#in the intense 'i don't care/i'll kick your ass if u got a problem with my gender' energy they have | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

byanyan · 8 months ago

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shouting into my hands as i'm coming to the realization that byan's never really openly talked with anyone about their gender identity... like, they obviously express it in their presentation, make all kinds of jokes about it, and have no problem saying "uh, not a boy" or insisting you use they/them pronouns in reference to them, but?? anything deeper than that?? i don't think they've ever actually put it into words. they identify as nonbinary, but i think the number of times they've actually said the word aloud can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

they're comfortable in their identity and their expression... but not so much in verbally conveying it to others... i think some part of them is actually afraid to do so due to experiences in their past. they're afraid of actively confirming anything because it's always been a little safer to let people speculate than to outright state anything definitive.

#there's a weird sort of irony in that... just bc of the sheer confidence they have in it all until they have to put it into words #in the intense 'i don't care/i'll kick your ass if u got a problem with my gender' energy they have #until it's someone they've let themself get close to and suddenly they're worried about whether or not they'll be accepted #it's trauma's fault of course... they have a lot of that regarding their gender (& to a lesser extent their sexuality) from their childhood #but god. GOD. icb this is only hitting me now...#i'll have to come back to this in more detail when i'm feeling a little more verbose & can explain more thoroughly but gOD #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.

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