#in the end the outcome we have faced cannot be changed. i accept that with pain but it also has this beauty of 'this is how it happened'

[lurkingshan]

Be My Favorite and Accepting the Things We Cannot Change

Several weeks back, @shortpplfedup posited that Be My Favorite’s core theme really comes down to the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  The courage to change the things I cannot accept,  And the wisdom to know the difference

Having now seen the finale and the full arc of the show, I have to declare her the most correct of clowns, because she nailed it. This finale was all about Pisaeng’s journey to accepting that he can’t control the outcome of Kawi’s illness in the future, and that ultimately, he doesn’t want to change the beautiful life they’ve had together on the off chance it might make a difference. 

I love the way this played out in the new temporary present (I am going to miss finding awkward ways to accurately describe what timeline we are in). When Pisaeng travels back in time to the night before they went to the amusement park, Kawi clocks it immediately, but waits for Pisaeng to fess up that he had time traveled back from the future, and why. Once everything is out in the open, we see a sense of calm come over Kawi as he begins gently guiding Pisaeng to what he has already learned: they can’t control it, and the best thing they can do is commit to enjoying the life they have together here and now. And so Kawi and Pisaeng put a pin in it and have a great day together at the amusement park, reveling in each other’s company and committing to the joy of being in each others’ presence. At the end of the day, Pisaeng admits that even though he’s scared, he wouldn’t want to change anything about their life together or risk losing what they have for the off chance that it could lead to a better outcome, and he goes back home to the uncertain future so he and his future Kawi can face it together, hand in hand. 

I absolutely loved the melancholy undertone to these first three parts of the episode and the poignancy of this message. While Pisaeng struggled, Kawi’s character growth was on full display as he settled into the wisdom he has earned over many timelines and failed attempts to control things he now knows he cannot change. Once he was the one on the outside of the time travel dilemma, he reached full clarity on how futile it all was, and how little would be accomplished by attempting to engineer a different trajectory that might save his life at the expense of his relationship with Pisaeng. And he has achieved a measure of peace and reached a level of confidence and comfort with Pisaeng that enabled him to guide his partner to the same conclusion. It was lovely to see, and felt very well earned. The themes in this section of the episode were so strong that they actually had me thinking they might go there and not give Kawi an explicit recovery and happily ever after. But they quickly changed tack once Pisaeng traveled back to the future in the final part of the episode.

Now, here is the part where I admit that I would have preferred a more nuanced final act rather than Kawi suddenly waking up fine and everything being peaceful from there. There was an opportunity here for a more thematically resonant ending, and the show chose to steer away from it to give us a standard joyful bl epilogue. An ending where Kawi does not fully recover or where his fate is left more open-ended would have really made the poignancy of their choice to stop trying to change things land more firmly. Something more in the mode of Bad Buddy’s somewhat happy ending with a bittersweet edge would have also felt right. That said, this is a bl drama and I can’t really be surprised that it stuck with genre conventions. It was a lovely ending for Kawi and Pisaeng and it was very nice to see them happy together after all the turmoil.

So where did I land on this show overall? I really liked it, and given that I came in with such low expectations, the fact that it ended up being a show I consistently looked forward to week after week is no small thing. This drama gave me a lot to think about and inspired such wonderful discussions with friends, not to mention more clown theories than I could ever hope to track. It also gave me the opportunity to see both Gawin and Krist in a new light—I was really impressed with both of them in this drama and I hope to see Gawin especially continuing to get lead roles. 

I don’t think this drama was perfect, however. At the time episode 10 aired I had some issues with the resolutions it put forward for the main timeline, and those criticisms stand. I wish it had done more with all the meaty stuff it set up with queer politics, Pisaeng’s mom’s hypocrisy in positioning herself as a queer ally while forcing her own son into the closet, and Max’s role as a queer activist who was her fan. There was so much story potential there, but it seems the show just had other priorities. And I’m still not entirely sure what the point of the Not/Kwan subplot was, given that they didn’t really do anything with it in the final arc of the show. I guess I will just settle for thanking the universe that Pear was marrying a very nice looking man who was not Not (lol) in the finale and be grateful they didn’t subject me to a redemption arc for that mean little man.

As always, it has been an honor clowning with you all, and I’m pleased that we’re ending Be My Favorite on such a good note. Shouts to @waitmyturtles @bengiyo, @thegalwhorants, @twig-tea and @rocketturtle4 for talking through a lot of my reactions to this show with me. On to the next! 

[katasstrophy]

this is my official public statement that i will never, not even on my deathbed, nor a hundred thousand bajillion years later when i’ll merely be a squiggly skeleton in my cozy little coffin, or for that matter under any other circumstance, really, will I EVER forgive mr best football player in japan, boy prodigy Itoshi FUCKING Sae for what he did and/or said to Rin in chapter 148.

that being said, bllk manga spoilers under the cut !

Just,,, just fucking LOOK at these panels

it’s already very much apparent from his posture and gritted teeth that Rin is devastated by the outcome against the U-20 team. Okay, devastated might be a strong word here but he’s definitely unhappy about it—and Blue Lock won. Rin won—or, well, in his eyes, did he?

the first thing that’s reflected in Rin’s eyes is Aiku’s handshake with Isagi after the game ended with Isagi’s winning goal. By congratulating him and admitting their loss, Aiku is acknowledging Isagi—his talent as well as the threat he poses. Which is all fine and dandy, go off Isagi good for you buddy honestly BUT!! Rin has done the exact same thing in the first half. He was the first Blue Locker who could stand toe to toe with Aiku, outsmart him, and score a goal against him—an important one, too! Yet he’s not even getting half the recognition Isagi is.

And the sad part about it is that it makes perfect sense. Of fucking course Aiku’s not gonna saunter over to shake Rin’s hand while the game is still undecided—he full on believed his team was going to emerge victorious, why go on congratulating losers? (I know Rin wouldn’t have accepted Aiku’s handshake anyway lmao that fucking gremlin but that’s NOT THE POINT HERE!!!)

The point is what comes after.

Rin’s not one to go fishing for praise. He was Blue Lock’s first ranked player after the 3rd selection; he’s very much aware of his own abilities. And he has been acknowledged multiple times before by others, which he proceeded to completely brush off because, wait for it, he thinks they’re not on par with his level. Why would he need acknowledgement from lukewarm players?

Rin thinks NO ONE’s better than him at football, EXCEPT for his older brother, Sae.

Which is what makes Sae saying Isagi’s the first good striker he’s seen Japan produce—the striker who will forever change the Japanese football scene—even more heartbreaking.

Like I can’t take this pls do you SEE his face ??

This is right before Sae HIGH KEY implies that he’s finally about to acknowledge his little brother’s talents. There’s so much hope in Rin’s expression he almost looks like a kid again. There’s an honest to god little blush on his cheeks. There are fucking SPARKLES (!!!) in his eyes like EXCUUUSSEEE MEEE

even though there’s a shit ton of resentment between them, Rin really just wants to be good enough to play football with his bro again. He wants Sae to be like “yupp my bad you are a good striker”

god i cannot wait to find out what happened to sae in spain to make him such a piss baby

BUT INSTEAD we get Sae acknowledging Isagi—which fine, whatever, it’s a trend in the Blue Lock universe who am i to judge EXCEPT !!!! The whole ass reason Isagi could “incorporate luck into his play” is because he full on believed with his chest that Rin would steal the ball from Sae. WHICH HE DAMN WELL FUCKING DID

Sae sure as hell thought that was NOT gonna happen. Not even a possibility in his careful little calculations. I mean come on—

The man was too stunned to speak !!! Bitch got his ass thoroughly kicked !!!

Basically:

Couldn’t have said it better myself king

and yet. AND YET

like literally what was the reason. Why go on and declare that you acknowledge Isagi, but not Rin? I know there was a fat chance of it happening anyway—but then why not just stay silent? Sae is also pretty much aware of his brother’s abilities (besides that surprise one-up). He knows Rin’s smart enough to eventually figure out what his flow state reveals about himself—reveal what he’s missing. So why? Why declare it to Rin’s face?

Why do this to him?

At this point, there’s no more room in Rin for devastation and feeling like a disappointment. That’s all he’s been feeling for the past years. He’s done. All that’s left after this is bone deep hatred.

Unless I’m colossally missing smth, or this action will be redeemed in the next 200 chapters, Sae’s just cruel here. The only outcome I can discern from this is that now Rin’s and Isagi’s rivalry isn’t one-sided, but I genuinely fucking believe that would have been achieved regardless of Sae’s bullshittery.

SO IN CONCLUSION:

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

also @ugh-tsumu i hope you don’t mind i used your itoshi rin supremacy meme. it is spectacular <3 the other one is made by me lmaooo ART i tell you

[peakwealth]

You Run

Vladimir Putin, flanked by airline cabin crew (reportedly Aeroflot trainees), shortly before ordering the invasion of Ukraine.

Two recent quotes stick in my mind. The first one was by an American woman who escaped from a mass shooting incident after the US Super Bowl in Kansas City. (One dead, twenty-two injured.) Interviewed minutes later on TV, she said: In this day and age, you run.

I forget where I saw the second quote but I thought of it after Donald Trump threatened to pull the plug on NATO, should he be re-elected this year: It's as if the devil had changed sides.

Near panic broke out across Europe. Trump was willing to throw European countries, previously known as America's allies, to the wolves.

Vladimir Putin, do as you please. Ukraine, prepare to be sacrificed. And by extension, Taiwan, your time is up.

I keep coming back to this: the West isn't what it used to be. I think of myself as fortunate to have grown up in a 'eurocentric' world order, or the outcome of the second world war if you prefer. It may have been delusional but it was printed on perfume bottles: PARIS - LONDON - NEW YORK.

In reality, eurocentrism and the colonial empires that created it were already faltering by the time I came into this world. It took, however, a long time to see and accept it. As for the 'American century', it ended in 2001 with the apocalyptic scenes of 9/11 in New York City. As the towers collapsed, the world pivoted into a new era. To put it differently, the world was changing hands.

---------------

On February 24 2022 I woke up in a small hotel south of Granada and went downstairs to have coffee at the bar. I flipped open my tablet and there it was:

RUSSIA ATTACKS UKRAINE

Until then I - we - had assumed there existed a fundamental contract with European history, immovably rooted in postwar reality and shared by all: never again, no more major wars in Europe. No one in their right mind would want to mess with that contract.

Except that Vladimir Putin had just ordered his army across the border into Ukraine.

Now I wake up every day and want to hit my head against the wall as the Russian war of aggression grinds on. Grind, meat grinder, human waves, trench warfare. The words are all desperately wrong.

After two years of daily annihilation, hundreds of thousands of lives casually erased or ruined, it goes on and on. Both sides, it has been reported, are running short of young men to waste at the front.

We do not know exactly what goes on on those front lines. We hear about Russian soldiers dispatched to their deaths as a matter of course. But we do not get to see that, nor do we get any real casualty numbers. At the beginning of the war, things were more graphic, the bodies photographed where they had fallen. Two years on, we don't know. But the broken, blasted cities tell the story, as they do in Gaza: not many people walk away alive.

And now no one seems quite sure what to do about Ukraine. The war looks unwinnable because Putin does not care about the cost in human lives.

Why fight if you can't win? Is a negotiated settlement still possible? Land for peace would mean the partition of Ukraine accepted as a fait accompli. But can there be peace without justice for Ukraine, which would effectively be sacrificed in the hope of keeping Putin's Russia in check? Putin, however, cannot be trusted, nor can Trump for that matter.

Should Trump return to the White House, a new world order might emerge overwhelmingly inimical to the west or what would be left of it. It might not even be clear where the USA would position itself. As for the loss of Ukraine, in whole or in part, it would be like small change.

You can go on like this, endlessly turning over the options and arguments in your head, none of them acceptable: Ukraine's outright surrender? Or an indefinite ceasefire that would humiliate Kyiv but leave it attached to Europe?

Faced with a historic opportunity to rewrite everything, a moment of dizzying recalculation of how the planet works and who's boss, it is hard to imagine that China would hesitate to seize the moment. Others would follow, like India, Indonesia, Nigeria, South Africa, Brazil, eventually lining up with Russia in an historic act of opportunism and Schadenfreude.

In this day and age, you run. The devil has changed sides.

A lot is at stake in 2024.

[aressida]

Old entry: "You cannot fight the Truth." - Aressida. 15.7.19.

You will keep on telling yourselves to further, in my opinion, by using your disproportionate responses to someone by simply saying a small part of the truth.

Did anyone realize that huge outbursts and reactions of vengeance and revenge are not normal? Can we not lie to ourselves?

You cannot fight the Truth.

Your real power comes from your authenticity, not your projected image. When you are authentic, you are true to yourself and you speak to your own truth. And when you speak your truth, it’s solid and incorruptible, invisible evil entities fear it.

No matter what the moment brings you, you will not escape it, you will face it. Do not worry, the Universe will respond in ways you cannot imagine. If you do your best, you will improve well.

Ego is what you think you are. The self is what you really are. We are the human part of nature.

I have also observed that we mostly push people away in our lives not because we fear the commitment, but because we fear we cannot care enough, we cannot love enough. We fear our own failure.

The soul is the largest conversation we can have with the world today, and life is the biggest story you can conceive of the world. Evolution without death does not occur. Right now War is being putting our Evolution on a fast lane.

If you go down the rabbit hole, make sure you catch the rabbit. Do not stay there. And the Old must die if the New is to live.

Sometimes it is not that you cannot let go.

It is something or someone was the best part of your life. So you do not want to give up this warmth of the past… Right? I’d get that. This is why you are afraid that the rest of your life is going to an eternal never-ending winter without warmth. This is about your fear.

A lot of people hold a warm, special place in our hearts and it is always freaking hard to let go of the familiarity and comfort.

Believe me, I’d know.

It is scary when your mind tries to back you into the comfort zone. But when your heart feels like it is galloping away, you have to follow every time. It is okay that sometimes it is not the person you miss, but actually it is the feeling you had when you were with them.

As you grow older, you realize that some people’s sincere apologies will never lead to changed behaviour, because they do not love themselves, and they cannot change their nature.

Attachments imply permanence, preference, and devotion. But putting attachments to relationships, outcomes, or ideas can prevent growth or disappoint. Since most, if not all things in life are eternally fluid… And it is not set in stone.

Never disrespect yourself to respect others. Never ask people to choose between respecting you and respecting themselves. Attachments are really real. Why not loosen your grip and try and live, to love, appreciate the flow, and the growth that you have climb through life’s many unknowns?

This is basically the gist of it.

Keep track of where you stand and focus on mastery-based learning, and compound yourself. Seriously guys, do not use humour as a weapon, use employ it as a defence. And everyone can master the basics if they only decide to see them.

Do you think it is time to align yourself with the Truth, which inherent in the world right now?

It is time to find the underlying of your first principles. Because the quality of your actions always depends on your understanding of what TRUTH is. And we need to remind ourselves that do the small things excellently and compound them all.

Everything will becomes easier once you realise and accept that you do not have any real place to escape to. All your life, at this very moment, is happening at this moment, and nowhere else.

You are what you see.

[soaringonblackwings]

Defiance of Fate Ch 3

Summary: Crow narrowly escapes death with the help of an old friend, Black-Winged Dragon. Whose appearance raises more questions than awnsers. The only way for Crow to get those answers will be to survive until the end of the war.

External: AO3 / Squidgworld

Author's Note: This is the last chapter of Defiance of Fate. I hope you all enjoyed my headcanons so far. Honestly, I just wanted to expand more on Black-Winged Dragon and his connection to Pearson and Crow and how that could have led to Crow getting the Tail mark, even if he wasn't a reincarnation. I think there was a lot that could have been done with Black-Winged Dragon's inclusion. But alas.... Crow deserves better. I hope you all enjoyed the story.

Crow followed Black-Winged Dragon to the area below the whale glyph. There he found his target.

“You may see a new side of me. Don’t let it change what you think of your big brother, kay.” Crow said. Hikari nodded and held on tighter. “Hold on!”

Crow sped up to catch his target. The unsuspecting Dark Signer had not noticed Crow’s presence. It was a perfect shock when he rode up a ramp and laned in front of the Dark Signer.

“Yusei!” Yelled the Dark Signer.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I aint’t Yusei. But I know who you are. Bommer, how could you have become a Dark Signer!?” Crow was baffled at this turn of events.

“Who are you?” Confused Bommer asks.

“My name is Crow.” He replies. “And in Yusei’s stead, I challenge you to a duel!”

“You’re not a Signer, are you? And neither is the kid.”

“Shut up! It doesn’t matter if we are Signers or not! You guys stole what’s most dear to us!”

“Most dear?”

“Don’t play dumb with me! Every single kid I was looking after disappeared in that black fog you guys caused! Why did you drag in those innocent kids!? If that’s how you guys do things, I’m definitely going to make you guys pay!”

“I have no reason to waste my time with a non-Signer.” Bommer was completely disinterested in Crow’s reasoning for wanting to fight him. He was only interested in fighting Yusei.

“Nope, you’re accepting this duel, like it or not.” Crow pulled out a device with a countdown on it. “If you try to run, I’ll chase you down wherever you go. We will all go down.”

Bommer couldn’t risk being chased down by this pest. “Fine, then if you are so prepared mentally, I will take you on. To lure Yusei here!”

The duo drove to a more appropriate spot for their battle.

“Crow, was it? I’ll ask one more time. When the Duel of Darkness has an outcome, one of our souls will disappear. Once it starts, there will be no turning back. Are you sure you want to continue?” Bommer looked towards Hikari. Her face showed nothing but contempt for Bommer. She tightened her grip on Crow.

“I have made my decision.” She hissed. “Crow don’t worry about me.”

“You guys stole away the only place we could come home to, So I don’t want no concern from you.” Crow says.

They arrived at a good starting point for their duel. Crow remembers Yusei’s duel with Kiryu and demands that autopilot be turned off. He was going to need full use of his own driving skills for this event.

Light purple flames bellow from the ground outlining a path for them. Crow could feel the cold grip of death overcome him. He could literally  feel his soul leaving his body. Hikari was experiencing the same thing.

“This is what happens when a non-signer duels a Dark Signer. Your soul cannot withstand the power.” Bommer sneers at both of them.

The duo’s fate would not come to pass. Black-Winged Dragon had appeared before Crow and Hikari. His body lit up and broke into particles enveloping the duo. The duo felt their bodies return to normal.

“Huh?” What was that?” Shocked Bommer asked.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself about. Now let’s get this duel started.” Crow threw out the device from earlier. “Relax it’s just a normal clock.”

“What a dope.”

The timer hit zero and the riders sped off.

“Hang on Hikari!” By faking a breaking match, Crow was able to take the corner first. He choose to go first.

Turn 1 -Crow-

Crow summoned Blackwing – Shura the Blue Flame and placed a card face down. For his first turn it was all he could do.

Turn 2 -Bommer-

However, Bommer’s turn was much more eventful. He managed to get two attacks on Crow, defeating Shura the Blue Flame. The impact was no fake. It was very much real, and it sent Crow and Hikari flying of the track.

Crow thought back to the kids.

“As if I’ll lose here!” Crow activated Blackbird’s wings and the kickstand’s, which doubled as grappling hooks. To grasp the building and swing back onto the course.

“Crow, are you okay?” Hikari asks. Being a little shaken up won’t stop her from putting someone else first. Crow sputters on about how she should worry about her own wellbeing.

“You think this is going to scare me!?”

Turn 3 -Crow-

Crow takes his turn. He activates a speed spell. Giving up two speed counters, the card allowed him to draw two cards. He discarded one and summons Blackwing – Mistral the Silver Wind in defense mode and then special summons Blackwing – Bora the Spear from his hand in attack mode. Crow goes on the offensive and orders Bora to attack Bommer’s monster. It survives due to a trap card Bommer activates. The card also allowed Bommer to special summon a monster.

Crow cursed himself for giving Bommer the advantage.

“It’s only natural that I will win this duel against a non-signer.” Bommer said. He looked to his screen to see someone riding closer to them. It was Yusei.

Of course, Yusei told both of them to stop the duel. And Crow was not having any of it.

“You can plead with me all you want, but I just can’t comply with that!” Crow was being unreasonable. “It’s because of the Dark Signers… that the children that were staying at my place… all disappeared! They were my hope! They were me! I grew up with no one that loved me. I was miserable. Sometimes I could find food and a bed sometimes not…. I was given hope by duel monsters. I wanted them to have that same hope. I wanted them… to be free!”

There was a moment of silence. Nothing but the ambient noise of the machines filled the void.

“Then you dark signers,” Crow glares at Bommer. “Dashed my hopes into bits!”

“Crow,” A small voice cuts through. Crow felt Hikari squeeze him even tighter. “Big brother… thank you for loving us when no one else would. Crow, you are our hope too…. They can’t live out the freedom they dreamt of. So that just means we have to survive and live their dream’s for them!”

It was the same conclusion that Crow came to. When did she become so much like him? Given that she is the meekest one of the bunch. Crow couldn’t help but smile.

“The wounds inflicted on your hearts are the same! Revenge just breeds more revenge. Stop this duel Now!” Yusei once again, tries to appeal to both of them.

“Then where are we supposed to vent our anger, huh!?” Crow yells. “I understand what you are saying Yusei. I really do… but… I can’t control my heart anymore!”

“Crow!”

“Please understand Yusei! We just have to fight now! If you’re my friend, just keep looking on… at our duel!” Crow brushed away the tears from his face.

That was it. Yusei couldn’t convince Crow to tag out with him. Reluctantly, he agreed to watch the duel play out.

“Vengeance is the darkness of one’s heart which will never die out! I’ll take you on Crow! Let us recommence the duel!”

“Bring it on Bommer!”

The battle reignited with fervor.

Turn 4 -Bommer-

Just like Crow, Bommer lost his village to a tragedy brought on by Godwin. With his own strength he would never come close to dealing with that man. He had no choice but to become a Dark Signer to get rid of Godwin. And he will snuff out any and all of his allies too. Bommer had nothing. Everyone he knew was gone. In a way he was envious of Crow. He still had one of his kids. That was better than nothing at all. Looking at him made Bommer seethe.

Bommer took his turn. This was thee turn he summoned his ace monster: Giant Bomber Air Raid.

By using its effect, Bommer destroyed Blackwing – Mistral the Silver Shield. Then during the battle phase he destroyed Blackwing - Bora the Spear.

Due to Mistral’s effect, Crow took no damage.

Turn 5 -Crow-

Crow summons Blackwing – Vayu the Emblem of Honor. But once per turn Air Raid could destroy a summoned monster.

Crow and Hikari survived another round of explosions. “That’s exactly what I wanted!”

Crow banishes Vayu and Blackwing – Elphin the Raven using Vayu’s effect. This allowed him to tune them together from the graveyard.

“Darkened gales! Become the wings that will soar to the heavens! Synchro summon! Blackwing – Armor Master!” Crow chants.

Blackwing Armor Master used its effect during the battle phase. It leaves behind one Wedge Counter on the monster it attacks. At the end of the turn the monster with the Wedge Counter gets destroyed. Crow sets down a card and specials summons Blackwing – Gale the Whirlwind from his hand.

Turn 5 -Bommer-

Bommer summons Dark Flat-Top, which helps him resurrect Air Raid. Bommer uses Air Raid’s effect to destroy Blackwing Armor Master. Then he attacks Gale with Air Raid, sending the bird to the graveyard.

The blowback from this attack was vicious. It caused Blackbird to spin-out. The duo went flying across the road.

Yusei stopped and ran over to Hikari. Up close he could see a thin, red vile outlining her body. And he felt a power emitting from her too. It was the same one he felt from Crow earlier.

Black-Winged Dragon’s power protected Hikari from damage.

“C-Crow….” Hikari slowly sat up sat up and looked for Crow.

“Take it easy.” Yusei said softly.

“It seems this match is over.” Bommer smirks. “You couldn’t possibly continue in that condition.”

From further away, Crow was in pain. He knew That Black-Winged Dragon put all of his effort into protecting Hikari and he was grateful for that. But that left Crow to take the hit pretty badly. It hurt to breath, his eyesight was blurry, and every part of his body was screaming. Still, he got up and made his way over to Blackbird. This was not how the duel ends. It is over when he wins.

“This duel… aint’t over yet.” At every word pain surged through his body.

“You can still move?” Bommer did not hide his disappointment.

“Of course…,” Crow collapsed on top of Blackbird. He fiddled around until he found the handlebars to reactivate the duel runner. “Until I defeat you Dark Signers… or else….”

He thought back to the kids: Ginga, Dachi, Taiga, and Kokori.

“Or else, they’ll never find peace!” Crow could feel his body getting cold like from the beginning of the duel. Being a non-Signer within this battlefield was the price he pays for interfering. Black-Winged Dragon split his power between the two now that Hikari was out of danger.

Blackbird roared to life. Somehow performing a perfect U-turn by itself, as if it was alive.

“I’m not giving up!” Crow declares. “Hikari stay with Yusei.”

The girl stops halfway towards Crow. She did as she was told.

The duel resumed.

Bommer placed a card face down and ended his turn.

Turn 6 -Crow-

Crow thought about his next moves, ultimately deciding to not play any monsters. He had to rely on his two face downs.

“I’ll end my turn here.” Crow sighed.

Turn 7 -Bommer-

By discarding one card from his hand, Bommer could use Air Raids effect to destroy a card on the field. Since Crow had no monster on his field, he was wide open for an attack.

This is what Crow wanted. Crow activates Blackwing – Backlash. A card that destroys all monsters the opponent controls as long as Crow has 5 or more ‘Blackwing’ monsters in his graveyard.

Bommer lost both of his monsters. But it played right into his plan. The car he discarded earlier allows him to draw one card. He set a card face down and activated another card. This card helped him summon his Earthbound Immortal.

“Souls who rest in the earth, gathering such longstanding grudges! Now is the time to come forth from the sullied earth and lend me your power! Descend forth, Earthbound Immortal Chacu Challhua!”

“Be careful Crow!” Yusei yelled.

Turn 8 -Crow-

Crow summons Blackwing – Fane the Steel Chain to attack Bommer directly. Completely bypassing the need to face the Earthbound Immortal this turn. Due to Fane’s effect the Earthbound Immortal was forced into defense position. He sets a card face down and ends his turn.

Turn 9 -Bommer-

After his draw, Bommer activates Chacu Challhua’s effect; when it doesn’t attack, it can inflict damage equal to half its defense power to the opponent.

Crow was on his last 100 life points.

Bommer was going for the kill when he summoned Dark-Sea Rescue and tributes it for his continuous trap card: Basara. It allows him to destroy a monster with a level higher than the monster used as tribute and inflicts 800 points of damage to the controller of the destroyed monster.

It wasn’t enough to fell Crow. He activates his own trap card in response, Guard Mines. It negates damage and inflicts 500 points of damage to the opponent.

This brought Bommer down to 800 life points.

Turn 10 -Crow-

He had only one card in his hand.

‘I’ll bet it all on this draw.’ He thought about all of the kids. ‘Everyone give me strength!”

Crow pulled out the top card, took a look at it and smiled. “Thanks guys.”

Blackwing – Blizzard of the Far North was summoned to the field. When successfully summoned it let’s crow special summon a level four or lower Blackwing from his graveyard in defense mode. The monster he choose was Blackwing – Shura the Blue Flame. He used all of the monsters on his field to Synchro summon.

“Gust fiercely, Storm! Gain the will of steel and speed of light to sublime your form! Synchro Summon! Blackwing – Silverwind the Ascendant!”

On summon, Silverwind could destroy up to two monsters on the field. Just as Silverwind was readying his attack, everything came to a halt when Hikari yelled.

“Crow! Stop!”

Both Crow and Yusei were startled.

“Look! There are faces in the whale!” She said.

Sure enough there were faces projecting into the Earthbound Immortal.

““Huh?!”” The satellite duo looked on in shock.

“It hurts!”

“Someone help us!”

“Ah!” Hikari buried her head in Yusei’s back. Trying to tune out all the cries and the vile thought that this is what happened to her siblings.

Crow called off his attack. Terror was written on his face, watching all of the children’s faces phase in and out on the Earthbound Immortal. There was no way he could go through with it.

“What’s wrong Crow? If you’re not going to attack, I’ll take my turn.” Bommer sped up to match Crow’s speed.

“Bommer, don’t you see it!”

Crow told Bommer to look up at his monster. The taller man vehemently refused until Yusei interjected. When he did, all life drained from his features. Bommer was struck with a realization that the souls of his village was fueling the Earthbound Immortal. Everything lost purpose for him. He did not want to fight anymore. However, the power was not going to let that happen. The Dark Signer power’s took over Bommer’s mind.

Since Crow was done, Bommer took his turn.

Turn -11 Bommer-

Bommer put the Earthbound Immortal in attack mode and attacked Crow, not caring about Crow’s face down. Which Crow activated.

Parasite Mind allows Crow to activate a continuous trap effect in place of the card’s controller. The card Crow picked was Bommer’s Basara. Crow used the effect of Basara to sacrifice Silverwind to destroy Chacu Challhua.

Bommer’s life points reached zero. Crow is the victor of the match.

Crow slowed to a stop to regain his composure. But the rumbling caused debris to fall right over him. A mix of fatigue and shock prevented Crow from acting fast enough to escape.

Bommer rammed his duel runner to push Crow out of harms way and take the damage himself.

“Bommer!” Crow ran on top of the rubble. Bommer was barely conscious. Yusei and Hikari arrived shortly after.

“Crow, you saved the people of my village, didn’t you?” Bommer’s voice was faint. “You must save your kids. Hikari had to suffer such loss at a young age. You have to rescue them. After that, raise them well.”

“I’m going to do that anyways!” Crow said.

“Crow, he is dying, let him have his moment.” Hikari said holding back her sobs.

Bommer said his last words to Yusei before his body turned to stone and began to dissipate into black particles.

“Bommer!”

“Don’t go Bommer!”

“Bommer come back!”

-

“So, you going to where Kiryu is?” Crow asks.

“Yeah, my battle is just getting started.” Yusei answers. He speed off leaving behind the group.

“Crow….” Hikari’s small voice reached Crow. “I- I’m sorry that I tagged along….”

Crow pats her head. “Don’t worry about it.”

This made Hikari cry. Through her weeping, she managed to say, “And you don’t need to keep acting tough anymore.”

As if those were the magic words, Crow’s body collapsed. He was on the ground. The exhaustion took over and Crow was out like a light.

-

After the duel with Kiryu, the people devoured by the fog came back. One-by-one the Dark Signers were defeated. It was unfortunate that they were not able to seal the four towers in time. Thus, the King of the Underworld appeared.

Yusei, Jack, Crow, Luna, Leo, Akiza, Trudge, Mina, and Hikari were all transported by the Crimson Dragon to Neo Domino. To a place with a shrine. Before them stood Godwin at the top.

Godwin reveled the truth. Yusei, Jack, and Crow all agreed to duel Godwin, a one vs. three duel. The fate of the future depends on them now. With the cheers of their friends carrying them, the final battle begins.

Crow and Jack lost, and Yusei defeated Godwin. Yusei summoned Savior Star Dragon to take the victory and save the future.

Crow was granted the Tail mark of the Crimson Dragon. It was unexpected, but he was the only one connected to Black-Winged Dragon. Crow would gladly take his mentor’s place.

Everything returned to normal.

-

Crow drove to his hideout. He was stuck in the city for recovery. Hikari was awed by the city. But she was ready to get home in order to see her siblings. The escort back to Satellite was terrifying for her.

When they arrived, no one was there. Everyone came back. They had to be hiding.

“Crow! Hikari!”

They heard them. From the buildings, all the kids came out and rushed up to the duo. Crow was scared at first. Remembering the last time this happened and the were all fake. But not this time. They were real. They all hugged and cried. Lots of tears were shed. Crow was happy that the kids were safe.

He eventually left the kids to their own devices and went back to his duel runner and watched them from afar.

A throbbing feeling rushes through his head. Black-Winged Dragon appeared next to him. His body was nearly transparent, even more so than the previous meetings.

“I guess its time for you to move on now….” Crow mumbles. It was like watching an old friend die again. The dragon nods and Crow smiles.

Black-Winged Dragon’s body was fading into particles of light.

Crow reached out to touch the Dragon, but his hand only grasped at thin air. For a moment, he saw Pearson.

“I hope both your next lives treat you better.” Crow said.

Both images had vanished, whisked away like the wind.

As he watched the remnants of light, a single tear spilled down his cheek.

“Crow!”

Turning around he saw the kids. Happily wanting him to come over. There was nowhere to look but forward. Because soon, a new path will open for him.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Laito Ecstasy [06]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Monologue

I want to invite them over here. 

Those words of her,

could only mean one thing from how I interpreted them. 

I am aware. 

Of her connection with them,

as well as with Kinoーー 

ー The scene starts in the big hall at Eden

Laito: I mean, sure?

Yui: Eh?

Kou: ...? What do you mean?

Laito: You know, I’m suggesting we do exactly as she proposed. 

Yui: Eh? You don’t mind?

Laito: Nope?

Yui: ( I wonder what has gotten into him all of a sudden...? )

Kanato: One second, please. Are you being serious, Laito? 

Laito: I mean, I don’t see why we should deny them. Right, Reiji? 

Reiji: Why are you asking me? 

Laito: I figured you’d be able to come up with a sound reasoning.

Reiji: Well, I suppose it would entail certain benefits for us as well. 

Kino, the man leading these Ghouls, is one of the individuals out to steal your Powers after all...

Laito: It’d play in our advantage if Kino were to come here and join forces with us instead, right?

Ayato: Still...I can’t imagine he’d want to work together with us.

Laito: You think so? We already formed an alliance once in the past, so don’t you think he’d readily accept if we promise to protect him and his Ghouls?

Ayato: Oi, what do you think, Chichinashi?

Yui: Eh? 

Laito: Bitch-chan is the one who knows Kino best out of all of us, isn’t she~?

Yui: Wellーー

( What should I answer? )

Selection

→ We can’t trust him 

Yui: If you were to ask me whether we can trust him or not, I’d say we can’tーー

Laito: Well, I figured you’d say that.

Yui: Eh?

Ayato: Anyway, Chichinashi, you want to bring some shady fucker hereーー!?

Yui: I meanーー That’s because the circumstances are as is. 

Laito: Right?

→ You can look at it in different ways (❦)

Yui: I think you can look at it in different ways...If we take into account the ill treatment of the Ghouls, then Kino-kun alsoーー

Laito: Heeh. You’re going to stand up for him? 

Yui: Eh? 

Laito: Oh no, I’m just talking to myself.

Ayato: I just can’t trust that guy...

Laito: ーー But you know, just look at it like this. 

Regardless of the Ghouls’ situation, Kino is our brother, remember?

...So don’t you think he only has the right to come here? 

I mean, if the Mukami’s are allowed to stay here even?

Yuma: Ah? What? Got a problem with it, mate?

Laito: Don’t get up in my face. I’m only stating the truth, aren’t I?

Shuu: ーー Well...When you look at it like that, I guess there’s really no reason for us to deny them. 

Yui: Shuu-san...! Then...

Shuu: Laito. You’re sure that’s what you want, right?

Laito: Why do you need to confirm a million times like that? I mean, I’m not trying to commit any crimes, am I?

Right, Bitch-chan? 

Yui: Yeah, you’re...right.

Ayato: ...

Kanato: ...

Subaru: Ugh...

Reiji: ーー Well then, if that is what you want, I shall get everything arranged at once. 

Laito: Nfu~ I’m counting on you.

Yui: Reiji-san, I’ll help out as well!

Reiji: That would be a great help. 

Ruki: In that case, so will we.

Yui: ( Is Laito-kun really okay with it? I mean, I’m happy with this outcome, but... )

( Something doesn’t feel right... )

( I feel like we’re going in circles or something. )

( But...That’s just the reality of dating Laito-kun which I’ll have to accept...I guess? )

Monologue

ーー To my surprise, my suggestion which was once nearly turned down already,

actually got given the green light by Laito-kun. 

Laito-kun justifies his actions,

by claiming that doing this will not only save himself time and effort,

but those in trouble are none other,

than his own brother Kino, the Ravens and the Ghouls under his command. 

While I am genuinely happy that Laito-kun has acknowledged them,

for some reason, it doesn’t feel right (違和感).

I cannot help but end up doubting his true intentions. 

In which case, nothing has changed at all...

Laito-kun is truly a very delicate individual. 

He will go back to being his old self over the most trivial of happenings. 

If there is something weighing down on his mind,

then I wish he would just speak up (ぶつけてきて) about it to me.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[tetrisfinished]

sunk cost

there's an economic principal that's been sort of top of mind lately for me. and it's the concept of sunk cost.

according to investopedia (link: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sunkcost.asp);

A sunk cost is money that has already been spent and cannot be recovered. In business, the axiom that one has to "spend money to make money" is reflected in the phenomenon of the sunk cost. A sunk cost differs from future costs that a business may face, such as decisions about inventory purchase costs or product pricing. Sunk costs are excluded from future business decisions because they will remain the same regardless of the outcome of a decision.

so basically, something unrecoverable. this cost, not to be confused with investment costs, is something that....no matter how much your business grows, will stay as is. it will never be countered. you will never get it back.

when we learned about it in economics class, we were told that despite that it is not in fact the cost of investing, the issue with sunk cost is that it often ends up being treated like an investment.

instead of a business owner or entreprenuer thinking that the sunk cost will still give them returns (ie using the cost as an excuse to continue to stick around in what might be perhaps a failing venture), the correct thing to do is to accept that that cost is gone. and it will never come back.

how is this relevant to me?

i think my time with yasir, my 7 years, my talking, my engagement, my marriage, my kid, my semblance of whatever relationship we used to have and whatever "relationship" we have now - is my sunk cost.

and instead of calling it what it is and getting the fuck out of this marriage (thereby STOPPING the cost being continually, perpetually being incurred), i am just sitting. thinking something good will come of it.

what good?

that someday yasir will change.

that someday he'll learn to show respect.

that someday his priorities will adjust.

that someday esa will make it to the top of his list (higher even, maybe, than himself).

that someday, somehow i will end up on his list at fucking all.

but here's the thing about that.....i am pretty much 100% certain this won't happen. at least not to the quality that anyone would want, or i guess that i would want.

so then we move on.

maybe the sunk cost will lead to more patience on my part.

maybe i will go to heaven for enduring this marriage.

maybe esa will wake up one day and realize what the fuck his dick father is and decide to become the absolute fucking opposite of him at any cost.

maybe maybe maybe.

but here's the thing about all this stuff.....they sound like excuses. and that's because they just are.

why i am unable to leave this marriage is frankly fucking beyond me.

and that's that.

much love,

k

[tealeafxx]

Forced connection

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you tried to force a connection with someone who didn't feel the same way about you? I want to share my personal experience and the valuable lessons I learned from the movie "Missed Connection." It was a painful, disappointing, and often disheartening journey, but it taught me important morals that I'd like to share with all of you.

It all started when I confessed my feelings to a close friend, only to face rejection. I struggled to accept it because I believed deep down that they had feelings for me too (or so I thought). In my desperation, I found myself constantly trying to force a connection, shedding tears in their presence, hoping they would somehow change their mind. Looking back, I now realize that my actions were more like guilt-tripping, and they didn't lead to the outcome I desired. Instead, I ended up hurting and disappointing myself.

Similar to the main character Mae in "Missed Connection," she also found herself forcing a connection with someone who didn't reciprocate her feelings. In the end, like Mae, only ended up hurting herself. It's a sad realization because I can see parts of myself reflected in her character.

Now, let's dive into the lessons I learned from the movie. Firstly, we should never try to force or beg someone to like or love us. Love cannot be coerced or demanded. When someone truly loves you, their love is freely given, without any manipulation or pressure.

Secondly, we should be cautious about attributing meaning or assuming romantic intent behind every kind gesture or action from someone. Assuming that someone likes us based on their friendly behavior can lead to unnecessary pain and disappointment. It's important to wait for clear communication and confirmation of their feelings.

Thirdly, it's crucial not to force ourselves onto someone who doesn't share the same feelings. It may seem tempting to try and change their mind or win them over, but it's ultimately a fruitless endeavor. We cannot make someone love us, and attempting to do so only causes more pain and disappointment.

Next, it's important to let go of the past. Dwelling on what could have been or holding onto past rejections hinders our personal growth and happiness. Instead, we should learn from our past experiences and focus on the present, allowing ourselves to move forward with a positive mindset.

Lastly, we must prioritize self-love. You don't need someone else to complete you or validate your worth. Happiness and fulfillment come from within, and you have the power to make yourself happy and feel worthy. Loving yourself and seeking validation from within is essential for a healthy and fulfilling life.

In conclusion, "Missed Connection" is a powerful movie that resonates with those who have experienced the pain of trying to force a connection with someone who doesn't reciprocate their feelings. I, too, have been through a similar phase, and I highly recommend this film, especially to those who are hopeless romantics. It serves as a reminder to respect ourselves, prioritize self-love, and understand that true love is freely given, not forced.

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

fantastic mr fox: humanising animals, animalising men, and an exploration of masculine identity

‘this story is too predictable.’ / ‘predictable? really? what happens in the end?’ / ‘in the end, we all die. unless you change.’

mr fox, the titular character of wes anderson’s 2009 stop-motion adaptation of roald dahl’s children’s book, is a portrait of two conflicting manifestations of masculinity. he is built to demonstrate the crossover between tradition and modernity, between wild and civilised. characterised as a charming gentleman, almost renowned for his recklessness, mr fox combines his undomesticated instincts with a carefully crafted domestic life. he appears to spend more time manufacturing a perfect home and family than he does actually participating in it. the events of the movie serve to strip away his facade and present both the audience and protagonist with a harsh reality to deal with: the juxtaposing aspects of his identity that he must contend with in order to survive his situation. these aspects are demonstrated through the use of anthropomorphic animals. in essence, the text attempts to convey the message that while you can associate your actions with animal or human traits in order to characterise and frame them, you cannot change their value and their consequences. it serves as a critique of how the nature of male identity is exploited to shunt responsibility, and the movie specifically promotes a more collectivist mentality.

there are four key scenes that mark mr fox’s journey in terms of his identity. initially, we first see his identity openly questioned once he has moved into a new home (a large and expensive tree), just prior to him revealing his ‘master plan’ to kylie, who becomes his assistant of sorts. he asks, ‘why a fox? why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? i’m saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? who am i? and how can a fox ever be happy without, you’ll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?’ he attributes his identity with the ability to fulfil his base desires, like he could in his youth. aspects of his later life such as employment, family, and safety restrict his ability and leaves him feeling untethered from himself. the movie opens with his youthful vibrance and recklessness, and is quickly contrasted with his dissatisfaction with his job, home, and life in general.

MR FOX

i dont want to live in a hole anymore. it makes me feel poor.

MRS FOX

we are poor, but we’re happy.

MR FOX

comme ci, come ca...

does anyone actually read my column?

having been moved out of the hole and into an expensive tree, mrs fox asks her husband:

MRS FOX

do you still feel poor?

MR FOX

less so.

constructing the ideal domestic space for himself and his family does not satisfy mr fox and he yearns for more, which is where is existentialism and ‘master plan’ come into play. domesticity was never going to satisfy mr fox, as he yearns for something youthful and risky and dazzling, adjectives not usually applied to a quiet and content home life. the consequences of this dissatisfaction are drastic and almost immediate.

soon, having been forced out of his new home and underground by an attack from the farmers, mr fox is faced with a situation he cannot charm his way out of. he attempts to apologise to his son and recite a speech to raise the morale of his family, and both of these attempts are shut down by those around him. the facade of his elaborate home, his monologues, even his suits, are abruptly stripped away leaving him with only his actions which he cannot charm his way out of. the reality is that he and his family, his neighbourhood, is stuck underground with no means of food as a result of his selfish actions. this prompts yet another key scene; his argument with felicity, which begins with her viciously hissing and scratching his face.

MRS FOX

why did you lie to me?

MR FOX

because im a wild animal.

MRS FOX

you are also a husband, and a father.

MR FOX

im trying to tell you the truth about myself.

MRS FOX

i dont care about the truth about yourself. this story is too predictable.

MR FOX

predictable? really? what happens in the end?

MRS FOX

in the end, we all die. unless you change.

mrs fox’s physical attack on her husbands face serves as a display of genuine animal ferocity, making mr fox’s claim to being a ‘wild animal’ appear as a flimsy excuse for his behaviour. his chicken theft, which he was insistent upon regardless of the consequences, was motivated not by animal instincts but a selfish desire to feel a particular version of his own masculinity. disregarding the safety of his family actually seems like a natural byproduct of his master plans because he is trying to reclaim his masculinity from a time before his family existed, and in his eyes, restricted him. the very recent loss of his tail, combined with this conversation with his wife, is a harsh reality check for mr fox in terms of the dangers of his masculinity.

the audience sees the outcome of this conversation later on, in the waterfall scene. here mr fox admits to his insecurities and suggests sacrificing himself to the farmers to save the local community.

MR FOX

darling, maybe they’ll let everyone else live!

…

MR FOX

foxes traditionally like to court danger, hunt prey and outsmart predators, and that’s what im actually good at…i guess at the end of the day im just-

MRS FOX

i know. we’re wild animals.

the difference between this admission to animalism and the one from his argument with felicity is that here, both parties gain some acceptance of their animalism without using it as an excuse for their behaviour. the inclusion of others in animalism – ‘we’re’ wild animals, rather than ‘i am’ a wild animal – contributes to illustrate how wildness is not specific to masculinity. it is not femininity vs masculinity but animals vs man.

the movie also questions the nature of an animal in the final key scene known as ‘canis lupus.’ wes Anderson referred to this scene as ‘the reason im making this movie.’ throughout the movie, mr fox alludes to his ‘phobia of wolves’ and shuts down any conversation surrounding them:

MR FOX

scared? no, i have a phobia of them!...a wolf? what’s with all the wolf talk? can we give it a rest for once?

arguably, these reactions are representative of mr fox’s aversion to competitive masculinity. he shuts down any opportunity for those around him to discuss something he sees as more masculine than himself in order to feel secure in his own masculinity. critic shana mlawski argues that ‘the wolf is described as the wildest, most frightening, and yet most beautiful creature in the world. mr fox fears the wolf and yet wants to be exactly like him. we can thus say that mr fox fears pure, wild masculinity yet also yearns to own it himself.’ the scene holds an eerie familiarity to it; mr fox is recognising something that he thought would be a reflection of himself, but the wild animal is no longer familiar to him anymore. he now accepts his role as a husband and a father and no longer fights to overtly express his animalism in the same way as the wolf. the most he can offer the wolf is raising his fist in solidarity. he calls out to the wolf, ‘i have a phobia of wolves!’, which is an interesting moment to admit this in. it’s his acceptance that allows him to admit this. the scene is entirely compromised of male characters: mr fox, kristofferson, ash, kylie and the wolf. mr fox’s admission to his fear allows him to be vulnerable in front of these people he cares about, and to use this as a teaching moment for the young boys.

MR FOX

what a beautiful creature. wish him luck out there, boys.

here mr fox openly admits his admiration for someone else’s masculinity in front of others without showing signs of his own insecurity. he can admire the wolf for what he is without seeing him as competition. the scene allows the audience to see and directly compare two forms of masculinity and animalism, and to understand that there is no one true expression of either of those traits. the wolf has connotations of violence and ferocity, whereas mr fox and his suit and display of multilingualism are entirely modern, but both are masculine animals who are valid in their own right. either way, both animals rely on violence for survival at times.

kupfer frames violence in three ways: symbolically, structurally and as a narrative essential. there are various forms of violence within this narrative, namely mr fox killing chickens and squabs, and the three farmers’ attack on the animal community. symbolically, mr fox’s chicken theft is attributed to his masculinity. while it is often presented as thought-out ‘master plans’, his desire to enact this violence in the first place supposedly stems from his ‘wild animal’ instincts. he associates a time where he felt secure in his masculinity with his actions at the time (violence). structurally, we see the potential for this violence in the opening scene, where mr fox takes his wife chicken-stealing and they become trapped. he is stuck in a fox trap with his wife when he receives the news of his impending fatherhood, a relatively obvious symbol for his view of fatherhood in general. the news of his wife’s pregnancy disrupts his ability to continue stealing chickens, not just on this specific occasion but through the coming years as well. mr fox appears to view family life as an unfulfilling, less raw expression of his masculinity, and is shown to be wholly dissatisfied with his life.

the violence on the farmers’ behalf is almost always in reaction to mr fox’s violence, already giving it a structural framing. boggis, bunch and bean are referred to early on in the film as the ‘meanest, nastiest and ugliest farmers on the side of the river.’ their violence against mr fox and subsequently the local animal community is an attempt to gain back power and status. mr fox’s actions are “humiliating’ and the local news coverage of this exchange between the farmers and animals raises the stakes as now the reputation of these farmers is on the line as well as their power. violence here serves as a narrative essential because it drives mr fox into a situation that forces him to confront his issues with masculinity and splitting between his animal and human traits, giving the text/movie a fulfilling arc. violence is

introduced as inherently masculine, but is decoupled from masculinity by the ending. mrs fox also plays a small but significant role in this; at various moments in the movie she exhibits her own displays of aggression equal in intensity to the men around her, suggesting to the audience that forms of violence should be categorised as human vs animal rather than male vs female. examples of this behaviour include her clawing at her husband’s face, and a parallel between her and a male human character wherein they both connect two wires and shout ‘contact!’, causing an explosion. while this moment is brief, it highlights a distinct difference between animals being violent and men. humans’ aggression is driven by the need for power, whereas that of animals is driven by the need for survival. the man paralleled with felicity only sparked the explosion to destroy mr fox’s home and assert the dominance of the three farmers, while mrs fox used the same form of violence to enact a plan to save her nephew’s life. petey’s song even alludes to this sentiment: ‘well he stole, and he cheated, and he lied just to survive.’

mr fox’s tail becomes a symbol of power; bean wears it as a necktie, and mr fox feels emasculated by his loss.

MR FOX

one of those slovenly farmers is probably wearing my tail as a necktie right now.

…

BADGER

i cant even imagine how painful, even just emotionally, that must be for you… oh but foxy how humiliating, having your tail blown clean off by-

MR FOX

can we drop it?

the use of the tail as a necktie is a symbol of the power that mr fox and the farmers end up jostling to achieve: at first it belongs to mr fox, then to the farmers, and is eventually reclaimed once more by the fox.

MR FOX

you shot off my tail.

[through gritted teeth] i’m not leaving here without that necktie.

when he reclaims his tail towards the end of the movie, it has been torn to shreds and needs ‘dry cleaning twice a week’ to maintain itself. this can be interpreted as a symbol for his evolved definitions of masculinity and power: his masculinity is no longer defined by impressing people or stealing or killing chickens, but in the quiet satisfaction of having a family. the final scene reveals that mrs fox is pregnant again, and instead of her glowing and her husband giving an awkward grin like in the opening scene, both of the spouses ‘glow.’ the structural framing of these pregnancy reveals bookending the events of the movie allows anderson to demonstrate mr fox’s growth and change in his priorities. the domestic life appears to be enough for him, and he no longer seems to find it emasculating,

what stands out as particularly modern about mr fox is how he unconsciously separates himself from both his wildness and his suburban self in his effort to combine them. he uses his ‘wildness’ as an excuse for his violence and selfishness, but is ultimately not willing to participate in truly wild forms of violence and selfishness, such has hunting. his chicken thefts always include infiltrating a human site, like boggis, bunce and bean’s farms, and the fun of it is in outsmarting them, rather than finding those animals himself out in the wild. the local animal community essentially functions as we would expect a rural village occupied by humans to function: everyone knows everyone, there is one local school and various small and quaint homes. while the setting reflects anderson’s signature style, it is also reflective of dahl’s framing of the community in the original text.

mr fox comes across as an individual who believes himself to be above the somewhat backward mentality of his village, that he is the most civilised and dazzling and original, and he exaggerates these traits in himself out of insecurity: ‘if they arent dazzled and blown away and kind of intimidated by me, then i dont feel good about myself.’this is also reflected in his consistent ‘trademark’, his whistle-and-click combination that he uses to set himself apart from other foxes. his home is also a reflection of this:

MRS FOX

you know, foxes live in holes for a reason.

MR FOX

[grunts and tilts head in disagreement]

yes and no.

this insecurity and desire for outsider approval and individuality is inherently human, a quality of his that cannot really be associated with his animalised parts. this precarious sense of identity and self doubt separates him from his ‘wildness’ as it stands, which is only intensified by the fact that he compensates by exaggerating his human traits in order to be liked and feel worthy, as those are the traits he believes have the most value. towards the end of mr fox’s character arc, he is forced to admit that his need for external validation is flawed and unsustainable. when the façade of carefully constructed grandeur is literally washed away by bean, he is left with nothing but his actions and their implications for those around him. foxy reconciles with the relative insignificance of an identity based on other’s perceptions of you when rat dies soon after, reacting to the suggestion that he redeemed himself last minute by revealing ash’s location:

MR FOX

redemption? sure. but in the end, he’s just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a chinese restaurant.

this moment is also used to inadvertently allow the audience to evaluate the significance of motivation and intention to the value of an action. although rat did reveal useful information to aid the group in saving Kristofferson, mr fox recognises that he only did so because he realised he could not win this fight.

MR FOX

would you have told me if i didn’t kill you first?

RAT

never.

mr fox’s own motivations throughout the movie have devalued his actions as they have mostly been self-serving. as his motivations evolve to centre around his family, he gains the perspective to understand why one’s intentions are so important. while intention does not entirely dictate how good one’s actions are, they certainly characterise the person who’s action it is. your actions have value and consequences as they are, and that cannot be changed by dressing them up or animalising them to distance yourself.

in essence, fantastic mr fox is a lesson in the value of including those around you in your mentality and worldview. it paints masculinity as something that is inherent and complex in nature, but promotes the idea that it is not stuck with its traditional connotations of violence and egoism. mr fox’s emotional development throughout the text mostly centres around his own insecurities surrounding his masculinity and how that causes him to overcompensate in ways that harm those around him. by the end he recognises that more tame and domestic forms of masculinity are just as valid, and that basing his self-worth on how ‘dazzled’ his peers are by him is immature and not constructive. his family now liberates him and allows him to be vulnerable rather than restricting how he feels he can express himself, and as a unit the animals beat the farmers in their game of power-seeking. mr fox recognises and appreciates both his human and animal traits, without using them as a means to excuse his behaviour or to feel bad about his worth.

MR FOX

i guess my point is, we’ll eat tonight, and we’ll eat together. and even in this not particularly flattering light, you are without a doubt the five and a half most wonderful wild animals ive ever met in my life. so let’s raise our boxes – to our survival.

i.k.b

[modx-reborn]

It Dosen't Feel Like Falling

One of the three fic's I have been working on! I felt like it was high time I did another DreamXD piece and as I do write for Philza that I do a full piece with him in it.

This is inspired by an ask I had gotten once. So! Here we are, two in one!

SMUT UNDERCUT! MINORS DNI!

Old gods, new, gods, server gods, the minor gods with the name of admin. You had met them all, served under just as many as you had met and yet here you are, serving another serve god when you could have branched off, made your own server, reached beyond what you had been before but no of that seemed appealing to you. Days of crafting landscapes, months of an empty plane as mortals come and go not settling as you would have invited them to do, just a total lack of appeal.

But working under one of the established gods? Now that you can do, this is familiar and easy to work around, even if this was the third server you had served in.

Unlike the others, this servers god was very shall we say inactive in the early days of the server, not really doing much bar sending you to pass messages to the admins and keep the portal to the server clear of the unwelcome.

In doing this you met someone new, a traveller with letters from the server tales of what had been going on with one of the mortals that had been building and bombing each other as of late. Each time he came to the server entrance he would wave the letters at you, asking when he could come through even just for a visit to the one sending the messages, but every time you only could tell him 'No one comes to visit here, if you step through you cannot leave.'

Each time you told him the same look would pass over his face as he looked at the portal, longing but confused, it's not till he comes back with no letter in sight just his cloak and a small bag that you get a name and an explanation for his eagerness for a visit.

His name was Philza, a man that much like yourself had spent years serving one of the older gods and earning his title of the angel of death, and through the portal lay his son. A young man he called Wilbur, telling you this and that from the letters, flitting every now and then to the bag to reach for something only to change his mind, likely some of his son's letters lay inside.

The visit felt like a bid for him to earn your favour so that he could eventually walk the path to the server his son had settled in, yet time and time again he returns. No letters insight, but looking to hold a conversation with you, enjoying the access to someone that may be just as old as he is, if not older, it's enjoyable, to say the least having someone to chatter with on these long periods that you spend perched on top of the entrance portal.

It's almost a friendship if not for the vast difference in your roles, especially when the day comes that he holds an actual invite to the server, the portal is now open to him and he looks so happy as he calls to you. Excitedly calling out that he was finally going to see his son, that even if he couldn't come back the way he came right this second he was finally going to see the person he had been so eager to visit.

But we all know how that tale ends, you were unfortunate enough to have not been at the portal that day, standing beside the server god as he flicks through image after image of the server. Marking areas and places for things to come, writing out invites that will beckon new faces and bring new activities, but one of the images hold stead against the shifting masses, an image of the large settlement that had been in strife since day one.

There amongst the rubble stands your friend, the crow winged man Philza, cradling the body of what you assumed to be his son.

That was death, a final one for this server of three lives, the list of active mortals blinks with two lost names, but your god XD barely reacts, casting his hand across the list and marking their deaths as true, there would be no coming back from that not without XD stepping in and granting them life once again.

Days after that are spent in the endless white halls of the server gods realm, pointing other servants of the world to their duties, never far from the main hub where XD would oversee the server.

"My lord, if I may I have a question for you?"

"And what would that be little one? It is not often one of you who serve have questions."

"I just wanted to ask about the crow, I grew rather fond of him when he was attempting to visit the realm in the early days and I-"

"No."

The abrupt answer stops your questioning, most times anyone talks with XD he is not this blunt, rather sticking to the vague and avoidance of clear answers and yet here he is, clearly expressing a dismissal of your question and bringing more questions to mind.

"My lord what do you mean-"

"It means no little one. No, I will not tell you about the crow or what he may be up to. No, I will not let you into the server to see him, and it means no more questions are to be asked do you understand?"

Server gods do tend to be possesive of their underlings in the presence of other gods, but the crow was a mortal now, bound to a law of another server that was allowed to carry over with him. Blessed or cursed depending on the person, to have only one life and one life alone, but the way XD had reacted was beyond how he would when any of those in his service would be baited into another gods control.

Yet you had not served as long as you had to know that blind loyalty would get you what you want, letting the subject drop and returning to your watch over the server alongside XD.

The moment you had an excuse to leave his side, being called to aid one of the admins in cleaning something from the server did you start to act out. Leaving the admins side to search out Philza, using the knowledge you have of how often XD was watching to weave your way around till you found him, sitting locked away in a house amongst the rebuilt city. Knocking against his door before slipping in, knowing that XD rarely watched inside the mortal's homes, not being interested in watching what went on inside.

This was all you needed to anchor a point of entry for yourself in the home of the crow, watching how his face lit up at the sight of you, springing to his feet and reaching out to take your hands in his own. Seeming excessively happy at the sight of you, pulling you into another room of his home offering you a seat and something to drink, accepting despite knowing you would get nothing out of the substance.

"Been a long time since I last saw you mate! How have you been? Still posted out by the portal, or have you been moved?"

"No no I am no longer by the portal, X-Ahh the lord prefers to have me help with the observations. Actually, I am not even meant to be here right now..."

The look you cast at him when you admit to breaking the god's rule is pure mischief, one that he returns with a slight laugh, knowing exactly what it has been like to the same.

"Well regardless I am glad to have some company, not many people come round these days. Landed myself on the-ahh wrong side of things for the moment, tried to keep someone safe is all."

The visit is short knowing that you would be cutting it close even as you left Philza's home, quickly returning to the post you had abandoned temporarily, not even batting an eye when XD looks down at you. He may not have visible eyes when he wears the mask that mimics his head admin, but you can feel the way he looks at you, trying to unravel just why you were so happy now that you were back.

Things are quick to change between you and the server god when you would normally stand beside him, now one of his many hands are keeping you seated in his lap, unrelenting in their grip on your waist. Trapped in the truest sense and even when you dare to attempt to ask why the only response you are given is a distorted 'mine' and the hands-on you waist tightening their grip.

There are a few more sneaky visits to Philza when you are allowed onto the server, your friendship shifting more and more each time, the hands the guide you to sit in his now tundra bound home linger longer than before, friendly gaze now turning dark when you come in your less casual and more revealing clothes meant for the work you had been planned to aid in.

Somedays even having to bat him away as he follows you back to your return point, laughing when he grabs you trying to keep you from the portal back, enjoying the time you spend together and basking in the understanding that another servant of the gods can bring. Letting yourself slip further from the idea of friendship as well, welcoming the lingering touch and brushing your hands over some of the dark feathers as you pass him by.

All in all, it is a dance around each other to find out who will be the first to falter and give in, enjoying the play as much as you do the person you are playing with despite the way you know in the back of your mind that XD is watching, building to whatever punishment may be coming for defying him and his 'No' from so long ago.

But the punishment you face is so different from what you had in mind, thoughts of being stripped of your service and made mortal being the main ones and yet this outcome is not unwelcome after all these days under watch and quite blatantly breaking a rule that had been set for you and you alone.

Today had been another chance to break free of the hands holding you to the server god, another day that you could spend with someone that had become dear to you. But when it came time to leave Philza's lingering hands stop you, pulling you close and pressing his head to your own, eyes flicking across your face before he speaks.

"You don't have to leave you know dove, you could stay here for a little while longer..."

And so you are made weak, nodding and giving in, letting him lead you back into his home, hands pulling at each other's clothes and stripping down till skin meets skin. Minds to caught in each other to feel the static building in the air, foretelling the arrival of someone that had laid claim to you long before the crow had even known of anything like you.

It's the moment when you are bent over, braced on all fours as he holds your hips to his, buried in you, leaning over you to place more marks on your bare skin looking forward to the blooming marks that will likely not survive past the next few hours, not that he cared. But in how you moan at the feeling of his lips on your skin, you hear the static once again only this time it's not just noise.

Before you forms XD, your lord, god of the server and from how green light is spilling from the cracks of his mask, and his ever manifested hands reach for you lifting your head and pulling you away from the hybrid that had been fucking into you and making you sing, the actual physical hand of your lord wraps around your throat not squeezing just reminding you that he is in control.

His mask is tilted away from you, pointed at the man behind you, whose hands have once again found their way to your hips hoping beyond hope to pull you back and away from the being that had just manifest in his home.

"They are MINE crow, not yours. There is nothing here for you, no matter what you may think, no matter what may happen they are mine."

Any words that may have come from you is lost when your lord's grip falters for a mere second allowing you to be pulled back and into Philza's chest when he speaks, the ghostly hands of XD now pressing into your mouth silencing you as they press against your tongue, a clear show that this was between the hybrid and the god.

"I do believe they chose me mate, seeing as they are here with me, breaking your rules and taking my cock like a good little thing. Not yours."

The pressure on your jaw increases for a moment before distorted laughter fills the air, the bottom half of XD's mask dissolving to show a sharp smile, the display nothing but teeth in truth.

"Maybe so crow but so long as they serve me, they will belong to me. You can have your fun, but not alone."

The few sections of the conversation that reach your mind are muddled the moment your legs are spread once again, still pressed flush to Philza's chest he is quick to lift and line himself up once again, using how you are seated in his lap to have you sink down on his length, once again being fully sheathed in you. While the ethereal hands in your mouth dissipate letting you release an almost feral noise at being filled once again.

To soon after your mouth is emptied are you being pulled forward, the hands of your lord forcing you down onto all fours, putting you at the perfect height for him to press the head of his cock to your lips using the way your mouth falls open as Philza starts to move to press in, weaving a hand into your hair guiding you further and further down his length with every jolt forwards.

The god's doubled voice was louder than the sounds of skin on skin, and even your own choked noises.

"That's it little one, take all of me. It's time you knew your place, you can play with the mortals all you like but you will always come back to me. Always."

And he was right, even if you kept sneaking down here to see philza there were things beyond explanation that bound you too XD, and yet feeling the way Philza was fucking you, thrusting with little care for how it was making you almost choke on the length that was already pressing into your throat was intoxicating in its own way.

There was nothing to prepare you for what was about to come, hearing XD release a breath before his hips begin moving in a proper sense, short thrusts turning to rough snaps of his hips, using your mouth to chase his own pleasure. Watching how tears began to build and fall from your eyes, his smile still nothing but teeth as he fucks your face at the same pace as Philza was.

Neither mortal nor god was caring at that moment for anything beyond showing you their claim on you, from the drool that had slicked your chin as XD kept up his brutal use of your throat, to the bruising grip on your hips as Philza finally begins to find his end. The crow hybrid giving in to the feeling of you clutching around him even though throughout this ordeal neither of them had been focused on your own pleasure.

Selfish they may have been, but there is something that feels so good about being pressed between a mortal that had worked his way into your care and the god of which you had sworn service to, despite the voice in the back of your mind that whines when Philza pulls himself from you his hands moving from your hips to spreading your cheeks to watch how his cum drips from your hole there is nothing but want still colouring your thoughts.

Strings of spit connect you too XD when he pulls free from your mouth, ethereal hands once more form to grab at you, pulling you away from Philza and into the god's lap.

"What comes next little one is for my eyes only."

You can feel a brief moment when Philza tried to reach for you, fingers slipping through the fading form of you and the server god, leaving him alone on his bed.

[damselofblueroses]

Bambi, Chapter 1

You are my Bambi, girl, I am your candy, tell me what are you waiting for?

Summary: As an archaeologist who works on the Ancient Greece, you were on the verge of excavations’ session. While you have been preparing your team, you learned that your institute decided on your team has to work with another team as they wanted the outcome as a collaboration. The head of other team was your biggest rival, a scumbag in your eyes: Byun Baekhyun.

You two were supposed to work together for three months, in a Greek Island, Chios.

Could you manage to not kill Byun Baekhyun for three months?

Content: AU, heavily Greek mythology, enemies to friends.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story will be four or five chapters if I will not change my mind in the meantime. It is inspired by my major; however, I do not have a complete knowledge on archaeology, I am a historian. If I will make a technical mistake, please let me know. I am willing to receive any kind of feedback; you are more than welcomed to drop a message.

Chapter One: UN Village

June, Incheon Airport

Along the curves of the hill

Rolling, rolling, rolling hills

As we climb there’s a broken streetlight

When I see one, I turn off the lights under it

Baekhyun was nothing but ready for the excavation.

You were more than ready for the session.

Both of you, were nothing but two leaders who hated each other equally.

You were eyeing each other with saying no words since your teams came together in the airport. Before this particular moment of departure, you refused to meet with Byun Baekhyun, putting aside meeting with him, you refused even dropping an e-mail in order to let Sunkyungwan Team about Sejong Team. You were clear and strict as fuck, even though two teams had to work together for three months, you had zero intention to get accustomed with the other team leader.

The weather was sunny, nice and warm, however because of you and Baekhyun, your team members were feeling like they were trapped in a fucking blizzard during the coldest winter.

You were aware of your team members had positive opinions of that scoundrel, especially the girls, as you had your first-handed experiences because of your stupid classmates, Byun Baekhyun was very famous of his abilities to cast a spell on women. The problem was he was also famous as a serial dater, serial killer type of men.

A bastard, nothing more nothing less.

“Indy,” one of your team members, Minseok, called you. Although, calling you as Indy was also a habit of Minseok, it was also an obligation for the others, you insisted on calling you by your nickname or your name, instead of calling you as sunbae. You did not like the hierarchical titles. “Should we move into the control point?”

“Yeah, if you are ready.” you replied, grabbing your luggage and the rest.

“I guess we have to alert Sunkyungwan people since we will fly together.” Hyesun pointed out, your eyebrows knitted.

“I guess,” you recall her words. “They also have this information, so we do not have to alert anyone, we are not their babysitters.”

Hyesun’s cheeks were blushing after you kindly scolded her, but she was clever enough to hold her tongue. Your dislike towards Sunkyungwan was not a secret as you used every opportunity to show it. You led your team to the kiosks, counting the heads automatically. You had six here, you were going to have ten more when you arrive to Chios whose coming from all around European universities. With thirteen Sunkyungwan students, the excavation was going to shelter almost forty members. It was going to be massive, you had to admit. You never had more than twenty students in the field till now, but you were going to lead an extraordinary team as Junmyeon craved into your brain’s folds with his hammer of words.

You wished to be with Junmyeon right now, you were more tense than usual. Junmyeon could put you in more stable mood, however you even did not think to name him while the executives were asking your possible candidates. He would kill you merciless, you knew it very well.

Eh, at least you got Sehun, Junmyeon’s brother in your team, he had a lot of similarities with Junmyeon even though he could be noisier than anyone you know, however you accepted him as your dongsaeng, as his precious noona and role model, you also knew how to put him in an order. Then you had Minseok, the eternal field-partner of yours. He was older than you, although he was engaged in a Ph.D. programme in abroad, he willingly accepted your invitation. You had four seniors, Shinhye, Yixing, Jongdae and Hyesun.

To your dismay, two of the seniors who you really could want in your team, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were in that bastard’s team. You were of the fact that they were immensely close to each other, but you wished to have them in your team as their abilities were precious.

Especially Doh Kyungsoo.

You missed that fucking bastard who preferred to be with Baekhyun.

Life, you inhaled. It was not going exactly in the way you could ask.

“On your foot, soldiers.” you called your team around you. “Do you collect all the materials you will be in need of?”

“Yeah.” Jongdae cutely pointed to his tiniest bag. “I am ready to excavate.”

“Exactly you will need every tool you have.” Shinhye smacked her husband’s shoulder. Yeah, you had a married couple in your team, although you were a year younger them, you always regarded yourself as their big sister, if not a mother. “You are going to work too much, Dae. I have sleepless nights because of the burden on your shoulders.”

You could not help but burst into laughs after the look Jongdae gave to his wife. Those idiots, they were so lovely and instead of their endless scolding sessions, they were incredibly fond of each other.

Sometimes you wonder, how having your significant other by your side would be?

You slightly shook your head, quickly climbing out of this deep cliff.

“Let’s go!” you exclaimed, jumping to the air. “Sejong is ready for the session!”

Baekhyun was watching you with a disgusted expression.

“Move on, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol pushed his body to forward. “We will miss the flight, Goddamnit.”

“Give him couple of minutes.” Kyungsoo chuckled. “He is fucking the girl with his eyes, frankly, he is doing it unapologetically.”

“Which girl?” Chanyeol’s eyes widened. “Do you mean, that girl? You c-

“Of course, I am not.” Baekhyun interrupted Chanyeol, staring at Kyungsoo. “She can go and fuck herself.”

“Well,” Kyungsoo stood up, placing his book into the bag. “I guess, you are going to be one to fuck her, but maybe I am wrong.”

“In her dreams.” Baekhyun laughed. “If she can manage to dream something like this, but I do not think so. That little freak can put even the nuns into a shame.”

“She is beautiful to be honest.” Chanyeol said with no different intention but observing your features carefully. “Okey maybe not the hottest girl in the town, but she is pretty, and I heard she is very clever.”

“She is.” Kyungsoo approved. “But she kicked Baekhyun’s ass twice, so he cannot endure her presence.”

“She never,” Baekhyun grunted lowly. “Kick me or my proverbial parts!”

“Did someone talk about kicking some asses?” Jongin appeared out of nowhere. “I am in.”

“Shut up, Jongin.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “Let’s pick the team.”

The smile on Kyungsoo’s face irritated Baekhyun, he wanted to erase that fucking grin so bad, punching his face but Baekhyun had to hold his manners as the team leader. If they would be in their flat, he could already beat the shit out of Kyungsoo, at least he would try.

Baekhyun hated the fact that Kyungsoo had the exact past with you and him. Three of you entered the department together, instead Kyungsoo went to another university to pursue his master, in the end he testified every moment between you and Baekhyun.

That’s why he was smiling since he learned you were going to be the other team leader.

Baekhyun was aware of the close relationship between you and Kyungsoo, one of his best friends.

Quickly Baekhyun led his team to the control point, close to your team. He was avoiding from this step, however as the leader, presenting his fucking team to your team was his responsibility. When they arrived, he took a deep breath.

“Good morning to all.” his blood started to boil when you turned to him with a displeased face expression. Your eyebrows were knitted, your fucking lips formed as a thick line, your dislike was palpable and Baekhyun knew his own face was mirroring your feelings. “I hope you are fine, could you let me present my team to you?”

Baekhyun wanted nothing but cut the shit off.

“Good morning.” you answered between your teeth. Your voice sounded extremely creepy. “Yeah, go for it.”

You do not make a favour to me, bloody woman, Baekhyun thought but he put all his efforts to control his words.

“My name is Byun Baekhyun, I am going to lead Sunkyungwan Team this year.” he looked at your team members, quickly memorized their faces. “I really look forward to work with you, I wish a good session for us. They are my members, Park Chanyeol, Doh Kyungsoo, Kim Jongin, Kim Danbi, Lee Taemin, Lee Donghae, Kim Jonghyun, Kim Kibum, Lee Seungjo, Kang Seulgi, Im Yoona, Kim Taeyeon and Kwon Yuri.”

“You are like a troop, huh?” one of your girls smiled after Baekhyun finished his presentation.

“More or less.” Baekhyun smiled back to her. What a surprise to him was the transformation of your face. You warmly smiled to the members and bowed to each of them.

Baekhyun raised his left eyebrow, but he could not avert his eyes from your smiling face.

It was pleasant like a spring day and when you smile your eyes were shining.

“Thank you.” he heard your voice. “My team is not big as yours, Park Shinhye, Kim Jongdae, Zhang Yixing, Oh Sehun, Kim Minseok and Song Hyesun.”

“You forget yourself.” Minseok slapped his forehead and rolled his eyes. “Indy is going to lead Sejong Team as she has been leading us for the last two years, you can put your faith on her, she is the greatest.”

“Indy?” Jongin repeated your nickname with a surprised face. “Are you foreigner?”

“Do I look like?” you laughed and prevented yourself from flinching his forehead. He was such a cute kid. “That’s how my team call me.”

“Ah.” Jongin blushed and you could not control yourself anymore.

“But if you want, you can also call me as Indy.” you grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Everything must be equal for the teams since we are going to live together during a whole summer.”

“I would like to.” Jongin bowed to you.

“So do we need to add sunbae when we call you?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Have you ever called me as a sunbae, Doh Kyungsoo?” you coldly replied. “Did Sunkyungwan change your behaviours?”

“Gardens of roses turn to garths of thorns in a second.” Kyungsoo murmured but he was smiling to you, then he opened his arms, catching you off guard because you knew that Kyungsoo was not a huge fan of hugs. “Will you salute me as a good friend, or will I start calling you as sunbae?”

“Shut the fuck up, Doh.” you inhaled, but actually you were happy to see your still-working-on friendship. You moved to hug him, he held you tightly and lifted you to the air, then turned around himself, made you laugh like a 5-year-old girl.

Baekhyun did not like what was happening before his eyes. Kyungsoo had to be with Baekhyun, not hugging you for his fucking dear life, or lifting and turning you around like you were very dear to him. He hated sharing his friends with you, he already lost Junmyeon, he wanted to keep Kyungsoo and Chanyeol to himself. You should be fucking away from them, they were Baekhyun’s and only Baekhyun’s friends.

And there was another fragile issue that Baekhyun had been keeping in the deepest point of his heart and mind, like the palace of Nyx in the darkest part of Tartarus. Extremely delicate, horrendous, and even atrocious.

Baekhyun was aware of a strange presence was lying down beneath his hatred, dislike and continuous loathe towards you, there was a layer of curiosity, something could feed different layers and causing an earthquake in his life. Baekhyun knew that you were his biggest rival, but you became his rival by your talents and intelligence. He knew this and this piece of realization doubled his hate towards you.

The funny part was the things he did not realize. Baekhyun was full of confidence, he was capable of performing even miracles, however he never perceive the fact that you were also a miracle.

“So, what we are going to do?” Chanyeol asked to everyone with a huge, happy smile. Baekhyun fended himself off moaning, happy virus Chanyeol already sensed the chance of levitating the mood between the teams and playing along with it. “Are we boarding?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” one of your boys, Sehun, came close to Chanyeol. Baekhyun and you immediately glared them, noticing the chemistry between these two. Both of you wished to keep the teams apart from each other in order to reduce the obliged interactions between the leaders, but it seemed not possible even from the beginning. Baekhyun was cursing between his lips, you were swearing at the executive board in your mind.

“Indy,” Shinhye whispered to you. “Are you okey? You look like wanting to kill one of us.”

“Not you.” you answered without thinking, then registered to your words. “Ignore me, Shinhye, I am a little bit tense right now.”

“We got your back.” she blinked at you and held Jongdae’s hand. “Let’s start the adventure!”

What an adventure, you thought but silently joined them. Kyungsoo also was walking next to you.

“Why the heck you went to Sunkyungwan?” you spilled the bean. “I always believed you would stay in Sejong.”

“Yeah, that was my intention.” Kyungsoo was plain as always. “However, Sunkyungwan gives me more opportunities to secure my career, Indy.”

“I know.” you had to admit. Sejong was not generous as Sunkyungwan. “Sorry for my selfish words.”

“No worries.” he beamed. “It happens all the time, but I am really happy to work with you again.”

“Old but gold days, huh?”

“Well, it was not purely gold,” Kyungsoo followed the flows and ebbs. “Do you remember when we were almost expelled from the university?”

“Is there a way to forget those days?” you immediately took a look on Baekhyun. It was his fault, obviously. “We were shitting in our pants instead of the one who put us in that situation.”

“Come on,” Kyungsoo chuckled. “It was not only his fault, Indy, our hands were also crimson red.”

“Let me recall the memory, Doh,” you pinched his hand, he playfully pushed your fingers. “Excuse me if I am wrong, however that scumbag was the one who challenged you to confiscate the coin, because of your involvement into the incident, I had no choice but dragging your ass out of shit.”

“They caught two of us in the crime field.” Kyungsoo burst into laughs. “Professor Lee went ballistic and scolded us like we just killed a person cold heartedly.”

“And you could not see the reason behind it?” You were cutting Kyungsoo’s body with your eyes. “If someone tries to steal a coin from the excavation house during the session, I will kill them for sure. We were so lucky, the one who caught us was Professor Lee.”

“I heard you are strictest when it comes to excavation.” Kyungsoo assured you. “But try to not kill us.”

“The only one I am going to take down,” you shivered with the memory, Kyungsoo was already regretful to remind it to you. Well, maybe not so much because he wanted you and Baekhyun to realize the potential relationship you could have, and the easiest way in order to put you two in touch was making you angry. “That bastard if he will behave like the old days. We are not children anymore.”

“Have you ever been a kid?”

“Fuck off, Kyungsoo.”

“You did not change even a bit, Indy.” Kyungsoo made his statement. Obviously, you were going to keep this to yourself, taking his silent approval made you were more than happy. “You are still a pain in the ass.”

“And you are still a good boy.” you grinned, watching his lips formed around silent laughs. “Such a cute puppy for me, let me see your wagging tail.”

“I am sorry to interrupt your flirting session,” Kyungsoo turned to Baekhyun’s deadpanned face. “However, we have to move.”

“When you come across to a pretty girl,” Kyungsoo did not miss the chance of returning the favour. “You have to flirt with her. Wasn’t it your advice?”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun looked at you, then turned to Kyungsoo.

You knew what was going to happen.

“He said pretty girls,” you tucked the words in Baekhyun’s mouth before he could open his fucking damn mouth. “To my dismay, I have never been pretty to correspond the standards of Byun Baekhyun the Magnificent. I am crying for the lack of beauty almost every night, I mean living without Byun Baekhyun’s interests… Such a misery.”

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip in order to hold his laugh, Baekhyun’s fists were clenching but you did not stop there.

"Ah I almost forget to ask for the name of that little village, Baekhyun.” you directly looked at his eyes since ages. “Where the girl you desperately wanted to bless with your attention left you? UN Village?”

You immediately spin on your tiptoes, then slipped towards to Sehun, leaving two of them behind of you, refusing to look at back. In the meantime, Baekhyun was throwing daggers to your back, grinding his teeth, his jaw was extremely tensed. Before Kyungsoo could stop him, he swiftly came to your side, you felt his breath on your neck.

You shivered.

You fucking shivered and Baekhyun noticed that.

“You are playing with the fire, as always.” he whispered to your ear before someone could notice what he was doing. “Did you forget who was burning with fire, baby girl?”

He quickly disappeared and started to make such a fuss in order to gather his team members around himself. You were frozen, after years, you were frozen, you missed the little smile on the corner of Baekhyun’s mouth.

You were on the verge of screaming because of the frustration you had felt. You forced yourself to proceed, walked into the plane, helped your team in order to set their belongings and place into their seats, then you retreated your own seat. It was comfortable and you could easily snatch a blanket. Your wish became true, even quicker than you expected because Sehun, your wonderful Sehun, already brought a soft blanket for you. You smiled at him, actually forgiving him for building bonds with Chanyeol since they changed their seats in order to sit next to each other and weaved your legs around the fabric.

Your brain was in autopilot, you were lost in the horrible memories. You did not want to recall them, you buried them into the cemetery of your memory. You wished nothing but never remember that day.

The day in that village.

Baekhyun was mad at himself.

His face was clouded, for the first time he was silent and sitting on the farthest seat in the plane. He really wanted to be alone, and since being vocal about his feeling was so natural for him, he told his need to the team. They willingly let him to do what he wanted, as a result, he was looking out of window, hell if a person could see something out of a plane’s window, and he was cursing himself.

He knew it was going to be a chess play. Between you and him.

It has been always like the chess.

There was a bond between you and Baekhyun, even thought you two always refused it, you also were aware of that bond. You equally hated each other and if there was a thing which could make you happier than seeing each other’s downfalls, that was the opportunity of being the one who digs the other’s grave by their hands.

He was sure on he was going to be the one who sets your body on fire, then finishes you. He was sure on he was going to be the victor, the one and only champion.

When he kills you, erases your name for all eternity, when he condemns you with demnatio memoriae, he will calmly breathe again.

You were a pain in the ass, even when you were not around of Baekhyun, you had a place in his mind since that fucking day he met you. Your presence was like a tree, how much he could try, he could neither find your roots in his mind nor cut them all.

You were his enemy; he was going to treat you as you deserved.

There would be no turning back.

But…

He was mad at himself.

He made a wrong move while he was trying to disturb you, shake your cage in order to give you a lesson.

He also remembered.

The day in that fucking village.

[space-oreos]

I.I.W.H.F.W.? Chapter 10

Summary:

You know about red strings, but have you heard about golden ones, those with a bond so strong fate could not ignore it.

Time could not weaken it, love and hatred could not divide it.

Only one’s willingness to accept that it is over, is when their tether to the bond came to an end, sometimes mistakenly leaving the other bound to them without notice.

You didn’t know?

Good, you weren’t supposed too.

Because you were one of the first to witness it.

Warnings: Things briefly mentioned/alluded to; blood, death, guns, kidnapping(?), War (Age of Ultron), Swearing, Feel free to name any if I missed them

THE WARNINGS MENTIONED MAY NOT APPLY TO ALL CHAPTERS

Words: 420

Natalia had been acting different these past few days, not distant, but different. Instead of being beside me she would be paces behind. 

Not exchanging words but instead we were exchanging glances. 

I don’t know what the change was about, she didn’t look mad, her stares didn’t hold any resentment, so this couldn’t be about what I said, could it?

No, why would your words matter to her?

No, it couldn’t be about what I said. 

Why do you care anyway?

I don’t.

Liar 

I am a liar, but I am no fool. Right?

Wrong

I knew why I cared, and I am not willing to face it. What is the point of admitting to something that now one else knew? I would just be stuck with my thoughts and the feeling of self-served pity once fate dealt out the outcome, I knew was likely to happen.

So, if I knew the consequences, if I knew the outcome.

Why was I contemplating it?

Maybe I am foolish. People think that fools are those who act silly, those with wild thoughts and proposed ideas that are beyond the reach of humans. But if one truly believes in what he says, can he truly be a fool? Are we not just his opposing audience? What separates a fool and a self-driven person? Perspective?

What separates a fool and one who is not properly educated? Our awareness?

Fools are those who act even when they know what they are doing is wrong, when others oppose, they do not care to listen, those who carry out the act knowing fully well they may not believe it.

So yes, I guess I am a fool.

Yes, you are

Because I know fully well, one cannot fall if they had already fallen.

She’s not here

I had already fallen.

That doesn’t matter, go to your bed 

I was, have been, in love, well not in love. 

I think you need them to recuperate feelings for that.

Get under the covers 

But I do indeed love. 

Flip the pillow, it’s too warm

This wasn’t infatuation, no. This was not a scratch I wanted to itch and then forget once I had my fill. I did not need to love them, I did not need their existence by my side, nor did I need to feel their touch, no.

Now close your eyes

I wanted to.

I wanted to love them.

I wanted to love her.

Sleep

I tried to sleep, but then.

What the fuck

Other Chapters

Digital Library

[evelxtus]

Okay! Sooo, I remember before I fall asleep back then, I was listening to this song [Endless Love] by Jackie Chan! And i remember how much I associate this song to Zhongli and possible reincarnated!lover reader sksksu the lyrics was so romantic and heartbreaking at the same time like:

"Undo the most mysterious wait of mine. The stars are falling, wind is blowing. Finally, once again you are in the embrace of my arms. Our two hearts tremble. Believe in my unwavering sincerity. A thousand years of wait, you have my promise. No matter how much winter has passed. I will never let you go."

Zhongli waiting for his reincarnated lover bc he promised he would wait no matter what 😭😭😭 Idk i just imagine reader maybe dying during the archon war or smth and he promised that he will wait for her no matter how long like shsksgsih noooo 😭😭😭

"Every night is pierced through by heartbreaks. There is no end to my longing. I've gotten used to lonely meetings a long time ago I face it with a smile. Believe me, you chose to wait. No matter how painful it is, there is no running away. Only your warmth can save me from the endless cold."

AND THIS VERSE IS SO PERFECT LIKE SHSJSHSJSJ old schongli was reminiscing his time with you while waiting patiently for your return sjsksja he was undoubtfully lonely, but he was still holding onto your promise bc he wants to see you again 💦😭 like no matter how painful it was for him waiting without any assurance, he will do it just for you :33

"Now tightly hold my hands, and close your eyes. Please think about the times when we were deeply in love. We loved each other too much. That is why we have been in such pain. We cannot even say the words "I love you " to each other"

THE CHORUS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL TOO SJSJSJ it was sung by the girl. and i was thinking maybe they werent really lovers back then xD but just honestly pining bc they were idiots at war and its not clever to have your lover there sjska and even tho they know that they loved each other immensely, silently, they cant say it directly bc...well, not the right time.

AND IMAGINE SCHONGLI PROMISING TO YOU THAT HE WILL TELL U THOSE THREE WORDS ONCE THE WAR IS OVER AND U HELD ONTO IT BUT...BUT...yeah..😢😢

"Love is the only beautiful legend that never changes in our hearts."

Also, this is the last line of the song and this whole song is what makes me fall in love with the Chinese language honestly ehsh it sounds so poetic 😭😭 idk what would be the end of that brainrot really lmao. You could chose if it will be angsty ending where reader did get reborn but...they loved someone else lmao (childeー) or a happy end where schongli and reader united :3

anyway, this song is really lit. It was about true love that stays strong beyond the test of time. About longing and hope :3 i think zhongli had long realized that love is so beautiful as it was painful. yet it cannot be separates by time and space as true love has no distance and time. Maybe all he could do in the end is to let love as...love itself. Accept all of its sides, no matter what the outcome will be :3

Zhongli of the past: "When we meet again, I promised I'll be the one to say those three words to you first...Isn't it something to look forward to?"

HELP THIS IS SO LONG WHWJW

- 🐦 birb anon // raven

THIS IS.... THIS IS.... 😭😭😭💕💕💕

I'll write an end for this brainrot of yours but before I think of that I wanna share it because this is so good!!!

This is sad yet so lovely... I can't imagine how hurt must be zhongli, waiting incessantly for his lover to come back to his arms to never let her go ever again. <333

spoiler but i dont think im gonna give this an angsty ending... maybe a lil bit but not a lot <3333 neither of us deserve it.

[the-sympathetic-villain]

A Life For A Life - Chapter 3

AO3 | First | Previous | Next | Masterpost

A/N: It took me a while to circle back to this one, but on the bright side, I’ve written ahead so the next two chapters or so should follow shortly after this one! :)

Prompt by @local-space-case: Prince Roman and his two loyal friends, Patton and Logan, are on the hunt for a dragon. Meanwhile, Dragonshifter!Janus  is just trying to find the right herbs to cure a sick/injured  Dragonshifter!Virgil. Bonus points for Anxciet and/or Protective Remus.

Word Count: 2006

Chapter warnings: Romantic relationships, Mentions of killing, Mentions of blood, Mentions of death/dying, Injuries, Poisoning (Let me know if you’d like me to add anything!)

---

    “By all standards, sire, I cannot recommend this course of action.” Logan stated, noting the frustration in the prince's eyes as he paced the cave's entrance. “There are far too many unknown variables involved here for me to conclude this is a safe course of action.”

    “We can't just leave now, Logan.” Roman growled through gritted teeth as he gestured to the dark opening into the earth. “The beast was ours to take.”

    “We are forbidden from entering the tunnels, my prince. They are far too dangerous.”

    Roman let out a groan, looking helplessly at Logan's stern expression. “This journey is meant to prove that I am worthy of ascending to the crown. What kind of king would I be if I turned tail and ran at the very first sign of trouble?”

    “A living one, Roman.” Logan sighed as gestured toward Roman. “This trial is not merely meant to challenge your physical strength but your wisdom as well. Your bravery is admirable, but your safety should be your first priority.”

    “You said yourself the beast is unlikely to keep moving for much longer.” Roman pleaded, moving towards Logan. “More than likely all we need to do is retrieve our trophy. I'd wager we'd be in and out in under an hour.”

    “I'm not so certain, your highness.” Logan whispered as he raised a finger to his jaw, pondering the situation. “Something has changed for the creature in the last stretch of the journey.”

    Roman paused. His gaze lingered on Logan for a moment before following the man's gaze to the trampled undergrowth leading to the cave. “What do you mean?”

    “At the last point where the creature has stopped to rest, blood had pooled on the ground.” Logan mused as he pointed to the trampled underbrush along their path. “I see no trace of blood here and I believe it is self-evident  it is unusual that the trail seemed to end there.”

    “How could that be?”

    “I am uncertain.” Logan let out a breath, straightening his glasses. “But to me, this indicates there is even more reason not to interfere with forces unknown.”

    Roman took in the look on Logan’s face for a moment before turning to the cave in frustration. “I know you’re right, but the beast cannot have healed itself. We may not know everything we are facing, but surely it is a simpler task than starting over.”

    “Your safety is paramount, Roman.” Logan's gaze dropped and he crossed his arm across his chest. “We have to act rationally.”

    “You have to be as disappointed as I am, Logan.” Roman interrupted with growing desperation. “Finding another feat to prove my worth could take weeks or months.”

    “I know.”

    “Logan—"

    “It is still preferable to witnessing your death, Prince Roman.”

     Roman paused. Logan's words felt ice-cold as the man’s empty stare remained trained on the ground.

    “I cannot lose you." Logan continued. His muscles went limp with surrender as his façade dropped. “That would be a far worse outcome than needing to remain patient for the right opportunity.”

    “Logan—” Roman dropped his voice to a whisper as he stepped toward the man. “—None of the feats that would satisfy the court of my competency are without risk.”

    “Everything we encounter above ground is a calculated risk,” Logan clung to his reasoning, even as it slipped through his fingers. “but the underground of the forest is home to the most dangerous creatures in the world. Magical creatures, Roman.”

    “Well, that’s why I have you, right?”

    Logan’s eyes tipped to meet Roman's soft smile and his resolution to stop the prince faltered.

    “If my strength fails, we still have your magic." Roman whispered with a smile. “Right. Lo?”

    Logan’s heart fluttered, weak to the adoring glimmer in Roman’s eye as the prince caught Logan’s waist.

   “I do believe it goes against the rules for me to help you accomplish your task.”

     “I'm not asking you to help me cheat,” Roman reassured him, raising a hand to Logan’s cheek. “but if events take a turn and I'm unable to complete my task, you can get us out safely. Right?”

     “You’re right. Strictly speaking, it is not against regulation for me to assist you in fleeing a failed task.”

     Roman let out a soft breath as Logan leaned into his hand. “Then what are we risking, aside from a chance for me to give you your ‘happily ever after' a bit sooner?”

    “Roman, your task is meant to be solitary.”

    “My task is meant to show that the country’s leadership is in capable hands.” Roman whispered bringing Logan’s knuckles to his lips. “You are my strength, Logan. I would have to be a fool to ignore that.”

    Logan felt a redness dust his cheeks as Roman’s fingers curled into his own.

   “You are my shining starlight and I am so deeply in love with you that the rest of the world looks dull in comparison.” Roman breathed as he admired the subtle beauty of Logan’s smile. “I want to shower you with affection from the moment you open your eyes until you fall asleep in my arms at night. Hiding behind formality—Not being allowed to court you until I finish this trial—It's tearing me apart.”

    “Roman, you are too good to me.” Logan whispered as the prince pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

     “I do believe we just covered that I am not able to be good enough to you.”

    Logan smiled at the prince’s chuckling. “That is not the issue. You are simply restricted by your position.”

   Roman smirked as he brushed Logan’s soft hair out of his eyes. “Does that mean you’ll allow me the opportunity to ease the burden of our restrictions?”

    “I'll follow you anywhere, Roman. If this is what you choose to do, you’ll have my support.”

    “Good,” Roman let out a breathy laugh as he peeked over Logan’s shoulder at Patton's exasperated expression. “I'd kiss you right now, but I do believe your brother may consider regicide if I do.”

    “No, my Cain instinct is much stronger than th—"

     “He wouldn’t—” Logan hissed, hushing Patton with a glare.

     Patton pursed his lips and stuck his tongue out at Logan.

     “Patton, I swear—”

     “Lo, relax.” Roman laughed, carefully catching Logan’s arm as he turned to scold Patton. “He's right. We have dragged him across half the countryside without considering his opinion.”

    “It is his job.”

    Roman grip on Logan’s softened as he glanced between Logan and Patton. “Job or not, Patton is more than an attendant. He's my future brother-in-law."

    Logan blinked at Roman before letting out a reluctant sigh and shifting his gaze to Patton.

    “You’re right.” Logan paused as Patton raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “Patton, I’m sorry. This journey should have been a chance for you to know Roman outside of all the politics and I've been wasting that opportunity. Forgive me?”

     Patton smirked as Logan extended him a figurative olive branch. “Only if you accept that when I meet my future husband,  I get to be as disgustingly cute as you.”

    Logan couldn’t help but let out a sharp laugh and shaking his head. “Deal.”

    Instead of taking Logan’s hand Patton swept his older brother into a tight hug, squeezing around his waist. Logan relaxed as Patton hugged him tightly. His irritation melted away as his chest warmed  with the realization that he had the two people he loved most on either side of him.

    “Patton, this is going to be dangerous. If you want to wait for us here—”

    “Not a chance you’re leaving me behind now.” Patton whispered as he raised his head from Logan’s shoulder, covertly wiping away a tear that threatened to fall from his eye. “This is my last chance to torment you before I have to start calling you ‘your highness’. I have to make every minute count.”

    Logan smiled, glad to have Patton close as they started on the next leg of their journey. “You never have to change, Patton.”

    “Thanks, Lolo.”

    Roman smiled, stepping toward them as he gazed into the deep void of the cave opening. “Then, it's decided. The poison should be taking effect right about now. If we’re lucky, the beast will be dead by sundown and we'll be on out way home.”

---

    “Virgil!”

    Janus felt his heart drop as he stumbled to catch his lover’s arm. Virgil’s knees had buckled a half dozen times in the last hour and Janus was aching with the tension from the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

    “I don’t understand.  The bleeding’s stopped.” Janus let loose a string of draconic curses, feeling his scales burning with rage as he adjusted his arm to support Virgil. “Your condition should be improving—”

    Virgil’s lip curled in sympathy as he forced a raspy whisper past his aching throat. “Jan, you know why—”

    “Don’t speak.” Janus interrupted, immediately feeling regret twist in his stomach as Virgil’s grip tightened on his arm. His soft, fingertips felt cold on Janus' skin. “You need to save your energy.”

    “The game's up, Jan.” Virgil started forcefully, blinking up into Janus’ amber, slit-like eyes glowing faintly in the dark. “We got deeper into the mountain than I ever thought we would, but it’s time.”

    “Don’t you dare give up on m—”

    “I'm dying, Jan.” Virgil spat out, stopping Janus in his tracks. “I’m dying and I don't want to die running.”

    Janus felt a lump in his throat as his heart sank in his chest. “Virgil—”

    “If I’m not going to die in the open air, at least give me the dignity of dying in your arms.” Virgil pleaded, desperation clear in his voice. “Don’t let me die cold.”

    Janus head spun around as a loud, sound of rocks tumbling in the narrow twists of the caves behind them signaled their hunters closing in, a few minutes behind them at most.

    “Please, Jan.”

    The sound of Virgil’s broken voice made Janus weak. He couldn’t deny Virgil’s pleas, not when their last moments together may be approaching.

    “It's going to be okay, Virgil.”

    Janus' held Virgil close as his nostrils flared with a sudden heat. His lips curled into a snarl, face elongating into his more draconic features. His teeth hardened into sharpened points, stronger than steel. The bones of his ears stretched out over his shifting bones like webbing over a bat's wings. Finally, after a moment’s shift he could feel his wings extend behind him.

    The subtle stretch of his delicate wings gave him a momentary sense of relief as he curled his long tail around Virgil’s limp form. Though still in between his humanoid form and his true dragon form, he felt immediately more at ease with his body.

    “Hurry, please.”

    Virgil’s voice was barely audible over Janus breathing but he immediately locked on to  Virgil’s arm, covering his lover with his wing as a blazing, hot flame erupted from his throat. The bright light decorated the halls with moving flashes of orange and yellow dancing on the wall and when Janus finally pulled back a hot pile of glowing embers surrounded him and Virgil.

    “Virgil?” Janus whispered as he tipped his wing up to look down at Virgil.

    “It's perfect.”

    Janus bit back a sob as Virgil’s hand dropped from his chest.   He lowered them both to the ground, feeling his lover’s life leaving his body with each new breath. Orange light illuminated Janus’ face from the glowing embers below, dancing like gems in Janus’ glistening amber eyes.

    “I love you, Virgil.”

    “I love you to, Jan. You’re all I ever needed.”

    Janus’ tail curled around Virgil as he completed his transformation. His long talons dug into the ground as his body circled Virgil, creating a comfortable nest for his lover to rest in peace. He let out a long breath as he watched Virgil’s eyes close comfortably before his fully transformed dragon head turned toward the sound of the humans approaching.

---

General Taglist:

@justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck @shadowyplaidpurseegg

A Life For A LIfe Taglist:

@arodynamic-enby @pixelated-pineapple @simplestoryteller @bloodymari-0666

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Subaru Sakamaki (Story 11)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! If you enjoy these translations, please consider supporting me on ko-fi.

Monologue

While being held by Subaru-kun, we escaped from the Scarlet mansion together.

I entangled my fingers strongly with his, this way, I’d never be able to let go of his hand.

And while I did so, Subaru-kun strongly clasped my hand as a response to my action.

Both of us couldn’t do anything else but run for our lives.

We tried finding a place to hide in, even though there wasn’t any place for us to go.

Place: Outside — Abandoned house

Subaru: What’s this?

Yui: Seems as if there’s an abandoned house even in a place like this.

Subaru: I wish we came here earlier. I’ll let you down.

Yui: Yes, thank you.

*Subaru lets Yui down*

Subaru: ...There seems to be no sign of any familiars around here either. But we can’t let our guard down.

Yui: That’s a relief for now. Would you like to go inside and take a rest then? I’m still worried about your injury.

Subaru: ...It might be best not to enter the house instantly.

Yui: Why is that?

Subaru: We couldn’t escape in case of emergency. Plus, we don’t mean to stay here forever anyway.

Not only Scarlet and Orange are after us, Violet is also still aiming for us.

We should try to find a safer place instead of getting ourselves into this run-down shabby house...

Yui: …..

Subaru: Heh, how funny. I really can’t trust anyone anymore here. It doesn’t even matter if it’s any of my brothers or not.

Everyone is looking for me because they want to snatch Eve away from me.

But they can bring it on if they dare. I don’t need to borrow anyone’s strength to protect my precious girlfriend.

Yui: I hope this never happens though! It’s not a bad thing to rely on other people after all. But during times like those I understand how hard it is to trust others...

Subaru: ...Guess so.

Yui: (Neither of us can trust anyone besides ourselves… but it’s only natural that he’s frustrated after Reiji-san betrayed us like he did, right?)

What should we do about your injury, Subaru-kun? The wound opened itself again a while ago, right?

Subaru: Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.

Yui: Please, Subaru-kun. Don’t try to act tough in front of me.

I’m afraid it will get even more messed up because you’re holding the pain in just to have me not worry about you.

Subaru: You…

Choices

1) I can’t see the future (black)

2) It’s because I like Subaru-kun (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

— I can’t see the future

Yui: We’re forced to get chased by everyone without even knowing why this is happening to the both of us...

I’m just worried because I can’t look into the future. I can’t help but wonder how long we’ll have to continue living like this...

Subaru: I didn’t mean to worry you, sorry.

Yui: No! You’re wrong! I’m not saying this is your fault or anything, Subaru-kun… !

I’m sorry, Subaru-kun. While I’m whining about all the things I just said, you’re relying on me more than ever.

It’s just hard for me to see you get even more hurt than you already are...

— It’s because I like Subaru-kun ♡

Subaru: I told you already, I’m fine. I’m a vampire, so this won’t be a big bother to me.

Yui: You might act as if it’s not bothering you, but it does bother me...

I really like you a lot, Subaru-kun. Therefore, I hate it when people I like are going through hard times by themselves.

I know I don’t have the same approximate strength as you do, but as much as you want to protect me...

I want to protect you as well.

Subaru: Does it really bother you that much?

end Choices

Yui: Hey, Subaru-kun. Be honest with me, would you be happier if I wasn’t here with you and the injury never happened?

Subaru: Hah? What are you talking about so suddenly?

*Yui starts crying*

Yui: You’re still injured because of me, and you have to force yourself to run away from everyone and everything due to me being with you.

...Maybe without me you could’ve stayed at Carla or even Reiji-san’s mansion.

Speaking of that, if I ended up cooperating as Eve, maybe someone would end up helping—

Subaru: Don’t say stupid shit!

Yui: Subaru-kun…

Subaru: You can’t decide these things on your own like that! Do you really think you’ll rescue everyone if you selfishly give yourself to them!? Hah!?

You’re still seen as a saint woman here, you know. So don’t play around with that!

Yui: I didn’t mean it like that...

Subaru: I said it so many times already though! No matter what you are in this world, I need you to be safe and sound!

*grabs Yui*

Subaru: Fuck, why won’t you get it!? I’ve already prepared myself to be with you from the start, okay!?

Yui: ….. !?

Subaru: It doesn’t matter to me what might happen to my body. I don’t want to give you to anyone else, even if things will go wrong…

*Subaru gets closer*

Yui: Subaru-kun…

Subaru: I don’t ever want to lose the feeling of holding you in my arms like I do right now… !

That’s why… ouch...

Yui: ...Ah, your injury… are you okay? Don’t overwork yourself.

(After all, his face does look as if he's in pain. You’re acting strong, but the wound actually does hurt you a lot, doesn’t it?)

(And despite that, he’s trying his hardest not to make me worry about him…)

Subaru: Shit, I just hugged you but it already started hurting so much… Ngh

I can’t do anything with this injury. I doubt I could even fight any of them in my current conditions… !

Yui: (I’m so sorry, Subaru-kun… after all, without me—)

Subaru: What do I do!?

*lightning strikes*

Subaru: What was that light just now!?

What’s going on?

???: …..

Yui: A glowing… ball?

Subaru: What’s with this ball? Looks like the odd things strike yet again...

Socrates: My name is Socrates—

Subaru: Damn! That thing talked! Yui, stay behind me!

Socrates: What heroic actions indeed. So you really are protecting Eve despite your whole body continuously suffering from your injury.

It appears as if we have hit an interesting phase in our experiment. I could not possibly miss this opportunity.

Subaru: Experiment… ?

Yui: What do you mean by that exactly? And who even are you?

Socrates: You do not need to know me. But let’s say that I am the specific reason why you are participants of this world.

Yui: (So this thing knows about this world…)

Um, why are both of us expected to be here to begin with? And where are we right now!?

Socrates: This place is a closed world created with magical power. You can imagine it like a miniature garden.

And as long as you are staying in this garden, neither of your memories were supposed to ever come back.

Subaru: As long as we’re in this garden? Does that mean...

Socrates: Exactly. If you can find a way to get out of this garden, everything will return back to its normality. The changed memory will return to their usual state as well.

However, I did indeed notice both of you had their memory returned without my interfering.

It seemed as this took place due to a sudden shock situation the both of you found yourselves in.

It could have also happened because of my extreme inadequacy. Let’s try to use this as a reference to what happened in the future.

Subaru: In the future… stop bullshitting me.

Spit it out, bastard! If you know this much, then it was you who trapped us here, right!?

What the fuck is the purpose of this entire shit anyway!?

Socrates: …..

Subaru: Tch… don’t shut up now!

*Subaru tries hitting Socrates*

Subaru: ...Nn, what… ?

Yui: Subaru-kun’s fist didn’t hit it...

Socrates: Such attacks are utterly useless. You cannot even touch me, I hope you realized that.

If you truly wish to go fight against something, go against this world itself, not me.

Subaru: Hah?

Socrates: This miniature garden is designed to break easily if it’s confronted with certain conditions.

Yui: (I’m glad to hear that. So there is a way to escape from here!)

Can you tell us about those certain conditions?

Socrates: The condition for this outcome is that one person in this garden has to sacrifice themselves for the other players.

Yui: Sacrifice… ?

Socrates: Any method for this matter will do. They merely have to end their own life.

Yui: Ending their life, you say...

Subaru: ...Don’t spread bullshit around! Are you telling us to kill ourselves here or what!?

Socrates: Not everyone has to die. In the end, only one has to sacrifice its life.

If there will be a player killing themselves instead of being killed by somebody, the experiment can no longer continue and the garden will be destroyed.

Subaru: Even so, we can’t do that!

Socrates: Well then, you should simply continue being trapped in this garden where time has stopped.

Nevertheless, it does not matter. I will now continue to watch attentively over the fate both of you will choose in the future.

*Socrates disappears*

Yui: Ah, it disappeared.

Subaru: Hey! Shit, come back!! We weren’t done talking yet!

Yui: Socrates-san! Why would you think and carry out such a cruel plan!?

Why do these brothers have to fight each other and even try to kill one another for this… ?

(We finally understand how this world works, but we can’t possibly do something as horrible as that… !)

(If nobody in this world will commit suicide, nobody will end up being saved)

(It might be ridiculous to accept what that glowing ball said without being able to question it…)

(But if there’s really no other way out here, should we really try this method… ?)

Subaru: Kch…

Yui: (Subaru-kun seems really worried about this too)

(No wonder. You can’t force someone to kill or even commit suicide to escape so suddenly like that…)

(I wonder, is there any other way we could try? There has to be a way to break free from this garden and for everyone to return there safely…)

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.