#in the dream i went to like a festival with him and there was filipino icecream and a giant pond that had a ship in the middle of it

[yoiyoms]

this erenville came to me in my dream the other night... meteor hair...?

[pandemilkbread]

paubaya (angst!oneshot)

authors note: hello! i had an angsty dream last night and instead of pouring out my thoughts and using it to write on my story... it made me write a oneshot. also, the new moira song had me thinking— why shouldn’t i make this into an angsty oneshot too... hm. 

anyways. please enjoy :>

Bakugo Katsuki x Reader

Paubaya 

noun /pa·u·ba·ya/  origins. filipino

summary: You were far from being a pessimist; but you knew, you utterly knew, that loving Bakugo Katsuki would end in heartbreak. 

intro. 

You loved reading. Your favorite part? The ending. Especially when the villain’s wicked schemes go haywire at the hands of the prince, who in the name of love saves his beloved from their wicked hands. 

As a past time, you would imagine the days when your own prince charming would sweep you off your feet; promising his unconditional love for you. Showers of light glistening all the way to your magnificent castle. 

But by the tender age of nine did you start doubting those acts of prose in fairytales. Maybe, just maybe, if you believed hard enough he would finally show up. 

And by the miserable age of eleven, when your own father left your home for the final time, the only words of assurance your mother could give you were:

“Oh, honey. Sometimes the hardest kind of love is the one you have to leave behind.”

first verse. 

You loved writing. Your favorite part? The words. How they instantly relieved yourself of thoughts that lurked deep within your subconscious. Your hands scribbled endlessly on the pages of your notebook, professing your love for the kind boy in class (oh, please someone save your sweet heart). 

The contents of your diary will forever remain confidential. The objective? You thought by writing down how you felt for him could you move on from his clutches. He wasn’t necessarily a villain, but to you— a fragile girl at the age of thirteen, he could easily scar you for life. 

A bit over the top for someone so young; but you like to think about it this way. To save yourself from the embarrassment of rejection, to save yourself from bawling your eyes out thereof; keeping it to yourself was the best course of action. 

When the burden became too heavy, you continued writing every single feeling down until you were left empty to the core. What’s left to do? Rip out each and every page and burn it. 

Yet, it was a mishap really. When the gods decided to play you like a fool when the medium of your leaked thoughts disappeared. A joke? Not a funny one at all. 

And only on the rooftop of your middle school building did you realize where your missing item went. Into the hands of the person you liked. 

By now, you were fuming. How dare he take something that did not belong to him? How dare he—

“How stupid is it of you to believe that any fraction of kindness anyone gives you is equal to love?” 

He was right. You were stupid enough to fall for his good looks and kindness, you were dumb enough to be swayed by his charms. Though his angelic persona couldn’t stop you from punching the lights out of his face. 

(but the cries of his friends hiding behind the door did.)

pre-chorus.

Bakugo Katsuki was an enigma. It was near impossible to comprehend how someone that attractive could be devil’s reincarnate, you even felt the heat of Hell radiating out of his body. 

He was no prince charming; no one convinced you otherwise. And yet, you couldn’t help yourself but fall for the antagonist. The epitome of a fairytale villain right in the flesh. 

You first met him in high school, your first year specifically, in the nurses’ office. As a student intern for Recovery Girl, you spent most of your days in her office handling paperwork. Quite surprising really how a quirkless student like you made it into the prestigious school in the first place. 

Well, where you lacked you made up for. You had your brains to thank. It made up for the lack of power, good enough to get you in the general department. 

Anyhow, if someone came up to you and said ‘you’ll be swept of your feet, baby!’ you’d scoff and retort back in laughter. But when Bakugo Katsuki came into your life, it was a pretty close demonstration of what it felt like to be a princess— one that was blasted of her feet. 

(and you didn’t mean it figuratively. nope, he really did blast you off your feet.)

chorus.

How it happened? Simple, a rage visit to the nurse.  

The door slammed open revealing an irked pomeranian covered in bruises. Bakugo marched over to your desk looming an irritated expression. For someone who’d look like he could blast you into smithereens, you stared in awe. He was really attractive in person. 

You’ve heard of the boy from passing conversations in your department. His name frequently mentioned when the words sports festival and kidnapping popped up. His reputation couldn’t prepare you for his good looks, you would never admit it but, god does he look good. 

And with that, he said his first words to you: “What the fuck are you looking at?”

Ah, yes. How romantic. You held back an eye roll and stood up. Predictable. He was probably looking for Recovery Girl to fix that bleeding gash on his temple, but sadly the latter was unavailable. Something around the lines of quick bathroom break or teacher meeting. 

“She’s not here. Bear with it for a sec, let me get something to help.” You mumbled. 

Being the only intern for the office had its perks, you freely practiced first aid when the paperwork was bearable and no one was around. You cleaned the wounds with an antiseptic, then proceeded to patch them up with bandages and some gauzes. 

You found it amusing how the loud boy remained quiet on the chair while you were working on him. You finished your treatment with a pat to his head, “Good boy, you can leave now.”

Your words just seemed to rile him, ending the conversation with a “What’dya call me, ugly!?”

second verse.

By now, you were well-acquainted with Bakugo’s bunch of friends that you call the semi-crackheads and the real-crackheads. It was easy to differentiate the members into the two categories. All you had to do was think: among all of them, who had the most potential to burn down the school in flames?

Bakugo obviously stands at the top of that list followed by Kaminari, and Mina. The other lesser two evils, Kirishima and Sero, were safely sorted into the semi’s. 

How you met? Simple, repetitive gestures you did whenever you saw Blasty. 

After the events in the nurses’ office you’ve come to notice the boy more at school. Whenever lunch came around your eyes would instantly search for his figure, darting around for any sign. When it ends in vain, you sighed. 

The next day however, you found him by the corner of the cafeteria with his friends. You focused your time gazing at Bakugo’s mop of hair, and in turn, he looked up and met your own. You sent him a nasty grin and for some reason, he sent a glare back. 

The boy, obviously distracted from the conversation at their table, caused sets of eyes to turn to the source of his focus. Now gazed upon not one, but five sets of faces with undiscernible looks. So this is what being the center of attention feels like. 

(you sincerely hoped it would stop. though you only have yourself to blame for it.)

pre-chorus.

Time flies quick when you’re surrounded by people who make your life difficult. And when you mean difficult, you mean constant trips to the nurses’ office when any of the quintet manage to injure themselves. Unsurprisingly, this happened frequently. 

Apparently, the pomeranian revealed you worked for Recovery Girl and made his friends intrigued. Especially when he called you “ugly” more times than they could remember. 

You were already on your second year of high school when Mina proposed you joined their group study session.  Evidently, you had the best grades in the general department, well— except for math, and they wanted to use it to their advantage. You willingly accepted though, with the exchange of having blastboy teach you your weakest subject. 

(only after being taunted.)

You felt the rush of heat that swirled in your stomach when Bakugo meets your eyes, grinning. It remained in your thoughts the night after, the feelings rising and falling every second that passed. 

By then, you knew you were screwed. Oh god, he was going to break your heart. 

chorus.

“Do you like someone?” You muttered one day. The other four members of your so-called study group (more like a cramming team, you’d retort.) missed out on today’s session as they had other things to do. 

This left you and Bakugo as the only participants. The silence was unbearable, truthfully you had done enough reviewing to last a year, but you wanted to attend for the sake of seeing his face. 

You knew he was a loud one, a potty mouth at that, and it was worrying to see him so... silent. You wanted to break the peace by riling him up and to your disappointment, he remained silent. 

He did reply though, minutes after. 

“...Shut up, extra.” 

His usual snap backs always made you laugh. Even when it looked like he was going to send you into an early grave. But the way he said it right now, made you nauseous. Something akin to dread swiveled within you. No, it couldn’t be? 

One of your many talents lie in the skill of perception; and perceptive you were. More so when it involved the people you cared about, and you more than cared for feisty boy. 

You reached out and grabbed him by the collar, forcing him to look into your eyes. The tangerine color of the sunset couldn’t hide the pinkish hue that was plastered on his cheeks. Funny as it was, a part of you wanted to scoff. The Bakugo Katsuki likes someone. 

With that, a small part of you shattered. The remaining bits of pieces tied together by a string hanging loosely in anticipation, was it you? 

“Who is it?”  You whispered.

You were far from being a pessimist and you held on to that hope so tightly. Please give me a chance, please don’t break it. In that matter of seconds before his answer, you prayed ever so gently. 

And when he breathed out a name that clearly was not yours, all hope died. 

(and you with it. if you had just kept your mouth shut.)

bridge. 

Her name came up more often than you thought; and to your dismay, you noticed the growing grin that came along with it.  Bakugo sported a different kind of vibe the moment any conversation stirred towards the object of his affections. 

And more often than you liked; the feelings of anguish mixed with the bitterness twisted ever so constantly in your chest. Like a weighing anchor falling into the sea, an endless rope diving deep into its waters. 

As cheesy as it was, you  but feel... hurt? For what reason? You hardly knew yourself. Though a deep part of you truly hoped, maybe, even a tiny little bit, that he liked you. 

Seemingly, your fondness for the boy must have clouded your senses by the time Kirishima showed up at the library one afternoon. With all knowing look, he sat down opposite of you and mumbled:

“You know, for a guy that’s pretty smart. He can be real dense sometimes.”

Your heart leapt. You took a deep breath and counted. One, he couldn’t know. Two, he shouldn’t know. Three, was it that obvious? Four, does he know? You flipped the pages of your textbook, pretending to be so immersed in the subject that—

“He’s never going to know if you don’t speak up.” Was he reading your mind now? 

“How’d you find out?” You sighed, dropping your head into your palms.

“You’re not the only observant one.” 

Of course. Besides the dense Bakugo, there were four other sets of eyes in your group. One of them must have noticed how stiff, or how unusual (more like miserable) you’ve been acting. You gotta hand it to them though, they work fast. 

“It shouldn’t be like this. Why am I so miserable?”

A pause, then two, then three. Kirishima weighed your options, and like the supportive friend he was, he gave you an answer. 

“You should talk it out. Let him know. Because at the end, you’ll be the one who suffers the most. Just try.”

outro.

And by some interference of faith, more like some intervention from Mina and coaxing from Kaminari, you waited outside the 3-A homeroom for the so-called love of your life. You’d prefer to stop the cheesy antics, yet your nerves were all over the place. You needed something to calm you down. 

Earlier that day, you sent a message to Bakugo asking him to meet you halfway. 6 PM. Outside 3-A. Don’t be late, stupid. Minutes pass and there was no sign of the guy. Figures. 

Just as you were about to call quits the man of the hour finally showed up, sporting a look of annoyance. 

“You finally decide to text me back, extra.” 

Of course he was mad, you ignored his texts the past week. Avoiding him like the plague.

“Hm. You missed me?” You heart beats frantically in your chest. 

“Who would miss you, ugly.”

And there it was, the whomper. Giggles erupted from your mouth and you wiped the almost tears in your eyes. Although his words seemed derogatory, the way he looked refuted his words. He was visibly upset at your attempts of ignoring him. 

“I’m sorry. The exams were really difficult.” You consoled. “I missed you too, Katsuki.”

With that, you saw the cogs twisting and turning in his head. His face showing a definite ‘what the fuck just happened’ expression. Of course he did, this was the first time you’ve ever called him by his first name. 

You hoped for the best that was enough for you to get your message across. He was pretty smart, but pretty stupid. Oh well. 

You sort of realized that even the words pass by his ears and he barely understood a thing, you were happy. Yes, you were still miserable. Yes, you wanted him to love you the same way you did. But, sometimes the best way of loving someone was to let them go. 

You didn’t want to burden him with your problems, or even add more to his. So you decided to keep your feelings to yourself. Kirishima must be berating you right now. You laughed. 

The journey to moving on would be tough. You knew it. Telling him the truth would be so much easier. You knew it too. Just like your mother said, sometimes the hardest kind of love is the one you left behind. 

And no way in hell were you leaving Bakugo Katsuki. 

end note: so that’s the end aaaaaa i wanted to keep it as a oneshot but for some reason... part two??? bakugo’s pov??? AAAAAAAAA okay yes reader chan kept her feelings to her self. it’s a bit sad, but you know... that’s life and you don’t always get what you deserve :<

thank you for reading!!

[d-criss-news]

In a brilliant moment of serendipity, Darren Criss discovered he had been Emmy-nominated as Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie for The Assassination of Gianni Versace at an airport branch of Planet Hollywood. “We were sitting there looking at the most Hollywood thing we could. That just tickled me to no end,” regales the former Glee star, who played Kurt Hummel’s love interest, Blaine Anderson, in the musical comedy television show.

At the time, Darren was on his way to a gig in Aspen, Colorado. “The Emmy nominations were coming out at 8.30am and the flight was leaving at 9.45am and we – me, my fiancée, my manager, publicist, basically the work family – all wanted to go and watch it together, somewhere I would be close enough so that when it was announced I could run over to the gate.”

The punchline came while sitting there waiting for the nominations to be revealed: his Glee version of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” also started to play on the speakers. Looking around to see if perhaps one of the servers had clocked him and was being “cute”, because it was quite a bizarre coincidence, he realised that nope, “this is 8.30am in the international terminal and nobody gives a shit about my version of ‘Teenage Dream’,” he laughs. “But we just couldn’t fucking believe it, like what a crazy auspicious moment! But it was a nice little story.”

By now, it’s one that will have its ending fully wrapped up: the Emmys took place on September 17 in LA, which is where Darren is now on the other end of the phone. For context, it’s one of those intensely hot end-of-July days that everyone in London is complaining about. For Darren it’s a day of playing “Mr Octopus” as he puts it. “Today is insane. When you have ‘free time’, it’s actually more hectic because in the absence of stuff that you’re obligated to do you immediately see everything you’ve neglected a lot more clearly.”

In his perky twang, he gives me “the shorthand” of this: Elsie Fest to organise for autumn, the New York show-tune themed festival he founded; music to work on for Computer Games, the band he started with his brother; marketing for the new piano bar he and his fiancée, Mia Swier, have opened; projects he can’t talk about but is excited about; a wedding to plan “at some point” next year; work on the house; and that general life admin that creeps up on all of us. “Hey, we all got stuff,” he chimes.

And among all of this, he casually slips in: “I’m also reading scripts and trying to get another acting job if I can get one.” Which can’t help but make me laugh. If he can get one? Because, let’s be honest, regardless of the Emmys outcome (a big congratulations if you bagged it and if not, you were robbed!), his portrayal of Andrew Cunanan, as well as a stellar career to date (he replaced Daniel Radcliffe in How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying on Broadway to great success, is the mind behind A Very Potter Musicaland has starred in Hedwig and the Angry Inch), shouldn’t make that too hard. But it’s “cute” – as he would say – to know he doesn’t rest on his laurels.

Darren was terrifying and intriguing in his role as Cunanan, the serial killer who murdered four men before ending his violent spree with fashion designer Gianni Versace in FX’s American Crime Story retelling of the real-life event in Miami in 1997. When it aired earlier this year, I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t watching it. If you weren’t binge-streaming it, you were glued to BBC2 desperate for next week’s instalment to watch the unfolding plot of a story that in many ways is little known, certainly on the Cunanan front.

“A lot of it is pretty shrouded in mystery. There are two groups of people who have been particularly aware of the Cunanan story. Filipinos in my life all know someone who knew him,” says Darren, who, hailing from San Francisco, is also half Filipino, as was Cunanan. “And true crime addicts.” “The story itself, which is endlessly fascinating, is not only interesting but has significant social weight and things to be discussed and topics that I think are important. It goes on and on and on,” he enthuses. “The role is incredibly nuanced and varied and complex, which is something that actors wake up in the morning for.”

Where the first series spotlights The People v. OJ Simpson, a trial that arguably most people in the world – certainly in the US – are familiar with, the Versace murder, while shocking and awful (the designer himself being a significant cultural icon and his death a huge loss to the fashion industry) lent itself to more questions than answers. Which from Darren’s point of view gave him a certain amount of free rein. “You’re not stacked against people’s expectations of an impersonation of somebody. I think that helped audiences; it really gave me and our story a blank slate.”

It’s true. As a viewer, I couldn’t help but find my feelings and point of view change as the narrative revealed Cunanan’s own backstory. “That, to me, is the most heartening thing; that’s the most encouraging thing you could say – that’s the goal.”

His performance has been described as career-defining but it’s not the first time he’s had such an accolade aimed in his direction. Yet you can’t help but think that this one, Emmy nomination aside, might just be the one to carry a little more weight, such was the grit and darkness that came with it and played out by someone we’re more used to associating with the tween spark of Glee.

It seems, therefore, an apt time to ask what his fantasy role would be. “Oh man. I have a pretty wild imagination but I’d like to think that my brain isn’t good enough to imagine the part I’d want,” he says. “And, also, fantasies evolve throughout your life based on whatever situation you find yourself in.” American Crime Story, certainly, he says is the kind of role he’d been working and waiting his whole life to play – which is not to say he dreamt of being a serial killer! “Let’s keep turning left, turning hard rights and hard lefts as much as possible, as long as the story is good. The name of the game for me is variety and versatility. If every time I do a role we have people say that’s a real departure from the last thing that would be awesome.”

Darren got the acting bug – or “storytelling” bug as he prefers to call it – at a young age. He was a child at the heart of the Disney Renaissance era and Robin Williams lived locally in his native San Francisco. One day, when seeing Aladdin at the cinema (“I can’t even tell you how many times I went to go see it,”) and realising that the Genie was voiced by Williams, his eureka moment came.

“You know when you’re a kid and you have dreams of being something and they seem kind of far off from you unless there’s somebody you can see do it?” he offers. “I remember very distinctly watching this Genie bring so much joy to the people around me… and I wanted in on that, I wanted to be the Genie. But once you realise you can’t necessarily do that and I found out the voice of the genie was Robin Williams, I was like that’s the guy, that’s the famous guy that lives in our city! I can do that and so he was really a massive inspiration for me.”

So, too, was Peter Coyote, another San Francisco-based actor, whom Darren in fact cold-called to find out what he should do to be an actor. He subsequently enrolled at the American Conservatory Theater’s Young Conservatory Programme before studying drama at college. A keen violinist, music and acting had always worked in constant tandem. “So that’s why it’s so hilarious to me that by the time I got Glee I’d already been doing this my whole life,” he says.

At the time of the Gianni Versace murder, Darren was 10 years old. “I did [remember it] in a sort of vague sense of pop cultural event. Obviously, Versace is a massive international figure so I was aware that he was murdered.” It wasn’t until much later in 2011, when his Hollywood lifestyle led him to the world of high fashion, that the dots joined.

“We were on tour for Glee and I popped down to Milan to go to this Versace fashion show, which was an amazing event and you’re there with Donatella and there in the house, the estate of the Versace family.” On a tour of it, Darren recalls seeing beautiful home pieces and fashion works. “There were a lot of things from his personal collection and [the steward] of course was saying ‘Well this was made after Gianni’s murder in 1997.’ It codified in my brain. He was taken away a little too early.”

For ACS producer Ryan Murphy, it was Darren who codified in the brain. The Glee co-creator had long had him in mind for the part. “People like Ryan have had their eye on the Cunanan story for a long time and we had worked closely in a few capacities.” Darren just had to play the waiting game. “I honestly said just let me know when you want to do this because obviously it would be a huge opportunity for me and I think it would be an incredible story but I don’t really have the keys for that car, man. You’re the driver, let me know when you want to pick me up!” Three years later and that proverbial beep came.

In real life, Darren has to be one of the most modest and upbeat people, armed with an always-look-on-the-bright-side-of-life attitude. You imagine he’s not all that good at sitting still, hence his potentially self-inflicted to-do list, which you also get the feeling is built from passion not pain. “I just feel so grateful at every turn of my career; if you’re able to do anything and that there’s any definition at all is a huge win so I’ll take it where I can get it,” he says referring to the praise he’s received in playing Cunanan, one he’s also quick to bring back down to earth with a very grounding analogy. “Every moment of your life is defining. The fact that I decided to have granola this morning defines the rest of the way my digestive system works…” he laughs. He has quite the way with words.

This too is helpful in a Hollywood landscape right now that, post-Weinstein and post-Trump, has found itself in troubling times. “What a big, big topic,” he begins. “It’s the Wild West right now, truly, there are so many things that I think it’s not necessarily Hollywood figuring itself out, it’s our whole society figuring it out as represented by Hollywood. It kind of gets the brunt of it because of its exposure and its influence,” he explains. “There are a lot of good things happening in it for people who have been marginalised and we’re setting new standards for ourselves that we should have set a long time ago, and in that sense it’s really good. But there are unfortunately other things that are happening where it’s hard to draw the line of what’s right and wrong and a lot of questions are being asked that we’ve never asked ourselves before about what’s appropriate.”

Social media, too, he thinks plays a significant role, moving faster than we are able to keep up with. “There’s a lot of things that are falling by the wayside as a result of that. I’m making very vague comments but yeah it’s very tricky,” he concludes before diplomatically topic-shifting to his own lack of social media usage. Firstly, because he’s a private person. And secondly, unlike so many people, he does realise the responsibility that comes with publishing a post. “Even when Twitter started and people would post joke-stuff and I would say ‘Woah, woah, that’s out there forever, are you sure? I think you think only I’m seeing this,’.” He says he’s always been uneasy with the idea of this kind of ‘stuff’ existing in perpetuity.

Which means that the answer to the next question requires some serious thought. Who would make for his fantasy dinner party guests? British comedian Eddie Izzard (because Darren is a big Anglophile); if we could roll back time, Sammy Davis Jr, “who the world knows as a great entertainer but he was also an insane dancer and musician”; Nat King Cole for the same reasons; and, his number one choice, Howard Ashman, the lyricist and dramaturge behind the previously mentioned Disney renaissance (aka Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast). “I’ve always admired his craftsmanship and he’s someone I’ve always thought, if I had a dinner, I’d really like to have a chat with. All of my heroes are the people who were hyphenates,” says Darren, which makes sense because he’s just the same. One small suggestion: hold the fantasy dinner party at Planet Hollywood. That would make a nice story.

[southeastasianists]

Indonesian filmmaker Joko Anwar is making moves in a surging industry. He directed the first season of HBO Asia’s Jakarta-set supernatural series Halfworlds and some episodes of its new horror series Folklore. He joins other local auteurs enjoying both domestic and international acclaim for movies like last year’s Marlina the Murderer in Four Acts, directed by Mouly Surya. The so-called “satay Western” about a wronged woman out for revenge won raves at 2017’s Cannes Film Festival, and is the nation’s pick to compete for Best Foreign Language Film at next year’s Academy Awards.

Filmmaking in Indonesia dates back more than a century, and movies were first shown there in 1900. The current resurgence comes after last century’s bumpy journey for an art form that never totally took hold of audiences’ imagination.

“We hear about a once-rich Indonesian cinema culture, but it was an illusion,” Anwar told Southeast Asia Globe.

He’s referring to the sagas of Sundanese legends that were popular with Indonesian audiences in the 1920s, but were told from the point of view of the Dutch directors who made them on location in what was then the Dutch East Indies. In the early 1930s, elaborate romantic melodramas were all the rage, but they were created by Chinese entrepreneurs who were flush from the Shanghai movie boom and extending their market around the region. Heavily financed foreign productions discouraged local film production, which was scattershot and based mainly in Jakarta. The Great Depression and Dutch taxes made this dream all but impossible by the mid-1930s.

A handful of enterprising filmmakers dipped their toes in the water in the 1940s – just before film production was banned under the Japanese occupation. Government-approved political films saturated the post-Independence era until a string of indie domestic films enjoyed huge success in the 1980s. The 1988 political biopic Tjoet Nja’ Dhien was the first Indonesian film to be invited to Cannes. Soon after that victory, local filmmaking took a big hit when the government lifted a ban on the screening of foreign films. Indonesian moviemakers couldn’t compete with blockbusters from Hollywood and Hong Kong. During Southeast Asia’s economic crisis of 1997, Indonesia’s economy tanked, along with box office sales and investment in domestic film production. Just six movies were made in Indonesia in 1999.

The industry has been recovering since the mid-2000s, and in most Indonesian cities, air-conditioned multiplexes are seeing relatively healthy sales. John Riady, an Indonesian entrepreneur and editor at large of the Jakarta Globe, describes Indonesia as “the most invisible country in the world”, referring to the rarity of good English writing about the country and poor tourism marketing. It’s home to a quarter of a billion people, and its capital, Jakarta, is a gargantuan tech-obsessed metropolis that sends more tweets daily than any other city on the planet. Metrics like that are impressive, but local cinema isn’t quite keeping pace.

“Indonesians used to have a closer emotional relationship with movies and cinemas, mainly because there weren’t many alternatives to movie-watching at that time, and cinemas were not in high-end shopping malls,” explained Anwar. “Today, going to a cinema requires more effort since most of them are inside places which the average Indonesian person – someone who lives outside of Jakarta, for example, or the average Jakartan who doesn’t visit luxury malls – has no access to.”

Anwar, 42, is a solidly built man who dresses and talks with the confidence of someone who tours the international film-festival circuit and enjoys a lucrative career. He grew up in a poor part of Sumatra and spent much of his childhood watching horror and kung-fu movies. In 2003, he wrote Indonesia’s first gay-themed film, Arisan!, and went on to write and direct a slew of films throughout the 2000s. His 2007 film, Kala, was lauded at the New York Asian Film Festival. His 2009 thriller, Forbidden Door, was screened at film festivals all over the world, and the Hollywood Reporter compared it to the work of Alfred Hitchcock.

The biggest challenge faced by Indonesian cinema is getting audiences in seats, Anwar explained.

“There are too few cinemas, compared to the increasing interest in cinema-going. For the past three years, Indonesia has enjoyed a [rise in] ticket sales for locally produced films, and it seems like we are going to surpass that also this year. However, ticket prices have crept up to keep pace with demand, and this puts a visit to the cinema out of the reach of most Indonesians, who either don’t have or can’t justify spending that kind of money on a movie ticket. There’s also the fact that the older traditions of movie-going are gone, and so unless you’re an upwardly mobile Jakartan, cinema isn’t on your radar at all. You watch TV. You talk to your family.”

Anwar then produced something unexpected: the 2015 dystopian A Copy of My Mind, set in Jakarta during the tense 2014 presidential elections. The urban drama and love story about a low-rent salon worker and a guy who writes subtitles for pirated DVDs featured Jakarta as a character more than a setting.

“My vision of Jakarta in A Copy of My Mind was meant to be a love letter to the city I moved to 20 years ago,” said Anwar. “Back then, I was penniless but I fell in love with the city right away. It was a very diverse place and people were more tolerant. Preachers weren’t spreading hate in mosques. Nightlife was colourful. We even had a gay film festival – imagine that, in the world’s most Muslim-populated country!”

Unlike the Hong Kong of Wong Kar-wai or the Madrid of Almodóvar, Anwar’s Jakarta wasn’t venerated, there was no background razzle-dazzle. In A Copy of My Mind, Jakarta is a bleak and ominous place, akin to the Phnom Penh of the Cambodian filmmaker Rithy Panh.

“Now, it feels like I don’t know Jakarta anymore. I believe that the 2014 presidential campaign started a kind of hateful atmosphere in the city, and in the country,” he said. “There were so many black campaigns launched, and they seriously damaged our capability for logic and cultural expression. Now hate has been normalised: you hear it from religious preachers, on the street, even in schools by teachers. With A Copy of My Mind, I guess I wanted to make a time capsule of that one particular year so 20 years from now, when things get better or worse, we can watch that film and remember what happened, and reflect.”

There are no film schools in Indonesia, but it does have five filmmaking education programmes at universities and institutes. It has just over 1,000 cinema screens, compared to nearly 15,000 in the comparable economy of India, which has a robust national cinema culture. In the Philippines, the industry employs a quarter of a million people and 50 million Filipinos go to the movies every year.

So why does Indonesia lag behind?

“First of all, good and entertaining movies in Indonesia are so rare that momentum in viewership can’t be sustained,” said Anwar. “This makes it hard to argue for financing, it makes it hard to motivate people to join the industry or take up training, and human resources in Indonesian filmmaking are already so rare. This results in a lot of untrained people making well-intentioned but poor-quality films. But most films are likely to get a theatrical release to fill cinema schedules, thus glutting the market with low-grade product – and this turns audiences off even further.”

Anwar hopes the current successes signal a turning point. He spoke of the increase in new movie theatres and educational opportunities, including the workshops and training offered through the government’s Creative Economy Agency.

When Southeast Asia Globe caught up with him, Anwar was in post-production after a long shoot on location in Jakarta and West Java for his next film, Gundala, based on 1980s Indonesian superhero comic books. Promo shots and poster art for it are plastered on Indonesian Facebook pages and in that deluge of Jakartan tweets.

After his work with HBO Asia, it seemed possible that Anwar would follow the money and work internationally, but Gundala suggests the exact opposite.

“I believe what’s important is making films that you can inject your own personality into, your views of life,” he said. “I think I will be happy making movies anywhere, as long as I am doing movies which I care about, with stories that I believe in, and with interesting characters. It still has to be a personal experience for me. As long as I’m allowed to do that, making movies anywhere will still be bliss.”

[erwinvalencia]

#DUSTYREFLECTIONS CHAPTER 1. Day 1-3 After a 2-year hiatus, I finally made it back )*(ome. It was the dustiest, hottest, and busiest burn I’ve had in the 8 years I’ve been coming back to Black Rock City. That said, MAGIC always found a way to make sure I’d have lots of insights, along with the corresponding photos and videos to go with them. I’ll be sharing them throughout the week, so I invite everyone tuning in this week to share any reactions, questions, or insights they may have upon seeing these posts below ⬇️ That said, here’s a little highlights from my first 3 days on Playa: 1. Beautiful poems and quotes about dreams like the right most lane upon touching the dirt road. 2. My first sunrise 3. Home away from home. My @shiftpod original is still rocking even after 6 years. 4. 15-year old DJ Shay just lighting up the booth. Blessed him with a Playa name— LIGHTHOUSE. Watch out for him at @robotheartfoundation in the next 5 years. 5. This gentleman gifted hand-made medallions on the spot. Get this— he only learn how to do this in April watching @youtube videos! 6. Filipinos have finally arrived! @monikastamaria grew up in the village right across from mine in the southern suburbs of Manila. Honored to welcome another KABABAYAN “home”. 7. Equally amazing was her fiancé @alechess who for 8 years worked in the Philippines to help transportation policy reform. You’ll have to ask him how that went!😜 8. Natron is a LEGEND. He once got a world record by using jump boots during the BM ultra marathon after partying all night! 9. @hex6collective finally has a sign! Thanks Dave and April!!! 10. Seeing PULPO on my first night out was a good sign for things to come.🐙 BURNING MAN is NOT A FESTIVAL. Although many “virgins” first arrive with this thought (especially this year for some reason there was a lot of them!) looking like absolute Sparkle Ponies, they soon realize that it’s NOT in fact, just a dustier version of Coachella. With the dust storms and heat at almost record pace this year, there was no refuge for those outfits that allowed for dust in the most curious of places.😳 (at Black Rock Desert, Nevada) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cir6RaGOfE5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[waqasblog2]

Park Seo-jun to Filipino fans: All my dreams came true tonight | Inquirer Lifestyle

Korean superstar Park Seo-jun said he couldn’t believe that he has thousands of Filipino fans. They filled SM Mall of Asia (MOA) Arena on the night of Sept. 29 for the Bench Fun Meet, and their excited screams shook the venue.

“I wasn’t sure how many fans I have here in the Philippines. And I thought even if I had a single Filipino fan, I would be excited to go and meet this fan… I’m so shocked that so many of you showed up tonight,” Seo-jun said in Korean, translated by the ever-dependable and energetic host Sam Oh.

Seo-jun was truly in awe. The 31-year-old appeared bashful, not knowing how to react every time his fans screamed— the only way they could show their excitement at seeing their oppa in the flesh.

I expected to be starstruck when I met Seo-jun for the Inquirer Lifestyle’s one-on-one interview a day before the fan meet, because he’s a major celebrity. But I felt no superstar aura from him the moment we shook hands (his grip was firm, his hand was soft).

He was tall, slim, handsome, and when he smiled, he seemed… shy.

After greeting him “Anyeonghaseyeo,” I also said that in the Philippines, we greet each other with “Kumusta.” It means “hello” in Filipino, the young interpreter with us told him. Seo-jun tried to say “Kumusta” at least twice as he looked up to the ceiling, as if trying to remember the word before we took our seats.

I handed him the little Guyito stuffed toy and explained that it was the Inquirer’s official mascot. Seo-jun scrutinized it, smiling, and then pointed to Guyito’s blue vest that read “Philippine Daily Inquirer.” He looked at me, as if asking if this was the name of the media outlet I’m from.

When I asked on behalf of Super K editor Ruth Navarra how he would rate his sexiness on a scale of 1-10, Seo-jun laughed and felt embarrassed.

He looked at our list of questions and said, “Uhmm…” I suggested a 10. He laughed a little, then paused. “I’m sorry,” Seo-jun looked at me with a laugh. And we all laughed with him.

“Okay, maybe 8?” I said. Seo-jun laughed again. “Uh, thank you,” he said.

Then I told him, “If you ask me, I give you a 10.” He laughed and said “Thank you!”

That was the kind of bashfulness that fans all saw at the fan meet. Park Seo-jun, Hallyu god, is still not used to the adulation.

Long wait

It was quite a long wait for everyone who had anticipated this meet-up since April, when Bench founder Ben Chan announced on social media that Park Seo-jun is the latest Global Benchsetter.

Filipino celebrities and high society set were spotted at the fan meet. Comedienne Ai Ai delas Alas told Sam in a brief interview at MOA that she was overwhelmed Seo-jun was truly in Manila. Ai Ai, like every devoted Park Seo-jun fan, was on the verge of tears.

It’s not hard to fall in love with Park Seo-jun, currently one of Korea’s biggest stars. His wide acting range is complemented by drop-dead good looks. Seo-jun is consistently ranked among Korea’s top product endorsers, such that you’ll see his face all over Seoul.

Eight years after debuting in show business, Park Seo-jun shot to stardom—starring in one hit television drama after another. “A Witch’s Love,” “Kill Me, Heal Me,” “She Was Pretty,” “Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth,” “Fight for My Way,” “What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim” are among fan favorites.

Seo-jun movies do well in the box office, too, like “Midnight Runners,” and more recently, “Divine Fury.”

He likes to surprise fans with cameo roles, such as playing the grownup son of Son Ye-jin and So Ji-sub in the tearjerker “Be With You,” and Choi Woo-sik’s friend in “Parasite,” the first Korean film to win the Palme d’Or prize in the Cannes Film Festival.

In July, Seo-jun started his official YouTube channel called Record PARK’s. His videos draw hundreds of thousands of views. He has 8.8 million followers on Instagram.

The eldest of three boys, Seo-jun has shared pictures of himself with his young niece he adores. Fans love him for his tight bond with his family. The entertainment news site Soompi wrote that at Seo-jun’s first fan meeting in 2015, he cried after seeing his father in the audience.

At times, Seo-jun would share pictures of celebrity friends like Kim Tae-hyung (better known as V of the K-pop group BTS) and Park Hyung-sik, another Global Benchsetter.

A mainstay on Seo-jun’s Instagram is his bichon frisé, Simba. At the Bench fan meet, Seo-jun said Simba sleeps with him “all the time.”

“I take him on walks a lot. I feed him delicious treats. I hope that he will be with me for a long time because obviously I enjoy our time together,” he said.

Fan interaction

Here are excerpts from the Inquirer’s one-on-one with Park Seo-jun:

Many Filipinos go to Korea now. What would you recommend for them to do, where to go, what to eat?

When I came to the Philippines, I wanted to go to the landmarks and famous places where I could feel and learn the history of the country. So, when you go to Korea, I guess it would be nice as well for you to go places that could give you the same feeling. I suggest places like Gyeongbukgung Palace or Si-cheong. I also recommend that you try not the fusion Korean food, but the real traditional Korean food.

You fought evil spirits in “Divine Fury.” In real life, do you actually believe in ghosts or spirits?

I do believe in such, because I experience a lot of sleep paralysis.

You recently celebrated your eighth year in showbiz. What have you learned about yourself in the last eight years, and what are your personal goals for the next eight?

First of all, I think that the eight years went by so fast. I hope that I haven’t made any decisions that I would regret when I look back. I’m the type to always think about what my limits are, and I hope that this isn’t my limit yet.

I also hope that in the coming days, if a point comes where I do feel like it is my limit, hopefully I would be able to face and overcome it. My goal would be to meet you all with good projects in the future.

(From the Fan Meet Slam Book segment with Sam Oh):

What do you think about Manila?

The welcome was so warm the minute I stepped on Manila soil. The really warm welcome was surprising to me.

What are your fondest memories growing up in Seoul?

I had a very memorable and good childhood. Every moment growing up was memorable.

What can’t you live without?

My friends, because they are the people I share my good and bad times with. They are indispensable in my life. I don’t like fake people. This is something I learned over the years working in the industry. I don’t want to be around or working with fake people.

What is your favorite song?

Right now, I am listening to Jeremy Zucker’s “Comethru.”

What are you most afraid of?

I’m afraid of the deep sea. I didn’t have any traumatic experience. When the question was given to me, I just thought of the deep sea.

Fans’ questions

Do you believe in destiny?

I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in destiny.

What did you dream of doing when you were a child?

To be a baseball player. But my parents allowed only my younger brother to pursue baseball.

How did you get into acting in the first place?

As I said earlier, I wanted to be a baseball player. In middle school, I did not know what I wanted to do. Then I met cosplay people. And being onstage with them, I had a weird feeling which made me think thatmaybe acting is something I could pursue.

Who are the actors you like?

I admire a lot of actors, but I am a big fan of Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio.

What are your favorite movies?

I’m a big fan of movies. I’ve watched many films but right now, I am into romance films. I am going back to a lot of classic romantic movies like “The Notebook” and “About Time,” which I enjoyed.

How do you keep fit for a role?

I exercise eight hours a day for three months before filming. I exercise, then go to a mixed martial arts studio, then have a meal, then go back to the gym for weight training.

What is your favorite sport now?

It’s soccer now.

What makes you laugh?

I’m also not sure. (Then he laughed.)

Are you the joker in the family and among friends?

I’m the least funny one. I don’t understand why people think I’m funny.

What do you look forward to when visiting other countries?

The most important thing is to try the food. Sightseeing is also something I enjoy very much, and I am enjoying this sight [of the fan meet] very much.

What are the things you want to accomplish before you turn 35?

Are you teasing me? I’m not sure, because all my dreams came true tonight. —CONTRIBUTED

This content was originally published here.

[thosewhocantdomusic-blog]

Was Get Music Indie-Go Worth It?

eeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtwasitwasallrite.jpg

I went to Get Music Indie-Go because I was lucky enough to get my hands on some VIP tickets. Don’t ask how. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not proud of myself. 

ANYWAY. 

Billboard PH recently wrote about it and goddamn did they tip-toe around the motherfucker. It was so obvious that not a lot of good things happened that night because under the “Highs” section, all they could say was (essentially) “There’s aircon,” “Jensen and Reese were cool,” “there was food,” and “it happened at MOA Arena.” They couldn’t say anything offensive under “Lows,” so all they said was “It was expensive,” “It started late,” and “There was a lot of trash afterwards.” 

I feel bad for them for not being able to just say outright that the thing was a flop. There were probably around fifteen to twenty people in the upper and lower box areas, and just half of both VIP A and B were filled. They should’ve just rented out SM Skydome or the Samsung Hall at SM Aura to save them the embarrassment. It was so sad, that when I woke up the following morning, I thought really hard whether I wanted to write about this or not. I held it off for a few days because I got depressed every time I started thinking about it. I thought I would never write about it, ever. Then today I listened to some Steve Lacy, Pouya, and the new Death Grips, and that got my mood up real quick. Now I’m ready to shit on this again.

First of all, it wasn’t bad. It was just plain disappointing. They’re justification for doing it at MOA Arena was that they were going to do things they can’t do at bars. Aside from MilesExperience, this was a lie. Every band did exactly what they do at bars. While Jensen and the Flips and SUD did have back up singers, I don’t think that’s something you can’t do at bars. Sure, there’s the fact that there are better acoustics at MOA Arena compared to Route 196, but that was already expected. I arrived late, so the first artist I got to see was Reese Lansangan. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to see NINNO (the only guy I wanted to see anyway) and Conscious and the Goodness, but judging from the stuff I’ve read, they didn’t do anything mind-blowing either. I missed She’s Only Sixteen too, and thank God I did. 

And there’s also all the screens they used, which infuriated me because they didn’t even put it to good use. Initially I thought they were going to do some Kanye West-type shit, but they ended up just splicing together their music videos and random screensavers. Check out a photo from Jensen and the Flips’ set:

Reese’s

The visuals didn’t complement the music to make an immersive experience. They serve no other purpose than as something to stare at. The only artist that actually tried in terms of visuals was somedaydream. He paired his trippy electronic music with some equally trippy visuals that I can only describe as “like walking around in campus while stoned with 3D glasses on.”

Surprisingly, he was my favourite artist that night. 

Every now and then, he also used these vague, trying-to-be-profound mouth-farts that looked like t-shirt designs from H&M.

Photo from H&M

It’s funny how both coincidentally look like cheap rip offs of two different Joy Division albums. 

In the smoking area, I overheard one audience member saying somedaydream’s set was “too artsy for him.” I don’t want to generalise, but that reveals the kind of people this “indie music” festival attracted. An artist actually tries to do something different, and it’s already “too artsy” for the poor audience member. 

As expected, pop punk band All Time Low  A Day To Remember Simple Plan An Honest Mistake stuck out like a sore thumb. They’re my second favourite artist from that night, though, because their music is incredibly fun live and they’re funny as hell too. In between songs, they spent their time cracking jokes and looking for groupies. I don’t think they even knew what the show was about. In the middle of the set, they invited Dee Cruz Eunice Jorge Hayley Williams Juliann Savard of Save Me Hollywood and uhh yeah I guess that was cool. 

There’s also the “college acts,” and I don’t want to go into that because none of them were memorable. I think one of them sounded like 6cyclemind (which is never a good thing) and another sounded like Paramore. it’s annoying that there are still bands that are stuck in Paramore Hell circa Riot! I mean, even Paramore has gotten over Paramore and has moved on to ripping off The Strokes. I heard Mrs. Fin auditioned for this thing, and I cannot believe that these hacks were accepted and not them.  

Through out the night, the bands kept promising that there was going to be a “huge surprise.” The surprise turned out to be MilesExperience having a choir, a cellist (Coeli San Luis), and the UST Yellow Jackets Drumline on stage during their set. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see this set, and I would be glad to be corrected by any fans out there with footage when I say that that looks like a clusterfuck trying so desperately to pass off as a huge surprise. When i told this to my sister, who’s both a UST student and a huge MilesExperience fan, all she could say was, “What? Why??” If you’ve heard MilesExperience’s music, you’d know that it isn’t something that would go well with a choir or a drum line. A cello makes sense, but a drum line and a choir?? I don’t think I’m alone when I say that the real surprise of the night was when Gabby Alipe played “Soul Searching” for the first time in two years. It was a much bigger surprise because it meant something, and not just a bunch of random things put together to look big and important. 

I went to the show with TWCD contributor Hayden Kho’s Non-Celebrity Sex Buddy. While we were waiting for our Uber, she said “I’m starting to get why this is such a big deal to the bands now. Think about it: the last time a Filipino band got to play in MOA Arena, it was the Eraserheads.” That analogy’s inaccurate because you simply can’t compare E-heads to a band like Sud, Jensen, Miles, or Reese - and no, not even Gabby Alipe. But, yes, I got her point. At the tail end of Reese’s set, Reese was at a loss for words thanking her fans. And during Sud’s set, Ballecer could hardly move out of nervousness. Despite the broken promises and the overall disappointment, the show was actually pretty heartwarming, and I felt great for being there. And I’m actually glad that the artists, albeit undeserving, got to play the gig of their dreams. The next time another one of these things comes up, I’ll be lining up for a ticket and as long as its free because I am not giving my money to something that is so not worth paying for, I’ll be there. 

[a-salty-frenchfry]

all da questions fam

I hate you

Ask me things

1. What’s your middle name? Elyce

2. What are you listening to right now? Hikaru Nara by Goose House (from Your Lie in April)

3. What was the last thing you ate? McDonalds 

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My aunt

5. Do you drink? Nah. I will when I got to Paris this Summer though hehe

6. Do you smoke? Hell no

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Hair

8. What is your hair color? Black/light brown at the ends 

9. What is your eye color? Brown

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Nada

11. Dogs or cats? Cat 

12. What’s your favorite animal? I guess cat or bunny 

13. What’s your favorite television show? The Next Food Network Star or any of the Seasonal Baking Championships

14. What’s your favorite movie? Either Frozen or Moana 

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? Taylor swift and Alizée

16. How old are you? 18

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yeeee

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

19. What’s your favorite color? Pink or mint green

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? 

This is the only one I can think of right now 

In February, when I was at a French Conversation Hour, someone kept calling me and everyone is like “you should answer it” (I NEVER answer the phone if I don’t know the number by the way). So by the 4th call, I answered it, put it on speaker, said “bonjour”, and started speaking in French and acting like I didn’t speak any English (just in case it was a scam or something). After a few moments of worry and confusion she says “I have a package from Amazon…is this [my name]?” Then I start apologizing like crazy, everyone bursts out laughing, then I go to meet her at the Student Center to pick up my package and apologize some more (because mail services were closed and I ordered one day delivery). I explained that I was in a French club and never answer unknown numbers. I hope I gave her a fun story to tell her coworkers lol

TL;DR I answered an unknown number speaking in French in case it was a scam, turns out it was an Amazon employee with my package and I made her worried that I didn’t speak English

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Not really. Probably still me, but without ADHD because it sucks and I hate it 

22. What were you like when you were a kid? Hyper and lazy

23. What would your dream house be like?

Cozy one or two-story home with a lawn and nice furniture. The dream would be in the kitchen though since I love baking: double oven with convection, beautiful sink w/motion sensor faucet, and stainless steel two-door fridge w/freezer and a blast chiller, professional Kitchen Aid stand mixer, you get the gist. Basically a Food Network competition style kitchen 😍

24. What last made you laugh? SB2 reaction to Sailor Moon Crystal videos.

25. What is your favorite word? Fuck

26. What is your least favorite word? Almost anything that is associated with nsfw content

27. What turns you on? Boys who are too pure for this world (my current crush went on a 7-month international trip to do charity work in third-world countries 😭❤️ )

28. What turns you off? Conservatives (doesn’t mean I won’t like you at all. It just means I won’t like you romantically, which I’m assuming is what this question is asking)

29. What is your star sign? Cancer

30. What are your favorite books? The Mortal Instruments series

31. Do you have any siblings? Younger little shit brother 

32. Do you like to dance? Alone

33. What is your definition of cheating? Acting on romantic/sexual feelings for anyone other than current significant other

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? No

35. Do you regret anything? Lots

36. Do you have any phobias? Arachnophobia and astraphobia

37. Ever broken any bones? No

38. Ever come close to death? More than once. Peanut allergies are a bitch 🙃

39. What is your religion, if any? Roman Catholic, but very loosely

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? No

41. Are looks important in a relationship? Meh. While looks are usually what attracts and starts a relationship, in the long run, you love the person for their soul, not just a pretty face

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? Mom

43. What is your favorite season? Spring

44. Do you have any tattoos? No

45. Do you have any piercings? Ears

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 2 bfs

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Multiple

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Don’t really have one, but I guess Zac Efron?

49. Are you a virgin? Yes

50. Do you get jealous easily? Only with close friends

51. What is your favorite type of food? Italian

52. Do you ever want to get married? Yes

53. Who was your first kiss with? I’m #foreveralone fam

54. Have you ever been cheated on? No

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? A walk. Just walking around a park, or an amusement park, or maybe a festival; talking, holding hands, perhaps buying a snack/souvenir from a street vendor; taking in the scenery and enjoying each other’s company.

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Ambivert

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? Yes and no. The universe is way too fucking big to be certain

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? Musical

59. What is your saddest memory? When my parents broke the news that my grandma died

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. See 41. You can’t “love” someone for who they are before you even meet them. Otherwise it’s lust at first sight.

61. Do you believe in soul mates? Sure

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? The lower half of my hair was dyed blue for about 5 months. Then I dyed to black again because Prom and Graduation 

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Not that I know of

64. Would you go against your moral code for money? Not MY moral code.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? 1) I know 3 languages. 2) I want to go to culinary school in Paris. 3) I used to do horseback riding

66. Who are you jealous of? Anyone @sheeptansplayground calls her best friend who isn’t me lmao

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? No Yeah, like 3

68. How long was your longest relationship? 7 months

69. Is the glass half empty or half full? There’s liquid in it

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Do something romantic that’s tied with Filipino culture (even saying something like “I love you” in Tagalog is good enough for me. Lame I know, but I have low standards lmao)

71. Who is your most loyal friend? @sheeptansplayground  or so I thought

72. Are you in a relationship? No

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? N/A

74. Are you a bad person? I’m human. Good/bad person is an imaginary concept made up by society. It all depends on perspective.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? Lover

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Had family and a couple friends over

77. What is your favorite quote and why? “People push you to your limits and when you finally explode and fight back, they think you are the mean one”. I relate to this a lot. There’s only one person I’ve ever exploded on and have felt *true* hatred for, yet I’M the unreasonable one.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? Fall into a major depression and give up on everything

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? Reblogging this fucking post. 

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? EAT and confess to my crush I love him 

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

When I was in elementary school, I had a dream where there was this “special” star in the sky, and it looked like something out of a children’s book (it had a smiley face with dimples and was pretty cute). But I was unimpressed by it, which apparently hurt its feelings because it frowned and then shot down like a shooting star. Then the cops came after me. After that, I became afraid of shooting stars for like 5 years.

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? Idk I’ve never had a “real” relationship

83. Who were you in a past life? A tiger Lol thanks BuzzFeed

84. What is your happiest childhood memory? Spending time with my grandma every Summer and Thanksgiving 

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yep

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? Nope

87. If you were the president, what would you do? Fix the damn healthcare

88. What is your ideal career? Pastry chef, perhaps a well-known one on Food Network

89. What is your political affiliation? Democrat

90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal af

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? Depends on your definition of “perfection”

92. Do you like kissing in public? Maybe a quick peck on the cheek or lips

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Goodbye greed

94. Where would you like to live? Either current hometown or France

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? Nice, France

96. Describe yourself in one word. Shy

97. Describe yourself in one sentence. For the most part I’m a Cinnamon Roll™, but push me over the edge and you’ll get a demon. (Connected to question 77)

[bupsdreamjournal]

July 15th, 2019

Okay, weird dream I had last night. Of course, it took place at a school! It was the college I go to. Everyone was in this conference hall finding seats at tables. A few people were at the side of the room at tables which had snacks or something. I passed by there when I ran into some guys from high school. I decided to follow them to where they were gonna sit.

I sat down with them and I noticed that there were about 6 of them in total. Keep in mind, I haven’t really talked to any of these guys since high school which was about 3 years ago now. A few more recently but not by much. We were watching the presentation at the front but I forget what it was for. It felt like some summer break party considering the festivities and what happens later.

At one point, I said something that I FEEL was related to asking the group if they wanted to play boardgames later or something and one of the guys, Thomas, looked back and me and said, “we would if you didn’t ditch us!” and turned back around to watch the presentation. I was genuinely confused at the time even though I knew exactly what he meant which was a weird combo. Maybe I was just pretending to be confused. It felt so real at the time. I asked, “what?” and I think he repeated himself. We just went back to watching the presentation.

A guy at the next table over, never seen him in my life but he looked Filipino and was a bit on the heavy side, pulled up his shirt to reveal that his back had a 3x3 grid of actions that he either wanted people to do or it was a bingo card and someone had just completed one. Not sure. All I know is that people started cheering, they pulled him aside to a bench along the wall to lay him down and they began writing something on his back. Everyone was pumped. It was a party.

Everyone went outside later. I continued to follow a few of the guys from high school, although they’re from a different group of friends than the guy who snapped at me. I was following them around but they didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic about seeing me. If I weren’t actively keeping close to them, they would certainly lose me quickly. One of them, Abdullah, was halfway pleasant but he wasn’t actively trying to keep me in the group.

We got to one point where the one guy, Brian, was playing something on his phone and it was appearing in thin air. It seemed like a hologram because there was some depth even though for the most part, it was a 2D game. I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be Terraria but it did not actually resemble that at all. We just watched him farm some enemies in front of his base for a bit before he revealed it was on a multiplayer server. That didn’t mean anything to the story though.

The only other important event was the WEED BUS. Maybe right after the last event, everyone turned to the sound of someone on a megaphone announcing that the WEED BUS was there. It was a regular school bus and I don’t remember anyone actually having any weed at all in the dream. But everyone was pumped for the WEED BUS. People started piling in but even though the bus was full, a majority of people were not able to get in. There were a lot of people there. Then, behind the WEED BUS pulled up a whole line of buses, ready for passengers.

Abdullah, Brian and I started heading down towards the buses at the end. At one point, I actually saw my sister through the crowd and met up with her when she noticed me and came over. I don’t remember exactly what she said but she was arranging for us to meet somewhere or go somewhere together. Not important.

The buses were now parked along a rickety-old dock. It was all rotted planks, some missing, over water and rocks protruding from the water below. We were careful when we got on the bus. The bus driver seemed to be the most careless one of the bunch. He didn’t even wait for everyone to be sitting when he started to drive off. These WEED BUSES seemed to just be regular buses that they’d drive around the block and come back. So we did that, but recklessly because our bus driver really didn’t care.

We got back, carefully stepped onto the old dock. Part of the dock was tilted into the water. I joked about Abdullah jumping on it and it breaking, landing him face-first into the water. He laughed. He was very friendly during this dream. Brian wasn’t having any of it.

That’s about where it ends. Weird dream, blatant symbolism from the Dream Master. Not even trying to be subtle. 5/10.

[observationsofanislandgirl-blog]

In the midst of winter

It’s far from summer here in the valley today. A gentle, steady rain is falling outside and we’re all wrapped in winter jumpers. It’s dark as late afternoon although it’s only two o’clock. 

a couple of nights ago, I heard a car hit something outside. The car’s occupants promptly turned around and stopped to have a look, but after that came silence. The next day I saw a little wallaby in our garden, obviously injured around its back legs and alternating between hopping and dragging itself along the grass. Today, it was in our garden again, but closer to the house, lying semi beneath one of the rhododendron bushes and in a heartbreaking state. It had completely lost the use of its back legs and could only drag itself a tiny distance before flopping back down in exhaustion. Even worse, evil blowflies had already begun to attack it while it was still alive. We asked one of our neighbours for help and he fired a bullet through its head to end its suffering. We stood there for a minute, waiting for it to stop twitching, and then it was unceremonially heaved over the steep bank where our properties join. The house was filled with blowflies.

I dreamt I gave birth to a dead fish. Mum looked at it and said it was sickly, or infected, or some words along those lines. It had a horrible face with lifeless, half-closed eyes and it was about the length of my hand. I felt violated and scared and was still uneasy when I woke up. 

I have a lot of chores to do, and I’m getting through them slowly. Although I’m not tired anymore, motivation refuses to lend a hand and I feel like I’m doing everything in slow motion. We went for a quick visit to the local cider house last night, and then for a brief drive down to Cygnet to have a look at the folk festival. It was stunning along the river, still and glassy, as the light faded for the night. The festival itself wasn’t in full swing yet and an ominous mood lingered in the half-light as people scampered around and a surprising number of police patrolled. A few marquees and vans were set up, but a feeling of darkness and deadness hung in the air.

I’m cleaning up and cleaning out a lot of stuff. In boxes and nooks and crannies I find little trinkets and mementos of times gone by. Some friendships are still strong; I look at a pair of earrings one friend gave me for my birthday, which I wear whenever I feel like I need a bit of her strength with me. There’s a card that was given to me by another friend on New Year’s a while back, and it’s nothing special in itself but it reminds me of her smart, kind presence. Then there are gifts from friendships that have drifted, dissolved or shattered, and I can’t help but flood with mixed emotions when I see them. After months or even years of closeness, one day you suddenly realise that you’ve grown so distant that it’s like watching a ship disappear on the horizon, and you only recognise that little spot as what it is because you knew it close up. Even more hurtful are the memories of “I’ll always love you” “You’re my best friend” or “No matter what, I’ll always be there for you” that ultimately turn into nothing, sometimes with frightening swiftness. I’m proud of my current group of friends. They keep me sane and I treasure them and hope I can help them in any way, whatever happens in their lives. It doesn’t stop the pain that flares up when I’m reminded of those dead friendships, how one person who used to be your world is suddenly like a ghost. Although it’s hard, I’ve slowly started throwing out old objects that no longer hold any relevance, and hope that on some weird psychic level it is beneficial. It’s painful because it’s like casting aside the last remnants of my childhood. I falter when I come across some things from a friend who used to be my partner in crime in pretty much everything. She was always the younger, dominant one and I was always the older, placid one. We were performers who both loved the stage, and performed quite a bit together. We joked that we’d make a good Jekyll and Hyde. Later on, her constant need to be the star of the show got on my nerves, amongst other things, and her ego blew up as she grew into a 5″8, size 6, model-perfect physique and started to attract the attention of boys. She moved to the other end of the state for uni and we more or less disappeared in one another’s lives. She developed a nasty alcohol habit which contributed to a panic disorder that had been simmering beneath the surface for years. She gained twenty kilos and for the first time in her life understood the dysphoria that myself and the rest of our peers experienced years before. Her dreams of being an actor and a model slowly dissolved as real life hit her the way it hits us all, and I’ve got the feeling that she’s a gentler, humbler soul than she was when we drifted apart. At the same time, I’ve no motivation to get back in touch. I just want her to succeed, and be happy, and healthy, and never lose that streak of craziness that I fell in love with right at the start.

Digging even further into the past, I find a little bracelet that I was sure I’d thrown out long ago. It was the first week of uni and I ended up standing in a circle with a bunch of semi-familiar faces that I’d seen at law camp the week before. One was a boy with an odd accent and a ready laugh. Very quickly, we discovered that we both had a Filipino mum and there was a high-five and a few rapid words of poorly-pronounced Tagalog. We were only born a couple of weeks apart and we both were obsessed with Ancient Egypt. I was stoked. I loved his bear-like presence and funny way of describing people and things. Since he was quite sheltered and fairly religious, he was also the unfortunate target of many light pranks which in retrospect were probably a bit wrong. 

Far too quickly, however, those early sunny days clouded over. Our mutual friends noticed something was up before I did. I saw nothing wrong with guy/girl friendships, and I still don’t. I think it’s stupid to assume that just because you’re friends with the opposite gender, you’re planning on banging. There’s this thing called liking someone’s personality. Unfortunately, lack of communication on this front meant that we had increasingly different ideas of what was going on; we’d go to the movies and meet up for coffee or hang out at the library, and although for me it was just spending time with a mate, he’d firmly chalked it up in his head as a date. In what I realise now was grossly inappropriate and a violation of my own innocence at the time, he managed to get it out of me that fact that I was a virgin and constantly went on about how rare and special it was that I wasn’t one of those ‘slutty girls’ - I feel like driving around to his house and punching him when I think of that now. Eventually, it all got too much and I made it very clear that I only ever saw him as a friend, not even one molecule of my being thought of him as boyfriend material, and I was more than happy to stay friends but nothing more. 

Once again, my lack of experience backfired and I realise that I should have just cut contact completely. More or less overnight, he turned into a vile creature. He criticised every aspect of my personality; my looks, my academic achievements, my choices in life. He made every effort to make me feel awful. The old Filipino connection, which used to be celebrated and was a source of pride, he now ground into the dust and tried to say that Filipinos were dumb and embarrassing. He still stayed in contact, constantly dropping hints about himself that were somehow meant to suggest that he was a wonderful boyfriend and I had missed out, but it got more and more irritating until one night I was at a party, a few drinks in, and sent a massive long text telling him everything I disliked about him. After that, it was completely over and there was no more drama. I wasn’t really harmed by the experience at all, I think something like that had to happen to make me more aware of life and relationships, but the lessons I learned stayed in my brain. I made a promise to myself that if I were ever in that situation of finding myself “friendzoned” to use the modern parlance, I wouldn’t do a full 360 and turn into a monster simply because the other person isn’t as smitten. It blows my mind how violently someone’s thoughts can turn in a confused reaction to lack of reciprocation. Not loving someone back isn’t a personal flaw, it’s just a fact of life. If you think someone is amazing enough to fall in love with them, how come that all has to shatter when you know they don’t feel the same way? I suppose it’s a reaction to pain, and like many emotional reactions, it’s not a rational one. I still don’t understand it.

Life has sometimes been described as a tapestry, or a long thread, and in many ways it’s true. Some people come into your life and their thread weaves a blaze of colour into your tapestry, but it doesn’t last forever. Humans are a clingy species and we don’t take kindly to a beautiful coloured thread petering out into a new phase, which can sometimes feel dull in comparison.

It’s the middle of summer and my thoughts are full of death, and darkness, and winter. I’m not actually depressed - not properly - although a friend of mine is starting to get concerned after our conversations the past couple of weeks. There’s talk of ‘seeing someone’ and ‘getting help’, which I’ve already done with no benefit whatsoever. I’m not in danger. I simply need time. Life’s tapestry gets tangled up sometimes, and there’s nothing you can do except sigh, sit back and unravel the unruly threads so you can go on your way again. 

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there's something stronger — something better, pushing right back.” - Albert Camus

[arvyllena]

Click Play: The Social Media Festival

Click Play Fest is an event that brought popular YouTube and social media sensations Ryan Higa, Ki Hong Lee, Cimorelli, David Choi, and Sam & Colby on stage for live interviews and performances on the 22nd of November 2015 at the SMX Convention Center, Mall of Asia.

Watching YouTube videos from various YouTubers were one of my pastimes and one of them is the well-known Ryan Higa, the reason why I attended the said event. Ryan is known for making comedic vlogs and short films in his channel NIGAHIGA with over 19 million subscribers and 3 billion views. He started posting YouTube videos with his best friend Sean Fujiyoshi of lip-syncing to songs in mid-2006. One of their most hit videos was How To Be A Gangster that gained millions of views. Most of the videos in his channel were solo efforts and usually a collaborations with other YouTubers. On 2012, Ryan has put together a production company, Ryan Higa Production Company (RHPC), which is formed by Sean and some of his closest friends.

Come Nov 22, I commuted the same way I did when I went to the concert and arrived around 3PM, an hour before the event started. When I entered at the SMX Convention, I actually didn’t know where to go and luckily, there was a signage beside the door that says “VIP” on it and I just automatically went in there. Once I was in, the first step that we must do is to sign-in into a booth where they gave us freebies. The giveaways includes an I.D where we must write our name and even our username in our social media accounts additional to this is the official poster of the event with the signatures of the featured guests. After signing up in the booth, I immediately went straight to the line where the VIP Clickers are queued. Some Clickers were lucky enough to be chosen with a Meet-and-Greet with the artists (oh how I wish I was one of them). While waiting in the line, I was texting ate Kim, my barkada’s sister who was also attending the event but unfortunately we’re not on the same position as she bought a regular ticket and I was on the VIP lane and just decided to meet after the program. On the other, I made an acquaintance and was relieved that I met Nikki, one of Ryan’s supporter like me and at the same time, she doesn’t have anyone who will accompany her so we agreed to just stick together the entire show. We chitchatted a lot while waiting in the line and turns out she was an alumna in UST and was an AB student who graduated in 2014, turns out we were in the same building before but ended up meeting at SMX.

While being absorbed in our chat, we didn’t notice that the staffs were already letting us in. When we entered the hall, the smell of the pizza from the food stalls greeted us temptingly. But it didn’t budge us to go straight at the front as fast as possible to be able to catch sight of Ryan as near as we can. While filling up the hall with more Clickers, Nikki and I can feel the excitement as we were about to meet RHPC in person whom we were just watching from the screen before.

The event started past 4PM (because, again, Filipino time never fails to be present at times like this) and comes the host to welcome us and introduce the performers. Sam & Colby almost missed their flight, but they came to Manila with their silly antics and good vibes and started the show with their wacky stunts and dance moves on stage. These Sam Golbach and Colby Brock started out as just two band camp boys from California and have since gained popularity on Vine. Known for their mischievous antics on camera, they dance, play charades, and sample Filipino food on-stage. Both of them dared to try exotic Filipino delicacies like kwek-kwek, sampaloc, and our very own balut to the audience’s surprise, these two actually loved it!

Next to perform were the Cimorelli sisters who sang their hearts out all the way from the U.S ti their hit song entitled, “You’re Worth It” that seem to embody every little girl’s dream, with lyrics devoted to hope, love, and happiness. The six-sister band with nearly 900 million views and over 4 million subscribers on YouTube, gave their fans a make-over while being blindfolded.

The third artist who’s stepping up on the stage got us so thrilled when actor Ki Hong Lee showed up. Ki Hong is a Korean-American actor who was one of the casts in the movie Maze Runner where he portrayed the character of Minho. He is a recurring actor on YouTube channel Wong Fu Productions' short films like "Take It Slow", where he played an awkward teenager attending his first prom, "This Is How We Never Met" and "She Has A Boyfriend", one with over 7 million views to date. Unlike the first two performers where they sing and dance, his stage was set-upped for a Q&A and live interview. The questions was all about him in the acting industry wherein he talked about his relationship with his fellow actors in Maze Runner. He also opened up about his ecstatic marriage life where he is married to his wife Choi Ha Young who was also with him at that time waiting for him at the back stage. Meeting an international celebrity up close was beyond amazing as I was in awe the entire time while watching the live interview. His stage ended up where he played Box Of Lies which a game that originated from The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. wherein a lucky fan got a chance to play with him and took a selfie afterwards with all the Clickers behind him that he later on posted on his official Instagram account.

Singer-songwriter David Choi returned to Manila to serenade us with his soothing voice. Fame found Choi after posting his first music video on YouTube, entitled A Love Song. It received an overwhelming half-a-million views in just a week. He takes the stage with several of his most popular songs “Missing Piece”, “Can’t Take This Away”, and “That Girl”. One lucky girl nearly cried when David personally asked her to join him on the stage for the last song.

Finally, it is now Ryan Higa’s turn who received the loudest screams of the night. Cheeky as always, Ryan Higa came on stage and uttered a “Hello,” to the tune of Adele’s eponymous comeback single, following it up with his trademark sign-off, “Teehee.”  As it was his first time in Manila and wasn’t aware of his massive popularity, he spent his first minute on stage calming us lamps down (’lamps’ is what he named for his supporters instead of fans), He was overwhelmed and said “You guys are crazy, I can’t hear myself now, I’ve lost my hearing,” , to which the host responded, “I see you’ve met Manila” which made us scream louder to our excitement. Ryan Higa is one of the biggest stars to come from a video-sharing website. Joining Ryan Higa on stage was two from RHPC, Sean Fujiyoshi and Derrick Dereleek including David Choi, dancing to a mash-up of his popular songs Nice Guys and Skrillex to name a few that ended the show. Apparently, Ryan’s stage felt so short that all of us were so ‘bitin’.

Overall, I had a lot of fun and it was an another ecstatic experience for me to be able to meet one of my favorite social media celebrities live and not just pixels on screens anymore.