#in kindergarten i used to do the group readings for our teacher

[barbiegirldream]

Twitter is so fascinating. Watching people be like well I can't teach my child to read because I'm just too busy. Like if your kid can't read I can't Imagine how neglectful and probably abusive you are. Schools are equipped to teach kids to read. If they can't retain or reinforce the skills in any way it's not because they're just too stupid that's for sure.

[jasontoddsmommyissues]

Let’s Give ‘Em Something to Talk About

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Femme!Henderson!Reader

Summary: Y/N Henderson’s relationship with Eddie puts her at odds with Jason Carver and co.

Warnings: Reader uses she/her pronouns, bullying/harassment, slut shaming, allusions to sexual content (nothing sexual actually happens), Jason being a prick, swearing, Reader is Dustin’s sister but no physical descriptions are used and you can read it as an adopted sibling if you want, I think that’s it but let me know if I missed something

A/N: Alright, this is the first Fic I’ve ever posted on here. I’m honestly a little nervous, but hopefully you enjoy. I’ll probably end up posting this on my Ao3 too so I’ll link that at some point.

My Master List | Ao3

—

“I’m gonna miss you”, Eddie whines as he leans against the locker next to yours.

“It’s one class”, you reply as you swap out your English textbook for history, “that’s, what, an hour?”

“Actually I have Davis’s class next so it feels more like three hours”, Eddie says.

You snort. Mr. Davis has probably been around since the dinosaur era, and if there were to be a competition for most boring teacher at Hawkins High, he would win it hands down.

“It’s not funny”, Eddie teasingly pouts, “I might actually die of boredom.”

“As much as I would hate for that to happen, I’ve got my own class to get to, so unfortunately you’re on your own for now,” you reply.

“Alright well, please tell the rest of Hellfire I’m going to miss them”, he tells you, “and feel free to wear that black skirt of yours to the funeral. The tight one. It’s what I would’ve wanted.”

You roll your eyes affectionately before pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“You’re so dramatic”, you say, “I’ll see you later.”

“If I survive that long”, he calls. You shake your head before turning the corner and heading into your history classroom.

“Okay, class”, your teacher, Mr. Price announces once the bell rings, “I’ve written some questions on the board. You’ll find the answers in Chapter 5 of your textbook. Write them down and turn them in by the end of class. You may work with a partner if you’d like.”

You pull your textbook out of your bag and flip to a clean sheet in your notebook. You don’t have any friends in this class, so you figure you may as well just do it yourself and get it over with. That is, until a voice startles you as you’re about to start reading the first page of the chapter.

“Hey, Y/N. Do you wanna work together?”

You blink up at the source of the voice and are pretty sure you must be hallucinating. That’s the only explanation you can think of as to why Jason Carver would be asking you to be his partner.

The two of you have been in the same grade since Kindergarten and you can't think of a single time in all those years that he’s directly acknowledged your existence. The closest thing you have to a connection with him is that your little brother is friends with one of his new Basketball recruits, but you kind of doubt he even knows or cares about that. There’s a few members of his little posse he could be asking to work with him, so you have no clue why he’d be asking you of all people. But, you don’t have anyone else, so you shrug.

“Sure, I guess”, you say.

“Great”, he smiles, moving to sit down next to you.

“I’ll get started on number 1”, you suggest, “maybe you can do number 2 and we’ll compare?”

“Sure”, he says sweetly. You’re honestly getting a little freaked out by how friendly he’s being.

You both do your agreed upon work, and then switch off to show each other your answers.

“So?” you ask when he’s finished reading yours, “does that seem right?”

“Yeah”, he replies, “you’re good at this. You ever thought about being a tutor?”

“Oh, no, not really”, you say.

“See, I just ask because our youth group has this program where some of us older members help the younger kids out after school and stuff.”

“Oh, that’s cool”, you tell him, not really engaged the conversation. It all sounds well and good, but you really aren’t interested in being a tutor at the moment.

“You know, the church has a lot of great programs”, Jason continues, and you’re not sure what any of this has to do with the Byzantine empire, which is what you’re supposed to be discussing.

“Okay”, you say.

“They do a lot of outreach, a lot of stuff to help people who have lost their way.”

“Lost their way?” you inquire, a small part of you beginning to understand what’s actually going on.

“Yeah. You know. Made bad choices, got mixed up with the wrong people.”

“Um, I think we should just get back to the assignment”, you suggest, uncomfortable with the discussion and not wanting it to go any further.

“Look”, Jason sighs, “what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know you very well, but you seem like a nice girl. I’d hate to see you go down a bad path.”

Okay. You get it now, and it’s starting to piss you off.

“Thank you, but I’m doing just fine”, you insist.

“You’ve been hanging around with Eddie Munson”, Jason says, as if it’s some scandalous secret and not just you spending time with your boyfriend, “you really shouldn’t do that, you know…”

You stare at him, a little dumbfounded he would just up and say such a thing to you.

“You can’t be serious…”, you say.

Jason leans in to you, a deadly serious expression on his face.

“I’ve heard about guys like him before”, he tells you, “I know the stuff they’re into.”

Yeah, so do you. It’s tabletop role playing games, which is about the least nefarious activity you could possibly think of. Jason clearly doesn’t see it that way, though, because he’s still going on.

“And I know they like to lure innocent people like you into their little organizations. I’m telling you, Munson is bad news. You should stay away before you get hurt.”

You seriously have to hold yourself back from laughing right in Jason’s face. You’re not sure what reality he’s living in, but it clearly isn’t the same one you are. Last weekend, you and Eddie had watched Terms of Endearment and he’d started to cry (well started tearing up at least, even sniffled a little, though he vehemently denied it). There’s not a single situation in which you can ever imagine him causing you intentional harm.

“Okay, you know what”, you say, “I think I’m gonna finish the rest of the assignment alone, thanks.”

Jason grabs your arm gently but firmly. “I’m serious, Y/N. He’s dangerous. Stay away from him before you end up hurt or killed.”

You’re really not sure what the most offensive part of all this is. It’s either that Jason thinks that somehow Eddie Munson, your lovable dork of a boyfriend,is secretly an evil Satanist cult leader, or that you’re apparently too stupid or naive to make that kind of judgment for yourself. Maybe it’s that he volunteered to work with you on an assignment and acted all friendly with you just so he could get this opportunity to preach to you about your supposedly “dangerous” lifestyle. He’s never given you the time of day before, after all.

“I don’t know what it is you think you see in him, but I promise you it’s not going to end well.”

You snort. Is he, what, jealous or something? He’s got a girlfriend, after all, and plenty of other girls who’d be willing to take her place if she were to leave him. It’s kind of sad that he’s apparently so insecure that the mere thought of Eddie Munson getting female attention is enough to have him losing his shit like this.

“Whatever”, you spit, “just leave me alone.”

He glares at you, but ultimately turns his attention to his textbook and doesn’t speak to you for the rest of the class.

-

You happily shove the encounter out of your mind once the bell rings. You’re perfectly content with the social circle you keep, and you’re not going to let some jock with an inflated sense of self importance change that.

Jason apparently doesn’t do the same because he spends lunch glaring at you from his table. Granted, him shooting disgusted looks in the general direction of the Hellfire Club is a regular occurance, but today he’s making it obvious his ire is directed specifically at you.

“What the fuck is his problem?” Eddie asks.

“I dunno”, you shrug, “he’s just an asshole.”

Eddie peers at him for a moment and you can see a familiar glint of mischief twinkle in his eye. Before you can comment, he’s dramatically pushing himself to his feet and sauntering over to Jason and company.

“What do you want?” Jason demands.

“Couldn’t help but notice you staring”, Eddie says, “just wanted to let you know that I’m flattered, but unfortunately you aren’t really my type. Sorry.”

“Fuck off”, Jason barks, “disgusting freak.”

“Don’t take it too hard”, Eddie says, giving him a joking pat on the shoulder before making his way back over to you. You stifle a laugh at the indignant look plastered on Jason’s face. Eddie shoots you a proud grin and you shake your head affectionately. Jason clearly doesn’t know shit about “guys like Eddie.”

-

The next few days pass by uneventfully. Jason doesn’t try talking to you again, which you’re thankful for. Wednesday starts out normally, you go to history, and Jason roundly ignores your presence. Then you have to go to your next class, which is gym.

Definitely not a favorite of yours, and you don’t even have Eddie in your class to ease the pain. You make it through your warm ups, and then the coach has you split up to practice your volleyball serves. Everything’s going well until Andy, one of Jason’s buddies, approaches you out of nowhere.

“Hey, Henderson”, he says, a smirk on his face, “you think you could score me some weed?”

You look at him, confused. You don’t get involved in Eddie’s side hustle, so you’re not sure why he’d ask you.

“What?”

“Oh, I just figured you probably get a good discount”, he goes on, “I mean, that’s why you let Munson fuck you, right?”

You freeze in shock, your cheeks starting to grow hot. You can’t say you’re used to people making comments about your sex life, especially not to your face.

“I mean, I gotta say”, Andy continues, a cruel glint in his eye, “I didn’t take you for a slut. But come on. Spreading your legs for that freak? Jesus, that’s sad. You know, I’d be happy to show you a good time, since you’re so desperate for it.”

You can only stand there, mouth agape. Sure, you’ve gotten a gross comment or two from a male classmate before, but nothing like this. You certainly have never been called a slut before. You try to formulate a response, but you can’t come up with one. It doesn’t matter anyway, because the coach’s whistle rings out, signaling for you all to hit the changing rooms. You dash out of the gym, more than pleased to be away from Andy.

You hop in the shower in the locker room, take a few moments to shake off the discomfort of the interaction. You’re not entirely successful in that endeavor, because it keeps playing in your mind even after you’re dressed and making your way back into the hallways.

You have no idea where the hell Andy came up with all of that. At this point, it’s common knowledge that you and Eddie are dating, but you don’t know where this idea that you’re sleeping with him for drugs came from. It couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Hey, Beautiful”, you’re distracted from your thoughts by Eddie, who comes happily bounding over to you. His face falls when he sees the look on your face though.

“You okay?” he asks.

“I’m fine”, you say. Something about the idea of telling Eddie about what happened leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It’s embarrassing, and you definitely don’t want him to feel like it’s somehow his fault that Jason and Andy are giving you a hard time.

Besides, it doesn’t matter. Once again, nothing they say about you or Eddie is true. You can’t let some stupid jocks get to you.

-

Honestly, you probably could’ve been okay, if that was the end of it. Unfortunately, things only get worse the next day.

As you make your way to your seat in history, you catch sight of Amber and Samantha, two cheerleaders who like to hang around Jason and the others, whispering as you walk by.

You ignore them, figuring you’re being paranoid and they probably aren’t even talking about you, but when you sit down, Amber turns and looks you right in the eye.

She raises her voice then, clearly intending for you to hear what she’s saying.

“I hope she’s gotten tested”, she tells Samantha, “I can’t imagine what nasty shit the Freak is passing on to her.”

You take a deep breath, turning away from her.

It doesn’t matter, you tell yourself, it’s not true.

“I hope the drugs are worth it,” Samantha says.

You clench your jaw as you slip into your seat. It shouldn’t bother you so much. It's not true, and even if it were, who cares what Amber and Samantha have to say about it?

You’re dating Eddie because you like him. You like the way he’s always joking around and making you laugh, you like that he makes a point of looking out for Dustin and his friends, you like the way he looks at you with those big puppy dog eyes and flashes that mischievous grin. Cheap access to his drugs has never even crossed your mind.

You shouldn’t concern yourself with what they say, you know that, but hearing your name in connection with “slut” grinds at you.

-

During gym class, you do your best to avoid Andy, because everytime he notices you looking at him, he’s making some suggestive gesture at you. You don’t bother telling anyone about it, since Andy’s on the basketball team and the coach would probably take his side.

In the hallway, you accidentally bump into Patrick from the basketball team. You mutter an apology, which he accepts, but his girlfriend gives you the dirtiest look you’ve ever seen.

“Don’t talk to her”, you hear her tell him as you walk away, “she’s a slut.”

-

All of the gossip has put you in a foul mood by the time you get to your second to last period of the day, which happens to be study hall.

Like always, it’s in the cafeteria, with you and a bunch of other students of varying grade levels all sitting around doing your homework. Technically, you’re not supposed to talk, but the teacher in charge is way too underpaid to worry about enforcing that, so you can usually get away with conversation as long as things don’t get too rowdy.

You’re not taking advantage of that today, rather trying your best to distract yourself by actually doing your homework. You’re halfway through summarizing Act 3 of Hamlet when you hear someone say your name.

“Hey, Y/N…”

You’re confused when you look up to find Lucas standing there. Technically, you’ve known him for years, but it’s not like you’ve ever associated with him outside the time he spends with Dustin.

“What?” you ask, a little meaner than you mean to.

“I just thought you should know that…well, I think Jason has been going around saying things about you.”

Of course. You should’ve known Jason was behind this. Jason fucking Carver. Captain of the Basketball Team. Active member of the local church. Son of one of the most respected families in Hawkins. He’s clearly used to people listening to whatever he has to say. Apparently, his ego couldn’t handle you dismissing his comments about your relationship with Eddie.

Jesus, you’d always known he was a bit of an asshole, but this is a level of pettiness you’d never expected, even from him.

“Don’t tell him I told you”, Lucas adds, “but I just thought you should know.”

“Thank you”, you say. You’re definitely glad to have that piece of information.

-

The next day, you storm into Mr. Price’s classroom with righteous fury coursing through your veins. You bypass your desk and instead march straight up to Jason.

He pauses his conversation with Andy and Samantha when he sees you approach.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You demand.

“Excuse me?” Jason asks.

“I know you’ve been starting rumors about me”, you tell him, “what exactly is your problem, Jason?”

“Me? I don’t have a problem”, Jason insists, “I just think it’s fair the men of Hawkins High get a warning about your ‘extracurricular’ activities.”

You can feel heat flood your cheeks.

“You’re a dick, Jason!” you hiss.

“You know, Y/N”, Jason retorts, “I actually feel bad for you. I mean, no decent man is ever going to want you when they find out you’ve been giving it up to some trailer trash freak.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about”, you snap.

“Believe me, I know exactly what happens to girls who hang around with filthy, Satan-worshiping scumbags”, he says, “and you know what? I’m not going to feel sorry for you when they’re finding your body dumped in the woods.”

“Get over yourself!”

“Whatever”, Jason shakes his head, “I’m not gonna take the attitude from some little slut.”

You’re not fully in control of yourself during what happens next. One second you’re standing there listening to Jason degrade you, the next your fist is connecting with his face.

He stands there, stunned for a moment, before opening his mouth to say something. He doesn’t get the chance though, because Mr. Price gets to it first.

“Ms. Henderson”, he gasps, “Mr. Carver, what on earth is going on here?”

“She punched me in the face”, Jason spits accusingly.

“I-I…I’m sorry I…”

“Enough”, Mr. Price sighs, “I want both of you going to the principal’s office right now!”

-

You’re in deep shit. That much is immediately clear. You punched Jason Carver in the face. It’s not like you even claim it was self defense, since he didn’t do anything physical to you.

“So”, Principal Higgins sighs, “tell me what happened again?”

“She punched me in the face”, Jason hisses.

“Is that true?”

“Yes”, you sigh, “but he called me a slut.”

Principal Higgins rubs his temple, processing the information. Meanwhile, Jason’s gaze is fixed firmly on you, his eyes full of hatred.

“Mr. Carver”, Higgins says finally, “that is not appropriate language to use in regards to another student. You may go back to class, but I better not hear about something like this again.”

Jason stands and marches out of the office, as if he has a right to be pissed about Higgins’ scolding. You suppress the urge to roll your eyes. Of course he gets a slap on the wrist. Nobody wants to punish the star basketball player. You’re certain that if it were anyone else, Eddie or Dustin or one of the other Hellfire Club members, they definitely wouldn’t be getting off so easily.

“Now, as for you Ms. Henderson”, Higgins says, “we do not allow for any sort of violence in this school. However, in all your years at this school, you have never had to receive any form of discipline. So I’m willing to be flexible here. Normally, something like this could be grounds for suspension, but since this is your first time, I say it’s two weeks detention after school starting next Monday. Does that sound fair to you?”

Not really, no, but you can’t say that.

“Yes”, you reply instead.

“Alright. Good. Now go back to class. And Ms. Henderson, I sincerely hope I won’t have to see you in my office again.”

-

You’re in a bad mood when Mr. Price’s class finally ends. You’ve gone your entire high school career without getting a detention and now you’ve ruined that over some pompous dick bag. Speaking of, Jason has been staring daggers at you since you returned to class, and is continuing to do so even now as you’re leaving.

There’s a tense, awkward moment where you both stand there in the hallway, glaring at each other, but it’s broken when the force of a body colliding with your back almost takes you off your feet. Jason is forgotten when a pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind.

“Eddie”, you huff playfully.

“How’d you know it was me?” he asks as you turn around to face him.

“Cause you can’t keep your hands to yourself, Munson”, you reply.

“Don’t blame me”, he replies, “you know I’m powerless to resist your charms.”

Before you can reply he’s pulling you close and beginning to press kisses to your cheek. You know the two of you are making a scene, and on any other day you might be a little self conscious about it, but today you’re just glad to have him around.

His kisses stop suddenly and you realize he’s stopped because he’s finally noticed Jason’s hateful glaring. Unfazed as always, he just flashes a cocky smile and gives Jason a mocking impression of a friendly wave. Jason makes a face like he’s wishing for both you and Eddie’s violent deaths.

“Geez”, Eddie comments, “he looks pissed.”

“Um, yeah, probably because I punched him in the face”, you mutter.

Eddie’s eyes widen in obvious surprise.

“He had it coming”, you add, “he was being a Dick.”

You know you don’t have to defend yourself to Eddie. He knows better than anyone how nasty Jason can be.

“My, my, Fair Lady Henderson”, he smiles, “I dare say that was very Metal of you.”

“Yeah, well, Higgins didn’t think so”, you reply, “I got two weeks detention for it.”

“Ol’ Higgins never did have a sense of humor”, Eddie says, “but from where I’m standing, you’re basically a hero.”

“Really?”

“Hell yeah”, Eddie tells you, “Jason and his goons have been making our lives miserable for years.”

You can’t help but smile at that. You’re definitely not happy with the day’s events, but knowing Eddie’s on your side makes it a little more bearable.

-

On Monday you begrudgingly make your way to Mrs. Cline’s room for your first day of detention.

“Ms. Henderson?” she asks when you walk in.

“Yeah”, you say, a little embarrassed.

“Wonderful”, she says, checking your name off of a list in front of her, “please take a seat.”

There’s only two other people in there with you, so you just pick a seat as far from them as possible and sit down.

“Alright”, Mrs. Cline says, “looks like everyone’s here except…”

“I’m here.”

You look up in surprise to see Eddie come walking into the room.

“Ah, yes, Mr. Munson”, Mrs. Cline says dryly, “what a surprise. Please take a seat.”

You know that Eddie isn’t a stranger to detention, but it’s weird that he didn’t mention anything to you when you’d told him about it. He walks over to the desk next to yours, looking way too pleased for someone who’s about to serve a stint in detention.

“What are you doing here?” you ask.

“Oh, you know, got caught vandalizing the boy’s locker room during free period”, he tells you.

“What? When?”

“Friday”, he says with a satisfied smirk.

You frown. This must’ve happened after the whole Jason thing on Friday which means…

Which means Eddie did it knowing that you were also going to be in detention.

“Eddie”, you say, “did you get detention just because I did?”

“I couldn’t let you have all the fun, could I?” he grins.

You can’t help but smile along with him.

“Mr. Munson, Ms. Henderson”, Mrs. Cline calls from her desk, “no talking during detention.”

Eddie mimes zipping his lips and waits until Mrs. Cline looks away before giving you a playful wink. You stifle a giggle.

You don’t know Jason all that well, but you’re pretty sure he would never dream of landing himself in detention just to keep his girlfriend company. You’ve never seen him make a scene in the middle of the hallways to get her to smile. That’s the thing about this that really gets under your skin. Jason and the others don’t know shit. They think that just because Eddie doesn’t fall into their narrow definition of “acceptable”, he must be scary and dangerous. They think that just because you’re not afraid of him, you must be dirty and corrupted. They’re too close-minded to look closer and see that Eddie is the sweetest boyfriend you could ever imagine, that you spend time with him because he makes you happy. They’d rather write him off as a freak and you off as a slut than accept that maybe their perception is wrong.

You’re far from being a violent person, but you can’t say you regret what you did. Jason deserved to be put in his place, and it’s not like you did any serious damage to him anyway. You’re glad you stood up for yourself, for Eddie. You’ve probably tacked “psycho bitch” onto your already unflattering “whore” reputation, but at this point, you’re not sure you care. If being a freak means you get to spend your days with the love of your life, you will gladly accept that label.

-

After the designated two hours are up, Mrs. Cline dismisses you all.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad”, you say as you and Eddie start making your way through the hall.

“Nah”, he replies, “I mean it’s boring but it’s not bad.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not planning on having to do this again”, you continue, “but it’s bearable.”

Eddie nods.

“I’m sorry, by the way”, he adds.

“For what?”

“Jason and the others. They’ve been giving you a hard time, right?”

“Yeah”, you shrug, “it is what it is. Not your fault.”

“I mean it kind of is”, Eddie replies, “they’re only doing it because you’re dating me.”

“Eddie”, you say, “Jason’s an asshole, okay? That’s not on you. If he can’t handle our relationship, then fuck him.”

That gets a grin out of Eddie.

“You know, you’re getting to be quite a rabble rouser, Henderson”, he jokes.

“I’m learning from the best”, you tease back.

Eddie’s smile widens. He follows you out to your car and then presses a soft kiss to your lips.

“See you tomorrow, Sweetheart”, he says and then heads off to his van. You watch him go, butterflies still lingering in your tummy from the contact.

If you’d actually had any doubts about Eddie, they would’ve disappeared in that moment. That feeling, it’s a one of a kind thing. No one’s ever managed to give it to you before, and you’re not sure anyone else ever will. You love Eddie. He loves you. He’s sweet, and silly and he treats you right. If your peers want to believe a bunch of bullshit about you two, then let them. You know what you have, and you’re not going to let them ruin it for you.

Grinning to yourself, you hop in your car, put the Black Sabbath tape you borrowed from Eddie into the player and head home.

[bomberqueen17]

*vibrating slightly in place*

So ok. When I was in kindergarten, my classroom was arranged so that four desks were linked together, so we were in little groups. I used to regularly vibrate my desk and the three it was attached to, with three other children in them, across several feet of floor space, until the linked desks ran into the teacher's desk, which was larger and did not move with the force of my vibrations. I was a good student, but hard to control, and markedly uneven in my ability to like. Do anything. "Well," my mom said once, upon beholding my entire spectrum of a report card, "we'd just hate to be bored."

When I graduated with my bachelor's degree, seventeen years later, my mom said "I never thought you could do it," and when I, shocked, said "what?" she said "well what with your ADHD and all," and I said "my what?" and she said "well, i never wanted to shake your confidence, and I thought once they put a label on you it'd be over, but you super have like, turbo ADHD. Why, what do you think your deal is?" She said it nicely and not in those words at all, but it was the first time I'd ever really realized that I wasn't just mildly eccentric, I did seem to actually have something wrong with me.

I've been trying to get a diagnosis ever since. I've never been able to. I had no health insurance at all for a huge chunk of my twenties, which put a damper on things. One doctor told me "you'd know if you had that" and when I was like "I... do" she was like "no i mean. you'd already be being treated." Which shows a wild and totally unwarranted optimism in our medical system, but she was a resident. The doctor overseeing her care of me suggested I try taking fish oil capsules. To "rebuild my brain tissue".

I did. It didn't help. I still buy them but mostly I use them now to get my cat to take pills.

Eventually in my 30s my doctors started sort of believing me maybe, or at least realizing they couldn't really brush me off (I have gotten... less easily-cowed as I've aged) but they were all like "oh, I can't evaluate that. You'll have to research and find a place that can do a neuropsych eval for you. Insurance doesn't cover those. So good luck. Have some antidepressants in the meantime."

I slid into my 40s, still undiagnosed. I read as many self-help books on the topic as I could find, did all the checklists I found. They all said "girl you super have like turbo ADHD." I tried meditation. I tried divination. I tried bullet journaling, which was hilarious. I tried yoga.

I actually damaged myself doing yoga and am banned from yoga, but at least I'm in physical therapy now. (Word to the wise: if you have really really flexible hip joints, don't fucking do yoga. "Usually I don't have to tell people not to get into that position," said my bemused physical therapist. "Oh," I said, blissfully bepretzeled. "It feels super good." "Mm," she said, "you've torn your labrum. Stop doing that." Now I do really, really boring stretches that don't feel nearly as good, but I also can walk without limping, so. Like. We take the good with the bad I guess.)

Anyway. My PCP in January was like "wait you didn't follow my super vague directions to go see 'the guys downstairs' and see if they can squeeze you into their eleven-month waiting period to get an evaluation that i cannot mention without saying it's several thousand dollars and your insurance surely won't cover it? you must not want this diagnosis very badly!" (At no point has anyone ever given me a phone number for 'the guys downstairs'. I still don't know what she meant by any of those directions. This PCP and I technically speak the same language but I've never understood a single thing she has told me and I don't think she understands a word I say in return, everything I tell her seems to be such a shock to her. You blame antidepressants for your weight gain? I've never heard of that. Ma'am please look up what the incredibly common side effects of antidepressants are.)

I called around but noplace both took my insurance and was accepting new patients. Finally I gave up. Then my Dude went on our insurance company's website and took over the search. He found that there's some kind of concierge service thing, which the insurance company normally charges $450/mo for but our plan includes it, because it's pretty well-hidden on the website and most people aren't ever going to find it anyway. So he said, you know what, I am going to instigate a query on this.

They took two weeks but eventually came back with a list of 13 places, most of them not remotely local. Ten of them were red X's, disqualified for varying reasons-- one because the phone number didn't work, another because it's a seven-hour drive away and doesn't do telehealth. One was in New Jersey. None of them were the local places I had already called.

Two of them were valid, but the insurance wouldn't cover the evaluation for various reasons.

One of them was fully covered, the insurance company said. So I went there.

Their website said "no you're not we can't see you". But Dude was like, call them on the phone. Surely, surely, the concierge service couldn't have lied??? Bet, I said, and called them and left a message, and said to him, if they call me back I will eat a hat.

But they did. They called me back. "Our insurance checker widget is down," they said. "But we do take your insurance! We can see you. We just don't know how much it will cost."

Ominous.

But. They could see me later in the week, via a telehealth appointment.

So I signed up.

The appointment was this morning. I turned up. Their insurance checker thingy still wasn't working so they couldn't be sure how much the appointment would cost me. I at this point don't care, and gave them my HSA credit card, and said do what you will.

I waited 45 minutes and then texted the number they'd texted me from with the confirmation, and a moment later the guy showed up. "Whoops," he said, "that system isn't working quite right either!"

He talked to me for like. Three minutes, and was like "yeah that sounds. Pretty textbook. I'm going to prescribe you stimulants." He then proceeded to take a very basic medical history, and I recognized all the questions because I have researched stimulant medication for ADHD so much. And he was like "We're going to start with Adderall, check at your pharmacy in like an hour." And then he gave me extremely useful and detailed instructions on how to take it, when to take it, what side effects to worry about, what to expect, what to note down in case it might mean a problem, and how to be safe about it. (He asked me three times if I'd ever been suicidal, and it had also been in the online pre-screening. I am aware that can be a rare but very serious side effect of stimulants!)

And then I went to Rite-Aid and I now have 16 pills in my possession, and i am going to wait until tomorrow morning to start taking them, and I am already scheduled for my follow-up in 15 days.

I have absolutely no idea how much any of that is going to cost, but for the record the pills were eleven dollars.

So. I don't know why the last decade of my life has been spent being told that a comprehensive and unattainably expensive neuropsychological evaluation was my only option. Maybe this place is a disreputable pill mill or whatever. But. I am going to get to try to medicate this disorder that has warped my entire life to this point, and I am going to try to see if I can't have some more control over my life, and if it doesn't work then at least I will know, instead of on my deathbed being like "i wonder if i'd ever tried amphetamines maybe I'd have been able to finish a project ever in my life, guess we'll never know".

Which was what I was starting to genuinely think was going to happen.

Literally though why can't a primary care doctor just refer you to a psychiatrist who can then decide whether you need an assessment or whether your condition is likely to respond well to a basic diagnosis?? I get needing the whole nine yards if you're not sure what's wrong with this kid and you don't want to give them the wrong thing-- like I know misdiagnosing a bipolar sufferer with depression can give you really bad outcomes, for example-- but-- I don't know? I don't know.

I just want to be able to start and finish projects. What I'd really love is to be able to make to-do lists meaningfully, as that is an ability I did used to have and now absolutely don't. I legit cannot make a to-do list in any meaningful or useful way.

So we'll see. I'm going to keep a journal and the real test of whether the pills work is to see whether I can actually keep the journal.

But I need to find some kind of edible hat, at some point, just to keep my word.

[starrynightarchive]

19, 6, 42, 22, 38, 33, 47, 50, 92, 90, 72, 75, 70

answer them all

demanding. hello to you too anon

19. what's been keeping you up at night lately?

your mom.

ok just kidding. uhhh not much. maybe the mistakes I need to fix and this distinct feeling of wrongness that lingers.

6. what role do you play in your group of friends?

let's ask them shall we

42. how did you meet your best friend(s)?

aha i actually wanted someone to ask this one! I'll give you three stories

sri: when i was in kindergarten i remember very clearly seeing this fucker in the restroom. she pulled out her handkerchief and made a banana out of it? i was not impressed. but she then proceeded to eat it/put it in her mouth. which I was impressed with. and then she saw me when I got stuck on the very top of this giraffe thing which you can climb. a teacher had to come up and get me down. bitch was just staring at me the whole time. didn't move a muscle. i love her so very much.

vhas: ok so. i had (have. love her very very much she's a menace and we met in a whole other way) a best friend and I got them into wattpad when I was 13. or 12. idk. then that friend in turn went to a classmate and made them join wattpad. so now all three of us started writing very bad very cringe stories. i was writing a straight romance paranormal story and vhas was writing some tragic yaoi godbles. i read it and fell in love with his writing. so one day, without warning, I just went up to him and said "hey! i love your writing!" and fucked right off. no intro no how are you no nothing. we ended up talking in hangouts (rip) and I made covers for his stories and shit. and then the rest is history.

sree: this is the menace friend. she lives really close to my house. first way we met was through our school bus (we took the same one and I sat next to her one day). she was reading harry potter and we figured that we both loved books. i introduced her to a few. and the very same week I went to my classical music class and they were there. i was like ??? but we became quick friends. proximity, similar interests, orange slices and stupidity. yeah. they're pretty neat.

22. how old were you when you joined the internet?

around 12, i think

38. what is your love language? i'm very expressive about my love for people, but the main ones are: physical touch, words of affirmation and gift giving.

33. have you ever thought about changing your name?

nope! i love my name very very much :D

47. how well-decorated is your bedroom?

not much. at first i had a sticky notes wall filled with quotes poetry etc etc but then had to take it down because it was getting dusty. then there's this huge ass micky mouse sticker stuck on my wardrobe (my dad bought it when I was a kid). skk chibi figurines and iwaoi standee both from my lovely friend vhas. then books. a few magnets stuck to my wardrobe. that's all

50. what do you consider most important in a romantic/platonic partner? being ready to put in work in the relationship. must be an open communicator/must be willing to try. oh, and a good sense of humour (this is very specific btw. i have a type. i will not elaborate).

92. who's in your dream blunt rotation? great question. idk if I'll ever smoke weed but. if I do tay will be my go-to person (@spiderbends)

90. weirdest habit?

i bite people. is that weird? idk

72. which is more important when it comes to clothing, comfort or style?

comfort all the wayyyy

75. how would you describe your favorite person?

icarus. burning wings. the kindest smile. the bravest man. lover, healer, believer. object of all my sweet dreams and sweetest nightmares.

70. when it comes to affection/intimacy, do you prefer to stick to one person or are you more open about it?

intimacy/affection to me isn't strictly connected to romance. and I'm a very affectionate person by nature. i love fiercely. all my loved ones will be bombarded with my love. get loved, loser.

[balletandbow]

Never in my life will I tell anyone else that their feelings or experience with homeschooling are incorrect or invalid or wrong. What I will say is that homeschooling can be and is done right, and that I think I was lucky enough to experience it myself.

My mother was a kindergarten teacher before she had kids, and worked as a nanny once I was born so she could stay with me more. By the time I was ready for kindergarten (my birthday is in August, I was barely 5) we were living in the middle of nowhere and I would have had an hour round trip bus ride every day. Our state had few laws prohibiting homeschooling, and this was literally what my mom's degree was in, so she just taught me.

We moved a couple years later, and by the time we hit the upper years of my mom's ed degree we had enrolled in the local school district's homeschooling supervision program. Every year my mother made a list of the curriculum she had chosen for me (and eventually my two brothers) and turned it in to a certified teacher who was assigned to supervise us. We did pretty much anything you can think of. English was separated into reading and writing (so many different books and so many essays oh my god), math (with a textbook fear not), history (my mom pulled out weird Manifest Destiny books out and added extra books from indigenous authors), science (I got my iPod taken away for pretending to do my work when I didn't lmao), and so many field trips and fun things that are so much easier to do when most kids are in school.

We participated in the weekly class that the supervision program offered starting when I was in 5th grade. Every Wednesday afternoon we would spend 3 hours with other homeschooled kids, doing theatre, art, or some kind of history or science project depending on the time of year. The middle and high school groups put on a full play in a semester every year. A few other kids and I who were supervised by the same teacher formed a little club and made our parents let us meet up a second time a week and we got to help make the play sets and generally were little nerds.

In middle school I started taking classes at our public middle school. I was there for math because my supervising teacher had me take a placement test when my mom decided to change math curriculums and they had decided I was ready for Algebra a little early. I also went for choir, because I liked to sing. I ended up taking math at the public school all the way through high school because our district had an advanced math track that let me take Algebra 2, Pre calc, and Calc AB in 3 years and I liked math too much to say no to that. I also took 4 years of Spanish, AP Lang, chemistry, art, theater, and lots of choir.

I had friends at school and I had friends at my homeschool stuff. I got to do a year of history curriculum learning about the early day of the Christian church. My freshman year of high school the writing part of my English curriculum was literally to write a novel. It sounds crazy looking back on it but it was so much fun, and I learned literally so much, which was indeed the point.

When the pandemic hit in the spring of my junior year our public schools all closed for the year. We kept homeschooling. I took all my senior year public school classes from our basement. It was hard, but not all that different than what I did with my other subjects. I started college in the fall of 2021 and discovered that it's really very similar to what I had already been doing. Go learn from the professor. Do your work on your own time. Come back, get feedback, and do it again.

I move in for my senior year of college in a week. There's a lot of discussions about pretty much every aspect of education happening in the world, from the pandemic to asynchronous classes to homeschooling and indoctrination to free lunches. There's a lot of bad homeschoolers out there, and there's a lot of kids who were never taught what they needed to learn to be successful adults. This is just what me and my family did. It definitely shaped me as a person, but as I'm getting older it's becoming less important to my life, which to me signals that my parents and various teachers did a good job.

[nanowrimo]

Back to School: Interview with Chiho Nakagawa, Young Writers Program Educator

NaNoWriMo’s Young Writers Program helps over 85,000 kids, teens, teachers, and families set creative goals and tell stories they care about. We asked some of our amazing YWP educators to share how they take on the NaNoWriMo challenge in their classroom. Today’s advice comes from Chiho Nakagawa, who teaches English as a second language in Tokyo, Japan.

Q: What grade/ age level do you work with? What type of NaNoWriMo group is it (whole class, club, homeschool, elective, etc.)?

A: 10th grade, whole 2 classes of 80 students whom I teach three times a week, last year I did with them. Two years ago, I did it with all the students in the 11th grade (about 250 students)

Q: How long have you been doing NaNoWriMo with your students?

A: 6 years. During these 6 years, I skipped two years ago as my students had to focus only on preparation for their university entrance exams.

Q: How do you structure the entire project (for example, do you start prepping in October and write in November, do you have kids work on it all year, etc.)?

A: I start the NaNoWriMo project in April when our new school year starts. Once or twice a week, our students have time to read books in the morning homeroom. As our school has an online library, most of them read online. During their break in summer, they read more books and decide their best one. After the break, they have biblio-battles in class. They upload the picture of their favorite book to OneDrive to share their recommendation with all the other students. For the preparation of their creative writing, they think of a story in a group, looking at one picture. They write a sentence in turn to make a story. Sometimes, I give them the same starting sentence and they create the following sentences together in group. Though they start with the same sentence, each story expands in totally different ways, which shows them their varieties, diversities and uniqueness. When I have such activities, I usually let them write in groups using Google Jamboard. Then, just before they start writing, they start creating their main character online using the Avatar maker. After that, they create their own page using OneNote and upload their main character and plot in the roller coaster style format . After their writing in November, we usually create their collection of stories online and share it in class.

Q: What does a normal NaNoWriMo day look like for your students?

A: Full of creativity. They are obsessed with their stories. Many students talk about NaNoWriMo. Of course, there are some demotivated students who struggle with writing, and they say NaNoWriMo, YaRaNaiMo. YaRaNaiMo means “I won't do it” in Japanese. Even though they have difficulties and feel discouraged, they use the great rhyme. The rhythm in Japanese “yaranaimo” sounds not terrible but cute like kids in kindergarten. They are full of energy and joy that shows they are interested in writing even when they complain.

Q: How do you set and manage word-count goals?

A: I believe in my students' autonomy. Nobody writes low goals. Some are even too ambitious but as it is their choice, I respect them. I give them some sample numbers and they usually arrange according to their skills. Last year, they set their own goals and I put them into groups. They made bar charts to show their progress in groups and they competed between groups, which I think was motivating.

Q: How do you manage grading? Do you grade?

A: No. As long as they try and enjoy the activity, it would be great. If they did, I give them points. If they did not try, I did not give them any grades. I just celebrate their writing.

Q: How do you approach revision/ publishing (if at all)?

A: I never check their grammar mistakes. I usually publish as they write. I can see some parts which are difficult to understand, but it would be okay. They will see that not a lot of their classmates read their novels as they are difficult to understand. The following year, they will do it in the same way and they will read their previous year’s novel. Then, they will find how much they have improved. Some of them told me not to show their previous one in class as they find their mistakes.

Q: Any NaNoWriMo tips or tricks to share with other educators? Hard-won lessons? Ah-ha moments?

A: NaNoWriMo encourages my students to read. My students are not bookworms but they read as they would like to know how to start writing and how to make a story. Also, they are interested in other students' writing and try to understand them. Reading encourages them to think and understand others, which encourages them to respect others and their own identity. While they struggle writing, I would like to help them but it seems that nobody can help them. They solve their problems by themselves as their novels are just from their inside, not from their outside. Finally, they know how to control themselves and how to talk to themselves.

Q: Have you ever run into resistance from your administration about doing NaNoWriMo, and if so, how did you manage it? What do you say to people who don’t see the point of having students write novels?

A: Yes, some say that I should teach English for English exams. Getting Exam skill is the most important and creative experiences are not practical, they say. However, creative writing is effective in preparation for exams as students think more logically and critically to make their work better. They learn grammar and vocabulary to make their sentences clearer. My students' engagement gradually changes their mindset and finally, they understand what they have achieved as their novels are based on what they have learned in other subjects and their whole lives. As everything inside of themselves is combined to make their novels and shows that it is a integrated learning, they finally agreed to make it and now, they encourage me to do it.

Q: What are the most meaningful things you or your students take away from the project? What's your best NaNoWriMo memory?

A: They find their identity. They read their friends' writing and they find they are different. They find their own uniqueness and start enjoying the difference. After NaNoWriMo, they praise each other for their achievement and effort and it was the happiest moment.

Q: Anything else you'd like to add?

A: They learn not only about language but also about rights such as copyrights and personal information. Also, they learn creation is enjoyable after their struggle. This is an output activity with creativity, but at the same time they learn input is important to make their knowledge richer. I would like to encourage my students to read more, but how much I told them to do, they did not. Therefore, I thought of a different method, writing a novel, and it was totally successful. They read as they need to write. Their reading starts as if they check samples.

Chiho Nakagawa is an English as a second language teacher at a private school in Tokyo, Japan. Her motto for teaching is to raise independent learners. Her project-based learning classes improve her student’s creativity and autonomy. At the same time, her students find their own identity and respect others as they experience differences and uniqueness. She is also good at creating classes making full use of ICT as a Microsoft Innovative Education Expert and Adobe Education Leader.

[songbirdstew]

(this is in response to the most demented thing you guys got in trouble for in school post, but it got really long for a reblog)

In kindergarten, I got in trouble for calling Jesus' disciples stupid. "Why did they need so much proof? He just woke up after being dead for three days. Why did he even need to say anything? If his wounds were still bleeding, why didn't they give him any bandaids??"

In first grade, my friend Rex hid in the coat closet and I got in trouble for laughing. Baby's first detention! I was sent to the classroom next door to serve it, and when that teacher asked me what I was doing there, I told her honestly, "I have no idea."

In fourth grade, during silent reading, my friend was making silly faces, and I couldn't help laughing at her. By coincidence, there was a group of students reading out loud in unison in the hallway, and my teacher thought I was laughing at them. She asked me if I had a good excuse, and I just shook my head and sighed, bc I knew she wouldn't believe me even if I tried to explain (and I didn't want to get my friend in trouble, too. Bros before hos.)

And then there were the times I got in trouble for being a good kid.

In ninth grade, I was quietly erasing swastikas and shit someone else had drawn all over my desk, when the teacher barked at me, "I hope you plan on erasing all of that!" I was like, "…. Yes. Yes, I do. Duh?"

In tenth grade, the marching band director asked me to run the attendance list up to the office for him. On my way back to the field, the assistant director screeched at me at the top of his lungs for being out of place. I was like, "And that's why you're the assistant." He didn't hear me, he was still screeching.

Also in tenth grade, my friend had her hand up to ask a question for like 15 minutes and our teacher kept ignoring her, so I put my hand up, too. He called on me right away and I said, "Kristen has a question." and he kicked me out of class for… being disrespectful? I was like, "That goes both ways, sir. PEACE OUT."

From tenth through twelfth grades, I was also on yearbook and the lit journal and we often had to pull students out of class for those, for interviews and photos etc. And some teachers were NOT cooperative and they would take it out on Us. The Children. instead of our Adult advisors who told us to do it. It was usually the male sports coaches who would blow up at me for this. The basketball coach snarled at me, "You don't interrupt my class for this crap! This has nothing to do with school!" and I said, "I would argue that creative writing has more educational value than bouncing a rubber ball up and down, but what do I know. shrug"

Whenever a teacher wouldn't release a student for us, we had to fill out a slip explaining why to our advisor. On one of these, I just wrote, "Mr F is a prick." after a similar incident with a different coach. A little later, one of my buddies told me, "Just so you know, Advisor is writing you a referral." Advisor was a total fucking flake; we knew it, and she knew we knew. She didn't even tell me herself she was giving me a referral. I never pursued it. Didn't serve it. Nothing happened.

I got a lot of those during this time, detentions and referrals (no suspensions), and I just ignored them all. Never served. Nothing ever happened. I learned in Baby's first detention in the first grade that the adults have no idea what is happening, the rules are made up, and the punishments are arbitrary.

I never really got in trouble for the actually demented things I did. I punched more than one kid in middle school and never got so much as a reprimand for any of that, not even when the one kid reported me. Maybe bc it was usually in PE and it was only ever a bully. Ms Gibbles was one of the good ones. (Not her real name.)

[jk1619messiah]

Readerly Exploration #4

10/9/2023

Fischer Chapter 2(2020)

Sipe(2002)

Biggest Takeaway Fischer Chapter 2: My biggest takeaway from this chapter was how impactful whole group reading is. Whole group reading allowing for students to grow together. This allows for the teacher to deliver instruction that is useful for developing skills in the correct manner that is age appropriate for the students. Whole group reading also opens up a window of knowledge to retain for the students. This is because the teacher is allowing the students to gain knowledge from a book they are delivering the the class. It might be challenging for some of those students to read that specific book alone so getting to read it all together is beneficial. This creates talk amoungst students to bounce ideas off of eachh other and talk about what they have gained from the book being read. A lot of great discussions are created out of this tactic and comprehension between each students improves. Teachers and the way the read a book to students do not realize the impact it has on them. It motivates students to read books more and challenges their reading skills.

Biggest Takeaway Sipe 2002: In whole group reading there is a lot to take in and observe than just what the students learn. They way students react the whole group reading and what they are retaining from our mouth is very important. Students express with the faces how they feel and that goes with how they feel about books. This allows for us to get a true response on how they feel about a certain book being read in the class. It allows us to tell that they are learning and trying to comprehend what is being read out loud to them. Theres the typology of expressive engagement which include dramatizing, talking back, critiquing/controlling, inserting and taking over.

Fischer Chapter 2 (2020) Nugget: “Easley (2004) documented the impact of teacher actions such as read aloud on students’ future reading. She recounts seeing students in bookstores buying copies of texts that she had read aloud to them.”

“Motivation for reading is one compelling reason to read aloud.”

Sipe (2002) Nugget: “If we form a mental picture of children who are highly engaged in a storybook read-aloud, it may be of a group, faces intent and rapt, listen- ing with wonder, surprise, or fascination to the story as it unfolds”

Reflection: I can go back all the way to when I was in Kindergarten, and how much I enjoyed whole group reading with my teacher Miss.Hopple (shes married now so I won’t use her married name). She was the absolute best at engaging us when she was reading. We read as a group every day after lunch and recess. We sat on our colorful carpet while she read to us. My favorite thing about reading was that she would choose a student to stand up and point along with a pointer as she read the book. She sat the book on a isle and thats where the student would stand as she sat and read the book. It kept all of us engaged, and she picked books that we could not read on our own. What helped a lot was having us students getting picked to stand up their and point/read along while she was reading. I believe that enhanced our reading skills and allowed for us to read higher level books for our age. When she was reading a book that was harder for students to stand up and point along while she reads she made sure that we were still following along. She emphasized every emotion that she noticed the book was showing and she pointed out pictures. Whole group reading was something my class all looked forward too because we got a lot out of what Miss.Hopple was reading.

Readerly Habit Fischer Chapter 2: The book The Rainbow Fish is a book a remember my teacher reading to our class all the time. We loved this book and it made such a big impact on the class. I remember it so well because my teacher kept us so engaged with reading time that I bought this book myself when I was younger and I read it all the time.

[wisteria-lodge]

badger primary + unBurning lion secondary (badger secondary model)

Hi, Wisteria!! I remember reading that you're a teacher, so I hope that the school year is going well! If you have time (I know your inbox is packed), I'd love some input on what my sorting might be. I can convince myself of anything -- most days, I'm certain I'm a double badger, but there are times when I think I could be an idealist with a badger-flavored system, or even a snake that *wants* to be a badger.

Childhood experiences that come to mind... I tended to be the ringleader of the neighborhood kids. 

Classically, this points me at Lion secondary (who naturally build armies) or Badger secondary (who naturally build communities.) 

I came up with the games, made sure people were included, and organized people (proudest kindergarten moment: getting my whole class to join hands and yell "POWER RANGERS, MYSTIC FORCE!"). When a neighbor girl broke her ankle, I went door to door, rallying the troops so we could all visit and comfort her. 

You do use the metaphor of an army... but all the examples are so soft and Badgery... which isn’t to say that Badger secondaries have to be soft... 

I’m thinking about that “[I] made sure people were included” part though. Because that’s getting into values, Badger primary values. I’m wondering if you might not be a Badger Lion, actually. 

I was also possessive of my friends, I'd get jealous when they'd talk about friends from school or feel incredibly hurt if I wasn't invited to something. 

Oh this is interesting. Because this sounds like an immature Badger primary who doesn’t want to even be reminded of groups they’re not part of. I wonder if you were aware of a very clear in group/out group when you were younger. And if you didn’t... Snake with a huge inner circle is also a possibility.

I was protective of my loved ones and stood up to bullies on their behalf. 

I’m liking Lion secondary for you. And Loyalist primary. 

I grew out of the jealousy as I got older, learning that I couldn't be everything to everyone and that I needed more than one best friend, so my friends could have other besties too. 

Maybe Snake primary? With this focus on BEST friends... which young Snakes do care a LOT about...

I'm not sure exactly when it started, but there came a point when I just... withdrew. I stopped inviting people over, stopped playing at recess. It was a lonely time, but I found solace in books and movies. Harry, Ron, and Hermione; Percy, Annabeth, and Grover; The Avengers; Han Solo and Princess Leia... they became my best friends. I'd create elaborate stories in which I became part of their world. In these stories, some higher power would send me to a fictional world, in which I already knew the plot and could help the main characters avoid pitfalls and save people from their scripted deaths. I also had healing powers, where I could touch someone and take all their pain (physical or emotional) on myself. 

Hmm. Now this is a very Badger secondary fantasy, I think, with that focus on literally absorbing other’s pain and being able to FIX it (it’s very relatable, is what it is.) Which makes me think that your “withdrawal” from life... could probably be described as your Lion secondary burning. And then maybe you’re putting a Badger secondary model over the top to keep functioning? It happens. 

This retreat into fictional worlds was sparked, I think, by moving schools and problems at home. 

This would be really, really hard on a Loyalist. 

My parents had a difficult marriage, and I took it on myself to be my mom's confidant and best friend. I was also my sibling's caregiver (they have some disabilities) and took my responsibilities toward them very seriously. 

Yeah, that is some serious, heavy Badger secondary. And I’m going to say it’s probably a model, because you talk about as though it’s this external thing - “I took it upon myself” “responsibilities.” 

My dad was a stifling presence-- everything had to be his way. He'd call himself "the general" and say that our job wasn't to ask questions: when he said jump, we'd say "how high?" Expressing my thoughts to him never mattered, so I'd just squash them. 

That’s brutal. That would be especially brutal on a young Lion secondary, and I would not be surprised if that contributed to your Lion secondary Burning. 

My solace in all of this was my mom, she knew exactly how it felt to be dominated by him and we'd often hold hands through his tirades, comforting each other through it. They finally got divorced when I was in high school. 

It is not - and it was not - your responsibility to be your Mom’s confidant, best friend, and emotional support. It’s just simply not a job that you actually had the ability to do, especially starting (it sounds like) in MIDDLE school. But it’s something that you tried to do, using a Badger secondary skillset. I’ve been there.

For years, my biggest fear had been that I'd have to choose between them. 

THE loyalist primary dilemma. 

But my dad ended up making that choice for me -- his behaviors spiraled out of control, and I had to run away from him. 

You throw that in so casually, but that’s a HUGE thing. And sure, if the circumstances were extreme enough, that could have been any secondary... but all things being equal that’s sounding like a Lion secondary solution. 

As time passed, truths about his past came to light. My mom and I found out about years of abuse that he'd heaped upon other women in his life. With those discoveries, I decided to cut him out of my life. It wasn't necessarily because it was the "right" or "moral" thing, I still feel guilty about it sometimes, but it was because of the pain he'd inflicted on other people. I couldn't reconcile his love for me with how he treated other people in my life, with how he viewed the world. 

Oh. OH. Badger Lion. Badger Lion ALL THE WAY. All that focus on communities? And I bet, in that moment, it didn’t feel like the ‘right’ or ‘moral’ thing because it felt like the ONLY thing you COULD do. 

I spent several months in a foreign country on a service mission. Though I'd always dreamed of other worlds, being so far from home hurt badly. I was constantly worried about my mom and sibling. Our dog died while I was gone, and that grief was made so much worse by the separation. I wanted to be there for them, but we were thousands of miles apart. 

Badger primary. They don’t like being separated from their people. 

A lot of aspects of mission life were difficult for me -- there was pressure to achieve certain numbers and statistics rather than truly ministering to living, breathing people. 

Oh I bet both your Badger primary AND Lion secondary HATED that.

My goal was just to provide service and love, which didn't always coincide with those in authority. 

That classic Lion secondary always has a bit of a rebel streak. Always has a tendency to butt up against those in authority, which we are seeing here with the mission administration (and previously, with your father.)

More random thoughts/details: I have a bleeding heart for animals and want to be a vegetarian (can't at home, so it'll have to be when I move out). 

Badger primary. 

I am incredibly indecisive and find it so hard to trust myself-- choosing a major has been a nightmare.

Burnt lion secondary. (It does seem like it’s getting better though.) 

My past experience predicts that if someone likes me, just wait: they'll find out the truth somehow, that I've fooled them, that I'm not who they think I am, and then they'll leave me. 

I mean, objectively you’ve had groups of fantastic friends, who adored you, and who you had to move away from. What this seems (apart from some just general human being abandonment issues) is the angst of a burnt Lion secondary who thinks that they have to layer on the Badger REAL thick in order to be acceptable and liked. Lion secondaries are intense, they are, and sometimes they do rub some people the wrong way. (And inspire intense loyalty in others.) 

Happiness, for me, would look like having a comfortable and happy home, taking care of the people I love, writing a book, contributing to the community, and just living a peaceful, quiet life. I just want to love, be loved, heal people, bring peace…

A beautiful Badger primary fantasy. 

What do you think? I feel a Badger secondary in there, and probably a charred primary. Loyalist? Idealist? Thanks for your time and patience, if you have any follow-up questions, I'll do my best to answer them. -- Rih

Your primary seems in really good shape. I wouldn’t worry about that at all. All the angst is coming from your methods - there’s a Lion secondary that you don’t really trust in there, and there’s a Badger model that you like, sometimes, but is probably being overused these days. Honestly, service missions are built on the backs of Badger secondaries, and the fact that you went on one, and did not gel with the way things were done... honestly gave me a lot of information. 

[notanislander]

Rainbows in a classroom vs the ten commandments. Sure. Sexuality has no place in a classroom with children. None. That teachers keep trying to force that is concerning. The ten commandments are the foundation basis for the law we live under, for right and wrong. One is private, or used to be. One is a public pact which binds us together or, again, used to.

Dear M. Shades, I am taking this question on good faith that you actually think a discussion might be worth having, and not to argue.

I'll start with the rainbow.

Have you ever had a student in your classroom who was bullied, not only from the other students but their family, because they were gay? Or because they believed something different than the others? Or had parents of the same sex? I have, and if I can't provide a safe space for them, then I have just become another person to fail them.

All that rainbow does is send a message that I am a safe place for everyone.

As for "sexuality having no place in the classroom"- I hate to tell you this, but sexuality has been in the classroom for as long as there have been classrooms. Only it's been heterosexual centered. Any book that's read about a family with a mother and a father is teaching about sexuality in the classroom. Anytime we assume that the family unit is a mom, dad, and children is teaching sexuality in the classroom. Our culture is steeped in it, from the books we read, to the shows we watch. Therefore, I assume that what you are offended by is a sexuality that differs from your own. That's an issue for you to check into and do some self-reflecting on.

If I am not reading a book about LBGTQ families, then I am telling my students, who may come from such families, that they aren't included. That their family is illegitimate. Representation matters, from families, to minorities, always. If you don't think so, I challenge you to volunteer in a local kindergarten classroom and read a story about children who don't look like the majority of students in the class. Watch their eyes light up, watch the smile on their face, when they see that, they too, matter.

Now, on to the 10 Commandments, and your assumption that they used to "bind us all together". What about your Muslim students? What about your students who come from families that are atheists?

I am going to make another assumption (forgive me, but all I have to know who you are is this ask, so I don't know anything else about you. But the fact that you have sent this to me makes me think you are someone who believes in the constitution in a conservative way). I am going to assume you believe strongly in the second amendment. But what about the first? Do you believe in the entire Constitution and its amendments? Or just your right to carry a gun? Because, the first amendment says that the government is to be prevented from making laws that "regulate an establishment of religion". This is what posting the 10 commandments in a classroom does, it establishes a particular religion in a public space. Nope. Sorry!

And, I may say something just now that might surprise you- I know the Bible. I know it very well. I know how hearts are turned and changed- and establishing laws that alienate entire groups of people, and lifts up only some, is no way to change a heart. In the book of Joel, God tells His people to "rend your hearts, not your clothes". Faith, all faith, is about the heart, not about the law. If you truly care, how about instead of trying to force your beliefs on everyone, why not try to change hearts one at a time?

[andswarwrites]

Day 10

I've written about my mental health in bursts and starts over the years since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I’d like to start from the beginning and tell the story in its entirety, from the label "crazy" and how it affected me as a youth, to my roller coaster ride of highs and lows in my twenties, to my psychoses, my diagnosis, my therapy, and ultimately this period of stability I now cherish.  It's going to be a four-part-er I think, starting, as I said, with Part One: Stacey is Bipolar (a teenager with "mood swings")

Both of my parents are blonde and blue-eyed, so both of my siblings and I are blonde with blue eyes too.  Our family has heard a lot of blonde jokes.  Blonde is supposedly synonymous with airhead.  When someone would start telling blonde jokes, I would join in, because I wanted to show that I wasn't bothered by this brand of humor.  I learned at a young age that taking offense and getting upset is not as efficient as staying calm, and laughing at yourself along with people.

As a kid my playmate of choice was my best friend, but when we moved I only saw her from time to time, and my new neighbor was a little bit younger than me, and we didn't always get along.  Since I was homeschooled, and we lived in the country, I didn't experience playgrounds and bus rides the way my daughter did.  From hearing of her experiences, I don't feel I missed out on much.  I volunteered at my N-'s school library and I must say if I had attended primary school, I think I would have liked the library best.

I attended a little English school in Baie Comeau for Grades 7 and 8.  It had all grades, from Kindergarten to Grade 11.  At Recess, the littlest kids would traipse through the halls, and would bestow hugs on the High Schoolers.  I thought High School was rough, but honestly, that school was a kiddy pool compared to the schools I would attend in Grade 9.  I think my parents were wise to enroll me in that school.  My teachers told them I went around in a daze for the first three months.

I'd say my closest friend at that school was a girl who was one grade ahead of me.  Since certain grades didn't have enough students to fill a classroom (this was a tiny school), our classroom held two or even three grades.  My friend was thoughtful, quiet, calm, and I gravitated toward her.  She's the one who told me I had mood swings.  Apparently, this was normal teenager behavior. In Grade 9, I changed schools three times, and by the end of the year I was fed up and asked to be homeschooled again.

My mom didn't like it when people called me crazy.  I think they meant I was bubbly, hyper and impulsive.  And I could be.  I could also sit for hours with my nose stuck in a book.  When I was alone, I drew, I read, I wrote.  When I was in social groups I didn't know how to act.  I had a strange sense of never fitting in, and I didn't know why.  There must be something wrong with me, I decided, but I didn't want to let on that that was how I felt.  It was when I felt like I had no friends that I started long distance correspondence with two sisters.  We would send one another bricks of doodles, drawings and of course, eight to ten page letters.

One of the most profound things my psychiatrist told me while he was in the process of diagnosing me, was that bipolar disorder has nothing to do with personality.  Who I am as a person, who I always have been, is not tainted by my mental disorder.  All those times I identified as "crazy", as a defense mechanism because others used that label on me, it wasn't true.  At some point during my teenage years, I began to have "ups" and "downs".  I don't remember them, though, because my parents provided me with enough structure and support that I was able to remain relatively stable.

You see, bipolar disorder can make you manic or depressed.  You can either burst with energy and live on a "high", or you can crash and drag yourself around in a "low".  My highs weren't as apparent to my mom as my lows were, so she worried that I struggled with depression.  But then the low would pass, and she would be reassured.  I didn't clue in until my twenties that something was up, and even then I didn't seek professional help.  It wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because I didn't know how to go about consulting.

It's funny, I guess a mental disorder actually does classify me as "crazy", but I no longer use that label to identify myself.  When I was a teenager, I developed the habit of putting myself down as a defensive strategy, because I thought if I did it first, that would empty the arsenal of everyone else.  I was hyper focused on my flaws and failings, so I thought everyone else was too.  It took me a while to learn that no one is perfect, we all mess up, we all need to be forgiven, we all need to forgive.

If I can love others even when they're not perfect, why would I be the exception to that rule?  Why would I need to be perfect to be lovable?  Chasing perfection is unhealthy.  As a teen, I think my mental health was crushed under the weight of seeking to be perfect far more than it was affected by my bipolar disorder.  But my symptoms of bipolar disorder were going to worsen, until crisis point.  Like I said, my parents provided me with a lot of structure and support.  They kept me consistent, they helped me meet my goals.  But what would I do when I left home?  I'll tell that story tomorrow.

[laniquelovlie]

First Time! We all have them whether you’re gay or straight. And if your first time was anything like mine, it’s a moment you’ll always remember. I was young when I experienced it for the first time. Not a perverted young age, so guys relax and feel free to stop reading here. For those who dare to read on, hold on to your seat because this is going to be one hell of a ride. I was in the middle of my teenage years. Granted, that’s still not an okay age to be on my back. Since I was still technically a virgin afterward, I don’t see it as such a big, disgusting deal.

A person’s first time is one of the most special moments in their life – at least it should be. My first sexual experience was with my best friend at the time, BriAnna. This was roughly eight years ago. We were the same age, but she had already made her rounds through every freshman boy in Philly. Amongst my group of friends, we’ve always debated whether it’s best to share your first time with another virgin or be with a partner who has experience. I was always neutral to the idea – who was I to say what someone should do during their first sexual voyage?

That’s until I had that wild, unbelievable, and flat out crazy night with BriAnna. I remember it like it was yesterday and each detail still gives me chills. School was a major pain in the ass, public transportation was running slow, and – to make things even worse – it was the middle of heat blasting July. All I wanted was to see a friendly face. BriAnna was loud, loved to swear, ate anything and everything without gaining a pound, had a weird craving for cucumbers, and gave slaps in the face more than high fives. All my pleasant friends were busy or out of town. I didn’t want to go home, so BriAnna was my next best thing.

I had made it a habit to strip out of my school shirt as soon as I could. It was a tacky gray, half cotton, half wool shirt with the school’s name stitched across the left chest. Even with short sleeves that shirt was thick and nasty to wear in the summer. I often wore a tank top underneath that hideous sweat maker, but on this exact day I only had a bra on. In the back of the air conditioned bus, I slipped my arms out the sleeves of the shirt and pulled my denim jacket up underneath it. I notice a few onlookers as I lift my shirt over my head – a frowning granny, jealous teen moms, and some perverted guys from school. What more can I do but wink while buttoning up my jacket.

The bus got empty as quickly as it was filled with high school students. The beaming sun made everyone lazy and anxious to get out from under its rays. Kids were leaping onto buses just to avoid walking down the street. My stop was near the end of the route, so I had nothing better to do than text my mom. It was a modest message telling her I wasn’t going to be home for a while – detention will be occupying my time. She didn’t pry about it and sent a simple “K!” back. It was only 3:30pm, and the sun wasn’t going down anytime soon. Still, moments like that remind me of the Do You Know Where Your Children Are? message that used to pop up before the 10pm news. New century; same clueless parents.

The end of the road was near and the low hum of the bus’ engine was putting me to sleep. I used to be a pain in the ass when it came to naptime back in kindergarten. I’m so mad I took those precious 45 minutes for granted. The uptight high school I went to didn’t even allow us to shut our eyes without a teacher “rewarding” us with a demerit once we reopened them. If not for the message coming through on my cell phone, I would have fallen asleep and missed my stop. I rang the bell and stepped out the thin double doors as I opened the message.

“Why are guys such dicks?” Damn. It was BriAnna.

I was so busy huffing that I was stuck with her, it really never crossed my mind to ask BriAnna in advance if she had plans. And here I was, a block from her house – miles from my own – and she was reaching out to me with men troubles. Is it too late to hop back on the bus? I ask myself a little bit too late. The doors shut behind me long ago, and the bus is up the street making its next stop. Mines well continue to her house. If she talked about whatever boy it was this time to piss her off for more than thirty minutes I would declare that detention ended early. Spending time with my nutty family would be better than hearing about Mike or Deon or Troy or Richard or Floyd or whoever.

Soon I was standing outside of BriAnna’s house, peeking inside through the screen door. I could hear screaming and dozens of curse words flying left and right. From my spot at the door, I could see BriAnna running up and down the stairs while debating with some guy on the house’s speaker phone. Each time she came downstairs she was cradling a box overflowing with junk in her arms. She dropped each at the base of the stairs as she called the guy a bastard. He said she should have known what she was getting into when they met. BriAnna started to scream louder as she repeated everything this guy ever said to her.

“You said you were going to leave her. What happened to that? Were you just lying to sleep with me?”

He sighed with a hint of laughter hidden behind his breath. When she heard that BriAnna continued to go off. He silenced her by yelling that she was a “crazy bitch”. A classic – and very unoriginal – line that men use to label us emotional females. Once he played that card, BriAnna ended the conversation. Granted, she did it the only way a “crazy bitch” would. She picked the house phone up off its base and threw it at the screen door. The battery pack popped out and the button lights went dark. Why did all the happy friends have to be bought? I took that as a sign to turn and leave.

“How long have you been here?” But she caught me. Opening the screen door, BriAnna stepped out on her porch barefoot. “Were you standing out here listening?”

“No. I was knocking for like five minutes.” Lying comes so naturally to me sometimes; my mom blames my dad for the negative trait. “I guess you didn’t hear all the yelling.”

“You could have come in. You know the door is never locked.”

“Yeah, I know. But the door shielded me from your phone attack, so I was smart to stay out there.” I followed her lead into the living room.

“It was smart to stay outside in the heat?”

“It’s no different here. Your mom doesn’t allow you to turn the air conditioner on.”

She leaped onto the couch, extremely hype about her tiny shorts and transparent top. “At least in my house you can take off your boxy uniform. Can’t do that outside.”

“Who says” I pulled at the open top of my jacket, giving her a peek at the bra and skin underneath.

“What?” BriAnna finally sits down. “Miss Conservative took it off on a Septa bus. What’s next for the bad girl?”

I sit down on the opposite end of the couch. “Ha ha. You’re so funny. Have you been drinking?”

“No, but I want to after dealing with that ass.”

I don’t wanna ask, but the question spills out. “Who’s the ass this week?”

“Deon.”

“Oh. An oldie but a goodie.”

She whines. “And he was sooo good.”

I shake my head. “So what happened now?”

“What do you mean ‘now’? Are you trying to say this is my fault? Are all my breakups my fault?”

Yes. “No. It’s always the boys’ fault.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Thank God! I was fed up with this story way back when she texted me. I really should have ran up the street to catch the bus.

The TV has been stuck on the guide since I showed up at BriAnna’s house. Based on the highlighted channel, I’d say she was ready to click on some housewife junk when Deon called. I grip the remote before BriAnna completely returns to earth and presses play on the show. I was almost hit by a phone; I wasn’t about to suffer through an hour or more of whiny, catty women.

“You are not about to put cartoons on my TV.” She reaches for the remote.

I pull it away from her hand. “Anything is better than grown women acting like children on national television.”

“Put on something we both like.”

That only left one of the dozens of music video channels. One channel was doing a Rihanna takeover for the next few hours, so that was the obvious choice. We sang two songs while talking shit about each other’s voices. I’m laughing; she’s laughing. To any stranger that might have seen us, they’d swear we were drunk or high off our asses. BriAnna tried to hit a high note, and I covered my ears while mocking her poor vocals.

“You can’t sing either.” She pulled my hands from my ears.

“I sound better than you, though.”

She kept a tight grip on my hands, then – all of a sudden – it happened. While I was in the middle of laughing at her, BriAnna leaned in and shut me up with a kiss. It was intense and the way she pressed her soft lips against mine was a little aggressive. Her eyes were closed, but my eyes were wide open. Paralyzed to the touch, I just let her lips move over mine as I searched her face for some emotion. It all just came so natural to her while I was damn near panicking inside.

I guess I didn’t know BriAnna as well as I thought. I’d only been friends with her for two years. I never believe rumors – only what I can see for myself – but not even rumors could have warned me about this. She seemed comfortable with what was happening. BriAnna was the same perverted, sexual creature I saw when she was around guys. She has always been a freak and never one to say “No” to an attractive guy. But girls? Is this just an experiment? Has she been with other girls before?

BriAnna suddenly opens her eyes and pulls back, releasing my hands in the process. “What’s wrong?”

I was dumbfounded. “Bitch, you just kissed me.”

“I know. You didn’t kiss me back.”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to.”

“When people kiss you, you just sit there?”

I giggled a little. “People don’t just kiss me.”

“I’ve seen you kiss tons of guys.”

“No, you haven’t.”

She nodded. “Yes, I have. Just last weekend you kissed that guy.”

“I don’t know what you saw but-”

“Okay, shut up. I just kissed you. What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “What am I supposed to do?”

“I’m going to kiss you again. Act like you know what you’re doing.”

She followed through on her part. I was a bit slow catching on to what she wanted. My hands were numb at my sides while hers caressed my face. Before this day I had barely kissed a guy, and I’m sure pecks from relatives do not count as “make out sessions”. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. Even after her little warning about the second kiss, I was still left in the dark. Nevertheless, as stunned as I was, I didn't want her to stop. I had to start responding to her or she’d stop. If BriAnna stopped a second time, I knew she wasn’t going to do it again. BriAnna was often the hunted, not the hunter. She wouldn’t tolerate this role reversal for too long.

It took some time – much longer than I’d care to admit – but I steadily began to engage in the kiss. A complete first timer to the whole ordeal, I looked to her for guidance and mocked each move she made. She parted her lips and mine did the same. I let her suck on my bottom lip before I sucked on hers. When BriAnna slid her tongue into my mouth, I slid my tongue up against hers. It was this wet push and pull with the two muscles battling for the upper hand. I must have been doing something right because she began to release soft – almost whimpering – sounds from her throat.

BriAnna wanted to be touched even though she never said the words. Instead, she gripped my hands and put them on her legs. The feeling rushed back to my fingertips as my hands rested on the bare flesh just beneath the hem of her skimpy shorts. While I was timid with my actions, she was bold and knew exactly what to do. She shifted closer to me on the couch as she kissed her way down my neck. BriAnna pressed her body against mine until she had me lying on my back. I tried to relax when I felt her knee forcing its way between my tightly clamped thighs. The kiss became more aggressive – BriAnna didn’t hold back when she bit my bottom lip – as she became frustrated with my bashful demeanor.

“I don’t want to stop.” She released my lip from her grip to whisper, “But I will if you don’t participate.”

Her hands moved down my sides – feeling her way over my hips. I could feel her heavy chest pressing against mine and then my stomach as she slithered further down. Using her hands, BriAnna pulled my legs apart and sat comfortably between them. A button popped clean off my jacket when she tore it open. I shivered when her warm, wet tongue touched the soft flesh of my cleavage. Everything new she did shocked me, yet I was enjoying the control she had on the situation.

BriAnna gripped the back of my neck with one hand to pull me forward. Her free hand reached beneath me, and she undid the clasp of my bra with one swift motion. Once she released the girls from their cotton prison, I found the will to “participate” more in the heated act. I’m still not sure what it was that came over me. I felt this massive weight being lightened up on my heart – literally. I sat up and pulled my jacket and bra off, throwing them both to the floor. BriAnna’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when I pulled her shirt up over her head. She was braless underneath the blue tank top, and her C cup breasts stood proud at attention. Now, we were both naked from the waist up.

“Don’t look at me like that.” I cupped her breasts, rubbing my thumbs over her dark-chocolate nipples. “You wanted me to participate more.”

I could hear the whimpers coming from her throat again as I sucked one of them into my mouth. BriAnna’s eyelids began to lower, yet she continued to watch my tongue circle around her areola. I pressed her luscious breasts together, bringing her nipples as close as they could possibly be. Licking back and forth between them, I finally heard a loud, vocalized gasp when I flicked my tongue over each nipple. BriAnna’s head fell back – it was loosely dangling from her neck – her short hair brushed over her shoulders.

BriAnna’s hips suddenly bucked against the air. I worshipped her breasts, and her head continued to roll as if her neck had snapped off its spine. She slid her hand down her shorts. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know what her rapid hand movements meant – self pleasure. BriAnna gripped my hair with her other hand, pulling my head closer to her yearning body. She was begging me for more – not wanting me to stop. I hooked my fingers into the hem of her shorts, tugging them down the generous curve of her hips. I had never seen BriAnna naked before, but all of the rumors were true – she wasn’t a supporter of underwear.

I pulled her close, feeling her ample breasts and velvet flesh against mine. Her mouth sought mine as we slid together on the couch. Our limbs entwined as we tried to get as close as we possibly could. She was on top of me, and then I got on top of her while our tongues played together. BriAnna wrapped her legs around me; her strong thighs pulling my hips closer. Even through my cotton school pants, I could feel the heat from her pussy radiating against mine. It was almost too much for me to bear. My whole body was starting to respond to her. I liked what I was doing to her, but I wanted some attention myself. Gasping – and using the last bit of strength I had – I broke the kiss.

“I want you.” The words just flew from my mouth. I didn’t see it coming, nor did I have the power to prevent it.

BriAnna giggled, her thighs tightening their grip around me. “I know. I have that effect on men… and women alike.”

BriAnna pushed me back, forcing me to sit on my heels. She undid the button on my pants and didn’t care to pull down the zipper. Grounding her feet on the couch and sitting up in front of me, BriAnna pushed her hand into my opened pants and straight down my panties.

“You’re so wet,” she whispered, her finger probing between my swollen, lower lips.

“It’s your fault.”

I was excited from the moment she kissed me – completely aroused. But it wasn’t until her fingers touched my clit that I realized just how wet I actually was. I could hear my juices gushing over her hand. I pulled BriAnna closer, my hands drifting to her plump derriere, until her moving hand was trapped between both of our sexes. Her warm, moist lips continuously dabbed over my neck as her other hand pulled at my hair.

“I’m okay with that.”

I was biting my lip out of habit. I had mastered being quiet during private moments when I was home at night. You do what you have to with a meddlesome sister and “no knock” rule mom. But the faster BriAnna’s fingers moved over my throbbing clit the harder it was to stay mute. Every noise became louder. The gushing from my wet pussy; the moans erupting from my throat; and the whimpers coming from BriAnna. Her hips pressed forward, trying to bring her clit closer to her moving hand. So engulfed in my own satisfaction – focused on reaching my own orgasm – I barely paid her frantic movements any mind.

My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest all of a sudden. I couldn’t breathe. My gaping mouth was heavily panted; yet, there was not enough oxygen to fill my lungs. There was this intense feeling completely taking over me in an instant. One I wasn’t prepared for. Something similar to the dozens of times I had masturbated before, but this experience was a million times stronger. Coming on BriAnna’s hand was the best moment of my life. Back then that is. Almost like an out of body, being abducted by aliens, getting high for the first time type of moment. It’s the rush you’re constantly chasing, but the second and third time never compare to the first.

I hadn’t realized that until years later.

I gripped her tighter after that. It had nothing to do with love – I wasn’t that naïve – but as weak as I felt I wasn’t just going to drop her off my lap. I’m not a guy. Truthfully, I didn’t know what to expect next. I wouldn’t be able to handle awkward silence. If she suddenly pushed me away and made me get dressed, I’d be lost in a sea of confused emotions. I suddenly had a bunch of questions – ones my religious grandmother would kill me for even thinking. Still, I wasn’t ready to go home, so I hoped BriAnna wasn’t about to kick me out. I crossed my fingers, wanting the moment to last a little bit longer. On the upside, I got to lay my head on her breasts as I waited for her reaction. More comfortable than a plush pillow.

She shifted underneath me. I shivered as she withdrew her hand from between my legs. I lifted my head to see my juices glistening on my fingers. I thought she was going to rub her hand clean on the couch or one of the articles of clothing we threw on the floor. Instant, I was dumbfounded when she slurred her index and middle fingers into her mouth. My eyes opened wide, lips parted as I gasped, and the questioned continued to pile up in my head. BriAnna didn’t speak a word to me, even when she removed the fingers from her mouth. We were stuck in eye contact as she traced my lips with her soaked ring finger. The digit slipped into my opened mouth, and I could taste the tangy liquid covering it.

“I can see you and me having a lot of fun together.” She was – surprisingly – breathless as she came up from between my legs.

“Really? More than what we just did?”

BriAnna giggled. “That was just the beginning.”

“I really don’t know you like I thought.” I slid back the hair matted to my forehead by sweat.

She crawled up my body until her lips were inches from mine. “Did I open your eyes to something new?”

“You have no idea.”

[irarelypostanything]

The Importance Of Play

I find the new Tumblr to be pretty similar to the old Tumblr. I find it weird that I miss it. Medium featured a story by someone who complained that everything had become a kind of SEO game. Instead of just making content and sharing stories, every popular blog post seemed like a simple collection of trending phrases and buzzwords.

If I wrote something like this on Medium, then 99 times out of 100 no one would read it. In the rare event that the algorithm blessed it in its infinite wisdom, I would probably be bombarded by a slew of angry comments about my lack of research and citations. On Tumblr that generally doesn't happen. I can kind of just say things, and for the source I can just say "trust me."

*

Why are asterisks so big now?

*

There's a really popular TED talk called The Super Mario Effect. When I first watched it, I didn't really like it. The speaker argued that playing Super Mario is fun, whereas it would be a chore to receive instructions to press one button for a few seconds, then another button for a few seconds. I remember thinking, yeah. That makes sense and you have wasted my time.

That's not really the main point the video was making, though. The speaker ran an experiment in which he gave participants a faux coding challenge, but penalized one group and awarded the other group (as in a counter that went up vs. one that went down). The group that was rewarded attempted the challenge more times.

Again, not extremely surprising or profound. His point was that our education system thrives on penalizing failure instead of making things exciting. I heard a similar sentiment in Sal Khan's TED talk. We "time-box" education, meaning we generally divide people by age and then determine how much they learn in x time (ie a semester). Why not optimize for mastery instead? Have them repeat lessons until they get it.

If I remember correctly, Sal Khan also received three MIT degrees in four years. Traditional education apparently worked for him, too.

The argument that we should make school more fun has basically been argued since the beginning. In seventh grade, they tried it. Instead of a textbook they gave us a coloring book, and one of the required activities was to get little crumpled pieces of paper and throw them at each other from distances, to demonstrate the tactical superiority of the longbow over the crossbow. Even then, I remember people complaining: This is seventh grade, and you're assessing our understanding of history by how neatly we color a book?

I hate to pull out the dictionary, but if you look up the definition of play:

engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.

"the children were playing outside"

That kind of says everything, really. Play can be important, but it's not really "play" of you're forcing people to do it. It's a bit like how kindergarten teachers don't typically fail students who refuse to go on the playground at lunch.

Fast-forward to college biology. We had a teacher who was very anti-tradition, but at the end of the day we still had pretty conventional tests. Her argument was that she wanted her class to be different, sure, but if she didn't make certain things mandatory then no one would do them. That's the thing I imagine educators constantly grapple with. Is the traditional grading system great? Not exactly. Should we do away with tests and grades? Well if we did that, people may not really be incentivized to study or learn anything.

On r/investing or something, I looked up the question of why teachers never bothered to teach us useful things like index funds, and 401Ks, and budget balancing. One parent lamented that he tried that, and the students just didn't care. A commenter said he wants to BELIEVE that students would have been really fascinated, but the harsh reality is that middle school him would not have cared one bit if someone tried to explain the stock market to him.

My boss gave each of his daughters $1000 and allowed them to invest in anything, so long as they wrote him a report about WHY they invested the way they did.

Sounds badass. Let's just have schools give each middle schooler $1000 for stock investing and let them keep the profits.

*

"Mandatory fun." That's where things kind of break down. It also defies the definition of play. It's become its own meme, these videos of bosses who force people to dance at the office, only if they refuse they get fired.

Someone on Reddit asked why we no longer "play" as adults. He, or she, was met with an overwhelming number of sarcastic answers that all basically said, "have you heard of sports?" Well...sure. It might be kind of splitting hairs, but I'm not sure if sports are really what we mean when we describe play.

I like Chess. I'm not sure if I do it because it appeals to the mammalian need for "play." Chess tends to be result-oriented. You don't play it for the fun so much as for the fulfillment of being tested and finding your limits. Chess is competitive play, a tiny bit like basketball or soccer. When I think of "play," something like music sounds closer. If you ballroom dance as an adult, your instructor shows you certain moves and then you do them with a partner. You get to improvise a bit. It's not like if you fail to do the turn at step five, the dance instructor asks you to kindly get the hell off of his floor.

This is more like jazz. In jazz, you have to follow a certain key, but you're free to improvise. If you're in an orchestra, that's just not how it generally works.

*

Okay, the million dollar question:

"Okay, Evan, what in the name of God is your point?"

Well, if you can incorporate play into your life, maybe that's it. Maybe the world is yours. You get to 1000x your productivity, your stock portfolio explodes, and your LinkedIn posts about the importance of helping our shareholders go viral.

I just kind of feel like the outlets for it decrease over time. Social media, for example, is where I spend most of my time and I don't think I am alone in this. Where is the "play" in social media? When Facebook first came out, they would roll out features, then we would be subtly nudged into trying them out and being creative. Now it's like they put a gun to your head, kidnap your dog, and tell you that if you ever want to see your little shih tzu again you'd better download the app and try the new emojis. It doesn't feel like "play" so much as a hostage situation.

Reddit, you have to download the app. Medium, you get 5000 comments telling you to go kill yourself. Heaven help you if you make significant money from social media, because then you start to get PAID to drive up engagement using phrases and keywords that annoy people. Sure, you'll get 1000 angry comments now, but maybe that's the difference between whether or not you get food on your table.

Well...okay. I can imagine the eye-rolls. Ramen on your table or steak.

*

Video games are a form of play. They get their stigma, but at the end of the day they're still pretty widespread now among adults. Then you have arcades. Casinos. Sports betting. God gave us Robinhood, praise Him, empowering us with zero commissions to optimally drive our portfolios to zero.

In college we had creative writing. That was just it. It was this fun elective that people, typically STEM majors, took and you wrote a story and if it was good then good and if it sucked you would still get an A. Advanced creative writing was a little bit different.

There was this divide, I noticed, between the UWP and the ENL people. In the world of UWP writing was this straightforward, utilitarian thing. To pass the UWP exam you wrote a straightforward thing that was factually correct, and you didn't obtain superpowers if you wrote something really eloquent. ENL was very different. To get an A in an ENL class, you had to write something very original and interesting. UWP was kind of like technical writing, and ENL was more like creative writing.

I'm actually not sure what you did with ENL. It was a bit like something tailored to academic literature people, but most of the people I met in that department wanted to be teachers.

*

Oh hey, small asterisks.

Play is critically important, so important to mammals that a child who doesn't get exposed to play with have development issues. Now we're older, and there's still "play," but it seems to be confined to these societally expected things. TikTok. Gambling. Making up words like "societally," which according to Tumblr is not a real word.

Maybe some random guy on reddit said it best. Someone said, I don't get to "play" anymore as an adult. It's not okay for me to do things like skate.

Then someone said, what are you talking about? My adult friends and I still skate. Maybe get new friends?

*

The last point

Big asterisk

The last point that usually comes up is how to make coding fun.

Well, of course it's not fun for a lot of people. It seems so obvious now. Kids are going to rebel against coding if their parents are coders and force them at gunpoint to solve coding assignments. My high school teacher did it pretty well, I think. He had us program "bugs" and have them fight each other. One person broke the game, but we had someone who was kind of overpowered.

Maybe go to a school, and hire a cybersecurity expert to teach your middle schoolers how to hack into the main network and change their grades. You're not appealing to "fun" and "play" anymore, but to sheer destructive will and unstoppable power.

*

Coding games generally suck. The best ones seem to be aimed at adults who already code. The ones for kids just aren't fun.

Minecraft is, but the problem with Minecraft is that it's too fun. One second you're figuring out how to build a fence and the next you're in the hospital because you forgot how to eat.

[miatheaparnala]

Mia's Blog: Compilation of My Works in Creative Nonfiction

By: Mia Thea Parnala

All About My Writings

Autobiography

A Life Experience to Cherish ♡

In every life experience, there is a lesson and memories to treasure. 

“Can we please go to Jollibee and eat chicken joy?,” that is one of the lines I used to say to my parents. Every child is a fan of this fast food and excited to see the well-known mascot namely Hetty, Yum, Popo, Twirlie, and especially Jollibee. Going back, one peaceful and breezy night, at exactly 9:07pm, I was born in Philippine General Hospital in Manila and officially named me Mia Thea Kreenee Sarinas Parnala as the eldest daughter. Currently, we are residing in a single-story house in Alapan 1-C Imus, Cavite together with my four sisters, grandmother, father, and my stepmother as my biological parents decided to get separated. In one of our conversations, my grandmother, Priscilla, shared a story and some trivia about my childhood. During my kindergarten, I used to be described as someone friendly, jolly, and participative in every program and activities in our day care school. This is where I learn how to explore fun things. When the teachers also dismiss the class, we will go to the “10 pesos all items” store to buy some coloring books and stickers. After that, I will play some games with my grandmother, Edgar. Moreover, in my elementary days, I used to have a circle or group of friends. This is the stage where my learning shifts from children's books to advanced books and basic maths to mathematical or scientific equations that helps enhance my skills. Also, I know how to cook, do laundry, and perform tasks independently. I learn how to hang out with friends, eat street foods such as siomai, kwek-kwek, and fishball, and play traditional Filipino games particularly piko, Chinese garter, tumbang preso, tagu-taguan, and many more since the use of technology or internet is not prevalent in that time. It was indeed a meaningful part of my childhood without a doubt.

To further elaborate, throughout my junior high school year at Sangley Point National High School in Cavite City, I learn how to set realistic goals and improve my study habits as there are a lot of school workloads that I have to accomplish adding the household chores and other responsibilities that I need to fulfil as the “panganay” or eldest in our family. I also discover my hobbies or the things I enjoy the most during my leisure time such as reading books, travelling, writing journals, watching movies, and doing some arts that help me feel at ease. Fortunately, due to my determination and hardwork, I became a consistent achiever or honor student as I am aiming for scholarships for higher education. As a youth, I learned to participate in the advocacy of our school and community such as mental health awareness, anti-bullying, and human rights campaigns. On the other hand, I become introverted and unsociable. But since I developed resilience, I can adapt to the changes in my environment.

However, a sudden predicament called “COVID-19” came that negatively impacted almost all aspects including our education. It affects the employment and income of our family. All of us are forced to stay at home and school closes down. But for learning continuity, the institution of the government or DepEd implemented distance learning such as modular and online classes as an alternative for traditional education. During my 9th grade, I chose the modular as learning modality since we don't have stable internet connection and a gadget to use for online class. Admittedly, I am struggling since I have to help my sisters do their modules and study on my own. Furthermore, in my 10th grade, I managed to attend online classes and I effectively comprehend the lesson with the help of our teachers. The transition to “new normal” was not easy, but my family and I still managed to survive and overcome the difficulties.

“Lola, do you think we can overcome this pandemic? It's been 2 years now,” I said, being pessimistic in the midst of a pandemic where we are struggling to survive financially.

“Of course, my dear! There are no challenges that we can't overcome. Just don't lose hope,” she replied, smiling and patting my back to encourage me.

At present, now that I am 18 years old, I am currently studying in Gen. Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School. This level of education helps me to be better equipped and acquire skills for higher education or college. I am under the strand of Humanities and Social Sciences (HUMSS) as an aspiring teacher. Additionally, I discovered that I have passion in teaching and I want to share my knowledge to my future students to make a positive change. I met a lot of teachers that became my inspiration and role model. Since we are now graduating, I am looking forward to my college life despite being aware that it will be more challenging, but it will be worth our time, effort, and patience. Due to that reason, I always believe that there is always room for improvement, so I will strive harder to excel. Hence, I will just simply enjoy this journey and will continue to hope for a better future ahead of me. Hopefully, I will graduate with flying colors and offer great opportunities. As Helen Keller said, “life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood”. Which means that in every life experience, there is always a significant lesson we can learn from and memories to treasure.

Biography

A Kind Heart Always Offers Special Love ♡

“There is no change without sacrifice” -Gloria Alfred 

Everyone has their own life story that needs to be shared as it offers life changing lessons, experiences, memories, and journey. To begin with, there was a girl named Priscilla De Jesus, born in Imus, Cavite on October 19, 1965 as the eldest among her three siblings. One of the things she enjoyed during her leisure time was singing, listening to music, and sewing clothes as their family ran a small business in their house, so they have a lot of materials, equipment, and machines for sewing or repairing clothes. On the other hand, her mother, Antonina De Jesus was a dressmaker or tailor and her father used to work in Saudi Arabia as a mechanic to earn money and as a source of income. When she was little, she used to dream of being an accountant. In her elementary days, she really did not like the idea of socializing with others. But she joined a competition such as maths quiz bee, and that was the time her nickname “human calculator” was made. Other extracurricular activities she participated in, are games such as sack race and volleyball during their Sports Fest event in their school. As usual children do, she used to play traditional Pinoy games like luksong baka, piko, and patintero enjoying her childhood, but she always came home on time and never disobeyed her parents.

In her High School life, there was really not much to share. She loves listening to carpenters songs like “Yesterday Once More”. As what an average and typical student would do, she studied hard and participated in volleyball sports. Since her grades are good in mathematics, their school counselor advised her to take up and pursue civil engineering, so she decided to shift course. In her college years, she attended Manuel L. Quezon University. She also used to work as the secretary in creating catalogs or brochures for dresses. Moreover, she met her husband named Edgar Parnala during college and their so-called love story began as friends. Her kindness also makes her unique and a good example for others.

Moving forward, she got pregnant with two boys at the age of 20 years old, but unfortunately, it should have been three but she had miscarriage. She also worked as a teacher for two years in St. Emily Academy, teaching mathematics to nursery and grade 1 and 4 students. When she resigned due to certain reasons, she worked in the factory as a sewer. In addition, when the opportunity knocks on her door, she was 22 years old when she went to Paris as an OFW, specifically a domestic helper. She left her children with the care of her husband and family. She would do household chores such as laundry, cooking, and cleaning and she picked up children at school and fed her boss's cat. Also, she would send a balik bayan box carrying chocolate as per request of her children and other necessities. But unfortunately, she was forced to go home, as her younger child has dengue. When she went back to the Philippines, she struggled financially and had no savings to build a house and buy a car. It was like a bitter sweet experience. But she was not called the “light of the home” for no reason.

Currently, she is now 59 years old and has eight grandchildren and the eldest is now attending Senior High School. Priscilla has a part-time job every weekend because that is the only time her plate is not that loaded. One of her daily routines is to take care of her grandchildren who are now in kindergarten as both of their parents go to work. She is now self-employed and often stays at home, leaving her no choice. She should be working, but her second son's responsibilities to their children are passed to her. Hence, there were a lot of opportunities missed due to that reason. But despite all the challenges she's been through, she remains strong for the sake of her family. She is like the bright sunshine and a good role model to her grandchildren. That is why it is said, “grandmother's love is forever and always”. She is one of the living examples of that quote, as she would sacrifice and do everything she can for her children as well as for her grandchildren. No one will beat that kind of special love.

Personal Narrative

A Wisdom Gained from Various Collections of Life Experiences ♡

“Live your story you want to tell” -Simply Topaz

In every life experience, there is a lesson, knowledge, and wisdom that is acquired as it will teach us to embrace our fears and never be afraid of failure. That explains why life is a “trial and error” process and full of challenges. To begin with, there was a girl named Mia Thea Kreenee Parnala, the eldest and first born in the family. I lived in the province of Cavite, particularly in Imus. In fact, our house was surrounded with a lot of tall dark-green trees and grasses. Admittedly, I feel so lonely as I have no friends to play with, so I have reached the point where I feel so sick playing doll house, teddy bears, lego, clay, puzzles, and other toys that will help ease my boredom. But one day, surprisingly, I met a mysterious friend, not bothering to know her name and we used to play hide-and-seek and other all sorts of kid’s games. During that time, I was confused because my parents would not allow me to play outside. As a response, I threw a tantrum and argued that they should let me play because I have no sister I can play and bond with. Certainly, I enjoy the accompaniment of this unknown friend.

“Do you want to play with me?,” she asked, smiling while pointing to our favorite play place. “I would love to! You don't need to ask,” I replied with eagerness as we played together.

A day came that my parents told me the truth with concern in their faces. All this time, I have an imaginary friend which makes my jaw drop. It is all created in my imagination due to my loneliness. Aside from that, my parents are busy with work and I don't yet attend school, having no opportunity to socialize with others. But as time passed, I learned how to deal with this imaginary friend as I went to school and when my younger sister was born.

Moving on, in my elementary days, I did not study hard and I am fine as long as I have no line of 7 or failed marks. I only care about playing and hanging out with friends, such as going to the computer shop. I also used to be outgoing and extroverted, not until my teacher called my name in front and scolded me for being loud. I cried buckets of tears and locked myself up in the room. On the other hand, during my High School year, that is the time I learned how to prioritize my study to improve my academic performance. I excelled in class and became a consistent honor student. Honestly, the downside of being an achiever is the feeling of academic validation and trying to meet the expectations of others, so the pressure it brings is exhausting. However, I try to develop healthy coping skills such as taking regular breaks, exercising, giving myself a reward or tokens, and developing good study habits.

In addition, one of my experiences in the two years of lock down during the pandemic or “new normal”, in my ninth grade, I am under a modular distance learning approach due to limited access to the internet and technology device I can use for online class. I also learned how to comprehend and study the lesson alone as it is “self-learning”. I relied on the educational videos provided on the internet, so I can understand and answer the modules better. Moreover, I helped my sisters answer their own modules and school tasks. In my 10th grade, I am taking online classes, a form of flexible learning which helped me a lot as I can communicate with my teachers and classmates. It was truly a difficult experience as I struggled with my academic and house responsibilities, but it taught me how to be resilient and bravely face every situation.

Moving forward to the present time, I am now in Senior High School, deciding to pursue education. I also submitted my application in Cavite State University and I will also take the entrance exam in Polytechnic University of the Philippines (PUP) in Sta. Mesa, Manila when I received the E-permit. I joined an extracurricular activity in our school which is journalism and we compete for clusters and Division School Press Conference. It helps me improve my writing skills and I engage more in reading news articles to be aware about social issues. Currently, we are in the second semester, and we will be having a work immersion as part of the curriculum to gain some actual experience and to expose ourselves in the workplace. Furthermore, I am aiming for scholarships in higher education, and I am looking forward to graduating with flying colors. In the future, I am hoping to be a teacher with great passion in teaching and a good role model to others.

Reflection Essay

How Life Unfolds a Great Experience: A Lesson to Gain and Journey to Enjoy ♡

“Honest self-reflection opens your mind to reprogramming, change, success, and freedom”-Trudy Vesotsky

First and foremost, as someone who grew up in an average family who earned just enough money to put food on the table, I learned how to be aware of reality and be independent at an early age. The idea of being the eldest or “ate” means having the responsibility to take care of your siblings and graduate in order to escape poverty. I started learning how to do laundry, cooking, and other household chores. It is due to certain circumstances in life that necessitate me to also be parent-figure to my siblings. I become their support system and epitome of diligence as we face the challenges together. Moreover, one of our major struggles is financial, making it difficult for us to meet our basic needs and other expenses. But regardless of that, both of my parents, as a breadwinner, worked hard to provide. That became my inspiration to change and seek for growth.

Moving forward, I remember when I was in elementary school, we reached the point where we needed to borrow food such as one kilogram of rice and canned goods in one of the sari-sari stores in our neighborhood. Also, my siblings would ask for toys and chocolates to my parents, but still unable to grant their wishes. However, I am not in the position to complain and I understand the hardship we have been through. As a response, I tried my best to fullfil my role as I am assigned to look after my sisters and manage the house, so I would not add to their burden. In that time, I figured out that life would not throw or present problems we cannot overcome.

In addition to that, my grandmother never failed to make us feel loved. She took care of us when parents were working, so I grew with her care. I also recalled the time when she always let us first eat delicious food, and she would eat the leftover meals. When doing household tasks, particularly the laundry, I can see how she was suffering from all sorts of pain such as back and muscle pain, therefore, I would initiate massaging her body. In fact, she shouldered the duties of my parents, making me feel bad. I love how she bought us toys from the market and treated us to Jollibee when she had extra income. I wanted to return her sacrifices and hard work by finishing my studies and helping my parents as gratitude. It is also the least I can do for her.

As I always mentioned in my writings, ever since elementary, I have not excelled and performed outstandingly in class. I am satisfied as long as I have no line of seven in my report card. I participated in extracurricular activities such as girl scouts that helped shape my leadership skills and potential in different aspects. But as soon as I moved up to junior high school, I gave importance to my studies and became a consistent academic achiever as a product of my determination and dedication. Throughout my experience in junior high school, I learned a lot of things.

Unexpectedly, when we faced the health crisis called “COVID-19” pandemic, it changed our lives in terms of education, socialization, economic, employment, and many more. I learned how to be flexible and resilient as I acquired the ability to adapt to the changes in my environment. Even though I struggle with my academic and house responsibilities, I still manage to survive and find solutions. I helped my sisters do their modules and after that, I will study my school tasks that took a lot of time since I am not that fast learner. It was a difficult experience but it taught me how to bite the bullet or stand firm despite the challenges.

Finally, in the present time, now that I am in my senior high school years, graduating, I am giving extra priority and focus on my studies. I am aiming for scholarships, to lessen the expenses for higher education. This K-12 curriculum and other extracurricular activities I joined such as journalism helps improve my knowledge, vocabulary, skills, and comprehension. I engage more in learning as I want to be a licensed teacher in the near future. I am looking forward to our upcoming work immersion that will expose me to the working environment.

In my 18th year of life, many things happened, but it is all part of our journey and process of living. All we have to do is to enjoy it and take it as a lesson. Certainly, time flies so we should cherish every moment and appreciate what we have. One thing is for sure, we may have different experiences, situations, perspectives, and challenges, but the bottom line is it will be a significant lesson to reflect on that will change our life. I also know for sure that I am capable of more than I can imagine and there is so much to look forward to in life.

Travelogue

How Journey Creates An Everlasting Memories: A One that is Worth Sharing ♡

“Travel is an investment in yourself”

Our country, the Philippines, is known for its historical places, islands, and wonders of nature. There are many destinations that are worth visiting as it represents the rich culture, heritage, and tradition of our homeland. Therefore, I will share a fun story about the places that we visited during our family vacation and educational field trip. Just recently (March 9, 2024), on one of our family trips, we went to Patungan Beach Cove also called “Fisherman's Paradise” in Maragondon, Cavite. It is accessible by boat and there are a lot of recreational activities to engage in such as fish feeding, cliff diving, island hopping, and many more. We also tried bonfire and rented videoke. We shared stories and talked about life. Moreover, you can buy souvenirs such as keychains, bracelets, and personalized wallets and try local food products like delicacies and ice cream or “sorbetes”. During that time, I was so excited I could die.

My family also tried enjoyable stuff including catching crabs, collecting seashells, building sand castles, sunbathing, and watching the sunset together. In addition, I really enjoyed the view due to the perfect rock formations, and not to mention the friendly accommodations of the staff. Some of you might have heard of this place for the first time, but it is a highly recommended place to unwind. However, the place has poor signal, limited electricity, and some areas are polluted, so they need to improve that aspect. But overall, it was a great experience and memories to look back on. I can describe the feeling of “I am on cloud nine”.

Furthermore, the last to be shared is during our educational field trip. Last year (March 18,2023), we went on various itineraries such as Aguinaldo Shrine, El Deposito, Museo ng Katipunan, and Star City. In Aguinaldo Shrine, one of the historical landmarks located in Kawit, Cavite, there are many artifacts displayed in the gallery. It includes the badges of Katipuneros, dress and shoes worn by Gen. Emilio Aguinaldo, guns and bullets, and many more. It was wide and there were a lot of secret doors. There are many interesting things to explore inside and outside of the house. Moving to the next destination, in El Deposito in San Juan, Manila, an underground water reservoir built by the Spanish became one of the historical sites. It provides a natural source or adequate supply of water for the residents. There are also museums picturing the artifacts recovered back then. During the tour, I discovered a lot of new information from Philippine history.

Additionally, during our field trip, we also visited Museo ng Katipunan in San Juan, Manila. It featured Bonifacio's secret society, called “the Katipunan” through significant artifacts such as archival documents, cryptic messages, amulets, medals, and weapons used by Katipuneros during the Philippine Revolution. Inside the museum, there are a lot of dioramas and miniatures of the battle of the Katipuneros. I learned a lot of interesting trivia and knowledge in this historical place. Finally, for our last itinerary, we went to Star City in Pasay. One of the places I am looking forward to and excited to go as it is ride-all-you-can. There are different extreme rides such as vikings, frisbee, rollercoaster, star flyer, and others. My friends and I took a lot of pictures for documentation and tried a horror house that made my voice hoarse. It was a fun and entertaining experience of mine.

In this trip and journey, I discovered the true beauty of the Philippines and its history. I learned how to value our culture, tradition, and heritage and promote it to other people. To conclude, It not only provides relaxation and entertainment, but also offers a lesson to gain about our country. I got an opportunity to strengthen my relationship with my family and friends and to see the wonders of nature. We should visit different places, especially the historical landmarks or sites as it has a great contribution in Philippine history. It will also help improve our well-being by participating in physical activities such as swimming, and to explore different cultures and acquire new perspectives. Every place in our country is worth visiting that we should be proud of as Filipinos. Indeed, it is truly an adventurous, fun experience, and everlasting memories to share.

Literary Journalism

Embrace Diversity: Exploring the Unique Filipino Culture and Tradition ⁠✯

“Understanding culture builds bridges”-Suzy Kazzen

Culture is a building block in attaining unity as it is made up of shared values, customs, and beliefs. However, there is a concept called “cultural diversity and relativism” that exists between groups of people. In fact, being hospitable and having a heart of gold is deeply rooted in Filipino culture. In times of catastrophe, they are resilient which explains the term “Bayanihan”, and have strong family ties for being oriented. They also use phrases like “po and opo” and “pagmamano” or putting the back of elders' hand to their forehead as a sign of respect. Now, what makes the Filipino culture unique and different from the other? A published book entitled, “Philippines – The Culture'' written by Greg Nickles in 2002, features the rich traditions and practice of the Filipinos. It includes celebrations, norms, arts, literature, and local products created due to Spanish and American influences.

In the book of Greg Nickles, it speaks truths about Philippine culture. First, it highlights the Christian celebrations such as Christmas (where people exchange gifts or sing carols) and Saint's day. Second, Muslims holidays such as Ramadan and festivals featuring Pahiyas, Dinagyang, Panagbenga, Sinulog, Moriones, and Giant Higantes showcased alongside a distinct culture that includes the singkil dance, carabao tales, and bamboo instruments. Third, celebration of fiestas throughout the year is held across towns and provinces to honor patron saints. Moreover, there are traditional arts such as weaving or using raw materials (e.g. cotton, fibers, and abacca) to produce a textile, and seashell crafts for decorating windows panes, lanters, and other objects using shells. Other arts in the Philippines are sculpture, pottery, murals, and carving. Then, the gong instrument called “kulintang” in Mindanao, and other bamboo instruments such as flute and guitars. There are also various groups in the Philippines including T’boli, Ifugao, Igorot, Mangyan, and Tagbanwa. Last but not the least, the native languages used are Tagalog, Cebuano, Waray, Hiligaynon, and many more.

In addition, in one of the articles of Kibin Website called, “An interview of a Filipino Boy About Their Lives and Culture”, is one of the living proofs about how the Philippines is different from other countries. A 14 year-old boy named Jake, who has lived in the City of San Diego for Twelve years, was asked about their culture.

“Filipinos are very strong in religion. Majority of Filipino households are Catholic and have mini-alters in their houses. Filipinos like singing at parties. Many of the Filipino households have sing-a-long machines,” he said in the interview.

Jake believes that Filipino food and tradition varies from other cultures. He also speaks about food lumpia and rice, which he states are always present in the Filipino food and occasions, particularly birthdays. He also added that Filipinos are very family-oriented. But the purpose of the interview was not to be ethnocentric or superior, but to take it as an opportunity to let other people recognize the rich culture of the Philippines and give importance to its values.

Finally, culture has a major impact in people's lives as it gives a sense of belonging and security. The book of Greg Nickles and interview of the boy named Jake, clearly show how creativity and hospitality is embedded in the Filipino culture. It opens a new door to understand the heritage and history of the places and encourages people to participate in local celebrations. The delicacies, literature, arts, dances, folktales, festivals, and other practices is something to be proud of with pride. Hence, it is important to view cultures with respect and equality, so it will not create gaps between people's lives, but to unite them despite the differences. Culture is like an onion, made up of different layers, and in order to understand it, one needs to peel it layer from layer. One also needs to treat cultural diversity as a living treasure and a rainbow river.

Memoir

A Reason to Continue: Life that Opens the Door of Opportunities ♡

“Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going, tough situations build strong people in the end” -Roy T. Bennet

Some may think that life is unfair, especially for those who are underprivileged and having no ability to provide for needs and wants. It feels like grasping at straws with slightest hope. However, it depends on how one views life and finding a way to escape that reality. A life long enough to put food on the table with little income earned by the breadwinner of the family and going to a nice place and dining in an expensive restaurant once in a blue moon, was how I described my life. But I was able to have a wide perspective as I reflected on life. Now, you will be able to gain an understanding on how I keep on striving hard despite those certain circumstances I faced. It was a single experience that changed my viewpoint and helped me grow independently.

To begin with my so-called “eye-opening life story”, I still vividly remember how my father struggled to search for our food, so that me and my three other sisters could ease hunger as my father was unemployed, and sometimes working sideline jobs. Just for us to fill our stomach, we have reached the point of eating plain porridge without totally no ingredients but rice, water, and salt, and eating rice with condiments like soy sauce, sugar, or salt as a dish. I felt like cutting an onion, as it made my eyes bawl. As an elder, it was hard seeing my family eating meals twice a day, but at the same time, I felt glad as I glimpsed a smile on their faces in spite of our situation. Moreover, we borrow food such as canned goods and kilograms of rice in one of the sari-sari stores in our neighborhood, hence, my family used to be in large debt. But it was thanks to my grandmother, who never neglected us and helped us pay our debt. Her sacrifice was one of the things that inspires me to work hard, for me to be able to pay back her kindness. Grandmother's love was always top-tier and it never failed. One more thing, I never heard my sisters complain about what life we had back then, and even though we are unable to buy them toys.

Truthfully, It has been five years now since my mother and father got separated. All of us decided to stay with our father, so everyone labelled us as “daddy's girl”, which was true. It opened many opportunities because I learned how to do basic household chores such as cooking, cleaning, washing, and doing laundry, and I learned how to figure out things as it taught me a life-long lesson that will remain embedded in my heart. I will be forever grateful to my father who stayed through thick and thin. He stood as both of our mother and father, who never failed to make us feel loved and appreciated.

Now, I am more motivated to exceed my potential in order to attain my goals in life. I have kept in mind that I will keep on standing, even if I fall down, especially that I will enter higher education next school year. In addition, I will work hard to escape poverty and give the good life they deserve. There are a lot of people who are deprived of education, work at an early age, not eating regularly, and having no decent shelter to live in. So, I am still thankful for what we have now.

Certainly, It was not always about pleasant things, but we also needed to see its bad aspects. The weight of the problems can make us feel like giving up, nevertheless, there are a lot of reasons to continue fighting. I also understand what life truly was. Most importantly, all of us should recognize the struggles, efforts, and sacrifices of our parents as earning money was not easy to give us a life worth living. Our family has genuine love, and I never forget to surrender my worries and have faith in God. Being brave is the only choice that we have to overcome or endure what life throws at us.

Facial Recognition

My Serotonin Booster ♡

“Be happy, be bright, be you”

Happiness is a common feeling caused by positive feelings, thoughts, and experiences. When that certain feeling occurs, happy hormones are released. It can also be about something that we love such as food, movies, clothes, and places. However, happiness is more than just money or luxurious things. Our family, friends, or maybe someone we admire can be a source of joy. To start with, I will be completing one of the tasks I am looking forward to which is sharing the one who makes me undeniably happy. Honestly, it is my first time telling a story about someone I admire, feeling shy about it and a topic I always avoid. It took a lot of time to finally have the courage to open up about him. But, he will remain anonymous as I will not mention his name. There are a lot of reasons why I felt that way, in fact, just the thought of him makes me giggle and makes my ear grinning. This is something new, so bear with me.

It is good to begin with describing him in terms of personality, body, and facial features. He is tall with a round face, pointed nose, rosy lips, dark eyebrows, and mole near his jawline and temple. He is also a responsible, diligent, caring, and hard working “kuya” or eldest of their family. His smile and eyes were an ocean of wonder, that I cannot help but get lost. I like our interactions inside and outside the school since 11th grade. Later on, we became close and shared each other's secrets. I also love how we send memes or collections of humorous pictures from social media, and how we react to our shared posts. As we are mutual friends in TikTok, he always sends me cute and funny videos. I nearly died laughing. Moreover, I always enjoy it when he invites me to eat street foods such as siomai, fishball, mais con yelo, ice cream, and grilled sweetcorn calling him my “food buddy”. He also loves taking pictures of the sunset and documenting every moment, so he will have something to look back at.

When I am stressed at school and worried about personal matters, he will cheer me up and affirm me with his nice words. In addition, I like how he pays attention to every detail I say and how he makes an effort and time like making hand-made flowers. Even if he cracks thousands of corny jokes and cheesy pick-up lines, I will let him do that and laugh at it without doubt. Most of the time, we will hangout and watch some movies with tragic endings, hence, I always prepare a box of tissues beside us. I also like how he gives me small and random stuff such as mushroom hair clips as I am not a fan of material things, believing in, “it is the thoughts that counts”. In case I don't say it enough, I am forever grateful and I appreciate his little gestures as I spend time with him. No matter what he does, I always catch myself smiling like a child who receives a candy.

In the end, life is better when we have someone we can rely on and can share what makes our day. I have someone I consider as my “happy pill” and who boosts my happy hormones. He is one of the people who helped me develop perseverance and taught me to not live up to others expectations. Even if we surround ourselves with silence and do not speak for hours, his presence is enough to make me feel at ease. Furthermore, he is the epitome of a happy-go-lucky person and his broad perspective in life is what makes him attractive. I am hoping to unlock more memories with him. Indeed, he shines like a bright star, the one I always admire and his number one fan. We should appreciate the people who contribute a lot to our growth and well-being, especially reciprocating the love, effort, time, and happiness they offer.

Self Obituary

Live Your Life: Overcoming A Fear of Certainty

“The value of life is not in the quantity of time. But in the quality of moments lived”

As I sat down in my room and grabbed my pen to take some notes about what I will write in my obituary, I put on my thinking cap to organize my thoughts and came up with an idea. I really don't know how to start talking about my last message and farewell before I took my last breath. In point of fact, death is inevitable and certain as we are immortals. Hence, I asked myself, why not begin writing your own obituary now? I'm not dying anytime soon (I hope not), but I will continue updating my self-obituary for the following years. Many people avoid talking about death as it puts shivers down their spine. However, there is nothing to fear and understanding death will help in self-discovery and giving value to your time and people around you. “What lesson do I want to mark in the people's mind?”, “what inspiration can I share?”, and “how do I want to be remembered?” Are the list of questions I repeatedly asked myself.

To begin writing my self-obituary journey, I was born on October 24, 2005. Many people described me as hard working, resilient, independent, and responsible. I also found solace in watching movies and reading books, like a bookworm. Every time I feel like a wilting flower, it is good to have a support system as I have the habit of not asking help and figuring things out alone. Admittedly, I am not as skillful and intelligent as people think. Maybe there are also a lot of things I can do, but there is not a single thing I am good at. But it is not enough to stop me from seeking improvement. I learned how to perform well in school and surpass all the academic validation, pressure, and challenges that I encounter along the way. I started achieving a lot of awards such as medals and certificates when I participated in nonacademic activities and competitions including journalism, essay writing, and advocacy campaign making. I want to say here that it is not too late to overcome your weaknesses and use them to your advantage and excel in certain fields.

Furthermore, a family who earns enough income to provide for basic needs and having less privilege is how I live my life. At an early age, I become aware and learn basic life skills such as doing household chores to perform my “ate duties” or role as an elder. It feels like I am drowning with responsibilities and being chained in the harsh reality of life. Finding a way to escape these circumstances is the least I can do as the success of my future is in my hand. I also dream to become a teacher to share my knowledge to the next generation and help students address their problems, especially impoverishment. I want people to remember me as an individual who advocates for human rights and encourage them to speak for themselves as they are the leader of their own life. With that being said, we may be different from one another, but there is one thing that we share in common, and that is death. A part of our life. When that time comes, I imagine that I will have grown up children and become a passionate teacher and contribute to the professional field.

In the end, I have realized that death is an integral part of human experience. Writing your own obituary may be challenging, but it will be helpful to know how you will live your life. The manner of death can be natural, accident, undetermined, and pending. Thus, we should live our life to the fullest before our time runs out. Keep in mind that no one has the ability to turn back time, undo mistakes, and get the opportunities that we missed. For my final message, strive hard to attain success and spend time with your loved ones. Do the things that bring you joy such as learning new skills, travelling from different places, eating your favorite food, listening to music, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. You can also start making a bucket list to jot down the things you want to experience during your lifetime. It is to avoid having regrets and live a more fulfilling life. I hope that this self-obituary will light a spark for you to give value to your life and view it as an opportunity of beginning.

Thank you for reading! (⁠•⁠ө⁠•⁠)⁠♡

[madamwoozle]

Assignment 3: Evaluation Plan to Improve Your Reference Services

"What is a good book about Donald Trump's accomplishments in office?" This question leapt off the page for me. (p. 111 in our text.)

It reminded me of teaching biases, how to detect "opinion news", digital literacy, etc. Even if I have an emotional opinion on a subject, this made me pause/admit there were certain points Trump did accomplish. Aside from memory, how would I find them online or in a book?

I like the idea of "The Reference Interview" (Chapter 9). Teachers often have students who want to do enrichment. The Teacher-Librarian could get honest feedback from small groups of students who want to try various ways of finding answers to their own burning questions. These are the grassroots where I would start my Evaluation Plan.

Usually, there are the school's own resources and the district's shared ones. Atlases and encyclopedias especially need to be up to date, as our world is changing fast.

The Reference Interview with each enrichment student would help them narrow down their question(s). They would have access to the school's physical and online resources as well as the district's. The process and their feedback would be more valuable than the end product. "The average student may have no prior knowledge of the type of resource(s) that will answer his or her question." (p. 93. in our text.)

They would be familiar with various search engines on the net. However, I think it would be important to do a pre-unit on Critical Digital Literacy. In the "Boost Immunity" resource, on the BCTLA website, it's important to learn how to do "Lateral Reading". eg: Lately, if one googles something, one may get a short, AI generated response. A link to its source will be listed after.

However, unless one does a little research on the link first, one may find the source doesn't even exist! Teachers are often so consumed by the amount of curriculum to cover that there doesn't seem to be time to teach Lateral Reading. This is where the T-L might be able to help.

Even if the online resources under the school's Learning Commons Tab are current, the classroom teacher and T-L have to collaboratively plan the management side. There seems to be little IT can do to technically limit a school's devices to this tab and its links only. It can take a lot of time for the devices to be distributed from a cart, logged onto, and enough time for the students to transition off of them. Also, for a class of intermediates working in pairs on one device for a social studies project, how will the teachers restrict some students from wandering onto YouTube, etc. Pre-planning this piece well will help prevent reluctant teachers from returning to research from textbooks.

As far as searching news stories, I used to find Ron Darvin's (UBC Asst. Professor in Education) "How to Spot Fake News" useful." He also taught us which news outlets leaned closer to the right or left.

I'm asking him which new tools he'd use for 2024.

There are other sites, such as breakyourownnews.com .

Teacherspayteachers.com also offers inexpensive units on digital literacy/critical thinking.

Regarding assessing the school Learning Commons physical reference collection, I would ask for feedback from the teachers, the other district Teacher-Librarians when they meet, the BCTLA website + YouTube channel, and even posting on Facebook, the "BC Teacher-Librarians Discussion Group".

Many elementary teachers liked six-packs of highly illustrated series like "Amazing Animals". Even Kindergarteners can get info from observing the photos, with guidance.

"The Guinness Book of...Records" was one non-fiction book that could be re-ordered each year. The number of times it was chosen by students for leisure reading warranted the cost.

For Indigenous material, I would definitely ask the District Indigenous Program Coordinators for their list(s) of recommended online and physical resources.

Of course, the Teacher-Librarian has to keep up-to-date on the changing curriculum needs. It's actually fun at the beginning of each school year to browse through one's own non-fiction collection. (At the end of each year, one can also check from the computer which resources were the most commonly checked out.)

Riedling, Ann Marlow: and Houston, Cynthia (2019) "Reference Skills for the School Librarian: Tools and Tips. Fourth Edition." Libraries Unlimited.

bctla.ca

[mu1167]

November 13

Title: 

Silverman & Crandell (2011),

“Vocabulary Practices in

Prekindergarten and

Kindergarten Classrooms”

Williams, et. al. (2009),

“Word Study Instruction in

the K-2 Classroom”

(Used reading rockets version because it wouldn’t open for me for some reason)

Takeaway of Author: 

Silverman & Crandell: The key takeaway of the authors is that there is a lot of research being done  on pre-kindergarten and kindergarten age vocabulary. But even though there is a lot of research and a lot of good effective strategies and teaching curricula, that there still needs to be more research done. The authors say that it is on the teachers to decide what is best for their students. 

Williams: The key takeaway of the author is that based on the research, educators need to focus on the 9 tips when utilizing word study in their classrooms. This author also believes that educators should use word study other than traditional teaching of spelling  and sight words, instead we should teach the rules for transfer.

Nugget: 

Research on vocabulary has shown that young children learn words from interactions with adults, just talking to them, hearing them talk and explain what words mean, and through being read to. Children also learn words through direct instruction, meaning as a teacher you’re explicitly explaining what words mean and how we use them. They also learn through combining vocab instruction practices, not one size fits all but having multiple opportunities. 

The 9 tips that came out of the study are, assessing students word knowledge using multiple assessments, using homogenous small group instruction and differentiated these, making sure to make time to prepare these lessons especially when differentiating them for different levels of students, teaching word knowledge not just words so that they can transfer, demonstrate how word study can be used in reading and writing, teach strategies that are helpful, make word wall work and accessible, and word work should work and be Hands-on. 

Activity:  The activity I decided to do for this assignment was to take a field trip off campus, specifically to my field placement. Here I utilized one of the strategies mentioned in the Word Study Instruction in the K-2 Classroom. I decided to do this because after reading this I wanted to get more hands on experience and try out  the strategies. One of the tips listed was to demonstrate how word study can be used in reading and writing. In their ELA time, science is sometimes combined in our kindergarten class. I read aloud a non-fiction book about isopods because we had isopods in our classroom for our science unit. After the book, which talked about the isopods body parts, I made a giant sticky of the different parts. To make it more interactive and fun for the students instead of them telling me the part and me writing the words, I allowed them to do it. We spelled it out and each student got to come up and write what sounds they heard and have been working on. This shows that the students were engaging in learning how word study can be used in reading and writing. I said the word, we read the word and then they wrote it out. This was 2  months into kindergarten, when most came in without knowing their letters or sounds. After reading this article I wanted to utilize the strategies, we have a word study walls called trick words that have king of -ing, are, and, I, and is. My mentor teacher teaches these new words during center time in small groups and then as a whole group we learn more about the word and utilize it in kid-writing. I wanted to try out this strategy in my lesson. I haven’t seen my teacher do this strategy of interactive writing, so I wanted to see how it went. I didn’t tell them how to spell anything or  give them any hints other than tapping it out with them. This was their spelling, most of them weren’t far off! 

Reflection: When I was creating my lesson plan at the same time as reading this article, I asked myself ,“How could I utilize one of these strategies in my read-aloud?” I knew we were going to identify the parts together and then it hit me to allow them to sound it out and write it themselves. This helped me to explore the world through reading of the text and helped me generate new questions about this topic. Doing this helped me understand more about the author and more about the topic of word study in the early years. This allowed me to get hands-on experience trying to do the tips that came out from all of the studies. I got to see how studying the alphabetic layer that students then examine the relationship between letters and their sounds; phonemes to graphemes.