#in my country people with this name are over the age of 70 nobody underneath has this name

[diegusting]

Jose Baden

[racingtoaredlight]

Under The Cenote - Oh Canada

I am accustomed to metal sinks. Every other surface in the house was indestructible; concrete walls, heavy furniture, pasta tile flooring. Every noun in the rental was a suitable surface to ready bagged ice for margaritas save the plastic kitchen sink. Hindsight arrived when I tricep smashed an ice bag through the plastic kitchen sink. The plastic kitchen sink broke so perfectly the only noise was a ‘Huh’. I broke the plastic kitchen sink eight hours after Martha, the landlord, rescued me from a backyard hangover existence of one towel.  

At a small, socially distanced Yucateco hosted party an ‘expat’ Canadian told me I will appreciate Canada when I am older. Bitch we are both deliberately in Mexico during a deadly, contagious global plague. Face north when you lie. Please fuck off with the Burger King Presents Tim Horton’s quality tautology thesis premised on living which is impossible in Canada therefore could only be realized by not living in Canada.’ 

Growing older in Canada is impossible, how can anyone age if they are already dead, corpses funeral marching to the Hockey Night in Canada theme. Winter only embalms you for more winter and there is no spring thaw as time standstills between bland dinners served over joyless conversation.  Nobody is alive when the Roughriders on third down punt again to the Roughriders.    Canada must average the temperature of Stockholm Syndrome. Pay for a psychiatrist, pay for a psychiatrist because the free medical care does not consider the brain or teeth necessary to health (in fairness I could argue  a canuck’s quality of life would decrease if they could eat and think). Pay for mental health because you are arguing one day I will yearn to return to a Western, Siberian gulag. 

Take all the Best-Country-To-Live-In trophies and shove them in the frozen ass of the nearest, proud Canadian. Shove it in to unmoving eyes that can’t afford prescription glasses so their thrilled parents can brag to their boring friends about co-signing their child into the world’s dumbest mortgage.  Appreciate Canada more? I am the Anti-Canada Ambassador. Everyone gets to hate one country and I collect their answers. A Chilanga, fresh from laughing because I told her CDMX is suspect because they drink Barcadi, explained passionately she hated the French. We have good jobs, she explained, but we still drink Barcardi. From her I learned the Mayans had leprechauns, limericks and she told of the Aztecs adopting their god of love whose name sounded dangerously like Cúchulainn.   Yucatecos might be more Irish but Ireland is more Mexican.  A specific moonlight upon Mayan temples forms a serpent revealing the year she explained in lieu of answering why Mexico City drinks so much goddamn Bacardi White.

An accepted theory states Mayans were bred selectively smaller to be closer to the maiz, I posit they started worshipping the Jaguar after they became snack sized.  For all the teachings I told her about the worst French. Imagine people behaving horribly for the dumbest possible reasons, then imagine they did so snottily in the dumbest version of a language. Do you cringe at Ye Olde Inne signage? The entirety of the Quebecois parlance is Shakespeare English recited idiotically by the most illiterate person in your grade 10 English class en francais.    Fuck Quebec. Imagine Steve Bannon at his most islamophobic with Trudeau’s incoherent moral pretentiousness endlessly hectoring you in the dumbest French possible you must finance their new country. You owe them a new country because centuries ago colonial France lost a colonial war.  Fuck Quebec. Quebecers, idiotic bigots, are presently covid defying their own law which banned “face coverings” meaning hijabs, turbans and burkas. Apparently being religious in anti-French which is curious because the law specifically allows for crucifix wearing.

Fuck Quebec.    Only Canada could misunderstand the purpose of politeness to platform Quebec. A political platform so absurd every beer not in Quebec is bilingual.  And Alberta might be worse.  Appreciate Canada more as I get older? In Merida the 24 hour Canadian hospital on Calle 66 is one stumble away from a hotel that charges 100 pesos for 3 hours. Drunk Canadians abroad feel free to bland-splain away their transgressions because as they are Canadian therefore it wasn’t rude. Just because America is a prison of dying fatties between service jobs doesn’t mean you are the world’s pinnacle.  Imagine a nation so culturally bankrupt they boast multiculturalism as a national character:  1. How? 2. By definition how. 3. Seriously, how does that work.    All countries have Ethiopian restaurants you dullards. If Canada did develop a culture it would just be paternalistic warnings repeated en francais. 

I want to burn this bridge, the bridge to winter people thinking reservedness is the ultimate politeness.  Canada rests on false international prestige, I tell poly sci Mexicans that Canada’s schooling of the indigenous was purposely replicated in apartheid South Africa. I tell Summa Cum Laude DC graduates Trudeau fired the indigenous justice minister because she refused to pardon a corporation the World Bank blacklisted a hundred times over. I tell catina owners the controlled alcohol board refuses to sell at wholesale prices, I buy rum at the same price to Tiki Bar owners. I tell chefs you can’t buy a medium rare hamburger. I tell drinkers within the three months of good weather Toronto still tickets park drinking. I tell economists the province of Ontario lost money on a weed monopoly, which to be clear, was a monopoly selling weed to Canadians  I tell Libertarians about beer sold through a government protected, foreign owned monopoly. I tell liberal voters about Trudeau continuing to arm Saudi Arabia’s genocide of Yemen. The mayor of Toronto, the one after the crackhead, bragged low white collar wages to entice Amazon. On my former block a plaque was erected to explain the historical importance of a building torn down for condos. I tell investors about Warren Buffett, the Prime Minister and the Finance Minister conspiring to save a  fraudulent subprime lender to prevent the world’s biggest housing bubble from bursting. I tell West Virginians about the Irvine family who owns a province. I tell everyone a bill has been written to tax the internet to fund more Nickelback. We need more Canadian culture they argue, Nickelback needs money.  Martha said 70 pesos to fix the sink, she then refused the money. In her AirBnB review of me she said I was polite and reserved. I need to deprogram myself into enjoying life. I need to be more Mexican, I need to laugh from the back of my throat and eat more cochinita pibil, drink more mezcal surrounded by sunbathing geckos serenaded by tropical birds. I need to gossip more. I need to be told again how I mispronounced ‘ten years’ as “ten buttholes” and in the Yucatan that is how you get a nickname. I need to learn to be cold in perfectly warm weather. I need to unlearn Canadianess before learning how to wrest joy from this beautiful accident of life, a life of lottery winnings suddenly realized underneath the mathematical precision of Mayan stars.  At some point I should probably learn Spanish too.  

[bambl-ing]

I'm…going to ask for all the get to know me asks, haha. ^^;

I WONDERED IF YOU WOULD BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

alright get ready for wAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

1. What is you middle name?jokes on u I don’t have one

2. How old are you?20, but I feel eternally 17 which grows more and more awkward with each passing year

3. What is your birthday?10/05/1996

4. What is your zodiac sign?Libra !

5. What is your favorite color?it’s a tie between orange and purpleI also like blue 

6. What’s your lucky number?5

7. Do you have any pets?a dog, two cats, and a snake!

8. Where are you from?like where was I born ? I was actually born in Korea, but I moved to the states when I was 2

9. How tall are you?like maybe 5′7″ or 8″ idk it’s been a few years

10. What shoe size are you?Sometimes 8, sometimes 9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?more than I ever thought I would, probably not as many as other people

12. What was your last dream about?I was at my old manager’s house and she had me doing laundry, but when I put the clothes in the dryer it started filling with water and I was like “um I don’t think it’s supposed to do that” and she was like “oh no I know what’s going on” and she told me about this time in ‘86 when all across the country, everyone who had washed their clothes with a certain kind of soap went to bed and were rudely awoken by their clothes just randomly flooding water out ? 

so then she was like “that’s what’s happening but it should stop soon, so if you could just take apart the dryer and let it drain before putting it back together and drying the clothes that would be great” but then she also had a really old shelf unit that she wanted me to build but I had a thing I had to go to in like, an hour? and there just wasn’t enough time to take apart and rebuild the dryer AND the shelf, so I was a little annoyed and also like “crap, which one should I do first”

13. What talents do you have?uh. nothing out of the ordinary really ?14. Are you psychic in any way?nah (at least not that I’m aware of and nobody’s mentioned anything)

15. Favorite song?The Middle by Jimmy Eat World

16. Favorite movie?uhhhh…I guess right now Arrival? I just REALLY want to see it again alsdfh

17. Who would be your ideal partner?someone who respected me and who I could trust completely 

18. Do you want children?NAH

19. Do you want a church wedding?don’t really want to get married either? unless like, the benefits…,,

20. Are you religious?Not really 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?yis

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?nope

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?I mean I went to Warped Tour and met a bunch of bands does that count

24. Baths or showers?you know if I had an actual nice big bathtub in which I could actually submerge myself without my knees awkwardly sticking out and getting cold, I would probably really like baths?? I’d definitely shower first though, baths would be for soaking in warmth

25. What color socks are you wearing?I’m wearing two pairs, white and the other is white and blue

26. Have you ever been famous?LOL NOPE

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?not really, all that attention…………

28. What type of music do you like?all of it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?nah

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?4 ( ᐛ )

31. What position do you usually sleep in?I can and will sleep in any position, lately I’ve been falling asleep on my back though because Jack’s been sleeping by my pillow and I like to shove my face in his fur, nice n soft

32. How big is your house?not that big, but big enough

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?cereal of some kind or a bagel and butter, sometimes a cheese omlette if I have enough time

34. Have you ever fired a gun?nope

35. Have you ever tried archery?yes ! and I loved it

36. Favorite clean word?a few, serendipity, soliloquy, and haphazard just off the top of my head

37. Favorite swear word?I can work pretty well with any of them in the right mood

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?maybe like two days ? maybe a lil more I dunno

39. Do you have any scars?a few here and there

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?well if they’re secret i wouldnt kno would i ( ᐛ )

41. Are you a good liar?unfortunately I think so, as long as like…the benefit of the lie outweighs my guilt over lying

42. Are you a good judge of character?I got no clue

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?really badly sure

44. Do you have a strong accent?I mean I don’t think I have any kind of accent ? 

45. What is your favorite accent?Cajun( •⌄• )✧

46. What is your personality type?like the MBTI? I’m an INFJ

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?as if I’d remember (probably nothing that expensive tho)

48. Can you curl your tongue?yeah but I can’t do the clover thing

49. Are you an innie or an outie?innie

50. Left or right handed?Leftie !

51. Are you scared of spiders?yeah but I don’t like killing them unless they’re in my room and I don’t have a jar

52. Favorite food?how do people pick one food like,,, there’s so much good food, food is so good??

53. Favorite foreign food?again, how ????

54. Are you a clean or messy person?more messy than clean, but I also get really annoyed with too much mess and then angry clean

55. Most used phrased?if I’m counting everything I say out loud AND what I just think to myself, probably “you’re stupid,” “shut the fuck up,” “fuck you,” and “I’m going to stab you” 

…all of these are aimed at myself, and it probably makes me sound really self-hateful? X’D but I’m not, I just get frustrated with myself and am always 100% done with my shit

56. Most used word?probably “I” “a” or “the” going statistically lmao

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?depends, I usually shower at night but my showers are usually 15-20 minutes, and for work I have to put my hair up and also a hat, and I’ve got blunt bangs that I have to make sure are perfect, u know? so give me another like 8 minutes

58. Do you have much of an ego?no, not really at all

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?suck, then when they get small it’s been a few minutes and I’m impatient so I crunch ‘em

60. Do you talk to yourself?oh yes

61. Do you sing to yourself?me and only me

62. Are you a good singer?no? maybe? average? I’m probably not that terrible but when other people are around I become terrified and choke up and die

63. Biggest Fear?People™

64. Are you a gossip?only with my close friends who I know won’t spread the gossip

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?hlkfshdfos I don’t watch enough movies and my memory isn’t that great 

66. Do you like long or short hair?long !

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?give me a pencil and paper and like an hour

68. Favorite school subject?English and PE

69. Extrovert or Introvert?Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?I’ve been snorkeling, close ?

71. What makes you nervous?A Lot

72. Are you scared of the dark?yes, but sometimes nah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?mostly no if they’re strangers (it’s terrifying to do that okay), but occasionally yeah

74. Are you ticklish?very, don’t touch my sides

75. Have you ever started a rumor?not that I can remember, and I don’t think I ever would intentionally?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?define authority

77. Have you ever drank underage?in the presence of my mother, yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs?nah brah

79. Who was your first real crush?probably like…third grade, this kid named Micah. idk if it was a “real” crush, but like I really liked him and wanted to hang out and talk about dragons

80. How many piercings do you have?4, double piercings in my ears

81. Can you roll your Rs?yep

82. How fast can you type?I actually knew this at one point in like sophomore or junior year? it was either 86 or 96 CPM, smth like that

83. How fast can you run?fast, but not super fast, so like…kinda fast. I’ve probably gotten slower cause I don’t run regularly tho

84. What color is your hair?brown and really nice in the sunlight, I love it

85. What color are your eyes?brown again. sometimes I’ll just remember “oh yeah I have brown eyes!” and I actually really like them too, I think they’re a nice brown

86. What are you allergic to?I honestly haven’t run into anything yet

87. Do you keep a journal?I keep like an angry journal? but not just ordinary anger, it’s when I’m REALLY in a shittastic mood

88. What do your parents do?my mom’s a transcriptionist/editor/proofreader and my dad own a secondhand store

89. Do you like your age?I mean,,

I don’t hate it, but it makes me really uneasy when people are like “oh you’re 20 you definitely do 20-year-old things and you are an Adult” and I’m just like “no not really actually”

90. What makes you angry?some stuff, but I don’t like getting angry so a lot of the time I’m able to reason with myself

91. Do you like your own name?well enough

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I will birth no babies ever and I have no desire to raise any real children, but if my OCs count as my babies then shit tons and counting

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?again, OCs? all of them. actual real, breathing, sticky children? none

94. What are you strengths?I know my weaknesses ?

95. What are your weaknesses?sighs

96. How did you get your name?I think like…it was my grandmother’s middle name? 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?not that I know of

98. Do you have any scars?déjà vu

99. Color of your bedspread?which one LMAO uh the top one is blue, the one underneath that is pink, then a blue/white/gray patterned, a darker pink knit, white, then a white knit

100. Color of your room?orange ! a really nice light orange that can look yellow in some light >u

[airadam]

Episode 92 : Signals

"...make you feel as if the Bill of Rights was counterfeit."

- Cuban Link

This month has just been hitting us over the head with "WTF?" moments on a daily basis, but in between I managed to put the show together - as you can tell, the finishing touches only made it in close to the end-of-month buzzer! While this is an all-Hip-Hop episode, I feel fairly confident that there won't be many people who know every track, so there'll be at least one new gem here for everyone. Let's run down this month's crate excavations...

Twitter: @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Fat Joe ft. The Terror Squad : The Hidden Hand

It's bleak, but it's life. The whole Terror Squad weigh in on this cinematic cut (produced by Spunk Bigga) from the "Don Cartagena" album. Packed with cautionary tales, observations on the state of society, and ending with a touch of advice, this very much has the air of the person that's been through a lot trying to stop someone else going down the same road. In my opinion, this is a very much underrated deep album cut.

Oddisee : No Rules For Kings (Inst)

From the "The Beauty In All" album we get this lovely instrumental, heavy on the cymbals and drum fills.

3rd Bass : Gladiator

I've just realised that I've only played 3rd Bass once before on the podcast, so there are some great tracks in their small catalogue still for me to share with you. Here's one I think you probably won't know - their contribution to the soundtrack of the 1992 boxing-themed film "Gladiator". DJ Daddy Rich makes the beat boom, and whoever it is on the hook is battling me in the low voice stakes :)

J-Live : Worlds Apart

"The white man's burden still the brown man's backache"? That's just fire. The amount of clever, insightful quotes on this track is just unbelievable. It's well worth sitting and listening carefully to this one a few times - nothing but facts right here from J-Live on this Oddisee-produced piece from his "Around The Sun" album. 

Melanin 9 ft. Roc Marciano : White Russian

Melanin 9 is a UK MC who had somehow escaped my notice up to now but I stumbled upon this track with Long Island's street rhyme specialist Roc Marciano and knew I had to include it! The production by Anatomy channels the feel of the SP1200/S950 90s golden age; I love it, apart from the awkward 5-bar intro ;) Melanin and Roc go stream-of-consciousness in fine style on this one, taken from the "Magna Carta" LP.

Apollo Brown & Skyzoo ft. Joell Ortiz : A Couple Dollars

"The Easy Truth" was one of the picks of 2016 and the combination of Skyzoo, a real lyric fan's choice, and Apollo Brown's soulful production is a match made in Hip-Hop heaven. Adding Joell Ortiz to this story of the lure of money when you start off broke just takes the track over the top. The album is definitely worth checking!

Kappah : Supafly

Kappah from the Beatfonics crew flips some Curtis Mayfield inside out right here and adds some solid bass underneath for a highlight from the "Beatxploitation" beat tape. Heavy business as usual coming out of Italy.

Nas : Thief's Theme

A dark favourite, and an appropriate one as we see the dawn of a new kleptocracy! This was a great single from the "Street's Disciple" album - there might have been a radio mix, but you couldn't call this a radio record. Salaam Remi harnesses the "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" sample (as played by the Incredible Bongo Band) while Nas goes full crime rhyme for three verses - and on the hook, re-using some of his own famous lines from "The World Is Yours". The video for this one is well worth a watch too!

Camp Lo : A Piece Of The Action

The recently released "On The Way Uptown" is the demo album Camp Lo recorded that got them their record deal and paved the way for the classic "Uptown Saturday Night". Well worth picking up if you're a fan, as you can hear early versions of some tracks that made the official album as well as others that were borrowed from or reworked. There's also a scattering of "lost tracks", and what later became B-sides. This tune, I believe, has been out on white label but is a tough one to get so I was very happy to find it included. Geechi and Sonny Cheeba showcase their back-and-forth skills on a great foreshadowing of killer records to come, while Ski gives us some boom-bap drums over a cleverly-chopped, sneaky sampling of a jazz classic. Heavyweight.

Talib Kweli : Gutter Rainbows

I think the world "lush" would fit this one when it comes to the production! M-Phazes brings a dramatic 70s flair to the title track to Talib's 2011 album, and Talib sounds thoroughly amped to be on it. You've all seen a gutter rainbow in the literal sense - the colours formed when oil spills onto the street, and while Kweli does point to that in the lyrics he also gives a more poetic alternative definition.

Pete Rock ft. Little Brother and Joe Scudda : Bring Y'all Back

"...catch a fist and a elbow"...Richard Spencer, come on down! Three very dope verses from LB and Joe Scudda over a Pete Rock beat; I think Phonte's is my favourite, but you can't go wrong with any of the three. Check this one on Pete Rock's third producer-driven compilation, "NY's Finest".

[Context] Maylay Sparks : Legacy (Inst)

One of those random independent 12"s that makes a DJs vinyl collection individual, rather than just an "essential hits" compilation! Context of the Danish crew "Nobody Beats The Beats" provides a quintessentially early-2000s instrumental.

WC & The MAAD Circle : Ghetto Serenade

RIP DJ Crazy Toones. This is a beat I've always loved since I heard it on MTV back in the day, and as Toones had his hands in the production (alongside Sir Jinx and Chilly Chill), I thought this was a good time to play the track. This is played from the 12" single which is itself taken from the 1991 "Ain't A Damn Thang Changed" album. You may not find the story as told by WC to your taste, but you can't deny that funk!

Main Source : Atom

Taking it back to '89, we have one of the first recordings from the Main Source crew. This is the B-side of the "Think" single and for me, a perfect case of "B Side Wins Again"! The mixing and engineering was done by the legendary Paul C, who sadly would be killed before Main Source released their debut "Breaking Atoms" album; his influence lived on, and not just in the name of Large Professor's publishing company. 

Mega Ran & Storyville ft. Wise Intelligent : I Know Who I Am

It's been great over the last couple of years to see Mega Ran's profile climbing. He's an extremely talented artist and on the "Soul Veggies" album he reunited with long-time friend Storyville, who both took the mic and produced on the project. For this knowledge-packed track, it was only right that both of them connected with Wise Intelligent of the Poor Righteous Teachers; in fact, it was actually him who got on the DJ Seedless track first and then brought them in! The production is funky, jazzy, African...the whole pot, a perfect home for some excellent rhymes.

DJ Quik ft. Mausberg and James DeBarge : Change Da Game

The "Balance & Options" album from the legendary Compton DJ/MC is a must-own for me, with some absolute killers on it - this one being the opening, a statement of intent from Quik and the late Mausberg. The timing and dynamics on the rhythm part of the track gives it a certain bounce that is harder to duplicate than your average beatmaker might think, and as always with Quik, the musicianship is right there for you to appreciate.

[DJ Premier] Gang Starr : Skills (Instrumental)

You could do a mix of just DJ Premier instrumentals and it'd be a satisfying hour! This is from the 12", one of the four singles from "The Ownerz", the final Gang Starr album. Check the full version if you don't already know it - personally, I'm really missing that trademark Guru monotone style.

Heltah Skeltah ft. Starang Wondah & Doc Holiday : I Ain't Havin' That

I decided to finish the episode on a seriously energetic note, with this banging track getting a well-deserved outing. The Boot Camp crew rip the beat from A Tribe Called Quest's "Hot Sex" and you can almost hear them falling all over each other to get their rhymes in - the session in D&D Studios must have been insane! Topping it off with the Redman sample from "Pick It Up" just seals the deal. This is a 12" well worth having but you can also find the track on the "Magnum Force" album.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[freelytransparentcollectorp-blog]

Midway hitchhiking escapade - Melbourne to Adelaide

Hello, my friends, it certainly has been a while since my last post. Just to fill you in, I have since finished my Amazon travel, spend some time in Santarem and Belem, went off to Rio de Janeiro, then Sao Paulo, went back to Argentina and Buenos Aires, which will forever remain my home, and passed the last month there hanging out with friends and just chilling before returning to Melbourne. Thus I have been in Melbourne for 9 months now. And while in between work and study, I got a week and a half off, I have decided to fill my pack and get back on the road, if only, temporary. But I am not dismayed! I will set off indefinitely vagabonding sometime soon! In any case, I filled my pack and went off to Adelaide.

I took a regional VLine train directly from Melbourne to Warrnambool, which is about a 2 hour trip from the city center. Not being that experienced of a hitchhiker, I am honestly baffled by how some people manage to find rides out of the city itself, but since I have no idea how, I didn’t even try. Warrnambool seemed like a good place to start, about 150km from Melbourne itself. I took an evening train, and arrived at about 11:30PM at night. The station and the town were largely deserted but for a small local bus that was waiting, apparently for people who have recently got off the train, to take them to Heywood, as I have been able to identify by the digital sign. Heywood is on the way to Adelaide, and actually, a much better place to start hitchhiking, being a much smaller town than Warrnambool, and located directly on the highway. As it was almost midnight, and with an idea that my prospects of finding a place to camp would be much greater in a place like Heywood, I have decided to take the bus. A mere 7 dollars and 1 hour, and we were there. The trip itself was rather typical of a regional Australian bus trip. The bus first stopped at Portland, where everybody got off except for me, and 2 Heywood locals got on, one dude with a skateboard and a cap, and another middle-aged man with white hair who looked rather drunk. As he entered, he shot me a look, so I nodded and said “Hi”.

He immediately shot back with “Where are you from?”, which I just then, didn’t really feel like answering. “Around here” - I said. “What? I can’t understand you!” - he said, rather unkindly. “Well, alright then...” I muttered to myself, and said nothing more. The guy shifted his attention to the driver now, as the bus rumbled on.  “What held you up, mate?” - he asked “The train was 25 minutes late” - said the driver “Ahh, ok mate, you’re alright, then”- said the drunken guy.  As we speeded on along the dark highway, the guy went on again: “The roads are pretty shit, aren’t they mate?” - this to the bus driver. “Yes, they certainly are” - responded the bus driver, indifferently. The roads were perfectly fine, in my opinion, I had no idea what the guy was complaining about. “Fucking disgraceful, mate!” said the guy. “Yes, indeed.” - said the bus driver.  I had the impression he not paying attention at all to the drunk guy, just merely concurring whatever, with the air of ‘cool story bro’ After a while, the drunk guy spoke again:  “You’re a bloody good driver, mate!”  “Thanks, mate.” - responded the driver.

After a while, we got into town. “Ehh, can I get off here, mate?” - asked the drunk guy. “Sure mate.” - responded the bus driver, opened the doors, and let him off. In a few minutes, we rolled to a stop, and I got off with the skateboard dude, who went on and got lost among the streets. I went along the highway, looking for a good spot to make camp. It was around 1AM in the morning at this time.

I found a perfect little spot underneath an alcove, and strung my hammock. The night was chilly, but nowhere near cold, and I thought that with my alpaca poncho that I still carry from Peru, I should be ok. I have learned later in the night, to my sorrow, that this was a huge mistake, and that I would have been better off in my tent. However, the spot was so good for hammocking, I could not resist it. 

Just to clarify, this photo is taken with flash. It was actually almost pitch black.

It got really cold in the night. Freezing cold. I woke up at around 3, and could sleep no more, tossing and turning, trying to get as tight under the blanket/poncho as possible, only to have the wind blow from underneath the hammock. I got out and packed up at around 5AM. It was already dawning. It was almost the summer after all...

I went across the street, in search of some breakfast. A small Milk Bar was open, and I went in, looking to get some dim-sims. However, I asked the woman in attendance if she could please be so kind and fill my thermos with hot water. She said yeah, so I went over to the counter, prepared to buy the dimsims. However, just before she took the thermos, she suddenly asked me, as though in shock: “Wait, you’re not expecting me to do this for free, are you?” “Ummm” - I responded - “How much would you want for it? “Well, I’ve got a full kettle over there, if you want I could empty it into the thermos, but I’m not gonna do it for free!” - she said, as though I had argued. “Well, how much are you asking for it then? - I said again. “If you want me to empty that kettle, you’d expect to pay at least 5 dollars.” - she said. I was actually holding 5 dollars with which I was prepared to buy the dim-sims. I put them away. “No, thank you” - I said, and walked out. Seriously, people like that don’t deserve my money. 5 dollars for a kettle of hot water!!! It seemed to me beyond outrageous. 

So I walked on. I found a bakery a few blocks away, which was open too, by that time. There, the lady was kind enough to give me some hot water. I bought a meatpie. Having eaten that, and having had some tea with the freshly boiled water I now had, I thanked the lady baker and walked out, into the cool morning. I walked on and out of the town of Heywood, and kept walking along the highway until I got around a bend, where the intersection went off into one direction, and the highway in the other, so that I would be left with traffic that only went in my direction. I set my pack on the ground, and stuck my thumb out. The place looked like a decent hitchhiking spot, but it could be much better. However, the road ahead was very straight and flat, and I could not see a better spot. So I decided to wait for at least 30mins, before moving on and finding another spot if nobody stopped. After 30 minutes, I had walked on. 

Since this was my actual very first attempt at hitchhiking in Australia, I was a little nervous. What if nobody stopped? What if hitchhiking doesn’t actually work around here? However, my doubts were quickly put to rest, as a Toyota sedan went passed me as I walked, and stopped a few meters ahead. I ran up to it, greeting the driver.

“Hello sir, thank you very much for stopping!” - I said with a smile, as he motioned for me to get in. I stuffed my pack in the back seat and got in the front.  “I can only get you to Mt Gambier” said the stranger, who was dressed in a business attire. “That’s marvelous, I’m going exactly there too!” - said I. Mt Gambier was about 150km from Heywood, on the way to Adelaide.  “My name is Brandon” - he said, as we shook hands. Brandon, it turns out, is in the business of buying up all of the old and outdated Funeral Homes in the area around Portland (which as you will recall, I passed on the bus on the way to Heywood, and which is still in Victoria). His had 2 reasons for doing so. Firstly, most of the country funeral homes were extremely far behind, or in the 19th century, as Brandon explained.  “They are run by middle-aged to old people, who were born and raised in small towns, and are doing it only because their fathers have done it before them, and their fathers before them. As a result, most of these folk think that Google Sheets are linen you would put on your bed. They have no idea of their competition, of anything. So I offer them a reasonable price for their business, integrate technology such as faxes, emails, and internet, and the business grows in value immensely.” Now, the second reason he does this is as follows: “Over the last 20 years, the cremation rate has increased by 70%. It is a booming industry, as buying up land becomes more and more expensive for burial. However, the only entity permitted to carry out cremation in Victoria is the local council. On the other hand, in South Australia, anyone can obtain a permit to operate a cremation house. So I am buying up all of the funeral homes I can get my hands on in this part of Victoria, and on top of improving them technologically, I offer cremation services in them. From there, I can transport bodies over to Mt Gambier (South Australia), where I operate a cremation house, and cremate them there. The process is a lot more efficient, and I offer much more reasonable prices for cremation than the local council.”

We ended up talking about this all the way to Mt Gambier. I was enlightened! I never even spared thought to the funeral business before! As we arrived to Mt Gambier, Brandon was still early for the meeting he had scheduled there, and offered to take me to the Blue Lake, the lake that is a crater on top of a volcano, which Mt Gambier is famous for. I didn’t refuse. The idea was fascinating to me! And thus we drove up about 5 more mins through the town over to the volcano. It was about then when I fell in love with Mt Gambier. The city was so incredibly clean, there were people out and about, enjoying morning exercise, walking their dogs, or watering their gardens, and the volcano wasn’t actually out of the city. It was right on the outskirt, and since this was a small town, meaning about a 15 minute walk to the center. I was left off right on the edge where a walk starts all the way to the top and around the lake, next to a cafe which wasn’t yet open. I read some information about the Blue Lake on the signs displayed outside of the cafe. This was where the entirety of Mt Gambier got their drinking water from. Apparently, the water is purified by natural limestone deep underground, and is perfectly drinkable without the need to sterilize it by any chemical means. Sadly, upon further research, I have discovered that they still add fluoride to the drinking supply, contaminating this otherwise pure water. 

After climbing the volcano, I have made a circle around the lake along the walk path. There was a perfect harmonious mixture between perfect stillness and occasional people passing by as they jogged. There was even a house right on the margin (on the extreme right of the picture above). It is not as isolated as it seems from the photo, for remember, the center of the town is only 15 minutes walking distance!

After completing the walking circuit and thoroughly enjoying the scenery, I have decided to head back into town. It was a beautiful spring morning, and the rain was lightly sprinkling from the sky, making for some refreshing climate. As I walked past the center and onward, I found a library, and decided to rent a little, so I sat outside on a bench, and read the last few remaining chapters of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (Yes, this is the first time I am reading the series, and I must say, it’s fucking awesome!). I spent about half an hour just reading, and after that, I walked on. It was already past noon. I encountered a KFC, and decided to make a stopover, so I feasted there on some delicious chicken. After that, I found the the princess highway, and walked straight out of town. On my way there, I walked past what were entrances to caves, apparently with an underground lake underneath, which actually connects with the Blue Lake, quite a fair distance away. They regularly have diving tours here all the way to the Blue Lake, and my friends, I must say, although I normally hate any kind of tours with a passion, this tour I would certainly take. However, now was not the time for it. Another time, I will certainly try it. Diving into an underground lake and swimming along the caves!  Yeah, this is probably one of those things that you really shouldn’t do on your own. I did canoe down the Amazon, and scoured the jungles of Machu Picchu unguided, but even I won’t dive into an underground lake without some sort of guidance from an expert! But definitely a to-do for a later time!

As I continued along the highway, I realized that Mt Gambier was a lot bigger than I originally imagined. I was walking for well over an hour now, and I was still sort of in town. Although pretty far from the center, there were still houses and road forks on either side. And I started to get unusually tired by this point. Might’ve something to do with the fact and I almost didn’t sleep at all the night before, idiot that I was hammocking outside in freezing weather! So I started to get this idea, as I kept on walking past fields of grassland in between houses and streets. What if I camp here? Even though it was not even 3PM, as I walked, the idea gradually warmed up to me. Why not? This is a beautiful town, and it would be best to set up the tent by daylight, seeing as I would be attempting it for the first time (I bought a new tent since my time in Argentina). And so, I turned into a field between two rows of houses, and armed my tent (which was exceptionally easy, compared to my attempt in Argentina at 1AM, with that other tent). After the tent was set up, I stuffed everything inside, and climbed in to get a feel for it. 

It was incredible. Even though the chill outside was persistent, it was warm and cozy inside. There was space for everything. The bottom was cushiony, and it was very comfortable. 

So I lay there, listening to the rain, and reading Harry Potter. By the time the rain subsided, I have finished the book and even started on the other one I have brought, Mi Pais Inventado, which was the book I have snatched from a hostel (not literally snatched, it was a book swap, and I left some other book I had at the time) in Rio De Janeiro, which is about a woman called Isabel Allende, and the nostalgia she feels for her home country, Chile. It is so well written, and even I began to feel the tickle of nostalgia for Chile as I read it. 

And so, as the rain finished, and I was glad to see that the tent wasn’t leaking in any part and remained perfectly dry, I got out and stretched. It was around 6PM, and still very light outside. The instant cold hit me, and I appreciated once more how warm it had been inside the tent. I decided that it was really safe to just leave it there and go for a walk, for the place was rather hidden behind a fence of houses on either side. I walked on back to the highway, and crossed the road to where there was a TAB, adjacent to the liquor store. I went into TAB (a place where the gaming machines suck out people’s souls), and went to the bathroom, washed my face, refilled my water bottle, and brushed my teeth. Then I went back to my tent. I was still feeling rather tired. I climbed back into the warmth, and went straight to sleep.

I woke up the following morning at about 8AM. I slept a lot. I suppose with such a comfortable sleeping environment as my tent proved to be, I was recuperating all of the sleep I did not have the night before freezing my ass off in the hammock. I felt rather refreshed! I climbed out into the chill morning air. I was cloudy as the day before, with the serene in the air. A good day for hitchhiking. So I quickly rolled everything up, and packed my tent away, not without forgetting my harmonica in one of the inside pockets. ‘I’d get it later’ I thought to myself. So I pulled my pack across my shoulders, everything ready to go, and crossed over to TAB, which coincidentally also just opened at 8AM. I brushed my teeth and filled my water bottle, and off I went, walking along the highway. It took me some time to get out of town, and as I was walking, I was beginning to discover the not so beautiful side of Mt Gambier, the  industrial area, with the giant factory pipes pumping black clouds into the air. And in this day and age! As the drunken dude from the bus would have said “What a disgrace, mate!” 

After a while I felt like I got far enough from the town, so I stack my thumb at the passing cars. In just a few minutes, as I was still walking, a guy pulled up and told me he can drop me off about 10 kilometers up the highway, where his farm is. Turns out he was returning home after dropping his son in Mt Gambier, who was taking a bus to go to Adelaide. After he dropped me off, I assured him I’d wave at the passing bus, and was walking on. It was the middle of nowhere. There were just a few farms on either side, and the traffic was virtually non-existent.  “What if you don’t find anyone to take you?” -asked the driver. “Don’t worry!” - I told him - “Somebody will take me.” And sure enough, in just about 5 minutes, the first passing car, an overly large Toyota Land Cruiser stopped to my aid. Inside was an elderly guy who confessed that he was quite deaf in one ear, so I had to yell everything. I soon discovered however, that he was really cheerful and full of enthusiasm.He said he picks up hitchhikers all the time in the area. That he has a number of farms, both crop and graze farms, and sheep sheering farms. | “My bank balance is so big that I have to go in person for a meeting to the NAB (National Australian Bank) on Elizabeth St in Melbourne this coming Monday!” He actually did say this!

So first we went over to one of his farms to grab some equipment and chuck it in the back in order to bring it to the other farm along the way. It was quite a lot of fun. I’ve never seen reserve roads leading onto the farms like this, thin and large crop plantations or farmland without end on either side. It is exhilarating.  At his farm we grabbed a bunch of extension cables and a large gas cylinder. This aforementioned gas cylinder was extremely heavy as I have made a mistake at attempting to tackle on my own.  “It’s alright, you’re a seedy boy, I got it” - said the guy, and he lifted it up with ease as though it was nothing! In any case, we started on our way to the next farm, this one his son’s, apparently, to bring all of this stuff. It was also along the same highway I was going along, so he’d drop me off there. As we arrived on the farm, there were about 7 people, men and women, sheering sheep. I’ve never seen the process done before so it was quite interesting. A sheep was brought up onto the platform, and the sheerer would expertly hold it and cut all of its wool off with a machine not unlike the ones in a barber shop. Then the sheep was released, and off it went bleating, back to its other bold comrades.

So that was quite interesting. Before I was on my way the guy showed me a spring of pure water, right there on his land, which they use to water all of the plants as well as drink it. I tried some. It tasted amazingly pure. I would not compare it with the taste of the rain water in the Amazon, but it was really good, not to mention warm, because it comes from so deep underground. Well, I’ve never seen a natural spring before, so this was my first. I then wondered off back onto the highway. There was no traffic to speak of, and it was quiet. Not a sound, beside the occasional fly buzzing by. The temperature had risen, since we’ve covered a lot of distance and were further north by then, just off of Kingston.  “If you can’t get a ride by tonight the boys will take you with them to Kingston” - the guy told me before I set out.  After what seemed like 2 hours of sitting in the middle of the road, during which literally not a single car passed by, a heard a motor in the distance. I stood up and got off the road, and stuck my thumb up from the side. Luckily, he stopped. So there, I got a ride!

This guy was from one of the small farms by the ocean, a fisherman by trade, who lured king crabs. “They cost $300 a piece” he would say. He was on his way to Adelaide for a conference, which happens annually and is the only time he leaves his farm. I just happened to be hitchhiking on the same day! Talk about that!  “Appeasing the bureaucrats” - he said.

We conversed about all sorts of things on our way to Adelaide, which was to be about 4 hours drive. We talked about different methods for luring king crabs, conversed about his past and how he used to be a sheep sheerer, and a very good one at that. “When you get good at sheering sheep, and I mean really good, it becomes the most boring job ever. You don’t even think it. You are on autopilot. You are daydreaming, while sheep after sheep is sheered by your hands. Literally like counting sheep for a living. Although when you are that level of sheep sheerer, they also pay you no small sum. And there is a lot of work. Normally they also provide you with board, so you don’t have to pay for accommodation. You can really make a fortune doing it. I used to do it in my youth. But I have a family now. Four kids. They are currently on the boat right now, catching king crabs.” Thus did we converse, passing some amazing scenery on the way to Adelaide.