#in my head he has tem’s voice tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

puppyenergy · 5 years

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@rickenrolled you’re an absolute mad man i love you. here’s all my answers. long ass post beneath the cut

1. Who’s your favourite character from UT?

i love them all but if i had to pick one then chara

2. Who’s your least favourite character from UT?

asgore

3. Your opinion about UT fandon:

very sweet, lots of smart and lovely and creative and gay people. could do without all the transphobes and incest/pedo shippers tho but like, theyre kinda everywhere aren’t they. like flies! smack

4. What’s your favourite quote?

“you never gained LOVE, but you gained love. does that make sense? maybe not.“

5. What’s your favourite soundtrack?

death by glamour

6. Pacifist, neutral or genocide?

pacifist

7. Why did you decide to play UT?

when it came out, my first exposure to it was thru supporting a friend who had recently started a youtube channel and they did a playthru of undertale! i ended up being unable to wait for them to finish it and just went and bought the game myself so i could play it. i was just so invested, i couldn’t wait for them to upload asklghskl

8. Favourite battle?

undyne’s

9. Favourite scene?

GOD I CAN’T CHOOSE JUST ONE SCENE. fuck. you can’t do this to me.

10. Your first letter to Mettaton was:

“legs” probably sldkghsd i don’t remember

11. Your reaction when you saw Omega Flowey for the first time:

VERY SCARED. I LEGIT THOUGHT MY GAME WAS POSSESSED.

12. Your headcanon about Frisk’s gender:

they’re nonbinary but i specifically headcanon them as agender! i also rlly dig genderfluid frisk as well bc same.

13. Which UT character reminds you of yourself?

mostly frisk but also chara and also mettaton

oh and all the dogs

14. Which UT character reminds you of your best friend?

TEMMIE. we are dog and cat solidarity.

15. Would you smooch a ghost?

i already have!

16. Which UT character would be your best friend? Why?

all of them. i will befriend them all.

17. Do you remember your first killed character? Who was that?

toriel ;_; i reset & redid the entire game for her, i felt so bad

18. Did you do sth in game you regret?

killing toriel lmao

19. Which ending was your first?

pacifist!

20. Your favourite land in UT and why: (Snowdin, Waterfall or Hotland)

snowdin is my favorite... it’s just so home-y. i rlly love snow, it brings a lot of happy memories. the christmas aesthetic does as well. and it’s also where you meet sans & papyrus & all the dogs. it’s just such a happy place.

21. Your favourite place in UT and why: (Undyne’s house for example)

i just rlly love snowdin ok. every area in snowdin. i still remember my little gasp!! when i found out that the snow on frisk’s head is always a different shape every time you go thru that slide-y puzzle.

22. Your headcanon about River person’s gender:

“it doesn’t really matter.”

23. Your headcanon about one of the UT characters:

papyrus is nonbinary!

24. Butterscouch or cinnamon pie?

cinnamon!

25. Your opinion/headcanon about six human souls:

i always connect the deltarune characters to the six human souls for some reason. kris is the cyan soul, susie is the purple soul, ralsei is the green soul, lancer is the blue soul, noelle is the yellow soul, and then im not sure who would be the orange soul... ofc only one of them is actually human but that’s always an association i made asdlghsd

26. With who would you go on a date?

none of them tbh sdkglhskdlgha i would go on hangouts with them tho!

27. Marry, fuck, kiss and kill:

marry: napstablook fuck: mettaton kiss: all of them getting kisses from me!!! mwah kill: none :(

28. Do you wanna have a bad time?

no!! i wanna have a fun time. a sillay ol’ time.

29. Your favourite UT au:

there’s this one unfinished comic someone made a while ago i don’t even remember what it was called but it was about two charas or smth??? idek if that counts as an au but tbh that comic is the origin of my love for feral chara

30. Your least favourite UT au:

all of the ones where anyone is misgendered or there’s incest/pedo/abuse in it it just automatically makes it a bad au.

31. Would you want to fall into underground?

i mean, yeah. where’s the hole. i’m on my way.

32. Describe or draw your undersona:

the puppy is specific to dfta

my other undersona is dragon kid. he’s a human & monster fusion with a rough past. he’s also adopted. the cat is his sibling.

33. One reason why you love UT:

toby said Hello LGBT Community

34. One reasom why you hate UT:

frisk’s design is,, u kno

35. If you could choose one type of food from UT, what would it be?

dog salads for days!

36. Your favourite amalgamate:

snowdrake’s mother & endogeny

37. Your headcanon about Gaster: who do you think Gaster is to Sans and Papyrus? (Father, brother, uncle etc)

i like to headcanon him as their dad

38. Your opinion about bad puns:

they’re good, ok.

39. Do you draw fanarts from UT? If yes, then what do you like the most to draw?

yes i do asklghsdkgl i could probably draw chara/frisk/asriel forever and be ok with it

40. Which of human souls fits you the most?

red, baby

41. What would be the first thing you would to show to Sans, Papyrus or the rest of characters in human world? Why?

the stars!!! they’ve been wishing on rocks for too long. time to see the real thing.

42. Which song reminds you of UT or one of the UT characters? Why?

skglhslkhg i make playlists just for this tbh. i have a playlist for mettaton, chara, frisk, asriel, undertale in general, and then one for both chara & frisk. too many songs to talk about rn so here’s the most recent one i added to chara’s playlist:

https://soundcloud.com/serious-url/last-night-on-earth-2

my favorite lyric is “we are horrible but not bad”

43. Your opinion on underloid:

i. i’m not sure what that is askdlghsdk

OH I JUST LOOKED IT UP ITS UNDERTALE VOCALOID??? i’ve never listened to it before but tbh that’s real cool

44. Do you forgive Asgore for what he’s done?

no lol

45. Did you pay for Tem’s college?

I DIDNT, IM SORRY TEM... i just dont have the patience to sell all that residue

46. Have you seen any youtube letsplay of UT?

i swear i’ve seen them all now. i watch them when i need some free serotonin. u_u

47. Do you listen to any fanmade songs? If so, then which are your favourite?

i don’t rlly listen to any but i have a few saved! i rlly love the fucking checker dance & death by glamour mashup

youtube

48. What are your favourite theories?

narra!chara if you can even CALL that a theory man it’s literally canon

i also rlly like the theory that ut sans is actually from deltarune, and also maybe a darkner.

49. Who is your favourite enemy? (Not including boss monsters)

LESSER DOG

50. Do you have any headcanons about Chara’s past? (Why they hate humanity, why did they fell to the underground etc)

i think they had some pretty shitty ppl in their life until they met the dreemurrs, probably.

51. Who is your favourite dog?

DONT DO THIS TO ME,

52. What was your reaction to true lab?

fear and a lot of emotion

53. Your fabourite voice acting:

myself sakldhgklsh

54. At the end of pacifist run did you stay with your friends or did you come back to your family?

i always send frisk to stay with toriel bc as their player guardian i would not feel comfortable with myself if i just left a child stranded on their own. it was the same in oneshot. if i’m ur temporary game dad then i’m leaving u in a safe place before the game ends ok.

55. Who is older - Sans or Papyrus?

sans

56. Your OTP(s):

OK LISTEN. GOATBUN,,

also ALPHYNE

57. Your NOTP(s):

any of the incest/pedo ones. especially with fr4ns & ch4sriel i’m gonna get real stabby.

58. Your BROTP(s):

chara/frisk haa

59. Your favourite puzzle:

i like the shooty spaceship ones!

60. Which battle was the hardest for you?

fingers in his ass.... fingers in his ass.... asgore he likes b

61. Did you still hate Flowey after you discovered his true indentity?

i never hated flowey, ok. and also no.

62. The saddest moment:

“the next day.”

“...”

“the human died.”

63. Which ending is your favourite?

true pacifist, pls

64. How old do you think Frisk is?

9, maybe? i always change my mind on this asdlghsdk. they’re just a baby. age is baby.

65. Any post pacifist run headcanons?

both chara & asriel get revived. always.

66. Your favourite NPC:

the trans woman lionness npc who mettaton gives his dress to

67. Humans or monsters?

both!

68. The funniest situation:

my brain is failing me but i fucking love the idea that frisk is just walking away from undyne during her battle sequence and she’s just CLANK CLANK CLANK in her armor stomping after but ugh has to stop and wait while frisk gets a phonecall and UGH has to check on sans who fell asleep at his post.

AND UNDYNE’S HANGOUT

UGH JUST UNDYNE IN GENERAL I LOVE HER

69. Skeletonfucker, robotfucker, goatfucker or kinkshaming?

listen i KNOW i said i’d fuck mettaton but i’m NOT a robotfucker.

70. When playing for the first time how many candies did you take?

one! i wanted to be a good boy.

but then i just went ham,

71. Did you kill or spare Flowey at the end of the game?

spare and i got emotional with how he reacted

72. If you had to be one of the main characters, which would you choose?

73. If you had to kill one of the main characters which would you choose?

i wouldn’t kill any of them!! i love them all. i refuse.

74. Which character(s) would you like to cosplay?

HMM. i could probably pull off frisk the best.

75. Your favourite Burgerpants’ quote?

#i can't believe i actually answered them all #long post #.txt

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verdigrisprowl · 7 years

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Mar 29 Blurr’s Horror Stream - Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil

Airachnid was Looking at a human. Prowl spent half the movie trying to talk that human into giving him her comm frequency so that he could warn her about Airachnid without Airachnid listening in.

Welcome to the 'speedxstealer' room. The chat room has been cleared by the moderator. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Two birds, two terrors, a noodle, and a cat walk in and scatter* B l u r r: / is on his couch. Busy with work or something / Whirl: *trots on in and makes his way to the Whirl Hammock, as per usual* Sideswipe: -he's here in place of Blaster tonight- ItsyBitsySpyers: *The twins are already trying to scramble into it. Ravage sits on the floor near Blurr's feet and just. Stares at him. A lot.* B l u r r: / glances at/ Hn? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave gets comfortable on his couch and - who is that? He's seen them a few times. What was their... oh, yes. Right.* Sideswipe: -plops down in a free seat- ItsyBitsySpyers: *Nods hello to the lot while Ravage leans closer and keeps staring.* B l u r r: / tilts helm at Ravage/ What? Sideswipe: -creepy kitty- ItsyBitsySpyers: *Make room, damn it.* Whirl: *will of course happily accomodate them, and offer assistance if it is needed* B l u r r: / shifts and lifts the maps off of his lap / ItsyBitsySpyers: *Immediate hop up and flop. Yes. Good.* Malika: *yawns* B l u r r: / settles and just moves his maps. Still reading them / ItsyBitsySpyers: *The twins do not need assistance but they will wave hi. Rumble actually has a half-assed smile today.* Malika: *stays behind Blurr* Hi to everyone B l u r r: / vents and looks behind him/ ... / looking around / By yourself today, cretin? FakeProwl: *appears, checks out the current array of guests* Whirl: *he's happy to see that. ...but of course he won't acknowledge it out loud, because that is not what you Do when someone's feeling better* Malika: *She shurgs* I have no idea of where Roadbuster it is *she pouted* Whirl: What's happening you two? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Nods at the avatar(?)* B l u r r: Probably busy. He has work to do. /shifts claw and holds it out / Might as well climb on. FakeProwl: *avatar nods back* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\BIG FIGHT TODAY.\\ //Over in Simfur II.// \\METALLIPEDE.\\ Malika: *climbs on* nice music uh ItsyBitsySpyers: *They lift their arms to show off big fresh welds. Gross.* Malika: Oooh there is also Whirl, hi hi FakeProwl: *sits with Soundwave. with a bit more distance than the last few visits* FakeProwl: *and DEFINITELY more distance than monday* B l u r r: Hmn... /shifts claw and drops Malika on his shoulder / Whirl: Ohh, nice. *optic expands as he inspects tem* You got a picture or something? I've neve seen one of those. B l u r r: [[ let me know when you guys are ready. ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((ready whenever!)) Whirl: *he looks up, a bit surprised when he hears a not-quite-familiar voice call his name, and then nods to Malika* Sideswipe: ready)) FakeProwl: ((ready)) Whirl: ((ready!)) Malika: [[now i want to draw Mali on blurr's shoulder lol xD ready btw!)) B l u r r: lol ] ItsyBitsySpyers: *.......Glances at the empty space, then up, confused. This is not Prowl's usual M.O.* Sideswipe: -settles into his seat- ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Error committed? New rule? FakeProwl: *misses the confused look. he's doing the Gendo* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\MOVIE'S GETTIN' STARTED QUICK, HUH?\\ B l u r r: / settles and fixes maps / Whirl: Oh lord. Whirl: I can't wait for these guys to die. B l u r r: / pats Ravage on his lap / FakeProwl: @Soundwave «No. Nothing to do with you.» Sideswipe: ....-snorts- Malika: Gotta be honest, I never seen this movie.. *gotta be ready* ItsyBitsySpyers: //Yeah, uh... hold on.// Rumble will send Whirl a picture-- Whirl: Teach is usually pretty good at pickin em. Airachnid changed their nickname to Airachnid. B l u r r: Mm usually. /marking a course on his map./ Airachnid: [sneaks in late] Malika: creepy guy Whirl: *bobs his head at Airachnid* Airachnid: [waves at him for a moment before chirping, can she share the hammock tonight] Whirl: ((alan tudyk is so great in this)) B l u r r: [[ he's great in everything tbh. ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *It's an huge beast that looks something like a robot millipede, a snake, and a nightmare had a horrible lovechild with mandibles that look vaguely mech-shaped when closed.* Whirl: *looks to the twins, who are already there; does the council agree to admit Airachnid?* Malika: and OF COURSE you go there with a scythe B l u r r: / scritch behind ravage's audial / I don't know any other way to approach someone of interest. B l u r r: I think I'm holding my chainsaw most of the time. Whirl: ((true!)) Whirl: *he actually gives a small audible simulated gasp of delight* It's... ItsyBitsySpyers: *The twins scoot over to make room for Airachnid while Ravage rumbles and sniffs in Malika's general direction, then Sideswipe's* Whirl: Adorable. Whirl: *excellent! Join the hammock* Sideswipe: -waggles digits- Sideswipe: -Hello kitty- B l u r r: [[ sigh. ]] B l u r r: [[ let me know when it drops. ]] FakeProwl: ((it's fine here)) Whirl: ((so fa so good on my end)) Malika: oooomyyygod *crack in laughs* Airachnid: [climbs in, making sure not to rock the hammock too much] ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Understood. Curiosity allowed? Whirl: *snickers* Whirl: So are those things a big problem on your planet, by the way? Metallipedes? FakeProwl: @Soundwave «I don't want to give Soundwave and Airachnid more ammo. Or the rest of them, but mainly those two.» B l u r r: / shifts a little. Holds Ravage so they don't fall / B l u r r: / Careful not to drop Malika off his shoulder / ItsyBitsySpyers: \\KINDA? WE KILLED A WHOLE BUNCHA UNDERWORLD STUFF COUPLA EARTH YEARS AGO BUT IT WASN'T -EVERYTHIN'-, YA KNOW?\\ Whirl: I see. Next time you go on an extermination run, feel free to give me a ring. *nods at them both* Sideswipe: ....cute, tryin' to scare his friends to look good Whirl: Because I've gotts square off against something like THAT, at least once in my life. Malika: *she stay firm on Blurr's shoulder, smiling because he is trying to not let her fall* oh.... my, what the- Sideswipe: -snickering- ItsyBitsySpyers: \\FOR REAL? CAUSE I WILL.\\ Whirl: Absolutely! As long as it's allowed. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\WICKED.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): What meaning, 'ammo'? Attack? Mocking? Other? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage sloooowly reaches toward Malika with a paw* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Mocking. Gossip.» FakeProwl: *this guy's a creep.* Whirl: ((also puff idk if you knew but you said "soundwave and airachnid" did you... mean a different SW or)) Whirl: This guy's obnoxious. FakeProwl: *he insults her, then insults everyone else to try to attract her* Malika: ....I would already slapped him FakeProwl: ((..... I MEANT WHIRL)) FakeProwl: ((WHIRL AND AIRACHNID)) Airachnid: rip)) Whirl: ((OK)) B l u r r: / reaches out to push Ravage's paw down / Don't hurt it. It isn't my human. FakeProwl: ((watch as this becomes a Thing)) FakeProwl: ((i already get drift and blurr's names mixed up)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Grumble grumble. Tucks his paws under himself.* Airachnid: [she now notices the human in the room] Whirl: ((then plot twist: whirl and soundwave swap bodies and it becomes True)) FakeProwl: ((soundwhirl)) B l u r r: / pets Ravage's helm nicely / Airachnid: [staring, lots of staring at the human creature] Malika: *waves toward Airachnid* Whirl: ((the first thing he'd do is 1, discover he has a mouth and 2. start devouring everything)) Whirl: *snickers* ItsyBitsySpyers: ((please try not to bite his tongue)) Airachnid: [doesn't wave back, just staring] Whirl: ((he would do his best)) Malika: *Stares back* yeeeeah? Something wrong? *aside a human presence* Sideswipe: So. College humans are pretty stupid B l u r r: Yes, well, college is entry level garbage. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\THAT'S HOW COME MOST OF 'EM DON'T LIVE THROUGH THIS SCRAP.\\ Malika: College humans on movies are stupid.. FakeProwl: *notices Airachnid staring. glances over.* Sideswipe: -snickers- FakeProwl: *... hm.* Human. Airachnid: [just staring for a bit longer before going back to the movie] Whirl: That guy, Dale.. reminds me of someone I know. Malika: *stares at the movie again* These guys are awful.. Whirl: *it's Tailgate. Dale reminds him of Tailgate a bit* ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Whirl knew before. No gossip spread. Can handle mockery; Wheeljack, Smokescreen known many years. Malika: Smart-- Sideswipe: HOW FakeProwl: @Soundwave «That doesn't mean you need more of it. And I don't like it.» ItsyBitsySpyers: //...Seriously?// Malika: WHAT????? He just killed himself???? Whirl: *snickers again* FakeProwl: Human. Human on Blurr's shoulder. Hey. Sideswipe: -nearly doubles over laughing- Malika: Uh? Yes? *looks at Prowl* RoBart: is this like a comedy scary movie? Whirl: Seems to be, yep. Horror-comedy. FakeProwl: Do you have a comm? Malika: I have something that can let me have comm-links, why? FakeProwl: What's your frequency? B l u r r: Why do you want it? Airachnid: Why would he break it? Whirl: *also glances back at Prowl curiously* Malika: *looking at Blurr as he asked that, then to Prowl again, waiting him to answer* FakeProwl: *is speaking to the human, not Blurr* Malika: Sorry, but Blurr is right, why are you asking my frequency? You don't even know me ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): ...Would defend. FakeProwl: Because where I'm from, humans who are willing to socialize politely with Cybertronians are extremely rare. And you're watching movies with one. ItsyBitsySpyers: //One of them misunderstandin' movies, ain't it?// Sideswipe: Those are fun ItsyBitsySpyers: *Looking to Whirl* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «... Thank you. I'd rather you not have to.» ItsyBitsySpyers: \\YEAH? WHAT OTHERS YA GOT, RED?\\ Whirl: So far, it seems to be sticking to that trend. *turns his attention away from prowl to Rumble* And I'm guessing that whole line the girl said earlier--about how miscommunication is the cause for-- Whirl: --most of the world's problems? Pretty obvious lampshade. Sideswipe: -more laughing- Whirl: *BURSTS OUT LAUGING* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[It -is- true.]] Malika: *Looking over at everyone* More than one *she chuckled slightly* MPFFFFFF *sorry, she is laughing a lot* This movie-- Airachnid: This is so absurd it's amusing. Malika: Anyway, who can tell me that I can trust you by giving my frequency? We should know each other a lil' better first. I don't even know your name.. FakeProwl: ... I'm Prowl. Airachnid: I'm surprised that the black guy has lasted this long tbh)) Malika: ((omg me too xD)) FakeProwl: ((same but I'm glad he has)) Whirl: *still laughing* FakeProwl: *it's a good thing prowl adopted the gendo pose at the start of the movie* Malika: I'm Malika~, nice to meet you Prowl! *looking over Blurr for a moment* weell, if he is a friend of yours I guess it's a good guy and I can give him my frequency FakeProwl: *his shoulders are trembling* B l u r r: He's not my friend. Malika: This movie is hilarious anyway Malika: Oh.. Whirl: *now he's ALSO laughing at Blurr* RoBart: he is priolly gonna get hit by the beam B l u r r: / what are you laughing at / Whirl: *he thought that was a snappy reply* RoBart: called it B l u r r: / pfft / Malika: HAHAHAHAHAHA ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble chews his knuckles to smother his laughter* Airachnid: [bursts out laughing] Malika: *her belly hurts so much becase of the laughs* FakeProwl: *quietly presses hands harder over mouth* Whirl: *grabs his head with the side of his claw; Whirl is delighted* ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Uncertain. This, attempt: [][][]Doing the same in return - balance out[][][]? Alternative: desired Prowl assistance, not uncomfortable? Sideswipe: -has just about fallen out of his seat laughing now- ItsyBitsySpyers: //Primus. Jus' fraggin' go away 'n let 'em kill 'emselves in peace.// Malika: *looking overat Prowl* ... Is this movie scaring you?? ItsyBitsySpyers: \\THIS AIN'T THE TIME FOR A SPARK TO SPARK\\ FakeProwl: *shakes head vigorously* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\OR A... THE FRAG DO HUMANS GOT.\\ FakeProwl: *he is violently suppressing his laughter* Whirl: I dunno--pfft--nothing sets the mood like being covered in blood and dodging bullets. Airachnid: WAIT DOES THE DOG DIE)) B l u r r: He probably wants to laugh. /pats Ravage / FakeProwl: @Soundwave «... What?» *sorry, he's been distracted by trying to get a human's comm and hilarity* Whirl: *for the first time he looks concerned for something's well-being* Malika: Not the dog pleeeease ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage huffs. These people aren't even being hunted. This is pathetic.* Airachnid: please tell me if the dog dies that is one of the few things I cannot handle well)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *He just sends the "I'd rather you not have to" with a repeat of his message.* Whirl: ((i dooon't recall)) FakeProwl: *okay. okay. it's not hilarious at the moment. returns attention to the human.* So...? Whirl: *good* ItsyBitsySpyers: *He's trying to figure out if he's supposed to just stay where he is and watch the movie or if this is one of those "you should seek your own satisfaction" things. Probably nobody will--* FakeProwl: *... still can't quite parse out Soundwave's question. goes based on the vague subject of what he thinks it might mean* ItsyBitsySpyers: *get speared on accident if he miscommunicates here but, y'know. Avoiding that.* Airachnid: OK dog made it, it looked like my dog so I probably would have bailed cause I cannot handle that)) ItsyBitsySpyers: //We sure the human in blue ain't the dangerous one here?// Whirl: He... seems to be the villain. Sideswipe: Kinda sure he is Whirl: *oh boy that axe went somewhere and whirl can guess where* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Even though you've offered to defend me if necessary—it would be a lot easier on both of us if there were no actions that necessitate defending.» B l u r r: Self righteous and acting like a hero? Yeah, sounds like the real villain here. FakeProwl: The one in blue is obviously the dangerous one here. Whirl: So, if I'm going to guess--*time to distract himself* This is like... a genre-savvy movie. It's inverting, y'know. Things you see in horror films. Whirl: So it's riffing on how the whole, "dangerous hillbilly in the woods" thing is. And changed it. Whirl: Y'know, flipped it around. Whirl: *surreptitiously flicks his eye away from the screen* Malika: *looking over at Blurr, sending a comm-link* (comm:can I give it to him? It is safe?) B l u r r: / flickers optic and glances at Malika. / @Malika: :: I don't know what he wants it for :: Malika: /She shrugged/ @Blurr :: as he said only because it's difficult to find a human getting alon with cybertronians Whirl: *all right. we're good now* B l u r r: @Malika: :: So? What's that supposed to mean? Is he collecting them for something? :: B l u r r: @Malika: :: Considering your history and your universe, you should be extremely cautious. You're too friendly. Too nice. :: Sideswipe: Kill that dude Airachnid: That takes a lon time you fools. Sideswipe: Take the ax and take his head off Whirl: Lord, it doesn't happen like. Instantly. Whirl: As far as I understand, that sorta thing takes TIME. Sideswipe: They're stupid Airachnid: He also is... a nice individual so... Whirl: *laughs* Whirl: I mean. I'm not an expert on psychological disorders or anything. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Query: If 'easier' not wanted, Soundwave's available choices? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble leans forward to watch this table debate thing.* Malika: @Blurr :: I know... /she lowered her head for a moment, feeling sorry about that. Malika looked at Prowl, shaking her head/ sorry but rigt now I can't. I have rules to follow and I must need time-- Airachnid: [went to medical school and minored in psychology] FakeProwl: @Soundwave «... Hhhhaaarder?» B l u r r: @Malika: :: I'm not your keeper. Do whatever you want to, Malika. But if they start something, I'll slaughter someone. :: Malika: for determinate if you're with the good side or not FakeProwl: ... I'm an Autobot. B l u r r: So am U. Whirl: I mean, just to be fair here, Prowl... so am I. B l u r r: *I. B l u r r: That doesn't make you special. Whirl: So is Blurr. Whirl: But mostly, SO AM I. B l u r r: [[ so am u ]] FakeProwl: She asked if I'm on the "good side." Malika: (( XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD )) B l u r r: There B l u r r: is no such thing as a good side. FakeProwl: She wants to know if I'm "with the good side." I don't know what side she thinks is the good side. I'm telling her the side I'm on. FakeProwl: Stay out of the conversation. I'm not having it with you two, I'm having it with her. Whirl: All right, fair enough, I guess. Carry on. Airachnid: Nice motive. You're still an aft. B l u r r: / shrugs / Sideswipe: Idiot FakeProwl: I WOULD have it with her privately, but I don't know her comm. Whirl: I dunno. I kinda don't buy it. Whirl: Seems like the kinda guy who'd lie. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Then harder path wanted, if allowed. Sideswipe: ....big idiots ItsyBitsySpyers: //The blue one? Yeah, kinda. Only he told that story before, ain't he?// Whirl: He did, earlier. *nods* Whirl: *LAUGHS* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage just... shakes his helm and curls up.* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «I'd prefer the path that includes less obstruse explanations of your desires.» FakeProwl: @Soundwave «because I'm pretty sure you're not saying you want hardness for the sake of hardness but I don't know what you do want.» Malika: /having headache/ Let's watch the movie before, we will talk about it later.. /said with a slight smile/ Airachnid: She did her best. The other party just wasn't willing to cooperate. Sideswipe: Well. Evil never dies Malika: ((What's your tumblr prowl? XD)) FakeProwl: ((verdigrisprowl)) Sideswipe: Not even in fire apparently FakeProwl: ((he's hoping to get it BEFORE the movie ends)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS SCENE)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((that inhaler should have exploded in the fire)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((that is all)) Sideswipe: ((yep FakeProwl: ... I'll wait here once the movie's over. Malika: Perfect FakeProwl: *dammit, he wanted to leave early and get some sleep. but nooo. no. the human who thinks it's safe to hang out on a mass murderer's shoulder is suspicious of the police officer.* Butterbuns: ((here we go, MUCH better working sound than what i was watching. Whirl: *solemnly* Praise. Butterbuns: ((I missed the link being posted so I wasn't sure if the night was still on, except the chat was being really quiet)) Malika: ((hhahahahaha poor prowl XDDD )) FakeProwl: *now he's got to sit here late and be cranky and tired because he's trying to protect a damn stupid human who won't give out her damn phone number.* FakeProwl: ((prowlmun wanted to go to sleep early too ;;)) Whirl: ((perhaos malika and prowl could arrange a meeting later?)) FakeProwl: ((nop it's gotta be asap)) FakeProwl: ((besides, how the hell they gonna arrange a meeting if he can't even get her comm)) Butterbuns: ((everything is ASAP in fuzzytime FakeProwl: ((before people leave.)) ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Trying. Overstep unwanted. Prowl stated shared easy path: no activity, also stated Soundwave satisfaction often abandoned. Easy path not wanted. Hard path wanted. Allowed? Whirl: ((ye, fuzzytime is also an option)) FakeProwl: (("asap" as in "it can't be a later thread)) Whirl: ((like, a later thread in our time but set it after the movie in rp-time?)) Malika: Bleeah.. Butterbuns: ((welp 8') rip ItsyBitsySpyers: //She shoulda bit his fraggin' mouth off.// FakeProwl: @Soundwave «I don't know what the "hard path" is. What are you asking for? What do you want us to do, walk on our hands everywhere?» Whirl: Agreed. FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Please. Be blatantly obvious. Describe concrete actions.» B l u r r: / shifts and slouches just slightly. Holding onto Ravage and adjusting shoulders/ FakeProwl: ((i guess that's a possibility. I'd like to. just. get it finished tho. :,) Malika: /meanwhile the movie goes, malika is writingdown something/ Malika: ...That's called bunch of lucky Whirl: Niiice. Whirl: There's nothing like a good chainsaw fight. ...though it'd be more fun with two chainsaws. Airachnid: Two chainsaws are always fun. Whirl: *nods* I need to pick up one for myself. Sideswipe: .... B l u r r: Two chainsaws are fun. B l u r r: I've experienced it ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Wanted: near company, lean if given, hand if given, less fear, other activity experienced before Whirl, Airachnid confirmation. Sideswipe: HAH! ItsyBitsySpyers: //Pfffft.// Malika: The cake is a lie, citation. Whirl: *snorts* Sideswipe: whoops Sideswipe: -snickering- FakeProwl: *considers* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\WHAT'S ANPHLACKIC SHOCK?\\ Airachnid: [chuckles] Whirl: Allergic reaction. Sideswipe: -so much laughter- Malika: /she shook her head before looking at Prowl and hand him a piece of paper with the number on/ FakeProwl: *takes it* Malika: ((don't want to make Prowlmun wait xD I could feel sorry)) FakeProwl: *immediately comms it* Sideswipe: aw...cute ItsyBitsySpyers: \\I GOTTA ASK REMEDY THAT ONE.\\ Malika: @Prowl ::Now you have my comm~ Whirl: Remedy? *looks over and tilts his head* FakeProwl: @Human(???) «Are you capable of answering comms without speaking out loud? If not, just—don't say anything.» ItsyBitsySpyers: \\YEAH. ANCIENT SURGEONY MEDIC BOT. KINDA MY TEACHER.\\ Malika: I'm laughing because ALL her friends just died, and the two men are pretty alive Whirl: Oh, really? *perks up* You're goin into medicine? ItsyBitsySpyers: //Aw.// *Sorta happy-sorta sad for the new couple.* Sideswipe: /That/ was interesting FakeProwl: *PROWL can make comms without speaking out loud. he's pretty sure most humans can't.* Airachnid: Interesting is one word to describe it. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\I DUNNO. SORTA? DON'T WANNA BE NO FULL TIME OR NOTHIN. JUS' LEARN, KINDA.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers: \\'S HOW COME I BEEN HELPIN' HIS CHOPPED-UP AFT, HEH.\\ *jerks his thumb at Blurr* FakeProwl: *considers soundwav'es comment. slightly twitches leg over. knee pressed against soundwave's.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Hey so yeah that biolight thing he got accused of doing? He's doing that. Just a little. Knee press back.* B l u r r: Excuse me. I'm not chopped up. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\CHOPPED UP, SHOT UP... C'MON, I PUT WIRES BACK IN YA LIKE THREE TIMES.\\ FakeProwl: *and now waits antsily for human to reply* B l u r r: To be fair, I'm the one who pulled them out. Malika: /Raised a brow toward Prowl, then start to send something else to the comm./ @Prowl (text) what about a text? Sideswipe: Yeah, and a few other words, but interesting came up first Whirl: Blurr, you are one hundred precent chopped up. At all times. You come PRE-chopped. Malika: ((Omg this soundtrack FakeProwl: @Human «You using text is fine. You can listen to me.» Whirl: But, hey, that's neat, mech. But you've got your work cut out for you if you first patient is gonna be THAT guy. *nods to Blurr with wry humor* B l u r r: ...Excuse? B l u r r: I'm perfectly fine. FakeProwl: @Human «You see the tall skinny black and purple mech with the extraneous limbs on her back? Don't stare. Just indicate if you can recognize her.» B l u r r: I've been stitched together. Whirl: I've said this before, and I'll say it again: You'd say you were fine if you were sitting at the bottom of a smelter. Whirl: Don't ever listen to him, Frenzy. He will never, ever tell you if he's actually hurt or sick. B l u r r: ... Eh, probably. B l u r r: I don't tell people a lot of things. /grabs his maps again. Pats Ravage / ItsyBitsySpyers: =Smell them.= Malika: @Prowl (txt): Ow.. ok, hoping I didn't seemed to be rude toward her before.. B l u r r: ...Smell what? FakeProwl: @Human «Yes or no question, did you see her and can you identify her on sight.» ItsyBitsySpyers: \\OH, NAW. FIRST PATIENT WAS LONG TIME AGO. I BEEN HELPIN' WITH LIL STUFF.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers: \\SOMETIMES I GET TO KEEP SURGERY PARTS AIN'T NO GOOD ANYMORE. THAT'S THE BEST. I GOT ONE OF MAGNUS' SHOULDER THINGS!\\ ItsyBitsySpyers: *He waves a hand way above his own shoulder and laughs* Whirl: Pfft! ItsyBitsySpyers: =Smell sick.= Whirl: Hey, feed them to your barnacle. They LOVE body parts. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Yeah? We just been givin' scrap...// Airachnid: [she's just listening to the coversation the part about Magnus' shoulders got her to laugh though] Whirl: They'll eat that, too. Killer gets a lot of shell casings, but that one time I had that severed limb? Killer LOVED it. Whirl: Took it forever to eat it, though. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy glances at her. They're still wary after stories about their own but she hasn't done anything they don't like. Yet.* Malika: @Prowl (txt) Yes, can recognize her Whirl: ((ariachnid listening to casual chatter about people keeping body parts in their room. ...i mean she totally would too* FakeProwl: @Human «She's Airachnid. Exotic game hunter. To her, "exotic game" is "intelligent aliens." Like humans. And she was staring at you.» ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy chews his thumb.* Malika: @Prowl (txt) Aw.. why I think that's a not good thing? Airachnid: [she has done that before, she has had literal skeletons in her closet] ItsyBitsySpyers: \\GUESS I GOT A KNEE IT COULD EAT ON.\\ Malika: ((Dear, how was called that movie again? XD B l u r r: [[ tucker and dale vs evil ]] FakeProwl: @Human «If she's decided to hunt you and you need help, comm me. All you need to do is say "help" or "emergency" and provide your coordinates. I'll open a bridge.» FakeProwl: @Human «You don't need to explain the situation, you don't need to tell me she's following you, you don't need to say hi. "Help" or "emergency" plus coordinates. Understood?» Whirl: Might as well give it a shot. I mean, I've only ever fed them body parts from the dimension I'm staying in. Whirl: But Killer is from somewhere else, too, so... *shrugs?* Malika: @Prowl (txt) Roger that Prowl~ FakeProwl: @Human «Good. That's all.» FakeProwl: *all right. message delivered. looming threat addressed. prowl's work here is done.* Malika: @Prowl (txt) okey /As stopped to write, she raised her arms for a stretch/ Well.. I think I'll go now B l u r r: Mm... you want a ride home? /grumbling / B l u r r: / it gives him an excuse to crash at the farm / FakeProwl: *and prowl, smart guy that he is, never asked for the human's name* Malika: /She smiled at him/ If ya want, probably it will be also Roady at home B l u r r: Yes, I know who you live with. /pats Ravage and moves to start standing / Malika: ((Mali gave him her name since the beginning XD Whirl: *and insantly Whirl is looking at Blurr with the closest his limited expression can come to a shi t-eating grin* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage snickers at the mention of Roadbuster and leaps off* Whirl: Have a good time, Teach. FakeProwl: ((guess who is sh!t at remembering names. it's prowl. he didn't even notice.)) B l u r r: / stands up and scowls/ I'm just dropping her off... Malika: (( HAHAHAHAHAHAA I lovehim XD )) FakeProwl: ((seriously. he confuses swerve for swindle.)) Airachnid: [she climbed down from the hammock and waved at everyone in the room] Until next time. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Nods to Airachnid* Sideswipe: -shows over, music's over, crowd's leaving, time for him to leave- Sideswipe: Well, that was fun Airachnid: [sneaks off] ItsyBitsySpyers: \\SEEYA ROUND.\\ Sideswipe: 'night! Malika: /Malika stared at Whirl for a moment/ Oh yeah, about Blurr. He is perfectly Fine /yes, she heard all their conversations but without saying anything/ FakeProwl: *doesn't move his head but side-eyes Airachnid as she leaves* Malika: /Waves at everyone/ See ya next time! B l u r r: / waves claw/ Let's get you home, cretin. B l u r r: Before Optimus Prime thinks I've eaten you. Sideswipe: -is gonna leave for home himself- Malika: Stop call me that.. /pout a little, ready to go wit him/ ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy flicks a lazy wave in Sideswipe's direction.* Whirl: Bye, you guys. *nudges the twins before they leave* Whirl: And you too! *calling after Airachnid* Whirl: Kid, I've known Teach a lot longer than you. B l u r r: Pits... Whirl: Don't you buy it when he tells you he's fine, because he does NOT take care of himself. Malika: ((lmao, here I imagine Opti and Cade be like "...Where is Mali?" XD )) B l u r r: Fine. Not cretin. Malika. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Twins nudge back and go to join Ravage on the far side of Soundwave's couch* FakeProwl: *Airachnid is gone and the human is leaving. sits up straight in preparation to leave* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave twists some to look, nods.* Malika: /Malika shrugged at Whirl/ the real question is WHO takes actual care of theirself? /and with this, now here she go with Blurr/ ItsyBitsySpyers: *In the meantime, Ravage mumbles something about nanofleas and new humans every week; Frenzy snorts and clamps his hands over his chest vents to muffle them.* FakeProwl: *hesitates. then, kinda... wordlessly, leans in, and just. crest tap.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *!!!!! TAP-SLIDE BACK.* Malika: ((i followed you prowl :3 g'night for who leaves!)) Sideswipe: ((g'night, I'm gonna go see if sleep makes a migrane go away)) Whirl: *snorts after Malika and tips back in his hammock to streeetch* Sideswipe: ((thanks for the movies!)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((yes it does. turn the lights off and anything noisy off and rest)) ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): ...Grateful. Sideswipe: ((yaaay ItsyBitsySpyers: *Laserbeak chooses THIS MOMENT to land on the tipped back Whirl to see if he'll tumble.* Whirl: *he wobbles for a moment, more startled than anything else, and then looks up with a snort* My familiar has returned. Whirl: *he does, after all, have an excellent sense of balance* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «I enjoy it too.» *and he'll learn to be less self-conscious* Whirl: But unless you wanna come home with me, you'd probably better pick a better perch. ItsyBitsySpyers: *The world's quietest hum of satisfaction* ItsyBitsySpyers: {{Peh! Whirl not making promises Lost Light not to keep, eh?}} FakeProwl: *ah, another sound to like* Whirl: Pfft! As if *I* care about rules. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Hey, nuh-uh. She don't get on board before me.// Whirl: *he's gonna hop up and slide out of the hammock. Lasebreak if you stay on him you're going to his room. He means it* Whirl: ..*Laserbea Whirl: Well you'd better grab on, then. Whirl: I could probably hold most of you guys. FakeProwl: @Soundwave «I'll see you next movie night.» ItsyBitsySpyers: *Laserbeak blows an electronic raspberry and floats off Whirl* ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Affirmative. Will enjoy. Whirl: *mimics the sound back at her* Night, losers. ItsyBitsySpyers: {{Niiiiiight~}} FakeProwl: *a farewell ping. disappears.* Whirl: *for the record--and I mention this because Soundwave will probably pick this up on Whirl's surface thoughts--he wasn't looking when they did the head-bump. But-- Whirl: --as he's stated before, his radar is always running and he 100% noticed it. He just does not care* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave hasn't forgotten that. Whirl may look forward to a thank-you gift at some point in the future.* Whirl: *i mean the most whirl has ever done is point out that their relatinship EXISTS. That's it* Whirl: *Blurr is his unlucky Target Number One* Whirl: *bobs his helm at Soundwave before he, too, leaves* FakeProwl: *prowl remembers it too. he has just decided not to care about being watched. ... as long as it's only, like, three witnesses tops at a time.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *That's a start. Nods his helm to Whirl, gets up, collects everyone, and will shortly make his way out*

#chat

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188936203-blog · 8 years

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I want to start off from the beginning, when this all started. When Eumae was in a bad mood and initially yelled at Nezumi for flirting. At this point, Nezumi wasn't having her attitude, mostly because it felt like she was putting all the blame on his shoulders-- Tem was responding to the flirting and giving signals to encourage him, and it felt like she was treating Nezumi as if he were putting himself somewhere he wasn't welcome. So he acted bratty-- which I apologized for afterwards, but at the time Nezumi didn't care and I kind of didn't either?

I don't remember what happened right before she blocked me, but nothing that important. Life went on. I started talking to you about things as well as Bo's mun, and Mars' mun. I found out she lied about our muses being sexually involved and just to what extent she went to make Bo believe that our muses weren't doing anything (I'm still disgusted by this honestly). I think what she was doing to Bo alone, was enough for me to be so fucking tired of her. And I was really done for a while. I mean, really and truly done. Ready to give her up. Which is weird for me because it's hard for me to give anyone up. But I hated what I saw?

Then, Eumae mentioned Nezumi on twitter and complained about being replaced, which pissed the shit out of me. Because this happened after she saw Tem and Nezumi talking, and then proceeded to message me on her male muse to say she didn't want anything to do with me. It hurt but I remember steeling myself and being strong because I had you guys at my back. I had all the things she lied about and did to others to make me feel like I could get over the pain of losing such a long time friend. When she mentioned Nezumi on twitter, and complained about being replaced, I went the fuck off because she was the one who told me she wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

I was tired of posting things on my twitter so I went to her directly on AIM-- and I screenshotted the entire thing (except for all the screenshots I sent her as well as her screenshots of apologies to others) in case you wanted to see. I went to her and explained to her why I was done and unhappy with her. I explained to her that I didn't feel like I even knew who she was anymore, that I felt lied to, that I was beyond devastated knowing I had STOOD UP FOR HER on so many occasions when I've had so many people say things about her. I may be bluring conversations a little bit but I do remember telling her I was hurt about this at some point. She kept going on defending herself and even went so far as to tell me she missed me me and regretted what she said (to me and to you about me), and I was really fucking angry about this honestly. I wasn't fucking having this conversation with her, I was beyond done at this point. In fact at a certain point I was so done that I muted her conversation and let her talk herself out, and I almost didn't even look or respond again.

But I looked. I didn't read it very much though because I was done at that point and responded to a very small point. She kept going, she kept trying to explain, she showed me her apologies to others so that I could have insight on how things were from her end. And then she gave me this bullshit about not knowing how to apologize to me. My response to her shitty half assed apology was this: "I don't really know how I feel about stuff. Do I wanna lsoe you? No. But I'm not sure where we go frm here... if things would even feel okay."

She didn't answer for a couple days, and I really wanted to wrap up the conversation more than anything. I saw her posting and all over my muse's friends' dicks so I posted asking for someone to tell her to message me. That's what you saw that day. I wanted to finish up this conversation. I basically reiterated what I said. I don't have the conversation anymore because I actually unfollowed them and deleted the conversation today (I'm beating myself up for this right now) but when we first started talking, I really just told them I couldn't fully trust them, but I didn't want to lose my friend.

And here's the thing about this. Anyone who has known me for any amount of time, knows that I care way too much about the people in my life. Once I care about you that's kind of it. It takes a whole hell of a lot to make me stop caring. Letting go? Fuckin' forget about it. You could ask Natalia, I could have her tell you. I could ask any of my old rp friends that I no longer speak to. The one thing I hate doing is letting go, saying goodbye, giving up on anyone. I've being doing this shit for ten years now, and I've seen a lot of shitty things. Shittier things than you can imagine, worse than anything Natalia has done, worse than all the things I've heard people accuse Lars of doing. I've honestly sat on the bathroom floor multiple times contemplating my own suicide, and this time last year was probably the closest I've ever gotten to really doing it. If it had happened just an hour or two earlier, the whole ordeal? I think I would honestly be dead right now.

I've gone through so much pain and heartache, but the thing is I'll keep taking it until I break. Nat, for instance, the mun who was behind the first muse I ever shipped with in KRP. I had a Taehyung, my favorite muse of all time here. And I felt a connection between our muses and let them date. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. I lost internet for nearly a month, but would wake up early in the mornings to go to work just to talk to her (she lived in Australia). On their one month Jimin thought Tae forgot about the date over a miscommunication and then they shut themselves off. They stopped trying. They ran to our mutual best friend. Jimin was in the arms of Jungkook instead for a whole month, not bothering to say anything. I had to get tired of how Nat was treating me and my muse and finally broke it off. I found out Jimin was falling for Jungkook and that's why he stopped giving a shit about Tae. Three days later they were already together. For the first month Jimin put up with Tae being heartbroken, but when it didn't subside he got angry. When Tae couldn't just get back up and be happy and lighthearted he would fight with Tae. Nat would yell at me. She would be pissed that I was still hurt by how she so completely betrayed me. Tae was alone, so he told Tae to make friends. Tae made friends. Then Jimin got fucking jealous of his new friends and thought they got too much of his attention, when Tae never left him on read. They fought so many times. Jimin stopped being friends with Tae because Tae liked the person Jimin almost left Jungkook for, and found out he was lying about things to Jungkook. And Nat pushed me out.

I'm telling you this quick summary (that leaves out a lot of the details tbh) because Nat put me through so many horrible things. I spent so many nights crying over her, dealing with her muse being moody and unhappy with anything my muse did to try and be happy after being betrayed by his two best friends. I got dragged endlessly for two years over and over again. But you know what? I always came back. I always forgave them. I always took the blame for everything. I wanted Nat to stay because she was my friend at one point and even behind all the nasty things she did to me I loved her. I can't evne write this wihtout crying because Nat and Jay and Babytan were the first group of friends I had here. They were everything to me. I gave them my all, between now and then I haven't felt this strongly about my muse or their relationships. And it still tears me up because Nat doesn't think she hurt me as much as she did. She doesn't see how she emotionally abused me and made it nearly impossible for me to have a muse without a huge glaring flaw that would ultimately make my muse lose everyone. It's been damn near impossible to pick my muses back up since then. And it was only until about two months ago when I finally messaged them one last time. I think it finally killed me when she said she stopped caring about me a long time ago. She was no longer the Nat I knew.

And the sad thing is? If she came back tomorrow and said she was sorry for everything, I would take her back. I would be overjoyed. I would set aside all that pain and hurt and anger and take her back so fucking quick.

There are others that I have awful memories with, but if they came to me to apologize and own up for what they did, I would take them back. Why? Because I'm kind and forgiving and I care too much, and I always belive that someone can change. I always give people chances. Rarely do I ever listen to that voice in my head telling me not to do something, that it's a bad idea. And I always end up hurt for it. Natalia... I didn't like how she didn't actually have an apology for me. And in the last few days, with all the fighst we've had, I've noticed that she has yet to apologize. She even said she never once called my muse distasteful, but you literally showed me that she did? This whole time since speaking to her again on Twitter has been so fucking stressful because there's the part about me that cares about her and wants to look past what she's done because she said she was sorry and she missed me. She's my friend, Hunter. Or least she was. She was there when Jimin broke Tae in half. She was there when Remi and Sophie used me and my muse to get to each other. She was there for every person who came and went that hurt my muse, that hurt me, and always helped me back up. She was my strength before I had any of my own. And when I think about not being friends with her anymore, I think about losing all of that. I think about losing the friend I had all this time.

I'm so tired of losing friends. Because I give my all into everything. I give my heart to everyone who gives me the time of day and anyone who even bothers to learn my name and doesn't forget it is so fucking special to me. Because I see everyone here with all their friends they've had for years and years but I don't have that. And Natalia is the closest thing I have to that. She's the one person who's been there the longest and hasn't given up on me. She's seen my muses progress. She's helped me along the way. So you have to understand that me and her ending our friendship is going to be so incredibly difficult for me. It's not something I can do and just get over instantly, like i thought I could at first. No, it's more complicated than that. It's seeing her appear and feeling that twinge of jealousy. It's seeing her all over my fucking friends and wondering why she has to do that when she knows I'm gonna see it. When she told me she didn't even LIKE those people. And now she's all up their asses with her new muse.

And see, this has been an issue ever since I started talking to her new muse again. You saw her say my muse was distasteful, you saw how she compared my muse to Joo in a negative light, and that she didn't like it. She's also said shitty slut shaming things to my muse in the past in the heat of fights in the past. So it's not something new she's felt, it's something she's always thought even though she always tries to brush it off like she doesn't feel that way. But she keeps bringing it up. And if she wanted to think that way, fine, whatever, you don't have to fucking like what my muse does. But what really ticks me off is that her new muse is just as bad IF NOT WORSE than my own when it comes to flirting and sleeping around. I'm pretty sure he does more of it than my muse ever did honestly. Because he's actually trying to get into everyone's pants and my muse is mostly joking when he says shit publicly. So my muse flirting and sleeping around is distasteful, but hers isn't?

And then, the thing with Sanggil and Yoongi. Nezumi started fooling around with Yoongi one day, like it just happened and it just kept going on. Sanggil was his boyfriend, and it was an open relationship, but I think they had a fight of some sort? And Sanggil took it upon himself to threaten Nezumi over Yoongi. Which, the entire time I was talking to them ooc (both of them) and things were fine. Both of their muns LOVED Nezumi and it wasn't going to become something super shitty or extend into ooc drama. It was totally okay. But Natalia decide to put her two cents in and told me that was my muse was doing was messy, and that I shouldn't have gotten involved to begin with (when Yoongi never even said anything about having a boyfriend until one day I looked at their twitter and saw a pinned tweet about him being in open relationship).

But here her muse is, flirting with and fucking both of them. The other night Ari called Yoongi "theirs". And today when Nezumi mentioned something sexually explicit that happened between himself and Sanggil, Ari had the audacity to ask "Why him of all people? He's mine." LIKE. I CAN'T FUCKING STAND THIS SHIT BECAUSE ALL MY MUSE DID WAS SLEEP WITH SOMEONE WHO DIDNT TALK ABOUT EVEN BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP, and then got accepted by BOTH of them and did nothing to disturb their relationship. But here Ari is, talking to both of them during their break up, FUCKING THEM BOTH and knowing that by doing this with her muse she's dividing them, and IM THE MESSY ONE??? And she's literally fucking claiming them with her muse when NEITHER OF THEM belong to her muse. Sanggil and Yoongi love each other, they're gonna work shit out, and Ari is worming his way in and trying to get them to love him instead? Like in all honesty it looks like Ari wants Sanggil for himself. And I'm so fucking pissed off. I've been talking about their behavior the entire time I've been speaking to Natalia again. I've talked to Sanggil's mun multiple times bc I was so pissed off, every day at least one or twice. I've also talked to Yoongi's mun and told them that it's pissing me off. I'VE BROUGHT IT UP TO NATALIA AS WELL, MULTIPLE TIMES NOW. I almost started a fight with her in a rabbit today, actually.

The thing is. I'm really fucking torn because part of me is crying and desperately wanting Natalia back because she was so much to me these past few years. But part of me really fucking despises everything she's been doing lately? And I mean every fucking thing. But I can't just walk away, she's going to be there. She's gonna be right in fucking front of me trying to take my fucking friends away from me. Nezumi doesn't like Ari. I dont' like Ari. And I don't like how Natalia can't even apologize for basically slut shaming my muse and then going off and making a new muse that's essentially a copy of mine. And then going off to fuck all my fucking friends???

Natalia knows everything I've said about her. I've never said a word to one person that I wouldn't say to anyoen else. Natalia knows that I think she's a massive fucking hypocrite right now. She knows I hate her muse. She knows Nezumi hates her muse. We've fought over it daily. The only time we've gotten along recently is when we spoke ooc mostly and even then it was tense. It's not okay. It's not like shit is just fine and dandy again. Because it's actually still awful. It's been awful this whole time. She keeps pissing me the fuck off. And I don't know if I can be her friend anymore because she really doesn't seem to care what she's doing? All these years she's told me her male muses wouldn't be affectionate with mine and they'd nevre be close, but here she is flaunting in my face her doing exactly that with other male muses. She doesn't even realize she's hurting me that much?? She has no fucking idea that this has all built up for so long and it's not just what's going on right in this moment. And honestly the longer I write about this to you the more I realize I don't think staying her friend is good for me-- but how do I let go of all this love? How do I handle watching her throw herself at my friends?

I could keep going on. But I want you to understand that this isn't done and over with. We didn't make up and become happy friends again. That's not the case. I've wanted to end it multiple times since I decided to talk to her again. And I think regardless of whether you had messaged me tonight and said anything, I think I would have drawn that conclusion anyway, because I was gonna spend this time laying out why what she's doing right now to me is truly fucking awful, and i don't think she would have been sorry in the slightest.

What I want to express to you though, is that I'm really hurt. Because the thing is, through all of this I've vented to you. I've told you all the things I felt in sadness and pain, I've shown you my anger for what she did to me and to Bo and to others. I showed you how disappointed and upset it made me to see that the things people said about her weren't false, and that she had led me astray. I showed that to you, I showed that to Bo, I showed it to the people who would understand the most because they saw that side of her too. I was fucking blown away realizing that this person I thought i knew, I really didn't know. And I showed that to you, and now you're wary because I expressed my feelings and pain of everything to you. I'm so fucking hurt right now, that it's enough for you to think you can't trust me. All because I don't know how to let go of someone, even when they hurt me. I don't know how to change that. I'm just so weak that I don't know if I can handle watching her everywhere and know that we aren't friends anymore. Not after everything we've been through. You assumed you knew what was going on between us, you assumed that we were fine again, and you let yourself decide that you would push my muse out and I can't stop crying because I don't know how to stop being so caring.

She could be the worst person in the world but that doesn't change the fact that I poure dmy everything into her and I don't want to just-- let that all go. I know I should. I know I should just be done and do better for myself. I should focus on better friends, friends who don't mislead me or my muses, friends who don't talk behind my back and then try to say they didn't say something I have a screenshot of them saying, friends who make me hide things from my other friends like she did with Bo. But it's so fucking difficult. And the worst thing is I was this close to having dropped her on my own. But you had already decided I wasn't worth your trust.

I haven't lied to anyone. I have been transparent with everyone to the point hwere I hated it because I felt like a total jerk. I've let people down and been so blunt lately that even I wish I could have lied-- but it's not me. I don't just go around and decide to talk shit about people. I mean the closest I've gotten to doing that lately is complaing about this Benji kid who keeps insulting other "daddies" in krp like he's the only good one and it's super fucking annoying. I vented to you and to others about my feelings. I heard stories from you and from others and couldn't believe my eyes. I vented my feelings about what I was being told right then and there. I told you how I felt, I showe dyou my pain, I showed you how hurt I was to find out all these things. And you don't trust me now because I showed you those things. You're acting as if these aren't things I haven't said to her, but the moment she came at me on Twitter, I went to her on AIM and really wasn't fucking having any of her shit for a good majority of the conversation. I told her all the things I told everyone else. I showed her the things people said, I showed that I was saying things too. And this whole time that I've been irritated by Ari, I've only talked to other muns who were also involved, and herself. She knows how I feel. I'm not going behind anyone's back. I'm not talking shit. I'm EXPRESSING my feelings. The feelings that haven't really changed because she hasn't really apologized for what she did and she's definitely not apologizing for creating a muse so alike mine that she's made herself look like the biggest hypocrite I've ever fucking seen.

Like I can't stress enough how painful all of this is. I already know in my heart that Natalia and I are pretty much done. And I'm literally shaking because... I gave so much of me to this friendship? And I'm going to have to let og of it. I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired of being transparent and giving everyone my all. I'm so tired of still being pushed down and not trusted, of not being cared for the same way. ANd maybe I'm making too much otu of this but you really want to stop shipping with me, you don't trust me, because Im trying so hard to avoid the fact that this friendship is over.

Tem was the first muse in a year or so that made any of my muses feel alive again. Tem, I felt like I could actually trust not ot hurt my muse, someone I could give my muse to and know that it wasn't going to just... fade away or break apart. And I felt for some reason that I could trust you without a doubt to be a good mun too. I felt so comfortable with you right off the bat. And this really hurts. You're pulling away when I've never been anything but honest about how I feel about everything to everyone. I rwish I had just removed Natalia because Im honestly cyring like a giant fucking baby becaise you feel like this. I don't even want my muse anymore. Im so sick of putting my all into soemthing and still losing everything. WHen will it ever work out for me? When will my muse not get the shit end of the stick? Why does Natalia still come out on top getting evreything she wants and I lose the one thing that was making my muse feel complete again?

I can't even hardly breathe righ tnow. I dont think you understand... and I don't want this to be another thing wher eyou get guilted into doing something. I feel like it's all ruined now no matter what I do. I hate myself for being so caring. I wish I could have just let her go. I would rather not have her in my life, if it meant having your trust. And Im sorry I ruiend that. Im so sorry.

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