#in the sense that if the show had shown a linear progression of time

[ride-thedragon]

While I'm here casting everyone and their mothers. The fact that they had Eve, Steve, Sian, and Paddy playing their characters in their 20's. The youngest of that group was in their early 40's. Playing late to early twenties

So here we are:

Aemma Arryn

Sian Brooke and Hannah Rae

Rhaenys Targaryen:

Eve Best and Dakota Blue Richards

Corlys Velayron

Steve Toussaint and Sope Dirisu

Viserys Targaryen:

Paddy Considine and Harris Dickinson

[the-saltiest-saltine]

Reservations and Repose

(Yan!Chrollo x Fem Reader)

@sukunasfavoritehole hopefully this is enough to tide you over until my ao3 finally gets an update hehe

Word count: ~7.3k

------

You’re naïve enough to believe Chrollo’s asleep. He loves that about you.

Warnings: NOT SFW, non -con thigh fucking, somnophilia, drugging, imagined not sfw scenarios etc

a/n: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IT WAS 3/4 FINISHED THEN I FORGOT ABOUT IT my sincerest apologies.

Also this is my first time writing smut so please go easy on me 😥

Chrollo is very disappointed in you.

You let him kiss your cheek this morning following a deep sleep. You didn’t reciprocate, though he continues to see your progress and knows that an ever-hopeful yet can be added to the end of that statement. To some extent, the allowance of such an act could be chalked up to his acceptance of you, flaws and all, willing to appreciate the neutrality of it as opposed to ardent rejection. In a matter of weeks, you’ll be returning the gesture. And in a matter of months, you’ll be doing it gladly. Warmth, or perhaps weariness, has slowly but surely seeped its way into your actions recently, your shaky hands finding a place in his, fingers interlaced.

Is that to say he was under the impression that you’d completely given yourself to him? Absolutely not. There’s fear in your smiles, as much as they may have metamorphosed from obviously and mockingly forced to meek and endearing. Chrollo has shown you all that you know he can do. This has been enough to keep you relatively restrained over the months. If he showed you all that he knows he can do, you’d most likely curl up into a ball and sob until you dried out. That’s not necessary, though. It’ll never be.

Like many things, it wasn’t linear. It was a path that went upwards and downwards and forwards and backwards and in cycles, cycles that would always leave you curled up, sobbing in his arms, grasping onto him for whatever comfort it would give. But progress is progress, right?

Ignorantly, he began to believe the crumbs of affection, of acceptance, of acquiescence. Stupidly, he thought you were making progress. It’s been a significant amount of time since he was last this naïve. If he wasn’t so disgruntled by your transgression, he’d most likely bask in the nostalgic feeling. But he can’t, for the time being, because you’re trying to do something very rash.

As unfortunate as it is, you’re trying to leave him.

It’s audacious, having thought that the monumental power difference between you two had been thoroughly demonstrated on multiple occasions, a well established and silently acknowledged fact of your travels with him.

It’s irritating, although regarded with the same irritation as one would have with a pet goldfish trying to jump out of its tank. You silly thing, why do you want to abandon the place in which you are safe?

It doesn’t particularly make sense, though. He’s checked his cards - nothing suspicious has been bought in his name. No travel tickets or prepaid car hire. He’s even checked the jewellery collection - maybe you’d snatched up a nice necklace or bracelet or pair of diamond earrings to pawn off. But again, nothing. No suspicious bags have been packed. No loose tiles or floorboards or ceiling panels to hide supplies in. Your clothes are all neatly folded and hung in your wardrobe. 

You’ve got something up your sleeve- something desperate and jittery and not fully thought out. Something that relies on luck and prayers far more than precision and blow-by-blow planning. He never particularly took you for a daredevil, but to see you get pushed to such a limit, to be forced against your own timid nature, is beyond satisfying. If he could pluck it out of you and analyse it under a microscope, he’d be elated. Or perhaps even, he supposes to himself, he’d be so fulfilled that he might abandon the current pathway of his life, aimless and bloody and cyclical, finally so consumed with his obsession over you that nothing else is valued in the slightest. 

He can’t say he didn’t expect an ulterior motive for your apparent benevolence, at least initially, but for it to be kept up for this long? The stares felt almost too natural. The gradual lessening of your flinches when he placed a hand on your shoulder, the way your gaze would be drawn to him rather than away, even if only to flick away immediately - the subtleties were downright impressive. To be able to track everything simultaneously, to be able to remember to exhibit so many behaviours at once…Perhaps he should be taking acting lessons from you.

Chrollo had watched you, humming a pop tune this morning, cheekily shaking your hips from side to side as you fried some eggs, over easy, the notes sometimes interrupted with a sharp inhale between your teeth when the oil spat just a bit too high and would burn you ever-so-slightly. A domestic sight.

You’d let him give you another kiss on the cheek before he shrugged his coat on, giving you one last lingering glance before he’d walked out the door and into the hallway of the apartment, locking it with warm Nen made of comfort rather than capture. He gave you another cheek kiss (despite his ever-growing urge to dip lower) when he got home to the smell of spices and vegetables and the bubbling sound of a low simmer. You don’t fight them anymore, and barely even recoil now, a result of steady but slight crossing of boundaries - his record was eleven times in one day (at least, his record for when you were conscious) when he was feeling particularly affectionate, although you’d definitely soured up by the end.

The…fantasies he’d had of domesticity…they were just that, weren’t they? Fantasies, mere ideas that were appealing enough to fully flesh out in his mind. Whatever actions you’ve taken, whether it be pecks to the cheek or folding his shirts, staining them with the scent of you, they’ve all been a means to an end. That certainly wasn’t part of the fantasy. 

You’ve been buttering him up like the thick slices of white bread next to his bowl. What a betrayal.

Tonight’s stew is spicy and chunky, served courteously by you. His palate is experienced from an adulthood of travel, wealth, and nights spent with gullible women who couldn’t tell the difference between a Prince Charming and a swindler. Truly, there is little he hasn’t at least tried. Including this.

So, if there’s no other signs of you wanting to leave the comfort of the apartment and the familiarity of his presence, then what could’ve possibly cued him into your motives?

It’s something tenuous, something that could’ve gone unnoticed to anyone else. It’s something subtle, buried under layers of rosemary and thyme and paprika. But diphenhydramine is such an acquired taste. And it’s one that’s made the past few weeks and months crumble to dust.

Oh, you sweet thing.

Acting as oblivious as ever, he spoons chunks of zucchini and carrot onto the bread, taking large bites, chewing and swallowing with purpose, the taste of the sedative lingering. He considers smacking his lips for good measure, to play around with you a bit, but eventually decides against it. That’ll come later.

You sit across from him, silence between you two. Normally, he’d fill it with tales from his busy day - but you’ve been so good lately, that he’s begun to refrain from doing that. Nowadays, he asks you what you’ve been up to, every painstaking detail from your dull days without him. But that’s only if you’ve been good, or at least if he’s under the impression that you’ve been good. As it turns out, you haven’t been good, you aren’t being compliant, and now he simply waits.

You stare into your bowl of stew, but he can tell you’re watching him in your periphery. It’s so very fascinating, the way you absorb each mouthful he takes, washed down with frequent sips of water (there’s no other substances in that, obviously). He takes another swill of the liquid, tilting his head slightly back, and in the corner of his eye, he can see the way you observe his Adam's apple bobbing with each gulp. Does it appease you, the sight? Does it intrigue you? Does it make you, even for a moment, reconsider what you’re about to do?

Chrollo pauses for a moment, before placing the half-empty glass back onto its coaster. He knows the smirk that comes onto his face is nothing short of wicked, but he truly can’t help himself. 

“Are you not hungry, my love? You’ve barely touched your food.”

Barely is an understatement. You haven’t touched it at all, in fact. Stupid, really. He knows that you know that he’s observant - but that information is irrelevant in this situation, considering it doesn’t take an keen eye to figure out your pattern of stirring your spoon around, picking up some carrot - even blowing on it for good measure - and nodding along with what few words he spoke initially, before giving an mhm! of agreement and letting it drop back into the bowl. You spend extensive amounts of time apparently fishing for just the right piece of zucchini, sorting through copious amounts of lentils (and seemingly taking the time to individually count them all), dragging chunks up the side of your bowl only to push them back down into the fray of assorted vegetables.

There’s almost a sort of jump in response to the words, ringing clear and well projected. But it’s contained above the shoulders - your head snaps to look at him, your eyes widening momentarily, staring into his own, trapped.

He can feel the shaky breath you take to steady yourself from over here, air stagnant and mouth dry.

“No,” you reply, “not particularly.”

He cocks an eyebrow at that, mouthing an oh before returning to his meal. It doesn’t matter whether you take the bait or not, his suspicions have long since been confirmed. Confirmed, in the sternest sense of the word, syllables enunciated with force, the knowledge of your true intentions well recognised. Whether that displays on his face or within his interactions with you is inconsequential to the known ending of your silly stunt.

The sound of you chewing is enough to bring his attention back out of the bowl. That’s not fake.

So you’re eating it too? It’s certainly a bold move, but one he wouldn’t dare put past you anymore. You were always a clever one, one to be placed a mere few tiers below his own intellect.

He hasn’t caught you swapping the bowl out for a fresh one. Maybe you’ve mastered the art so quickly that even he can’t notice?

No, not likely. Not in just a few months. That’d be impossible.

Your bites of pumpkin are preceded with the slightest hesitation, a quick breath to presumably psych yourself up to the self-sabotage. He hates to see you so scared when you’re properly sharing a meal with him like this, deciding to return to normalcy as a reward for your cooperation.

“Tell me, darling, what did you get up to today?”

Your eyes flick to his, momentarily ensnared in the grey, before looking up at the ceiling to aid in the process of giving a verbal description of what you read, how you cleaned, how you entertained yourself with rearranging your meagre book collection (not his, that would be asking for trouble). The response is practically identical to every other time he’s asked the question, plain and unindulgent. It’s boring, he thinks, even with the unacknowledged omission of the hours you spend staring at the walls and pacing around the living area. He’s tempted to pry into how you decided on tonight’s dish, but decides against it. Not for lenience or mercy, but rather amusement. To give away what he knows now would simply be a waste of a situation you’ll never attempt to put yourself in again.

If you knew what Chrollo knew, would you still bother to indulge him?

You stare at him for a moment, allowing him to draw things out, before nodding at the I see he gives in response. He gives a forward nod to your bowl, giving you gracious permission to eat again after starving you for the length of your interrogation, merciful as ever. Your fear is better contained behind a split second’s confusion before you register the nonverbal instruction, picking up your spoon once more and eating with more confidence this time, taking exaggerated bites of zucchini that barely make it past your teeth, chewed excessively into grey paste before being swallowed. Maybe you reason that if you chew enough, you can break the drug down into something that won’t knock you out. A cute thought.

The spices stain your lips an enticing red, the chilli making them plump up so deliciously. If he kissed them, would they burn him? Would the capsaicin leave his lips tingling, a reminder of your soft touch?

He likes to think he’ll know the answer soon.

Chrollo feigns sleepiness, furrowing his brows in mock confusion as he tells you that he can’t quite keep his eyes open - perhaps he overdid it at work today. 

Yes, work, as he loves to call it, like there’s the possibility of him spending his time away from you at a desk, punching in numbers on a computer, monotonous and repetitive and damn, couldn’t things just switch up for a day? Work, as in a beer-bellied husband whose idea of experimental fashion is changing which tie he wears with the same white button-up and black dress pants each day. Work, as in an assembly line employee who wakes up at three o’clock to be at the factory by four, ready and willing to make whatever sacrifices necessary to support his loved ones. Work, as in something at least vaguely respectable.

Work, as in literally anything other than stealing and slaughtering and scourging.

Chrollo relishes in the way your shoulders relax a little. It’s almost too adorable. Chrollo also relishes in the way they tense up again when he adds how it’s suspicious really. I don’t believe I’ve ever felt a tiredness such as this.

There’s an underlying anxiety in your pretty, pluckable, ever-so-slightly bloodshot eyes. Where others would be concerned for your health, he finds endearment, you precious thing. After admiring them silently for a moment, he announces that he’ll be off to bed now, darling. Remember to be there for me when I wake.

He leaves you alone in the kitchen to stew in your unease.

____________

Now he’s lying in bed, on the side closest to the door, limp as anything. It doesn’t matter whether his facade convinces you or not, he’ll have you in his arms by morning. The blinds aren’t fully down, leaving a pleasant blue hue that gives him a good visual of most of the room. Your side of the bed is still firmly tucked in from when he made it this morning, after running his hands up and down your arms until you’d given a great shudder and shoved him away - a pitiful attempt that he’d impishly gone along with. 

Anticipation tickles his nose and prods at his heart. Childishly, he wants you to get over with it already, to sprint in, swinging a knife wildly, or cue him to start the chase with a slam of the front door so violent that the hinges threaten to crack. It’s unfortunate how your faux compliance conditioned him to be unable to accept a halt, or even slowing, of progress.

Ah, some solace - he can hear your footsteps come up to the door, attempting, albeit poorly, to be quiet. Or maybe they are quiet, to the average man, but someone well-versed in the art of stealth can practically see the way you tiptoe closer. The faint sounds paint a detailed visualisation of your movements - the balls of your feet lifting from the ground, the flexing of your toes, the dorsiflexion at your ankles, the soft thud of your heels hitting the ground.

The bedroom door creaks open, a thin streak of light hitting his eyelids, making him see an ever-so-slight orange behind them. He might be able to visualise your walk accurately, but the same cannot be said for your face. Are you fearful, lips downturned and eyes wide? Are you determined yet cautious, eyes narrowed and lips pressed into a thin line? Are you smug? Condescending? Grinning from ear-to-ear, excited to finally have what you believe to be freedom?

You’re not, he discerns.

Instead, you huff a sigh, a sweet note that makes his heart jump, a small flutter that could only be instigated by you. It’s a sigh of relief. The door is shut. He expects another door to be slammed, too - the front door, hinges quaking as you sprint to the stairs as far as you can, too scared to wait for the elevator (and for your sake, he hopes you’ve brought a pair of running shoes - you’re on the 35th floor, after all). But that doesn’t happen.

Instead, he can hear the clanking of bowls and dishes, the smooth schwip as you push breadcrumbs off the chopping board into the bin with the back of the serrated-edge knife, and how you place said knife into the block without taking another one out.

So you’ve decided against stabbing him tonight? How agreeable.

In fact there seems to be no malice in the way you’re stacking the bowls, no scraps of extra force in how you shut the fridge. Whilst the sounds of your cleanup are nothing short of a ruckus to his alert ears, there’s an intentional tenderness he can hear. A conscious effort to be as quiet as possible with somebody sleeping peacefully in the next room.

It’s a gesture he’ll interpret in the best way he can. Even if he knows he’s deluding himself that you want to be quiet for his own peace rather than so you can escape, he’ll be sure to bring up the former as reasoning for your actions over the next few days, regardless of how you’ll spit venom at him, hissing that he couldn’t be more wrong.

Next is a movement he didn’t expect in the slightest.

You come back to the bedroom, with a pile of fabric in your hands - clothes, maybe? He thought you’d be off and away as soon as possible, or you wouldn’t get close to him again at the very least, standing patiently by the door until whatever you’re waiting for had occurred. 

The quiet-ish footsteps make their way past him this time, and straight into the ensuite.

There’s the soft sound of clothes falling, and then the tap is turned on.

You’re…showering before you leave?

You really are a good teacher of the quirks of humanity. Logical as ever, he’d most certainly take no time for hygiene practices if it reduced his chances of being able to go on a small, liberating adventure. But perhaps that’s part of the plan? Do you not want to have a speck of dirt on you so you don’t smell bad? Will you hide out at a fancy gala, and have to be as fresh as possible? Are you trying to wash off Nen, perhaps? 

No, that would never work, and he’s certain you know this too. Still, the idea of a little hopeless fire in you, taking a precaution you know is futile, makes his lips twitch.

So many questions, few of them answerable at present. His mind is stimulated so wondrously, for once not finding boredom in the predictability of human behaviour. He’s truly chosen well. 

And then there’s something else, rising above the sound of the rushing water, above the drain gurgling it down, greedily gulping it away.

You’re humming.

It’s relatively random, most likely improvised, and slightly off-tune, but endearing all the same. He can taste the notes, sweet and soothing, running down his throat smoothly and pooling warmth in his belly. 

You heave a sigh, and the tune changes. And then he recognises it.

It’s something he heard as a boy, back in Meteor City. He’d hear it at night, walking back to whatever semblance of a refuge he had with Franklin and Shalnark, past the hamlets of the younger children. Letting himself get lost in it, he can feel himself crawling to shelter on scraped knees, walking on calloused heels, eating stale bread, all accompanied by the faint smell of garbage, a smell that years of exposure had waned to a neutral accompaniment of the setting, rather than an inconvenience or hazard.

Despite the unhygienic nature of it all, it’s sweet. It’s these memories - memories of grime and rot and infection - that are the most pure. The most uncorrupted. They’re full of innocence and hope - just like you.

These qualities make you think you’ll leave him.

Upon remembering this, he’s tempted to barge in and ruin your peace, eager to hear your inevitable yelp and nervous laugh as he quizzes you about tonight’s events. But he doesn’t. Your lullaby is too enjoyable, the tune far too agreeable to stomp out yet. Resisting sin by committing another, he decides he doesn’t want to kill this mockingbird, if only to selfishly continue to hear it sing.

Few moments have come like this since you came to be with him. They’re all short-lived in comparison to the cold life he’s had, a firecracker popping on his tongue, fleetingly filling his mouth with syrupy sweetness before quickly dying off, barely an aftertaste to be savoured. He’s scratched them all down in an old leather journal with a quill and ink, lest he forgets what it feels like, or how to get that feeling again, but thankfully they’re scratched even deeper into his psyche. 

You’d been agreeable enough for a reward of a dinner somewhere several stories up, city lights shining behind you, framing your hair beautifully. You were reluctant at first, turning your nose up at him and the priceless food in front of you, opting for the bottle of red wine instead. It wasn’t supposed to be gulped down with such vulgarity like that, but that was part of your charm and by your second glass you were giggling and halfway through your third you looked at him right in the eye, cheeks tinged pink, and you smiled a smile that you’d forget by morning but he wouldn’t…

He’d returned to the villa after a long day to find the fans blasting, and you slumped over on the couch as credits rolled on the screen in front of you. He’d flicked the TV off, not before noting the rom-com’s name, and regarded you, with your deep, even breaths and singlet strap falling down. He picked you up and carried you to bed, laying you down on the thin blankets, fixing your strap despite the small voice that called to him to take off the thing entirely. Your head rested on the pillow, your face not scowling for once, and you’d huffed the sweetest of sighs…

That’s the kind of moment this is.

There’s no thought of what he’ll be doing with the troupe tomorrow, or in a week, or what move to make next depending on what you decide to do. Every nook and cranny of his mind, every convolution of his brain is filled with the thought of you. Tonight, it’s warm and viscous, slowing time and cutting both of you off from the rest of the world; the rest of its filth.

In this moment, he can see himself in the shower with you. He’s across from you, lathering body wash onto his shoulders, letting the foam run down his back. All the while, he keeps his gaze on you, watching how your hands run over your body, soap running along your sternum, between your breasts, along the curve of your hips, your ass, all whilst you hum that tune… shit, he can’t let himself get hard now. He manages to drag himself out of the daydream, barely, just managing to claw himself to the surface of reality.

Caps are popped open and the lathering of soaps can be heard over the course of your performance, with a finale of the tap being turned off. There’s a fumbling of fabrics before you come out, followed by yet another move he doesn’t expect.

You walk up to the bed, peel the sheets back, and lie down beside him. You then roll onto your side, facing him. After a few moments, you prop yourself up onto your elbow.

A moment of nothing. You’re frozen, as is he. Calm before the storm, he prepares himself to catch your wrist and hear you shriek.

You lean over.

And then there’s a featherlight sensation on his forehead, right in the middle of his tattoo. 

Had it been a split second later, he would’ve opened his eyes and turned to face you with a smirk as you screamed. But it’s not a split second later, it’s now, and now you’re kissing him. There’s no real benefit for doing such a thing that he can identify right now - perhaps you know he’s awake, and would like to make amends? Surely you know that that wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him.

The contact sends an electric zap to every corner of his body, although he manages to not make himself jolt. Months of stifled desire bubble up from his insides, desire that’s spent so long smothered by rationale of better outcomes and forcing himself to think of his bloodied obstacles and late nights alone in the shower. As often as his lips find their way to your forehead, unfortunately the reverse doesn’t occur even half as much.

You pull away, like you’re hesitant about what you’ve done, like you’re waiting for him to snap his eyes open and sit up with inhuman speed, ready to pin you down or tie you up or even slap you for tonight’s inconveniences. But that doesn’t make sense, because hesitation is supposed to occur before such an intrepid act, not afterward.

After receiving apparent confirmation that you’re not about to be attacked, he can sense your head slowly but surely coming to rest on your pillow. You shouldn’t strain your neck like that, someone like you could get hurt over time.

The back of his shirt is peeled up, slowly, delicately, and he has to focus to keep his breathing even.

There you lie, staring at the twelve-legged spider etched into his skin, his number a pale contrast to the black ink, practically jumping out at you.

0.

It’s your reminder, he supposes, of what he is. Theoretically and legally nonexistent, practically traceless. Zero evidence. Zero remorse. Zero morality.

Zero.

Then-

One, two, three.

Your lips mark a trail up his spine, at the bottom of the abdomen, right in the middle of the zero, on its head. Don’t shudder.

Once your deed is done, you pull back. There you lie, staring at the twelve-legged spider etched into his skin, so silent that you’re barely breathing.

The fabric of his nightshirt is guided back down. You roll over and proceed to go limp, succumbing to the drugs intended for him.

What was that?

You’re not touching him anymore. He can sense the gap between your bodies, one that he would close every night, pulling you close. 

Was it a relief? To go to sleep without him touching you?

You’d always stirred up such a fuss about his arms being around you as you slept. 

It had always been a cause for seething rage on your part, later argument, later whining, and more recently huffing. Even last night, the stiffness before you fell asleep was a cause of his own discomfort. But you didn’t have to deal with that tonight, and now you’ve fallen asleep in record time. He can’t say it was just from the pills.

Did you change your mind on leaving after you felt their effects? It doesn’t seem likely that you’d ditch all that to sleep. Rather, that you wanted to sleep on your own terms.

He’d spent so much time concerned with stopping a potential escape, that he didn’t stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, that was never the goal to begin with.

And now Chrollo rolls over to face you, gently tugging on your shoulder to pull you onto your back.

You’re serene as ever, a sight to behold. 

He brushes the back of his knuckles along your hair, feeling its texture, so light that his calloused hands - hands that have seen many a bruise and burn and slice and hangnail caught and ripped on the job - almost can’t feel it. Your exhales come out more as huffs and sighs now compared to gentle breathing, and he allows a chuckle (one that he finds incredibly endearing, as much as you’ve let your disagreement to that sentiment be known, preferring to describe it with wounding words such as “condescending” and “grating”) to slip past his lips. 

It reminds him of you when you’re awake, when you used to try so hard to be difficult for him, when you used to scream and scratch as he’d spoon you, grip ironclad, until all you could do was huff and puff and plead with him (and as much as he enjoyed your attempts to compromise, this was something he simply could not relinquish) and eventually, your cursing would die down, your muscles would go limp, and you’d fall asleep. 

Sometimes the sun would be up by the time you relented, and your breaths would be the heaviest then. It was amusing, how quickly you’d switch. One second, you were cussing him and his troupe out, the next, you were a paragon of tranquillity, the visage of an angel before him. He’d pray you love him.

He wants to grab your jaw, hold it firm, and kiss your lips as hard as he can. He wants to tilt his head and take and take and take. He wants to keep taking even if your breathing lightens. He wants to keep taking even if your eyelids flutter open, hazy doe-eyes looking at him with dozy confusion.

Well, he’d never deny his own indulgence.

Leaning in, he presses a kiss to your forehead, just as you did to him.

The touch is as gentle as he can make it, as gentle as he can permit himself to be. There’s a split second of what he could almost call fear, an image of accidentally squeezing you too hard and hearing your bones snap flashing in his mind.

He rubs his thumb over where his lips previously were, feeling an unanticipated wetness left behind.

It’s then that Chrollo realises his mouth is full of his own saliva - whether that was because he was so entranced by your actions that nothing else mattered, body as limp as he could allow, or because, like some sort of filthy animal, he couldn’t help but drool at the contact from you, starved for it like a hyena, he doesn’t know. He swallows. That’s better.

And now for the main event.

He dips down to your lips, and lightly presses his own against them. The feeling is so heavenly, he wonders if you really are an angel. If you were one, would you bless him? Would you destroy him?

If you were to know what he’s doing, would you hate him more?

He pulls away. 

The journey to get here was sizable. Memories of tonight flash by; your cooking, your conversation, your shower. Your humming.

Ah. The tune he heard as a boy. Innocent, naïve, hopeful.

Well, he’s a man now. And far less innocent.

He lets out a hum of his own, deep and rumbling.

Chrollo moves to straddle you, peeling the duvet and sheets back, layer by layer, unveiling the best present he’s ever gifted himself. Just moving into such an intimate position is enough to send pangs of heat downwards, the hardness he fought against earlier returning with an urgency.

For a moment, he tries to fight against it.

Is it to save himself from your hatred? Is it to save you from what he’s planning?

It’s neither, he discerns, as the attempt was doomed to fail before it even started. He knows it was never meant to succeed.

His groin only throbs harder, aching for friction. It’s a spur-of-the-moment thing, the way he presses it against your clothed crotch, rocking back and forth, the slight relief just momentary as his desire only grows.

He regards your unsuspecting face. Stunning. 

Restraint is draining faster now, but still is present just enough to stop him from grinding any harder despite the urge. But if he’s to stop his movements, he’ll need a different kind of stimulation.

He bunches your shirt up, pulling, sliding a hand under your back so he can slip it off your arms and neck.

Now your chest is bare. How ravishing.

His fingers hook under the band of your sleep pants, dragging them off in a clean motion.

And now your legs are bare. How alluring.

He doesn’t take your underwear off - that would simply be crude, and he doesn’t need to tempt himself anymore. If he got the privilege (or right, considering your standings) of seeing you fully nude, as opposed to having a single layer covering the most tantalising part of you, he’d be oh-so-inclined to do something regrettable. His logic fights to win space within his buzzing thoughts, fingers daring to twitch as his imagination fills in the gaps of what the thin black layer forces to be left to it.

Chrollo parts your thighs for good measure, the maximum he can allow himself at this moment. It’d be impossible to not let his hands and gaze trail up them, observing how as he roams upwards, your flesh gets softer, warmer; how the flimsy fabric can’t hide all of your darker flesh; how your lower lips are pressing against the cloth, visible despite the darkness…

God, you’re so fuckable.

There’s a pretentious voice in his head, albeit muffled, that cries protests at the use of such a word to describe you. You’re something far more than that - beautiful, exemplary, one-in-a-million, ethereal. Surely your mouth would be better put to use having a fulfilling conversation with him, a conversation he can dissect and steer and puppeteer, as opposed to just opening as wide as it can to accommodate his cock, taking it as deep as your gag reflex will allow, barely able to breathe, much less talk. Although, he thinks with a faint, deep groan, twitching in his pants, that’s certainly a hypothesis I’ll have to test.

With the sight of your breasts, nipples hard and skin goosebumped from the chill of the room, it’s decided. Just because making his cheeks warm and his cock rock hard isn’t your most prominent trait, doesn’t mean that you aren’t absolutely exceptional at it.

Temptation isn’t something he’s inclined to resist, brushing a thumb over your nipples before leaning down to take one into his mouth. He swears he can hear your breath hitch as his tongue swirls around, breathing getting slightly lighter. An eager hand reaches for the other one, kneading as gently as he thinks he can.

Soft is the first thing he thinks. Your flesh is so soft, so delicate, so tender. If you were awake, he’d vocalise his compliments - and do so loudly, unrestrained.

Your breathing changes as he points his tongue to lightly flick at your nipple repeatedly. Chances are you’re being taken out of REM sleep, but your consciousness doesn’t matter at this stage. And some part of him hopes for it, brief images flashing in his mind of barely-open teary eyes slowly rolling to the back of your head. They’re obscene, so utterly immoral to even fantasise about, yet even the split-second thought makes his stomach jump, shivering a bit as he feels himself be almost overcome by them.

He can’t help but slightly wet his lips in anticipation, relishing in the knowledge that his instincts are being held back with the slightest thread. If he moves even slightly faster than his rational, calculating, non-carnal mind intends, then it’ll snap. He’ll snap.

Almost trembling, he reaches across to his bedside table. The movements are imprecise, but he’s sure this practice will allow him to execute them with much more grace for the inevitable time you’ll be awake. Yes, you’ll be awake and whining and he’ll wet his lips in anticipation and be met with your lingering taste and you’ll want him as much as he wants you- 

He almost falls forward as his own lust threatens to overtake him. Focus on the necessary steps.

Taking a shuddering breath, he leans down to pull open the drawer, to find a bottle hidden at the back, purposefully concealed behind an upright copy of Tess of the D’Urbervilles. Quickly shifting his weight back, he pops the cap open, spreading some of the slick contents onto his fingertips. With his free hand, he pulls down the loose elastic of his pyjama pants, shucking them off, the cold air making him quiver slightly.

Time’s running out.

The movements are trembling, sloppy as he pours lube onto his length, and then onto your spread thighs. There’s a frantic inertia of sorts, a mad momentum - the more he does, the faster he has to go, the anticipation making his stomach swell and dip. He’s really going to do this. It’s really going to happen, and it’ll be amazing.

There. Done. Everything’s ready.

Chrollo takes a shaky breath, gripping just above your knees, and squeezes your thighs around his dick.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Your thighs are warm from the duvet, perfectly cosy and wet from the lube for his cock.

Little time is wasted as he begins to thrust his hips, trying not to give himself too much too soon. The steady pace is slowly increased, little by little, a fragile incline so he can drag this out for as long as possible. 

Can you feel it? Can you feel the warmth radiating from him? Is there some part of your mind that’s awake, but can’t do anything to stop him? Or better yet, is eager to please him?

He strains out a hiss through gritted teeth, peppering kisses over your exposed neck, trying his best not to bite. The pace increases yet again. His eyes are fixated on the mound in your underwear, a more sinister form of curiosity burning within. 

What does your pussy look like?

He won’t use En, that’s just cheating. He wonders and ponders and conjures up the most filthy images his mind can muster. A warm, tight hole that clenches for him as he slips in and out, teasing you. A pretty clit for him to tease with his fingers as you whine, for him to suckle on as you choke on sobs of pleasure. Folds for him to run his tongue through as you rut your hips against his face; for him to run his tip along, collecting your slick.

He imagines how his cock would look disappearing inside of your cunt, how your grip would be so suffocating, how your tits would bounce as he fucks it (because shit, they’re already moving so vigorously now, as he holds his strength, and he can’t even begin to picture what they’d look like if he loses control buried deep inside you, repeatedly stuffing you to the hilt as you cry out). He imagines how you’d tighten around him, babbling something incoherent as you wrap your arms and legs around him, and oh fuck, he can’t pull out now. He imagines the tension snapping, giving a rumbling groan as he shoves himself into you as deeply as possible, eyes screwing shut and burying his face in the junction between your neck and shoulder, riding out his high with a few shallow thrusts.

And finally, he imagines how his cum would look leaking out of your pussy, twitching and swollen from a nice good fuck. The afterglow. The squeak you’d give if he fingered it back into you, growling at you to not waste a drop, keep it all inside for me.

The thought makes his hips stutter a little, threatening to slip out of the plushness between your thighs. Once he regains his rhythm, though, they’re speeding up, relentlessly fucking himself into your thighs over and over, kneading the flesh as he squeezes them tighter and closer.

Chrollo cups your face with a single hand, and leans in. 

It’s the second time he’s properly kissed you tonight, and it feels fucking amazing. Your soft lips, your soft thighs, they’re all working together to make his head swim in bliss. You’re working to make him feel good. Yes, him. Nobody else. You’re his.

The thoughts run wild. He has as little control over them as he does his hips.

How would it feel to fuck you in some other position? How would it feel to flip you onto your stomach, pulling your hips back to meet his, as he stuffs himself into your sopping cunt over and over, watching your ass bounce? How would you cry out at the way his balls slap against your swollen clit, building up the pressure inside you until you just can’t take any more?

How would you grind on top of him? How would you moan as you bounce, tilting your head back as you stretch yourself on his length, panting? How many times could you do it until your legs trembled uncontrollably, forcing yourself to impale yourself on his cock just one more time? When he’d plant his feet on the bed firmly and thrust his hips up, grabbing yours and bouncing you in time, would you wail, or simply slump over, completely unable to form a thought as you cum around him for the nth time?

You’re flexible enough to fold into a mating press, right? How deep could he go? How fast could he go? How would your beautiful skin look covered in love bites?

The coil of pressure within him grows even tighter even faster, balls slapping against your thighs, hips pistoning rhythmlessly.

If he asked, oh-so-nicely, for you to get on your knees and please him with your mouth, would you oh-so-sweetly do it? Would you suckle his swollen tip? Would you tease him with a glint of mischief in your eyes? Would you find his most sensitive spots and exploit them? Would you trace your tongue along the veins? Would you massage his balls? Would you let him control the pace, a hand intertwined in your hair? Would you look up at him as you tear up, doe-eyes wide and eager to please? Would you rub your pretty pussy while he shoots thick ropes of cum down your throat, pressing your nose against his pelvis?

Yes, he decides as the coil begins to snap, you would.

Chrollo comes to a sudden halt, choking out a rich groan in a low timbre. The noise becomes more strained as he rides out the high, the overwhelming euphoria becoming just a bit too intense as it begins to morph into overstimulation. Once he’s sure the moment’s over, he lets go of your legs, pulling back to catch his breath and admire his work.

Ropes of cum paint your chest, some making it as far as your neck, your chin. It’s beautiful, the unruly mess he’s made - no, the mess you’ve made of him.

You’re a real beauty, you know that?

The bathroom tiles are cold against his feet as he grabs a washcloth to clean you up. It’s sad to see it go, to a primal extent, but it’s probably for the best to ensure he doesn’t get any ideas for a second round tonight.

For future nights, though? The chest he’s covering up will soon be exposed soon enough.

He’ll have to get more sleeping pills. You simply must try this again soon. 

Next time, he’ll taste you. The time after that, you’ll taste him. He can hardly wait, nor can he stop the dull throbbing starting up in his groin again.

He sates himself for the time being with the knowledge that the time after that, you’ll be awake.

[incorrectelswordquotes]

Do you remember when the job progression quests had dialogue cutscenes and difficult quests? Each town had its own gear and you'd have to drop blue-background items to upgrade it. And it was character-specific too. Ice statues had to be crafted, and the ingredients would just pile up in your inventory. There was Unique equipment for every region you had a chance to drop after a boss battle, and it'd be shown in the chat. Plant Overlord's accessory was the top trending thing. Rena was blonde and did a flip when she double jumped. The first field introduced was the one between Hamel and Velder. The level cap was 40 and it was *hard* to get there.

I sure don't miss a lot of this stuff, but looking back, it feels like a wholly different game.

i played around when the game was still like this for the most part, except the level cap at the time was 70? and then over time it jumped to 90 but my middle-school/high-school ass couldn't keep up. actually, i remember seeing the new UI the game has for the health bars and that was already enough to throw me off. not that it looks bad, but i remember seeing this UI for the longest time:

vs this:

like as much as i miss the one i got acquainted with, this new one is a lot simpler and cleaner? yet it retains that cartoony vibe with the slanted bars so thats neat. and then there's THIS:

i'll admit i havent played during this era but man this looks busy af. it was simple yea, but something feels off about it. like i love the look here too but it kinda clashes colors-wise. there's not too much of a difference between the original UI and the one after it but i could tell it needed slimming down.

while i was gone i also learned that the previous privately-hosted server VoidEls was shut down but was eventually replaced by another, which is fair enough i guess.

"Each town had its own gear and you'd have to drop blue-background items to upgrade it. And it was character-specific too."

this was both cool and annoying, for me personally at least. it's cool in that every town having gear gave you a way to progress before getting even stronger gear. sort of like a jumping-off point for every town you got to as they handed you their own version of stuff you could use. and you could emulate their aesthetic by wearing their gear. the annoying part is that constantly switching gear means item management is necessary to prevent your inventory from maxing out, and not every item looked good on you. if you didn't have skins? tough luck. (my memory might be wrong here so please correct me if i messed something up)

"...job progression quests had dialogue cutscenes and difficult quests?"

THEY GOT RID OF THOSE!? maybe im jaded but as a writer, i liked seeing the player-characters' personal struggle as they progressed through a job-specific mission. those short cutscenes let us see what they're really like. even if some of the requirements really were trash. i still remember spamming the same dungeon over and over hoping for a quest drop (or multiple) so i can move on. but after hearing the story was consolidated to be one singular, linear path regardless of who you played, maybe they streamlined the job class progression system too?

update: yea it seems you still have to spam dungeons to upgrade to Master Class but it looks less tedious than before for previous class ranks.

"Plant Overlord's accessory was the top trending thing."

boss accessories were the bane of my existence so this makes sense. it seems like it's unobtainable, as many overworld zones and dungeons have since been removed based on what i just looked up

im assuming Plant Overlord isn't fightable anymore or only shows up in some elite zone now so rip

"Rena was blonde and did a flip when she double jumped."

i didn't know this. in fact when i checked her wiki page, the change was because her hair wasn't green enough despite her class art showing her as having green-hued hair.

speaking of the wiki,

holy fucking shit thats a lot of classes

[688199]

Ladybug PV led to the creation of Null Era + other things: A theory re-evaluating the pre-production of Miraculous Ladybug

ah yes, the famous pv, with an alternative marinette that’s confident and an aloof cat boy called felix. yet, even though they seem to be based on null era, why are they still so different from their null era counterparts?

there were a lot of holes in timeline regarding the production, things that made no sense if it was sequenced that way. but when i started to see it this way, i think it solves some questions i had.

(i apologise for the messiness of all the ideas as i am just rambling)

so here’s my theory, as well as the reasons why i think so:

ladybug pv laid out the groundwork for null era. like such:

(first image represents the era in which marinette was confident, and nathan existed. for lack of a better term, i’ll refer it to the 2010 era.)

seems like toei was only given “2010” material to work with, and thus came up with the pv. this explains why alina, adoni, the bodyguards, null doesn’t show up. oh and why bridgette bug uses martial arts instead of weapons.

if anything, the pv isn’t based on null era, it’s based on the 2010.

looks to me like the pv expanded on the 2010 ideas by astruc

and the development team liked it so they expanded on the ideas even further into null era which explains actions shown in the pv, such as richard destroying the world because he’s power hungry.

bridgette’s design seems to be heavily based on this artwork specifically. long hair, same shorts and same shoes. except her top outfit, which seems to be from this right image, created even earlier.

her personality as well is obviously not shy. she’s much like the 2010 marinette rather than the null era.

now let’s talk about felix.

felix sphinx, on the other hand, has right swept bangs like in the pv, different from many other “felix-like” artworks that showcase nathan/ felix with left swept bangs.

if felix sphinx was based on the pv, the difference in their personalities makes much more sense. why pv is portrayed as being annoyed with bridgette, however not in the same degree as astruc’s nathan version. most likely while creating null era, the team further toned down on the annoyed aspect and heightened his nerd side to create who we know as felix sphinx.

not to mention, the pv is also the only media that depicts felix with being studious (books), other than the july 2012 bible.

now take a look at these, which i believe are all based on the image on their left.

2010->PV->Null Era

i used to think the right image inspired the middle image, but now arranging it this way makes more sense to me.

in terms of how everything actually went down:

i think that there were on going discussions on how astruc’s original “2010” concept could be altered during 2010-2012. many ideas were being brought up then scraped such as (the later part of) mini menace, quantic kids, etc, leading to an influx of art and ideas tossed around during this time, especially during 2012.

before toei officially became the co-producer, i think toei brought up the possibility that it could be 2d animation, then created the pv using the original astruc concept, of course with their own ideas tossed in (like how another producer wanted quantic kids). the proposal for 2d was rejected in the end, but i think they wanted to explore toei’s ideas, thus leading to the creation of null era.

rather than see it as a linear progression with a lot of mixing in between “eras” which is how i saw it in the past, the development should be seen as a centre (2010) being branched out into multiple ideas all scattered around the place. each era/ version is just the team mixing and matching elements that they like, and going forward with whatever fits best + goes through the approval of sponsors and producers. this leads to why chat noir was officially confirmed to be called felix during september 2012 while he’s called adrien in the first bible, why quantic kids appeared in the super lady luck game, why the pv and the bible, which differed greatly in ideas, existed during the same time (it’s also possible pv was made much much earlier than the date it was put onto youtube).

okay i should shut up now. this is what i think basically.

lol.

[definitelynotshouting]

Parking Lot - Atlas Ivy (a lot of Atlas’s music seems to fit hunger AU to me)

(this song is probably best fitting for after Grian’s 2nd attempt and after he has already began trying to recover)

“The drink in my hand starts to shake” - Reminds me of Grian trying and failing to open the bottle of water.

“As the hope in my mind starts to break

Are the gods not happy with the progress I've made?

Hasn't illness taken all it can take?” - Healing isn't linear, Grian is going to be fighting an uphill battle, maybe for the rest of his life. 

“Taking all my plans and throwing in a wrench

Is it my mental health or the Marianas Trench?” - He’s going to have relapses and setbacks and those are going to make it feel like nothing he does makes a real difference. He’s going to be tired of fighting but he’s going to have to keep trying because, even if he can’t see it sometimes, progress is being made.

“How can I win if my team only plays defense

And all the best players are stuck on the bench” - Makes me think of Grian, not just feeling like he’s always on the back foot, just trying to repair the damage caused by every unexpected worsening of his mental or physical health, but feeling like he’s relying too much on the other Hermits. That he’s dragging the others down with him and that it makes him weak to need their help.

“Do a face mask or a warm bath or do a shot

Or just lay in bed until your body rots” - Coping mechanisms and how easy it is to fall into harmful ones. Grian has already shown a propensity for dissociation and I’ve personally been headcannoning this has been a problem for a while. That, when the weakness and pain from his malnourishment on Hermitcraft became too much, he tended to just sit or lay in a dark room dissociating until it subsided.

 

“Get my vitamin D but the pavements hot

And the soles of my shoes melt on the parking lot” - Feeling like everything he tries doesn’t really do anything but maybe cause more harm. That it doesn’t do anything to fix the real problem and that failure just makes him feel worse.

“Melatonin's now takеn at eight

Cause I can't stand my thoughts when I'm awakе” -  Back to that dissociation, specifically reminds me of the time Grian has spent dissociating through the nights of the current chapters.

“There is no cause, still my body aches

And the home I built meets an earthquake” - Feeling like any progress and sense of security of safety he has built can be destroyed any second by his mental health taking a dive without any clear cause.

“Can somebody show me

A coping strategy

That takes me from reality

But doesn't kill my body” -  More dissociation and bad coping mechanisms. That desire to just fall away from everything, let the hurt be drowned out by a blanket of static, even though he knows it doesn’t really help.

“Cause I've stunted my growth

I've filled my lungs with smoke” - All the damage that has already been done to his physical health. We’ve seen with Grian true form that Grian has literally stunted his growth by starving himself.

“And yeah it puts on a good show

But I've lost my glow” - Grian not having the energy to do things like play pranks or have fun with the others. The way some of the Hermits react to finding out how much of the Grian they knew was an attempt to hide how he was constantly breaking down now that he doesn’t have the energy to pretend to be fine.

OHHHH I LOVE THIS,,,, ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS ANALYSIS I LOVE THE THOUGHT YOUVE PUT BEHIND EACH LINE OF THE LYRICS..... i havent had the time to listen to the song just yet but MAN this is so cool thank you for sharing it with me :DDD i'll be sure to give the song a listen :D

[mayy-bby]

Idk if it’s just me, but I find that 911 has a hard time following through with their character arcs and this leads to redundant storytelling (in some cases). We’ve seen buck go through this journey of never feeling enough/wanted/loved time and time again and somehow we always end up right at the start of it? After buck begins is seemed like they’d keep us in the loop of buck’s therapy and do check ins to see where he’s at in terms of his belonging but they sidelined that and brought it back up now in season 6. Which some people see as them not forgetting the important details, but is that what it is? Instead showing his progress from last time, we get a whole episode on buck coming to the same realization he always comes to (that he is loved and wanted and enough/family is not always blood you you build it). And this isn’t to say I didn’t like the episode but we’ve seen this exact thing before, just with a different set up. And the thing is we always see this part but we hardly see what comes after that. The part he follows through with his realizations. The part where the progress is shown. I know some people are gonna “growth is not linear”. Well yeah, but first, it’s not completely stagnant either and two, this is a tv show and you have to move the story forward at a quicker pace and show progress for storytelling. This doesn’t mean the person can’t have the same issues arise again, but let’s not take the person right back to square one to where the lessons from last time become non existent. Now we have Eddie going on another date which most people are saying is going to be some sort of failed attempt at getting back into things and what will lead eddie to the final buddie realization. Ummmmm, what was Ana’s purpose then? That breakup was so pivotal but there was zero follow through/follow up. And I can already feel some people wanting to say, “well maybe the follow up will happen now after his date with marisol.” But no. We shouldn’t have to wait like this insane amount of time to see the the after math of something major. I can’t even recall if Eddie had a proper conversation about the breakup with anyone? Or even a decent passing mention? It’s like it never happened. Maybe if he continued to talk about it after it happened here and there, then him going on this date would make more sense. Like just knowing a little more about Eddie’s mindset when breaking up with Ana/coming to the realization (beyond the whole instant family thing which was sort of vague ngl) that she isn’t the one and why - it would be soo telling. I mean, they could have at least had Eddie mention something along the lines of “I don’t know exactly why, but I knew for sure Ana wasn’t the one for me. I think maybe because Shannon and I got together and then pregnant so young, I didn’t have that much experience with love and dating. I feel like I’m still figuring that part of myself out and dating Ana helped me find my footing even though she isn’t the one.” Blah blah, etc etc. By getting some insight into his mindset after the breakup, him going on a casual date like this one would make so much more sense. It still would be annoying but at least we’d have some insight into why he’s even trying this when things with Ana ended the way they did. But they just left us with a very ambiguous and coded breakup that said a lot but also very little. But anyway. I actually don’t know if this date will be a one time thing, but either they’re going to be redundant with his love life once again or they’re going to settle with her as the final love interest. Kinda annoying either way

[squeiky]

Tags by @armorhelmetreplica <-

Response:

Yeah i was thinking this too and yeah it doesnt realy explain the paradox of how the apocolyptic future exists despite their actions.

Having characters choose where theyre going makes sense considering the wish making nature of the emeralds (juxaposed to someone like Mephiles, who forces you to go where he wants you too)

So in terms of that, theres not much i could argue against.

Oh, but if im misreading this and you mean the branching timelines that i scribbled on the paper- they dont exist!... anymore. As the action of the characters progress the timeline gets wipped from existance.

Or atleast.. it SHOULD.. but again, i have no clue how his future was created if Silver was the one to iniciate the change, and again- thats 2 hours in the past. If time is as linear as i think it is, theres no way 200+ years of a future could've happened unless a NEW accident that kills or makes Elise cry had occured to cause it- but that would mean thats no longer silvers future- and Blaze "died" saving a world they dont even belong in- which is way too depressing for me somehow?

Also, we're already shown that time here is infact linear via shadows episode where in the past rouge tells omega to bring the emerald to him- its an instanteous change into the 200+ year future, where FUTURE omega shows up to protect a PAST shadow from the timeless Mephiles.

So thats how we know its linear and things changed in the past directly effect the future.

------

It is plausible that they might've wrote this part of the story for the satsifaction of finally defeating iblis as well as giving a reason as to how blaze became a princess in the sol dimension. As theres 1. No real reason why that particular future needs to exist at this point in the story (couldve been like a cryptic solaris future if timeline was linear), 2. her sacrafice doesnt do much in the plot as its overriden by Solaris regardless, 3. Doesnt further the character of Silver or Blaze, with more empahsis on Silver as he is more prominent in well.. his episode. (You could essentially remove this scene and Blaze from the story and essentially get.. well nothing, sadly. Just rework a few dialouge lines and your good.)

By excluding the timeline(s) and focusing on its story function, it offers very little and might be one of the weaker moments in the story juxaposed to the climax of sonic saving elise and team dark fighting swarms of eneimes. But if thats an unfair comparision as the vibe they went for was dramatic and slow- if you contrast that to other moments like elise dying, or the many scenes with omega in Shadows story, you'll see how much more impactful they were and it shows in the characters and the story.

Theres very little Blaze offers in the story to make us even care. Infact, shes partially the reason why Silver keeps going and doing things like trying to defeat iblis/ find the iblis trigger (yes he did talk about giving up literally just before seeing mephiles who, just like Blaze, encourages him too.) despite these things effectively causing him turmoil and then pointing out his flaws by saying "your so naive" at times he needs comfort and security.

At some Mephiles says what she said, verbatim, in order to manipulate Silver and stop him from questioning him, and with her saying he gets insecure when he's alone- its only when hes alone does he get to think about if what he is doing is right or wrong and tries to make a decision for himself. This isnt the type of behavior im supposed to be chanting "im so sad shes gone" she sounds horrible to be freinds with and she doesnt offer much other than really cool gameplay. Im not a Blaze character expert, so someone please tell me if this is even remotely inline with her character as this is really toxic behavior imo.)

So i finally decked down and wrote basically rhe entirety of the Sonic 06 timeline (not PLOT-line) because i got confused while trying to figure out some things with the story-

And unironically stumbled upon the fact that Silver and Shadow literally (accidentally) created well..

[Rambling below btw. ]

1. (Probably) a bootstrap paradox (Silver cannot be created nor can the timeline that creates him be created so i have 1 time line thats functionally exist as the origion stort yet because of the solutions the writer uses (erased timeline/ self-healing timeline solutions) this origin is functionally unobtainable, yet still exists.

But this ALSO creates-

2. A grandfather-ish paradox (because Silvers future cannot be created without Silver and Shadow preventing the original apocolypse from occuring (i.e. sealing iblis/mephiles). )

But again its an "ish" because supposively he prevents his own future from happening (via creating a portal so that Sonic can save Elise)?? But its shown like.. in the same scene (the elise dies one) he travels to the future with blaze and its still on fire.? So there could be multiple timelines (as alluded to by eggman in the final episode)

So we'd have to assume theres some weird timeline shenanigns at play here because the fucking WRITING INCONSITENCY- because there was no point in time was a character shown capable of using one portal to travel to different times- (it was always future to past or past to future not future AND past!!) which again makes it so that this gets tricky since how the hell did Silver and Blaze travel to a future that was inherently prevented and resulted in the creation of Solaris?? Which means like no iblis- or mephiles? So?????? I dont know anymore.)

Oh and Silver is the (rather indirect) cause for Solaris occuring- so theres no possible way that his future occured because its made via Elise dying by eggmans ship crashing with her still inside, causing iblis to arrise-

Which is an inconsitency, because again, the only reason Elise is alive and thus Solaris is made is because Silver went "hey just go back in time sonic and save her".

Oh about that:

3. Butterfly effect (Silver is the butterfly in this case and Mephiles is the asshole who decided to release him. If you were to write down everything thats happened because of the actions of both Silver and Mephiles you'd get the equivalent story of Silver fucks up and tries to fix it but ends up fucking up again without knowing it but somehow its in Mephiles favor then its not because of Silver AGAIN. All while Mephiles kicks up his feet and trolls Shadow the hedgehog for 2 days while occasionally chatting with Silver, then kills sonic, and then dies.

For my own sake im calling Silver "the moth effect" as not only does he indirectly (and sort of directly) help create this catasrophe, but also helps to prevent it- creating the net 0 gain of what i call "moth effect" as the boy comes back to bite. )

If we ignore the "accidentally creating his own future" part then its "accidentally became the reason as to why Sonic was able go save Elise which gives Mephiles the ability to finally kill this guy without any trouble (assuming that he couldnt kill Elise due to her protective barrier power or something idk)"

Which also makes it so he inadvertly helped Solaris.. become a thing? Because if he didnt well then we just create 200+ years of Iblis apocolypse, which will just create Silver again which means Mephiles will find Silver after 200+ years and then make him touch a shiny purple rock and send him back in time to go "lets go find the truth" with shadow and "hey just timetravel" to sonic which you'd think would prevent his future but no.

BUT HES ALSO the reason for why Solaris is NOT a thing after hyping everyone up to go find the emeralds and Elise to do her prayer thing-and then helping defeat Solaris (concious) and well knocking thag bad boy unconicous so he turns into a little flame that Elise can blow out.

Which, believe it or not, erases the future that Silver is born in, making it so that he never existed in the first place (with the exception of Blaze who now lives seperate from that dimension)

But also making it so that, much likd the original timeline #1, there is no possible way for them to access timeline #2 making me worry how many fucking timelines it took untill Mephiles (aka Soalris) managed to essentially kill himself (because again, Silver is NOT a certified time travler. MEPHILES IS. He orchastreted his own flight and death like fucking Icarus. My guy sat back, let a child loose in the kitchsn and waited till the house went up in flames i-)

Feel free to argue against me btw just provide evidence to support your claims pls, as itll help me in the long run while i continue my very own Solaris project

(P.S. Elise, Mephiles and Iblis, and Solaris, all have "S" sounds in that back of their name that make you hiss like a snake if you say them fast enough)

Oh outside of 06 its almost a "fate" thing that the world must be fucked as like there cannot be a silver rhe hedgehog without the universe finding a way to make a reality in which he can exist. Unles your Silver from colors, he gets a free run before having to suffer the horros of war.

[dreamwraith]

DxS did actually develop in canon

Before I get started, I gotta be upfront, I don't ship it. I prefer to avoid it, in fact. My friends and I rewatched the series last year, though, and watching the episodes all together like that made something stand out to me. The criticism the ship gets about lacking development is...off point. It develops! Even in the third season, the growth is there and it's beautiful and subtle because it builds upon each episode so you really only see it when it's watched all together.

And I think part of the problem is the popular idea that Sam and Danny were crushing on each other before the series began or even just early in the first season, and, like, if you ship these two, please believe me, you don't want that. You don't want to start at the finish line, you'll have gone nowhere, and that is why people assume it didn't have any growth.

But you can see in the first instance when Danny and Sam are called a couple in Mystery Meat, Sam sounds and looks offended while Danny is incredulous. Even in Parental Bonding, Sam doesn't show a preference for Danny over Tucker, she just wants a friend to invite her because her ideals aren't going to let her go to "some stupid dance" unless she has the excuse she's doing it for someone else. The narration is obviously moving her and Danny in that direction, but they're not feeling anything yet. She and Danny dance, and there is none of the blushing you see in later episodes.

Why is this?

Because GROWTH

I don't think the romantic subplot really even starts to affect them until the fake-out-make-out happens in Shades of Gray. They're still only friends after it happens, it's incredibly awkward, they're cringing because they just crossed a line, necessary or not. If you watch the scene without any expectations for the coming relationship, Danny is very alarmed that Sam is kissing him. He’s freaking the freak out, he lost control of his powers (just as Sam had hoped) and he’s wide-eyed and pounding his fists on the ground. He did not expect this AT ALL. Any of it. And even when he sits up and he has that half-lidded look on his face, he’s not looking at Sam, he’s just looking off into space in a very “a girl just kissed me” boy daze. Congrats, Danny. He snaps out of it once Sam speaks, and then they both get this grimace on their face. I don’t think it has anything to do with secret feelings, I think it’s because people have been teasing them about being lovebirds and now they’re going to get mocked and teased mercilessly, and oh fudge. 

So they don’t feel anything there, BUT the simple act of kissing gets them thinking. It must get them thinking because the next episode is Fanning the Flames.

The important detail isn't the love spell, it's how receptive Danny and Sam are to each other at the beginning of the episode. Last episode, they kissed out of necessity, and now they're blushing when they hold hands, smiling shyly at each other, giving compliments, staring at each other, blushing, blushing, blushing. It's as though that fake kiss flipped a switch and now they are aware of each other in ways they never were before. In fact, Sam is shown to be very taken with Danny flying in the sunlight, a very clear moment in the series where there's a shift in the shading, the angle of the camera, and we the audience are allowed to see through Sam's eyes as she looks at Danny and sees him in a different light in what might be to her the first time.

And quick aside here, you have probably heard the argument Sam loves Danny for his powers, but you may not have heard this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's an expression of Sam's character to, not only delight in the unique and odd, but to appreciate action when it's called for. Danny is a half ghost hero who refuses to sit on the sidelines when someone is in trouble. These are things Sam values, and Danny being who he is and what he does is going to make her heart pound with admiration. He's her dream guy, but more than that, he's her friend. She knows his flaws and who he is as a person. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her loving his powers and how unique it makes him in addition to liking him. I see it a little bit like having a thing for drummers and then your friend develops an aptitude for drumming. It's not going to change the friendship, but you might notice him a little differently. The only problem here would be if she liked him for the powers and not because there is something more there. For Sam, I think, it’s not just the powers. Danny Phantom isn't a stranger who is half ghost and saving people, he's Danny, her friend. She has watched him develop into a hero, starting from episode one, when Danny decided to do something with his powers.

It's a wild, new perception of Danny that would be hitting her in this moment, and if Ember hadn't interfered, they may have actually gotten together much sooner. But she did. She placed a spell over Danny and threw into question everything they have been feeling and made things move too fast, way too fast, for Sam, who, as you’ll remember, couldn’t even admit she wanted to go to a dance a few episodes ago.

Idk if you guys have noticed this or if anyone else agrees, but I fully believe it's Sam who sets the pace. For all the clueless jokes and teasing, Danny has shown from the get-go he's receptive to the idea of him and Sam getting together. Just look at the way he smiles whenever something happens between them-- it's usually Sam who pulls away or ducks her head. Such as in this episode, when the love spell is broken and she, not Danny, makes an excuse for why they hugged for so long. If we focus on Danny in this relationship, the progression of his feelings aren't very linear. There are moments when he notices her or learns to appreciate her, but they aren't major shifts for him. Like he said in Urban Jungle, "I always thought you ruled, Sam." When I rewatched it, I didn't see Sam waiting for Danny, I saw Danny waiting for Sam. You might see it differently, tho, idk, I don't ship it :P But for this meta, I'm going to say it's her. She's not ready. And there's many reasons why.

For one, we saw in Parental Bonding she isn't comfortable admitting she wants the same things other girls want. Even though she really wants to go to the dance, she pretends she doesn't. It's important to her that she is different, even when it's an act. It's possible too then that she's not ready to give in to romance, especially one that others have been pressing on her. I don't think that would have stopped her in the long run, given how she was responding to Danny, but...Ember. That love spell. Idk what was fully intended to be going through her mind after that, but I believe it assured her it was best they stay friends, which is why she pulls back and makes an excuse. Danny's obsession under the spell was annoying, creepy, and it ruined what they had as friends. It's reasonable she wanted to take a step back. I think Danny looks like he understands? He was the one who caught on she wanted to go to the dance despite her denials, he must understand her pretty well on some level, so he probably recognizes that she isn't ready. He’s smiling when Sam makes the excuse. Or maybe he suspects that's the case. I might be basing a lot on his little smile and blush at the end there, but he also blatantly flirts with Sam at the end of Memory Blank and she's the one who smiles and ducks her head while he beams and raises his. They seem to be on the same wavelength here as far as his feelings and hers go, and it doesn't make sense for all these blushes and smiles between them to be something Danny... just... didn't pick up on when he's often responding to Sam's reactions. He's not clueless between these episodes, but he's not pushing her. He's not pushing himself. They're letting their friendship take priority.

So what changes? How does Danny go from knowing to clueless?

I'm thinking it was Reign Storm.

This, I think, is the moment Danny starts to think he had it all wrong. Since they've never actually spoken about how they feel, he can revisit the events of Fanning the Flames and the "Sam? But I thought..." "I thought too..." and start thinking Ember really did ruin things after all because at the climax of Reign Storm...Sam turned him down. Or she let the chance slip away. He didn't admit his feelings, but he indirectly asked her about hers, giving her a chance to say something before he faced his toughest fight to date, something she was afraid he might not survive, but she didn't say anything. She couldn't. She wasn't ready. Valerie had come onto the scene, and the burgeoning romance between her and Danny made Sam insecure. Valerie is beautiful, comfortable flirting with Danny, and Danny is responding to her. Valerie is what Sam isn't, but she isn't cruelly shallow like Paulina, there isn't an easy dismissal here. It's the first time Sam is faced with competition for Danny's affection and she... doesn't know if she wants to fight for it or not. She's hesitant to meet Valerie's challenge in that final scene, and whenever she opposes Danny's friendship with Valerie she uses Valerie's ghost hunting as the reason. It's a fair excuse, I just don't think it's the only reason. She's too angry and too hurt for there not to be personal undertones. But she can't admit it out loud, maybe not even to herself. It's the dance situation all over again, but this time Danny is distracted by Valerie and doesn't think Sam wants him back. Why would he? In a life or death situation, she didn't say anything. Silence carries its own words. Danny must have assumed she doesn't like him back after all.

Obviously, things come to a little bit of a head when Danny starts to get serious about Valerie. Events are manipulated by Technus, of course, but the feelings are Danny's own. Technus didn't make Danny stay up talking to Valerie all night; he chose to. Technus didn't make Valerie lay her head on Danny's shoulder; she chose to. So, when Danny responds to Sam's "Do you really think the universe wants you two to be together?" with "I don't know...I might." It's significant. Sam knows it too. Her voice actor did a great job putting pain into that gasp.

So Sam does what she has since Fanning the Flames; she puts her friendship with Danny first. If this is what he wants, she's not going to get in his way. Events may have continued apace in this fashion, with Sam silently pining as Danny explores a relationship with Valerie, BUT things aren't as simple as Danny or Valerie would like them to be. Misunderstandings and secrets undermine them from the start, and Sam's self sacrifice sees an immediate payoff when Danny trusts her with the ring he was going to give Valerie.

I...don’t really want to get into the WES ring thing, but Jack’s assumption here that Danny is dating Sam (not Valerie) is probably due to him seeing Danny dip and kiss Sam in the lab during Memory Blank. Sam wished for Danny to keep his DP symbol, so this whole scene probably still played out, and Jack likely still remembers he saw Danny kiss Sam, only now he remembers her name wasn’t actually Paulina. 

Idk if I’m grasping at straws or not with this, I’m just trying to give meaning to Jack’s mistake haaaaa...

I'm not going to get into the WES ring thing, I'm sorry. It hurt my feelings and it has Butch vibes all over it. Tucker’s “What is this, the eighties” has me freaked because yeah and the fact that it’s Jack’s class ring and not Danny’s because Danny is too young to have a class ring? I don’t like it I don’t like it ahhhhh

But. That Sam tosses a ring that has her name on it into the air and yet calls Danny clueless is an ironic joke I'm forever going to snicker at. Well played. Even if the rest of it was a dick move.

Sooooo...Valerie has withdrawn, Sam is smugly triumphant, but Danny is still pining after Valerie. The relationship between Danny and Sam is at a standstill because Sam's preferred status quo is back, aside from Danny is now blind to her.

Enter Gregor.

Oh, this little shit...

My personal opinion on this episode is that it wasn't necessary to pull the jealousy angle on Danny when he already had established feelings for Sam in the earlier episodes, but it does let Sam explore romance without risking her friendship. That's really all it is, you can see it in the way she behaves with Gregor. She's infatuated, but there isn't anything deeper than attraction and shared interests (or so Elliot makes it seem). Gregor's color scheme probably played a part in catching Sam's attention by making her think of him (a stranger) in a positive light. It's Phantom's color scheme from top to bottom. I'm pretty sure the writers made him that way, not for Sam, but for Danny. "This could have been you" they're saying "you should be in his place."

Ahh jealousy...

While Sam is exploring her sexuality, the romantic parts of herself she's been denying for so long, Danny is losing his god dang mind. If I focus on Sam, I like this episode much better. Danny is an absolute dick here. Someone stop him, pls, omg. The jealousy arc in a friends to lovers trope is pretty easy to understand. This is meant to make him recognize he could lose Sam to someone else if he keeps chasing after Valerie, it's supposed to make Sam the focus of his attention again, to make him aware of his feelings for her, make her desirable, a possession, objectified ect., ect.. Jealousy is a bad look on all romances, please don’t do this

Sam, though, I like her potential here if I continue with the idea she's been afraid to open herself to the idea of dating until now. It's a little fast, given that she's crushing within five seconds of seeing the guy (Danny at least was given two episodes and death defying adventures), but that's sort of the idea? She's not thinking here. She's... taking a plunge of sorts. She's letting herself follow her emotions instead of trying to beat them down, possibly because Gregor is new to the school, possibly because he also claims to be Goth so there is a sense of community she's responding to. Possibly because some part of her is tired of tormenting herself over crushing on Danny, and Gregor offers a fresh new take on something that has, so far, only caused her pain. Idk. It depends on how you want to interpret her feelings here. In my mind, she jumped on dating him so fast there had to be something else prompting her to open herself like that. It's not very consistent with how she has approached relationships and feelings in general up to this point, so I have to assume it was some sort of breaking point.

Regardless, she snaps out of it when they kiss. 

And she does kiss him back. Before it cuts to commercials, she closes her eyes and wraps her arms around his neck, he pulls her close, and that's when we zoom in on Danny's shocked face. I suppose this is the moment where he's meant to feel the most pain. Unlike Sam who put friendship over her feelings, however, Danny lashes out. He does come around when he's talking to Gregor in the locker room, though. Fair points to Danny, he does come around in the end. It's just a little too late.

I would feel bad for him, but he annoyed me a lot in the episode. 

Sam already looked like she was rethinking the relationship with Gregor after the kiss. He smoothed things out after she shoved him away, but she still looks uncertain when they walk off. In my mind, she was cool with the relationship because it was fun and everything, but she wants Danny, and Gregor isn't him. When he kissed her, it felt good, but then it didn't feel right and she pulled back. The romance was fun for her in this episode, but I think this was the moment she committed to Danny as the one she wants, despite the risk to their friendship. She still defends herself from Danny and walks away from school holding Gregor's hand, she's not giving up on Gregor yet, but she doesn't seem nearly as into him as she did before. Him snapping at Tucker and revealing his true colors just made everything easier.

Bye-bye tacky Danny substitute.

Danny recovers some ground then by complimenting her as a person. Sam might be able to see his feelings for her shining through, I think. The whole moment just felt wholesome and gooey sweet lol.

They still don't talk about it, though. Poor Tucker. I would be screaming in his place.

That brings us to season three.

Sam and Danny have both committed to how they feel about each other at this point, they just haven't said anything. They don't know that the other feels the same, only that they really like their friend.

Mutual pining, fully engaged.

Danny, in particular, has gone full blown. He's not even trying to deny it anymore, he's just shy and nervous about it, trying to hide it because he doesn't want to get hurt. He's usually bold when it comes to matters of the heart, especially by this point in the series, so he's holding that ember pretty close to his chest like he's afraid someone is going to blow it out. He has reason to be. He's been crushed in Fanning the Flames and disappointed in Reign Storm. He's all in, now, and very vulnerable because of it. When Johnny and later his dad ask about his "girlfriend," he stutters and shies away. He's not confident about anything except how he feels. Sam hasn't shown him any indication at this point in the series that she feels anything for him outside of friendship.

Urban Jungle pushes things, but Sam is a puppet. Undergrowth is speaking through her, using Sam to bait Danny into a trap. He can't trust the things she says in that state, and, kindness points to him, he doesn't. They don't blush when he gives her the ice crystal; they won the day, and he let's her off the hook like she had for him back in Control Freaks.

No, nothing for them changes until Frightmare.

Frightmare is the most important episode for their relationship. It is, in fact, in some ways more of a climax than Phantom Planet. They have spent the entire series not talking about how they feel. Sam has kept her feelings for Danny so tightly guarded he didn't know she still felt anything for him. The dreamwalking let's him see what Sam has hidden for so long, and once it's out, it's out. Danny knows. Sam knows he knows. Sam doesn't know that Danny dreamt about the same, she's only responding to the idea Danny now knows about her feelings for him. And Danny's actions after he finds out is positive, accepting, encouraging. But not pushing. They're still waiting. They're balanced on a pinhead and comfortable and happy to be there again after all they've been through since Fanning the Flames.

You can see the change in their relationship during Claw of the Wild. They're acting off each other. They haven't spoken still, but they're working in tandem. Danny is confident enough to do that arm move, a far cry from the boy in Girls Night Out who was trying to hide how he felt.

Sadly, D-Stabilized happens after, and as everyone knows, canon ends there. How Danny and Sam ultimately get together (assuming they get together at all) is up to you :3

............

Okay fine...

Phantom Planet is a fanfiction given canon status, but it does fit into the development of their relationship fairly well.

Danny and Sam know how they feel and how the other feels, they just haven't made anything official yet. It's kind of a foregone conclusion at this point, and they're kind of acting like it, such as when Danny lays his hand over Sam's after he loses his powers. There's his confidence in romance again. You love to see it.

It is a bit rocky here. Danny isn't listening, Sam isn't communicating, there is a lot of passive aggressive shiiiiiit going down before Sam becomes overtly aggressive and Danny finally notices something is wrong. That idiot...

I don't remember the whole speech. I remember thinking there were undertones because they know how each other feels now, but I can't remember the words exactly. Sam was frustrated and Danny finally gets his head out of his ass and starts listening, and he starts to consider just what it was he lost. What he gave up. And for what? Sam makes him look beyond the immediate problems, and there is value in that.

Being dissed by Dash after he failed to save him might have been the final nail, though, to be fair xD

Sam obviously likes Danny's unique powers, but she was at her most thrilled when he started trying to be a hero again even without his powers. His attitude was what was frustrating her, and once he stopped caring only about himself, she forgave him.

I will still hold, however, the dialogue was not great. Her reaction to seeing Danny's ghost form again was something like "Danny, it's you! I mean it was always you, but you're you again!"

It wasn't great, combined with everything else. It's just not. Since she just saw him (almost) die, I might have had her go with "Danny, you're alive! Er, ish! Alive-ish!"

She's actually going to see him (almost) die again a few minutes after this too! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Poor girl.

I believe they hook up shortly after this in Antarctica. Idk. I blanked out on a lot of the movie. Sorry. I do remember, there wasn't a huge confession or anything. The only real, um, shock? Reveal? Was Sam noticing the ring had her name on it when she tried to give it back to him. They've known for a while how they felt, they're just finally (FINALLY) addressing it, so it's kind of low-key. Just. Finally giving voice to what they've felt. That must be so freeing. It wasn't a reveal, it was an acceptance.

(Does this play into Danny saying nothing is official until he gives [Valerie] the ring back in Flirting with Disaster? I think it might be.)

If you ship it, you can probably fill in the emotions of this moment better than I can. My experience was to laugh. I'm aro, lads, I did not give a hoot lmao. Can't help thinking now that the spinning camera angle, plus the 3D asteroid, is probably what tanked half of the third season's budget.

Urban Jungle's advertising got the other half lol

It was effective, though, I've seen how well loved that moment is for its fans. It was a long time coming, it took a lot of build up and courage to reach this point, well done you two.

And of course you got the hill scene. Sam's ring officially placed on Sam's ring finger (remove it this instant and put it on the correct hand, omfg, BUTCH, you had one job--The boyfriend's class ring goes on the right hand, ring finger, I'm screaming THEY’RE TOO YOUNG TO BE ENGAGED) and they talk! I don't fully remember what it was about, Danny coming to terms with his ghost half, probably, and how Sam has helped him accept himself. It was very sweet and cheesy lol. But the climatic moment for this ship during the finale was in Antarctica. It culminated what they've left unsaid for so long.

And then Danny lifts Sam into a bridal carry (gdi Butch) and they fly off into the sunset, and that’s the end of the show!

... my messy interpretation of Phantom Planet aside, hopefully this has helped you love your ship more, though I understand this is just my interpretation of things. I really wanted to write this for myself, to help me understand the ship better. I enjoy analyzing things as a writer, but with this ship, I often focus on the negative, not the positive, and I wanted to give it it's dues. It is a very sweet ship when taken all together.

I do want to talk about how canon failed this ship and just didn’t hit its full potential, but for this at least I wanted to focus only on what they did RIGHT. There was actual progression in the relationship, although it wasn’t always linear due to what I suspect was Sam’s hesitation to give up friendship for romance and Danny’s attraction to Valerie. In the end they worked things out, and I think the defining moment for Danny was a callback to Sam’s worth to him in Memory Blank, when he discovered she made him a hero, and then in Phantom Planet she did it again by pushing him to be more than your average citizen, more than who he was before the accident, and he was like alright, that’s it, it’s you. It has to be you. 

[aelaer]

Hi friend! You seem vast in your knowledge of Stephen and willing to share so please enlighten me as I don’t read the comics but I do watch the mcu movies, and do love Stephen.

I know he’s erratic and impulsive and reckless sometimes but didnt we already complete this arc in his first movie? Especially since we’ve watched him deal with the consequences of his actions for the entirety of the film and end of the movie Stephen was a different Stephen from the beginning of the movie.

IW Stephen seemed like a more mature version of the man we’ve met at the end of his first movie, a linear progression of the character, more responsible.

The spider man trailer is just a few minutes so I’ll further reserve judgment till I see the film, but he seems.. silly almost? I’m aware he has his funny moments but I’m just nervous they’re gonna make him the joke instead of having him make the jokes.

Do you notice anything weird about how the adults act in these newer marvel projects.? (I’m thinking of loki specifically) they all have a silly undertone to them? I cant put my finger on it but it’s definitely new and ..off

Is this a constant characterization for Stephen in the comics? Is this what he’s like all the time?

Regardless, thank you for your time if you see this xx

Oh yeah, Stephen's my favorite subject at the moment so I'm happy to give my thoughts!

Note that my answers apply to MCU!Stephen and what we've seen in the four films he's been in.

I know he’s erratic and impulsive and reckless sometimes but didnt we already complete this arc in his first movie? Especially since we’ve watched him deal with the consequences of his actions for the entirety of the film and end of the movie Stephen was a different Stephen from the beginning of the movie.

In my experience of just living, there are personality quirks that can be tempered out and made better, but not entirely eliminated, even if it's undesirable. In my opinion, Stephen's need to push himself and prove that he can Do A Thing is a trait that won't ever go away--especially as that trait has helped him more than hindered him. Examples would include the more mundane such as getting through a combined MD/PhD program and inventing surgical procedures at what is still a really young age for a neurosurgeon. We don't have a canonical age for Stephen, but Benedict was 40 when Doctor Strange was filmed and released; even if he's canonically in his mid-40s, that's still very young for him to be at his caliber after the necessary years of med school and residency in the United States. He's young and nowhere near the end of his career when he gets in the car crash. So with that information in mind, we know that he's very ambitious and throws himself into doing difficult work with gusto. That doesn't even go into everything he did as a sorcerer.

Why get into all of this? Because while we, the viewer who has seen the multiverse open at... some point (possibly, in a rewritten timeline, it's always been open now with what happened in Loki!), we have seen just how nuts it gets. We have seen the consequences. Stephen's smart, but I don't think it's a matter of strictly recklessness and more a combination of ignorance on this specific subject (erasing memories across the world or slightly rewriting time-- we don't know how he's doing it, but a memory spell makes more sense to me), hubris (of course), and the real desire to help Peter out. The latter two traits combined in intelligent people have proven bad in both fiction and reality.

The reason I don't think it's pure impulsiveness is because in the trailer, we see Stephen doing some meditation type thing in the underground area before the spell. He's also always doing research and as he tells Peter he'll help him, he clearly knows of a spell already and has some working knowledge of how it works. The conversation with Wong wouldn't have happened otherwise. But I personally get the vibe off him that he'd not do it without being very confident that he can do it -- and his history in the films has shown 0 failures in any of his spells once he's past novice-level, so in that aspect, his confidence makes sense. If he *should* do the spell due to the risks of failure, and lack of practicing precaution in the face of his confidence, is where his flaws lie, IMO. And in that sense people could say he was reckless for deciding to perform a complicated, dangerous spell, but that follows his M.O. completely -- he performed a very complicated, dangerous spell consistently with the Time Stone again and again, from how the sorcerers spoke about the Infinity Stone (and he casually just... throws himself into a time loop, then to look through time. He takes calculated risks, but they are very much risks).

One last thought on this statement - the biggest, biggest lesson that Stephen learned in his first film was that it was not about him. There was more to the world than his glory and his brilliance and even his happiness. He started doing things for the greater good rather than himself. And he started doing things for others -- fighting for the Sanctum in his own film, and protecting the Earth. Serving something greater than himself. But that doesn't make him suddenly humble, and it doesn't suddenly take away his strange (hah) sense of humor.

IW Stephen seemed like a more mature version of the man we’ve met at the end of his first movie, a linear progression of the character, more responsible.

He was more serious in that film. So was Tony. They still had some quips and arguments, but they were very serious. And it makes sense as to why -- it was the end of the world. So the mood of the setting would change anyone's demeanour. But he had very little chance to unwind in that film, considering that he was trying to protect one of six items that would destroy the universe, and also got freaking tortured in the middle of the film with little time to recover. But nearly every Avenger was super serious in that film, and for good reason.

It's a completely different setting from what is now Stephen's life which, from what little we've seen in the trailer, is weird enough that he got a magical snowstorm in the Sanctum. It's safe enough that Wong's off on vacation. It's been nearly a year since he returned from the dead. He's either figured out how to move on in the last year or, as some prefer, has gotten good enough to put on a facade and bury the trauma so far down that he's putting on a normal act - but that's up to debate until MoM. And we have no idea if old traumas are going to be brought up there or if it's just the new things.

I think the point is that it's possible to be both a responsible person and also to make colossal mistakes due to either emotional connections or hubris (or both - we don't know which way the film will go, if they'll explain it at all). They're not mutually exclusive. He can be protecting reality fantastically, while also believing that he's skilled enough to pull off the ability to pull off a dangerous spell which he did in his own film and in IW. He's guided the timeline down a specific path in IW/Endgame, after all - what's a little identity item compared to the fate of the universe, after all? Removing the Spider-Man/Peter association is, in comparison, child's play I imagine to a man like Stephen.

The spider man trailer is just a few minutes so I’ll further reserve judgment till I see the film, but he seems.. silly almost? I’m aware he has his funny moments but I’m just nervous they’re gonna make him the joke instead of having him make the jokes.

Do you notice anything weird about how the adults act in these newer marvel projects.? (I’m thinking of loki specifically) they all have a silly undertone to them? I cant put my finger on it but it’s definitely new and ..off

He was definitely silly in his own film. He was constantly trying to get Wong to laugh and there was a banter between Stephen and Christine after he gets stabbed. He's always been a bit awkward and a bit jokey--I think Thor showed that combination of humorous snark and good research rather well, though he was flippant in a way that didn't get to show his kinder side that is better established in his film. And now we get to see that sympathy in his agreement to help Peter (at least, in my opinion).

Because he was doing an amazing awesome spell not once, not twice, but *three* times in the trailer alone, I am not worried about Stephen just being a joke. He seems just as powerful as he was in IW and Endgame. The rest of the world is just getting reminded that he's definitely a bit of a socially awkward duck at times (or, if you prefer, Putting On a "I'm Fine" Front And It's Coming Across As Weird). So him being a big joke is not something I am personally worried about.

Situational humor has been a staple of Marvel films since Iron Man. I watched the films casually before 2016 when I fell head deep into Stephen Strange (or well, 2018/9 is more accurate as that's when I *really* went nuts), and my viewings before that time and after that time was a lot more analytical. And it's very easy to see where the silliness started, all the way back when Tony crashed into his own car and Dum-E sprayed him with a fire extinguisher. Thor was the butt of the joke in the "fish out of water" scene in a good, good chunk of the film. Even Captain America had some situational humor. And remember that Guardians of the Galaxy was back in 2014, which was halfway through the MCU's time thus far. The stars of these films are almost always the butt of some joke a couple times and do things that could be viewed as childish.

I don't know your age at all, but if you were born after 1990, what might be happening, rather, is that they are not getting sillier, but that you may be getting older. I was an adult (legally, at least) in 2008, but the way I view the adults of the films throughout the early 2010s as compared to now is night and day. It's just come with my own life experience, and wider understanding to media tropes. The jump is even more significant if you were younger in Iron Man/Avengers days and are an adult now. If you're an older adult than me, then I'd argue it's the matter of life experience adding to your overall knowledge of media plus, potentially, rose-tinted glasses giving you a better vision of the older movies while forgetting that the older movies had plenty of their own flaws (and silliness). Could be a lot of things- it's too individual to really say why your perspective has changed. But I don't think the MCU's largely changed their comedy formula since 2012/2013.

Is this a constant characterization for Stephen in the comics? Is this what he’s like all the time?

Oh the comics are a mess of characterizations. It's very difficult to find full consistency across writers, and some writers did him much better than others. At the moment, Jason Aaron's 2015 run is viewed as very good by a large amount of fans, while Waid's 2018 run is viewed with mixed reviews. It's largely a matter of preference as you'll see traits that are just so uncharacteristic in an arc and then it never happens again. He takes on secret identities, he kills billions to save trillions (along with the other Avengers!), he sells his soul, he's in a steady relationship for 30 years, then he's sleeping with a new woman every arc he co-stars in-- it's just so dependent on the writer over the decades. What Marvel thinks will sell. Right now Marvel thinks his death is gonna sell issues, so yeah :P You pick and choose with the comics and build a personality from there.

Thank you for the thoughtful ask. I hope this wasn't too much of a drag to read through; I get rambly on my favorite subjects. Or anything, really.

[backslashdelta]

So I've been tracking my AO3 stats over the past year, and I figure now is a great time to take a look back at the year and see what I have to show for it!

Posting here because I want to talk about it and document it somewhere, but putting it under a cut so you can happily scroll past if you don't care :)

I also made a summary post for 2020 at the beginning of the year, if you'd like to take a look.

First of all, I just want to take a look at what AO3 gives me. I don't have to do everything myself, at least lol

So these are the summaries for (from left to right) 2020 (the year I started writing), 2021, and All Years. I know this isn't entirely accurate right off the bat because I definitely didn't have 40 user subscriptions in 2020. But I'm guessing that's just not meant to update according to the year. The kudos, comment threads, etc feel believable (although I have a feeling that may be associated with most recently updated dates of fics, in which case everything from IWOAK in 2020 is counting toward this year and not last year, but anyway). Regardless, I'm quite proud of all of these numbers! A lot of hard work goes into earning these, and while I know that the worth of my writing isn't necessarily correlated to the stats, it's still nice encouragement.

Now let's look at some progress! Going to preface this with yes, I know the charts are small and kind of hard to read. Especially the first few that summarize the overall stats, since I had to put them in the same image because of image limits per post. I am sorry. Honestly I just don't want to spend the time on this that it would take to make it look extra nice. The x axis is always the count, and the y axis is always the date, starting on January 1st 2021 and the data included ends today (December 22nd 2021). Dots in the graphs are individual data points, and the lines are just linear trend lines that in some cases don't make sense (like in word count for multichaptered fics that have been completed) but they're there anyway because I am lazy and didn't want to remove them.

So these are total hits, word count, and user subscriptions over time from January 2021 to now. That big drop in the number of hits is because I have co-written a series of oneshots that we decided to combine into one single fic instead rather than leaving as oneshots (and a corresponding series of podfics), and the hits took a pretty big hit because there were like 25 oneshots... not counting the podfic versions. So yeah. That's that explained. Luckily I recovered though!

Word count and user subscriptions have been levelling off a bit recently just because I've been struggling with motivation so I haven't been posting much lately. I am kind of surprised to see that that's not as evident in my number of hits though!

Here we have similar charts for overall kudos, comment threads (not individual comments, so this is just for parent-level comments), bookmarks, and subscriptions (to fics, not to me as an author). HUGE drop in kudos for the reason explained above, and a bit of a drop in bookmarks. Pretty big drop in comment threads but it bounced back up almost immediately and... I don't really remember why that is if I'm being honest. My go-to explanation is IWOAK but it seems too fast to be just that. And then that drop in subscription numbers that comes a bit later is because I finished IWOAK so people unsubscribed. It does still has 228 subscriptions though! I figure if I ever get around to writing that one-shot I'd like to write in the verse, I'll update the original fic with an announcement so all those people will know, since I don't have a series set up for it yet.

Now to take a look at some fic-specific stats! I'm just going to show the top 5 for each category as of today, because otherwise the charts are just so crowded that you can't actually read anything from them. But if someone for some reason wants to see any charts specific to a fic not shown, just let me know I guess? Not sure why you'd want that but anyway.

Hits! Unsurprisingly, IWOAK is on top here (as it is in every single other chart so I'm not going to bother pointing it out every time. All but one of these was started (and some most were completed) in 2020 so I guess it makes sense that they have the most hits. Special mention though to Echoes of You which I started this year and is in 6th place! Just missed being included in the chart, but it's sitting at a pretty healthy 1283 hits at the moment.

Kudos! Now seems like a nice time to point out that my vampire smut made it into my top 5 by hits and kudos. Also worth mentioning I am absolutely shocked that my Puckurt fic made it into this list! I published that over halfway through the year and it's a ship that doesn't seem to have as much popularity on Tumblr at least, so the fact that it's on this list? I'm impressed and intrigued. Everything else is Kurtbastian which doesn't surprise me, because they always do better than my Klaine fics.

Comment threads! I'm shocked yet again, this time that one of my podfics is in here?? Not only that, but the podfic is here and the original fic is not here. Flabbergasted. Everything here is of course a multichaptered fic, and we have the Halloween collab in there too which I still haven't read all of whoops.

Word count! Same list as the last chart except the written version of the Kurtbastian 2020 Advent Calendar rather than the podfic version. And you can see that jump I talked about earlier where we moved all the individual oneshots in the series to one fic. But yeah, this is just as expected. It's nice to see that steady increase in the IWOAK word count though. :)

Bookmarks! Honestly I'm shocked that THOL1 is here, but there it is. For Your Entertainment and I Want The World To See You'll Be With Me, surprise me as well, but not quite as much. I love that IWOAK is still getting new bookmarks, although at a slower pace now that it's not updating anymore of course.

Subscriptions! LOL @ the drop in IWOAK right after I finished posting. This isn't surprising, they're all chaptered fics and I don't have all that many of those. Love seeing Echoes of You up there though!

Anyway, I think I'll wrap things up now. This was really cool for me to look back on, and if you've gotten through this whole thing, thanks for taking a look and I hope it was interesting for you as well! And if you've read any of my fics, thank you for taking the time to do so! :)

[youre-so-captivating]

You know what I understand why everyone says s1-5 are the best. Those seasons are quite linear and very well written. Every season is a step up from the last but it's all tied together in a satisfying, epic little bow. Early foreshadowing that doesn't make sense for a season or 2, and the build up and reveals of all these events are so exciting.

Season 6 was interesting but didn't feel like a natural progression anymore. New concept just chucked in my face, like the main story that was meant to be told got exhausted, or was originally meant to be fininished at season 5. S6 has a big amount of fan favourite episodes though, and individually they're still well written. Souless sam is a fan fav and i almost wish there was more time with him. The way he got his soul back was unexpected and a bit unsatisfying; with the way previous seasons had been paced, i expected him to get it back in the finale. I thought eve's death was too anticlimactic, after all the buildup about how important she is. Cas' betrayal is a bit confusing after how attached he supposedly is to them and it was sudden to me. Cas making Ben and Lisa forget about dean entirely comes across as an easy way to write the characters out of the show, and was also confusing to me because it wouldn't legitimately keep them from being tracked, it just makes sure they wouldn't know what's going on if they were attacked again.

Currently on 7x4 and there's already some minor plot holes. Like the 3 week time skip in episode 3; I'm sure that's the first time a time skip was used so drastically. And lets talk about how weird and awful 7x3 is in general. First time this rewatch where i genuinely hated an episode. Whole s7 plot feels rushed so far. Seems to be a lot of of important stuff happening that just gets referenced by the characters and is never actually shown.

Lots of characters and concepts starting to get forgotten in favour of new enemies and stuff. One thing about the early seasons that I love is how past events, people, traumas from s1 and 2 still get brought up into s4 and 5. It's very grounding actually, sets a really good groundwork and reminders about their lives. And it's a cool nod to the viewer. And that sort of thing seems to be getting slowly written out. It's quite sad.

I'm rewatching supernatural by myself (currently 7x1) and im also watching supernatural with my brother (currently 2x7) and trying to not accidentally spoil crucial plot is soooo hard.

[girlobsessed21]

My thoughts on The 100 7x05

Hey, guys,

Sorry for not doing any comments on the last two episodes. I’ve been a little busy and I struggled to connect to the show, so it hindered my enjoyment, but it’s all better now. Liked episode 4 and 5 was even better, jampacked with info and it answered a lot of questions.

Welcome to Bardo

Badass Octavia is da bomb (people don’t say that anymore, right?). When she was captured in episode two, I thought she had lost her fighting spirit, but it’s back, bitches. Well, until she runs into an invisible wall trying to escape. She’s captured and transported to M-cap (whatever that means). Then we get a welcome little flashback to Lincoln but it’s obvious that Bellamy would be the hand reaching out. He’s her rock, like she’s expressed many times.

Unlike John Murphy who is not quite a friend, or family and definitely not a lover. Introducing so many new characters in the final season of a show is never a good idea, because this is the time to wrap up all the stories of the existing ones, but come on, who cannot love Levitt. Even when he first meets Octavia, he doesn’t want to hurt her. Jason, you better not harm one hair on this precious little puppy’s head!

As he binges The 100 through Octavia’s eyes, he starts rooting for her, and he actually gives a damn, unlike most people on this show. He understands her strengths and weaknesses and he makes her see it too. “You’re a warrior to be sure, but your heart is pure.” Wow, what an honest and beautiful line. (Scroll down for my shipping comments.)

So is O and Hope’s fleeting little reunion. It’s amazing to experience this deep loving side of Octavia after her darkness. She’s truly one of the most diverse and developed characters on the series. Now Hope and her resilience is quickly making it to the top as well.

While Hope is trying to send her back home, we learn that memory loss is due to the time dilation. One quick note on this, it’s not linear, there’s no easy equation to calculate it unless you’re Stephen Hawking or Einstein. I don’t think it’s constant either. 10 years on Skyring = 11 days on Bardo = a few minutes on Sanctum. In the current time, 5 years on Skyring = 1 day on Sanctum = 7 days on Bardo. So, it’s clear that the planets are moving, and other factors are playing into the phenomenon. It’s more important to understand the time relative to each planet.

Levitt was the one who tattooed Hope’s code onto O’s back, also the one who planted the note into Hope’s arm. Indeed the kind of man you want on the inside, he even accepts a blow to the face as thank you.

Sheep-ish?

Thirty minutes on the clock and the trio gets led to a congregation to praise the shepherd. I never thought it was Anders, I do, however think it might be Cadogan. The Bordoan’s built the underground forest because they destroyed their planet. Ugh, what’s new? The shepherd herded his sheep from earth to Bardo via the stone. Cadogan and his second dawn cult?

Back to Clarke. So, after last episode I thought ‘the key to winning the last war’ line was an artifice for luring Clarke to disciples, but now it’s clearly true. They’ve located the key and they will win the last war. Levitt was interested in Clarke surviving the City of Light with the flame in her head, they probably assume she still has it. Cadogan burned Becca alive. Could it be because of the flame? Is this all because of that damn little chip that can’t seem to die?

Bellamy is not dead, I repeat, Bellamy is not dead! I believe that memory could be staged or implanted for a reason. Also, there’s no body, he jumped through the bridge. In the promo photos, he wears a ring but his actions towards Octavia seem a little cold and generic. On first watch, I thought it was bad acting but if he was programmed to do this, it makes sense.

Note the sequence of events. Octavia returned 7 days ago and was asked to talk her brother down, but we don’t see the actual scene. Instead we’re shown a memory. They could have implanted it to make her vulnerable and perhaps more susceptible to the procedure. I don’t know, but this theory could lead to Robot-sheep!Bellamy on Nakara, where he’ll encounter Clarke and the gang.

I have to be honest, I really don’t like this character arc for Bellamy. It’s unoriginal and a mime of Peeta’s storyline in Mockingjay. Sorry, but so far it feels like the writers were so over the show, they just wanted to get it done. And that attitude really bleeds into one’s creative concepts. I could be completely wrong, in fact, I hope I am.

Echo spins a Finn

My word, I lost the love of my life once, but I sure didn’t kill anyone. When Echo received that vision of Roan, I was hoping for some progression on her individual arc, they’ve made me care about her, and now we get the opposite. Why? One thing I have to admit, a killer performance from Tasya Teles! No pun intended.

Look, this show hasn’t explored Bellamy and Echo’s relationship enough to make her murder believable. It was the exact same thing with Finn. I wasn’t invested in Finn and Clarke’s connection, so his actions of killing a grounder tribe was more repulsive than understandable. Sure, Echo loves Bellamy and her sole purpose is to save him, but I’ve never truly witnessed their love for each other. They had one or two intimate scenes which cannot compel a deed like this. And in the process, she screwed Hope and Diyoza.

Anyway, I don’t think there’s any coming back from it. She murdered an innocent person in cold blood. That’s sure to open a door to the dark side.  Just look at Octavia after killing Pike and her actions were justified by jus drein jus daun.

Say Sanctum three times slowly and it sounds like… Sanctum

Blind faith

Look, I’m just gonna come out and say this song is getting old. Every episode featuring Sanctum is the exact same thing with different lines. Can we please move on from it, already? Yes, we know the COG want Russel dead, and the adjusters will go to extreme lengths to free Russel and the prisoners are background noise.

I did appreciate Nelson stepping in to try and save the girl, though. Still doesn’t save the fact that it’s repetitive. The Sanctum plotline is really struggling to take shape and I hope it happens soon. Dramatic eyeroll.

At least in the drought of a desert, you can always count on Murphy. “…I say we live and let die.” Typical cockroach line, right, but it’s ironic when he’s the one to step up, even if it is for Emori. Under the magnifying glass it’s the exact same plot as episode 1 and 3. He hesitates to take action, and eventually becomes the hero.

I mean, he saved that poor kid from being burned alive. Can you imagine sacrificing your own child in such a horrific away? Cults are beyond whacked, and, unfortunately, it’s reality that cult members are so blinded by their faith that they do not see rhyme or reason.

How did Murphy fail that test? I didn’t. When Trey named the four pillars, I thought, isn’t rejoice one of them? Surely, a cockroach would have smelled that trap a mile away.

Indra the great

Can we just give a massive round of applause to Adina Porter!!! That powerhouse walk vibrates strength and majesty, damn, she should be a false god, I wouldn’t dare threaten her with or without an army.

Three little words was all it took for her to recognize evil. “There’s a spider on your shoulder.” Smooth. Too bad she can’t kill him. Why not, how many of the faithful are left to cause an uproar? Wonkru doesn’t know it’s Sheidheda, they won’t care, the COG will fall in line and the prisoners will be happy as long as they get their compound. Sorry, I don’t get it and I don’t understand why she doesn’t tell anyone.  Someone please explain?

Granted, JR Bourne as Russel is way better, but I still don’t understand his actions. I hope they explore and explain him more, because he still feels flat unless he knows something of this final war. I’m hoping these two storylines align soon since it’s really driving a wedge between me and my love for the show.

Shipwreck

I’ll start with the easy stuff, Murphy, Emori and the perfect dress gets a heart eye emoji from me. They are so damn cute this season, can they please live happily ever after in the palace?

Octabriel vs Levittavia

Now, I enjoy Levitt fangirling over Octavia. I feel like he has a deep sense of her through her memories. If I have to root for an underdeveloped relationship, it will have to be one where the characters share thoughts and experiences even if it is through a sick, sci-fi procedure.

On the other hand, Gabriel and Octavia have immense chemistry, two seconds of them together bends my mouth into an “Aah, cute” pout. This will also add some approval and representation for mixed racial relationships.

I really don’t mind either way as long as they make me care through showing and not telling.

Bellarke

So, if my theory is correct, and Bellamy does end up on Nakara, Bellarke will encounter each other quite soon. Bellamy won’t be himself though, but he might pretend to be Bellamy to win Clarke’s co-operation. Is there hope for Bellarke yet?

Echo is now trotting a dangerous path and Bellamy might be pledged to a cause, so I doubt there will be a happy ending for Becho. Since 7x01 I’ve been thinking that the writers might want to develop something between Clarke and Gaia but if they are separated, is there enough time? Guess we’ll see.

This monster of a review is finally done… If you read through everything, you deserve a gold star! Let me know what you think, till we meet again…

[arlakos]

Things that I feel would have made Miraculous Ladybug a better show.

A Comprehensive Guide to what I would fix with Miraculous Ladybug, with 10 different Ideas.

WARNING: long post for mobile users

1. Combine the Riposte and Captain Hardrock episodes to introduce Luka and Kagami and have it be strictly a civilian episode.

After 3 seasons of Miraculous, I can safely say that I don’t care much about the whole lovesquare stuff, and to be frank I hate the fact that Luka and Kagami were added into the show just to be alternate love interests for the heroes.

I mean, Kagami gets a pass because she has a unique personality, but Luka is literally just every guitar teen ever, and is more one dimensional than season 1 Chloe.

EDIT: It really doesn’t help that because of these new ships, there is even more ship teasing that before, making the whole romance side of miraculous rather boring and filled to excess with ship teases

HOWEVER, if you really wanted to introduce these characters as alternate love interests, why not do something unique with it and in a way that won’t go over so long?

My idea is as follows

1. Have Adrien meet Kagami at fencing and Marinette meeting Luka with Kitty section.

2. Have the two main characters interact with these new love interests and learn more about them.

3. NOT have Hawkmoth come and akumatise anyone, because akuma’s shouldn’t be the only reason and/or way to progress the show or make it interesting.

4. Have the new single episode be about Adrien and Marinette falling for new people.

That way, the show can introduce the idea of new love interests, change the episode format so a bit so that its not so linear, and save an episode slot for a episode idea more interesting... Or perhaps instead restrict the whole alternate romance subplot to a few episodes as part of a small storyline and have the whole romantic subplot be done with instead of extending it is like with the Lovesquare over 2 seasons

EDIT: I don’t particularly like the ship, but the idea I’m proposing could be a good way to shorten it into a more coherent and more interesting plot, instead of adding another ship tease into the series that ends up tearing the fandom apart.

2. Have Season 3 be about Ladybug and Cat Noir teaching the 3 new heroes how to fight.

Season 3 is trash. There I said it. And its not just the episodes themselves are the problem. The whole season and the premises it tries to introduce are garbage as well.

Lets start with Lila.

Based off of the Chameleon episode, it was believed that Lila would be a more prominent character in the show, basically being a villain for both Marinette and her alter Ego. Despite that, her actual effect on the season was about as minimal as you could get, with her presence only being restricted to a few episodes (with these episodes more relying on everyone else being an idiot for them to work, Chameleon included). It also didn’t help that the show still stuck to the single episode format, meaning Chamelon, which was meant to be an episode that would set up a ‘war’ between Marinette and Lila was immediatly suceeded by episodes such as Gamer 2.0 and Animaestro, both of which did not feature Lila at all and took the tension out of the first episode (unfortunately not the salt though, rip Miraculous Fanfics)

Also, the Finale robbed Lila of her spotlight. Imagine being presented as the villain of season 3 only for you to be replace with a knockoff Queen Wasp 😭.

Season 3 also made the mistake of introducing new heroes into the show.

Now, I’m of the opinion that the new heroes introduce in season 3 were a mistake, because not only did the new heroes make the idea of getting a miraculous not so special anymore (with so many new heroes), but some of the designs, powers and/or Miraculous tools were not really that great. I mean, Viperion looks cool and all, but his tool is a goddamn lyre. At least a yoyo can be used to tie up people. And do not get me started on Pegasus.

Also, with all the new heroes introduced, it meant that the heroes from season 2 barely got any screentime. Chloe was made into a villain by the end of Season 3, while Rena Rouge got to appear once and my boi Caracace got only one episode out of the ENTIRE SEASON to appear.

But I do have a solution to at least on of these problems.

What if, in season 3, that season was all about Ladybug and Cat Noir teaching Rena, Carapace and Queenie how to actually be heroes and form a team of 5? It would help bring some new dynamics into the whole hero stuff, and we could potentially see more of the stuff that we had only seen in heroes day.

(Also, rewrite heroes day so that the 3 heroes don’t immediatly get akumatized and actually help Ladybug and Cat Noir. God, they got ripped off for all the hype build-up.)

It could allow for new stuff in season 3 such as:

More hero dynamics

Seeing Alya, Nino and Chloe adapt to daily heroics

Ladybug (and Chat) learning how to be leaders and mentors, which would then make the plotline about Fu passing on his title to Marinette make more sense and justified, since they didn’t do that in season 3 at all.

A more realised storyline about Chloe’s identity being public knowledge that goes on for more than two episodes

Also it means we could get rid of Lila...just saying.

3. Have Miss Bustier work to rehabilitate Chloe and have that be the starting point of Chloe’s redemption.

In recent months, there has been a lot of salt aimed at Miss Bustier, and to be frank I don’t think she deserves it. Her characterisation is honestly really heartwarming when it comes to the idea of teachers caring for their students, but her character can often be forgotten by writers, especially when they desire a story to tell. This can be seen as early as Origins, where she ignores Chloe outright bullying Marinette so the latter can stand up to her later on, but notices Ivan being angry at Kim so Ivan becomes Stoneheart. I personally think her character is lovely, and certain fanfic stories like the Miraculous World of Caline Bustier show that good side of her that so many salt fics fail to forget or intentionally ommit because of one bad episode where Marinette cries (chameleon).

However I do think that Chloe gets way out of hand in the show, and I do feel that despite her best intentions, Bustier not doing anything about Chloe for two seasons seems a bit...off putting.

But what if she did do something about it?

I think that the best way for Ms Bustier to act more like a teacher without breaking her ‘kind teacher’ status would honestly be to actually work on rehabilitating Chloe, either by working with her after school with exercises or recommending her to a psychiatrist for help. I know this can come off as dark for miraculous, but Chloe has already shown that her life beforehand has been a bit rough (even though it doesn’t nullify how she has acted in season 1), so it would make sense that Chloe would need some help with her behavoir/attitude. It would be a great way for Bustier to actually do something about Chloe’s behavoir, without compromising her kind personality. She is kind enough to care about Chloe being better, but assertive enough to do something about it.

Plus, for those who like Chloe, it could be a great way to redeem her properly without going back and forth between a ‘likable person but also bitch’ and ‘an asshole bitch with no redeeming qualities’ like in season 3. Plus it would then make Chloe becoming Queen Bee more fair instead of making it seem as if she doesn’t deserve to be a hero.

Also it would make those people who make salt posts about Bustier frick off. Leave her alone she’s a good character

4. Not having everyone immediately liking Ladybug/Marinette but not hating her either.

Ok, this is where I get really heretical with this post, especially because of how much of the fandom likes Marinette, but I feel that having every single character in the show immediately liking Marinette is a bit too much, at least for me. This sounds biased, but it causes problems for the show for two main reasons.

Marinette is kinda at this point a part-Mary Sue, at least when it comes to the idea that everyone in the world seems to like Marinette and the only ones who don’t are irredeemable pieces of trash who are probably villains (Lila and Chloe being Astruc’s favorite examples :/ ).

Marinette often has everyone agreeing with her on everything (when Lila isn’t there) and majority of the time she goes unnopossed with anything that she does, to the point where even a fireman doesn’t call the cops when he see’s her outright breaking into Adrien’s home (in Oni-Chan).

It would be more interesting (or at least more realistic given the setting) if most characters aside from a few important ones were mostly indifferent towards Marinette, aside from ones such as Alya, Nino, Adrien and Nathaniel for obvious reasons. I’m not saying they have to hate her, but it would be cooler if the rest of the class were more individuals with their own lives and focus, rather that characters with a trope who just revolve around Marinettes world. 

Also those girl squad moments in Miraculous seem kinda forced, mainly because Alix, Mylene, Rose and Juleka don’t seem like the type to hang with Marinette unless the episode calls for it like in Gigantitan and Reflekdoll.

Now, lets discuss Ladybug. 

To keep it simple, I think that it would make more sense if people weren’t immediately trusting of Ladybug at first, and I feel that as seasons go on, it would make sense that over time, people would eventually start to lose trust in her or start to feel angry at her for her inability to stop Hawkmoth permanently.

I mean, if you take episodes such as Syren (where said villain floods a whole city), it is likely that some people got hurt (or worse) and people would eventually start to worry that Ladybug could fail or that her Miraculous Ladybug could stop working. 

It would wouldn’t help that Hawkmoth is mostly focused on getting Ladybug and Cat Noirs Miraculous, and people would start to realize that and would start to get the idea that if Ladybug and Cat Noir gave up their Miraculous, Hawkmoth would leave them alone.

Now, don’t get the wrong idea, I don’t think that this has to be a permanent thing that constantly worries the heroes like in other shows such as Ben 10, but it would be an interesting storyline for Miraculous if some people in Paris would start to get fed up Paris being used as a battleground for heroes and villains.

Also, it would make sense that the class likes Ladybug at least, especially for saving them in season 1.

EDIT: Changed my opinion, read my reblog

5. Have Adrien fall in love with Marinette and Ladybug fall in love with Chat - AKA I’m tired of the lovesquare.

I’m gonna be frank with you, I’m a little biased on this one, mainly because I can’t stand the lovesquare stuff. Its annyoing because people fight over which ship they like, and tbh it has gone on for way too long.

It also doesn’t help that it ruins the main characters. Marinette suffers because she can act like a creepy stalker at times, memorizing his schedule and even stealing his phone, yet can’t even speak to him properly (or more importantly like an actual friend) in a majority of episodes, making her look both creepy and/or idiotic.

Chat Noir also suffers, but even more so due to double standards by the fandom. I don’t think Chat is a sexual harasser like SOME might want to thing (looks at the salty side of fandom), but I do think he flirts WAY the fuck too much, to the point where it wastes most of his character. At least him making more jokes would be better than flirting.

So, my idea is to get rid of all that.

Let Marinette actually talk to Adrien, learn about him, care about him like he’s an actual human being, and actually be a good friend for once rather than being friends through Nino and Alya. Let Marinette actually be kind to Adrien and have her actions make Adrien realize that he likes her more than a friend, rather than Plagg telling him something he wants to deny.

And on the reverse note, Have Chat stop flirting and be more caring. I want Chat to treat Ladybug like she’s the greatest thing in his world, and not by flirting with her during akuma fights, but by checking how she is daily, wanting to spend time with her on lonely nights to make her feel better, and overall being more a friendly (yet lovestruck) partner than the flirty sidekick that Astruc wants to relegate him as. By all means, let him pun and make jokes during fights, that’s part of his charm, but I want Ladybug to fall in love with a Chat Noir that stands by her side, cares about her to the point of overkill and makes her always feel better no matter how down she feels.

And THAT’S what the lovesquare should be about, a story about two characters falling in love with two amazing people, not realizing they are one an the same.

I want Adrien to fall in love with the extrodinary Ladybug who changed his world forever and the simple but amazing Marinette who loves him for who he is, and not what he is. I want Marinette to fall for the sunshine Adrien that is too pure for this world and made her smile on a rainy day, but also for the caring Chat Noir that has always stood by her side no matter how dark the situation has gotten when fighting Hawkmoth, and has always cared about her to the point where cannot help but love him for who he is, puns, humor, love and all.

That’s what I think would make good romance in Miraculous Ladybug

Also Adrien doesn’t deserve that kinda salt btw. FIGHT ME.

6. Have Akuma battles actually cause an impact on the show.

Akuma’s are both a curse and a blessing for Miraculous Ladybug. A blessing because the powers can be unique and the designs are pretty to look at (minus a few), but a curse because the way they are written is responsible for Miraculous Ladybug’s stagnation and also how character issues are resolved.

Someone gets sad because a personal problem, they get akumatised, the return back to normal thanks to Ladybug, and their personal problem is suddenly resolved. Rinse and Repeat. All of the damage caused by the akumas is fixed, and no one seems to be affected by the akumas long term.

So...why not change the last bit? 

I think that the akumas should do more than just trash Paris and not by being more evil, but by also have an effect on people mentally, similar to how people write about Chat Blanc causing Marinette to have PTSD. I don’t think the akumas have to be more threatening then they are, but I do wish that certain akuma’s or even the experience of being akumatized would affect certain characters more than what is shown.

Like say, how about an idea where Style Queen suddenly trying to turn Chloe into a statue, and not caring for the fact that she is her daughter, causing Chloe to straight up hate her now that her true colors are shown? Or perhaps an episode where people get hurt due to rubble from a battle, and one of the main characters sees someone greviously hurt despite them being fixed after the battle? These are just some ideas, but as is, akumas feel somewhat of a let down, because despite their cool designs, they are just one-shot glorified henchmen of Hawkmoth who are essentially forgotten after a single episode.

EDIT: I personally got some asks saying that giving characters PTSD would be a bad thing for a kids show, so Im just gonna clarify: I dont think that the characters should get PTSD, but I do think akuma battles should matter, given that some akuma backstories are made from more personal problems but are treated as with less seriousness than expected and often times fixed instantly by the end of the episode.

7. Give Luka a personality

Luka is the personification of every soft spoken teen music player ever and has the personality of the song Wonderwall. Next.

8. Have Alya not try to Figure out Ladybugs identity.

For someone who has read hero comic books, Alya should realise that trying to expose someone’s public identity is a VERY BAD IDEA.

9. Have Ladybug and Chat Noir unlock new powers on their own, rather than having to rely on Gimicky power up potions.

I’m gonna be frank, the power up potions are lame as heck. They are essentially glorified costume changes that add new stuff onto the suits, which doesn’t sound that bad until you realise that Miraculous Wielders are capable of Changing thier costume designs anytime they want, meaning more likely than not they could probably just change costumes without the potions. Even the Aqua form is pretty lame once you realise that Ladybug and Cat Noir’s tools function like water breathing devices.

Instead, I think it would be cool that as the heroes wear their miraculouses, they star to bond with them as they get close to their kwamis, allowing them to unlock new abilities over time, similar to how learning the basics of martial arts follows into more advanced styles. It would also make the miraculouses feel more magical and add more depth into them, as it turns the miraculous from magical jewellery that give powers, into a magical experience that grows and changes as the wielder and Kwami bond together on a spiritual and magical level.

It would also help to offer contrast between the heroes and Hawkmoth, because while the latter doesn’t have a timer for his powers and is stronger (for the time being), the heroes bond with their kwami’s and unlock new abilities in the process, while poor Gabe is stuck with his base powers due to forcing Nooroo against his will, only able to unlock more abilities through cheating (aka Scarlet Moth).

10. Change Hawkmoth’s story

Hawkmoth is about as bland of a villain as you can get when it comes to villainy. Even with the whole sob story of Gabe’s wife in a coma and her trying to bring him back, Hawkmoth himself has always been all over the place, especially when the writers try to bring the two sides of the character together. They want him to be unwilling to hurt Adrien in one episode, but then for him to be a dangerous and despicable villain in Chat Blanc. It gets really annoying, as they both want him to be a sympathetic villain, but also a villain who isnt afraid to be pure evil as well.

Also Mayura doesn’t help much with the story either. Before she was revealed, people were speculating that she was a new person would be the actual big bad of the show, and it was rumored that she would be Hawkmoth’s boss, and also the possible reason for Hawkmoth getting the Butterfly Miraculous, which could have been used to expand upon Hawkmoth’s character, and potentially have some sympathy given to him if the writers wanted to go that path, with Mayura being the new evil of the show. Unfortunatlely, it turned out Mayura was Nathalie all along, essentially being a glorified henchman for Hawkmoth, and not only that, but her powers were a copy and Paste of Hawkmoths own abilities (Villain infects an object, something something magic, Ladybug needs to destroy an object and purify it in order to return it to normal) 

They could have at least given the job of purifying feathers to Chat, would have made him more essential in season 3 if Mayura was actually used more.

Hawkmoth’s character has stagnated, and personally, I think he needs a rewrite.

Some ideas that I have for Hawkmoth that could make him a better character better are:

Have Mayura be the actual big bad of the show (and a completely different character) and have Hawkmoth be her (somewhat unwilling) lackey. She could also be written to be crueler than Hawkmoth, and could show how Hawkmoth is a more sympathetic character by having him only focused on his son like in Gorizilla, while Mayura’s the one more likely to pull a Chat Blanc situation and absolutely torture the poor cat into being an akuma. Also, it would still allow for those Nathalie/Gabriel moments without ruining them with character changes.                                                

Have the Butterfly Miraculous be corrupted with dark magic (thus allowing Hawkmoth to make possesed villains), but as a side effect make him more crazy, causing him to go from the kindness we see in Gorizilla to the ruthlessness seen in Chat Blanc. (On a a side note, the idea of the Butterfly Miraculous being corrupted would make more sense, given that it can corrupt people into being villains, and would also explain how something that is supposed to be used for good can be used for evil.)         

(My Favorite one) Have Gabriel and Hawkmoth being entirely seperate characters. Have Gabe keep the book like in canon and have the Peacock Miraculous be broken, but Hawkmoth is for all intents and purposes a different person who is also a villain. It would allow for Hawkmoth to become an actual villain without the moral restrains made in season 2 with the revelation in The Collector, while also allowing for a story with a nuanced yet kinder Gabriel. Perhaps even a story where Adrien reconnects with his father.

I think that all of these story ideas would really help make Hawkmoth a better character, either by allowing him to be a villain that the writers want him to be like in Chat Blanc, or the sympathetic villain that wants to fix his family.

And that’s about it! Do you agree with this list? Don’t agree? Got more ideas? Reblog this post and write about what you would fix with Miraculous

[siren-theories]

The question of children

Note: ICYMI here is an updated post with all my analysis/thoughts so far.  DIsclaimer: The following includes spoilers of up to and Including Episode 309 “A voice in the dark”. This post was prompted by the following question:

Thank you very much for sending that one in.  I have to admit that this is a question I have asked myself many times, mainly driven by the parallels of Ben, Ryn and the story of the Pownall massacre. And Episode 308 has given those thoughts new form as they exchanged vows at the end of Episode 308. After all, children quite often follow such vows in human relationships. But children are quite a hassle for a TV show. Child actors are problematic to work with and once they exist, they often only waste screentime while bringing very little to the plot. And as they grow up, there is the question of time - having child actors more or less forces the show to use time in a linear manner as the child actors grow up. Though Siren already left itself a loophole with Hope and her growth spurts, this is still problematic for a show that has covered a period as short as a few months in three seasons. (I really need to update the timeline post soonish). 

  A). Can they actually have a child together?

We know that Sirens and humans can have children together as evidenced by the whole existence of Helen and the hybrid cult. 

However, we do know that Ryn has struggled with fertility issues before, which was a major plot point of the later half of Season 2. I do believe however that the fertility problems were mostly related to the males of her species. As the tests showed in Episode 213 “The Outpost” there was nothing wrong with Ryn herself 

(Leave it to the always body-positive Ryn to be proud of such a fact). 

And as soon as they could isolate viable sperm from the male, fertilization of her eggs was no issue at all in Episode 215. Biologically, there should be nothing preventing her and Ben having a Baby.

B). Will they have a child together?

With Ryn was not being in her mating drive during the recent episodes, we probably can rule out any pregnancy as a result of those scenes OP mentioned (unless her change into a human has progressed much further in those episodes, which is possible but IMO very unlikely). However, what happens when her next mating drive occurs? I think this can be safely answered within the context of the previous scenes in the show. There were multiple scenes in Episode 213 where both Ben and Ryn clearly exhibited signs of wanting to have children with each other and one scene in particular where they both had to force themselves not to do so within that episode.

And in 308 Ryn clearly states her wish for having a family with him, during the kitchen table discussion.

Ryn: “I will live on Land. With you.” Ben: “On land. You mean, stay human?” Ryn: “Yes. Here. Together. Human.” Ben: “What about Hope?” Ryn: “She can be with us. As a family.” Ben: “I can’t ask you to do that.” Ryn: “It is my choice. When it is time, I will be human with you.”

After figuring IVF works there is also no reason for Ryn to have more pureblood children just for the sake of her species considering there are plenty of willing alternative candidates (this would also be much better for the future genepool of her tribe).

So therefore, I do believe there is a high chance of them having more children, possibly as soon as Ryns mating drive kicks in again. By now you probably already figured out what the persistent qualifier “more” is referring to. I believe that for all intents and purposes they already have a child together - Hope.

C) Hope as their first child

While Ben is not the biological father, this is no hindrance to Hope being their first child. After all, under the law of many first-world nations Ryn would also not be considered the biological mother since she did not conceive Hope, nor did she carry or give birth to Hope.

Siren is no stranger to these constellations - after all, the best father figure in the whole series, Dale Bishop, is Maddie’s stepfather.

(Sidenote: Contrast how awesome Dale is as a father with Ben’s parents and Maddie’s mother. The show makes the point very early and very often that biological relations are not what determines who your “real” parents are,)

And for all intents and story-telling purposes, Ryn intends for Ben to be Hope’s father. This was signalled multiple times this season, even as early as Episode 305 and seems to be a role Ben wants to take up as well. 

In Episode 305, Ryn returns with Hope to land after her first transformation. And the very first thing she does onscreen is to hand Hope over to Ben in a manner very reminiscient of a mother handing over her child to its father.

(They look very much like a family in that scene, don’t they?) Then, we had Ben saying that he already views her like his own daughter in the same Episode. (Sidenote: rushing into things is a steeple of their whole relationship so this was in character for them).  

Ben: “It’s weird man. Feels like she’s mine. I*m going to help raise her.” Ryn of course also expressed the wish for Hope, Ben and herself to be a family in Episode 308:

Ben: “What about Hope?” Ryn: “She can be with us. As a family.”

And with Hope’s reintroduction in Episode 9, this dynamic was reinforced multiple times - especially and crucially from Hope’s side. And even more important was that Hope’s actions were completely unprompted by Ryn. 

1. Despite Ryn saying in Episode 305 that Hope will not remember her time as a baby, it is shown in Episode 309 that she does remember Ben, signifying the close bond the two already have

Episode 305:

Ryn: “When we meet again, you will be grown. You will not remember this time with me. So I will remember for us both.”

309: 

Hope keeps glancing at Ryn and Ben Ryn: “She remembers you. From when she was a baby.” 

2. And of course, later in the same episode Hope seeks physical contact with Ben - the image projected here is one of Family again.

And Ryn is again very happy about her daughter doing this. For whatever reason there seems to exist a strong, reciprocal bond between Hope and Ben already. 

So as it stands right now, Hope already is their (first) child in my opinion. The writers IMO could not have made that any more clear, especially not with those scenes in 309. 

Assuming she survives the finale (which I very much wish for), I would argue that any other children during the run of the show will be unlikely from a storytelling and logistics perspective. Even should Hope not survive (or have another prolonged period of absence for whatever reason) I do not think there will be another child shown onscreen. In addition to the usual problem with children in tv there is another one in play here: As strapped for screentime as Siren is, I would assume the writers do not intend to introduce further children unless they serve a dramatic purpose. 

D) Children and the Pownall family arc

One such arc where a Baby might prove beneficial for dramatic reasons however is the Pownall family arc.

As I have written at length before, there are parallels between Ryn/Ben and Charles Pownall/his unnamed siren. And the Pownall massacre happened in part because Ben’s ancestor and his siren failed to raise their child together.

("Seperated from her child, his mermaid lost her mind and went back to the water, never to return. Infected by the song and her abscence, Charles lost his senses. He gathered his crew, trapped the mermaids in a cove and slaughtered them.”)

As such, from a storytelling perspective, It would be very dramatic and enjoyable for Ben to have a child with a Siren and hopefully not mess up raising her. Therefore, should Hope not survive the season the odds of them having (another) child onscreen would increase dramatically in my opinion.

If Hope should indeed die, maybe it will not only be Ben repudiating the mistakes of his ancestor, but maybe also Ryn showing that she is stronger than the unnamed Siren. Maybe she would survive and heal after the loss of a child precisely because she has humans standing by to help her?

(And yes, I would think that would include Maddie). However, I do think Hope will survive. Anything else would be just too cruel to Ryn and also a bit odd considering how much screentime was invested in Hope’s “creation” in Season 2.

Either way, while a child would add drama, it is also not necessarily a conditio sine qua non for the story of the Pownall family. And IMO Ben’s attachment to Ryn is already strong enough (cf their "wedding vows” in 308). Therefore, a child would not be needed to prompt him to chose Ryn over his family (a choice he also already made in Episode 215 and which you can read more in detail about in the previously linked post).

Conclusion:

Do I expect them to have more children onscreen, over the course of the series? Probably not, given the above arguments. 

Do I expect them to have more children in the future (including a hypothetical time period after the series finale)?

After the series ends (and assuming some kind of happy end for them) they would probably increase their family as early (or as often) as Ryn’s mating drive and other factors permit. At this point in the story, they clearly want to have a family together and there would be nothing to stop them from enlargening their already existing family should they so choose. 

So I would tentatively argue that yes, they eventually will have more children.

[theaspiescribe]

The 21st Night Of September

Do you remember the 21st night of September? Well I most certainly do! A night when I made one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life. In virgo season, obviously.

There was a period of my life when I struggled to leave the house. If I did have to do it, I would incur a great physical toll. Panic attacks, exhaustion, stomach pain and the like. It would take days to feel normal again. It was not fun.  

It’s a curse to feel trapped inside your own home, inside your own mind. You see other people going out like it’s nothing, you remember a period in your own life, when it was nothing. You wonder how this is what has become of your life. You ask yourself why can’t it be different.

My despair was amplified by the fact I couldn’t see a way around this. How are you supposed to overcome a phobia of this sort when the phobia itself prevents you from getting the help you need? 

For so long, I felt helpless and because I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t make friends, so I was alone too. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that this was my reality. 

In addition to this I was dealing with a myriad of other issues both mental and physical. Now, when I look back I realise I was fighting hard to survive, that I was a lot stronger than I ever knew.

The turning point was a storm from the east, you may remember that they called it the Beast From The East. A snow storm of epic proportion, and as an admirer of snow, I was marveling at the intensity of it. I was electrified by the prospect of it.

We had another storm called Ophelia a few months before, but there was no snow and it was quite dangerous. This was a lot more exhilarating.  

Snow like this hadn’t been seen for years, since before my biggest issues emerged. It reminded me of a time in my life when things were peaceful and I lived a relatively happy life. 

I had always been mesmerised by how serene everything feels when it’s snowing. Looking up at the sky seeing the little snowflakes falling is always a soothing sight to behold. Everything just looks better with a thick blanket of pure white snow covering it, it looks cleaner, it looks neat. It sounds quieter, and in fact snow can absorb sound because it is so porous. 

That whole week I felt reinvigorated by the beauty of the snow, as if a whole new world was still within reach. 

As Elsa from Frozen once said:

Let it go, let it go Can't hold it back anymore Let it go, let it go Turn away and slam the door I don't care what they're going to say Let the storm rage on The cold never bothered me anyway

In a way, the snow storm was like a dimension between two worlds: An old one where I felt powerless to overcome my fears and a new one where I felt a surge of determination to fight back. No more moping or quitting, I whispered to myself. I knew the extent of the challenges that were ahead of me but I kept reminding myself to take it one day at a time and to just try my best. I will forever remember that storm, a beast in more ways than one. 

Mother’s day was very soon after The Beast and it provided the perfect opportunity to make my first foray into the wild. I wanted to buy her this specific laptop but it could only be bought in Navan. Even though this was truly uncharted territory for me I felt a calm and confidence at the prospect of going to do it. So, on that fateful Friday, my Dad and I embarked on a journey that would mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I had many false dawns before, but this time felt different, like there was actual substance behind it. 

Getting the laptop and interacting with the nice computer man was fine even despite his persistence that I buy anti-virus software. Anyway, what a resounding success I thought. Mission accomplished. But much to my chagrin, the drive had taken so long, I now had to use the bathroom. This was certainly not part of the plan because there was nothing more I hated than using public bathrooms, especially being trans. But again, instead of looking at this from the perspective that it’s an issue, I tried to look at it as another chance to make a breakthrough. 

McDonalds was the obvious choice. But the timing was far from ideal. It was a Friday evening, kids had just got out of school and it was busy and noisy. The beginning did not go well, there was this kids outdoor play area and I thought this was the entrance, but it in actual fact was not. In the past, I would have panicked, but I tried so hard to just roll with it. Anyway, thankfully the bathroom wasn’t an issue apart from some disconcerting roaring. Then I queued for food. Fuck I hate queues, absolutely loathe them. There was also a lot of very rowdy kids around excited about getting their food. My mind was in a state of panic by all the noise and movements. But I was struck by how calm on the outside I was, as chaotic as it felt inside, I could keep control on the outside.

On the journey home, as I sipped my ice cold beverage, I realised that I had shown an ice cool temperament to get through this first test. I felt a sense of pride and I told myself that the most difficult part was over now. I had taken the first step. Something to build upon.

In the subsequent months, I did indeed go on more adventures, to supermarkets and other shops. Gradually, it got easier but as with anything there were setbacks. Progress is never linear, I knew that better than anyone.

Then in July, I had stumbled upon an advertisement for Saturday Night Fever in the Bord Gáis Energy theatre. I had seen this musical with my sisters as a child in the Gaiety theatre and I had great memories of visits to the theatre with them. Of all the great things taken away from me, trips to the theatre ranked quite highly on the list. Was I really ready for something as overwhelming as this, I pondered? Probably not, but feeling bolder than usual, I decided to go for it, and got the tickets for my sisters birthday. The date? The 21st night of September. 

As the day approached, I was overcome by trepidation and was not feeling great physically. My migraines were making sleep difficult and I was worried that I wouldn’t feel physically able to do it. On the Friday morning, I felt okay, not great but okay. I’m going to do this, I told myself. 

And so the time came, and I was a bundle of nerves. This was probably the equivalent of a football player before a world cup final, or someone performing on broadway for the first time. My heart was beating so fast, my mind was going through a million different scenarios and I was having a hard time thinking straight. But on the surface, I looked calm and ready. Once again, I was impressed at this capacity to keep everything under control externally despite everything happening internally.

The hard part of course was still to come. As I walked into the theatre, I wondered to myself would I make it out again in one piece. The beginning did not go too badly at all, there was quite a spacious waiting area which I appreciated and the glorious view of the grand canal took my attention away from intrusive thoughts. The calm before the storm, I joked to myself.

And then it was showtime. This was my first time in the Bord Gáis Energy theatre, and my overall impression was a positive one. Thankfully we were seated near the back of the theatre. This was a strategic decision on my part, so I could make a quick getaway if it was necessary. Once the show started, it did indeed get a bit overwhelming, the noise and flashing lights were as jarring as expected, but I was enjoying the music a lot so I could put up with it. The most challenging bit was actually the sitting, I find it almost impossible to sit for extended periods of time and I was getting restless after about 10 minutes. By the end of the show, I had felt like I had aged 50 years but I made it. I came, I saw, I conquered. There was no sense of pride this time, just sheer exhaustion but once I had recovered, I realised what an achievement this was. I never thought I would have had the courage to do something like this again, but from somewhere I found it. What else could I do, I wondered to myself? 

But this is why I will always remember the 21st night of September, my soul truly was singin’ on that unforgettable night. You know it's alright, it's okay, we’ll live to see another day.

[ranger-report]

Thoughts On: HERETIC II (1998)

Just over one year after the release of Hexen II, Raven Software published the final game in their dark fantasy series. Set apart from the Serpent Rider Trilogy of Heretic./Hexen/Hexen II, Heretic II told the tale of Corvus Corax, the elven hero of the first Heretic, and his journey to return home after years of wandering the Outer Worlds. See, defeating one of the Serpent Riders resulted in his being thrown far far away from his origin world of Parthoris, and left to his own devices, he had a bit of a time attempting to make his way back. Marking the first time in the series that id Software had no involvement in the release of the game save for providing the modified id tech 2 engine (AKA the Quake 2 engine), this release was published by Activision under their purview. Moving in the direction of a third-person adventure with first-person shooter mechanics, Raven made it clear that they were going to take inspiration from wherever they could, including a popular little title called Tomb Raider. While garnering favorable reviews, Heretic II would ultimately be lost in the holiday shuffle of PC gaming as it had the unfortunate circumstance to be released one week after a particularly groundbreaking first-person shooter from Valve Software. You may have heard of it: Half-Life. As a result of the unfortunate coincidence and the lackluster response from fans due to the series changes, Heretic II was a commercial flop. But, with all that said, how does Heretic II stack in the lineup of the series it brings to a conclusion? And why has there been no further entries in the series since?

To begin with, the decision to make Heretic II a third person adventure was controversial amongst fans of the series. Yes, the style was popular and gaining traction, and Raven was nothing if not innovators, so the decision to a degree made sense. Why not take their dark fantasy world and put it through the wringer, especially since the main plot of the first three games was now over? Going into this title, I knew I was in for an adjustment period, but I had no idea it would be as shocking as it was. Slow, unintuitive camera movement coupled with clunky, lackluster controls make the game much more of a chore to play than the original games. Gone is the fast-paced combat, replaced with deliberately paced enemy encounters. Picking up heavily on the Tomb Raider inspiration, Corvus can leap, flip, roll, and somersault his way around the maps. Points for inspiration. But man’s -- er, elf’s -- reach exceeds his grasp, and while this sounds well and good on paper, molasses-like reaction times feel more like directing Corvus through waist-high water instead of the nimble acrobatics the game shoots for. Animations, graphics, sound design, everything on a technical level is top notch stuff. Corvus himself has a modeled backbone to allow for more fluid animations, shown off in his running, fighting, and even idle cycles. It’s impressive stuff that the gameplay just can’t seem to live up to on an engaging level. Heretic II feels like an attempt to return to the form of the first Heretic, but through the lens of a team who’s never played the first one. Rather than using different types of mana for ammunition, green mana is reserved for offensive spells, blue mana for defensive spells, and most weapons have unique ammunition types. Gone, too, is the inventory system of carrying items and objects for future use; instead, Corvus automatically uses any health or magic pickups he comes across, something which is bolstered by shrines which either completely refill mana, health, or armor points. When it comes to story, one must wonder which direction the intent was headed. Perhaps the original vision of Hecatomb was to come full circle with Corvus and face the final Serpent Rider after being outcast from the realms. The scattershot nature of the plot here doesn’t seem to suggest it, however.

As Corvus progresses, he returns to his home of Parthoris to discover a strange disease has taken over the land, changing the elves into diseased, violent versions of themselves. After being attacked, Corvus himself is infected, initiating his quest to discover a cure, and stop the mad magus Morcalavin. On an interesting note, it turns out that Morcalavin has collected the Seven Tomes of Power to aid him in magic use, but one of the Tomes is a fake and is the cause of the infection -- Corvus has been carrying the seventh Tome with him since Heretic. A bit of revisionist history considering that Tomes of Power have been consumable items since Heretic, and there were many more than seven. Noting this change to lore, Corvus simply needs to replace the fake Tome with the true one, and that should reverse Morcalavin’s corrupted power. Another noteworthy change is that the hub system of the previous games is also gone, replaced with a similar map progression to Heretic. Some maps are linear exercises in traveling from start to finish, others require moving about the many layers of the map to collect and bring together keys and objects. This is one of the largest departures from the previous games -- this story is far more intimate, more structured, more character-driven with cutscenes, dialogue, worldbuilding not seen in prior entries. Before, we were simply nameless warriors moving through dark fantasy worlds, kicking ass, taking names, killing gods and monsters alike. Here, we get to know one of said warriors by name and history. Yes, before now, Corvus was never actually named in his first appearance. He was simply “The Heretic” which was FAR more badass, although Corvus Corax is up there on the list of great fantasy names with ease. But, rather than a ride, this game wants to tell a story, watering down the experience. Whether Raven can tell a good story in other games is besides the point; here, the slipshod nature of the shoestring story attempting to provide a bit more theatricality feels tacked on, an oddity. Sure, perhaps the evolutionary nature of progression is where Raven felt the need to provide an actual factual story with their action game, also again from the inspiration of Tomb Raider slipping in, but it doesn’t hit the mark, nor age well in particular. Here we can see the beginnings of action games moving forward out of simple exercises in running and shooting, but telling stories with cinematic flair. Half-Life did the same, but with striking results, and far less awkward dialogue. And then, furthering the frustratingly bland story is the abrupt ending, in which the villain is cleansed of his corruption and ascends to godhood the way he intended, but leaving behind his power to Corvus in order to protect the world. So the bad guy....wins? But has become a good guy?

So, the question must be asked: what happened? Where Hexen II showed little of the changes that Raven were forced to make when new owner Activision mandated that they split the Heretic and Hexen series into separate entities, this game bears the unfortunate weight of that departure. As previously mentioned, the planned third game in the Serpent Rider Trilogy, Hecatomb, was divided into two games post-mandate, the ideas of which also went in two separate directions. John Romero has made frequent commentary in the past about the separation of the games as products vs a proper trilogy. He’d been involved with Hecatomb until his departure from id Software, which was also around the time that Raven was purchased by Activision. The publishing giant, he notes, split up the Raven team who had worked on the Heretic/Hexen games, further increasing the divide of the products. According to one of his accounts, one team worked on all three Serpent Rider games before the split, at which point that team was divided amongst the three in-house developing teams that already existed. While Brian Raffel, the mind behind the game series, was present and active on Heretic II, not everyone who’d put their passion into the rest of the series was there for the creation of this game. This shows in the final product. 

With that in mind, it seems a little unfair to judge this game as harshly as I am. Perhaps we should be examining it, looking at the interesting bit of gaming history it represents. It marks a point in time where Raven, having experienced fair success on their own through working with technology giant id Software and other publishers, has become a corporate-owned entity. This is, in fact, the first game by Raven to be published exclusively by Activision. Eventually, Raven Software would be conscripted by Activision into the Holy Trinity of Call of Duty developers, rotating in and out making new COD games so they can come out yearly. What legacy, then, does this particular game leave? There is a mark here, a brand, a scar, a sign of things to come. Mandates from above demanding two franchises instead of one, an ironic analogy of the division of Raven from id Software -- Heretic II may have been published and distributed exclusively by Activision, but id Software published the previous games, and held publishing rights to those games. Meanwhile, the transfer of copyright went to Activision, putting future games into a pickle. Activision no doubt has little interest in creating new games in a series when they can’t make money from previous entries. Furthering problems is that Heretic II does not exist in digital format, probably again due to Activision unable to profit from sales of the prior games; a casual copyright search for Heretic II in the public record comes up with zero results, effectively placing the game as abandonware. With Raven owned by Activision, and id owned by Bethesda (formerly Zenimax), establishing cooperation between the two giants may seem difficult to impossible at this point.

What a shame for the final entry in what began as such a promising series to end limping across the finish line. In my research I found quite a few people who were glowing with nostalgic praise for Heretic II, and why not? In the opening level of Silverspring, we’re greeted with a run down town disparaged by the rampant virus. Flies zip back and forth and Corvus slaps his neck to be rid of them; children cry in the distance, dripping water echoing reminds of the empty nature of this place. All the environments in the game are rife with audio and visual treats that literally drip with atmosphere and character. There is a strange amount of life here, in a living world that feels interesting and worth exploring. But the controls and story fall flat, alongside the abysmal decision to make the game a third person adventure instead of the first person shooters of the previous entries. Whether or not we’ll ever see a proper new entry into the Heretic/Hexen world is, unfortunately, something that remains to be seen. Spiritual successors, such as AMID EVIL and the upcoming Graven reap the fields which were sown of Hexen’s seeds. Activision and Bethesda may never see eye to eye on the subject of reviving Heretic or Hexen or maybe even the fabled Hecatomb, but one thing is clear: regardless of the corporate greed which aborted the lifespan of this wonderful series, the first three games of this series live on as passionate exercises in dark fantasy, examples of how to push the FPS genre forward while remaining firmly grounded in what makes it work. Heretic II is the Crystal Skull of this series -- many will find themselves better off forgetting it ever happened. Activision certainly has. And again, how ironic is it, that the very mandate which they laid down in order to spawn new sequels and twin franchises led to the death of them.