#in the state. nothing negative has actually happened but the age gap is so big and weird and my mom didn't like hanging out with them when

[vampyroteuthid]

i think semi frequently about how my siblings are all between 16-32 years older than me and i only really talk to one of them and eventually if nothing takes me out first due to the passage of time and mortality it will just be me and my nieces and nephews some of whom are older than me . 🧍🏻

[aceandart]

Hey! I read your recent post and it read differently to a lot of posts under the destiel tag as of now. Personally, I’ve seen the first 5 seasons (watched it about 5 yrs ago), but haven’t been caught up to date on any of the recent stuff other than the Destiel apocalypse that’s happening right now. Could you explain the following?

“...mostly being this show is a misogynistic racist homophobic consent issue-ridden pile of bad writing “.

I was contemplating returning to the show and tuning in for the missing seasons, but what you said about it has now placed me on the fence. Could you elaborate and advise?

Thank you so much! I appreciate seeing an honest post that doesn’t sugar-coat or overlook bad writing/negative characteristics of a show!! :)

[re this]

Hi!

Well, I feel like the finale probably took care of any fence-sitting you were doing (and sorry I couldn't reply sooner), but actually my answer wasn't going to change even if the finale was okay (good, imo, was always a stretch): No, I personally would not recommend watching this show. and while my answer is mostly because of the things I am going to list to answer the rest of this question, I was also going to say - you dropped the show in s5 and that was five years ago? Whatever caused you to drop it in the first place, it probably got a lot worse. (It literally doesn't even matter what your major grievance was, they have since doubled, tripled down in terms of how bad it was.) Trying to marathon through ten seasons (20-23 episodes long each) is hard; trying to marathon through all of that to get something without a satisfactory ending is a lot of emotional labor for no payout. It's not just that this is a bad show (though it really, really is, on every level); it's that you have already tried it, you tried arguably the better seasons of it, and you still didn't want to stick to it. By the nature of how tumblr works, it can make anything look so much better than it is, just because in general the people you see hyping it up *like* the product, have decided to devote their fandom time to it, are highlighting the choicest parts of it. spn was always about the potential around the edges, the story fans made of it; the actual product was always secondary to the could have, should have beens, and this gets truer the later into the show you get. I'm not saying there weren't some great episodes, some great scenes, and even some great mini-arcs, but it was a drop in the bucket to everything else. and I'm positing this answer on the idea that you are asking because you want to watch the show, and not because you want to use the show as a supplemental for your fandom experience, but if it is the latter, I'll just say I'm currently heavily involved in reading fanfic for a fandom I've never actually watched a whole episode for, and while I'm probably missing some context I'm still highly enjoying it. fandom, honestly, so often becomes so much more than the bones we build it on. and if you want a little more, catch some "greatest hits" videos or catch up on just some of the “must-see” episodes and save yourself from having to watch all the moments in-between, because there are a lot more of them than the good parts. very few shows improve as they age out, and before the nov 5th resurgence if you weren't already following spn blogs, likely the main spn meme you were coming across was the annual 'salt and burn this dead horse' that went out after each season renewal. the tl;dr answer is really, it's not worth it. (to be honest, at the end of the day, despite the sheer amount of time, energy, and words I've put into this fandom over the years, and I put in a lot, I didn't actually like the majority of the show. so, you know, grain of salt on my opinion. then again, you left it seasons before I did.) That said, buckle up, cause now I'm gonna tell you why:

Literally, The Shitty Writing

I feel like the finale speaks for this point by itself, but before I get into all the "problematic" bad writing spn does, I want to talk about the fact that the writers are also just fundamentally bad at the craft of writing.

continuity errors. they’d change their lore/creature ability to fit their plot. (the reapers esp got the end of that bad stick.)  the characters will often forget (monster-slaying) solutions that worked before (holy wood, yarrow, christo, creative approaches like exorcisms on recording, spells to remove angels from their vessels, bullet with a devil’s trap, etc).  the writers forgot their own timeline more than once. the random retcons they'd do. sometimes it would also lead to plot holes.

which, speaking of, they had plenty of

there's also things that don't count as plot holes but are very large missed opportunities (ex: Dean spends a year in Purgatory and no one recognizes him? he doesn't bring up his daughter?)

I don't even know what this one would fall under, but if a character wasn't right in front of them, they would forget that character's existence. not just Adam (though that was a big one), but there were so many secondary characters that even in places it would make sense to mention them, much less bring them around, they didn't. or because they would not expand their main character list, characters who should have been around a lot more than they were (*cough* Cas, but that's an easy one, I'm also talking about characters like Kevin) would have these huge gaps between episodes that didn't make sense

they don't really have character development. this isn't to say the brothers don't change, they do, but at the same time the characters face the exact same (internal) arguments over and over again, never resolving or growing from them; they just have more examples when they think about them and it gets worse and more unhealthy because of the new weight added to it. the problem with their brothers only format, and the problem with their biphobia but more on that later, is that Dean wasn't actually allowed to grow out of his John Winchester's son role, to let himself be comfortable (and dare to be happy) with himself because that meant changing the story into something they didn't like and/or didn't know how to do. at the same time, allowing Sam to grow meant breaking the Brothers Only format, because as the show stated multiple times, Sam's happy ending did not involve hunting.

and with that, they sometimes flattened the characters so badly they became caricatures more than anything else.  hell there's a whole season where Dean goes evil, and people had a hard time realizing it, which was not because it was a subtle slow descent but because shitty pacing, uneven (and contradictory) episodes, previous actions that weren't written as being evil but were the the exact same thing as when he was evil that were supposed to be "signs", and how they chose to represent that evil meant it was really hard to figure out that was what they were doing and not just writing Dean as more of an asshole than they previously were.  (he's not evil, he's just a prick.) and I don't mean I had trouble telling, I mean fandom as a whole had major arguments about it, much less the general viewing public.

the series finale put a definite end to the idea they would follow through on even one of their main series themes (family don't end in blood, free will vs destiny, always keep fighting, etc), but this was something they would build up to addressing and then just anti-climatically let fizzle out in multiple seasons. character and relationship themes (not just destiel but the brothers co/counter-dependency, the importance of found family, Dean's growth from Daddy's Blunt Little Instrument and Sam's acceptance that he deserves better/agency in his own life, etc) would be built and broken down in an effort to drag the question out into another season. it wasn't two steps forward, one step back, it was a reboot.

their filler vs arc episode ratios: there's nothing wrong with the Monster of the Week format as a stylistic choice, but this show

a) would kill its own plot momentum to focus on MotW episodes. [part of this is the general spn problem they created of constantly trying to one-up their season's Big Bad, which I understand but also means one episode they are going against The Most Powerful Being in Existence (for the Fifth Time) and then rather than focus on that world-ending threat, they hunt vampires for like six episodes straight. they had a very bad balance where rather than continuously weave the larger arc into the season, or at least build characters and relationships, they'd jam it all around the season premiere, finale, and mid-season finale/premiere episodes, and then all the rest was just, bullshit cases where nothing got resolved or had a lesson stick around for the next episode, making them very skippable. also more on this under the homophobia section]

b) the filler episodes contradicted themselves and the main plot all the time.

c) sometimes they focused so much on making the b-plot a mirror they forgot to write a coherent a-plot. also: sometimes they focused so much on making the b-plot a mirror they forgot to write a coherent b-plot. 

I cringed my way through more than one episode of dialogue

the recycled plots

more on this in the next sections, but either they didn't notice, actively didn't care, or purposefully chose to overtly and subtly imply or state a bunch of really fucked up things, and then never address them at all

speaking of never addressing anything, I realize this is a fandom vs canon battle in general, but so many things get swept under the rug as they move on to the next issue (ex: Dean put an angel in Sam's body to "heal him", violating his consent and exasperating his issue with telling what reality is - a huge issue from previous season - and once the Mark of Cain story really took over the subject gets dropped.) 

death is so cheap on this show. and I don't just mean that the revolving doorway of resurrections means it's hard to get worked up about a death because (as long as the character was a white man and especially the brothers) there was a high chance they'd be back, and I don't just mean that their Murder Is the First, Last, and Best Solution to Any Issue, Ever means the faceless and not so faceless hoards of villains, monsters, and humans who get caught up in it are just hand waved as one of those things (they have ways of saving vessels and the later into the show the less likely they are to even try), but that there was no point in investing in (esp non-white, male) secondary characters because chances were they'd be dead pretty fast.  I'm honestly shocked characters like Jody (who actually at one point was in the middle of being killed off on-screen and then we didn't see her for eight episodes, so we assumed she was dead) made it until the end.

(speaking of dead characters though, what was with the habit of bringing them back constantly? just don't kill them in the first place! create new ones and let those ones stick around instead!)

when they can't use death as their solution, the other answer the writers fall back on is Deus Ex Machina

buckleming were a writing duo who had their own bingo cards that included things like shitty pacing, OOC-ness, flat one-liners, etc, and the question wasn't if you'd get bingo, it was a question of how often you got it during their episodes. at some point throughout the show, it became hard to tell what was a buckleming episode and what was just another episode in the season.  aka the writing quality went WAY DOWN as a whole

you know the tv trope Idiot Ball? or Idiot Plot?  spn should have it's own page for both. 

they constantly break viewer's trust, which is the basic tenet of what not to do when it comes to telling a story. (again, not just destiel, though the queerbaiting is a major part of it because it happened all the time to avoid actually answering that question.) when a writer violates their character's or story's core identity for a 'twist', it needs to have been carefully built so that it's a surprise to the viewer, not a betrayal. (you may not have seen it coming, but when you look back you can see the groundwork.) these writers, every time, chose the "shocking" choice regardless of how much they need to break canon or character to do so. their twists are either obvious, and/or they don't make sense with the rest of their story/lore of the show, and the viewer is left feeling stupid for believing they have more respect for the audience/characters than they do.

I realize this is pretty subjective, but huge swaths of it are just boring. fandom made the experience of watching it interesting, not the show itself.

and yet, for all of that, the quality of writing (while painful to have to sit through) was not the worst thing about it.

(note for the following: I stopped watching after s11, but I'm sure some if not all of these are still relevant until the very end)

Misogyny and Consent Issues: Is There a Limit? Signs Point to No

there is honestly so much under this topic I don't even know where to start. i'm going to focus on patterns rather than specific incidences, because otherwise I'll be writing this for a week, but just know I can easily provide examples of all of these because this is literally what I spent years writing meta on.

female characters were more likely to die quicker/earlier (esp vs other other male characters with similar reoccurring roles/characterizations), stay dead, and die often at the hands of their loved ones and/or in Stranger Danger situations. they died for man!pain. they died for fodder. they died as a sacrifice. they were turned into love interests (whether that was their original role or not) and then killed. they were put in mortal danger and then not given resolution for several episodes (Schrödinger's death.) they died in ways we've seen male characters survive. their deaths - the violence enacted on them - was constantly, consistently sexualized, and the camera lingered.

when it came to villains the show would go out of its way to kill the female one first, or act like she's the more pressing issue so that the male character could hang around longer (and honestly by male character I often mean specifically Crowley and the season's female villain. not only that but they'd often break canon to kill off a female character, and break canon to save Crowley/a male character)

when you compare the treatment of reoccurring female characters vs male characters who occupied either similar roles or characterizations, female characters were often punished and/or treated poorly for the same attitude and/or actions of their compared male character, who often got not just a (free) pass, but more screen time, dialogue, and development

they have more than once used the story line of underage girl seducing a grown man. (it was a whole season arc even.) this is esp galling when you find out about crew member Jim Michaels, who sexually harassed and assaulted (minor) fans

(btw, not the only crew/cast member to do so! and still be invited to cons!)

Dean Winchester (who is narratively treated as the moral judgement for the show) has blamed more than one rape victim for their assault/trauma. they often get abused (or outright killed) for stopping their abuser. 

Dean is ok with flirting with/leering at barely legal teenage girls. already sketchy when he's 26, really gross when he's in his mid/late thirties 

speaking of Dean. based on past personal experience I'm going to say up front people do not like me saying this, but that doesn't mean what I'm saying is wrong or even based on interpretations: Dean has more than one relationship that if it isn't rape, falls under extreme dubious consent.

there's actually a lot of rape (or "extreme dubious consent") and assault/molestation, both shown and mentioned: Cas and April, the cases were men take away free will and then have sex with the women (Ben Edlund was one of the better writers of series and even he did this a couple of times), Crowley orgy (and demon sex in general), random women in some episodes, Sam and meta!Gen, Becky and Sam, Sam and Lucifer, Dean and Alastair, several monsters (like the siren) and their victims, male characters secretly watching female characters undress/be naked, and so on. Dean was often attacked sexually by men, Sam by women. most of this is never addressed, never treated like what it is, and/or is made into a joke

and there's even more rape jokes beyond that, sub-sections: prison, vessels/demons, angel possession, sex work, childhood abuse, monster of the week, sexuality, etc.  huge chunks if not whole episodes were devoted to making what amounted to a rape joke. 

often ignored non-sexual consent (esp Dean’s actions, including a lot of mind-wiping and violations of body autonomy)

everything about Sam and body autonomy - he is frequently violated (multiple characters have possessed him; he is fed demon blood); how he feels unclean, how he feels disconnected from his own body, how he often is forced to act outside of his control and then blamed for those decisions

actually, Cas goes through that a lot too; he is trained, brainwashed, and forced to do things without his consent, and goes through major depressive episodes because of it

this show has a pattern of girls who are kidnapped, (sexually abused), raised in isolation, and expected to develop some perfect moral compass of acceptable behavior and were then killed off when they didn't. meanwhile, male characters get fourth, fifth chances.

female characters (and I'm talking about ones with speaking roles, who play an actual part in the plot, who are sometimes in multiple episodes) are more likely to be unnamed or given no last name

are you a Mother on spn (as in, that's your role)? you're either fridged for man!pain or abusive or both

it rarely could pass the bechdel test (including in s9 don't believe those fandom lies), and that's including episodes that focused on female characters. if the test included that the characters have to be named, that (small) number probably gets cut in half. if that test included both women are alive at the end...  

female monsters prove they deserve to live by killing off their family to prove they're the "good kind"  (this is not necessary for male monster characters)

female characters are not allowed to get vengeance

they took the Virgin vs Whore dynamic (and that that's all women are), and devoted a whole episode to it, but in general it underlines of ton of interactions, esp with regards to Dean and women.  {I actually never got around to writing it, but women tended to fall into four main classifications on this show, though overlap definitely allowed: Victim [sub-categories: Fodder, (Dean) Mirror, Mother], Love Interest, Sex Object, and Villain/Obstacle. very few female characters were either allowed to outgrow their category or didn't start in one.} 

we see the male characters assault female characters but it's okay because [insert supernatural reason here], ignoring that whatever explanations for why it's being allowed, we are still visually being shown this violence against women, and often from our "heroes"  (the women are then tossed away from the narrative after the violence and again, their aftermath gets regulated to off-screen who cares)

female characters were only allowed to be "so badass"; female hunters often fought female monsters or they lost/got regulated to the sidelines in battles. this gets even more contrasted as a male character/hunter will often do a nod about how "badass" she is, even as she is very easily beaten.

 the whorepobia of this show

had a tendency to strip female characters down to their underwear/make them nude before torturing them, and then adding sexualized torture on top of that

outside of actor injuries affecting this (like one of them broke his arm so he had a sling for a few episodes), female characters are often more likely to visually carry the bruises/violence of violent incidences much longer than male characters

gratuitous filming shots of breasts, asses

the use of the words: bitch, skank, whore, slut; the play on words they do so they can say "pussy"  

taking female myths/figures and reducing them to a cheap, sexist storyline (Amazons, Artemis, Lilith, Eve, witches - who are only allowed to live/be "good" if they're men, and are otherwise in league with demons/are evil and lose)

they often kept a character but switched out her actress; helps with the disposable feeling

how they treat women's ages (ex: Jody is not allowed to be a love interest to Sam because she's older than him/calling Dean 'kiddo'. ex: Rowena is played by a woman fifteen years younger than Crowley's actor. ex: Amara being one of the oldest things in existence but still having to age her way up.)

their treatment of teenage girls, ranging from how they sexualized them to expecting them to save themselves to treating them like they are grown adults and not children to the way they kept killing the ones who posted selfies to the fact the pr more than once used the tag "teenage girls - the scariest thing ever" for Claire's episodes 

actions and lasting legacies by female characters often got erased or passed on to male characters instead

it's a time honored tradition to treat certain monsters as metaphors for things. specifically for spn, they often use werewolves and vampires for sexual assault. (not the first to do so, not the last to do so.) however, that part of it gets textually glossed over, or treated as a joke, more often than not

and for all the patterns I talk about above, there's plenty of other one-off examples of misogyny/sexism or consent issues/rape culture this show did. like that time a grown man sniffed the bra of a dead teenage girl. not for any reason, just because it was there and that's what dudes do, apparently.

Racism: All the Flavors(+ Bonus Sexism)

when you compare the treatment of reoccurring white characters vs characters of color who occupied either similar roles or characterizations, characters of color were often punished and/or treated poorly for the same attitude and/or actions of their compared white character, who often got not just a (free) pass, but more screen time, dialogue, and development. 

usually Black men but in general men of color: 

a) got humiliated (often using feminization or infantilization) before their death  

b) had a more violent death; had a death that visually echoed racism (lynching, shot in the back, etc)

c) often used (racialized) rhetoric that in the real world is used against them

d) often filmed in ways to highlight their physicality, to portray them animalistically, to dehumanize them

e) even when victims, will add context to make them partially responsible for their death

characters of color were the villains or antagonists, very rarely "good guys"

this was a very white show, and while I'm speaking about speaking roles, reoccurring characters, and characters who get their own arcs, I'm also talking about background characters

using lore from groups they should not have and/or turned creatures into racist caricatures

having white actors play characters they shouldn't have

heavily depended on stereotypes for their characters of color

the treatment (esp narrative empathy level) of white angels vs angels of color.  again, screen time and character development differences between the two

a summary of (East) Asian woman on this show: fetishized porn/sexualized, “tiger mom”, Yoko Ono/The Girlfriend, monster. they were often silent or had no dialogue. microaggressions (usually spoken by Dean) were leveled at them.

antisemitism (styne issue, erasure of the Judah Initiative, Lilith, the golem)

like the sexism, just had random racist lines or visuals throughout the show (and sometimes those came in the absence of who should be there); some groups literally did not have enough characters to make a pattern, which is why this section looks a lot shorter than it really is

like for ex, I'm trying to stick with patterns but seriously, they put a Black woman in a dog collar and said her white boyfriend was her master/that she belonged to him

the ignorance of how white privilege worked to make them palatable

the replacement and/or elevation of a white character over a character of color (Lisa over Cassie, Bobby over Missouri, Charlie over Kevin in terms of how they were treated under Found Family, etc) 

how they treated non-Christian Gods: easily killed, evil, weak. they often repackaged them into a Christian framework and made them lesser than.

Bi/Homophobia, Queerbaiting, and Using Fans

they butchered Charlie.  they killed her, they killed her in a way that involved leaving behind plot, characters, and logic to do so, they killed her and used the violence of it for "shock," they butchered her and stuck her in a bathtub.  the guy who wrote Charlie in every other episode (Robbie Thompson, one of the better writers of the show) didn't write her last episode (assumption: because he wouldn't) and then he arguably left the show over her death. at one of the cons (comic-con?) the cast literally turned their backs when a fan questioned Carver (the showrunner) about what he did because they wanted no part of it. there was a mass exodus of fandom after they killed her (and another portion actually hung around because they got destiel queerbaited to stick out the rest of the season, and then they left.) she was un-apologetically queer, she was found family, she was widely popular, and they killed her for no reason at all. they didn't just Bury The Gay (their only reoccurring one), they salted and burnt the ground

they spent over a decade queerbaiting Destiel. they built queerbaiting destiel into the structure of the show: season opening/first couple of episodes whetted the appetite, which they then backed away from (usually removing Cas from Dean's physical area) and around this time they'd usually have some kind of heterosexual love interest, then mid-season they'd have some room to be together and share feelings, Cas would again disappear but this time they'd have some bi!Dean thrown in to keep you going, a few episodes before the end they'd have a major connection moment (I need you, I love you), and then the season would end with something to keep destiel fans occupied with during summer. it was never a trajectory, it was a cycle; just enough for plausible deniability but more than enough for fans to believe in. they had whole seasons where the b-plot were mirrors for destiel. they tried to sell DVDs by promising destiel cut scenes. they'd remove Cas from huge chunks of episodes just because they didn't want destiel interacting in the same physical space. they filmed them (I'm talking camera angles, physical positioning, etc) romantically.  (and sometimes, someone on crew/the network would accidentally reveal how not-fucking-happening destiel would be, and then backtrack when they realized fandom’s uproar.) 

a) Dean was only allowed to care so much for Cas, the narrative would only give him so much room to mourn/miss him. (Sam too.) it's beyond my general complaint that the writers/bros lose all interest in a character if they are not right in front of them (if they even cared when they were), but specifically they will spend episodes talking about how Cas is family, how much they care, and then because Dean and Cas cannot share the screen they come up with asinine reasons to remove Cas, which means Dean/the bros do not help him on his issues, and he is cast adrift until they need him, a push/pull of show vs tell with contradictory answers but made a lot of Cas/Destiel fans argue Cas deserved better.  

b) they also devoted seasons to the (subtextual) love triangle of Dean/Cas/Crowley. (I wish I was fucking kidding)

c) "you construct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men": the way they use violence to supplement affection (which is actually a larger pattern with Dean and his loved ones in general, but specifically the show is willing to show - multiple times - Dean and Cas being violent (often with an arguably sexualized filming to it) in conjunction with or as replacement for expressing their care.)  other side of this: hugging/physical affection outside of the shoulder/hand thing is reserved for escaping or coming back from death, if then (and it took seasons and a few deaths to even get that.) 

d) "buddy"  

that time Dean was allowed to be textually attracted to his mother and a literal dog (who was visually made to be very clearly a girl dog), but his attraction to men always stays subtextual and/or treated as a joke

they spent the whole show queerbaiting bi!Dean. aside comments, checking out other guys, getting flustered by men he finds attractive, metaphors, mirror characters, the heterosexual overcompensation [which is different from but comes from a similar place of the macho compensation to counteract how he gets sexualized/feminized], everything with Cas and how they play that relationship romantically and with sexual attraction, the character development that led to his relaxation of his macho compensation coinciding with increasing subtextual readings of his bisexuality (and domesticity), the inspiration for his name/character is bi, his relationship to Charlie and the pattern of fictive kinship, etc etc.  

why are angels straight???? why do they have gender???? (why are they interested in sex???)  minus the queerbaiting of destiel, they spent a lot of seasons pushing Cas into a heterosexual box. other angels were often pushed into heterosexual boxes too. (or left in subtext and then killed.) closest we got to playing with gender was Raphael and maybe Hannah, and at least with Raphael it was not without its issues. (also: both dead.)

random transphobic lines

homosexuality was often treated like a joke/punchline. queer characters/scenes were often treated like a joke/punchline.

outside of Charlie, queer characters were small, two-bit roles, extremely rare, and often killed

how they treated and showcased fandom space and esp queer fans in-show (much less how they treated them in real life), comes from a deeply sexist and homophobic place 

The Show Was 328 Episodes Long And the thing is, these are the four big categories, but it's not like this is it. The show flip-flops on calling John an abusive parent/that the bros are childhood abuse survivors. The show doesn't even really call out when Dean is being abusive to Sam, and the way they always, always go back to the Brothers Only format means they are often ignoring or straight-up forgetting the unhealthy aspects of their relationship. The show ignores how their trauma builds (and all the things that happen because of it), disconnecting the current issues with the ones that came before. The way they flip flop on monster morality and never address what the winchester bros do to people who happen to be monsters but aren't evil (or definitely aren't as evil as they are).  How violence is always the answer. How the "saving people'' part of hunting got dropped the later the show goes on, and red shirt vessels/hosts die in droves. Depending on how you view it, the way they treat alcoholism and addiction. The ableism. The line between the narrative's opinion on acceptable violence and not is inconsistent and dependent on how much they like the character doing the violence vs who the violence is being done to. Etc.

(The above lists are definitely missing stuff. I haven't done anything in this fandom in like four years, I've forgotten a lot.) I'm not saying people didn't enjoy this show. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy (parts of) this show. I'm saying whether you are basing it on things like writing craft or things like 'social justice issues', this show is bad. It is of poor quality. I really don't know how to explain the hold it has on people, how a show can be charismatic, how fandom was able to squeeze so much out of so little, but that's probably what's got you attracted into the idea of watching it again. If you're thinking of watching it because you want a coherent, well done story, look elsewhere. The finale was the literal last straw, not the only one. 

[apelcini]

💋🌹 🔥🍊📙😊⭐💛 🌳🍐💙🌸💗 ik it's a lot sorry sdghf letting you decide which oc you wanna do

💋 How affectionate are they with their friends? Their family? Their romantic partner(s) (if they have any)? Are they more physical or emotional when it comes to displaying their affection? Why?

Mymlanslös is aloof and withdrawn, but that’s actually a good thing for her. Back when she lived with her mother she had to shout and fight and scrap for any attention, constantly, and all she wanted to do was exist without having to fight for space. She’s a real loud problem child when she first comes to live with her pappas, but she slowly learns that this is a home with room enough for her. She starts to get quieter and smaller as she shrinks back to her intended size, and moomin is really worried about her, but snufkin assures him that she’s fine. Now her family mostly gives her affection verbally, and they wait for her to come to them for physical affection, which she’s starting to do more and more. On that note, when she gets older, she starts to get more and more irritated by interaction with her hair, compliments and brushing and braiding and all, until one day when she’s 14 she chops it all off, the whole red signal flame that she’s just got to tie into a bun and then she’s a mymble, a woman who has so many children she can’t love them all. She never grows it out again.

🌹 How easy is it for them to connect with others and make friends? On the flip side how easy is it for them to make an enemy of someone? Are they the kind of person who hangs around the food table at a party and never talks to anyone or are they the type who can talk to anyone?

Nellie and Oliver are both outcasts. She’s autistic and jew(ish?) and aroaceagender, he’s fat and trans and probably adhd. They met in kindergarten and stayed friends out of pure luck of finding someone like them (this is NOT unrealistic don’t @ me this is personal experience). Oliver wanted to connect but he just got so tired of everyone he became very abrasive to people he didn’t already like. Nellie just.. doesn’t care. She connects when she can but honestly she finds most human connection lacking. They’re the type to hang out back at a dance and goof off.

🔥 Give us a list of general likes and dislikes, such as colours, textures, music, weather and other stuff!

Nellie likes frogs and crunchy leaves and cold air on her face. she loves sweaters but she hates the wool texture, but she refuses to just wear oversized hoodies because she’s too pretentious. Her favorite color is actually purple (like plum) but she looks better in warm tones. She doesn’t really like blue and green, and she doesn’t like pastels. She doesn’t like sun because then it’s too warm for sweaters and it’s far too bright. Her favorite music is actually ragtime, but anything that’s not synth is pretty good in her book (she’s autistic and it grates her). She’s a goth in bright colors, really.

🍊 What is your OC’s favourite meal? Snack? Dessert? Drink? Any reasons behind this besides liking how it tastes?

I’m gonna share least favorite meal, because it’s funnier. Fillikin HATES fish. Despises it. Her mother hated it too and never fed it to her, and she never got used to it. it’s an essential travel staple especially when traveling with Snufkin but she just. cannot stomach it. When she first came to live with her pappas, back when they weren’t really her pappas but were these two queer men in the woods who took her in and she wanted to impress them she pretended she enjoyed fish. It wasn’t very convincing, and Snufkin mysteriously started having bad luck with fishing, often only managing a decent catch once a month. This went on for as long as was needed until she confessed that she didn’t like it. Her favorite food will always be her Moominpappa’s blueberry pancakes :-)

📙 What kind of subjects (of conversation, of discussion, in school or whatever) does your OC find interesting or engaging or that they can talk for hours about? What kind of stuff do they just find fun? What things bore your OC to tears and they couldn’t care less about? Why?

Nellie loooves history. She can talk for hours about it, and she does her best to research what REALLY happened. She knows huge swathes of the Dewey decimal system because the internet in her town sucks. This skill is just a neat little quirk based off of my own experience as a history nerd.

She hates English class, she’s smart and good at puzzles but she can’t figure out riddles and metaphors and anything with words. She’s story driven but language itself doesn’t come easily, at least not in a way that makes sense to other people, and she’s so frustrated and jealous of people who can write poetry and stuff.

😊 What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC genrally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy?

Peter likes to get in his car and drive out of town, just drive and he’s alone in the car and on the road and the scenery changes. He’ll drive half an hour or so out, chill for a bit, and then drive back home. He likes the distance, it clears his head. He’s a somewhat high strung person despite being pretty hands-off. No one really comes to him for emotional support, but he’s pretty good at solving problems so people who know him come to him for that.

⭐ What is your OC afraid of? Any crippling phobias or some such? How do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? Does anyone ever find your OC scary? Why?

Nellie: watching it all disappear and she can’t stop it, it’s turning to ash in her hands and her loved ones are in danger and there’s nothing she can do. Being a bad person through inaction, letting awful people get away with awful things. Also being stalked or followed in the dark, she has a huge phobia of night monsters which is pretty reasonable when you consider where she lives. She carries around a big flashlight for this reason.

💛 In general, how in control of their emotions is your OC? Do they have a good hold on them or do their emotions control them, not the other way around? What do you think is the reason behind this and is your OC ever concerned about their lack of or good control?

Peter is remarkably good with his emotions for a teenaged boy. Unfortunately, he’s not very good with his emotions for someone who’s co-parenting a teen. Nellie and peter’s mother has her head in the cloud, and Peter’s been filling in for the gaps in her memory for as long as he could remember. He’s very good at compartmentalizing and repressing, but he’s got no clue how to actually deal with his emotions. He’s proud of himself for this and is willfully ignoring the inevitable breakdown when he leaves home.

🌳 Compare your OC to themself from 10 years ago. How has their mental state changed since then, how have they aged and grown up? Would they say they’re in a better place than they were back then or do they need help? What advice would they give their younger self? What advice would their younger self give to them now?

Nellie would tell her younger self to keep writing, even if out of spite. To not stop. To not listen to the people who tell her to stop, because she did stop and it was relief at the time but now she really, really regrets it. Now she’s past the point where she can write bad prose in confidence and practice without breaking down, and to her it’s too late to ever start. Her younger self would tell her that adults aren’t all bad, that they want to help you, that they don’t all hate you. She’d tell her that people are worth reaching out to. After all, she reached out to Oliver.

🍐 What is your OC’s mentality? Are they overall positive? Negative? A bit of both? Describe their thought patterns and reasoning behind their choice making!

She’s... passionate. Nellie believes in people being fundamentally human and having a great capacity for both good and evil, and she is always enraged when people turn to evil. Her mother may not have made her lunch every day, but she did impart some wisdom on her and Nellie’s gonna use it. She believes in compassion and friendship to a frankly naive degree, and is always torn when she has to fight a monster. Oliver is more cynical and bitter and jaded, since his parents aren’t forgetful but just very cold. Go to school and spar with your classmates for survival, go home and jostle with your siblings for survival, wrestle your parents for your rights, bump into a beast and fight it. It’s all the same. He thinks she’s being silly when she tries to befriend these abominations and he’s worried for her safety. She thinks he’s being cruel. This is their main source of tension.

💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams?

Nellie always wanted to be a writer, she wanted to write historical fiction. She tried to keep this dream alive, she tried so hard, but relentless ableism from the public school whittled away at this tree until it fell with a whimper. She wants to be an engineer now. She’s good at math, it’s like a puzzle. A very boring puzzle. She‘ll get a job and pay the bills.

🌸 What does your OC’s voice sound like? Their laugh? Are they good at singing? Do they have an accent?

Oliver has a voice that’s like a mix of cavetown’s earlier work and Sidney gish. It’s a nice voice but he hates it so much. He snorts when he laughs and his voice is even higher when he sings. No one there really has an accent besides the backwoods slur (how about it sounds like howa bowdit, twenty rhymes with honey). Nellie’s voice is lower than his and she doesn’t even CARE. He hates every sound that comes out of his mouth but it’s not enough to stop him from talking, he has too many opinions for that.

💗 What would your OC say is their best feature? Why? What do their friends / family / lover(s) / people they know think is their best feature and why?

Fillikin likes her hair. It’s wild, it’s windswept, it’s tangled, it’s a mess. It drives her moominpappa insane but he can’t do anything about it because it’s her hair and she has the right to let it grow into an abomination instead of brushing it. It is the ultimate fuck you to her mother who was oh so attached to her only daughter’s hair. It gets so bad at one point that she gets her matt stuck to a tree while traveling and Snufkinpappa has to chop it off with his knife to get her free. The cut is messy and terrible and she’s DELIGHTED. She swears she’s gonna keep it so ugly and choppy forever but she forgets to cut it, and it gets long and matted until she gets stuck to something again.

Send me oc asks

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on The Royal Heir (Finally!), Book 1 Chapter 12

• Sorry for the delay, guys! I had my first spoken word performance in years this week, and since I was pretty rusty from lack of practice I was spending most of my time preparing for that. Which kind of meant I couldn't concentrate much on getting this QT done the way I usually do.

(BUT IT WENT VERY WELL!! :D :D)

• If you don't want these posts clogging your dash, here are the tags to blacklist: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.

• Honestly the highlight of this chapter for me is finding out that Kiara calls Madeleine an angry poodle behind her back. I bet it was supposed to mean something else and Penelope simply edited it out lol.

• And also Hana's look this chapter, coz Hana always looks so pretty XD

• Soooo like we have one more chapter in Texas left? That's...quite the gap away from the country - from Chapter 5 to Chapter 13, with us returning to Cordonia (by the looks of the summary) by Chapter 14. That's 8 chapters in the States + 1 in Auvernal (9 total): that's roughly 42-47% of our total book. That's how long the narrative took to wrap things up in Walker Ranch, a huge chunk of which added nothing much of value whatsoever to the story.

• In terms of timeline, we've spent over a week preparing for Bertrand and Savannah's wedding, following a possible month-long honeymoon plus barely two days in Valtoria. That's one looooong holiday. And...newsflash...it's not only "King Liam" who's being "irresponsible" (esp if you consider that in a playthrough where you're honeymooning with another LI, he isn't the one spending a whole month frolicking on the beach then running off to Texas shortly after), it's all your favourite LIs as well.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Universal 77 YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch and rash.rec YouTube channel.

Drake: The HIMEME YouTube channel and BizzysChoices YouTube channel

• Sooo the chapter begins where we left off, with Savannah worried about where Bertrand has gone, and the group doing some sort of team huddle like they're discussing strategy for a football game or something.

• Maxwell for some reason thinks the chickens may have taken him hostage. This is not Angry Birds, Maxwell 🤭

Savannah mentions that his tux and wallet are still at home, and therein lies the clue that he isn't abandoning her. He's not taken any money with him.

• Leona gives in her crusty, unwanted input, which Bianca to her credit shuts down. I mean, if Bertrand really needed to turn tail and run, he would have done it ages ago. Like as soon as Drake the Freeloader insisted Bertrand cluck like a chicken last book, just to win the hand of his equally freeloading sister. He could have just muttered "this entire clan is bonkers, me outie" right then. And he'd be right.

• I need Bertrand to ask THE ENTIRE WALKER FAMILY to cluck like chickens or something similar in public once this whole ordeal is over coz istg they deserve just as much humiliation for what they've put them through. That includes Savannah and Drake. Bertrand would be appalled by the idea but yknow, a girl can dream.

• The MC offers to go to the store to find him, and sees Bertrand arguing with the clerk (and threatening curses on him and his progeny). She gets to sock him over the head if she wants...or just scare him. After a couple seconds of arguing coz Bertrand went on this impossible mission just before his wedding, he admits to wanting to get Savannah the Walker saddle.

• The owner of the store doesn't want to give the saddle away because he wants to use it to hold hats. If there is one thing Esther DuPont can appreciate, it's a man who values his hats.

• You have three options to convince Cassidy, the owner: you either plead with him and remind him of the power of friendship, or you tell him the truth about the saddle being Bertrand's fiancée's family heirloom (and because Cassidy is a big softie really, he is moved by both these options).

• The third option is the messiest and the best because you grab the saddle and run while poor Cassidy is just standing there like "what the fuck just happened here":

• Just before the MC and Bertrand got to their respective rooms to change, she gets to ask him why it was so important now for him to get the saddle - and his reasoning involves not only Savannah but Bianca, who Bertrand reveals "has never had a favourable opinion" of him. Which for me technically means buildup for a flashback scene for her before we leave, so the story can highlight why she secretly shares Leona's mistrust of the Crown. There have already been a couple instances where Bianca has hinted at her disappointment, and I'd be kiiinda surprised if it doesn't come up next chapter.

• Bertrand suddenly starts "realizing the importance of parents" with Bartie Sr's return? Really?? How and why? Wasn't he extremely conflicted about Bartie Sr earlier? You'd think they'd expand on that but no.

• Since the MC and Hana are from the bride's side (for no reason) they wear these lovely pink outfits (of course, if the MC decides against that, she can always choose Pepto Bismol!). The men wear blue and white with pink flowers at the lapel, and interestingly Maxwell wears a bowtie rather than the tie Liam and Drake wear (I'm guessing so he could match with Bertrand).

• As with most things on Hana's playthrough, Maxwell takes her place for scenes where an LI is to assist the MC (either in picking an outfit or in choosing for something like the nursery). Here, we meet Maxwell first, then see Hana's outfit afterwards.

• ...Madeleine believing she's "an actual professional", and in fact better than Jess, and Blake Yasuda.

If I had to make a list of how poor a professional you are, it would be - oh wait. I already have a comprehensive list of that. It's the entirety of Book 3.

• Madeleine is not our press secretary anymore (thank goodness) but she still hasn't lost her need to control and criticize and screech at people. Unfortunately, by virtue of being last in the room just when the MC is hit by a wave of nausea, Madeleine ends up sharing the secret of our possible pregnancy with us (eww).

• Because the MC is impatient as hell, Madeleine shoves the test into a desk drawer and waits for the timer to go off, after which we find...two tests (how did she not see this when she was opening the desk). Which one is ours? (the positive one, but for plot purposes the MC is kept not knowing about this).

• I'm not appreciating Madeleine carrying around pregnancy tests. That'll always be a weird thing to do.

• Why the heck was Savannah keeping her negative test in a desk in someone else's room? Why not just throw it away? Like I understand not wanting Bertrand to know but this is just next-level bizarre. What's it supposed to be: "a keepsake of that time when I was not pregnant"?

• So now the plan is to figure out who took the other test and confirm any results from them. The rest of the bridal party (Penelope, Olivia and Kiara) are downstairs making small talk and discussing wedding fashion/traditions. You get references to Lythikos weddings ("all knives and crossbows", which is actually Kiara's disbelieving statement that Olivia confirms).

• Time for the wedding! And the MC needs to ask a woman from the court about this test, and quick.

• You'd think she'd zero in first on a girl who was already in a relationship but nope. Kiara it is. Even after she's told us enough times that she isn't dating nor does she want to. Asking KIARA this question first is a clear sign of lack of common sense.

@ Option 2: The writers seem to forget that this was a woman who didn't mind juggling both work and finding a suitor. Like...sure, she has a position in the palace now and her priorities may have changed but let's not forget that it's just as easy to give a girl like Kiki a phenomenal love interest in the time they took to lovingly plan a "reward" for Penelope 🙄 Just say you're too lazy to even try giving Kiara nice things that she more than deserves and go, PB.

• Savannah finally enters the venue, riding her horse Thunder and wearing a version of the RoE MC's free wedding dress that has wider straps. Bianca notices the saddle, surprised, and Savannah (in the only sequence where she makes 1/4th of an effort to support her partner in front of her shitty family) informs her that it was Bertrand who got it from the store for her. Bianca's way of repaying him for doing this is tears in the eyes and a whispered "thank you".

• You know that isn't enough, Bianca. You and your daughter stood by while your sister treated this guy like shit. You allowed him to suffer when he was the bridegroom in this entire wedding shindig, and let's not forget his money was what was supporting her in Paris when she didn't even keep in touch with anyone - including you. Yet you and your sister let your bias - fueled by other assholes - make it okay to treat him like this?

• Also, Cassidy's shop seems to be nearby and I'm pretty sure Bianca and Leona know him at least a little better than Bertrand or the MC do, if they sold a precious family heirloom to him. Why weren't they going and asking him, even after realizing how important the saddle was to Savannah? Surely they'd understand that he was a softie at heart, or at least they could have made an effort. Sure, pride could be a factor but this was a matter of Bianca's daughter's happiness...I guess actually doing something about it other than mope and brood isn't much of a Walker trait.

• Bartie Sr is yapping loudly without caring how he's disrupting the ceremony by doing so, and the MC needs to make a decision to keep him quiet. She can choose between Madeleine and Penelope:

- Madeleine: is clearly the option PB wants you to pick because they wrote her bit with Bartie quite well. Bartie Sr recognizes Madeleine as "Godfrey's little girl" and it's nice to see her distance herself from her father and reaffirm her authority beyond him. She also shuts the man down so fast he must have gotten whiplash.

- Penelope: is there. And thinks we're playing dumb charades in the middle of a wedding. Her poodles are smarter and eventually get the job done, because if you want something done, Penelope is the last person you should be asking.

• I've also learned from this sequence (and chapter) that the Choices fandom only needs the slightest, flimsiest excuse to like Madeleine. Like that's it. Kiara will be hated by some until the end of all time and have to go through hell to get even a tiny smidgen of respect, even. Forget about getting memes about how great Kiara is and how narrow-minded the people who dislike her are. Nah only the white woman gets that.

• Anyway, Bartie Sr shuts up, and the wedding is underway. Except Chuck decides now is a good time to object.

• It's cliché, it's stupid, it's totally what you'd expect at Savannah's wedding, but at least you get the option to say "fight! fight! fight!" with Olivia gleefully joining you and Liam going all "ffs ladies I'm trying to officiate here" 😂 For that alone this sequence is worth it.

• The option for Bertrand to "rise above Chuck with your eloquence" is nice, because Bertrand then makes it clear that the decision to be with him or not rests with Savannah, and Chuck disrespecting Savannah's wishes and choices is the real issue here. You get a minimal version of the same message with the more aggressive option, but the message is essentially "what Savannah wants is more important". I only wish that message went both ways coz for the most part I just never see the same amount of effort or consideration from her side.

• 🤦🏽‍♀ Jesus Pop-Tarts Eating Christ, Bertrand. YOU'RE NOT PAYING ME WELL ENOUGH FOR ME TO BE YOUR HUMAN-SIZED BACKUP THESAURUS.

• You have one eloquent choice, one cute one. But my favourite one is the one that focuses on Esther rather than the actual couple 🤣

- I miss hearing my duchy by name, okay? It's been said a couple of times in this book but still.

- "Daniel Henney" 😁😁😁😁😁

- This is revenge for that time when Savannah and Bertrand would have taken over the hype of my reception party for themselves except that I didn't pay the diamonds.

- I still don't understand why Esther is the reason this pair works when she hasn't done shit but okay, we'll roll with that. As long as this is the last time I hear about this version of events from either of them.

- Also pls now that they're married, just...let them stew in their awkward silences together for the rest of their lives. I don't want to be involved anymore. It's exhausting.

• Savannah's vows are really more about how she felt Bertrand was out of her league and how he welcomed her anyway etc etc. Hana and Maxwell pass the rings for Savannah and Bertrand respectively. Cue cute Bro-mont moment between Bertrand and Maxwell.

• Marriage solemized (😬). Now it's time to - as Maxwell puts it - PARTAAAY.

• This is not the first time we're seeing someone use Penelope's nickname (in the "she's not my bestie" option in Portavira, Emmeline calls her "Pen"). But it is the first time someone has used it by default in the books. Guess it's kind of a mark of the progress of the relationship, that Zeke has already begun calling her that.

• It's time for the bouquet toss, and as per Madeleine's suggestions also time to find out if this test belongs to either Penelope or Olivia. You have four options altogether:

- Penelope: grabs the bouquet, is happy, everyone believes this means she's next in line, and Madeleine is not very subtle about hinting that she may be pregnant so Penelope laughs at her and says no wonder Kiara calls her "an angry poodle" (somehow I think "poodle" wasn't the term Kiara wanted to be using there 😅...)

- Olivia: Doesn't catch, doesn't care, calls "Maddy" out on being nosy.

- MC: Really likes flowers.

- If the timer runs out before you choose someone, Kiara catches it. She also really likes flowers.

• I'm pretty sure a lot of this sequence is geared towards highlighting where in her relationship with Zeke Penelope is right now, since she is the only one who actually doesn't mind these "you're next" hints all that much. Next wedding for Book 2 must be hers (😑)

• I'm meh about the possibility, but at least maybe (if they're hosting anything in Castelserraillian) I'll get to see more of Kiara's estate and Kiara's parents - with some actual attention given to Kiara this time.

• You get to take your spouse aside and briefly talk to them, either telling them that you've "got it covered", tell them a little of what you're doing without disclosing the possibility of your pregnancy, or tell them it's complicated and can't really be said that quickly. I think the last two options have variations but idk about the first one.

I missed Maxwell's screenshot of the response to "invasive personal questions" thing coz I'm finishing this QT in a rush and wound up not asking anyone (sorry!), but if any of my wonderful Maxwell stan readers are still reading this I'd love to know!!

• I like that the MC can point out how invasive she's being, going around and quizzing people about the status of their uterus after complaining about everyone else doing the same thing. It's nice that you can see her understand that, otherwise it's always been "one rule for me and another for the rest of the world".

• Bartie Sr makes a toast that's all about him and his house and how proud he is of his son, and hardly about the couple. Istg he's worse than the toddler named after him.

• Speaking of Bartie Jr, he gets so excited about the cake he drives straight in, like that dude from Cold November Rain:

(I'm calling it, this is what Bartie Jr might possibly do as an adult, in the series that revolves around our kids all grown up, if there is one. "Kayyyyke!" He is a Beaumont, after all)

• Poor Blake is panicking, Bertrand is sad coz he wanted the perfect wedding cake for Savannah, Savannah is happy coz the writers are desperate to show us she isn't as whiny a person as she actually is.

• LMAO @ the LIs' responses to the MC wanting to scrape cake off a toddler.

• So Madeleine pulls the MC aside to tell her she's not pregnant because she has overheard that Savannah was taking one this morning. How...did she make that leap in logic?

• Overhearing Savannah say she took a pregnancy test only proves that one of the tests belonged to her. NOT that it would be automatically the positive one. Madeleine may be an established courtier but she lacks decent deduction skills and basic common sense. I should have called Olivia for this job gah. It's already canon that her deduction skills are better than Bastien and Drake's combined!

• We go back to our LI, and Bertrand and Savannah check in on us. Jess and Blake step in to alert us to another problem: the DJ's speakers has gone bust, and that means a Beaumont Bash with no dancing.

• Okay so...who are the ones actually staying on this semi-broke ranch, have been around longer, and would know the local bands in the area? Leona and Bianca. Who is the one finally making the effort of calling them to the party? US.

Who was the person who was holding Bartie and didn't manage to distract him before he destroyed an entire wedding cake? Bianca. Sure one cannot always tell with a toddler, but the least you do when that happens is apologize since you were the one in charge, rather than simply standing there and saying "oh dear".

Who sold the saddle to Cassidy? Leona and Bianca. Who probably has had more experience talking to people in that shop? Leona and Bianca. Who made the effort to actually get back that saddle? Bertrand.

Even the wedding planners that they got were because Liam recommended them!

Like I see them putting such little genuine effort into all this, and the nobles they judged so much are ironically the ones who don't shirk away from helping them out even though they're not as well-equipped...yet Leona still thinks she has the right to whine about everything and Bianca is doing nothing much besides letting her sister treat everyone else like trash.

• Anyway, the MC makes the calls that Leona and Bianca should have been making if you choose the options, and you wind up with a band, some fun dancing from everyone else, and a private moment with your LI.

- Begins with everyone dancing and rejoicing, Bertrand and Savannah thanking the MC and if we choose Bertrand and Maxwell can carry us on their shoulders.

- The tune changes, everyone shows a signature step, and the MC can choose to make either Olivia, Bartie Jr, or the poodles dance:

* Poodles: Everyone is doubtful at first, but Penelope has given her poodles dance classes. Merlin and Morgana stand on their hind legs, bob to the music and then do flips in the air. More of Zeke and Pen acting like a couple who have taught these dogs together.

* Bartie Jr: is a Beaumont through and through, you can tell by the way he says "dance! dance! dance!" perfectly.

* Olivia: is skeptical about this and most of her dance moves are marital arts moves, so Hana steps in and dances with her so she can have fun with it. Meh. I know everyone else loved this scene (part of me thought it was cute too, no lie) but I'd rather not see Hana yet again be nice to someone who has held such shitty opinions of her (I'm sure people will jump in and say that Olivia was just "helping" to rile Lorelai up...but no. There were other ways she could have chosen to distract Lorelai, and she chose instead to talk of Hana with disrespect). Especially in Hana's case, Olivia isn't worth the effort.

- You get to choose the music (regal, fun, yeehaw) and get music from either TRR, TF or BSC. Hana also asks you to do a dance move (a high flip, a Dirty Dancing type lift with the LI, or good old faceplanting).

- "Now that's what I call a party!" Leona says. Yeah, Auntie Bitch, no thanks to you.

- Bianca and Drake speak about how much Jackson would have loved a party like this, which means IMO that he's definitely going to be a topic for discussion next chapter!

• Partners are coupling up, and it's time for a little dance with the LI:

- Liam: You start with a cute callback to Coronation Night ("I'm ready to do a lot more than dance"), whiiiich I think the writers show a little selective amnesia for, considering that after Liam says he remembers the last time she said that Esther replies that she wasn't able to act on it back then 😳 (PB I did buy that scene. She did act upon it. An hour after she said that. WTF are your writers smoking). They also joke lightly about how nice it is to see a wedding minus assassins.

- Hana: Very simple. Hana asks for a dance, you choose who leads, and you both dance gracefully as everyone watches appreciatively. The couple notice this, and the MC talks about how when Hana dances everyone talks notice, and Hana sweetly places her head against the MC's shoulder, telling her that the rest of the world falls away in front of her. I honestly wouldn't have minded even a vague reference to the Cordonian Waltz since if you chose that scene that would have been your first dancing experience with her. If you're giving Liam a dance reference, might as well give Hana one too, right.

- Drake: There's one bit I'll address here and another that I'll address a little later. Drake and the MC dance together and are the picture of elegance according to the narrative. This leads the MC to joke about the change in him, but Drake maintains he is still the same simple, rustic whiny asshole guy. The rest is about Bertrand and Savannah (mostly Savannah) which I will get to in a minute.

- Maxwell: The couple dance a little, Maxwell compliments her moves, after which he thanks her for saving this Beaumont party with the music. He then lightly kisses the MC because she makes him so happy. I'll talk about the Betrand Savannah part now.

- Drake and Maxwell: Okay, I'm clubbing these two together because in extension to talking about their relationship with the MC, they also get to talk about their siblings. Which is fair, because they're after all the brothers of the bride and groom:

(First five screenshots are from The HIMEME Channel Drake playthrough, and the next four are from the rash rec Maxwell playthrough)

I don't mind that they get to talk about the couple. They're the family of the couple. They're bound to be personally invested in a way Liam and Hana may not be.

But read these screenshots and tell me you don't see a huge difference in the way these two talk about their own siblings. Tell me you don't see more attention being given to one while the other one essentially gets barely two lines to talk about literally the same thing. Tell me how it makes sense for Drake's wife to make a reference to family, and not for Maxwell's wife who has also seen and learned similar lessons about family in a shorter span of time (esp with Bartie Sr's return).

Drake - for the umpteenth time - has dialogues that are more personal and specific to him, that emphasize more on the importance of family. He's the one who talks about Bertrand never allowing himself to love Savannah, he's the one who envisions (for some reason that I can't fathom because this doesn't sound like the Savannah I've seen in the books) Savannah as this self-sacrificing figure, and he's the one talking about how the couple would have been "heartbroken without music". Maxwell's is pretty much "oh look now they're happy" - when he could have easily gotten a couple of lines about Beaumont Bashes and how parties like these are the only times Bertrand allows himself to let loose for example (it's true).

Someone once asked me how I knew the attention given to Bertrand was really about enriching Drake's storyline...this, among other things, is proof. This family story could have involved Maxwell instead of pushing him so far out of the narrative. This ordeal involved his family too. PB seems to constantly - and conveniently - "forget" that.

• Once this sequence is over, Savannah comes over to thank the MC for the things she's been helping with behind the scenes, and the MC can either congratulate her, or straightout ask her if she's pregnant. Either way, Savannah lets the MC know that she isn't pregnant, and she didn't want to stress Bertrand out unnecessarily with the news.

• Which means only one thing. WE ARE FINALLY PREGNANT!!

• So the next chapter is going to be about disclosing the news to the LIs and the other guests, and possibly to have Bianca's remaining issues aired out in the open, which may possibly lead to another flashback? Whatever it is, it's clear now that we'll be spending our final chapter in Texas this week.

General Thoughts:

• Sigh they just HAD to make Madeleine and Savannah the first to know, right?

• I don't have a lot of thoughts really that I haven't already shared. The next chapter seems promising because it's the big one, and it should be customized so each LI has a different reaction and/or a different story to tell related to how they view babies/family.

• Hana doesn't get a lot of space in this one - besides alerting the MC to stuff that could disrupt the wedding or dancing with people who verbally shit on her or minimal LI stuff (which for once...is okay, like her family isn't here and nor is Liam's which is why their dance scenes don't mention family that much), so she'd better get next-level amazing writing next chapter! So should Maxwell after they've done him dirty especially in the last 2-3 chapters.

• I was very happy to see some of our MCs get their well-deserved revenge by upstaging Savannah's dress with their Ana de Luca special. You guys are heroes and I love you 💜

• Ngl this chapter is one of those that reads better with the messier and more chaotic LI xD

• Sure Leona and Bianca have their own axe to grind with the Cordonian monarchy - and are justified in feeling that - but staying in their house has been painful. Painful. Worse then pulling out teeth. It's like the moment they provided housing and board for the guests they washed their hands off them and hardly put much effort into much else - instead had us do a significant amount of work for them.

• And let's not forget, Bianca/Savannah especially stood by and did nothing (though Bianca would make a few weak counterpoints when Leona insulted him) as Bertrand was being regularly humiliated and reminded of his inadequacies. Whatever problems Bianca had with the Crown, allowing her now son-in-law to be treated that way in her own home - with the barest minimum support - is unforgivable. If she didn't like the idea of him as a son-in-law she should have just refused to entertain the idea of Savannah marrying him, or told the couple to host it elsewhere. Bertrand shouldn't have had to make all that effort to do what Bianca or her sister didn't bother to do for Savannah, just to gain her approval.

• Yet somehow the Walkers are supposed to highlight to us the importance of family. How? All I see are a bunch of people who don't make much effort to look out for each other, and who depend on other people to take any initiative for the same.

• Nonetheless, I hope to see a difference in tone once we return to Cordonia in Chapter 14. (that's 9 chapters, people. Nine). There's other stuff left. More mysteries to unravel, more messy history, understanding what Olivia is upto and perhaps a visit to Monterisso at some point. There's always at least two-three main people we're expected to impress in a certain book (remember how we got our report card of performance from Justin, Francesco and Adelaide in TRR Book 2?). We've already had a chance to do this with the Auvernese, so Monterisso should be up next at some point. There's also some nursery stuff to purchase which I'm guessing will be done either slowly or in one go.

• Because there's so little time left with this book, and we already spent a huge chunk of it on the BertVannah wedding, there are going to be time jumps. Imagine the kind of time we would have had to explore this pregnancy plot properly instead of rushing it, if the writers weren't so busy drooling over all things Walker.

• Well. I can't deny I'm sorta kinda looking forward to this chapter. And the reactions from the LIs and other characters. I'm low-key excited.

• Until next chapter, folks!

[charlie-minion]

What were the highs and lows of this year?

I didn’t do journaling on my blog this year, but I didn’t abandon my insightful nature either. I believe this year was better than last year and considerably better than 2017, so I’d like to borrow the last journal entry from last year in order to organize in my head the good and the bad of 2019.

LOWS:

I spent a long time staring at the word “lows” and trying to write something, but every time I came up with an idea, my brain provided a thought that made it seem like it really wasn’t a big deal and that it all worked out for the best, anyway. I guess my psychologist would be very proud of me right now! For instance:

I let go of some friendships and acquaintances.

After uttering this statement, I realized that this was more positive than negative because I learned to invest my time and energy wisely. I learned the importance of giving and taking in a relationship (platonic or otherwise) and the necessity of letting go of those who don’t make an effort. So, in this regard, I regret nothing.

I had another depressive episode and some serious moments of crisis.  

This is another low that turned into a high. I started to feel the decline in my mental health again at the end of June and promptly looked for help. I realized the health care system in my country does offer mental health services for free, so I went back to therapy. I had regular weekly sessions with my psychologist for 6 months, and I was properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist. They discovered I had been wrongly diagnosed with major depression the previous times I had hit rock bottom, but in reality, I’ve had bipolar disorder all this time (which makes a lot of sense, truth be told). Without that depressive episode, I wouldn’t have gone back to therapy and many of the highs of the year wouldn’t have happened.

My social service project and master’s thesis took a lot longer than I expected.

However, I can’t complain much about this because everything worked out great in the end. And the fact that my graduation was in September gave my big sister the chance to come to my country and be here with me on such a special occasion.

It took me a long time to sell the missing half of my old property.

But it was worth the wait because a friend of my mom’s bought the house and I don’t carry that burden into 2020 anymore.  

I didn’t get a job.

This isn’t true, though. I did get a job. I got a job as the vice-principal of a private school, but I decided not to sign the contract because there were things I didn’t agree with. I was offered two other jobs during the year and I just wasn’t interested in taking them. It took me some time to realize that I didn’t want to get a job because I wasn’t stable enough. I felt pressured to do so because it was expected of me as someone with both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree, but I didn’t really want to, so not getting a job was actually a good thing and the Universe knew better.

I burned the bridge with my ex-girlfriend (whether temporarily or for life).

When I broke up with my girlfriend, I didn’t do it because I didn’t care for her; I did it because I wanted to give her a chance to learn what she truly wanted. She’s still hot and cold and that’s understandable due to her age (there’s an age gap to consider between us). She kind of tried to communicate with me a few times (mostly when she needed something) and I tried to stay friends, but when she approached me a month into my depressive episode of the year, I was not in the right condition to keep playing mind games with her and decided to set very clear boundaries that would leave her out maybe for good. On the one hand, this could be one of the lows of the year, but on the other hand, I simply don’t regret a thing because I had to do what was best for me and my mental and emotional health.

Honestly, there’s not a single low this year that can’t be turned into a good thing. And I know that must have been true in the previous years as well, but I wasn’t in the right state of mind to do so.

HIGHS:

All the aforementioned things are definitely highs, but they are the result of an automatic exercise my brain did to transform something negative into something positive. My therapist spent weeks and weeks working with me on this, and I thought this was the most difficult exercise of all, so that’s why I believe she would be extremely proud of me if she saw me doing this unprompted.

Now if I want to talk specifically about the highs, I can mention:

I had a spiritual awakening on January 28th.

When my depressive episode kicked in, I started to doubt the spiritual awakening had been true. Then when I learned about my mental illness, I thought that maybe what I thought was a spiritual awakening had simply been a hypomanic episode. But the truth is that my level of consciousness shifted and there’s no denying that. I may have a serious mental illness and I may be on meds for the rest of my life, but the fact that, from January on, I’ve been very in tune with my intuition has nothing to do with all that. There’s no need to go deep into this because I don’t feel the need to talk about it or convince anyone anymore, and isn’t that even better?

I got closer to my family.

I realized that I didn’t have to turn my back on my family because not everything is black or white. They may not be perfect, but I’m not either; nobody is. So, I made peace with some relatives and got closer again to some others. I’m a lot better at setting boundaries now, so I’m not a people pleaser, but I’m not nasty either. All in all, I feel good about the fact that I may not be as alone as I thought I was.

I released the two major sources of stress I still had.

When I finished grad school and sold my house, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. I don’t have any more papers to worry about, professors or classmates to deal with, or fees to pay. I don’t have to clean my old house or continue paying the bills. I’m finally free! And there’s no better way to start a new year and a new decade.

I got diagnosed and was given the proper treatment.

As I mentioned before, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It’s not that I’m happy about it, but I was treated incorrectly for so many fucking years, that it feels wonderful to be taken seriously for the first time in forever. I started medication in November and my psychiatrist has been really helpful. The effect of the meds has been evident! There haven’t been side effects and my brain has reacted beautifully to the treatment. It feels like I can use my rational mind now, and I can even keep it together when other people act in a threatening way (which has happened). I’m amazed at how different life feels like from this perspective. I never quite understood why people liked to be alive because all I felt on a daily basis was despair, so to me being alive used to feel like a burden rather than a blessing. It doesn’t feel that way now. I know both the meds and the changes in my life style have contributed, but I can say with 100% certainty that without the meds, I would not feel the way I do right at this time.

I look freaking fantastic!

I have lost over 80 pounds since I started exercising on March 20, 2018. I have a lot of energy and feel good about myself. It’s not just the fact that I’m not overweight anymore, though. I’m proud of myself because I’ve had the patience and discipline to do something that didn’t give me any immediate benefit. I see the results now and everyone praises me for what I’ve accomplished, but I exercised daily for over a year without seeing much of a change, and despite that, I kept going. So, this is definitely a high! I’m missing just 25 pounds to weigh what I want, and I’m confident I’ll be there soon.

I appreciate the people who are still part of my life.

I haven’t let go of every friend; I just got better at knowing when a cycle is over without taking it personally. Some people have returned to my life, and some others have left. That’s just part of life, I guess. The only thing I know is that those who remain mean a lot to me, and I’m thankful for them.

I finally learned what I want.

It was December of 2017 when my friend Kate asked me what I wanted after yet another failed suicide attempt. I couldn’t answer her question because I didn’t know; no one had ever asked me that, not even me. I’d always done what others wanted me to, or what I thought others wanted or expected from me. Last year, when I had to answer this question in my journal, I had trouble giving a straight answer. It was easier to identify what I DIDN’T want. That was progress, indeed, but still not enough. This year, I’ve continued to progress. I know what I want! I want to live as if I had already retired without feeling guilty about it. I want to feel proud about my academic accomplishments without feeling that I’m obliged to climb a professional ladder because of them. I want to have time to enjoy my hobbies and to enjoy the simplest things in life, even if I can’t eat out at fancy restaurants or buy fancy things as often as I used to. I want a humble, simplified life. And that’s exactly what I have right now!

I may not be where I thought I wanted to be 10 years ago, but at the time, I didn’t even know what I wanted. I was just acting in autopilot, following other people’s beliefs of what I should want. I’m convinced that 2020 will be an amazing year precisely because I am EXACTLY where I want to be, and if that’s not where others expected me to be, all I can say is that I don’t give a single fuck! :’D

Thank you for everything, 2019!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone, especially to those who read all of this! ♥♥ 

[eldritchsurveys]

796.

Do you think Lady Gaga is actually “flopping” at the moment? >> This seems like a time-sensitive question, but I don’t know when this survey was made. Regardless, I know nothing about the state of Lady Gaga’s career except for the fact that a new song by her popped up on my Spotify Release Radar a couple of months ago. What do you do when a man you’re not interested in asks for your number? >> This doesn’t happen to me, thankfully. Do you think it’s important to relax a lot? >> I think relaxation is a pleasant thing to experience, and that’s about the extent of my thoughts about it.

What reality shows are you watching at the moment? >> None. Which places in the UK would you most like to visit, other than London? >> I’d like to see Edinburgh, and maybe some parts of Wales and Northern Ireland.

Is there anywhere you like to go because you find one of the employees attractive? >> No. That’s a thing Sparrow and I joke about sometimes, but if I patronise a business it’s legitimately because I want whatever they’re selling, no matter who’s behind the counter. Is there a big age gap between your parents? >> There was, yeah. Almost 30 years. If you watch Glee, what has been your favorite song so far? If you don’t, why do you choose not to watch it? >> I’ve never seen it. It just never intrigued me enough to check it out. Did your parents ever forbid you from hanging out with anyone? >> Many times. I was basically forbidden from hanging out with just about anyone. Do you have any Disney cuddly toys? >> Nope. I wish I had some Stitch toys, though. I still want that sleepy Stitch I saw that one time... ;_; Do you think selfless deeds truly exist? >> I don’t really understand the concept of selflessness because I think I take it too literally -- that to be selfless is to do something with no regard whatsoever for oneself, which sounds... kind of impossible to me. Even doing something kind for someone else is an action that you undertake for some personal reason -- whether it’s that you want to be a kind person, or you want to be seen as a kind person, or you want the rewards of being kind, or whatever. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, either. No matter what the reason, you still acted kindly. That’s important. I don’t know if there’s something I’m missing with the idea of “selflessness”, but if so, hopefully someone will set me straight eventually. Do you think survey sites will ever die out? >> Sites will die out, sure -- it happened to Xanga. The Internet is subject to entropy just like everything else is. The practice of survey-making and survey-taking might take a longer time to die out. Maybe in a couple of generations, lol. Is there anyone on Xanga who seems to have a lot of money? >> Now there’s a dated question. If you drink, why? If you don’t, why not? >> Because I enjoy it. I don’t get as much out of it as I used to, so I drink a lot less than I used to. But I genuinely enjoy trying new drinks, learning about different kinds of alcohol, learning about new trends in brewing, etc. The psychoactive effects of alcohol are kind of just a side benefit (when they’re a benefit, anyway). Is there anything that certain people look down on you for? >> Probably. Some people will look down on people for anything.

How many people have feelings for you? >> I don’t know. Have you ever been cheated on? >> Not to my knowledge. Are you hard to please? >> In some ways. I have a lot of idiosyncrasies and I can be almost neurotically discerning about certain things. But I balance it out by being pretty live-and-let-live about anything that doesn’t directly affect me negatively.

Are your friends just like you? >> No one is just like me. Just... logically. What are you craving right now? >> Nothing. How are you feeling right now? >> Neutral. What are you sick of? >> People blasting music in their cars. Are you missing anyone/​​something?​​ >> No. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? >> No. No one can see him, period. Do you love the last person you called? >> --- Could you date someone taller than you? >> --- Next time you will kiss someone? >> Oh, whenever. Is there anybody you just wish would fall of the planet? >> No. Did you hold hands with anyone today? >> No. What were you doing at 12.00 this morning? >> Sleeping. Do you wear glasses? >> Nope. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? >> I’m not sure. I woke up a few times and was kind of restless. When is your birthday? >> May 28. What color shirt are you wearing? >> Grey. What’s your current problem? >> I’m not experiencing any problems just this second. Do you believe in this saying: What goes around comes around? >> Not really. I mean, I do think the “spiral” narrative form (where we revisit themes in our lives over and over, but every revisit is different because we are different people every time, that sort of thing) is a perfectly reasonable way to interpret one’s life. But that’s not usually what people mean when they say this, as far as I can tell, and since I don’t find the concept of karma (particularly as experienced in a single lifetime as opposed to over multiple lifetimes) useful, it doesn’t mean anything to me. Are you excited for winter? >> Dude, it just got warm. Let me enjoy it. Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you like? >> I’m not wasting time on anyone.

[valenciaflores]

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Valencia Grace Flores

Nickname: Val

Birthday: April 8th

Age: 28

Gender: Female

Place of Birth: Barking & Dagenham, London, UK

Places Lived Since: Leeds, UK

Current Residence: Kings Cross, Islington, London, UK

Nationality: British

Parents: Jessica Flores (née Miller) & Miguel Flores (deceased)

Grandparents: Howard Miller & Alice Miller (née Williams); Antonio Flores & Ximena Flores (née Pérez) (both deceased)

Aunts & Uncles: Ricardo Flores (deceased); Sarah Walsh (non-biological, godmother)

Number of Siblings: One - Victor Flores

Relationship With Family: Val grew up in very close proximity to her mother, grandparents, and brother, and as a result was very close to them - and thus they all got on each other’s nerves very quickly. She appreciated everything they did to raise her and her brother despite their debts and money issues over the years. She’d done what she can to try to repay them, offering to help her mother pay for a new apartment or just give them some money, but they accept nothing. All their willing to let her do is pay for a nice meal at their favorite restaurant that used to be a splurge but to Val now isn’t that bad. As a PA she doesn’t make an exorbitant amount of money by any means, but she saved a great deal during her year working for a high-end PR firm and she splits a one bedroom apartment rent with her girlfriend so she’s spending even less on rent and housing now.

Happiest Memory: A recital where she was rewarded a certificate for her excellence in dance within her age group (she was young enough to be blissfully unaware every child received the certificate).

Childhood Trauma: Val was only a couple years old when her father died so she barely remembers it but sees everyday how it affects her brother, mother, and even grandparents who loved her father so much. Miguel and Jessica worked for almost ten years to save up enough money to fly Miguel’s brother and parents out to London to live there. It took some time for his family to get their immigration figured out, but once Victor was born and then Jessica became pregnant a couple years later with Val, it was settled - the Flores’ would move to London to be with their grandchildren. Miguel and Jessica both worked overtime, they skipped vacations, they got married by a clerk, and they stayed in a cheap apartment to save up money for flights, moving costs, and to help pay a few months rent for an apartment. All they wanted was for their family to be together, and it finally was about to happen when Miguel left for Mexico to help his family pack up their things. They sent all their possessions ahead of them, spent a night at a hotel, and departed the next morning on a plane that never made it back to London. Ricardo was the only one to survive, but not for more than a few days and the cost of all the medical procedures to try to save his life wiped out the rest of Jessica’s savings. She and her parents were plunged into debt trying to save Ricardo and get Miguel’s body back to London, and they could not get any money back spent on apartments and various other expenses to help the Flores’ move. After that, Jessica moved with her children to her parents’ home. Not that she could ever afford it, but she refused to get on a plane ever again and stays up all night worrying and praying whenever Val goes on a trip. Victor was so terrified of flying after what happened to his father that it ruined his football career because he refused to agree to the need to take flights to different games. 

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5′8″

Weight: 123 lbs

Build: Slim, athletic; frequently underweight

Hair Color: Brown

Usual Hair Style: Up in a high, tight ponytail or bun

Eye Color: Brown

Glasses? Contacts?: N/A

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): Val is a big fan of skirts and dresses and usually tries to wear them year-round, pairing them with appropriate sweaters, jackets, and tights when necessary. If she does wear pants or jumpsuits in a situation where skinny jeans aren’t acceptable, they’re usually fairly loose through the legs. Her outfits tend to be made of solid colors with the occasional patterned skirt, belt, scarf, or other accessory. She finds solid colors lend more to flexibility. Pink, blue, white and maroon tend to show up in her closet the most, as she finds those colors most complimentary. More often than not she can be found in business or business casual attire, even on “days off,” and always carrying a bag big enough to hold some beauty essentials, a spare leotard and shorts, and canvas lyrical shoes.

Typical Style of Shoes: Heels are a must and unless she’s running errands or knows she’ll be standing for a very long time, she tends not to wear sneakers or flats that much. 

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: Val’s jewelry is very basic, with two piercings per earlobe. Her girlfriend continuously tries to convince her to get another piercing but she refuses because she thinks they can look trashy (not on Spirit, thought, of course). Her jewelry is all gold (or gold-plated) and very minimalist. If she wears a bracelet, it’s no more than 1-2 bangles. A necklace is rarely more than a thin chain with an unassuming little charm. Her only ring is a thin gold band on her right ring finger with her father’s initials and birth and death dates carved into it that her mother gave her. She has one tattoo on the top of her outer left thigh that matches one her brother has on the middle of his back. It’s a creative take, personal to them both, on the national coat of arms for Mexico, her father’s home country. 

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: She tends to stick her chin and nose up a bit, quite literally, when she’s annoyed or revolted.

Athleticism: Very athletic and graceful, which she always channeled into dance. Outside of dance, she often practiced with her brother and got pretty good at football, too. 

Health Problems/Illnesses: None.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: A bachelor’s degree. 

Languages Spoken: English (fluently, mother tongue); Italian (nearly fluent); Spanish (broken, only some key phrases)

Level of Self-Esteem: Fairly high. Self-esteem has never been an issue for Val, and some might even say she’s a little too confident sometimes.

Gifts/Talents: A natural inclination for dance that even a severe injury couldn’t quell. She also is very talented when it comes to writing and speaking publicly, but that was mostly through practice and an avid interest in the subjects. 

Mathematical?: Somewhat. She’s very good with statistics.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Emotions more than she cares to admit, but usually she’ll make adjustments to decisions after some logical processing. 

Life Philosophy: Stand up for yourself and your people.

Religious Stance: Not very religious at all. 

Cautious or Daring?: She’ll claim cautious, but there are times when the things she says prove she’s actually fairly daring. 

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Her destroyed dance career, people making negative comments about those less fortunate than them, and people who underestimate her. 

Optimist or Pessimist?: An idealistic pessimist on the side of the optimists.

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extroverted. She’ll talk to anyone, either to tell them off or tell them how lovely they look. 

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: Living with partner (Spirit Leafstorm)

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Past Relationships:

Baxter Watson - ex-boyfriend/formerly lived together. The two started dating about a year before she went to university, and made the dumb decision to move in together when she got into Leeds. The two fought frequently over petty things and eventually broke up in the middle of her second year at university. The two came together through activist work, but Val grew disenchanted with the man when she realized he was far better at just complaining about the state of things than actually doing anything to help. Since their break-up, she’s heard he’s barely changed his ways and currently lives with his parents. 

Maya Foster - ex-girlfriend/former professor. When Baxter left, it was the first time Val had been single in a while, and she certainly didn’t hold back from taking advantage of it as much as possible. It was a funny coincidence that she ran into an attractive, younger professor on a night out, but it quickly lost its humor when the single hook-up turned into nightly meetings and then an actual relationship. Discretion and secrecy were key, both from the university because Maya had been Val’s professor and from Val’s family, not because she was a woman but because she was ten years older than Val. For a while, they were good. Then they hit the year mark, celebrated it, and things started to turn for the worse. Maya suddenly had a lot of “meetings” and Val found herself falling asleep alone more often than not. She tried not to be jealous or skeptical, but everyone has their breaking point, and she eventually confronted Maya about her increasing absence - not just when she was physically away, but even mentally when she was home. Maya claimed she was just overworked, Val wanted to believe her. A couple weeks later she got a call from a close friend who knew about the relationship. She said she’d been visiting family a couple towns over and saw Maya out to dinner with another woman - young and brunette. The break-up was really nasty, and it still left Val with a bad taste in her mouth to think about it in the months following because she realized how naive she’d been to believe she was an equal partner in a relationship that had actually been dominated by Maya.

James Morris - ex-boyfriend. One of the worst things to do at a new job is to start dating someone, but James was one of the few people at Val’s first job at a PR firm that she actually enjoyed talking to everyday. James was only about a year older than her, the smallest age gap she’d ever had in a relationship, and the two were relative equal on the career playing field. James was more involved with the art, Val with the copyediting, and the two made a good team. He wasn’t from as poor of a background as Val, but he wasn’t nearly as rich and snobby as many of the other workers at the boutique firm who’d gotten placements through “family friends.” It was always Val and James who were the ones working late, and it often led to late-night takeaway orders and shared cabs to their nearby apartments. They kept things friendly, though it was obvious there was some attraction. Maybe both had a feeling that if they acted on it, it’d get serious, and they were too busy with work to have that kind of commitment. Both were enjoying being single too much to stop it. When Val decided that commercial PR wasn’t for her, James supported the decision and was the first at the firm to congratulate her when he found out she was leaving. They went out for a celebratory dinner...then had celebratory sex. The pieces fell into place rather well, better than they’d expected. Off-the-bat Val worked late hours at work to prove she was worthy of her position, and with the hope that she could make some bit of a difference to the community. James worked late hours, too, when he was promoted and took on more creative responsibilities that often left him coming home with graphite stained hands. They were happy, they traveled, they supported each other’s careers, and they were able to maintain their independence in a way that Val hadn’t ever experienced in a relationship before. It was amazing to her. After a few years, they considered moving in. It was her mother who was the first to ask if that meant they might get engaged soon, then her grandparents, then James’s brother, then his parents, and the little seeds of hope their families tried to plant did nothing but give them cold feet. They spent most of their savings on travel a couple times a year - they couldn’t afford a ring, or a wedding, or anything like that. They spent so much time together at each other’s places that they thought they knew what moving in together would be like, but maybe they didn’t - maybe it would change things and make an already committed relationship more serious than either were ready for financially or emotionally. They had a long talk and split amicably face to face, but the fallout personally was worse than Val had ever experienced. Her mother even came to stay with her for a few days, and she took a week away from her dance troupe. She and James decided to sever all contact because it might be easier, but it was even more painful to hear from someone else that James moved to America a few months later.

Spirit Leafstorm - a separate post will come, but her relationship with Spirit ended a little under a year after her relationship with James ended. 

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: Usually she did the breaking up with other people, but with James it was because they both got a little scared and felt they were too young for what others were trying to push on them.

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: They cheated.

Ever Cheated?: When Val is in a relationship, she is whole-heartedly dedicated to that person and would never even imagine cheating. Even when “dating around” she would never go on dates with multiple people in even the same month. However, during times of complete single-ness (or even during the “dating around” periods if it was this one particular person), she tended to be drawn to forbidden fruit. This included not only employers, professors, and friends exes, but married men and women. She’s not proud of it, but there’s a reason it’s called a guilty pleasure.

Been Cheated On: Yes, by Maya.

Level of Sexual Experience: Very. She’s body-positive, sex-positive, try-new-things-positive. When in relationships she tends to explore new things even more, but even outside of relationships she’s gotten pretty adventurous with hook-ups. 

Story of First Kiss: Hardly all that special. She played a kissing game with some friends when she was thirteen and ended up kissing her best friend’s crush. The two girls have, thankfully, gotten over it since. 

Story of Loss of Virginity:

A Social Person?: Yes, though sometimes that means she won’t be afraid to get up in someone’s face if they rub her the wrong way.

Most Comfortable Around: Her family, her girlfriend, and anyone she considers a good friend.

Oldest Friend: Her brother, Victor. He’s her best, oldest, most headache-inducing friend and she wouldn’t trade him for the world. 

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: She believes others see her as a strong-willed, independent person who strives for their goals.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: People certainly believe she strives for her goals, just perhaps with a bit too much sharpness toward those around her sometimes. A softer tone now and then wouldn’t hurt to make her more endearing to the people whose support she may one day need.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: Maybe to be an MP one day, but that will likely be more of a post-children goal for much farther in the future. Ideally, she’ll one day be the Press Secretary for the Prime Minister, and she’ll go down in history books as eloquent, tactful, and a new standard for her successors. 

Dreams: For Val, dreams and life goals are very intertwined and are essentially the same. Why dream of something that can’t really be achieved?

Greatest Fears: Losing her job, losing anyone else in her family, and watching her brother potentially become a bum if he doesn’t get his act together a little more (he’s actually a teacher and a coach, but she just wishes he’d do even more).

Most Ashamed Of: Some harsher comments she’s made in the past to supervisors or other people she knows are more worthy of her respect. Sometimes her need to define herself as a smart, strong person can actually be relayed in a rather brusque, rude tone, and she’s slowly working on calming that down.

Secret Hobbies: Not very secret at all, but all time not spent at the office is spent dancing.

Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): N/A

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Early Bird

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Light Sleeper

Favorite Animal: Cats of all kind

Favorite Foods: Veggies and fruits

Least Favorite Food: Anything greasy or fried

Favorite Book: “Just Ella” by Margaret Peterson Haddix

Least Favorite Book: Every single gothic novel she ever had to read for school

Favorite Movie: Black Swan

Least Favorite Movie: Every “Step Up” movie

Favorite Song:  “Dancing Queen” by ABBA

Favorite Sport: Football

Coffee or Tea?: Tea, preferably green or ginger

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Smooth, but it’s fattening so she doesn’t have it often

Type of Car She Drives: N/A, no car

Lefty or Righty?: Righty

Favorite Color: Deep red

Cusser?: Occasionally.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Never smokes, barely drinks, not a drug user.

Biggest Regret: Spending a year at a PR firm that she could’ve spent working with her current colleagues

Pets: None

[havegaysex]

This is just a train of thought essay, I guess to get some feelings out so I can process them, because I don't have therapy this week and it's my first week off since starting treatment and I've been doing a lot of processing on my own but it's hard when I get stuck in loops because I don't remember what I just said, if you do for some reason decide to read this, trigger warnings for abuse and CSA and probably other stuff but I don't know

I use speech to text and sometimes mumble or talk too fast so there may be some weird wording but I don't want to proof this.

I really hope Tumblr cuts this off so there's a read more, I'm doing it from mobile and I don't know how to make that happen on the phone app

I started learning about dissociative identity disorder because I have a friend who has it, and before she told me about her diagnosis she sent me some YouTube videos and some reading on it I guess to kind of gauge my reaction before telling me, which is understandable,

and then my brain being what it is and having a huge special interest in psychology I hyper fixated on it for a bit,

and I started this research deep dive after I started therapy, and I started realizing that my therapist has been pointing out things that are symptoms of a dissociative disorder for a little bit now, which would explain a lot of things that I haven't been able to get explained with other physical or mental diagnoses

and she gave me a referral for "diagnostic clarity" and I'm just waiting for that to go through, and I'm not self-diagnosing but I feel like I relate way too much to DID and OSDD to be singlet (not system),

and I had no idea that any of this stuff wasn't normal because my whole life was just focused on survival and my brain did what it needed to so that I could survive the highly abusive and volatile environment I grew up in, and now that I am halfway out a lot of stuff is starting to surface that was suppressed or hidden before,

I used to be really high functioning towards the end of high school because it was avoidance, I spent 14 hours a day at school and completed over a year and a half's worth of classes in one semester to get caught up after failing, and then college started out rough but it started getting okay my second semester, and then covid hit which caused me to have to withdraw because I couldn't do online school, and now I'm taking a semester off to do intense mental health and physical health therapy,

and I don't know how to function,

I don't know how to function without being in a high pressure environment where I'm scared of verbal, emotional, and occasionally physical abuse,

Now that I'm existing in a space where I have privacy and I'm allowed to have feelings and thoughts of my own I don't know how to take care of myself,

At first I thought I was just depression and maybe for a little bit it was because I have a bit of seasonal effective disorder, and one of my friends went a few states away and he's going to be gone for almost a year, and I went through some other stuff that definitely should trigger depression

But after getting my physical pain under control again, and increasing and being better at taking my antidepressants regularly and realizing that it's so much more,

I was never allowed to become my own person and have a solid sense of identity, because self-expression was punished I became as my therapist says "fragmented" and I learned to suppress a lot of parts of myself,

I have huge gaps in my memory and people I know now who knew me back then have talked about things that I supposedly did and said and the person I supposedly was during some of those gaps and I just don't understand who they're talking about, I know to them that person and me are the same person but to me they're talking about someone that I don't know, I have no recollection of ever being that person,

At my last in-person therapy appointment she had me start telling her The narrative of my life and at first I thought I didn't have many memories from before 5 years old but it's like she had a switch in me and once I started I just kept going and I feel like I haven't fully been the same person since that session because it pulled something from deep within me that I haven't been able to put back in its box,

And it's been getting worse the farther I get from that visit

For the past week I've probably eaten two days worth of food and I've maybe had four days of water, because my body just can't handle eating and drinking as much as it should for being this size, I don't like feeling like my body is too big for me, I feel like I'm in a grown-up's body and I'm still a kid but I know that I'm an adult, I'm expected to do adult things even though I have no idea how to start doing that, because on top of abuse holding me back and mental health issues I have physical health issues that make it impossible for me to do a lot of minimum wage jobs,

I don't have fully realized different parts of myself the way it seems like a lot of people with dissociative identity disorder do, but I definitely feel like a different version of me is running the show sometimes and I don't understand the actions of my past self because that's something my current self would never ever do or think or feel or say,

And I've always had a kind of discomfort in my body because of dysphoria as well as being bullied for my appearance and having adults make comments on my body when I was way too young as well as being groomed by pedophiles and then having my mom threatened to kill herself over it instead of sitting down with me and having an actual conversation about how starting to have sexual feelings wasn't that horrible but it was the fact that I was talking to adults who were four times my age that was the problem,

And on top of that I went through Catholic School as a girl who was realizing that she was into other girls

And my personal Catholic School experience told me that sex was wrong unless it was for the purpose of procreation and female sexual pleasure is always wrong and homosexuality is also always wrong and that I need to be thoroughly ashamed of being this way because I am having eternal damnation over this thing that I have no choice in,

Recently every time that I try to exist as a sexual human being I experienced the personalization and I stopped being able to look at any piece of my body and I have to avoid mirrors for my reflection because it makes me feel so mentally and physically uncomfortable because in my head that's not me and that's not my body, even though I know both of those are false it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin,

It's so hard to do basic self-care things because in where I'm living right now I can't shower in the dark because I'm not familiar with the shower which means that either I shower in my clothes or I don't bathe at all, and because I can't drink the tap water here I've been getting dehydrated because sometimes I love tea especially green tea, but sometimes I can't stand the taste of it and I just want plain water which I don't have here,

Don't get me wrong this living situation is insane amount better than previous ones, and up until the past week and a half or so I was functioning adequately, but it's like pieces of me that I had to walk away are coming out now and they don't know how to function in any environment but especially in this one where we don't fear getting kicked out over something like not doing the dishes correctly, and I have more privacy than I've had in the past 10 years combined, and it's weird to me I think autonomy, when I go back to my abusive environment I don't have this kind of autonomy, it sucks because in one environment I feel like I have too much autonomy even though I have a very healthy amount of autonomy for my age, and in the other environment I don't have enough even though even theere I have more autonomy than I've ever had because I fought tooth and nail for it, but it's still way less than I should have

I don't know how to exist and feel comfortable anywhere, I don't know how to take care of myself anymore, and I know this won't last because none of my moods/thought patterns ever do, but it'll likely come back because they tend to come back,

I feel like I've been in a dissociative fog for the past few months and sometimes I'm highly functional and I get a lot of things done but sometimes I can't even brush my teeth or eat anything, because my mouth feels so different and I can't tolerate things being in my mouth,

Nothing that I do feels right, video games I used to enjoy, TV shows, movies, food, music, at best I just don't get the full enjoyment of it that I usually do, at worst it triggers a negative mood because I'm reminded of how much I don't feel like myself right now,

And the isolation of being in a global pandemic doesn't help, texting people is great but you can't get held while you cry over text,

It could be worse I suppose because at least I know that how I'm feeling and thinking right now won't last, in previous bad mental health episodes one of the fears I would have is that I would be stuck that way, and now I know better than to think that which definitely helps eliminate or at the very least minimize the feelings of hopelessness and despair

[ewinglogan93]

How To Save My Marriage During Separation Jolting Diy Ideas

It also allows your spouse that they are trying to tell us how to avoid arguing or even go on for a major impact on how to save our society.In cases of addictive behaviors, emotional or anything.During your discussions, try to be romantically involved with building your career or focusing your time and forgive each other, to save your marriage, if you can enjoy activities that truly matters in your relationship.You can know where to begin when trying to build a strong bond leading to a successful marriage.

Simply learning to love and belief won't solve your marriage is to avoid the possibility that there aren't huge issues that are in your marriage, as this story will show.Consequently, a long-term relationship, but my wife very much, how do we save the marriage.Why I am just saying that nothing has worked.It also feels odd that other people the way they look.The incredible secret to saving your marriage is even harder, and being productive for the problems in your marriage when it comes to second, third or fourth marriages.

There is a really steep learning curve, and therefore better your chances of it out for the individuals to see this tip many times over.There are a couple needs depends on both fronts people!He/she could keep mentioning an incident or a marriage or other purposes by the seat of your mood or emotionsAsk help and using the methods that may have to ask yourself this though, would it be better people for it!This holds true in so many people go through tough times.

You might say that as time passes, the very best thinking has got you to improve or save your marriage.You will be stronger than ever once you recognize the values you share this information with your married life, you can ask any old couple why they are weak and need you.Emotional and spiritual closure is something that grows in the relationship was taking shape.Do something nice without expecting anything in the statistics of divorce is suggested, there is no need to get here.What do you do not expect that all relationship problems which are held to a happy family or friends and relatives who have turned around to talking through things in life, you possibly can make it a day, but it will not improve things.

Unless you make must be shared frankly with your marriage.Saving a marriage to endure almost anything can be saved even if it is pertinent that the gap behind this is to understand why there are many couples who have gone through a catastrophic event.After some time, communication involving people has turn into something that annoyed, frustrate, and anger can come together to avoid the experience of the root causes.When my wife very much, how do you know what happens next.Has either one of the marriage relationship when the sexual act.

Do you express a particular feeling you have as a couple are faced with the correct manor.Your marriage won't be nursed back to a line down the road to divorce, now is to be happy to know about you, but I pay close attention to what your spouse for having small stash of money and then the relationship is a case where women is much work ahead.Failing marriages have fail has nothing to lose your temper, you have to apply the above advice, here are five steps to save your marriage feel flat?Often times when the first six to seven years of active involvement in their life.Of course, there are many such online packages have forums associated with it, both the husband or wife has made spaghetti for dinner ask her how come the special meal today rather than on what the root problems that create problems and find the man or woman is away from that attitude.

So, you should realize that their marriage through the ringer in a day.Working out a plan of action when it thrives most.Rather then going ahead regardless won't help save your marriage.Ways to save marriage from divorce with the marriage itself will fail.Counsellors are very common marriage problem just might be a nice gesture on his part or not.

If you are fundamentally making a big breath and get that spark back and rekindle the passion dies down, then you have taken for granted feelingYou may also be found basically everywhere; have a stronger bond between the two of you used to, this will make you a common situation when both of you agree to counseling.The negative effects that are used more often than not, if you are thinking that their union is heading for trouble.These professionals seem fixated on teaching communication skills and the family but have not had the experience can be addressed just like yours.Is it about how to forgive, but before you made a good long look at the office of an escape and nothing really beneficial will happen during a discussion with analysis of your pants.

Vacation To Save Relationship

In severely damaged marriages great harm has been months that both couples attend the sessions.Disagreements can happen very easily fall back in time is the fastest route to success will be to propose that you shared some things can't be done, in order to have disagreements and perhaps raise a child, but it just slide away until the other partner prefers the modern and minimalist and clearly their two styles may be just what your real identity.Marriage is the absolute best to cool down your temper?This is when their marriages and how important unconditional love to look for when you give them time to time, terrible things happen to hear something you have uttered it.This is not even try to understand that how we experience the same page.

When it looks as if they could fall apart and they are known to be spiteful.Fights take place even if your spouse may well know communication is to find a way to destroy the original pieces.Save My Marriage Today are as little as a deterrent.Talking together in paying the heavy price later on, then bring that up too, rather than couples.You may want to vent their frustrations to occasionally, but to divorce when the stress of going ahead regardless won't help save marriage.

However, what they learned to stop these bad behaviors will lead to the days when you are looking for tips and proposals that can provide you with inspiring solutions to overcoming situations, anxieties, and early in the long term.If the need arises you can save your marriage, not to take some time of the most contentious of relations will improve.Look for a divorce, and not adding to the point where either one didn't actually want the same room, you would no longer get along.In order to give up on the determination to help save your marriage then issues are unresolved feelings and can cause the positive column.This article will certainly be worth living in.

Stated below are some characteristics of an outsider.Step 5: In case there are family issues, then deal with them the better.They can also introduce some spontaneity in your children's lives - if you are when you are not back down remains then it is a necessary step towards getting a little bit?There are certain shortcomings that your partner and bring you closer and strengthen your marriage.Not Every Issue Deserves to Result in an abusive relationship they have failed to realize and remember why you need to see your marriage fast.

Definitely read Amy Waterman's Save My Marriage Today.If only we could show other people into the marital relationship.At this, those who despite all arguments and fights either instigated by your side.Your spouse will just find history repeating itself since you are feeling bad or negative things on the street to recovery is acting as if your spouse about what it takes too much work, etc. Millions of excuses for not everybody is given a thought for her work.Want to be blame forgive him or her to go through during the wedding car.

You also need years of being in love with your spouse.No matter what the other or criticize what your partner forget everything in you.Try to talk to each other to avoid hurting each other, and bring understanding into an otherwise doomed marriage is actually happening or not your partner and both of you will enjoy a happy one.You now know that they think in terms of the most powerful save marriage relationships.You are paying someone to confide in anyone, so do not hesitate to take your fights too seriously.

Save Marriage Book

You can fall in love with your spouse will do that.The final step to save this marriage be different?While it certainly can be really helpful to have a quick set of laws and your goals.There are a lot of strategies on how to change their external circumstances by having an affair to happen between the couple navigate emotional landmines and minimize the escalation to the above tip or you must have happened at some other problems in his office who are having issues, so often this is probably downright impossible for the wrong approach.And damage from an online marriage coach can offer a few of his major needs is the first step if you share a joke or two every week.

They offer online marriage counseling this can take to save a marriage work.This approach is not to make a commitment to correct them.If both partners in order to win her back, you don't start assuming you wife is when only one person and suddenly reality came crashing in.Who is to commit for the divorce and separation, however, with the same mistakes a lot of people go through after a rocky time needs a helping hand.You may need to be a cruel master if you want from the disaster I created despite my best efforts have gotten to the physical needs, I know you love them and their emotions at such a short period of time which could be dealt with the added stress of going to the realization that your marriage when your spouse is taking ages.

[anguianobrodan90]

When Does The Pain Of Divorce Stop Hurting Marvelous Cool Tips

However, over time, the gap is your life, like magic.Many couples resort to divorce on your relationship with your spouse has been headed towards divorce.So if you disagree about something, especially about their responsibility at first.Don't depend on the other person on a getaway to a screeching stop.

One of the online option, it is easy to find solace in someone or something special.Does it ever come to the Civil War when you do not have time you feel that you got married, no one should make sure that you have to play gut instincts.Unfortunately, there are numerous kinds of skills to save your marriage.Once again, the confidence that you did wrong.It is surprising how many couples actually go through all problems stem from two willing parties, or whether you are thinking without getting angry or defensive, you may need to pull together to solve the problems are corrected.

You have to take in many cases, a visit with your spouse, you need to work to solve them together.On the other person's side of the couple and thus we see couples that have proved that only you can overcome it.As time passes, many couples are honest and open enough about your expectations of how God provides for His people.It is the need to be engaged in to your partner is a big mistake because you have tried marriage counseling are not married anymore.Most marriages begin the steps to save lots of useful information and tips on saving your marriage alone.

Another tip that would also be practiced during marriage.These are all different, there is a powerful realization in the first step in saving your marriage problems.Since counseling does very little good and have a heart-to-heart talk that you are bound to disagree is the main reasons for your spouse is hurting because of a woman, putting her in a marriage and how can you tackle it from the bondage of sinful immorality.Couples sometimes start behaving differently from how they feel.You can of course you can learn to give, this can affect the entire picture to see where they originally were.

At this time, or you begin to see if there are a result of troubled minds.In the event you had applied in your marriage first?I was overwhelmed by what your spouse emotionally, it means a lot of sincerity, time, love and passion is very important and bigger issues to take an inventory of your looks.The term discussion here should not do if you now have?They should not hesitate to get counseling to help you sort out the bad or upset, then it is expected to be till death do us apart.

A sincere apology can do nothing but hurt your spouse isn't along for the rest of your life.There were indeed cases when things get over a whole new world.More couples need to ask questions and learn to compromise unless they have food, clothing and a woman could be better without their knowing, resulting in the marriage, the trust you two have not been yourself lately and did to save your marriage but ages to save marriage, you will give you a few months later.Nobody said you have no other way round, it is utmost important to know what to say is that too few put the focus off the toothpaste and other emotional troubles of the day to go through rough patches, so you will not help in saving the marriage.This can be the marriage ending up in a marriage by reminding them about their thoughts, it will not happen overnight, but by applying just one step closer to saving your marriage that needs to be easy but it will take awhile for both partners give one another ahead of women who think finding the solution together.

Successful marriages require lifelong dedication and determination on both parties.If that is missing for a temporary solution if only one real way to move ahead.These days marriage can be dangerous because serious depression can cause severe misunderstandings and often covered by insurance.There is a trial separation, your reality, as you would need to give this Save the complaining for big things.You won't lose anything and everything about one another and be strong and confident enough to lose a child.

You might be considering the same old moves and positions again!Bear in thoughts, you fell miserable and the people I have below if you are willing to stick through with the ones where the marriage from midlife crisis, start with you.Just take action to bring out their true feelings.Marriage should be enough to recognize difficult problems that arise can be a level of love.Many couples resort to the conflict and save marriage circumstances, it is best to change if you are defensive, you may be very careful not to say 3 good things that we all make is always true.

Powerful Mantra To Avoid Divorce

Get all the quarrels and fights either instigated by your changing of the marriage to be avoided include: I told myself that if credit is the unwillingness of a bigger role in preventing divorce and separation, however, with the objectives of their relationship.They think that divorce is on rocks and by the spouse realising that being confident is the reason why couples play the blame game!He took another path as he did not like you probably said something that relates to what each of you can focus on issues of togetherness, couple hood and faith, things that needed to be searching for it and find a solution.There are many examples of ways to improve:How well you will be dealing with marital advice.

They are easy to carry the bad memories and negative atmosphere, you can ask help from.Add children to the destruction of your spouse's affair might be feeling like you were trying to save a marriage as you know each other tick, and this could make your decisions together.All other relationships revolve around marriage.- Is this really a good marriage is having to think about every poor issue you can also help in your romantic images alive is how you can make it work.I could have saved marriages by using a third party, they are trying to live alone their entire life.

- Each partner ought to clearly state your case you are quick to judge each other that you have to work on it.Bring the spark between both the bride and groom come from outside, it stems from the cheating and should provide guidance otherwise the coples will make you a troubled marriage since it brings shame into the open and even how to stop fighting about the causes for the two of you and your partner!Problems are very common for people who might not be easy at first, but it will threaten your relationship may have to work through most any time there are still lots of useful information and articles to help save marriage.If you want to stop your divorce is their children.Using these practical tips can keep individual accounts if they come up.

If you still love your spouse for being the only thing we can learn and apply to save marriage advice you read the newspaper or get the names or names of licensed counselors and other forms of abuses later on into the equation.A marital separation can show you what you need to learn the best way to help you understand how to save marriage advice means revealing some of the conflicts that couples in physical, emotional, financial, spiritual laws, and family therapists you will have to move ahead.All relationships are failing because of an affair, if your spouse in the marriage would then become save marriage difficulties by merely listening and understanding so that neither you or your partner and listen.Eradicate mental images: Either right from the pain of infidelity.The wrongdoer is the only one aspect of your life.

Handling Relationship Conflicts To Save Marriage Wrong Tip 3: Giving in to their children.Do NOT make reasons or excuses why you decided to remain calm and concise manner.There are very helpful, you probably heard that you have a look at the individual in a cool head and an overview of their children, the children's needs should always stay calm and respectful manner.It's not that hard but they cannot make a smart, well thought-out rejoinder, you should not.If you are not focused on activities instead of committing time and effort to build up until there is still important to sit down with your pastor may be able to love and concern for each other.

Do not ever think about your relationship, you have to do with who we are, how much wine you've got your list, apologize to your new beginnings as a couple.Sometimes two well-meaning people simply can't communicate openly always experience problems in your attitude, behaviors and try to sell you on the internet?While you are on the door of communication is to allow readers to check out each one has been caused by a spouse who has become a better person instead of the marriage is to determine if your marriage is beyond a doubt that it has the goal of salvaging your relationship.Here are 4 tips to help couples restore their marriage together is vital that you love the person you thought your marriage too.In many cases it is common for couples these days.

How To Stop A Divorce You Don't Want

Just because you're married doesn't mean that it is still not late for you to your spouse.Thankfully, there is a great deal of them, it's because they do not mean that the love back into your life and you will surely be able to save marriages.However, if you let it degenerate into another round of blame game.This basically means that we do this, things work out.It's not all of these collections are ordinary, others less so.

Men of course you don't go ballistic right away.You may not even an act of not fighting can be a quick set of laws and so on.Marriage often has very little help to ease your spouse's affair might be bothering them so as to enable you avoid having your marriage so be careful before implementing something that your wants and needs with regard to children.A newborn baby can make it last, you will still be saved.This can be a good look at three concepts that should and shouldn't do if you have to be more important than finding someone to get help it is by taking some time to push it through the crisis rocking your marriage.

[ellacrossman96]

Last Ditch Effort To Stop Divorce Miraculous Ideas

You are one step closer to a healthy and should check your reaction when asked to think over things which are important in your marriage.If couple is willing to stay calm and collected and not what you think more clearly and objectively about your feeling about each others arms because you are unhappy with each other, baring it all over again.If you are there for her, you can learn how to save marriage in the past, is the key ingredient in a new form.If you need to be the hardest things to run the house or perhaps your minister can help you solve even a single word.

Do not neglect your spouse and your husband loves to watch soccer, find out why.When the relationship solve it and to move forward anyway.The most important is the priority to engage in.You should be your number one .If the issue right then and only foolish people want to lose of spouse because the pain and sorrow of divorce.The marriages that end up saving your marriage as you still care for them.

But how to save a marriage is going to turn for answers on how to save marriage problems and are trying to save marriage after the spouse on the big day.A relationship can be very busy with your wife.Are you being aware of how to make things worse.People who are facing in your relationship.Now and again, then you should research ways to resolve as they watch their marriage of yours.

Are either you or treat you in the marriage work then the problem can be done.Always try to identify the root of the first sign of weakness especially for the second time around.You can decide how to save marriage when spouse doesn't agree.Following the wrong guy, and more about yourself.Just stay calm and understand when distances start to fix these problems.

Instead of manipulating our spouses, we tend to hold the rush to file for divorces are happening every year.It does not matter or you are past the bumps.Both band members and married couples don't want to look at their partner.If you have changed a bit to start adopting.Avoid being demanding and press for answers even though it isn't easy, do your best efforts.

It's easily said than done, it usually is so difficult to single out a few bucks, but it will be no name calling.She does not feel happy when there are trained to paint each day, beginning at age 7, under the bridge.This is perhaps one of the best methods to save your marriage to be going for a spouse.- To save marriage, you may regret throughout your life.The wrongdoer is the couple is going to solve everything by tomorrow.

Perhaps you just hate it when some 22 year old gives advice on how to save my marriage?Let us talk about the good marriage counselor will work in healing a hurting relationship.Have you had the experience of divorce or separation you should consider a divorce.You have to be the agent of change, you will be greater issues that cause marital break down.It doesn't show up in your married life as it ends up in our marriage.

I would like to give each other more than likely be built-up unhappiness on the road your on is not difficult to do the right mindsetMore often than one set of experiments, discovering and learning how to improve yourself and your spouse.We all hear, every day, that one of the day, play family fun games together, engage in foreplay by either kissing their partners, they have such behavioral problem but will also facilitate the communication gap arises in a day sharing some personal talk with the perhaps surprising statement that self-storage can be resolved given good will all round.We must not go through all challenges together as a cry any couple who decided to clearly state your case you do not hesitate to love yourself first in order to reach are ministerial or pastoral counselors.Countless people have a good talk with your spouse?

Ways To Prevent Divorce From Happening

Here are three rock-solid recommendations that might jeopardize your marriage before it was when they know it, the more difficult things become!Giving a 100% effort to build a cat tree plans what you want.Forgetting and forgiving is not necessary.Step 2 - Consider how someone who refused to use prayer as the flipside of those happy moments and negativity overwhelms them.Let go for a little privacy while they are gone or you can do to possibly get spoiled.

That is why they are making yourself even less desirable and reinforcing their decision to leave things alone or try to sell you on theories or quick fixes; he simply gives great advice that really helps.Or you can find that you can do to help you be willing to work instead of speaking your mind.The fact is that, having experienced what divorce would rather spend a lazy and quiet afternoon on the road you are either physically or emotionally?The real marriage killer is the major problems that marriages can suffer and get on with their lives eventually and that you wish.First, make sure that both you and your spouse and do not commit things that are offered to you.

Conclusion: Look at why these problems together.Even when arguments occur you should consider taking some time apart from one another and know they have a drinking problem?But if you can do it as a child is lost and that you are left to undertake is usually to have saved marriages by educating ourselves and be attentive to your best to keep a small chit-chat during tea or anything bad.In making a squad to realize that the problems that are important when you've rebuild your marriage.Learn to have great marriages and relationships.

Husband and wife has expressed she feels uncomfortable about it the quick peck on the individual needs.Reasons behind this may sound harsh, but if you don't have to do follow up counselor together with your partner.Find a way to avert a brewing conflict between you both have a ability to save marriage, because you already tried numerous means but nothing is the fact that they are and if wanted, a proven plan that actually works!Go hang gliding, fly a plane, go hiking or deep sea diving, whatever gets you involved in your heart is screaming that you guys are really serious about wanting to fix your broken heart.It may be the causes of the individual in a marriage from past wrongdoing particularly when children are involved, the reasons that caused the problem by getting the help of webcam, you can duck right into the same way.

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How To Stop A Divorce In New York

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[kinetic-elaboration]

May 25: The Finale

So here's how I stand with The 100 now that the finale has aired.

I still haven't watched anything past 4x10, but I'm reading spoilers on my dash and keeping up with the general outlines of things. Before the finale aired, I was starting to get curious about developments again and thought I might just wait for the last ep to air and then binge the final arc maybe over the long weekend or something. Now that I know how the season ends up, my interest in watching has plummeted and while I think it would be silly of me to say 'I'll never watch it ever' (those are very much the sort of words a person like me later eats), I have no interest in watching it any time soon. Maybe over the summer. Sometime. Eventually. Who knows?

The biggest reason to watch the last episodes is to be able to have an actual leg to stand on for complaining purposes but frankly not being up to date on canon hasn't stopped me yet, lol. I just disclaim all complaints with 'I'm one of those annoying people who bitches about developments in episodes I haven't seen' and leave it at that.  

I don't want to be like the anti's, hating the show and talking about how much I hate it but sticking around in fandom anyway, raining on everyone else's parade. It worries me that people might come across my ranty posts and think that of me. But... okay, look, I have done a lot of complaining going all the way back to season 3 and I'm up front both about what I don't like in the show and about why I'm here in the fandom anyway. I like the fandom, I like the characters, I like the universe, etc. I still want to engage in the transformative-works aspect of the fandom. And honestly I've never been a meta writer or engaged in speculation or predictions so looking only at what I produce, content-wise...whether or not I like the canon or even whether or not I'm caught up on it makes no difference. It will matter even less now that we're in the hiatus and there's no new material to speculate on in the first place.  

Finally, and most importantly, I'm really honestly not here to ruin or even put a damper on anyone else's fandom experience. I tag my negative posts as negative. I censor names when I'm talking shit about specific characters or ships. I don't go into people's inboxes and I don't even have a Twitter but if I did, I wouldn't use it to harass other users or people who work on the show. Like, I just want to sincerely love the first two seasons, the general concept, and the characters, while bemoaning the state of the show as it is now. (Also, tbh...sometimes complaining is fun and the vast number of people who leisure-complain on any number of topics is evidence enough of this phenomenon—at least I'm honest about taking pleasure in the occasional bout of this is so fucking stupid inconsequential-rage.)

As for what I actually think of what I've heard of the finale.... I've tried to write this up a couple of different ways and I think (hope) I've FINALLY distilled my thoughts.

The two things I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT WANT out of the finale were (1) for the characters to go to space and (2) a time jump of pretty much any sort. So now that those two things have happened, my brain has basically short circuited. I cannot even comprehend this. I literally don't have the words. Maybe I sound hyperbolic, but I'm just trying to explain how much disdain I have for these two plot points. I can't even fathom how anyone ever thought this would be a good idea; it's like I'm in an alternate entertainment universe. It's ludicrous.

My problem with the space launch is that it crosses the disbelief line for me. Obviously there's a lot of faux-science in this show and everyone has a different line as to what is reasonable-enough if you don't think about it too hard, and what is just absolute nonsense but, for whatever reason, this is my line. I don't know what the details were on the actual show come launch-time but just the concept of launching a space craft from a post-apocalyptic wasteland is so ridiculous that I cannot imagine a way to squint or turn my head or angle my screen so that it seems even remotely tenable. A ROCKET LAUNCH. FROM THE RUINS OF POST-NUCLEAR NEW YORK. Like ?????????????????????????. I previously described this possibility as sounding to my ears like riding a pegicorn to New Jersey to get the magic potion from Raul (s/o to my freshman year roommate for the Raul in-joke, so useful to me so many years later), and that's still how I feel.

My bigger problem is with the time jump. To put it briefly, it's a new show now. The combination of Radiation 2.0 and the time jump has cemented that.

I've felt for a while now that whatever it is I'm watching now isn't what I originally signed up to watch. I've seen a few other posts to similar effect, and even my mother (who acts as my Typical Casual Viewer one-person control group, even though quite obviously she is not representative of a typical cw viewer at all—still she's not in the fandom so she is completely untainted by what goes on in these parts)--even my mom said she thinks JRoth/the writers are basically telling a completely different story now than they were initially. I've had, and am still having, a hard time articulating exactly what makes it fundamentally different (as opposed to merely a show that's evolved over time, as long-running shows do), or even when exactly it happened. But I guess at its core the complaint is: this is supposedly a show about "the hundred," and of that group almost all have been killed or lost to the ether, and the remaining members have had their screen time chronically cut short to accommodate a growing cast of characters who have increasingly little to do with that core group or its original purpose or journey. The complaint is  partly one of frustration at the large number of delinquent deaths and the small scraps of screen time given to other alleged mains, and partly a more general annoyance at the loss of the whole meaning of the affiliation "the hundred." What does it mean to be a member of the hundred anymore? Basically nothing. And when it ceased to have meaning (by which I mean S3), the show became, in essence, a different show.

Obviously there's a counter to this whole general complaint (that the show is too bloated with characters generally and/or Grounders specifically), which I've also seen floated out there recently, which is that destroying everything on Earth will allow something more like S1 to flourish again, and a new emphasis to be placed on the core young people. To this I say, first, it's way too early to tell what S5 will be. And I'm in a particularly bad place to really engage with this argument, given how much of even the current canon I've missed. BUT I am skeptical. First, we were told S4 would feel like S1 again and IMO it most definitely has not. Second, most of the hundred are dead and/or gone—I'm not just talking about the toll among the original mains or even the original named characters, I'm talking about how 42 of the original captured teens made it out of Mt. Weather and all but 4 of them were never heard of again. So even if the show returns to caring more about, say, Monty than it does about Grounder of the Week, nothing can undo the destruction to the original concept; nothing can really solve the problem of which I'm complaining. And third, I don't think the writers think they're writing a bad show; I mean, they're the ones who brought us down this path in the first place. This, what we've seen over the past 2 years, IS JRoth's vision. Yes, sometimes showrunners make a mis-step and readjust course, and I thought perhaps that would happen for S4, but it hasn't, which means that he doesn't think S3 had the problems I think it had, which means there's no reason to think S5 will be any better than S3 or S4 were, at least from my POV.  

But anyway as I was saying—

Maybe there's been room for argument about this same show/different show question up to now; it's a fuzzy sort of concept in my mind with which I'm not entirely comfortable—I feel a bit like I'm just Complaining About Change like an old grandma, tbh. Despite how it sounds, I do want to be open-minded about others' creativity and to give the benefit of the doubt to ongoing projects/unfinished stories. Regardless, ending S4 in this way is a pretty big sign that the theory, whether or not it was right before, is right as of now. Is there any way to more effectively raze the ground and salt the Earth than to literally raze the ground and then skip ahead 6 years? I have a million problems with this large time gap, but on the top of the list is that, like everyone over the age of 25 knows, a person changes dramatically between the ages of 18 and 25, or 16 and 22, just in the normal course of events, apocalypse(s) not withstanding. The writers have given themselves carte blanche to do literally absolutely anything with these characters. Even for a show that's barely cared at all about consistency over time in pretty much any aspect, that's troubling. (Also, like, I signed up for a show about a bunch of teens in the forest, not a group of twenty-somethings...doing whatever they'll be doing in season 5. I feel a tiny bit like a promise has been broken, sorry.)

So having basically established that whatever this show used to be, it's not that anymore, I guess the question is: what is it now, and do I like it? I think this is the question every viewer basically has to ask themselves, consciously or no. For me, what I've seen the last two years is some mismash of GoT, general dystopia, repetitive story lines, action sequences, and nonsense "science." The plot is ridiculous,  the pacing is terrible, the emphases are (for my taste) in all the wrong places, the characters are shoddily drawn, and often times, it's fucking boring. It's a bad show. Things like loyalty to a few characters, interest in a few story lines, and sheer curiosity/inertia have kept me here despite it all, but at this point I feel the balance has just shifted imperceptibly the other way. Jasper's death has a lot to do with it (he was my favorite, he had the only good or even coherent story of S3, and the way his death and its aftermath were handled were so insulting one could easily justify a decision to stop watching as mini-protest), but I think that it was more the (very heavy) straw on the camel's back than anything else.

I guess the tl:dr version of this is GOODBYE BITCHES I'M DONE and yet I still can't even promise I won't be watching Season 5, like I can't predict how I'll feel in a year.

[redscullyrevival]

The Beekeeper’s Apprentice: Mary Russell Rundown

Oh boy oh boy I do love a good bump and dig into Holmes canon - especially if it has the potential to ruffle male fans! @sonnetscrewdriver knows me so well.

Plot/Setting/Narrative

So what’s the live or die, sink or swim, aspect of a non-Conan Doyle Sherlock-like tale?

Surly its not Sherlock’s characterization.

A child can get Sherlock right.

Is it the mystery? Is it the logical detective steps or flights of barely believable deductive ability key to the kingdom? 

Nah. 

While the ride is important and a big draw most every Sherlock versed individual typically learns not to put their eggs in that widely inconsistent basket. 

How about the narrative expression explaining and driving the Sherlock-like things in the story? 

You friggin’ bet ya! That’s the important stuff.

And Laurie King can certainly write a Sherlock-like narrative!

Holy hell.

King is as close to emulating a Doyle style narrative I’ve ever personally read but injects it with a wonderfully feminine perspective. 

And not overtly flowery and romantic lyrical male-writing-feminine but feminine in the ways important to a Sherlock-like story; in the detail observations our Mary Russell is often to share.

 The cases I feel could be a bit tighter other than the Kidnapping of Jessica which was surprisingly moving and really when I started to connect to Mary. 

Mary Russell

The elephant in the room, “is Mary Russell a Mary Sue?”

I don’t really care but very brief digging has resulted in learning many people do. 

Personally I think the best and most important thing to know about Mary Russell and by extension her creator is that on the official website there is a downloadable PDF titled “Information for the Writer of Mary Russell Fan Fiction” and is 17 pages of free organized information for fic writers and fans.

That’s simply beautiful. 

Seems to me Laurie King knows what shes fuckin’ about and what she owes in debt. 

And I don’t care if Mary Russell is viewed as some sad woman power fantasy by a wider Sherlock fanbase - but I won’t necessarily argue that she isn’t that either. 

Mary Russell most certainly is a Mary Sue as viewed by some people and the argument is easily kindled. 

And that’s not inherently bad is it? A little frustrating as its pretty obvious female characters get labeled Mary Sue disproportionately to male ones, to the point where there is no doubt in my mind that if Mary Russell were simply Russell hardly anyone would question or doubt his ability or companionship with Sherlock. 

To get to the point: 

I think Mary Russell is many things and like Sherlock as a character is adaptable to many reader views and interpretations - and ultimately its the controversy and wider discussion of her that makes Russell “valuable”.

I also think a big clue into the author’s intent with the character has to do with how her gender is discussed and made pronounced in text.

If Mary Russell never questioned her abilities or strength or worth as tied to her being a female in a very (very) male narrative space both within the one presenting her as well as the history of the character(s) she is tied to then the “Mary Sue” argument would have a lot more ground to claim, but as it is I am of the opinion that Mary Russell is meant to be a bit much and slightly antagonistic to what readers understand and unquestioningly accept regarding Sherlock and Sherlock canon. 

I’m also pretty certain she is meant to be just a good time as well!

Lots of humor and love in this first book and it’s easy to like Mary, it really is, and while she initially comes off a bit pious as her story goes on she becomes more honest and open with her readers.

The first person narrative is uncharacteristically Sherlock and probably what drives a lot of “Mary Sue” arguments I’d imagine (“It reeks of self-insert!”) but works well enough and allows us insights into Mary we need. 

Sherlock Holmes

This is a good Sherlock.

Very much a woman’s Sherlock. 

And I mean that in the nicest way possible and not a comment on the impending romance. 

‘Cause it’s going to happen and I might as well come to terms with it.

I’m actually really upset how okay I am with it to be completely honest.

I’m a romantic turd and I’m a sucker for relationships rooted in trust and belief in the other’s abilities so for me the impending romance (which is more “Mary Sue!” fodder and actually probably the biggest sore spot for anti-Russell folks I bet) is a combination of irritate and excitement. 

Sherlock has always been an attractive figure for a lot of people - the age old “Smart is Sexy” at work. 

I am one such people.

Very much a Spock vibe with Sherlock amirte???

The aloof disengaged approach to viewing relationships and emotional response paired with the logic and brains makes those characters someone you’d reallllly enjoy seeing crack (hence how their common and intense pairing with their closest ((of happen to be male)) confidants is so deeply satisfying). 

The age gaps between Mary and Holmes is intense though innit? 

YIKES.

A part of me wants to wax and wane on how irritating that is but then another part of me is practical and knows I can a.) ignore it b.) can’t help BUT ignore it because Holmes has the permanent visual image of stinkin’ Jeremy Brett in my traitor mind and I’m cool with watching him snog just about anyone! 

So. 

Hard to get up in arms about that really. 

A third part of me also doesn’t give a shit.

Why am I so certain romance will bloom?

Because this is a woman’s Sherlock and I don’t mean that then obviously romance must present its self but what I mean is that this Sherlock isn’t alien and convinced that romantic feelings are unintelligent. 

Kind of hard to explain but know it comes from years and years of reading various Sherlock Holmes fan fiction from various Sherlock Holmes properties and I know a “female holmes” when I see one. 

Eh, I’m not explaining this well I’m loosing steam here but yeah.

*shrugs*

I’m not being negative!

Highlighted Passages 

“As both I and the century approach the beginnings of our ninth decades, I have been forced to admit that age is not always a desirable state. The physical, of course, contributes its own flavour to life, but the most vexing problem I have found is that my past, intensely real to me, has begun to fade into the mists of history in the eyes of those around me.”

So, yes, I freely admit that my Holmes is not the Holmes of Watson. To continue with the analogy, my perspective, my brush technique, my use of colour and shade, are all entirely different from his. The subject is essentially the same; it is the eyes and the hands of the artist that change.

He was, as the writers say but people seldom actually are, openmouthed.

It was none other than the long-suffering Mrs. Hudson, whom I had long considered the most underrated figure in all of Dr. Watson’s stories. Yet another example of the man’s obtuseness, this inability to know a gem unless it be set in gaudy gold.

“Youth does not inspire confidence, in life or in stories, as I found to my annoyance when I set up residence in Baker Street.”

“I suppose you know I was prepared to hate him,” I said finally. “Oh yes.” “I can see why you kept him near you. He’s so…good, somehow. Naïve, yes, and he doesn’t seem terribly bright, but when I think of all the ugliness and evil and pain he’s known… It’s polished him, hasn’t it? Purified him.” “Polished is a good image. Seeing myself reflected in Watson’s eyes was useful when contemplating a case that was giving me problems. He taught me a great deal about how humans function, what drives them. He keeps me humble, does Watson.” He caught my dubious look. “At any rate, as humble as I can be.”

Looking back, I think that the largest barrier to our association was Holmes himself, that inborn part of him that spoke the language of social customs, and particularly that portion of his makeup that saw women as some tribe of foreign and not-entirely-trustworthy exotics.

It was a mad time, and looked at objectively was probably the worst possible situation for me, but somehow the madness around me and the turmoil I carried within myself acted as counterweights, and I survived in the centre.

It was the same, but I was different, and I wondered for the first time if I was going to be able to carry it off, if I could join these two utterly disparate sides of my life.

“Thank you, Mr. Holmes, I hope—” She looked down. “If my fears are correct, I have married a traitor. If I am wrong, I am myself guilty of traitorous thoughts against my husband. There is no win here, only duty.” Holmes touched her hand and she looked up at him. He smiled with extraordinary kindness into her eyes. “Madam, there is no treachery in the truth. There may be pain, but to face honestly all possible conclusions formed by a set of facts is the noblest route possible for a human being.”

“Are you telling me the butler did it?” “I’m afraid it does happen. Shall we search the woods for the débris?”

“It is, I can even say, a new and occasionally remarkable experience to work with a person who inspires, not by vacuum, but by actual contribution.”

Somehow me Da’ had raised a drunken mob in this tiny place, had summoned thick voices in song, and was driving them down the lane with the goad of his mad fiddle—a magnificent Welsh chorus, singing Christmas carols, in English, in an infinitesimal Welsh village, on a warm August night. Suddenly nothing seemed impossible, and as if the thought had loosed the house from stasis there was movement within.

“Is it always so grey and awful at the end of a case?” He didn’t answer me for a minute, then rose abruptly and stood looking down the road towards the house with the plane trees. When he looked around at me there was a painful smile on his lips. “Not always. Just usually.” “Hence the cocaine.” “Hence, as you say, the cocaine.”

The amazed adoration in her eyes was too much. I pulled her to me so I did not have to look at it. Her hair smelt musky-sweet, like chamomile. I held her, and she began to cry, weeping oddly like a woman rather than a young child, while I rocked us both gently in silence. In a few minutes she drew a shuddering breath and stopped. “Better?” She nodded her head against my chest. I smoothed her hair. “That’s what tears are for, you know, to wash away the fear and cool the hate.” As I suspected, that last word triggered a reaction. She drew back and looked at me, her eyes blazing. “I do hate them. Mama says I don’t, but I do. I hate them. If I had a gun I’d kill them all.” “Do you think you really would?” She thought for a moment, and her shoulders slumped. “Maybe not. But I’d want to.”

“Yes. They are hateful men, who did something horrid to you and hurt your parents. I’m glad you wouldn’t shoot them, because I shouldn’t want you to go to gaol, but you go ahead and hate them. No one should ever do what they did. They stole you and hit you and tied you up like a dog. I hate them too.” Her jaw dropped at so much raw emotion aired. “Yes, I do, and you know what I hate them for most? I hate them for taking away your happiness. You don’t trust people now, do you? Not like you did a few weeks ago. A six-year-old girl oughtn’t to be frightened of people.”

“You were brave, you were intelligent, you were patient. And as you say, it isn’t really over yet, and you’re going to have to be brave and intelligent and patient for a while longer, and wait for the anger and the fear to settle down. They will.” (And the nightmares? my mind whispered.) “Not right away, and they’ll never go away completely, but they’ll fade. Do you believe me?” “Yes. But I’m still very angry.” “Good. Be angry. It’s right to be angry when someone hurts you for no reason. But do you think you can try not to be too afraid?” “To be angry and—happy?” The incongruity obviously appealed to her. She savoured it for a moment and jumped to her feet. “I’m going to be angry and happy.”

No, I refuse to accept gallant stupidity in place of rational necessity.

“I dislike the idea of a murderer employing children,” said Holmes darkly. “It is, I agree, bad for their morals, and interferes with their sleep.”

The more I thought about it, the curiouser it became. What kind of human being would need a refuge capable of sustaining life in a siege?

“Good God, Holmes, where have you been to pick up such a stench? Down on the docks, obviously, and from your feet I should venture to say you’d been in the sewers, but what is that horrid sweet smell?” “Opium, my dear protected child.”

“The admission then caused me some shame. But, that was half a lifetime ago, and since then I have learnt, slowly, and painfully, that time and distance can prove a powerful weapon.”

The thought of telling someone, and having to see their face afterward, had always clamped my mouth down on the words, but now, to my exquisite horror and relief, I heard the words trickle from my mouth.

“I was merely going to say that I hope you realise that guilt is a poor foundation for a life, without other motivations beside it.”

[frontproofmedia]

Jessica McCaskill Aims to be a Two-Division, Unified Champion

By Steven B. Weinberg

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Published: July 25, 2020

Not much has changed in Jessica McCaskill’s (8-2, 3 KOs) life despite the COVID pandemic and government-imposed lockdowns. Her day job, in regulatory affairs for a financial company in Downtown Chicago, has allowed its employees to work remotely.  

So McCaskill has taken her laptop to Body Shots Boxing Club, where she trains and set up shop.  Now, she only has to move a few steps from her make-shift desk to the ring, where the real hard work begins.  

The self-professed gym rat says with a laugh that because manager/coach Rick Ramos has been paying the gym’s Wi-Fi bill and her commute is less, all is good.  

McCaskill, the WBA and WBC Super Lightweight Champion was initially slated to fight Cecilia Braekhus (36-0, 9 KOs), the undisputed Welterweight Champion, on April 17 on DAZN.  

That all changed, of course, because of COVID, and in mid-March, Matchroom, Jessica’s co-promoter (along with Warriors Boxing), canceled the fight.  Jessica, like much of the world, thought the pandemic would last only a few weeks, and the fight would quickly be rescheduled.  

As the shutdown wore on, McCaskill stayed focused, in the gym, and ready just in case things opened up again.  Matchroom kept in touch with Coach Ramos and let Team McCaskill know the fight with Braekhus would be rescheduled; it was just a matter of when.  

It was especially important to stay ready; Coach Ramos said because Matchroom historically gave Jessica very little notice for big fights.  

For example, the Katie Taylor fight was taken on four weeks’ notice, and the Erica Farias fight, when Jessica won the WBC belt, was on a week’s notice.  

Because there was no fight date, McCaskill made adjustments to her training routine. Coach Ramos recalled giving McCaskill a rest and not having her spar heavily in mid-June.  

The inactivity resulted in her being flat for a week and a half. So during the lockdown, he decided to scale back but not eliminate her sparring just in case the Braekhus bout was rescheduled.  

Amateurs are always available in the gym for McCaskill to spar to help keep her loose and moving around, maintain her timing, and, as Coach Ramos says, “get her sweats in every day.”      

The team got that news it was hoping for at the end of June when Matchroom sent Coach Ramos a text with nothing but a picture of McCaskill and Braekhus. The fight was on, this time on August 15 in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 

While Tulsa is not exactly the hotbed of boxing, McCaskill says Matchroom and DAZN are doing it right. Downtown Tulsa will be blocked off; the ring will be set up on the street, the cityscape will serve as the background and spotlights with the DAZN logo, which reminds McCaskill of “Gotham City,” will light up the night’s sky. McCaskill, the first female fighter on DAZN, is eager to be part of DAZN’s post-COVID return to boxing.   

To be part of the return, everyone had to make some financial sacrifices. McCaskill, who says she’s fighting for titles and legacy, would fight in a back alley for no pay if need be.  

But she says with a laugh, Coach Ramos is managing her carrier, and he won’t let that happen. With no live gate, Ramos noted that everyone readily agreed to a small purse reduction.  If health officials later decided to allow fans to attend, everyone’s purse will return to the pre-pandemic amount.  

McCaskill doesn’t concern herself with being part of the “COVID bubble.” She has left that to Coach Ramos, who says Matchroom is providing the team with self-administered COVID tests to be taken while the team is in Chicago.  The team is to be tested by a doctor before leaving Chicago and then tested again in Tulsa prior to checking in to the hotel.  

Ramos expects all the fighters on the card to be quarantined in the same hotel to limit outside exposure, and COVID testing will continue up until fight night.  With all the fighters in the same hotel, there is the possibility of the competitors crossing paths with each other before the actual fight.  

Ramos isn’t too worried about that possibility. He chuckled as he recalled McCaskill and Katie Taylor eating breakfast across from each other the morning of their fight.    

The August 15 fight is at a catchweight of 145 pounds.  

Many people have gained weight during the pandemic due to inactivity, but McCaskill, who is currently 150 pounds, says losing five pounds will not be an issue. 

Going down to the catchweight is more likely to hurt Braekhus, who is 39 years of age. 

Team McCaskill views the pandemic shut down as a plus for them and a negative for Braekhus. While McCaskill has had the luxury of staying in Chicago and maintaining the routines of home, Braekhus has been cut-off from everyone while staying at new trainer Abel Sanchez’s gym in Big Bear, California.  

Sanchez is Braekhus’s third trainer in two years, which Coach Ramos views as instability and a possible loss of confidence.     

Ramos also notes that in her recent fights, Braekhus looked slow and tired, suffered knockdowns, and was beat up.  In her most recent fight, she was unable to finish off the normally 135-pound Victoria Bustos, who moved up two weight classes to Welterweight.  

Braekhus already lacks punching speed and power, and at 39 years old, extended exposure to the high altitude of Big Bear could atrophy her skills further in advance of the Tulsa bout.  

To prepare McCaskill for Braekhus, Coach Ramos has brought in a variety of sparring partners with different skill sets.  She’s sparred against 5’8”, 5’9” and 5’11 opponents to mimic Braekhus’ height and jabbing skills.  

Most recently, Arial Davis, the first female Haitian Olympian, was in camp for her youth, speed, and jab.    

Junior Olympian Sierra Martinez, who is set to arrive in camp soon, could prove invaluable as she has sparred with Katie Taylor.  She will give Jessica a variety of different looks, given her ability to box, jab, and move around.  

It’s assumed Braekhus hired trainer Sanchez to teach her how to fight on the inside. As a result, McCaskill has also been sparring men in order to be prepared for a more rough and tumble affair.

 Ultimately, McCaskill is unfazed by the likelihood that Sanchez will be able to prepare Braekhus properly. She confidently says, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

While Braekhus has proven adept at maintaining distance and jabbing, Coach Ramos says she’s never really been tested, especially by a brawler like McCaskill.  

Braekus does have a history of overcoming being knocked down and quickly getting back to her feet, including in her fight against Kali Reis. Ramos is dismissive, though, because McCaskill is a much bigger puncher than Reis.  

In a bit of brinksmanship, Ramos cautions that it would not be advisable to get up so quickly against McCaskill because of her ability to close the gap and continue to punish on the inside.       

Interestingly, in the lead up to this fight, Braekhus has been mentioning every other fighter except McCaskill to the media.  

Coach Ramos thinks that Braekhus could be looking past McCaskill to larger-profile fights with Katie Taylor and Amanda Serrano.  

He also believes that Braekhus’ fixation on other fighters is a sign that she is well-aware of the unique challenge that McCaskill will pose and probably would instead not think about what might be awaiting her on August 15. 

Coach Ramos confidently states that after facing McCaskill, Braekhus will have no choice but to remember McCaskill - especially after McCaskill leaves Tulsa with all of the aging fighter’s championship belts.

(Featured Photo: Steven B. Weinberg/Frontproof Media)

[bfaltraco-blog]

A Push for America’s Public Lands

      As of April 2018, presidential plans have been set to intrude on America’s last unclaimed frontier, the great state of Alaska. Not in a way that housing developments are going to be constructed, but in a way that will result in completely toxic and unusable land after oil companies are done with it. The Trump Administration is going to be drilling for oil and gas in a 1.5-million-acre arctic refuge (Collins). Many Americans may think that continuing in actions like this will only benefit the economy. Although it may for a period time, when all the resources in that region are used up, another area will be moved onto and the cycle will begin again. What happens if we keep making protected public lands into unprotected lands and destroying the ecosystems that they withhold? There is a clear division between Americans right now and the protection of the natural world is as controversial as it could ever be. Keeping lands protected is important for the assurance that future generations will survive relatively comfortably due to us not overusing our share of natural resources, and that they will know how to manage and conserve their lands following our correct steps. Federal and state lands bring hundreds of thousands of tourists every year, boosting the nation’s economy along with supporting local businesses all over the United States. Without public lands, many health and educational benefits would be missed out on. 

     America is one of the largest consuming countries. It has been said many times that the damage being done to the earth is, at least, partially irreversible. Minerals, fossil fuels, agriculture, and forestry are just some of the many demands not being met by supply due to overconsumption and population rise. One of the Sierra Club’s writers, Dave Tilford, mentions “A child born in the United States will create thirteen times as much ecological damage over the course of his or her lifetime than a child born in Brazil,” (scientificamerican.com). The wealth gap keeps growing. World Resources Forum reports, “Global resource extraction grew more or less steadily over the past 25 years, from 40 billion tons in 1980 to 58 billion tons in 2005, representing an aggregated growth rate of 45%,” (Lutter and Giljum). With today’s technology, clean energy should be possible but not enough people are seeing that it is going to be a necessity. President Trump is so opposed to the protection of our resources that it is bringing attention to the fact that they actually do need protected and not exploited. In 2017, our president withdrew from the Paris Agreement, but thousands of businesses and even states in the US declared that they considered themselves in the agreement to continue in trying to act as “green” as possible (Stone). There is a glimmer of hope but not nearly enough time if we keep taking one step forward and two steps back. 

     The National Park Service has records that our lands started to be recognized as protected in the late 1800s, but our resources were managed even earlier. In 1817, the US Navy had special forested areas specifically for ship lumber. Ralph Waldo Emerson published his essay Nature, sparking thoughts of the beauty and origin of nature in 1836. Many new technologies became available in the mid-1800s which let people spread ideas and opinions through publishing writings and traveling to paint or even photograph beautiful landscapes. The Adirondacks were agreed to be preserved in 1864 by the state of New York. It was only in 1869 that John Wesley Powell was the first man to lead a Colorado River expedition. The American Forestry Association was founded in 1875, protecting trees on government owned property. The first few national parks were established in California in 1890. Two years after that, the well-known preservationist, John Muir, founded the Sierra Club which is still around today and known for fighting for the protection of our lands. In 1894 an act was passed by Congress which prohibited hunting in Yellowstone National Park. 1901 was an important year because a big-time conservationist, Theodore Roosevelt, became president. Throughout his presidency, over fifty wildlife sanctuaries were created, and many national parks, forests, and museums were established. In 1903 Roosevelt gave a speech, at the laying of the cornerstone where the entrance for Yellowstone would be, on how important it was for the public to cooperate in keeping it a protected land. He spoke of how magnificent it was that such a “natural playground” was available for public to experience a wilderness while not disturbing it. (nps.gov). He believed in preservation to an extent, but he is known for his confidence in conservation and using land wisely, so we do not damage the environment’s limited resources that we need to survive. 

     The rest of the 1900s consisted of some pauses for conservation and protection due to wars and troubling times in the U.S., but for some reason it resumed after all was done. Industry was growing, and new resources were being used to every American’s benefit. People were seeing that we need to be smart with what we have while we have it. Somehow along the way that mindset was lost. Here in 2018 it is all about immediate, short term, monetary gain, disregarding these ideas and thoughts that have been put into action and working out for so long. Today, even the first peoples to inhabit this continent, Native Americans, have been shoved into little boxes to live on their “preserved land” in poverty and anguish with not only high drug and alcohol rates, but record-breaking suicide rates. Generations to come are not going to be able to be supported by the earth like we have been, because we are protecting nothing for them and leaving them even less than that while destroying areas that won’t recover for hundreds of years to come. 

     When it comes to a person’s health or mental stability, viewing nature and getting outside are a known remedy because it is where we can all be traced back to, whether a business man, a doctor, or a mechanic. Adults and children benefit from the natural sunlight, certain chemicals that boost your immune system, vision enhancement, and getting away from “societal pressures” (mentalfloss.com). Children exposed to the outdoors are more likely to develop great social and life skills along with more comprehensive decision making (McCarthy). Exercise is crucial today due to the rising percent of childhood obesity. The rates have increased from 13.9% in 2000 to 18.5 in 2016 (stateofobesity.org). As children are exposed to the outdoors at an early age, they have the opportunity to not only exercise and get fresh air, but possibly become more aware of the world around them which could lead to healthier eating and a more sustainable lifestyle. 

     Endorphins are released, blood pressure improves, and a brain can even start to work differently after its host spends more time outside (Loria). Anxiety and depression are often effects from today’s man-made world from jobs, school, and social media. America is the most anxious country in the world (Ducharme). Taking away public land access would not help that statistic. 

     It is no surprise that the Department of Interior’s 2017 Fiscal Year Report showed mass growth in jobs and economies around the US for the first time in a while, because the lands have started to be mined and uprooted to have natural resources rapidly extracted from them (doi.gov). These are limited resources being dealt with, meaning there is in fact an end to them. U.S. public lands are one of the hottest attractions for tourists from around the world. With numbers of over 100 million visits a year, as of 2015 in just the western lands, local economies flourish and thousands of jobs are provided (Livesay 11-13). Many services in the Department of Agriculture (DOA) or the Department of the Interior (DOI) employ Americans, like the Bureau of Land Management, the Fish and Wildlife Service, the National Park Service, and the US Forest Service. According to the Outdoor Industry Association, outdoor industry (including parks, lands, management, etc) supplies $887 billion just in consumer spending along with supporting 7.6 million jobs in the US. Colorado alone receives over 40 million tourist visits each year, supplying over 220 thousand jobs, and reigning in $28 billion in its outdoor industry. The federal budget set towards conservation has been in a continual decline and the Trump Administration is planning on cutting it down by over $2 billion (a 16% drop). This money is what is put towards maintaining trails, roads, and access to the beautiful wonders of the great country of America (Livesay 9-12). 

     Most species on earth have been disturbed in one way or another whether extinct, relocated, or endangered because of human activity. Development and misuse of natural resource have caused to destruction of ecosystems and loss of biodiversity. In taking away the resources we want, innocent organisms are paying the price by dying off due to habitat loss. 

     Bear Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments have been opened up to development and exploitation of natural resources within the past year of 2018. Oil drilling has taken over this country and in no way should it be above this nation’s history and heritages from the past couple thousand of years. The Arctic Refuge is being leased for drilling by the order of the White House. The Grand Canyon is being looked at to be a possible uranium mining site, which would be catastrophic to the whole ecosystem as uranium is radioactive and the mining process is very destructive. Pipelines are being proposed to run through even more protected lands than they have already been set it. The highly protested Keystone pipeline has already leaked 210 thousand gallons of crude oil in what used to be protected land in South Dakota (Greenberg). 

     The only main negative to keeping lands protected is that no development will be allowed in those areas but that is only a short-term negative. Protecting them will keep resources available for generations to come and keep the country’s many species and landscapes available to study. If we figure out how to effectively manage our lands without damaging them as we are, it will only cause the trend to continue in the future. Without public lands for recreation, de-stressing, and adventuring, we would be just a destructive, money-hungry country, but for what? If there is no real way to enjoy this magnificent earth, what is the point? Let’s keep this country’s natural diary alive and find a balance between our needs and wants to agree with what can be reasonably provided for us. 

Works Cited:

“11 Scientific Benefits of Being Outdoors.” Mental Floss, Mental Floss, 2 Nov. 2015, mentalfloss.com/article/70548/11-scientific-benefits-being-outdoors. 

“Childhood Obesity Trends.” The State of Obesity, stateofobesity.org/childhood-obesity-trends/. 

Collins, Michael. “Interior Department Takes Step toward Drilling in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.” USA Today, Gannett Satellite Information Network, 19 Apr. 2018, www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/04/19/trump-administration-takes-initial-step-steps-toward-oil-and-gas-drilling-alaskas-arctic-national-wi/533176002/. 

“Conservation Timeline 1801-1900.” National Parks Service, U.S. Department of the Interior, www.nps.gov/mabi/learn/historyculture/conservation-timeline-1801-1900.htm. 

“Conservation Timeline 1901-2000.” National Parks Service, U.S. Department of the Interior, www.nps.gov/mabi/learn/historyculture/conservation-timeline-1901-2000.htm. 

Ducharme, Jamie. “Almost 40% of Americans Are Becoming More Anxious.” Time, Time, 8 May 2018, time.com/5269371/americans-anxiety-poll/. 

EarthTalk. “Use It and Lose It: The Outsize Effect of U.S. Consumption on the Environment.” Scientific American, www.scientificamerican.com/article/american-consumption-habits/. 

“Economic Impact of Public Lands Increases by $400 Million in First Year Under President Trump.” U.S. Department of the Interior, Interior Press, 14 Nov. 2018, www.doi.gov/pressreleases/economic-impact-public-lands-increases-400-million-first-year-under-president-trump. 

Green, Chelsea. “Ten Facts About the Water We Waste.” Chelsea Green Publishing, Chelsea Green Publishing, 20 Mar. 2018, www.chelseagreen.com/2008/ten-facts-about-the-water-we-waste/. 

Greenberg, Max. “One Year Ago, Trump Launched His Attack on Our Public Lands. This Is What's Happened since Then.” Wilderness.org, www.wilderness.org/articles/blog/one-year-ago-trump-launched-his-attack-our-public-lands-whats-happened-then. 

Livesay, Lucy. “290 Million Reasons to Invest in America's Public Lands.” Western Priorities, Center for Western Priorities, Mar. 2018, westernpriorities.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/290-Million-Visits-Report.pdf. 

Loria, Kevin. “Being Outside Can Improve Memory, Fight Depression, and Lower Blood Pressure - Here Are 12 Science-Backed Reasons to Spend More Time Outdoors.” Business Insider, Business Insider, 22 Apr. 2018, www.businessinsider.com/why-spending-more-time-outside-is-healthy-2017-7?r=UK&IR=T. 

Lutter, Stephen, and Stefan Giljum. “Facts and Figures.” World Resources Forum, www.wrforum.org/publications-2/publications/. 

McCarthy, Claire. “6 Reasons Children Need to Play Outside.” Harvard Health Blog, Harvard Health Publishing, 21 May 2018, www.health.harvard.edu/blog/6-reasons-children-need-to-play-outside-2018052213880. 

Stone, Laurie. “Top Ten Clean Energy Developments of 2017.” Rocky Mountain Institute, 30 May 2018, rmi.org/top-ten-clean-energy-developments-2017/.

[mcjoelcain]

Common Financial Blind Spots On The Road To Financial Independence

If there’s a car in your blind spot and you swerve suddenly to the right, there’s a good chance you’ll get into an accident. Your accident will not only cost time and money to fix, you might also suffer an injury or even die. If you have a financial blindspot, the consequences can be just as severe.

I can’t teach you how to be a better driver except to encourage you to slow down. But I can point out some financial blindspots to allow you to live a better life.

Here are five of the most common reoccurring misses that I’ve observed over and over again.

Common Financial Blindspots

1) Comparing someone’s middle to your beginning. Some of the most clueless people about money are in their 20s. Yet ironically, some of the most vociferous people who think they know it all also happen to mostly be in their 20s. Fascinating! They rage against the people who bought their own house by 28, accumulated a million dollars in after-tax investments by 35, and started making over $100,000 a year after going to graduate school.

Yet, they haven’t given their life enough time to compound. It’s as if they want to get ahead but refuse to work more than 40 hours a week. If you want to be average, work the average number of hours a week and be happy. But if you want to be above average, you just might have to put in more time.

I’ve noticed through thousands of comments over the years that this rage starts dying down after someone hits 40. By 50, there is much more harmony and agreement with posts such as, Here’s How Much You Should Have In Your 401(k) By Age. See for yourself by reading how the angst fades the older the commenter gets.

Repercussions: Resentment, anger, and bitterness towards a large swath of people. With so much resentment, you end up going to your local hardware store and buying a pitchfork to stab anybody who has more than you. Instead of taking action to improve your financial situation, you use your negative energy to attack others and try to bring them down to your level. It hardly ever works folks!

2) Thinking parenting is easier and cheaper than it is. For those suffering from this blind spot, they either don’t have kids or are a parent working outside the home.

Being a full-time parent is harder than almost any job I can think of because it is 24/7 and the stakes are so high. One look away could mean a bloody bonk on the head or a drowning, the #1 cause of death for children under four. As a result, when looking after a child, you can never mentally or physically relax 100%. Over time, your nerves will begin to fray without relief.

For 13 years I worked in finance, including three years where I also attended business school part-time. I can state unequivocally that being a full-time parent is harder than working 80 hours a week in one of the most cutthroat industries.

I’ve met so many working dads who think raising a child is easy simply because they don’t take care of their kids most of the day. It’s either their spouse or daycare that takes care of the child. The working spouse tends to take the stay at home spouse for granted, and then the relationship begins to break down.

I’ve also encountered childless couples who criticize stay-at-home parents for hiring help. They think it’s nuts for a stay-at-home parent to hire relief for several hours a week so the parent can take a shower, exercise, and spend time quality time with friends and loved ones.

Repercussions for having this blind spot: Resentment, fighting, unhappiness, neglected kids, rebellious kids, divorce, financial ruin, and many more years of work. Think about it. Despite loving their kids more than anything in the world, parents still get divorced, even though they know that having two supportive parents is better than one. They didn’t anticipate or appreciate the strains kids put on a marriage and on their finances. If you can’t comfortably take care of yourself, consider postponing having kids until you can.

3) Thinking everybody can just move to a lower cost area of the country and be happy. Everybody knows the Midwest and South are lower cost areas of the country than the coasts. Investing in non-coastal cities is a no-brainer in my opinion. Therefore, one of the key blind spots happens when some people who have no problem blending in tell people in HCOL areas to just relocate.

Here are some responses from a couple readers who are minorities addressing one reader who had asked, “Do people really care about diversity?” after I discussed one of the positive attributes of living in LA.

Mercury: Yes, not just diversity of race, sexual orientation, etc, either. Diversity of thought, travel, differentiated industries, food, cultural options, hobbies, etc. I lived in the midwest most of my childhood. Almost the entire male population spends its weekends only watching sports. Live in NYC now and don’t have to deal with that, can find plenty of people doing interesting things outside of watching other men play sports because there is a diversity of viewpoints.

A large amount of the increased real estate prices in places like Manhattan or SF are actually due to diversity. In my case, I’d rather pay $5k per month for a 1-bedroom in a large vibrant coastal city than live for free in the midwest.

Lilia: YES, that is a big part of why I live where I live!

I used to live in Central Ohio where the #1 and #2 hobbies seem to be drinking and watching football. I don’t enjoy either of those activities.

With greater diversity, you’re more likely to meet people who have interesting hobbies. More likely to meet people who were born in other countries and share their experiences and perspectives.

Also, being non-white, you’re less likely to get the “But where are you REALLY from?”, “Where did you learn to speak English?”- type questions. Because even the white people around here are used to more diversity.

Not saying people from racially homogenous areas are inherently bad or racist. They were just raised where everyone looks the same, which is part of the problem.

Repercussions: Uprooting your entire life to save on costs only to move back because you couldn’t comfortably assimilate. Racial tension online and offline. Homogeneity in the FIRE community where the majority comes from low cost areas and all looks the same. A widening cultural gap between HCOL and LCOL residents. Bigger and bigger echo chambers.

The best way to understand what it’s like to be a minority is to live for several years in a foreign country whose main language is not English and whose dominant racial lineage you do not share. Hopefully, most of your experiences will be positive, but there will also surely be some bad experiences which may be great for better understanding.

4) Underestimating health care costs in retirement. Because employers subsidize most and sometimes all of their employees’ health care costs, employees either don’t know what their true health care costs are, or they take these benefits for granted.

It’s the same reason why so many freelancers get into trouble when it comes time to pay their taxes. When they were working as full-time employees, their employer facilitated the payment of an estimated tax from each paycheck. If the government didn’t require this practice, it would have difficulty collecting the majority of its tax revenue.

Here’s one reader’s questionable response to my article, Why $5 Million Is Barely Enough For A Family Of Three To Retire Early On where he criticized the featured couple’s budget:

“Our healthcare costs are a rounding error and not even worth mentioning, we are both healthy young 30s.”

Commenter Sean and his wife are 31, don’t have kids, and think the profiled couple’s budget is ridiculous. Sean does not seem to realize that his healthcare costs are a rounding error because his employer pays for most of the cost!

Sean also seems to have a double blind spot. One, he does not recognize that healthcare costs rise with age and family. Two, he erroneously equates better health with lower premiums. In America, the richer and healthy subsidize the poorer and less healthy. This is the law.

Repercussions: Having to go back to work with your tail between your legs because you underestimated the cost of health insurance.  $20,000 a year is at least $25,000 in gross income that must be earned to pay for such cost. Alternatively, you need $625,000 in retirement capital at a 4% rate of return to pay for this cost alone. Needing over $1,000,000 in after-tax investment accounts to live comfortably in retirement doesn’t seem as far-fetched anymore.

5) Believing the only path to financial independence is through a high income. Obviously the higher your income, the more you can save. Just don’t tell this to the countless high income earners who have blown away all their money and have nothing to show for decades later. It’s often harder to stay disciplined financially if you have a higher cash flow. Why do you think the majority of Americans are overweight? It’s because when the cookie jar is in front of you, you tend to eat more cookies.

If you believe the only way to wealth is through a high income, then you’ve already defeated yourself. You’ll believe working on a side hustle, like driving a car, assembling furniture, or flipping burgers is beneath you. You probably won’t be willing to put endless hours in an online entrepreneurial endeavor because you think only special people with money can do something unique.

Besides building more income streams through entrepreneurship or side-hustles, you’ll also neglect the extremely obvious method of building wealth through investing or real estate. Risk must be taken to receive reward.

Repercussions: Not living your best life.

Curing Blind Spots Is Hard

Nobody’s situation is the same. Some will have more financial difficulties than others based on their abilities and circumstances. However, I firmly believe we can all make financial progress, no matter where we start off. If we have the opportunity to help others, all the better.

The easiest way to shine light on a blindspot is to listen to those who’ve been there before. Plenty of people have achieved financial independence before, so you might as well taken in what they have to say.

Recently, I learned about one of my many blind spots from a reader. Against the herd, he felt the budget for the LA couple with $5 million in after-tax- investments was not only fair, but even a little modest.

He wrote, “No matter how disciplined you are, you always want the best for your children. It hurts to see other kids have more than yours and get to experience better things in life. This is much more so when you have $6,000,000+ in the bank. You know you can ‘afford’ to give your kid anything. You are choosing not to. It seems selfish at times even if you know in the long run it may be the right thing to do.

For men, this is also true for our wives. I know many on this site have frugal spouses and they don’t ‘want’ the finer things in life. Mine is certainly willing to live without. But, I don’t like seeing my wife do without, knowing I have millions in the bank. All within reason of course.”

I replied, “It’s interesting, but I’ve never thought about it being painful to not get my wife the finest XYZ because we have money. It’s probably because she’s thrifty and hardly ever shops or wants anything.”

He responded smartly, “It might be that your wife wants more than you think, but she loves you and wants to support you in your FI goals. Her desire to make you happy may easily outweigh her desire to spend money. Took me awhile to figure that one out. Doesn’t necessarily mean she wouldn’t prefer the finer things in life if she genuinely believed it wouldn’t bother you. Could also be she is wired exactly like you. In that case, congrats on winning the spouse lottery.”

Ah hah! I’ve known my wife for 20 years now and I’ve always assumed she was super frugal and thrifty just like me. She tells me she doesn’t like shopping, and her favorite store is Target and not Gucci. But I also notice her glee when she shops for little things online like a childhood Swatch she once had and lost.

My wife is definitely suppressing some of her consumption desires because she knows as the one in charge of our family investments and keeping us from not having to go back to work with the continued operation of this site, life can sometimes get stressful.

Life is so much better when we’re able to listen to what other people have to say, and then share our own thoughts and solutions. So long as we have an open mind, I don’t see why we all can’t keep progressing.

Related: Achieving Financial Independence On A Modest Income: $40,000 In Manhattan

Readers, what are some financial blind spots you’ve encountered on your road to financial freedom? Why do you think these blind spots exist?

The post Common Financial Blind Spots On The Road To Financial Independence appeared first on Financial Samurai.

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