there won't be more fuel inside you that's going to want to create more the next day."

The long break between albums certainly helped feed her fire for the band. Further, Lee's artistic life has been augmented lately by two special musicians. The first is aforementioned cellist Eggar, whose resume includes The Who, Josh Groban, Beyoncé, Carly Simon, Bon Jovi and Manhattan Transfer, has been a great collaborator for her.

"He's just got such a bright energy and is so encouraging but also really, really talented," enthuses Lee. "He pushes me to the next level without it being painful, if that makes sense. We were talking about wanting to make a documentary of his life because you just sit down and listen to him talk about stuff like living on a beach in the south of France and playing a million dollar cello."

On the recommendation of Eggar, Evanescence guitarist Jen Majura came into the fold back in 2015 following the departure of longtime member and songwriting collaborator Terry Balsamo. She is the other key player.

"What I've learned over the years is the harder thing about finding a person that's going to be in your band family is the way they fit as a person," explains Lee. "There are a lot of people that can play amazingly, and Jen is a great musician, but for somebody to really fit into your family dynamic is hard. I called her and flew her to New York, and we just spent time together. We went to guitar shops, went to lunch, got drunk, and had conversations about music and jammed a little bit. But mostly it was just becoming friends, and it happened really quickly. It just felt right. We knew that. I knew that I liked her, and I could see things in her that reminded me a little bit of myself. It's been really nice to have such a cool jolt of positive energy that she inserted when we needed it a lot. Now we can also have background vocals. We've never been able to have that before with me being the only girl, and I wanted it to be a female voice."

Circling back to the new song "Wasted On You," there is reference to being "six feet low" that reminds one that on first two Evanescence studio albums there was one song apiece that referenced Lee's late sister, who passed away at the age of three when the singer was six. It turns out that Lee recently lost her younger brother, who died at the age of 24.

"It's really hard," says Lee, turning somber for a few moments. "This has been a crazy time, the last few years. A lot has happened to us within the band. Since the last album, there's a lot to say. We are still who we are, but there have been things that have caused us to change our perspective, and the way that we see the world, the way that we see other people, and the way that we think because of the losses that we've suffered. I'm speaking in plural because our bass player Tim just lost his stepdaughter."

Lee adds that this has been a time during which, in so many ways, she had to grow up and didn't want to. "I just want to be a kid again," she concedes. "I just want to be a kid with my siblings and my mom and dad, and somebody else I know at the end of the day is going to take care of it. Somebody else is going to be the dad, somebody else is going to be in charge. It's a really shitty thing that when you grow up, you have to be the one who does that. You have to be the one to make everybody else feel okay. And sometimes it's not okay. That's the bitter truth."

This moment dovetails into the Recording Academy's recent conversation with Tori Amos about how one does not really understand another's pain unless they have experienced it personally. And a person does not need well-meaning but cliched platitudes from others to deal with pain. They just need to process it in their own way.

"That's a huge part of this band and making music for me from day one," declares Lee. "I just need to process the fact that I hurt right now, and not say, 'But it's gonna be okay.' I still have hope after all, but I think it's important sometimes just to say, 'Hey, I hurt' and let that be the message because other people are hurting too. Instead of being fixed immediately, we need to process our pain, we need to feel the pain. It's important. It's part of what is eventually going to let you get through it. The only way out is through."

That concept might seem anathema to many people caught up in a social media and mass media world where everyone wants to put on a happy face and does not admit to feeling wounded or defeated.

"Right, we don't show the pictures," acknowledges Lee. "I don't Instagram when I'm having a horrible day. We're just showing little clips of life when something was awesome, so when you look through that window into somebody's life you're not getting the full picture. You're just getting the highlight reel. That isn't real."

Funnily enough, the music and videos of Evanescence represent the opposite aesthetic. They show when they are not having a good day.

"That's true," concurs Lee, laughing out loud. "You just listen to my album, and you hear how horrible everything is."

At least that emotional sincerity has allowed her to produce some timeless tunes, with more on the way.

[papas-con-aceite-y-mucha-sal]

abri-chan ha respondido a tu publicación: abri-chan: The only problem with Shinji x Kaworu...

It would be very shallow to ascribe his personality faults to his depression. There are depressed people that are not “shits”. The rest about bitches and sluts is just biases against females. Doing what she wants, doesn’t make Asuka a bitch. Sleeping with who she wants, doesn’t make Misato a slut. You can argue there is no such thing as a “slut”, just people wanting to control your freedom. Anyways, those are both great characters. Cannot say the same for Shinji.

Misato doesn't even sleep with other people apart from Kaji as shown in the Ep #19 when Kaji sees her smoking after having sex, and she comments how she only does that after sex so he's the only one who knows this. There's a certain incident with Shinji in Ep#23 and later with EoE but even that (an act which would have had terrible connotations and consequences had been consumated; the only proposition is enough of an issue, I am not trying to excuse it) went nowhere. She could have had sex with Makoto and took advantage of him thanks to his crush on her, as it was something she knew, yet she never did something like that. (Makoto’s very cool dude too.)

And sure, even if she had slept with every adult around Nerv she'd be in her right of doing so. That’s not the point. The point is that she still doesn't adhere to a 'slut' definition if we define that as 'sleeping with many men'. I’m not saying that’s neither good nor bad. What I’m saying is that label is wrong.

Asuka being a 'bitch' (taking the definition as bitch as ‘an annoying/whining woman just for the sake of’) is not a good definition either. When Asuka is ‘yelling’ at others it’s mainly because she’s in a stage she’s either a child nor an adult and then acts like such (and some of those times people know better and don’t feel personally attacked, see for example Shinji and Misato reactions at the beginning of Ep #16), she’s resorting to her main defense mechanism because she feels threatened, or a combination of both (there are also others reason and this is summarizing a lot, of course, but this isn’t an Asuka analysis). And she feels threatened by Shinji, very. Or to be more exact it’s her vision of Shinji what’s threatening her, what’s threatening her position as the best pilot, something she has been working for her entire life. With Rei is the same with the addition Asuka’s projecting herself onto Rei. Asuka as well has been dragged and used by other people her entire life and didn’t mind dying when she was a child as long as it was an order from her mother, just like Rei is a tool for others and didn’t mind dying as long as it was an order from the commander. Misato takes Kaji away from Asuka, and that’s one of the reasons once Misato and Kaji are back together Asuka and Misato’s relationship goes to shit (from Asuka’s part, she either ignores her or gets mad at her without listening to anything). You could go on and on but as I said, this isn’t an Asuka analysis. She still has many good points and her good moments such as when she complimented Shinji in Ep#15 for playing cello, or took both the Children and Misato to a cheap enough place for Misato’s poor wallet, and to a place where Rei could eat with them knowing she’s vegetarian (in Ep#12). Her slash towards characters like Shinji or Rei is more of a defense mechanism than an act purposely done to hurt them. She’s living as she’s learnt. Is her attitude excusable, or even healthy for her? No, it isn’t. But it’s understandable. Calling her 'a bitch' is unnecessary. Kinda misses the point. 

Rei being a 'doll', being 'cold' or 'emotionless' isn't true. She's someone who has been one with the HIP since her very birth. It's her reason to exist because it’s for what she was created. People never gave her anything else so she only does what she can, the few she has learnt. Did you see the kind of place was she living in? Yet I don't see you replying to that part, you've blatantly ignored her. Rei’s a very important, strong and good character. Should I assume you are implying Rei is like certain people love to paint her then? A submissive, emotionless robot? A non-character? Even when she ended up getting out of the hands of the person who made her out to be like that in EoE and did her own thing? Even when she refused orders of retreating in Ep#23?

I feel the same with Shinji. That's my point.

For Anno, Misato/Shinji parallels were a very important point of the show. So let’s see.

Misato went mute for two years after 2I, a traumatic event where she lost her father and watched everything being destroyed behold her eyes.

Shinji not only had to suffer the events of the first episodes: getting in a huge machine where he felt all its pain shortly after arriving into a new city, fighting Angels (from what he got flashbacks and other typical symptomatology of PTSD), the change of the environment, reopening old wounds with her father, etc. He later lost first his friends, then Rei, then Asuka broke down, then Misato broke down too, then had probably one of the best times of his life (’Before with my sensei, everyday was a calm day, I did nothing, I just lived’) once he met someone who said he could be loved, that he was worthy... and had to kill that same someone just shortly after. Shinji had to kill a human that felt exactly like him (’he was like me and like Ayanami’). A human dying was something he had tried to avoid since Ep#3 with Toji and Kensuke, in Ep#6 with Rei (he went running to her once he had the opportunity and nearly burned his hands to get her out alive asap), in Ep#10 with Asuka (jumping into the magma with no special protection when even Asuka was having troubles being equipped with it to save her life), in Ep#18 with Toji again (where he claimed he preferred his own death over the risk of harming/killing him), yet he finally killed another person. That was when he finally lost all touch with reality. 

He later watched the 3I unfold behold his eyes and entered in the entire world population’s conscience.

I don’t think I need to add much more.

>It would be very shallow to ascribe his personality faults to his depression

But many of them, for not saying the majority of them, ARE a cause of his poor mental health. Again, this is not an excuse, this is an explanation. This is a kid who grow up with depression since he was four, five at most. And then you have PTSD added in the top of the cake. He even has actual phobia towards people according to Schizo/Parano, it’s what’s written in his profile. I’m not good enough at Japanese but it more or less says ‘from the shock of both the death of Yui and the abandonement of his father, Shinji grow extremely introverted and developed an interpersonal phobia/anthrophobia’. You can see this in how Shinji is always seen alone by himself feeling an incredible and bottomless loneliness, in all of those times he's seen with people and yet he prefers to maintain a certain physical distance from them, mentally complains about the noise they make or how alienated he feels (Ep#12), rejects them, or runs away from them (the entire Ep#4, all the times he hides he’s awake to not establish conversations, etc).

>There are depressed people that are not “shits”

First, there are many types of depression, and secondly, everyone gets affected differently because everyone has an entire world inside of them, so they have different internal variables. It IS a mental illness, and because it affects your mind, it makes you do shitty stuff (or do you think Misato making advances towards Shinji in Ep#23 is something she would have done had her been mentally fine at that point?). That much is truth. Any psychologist you ask, or any psychology book you consult, will tell you this.

Were those people living in a both post-apocaliptic world while fearing a new apocalypse, experienced death of a mother at three, abandonement of a father at four, grow up with a distant tutor, were commanded by their father to pilot giant robots, and went through all I’ve already mentioned during the Misato-Shinji parallelism?

And, if Shinji is 'shit', then how 'shit' are the people who have shaped him as the person he is (as Rei points out in the last two episodes, you’re shaped by your bonds with others)? Even the person at charge of him for a decade didn’t seem like he cared enough about him. We only see he made him play cello, but Shinji doesn’t even know things normal kids do at his age: simple things as swimming (Ep#16), how good it is to have a family (he is envious of Asuka, believing she had it, Ep#22) or how the warmth of another human feels (Ep#26). As it was pointed out long ago, everyone around Shinji had their own problems: they all 'carry a wound in the heart and a sickness in the soul’. But many of them knew how messed he was and can be accused of negligence because of how blatantly obvious is the only thing they needed was the pilot, not the person, and thus acted as such. They can be accused of the same when it comes to Rei and Asuka, of course. 

Do you see now how tricky all of this can get? Things in Eva are not black or white, and I don’t think the show is written for people to think it is. It’s too complicated to simplify it like that.

I'm not trying to excuse his actions nor I excuse the actions of the others. As I’ve said many times in this post, it’s an explanation. Does Shinji have bad traits? Yes. Is Shinji a good character? Yes. He shows both bad and good traits, and he's well written; he has a solid character arc. He goes under character development (both regression and progression) and under character analysis in a couple of chapters, and in the end reaches a conclusion, a very positive one actually. If there's something the last two episodes teaches you is that you can always get better, and that things can get better as well. Of course, you have to work for it.

To end with, I think there's definitely something worthy in the awful mess that Shinji is when Adam decided after meeting him humanity was worth saving and, few time later, Lilith decided that he was worth enough to become a God (again, EoE).

[lordhenry]

survey 41

How are you today? Not bad. Today is so over—it’s 2:30am right now. I went out for a change, tried a new coffee shop, my boyfriend had enough time to talk to me, and I transferred most of my русский notes from my tiny notebook to a bigger one. I felt productive.

What are three instruments you’d like to learn how to play? I already play guitar, but I’d love to learn cello, piano, and drums.

Do you think pineapple belongs on pizza? Nope. I don’t even like pineapple on its own, but I love the juice?

Which one of your parents do you think is smarter? My dad is academically smart; my mum is street savvy.

Which season’s colours do you look the best in? I love the autumn palette, but I don’t know which season’s colours I look best in and I don’t care.

Have you ever had a professional make-over? Yes, for prom.

What’s your favourite way to style your hair? I barely style my hair because I simply don’t have the skill. I like to just keep it down or throw it up in a bun or a pony tail.

What irritates you about your daily life? People around me. Sometimes life itself.

Could you come up with 100 random facts about yourself on the spot? Lol I wish I was that self-aware.

What are five things that would make you happier? Overall good health, to be where I want to be, with the person I want to be with, have more money, and have some fucking direction for once.

Do you ever curl your hair? I have a curling iron, but have only used it twice. I don’t have the patience tbh.

Have you ever straightened your hair for a dance? Bold of you to assume I dance. No.

Have you ever worn cat-eye glasses? Sunglasses, yes.

Who have you been missing lately? My boyfriend. I haven’t seen him in nearly 7 months now.

If you were a fantasy character, would you be a warrior, a mage or a rogue? Definitely more of a mage even though I’d like to be rogue lol.

Who is the most wonderful, amazing person in your life right now? My boyfriend is literally the only one who makes me want to even live.

What’s something repulsive in a member of your own gender? Pulling each other down. Women can be so envious and would go after one another just so they can be “better” ugh, I hate that shit.

Do your pets sleep next to you at night? My cat used to sleep next to me, but then now he sheds way too much and it goes absolutely everywhere so he sleeps on his mat instead.

How often do you use online dictionaries? Every time I encounter a word that I don’t know the meaning of. Every single time. I cannot just read past something that I don’t know the meaning of—it’ll drive me nuts.

What about between Pepsi and Coke or Sprite and 7Up? I find Pepsi awful. It’s like watered down Coke. I actually highly dislike Coke (or sodas in general) but I’d still rather drink it than Pepsi. Sprite is like Coke in its intensity and 7Up is its Pepsi equivalent.

Do you care what kind of toilet paper you use? Yes. I always get the Andrex quilted ones with more plies. I hate the flimsy ones because I just end up using more in the end and it’s not really environmentally helpful.

What colour of roses do you find the prettiest? White.

Do you think religious leaders just like to manipulate people? Radical ones, and also misinformed ones that can really hurt people. Reminds me of an FGM documentary that I watched where someone challenged the Imam to find where in the Quran does it say that vaginas need to be mutilated. He couldn’t find it!!!! Makes me so mad that people would do such a barbaric thing and pass it on as “part of their religion” when it isn’t and was just passed around as word-of-mouth, not religious fact, and they just took it like that without questioning it. Like, first of all, if your religion is condoning literal mutilation and not giving you your basic rights as a human (women’s vaginas are sensitive and you shouldn’t be cutting off the clitoris and stitching up the hole!!! this is life threatening AND we’re allowed to feel pleasure too!!!), you need to start questioning it.

Look to your left and name the first three things you see. Luggage, perfume, printer.

What is your favourite thing to drink? Cold water, coffee, masala chai, and freshly squeezed juices. 

Name three places in the world you would like to visit? Japan, Greece, Spain.

What was the last movie you saw at the cinemas? It was that Dog movie. I forgot the title. It was my little brother’s birthday so he chose the film to watch even though I really wanted to see Alita lol.

In a house fire, what three things would you save? Idk I’ll definitely just grab my 2 cats and then whatever else I can get that’s got value to me.

What scent is the deodorant you use? Unscented. I use a natural crystal spray.

Do you use body wash, shower gel, or soap? Soap first on its own, and then body wash with a loofah.

Have you ever been so lonely you cried? What made you stop crying? Yeah, the first two months of me being back home. I was finally with family, but I felt lonelier than ever. I got so used to being on my own and then only living with my boyfriend. It was peaceful and I loved the life we had together, then all of a sudden I’m back to the way it’s always been and I just felt lonely despite actually having more people around me. I guess I got used to it so I stopped crying over it after like 2 months of intermittent crying lol.

What would you say is one of the best songs you’ve ever heard? The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin. I want it played at my funeral.

Would you ever consider getting breast implants? Nope. Fake titties just don’t look good to me. They don’t look like they feel good either.

When was the last time you kissed someone? Are you dating that person? 23rd August 2018, the date of my flight, ughhhhh. Yes, still.

What is the most expensive thing in your bedroom?  This Prada bag in front of me.

What does the lead singer of the band you’re listening to, look like? I literally don’t know. It’s just one of those songs I listen to but that’s it, nothing else by the same musician so idk.

At what age did your parents start trusting you alone with the opp. sex? I don’t know because they have always trusted me. People often describe me as trustworthy to begin with. Late this year I’m moving in with my boyfriend for post grad and they’re cool with that. 

Are you sexually active? How long have you been that way? Not really because I haven’t even seen my boyfriend for nearly 7 months. How long uhh just since early last year.

What was the most romantic moment of your life? Err probably when Z and I went on a day trip to York because strolling down the beautiful streets, I kind of got hit by the fact that wow I’m dating someone? haha. I’m going on dates? Weird. I never fall in love ever but now here I am.

What’s something that most people don’t know about you? Errrr that I’m not actually half British? For some reason I kind of just assume my friends know that my English dad is not my biological dad but then I get shocked that they get shocked to find that out like hello are you not seeing me I mean idk I don’t rly look half white to me?

What does your last text say? "Alright” to my little brother.

Do you think you’re pretty? Yes, on good days and when my skin cooperates with me. But when I think I look ugly, I look really ugly.

What is your current relationship status? In a relationship.

Bluntness, do you like it? Not so much the bluntness, but the honesty. If you can say the same thing in a better way without compromising truth, then do so.

What is the first thing you notice about someone, physically? Whatever physical attribute they have that sticks out. (i.e. they’re really tall, then I’ll notice that. Their eyes are light and bright, I’ll notice that.)

Do you believe in love? I’m in my first ever relationship and I guess I’m still hopeful so sure.

Thoughts on Justin Bieber? Never liked / cared about him.

How many times per week do you shower? I wash my body every day, but my hair every other day cause it’s dyed.

What is your favourite colour pen to write with? Black and also navy blue.

Would you rather do a craft project or a science experiment? Defo science.

What is your favourite thing about yourself? Intellect.

What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you? I hate to make every answer about my boyfriend but ugh it’s him. I got all the way to the age of 19 without any real romantic experience until I met him and uh now I understand the hype? haha.

What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? The Glassworks.

Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? It parts on its own a little to the left.

[todokori-kun]

:)

HEEEEYYYY I FINISHED FMA YESTERDAY

I’M NOT QUITE OVER GREED AND I DOUBT I EVER WILL BE

BUT EVERYBODY’S HAPPY

I’M SO GLAD

(and tiny Pride. It’s fun how he was like, almost the least sympathetic homunculus (I mean, most people can relate to just wanting to go back to sleep ok dad/mom, so even Sloth…lol), and yet he’s the only one who finds a ‘new life’.)

(only HOHENHEIM’S DEAD, my FMA twin is gone ;-; at least that moment with Trisha was beautiful)

I thought I’d cry with FMA’s ending because I did almost cry during the Ishvalan Civil War flashbacks, but…once again, my eyes were dry XD maybe because TG and AoT made me appreciate FMA’s happy ending more?

TYSM for recommending such a great series, Queen Luna <33333 I’m getting kinda emotional XD

UGH. Idek what book that is but I already hate it because of that line.

Hisoka, Hisoka. He’s like the unholy offspring of Furuta and Sebastian. I love it.

(nah, it’s fine,I don’t mind cursing ^^ thanks for asking though, that was sweet)

Yeah, Junior High is pretty cute :) well, it hasn’t been that long since she started learning cello so she’s still playing simple songs like 'mary had a little lamb’ ^^ she really wants to play more complex songs, though.

GAH SORRY I still haven’t started playing OTL I’ve just been a bit busy and had a lot to think about (because COLLEGE) so I kept forgetting…I’ll let you know when I finally start, sorry ;-;

If Urie/Saiko doesn’t become canon…ok, ok, I can deal with Touken, I can deal with that. HOWEVER. If Urie/Saiko doesn’t become canon and Urie/Mutsuki does, I don’t even know what I’ll do. ESPECIALLY IF ISHIDA MAKES URIE ABANDON SAIKO TO 'SAVE’ MUTSUKI OR SOMETHING OMG

I would never! I’m a nice, sweet cinnamon roll who doesn’t know the meaning of the word 'savage’!

If Kimblee actually took a liking to me I’d try to get him to stop blowing things up. Maybe find him a different hobby. But the sad truth is that there’s probably nothing and no one he likes enough to give up his explosions for XD

But you know how I have a cinnamon roll side and then a troll side? Troll!Evans and Kimblee might actually get along really well. Imagine the suffering…

0//////0 Queen Luna is also an amazing friend! Tysm for everything <333 (I say 'tysm’ a lot but then again, there’s no such thing as too many 'thank you’s? lol. Also, I love how 'Queen Luna’ was just a joke at first but now it’s like an actual nickname I use for you. I hardly ever call you just 'Luna’ anymore XD if we ever met irl I’d probably have a hard time calling you anything other than 'queen’)

Oh wow. Sebastian will fight you for the honor of his kitties

X-men is a seperate universe from MCU, though. (I don’t watch X-men so I’m not sure but I think they and MCU agreed to share the Pietro/Wanda twins?) X-men Pietro is a different character from MCU Pietro so our Pietro is still dead ;-;

Moblit and Evans would go on friendly coffee dates and rant about their crazy queens.

Luna/Armin would be so cute, seriously why do I ship you with so many characters…and idk what puberty will do to Armin(will he even survive to go through all of it? sorry) but the fanart of adult!Armin does look good :)

And wait, 15 cm taller than Levi? I’m maybe 3~5 cm taller than him (and I’m only 13 omg) so that makes you at least 10cm taller than me.

It’s really messed up, which means I’ve gotta draw it now XD

Congratulations with Kimblee might go something like this (warning: this is crack and I’m sorta abusing Kimblee's canon abilities, realistically it probably couldn’t go like this):

Shuu: “Mr. Kimblee?!”

Kimblee: “Tsukiyama…

Congratulations.”

*blows up the clock on Shuu’s desk*

“You have invented a new kind of stupid-”

*blows up a framed picture of Shuu and Naomi*

“A 'Damage You Can Never Undo’ kind of stupid-”

*sets fire to the carpet*

“An 'Open All the Cages in the Zoo’ kind of stupid-”

*destroys the entire hecking desk*

“A 'Clearly, You Didn’t Think This Through’ kind of stupid.”

*breaks the window nearest to Shuu*

And then, at the end-

Kimblee: “Every sacrifice you make is for my sister, give her the best life-

Congratulations. :)”

*entire house collapses around them*

So you’d contract Sebastian for chocolate?

(tbh I have a sweet tooth too. I’m sorta sensitive to taste so too many sweets at once makes me get sick of them quickly, but I really like them a little at a time (and I still almost never get sick of chocolate))

ty again for the beautiful edit <3

*hugs* thank you, that really means a lot to me.

But did you see the small Kaneki painting I sent you along with the other pics? Because I actually made that as a way to vent..splattering red blood paint all over the paper did help XD (drawing doesn’t always help, though. When I’m really angry I get the urge to raise my voice and say exactly what I’m thinking, only that’d be horrible so I try to keep it down..but that just makes me angrier LOL)

the left side feels more Kanae and the right side feels more Shuu, but either way, it looks really beautiful :D <3 (also that 'I miss you’ omg I’m getting Shuu/Kaneki feels NO)

(Also I hope the Uta edit I sent you was ok? It was like almost the first aesthetic thing I’ve ever done lol

About it, though: I don’t have a pinterest so I searched stuff like 'black and white aesthetic tumblr’ on google and used the pics that popped up…is that ok? Since I’m just downloading pictures I like and playing around with them on PhotoScape with no intention to post it on the internet or show it to anyone other than you? Idek how this works, I’m way too ignorant about the internet ;-;)

Oh, that sounds cool! I don’t listen to much Ed Sheeran but liked his song for the Hobbit ('I see Fire’? I think that’s what it’s called?) and because Shape of You just keeps playing in the manhwa cafe I go to to read manga, that song kinda got stuck in my head and I can’t stop listening to it XD I don’t listen to remixes a lot for no particular reason but some of them are really cool :)

I’m currently obsessed with Hurricane, Castle, Ghost and 100 Letters by Halsey, along with a bunch of Lana Del Rey songs (going to listen to her new album as soon as I can!), Melodrama (Lorde’s new album), and Young and Menace and Champions by Fall Out Boy…also songs from Steven Universe and Adventure Time, like Love Like You and Everything Stays. And all of FMA’s openings because WOW.

(And yeah, movie/anime soundtracks are always so cool <3)

Is... Is your heart okay? I know it’s a big emotional thing!  Yeee, Greed’s death was a huge shock for me as well T^T WhY Did yOu HaVE tO saY GOodByE

The only thing that really shocked me was Ed giving up his alchemy. It honestly made for a bit of an unsatisfying end, like it’s trying to make way for a sequel (that never came)

Yep, I was expecting you to be not so happy with Hoenheim... Well, at least it’s a happy death? Not in battle, but with his beloved?

TG and AoT scar people for life. Kill of their emotions, so they’re unable to cry at sad things, bc nothing is sad in comparison to those two.  Except for a few rare exceptions. Oh, did I ever tell you that I always, without a fail, cry when watching a specific Love Live episode? It’s about a character that I relate to a bit too much, and since it’s a sorta bittersweet character arc, I always end up crying. The music also gets to me. I could write in detail exactly what and why XD

No problem! If you ever want more recommendations, just say so! Even though I’ll probably recommend series without you asking :P

It’s called ‘Court of Thorns and Roses’. I mean, the writing style is more or less ok, and the premise is interesting at first glance, but then everything gets ruined by the author for not being able to create a flawed MC, cause they have to be perfect!  I’ve read another one of the author’s books before, but dropped it halfway, again because on an annoying MC. The only reason why I finished this one is bc it was the only reading material available XD It’s also supposed to be a spin on Beauty and the Beast, but with fairies, but it was so badly done that I genuinely didn’t realize that until I read it somewhere on the internet. It’s also one of the rare series where I intentionally don’t read the sequels. The original book was that bad I’m getting way too emotional over the book XD

Hisoka is breaking my trash-o meter! It’s over 9000!

Ah, that’s a relief... I’ve definitely started cussing a lot lately, and I know it makes some people uncomfortable, so I wanted to ask ^^

Aw, that’s actually adorable! I hope she gets better at it soon ^^ I’ve always loved listening to string instruments...

Naaah, no worries! Take your time with it! It’s no rush, honestly! Do it at a time that’s convenient to you ^^ Seriously, please don’t feel pressured to play it >_<

Let’s be honest. The possibility of Urie sacrificing himself for Mutsuki is way bigger than Urie/Saiko becoming canon. I cry when I think about it, because we all know Urie would be so much happier with Saiko (*`д´*) Ishida, whyyyyy

Right, I totally believe that. Evans, a sweet, innocent cinnamon roll who doesn't get savage at moments. Sure. Because you totally didn’t set the Flame Alchemist on fire with a burn.

I’m afraid explosions are his one true love. Maybe you could get him to paint explosions instead of making them, though. Like, ‘Ok, Kimblee, here’s paper, some paint, go wild. Just don’t set the room on fire, please.’ He’d show his soft side around you only. If there was anyone else in the room, he’d be his usual self, but with you, in private, he’d probably be a tiny bit sweet. Sometimes.  Troll!Evans and Kimblee would be the actual definition of ‘Prepare for trouble, make it double’. I’d probably run away screaming when you’d announce your relationship XD I’d congratulate you later, but still a bit weary when the two of you are together.

Fun fact: I almost blush every time I read the word Queen XD If I was someone who blushed easily, I’d be an actual tomato while reading your messages ^\\\^ I’d probably actually blush if we were walking around and you called me queen... And then bury myself into a hole forever XD

I’d be the person who’d just shrug her shoulders and be like ‘we all have our opinions’. Now that I think about it, I’d probably get on just fine with Ciel XD

Ah, I see. I just remember that there was a quicksilver in one of those movies, but I didn’t remember the details. 

Hanji and I would simultaneously have the glimmering glasses moment XD  The parallels between the duos are really similar :P

He! Will! Survive! He has too... We already had an almost death for him, and I don’t want an actual death to happen. The cinnamon roll doesn’t deserve it. The first time I saw the fan art, my reaction was. *stares at the screen* ‘well then’ I’d liked Armin from the beginning but this was the moment in which he was cemented as favorite character XD

Aw, Evans is smol for now! When I was 13, I was shortest in class, but now I’m among the tallest. Everyone is taller than Levi... That’s just sad XD But, hey, everyone in Cinderella Phenomenon (I will not shut up) is taller than you! In fact, you’re approx. the height of the MC! Cuuute

Well, my stomach totally doesn’t hurt from laughing too much XD That’s a very destructive version of Congratulations, that would probably end up with someone getting sued XD Shuu for emotional damage, Kimblee for blowing up a fucking house.

Unfortunately, not even chocolate can make me sign a contract with that trash can. Sorry Bassy, but you’re not getting my soul.

Aw, that’s a shame... There’s never enough sweets! 

I’m glad you like it ^^

You could always yell into a pillow? Or punch the pillow if you’re feeling especially angry... 

So, basically, I unintentionally made a Shuu/Kanae edit. I’m not even mad XD 

Yeah, it was pretty good! If you want, I can pass you some advices my friend gave to me when I stared making the edits?  The quote is very Uta, tho. I mean, he does revel in other’s tragedy... 

Yes, of course it is! Find pics any way you want! I’m just using pinterest because it’s easier ^^;; A lot of really artsy pics are posted there, so I quickly find what I’m looking for ^^

Yep, I think it’s called that... Most of his songs on my playlist are from his new album, but some are older as well ^^ There’s this remix of Shape Of You. I listen to it waaay too much XD I found it in an AMV and was immediately like ‘I want this song’, so I downloaded it :P

FMA has some of the best openings and closings I’ve ever heard. My favorite is probably the first one, because it’s just so so amazing *^*

I live for the fantasy fight soundtracks.  A few examples are from the anime Fate/Zero or Fate/Unlimited Blade Works, like This Day and Never Again, Unlimited Blade Works and You Are My King. Those would make a snail race look epic.

AAAALSO THE RAGNAROK TRAILER IS OOUT!  I adored Loki’s moment XD ‘Surprise~ This is going to be so much fun’