#in solitude i felt the liberty you spoke of

[elisaenglish]

J’ai senti dans la solitude la liberté dont vous parliez, mais j’ai aussi senti que vous me manquiez.

[whatdoscissorsdo]

you ever just go to bed feeling all clean and fresh ready to sleep then ur bed reminds u of those chips u ate a while ago while crying to poalof for the 60th time or is it just me

[svnsetromance]

RHAENICENT + Portrait of a Lady on Fire In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence. @lgbtqcreators — creator bingo / gradient

[snowbairdd]

In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence.

PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma

[fruitydiaz]

i don’t belong here

[Image description: 8 gifs from 9-1-1, In Another Life, with a quote from Portrait of a Lady On Fire: In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt the absence of you. Gif 1: A close-up of Buck’s face slowly coming back into focus as he wakes up in his coma dream. The text reads, “In solitude.” Gif 2: Before leaving his coma dream, Buck embraces his parents, a torn and pained look on his face as he struggles to hold back tears. The text reads, “I felt the liberty you spoke of.” Gif 3: Struggling to breathe, Buck looks down and grabs at his chest. The text reads, “But I also felt.” Gif 4: A black and white gif of Chimney, blinking back tears as he explains the accident to Maddie. Gif 5: A black and white gif of Bobby sitting by Buck’s bed, praying with his rosary. Gif 6: A black and white gif of Hen watching Christopher talk to Buck with tears running down her face. Gif 7: A black and white gif of Eddie wiping a tear from his cheek and looking away from Buck. Gif 8: Maddie and the 118 surrounding Buck’s hospital bed. The text reads, “Your absence.” /end ID.]

[sevendeadlywhispers]

Someone Like You by Adele

0:57 ─────|──────── 3:46

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High volυмe : ▂▃▄▅▆▇▉

🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡

➻❥ Pairing: Levi x Fem!Reader ➻❥ Description: an unexpected visitor shows up while you are getting ready for your big day. ➻❥ Content: sfw, spoiler free, she/her pronouns & angst ➻❥ Word Count: 1.2k

🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡🂡

Levi, feeling the weight of solitude, rose to the unwelcome sound of church bells. The echo of each chime resonated through his room, a stark reminder of the day's significance. It was a day off for the entire scout regiment, a day meant for joyous celebration.

However, freedom weighed heavily on Levi. Uncertain of how to embrace such liberty, he lingered in his quarters, avoiding the festive atmosphere outside. The idea of mingling with others, of engaging in the camaraderie that surrounded this day, felt alien and uncomfortable.

As he reluctantly considered leaving his sanctuary for his morning tea, an insistent knocking disrupted the stillness. 

"Not today," Levi muttered, hoping the visitor would take the hint. The knocking persisted, refusing to yield to Levi's desire for solitude.

"Go away," Levi grumbled, his eyes fixated on the people below, blissfully participating in the festivities. The voice on the other side of the door remained resolute. 

"I'm not stopping until you open the door."

With a resigned sigh, Levi opened the door, revealing none other than Hange. Their dress uniform presented a rare sight of order, but the persistent scent betrayed their put-together appearance.

"Well? Are you going to welcome me in?" Hange said with a smile on their lips.

"No," Levi said.

"Oh, what a shame." Hange pushed their way through the door, closing it behind them. They walked through his room, examining his belongings and touching everything in sight. It irked Levi, but he knew that no matter what he said, Hange wouldn't listen.

"What do you want, Hange?" Levi asked, bitter as ever.

"You know what I want," they replied.

"No," Levi said.

"Why won't you?" Hange questioned.

"It's not my cup of tea," Levi retorted. "Someone's gotta keep watch while everyone is out getting drunk."

"Well it was your cup of tea, though," Hange said as if it mattered to him.

"It was never mine to begin with," Levi spoke. "Is this what you came here for? If so, it's a waste of time."

Hange walked themselves to the door, turning the handle. They looked back one last time.

"It will be at the Gardens if you change your mind. It starts at noon." They closed the door behind them, leaving Levi alone with his thoughts.

For the first time in forever, Levi's thoughts reverberated louder than ever, grappling with the dilemma of whether to join the festivities or remain in the solace of his quarters. He found himself standing before the mirror, adjusting his appearance with a meticulousness reserved for missions. No dress uniform adorned him; there was no intention to partake in the revelry.

As he pondered his next move, the weight of the Captain's mantle felt burdensome. He didn't know how to be just Levi, he faced an unfamiliar uncertainty. It was a luxury he seldom allowed himself.

He didn’t know what he was doing here, the wood pressing against his knuckles. A woman opened it, and shame engulfed him as her eyes met his.

 "Captain Levi?!" she gasped, lowering her voice discreetly. "What are you doing here?"

Levi hesitated, his reply barely audible.

 "I came to—"

"Don't you dare," she interjected, her voice rising. "You and I both know you shouldn't be here, especially today."

"I'm aware," Levi conceded, but the plea to leave persisted.

"Get out of here then, if you know what is good for her" she urged, a mix of concern and frustration in her eyes.

Your voice, echoing behind the door, cut through the tension. "Who is it?" Your footsteps approached, and as the door opened, your eyes met Levi's after years of separation, capturing a moment frozen in the gaze of his midwinter's eyes you haven’t seen since your Scouting days.

"Levi," was all you managed to say, surprise and a rush of emotions overtaking you as you didn't expect to find him here of all places.

"If you know what's best, then you should leave," your older sister warned.

"Apologies," Levi uttered, his gaze lingering on you one last time. "Take care."

His voice, saying your name, sent a shiver down your spine. The way he spoke made you crave to hear it again, questioning if it was truly okay to succumb to the allure of his voice.

"Wait," you blurted out without fully grasping the consequences of your actions.

He paused, turning back to look at you. Your sister intervened, "You have 10 minutes. She has someone already waiting for her."

"Thank you," you whispered, and as your sister left, you closed the door behind Levi. The room fell into a heavy silence, his back faced to you. You sensed his mind wandering, thoughts racing without finding the words to express.

You chose not to break the silence. After all these years, Levi remained the same man you left – incapable of expressing feelings, even in life-or-death situations. Despite being humanity's strongest soldier, to you, he was just a man, someone afraid of love.

You believed you could fix him, tried everything to make him feel secure, yet he never reciprocated the effort to make you feel loved.

"How's life in the Walls?" Levi finally broke the silence, his back still turned to you.

"Everything I ever wished, Levi," you replied softly. "I have my own rose garden, you know?"

A small hum escaped his lips before he spoke, his voice carrying a weight you couldn't ignore. "Does he treat you well?" Levi asked sternly, as if he believed he could treat you better than any other man.

"Like a queen," you asserted with confidence, your stubbornness masking the true emotions beneath. You weren't lying to Levi; you were living in Wall Sina with the vice-captain of the Military Police, after all.

Levi remained silent, the somber atmosphere hanging between you, years of unspoken words echoing in the air.

"Why are you being so shy?" you asked, stepping closer, longing to touch him one last time, to feel the familiarity of his battle scars. "It's just me, Levi."

You spoke to him as if the glory days were just yesterday, your hand reaching out to his shoulder as if he were still yours. But was he ever truly yours to begin with?

His hand covered yours as he turned around to meet your eyes. "I don't mean to intrude," he said softly. "I just wanted to—"

"To what, Levi?" you pressed him.

"Reminisce. That's all," he admitted.

"Why today out of all days?" you said, frustration evident. "You know what today is."

He fell silent, avoiding your gaze like it held a painful truth.

"Why did you come here, Levi?" you pleaded, urging him to finally express his true feelings.

Once again, no words. "Just say the words, Levi," you begged. "Say it, and this can all be over."

His eyes finally met yours, and he took your hand, gripping it tighter than ever.

 "I hope you know I'll never forget you," he said, letting go and walking towards the door.

"I don't have to do it," you tried to stop him. "Just say the words, Levi."

"You look beautiful in white, I hope you guys grow old together." he said before leaving, leaving you with the echoes of unspoken feelings and the somber realization of what could never be.

When he left the room and shut the door behind him it was like you were a Scout all over again. Reliving the heartbreak as if it were the first time. He was the one you truly loved but he wasn’t the man you were marrying today. 

[cinemacentury]

Saturday, March 9, 2024

"In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence."

119. PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE (Céline Sciamma, 2019) - France - Physical - Home Library, BluRay - 120 minutes. New film #110.

[butchkaramazov]

portrait de la jeune fille en feu: an analysis

portrait of a lady on fire (2019) dir. céline sciamma. major spoilers ahead.

okay i am having intense brainrot over this film and i cannot hold it in anymore. let's start with the parallels.

héloïse and marianne as orpheus and eurydice

"in solitude, i felt the liberty you spoke of. but i also felt your absence." this is the main principle on which orpheus turns and brings forth his doomed faith. he feels "liberated" knowing that eurydice is finally about to return to him, but then he feels her absence. he misses her too much to not look back at her one last time. and so he does.

"or perhaps she said, turn around." héloïse brings this up when sophie, marianne and héloïse are debating on the reason behind orpheus turning back towards eurydice. the scene ends with this dialogue, showing that everyone present in the room agrees with héloïse's sentiment. later, when marianne is leaving, she plays the role of orpheus, with "eurydice" running behind her. and then, true to her word, h��loïse says: turn around. and so she does. within a second, the background turns black (like that of an abyss which eurydice fell into) and the door closes as héloïse's image fades away. her role as eurydice is complete.

as the FSU Students Union puts it,

"....outstanding characteristic of this film is its use of Greek mythology. The writing draws delicate parallels between the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice and the two protagonists’ relationship. These parallels also foreshadow the fate of the characters and allow for a brilliant and heartbreaking callback scene (which will not be described in order to avoid spoiling the ending of the film). The film uses mythology as an allusion instead of a device to excuse fantastical elements. There is no unexplained supernatural intervention, nor does Orpheus make an appearance onscreen. Instead, it is the tragedy of this myth that repeats itself in Marianne and Héloïse’s lives."

[scene ends.]

2. page no. 28

an excerpt from an interview regarding page no. 28 and that scene:

Céline:  “There is a contemporary effect in this scene that is huge. Finally, we have loose hair, we have no costume, we have shoulders only, we have naked bodies. We no longer know where we are, we no longer know in which period of time we are.”

Adèle: “The moment when I say 28… originally there was a justification behind it, which was “why 28? - “Because it’s my age", but we cut it. And that decision making on set allows the creation of a new mystery. Because suddenly there is no explanation to 28. I say…”

“And when I say “28” I tell myself that I am going to create a kind of treasure, like something that we’ll never know about. But it will have a lot of meaning for the character in that moment.”

in the end, when marianne sees the portrait of héloïse with her daughter, she feels her heart break. but when she catches a glimpse of her keeping a finger on page no. 28, she realises that her lover is sending a message for her and only her to understand: i still love you. when the camera pans to héloïse's eyes in the portrait, it feels like she's smiling at marianne, a kind of tragic smile that says hello again.

i mean, just look at her face. she knows they'll meet again, perhaps in another life.

[scene ends.]

3. paintings and scenes

i love how this film makes us see everything through marianne's eyes, through the eyes of a painter. a few scenes can be compared to renaissance/baroque paintings, such as:

traveller contemplating a sea of clouds by caspar david friedrich in 1818 // héloïse looking at the sea, slightly shrouded by rocks

also note that when placed side by side, the fog lines in the painting in the left seem to melt into the rocks in the scene present on the right side (this is probably a coincidence, however it is fun to observe.)

ampio orizzonte by ettore tito, 1910 // héloïse and marianne in portrait of a lady on fire

ampio orizzonte was also used in a tumblr post captioned "art that depicts women not posing seductively or gracefully but simply existing as human beings", and that is exactly the mood this scene in portrait of a lady on fire is portraying. a pure moment between héloïse and marianne just existing comfortably around each other.

[scene ends.]

4. the ending scene.

the ending really delivers the message that even though we may be kept away from each other, art shall bring us back together. this can be seen in other, important scenes where héloïse and marianne hold onto their lost loves through their painting.

art does not simply stop at paintings, however, and the ending delivers exactly that message. art also means music, and in this case, the orchestra marianne had attempted to recreate for héloïse now being experienced live by héloïse herself.

the camera slowly zooms in to héloïse's neutral face as marianne stares at her. her expression gradually changes into a grief-stricken one as her chest heaves and her jaw clenches.

slowly, her lips stretch into a smile, probably at the thought of marianne trying and failing to recreate that part of the orchestra. it could also be héloïse trying to console herself with marianne's words of reassurance: "don't regret. remember."

(this line could be a nod to sappho's fragment 147, “μνάσασθαί τινά φαιμι †καὶ ἕτερον† ἀμμέων.” - “Someone I say / will remember us / in another time.” although it's unlikely, it's fun to think about.)

[scene ends.]

[gutwrenchingwords]

in solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of,

but I also felt your absence

[altumferitas]

In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence.

Oil reproduction, from the movie Portrait of a Lady on Fire

By yours truly

[unicorn39]

In solitude I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence.

[Héloise] Portrait Of a Lady on Fire

[narilinha]

in solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of, but I also felt your absence.

[bluesuicideheaven]

In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of.

But I also felt your absence.

[chumpy1012]

“In solitude I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence.”

[hislily]

“In solitude, i felt the liberty you spoke of. But i also felt your absence.”

— Portrait of A Lady On Fire

[somebaconlover]

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)

Directed by Céline Sciamma

Cinematography by Claire Mathon

Starring Noémie Merlant, Adèle Haenel and Luàna Bajrami

"In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence."