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millidew · 2 days ago

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its been almost 6 years since kaito and ouma have infested me. here's me talking out of my ass for over 2k words

to love the ouma-kaito dynamic is to love the themes of v3. to see one of them as 100% correct and the other as 100% wrong is to hate the themes of v3.

there must be balance. which is one of the themes!

at first, they each represent one end of their spectrums: lies, distrust, and logic VS truth, trust, and emotion. but it's not all black and white— they're far more similar than they think

to get the obvious visual foiling out of the way: short vs tall, scrawny vs muscular, pale vs tan (relatively...), round eyes vs sharp eyes, cool purple vs warm purple, black and white vs a colorful galaxy, and a tight "straitjacket" vs what's basically loose pjs

they're visual opposites, but they're also both purple, charismatic leaders, would rather die than their let go of their respective roles of hero and villain, and both want to end the killing game. they're also both SO dramatic. they cannot be separated.

all this is to say that they're the same, just taking different approaches (i mean, just compare their early FTEs. what are you two FUCKING talking about. your ass is NOT a pirate kaito shut up). ouma hides drops of truth within his lies and lives to poke holes in others' poorly concealed lies. kaito talks about being honest, but is also constantly lying to himself and others. and it's so fitting for them to essentially die with each other.

lying your way to the truth, and 10 other tricks to surviving a killing game:

v3 is a game that asks: who are you? why are you even alive? what parts of you are really "you"?

in other words: what is true and what is a lie? does it matter?

the flashback lights are all lies. tsumugi can literally rewrite their "truth" as she wishes. and of course, there's the fact that they're all fictional characters come to life.

and there's the big lie of ch1, brought back in ch6. although this is less relevant to me, personally, because kaede fully intended and did try her damnedest to kill so either way she's still at fault soo

the theme of the survivors is that they all have a reason to fight to live even if the world is hell, because they're pushed forward by the connections they made— kaede's encouragements, the training with kaito that led to shuichi and maki's happiness, and himiko's memories of tenko and angie. even though maki loses kaito, because she had those good times with him that led to her change in self-worth, she'll be okay in the end. she's not enforcing her own loneliness anymore.

basically, "maybe the real reason to live is the friends we made along the way"

shuichi explicitly says that his feelings are true, even if they're born of lies. to lie, there has to be a truth. to be truthful, you can't lie. yin yang and all that

it's even shown with the (underused imo) game mechanic of perjury. kaede and shuichi can literally lie for the sake of finding the truth

he rejects being forced to choose between "hope" and "despair," breaking the cycle. it's pretty easy to apply this to the other dichotomies in v3: truth vs lies, trust vs distrust, logic vs emotion. even heroes vs villains.

ultimately, i think v3 aligns more closely with kaito's ideology, because of course truth and trust is a good thing....!, but not without poking massive holes in it too. because kaito's a prideful hypocrite and the game does NOT let you forget it <3 more on that later

little white lies AKA ouma is sick of your shit part 1:

"is the truth worth it? aren't feel-good white lies ok? what even is a lie?" ouma asks with his little hater heart. (ch1 and ch4)

here, we see ouma questioning the individual nature of common sense ("gut instinct", if you will)— how can kaede decide if his talent is a lie? what is a lie? if ouma is 99% lies by weight, what is ouma??? an annoying grape??

we all want the truth, right? but the truth can be ugly. that's what ouma's always showing.

this is something shuichi also tackles with his feelings on his own talent. by exposing the truth, he causes pain to others. but this isn't about him, so you'll just have to keep that in mind

in the death road to despair in ch1, it's kaede's optimism that causes misery to the rest of her classmates. they're lying to themselves when they try to do it over and over. again, ouma calls her out on it, pissing off kaito who supports kaede 100%. the idea they can all get out and become friends is…also really unlikely. and even with kaede's murder "for the greater good", ouma disparages her for doing it in the first place: she lost the moment she seriously considered the thought, and played right into monokuma's bloodthirsty lil' paws.

right after the ch3 execution, himiko still refuses to let herself feel… until ouma calls her out on it. stop lying to yourself. and they all let it out, crying together. it's a good thing, and spurs on himiko's arc to be more true to herself. you did a good thing, ouma. now onto ch4! yay!

the "truth of the outside world", and ch4 as a whole, is probably the most in your face way of showing this. but more on that later.

the boys are back:

if you want a good relationship with someone, vulnerability is key, one that ouma unfortunately can't replace with a lockpick. you have to be honest. maki and shuichi were honest to kaito, which let him help them out.

ouma is definitely not vulnerable, up until the very end. ouma's distrust of everyone pushes them away, leaving him alone— without the "reason to fight to live" the others have— living out of spite and determination, until he dies for that too. like maki, he reinforces his own loneliness, but unlike her, he never makes those connections that make him change into a more well-rounded person.

kaito's better than him, which is a really low bar, but the game goes out of its way to tell you that he's still hiding secrets and adamantly refuses to let down his hero persona, harming both himself and those around him. you are COUGHING UP BLOOD, you are NOT okay. while his sidekicks still know something is wrong, he refuses to truly let them in, instead just brushing them off.

and that pisses ouma off. at the very least, ouma's honest about being a liar. kaito, in his eyes, is a coward. (not only that, people still like him despite being a liar..... but that's probably more to do with kaito being way less of a dick).

ouma, in kaito's eyes, is also a coward. he can call ouma a two-faced coward as much as he wants, but pot, meet kettle

chapter 4 AKA ouma is sick of your shit part 2:

ok. seriously onto ch4 this time. it's the perfect set up to the insanity of ch5. the tension is insane. also, ouma does not shut up about kaito having a crush on him. ok man.

from now on, it's the kaito & ouma show, the truth & trust & hope & emotion & hero VS lies & distrust & despair & logic & villain show.

and the game puts kaito, and all his themes, in the wrong. poor gonta and shuichi are just along for the ride

the stubborn belief that worked so well for maki in ch2 makes kaito refuse to believe, despite the evidence pointing to it, that gonta is the blackened, endangering everyone. and this is the cause of kaito and shuichi's rift which ouma takes great pleasure in. i'm sure this greatly validates his own distrust and loneliness, seeing it as the superior option

kaito's a liar, shuichi's a liar, and gonta is...not a liar but still technically wrong. YOU'RE ALL LIARS AND KAITO/SHUICHI STANS. YOUR FAVE IS PROBLEMATIC. OUMA'S FUCKING PISSED

it's the hypocrisy that gets to him the most imo

does he know?

anyways, it's a great showdown between their two ideologies. up until now, i'd say the score was roughly 3:1 in kaito's favor, but now it's definitely more even. it even features ouma punching kaito instead of the other way around like last time: something made possible imo because of kaito's sickness, which ouma forces him and everyone to acknowledge by doing this

this is a massive L for the hero side.... can the sidekicks clutch this victory and save the princess?

(interestingly enough, note that kaito doesn't even seem to hate ouma after all that. at the start of ch5, he puts ouma and gonta in the same category as having snapped under the pressure due to monokuma. his feelings, of course, change later on.)

...

are you sure about that

yeah, the truth sucks sometimes, huh?

what now?

chapter 5 AKA the boys are back 2 AKA voyage without passion or purpose AKA the sickest chapter name ever

ch5 combines ouma and kaito's ideologies through their swansong, their magnum opus, their collective theatre kid dream

the hangar man. THE HANGAR. no more cameras. no more prying eyes. no more heroes. no more villains. NO PASSION (KAITO). NO PURPOSE (OUMA). WHAT'S THE POINT. IT ALL BLURS (probably because of the blood loss)

think about it this way: kaito is literally dying, hypocritically refusing to let his friends in. ouma is metaphorically dying, because he lacks the "reason to fight to survive" everyone else has, because he has no trust, no friends, no bitches... anyways

(also the poison, which is. you know. is also literally killing him but shush)

the closest he had was, imo, miu for a little, then kaito in ch5. but in the end, it's all spite, not connection, that drives him. ouma kills himself to prove a point, and they both die as a middle finger to the mastermind— a hollow victory, in many ways.

think about kaito sitting alone in the exisal, hacking his lungs out in the metallic silence of the belly of the beast, having just learned one of the truths behind ouma's act, then killing him, then having to lie to all your friends for the hope that ouma's final, crazy plan works out. he's finally stooped to ouma's level. he's so used to the smell of blood by now. does ouma's blood on his hands look any different from his own?

even kaito's motto: "the impossible is possible! all you gotta do it make it so!" is pretty much an admittance. you can make a lie (impossible) the truth (possible).

also ouma bleeding out looking like shit laying in kaito's galactic coat like a cape. kaito squeezing his eyes shut before before pressing the buttons. these images changed lives.

the lying truthersssss...working together!!! to literally pretend to be each other!!! to blur into one being!! trusting each other to see it through for their shared goal!! at first glance, maki thinks it's her fault— that ouma manipulated kaito using her, but kaito disagrees, saying it was for the sake of ending the killing game.

this is all to hammer home the idea that we shouldn't see them as "hero" or "villain." the cast sees them as it first, but of course, we know that's not so simple by the time kaito steps out of the exisal.

in the end, they fail, but kaito puts his and ouma's dreams in their hands. they can do it better this time.

plus, kaito finally stops lying to himself and others about being a liar, the thing ouma gave him endless shit for. it only took him 5 chapters

is it wrong to call "that was a lie" ouma's catchphrase?

i still can't believe maki believed him. love makes you stupid i guess

extra thoughts:

you might be wondering why i call him "ouma" and not "kokichi." i do the same with some other characters: kirigiri, togami (though i switch between that and byakuya nowadays), and komaeda. it's because i don't know them like that. we are NOT friends. "kirigiri" is out of respect however

don't you think ouma has his own "sidekicks," his "villain lackeys," if you will, in DICE?

kaito's execution music should've had the "reach for the stars" line from sdr2 and i'm still mad about it

and they should've both in that exisal idc

kaito somehow exited that exisal with a new jacket. it's my headcanon that, in respect of a fellow theatre kid, ouma stole a second jacket from kaito's room and put it in the exisal

VR au post game low(high)key codependent oumota is everything and i'll happily read 1000 fics about it

also just outside of the Themes of it all, and tbh my main draw to this duo... they're so funny. they are SO. FUNNY. THEY'RE SO GOOFY TOGETHER. STOP TRYING TO ONE UP EACH OTHER

they should run around and beat each other with toy hammers. it's enrichment.

this isn't like thematically relevant but their love hotel events really show how well they could work together. they want a rival to pump them up and fight back so bad!! they'd have the craziest vigilante beef

WHY IS THIS 2.1K WORDS/???!> i am so weak to rivals man

tldr: look at this meme.

tldr 2.0: a true kaito fan is also a true ouma fan and vice versa. you may not like it, but they're two peas in a pod. don't worry though, they're not happy about it either.

#my post #danganronpa #drv3 #ndrv3 #kaito momota #kokichi ouma #oumota #not really but like this is the core of any oumota propaganda imo #tw sui ideation #in the ch5 segment

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lamalefix · 6 years ago

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Pulvis et umbra natura renovantur integra - ch. 6

read this work on ao3

[ch1; ch2; ch3; ch4; ch5]

Alec can’t find the words. Maybe he didn’t have mastery of his words in the first place, he doesn’t even know how to move his own mouth right now.

His head will drive him crazy. The noise that echoes in the bottom of his skull, comes down along his spine and drums in his chest, it turns and turns in his auricles, he hears that noise screeching like a murmur under his skin, rattling between his fingers.

He opens his mouth, he wants to oppose, he wants to say something, but the only thing that comes out, besides a long deep sigh is “Impossible”.

Magnus looks at him, a strange expression that veils his eyes.

And Alec moves his arm and there are still signs of the fresh burns of the activation of the marks. So he tries to free his right hand from the bandages. The contours of his first rune, of a permanent rune, are still there. The voyance rune is black, and thick like after the very first burn. The eye segments twist on his hand and look shiny, they stand out even more on his skin now that he has removed the bandages.

He looks up at Magnus as if to prove that he is wrong. But when he meets Magnus’ eyes again, as veiled as they are, dull, tired, wounded, Alec decides to just laugh it off. Even if it hurts. Not just physically.

“You don’t have to tease me, Mags,” he says softly, stretching a small smile, trying to hide all the bitterness, the sadness, the suffering of another possibility denied.

The noise is even louder in his head now. Incessant, like a waterfall.

He breathes noisily, and maybe a rattle comes out of his nose and flickers on his lips. He could swear he heard the sound of blood running through his veins, going to his head. The iron taste of his blood scratches his palate.

“Alexander” Magnus’s voice seems to bring him back to reality.

And now Alec is waiting, perfectly still.

Impossible.

It’s impossible

Alec half-closes his eyes. He can’t tell what is upsetting his heart now, when a deep sigh scratches his trachea. He can’t understand his emotions right now. Maybe he really hoped for it, maybe for a second when Magnus gave the news, a little hope was born inside him, and he had the chance to taste immortality even for a single moment. The possibility of having the same duration as Magnus, the possibility of having a future, a long life together. It can’t be so bad to hope, right? And yet, the rune is there, perfect on the back of his hand, and so are all the permanent marks, Alec knows it even without having to see them. Maybe he’s angry, because Magnus shouldn’t be joking like that, not about these things, not about him, about his duration, about magic or... about their possibilities. About the little time they have. They have so little time already.

And Alec would like to find the words, he would like to tell him that in the end he would like to be a warlock, that if they found the way to stay together forever, it would be perfect, but they have the time that Alec has, whatever it is. And maybe Alec will be good enough to make him happy, to be remembered later. In the future when he won’t be there.

A terrible, terrible feeling of emptiness digs into his heart.

That noise in his head becomes more insistent, more incessant, and something seems to weigh on him. A strange electricity condenses in his fingers, in the palm of his hand. And Magnus squeezes his eyes and retrieves his hand in his. He squeezes it tightly as if to make those heavy thoughts disappear. And a small grimace contracts his face. As if it was hurting him. Alec loosens his grip and observes him.

The gauzes that he had already loosened and dangled on his wrist, are now in tatters, and in the palm of his hand a dense and thin mist glows, black as night, and is traversed by small blue sparks.

Magnus rubs his hands between them, with a vaguely pained grimace. “Calm down,” he says and then retrieves Alec’s hand and squeezes it again in his. The black mist disappears as soon as Magnus interlaces his fingers.

But the electricity is still there: Alec feels it in his head, he feels it rise in his locks of hair. The small flashes bounce off his fingers and seem to burn like embers.

“Calm down”, Magnus repeats and he leaves his hand for just an instant to snap his fingers and close the heavy door of the cell, then he returns to squeeze his hands. “It’s all right… calm down, darling please” he repeats and brings Alec’s fingers to his mouth.

And Alec takes a long breath and tightens his grip on Magnus and then lets them go and squirms and moves to sit up. He rubs his heavy legs and plants both hands in the mattress, to give himself enough thrust to move backwards. With a not-so-fluid movement, he sits down. And there is this terrible pang that takes his breath away, a wave that radiates from every corner of his body, and pulses in his chest. His heart is pounding in his throat and the terrible dizziness that follows makes him want to puke.

Magnus is immediately on top of him, hugging him and making him hide his head in the crook of his collarbone.

Alec moans louder and does everything to push him away, or to move himself.

“It’s all right,” Magnus says very quietly once again, his voice, a whisper, warms his chest. The noise stops for a moment.

“How did you do that?” asks Alec, his voice thick of disbelief and exhaustion. “How did you do it?”.

He can’t believe it. For better or worse he can’t believe it. There was a moment, when Magnus said it, when that news hit him, that something was shaking in his heart. On closer inspection, Magnus would never joke about these things, not in such a heavy tone, not with such dark eyes, not with this pain in his voice. And yet something else appeared before Alec’s eyes: hundreds of possibilities, years and years of time, the eternity that stretches like the celestial vault. They have long sought a way, a way that could gave them more time, a way that didn’t destroy their identity, that allowed them to be who they are, what they are, and at the same time give them all time. Immortality.

“I told you I didn’t do it,” Magnus replies, rubbing his lips against his ear, and maybe Alec needed this intimacy with Magnus so much that he almost forgets the main topic here for just a second.

He takes another breath between his clenched teeth and tries to formulate a sensible thought that can even come out of his mouth. “I have runes,” he finally says. “I have runes and... am I becoming a warlock? It’s impossible, Magnus... I have no demonic blood... I have angelic blood, yet a small part”.

“It’s very complicated, in fact,” Magnus mumbles, and doesn’t even move, he just holds him tight.

Alec can breathe better now, he suddenly realizes it, the noise has disappeared and even the pain seems a distant memory.

Magnus sighs. “There is an old legend, according to which if a mortal of any lineage kills over a hundred demons in a night of eclipse in which there is also Mars in the sky, then...”.

Alec moves slightly, just to look into his eyes.

“I know it’s a mess, you certainly wouldn’t want all this... you’re a warrior, a Nephilim” his voice is like a whisper, tired and broken. “Alexander, I... if I could, if it was possible, I would have tried to interrupt the transformation. I don’t even know what the magic will do to your body, you have angel blood and... it could hurt you... it could kill you...” he murmurs, looking down.

Alec gasps, clenching his teeth more. He could swear to hear his jawbone squeal.

“I don’t know how your body will react, for now the runes work... but ... but there are so many dangers you will encounter. The Clave, first of all” Magnus adds sighing. “I know you wouldn’t have wanted it─”.

Alec hastens to cup Magnus cheeks in his hands, to make him look up. “Mags...”.

“You did some incredible things, it seems you have closed a rift all by yourself...” he mumbles, trying to avoid Alec’s gaze. “Your magic looks like mine, your family told me”.

“Yes, I remember... I thought it was yours, at the beginning...” he nods and a lump builds in his throat. It wouldn’t take long, to make his memories of that terrible battle return in the back of his head, painfully. In front of his eyes there’s Magnus, his Magnus, bloodless, lifeless. He remembers that hollow silence that came from his chest, his heartbeat a distant memory. Magnus. Magnus was dead. “But you were on the ground. You were... how? You were─you were dying, Magnus”.

Magnus smiles at him. And he looks even more tired now.

Alec bites his lower lip, breathing heavily from his nose. “You should rest, we can talk about it later” he mumbles, then, choosing to skirt the issue for now. He is alive, Magnus is alive, and there’s nothing else that matters more.

“It was you. It seems” Magnus murmurs, smiling softly. “I think it was you”.

“Me?” Alec mumbles a bit confused.

“It seems that for something a bit cliché, it seems you gave me a kiss when you come to me...” he murmurs. “Your sister was giving me energy, but something pulls me back to... and it was you.” he tells him in an extremely gentle tone. “Actually, I should thank you,” he adds.

“I didn’t understand,” says Alec. “I─I didn’t understand” he repeats.

“I don’t know how you did it, but ... somehow you wanted it so much. You wanted so much that I stayed with you... that somehow you restored the core of my magic. You’ve brought me back.” Magnus adds. “You have closed the rift, and you were in pieces. When you joined me, you helped me… you were badly hurt... and when I came here you were─” he stops and heaves a long sigh while moving a hand to settle a lock of hair from Alec’s face, he smiles again. “You were dripping blood, badly hurt and so desperate… Your magic has taken shape, a thick and black fog like the one you saw before... The situation couldn’t be saved at that point. You used so much magic, so much energy. So much, that you had burns on your hands, up to your wrists... I can help you manage it but... the effects on your body... I don’t know what they will be. And then,” he stops again, and looks up at him, his big caramel eyes are shiny.

“Magnus” Alec calls him again, he’s just trying to interrupt him to stop those heavy thoughts.

“I will help you control it, my love. I know, magic is scary, it surely is... scary, trust me. I know,” Magnus murmurs, very softly, and his velvet voice trembles and maybe, when he swallows, before talking again he’s trying not to cry. “But we’ll find a way, okay?”.

Alec knows him well enough to understand, from the way he speaks, even more than from the way he looks, from his eyes, from his non-verbal behaviour, from how tense and narrow his back is since he brought out this news, though Magnus is however extremely affectionate and kind, as always, that there is something else. That he’s worried about something, about something else. “It’s all right, you said it,” Alec says resolute, and he feels his smile reaching everywhere in his body. And he really thinks it: it’s all right. Perhaps he is so confused that he still doesn’t see all those negative sides that Magnus has already identified. Or maybe there really are no negative sides... “It’s all right. That’s what we wanted, right, love? Finding a way to always be together, you and me. Where always is the key word...” he smiles more, enough to feel pain in his cheeks.

And Magnus looks at him, and looks amazed. Stunned. “What?”.

“C’mon Mags. You know I want to stay with you forever” he murmurs. “I mean it’s an extra chance for us. We can stay together. Together forever. That’s it,” he mumbles and rubs a finger on his cheek, leaving a vague red glow.

Alec pulls his hand from Magnus face and looks at his palm. There are wounds, signs, bruises, like small burnings. Then he looks up again and doesn’t know how he’s looking at Magnus right now, perhaps he is confused as the warlock snaps his fingers again to call up the blue fire of his magic and let the smoke run over Alec’s hands.

“That’s why I said you shouldn’t fret, Alexander,” he whispers, blinking before looking at his hand. “It’s nothing, though. A little magic and these tiny little wounds will disappear, mh?”.

Alec opens his mouth and the only thing he can say is “Did I hurt you?”.

“No, it’s nothing,” Magnus smiles. “I know you would never hurt me,” he adds, getting closer to him and showing him the palms of his hands, which are just a bit reddened. “I’m alright, see?”.

“So it’s mine, isn’t it? Is this mine?” he mumbles again, while small puffs that seem like lightning run through his fingers.

A small grimace contracts Magnus’ lips, but he says nothing.

In all honesty, Magnus expected a very different reaction from Alec. He expected anger, pain, terror. Truth is that there were some emotions that took over Alec, just for a brief moment, but it took very little to get rid of the black and thick fog of his magic.

But yes, he expected something different. Perhaps Alec didn’t understand the magnitude of the problems they will face, perhaps Magnus was not sufficiently clear, perhaps he didn’t specify enough how serious the situation is, how worrying it is, how in reality this is a leap in the dark. He doesn’t know if Alec’s body will stand the transformation, usually the runes disappear if a Shadowhunter becomes a Downworlder, but it never actually happened that a Nephilim became a warlock. For the least, as far as he knows.

And perhaps he should tell him without turning around too much that the situation is more serious than it seems, that Alec’s body couldn’t react and at best to the transformation - which perhaps is still not complete, and perhaps that is why the runes are still in their place - or again, he should tell him that the Clave will at least take him and try to study him. And this is the best case scenario.

He should tell him that the only sensible thing to do is to run away, hide in a remote place until Alec becomes able enough to control himself and control his magic. At least until then. Or maybe they’ll have to run away forever. Disappear from the Clave registers and say goodbye to everything.

But Alec is so relaxed, even though he looks decidedly tired now, now that he looks at his hands and that little electricity runs through his hands, he looks so happy. His eyes glittering, and a tiny smile that curves his lips.

And Magnus didn’t expect him to be that happy. Magnus is so worried that he can’t actually understand why he should be happy. Or maybe Alec is just so tired that his brain no longer connects.

Alec weaves his fingers together and this gesture recalls his attention . “Hey,” he smiles at him. “No matter what happened, how it happened...” he says. “It doesn’t matter how we did it. This means that we have more time, don’t we? I mean you and me”.

Magnus stays silent. Alec has already said it multiple times, yet only now, does he realize how powerful his words are, how incredibly happy he is. They have more time. More time. Is it true? Does this work even if you are not born a warlock? Do you become immortal anyway? No, maybe not. Because magic could consume his angelic blood, and runes could let his body rot. Maybe they don’t even have the time they originally had. And a flash passes before his eyes, the possibilities that they originally had become smaller and smaller, and Alec who is consumed by this thing, by the transformation, by the magic, by the runes. And their future together becomes even shorter. Shorter than ever.

“Hey, hon?” Alec repeats, squeezing his hand just a little, trying to intercept his eyes, he has this tiny smile on his lips. “You sure I didn’t hurt you?”.

Magnus rolls his eyes for a moment and tries to swallow those thoughts and make them disappear by shaking his head. “No.” he forces himself to smile as softly as he can.

Alec tightens his lips in a thin line, the disappointment that reaches his eyes is a clear symptom of how much he has noticed the nature of what is passing in his head. “Okay, spill the beans” he snorts. “What’s strange about it? Has my mark already come out?” he asks. “Please tell me I don’t look like a spider, Magnus: it would be terrible if I were... if so...” he mumbles shuddering. “To be afraid of myself would be terrible”.

And Magnus looks at him and maybe a small part of him would judge his sanity. Alec that kills demons - by nature not really a pleasant sight - to earn a living, not two weeks ago, after coming face to face with a spider in the Institute’s shower, he came out terrified. He does everything to mask a laugh, but a loud chuckle spontaneously rises in his throat. “No, but think about it! In battle how much usefull four pairs of limbs can be, possibly arms. It would be inconvenient to have sex with all those extra legs...”.

Alec shudders more, in an extremely theatrical way, and closes his eyes. “By the Angel!” He covers his forehead with one hand and then looks at him with the corner of his eye, a small croocked smile that curls a nook of his mouth. “At least I made you laugh”.

Magnus gets closer to him, their distance is already ridiculously small, and maybe it isn’t such a good idea to weigh both of them on that battered cot. He brings his hand, the one with which Alec holds his, to his mouth, and kisses his knuckles. “You’re such a silly man”.

Alec runs his tongue over his lips and smiles slightly. “What’s wrong, do you want to tell me?”.

Magnus looks at him and swallows noisily. And he would like to talk about something else, he would like to plan a trip, take him away, far away. Far from problems, away from pain, away from fear, from demonic attacks. But seclusion will not be enough. The sword of Damocles hovering over them will fall sooner or later, if Magnus doesn’t tell him everything and immediately, if he doesn’t tell him that the only option available, as soon as Alec is able to travel with a portal, is to go away. As long as he survives.

“Magnus?” Alec calls him, in such a low voice.

And he stretches a grimace, and maybe it’s a smile or maybe it’s not. “I don’t know what will happen, Alexander.” he admits. “I don’t know if your body could withstand. You know what happens when a Nephilim becomes a Downworlder... the runes disappear. But usually people like you can’t become like me," he adds. “The mixture of magic and runes could wear you down, you could... you might not have as much time as you hope... you could...” and then he stops. Die, die remains at the bottom of his throat and burns between his vocal chords paralized.

Alec looks at him and seems lost now. His big eyes, the color of the sea, seem even lighter, now, watching him in this confused almost broken expression, now that this revelation gave him yet another slap in the face. But then he smiles “You’ve already said it. I understand, we will find a way, I know that we will find a way” he decides, so serious and stubborn.

And Magnus knows, Alec has every intention of changing the world, of changing it for Magnus, for their love, for their time and for those who find themselves in a situation even remotely similar to their own, stubborn as he is, headstrong as he is, he will find a way. He will find a way to be with Magnus. He found a way to become potentially immortal, so he will find a way. They will find a way.

But he has to pull everything out anyway. He must spill all the information he has. Everything that he is actually assuming. “If even this, let’s call them, actions on your body were to stabilize, without leaving too many marks on you... without taking anything away from you...” he shakes his head. “The Clave would look for you. It would hunt you. And in the best of hypotheses he will find you and...”.

“If I get deruned?” Alec murmurs slowly. “If I get deruned, could I... I don’t know, be fine? The runes would have no effect, would they? And the Clave wouldn’t look for me, right?”.

These words make his head spin, he’s probably delirious. One of them is delirious, or both of them are. It is probably Magnus who is raving, maybe he fainted, in the shower before, in the end he really used so much magic, and Catarina said that he must rest at least a little to recover himself from his own wounds. In short, Alexander can’t really have said that. He is a warrior, he was born to be a Shadowhunter, maybe even to change things, in the Clave. He really couldn’t have said that. And perhaps, if it were just something that happened inside Magnus’ mind, it would be even worse: it would mean to deprive Alec of his family, to deprive him of his identity. And that’s terrible to say the least.

“Could it be a solution?” Alec babbles. "I want to be with you, Magnus. Having more time... succeeding and─”.

Magnus caresses his face, and feels the muscles of his shoulders soften, relax. “We will find a way. Maybe your runes will fade away without harming you.” he smiles. “We will find a way” he repeats.

“You said it before,” he points out.

“Because I want as much time as you want. We’ll do our best, won’t we?” he replies, moving a lock of hair from Alec’s forehead, then moving to pick up his cheek. “We will find a way”.

Alec stretches, every single bone seems to pop loudly. “You’re calmer now,” he says, and it’s a statement.

Alec reads them through with a disarming easiness, with a disconcerting sweetness, as if he had been created specifically to peer into his soul and release every little secret.

He is the one. Magnus always knew it. And maybe they are lucky enough to have a happily ever after. At least Magnus would be the lucky one, to be able to wake up beside Alec for the rest of his life. Of his immortal life.

“I thought you would take it differently,” he murmurs with a tilting his head. And it’s the truth.

“Well, you will teach me to control it, right?” Alec babbles and is nothing more than a rhetorical question, he will certainly help him, even if Alec already controls his magic, maybe not consciously but he succeeds. “I just want to avoid hurting you. And if, if I’m lucky and I become immortal, I can’t see negative sides,” he adds shrugging. “Being able to stay with you until the end of the world? Really, I can’t see the downsides”.

“What a sap!” Magnus whispers, blowing a kiss on his cheek. And he doesn’t want to say it out loud. Because, in reality, however reassuring it may sound living an infinite time together, immortality is still a curse, an eternal sentence. He then tightens his lips and smiles slightly. Then he purses his lips, and smiles a bit softly. “We should talk about other things, mh?”.

Alec snorts loudly, frowning and pursing his lips in a tight line. “And I should also reproach you: you had to rest”.

“I am resting,” he whispers. “I’m here with you, I am resting”.

“Then I’d be the sap! Flattery won’t let you escape from a reprimand...” he mutters. “What else you need to tell me?”.

Magnus takes a breath between his clenched teeth and decides to smile and leans back towards him and rubs a kiss on his cheek . “You know? We can talk about it tomorrow, move a bit, let’s see if this cot can support the both of us”.

“Weren’t they supposed to bring a bed for you?” he mumbles, moving slightly towards the wall to make room for him. “Not that I complain, but maybe I stink...”.

Magnus smiles. “You know that I can’t manage to sleep if you’re not in bed with me.” he murmurs, taking place next to him.

And Alec throws an arm around his waist and pulls him against his chest, nuzzling his nose in the hollow of his collarbone. He breathes slowly and his shoulders tremble as he hunts a sigh.

Magnus moves his hand in light strokes on the broad shoulders of his young Nephilim.

“We’ll manage” he blows very softly on Magnus’ skin. And Magnus nods slowly, sinking his nose into his hair.

“We’ll manage. Your sister has a plan...” Magnus nods, clutching Alec against himself. A sudden wave of tranquility that envelops the heart.

“We will be together forever. And we’ll be happy, and safe and... and─” the words begin to twist on Alec’s tongue and get stuck between the teeth. He too, like Magnus, sleeps better when they are close. “Immortality sounds good, yeah?” he adds tightening his grip on Magnus’ waist.

And the warlock hums kissing Alexander’s hair softly. It does sounds good, terribly good to have and all that time Alec hopes to have. And he tries to ignore the sword of Damocles that hovers over their heads: the transformation, the Clave, the magic. The very fact that infinite time, infinite possibilities can lead to endless conclusions, endless goodbyes. Alec will lose everything in any case. Whatever the course of this matter, any outcome has. At best, in the short time, he will lose who he is, who he was until that fateful night when magic took possession of his body, he will lose the runes, he will lose his angelic blood. He will lose his family, then. If Alec really has an infinite time in his hands, he will lose his family. First the bond with Jace and then everything else. Isabelle, Maryse, and all the rest of his noisy family. Then, gradually, over time, Magnus will lose Alec, they will lose each other. Because even if they can finally stay together until the end of time, until the very end of the world, losing themselves is one of the curses of immortality. Even if their love is infinite, time wears out everything, time rots every single thing. Even the most lovely. And Alec will start to hate him. Him and immortality.

And as much as his heart bleeds, tight in an impossible, hard and painful grip, as much as he already knows it, how much of a curse immortality is, for now, however he should better not think about it.

Alec mumbles something, while his breathing becomes more and more slow and deep, and the arm that surrounds his waist tightens the grip on him, a leg slips between Magnus’ thighs for to bring their bodies even closer. Is she already sleeping.

And Magnus blows a kiss in his hair right above the bandage that seems to stretch at the corners of his forehead. Two small bumps that seem to push the gauze.

Or maybe Magnus is just imagining, he’s already dreaming as tired as he is. Surely he is already sleeping, now that they are both safe, safe and sound, and far from imminent danger. Now that they’re in bed together and have time to heal, the both of them.

Heal and learn.

#malec #malec fic #angst with happy ending #warlock alec lightwood #alec lightwood #magnus bane #pulvis et umbra natura renovantur integra #the little artwork showing alec's warlock mark is coming up next with next chapter :D #lamalefixwrites

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