#in related news i really wanna change my icon now. my style changed so much since then. it feels old now. so stay tuned for that ig

[not-cool-enough-to-scuba-dive]

it's real missing artfight hours lads

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: The Anime (pt. 1)

I could go on and on about these two and I think I will, just because I don’t often see people talk about the analysis behind them. The meta I have seen about them has included a perspective that equaled the anime and the manga and I don’t think that’s an accurate way of viewing their relationship.

The anime is a different species than the manga, something that frequently happens during the adaptation from page to screen. Since they’re so different, I’ll analyze them separately.

There's going to be many parts to this so I'll keep a table of contents right here so people can more easily navigate (though you can also read through the "let's talk about natsumikan: the anime" tag on my blog):

Anime Analysis

Part 1: Exposition & Episode 7

Part 2: Episodes 8, 9, 10, & 11

Part 3: Episodes 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, & 17

Part 4: Episodes 18 & 19

Part 5: Episodes 20, 21, & 22

Part 6: Episodes 23, 24, 25, & 26 & Conclusion

The anime makes changes, as anime adaptations often do. The most outstanding changes are appearance related, as Natsume now has brown eyes instead of red, in addition to other characters who have hue-shifted eyes and hair. But there are also story changes, and I’ll be focusing on the changes that occur, specifically in regards to Natsume and Mikan and their relationship.

For one, their relationship starts evolving much earlier in the anime. I think it’s pretty undeniable that in the anime, Natsume started liking Mikan at the end of the dodgeball game. That scene never happened in the manga, but in the anime, it’s a crucial step in making sure nothing seems too sudden or forced.

The anime is 26 episodes long. If Natsume only starts liking Mikan after she saves him during the Reo Arc, then we’re already halfway through the show when positive feelings between the two appear. On the other hand, the feelings develop more slowly in the manga because there’s more time to properly develop the relationship in a more drawn out way.

My analysis will start with the anime, because it’s shorter and easier to discuss.

Exposition

It’s impossible to say that the anime was completely loyal to the manga. It very frequently couldn’t be, because it needed to fill in time in episodes or give closure early before the manga even addressed it (Natsume’s backstory in the anime, for instance, is vaguely referred to and implies deviation from the manga).

The most obvious difference between the manga and the anime from the get-go is visual. Not only do they have differing art styles (I don’t dislike the anime style but Higuchi Tachibana’s art style is so distinct and unmistakable while the anime’s isn’t so unique), but the setting is also different.

While the manga started in the depth of winter, the anime starts off in summer/fall. It always struck me as odd that while the first page of the manga has Mikan running after Hotaru in full winter-wear, the anime starts off warm and idyllic. You could almost think of that as a general warning for the difference between the anime and the manga. After all, while the anime has a reputation for being a cutesy and upbeat story about friendship and magical powers, the manga is much darker and discusses many morbid and depressing themes that can and WILL fuck you up. Warm vs. cold seems like an accurate difference, though I don’t think that was intentional.

We see way more of the village life in the anime, including Mikan’s efforts to keep the school from closing. This is a welcome change because Mikan’s passion to keep the school open is nothing compared to her friendship with Hotaru, and even after the school is saved, she runs away to see her friend, even if it means she goes to another school. The manga doesn’t imply that Mikan knew already about the school’s fate, and since she is always so preoccupied with Hotaru anyway, we don’t really get the impression that she cares very much. To Anime!Mikan, Hotaru is more important than saving the school, something she was so passionate about she rallied to get signatures. It’s an extra scene to prove just how much Hotaru matters to Mikan, and to show even more how selfless Hotaru was to go to Alice Academy, since she knew how much the school mattered to Mikan.

“Sign my petition to get a Gakuen Alice anime reboot!!!”

My boy Natsume is only introduced properly in the second episode, when we actually see his face and he speaks. His appearance is different from the manga’s too. I’m not sure if this was to appeal to a younger audience or what, but Natsume’s eyes are changed to brown instead of their iconic red, something that was always my biggest peeve about the anime adaptation. His hair is also somewhat purplish instead of entirely grey/black and, although this does bother me a lot less than the eyes, I wonder why they made this change when other characters have black hair. It might have been to differentiate him from Hotaru, another main character with black hair, though I’ve never had issue in the manga telling them apart.

His first interaction with Mikan is a lot more pleasant in the anime than in the manga, although that’s not really saying anything. Mikan’s skirt simply falls off and Natsume draws attention to it, rather than the unpleasant events that took place in the manga. This different event makes it a lot easier to support a relationship between the two of them right off the bat. They are still antagonistic but it’s not as terrible as it is in the manga. This makes it easier to establish romantic feelings earlier on, and might have been changed in order to achieve just that, or possibly also to appeal to a younger audience. Maybe both? Who knows.

“You can’t sit with us!”

With Natsume presented the way he is in the anime, it’s easier to make the claim that he’s simply a good guy who acts the way he does to protect people. And it’s true! He is! But he is also so much more. In the manga, he’s a more complicated character. Although he is a good person, he still requires character development, which is something he does go through, and something I’ll talk about more in his meta analysis later.

Most of the events at the beginning of the anime parallel the events of the manga. Mikan goes to Alice Academy at the same time of year, Natsume shows up with an explosion, Mikan has to go through the Northern Woods, she discovers her powers in her fight with Natsume, etc. Some of the continuation from episode to episode is different than the transitions between chapter to chapter, there’s extra scenes inserted to fill up time, and some of the exposition seems strangely presented (in the anime, Mikan finds out more about the school when she finds Narumi and Iinchou waiting for her at a tea party, which is…. Super weird…), but all in all the information and events are mainly the same. The big differences start with the dodgeball episode.

“Look how happy she is. Makes me wanna barf.”

Episode 7 vs. Chapter 9

I love the dodgeball episode. I feel like for the most part, the anime does deviation from the manga pretty well. With the last arc as an exception, I generally enjoy their changes and additions to the plot. The anime has to be different, has to progress at a different pace, has to introduce topics at different times. They have an episode to fill, and less time to build relationships. Natsume and Mikan are both different characters in the anime but it’s very subtle and has to happen due to the fact that the anime is shorter and seems more designed for younger audiences, in addition to wrapping up before the manga could explore more of the story.

Anyway, let’s talk about the dodgeball episode. AGAIN THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THE MANGA THE SAME WAY so when discussing NatsuMikan as a concept, the anime events cannot be treated the same as the manga events. A lot of people maybe forget that the manga is very different than the anime when it comes to this episode. I see the two media conflated in plenty of fanfics, where seventeen year old NatsuMikan reflect on the dodgeball game from their youth that changed everything, and I get it because the anime version of the dodgeball game is cute! It's shippy! It's fun! But it doesn't happen in the manga the same way.

There's a similar trope with the sakura tree, which I can only remember from the anime, and yet it's such a fundamental aspect of NM fanfic it might as well have played a vital role in both anime and manga. Nothing wrong with any of this, of course. I'm just making it clear that my analysis will cover the two media as separate for the sake of a cohesive essay. Separating them in fanfic is far less important.

This look could probably kill someone. I’m surprised Mikan is still alive, TBH.

The chapter’s focus is Mikan starting to feel more at home in Class B, making friends with her once-hostile classmates, but the episode is more preoccupied with Natsume and Mikan’s perspectives on each other. While in the manga, the game ends with a tie and Mikan accidentally hits Hotaru in the face with the ball, the anime draws out the game to fill an episode and to introduce an evolution in the way Natsume sees Mikan. The first part of the anime episode is Mikan introducing her friends to her new senpai, Tsubasa. After she invites her friends, we see Natsume glowering at her and promptly ditching the next class, saying to Ruka that he can’t stand being in the same class as her. This addition to the plot already foreshadows that their relationship will change in some way by the end of the episode.

Tsubasa tells a frustrated Mikan that if she wants Natsume to be less unpleasant, he’d need to release some of his toxic energy. Thus, the sporty Mikan introduces the concept of dodgeball to the unwelcoming class. When they finally agree, Natsume gives one condition: that they play with the notorious Alice Ball, which is powered by the thrower’s alice (a detail absent from the manga). This Alice Ball is particularly terrifying with the threat of Natsume’s dangerous fire alice. Mikan also needs to get more people on her team, another aspect absent from the manga. While in the manga, Mikan only had her few friends on her team (including a wandering Ruka) and this ended up playing to her advantage, the anime has a humorous plot of Mikan tracking players down for her team, including a fake mustache she makes with her pigtails (she’s so cute, I love her), paying Hotaru to be on her team, and blackmailing Ruka to participate. This was mainly to fill time, but it makes the dodgeball game more important as well.

In the manga, we don’t see how the game ends, just that the teams tied and that everyone in class is having fun and bonding. In the anime, more emphasis is put on the “Mikan vs. Natsume” aspect, so a tie like the manga’s would be anticlimactic. Thus, the anime concludes the dodgeball game with Mikan and Natsume being the only kids left on the court, and Natsume not using his alice when he throws the Alice Ball. Even Hotaru leaving the game is something she does out of boredom instead of injury, further separating the other characters from the plot. It’s about Natsume and Mikan, and everyone else is mostly a side character. (Though Ruka also plays a vital role to this episode AND chapter, and it’s at this point that I think he started developing real feelings for Mikan as well. So when it comes to the anime, he and Natsume fall for Mikan around the same time, but in the manga, Ruka likes her first and the “he liked her first” argument for Natsume vanishes, though he never had that “advantage” to begin with.)

“Thank you!”

Natsume wins (something that shocked me at twelve years old) and is ready to walk away with his handy “tch” and all but Mikan thanks him for not using his alice and he goes off on her, demanding to know why she’s still smiling despite her loss. She says she’s happy that he had fun and was involved with the rest of class for once, and that in a way that means she wins. For Anime!Natsumikan, this is it. This is the turning point. “I just wanted you to be happy and have fun,” is what Mikan might as well be saying. “Really, this was all for you!” It’s sweet and it’s thoughtful and I don’t think Natsume ever imagined he’d be on the receiving end of her kindness, especially after all their beef. Manga!Mikan would probably not say these things to him, even if she meant them, for the sole reason that Mikan is stubborn and holds onto her pride, especially when it comes to her early relationship with Natsume, but Anime!Mikan is much more forgiving and much more willing to extend an olive branch, like in the dance episode. In any case, Natsume starts falling right then, and it’s obvious too, because he is pissed, and even more angry because he’s not even mad at her. He’s angry with himself for his change of opinion. This is the girl he was fully content to hate forever and yet here he was, starting to like her. Not ideal.

This scene, something so crucial to the development of Anime!Natsumikan, is completely absent from the manga. In the manga, Natsume still dislikes her by the end of the game although he does have fun.

He's not angry, just disappointed. In himself.

I’m not going to say one is better when it comes to starting up NatsuMikan because they’re very different creatures and I actually thoroughly enjoy both.

Anyway, the NatsuMikan after episode 7 is almost the same as in the manga, but the events carry a different weight since we know Natsume likes Mikan now (even if he would never admit it).

Summary

I hope this first part was interesting, and that it introduced the idea of Anime!NatsuMikan as being a little different from the manga's version. Yes, it is more or less the same story, but with so many thematic and plot changes, they take a different form as well, in a perhaps more subtle way, kind of like a slightly canon divergent fanfic. Fanfic where Natsume starts liking Mikan a bit earlier on in the story.

Next Part ->

[tartagilicious]

[CN] Lucien’s Sunset Date (eng)

this date is amazing ugly sobbing but if this doesn’t post I’m rioting. also, this makes me wanna dance under the stars with lucien while listening to feel good by fromis_9 is that too much to ask, universe?

--

MC: the sweet and sour short ribs, black pepper beef tenderloin, boiled cabbage heart... the meal is almost done!

I checked the recipes on my mobile phone while checking on the dishes in the bento box. Recently, Lucien’s research institute is working on a new project. He stayed in the institute for several days and did not come home.

I studied a few new dishes in my free time, but I never had the opportunity to try them with him. So, I took advantage of the rest of the day to cook and made a bento. Of course, I was also planning to see him out of my own selfishness.

When I happily took a few quick photos of the bento, I marked “Professor Xu’s love bento” on the photos with cute fonts. When I was about to go out, I received a text message and opened it to see that Lucien sent a strange address.

MC: ?

Is this a mistake? I dialed Lucien’s phone doubtfully.

Lucien: Did you receive the address?

MC: Um, where is this?

Lucien: This is where I am now. I guessed that you would come to me for lunch.

MC: ???

MC: How did you know?

Lucien: Because… black pepper beef tenderloin, sweet and sour short ribs, and boiled cabbage heart.

MC: ...Lucien! Are you studying mind reading for your new project at the institute?

His shallow laughter came from the earpiece.

Lucien: The project sounds very interesting, but you seem to forget that my research field is brain science. If you want to know the answer, you can open the photo album now.

I hung up the call, opened my phone’s photo album, and a buffering icon appeared in the middle of the screen. After a few seconds, my photo album automatically updated a piece. I have never seen the picture before.

The photo shows an exclusive courtyard with a wooden log door frame and red brick wall, and a row of old-fashioned labour utensils are displayed at the foot of the wall. In the middle of the yard is a 28-brand bicycle, its style reminiscent of the 1970s.

And under the light of the noon sun, reflected on the wall is the shadow of a person. I recognise it almost at a glance as Lucien.

“Ding” my phone has received a text message.

Lucien: Do you know the answer now?

After Lucien’s reminder, I finally realised. Last week, there was a problem with my phone and I needed to use another cloud account for verification. So, I used Lucien’s account temporarily, but I must have forgotten to log out. In other words, during this period, our mobile phones were using the same cloud account, so the photo album was also in a shared state.

MC: Yeah…

On my way to the private courtyard with the bento box, I blame my own carelessness in my heart, while repeatedly confirming the appearance of the “inventory” inside the box. Lucien must have seen the recipe that I saved in the photo album, not even the photos taken of the box just now have been spared.

I sighed and knocked on my head a little, then I suddenly realised again. If our mobile phones have been synced for more than a week, that means that all the photos I took during that time…

I quickly send a text message to Lucien.

MC: Lucien, have you seen anything else in the album? What photos?

Lucien: For example?

MC: For example, something that impresses you…

Lucien: Are you saying that this subject is my photo?

My fingers flicked subconsciously as Lucien’s reply appeared on the screen.

Lucien: I forgot to say that next time, you can shoot with more integrity, that way I can cooperate with you on more poses.

He really!!

He often took pictures of himself reading books or doing experiments, but he didn’t take any others! This cunning man!

(translator’s note: the original translation refers to him as “a lion man”, basically saying that he’s sly and superior.)

When I arrived at the lane where the courtyard was located, I saw Lucien from a distance standing and waiting for me. I hurriedly raised my hand to him.

MC: Lucien, is your research tricky? Have you set aside the time to eat?

Lucien took the bento in my hand and looked at me with happy but tired eyes.

Lucien: It’s not too tricky. As for having good meals… if the standard is this bento, then i really can’t call any of them good meals.

He took my hand and leads me through the door. When I stand in the courtyard, the sense of precipitation of the years becomes stronger.

MC: How can you be in this place? Is it related to research?

Lucien: Well, this research project will conduct clinical trials here.

MC: This is actually a new research base?

Lucien: To be precise, it’s a temporary research base.

MC: What about the other people of the research institute?

Lucien: The study will officially start tomorrow, and today we gave them the day off.

MC: It turned out to be so, but how could the research base be chosen in a yard with such a sense of age?

Lucien didn’t answer. He took me to sit down at the square table in the courtyard.

Lucien: Based on the understanding of ___, I answered your question, but after that, your curiosity will only grow more questions. So, before this, let’s eat first. I’ll give you a good tour after we eat.

After supervising Lucien eating the lunch, he took me by the hand and walked into the second part of the courtyard. The style of the building is consistent with the courtyard, even more so seeing the rest of the architecture.

The dark grey rough floor exudes a faint smell of cement, and the green leather wall is painted with the four red characters “hard work”. The three classic furniture pieces restore the old texture and the rest of the daily necessities present also exude a strong sense of age.

Lucien: How do you feel?

MC: Although I obviously haven’t experienced this era, it seems as if i’ve really returned to the past.

Lucien: The research team here has spent a lot of time restoring it to seem like the 70s.

MC: I’m even more curious now that you mention it. What kind of research is it that you need to have a venue like this?

Lucien: It’s a study on the healthy brain of the elderly. For people with Alzheimer’s disease, or elderly with hidden risks of clinical depression.

MC: I’ve heard that there’s no effective treatment or medicine for these conditions, is that true?

Lucien: Well, Alzheimer’s disease can be said to be a serious challenge facing modern brain science research. Even this research can only focus on early intervention before illness, while observing the quantity and quality of brain cells.

MC: So, why do you want to restore this place to the 70s specifically?

Lucien: The brain of elderly people is often in a state of stagnation, so the brain will easily degenerate. The most memorable experiences of the elderly staying here are concentrated in the seventies, which is the most meaningful time of their lives.

Lucien: Putting them in a familiar environment to stimulate the brain is the basis of this research project.

MC: use memories to wake up the brain and prevent them from succumbing to sickness… that’s it. It would be nice if more people could know this method.

I looked around, and suddenly had a flash of inspiration.

MC: Lucien! Can I use my camera to record this research? This might attract more investors.

Lucien didn’t speak, he looked at me a little bit more and then smiled. Realising my offer was a bit abrupt, I quickly tried to change the topic.

MC: Though, it doesn’t matter if I can’t shoot. After all, this involves the confidentiality of research. But, if our memories can be recorded, this way, when we’re old, we’ll have more memories to look back on in these cases.

He remained silent, but the smile on his face was deeper.

MC: What happened? Did I say something wrong?

Lucien: No, if you want to shoot, I can ask the patient’s families for their opinions. But, I think they will agree, because what you want to do is also a very meaningful thing.

MC: I thought you would think that my idea was too bad to consider…

Lucien: I’m just happy. It turns out that you’ve already planned so far for our future.

After going through the entire building, Lucien took me to the backyard again. In the centre of the yard was a dense wisteria tree. There was a breeze in this early autumn afternoon, and the sun above also swept away most of the hot temperature.

The backyard shrouded by the wisteria flowers was concealed by a shady and drooping branch, swaying leisurely in the air but looking very comfortable. Obviously, it’s my first time coming here, but I feel a familiar sense of deja vu.

Lucien: What do you think?

MC: It feels weird to say it, but just for a moment, I felt that this scene was familiar.

Lucien followed my line of sight and looked at the branch of wisteria.

Lucien: On a scientific level, you must have visual experience. But I have a more romantic explanation. It may be that our souls snuck out in a dream, and then we met in a yard in the seventies.

He turned to look at me, his dark eyes deep like an exquisite pool of water.

Lucien: Maybe they were there and had a stable and slow life.

His voice is calm and determined, and his words fell to the bottom of my heart.

MC: Lu-Lucien, you’re seriously bluffing to me again…

Lucien didn’t seem to care about my disbelief, the pool in his eyes was still flowing with waves.

Lucien: If you don’t believe it, do you want to try it?

MC: What is there to try?

Lucien: Having a slow dream in the courtyard of the seventies.

MC: Like our souls, spend a lifetime in a dream?

Sure enough, I subconsciously believed Lucien’s words, but the initiator only smiled and nodded.

Lucien: “Life” is a subjective word, and how long a life is, is up to you to feel and decide. So as long as you want, we can spend our “life” here.

Maybe I was moved by Lucien’s romantic theory, or because I haven’t seen him for a long time, but either way, I eagerly agreed to his proposal.

MC: Since we’re going to live a slow life in the seventies today, let’s be more involved!

I took out headphones and my mobile phone and placed them on the stone table in the yard.

MC: I’m asking professor Xu to please confiscate these modern contrabands.

Lucien nodded knowingly, and took out his phone as I did.

Lucien: It seems we have to find something to seal them in the “future”. 

As he said this, he found a wooden box and put all of our electronic products inside of it.

Lucien: Welcome to the seventies, silly girl.

--

The weak autumn sunlight in the room shone crookedly through the window like a painting waiting for us. Though, we don’t have the mind to appreciate it, only focusing on living in the slowed down time.

Lucien seems to have come prepared, and the activities proposed were endless. He taught me how to light a kerosene lamp and took me to try an old fashioned sewing machine. We played with fans leisurely together, and listened to the squeaky Suzhou Pingtan on the radio.

(translator’s note: suzhou pingtan is a traditional musical art in china)

Time seems to have really slowed down for us while we do a lot of things, but the sun outside is still mild and bright. After listening to a pingtan, I eagerly looked at Lucien

MC: Lucien, what should we do next?

Lucien: What do you want to do?

MC: May I decide?

Lucien: Well, I also want to know what you think of this slow life.

MC: Well… I can’t think of my answer at the moment.

Lucien: It’s okay, just let the flow happen. Rather than using your brain to think about what you want, it’s better to leave the feelings to your heart. This deliberate content doesn’t necessarily conform to the meaning of a slow life. What you feel currently is the most important.

MC: Then… can we sit in the sun longer? Is that too plain?

Lucien: I think it’s a good idea.

After getting Lucien’s affirmative answer, I also dreamed of sitting in the sun with him. Only soon, my beautiful fantasy was disillusioned, because we searched the entire yard and found that there was only one recliner.

Lucien and I stood under the wisteria frame in the backyard, looking at the narrow chair in front of us.

MC: Hey… how about you sit down first? We can take turns.

The moment I blurted it out, I felt like I said something silly again. I blushed and was about to fight for myself further, but he reached out and pulled me into his arms. Before I knew what he was going to do, Lucien grabbed the back of my waist and gently closed the distance, our warm breaths instantly intertwined

Before I could speak under his deep eyes, my centre of gravity suddenly fell and I was in a soft embrace. My eyes moved slightly down, and I found that we were sitting on the recliner at the same time. My legs had encircled his body without me knowing when.

The motion startled the recliner, and it shook slightly. I couldn’t find my balance for a while, and I subconsciously hooked onto Lucien’s neck.

MC: Lu-Lucien?

I struggled to stand up, but Lucien released the hands that were fixed on my waist, and I was forced to tighten my arms around his neck. There was a warm breath stagnated in the air between us. The suffocating sensation reminds me of the air above an asphalt road in the summer.

Lucien: It’s boring to be alone in the sun, I think two people would be better.

MC: There’s nothing boring about being in the sun…

Fearing that I would make him uncomfortable, I lightly held on to prevent myself from slumping into him.

Lucien: You can relax, this chair is enough to hold the weight of both of us.

MC: I-I’m very relaxed.

Lucien:  Are you….

I heard his low and dull voice noise in my ears, and I hung my head even more as my face flushed. He stretched out a hand, pressed the knuckle of his right hand against my chin and gently lifted it up.

In the next second, a gentle and light kiss fell on my lips.

I instinctively closed my eyes and could only hear the beating of my heart in my head. Although it was only a soft kiss like a dragonfly’s, time seemed to slow down. When we finally separated again, it was really as if we had spent a lifetime in that moment.

Lucien: I can be sure that you are really relaxed now.

When I blushed and didn’t know how to react, Lucien’s cell phone began ringing in the wooden box. As if I had caught a life-saving straw, I stood up and started to go into the other room, his laughter coming from behind.

MC: Answer your phone, I’ll be in the bathroom!

Lucien: I know, I’ll finish up soon.

When I came out of the bathroom, Lucien’s call was just ending. He saw me coming and waved his phone apologetically.

Lucien: Sorry, ___. There’s a problem with the preparations of the study at the institute, and I need to return to discuss it with the research team.

MC: It’s ok! I’m very satisfied with your company for the whole afternoon.

After returning everything in the yard to its original position, I reluctantly took Lucien’s arm and prepared to leave with him. After spending almost the whole day with Lucien in the private courtyard, I feel a bit reluctant to give him up here. Perhaps seeing through my mood, Lucien stopped walking.

Lucien: Maybe we can slow down our departure?

Following his gaze, my eyes fell on the bicycle in the middle of the yard, the same one from his earlier picture to me.

MC: You mean, we can ride that?

Lucien: It doesn’t matter, I can find someone to send it back tomorrow.

Lucien stepped forward and patted the horizontal bar in front of the bike.

Lucien: It’s just that this time I still feel wrong, so ___ can sit here.

I couldn’t help but think of our experience of cycling in Canada. At that time, I was anxious to ride the bike, my hands and feet shaky.

(translator’s note: this is a reference to Lucien’s Autumn Date, available in EN)

Lucien: Want to revisit it?

Lucien supported the handlebars and body, his slender and powerful arms firmly supported the bicycle. I nodded and looked at his hand that was supporting the seat.

MC: I won’t be as anxious today as I was that time.

After confirming that I was sitting firmly, Lucien stepped on the pedals. He lifted his hand and wrapped me in his arms, a reassuring temperature stemming from my back.

MC: Because, I hope this road can be longer.

A white crescent moon took over the setting early, and the pink-ish purple sunset was like peach-flavoured candy. In the middle of the modern city, Lucien and I looked extremely out of place with our old-fashioned bicycle, and the angle of the sun stretched our shadows very long.

Our two shadows, they slowly inched towards the next day.

[frizzlechickenart]

Art Development!

Uhhhhh hi! You guys wanna see some ART? (I haven’t really done anything in a few months so it’s old but hey what can ya do?)

Anyway I wanted to show you guys the progress I’ve made on my first oc (technically she was my childhood imaginary friend) through the years!

Her name is Valenar, and she went from a classic fire dragon to a red dragon specifically when I got my first D&D books! She’s always had a human form though, and most of the time I picture her as a human with wings, horns, and a tail.

(This is kind of a long post so I put the art and stuff under a cut.)

Ok wow… so I did this drawing in like… 5th grade? She’s wearing kind of a weird outfit here because I was trying to invent a sport for her and her friends to play and she obviously needed a uniform.

I know this was super early in my artistic development so I won’t complain about it too much. I will note that this was back when I thought noses were ugly so I didn’t draw them lol.

(also her hands are backwards, that kind of horrifies me now)

Pretty sure I was in 8th grade when I did this one. It’s a big improvement on the first drawing, and I changed some details about her. (Adding an eye scar and giving her two braids.)

I think I made her more beat up and battle-worn in this one because I was trying to write a short story about her where she was a hero warrior for her kingdom, but I didn’t know how to draw scars/injuries back then.

I also gave her this iconic ruby necklace that she still has, but it’s lore has changed 30 times and now I have no clue what it’s for.

Big time jump here, I did this one in junior year of high school. I pretty clearly had a lot more practice by then, and it was paying off. I’m still proud of this one even though it’s a little awkward and the coloring on her wings is scribbley.

I had finally learned to use refs by then, so her wings came out really nice. Her abilities also went from being fire related to being able to control the ground instead. 

Her scar switched eyes, and I finally was confident enough to draw her horns! She’s still got that warrior vibe, but I took down the amount of scars/injuries because I figured even if she’s in human form, dragons still have thick skin. (Also I’m still not very confident drawing that stuff and I wanted to practice more before including it on bigger drawings like this.)

Big finale! I did this one towards the end of senior year, (about 2 years ago) and pretty much just re-did the previous one digitally. I am still amazed by this one, because I don’t think I could do anything similar to it even now. 

Her face became a bit more realistic as I finally found my style. Her hands still look a little awkward, but (if you’ll excuse my narcissism) I really love how her wings turned out!

I also finally learned to sign my artwork, something I still forget to do sometimes lol.

Thanks for checking out my kinda long art development post! I love seeing how other artists progress and looking how I’ve progressed hopefully encourages some new artists out there to sick with it!

And do stick with it guys! It took YEARS to get this far, and I’m still working on improving. I love you all, and thanks for stopping by!

[yourpakichic]

Episode 11 thoughts ⁃ A hand hold and a cheek kiss all within the opening scene? Someone call me an ambulance cause I’m dead. Also peep that smug smile on Serkan’s face after grabbing her hand. Sir sit down, you are already doing too much! That’s the most natural skinship scene I’ve seen between these two. Serkan has always looked a little bit uncomfortable with hand holding and other things but that was just so natural and just flowed! ⁃ The lyrics of that song and their expressions throughout were absolute perfection! ⁃ Gosh I really have a love and hate relationship with Aydan. She keeps pushing Selin and Serkan to be together I’m like so over it but on the other hand, she’s had such sweet and heartbreaking scenes and moments and my heart goes out to her. I know she’s a complex character and I love that about her but it’s also so frustrating to watch. ⁃ The similarities and contrasts in Eda/Ceren and Serkan/Engin conversation were so cute. The way Eda is so hopeful and Serkan is still in denial, like y’all need to get it together! Ceren being very straight about Serkan and Eda’s journey and feelings while Engin uses reverse psychology to get Serkan to understand was interesting cause being straight with Serkan never works out. ⁃ Serkan gets his pettiness, attitude, and jealousy tendencies from Aydan and no one can tell me otherwise. ⁃ I will forever love and cherish scenes where he comes to pick her up/drop her off. They might be the smallest scenes but they are the true evidence of their chemistry/attraction. Not to mention they always are witty and playful and shows the way their conversations flow and the little hints of magic their words contain! ⁃ So the grandmother is Ayfer’s mother and clearly they blame her for, I’m assuming, Eda’s parents death which is why they have kept their distance. But from the call Ayfer made, it seems that the grandmother still loves and cares for Ayfer and Eda and will do anything for them. Her entry will absolutely change everything for the family and Serkan/Eda as well! ⁃ “You never worked for me, Eda Yildiz.” Those words. I had to pause and just think. Serkan never considered Eda as his subordinate. She was his equal. To him, she was always a free bird. To come and go as she pleases. He never could or will cage her and I think that is absolutely beautiful and powerful. He acknowledges and accepts her carefree nature and presence and understands that she will fly as she pleases. For Eda, that freedom is necessary and core of her being. To be limited was never Eda’s style. So can you imagine? Being in a relationship where you have complete freedom to be what and who you are without any hesitation with a man who appreciates and loves your talent/knowledge and is always supportive of your endeavors. And that too with Serkan Bolat who has a controlling nature and being. Just need a moment to process that. ⁃ THAT IS GOING TO BE THEIR HOUSE. I’m calling it now. The show NEEDS to end with them in that house with their two robot-like children playing in garden designed by Eda and them over looking that beautiful view from their bedroom. ⁃ Serkan going FULL PANIC over Eda leaving and telling Engin to make her offer was the most pleasing to my eyes. That man out here creating a crisis over this. ⁃ The defeat in his eyes when she tells him to leave her alone. ⁃ Eda claiming her man in front of Selin was top notch! She said girl, I can take care of my man, no need for you. ⁃ The entire Serkan’s sickness scene was just heartbreaking. We knew Serkan had a tragic past and was still suffering because of it but to find out about his trauma was just... I have no words. To be so young, sent away abroad without knowledge about your brother, away from your family. To be left alone so young to grow and work through your trauma all by yourself. No wonder he doesn’t trust anyone. No wonder he doesn’t let anyone in. His own parents abandoned him so young, how is he supposed to rely on anyone else . And he has clearly internalized everything really deep. It’s one thing to have traumatic childhood experiences, but in Serkan’s case, he never worked through it at all. And now as an adult, due to that fact, it manifests itself into actual physical sickness. I literally just wanna give him a hug and make all his problems go away. ⁃ One more thing on this scene, one of my favorite things about their relationship is that despite their differences and previous conflicts, Eda and Serkan can both be easily open and vulnerable with each other when the other needs it. Just how they were sad/angry at the office early, but Eda came to take care of him and not only that, they had a conversation and were so open with each other as they read from the book. To have that openness with someone is just absolutely precious. ⁃ NOT THE WAKING UP WITH EACH OTHER SCENE I WANTED. I DESERVE BETTER! ⁃ Okay. That’s it. I’m never forgiving Aydan for breaking Eda’s heart like that. After everything Eda has done, she deserved to be said goodbye to properly. She made my girl cry after getting what she wants from her. I hope Ayfer goes in on her as their relationship progresses. ⁃ I FUCKING HAD A FEELING LAST WEEK AND THE FACT THAT  AND THEY JUST CONFIRMED IT. So last week when we found out about Eda’s parents death, Serkan’s face reaction made a small little voice inside my head go “that’s gonna be related to their relationship and be an obstacle in some way” BUT I DID NOT EXPECT IT TO BE TRUE LIKE THIS! Alptekin is responsible for Eda’s parents death. That is going to be the breaking point for these Eda/Serkan. Serkan already has issues with Alptekin but this is gonna push him over the edge. Also, I do not like the fact Ferit has this vital information. At this moment, I absolutely do not trust Ferit. ⁃ That was Ferit’s breaking point. Being left all alone while prepping for the wedding. I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna go through the wedding and he will blame Serkan for that I can already tell he’s gonna use his position as a shareholder and the secret about Eda’s parents to destroy Serkan. Not to mention, he’s probably gonna find a way to use the fact that Eda covered for him and Selin about the contract leaking to create a conflict. And here I was thinking Kaan would be our biggest problem.  ⁃ THAT FINAL SCENE WAS ICONIC AND EVERYTHING. I don’t think they could’ve chosen a more EdSer style to do the confession! After everything they’ve been through and the situation, it would’ve been totally weird to have a sweet, slow confession (yet at least). The arguing, the sunset, the slight hint of humor WERE ABSOLUTE PERFECT DIRECTION FOR THIS CONFESSION! the way he stopped the cab, got her suitcase, straight up told her to not go like multiple times and then said those magic words we’ve been dying to hear AND THEN GRABBED HER AND KISSED HER! Perfection. Just literally got goosebumps and was giggling like a child throughout it! 

Overall: THEY ARE OFFICIALLY TOGETHER. That is literally all that matters in the end. Hands off to Kerem and Hande for their amazing acting and expressions, cause this episode was strong solely due to their performance. There was no room for weakness or downplaying any emotion, and man did they deliver every line and every emotion absolutely perfect. We’re finally onto the next phase, which will be going through conflicts and working through family issues which is going to very exciting but also filled with angst. As per the 2 previews, the next episode seems to have a lot to offer: their romantic scenes, the bolats learning about Eda, Ayfer confronting Serkan, and of course Selin/Ferit wedding. Tbh, I am no nervous for this next part because how they choose to handle Serkan/Eda and  portray their relationship at this new starting point is so important in solidifying their bond and their love. 

I’m going to be mess until all these issues resolve and I already don’t have good coping mechanisms!

[cheseyre]

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all. 

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo 

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo 

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS  BEEN SO  LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP.  I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀 

Okay, okay. 

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle. 

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this. 

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man. 

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon. 

There is no in between 

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

Like

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking  destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay. 

Okay. 

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video. 

Like

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader. 

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals 

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww 

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose? 

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020​ you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

[amintyworld]

Oh! Oh! For the mutual thing, in relating to tss, who would be a light side and who would be a dark side? Would any of them kinda be like Virgil who changed sides? Or maybe opposite? If you wanna go further, what would they represent too?

Alright Anon, I hope you know you inspired something amazing. Mutuals, I have here Sanders Sides OCs with each and every one of you in mind, including Icons (which is why this took a while to finish). Anyway, I hope you enjoy them and feel free to draw or write with them, and maybe come up with some ideas or designs for my own (Because I couldn't figure out a good fit to make a OC for me). Here we go, and I hope you guys enjoy! <3

Let's start out with the creativity twins (Two sides of creativity):

@h-ad3s - Instinct (Dark Side)

• Instinct represents the wild, spontaneous side of creativity - like painting or writing your feelings out, when you do something just because you want to.

• Very Impulsive at times, and because of their reckless nature can get the (what do you call it? Thomas part?) 'Thomas' in trouble a lot, leading to everyone pegging them as a dark evil troublemaker

• As with their twin, Instinct can turn into a animal at will - theirs is a raccoon.

• Found late at night rummanaging through or sleeping in garbage. 'Why, Inst? You have a bed!' 'Because. The funny smells calm me, plus I wanted to.'

• Has eaten glitter, glue, bar soap, and even a ceramic mug (No one knows how they ate the mug to this day.)

• But, when feeling sad or someone else is sad, they usually are found in raccoon form cuddled up in Protection or Imagination's lap, sleeping.

@dee-ree-vee - Passion (Light Side)

• Passion represents the creating for creation's sake side of creativity. They create not based solely on emotion, but because it brings them happiness to create. Passion represents just happiness and drive for any hobby, and the drive to improve. As well as, you guessed it, passion in Relationships as well - weather it be platonic, familial, or romantic.

• Despite being told to stay away from Instinct because they're dangerous, and that they were the 'better creativity', they still try to chat and connect with them because of their past closeness feeling like family.

• They can turn into a cat at will like Instinct, and usually use the form to sneak out and meet Instinct in the 'Creativescape', a middle between the darkscape and the mindscape, where they are crowned ruler.

• They love free time of any kind, and enjoy the constant creative drive with weekends or holiday breaks, and are usually the ones who come up with gift ideas or little surprises for Friends, Family, or SOs.

• Can get overwhelmed by expectations of always doing things right and never making a mistake, in that way being slightly jealous of their twin.

• Their favorite thing to do is help make dreams with Imagination and fight off nightmares, sometimes even Instinct joining to help.

@lightyagamisqueen - Protection (Dark side)

• Protection represents Fight or Flight as well as Anxiety, but also white lies at times to take the pain away, to protect. The lies leading them to become a Dark Side.

• Has a very hard time relaxing, leading them to get burnout quite often from their overly taxing job, and Instinct, being the only other Dark Side and who knew them well would always be there to comfort when it all became a bit too much, or when Protection was so emotionally tired they broke down and cried.

• Likewise, Protection knew Instinct too well to always be there to hug and hold closely when they felt so abandoned and alone, even confessing to them once they wish they could stop the impulses but it hurts them physically to do so, and Instinct showed them their scars.

• Protection protects and stays up often at night in the real world to protect from monsters in the closet and to hold the 'Thomas' tightly when they got too scared. They live off of coffee and redbull.

• Once didn't sleep for almost two weeks for a cram finals session, and Instinct had to help them recover.

• Cannot watch horror movies, and usually gets overly anxious and worried walking home alone at night, especially in the city.

@pastel-candies - Inner Strength (Light Side)

• Inner Strength represents Hope, and Strength to keep going when things get hard, as well as Positivity and a co-gatekeeper of emotions, the other being Inner Child. But, while Child's emotions are more fuzzy and less prominant, Inner Strength's are more intense, leading them to get very emotional at times. Also they represent ignorance, pushing bad emotions or negative thoughts away, thinking they're just getting rid of them and not realizing they're repressing.

• Has plant powers that are tied to emotions, meaning if they're happy, plants will grow around them, if they're sad or angry or upset, they turn into not just killing plants but also slightly life sucking when every other side gets close.

• Is the slightly more 'moral' one than the rest in being the one to get scared and think Instinct and Protection are being more hurtful than helpful and kick them out.

• Has their own little garden with a specific flower in their room that isn't fazed with her emotions, being infused with all the emotions that were too intense to handle, good and bad. They talk to the flower and vent when things get tricky.

• When the 'Thomas' is upset, Strength usually works with Protection sometimes when things get really low, but mostly the two switch off depending on the situation.

• Lately is having regrets and confusion over kicking the other two out, but doesn't know if inviting them back will hurt the 'Thomas'

• Is protective of Passion, Reason, and Inner Child and will do anything to make sure they're safe.

• I imagine them wearing a flower crown, I dunno-

@the-duke-of-deodorant - Reason (Light Side)

• Reason represents and helps with the process of memory and new information, as well as the leader in solving any problems, math or otherwise.

• Reason values the truth above all else and makes sure the 'Thomas' knows the truth of any situation, despite and emotions they have at the moment, leaving them and Strength to butt heads a lot.

• I picture them with a black and white checkered tie...

• Geeks/Nerds out with Passion about Star Wars, Star Trek, etc. They often binge watch many movies and shows, and.. Even have their own code?

• Tries to be there during the emotional fallout Strength gets in, and usually is talking through their door, sometimes Strength's hand sneaks out when the door opens a bit for Reason to grab.

• Teaches Child about the world, leading them to grow into a pretty stable teenager, and the two share a very familial bond.

• Doesn't really understand the whole fear of Dark Sides and visits sometimes, even once helping out Protection during their burnout.

• Is prepared - always has a first aid kit handy and helped Raccoon Instinct when they got a nail stuck in their paw and couldn't transform back.

@antisocialdragonenby - Imagination (In the Middle)

• Imagination is the main gatekeeper of all dreams and daydreams, and has complete creative control in the Creative scape, making anything they imagine in their mind come to life there.

• Could have been ruler of the Creative scape but turned it down, claiming it wasn't their style. Instead they live in a treehouse and chill.

• Probably the most calm in a crisis.

• Out of the Creative scape, they have a cloud they ride on and use for many things - spying on others, viewing past dreams, and viewing made up scenarios or dream scenarios they have, as well as just a hammock to nap on.

• Is well trained with their powers, and uses their imaginative strength to fight nightmares in the dreams that seem to be finding their ways in randomly.

• Is usually the one to go to for advice or just to rant to, closely followed by Reason. This is how they find out about everyone's problems, fears, and turmoil - like how Protection thought they were the ones who caused the nightmares, and Imagination calmly explained that it had nothing to do with them, that they just appear, and that it's their job to help.

• They're fun to hang around and go on adventures with. They like specifically going on adventures with Child, but will tag along with Passion and Instinct from time to time

And finally, @if-i-had-a-spoon - Inner Child (Light Side)

• Inner Child repesents your childish side, as well as childhood memories and emotions. They're the only and first side to grow up from a child when the 'Thomas' is a teen, to a teen when the 'Thomas' is a adult. As a result they're babied sometimes and always treated as the youngest.

• They love looking at older memories and remebering them, although they panicked, figuring out the memories faded as they got older.

• Always a fan of candy, and squeals at cute pet and baby clothes, even making small accessories and gifts for Raccoon Instinct, whom they called 'The trash gremlin' when they were a toddler, and for Cat Passion, whom they just called 'Pretty'.

• Always tries to hold onto stuff from childhood, especially the "Thomas" 's old teddy bear, which they have a copy of for comfort.

• Now, as a teen, they love to write poetry and draw little baby animal sketches, and listen to MCR.

• Responsible for reminencing during random times.

• Although they look young, they're just as capable and smart as the others, fighting for the 'Thomas' to be truly happy, and to be there for everyone, light or dark side.

• I picture them with light purple headphones...

And that's everyone! I hope you guys like them!

[boogiewrites]

No. 9:”The Body.”

Chapter Four

Characters: Diego Hargreeves & OFC Eve Corpuz

Summary:  Eve feels the pressure of learning about her powers and takes steps to do that when Diego takes too long to respond. She ends up meeting him again, by chance or fate, and they begin to realize that they have more in common than they thought.

Warnings/Tags: Light descriptions of fighting. Flirting. Bonding.Little bit of Luther.

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT! If you’d like added to the tags, just let me know. This is a multi-chapter fic.

Eve sits in the on-call suite with an ice pack on the back on her neck. She’d begun seeing how her power worked while she was at her job. She found it harder, the more she practiced the more drained she became. Being the overachiever she was, she’d passed out cold and gave everyone a good scare. She knew the cause but she couldn’t really say that so she’d had every remedy thrown at her and told to rest. So here she was with an energy drink in one hand and her phone in the other. She just had a few hours, she could make it. But she knew there would be more days like this if she didn’t take some time to figure things out.

As on-brand as ever, Diego had not texted her since the initial number text. She sighed and begrudgingly sent him a message first.

“I’m going to see if I can get my hours lowered. Whenever you can, we need to figure something out. I need to learn how to deal with this before I hurt myself.”

Her impatience for a response led her to take plans into her own hands. She made a few stops before she went home, to her community center to see where her defense instructor suggested she could go for some more intense training.

She settled in for the evening, making it easy on herself. She could probably get some decent info from a good google search on the Hargreeves. What? She was by nature a researcher and this was as close to a book on powers she was going to get. She had a personal training appointment with a new gym on the calendar for her next free day. With a plan in place, she felt better. For now anyway.

————————-

The response of “alright let me know.” Seemed underwhelming but at least it wasn’t only one letter. He’d sent it at 2:37 AM. What kind of sleep schedule was this guy on?

She’d been approved for fewer hours, not by much. But when you throw out the words ’work-related mental episode’ they tend to listen. She'd taken the first few checks she’d received and as she had never done before, she treated herself to new workout gear.

She figured she needed to learn to fight. If Diego, well, the whole family, did it and she was one of them... it made sense. If the wrong person found out about her, she could potentially be in danger, and she was not one that liked to be ill-prepared. Since she didn’t think he was moving fast enough with suggestions for what to do now, she’d found a quaint old gym upon the suggestion of her self defense teacher.

“They’re very good at what they do but they’re a little rough around the edges. Ask for the big guy, he’s the nicest, the other brother is a dick.”

She was always down to support family-owned small businesses and if they were good then what is some poor bedside manner when she dealt with people spitting on her for saving their life. This is should be nothing.

Good thing she had such an attitude because she’d far overestimated how good of shape she was it when she got winded from the warm-up. She was certainly getting her money’s worth. Extra fees to be seen at a late hour due to her weird work hours, but once she said she was a doctor the polite man on the other end of the line was very accommodating. That polite man turned out to be one of the biggest men she had ever seen. She thought it curious but didn’t want to be rude and assume he was the Luther she suspected he was. Luther sounded like a name any big guy could be called. This guy could just be super jacked on steroids and injectibles. As long as he was a good trainer she didn’t care. And so far he was giving her the most polite ass-kicking she’d ever received.

This night was an introduction to the gym, consultation, and free training session. She was sweating and focused as Luther went over the importance of safety in form.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I am a little bigger than you.” He laughs and she can see it’s a joke he’s used many times before. “Usually my brother helps in this part, he’s… a lot smaller than me. Not a lot he’s not tiny or something he’s… people-sized he’s normal...human man height. So learning with someone closer to your size is better than-“

“I think she gets it, big guy.” She hears a familiar voice coming down the stairs from the offices and apartment.

“Oh! I didn’t know you’d be in tonight.” Luther says with relief.

“Yeah, plans didn’t play out.” As oddly enough, his plans stood right in his gym.

“Eve here is getting her first session in late, she’s a doctor so… weird hours.” As soon as she saw Diego she knew he was the dick brother she'd been warned about. Checked out.

“Who’s stalking who now Doc?” He asks with a smile and a cocky suaveness he carried himself with.

“I didn’t know this was your gym.” She says a roll of her eyes.

“Oh you... know each other?”

“Yeah,” Diego asks without looking to Luther. “We at my part yet?” He asks with a raise of his brow.

“Yeah left it for last.”

“I got her from here.” He says giving him a casual hand of dismissal.

“Oh, you sure? I’ve got her forms filled out-“

“Yeah, I’m sure. Don’t worry about em. Head on out, I’ll close up.”

“You sure?”

“If you ask me that one more time I’m going to demonstrate on this dummy,” he pokes his chest, “instead of these other ones.” He knocks his head to the side of the room where the standing targets were lined up.

“Yep.” A gives a close-lipped smile and a nod. “Nice meeting you Eve, he’ll schedule you for the next one, kay?”

“No problem.” She gives him a warm smile and a nod in return to answer any doubts he might have about leaving her with him.

So Diego kicked off his boots as Luther wobbled around to lock the doors and turn off the lights. With half the room lit now, they stood face to face and sized each other up a moment. “You really didn’t know?” He asks after he hears the click of Luther being out of earshot.

“I swear. I asked my self-defense teacher and they recommended this place. Said you were good at training people to fight so…” she shrugs and offers her hands up.

“We are. I am.” He smiles proudly. “Why are you wanting to fight?” He asked with squinted eyes. She could tell he hadn't expected it.

“Well.. you do. I mean all…the people with powers do. I thought it’d be smart if I could really defend myself if I needed to. In case something goes wrong and... like... I get found and people wanna kill me.” she gives a weak shrug of explanation

He considers it a second. “Yeah, you just didn’t strike me as the type.”

“Why? You knew I took classes you stalker.” she taunts him.

“Well I had to know if you were legit before I came at you didn’t I?”

“And I you.” she quickly quips back.

“See. We have an understanding.” He passes his hand back and forth. “So… fighting huh? What you into? Judo? Jujitsu? Some boxing?”

“Everything.” She says with a self-assured nod and he lets out a dry laugh.

“Everything?” a cocky laugh that came from decades of experience busted out and stayed on his face in the form of a grin for awhile after.

“I wanna be good. I wanna be strong. I wanna win. Or not die and be maimed at least…. So whatever that takes is what I want to do.”

He could see a conviction in her eyes, she meant it. He was inspired for a moment by the rawness she gave so openly. The honesty was refreshing. “Then let’s do some conditioning. Start there and we’ll start discussing styles. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” She offers a supportive nod.

“Then drop and give me 50.” He grins.

She’d never sweat so much in her life. He put on music and had her do every cardio move she could have ever imagined. She left the desire to stay looking nice long ago once the hair started to stick to her forehead. She took everything he gave, and he was once again impressed. She’d yell out when she was trying to push herself and he'd clap and yell right back. She’d crack a smile when he told her to let it out and scream at him. So she did and she collapsed with her last burpee onto the mat. He pulls her up and gives her cheek a good supportive smack as she glares at him playfully.

“Ya did good, kid.” He pats her arm supportively. “Next time we’ll work on some moves too.”

“Good because I really want to hit you after that.”

------------------------------------------

“You’ve not been out for weeks, what’s been your deal?” One of Eve's friends she worked with, Molly asked. Her face always had a glint of sarcasm in her eye and a brow that never twitched. “I’ve had to work with Sean so much it’s been a pain in the ass.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve just been… busy… going through some weird stuff right now and needed more time for myself. I’ve considered a career change anyway.”

“You what? You aren’t leaving me you bitch.” She says playfully but she means it. “Don’t leave me with those doctor dicks.”

“I’m one of those doctor dicks y’know.” She laughs.

“Nah you’re just a dick.” She grins and taps her glass to her friends. “I’m never very good at being sugar-coated but I'm here if you need to talk about it.”

“Uh...not yet. I’m okay, not sick or anything. Just had some stuff from my past kinda...come up.”

“Ah. The middle of fucking nowhere coming back to haunt you?”

“Yeah, I guess. Some big feelings and stuff came up with...in therapy.” She tries to cover and explain.

“Ah. I get it. It’s dirty work.” She gives a supportive nod. “But for real if you’re leaving let me know where so I can transfer too.” She smiles and knocks the bar to order another round of drinks.

“I need to get out though, just of the hospital and my apartment...so thanks for still asking.”

“No one else we work with is any fun. They don’t wanna go to loud shows they wanna go try out some overpriced bullshit Gastro-pub- whatever the fuck that is- and I’m just...it’s not me.”

“So I’m your only single friend in other words?” She chuckles.

“Nah I actually like having you around, don’t tell anyone that though.” She knocks her arm.

“What about people outside of work?”

“Eh. We have such fucked hours it’s hard to keep in touch.”

“Yeah.” Eve murmurs. “Making friends when you’re old is hard.”

“We sound like two old married birds bitching to each other.” She slides the new drinks their way.

“Here's to acting like we’re much younger women.” They clink glasses.

“Were you much of a slut when you were younger?” Molly asks after looking over the crowded basement of the bar. A small stage shoved in the back corner and the small doorways connecting the string along rooms made the space feel even smaller than it was.

The sudden question makes Eve laugh and almost choke on her drink. “I’ve had my moments.” She shrugs.

“Because there’s this fella that’s been looking at us for a while now and -don’t fucking turn-Christ-“ she laughs and smacks Eve’s knee. “No wonder you're single.” She rolls her eyes. “And if you happened to have been a slut, and in the spirit of our toast wanted to act like your younger self I think you might have a chance tonight.”

“Someones? Looking at me? Are you sure they just don’t want to kill me?”

“Nah, he’s been playing it cool.” She narrows her eyes in the way of the guy. “Here’s what we're gonna do. I’m gonna go to the bathroom, maybe take my own little stroll around this place and see what I’ve got options wise. And we’ll give this handsome stranger a window to come talk to you. I’ll be checking my phone if you need saving.”

“You don’t have to-“

“Hush. When’s the last time you got some?”

Eve opens her mouth then shuts it, defeated with the answer.

“That’s what I thought.” Molly teases. “So tits up and hopefully we won’t see each other until work Hmm?” She pats Eve's shoulder and quickly blends into the crowd of moving bodies.

She began scanning the room. She didn’t have to wait long to find out. She saw him smoothly moving through the crowd, in all black, and not a harness or knife in sight. The moves she’d seen at training with him were reflected in the way he moved, a bit like he was stalking but he hadn’t met her eyes again yet.

He was hurriedly doing a habitual perimeter scan as he moved across the room towards her.

She sat smugly, letting him come to her, feeling as if she finally had the upper hand. They meet eyes and an almost shy but endearing smile was matched and shared between them.

“Who’s stalking who now?” She says as he gets within earshot. “Just so you know it’s always been you stalking me.”

He gives her an easy smile and slides onto the stool next to her. “I knew you’d say that.” He shakes his head. “But I’m actually not here for you tonight.”

“I suppose it was a bit pompous of me to assume.”

“Not with how weird our lives are.” He shares the casual and almost comfortable air between them now.

The training had led to the banishment of that awkward physical barrier between them rather quickly. There wasn’t as much room for chit chat at training so the actual sharing of oneself, something neither were particularly skilled at, was still trying to break through that awkward stage. Luckily they were both practiced in faking it until you made it.

“How do I know you aren’t following me?” He teases

“How would I know where you’d be? I’m not the super boy detective here.”

“Funny” he answers flatly with a raised brow before waving to order a drink. “Then why are you here?”

“My friend wanted me to go out. I had been so preoccupied with… well… y’know all this going on now that I’d been neglecting what little social life I had. So I was due for a night to just see a show and chill but...you had to show up.” She jabs back with a warm smile.

“Lucky for you I’m not here for work.” He says almost proudly as if he were proving something to her. “I have a friend in the band and wanted to have a “chill night” too. But here you are.”

“Can’t get away from me.” She beams cheekily.

“You want another drink?” He offers with a nod towards her empty glass where the ice was starting to clink as she involuntarily moved it while she spoke.

“Oh. Guess I finished it.” She laughs at herself, a short sigh before rubbing a hand through her hair. “Yeah. Why not. Fuck it.”

“What’d you have? Virgin Shirley temple?”

“Oh, he’s got jokes.” She rolls her eyes. “Give me a… Horsefeather.”

The bartender grins. “Alright, Dorothy.” Before slipping away.

“What the hell is a Horsefeather?”

“The drink of my people.” She says as if he should know.

“Are you like a...native American or something?” He asks earnestly.

She laughs and pats his arm. “Be thankful you’ve got your looks hun.” He gives a smile before looking down and trying to figure if he wants to react to the insult or the praise. “No. It’s a Kansas thing.”

“You’re from Kansas?”

She nods and hands the empty glass off to a rapidly clearing and clearly overworked girl behind the bar. “Yeah. Basically.”

“You don’t look like you’re from Kansas.” he narrows his eyes.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She doesn’t feel any hostility from him, as she’d learned he often spoke without thinking.

“You’re not...y’know...White. Wait. Are you?”

She lets out a louder laugh and he enjoys the sound of it. “Honestly Diego, I don’t know. No one ever told me. I don’t think Corpuz sounds white but what do I know?”

“You kinda look Asian.” He muses out loud.

“Stop before you get racist bro.” She warns playfully with a pointed finger. “And what? Asians can’t be from Kansas?”

He pauses and considers it. “You right.” He answers quietly with darting eyes that showed him piecing his newly formed opinion together.

She sees the lull in the conversation coming as he gets distracted. His round dark eyes were still blinking in thought under straight brows that were furrowed in the middle, currently concentrated. The beginnings of a beard, a heavy five o clock shadow covered the lower parts of his face but his lips that she regrettably had noticed were full and soft weren’t hidden from its length yet. A rub of his chin and a scratch through his almost fluffy short hair distracted her as his long and lean hands fidgeted with themselves. She was used to seeing his hair damp and flopped over his forehead from training. Tonight it was dry and styled up, same for his choice of clothes. Just long enough to cover his scalp but not long enough yet to look messy. He was always in black, which she respected as a fashion choice. Although for New York it wasn’t very abnormal as a color of choice.

Eve quickly turns the conversation back to distract him from his self-reflection. “Did you come with anyone tonight? You give off that lone wolf vibe and I don’t think your brother is small enough to even fit through the door.”

His face transforms back to it’s easy-going politeness as it does when he’s with her. “Yeah, I’m alone. Just wanted to not be a shitty friend and try to be supportive by coming to watch them tonight.”

“That’s very nice of you.” She praises. “I was guilt-tripped too.” They both share a small laugh.

“Well, I’m glad we both got guilt-tripped then.” A warm tone she could feel more than hear as he slid her drink her way. “How’s your… y’know...stuff going?” he offers as he wasn’t entirely sure how to conduct himself outside of their usual healing or training.

“It’s…” she sighs and wrinkles her nose. “Going?” she shrugs and presses her lips. “I don’t really want to talk about it tonight if that’s alright. I came out to just be normal for a night. And get back to being… whatever tomorrow.”

He nods supportively. “You wanna go grab this booth and just... be normal? No super shit tonight?”

“I would fucking LOVE that.”

--------------

Molly, the greatest wingman, stalks the bar and circles, keeping an eye on her friend who was rustier than her when it came to picking up anyone. Besides being busy, which she most certainly was, Molly was lost as to why Eve didn’t have someone. She was attractive and smart and kind. Eve was straightforward forward and most of the time that didn’t ring well with men. Eve also got into her own head too much, preoccupied with the thought of messing up, anxious that someone would take one look at her and deem her not worthy and she’d get fired and lose everything she’d worked so hard for. Perhaps her fear of being vulnerable kept her from branching out. She had a lot going for her but didn’t really see it for herself. She’d spent so long being focused on her education and career, proving herself now against the past she had on paper that she was in fact good enough. Imposter syndrome is a real bitch. Not to mention being a woman, and a minority on top of that. Or at least she assumed she was, her mother was and none of the super-powered people knew who their father was. It was enough to be a woman in the medical world, but being one with slight monolids and an ambiguous face and skin color made it even harder. If she was professional, her face was read as cold and bitchy. A strong jawline and not super soft and feminine features made her unable to pull off the damsel in distress routine to slip under the radar unassumingly with her male colleagues. She’d had a terrible upbringing, rough and wild adolescence and now was trying to find her place in the midst of having powers and navigating adult life.

But Diego understood all that. He was the only person she’d ever met that could even possibly begin to understand what she felt. So as it does, shared trauma can create intensified bonds where other’s never existed before. So perhaps that’s why she felt so at ease as soon as she understood who, or what he was. It was almost as if a built-in trust came with his intense eyes and confident actions. Feasibly, that’s why they spent the majority of the night pressed shoulder to shoulder, shouting into each other ears from inches away in a booth, smashed together by the crowd of people around them. As the number of drinks rose, the inches between their bodies dropped.

They sat together as two ordinary people, sharing musical taste and stories of shows past. They drank and laughed and to anyone else they seemed like a cute couple on a date, sitting close with no show of awkwardness between them. After you’d had someone's head between your thighs, covered in both of your sweat and bruises from your grappling the previous day, sitting together seemed like nothing. And it also felt that way, effortless.

What surprised Eve the most about the night was how easy and fun it was. The conversation kept going despite the noise. There was even harmless flirting that she was realizing was a built-in thing with Diego. He was a professional, he was raised to be able to manipulate and know how to engage with people. But she never once felt like it was fake or forced. The crinkles in the corners of his eyes when she’d be inches from his ear and make him laugh led her to believe this was all genuine no matter how unreal the whole situation that brought them together felt.

“Thanks for getting me home,” she says with no slur but the warm buzz of alcohol being felt in her stomach and face.

“Can’t let anything happen to you now can I?”

“I”m trying to not let anything happen for myself….” her eyes go distant before fumbling with her keys. “Can we do some training that’s like… I wanna be able to hit, y’know?”

“You wanna do some boxing?”

“Yeah. I think I do.” she nods and roughly shuffles into her apartment. “I wanna hit you in the face.” she says seriously before they both snort and start laughing.

“Join the long line, honey.” he says with stretching arms. “I’ll find ya some gloves.” he nods in thought. “Tomorrow, if you’re able to anyway,” he smirks,” We’ll get started on learning what it feels like to take a hit.”

“I’m not that drunk.” she says with a wrinkled nose of playful defensiveness. “I’ll chug a pedialite and be fine.”

“Spoken like a true doctor.”

“Or a true alcoholic.”

“Too bad you can’t heal your own liver huh?” he teases.

“Maybe that’s what I'll work on next.” she says as she sighs, the tiredness setting in. “My brain training. Not the body.” she clarifies. “We’ll do punch kick beat em ups and I’ll try to heal the damage this stress is causing.”

“Punch kick beat em ups?”

“Shut up I'm drunk.” They both laugh and she reaches out to hug him. He didn’t expect it but he certainly didn’t deny it.

“Oh are you THAT drunk?” he smirks and looks down at her.

“You fuckin’ wish.” she snorts into his chest before pulling away. “We were...being like..normal for a minute. For tonight, I mean. I needed it, thanks. That was… the hug, why I hugged you... to thank you.”

“You’re starting to ramble now, go on and get in bed.” he turns her body and pushes her into the apartment. “You’re welcome. I had a good time too. It was nice to just…” he shrugs. “Not be me for a few hours.”

She nods and starts sitting her things on her counter. “I know what you mean.”

“That’s some depressing shit.” he stares at nothing in particular for a moment.

There’s a pause of reflection before they both laugh again. “At least we can bitch to each other?” she offers. “I’m glad you got stabbed Diego.” she chuckles.

“What the hell?” he laughs at her as she pats his arm.

“We wouldn’t have met otherwise ya idiot!” she shoves him back into the hallway lightly.

“Oh. I thought you were having some hella mood swings or somethin’.”

“Hella? This is New York son, not Cali.” she teases. “Get out of here before you say something else stupid and I decide I can’t be friends with you anymore.”

“That's the most solid and hurtful advice I’ve been given in a while.” he tips an invisible hat to her.

“I got plenty more!” she calls out to him as he leaves. “See you tomorrow!”

He raises a hand, a cute spin to face her, and walk backward. “Get some rest. I’m beatin’ your ass tomorrow.” he gave her a big smile that they both kept on their faces long after they were out of sight.

@s-h-e-w-r-i-t-e-s​ @jaegeeeeer​ @diegos-butt​ @anglovesthis​

[greatcheesecakepersona]

Ton of replies

yvngdr3am3r said:i don't wanna sound petty or greedy but it would be amazing if u could make a Neighborhood Select screen that matches Birdblinder's Sims 2 loading screen(not the uc one, since the sims 2 one is more versatile and fitting) it would be amazing specially bc it's a smooth transition from the loading screen to nh selection Anonymous asked:

Why can't you just stick around and play the game when you feel like it or just use the blog but don't create anything? You're just going to up and leave? At least stay and answer questions? Why not just be active on GOS and discuss sims stuff there for fun?

I'm not sure what to do with my blog after Clean UI is done. Maybe I will post pictures of my game. However I’m thinking about closing my ask box after a good time. It’s a bit of work to answer all these questions.

@yvngdr3am3r asked:

Hey! Just a question about Clean Ui, are you going to edit the Memories and Stuff, are you going to edit the green background to the yellow one in the previews of build mode, etc or are you gonna leave it untouched? It's not a big deal at all i mean you can leave it untouched nobody cares but IF YOU DO you might wanna check out @eddysims icon pack to cut you some slack since is essentially what appears in-game just in a more plain style and in a higher quality.

So the memories panel was already changed in the last update. I'm not sure what you mean with changing a green background to a yellow one. There’s no green background that I can think of.

@tiainyangsims said:

Hi great cheesecake I have a question to ask you see I got sims4 city and I'm trying to customize my own neighborhood in The Sims 2 but is still look like Maxis neighborhoods and it's not floating it is not doing any of that like everyone else's I don't know what I'm doing wrong can you please help

I honestly don’t know what you are trying to ask me

Anonymous asked:

Sadly I dont have any ability to do C++ or related things. On a related-ish note, when saving custom splash music, exactly how do I save the mp3 and with what settings? I added new splash music for LR2, but my game has been refusing to start since I added them

I have a tutorial for that where I used Audacity. However, if your game isn’t starting it should be a LoadingRandomizer problem. Are your paths set correctly?

@yvngdr3am3r​ asked:

i don't wanna sound petty or greedy but it would be amazing if u could make a Neighborhood Select screen that matches Birdblinder's Sims 2 loading screen(not the uc one, since the sims 2 one is more versatile and fitting) it would be amazing specially bc it's a smooth transition from the loading screen to nh selection

I honestly already wrapped up the loading screens. They also use the new logo which Birdblinder’s loading screens don’t as for now. But it will be quite easy for everybody to change the background image of the neighborhood select screen!

Anonymous said:

How do I download Clean UI I can't find the download button anywhere?

I really wish there as a download button on my page as well!

Anonymous asked:

Whoa!!! It looks stunning GCCP!! ...I do have to apologize though for not having linked the exact source for the Chris Hatch mod but in the end; I can't believe how far TS2 has come! 2019 has been a great year for custom content and this is just the cherry on top!! Good job and keep up the great work!

Thank you very much!

Anonymous asked:

Hello! Just dropped by to tell you that clean IU looks amazing, but we have been playing without it for 15 years, sure we can wait until 2020 if you don't have the time to release it before. Take your time and enjoy the development. And also! I'm in love with your seasonal farm fields, and overusing it in Riverblossom Hills soooo much ^^ Thank you!

Hi, thank you! There’s not that much left to do for this project, but my final exam is coming soon. But I really hope you can use Clean UI in 2019!

Anonymous asked:

Sorry if this is a silly question, or something that has been asked before, but will the clean UI make the game (much) heavier? Do you think it's something everyone who wants it will be able to have?

The .package file will have a file size of around 27 megabyte - uncompressed! So it will be less for sure. I don’t really think that it will impact the performance.

@funnycleversims asked:

Hi Sorry if this is a stupid question, but with Hood Planner are you able to export ? This wording "Export and import your road layout, drawing and lot placement" confused me to think you could export to either sims 2 or Sc4. Thanks and this program is a huge help .. thank you for creating it and sharing it.

Thank you! Export means that you can save the road layout, drawing or lot placement so you don’t loose any progress. Sadly this has nothing to do with Sims 2 or SimCity 4!

@sahfairchild asked:

Hi, I would like to know if you intend to change the fonts of the game? Is this in your plans or would it be impossible?

It’s possible to change the fonts, though I’m not sure if adding new fonts is. However I don’t plan to change the fonts of the game.

[call-me-gatt]

Roleplay Rules/Guidelines

I realized that I didn’t have one of these posts on my blog, so I figured I should probably put something together so it didn’t become a possible problem in the future. That being said, the following are the rules and/or guidelines to role-playing with me on my blog. Or, things to know just in general.

This is a heavily headcanon based blog for Velvet from Hazbin Hotel- (created by Vivziepop) I will be using my own personal headcanons and ideas for my version/depiction of her, as well as the small tidbits of information given to us during the official streams. This is because, as most of us know, Vel only got about 5 seconds of screen-time.

This blog is also mildly/moderately selective. I’m willing to RP with almost anyone, however. Though if you’re attempting to do something crossover related, you might have to explain to me what fandom or verse your character is from. Or, if you’re a multi-muse blog you may have to explain which character you’re using at the time. The usual.

I prefer to use paragraphs and longer structures when I roleplay. Maybe not necessarily a novel’s worth, but at least 2-3 well written paragraphs. I will, however, shorten it down if you don’t really provide anything on your end. Roleplaying with someone is a little difficult when they don’t give you anything to work with. That being said, the *actions* roleplay style gets on my nerves and I really don’t think I can handle it for too long.

I’m not gonna focus on shipping, but if it fits? Hell yea, I’m down for it. If that’s your intention, however, drop by my DM’s (not my askbox, my DM’S) and lemme know! However, when it does come down to shipping I may or may not have a few favorites that I won’t mention here.

I do like to under-complicate things. I don’t like to mess with the icons and fancy formatting or fancy texts because it’s honestly not worth the hassle, in my opinion. If you wanna do it, go for it! I just don’t wanna mess with them lol. (God knows that if I used icons I’d lose the entire folder of them)

Do not ask me to RP anything fully NSFW with you. Sure, making a suggestive comment/passing tease in a storyline is a bit different than a full on sexual thread. Those are more fun to do in private with people I actually know and am comfortable with. You’re better off sending one-off asks than a full sexual starter. I will not respond to it.

If you’re interested in interacting with me, message me or send me an ask please! Or, make a starter/new text post and tag me in it. I also don’t mind prompts from those reblog memes I like so much. (Regarding the memes, I do like reblog karma, as well. Not always, but on the occasion.)

Not all of my RPs are going to be in the same world/verse. Don’t worry about conflicting with someone else on my page.

If I forget to reply, just poke me in my DMs! Sometimes I forget-

Keep in mind that I am using this blog to develop my interpretation of Velvet herself as well! Things may change in the future. Not enough to cause problems, I hope, but they may.

This blog is independent! I have this one and sideblog that I shitpost on, but this one is my main blog. This is where I am most active and as of now Velvet is my only muse. Whether or not this is going to change in the future I don’t know for sure.

If I follow you, know that either I wish to roleplay with you in the future, or you consistently post things that I enjoy. I very rarely follow people just because.

SIDE NOTES: 1. If you wanna follow my side-posting blog; @aphelixnn (lol self promo) 2. If you wish to interact and you have one of these rules pages you’d like me to look at, please send them to me! I’d like to be able to actually find them.

[thingssxthatxshine]

THANK YOU TAYLOR!

I don’t think any music has ever spoken to me then this album. i’ve never been in a relationship but the lyrics are beautiful and it’s just makes me speechless.

First of all the line “He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet” 🥺💞 This is beautiful and I love it because i’m a first generation American in my family bc the rest of my fam is from Pakistan and idk but it gives me hope and happiness i guess. Because i’m always told how American I am by my family and how I need to start speaking urdu and how i seem snobby and all thsi stuff that makes me kind of insecure about my American style and I guess i’m making this line deeper than it is but Taylor you have no idea how much it means to me.

Also okay the lyric “you are what you love” is amazing. idk if i was just being over dramatic but it was definitely true 🤧 when i started almost (actually) crying if happiness becaus ur hate being told the things i’m not and the things i don’t like bc i don’t wanna be defined that way 😞 I just want to be defined by the things I love liek YOU and reading and coffe and pink and so much more ❤️

Okay and then Paper Rings is just so beautiful and fun and i love it. it’s got a theme song vibe and i love thattttt 😻👏 I love all of that song it’s just amazing 🤪👍👏

And then “step into the daylight and let it go” is just a perfect ‘no bad vibes allowed” kinda vibe 😂 it’s just this relaxing that makes me feel happy and calm bc we all gotta just calm down 😌 I hate taking stress and it feels nice to just walk out into the daylight and let it go 😍

In Cruel Summer I love “Devils are the dice and angels role their eyes” also the “looks up grinning like a devil” IS THE ABSOLYTW BEST! and just so much of that song is like this pastel, rainbow darkness 😂 It reminds me of “darling Ima nightmare dressed like a daydream” It’s a beautiful song 💞

The Man is just 👍👍🤠 LIKE YESSSSS WOMEN! Taylor is THE WOMAN! she’s a queeeen 👑👑👑 WAIT SHES THE CAT! @taylorswift let’s quit being man or woman and let’s just all be CATS 🐱

I’m I Forgot You Existed I love “It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference” I luv that so much because sometimes you just have to forget, let it go and be i different 😌

Death By a Thousand Cuts is just amzing and beautiful 🤧💕 “saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts” i think i loves this mostly bc i’m usually known in my family as the one who cries when a family member leaves after visiting. And it feels like death by a thousand cuts bc i don’t know when i’ll see them cuz my fam lives around the world. basically i just don’t like goodbyes 😭

(ik this isn’t going in order it’s just what i think of on the spot)

I loved Afterglow so much because it was about accepting the blame and asking for forgiveness and i think that’s beautiful 😻

I think he knows is liek this cute song you can skip through the neighborhood with ☺️👏💕 i love it, i’ve never been in a relationship so i can’t relate much but i stilll absolutely love it!

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince is like this high school story and it’s reallllly amazing i loveee it zjjzjssj! I love the cheering and also how you say “It’s you and me, that’s my whole world” and i love that because i hate it when people change their ways because of someone else whispering. for me it’s just me and the people i love, that’s my whole world 🌎.

Cornelia Street I LOVE! i think bc of my tripp ti nyc this summer, i’ve been loveing ny so much. Thanks to WTNY i fell in love with the place. And the lyrics are so beautiful and relaxing. It’s like listening to starry and i love itttt! I love how it’s a song about nostalgia about a place bc i miss nyc. i was there for 2 days but i cried when i had to leave. it’s amazing and wonderful and magical.

Soon you’ll get better is giving me Safe and Spund vibes. it’s so sad and beautiful. i’m a muslim is some of the lyrics don’t relate to me but itssss beautiful i love ittt! “ cuz you have to” is so heartbreaking but so trueeeeee!

Ok False God was the “Ohhh 🤭” song of this album. Like dress “the altar is my hips” but i think my fave lyrics is “Hell is when i fight with you” because we all have that relationship (any kind) that we don’t wanna ever fight in. and that whole verse is amazing and i love it because it speaks to me. i also love “I’m New York City” because I LOVE NYC AND NOW TAYLOR ISSSS NYC 🤯💃👑!!!! YEET

I LOVE ITS NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND! This is basically a PASTEL TOY STORY 😂💞 I LOVE THISSSSS bc it’s a friendship song, and it’s amazinggggggg! i love this new friendship song and it’s just so sweet and cute ☺️😻❤️

okay so now for the singlessss!

LOVER is JAHAJSJSJAJSJS! ITS JUST THAT! like it’s so beautiful and amazing and romanticcccccc! The bridge is amaizng i love it it’s my favorite part it’s like Vows and it’s just so sweeeeet!!!!! 😻😻👏 and omg the “dirty joke” in the me is 😂😂😂

ME! is always gonna be iconic i’m just really sad that the “HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN” was taken out bc my friend and i were obsessed with that😂 SWIFTIES WE GOTTA YELL IT OUT DURING THE TOURR!

also for ME! @ all the haters about it, this song was supposed to be fun and cheerful and it started the hunt for easter eggs and it was the beginning so to anyone who was saying that it was getting boring or whatever. be thankful cuz this album was def worth the wait

YNTCD is 🤪👏👏👏🤪🤪🤪👏 I use that line everyday like u have no idea 😂 and now i have an album if things i could sayyyyyy! alll these singles are iconic and this is amazinggggggg 👌

The Archer is like the best thing ever! LIKE ITS TRACK 5?!!!! sijsjsk! It’s so vulnerable and true and i’m so happy we have it 🤧❤️ it made me cry bc it’s so metaphorical that it can connect with anyone 💕💕💕

OKAY BUT IN ALL! All the music is great and everything but you know what’s even greater? TAYLOR OWNS IT ALLLL! She’s her own company and some how that is everything! I’m sooo sssooo sooo happy that this is her first own album and she finally happy and in this amazing place. like everyone’s always complaining about watch out for taylor or she’ll write a song about you BUT if u treat her with respect and love she’ll write and album dedicated to you 🤧😍 (and the best songs of rep). This whole album is Taylor’s and it can rule the world! 💃 like literally it has a song for all the good people of the world 😌 like lyrics anyone can connect whether u have a love life or not this album is for everyone and it’s owned by the one and only taylor. Taylor i can’t thank you enough ever for sharing this absolute masterpiece with us, it’s so raw and true and vulnerable but you’re giving it to us to protect and cherish. i love it and a i LOVE(R) you TAYLOR 😘😘👏

THIS CAT ANGEL IS EVERYTHING 😻 @taylorswift

[rainingincale]

 rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

I was tagged by the lovely @davidfors5 thank you so much  😭 😭 😭

1. fave character from each remake and why?

Skam Austin: Poonam Para. I know that she’s a side character and honestly i was close to saying Jo, Kelsey or Shay but she’s my fav. I think i just see a lot of myself in her and i like how she’s a completely new and different character. She’s funny and upfront and unique and I feel extremely understood and I hope we get to see more of her.

Skam France: Imane Bakhellal. Again i was really close to saying Yann or Lucas but i think just purely because of how much i can relate to Imane and understand her she’s my fav.

Druck: David Schreibner. While i definitely relate to Matteo the most and love Amira to no end, David is hands down my favourite. He’s such an icon and he especially makes me love Druck so much. I can’t really explain why he’s my favourite so much, this one is really more of like i feel it in my soul that he’s my favourite and that’s why.

Skam España: Joana Bianchi. I... I wanted to say Amira or Lucas because i love them so freaking much and this one was honestly the hardest for me to decide but it is Joana. I don’t know what it is but i just deeply care for her so much.

Skam NL: Liv Reijners. Although i really do love like all the NL characters. Liv i decided to pick because she can sing and i love her style and she’s strong and independent and i feel like she’s a really unique noora and i just. love everything about her. I can’t find a single fault  🙈

2. fave musical moment?

Skam: håper du har plass playing when the girls go to get Sana, i think we all cry every time and i still listen to that song to this day

Skam Austin: honestly… cloutie 4 lyfe go listen to clout from grandma’s closet on soundcloud i stg their talent… is unparalleled (honorary mention, when Megan’s upset and crying and goes to see Marlon and they play the fricking meme song and stop it at “run.” i die every time)

Skam France: what else could i say other than when Lucas played ‘i love you’ on the piano like chills lich rally chills luv (honorary mention how the music goes all soft the first time Lucas sees Eliott, again iconic)

Druck: this is hard like i kind of just wanna say whenever they’ve ever used a song it’s been absolutely perfect, i think i’ll say during the first kiss clip though when they go to hold their breath and the music with the water sound effects like aaaa ded

Skam España: the last clip when they go to kiss and ‘I Follow Rivers’ starts playing like... it’s just perfect like everything comes full circle and im CRYING

Skam NL: another remake that always picks perfect music, i think my fav is whenever Liv goes to the mic to sing like i love her singing voice so much

3. if you could make your own season, who would it be about and what would happen?

I have thought about this so much it’s almost funny lmao. There’s just so much potential with Skam and then if you factor in the remakes like... absolutely spoilt for choice omfg. I’d love a Jonas season because he’s great but i really dont know what it’d even be about, Mahdi is another character i’ve always felt immensely interested in and i would love to know more about him. In the middle of typing this i’ve come to a decision actually lmao. Two words- BALLOON. SQUAD. They are literally my favourite thing about og ever seriously and Elias is my favourite Skam character. So idk maybe a season about them? and maybe about their friend group and how they’re all drifting apart or brotherhood or like healthy male friendships where they are there for each other and shit or about Even becoming friends with them again or IDK. but i know i’d have loved a season centered on them and if i had a greater mind i’d be able to come up with a good plot for them too lmao.

4. rank the sanas ( I’m evil I know )

This is literally the worst question I’ve ever seen and yes you are evil

Sana, Amira TM, Amira N, Imane, Zoya, Esra, Imaan.

BUT THEY ARE ALL EQUALLY MY FAVOURITE 

5. fave season from each remake and why?

Skam Austin: Unpopular Opinion but i really loved season 1, however, I think i have to say season 2 because of how fucking well they developed all the characters like giving the cast input into the story was the best decision Skam Austin could’ve ever made. Also, Clout From Grandma’s Closet? like need i say more

Skam France: I only watched 3 and 4 and my fav is 3. Very good homage to OG with the story telling and made me absolutely fall in love with Lucas and Eliott. Like I went through the same motions as i did when i watched OG and it was nice to be reminded of that. Also liked the small changes they made like the Polaris thing that was iconic

Druck: SEASON 3. what an emotional fucking roller coaster. They had me hooked every single minute of the day and still do now. I love Matteo and how they changed the story up like im still pissed about the pacing kind of but honestly i loved season 3 and still rewatch it. the music was perfect, development of the characters, the softness. everything was just so good

Skam NL: As much as i love Liv I have to say season 1. it was goregously done, i loved the aesthetic and Isa is such a realistic and relatable character. Also her moments with Kes and Lucas and the moments with the girl squad, like it was just a really iconic start to an awesome series.

Skam España: I’ve only watched season 2 but i know even if i watched season 1 i would still say season 2 lmao. Honestly there is not a SINGLE thing they did wrong. like the story was perfect, the honour they did to og, how they switched the relationships up. it genuinely was just fucking perfect (except the whole panphobia thing. if that comment wasn’t said spain would have the best remake)

6. What’s your opinion on s2? what do you like and dislike the most? which remake made the best s2? (españa doesn’t count)

I am going to be truthful here and say that when i was first watching OG and watched season 2 I did like it but after growing up a bit and reflecting I now honestly really dont. like i’ve tried to avoid that season in remakes as much as i can (i’ve failed and the only noorhell i’ve not seen is frances one). I think what got me at first was the whole like layers thing to William. how there was more to him and also like the typical fanfic tropey moments between them. what i like about season 2 is the SA storyline, like that is an extremely important topic that needs to be talked about more so i like how it brought light to that and also how they show Noora handling the situation and how the girl squad are and i <3. What i dislike is how William uses Vilde and is so manipulative and ANNOYING omfg. Like i can’t explain how much his entitled rich ass frustrates me and how broken down Noora is by him.

7. what representation would you like to see in Skam (other than more wlw)?

Honestly i’d like to see more ethnic minorities tbh, especially like maybe some east asian people? I want skam to be the type of thing that no matter who you are you can see yourself represented in it and while the remakes and og do an alright job of it, i’d love to see more. i’ll say this this til the day i die- REPRESENTATION IS IMPORTANT

8. what country would you like to see a remake and why?

My biased ass is screaming Skam Scotland because like i would be able to relate to it so much and I’d love it with my entire soul but also just somewhere where the majority of the population isnt white. would be lovely for it to be in like India or Pakistan maybe so that I could personally relate to it but honestly anywhere with POC would be an absolute WIN for me. i suggest Skam Scotland where the girl and boy squad are south asians/east asians + black with the good ol’ token white friend! Hire me

9. fave head canon?

Honestly any (head)canon that says anyone is not cishet is like 👌 

10. sort characters into Hogwarts houses

I was going to do the characters from all the remakes when i realised... they’re all essentially the same each time I- anyways lmao

Hufflepuff -  Magnus, Even, Chris, Vilde, Mikael, Yousef, Linn

Slytherin - Sana, Isak

Gryffindor - Mahdi, Elias, Eva, Adam, Mutasim, Eskild

Ravenclaw - Jonas, Noora

This is mostly based off pure gut instinct idk

11. tell me your best crossover idea

How all the remakes seem to have the girl squads going on summer roads trips I kinda had this thought that maybe like the groups in each of the different remakes and og decide to go on a big friends holiday and everyone ends up in the same place and they all meet. none of the isaks really get along with each other, all the evens of course become best friends on the spot etc etc. i just want everyone to automatically become best friends im not good at coming up with ideas for these sorts of things sorry lmao

~

For my 11 questions:

Which remake/og sqaud do you think you would personally fit into the most?

What is your favourite remake and why?

What is objectively the best remake and why?

Opinions on each of the girl squads?

Favourite hairstyle out of all the remakes? (this includes any hijab styles of the Sanas)

Who do you think from og/remakes would have a youtube channel and what would they post about? (not including hei briskeby or lucas rubio’s yt channel)

Pick someone you think is underappreciated from og/remakes and explain why you think they should be appreciated more

Favourite outfit/clothing item?

Which character do you think is most similar to you?

Do you like the Eva season (season 1)?

Insert your own question that you’d like to answer!

I will tag @thedavideffect @pansexualevenbech @2ndbest @joanascris @hufflepuff-ish @matteoluigiflorenzi @liveterna2 @bbibbicole @xxrps @happoa @eleaha but don’t do this if you don’t want to! and if you see this but i haven't please go for it i would’ve tagged everyone humanly possible but alas i had to pick 11 lmao but i love reading different peoples thoughts so yeah. pls do if you want to <3 

[ltjlily17]

Oh, can we call it a night?

What’s the most played song on your iPod? I don’t iPod anymore these days, but theres a site that will aggregate your Spotify listening, and the song I’ve listened to the most all time on Spotify is In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer. What is one quality you admire most in others? People who know what they want to do with themselves. What would you do with a million dollars? Invest it, maybe? Buy a new car. Start a non-profit that will save the world. Or just a small part of it. What’s your favorite song to dance to? All of them. What would your ideal birthday party be like?

No idea.This year I went to my favorite pizza place with a couple of friends, my mom and husband. Was pretty good.

If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I’m not sure I believe in any of that. What talent would you like to have? I wish I was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC at something. I’m good at most things, and can get by, but I’m not outstanding at any singular thing.  Are you ticklish? Nah. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 3 days or so. I basically had the flu and felt like I was dying. Not like the real flu either, theres this illness you get when your body hasn’t slept in too long. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? None. What are three songs that mean the most to you? Mayonaise by the Smashing Pumpkins, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and Bornand Raised by John Mayer. Someone else used these italics and I’m just running with it.

Who is the one person you miss the most? No one? What do you think of your parents? They are flawed people. I make the best out of my relationship with my mom, but I’m just not sure I want to bother with my dad. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? Instill a sense of community. People would be so much better off if we all gave a shit about the other people we are on this planet with. What is your favorite kind of sandwich? Hot, cheesy, some kind of sauce. Other than that, I’m flexible. If you had a puppy, what would you name it? I got a puppy 2 years ago and his name is Finn. We wanted a Star Wars name and Supreme Leader was the runner up name. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? I can’t think of anything I’d wanna see. What people do behind closed doors is their business lol. How much cash do you have on you right now? None. I’m in pjs, but beyond that, I rarely use cash. What do you think makes you attractive to other people? Humor or personality? Would more money make you happier? I don’t know. We have a comfortable amount now, minus paying for healthcare. Steve may have a job offer that would cover the healthcare, but would I be happy not working? Would I just turn into a loser slug? What is one of your favorite memories as a child? I really don’t know. My parents pretty much screamed and threw things all the time until my dad moved out. Then they played horrible games with me in the middle. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t even remember about being a child. I’d say the good stuff started happening when I was a teen and could seek refuge in my friends and their stable houses. I had one friend in particular, Andrew, whose mom and dad were super nice and he had a fun little sister- every time I was over there, which was VERY often, it was like a slice of the good life. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? This was on another survey and I didn’t know how to answer it. I think once it’s done I just move on, I’m really a dweller. How do you measure intelligence? Unsure. I guess you just get a feeling for someones intelligence as you’re interacting with them.

What cartoons do you watch? None at the moment. I did just get Disney+, so that may change, but there aren’t really any cartoons I’m planning on watching. Have you ever used drugs? Nope. If you were a Skittle, what flavor would it be? The purple one. Sleeper hit. How would you describe your style? Hmmm. Casual indie bohemian with a side of lazy fat person. If you had to spend $1,000 in one hour, how would you spend it? The internet. Generally, my money goes to clothes or Halloween decorations. I really wanna buy some regular decor for the house though, so maybe that. What’s your favorite smell and why? I don’t have one. Something not flowery or overbearing. Something fresh and natural. Where do you buy your clothes? Anthropologie, ModCloth, Target, Gap, Old Navy, Loft. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Birthday cake? Funfetti? Does intelligent life exist elsewhere in the universe? I have absolutely no idea. I used to think that it was just statistically impossible that there wasn’t, but fuck I don’t even know how any of this got here, so I no longer have an opinion. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? MilkBar birthday cake. Are you into tattoos? I guess so? I like the art of them, I follow a lot of tattoo people on instagram and keep up with their work. I just got my first tattoo a week ago and I’m 35, so it’s not like something I do a lot, ha ha. Do you like photography? I do. I have illusions that I’m a photographer sometimes. I should be currently editing a wedding right now, but here I am. I’m just not sure I’ll ever be the kind of photographer I’d like to be, so I don’t know what I wanna do with it going forward. If you were a holiday, which one would you be? Halloween 100% Do you have any siblings? Nope. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be of? I just got one. It’s a bat pusheen. I really wanted a bat of some sort and pusheen is my favorite so I just went for it. I always thought my bat tattoo would be a little more dark, but it is what it is lol. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? I hid behind a dumpster when I was like 14 and 3 of the Backstreet Noys walked right by me, ha ha. I have some photos with me and the guys from Good Charlotte from when I was a wee teenybopper. How many pushups can you do? Absolutely zero. What person in history do you admire most? None? I don’t think I admire anyone. These surveys are quickly informing me that I don’t believe in anything or look up to anyone. Am I inert? Who is your favorite actor? I don’t have one. Ha ha, see above. I like most of the stuff Chris Pratt is in. Robery Downey Jr as Iron Man is iconic, but I’ve never seen any of his other movies. I like Adam Driver in Girls and Star Wars. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? Spoke. Have you ever lied about your age? I don’t think I’ve ever had cause to. Have you ever cried while watching a movie? If so, what movie? For sure. Everything makes me tear up in my old age. Last movie was probably Endgame, though. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Not like huge, life changing fears, but I’m always afraid a bug will get caught in my hair and I can’t touch drains because they freak me out. Where do you see yourself five years from now? I’ve never been one to make plans. Hopefully happy with more direction. What is your favorite candy? Fun Dip, Nerds, Starburst. Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Not someone suer close, but there are lots of auxillary people I know that have and do. Who do you look up to for your style? No one in particular. I see things on the internet I like and try to incorporate that, but its always varied sources. Who is your favorite sports team? I don’t follow sports. How often do you drink alcohol? Once every two weeks? Even then, its usually just one drink with dinner. I don’t much care about drinking. It seems like a lot of work to fill myself up with something I don’t really like the taste of just so I can potentially feel bad later.  What is your life in three words? Evolving yet bland. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be? I knew that, I’d be working towards it. Would you have a pet dragon? If so what color would it be? Sure. Whatever color dragon is fine with me. What’s your favorite sport? The only one I even kind of pretend to care about is baseball. Do you believe that homeless people are dangerous? No.  If you could be skinny and miserable or fat and happy, which would you be? I’d always pick happy. If your life flashed before you, what do you wish you would have done? Hmmm, I don’t know. I don’t have like any huge regret at the moment so probably just wish I’d have enjoyed myself more. If you were to invent something, what would it be? Hopefully something that makes the world better. Some kind of climate change related thing?  Who would you like to get to know better? This wholesaler real estate guy that has been selling us properties. Maybe if we knew him better, he would give us better deals, lol. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Near drowning when I was seven. Do you fear death? Yep.  What is the strangest food you ever ate? Hmmm. I like food with interesting combinations. Like smelly cheese or beet pesto or something, but I’m not on board with weird meat and I don’t eat seafood. Do you think you’re cool? Nah. What reality show would you like to be on? None. I don’t watch any of them. The only show like that I ever watched was the Osbournes, ah aha. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Whatever is gluten free. Ususally no choices for me at most chinese places. PF Changs has pad thai and general tsos I can have and another place nearby has general tsos too, but thats about it.

I loved lo mein and crab rangoon in my former life, though. Are you happy with your life? For the most part. If you could name your own planet, what would you call it? I’d need some plantary details before coming up with a name. If you could live another 200 years. What would you hope to see? People learning that we need to work together. Would you rather be hot or cold? Well, I’m cold like 90% of the time and that sucks, but at least you can do something about it and layer up and get blankets and such- if you’re hot, you’re just stuck. How would you rate yourself? What am I rating here? I’m like a 0 at makeup skills, but like an 11 if you need someone to pick you up in an emergency. 10 at playlist making. 1 at doing the dishes. Would you ever move to a different country in an attempt to start over? Maybe not to “start over”, but I would definitely consider a dream job in another country if all the details worked out. If you could be a character from any book, who would you be? No idea. I read a lot of Stephen King and none of those characters are alright.  Do you prefer taking baths or showers? I’d love to take a bath, but I’m a little big for the tub. Do you still collect toys from Happy Meals? Nope. I never ate happy meals even as a kid, so I never did. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? I drove two states over for a sandwich once. It was like a 15 hour round trip. In your opinion what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? People being willing to fuck over every one else if they think it will benefit them in any tiny, miniscule way. You are destroying everything by being an asshole and letting the people that really have all the money get away with it. Do you like dogs or cats better? I was 100% cat until I got a dog 2 years ago. I’m mostly dog at this point. Don’t tell my cat. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Hmm, I don’t know. I’m a lot better off than my parents were. I just kind of thought the constant worrying about the car breaking down or the bills being paid was grown up life, so its nice to get here and know that I worked hard to not have those problems. If an ex texted you out of the blue, how would you respond? I don’t think I would. I’ve been with Steven for a decade, so theres def nothing that needs to be said to anyone that far back. Do you have a favorite poet? I don’t. I really like some poems I’ve read randomly in my internet travels, but I’ve never really been able to sit down and read a book of poetry. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Eating too much food? Would you rather go on a shopping spree with $200 or put it in the bank? I’d rather go shopping. I might save it, though. What was the last rumor that you heard? No idea. I don’t really have rumors around me at this point in my life. My friends aren’t like that and I’m not working anywhere at the moment. What country star would you most like to meet and why? I don’t really know who any of them are. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. One of them happened when I was like 15 and it pinched a nerve in my neck and half of my left hand went numb. My mom didn’t believe me for a really long time that there was something wrong until she watched me try to pick up a glass of milk with my left hand and it just fell to the floor. Are you an organ donor? Yes! What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Unsure. I’m fairly adventurous, but I don’t do super dangerous things. I guess just trespassing in old abandoned buildings when I was younger could have been dangerous. What is the meaning of life? Moments of joy. For you and others. What word do you like the sound of? Nothing in particular jumps out to me. Isn’t Cellar Door supposed to be lovely? What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Hmmm. I don’t know. Its more about the brand I think. I usually get Jeni’s or the other fancy ice cream brand when I get the chance. 

I always get the cake flavored froyo, though.  Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. Are you an athlete? Ha ha, no. What did the last text message on your phone say? From my brother in law. He’s doing the work on the house we just bought, getting it ready for a renter. He wants more money, lol. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? Man, I don’t know. I think maybe Grandma’s Boy was the funniest I had seen at the time. I usually don’t even like movies like that. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? I had this dream when I was a kid that I left the scissors out and they flew up and cut my moms fingers off and the whole dream was dark and black and white because it was night, but at the end, she picked up the phone (landline, because cell phones weren’t a thing then) and the only color was the green light coming from the phone that illuminated the numbers and she was trying to dial 911 with her fingers that weren’t there. 

I probably had that dream close to 30 years ago now and it’s still clear in my mind. 

What do you know how to cook? Lots of things. I’m especially good at carbonara or alfredo. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had, and what was it from? I fell down the stairs and broke several bones, severely sprained both ankles and ended up getting surgery to fix the cartilage in one ankle. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Any that my fat ass can fit on. What do you wish you were doing right now? Well i’m doing this instead of things I should be doing. Who are your musical influences? I don’t play music, so I’m not really influenced? What was your favorite band or musician when you were 12? The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and the Back Street Boys, ha ha. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I don’t think anyone has ever given me one. How many drinks can you handle? I don’t really know at this point. Getting older changes things. I know that if I have one drink and then stop, I get a headache, lol. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? Hours and hours. Like 7 or 8 probably? Back in my day you could only talk to boys on the phone because we didn’t have cell phones or text messaging and you only had dial up internet. What’s your favorite candle scent? I got one from Anthropologie called Riviera that was my favorite candle scent ever. I bought two, but they are sold out now and I am very sad.

[simon-egg]

Gary King - Playlist

I have created a spotify playlist of songs that particularly resonate with The World's End's main man - Gary King. Gary is an incredibly complex and deeply emotional character, a cool (or at least he tries to be) but broken man. In a strange way, watchers of the film may kind of want to be like him but at the same time would hate to become him. He's an asshole but it is understood why he does what he does. Yes, some of his actions are inexcusable but despite that, most of us can not help wanting him to find some form of happiness. In the end he ultimately finds and deserves happiness. When it comes down to it I love Gary King and here is my playlist of songs that particularly apply to him and his story.

The playlist - spotify link

Below the bar, I have listed the songs on the playlist and my reasoning for including them on the list. Some of these songs appeared in the movie (bigger text), the rest really resonate with the story and would fit on the soundtrack. This took me a while.

Firstly I have to point out that I have chosen these songs in a particular order - an order of which kind of follows the emotions and events in the film. That and music tastes are opinionated, although I love these songs, they are all of a similar style and vibe that fits Gary, whether you like them or not is up to you - mostly punk, ska, goth, new wave and alternative rock. I wanted to choose iconic artists too such as The Doors, Ramones, New Order, Sisters of Mercy, Queen, Joy Division and The Rolling Stones.

Any relevant lyrics I will include in my explanations in italics.

Loaded - Primal Scream

The World’s End begins with this song so it seems fitting that the playlist should do so too. Not only that but it is a fantastic song, of which Edgar and Simon have said that this is a song which Gary particularly takes the lyrics to heart.

we wanna be free, we wanna be free to do what we wanna do And we wanna get loaded and we wanna have a good time And that's what we're gonna do

- and that is something that Gary Precisely sets out to do.

I Want To Break Free - Queen

… I had to include a Queen song on this list and more than anything at the beginning of the film, Gary wants to break free and do whatever he wants, regardless of the consequences.

I’m Free - Mono - The Rolling Stones

Once Gary is out of the psych ward/ hospital and has managed to convince his friends to come with him on his wild adventure he plays this song in his car in the film. 

The first free songs on this playlist follow a theme 

(loaded) - he realises that he wants to be free

(I want To Break Free) - He knows that he needs to be free 

(I’m Free) - He becomes free.

I'm free to do what I want any old time

Friday Night - Saturday Morning - The Specials

A song with a really cool vibe about a man going out drinking with his friends and getting really really drunk... sound familiar? Also The events of The World’s End occur on a Friday Night/ Saturday Morning.

I go out on Friday night and I come home on Saturday morning...

Too Much Too Young - The Specials

Another song by The Specials, now this one really applies to Gary. It’s a song about a man who doesn’t want to grow up and is mocking his friends for doing so. All of Gary’s friends have grown up - wives, kids, jobs e.c.t, Gary doesn’t seem to grasp why his friends have done this, even mocking them for doing so.

You done too much much too young You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me You done too much much too young Now you're married with a son when you should be having fun with me

So Young - Suede

Continuing with the young theme, Gary is utterly desperate to return to his teenage self and this a song about being young, reckless and free.

Alabama Song (Whisky Bar) - The Doors

Absolutely fantastic song! This song is used in the film just after the gang find out about the aliens and carry on the pub crawl, so not to look suspicious. The scene in question is really well choreographed in time with the music and has to be one of my favourite scenes of the film.

The song has a really cool, sinister vibe and really applies to the story. Well, it’s a song that involves the compulsive need to go to multiple different bars in one night. If the person/ people in the song don’t make it to the next whisky bar they ‘must die’. In he case of those in the World’s End, not continuing the crawl could mean literal death or metaphorical in Gary’s case as he is so desperate to complete the crawl.

Oh, show me the way to the next whiskey bar Oh, don't ask why, no, don't ask why For we must find the next whiskey 

Or if we don't find the next whiskey bar I tell you we must die, I tell you we must die I tell you, I tell you, I tell you we must die

Blue Monday - New Order

Okay I love this song, it’s an absolute banger and the vibe it has is so atmospheric! That and the lyrics do remind me of Gary.

Those who came before me lived through their vocations From the past until completion, they'll turn away no more And still I find it so hard to say what I need to say But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me just how I should feel today

...

Tell me, how do I feel

Tell me now, how should I feel

...

Tell me how does it feel, when your heart grows cold, grows cold, cold

More - Sisters of Mercy

Gary’s favourite band is Sisters of Mercy, I had to include something from them, that and this is a good song...

This song also has the lyric ‘And I need all the love I can get’ repeated, Gary certainly needs all the love he can get.

Too Drunk to Fuck - Dead Kennedys

The title says it all... too drunk to fuck...

As I mentioned, I wanted the songs to follow in a particular order - how the film goes. 9 songs out of 15 in and at this point the gang are absolutely hammered. Probably represents the gang in The Mermaid.

I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones

Great and classic Ramones tune. Giving off Gary vibes again - the feeling of not wanting to be conscious or wanting to be so out of it and numb is a feeling that Gary sadly seems to want to feel.

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go insane I can't control my fingers, I can't control my brain Oh no oh oh oh oh

Disorder - Joy Division

When thinking of how this song relates to The World’s end, think of the scene towards the end when Andy is desperately trying to stop Gary from drinking that final pint. Andy notices the bandages and hospital tag around his wrist and Gary breaks down. As a song, disorder is energetic, slowly building up to a big emotional conclusion, like a breakdown, just like in the scene.

i’ve got the spirit, but lose the feeling, I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling, Feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling.

Fall Back Down - Rancid

The next three songs are more about the interesting relationship between Gary and Andy. I feel like this song is appropriate at the end, when the three remaining Musketeers are arguing with the network and Andy is sticking up for Gary even after all they have been through.

Andy: ‘he is a bit of a cock, but he's my cock!’

Okay now, the lyrics to this song really apply to Gary and especially Gary and Andy.

Don't worry about me I'm gonna make it alright Got my enemies cross-haired and in my sight I take a bitter situation gonna make it right In the shadows of darkness I stand in the light Ya see it's our style to keep it true I had a bad year, a lot I've gone through I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue

If I fall back down You're gonna help me back up again If I fall back down You're gonna be my friend

Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve)? - The Buzzcocks

An iconic and energetic punk tune. When it comes down to it Gary loves Andy and Andy loves Gary. Look, love can mean a lot of things, when I say they love each other that kind of love is up to your interpretation... aka it doesn’t necessarily mean they must romantically love each other. If you interpret it as romantic love, that’s fine too. I do certainly think that Andy must somewhat know that his love for Gary spells bad news.

(Gary talking about Andy):  ‘I loved him and I'm not being funny, he loved me too.’...

You spurn my natural emotions You make me feel like dirt and I'm hurt And if I start a commotion I run the risk of losing you and that's worse

Outlaws - Green Day 

This is the most modern song on the playlist by far (though it still carries the same vibe) but dudes, it is such a relevant song to Gary and Andy. 

It is about two childhood friends who were rebels that did everything together, they were young and free and wild. Then they grew up. The person the song was about (in this case, Gary) changed/ never changed when they should have and is now a lost individual.

Life after youth Faded in twilight The dawn of a criminal in bloom First love First forgiveness We were delinquents Freaks of a faded memory

Outlaws, when we were forever young When we were outlaws We're outlaws of redemption, baby Hooligans We destroyed suburbia When we were outlaws Outlaws of forever

I found a knife by the railroad track You took a train and you can't go back

Forever now, forever now you'll roam...

Yes the song finishes with the lyric ‘forever now you’ll roam’ and the film finishes with Gary essentially roaming indefinitely. Neat.

Electricity - Orchestral Manoeuvres in the dark (OMD)

As the aliens leave so do all the technological advancements they brought with them, sending earth back to the ‘dark ages’. This song is about electricity, our reliance on it and loosing power.

Are Friends Electric? - Gary Numan/ Tubeway Army

By the end of film Gary is left with his only friends being the blanks. These are not human and it’s questionable whether they’re even alive or capable of being emotional, free-thinking or intelligent. Although he’s happy in a sad kind of way he’s still alone.

Also the lyric ‘there’s a man outside in a gray hat, long coat, smoking a cigarette’ sounds like Gary when he turned up at The Rising Sun (the pub at the end). Other than smoking, he was wearing a long coat and a gray hat.

This Corrosion - Sisters Of Mercy

This was the last song that was featured in The World’s End, over the wonderful scene when Gary and the blanks arrive at the pub, asking for 5 waters and starting a fight. It's an optimistic song because who wants to end on a sad note, right? That and it’s Sisters of Mercy again, Gary’s favourite band.... and it’s a fantastically powerful song.

[dancingwithour]

Times Taylor Swift did THAT:

Red

okay so, in light of all this discourse I decided to make a post about songs I love of Taylor’s and my favorite lyrics. In this case, the entire red album lol. let me know if you want me to do any other albums sometime soon too and which ones! alright here we go:

State of Grace

“we fall in love till it hurts or bleeds or fades in time” RTRTRT

“we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts” that IMAGERY really just gets me man, my heart

“you’re my Achilles heel” we love an allusion to greek mythology

Red

“like the colors in autumn so bright, just before they lose it all” the true beginning of associating red with the fall time, an ICONIC moment

“forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met” what a lyricist I think about this lyric all the time it’s just an incredible way of describing how impossible it is to forget someone you loved and i’m gonna cry if I keep typing

“losing him was blue like i’ve never known, missing him was dark grey all alone” yes taylor painting emotions with color and it’s so vivid

Treacherous

“and i’ll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands” okAY TAYLOR

“and I, I, I like it” me being drawn in and loving situations that are risky and most likely detrimental

“all we are is skin and bone trained to get along” one of my favorite lyrics of all time it just explains itself

I Knew You Were Trouble

“I guess you didn’t care, and I guess I liked that” once again RELATABLE also a theme of remaining in situations that we been knew will end rough

“a new notch in your belt, is all i’ll ever be” ouch harsh reality

“and the saddest fear comes creeping in, that you never loved me or her or anyone or anything yeaaaaah OOOOOOOH”

cause it’s a beautiful lyric and that 1989 tour version NOTE THOUGH YES VOCALS

ALL TOO WELL

“left my scarf there at your sister’s house and you still got it, in your drawer, even now.” just cause give the scarf back jake

“and I might be okay but i’m not fine at all” just a reminder as to where she was then versus now we love a glo up

“hey you call me up again just to break me like a promise” one of my favorite lyrics of ALL TIME scream it

also where is the 10 min version i’m still salty

22

“it feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight” i’m feeling late night waffle house vibes

“we’re happy free confused and lonely at the same time, it’s miserable and magical” my sister says this is exactly how being 22 feels

“you look like bad news, I gotta have you” hmm a theme of bad decisions once again? can relate!

bonus: “who is taylor swift anyway? ew” I love taylor making fun of herself

I Almost Do

(is always slept on)

“I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say ‘Hello’ to you and risk another goodbye” so beautiful and i’m obsessed with this line’s melody

“in my dreams you're touching my face and asking me if I wanna try again with you. and I almost do.” I just started crying typing this lyric and i’m not okay wow

“and I hope sometimes you wonder about me.” I love when taylor’s outros mirror the first verse so powerful UGH

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

“when you said you needed space (what?)” lol her what is me with all boys always pulling the dumbest things

“like....ever” truly how I end all my arguments

“with some indie record that’s much cooler than mine” yes sarcasm tay and also 1989 tour version when she screamed this I got chills I was shook before shook was a thing

Stay Stay Stay

(my mama’s fave song of taylor’s!)

“no one else is gonna love me when I get mad, mad, mad” unconditional love got me thinking of joe SHE FOUND THE LOVE SHE WAS DAYDREAMING ABOUT GOOD GOD DONT TOUCH ME

“but you carry my groceries and now i’m always laughing” the way she says groceries I want on a loop as my ringtone

“it’s been occurring to me I’d like to hang out with you, for my whole life” yeah once again don’t touch me i’m not okay I wanna cry

The Last Time

(my child)

“put my name at the top of your list” yes make me your PRIORITY

“disappear when you come back, everything is better” and again, bad decisions that just feel so good

“This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,

This is the last time I say it's been you all along,

This is the last time I let you in my door,

This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore” I LOVE A TAYLOR SWIFT BRIDGE also the harmonies on the “ohohohohoh” are to die for

Holy Ground

“back when you fit my poems like a perfect rhyme” y’all I love taylor swift lyrics I can’t even put into words they are everything

“and I see your face in every crowd” RETWEEEEEEEEEEEET

“but I don’t wanna dance, if i’m not dancing with you” I love it I love it I love it I love it that is some HOLY GROUND I think everyone can relate, honestly me with harry styles though. jk! (no i’m not)

Sad Beautiful Tragic

“words, how little they mean, when you’re a little too late” this can be applied to so many areas of life

“and you’ve got your demons and darling they all look like me” THIS. LYRIC. KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING IT AND TAYLOR SWIFT

“kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?” thank YOU taylor, when all someone wants to do is try and “fix” something but you really just need someone to listen to you I CAN RELATE @ all boys ever

The Lucky One

(I STAN IT)

“you had it figured out since you were in school, everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool” screw the popular kids lol

“and your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you” this lyric just gets me going I don’t know I get so aggressive at the industry and truly shout it lmao

“cause now my name is up in light, but I think you got it right” this lyric makes me feel emoooootions dude like it’s like her noting the moment she realized how brutal the media and fame is and the damaging effects because she’s living through it as she grows up :((((((

Everything Has Changed

“cause all I know is we said hello, and your eyes look like coming home” so cute, so real, the harmonies man, i’m soft!

“I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time” when you didn’t even know the person before but now you’re like, this is the piece that has been MISSING and taylor really has me in my feelings

“all I know is pouring rain, and that everything has changed” I love a taylor song with rain guys

Starlight

“we were 17 and crazy running wild, wild”

I just love that she had this magical idea from a picture she saw of bobby and ethel

“and we were dancing, dancing like we’re made of starlight, starlight” this song just feels sparkly and pretty. it’s just stunning and makes me happy

“don’t you dream impossible things” at the very end, the song fades out so glittery and pretty and I love love love it so in summation, starlight is an ethereal, sparkly, pretty song

Begin Again

“you pull my chair out and help me in, and you don’t know how nice that is but I do” cue the tears, she’s gotten used to people not treating her how deserves to be treated so the simplest gestures are amplified

“thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end but on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again” such a contrast from the rest of the album, I love how perfect this ending is. it shows that you will heal and pain isn’t permanent and wow i’m crying

“and for the first time, what’s past is past” YES SIS WE ARE MOVING ON WE ARE OPENING BACK UP TO BEGIN AGAIN YALL WE ARE CLOSING THIS ALBUM BEAUTIFULLY BECAUSE TAYLOR WEARS HEELS NOW OKAY

[fuckyeslilkim]

Throwback Interview: The Mask Of Lil’ Kim

In a nondescript warehouse in Manhattan's Chelsea district, the rapper Lil' Kim is being primed for yet another fashion shoot. The theme of the day is baby-doll innocence, and the 4-foot-11 celebrity is appropriately undressed in a sheer blue and pink negligee and high-heeled sandals. With the final touches of turquoise eye shadow, pink lips and, of course, her trademark blond wig and blue contact lenses in place, the picture is complete. Sex symbol. Feminist icon. Freak mama.

Change the circumstances only slightly and you could imagine a porn shoot happening in this warehouse. The final products--the photographs that will sell Kim's raunchy lyrics and persona to the world--often come close to that. A full-page advertisement for her new album, "The Notorious K.I.M.," shows the star in the back seat of a limousine, naked except for black spike-heel boots and a safari-style hat. It's like the kind of pinup men find useful in prison cells and toilets.

But nobody seems bothered by the actual work of this shoot--least of all Kim, who patiently strips down. Quite the contrary: She considers herself a good role model--an empowered, independent woman in the highly misogynistic world of rap. Her fans include many young women who find in her an enviable example of personal strength.

To cash in on the marketing moment, corporate America has come running, showering her with endorsement offers--from Candie's shoes to Viva Glam lipstick. She earns cover treatments from mainstream and edgy magazines alike: The Source, XXXL, Vibe, Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, Jet, Interview (on which she appeared wearing nothing but head-to-toe Louis Vuitton body tattoos). And now, Atlantic Records has provided the 25-year-old with her own label, Queen Bee.

From the moment she was discovered by rapper Christopher Wallace (a k a Notorious B.I.G., a k a Biggie Smalls) as a round-the-way girl roaming the streets of Brooklyn's Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood, Kimberly Jones has set new standards for female rappers. Her 1996 solo debut, "Hardcore," made the highest-ever debut on the Billboard charts for a female rap artist. An unparalleled fusion of hip-hop and pornography, the album opens with a scene in which we hear a fan buy a ticket to a triple-X flick, and then loudly pleasure himself while watching Kim onscreen.

At last year's MTV Music Awards, her outfit spawned a media frenzy fueled by the shocked response of presenter Diana Ross, who reached out and jiggled Kim's exposed breast on national television. (Ross later offered a public apology, noting that she thought Kim "was beautiful and . . . didn't need to dress in that manner.") The incident solidified Kim's image of sexual fearlessness--and her career as a fashion trendsetter.

We've seen so much of her, and yet nothing at all. Who is Lil' Kim, really?

Talking to her, you're taken by any number of contradictions. She considers herself a devoted child of God, for example. "I'm not perfect," she explains. "I mess up. I'm not Miss Sanctified, but I believe in my Father. We have a really good relationship."

She has allowed powerful men to shape and exploit her sexpot image, but touts her own brand of feminism. "If you look at me, no man has really given me anything," she contends. "I got my own money."

She raps about the joys of fellatio, but likens herself to Queen Elizabeth, the so-called Virgin Queen of England. ("I watch that movie over and over again," she says.) Like Elizabeth, she has had an unhappy love life. "I had a lot of guys betray me," Kim says, "and she reminds me of myself because, toward the end, she really wanted a man. She was lonely. She didn't wanna be this strong woman that everybody portrayed her to be, but she had to be."

On one point the star is adamant: Lil' Kim is not Kimberly Jones.

Except: "Most of the things that I talk about [in my lyrics], yeah, they're true." In the song "Hold On," for example, "I talk about the pain of being pregnant and having an abortion."

"I talk about the things that women have gone through that they don't think I've gone through," she says. "Like fightin' with your man or losin' a man to death. Being alone. I talk about just bein' in the streets having no money and having to do illegal things to get the money."

All of which happened, too.

So, after one spends many hours with both Lil' Kim the rapper and Kimberly Jones the woman, the similarities between the two become as apparent as the differences. "We wear the mask that grins and lies," wrote Paul Laurence Dunbar, "with torn and bleeding hearts we smile."

It is not easy to remove the mask of Lil' Kim, which she wears as a brilliant defense against full disclosure. She doesn't want to show us all of the damage that lies underneath. Like many other black women, she has become so good at conjuring the mask--signifying at a moment's notice, for hire--that we no longer know where it ends. Or where Kimberly Jones begins.

In the June issue of Vibe magazine, there is a photograph of young Kim dressed in a neat school uniform: plaid dress, white blouse, knee socks. She is brown-skinned, with brown eyes and nappy hair, neatly pulled into a bun. She sits like a proper schoolgirl with her hands folded in her lap and legs crossed at the ankles, smiling and polite.

But inside, she feels ugly. She thinks of herself as too dark and too short. She has just moved to an all-white neighborhood in suburban New Rochelle, N.Y., where little blond girls tease her and confirm her monstrosity.

Her mother, Ruby Mae Jones, brought her to live there, at age 8, fleeing the ruins of a marriage. But Kim wants to go back to Brooklyn. She wants to go home, to her old neighborhood where little girls look like her. Even if it means going back to the home of her father, Linwood Jones, a former military man who enforced a brutal discipline on wife and children.

"There was a great deal of verbal abuse," she recalls. "And there was times . . . when my mother had black eyes. My father told people she had fallen."

Linwood Jones could not be reached for comment, and there is no record of his having spoken publicly about his daughter's career or her allegations of physical abuse. According to Kim, he did comment privately on her overtly sexual image, asking that she "tone it down."

After her parents' separation in 1983, Kim's life became increasingly unstable. At first she and older brother Christopher stayed with their mother, who relied on the kindness of friends for shelter--including the time spent in New Rochelle. But when options ran out, Ruby Mae Jones granted custody of her children to her husband.

"I was basically living out of the trunk of my car," Kim's mother explains over a posh dinner in a New York restaurant--a contrast made all the more striking by her fur coat and her gold-and-diamond-spangled hands. "And I didn't feel it was appropriate for [the children]. So I let Kim go to live with her father."

When he was away--sometimes for weeks, for reserve duty--the children were deposited with an aunt who was raising several sons of her own. "I grew up around . . . maybe eight guys in my family," says Kim. "I stayed with my cousins when my father went away. They lived in the projects."

"Kim had no sisters," adds Ruby Mae Jones. "She was surrounded by boys all the time. But she had such a strong personality, I never had to worry about her taking care of herself. I knew that she would be able to do that. From when she was like 2."

Despite the frequent absences, father and daughter remained on good terms during Kim's prepubescent years.

"We were very close," she recalls, "until I was about 13." Which is when Kim committed an egregious offense in her father's eyes: She liked a boy and agreed to be his girlfriend. Although the circumstances seemed innocent enough by Kim's account--the boy was 15, a schoolmate--Linwood Jones was outraged. Kim says he called her a bitch and a whore, "just like your mother."

The words had a devastating effect. "If he hadn't said what he said to me," speculates Kim, allowing the idea to play in her head for a moment, "I probably would have stayed a virgin until I was 21. But after that I rebelled."

Fights between father and daughter became more frequent--and violent, she says. On at least one occasion, Kim remembers, her morning wake-up call was a fist crashing into her face. At the age of 14, she packed a bag and hit the streets, wandering in and out of neighbors' homes. Lil' Kim has often described her life during those years as a procession of doing "whatever I had to do to survive."

She peddled drugs for boyfriends. Worked odd jobs in department stores. And had sex with the men who housed and fed her. By the time she met up-and-coming rapper Biggie Smalls at the age of 17, Kim was, by her own admission, desperately in need of protection.

Biggie, who at age 19 was a 6-foot-3, 300-pound drug dealer who had already done nine months in jail, signed on for the job--bringing Kim into the fold of what everyone called the "B.I.G. family." There was Sean "Puffy" Combs, who had been working day and night to launch Biggie on his emerging label, Bad Boy Entertainment; Mary J. Blige, whose success as an R&B artist had also been strongly influenced by Puffy's hand; Damion "D-Roc" Butler, Biggie's friend and security guard; and "the boys"--James "Lil' Caesar" Lloyd, Antoine "Banga" Spain, and Money-L, who would later become members of Junior M.A.F.I.A. (Masters at Finding Intelligent Attitudes), a rap group Biggie hoped to launch on the momentum of his own success.

"She came from the streets," says 22-year-old Spain, who lives today, along with several of the other "boys," in Kim's New Jersey mansion. "I could relate to her 'cause my mom sent me to the city when I was, like, 13."

It was at Wallace's behest that Kimberly Jones assumed the role of Lil' Kim--a vulgar-mouthed emblem of what had been dubbed "porno rap." Following Biggie's lead, the young protege exploded onto the hip-hop scene as the lone female member of Junior M.A.F.I.A. at the age of 20.

Almost immediately, Kim became the showcase of the act. They were like "peanut butter and jelly," says Voletta Wallace, Biggie's mother. "Kim and Christopher were the same voice."

And that voice was determined to push the limits of gangsta rap, a genre whose biggest selling points were unabashed violence and uncensored sex.

By the mid-1990s Biggie Smalls and his crew were at the top of their game. Biggie's second album, "Life After Death," would eventually sell eight times platinum, and with the release of her 1995 solo debut, "Hardcore," Kim arrived in her own right. But the good times were not to last. Kim loved Biggie and hoped to be his wife, but he married and then quickly separated from R&B artist Faith Evans (who would also become the mother of his son, Christopher). There were rumors that Evans had been having an affair with rapper and longtime Biggie rival Tupac Shakur. One Biggie music video co-starred Kim as the defiant and loyal mistress.

Amid the lovers' quarrels and sexual betrayals, tragedy struck in the early hours of March 9, 1997. Following a Soul Train Music Awards party in Los Angeles, a still-unknown killer approached the passenger side of Biggie's GMC Suburban and unloaded seven rounds into the rapper's head and body at close range. Both Lil' Caesar and Damion Butler were unharmed as they ducked down in the back seat. Puffy, who was driving his own Suburban in front of the target vehicle, rushed to Biggie's side reciting psalms. But Christopher Wallace was dead at age 24.

Since the loss of her mentor, Kim's allegiance has remained eerily well preserved. In the immediate aftermath, she and the Junior M.A.F.I.A. boys stayed in Big's New Jersey condominium--where, according to Kim, she shared her slain lover's bedroom with her would-be mother-in-law, Voletta Wallace, and T'yanna, Biggie's daughter from a previous relationship.

In an article for People magazine, a mourning Kim posed for the camera draped in Biggie's shirt, coat and hat. Even today, more than three years after his death, she often refers to her "big poppa" in conversation and lyrics, and even credits the rapper as a posthumous producer on her new album. The bond seems unhealthy, as even Kim's friend Blige noted in an interview: a "kind of co-dependency with someone who just isn't here anymore."

It took Kim four years to release her second album, which had been held up due to conflicts with her label, the theft of material by bootleggers and her own creative process. Meanwhile, Kim's marketing machine hummed along, patiently building her image despite a lack of new releases.

"She's brilliant," says Michael Elliot, president of Source Entertainment. "I mean, here's a woman who [hadn't] had an album out in years and she's a presenter at award shows, and a successful model. She's found a way to market herself and, at the end of the day, she's a businesswoman."

"I think she's a feminist in a funny sort of way," says John Dempsey, president of MAC cosmetics, one of many packagers that hold up the Kim image as a bold new form of sexual expression. "She speaks like a man would speak."

Her fans agree. "She doesn't care what anybody has to say," says 19-year-old Teena Marie Schexnayder, a Los Angeles psychology student and aspiring singer. "She's a bad girl . . . doing whatever she has to do to survive. She's deep. I love the stuff she talks about."

While '80s female rappers like Queen Latifah and MC Lyte embraced "womanist" images, combining ancestral and gender consciousness, Kim provides a very different social commentary for young black women and men. The message behind Lil' Kim is, in fact, heartbreakingly feeble.

Sex, she believes, is a commodity. It is a way for a woman to earn money--and, in her view, respect. She learned that lesson on the streets. As for the women selling their bodies, "I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Money is power," says Kim, and "a lot of women out there are just givin' it away." Kim aims to change that. As she raps in her new single "Diamonds" (sung to the tune of Diana Ross's "I Want Muscle"):

"She says she wants a man / To buy her a Lexus Land/ Well that's all right for her / Still it ain't enough for me / I don't care if he's young or old / Just make him very rich / I want diamonds / This p---- ain't for free."

Is this really feminism?

"I'm a feminist because I love women," she ventures, graciously asking her interviewer to correct her if she misunderstands the term. "And I feel like, in this rapping game, men have been bashing women for years. But some women overemphasize that feminism word. And some of them are very male-bashing. I'm not a male basher."

In her collection of images titled "Women," photographer Annie Leibovitz captures something of the inner sorrow of Kimberly Jones, a black girl who covets blue eyes and blond hair. Juxtaposed with the image of a gloriously dreadlocked Toni Morrison, who is seen looking into a wide expanse of clouds and possibility, Kim appears small and helpless against a wall of color that threatens to engulf her--her nipples visible beneath a trashy net T-shirt. In this image, we see more of Kimberly Jones than Lil' Kim: the real woman who has masked private suffering as public defiance.

"She's just like every little abused girl that I knew growing up," asserts Asha Bandele, a poet, author and critic who is attuned to hip-hop culture. "I do not believe that Kim is in control of her image because there's nothing powerful about it, nothing rounded, nothing human. It's a caricature. Just like when you see a male presenting himself as only a gangsta. . . . We're so much more complicated than that."

But if it is icon status we're shooting for, Kimberly Jones is the real deal. Closer in spirit to Monroe than Madonna, she is a genuine enigma, which is precisely why she intrigues us. The same little girl who remembers jumping into the middle of a fight between her father and older brother (taking a chair across her stomach in the process) became the grown-up Lil' Kim, who prefers "big poppa" lovers because daddies "don't let nothin' happen to their baby girl."

"Kim needs to ask herself what she's selling," says Voletta Wallace in her Jamaican-accented, no-nonsense way. "When my son was here, that's all you would hear: Kim and Christopher [saying], 'Sex sells, sex sells.'

"But . . . when you look at Kim, the strength is there. The beauty is there. The talent is there. And she needs to let [the world] know . . . they need to see a human being. She needs to find her inner self and see what she has to offer."

At the Gazelle Beauty Center and Day Spa in Manhattan, I have requested a private room in which to interview Kim. I am trying to get closer to the real woman, to get behind the mask. But it is a busy day and there are constant interruptions from other clients (who include guests on "The Montel Williams Show"). Nevertheless, Kim and I enjoy a lunch of Caesar salads, as well as joint manicures, pedicures, massages and facials.

We are two sisters drinking herbal tea now, and Kim is relaxed, makeup-less and wearing a cozy white robe and paper slippers.

Unanswered questions have been nagging at me. Kim is like so many other women, it seems to me, who have grown up with trauma. And yet there is no talk of the long-term effects. I decide to put the question of sexual abuse to her plainly. She tells me that yes, something did happen in the home of a relative when she was a girl, but she doesn't want to get into the details. She has never talked about this before. She doesn't want to dwell on the pain. I am saddened by her admission, and the fact that so many years later, she is still so clearly devastated.

And I am saddened that even here, in a place for relaxation and nurturing, she is unable to divest herself, even for a few hours, of the blue contact lenses and blond wig.

"Think about it," she confesses when I ask her to talk about her experience of skin color. "The girls that [men] dated when I was younger were light-skinned and tall. I'm short and brown-skinned. And I always wondered . . . how do I fit in?"

Did she ever overcome the feeling of being ugly?

"I really haven't," she admits. "Honestly, though, I think being Lil' Kim the rapper helped me deal with it better. Because I got to dress up in expensive clothes, and I got to look like a movie star or whatever. I think doing photo shoots and seeing all the people respond to me has helped. [But] I still don't see what they see."

can't help but think of Kim as standing on a precipice, making a great leap toward transformation. In recent years, she has expressed a desire to tone down the raunch and express more of "who I really am." There are rumors that she was wary about spreading her legs for the photo shoot for "Hardcore," and she herself has said she would have rather done four sexual songs instead of seven. "You get tired of certain images," she explains.

So what's stopping Lil' Kim from showing us more of Kimberly Jones? "It's hard," she says. "Because in our world, the rap world, you have this thing called selling out. You don't want people who liked you for doing a certain thing on your first album to not like you for not doing it on the second album. So I have to stay in that realm."

Yes, there are market forces pushing her to stay in the same place, but the market is also a fickle lover and people tire of what is too easy to predict. "Notorious K.I.M." started out at No. 4 on the Billboard album chart, but has slipped to No. 35.

"How much more of her body can she show?" asks Ramon Hervey, manager for R&B artist Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds. "From Madonna to Prince, everybody has to re-create themselves at some point."

"I see the strength in her," Mary J. Blige says of her friend. "All she's gotta do is let go of the fear."

Source: The Washington Post