#in front a religious fiction writer and a group of religious girls

[actaeoncross]

I led a workshop today for the writers group I might quit. (To make a long story short, I know the library director who promoted the event and did it more for him than anything else.) I forget I live in the South US sometimes. The workshop was over how to rewrite a fairy tale. Every time I do it, I always end up doing some rendition of Cinderella. I tried doing an mtf Cinderella this time. The stepmother wants Cinderella to present as a male like she was born instead. So, physical labor until she assumed the proper role. People did not like it. I got crickets

[alarajrogers]

I really, really miss having an interactive blog

No, Tumblr is not interactive. People repost you because they want your content on their blog, not because they have something to say to you. There are no group conversation forums on Tumblr because the structure doesn’t allow it. And AO3, wonderful as it is, does not have forums.

I’ve spent the past five years in a fandom -- MLP -- where the primary fanfiction archive is also a place that supports authors having blogs and there being group forums. It reminds me of Livejournal, but better organized for fiction. On Livejournal, I could post on my personal blog about the stories I was working on, and people who followed me could reply; I could also post to groups, and there would be a whole conversation going. Nothing like that happens on Tumblr. It’s all fandoms jumbled together in a big mess, no way to specifically address just the group of fellow fans of a thing except by tagging, which is erratic and poorly implemented.

Now that I want to talk about fandoms that aren’t MLP, there’s nowhere left to do it. Wish AO3 would implement some of the things that Fimfiction.net has, but AO3 runs on donations, not ads, so the funding probably isn’t there and they want to stick to their core mission, and I respect that. I also wish I had a few million dollars to invest in having a site built to the specifications of the ideal in my head (even Fimfiction.net isn’t ideal because it’s single fandom, so there would need to be changes made to its model to handle multiple fandoms, and it has no folksonomy tagging like AO3 does because it doesn’t have the staff for tag wrangling; all tags are top-down.) 

I have been in my head stitching together the universes of Lucifer (the tv show, not the comic) and Good Omens for the past, I dunno, three months now? It’s much harder than you might think because of mutually contradictory implementations of the same religious mythos (for example, the flaming sword that guarded Eden is Aziraphale’s in GO and was handed over to humanity, where it ended up in the hands of War and then eventually in the hands of an 11 year old girl; in Lucifer, part of it’s been used by the Angel of Death for millennia and it compels human beings who hold it to go on murder sprees, and it also has the ability to kill celestial beings. I have a solution! And will write about it, eventually.) Mainly because when I saw Adam reject his biological father in Good Omens, the thought occurred to me that Satan should be proud of his boy and should have reconnected with his own nature as a rebel against his father, because Adam rebelling against his father is a family tradition being carried out, and then I thought of Lucifer quitting Hell to run a nightclub in LA, and eventually somehow this turned into Jesus Christ hanging out with Adam and talking him into going and reconciling with his bio-dad in LA. 

And I really want to talk about this shit! It is hard work to reconcile these universes. Lucifer in Lucifer is very, very, very clear on the concept that he does not approve of evil doings, he just doesn’t consider any kind of consensual, “victimless” crime to be evil -- so he’s all for any kind of sex that’s mutually desired, he does every drug there is, he tempts people into hedonism and into exploring their true desires all the time, but he’s very much against sins like murder and greatly enjoys punishing those kinds of sinners. This... isn’t really that compatible with a vision of Hell run by a bureaucracy that’s actively tempting people into evil so that they will end up in Hell. But hey, DC Comics pulled this off in the past (Neil Gaiman established Lucifer’s signature “I never made any of them do anything and I don’t deal in souls” at the same time as John Constantine was selling his soul to three different Lords of Hell to force them to cure his cancer or start a civil war, and John Constantine appeared in Sandman so they are most definitely in the same universe). So I’m working on that. And I even found a way to reconcile Lucifer as Lightbringer lighting the stars (Lucifer canon) with Crowley’s love of stars and seeming connection to them in GO and used it to explain how Crowley managed to saunter vaguely downwards.

I don’t think I can write it until I finish watching the Lucifer series. They keep throwing new wrinkles at me. (In my original concept, Lucifer went to LA more or less immediately after Adam blew him off because his son’s rebellion made him realize he had lost his way, obeying his Father rather than continuing to rebel. In the third season, a flashback episode has Lucifer openly coming to that realization in front of Amenadiel because of stuff he learns about during a murder case. But I have a solution!) But goddamn, I wish there was a fan forum of some kind linked to fic writers and art and vids and stuff (like, not Television without Pity or whatnot) where I could talk about it. Because I know there are Lucifer fans out there who are working on the same questions, because I see their fics on AO3. And I know there are fans who aren’t personally trying to merge the universes but who enjoy other people doing it. But how the hell would I find them? I feel like 90% of my own followers are here for political commentary and feminism and autism advocacy and pro-free speech and pro-youth rights and queer stuff, and the rest are fans of MLP. I know one person who follows me who’s into Good Omens. Don’t know anyone who’s a fan of Lucifer.

...I may end up talking about it anyway because everything I post on Tumblr is basically shouting into a void and hoping someone hears it, anyway. But I wish there was a better way.

[laberintos-espinas]

The Old Chunk Of Coal

Some days are diamonds. Some days are Stones... And the alternative one, I am just an vintage bite of coal, but I can be a diamond at some point  Custom Made Jewellery I love songs. I love the lyrics and secondly the thumping vibrations of the decrease observe beats. I recollect these traces from  country conventional refrains. I recollect them due to the fact I realize the feeling of being taken into consideration a clump of coal. It's a bad feeling. It's now not so much the coloration that is a downer, it's the darkness that's involved whilst one thinks of coal. It's a fossil gas. It's top simplest for heaping onto an already insupportable ecological or metaphorical emotional trauma situation and making it worse. Let's strike a in shape to the coal and burn it until it is used up into ash. Then allow's desire the wind will scatter it, as we do not even want to empty the ashes once it is usefulness has been used up. We're ungrateful every now and then for services rendered. Coal paperwork under the floor. Without light. I assume it gets worse. I assume coal is not even an unique component. I suppose it is compressed gases or rotted timber or something discarded to begin with.

OK. So you get the image that I just like the phrases to songs that sing approximately desire for rotting ancient discarded elements.

I have a friend it truly is a shamanistic healer. It started out that he changed into going to help me locate my manner and discover my voice. Then I commenced cleaning his house for him. This made feel sooner or later for some motive. We additionally percentage songs. Baby-boomers are constantly flower youngsters at heart. I suppose neither one folks really knows why I'm nonetheless spiffing up the palace. I know at a few level we bartered house cleaning for transcended meditation classes. Yet I got here with a again schedule. I'm going to clean my way through his lavatories and into his coronary heart. When I get there, I'm going to mirror my Light on his pathway and then flip him into the palms of the one true God to take care of. Silly presumptive conceited me, assuming he wanted me to shop him. I deliver up my Shaman due to the fact he instructed me in three separate restoration periods I turned into a diamond so first-rate that soon many round me could recognize and notice me. I figured he changed into speakme inside the religious geographical regions and in symbolic language. Now I'm not so sure.

OK. So you get the picture that I've been on a religious quest to connect and solder myself right into the mainline connection with my Creator, God as I changed into taught. You recognise the only inside the Christian container? However, something came about along the way I didn't assume. My point of view concerning traditional Western Christianity flipped. I think now, that Jesus changed into certainly the entity that lead me into the Kingdom of God. Nevertheless, since I've certainly wondered and did research from original supply statistics, I suppose God is Spirit, the whole Spirit of the God and that God is entire natural Love; the originating, creating, shrewd Source that is the vibration of natural white power light. The Light of all cosmology and creation.

Something has also happened to me for the reason that my unique friend and the Shaman helped me locate my voice and soul again. I started out to put in writing. I started out to write prolifically. I write all the time. I cannot prevent it. It's been approximately six months now of nonstop writing. I write day and night time. I write about something and the entirety. I actually have masses to say and do not know why. My "still small voice" is very talkative. Just about each person it is are available in contact with my e-mail radar range, has advised I write for a living. I've just been watching for the go-ahead signal from a person. I've been at the intersection watching for the mild to turn green. Today it occurred.

You now recognize I stay to write down. I discover the sector around me high-quality and wondrous and want to inform absolutely everyone all about it.

I belong to a churchwomen's fellowship institution. It's seventy five-a hundred women who can find time on Thursday mornings to come back collectively with aim of being God honoring, together. One of the instructors for one in all this season's classes, I am venerated to say, has come to be a pal of mine. Judy is a raven-haired angel of a girl filled with grace, information and dignity. She's the pastor's spouse. She's additionally very humorous. I'm unshakably convinced God has a strong dry sense of humor. He need to have. Look at us!

Today Judy surprised me. She asked my permission to study one in all my written works. It was well timed and related to the President of america. She felt it turned into a very good element for some women to hear. I did not want to appear unpatriotic in those perilous instances, right after 9/11 so I agreed. I changed into very thankful she become not going to make me arise and examine my essay. I contemplated just skipping magnificence these days, to keep away from the embarrassment I'd no question sense and possibly keep away from the harsh sarcasm or poor criticism of my sisters in Christ. (Oops. It sounds a tad like my perceptions of my fellow guy is askew, would not it?) God will work on this hassle.

I did not hen out. I confirmed up. What I didn't anticipate passed off next.

Judy didn't wait till small institution time. She got up there and read my article to the complete bunch of properly-bred, sensible ladies at the monthly scheduled all-church women's luncheon earlier than our writing class. I become mortified! I started to look around me. The feast room changed into full of spherical tables seating eight ladies a table. A little hearth-orange rose budded out of the middle of every desk. These ladies began to appear like a bouquet of freshly reduce plants to me. This kind of bouquet is such an extravagance for someone like me. These girls are the cream of the crop on Mercer Island, WA. A.Ok.A. The Golden Ghetto. My sons and I best live on the island because of a Section 8 HUD housing voucher for the poor.

I watched as women began to wipe water out of the corners of their eyes. I watched as eyeglasses started being eliminated and noses had been blown. I watched girls torn between gazing me ( seeking to hide in a nook of the front of the room) and trying to stay riveted on Judy analyzing My written words. I watched as the sounds of my tale bounced towards my mind. I changed into surprised to say the least. I 'd by no means heard my words out loud earlier than. I become curious about the article. It produced a silent sound down in my internal middle connection to God. It struck worry (as in awe) in my heart as I realized some thing supernatural had passed off to my palms to jot down such sounds.

When the object become finished, the girls applauded. They asked copies to own in unison. I turned into proclaimed a proficient writer. I was humbled into silence, again. I saw some thing unrecognizable. I saw refracted mild start to prism off these ladies lower back at me. Just like while a diamond is held up to the daylight. I contemplated this sight.

As if this became now not sufficient, the primary group disbanded into the smaller lecture room corporations to prepare for the inspirational teachings of the day. It would be an hour and a half of studying and sharing Life training, girl Christian style. Judy had every other marvel in keep for me. She wasn't through with me yet due to the fact she was the teacher of the writing group I belonged to for this smaller organization.

The topic below discussion become Changing Times. Judy started out giving examples of how traditional authors had expressed themselves as she thumbed via Emerson, Lewis, and a pair current luminary authors. About midway via the class, Judy yanked out yet ANOTHER of my tales and read it to this magnificence as her last example! I turned into petrified the ladies might grow resentful, bored and angry at this monopoly on their time. There had been many proficient women in this organization. All with superb motivating stories to inform. Judy made no bones about how highly she regarded my capacity to seize pix and percentage my coronary heart-mind to an target market. She study Homecoming Parade. She excerpted and compacted the lengthy story into one which hit the mark. More tears flowed and mouths hung free. You should've heard a pin drop in the location. More applause. I shriveled underneath the desk and attempted to clown round graciously to alleviate the pain of appreciation and recognition.

What I saw as I appeared around this group of 30 movers and shakers of all ages, shocked me. I noticed it symbolically, as is my way. But nevertheless, it became there for the viewing. I saw a super wonderful blue-white, exquisite-reduce diamond being held up and placed into a platinum solitaire putting.

When the meeting ended, a woman I'd gotten to recognize recently approached me. Her call is Judy Boynton. She clipped off her credentials for the organization. She was a professional posted creator of fiction and non-fiction novels. She changed into an finished artist of sculptures. She become a trustee on the Board of Pacific Northwest Writers Conference affiliated with Pacific Lutheran University. She'd been a member of this group for over 25 years. I became impressed. Not so much through her credentials, as high-quality as they were, however with the aid of the strength and force at the back of her eyes. This woman had awareness and motive. She was aiming at me.

She advised me she knew what she was speaking approximately. She instructed me and the organization I WAS a gifted creator. She told us she'd visible enough to realize the difference among one that would like to be a writer and one that IS a writer. I fell into the latter category. She surpassed me numbers and pamphlets and instructed me to be at the next convention meeting. She explained this is where publishers, agents, and authors meet each other with the purpose on publishing written works of merit. Names like Ann Rule and J.A. Jance had been bantered approximately at some stage in this same day through others as they requested my permission to have them perhaps touch those "friends of theirs."

It isn't regularly in a lifetime that one simply is AWARE of a life converting moment or day. I've been graced with one of those moments. Today it appears, the sector round me is starting to notice and recognize the old chew of coal were given the dust pressure-washed off of her so hard and significantly by means of Life, that she'd developed into a diamond solitaire of well worth and observe.

I know in which I belong proper now, proper at this area in time. I belong sticking effective near my special buddies who know a way to crimp the ones platinum prongs at the diamond setting firmly and securely. I even have a sense diamonds are forever, as they are saying. How should this have passed off?

[themostrandomfandom]

Hey JJ, I was wondering what is your opinion on Klaine and the relationship between them and Brittana. Also I have a friend whose really obsessed with you and your blog and she reads it religiously so that must mean that your stuff is good ;) hope your day is going well :)))

Hey, @ruskinino​!

First off, thank you forthe sweet message. Sorry it has taken me so long to post a reply.

Second, in response to yourquestion:

While both TPTB at Glee and fanon might like toimagine a close and straightforwardly friendly bond between Brittana andKlaine, I think that, in reality, things are much more complicated, and,unfortunately, less positive. 

The two couples don’t hate each other, but thereis certainly a degree of caution in the way they interact, with both sides having been burned in the past.

We can break the issues down after the cut.

WARNING: I am writing this response as a fan of Brittany Pierceand Santana Lopez and a Brittana shipper. Though my intention isn’t to bashKurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, or Klaine, there are elements of my analysis thatare critical of their behavior and which discuss some negative views which I believethat Brittany and Santana hold towards them. If you ship Klaine, proceedcautiously. What follows probably won’t be your cup of tea.   

___

Brittana, Klaine, and Glee’s Writing

First, let’s talk aboutBrittana and Klaine on a production level.

In terms of Glee marketing,Brittana and Klaine were very important. For a show that prided itself on itsdiversity and forward-thinkingness, having two same-sex teen couples at itsfront and center was a big deal. While a lot of the critical praise for Gleedied off before the first season had even ended, the show continued toaccumulate awards from GLAAD, the Trevor Project, and other LGBTQ organizationsthroughout its run thanks, in no small part, to Brittana and Klaine’sprominence.

For PR purposes, Brittanaand Klaine were often paired together in promotional materials and paralleledin episode structures. RIB loved putting them side by side because when they did,it got everyone’s attention. If having one same-sex couple getmarried on TV was a huge thing, then having two same-sex couples get married onTV at the same time was an even huger one. It was all about doubling up, and thepowers that be at Glee took the opportunity to put two and twotogether when they could.

That said, Brittana +Klaine was often better executed in idea than in practice.

The truth is that asidefrom being LGBTQ and participating in show choir, Brittana and Klaine were twovery different couples, and Brittany, Santana, Kurt, and Blaine were four verydifferent characters. While in theory there exists a fictional universe wherethey all (or at least most of them) could have been friends—a point which manyexcellent fanfics well prove—the canon Gleeverse wasn’t it, mostly because thewriters never put in the work to really establish those interpersonal dynamics.

Brittana and Klaineran in the same circles and frequently orbited around one another in terms oftheir storylines and character development, but the narration never truly allowedthem to get to know one another or to form stable bonds.

Despite various comingstogether, at the end of six seasons, shared wedding notwithstanding, one nevergot the sense that Brittana and Klaine were actually very good friends. Sure,they didn’t hate one another, but there was also no deep love between them.Klaine were still questioning Brittana’s motives. Brittana were still mockingKlaine’s clothing, mannerisms, and relationship status.

Glee had failed to provethat these kids actually liked and related to one another on any special level.It was just another instance in which Glee kept trying to tell us that thesecharacters were friends, but they never showed us that such was the case (see here).

For as much as fanon lovesto imagine what might have been, canon shows us a much more convoluted—and muchless pretty—picture, one in which, due to a history of bullying and hijinks,Klaine never got comfortable enough to drop their guards around Brittana, andso, after years of repeated rebuffs and rejections, Brittana eventually grewfrustrated with Klaine’s distrust of them and emotionally disengaged.

So now let’s talk aboutthese relationships “in universe.”   

Kurt and Brittany

The truth is that KurtHummel, like most of the characters on Glee, never really gets Brittany Pierce,and his view of her doesn’t change much between S1 and S6 (see here).

To Kurt, Brittany is simpleand strange—“a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows” and talks openlyand unironically about unicorns.

He tends to accept what hesees from her at face value, buying into the early stereotype she perpetuatesfor herself, namely that she is slutty and dumb, in some ways unaccountable forher own actions because she doesn’t understand what she is doing (see here).

Because Kurt’s initialimpression of Brittany is that there is not much to her, he never really thinksto look at what might be going on beneath her surface, and his opinion on hercharacter remains generally static. Consequently, he has trouble comprehendingher more nuanced behaviors, and he oftentimes patently misunderstands herbecause he is unaware of what her true motivations are and where her emotionalstakes lie.

Initially, the fact that Brittanyis one of the most popular girls in school is somewhat intimidating to Kurt, andespecially because she and the rest of the Unholy Trinity don’t mesh well withthe New Directions. For a long time, he doesn’t understand Brittany’smotivations for joining the glee club and so doesn’t entirely trust her. Whenshe is revealed as a spy in episode 1x13, he feels his distrust of her hasbeen validated (“You leaked the set list! You don’t want to behere. You were just Sue Sylvester’s little moles!”).It is well into S2 before he begins to trust that Brittany really wants to bepart of the glee club and that she isn’t just out for herself.

As time goes on andBrittany becomes more integrated into the group, Kurt tries to be nice to her inthe same way that people try to be nice to infants and pets, but oftentimes hispatience with her shenanigans wears thin, which is something that we see fromhim both when she serves as his beard in episode 1x18 and when she becomes his presidentialcampaign manager in episode 3x02.

When the things she saysbaffle him or when her behavior comes across to him as particularly nonsensical,Kurt has a tendency to snap at Brittany and drive her away. Lack ofunderstanding and patience for Brittany notwithstanding, Kurt does seem togenerally like her and is sometimes even protective of her. If asked, he wouldprobably say that he considers Brittany a friend, albeit not his closest one. Attimes, he even calls her by an affectionate short name, “Britt.”

Kurt and Santana

Kurt’s dynamic with Santanaover the years is similar to his dynamic with Brittany, in that it is alsopredicated on an initial poor first impression and the inability to advance thoseinitial views, even given an accumulation of new evidence.

To Kurt, Santana is thequintessential mean girl, motivated largely by malevolence and spite.

When she initially joinsglee club, he doubts her loyalties, just as he does Brittany’s. However,whereas the biggest fault he finds with Brittany is that, in his view, she isstupid and has a bad taste in friends, with Santana, he finds that she isvicious and even dangerous, particularly as she has a tendency to makehomophobic comments towards him (K: “Can we talk about the giant elephant inthe room?” S: “Your sexuality?”).

While there is some debateas to whether or not Kurt realizes that Santana is gay prior to her S3 outing, thefact is that, no matter what he knows or doesn’t know, he remains fairly alooffrom her throughout S1 and S2, and, in the few instances when they do interact,he is openly wary of her intentions.

In his mind, Santana isinherently selfish, so the idea that she would put herself on the line forsomeone else without expecting anything in return just doesn’t add up to him. Why does she protect him from Dave Karofsky? How come she goes out of her way to get him back to WMHS from Dalton? What gives with her suddenly using her prom queen campaign to protect him when for the lastseveral years she has taken every opportunity to bully him for being gay?

His cautious attitude towardsher continues into S3, when he doesn’t know exactly what to make of herattempts to be nice to him and behaves towards her as one might a cat that hadpreviously attacked him but is now purring. Though after her outing, he has abetter idea of why she does some of the things she does—such as going with him,Blaine, and Brittany to confront Sebastian Smythe after Dave Karofsky’s suicideattempt—much of her behavior still remains a mystery in his mind.

Why, for instance, does shenot appreciate his and Blaine’s attempts to serenade her during Lady MusicWeek?

In S4, when Santana becomeshis roommate in NYC, Kurt finds her behavior invasive and at times infuriating,though he generally gets along with her better than Rachel does.

In S5, he feels forced to choosebetween his loyalties to Santana and his loyalties to Rachel, and he inevitablychooses the latter.

In S6, he regards Santanaas a friend, though he still struggles to reconcile her behavior with what hethinks he knows about her basic motivations, which is why it so surprises himwhen she seemingly “out of the blue” decides to share her wedding day with himand Blaine.

As I discuss elsewhere,

Santana spends much of S1 and S2 making homophobic comments aboutKurt, so, to him, Santana is a mean girl, and he never really allows her togrow out of that role in his eyes. 

Though in later seasons she becomes his roommate and tries tobecome his friend, he always keeps her at arm’s length and will side withRachel over her in a heartbeat, even in situations where Rachel is in thewrong. 

At best, Santana is his fun, bitchy lesbian acquaintance. Atworst, she is his caustic, bitchy lesbian acquaintance. 

He seems convinced that she is an awful person who sometimesmasquerades as a sweetheart rather than a sweetheart who sometimes masqueradesas an awful person, and he treats her accordingly, for the most part—though, infairness, he seems somewhat more amiable toward Santana than is Rachel, on thewhole.

Kurtand Brittana

As stated above, Kurt’sopinions of both Brittany and Santana remain fairly static throughout theentire series. When he first gets to know Brittana, he observes that Brittanyis a ditz and Santana is a bully, and his views on them don’t much change overthe course of the next six years.

If he encounters behavior fromthem which deviates from what he thinks he knows about their characters, then hecounts that behavior as aberrant and doesn’t shift his schema to allow for thenew evidence.

In other words, if Brittanydoes something undeniably clever, then he is likely to suppose it was anaccident—an exception rather than the rule. Ditto for if Santana does somethingcertifiably nice. 

By S6, he knows enough torealize that, generally speaking, he and Brittana are on the same side.However, he continues to doubt their intentions, and, even up to the pointwhere they are graciously sharing their wedding day with him and Blaine, hestill questions their characters, failing to understand that they have grownand changed a lot since they were fifteen years old.

Overall, he does notunderstand Brittana’s dynamic. He either assumes that they function like he andBlaine do (see episode 6x03)—which they don’t—or else just plain fails to wraphis head around how they behave and what they feel for each other,underestimating the strength and depth of their bond. At his core, he can’t seewhat they see in each other. Why would someone like Brittany want to be withsomeone like Santana? Why would someone like Santana want to be with someonelike Brittany? What do they have in common? How do they make things work?

Brittana really are amystery to Kurt, but one he doesn’t spend too much time trying to unravel.

The fact that he soadamantly opposes their engagement even after six years of knowing them showsthat he doesn’t really get what they’re all about because, if he did, he wouldrealize that through all the ups and downs and changes with them throughout thetime that he has known them, they’ve always been each other’s only constant,and their bond with each other is strong, deep, and mature.

Brittany and Kurt

In S1, Brittany primarilyseems to pity Kurt Hummel—and especially because she very much understands hisunderlying motivations at that time.

Brittany is out long beforeKurt is, and she seemingly never wrestles with her own sense of identity in theway that Kurt does (see here).However, she does still feel for Kurt, and particularly as she recognizes thathe and Santana are essentially in the same boat. 

Though at this point in theshow, few people would see similarities between an unpopular, virginal gaychoir boy and a popular, slutty “straight” cheerleader, Brittany knowsthat Kurt and Santana actually share much in common, albeit below thesurface. 

Both Kurt and Santana carrya secret that that they’re desperately trying to suppress. Both Kurt andSantana worry that if they are honest about their identities, they will losethe love of their family members. Both Kurt and Santana perform socialgymnastics in order to maintain a sense of equilibrium in their lives, tryingdesperately to balance who they really are with who they think they need to bein order to survive.

Brittany is aware longbefore Santana says it out loud that Santana looks to Kurt as thequintessential canary down the mineshaft and that anything she sees happeningto him, she fears will also happen to her. Whenever Kurt faces homophobia orsuffers a setback as he negotiates his outness, Santana takes note, andBrittany, by extension, does, too.

In my view, that is why throughout S1 we see several instancesin which Brittany helps Kurt to interact with his father on his own terms, suchas in episode 1x04, when she and Tina convince Burt that Kurt is on thefootball team so that Kurt can save face (see here),and in episode 1x18, when she acts as Kurt’s beard so that Kurt can prove toBurt that he is “straight” (see here).

At this point in herdevelopment, Brittany is still very much in the business of helping Santana tomaintain the illusion of their straightness, and she essentially does the samething for Kurt. While she may not personally feel the need to hide her same-sexattractions, she knows that Kurt and Santana do, and she doesn’t hesitate toplay along in their schemes to convince the world that they are “outstandingheterosexuals,” no matter how overblown and ineffectual said schemes may be.

It is only as Brittanystarts to change how she relates to Santana during S2 that her relationshipwith Kurt also changes, and she becomes less about trying to help him obfuscate his true self and more about helping him to celebrate it.

Nowhere is this attitudefrom her more apparent than in episode 2x20, when she acknowledges how strongKurt has to be in order to be himself and encourages Santana to stand by him inhis time of trouble (“Go back out there and be there for Kurt. This is gonna bea lot harder for him than it is for you”).

While there is an element of self-service to Brittany’s actionsin this situation—Santana helping Kurt to feel comfortable with himself in turnhelps Santana to feel comfortable with herself, and a comfortable Santana isone who will be able to date Brittany—there is also some genuine pride andappreciation underlying them.

Brittany is glad that Kurt has gone from being someone who wouldlie to his father about having a girlfriend to being someone who can takeownership of a shitty situation by saying, “I’m proud to be who I am.” She seesthe progress he has made, and she applauds his real bravado.

Though she hasn’t said so out loud, to this point in the show,Brittany has considered herself to be in a position to “help Kurt up.” While hehas struggled to accept himself and later to forge his identity as an out gaykid at a conservative school, Brittany has already been there, and she has beenquietly watching him, lending him help when she can, and rooting for him fromthe sidelines.

Come S3, she feels that Kurt has finally peaked and that theyare now on equal footing in terms of being comfortable in their own skins.

That’s why she turns to him as an ally in her quest to make WMHSa safe place for other, potentially still-closeted LGBTQ kids, includingSantana—because she assumes that she and Kurt are both in a position to helpothers reach the point they’ve gotten to and that they’re on the same pageabout the importance of activism in their community (see here).

Her assumption is a mistake not because Kurt doesn’t care aboutLGBTQ causes but because he doesn’t understand her and her motivations.

For one thing, like most people at the school, Kurt doesn’t seemto think of Brittany as bisexual, her openness concerning her orientationnotwithstanding (see hereand here).Particularly given that Brittany and Santana are not yet openly dating at thetime when episode 3x02 takes place, Kurt doesn’t get that Brittany has theproverbial dog in this fight. In his mind, she is an ally at best, so it’s nother personal safety, comfort, and wellbeing that are going on the line in thiscampaign, just his. He is the out gay kid, so he’s the one that will have to facethe backlash, not Brittany, who, according to his understanding, is ostensiblystraight.

For another thing, because Kurt views Brittany as naïve, he believesthat she is wildly oversimplifying the matter at hand and that she doesn’tunderstand the grander implications of her own actions. He assumes that shethinks that running a campaign of this nature will be easy and that no one willpush back against it because her world is all rainbows, puppies, andbutterflies. He doesn’t realize that Brittany has been watching how peoplereact to him for as long as they’ve known each other. He also doesn’t get thatshe is smart enough to know what happens to anyone who dares to be toodifferent at their school.

While Kurt is finally to the place where he is comfortableclaiming his identity as a gay man and publicly being in a relationship withBlaine, he isn’t eager to become the face of the gay rights movement atWMHS—and especially not after being driven to Dalton the year before. The waypeople react to him is different than the way people react to Brittany andalways has been. While she may be comfortable associating herself with ProjectUnicorn, he isn’t, and so he and Brittany butt heads.

Whereas in the past when Kurt has snapped at Brittany (see episodes1x18 and 2x02), Brittany has typically backed off and done as Kurt says, in S3,Brittany actually stands up to Kurt, and the fact that she does so isreflective of her own personal growth during the Back Six of S2.

That said, it is also reflective of her changed view of Kurt nowthat he is out and more at ease in his own skin. In the past, Brittany viewedKurt as delicate, so she was all about being gentle with him and going alongwith things at his pace so as not to spook him. Now she knows that he isconfident in himself and that he can handle tough love. In her mind, that meansthat she can take the kiddie gloves off with him. So she does.

When Kurt says he doesn’t want her to run his campaign for thesenior class presidency, Brittany comes back swinging. Though she initiallyshows shock and disappointment about his decision, after a pep talk fromSantana, she tells Kurt that she is going to continue the campaign without him,becoming a candidate herself. While she isn’t mean about what she says, she isfirm, and she doesn’t back down.

This action represents a major shift in the way Brittany relatesto Kurt. No longer does she pity him or look at him as someone she has to baby.

—and that point is important, because going forward into S3,Brittany really seems to take off her rose-tinted glasses when it comes toKurt and how he treats her.

Brittany has always been aware that everyone aside from Santanathinks she’s stupid. Some people are meaner about it, like Finn, while somepeople are nicer about it, like Mercedes. It’s the difference between outrightdisdain and condescension versus “being too gentle” with her. Kurt was alwayson the nicer end of the continuum. Brittany knew he didn’t think of her as anintellectual equal, but she was willing to let it slide because at least mostof the time he was kind.

But as their political campaign heats up, Kurt starts to getannoyed with Brittany’s antics—and particularly as she gains over him in thepolls—and his interactions with her become noticeably harsher. Whereas beforehe always at least tried to hide the fact that he thought she was as dumb as abox of rocks, now he is much more open in his patronization, and Brittany isn’thaving it (see episode 3x03).

Between the disrespect he shows Brittany as a political rivaland his participation in Santana’s humiliating public outing experience (seeepisode 3x07), Brittany starts to get a bit passive aggressive towards Kurt. Ofcourse, it’s not that she outright hates the kid—she still likes him wellenough—it’s just that she is no longer giving him a free pass in how he treatsother people.    

That attitude is the one she carries into S4 and S5, as Kurtgraduates and moves to New York, where Santana eventually becomes his roommate.While Brittany doesn’t have much direct contact with Kurt during this time, shehears through the grapevine about how he is treating her girl, and, honestly,the reports leave her troubled.

That Rachel and Kurt would kick Santana out of first the Loftand later Pamela Lansbury when Santana wants nothing more than to be theirfriends doesn’t sit well with Brittany. That Santana always seems to have tobeg for Hummelberry’s acceptance and friendship even though she freely givesthose things to them hurts Brittany’s heart.

In episodes 5x12 and 5x13 especially, Brittany sees just howmuch of a toll it has taken on Santana to constantly have to be on her guardaround Hummelberry, and she feels frustrated because things didn’t have to bethat way.

If Kurt had just dropped his guard, Santana would have been hisfriend to the end. Couldn’t he see?

Again, Brittany doesn’t hate Kurt for his behavior, but she alsodoesn’t entirely excuse it. In her mind, Kurt can be a nice guy when doesn’thave his head up his ass. It’s just that Kurt does have his head up his ass alot, and particularly when he is caught up in the constant drama that seems tosurround Rachel and Blaine.

Honestly, Brittany is never a big fan of Blaine, a point whichwe’ll discuss in more detail later. 

Come S6 when Brittany starts interacting with Kurt on theregular again, her m.o. seems to be that she wants to remind him to be true tohimself and to heed his better impulses. She goes about doing so by behavingpassive-aggressively towards Kurt when he fails to toe the line (see episode6x02) and calling him out when he crosses it (see episode 6x03). Throughoutthis season, we see her use more tricksy troll!Brittany behavior on him thanshe ever has before, usually with the intent to take him down a peg or two whenshe believes he is getting too full of himself (see here).

At this point, Brittany knows that Kurt will probably neverfully get her and Santana and that their relationship will never be superclose, even given their shared history at WMHS. Still, she wants to be ondecent terms with him, and she wants him to show her and Santana basic respect,even if he doesn’t understand them or their dynamic at all.

As for Brittany’s push to share her wedding with Kurt andBlaine, suffice it to say that there’s a lot more to that story than meets theeye, and, despite what she professes, Brittany is no Klaine shipper (see here).Brittany has her eye on a prize in that situation, and Kurt is just in thedetails. She is on her way to a happy ending, and if she has to let him mooch herwedding venue to do so, then so be it.

Her attitude in that episode is indicative of her overall attitudetoward Kurt to end the show: She feels like she and Santana tried to connectwith him, but it never worked out. At first, she was hurt by the fact that Kurtnever came to understand her—and especially that he never came to understandSantana—but now she’s over it. She can be friends with him on a superficiallevel as long as he’s nice to them, but she’s not going to sit back and let himtreat her or Santana badly anymore. She knows they’re worth more than that,whether Kurt sees it or not. In the end, Kurttany has become a fairly neutralrelationship, and Brittany’s m.o. with it is to do no harm and take no shit.

Brittany and Blaine andKlaine’s Relationship

As I discuss elsewhere,

While Brittany doesn’t hate Blaine like she hates Rachel, she alsoisn’t his number one fan. In general, Brittany doesn’t take well to anyone whobelieves that they’re better than everyone else, so Blaine going after everysolo and role and class presidency with aplomb, regardless of whom he steps onto do so, doesn’t sit well with her. Brittany believes in being a team player,and, the way she sees it, Blaine isn’t one. He will always put himself in thepoint position, even if he isn’t the best person for the job.

—which brings us to his treatment of Kurt.

Historically, Brittany has been protective of Kurt, as she cansympathize with him (see here, here, and here).Brittany likes to see Kurt succeed because she likes the idea that someone whomarches to the beat of his own drummer can make it in a world that tries tomake everyone conform—hence why she helps Kurt with his campaign and why sheacts as his background singer for his NYADA audition and why she is generallynice to him, even though they’re not necessarily close friends. 

Of course, just because Brittany generally likes Kurt and wantshim to succeed doesn’t mean she always agrees with him and his choices or willrefrain from giving him a little bit of tough love should she feel the need todo so.

Enter her “advice” to Kurt in episode 6x02 “Homecoming.”

Brittany has watched Kurt’s relationship with Blaine from thestart, and, honestly? I don’t think she likes most of what she sees.

For Brittany, a real partnership is about two people supportingeach other and helping each other to fulfill their dreams, and from Brittany’sperspective, I don’t think she sees Blaine doing those things for Kurt, thoughKurt often does them for Blaine.

In her eyes, when Kurt and Blaine both want the same thing—i.e., asolo in glee club, a role in the school play, a prestige spot at NYADA, acertain rule to be honored in their relationship—Blaine almost inevitably endsup getting whatever the thing is, with Kurt stepping aside or bowing out inorder to allow him to have it.

Add on the fact that Brittany has undoubtedly heard all about the“Klaine can’t live together without fighting” fiasco from Santana, and,frankly, I think Brittany probably views Blaine as a negative factor in Kurt’slife rather than a positive one.

That said, Brittany is all about respecting the choices peoplemake for themselves, so for as passive-aggressive as she may be about and eventowards Blaine, she isn’t going to stand in Kurt’s way once he decides he wantsto be with Blaine forever.

If Kurt loves and wants to be with Blaine, then Kurt loves andwants to be with Blaine, and Brittany will accept that Blaine is Kurt’s person,even if she doesn’t understand the appeal (see episode 6x03 and 6x08).

Santana and Kurt

Santana’s relationship with Kurt follows a similar trajectory toBrittany’s.

However, while Brittany runs through the cycle of sympathizing withKurt, wanting to befriend him, realizing that a deep friendship with him is notpossible because he never makes an effort to understand her, and then gettingover it mostly over the course of S1-S3 (at least on her own account),Santana’s cycle runs over the course of the whole series, and it runs on higheroctane than Brittany’s does overall. 

Santana is the more emotionally reactive half of Brittana, so shetends to take things with Kurt harder than does Brittany on a whole, and especiallybecause her relationship with him is wrapped up in her own sense of identity asa gay person and in her dynamics with Brittany, Rachel, and her feelings abouther future, and it is marked by insecurity from start almost to finish.

As I say elsewhere,

Santana’s relationship with Kurt iscomplicated. 

On the one hand, she spent much of high school wishing she couldbe him: i.e., the out gay kid who persisted in being himself no matter whatopposition he faced. 

On the other hand, she spent much of high school terrified to behim: i.e., the out gay kid who got thrown into lockers and roughed up andtossed into dumpsters and hated on and threatened because he was gay (“I mean,you know what happened to Kurt at this school”). 

Kurt was simultaneously an object of both devotion and fear forSantana. In spite of herself, she identified with him very strongly. She sawhis successes as successes she could possibly have and his failures as failuresshe could potentially experience (see Santana intervening to save Klaine fromKarofsky’s wrath in 2x18 and Santana’s panic after Kurt becomes prom queen in2x20).

That’s part of why she worked so hard to make WMHS safe for Kurtin Season Two, long before she herself came out (see here).

During Season Two, Kurt was more of a symbol to Santana thansomeone with whom she had an actual relationship, but during Season Three, shemade her first overtures of real friendship to him, reaching out to him whenSebastian and the Warblers tried to hurt him and Blaine (“Today is your luckyday, because Auntie Snixx just arrived on the Bitch Town Express”).

In her mind, Santana had done Kurt several solids by thispoint—i.e., forming the Bully Whips on his behalf, bringing him back to WMHSfrom Dalton, singing to him at prom despite her own fears, taking downSebastian after Sebastian hurt Blaine, etc.—and the fact that she had done soplus her and Kurt’s shared experience of being out gay kids at WMHS should havebeen enough to make them friends.

We see Santana operate under the assumption that she andKurt are friends throughout Season Four, answering his summonsto stage an intervention for Rachel in 4x12 and bringing him Christmas presentsin 5x08 (the events of whichtake place during Season Four chronologically). Though Santana stillcalls Kurt names, she assumes he knows that she only does so because she likeshim.

That being the case, she fully expects him and Rachel to welcomeher into the Loft with open arms (and particularly as Rachel actually invitedher to live in the Loft during the events of 5x08).

Unfortunately, that’s not what happens.

From the very first time Santana does something nice forKurt—i.e., forming the Bully Whips in 2x18—Kurt questions her motivations in sodoing. Why is the girl who openly mocked him and attempted to sabotage the gleeclub during their sophomore year suddenly buddying up to him in their junioryear? Surely someone as selfish as Santana can’t have altruistic motives. Shemust have either lost her mind or stand to profit from helping Kurt somehow.

Even when he learns that Santana is gay come Season Three, Kurtstill views her largely as an outsider, and his distrust (andmisunderstanding) of her continues well into Season Four, when she moves intothe Loft.

To be fair, navigating the Hummelpezberry dynamic is trickybusiness, and particularly for Kurt, who often finds himself in theuncomfortable position of mediating between Rachel and Santana, both of whomget up to some pretty wild hijinks and who often butt heads with each other.

Kurt is a natural peacemaker, and he dislikes having contention inhis home, so he will try to counsel Rachel and Santana through their disputesas much as he is able.

That said, at the end of the day, Kurt is Rachel’s best friend, notSantana’s, so while he may try to maintain his neutrality concerning theirdisputes, when push comes to shove, he almost always sides with Rachel in theend, as per what we see during the Pezberry Funny Girl disputeof early Season Five.

As I say elsewhere:

While there is certainly no shortage of wittybanter and fun musical numbers between roomies Kurt, Santana, and Rachel, thereis a shortage of “relationship-building” scenes—or at least a shortage oflasting “relationship-building” scenes that the Glee writers don’t subsequentlyrescind, ignore, or negate.

For every one friendly gesture Hummelberry andSantana make towards one another—such as, for instance, when Santana helpsRachel through her pregnancy scare in episode 4x15 or when Rachel encouragesSantana not to give up on her dreams in the first scene of episode 5x09—thereare at least two or three scenes that then show how very unstable their dynamicactually is—such as when Hummelberry kick Santana out of the Loft in 4x16 andSantana and Rachel are at each other’s throats throughout most of 5x09 and5x10.

Just as it was always the case that the UnholyTrinity broke down into units of Brittana + Quinn, it is also the case thatHummelpezberry breaks down into units of Hummelberry + Santana, with Santana asthe odd one out.

Not only do Kurt and Rachel frequently form ranksto outvote Santana, but their bond as Hummelberry can exist independent of her,whereas her bonds as part of Pezberry and Kurtana are largely dependent onHummelberry’s bond with each other—i.e., Kurt serves as a necessary peacemakerbetween Pezberry, allowing their friendship to exist, while a common interestin and exasperation with Rachel and her antics is what keeps Kurtana united.

Santana’s bond with Kurt is more stable thanSantana’s bond with Rachel, which is to say that Santana and Kurt are lesslikely to fight than Santana and Rachel are. However, Santana’s bond with Kurtis also weaker than her bond with Rachel is, which is to say that Santana hasless in common with Kurt than she does with Rachel and also that Santana feelsthat Kurt needs her less than Rachel does.

Of course, both Santana’s bond with Kurt ANDSantana’s bond with Rachel are relatively weak compared with Kurt and Rachel’sbond to each other.

If it comes down to it, Hummelberry’s tendency isto have each other’s backs. Though they like Santana to a degree, she is extraneousto them.

And the thing is that Santana knows it. 

Santana knows the difference between a secureattachment and an insecure one, and she knows that while Hummelberry aresecurely attached to each other, they are, for the most part, insecurelyattached to her. Santana knows that Hummelberry will tolerate her as long asshe is on her best behavior, and she fears the implications of theirtoleration.

Frankly, Santana is terrified of stepping one toeout of line, lest Hummelberry kick her out of the Loft again—because for asmuch as Santana says that she needs her job at the diner, she needs her placeat the Loft equally as much.

So while Santana ultimately fights less with Kurt than she doeswith Rachel, her relationship with him is just as tenuous and one-sided as isPezberry’s.

She ultimately never achieves the kind of intimacy and secureattachment to Kurt that she craves.

So cut to Season Six, when Kurt objects to Santana’s proposal toBrittany (see here):

Santana is angry that she tried for years toprove to Kurt that she was his friend, and he responded by evicting her fromthe Loft, questioning her intentions in auditioning to play Rachel’sunderstudy, kicking her out of his band, making her feel like a stranger in herown home, being ungrateful when she saved him from his high school bully anddefended Blaine against Sebastian Warbler on his behalf and scored him a job atthe diner and brought her girlfriend into his band and participated (graciouslyand quietly) in his proposal to Blaine and spent time socializing with andgetting to know him, being kind to him in his down moments, giving him soundadvice in a way that no one else was honest enough to do, etc.

Santana is angry that despite her trying herdamnedest to show Kurt that she was not the same girl he knew in highschool—that she wasn’t wrathful anymore, that she was generous, that she waswilling to share her heart in friendship with anyone who would treat it withcare—he never believed her. He always thought the worst of her. He kept her onthe outside, when she so desperately craved (and worked hard to earn) histrust.

Santana is angry but mostly she is hurt.

Santana is hurt because she genuinely cares aboutwhat happens to Kurt, but he has just shown her that he doesn’t give a damnabout what’s most important to her in return.

She showed him her precious things, and hetreated them like they were garbage.

Kurt was supposed to be Santana’s friend, and itbreaks her heart that he isn’t.

So while Santana’s capacity to forgive is muchgreater than most people generally give her credit for—and often even greaterthan those who wrong her might deserve—she does inevitably reach a point whereshe just can’t take it anymore.

And so when Kurt fucks up something that isimportant to Santana, that is sacred to her, that’s supposed to be beautifuland happy and pure, by lecturing her about learning from his mistakes? Sheloses it.

To Santana, it’s just another example of howeverything about the Kurtana relationship has always been about Kurt.

It is no coincidence that Santana spends the months that herrelationship with Brittany is at its most tenuous chasing after Kurt’sapproval. Throughout S4 and early S5, she is desperate for a place to belongand something to hold onto, and she keeps hoping that Kurt will take pity onher. She has always envied the courage he has to be himself, and now that sheis scrambling to figure out who she is outside of high school, she seeks toally herself with him, thinking that maybe some of his self-determination willrub off on her and help her find her direction.

It takes until episode 6x03, when Kurt objects to her proposal toBrittany, for Santana to realize that she should stop killing herself to winKurt’s love and approval, as, in the end, she is probably never going to getit. Going forward, she doesn’t bear Kurt ill-will. She just isn’t as hung up onwhat he thinks of her, largely because she has found where she belongs and shehas a better sense of who she is, regardless of what anyone might think. Thesecurity she feels in her relationship with Brittany makes up for the insecurityshe feels in her relationship with Kurt (and also Rachel). She’ll be friendlywith them on a superficial level, but when they inevitably do something todisappoint her, she isn’t going to take it personally—not anymore.

This attitude towards Kurt is the one that Santana carries intoher wedding day, and it is what allows her to offer up her nuptials for Klaineto take part in as well. Everything that has happened between Santana and Kurtover the years is water under the bridge now, so if Brittany wants Klaine toget married at her and Santana’s wedding, then Santana is cool with it. She’sgame. She can be altruistic, and if Kurt notices, then awesome, but if not,that’s his deal. She doesn’t need his validation anymore. She is just going tobe herself.

Santanaand Blaine and Klaine’s Relationship

The central dynamic between Brittana and Klaine is always mostlybetween Brittana and Kurt, as neither Brittany nor Santana has much of apersonal relationship with Blaine beyond his being Kurt’s boyfriend/fiancé/husband. 

To this end, Santana and Blaine don’t often interact on a one-to-one basis, andmost of their exchanges center on and are filtered through Kurt.

On the few occasions when Santana does take notice of Blaine forreasons not directly related to Kurt, her interactions with him are notnecessarily positive.

In episode 2x12, Blainetana get off to a bad start when Blainesingles Santana out at BreadStix, singing to her that she may never find loveat all and compounding her already horrible, awful, no good, very badValentine’s Day by drawing attention to her loneliness and (inadvertently)playing on her fears.

Things get worse in S3 after Blaine transfers to WMHS from Daltonand immediately starts grabbing up solos left and right, exacerbating Santana’ssense that there is no place for her in an already crowded New Directions (seeepisode 3x04).

That said, though Santana does not have much love for Blaine on apersonal level, she is willing to tolerate him for Kurt’s sake.

In general, Santana follows the same rule as Brittany when itcomes to how she treats Blaine and his relationship with Kurt, which is to saythat, though she may not personally see Blaine’s appeal for Kurt or think that Blaineis a particularly good match for him, she acknowledges that if Blaine is Kurt’sman, then Blaine is Kurt’s man, and so treats him like a friend for Kurt’s sake.In her case, “treating Blaine like a friend for Kurt’s sake” translates to hersnarking at him as she does at Kurt but also protecting him like her own whenneeds be.

The place where this behavior from her is most apparent is inepisode 3x11, when she “goes to battle” against Sebastian Smythe after hethrows rock salt in Blaine’s eye, sending Blaine to the hospital. Her musicalduel against Sebastian and the reconnaissance work she does against him is allfor Blaine’s benefit, a way to prove that Sebastian is guilty and get him backgood for what he’s done.

To Santana, that’s just how one treats a friend’s significantother—and it’s what she would expect Kurt to do for Brittany were the situationreversed.

Note: Santana’s expectation that friends should respect theirfriends’ relationships even if they don’t necessarily like or “get” themunderlies her hurt when Kurt objects to her proposal to Brittany in S6. No matterhow she feels about Blaine, she would never undermine Kurt’s right to be withhim or place her objections over Kurt’s feelings.

Overall, Santana seems to view Blaine as conceited and feelannoyed with him for his grandstanding, but she still accepts that Kurt loveshim, and that’s good enough for her. The only time she ever truly “goes after”Kurt and Blaine’s relationship is in episode 6x03, after Kurt objects to herproposal to Brittany. In that case, she is lashing out to hurt Kurt because hehurt her first. In her mind, he broke the “your friend’s relationship is sacred”rule, so she’s punishing him for it, plain and simple. The fact that she laterforgives Kurt enough to let him and Blaine share in her wedding proves that herdiatribe was mostly a nervous reaction and that, underneath everything, shebears Klaine no real malice. Again, she is over it, and if Kurt wants to marryBlaine, then that’s his business, and she’ll respect his decision.

Blaineand Brittana

As stated above, Blaine doesn’t have many individual interactionswith either Brittany or Santana, as he knows them mostly through Kurt (and, inBrittany’s case, through Sam). 

That being the case, his views of the girls andtheir relationship seem mostly to fall in line with Kurt’s: He thinks Brittanyis dumb, Santana is mean, and Brittana is somewhat inexplicable. In general, heseems to be amused by the strangeness that is them, and he doesn’t really gettheir whole “thing,” but he plays it off because, well, why not?

On the few occasions when Brittana do nice things for him—such as when Santana protects him and Kurt from Karofsky in episode 2x17 or when Brittany invites him and Kurt to share in her and Santana’s weddding in 6x08—he is grateful, if befuddled, as he doesn’t really understand where the niceness is coming from.

Following Kurt’s lead, he never really pushes for a deeper or more intimate friendship with either Santana or Brittany or with Brittana as a couple. He seems mostly fine with the pleasant but superficial status quo and with Kurt being closer to the girls than he is. Whatever history is there, he’s not going to poke at. There is nothing that really personally compels him about Brittana, one way or the other.

Conclusion

Brittana and Klaine end the show as neither friends nor enemies.

Santana’s early bullying and Brittany’s seemingincomprehensibility put Kurt off on them early on, and Kurt’s inability tochange his opinions put them off on him later. Though over the years, they singplenty of songs together and show occasional care for one another, ultimately,they fail to achieve true understanding. To Kurt, Brittana are still asimpleton and a mean girl. He doesn’t recognize Brittany’s cleverness orSantana’s ooey-gooey center. To Brittana, Kurt is impossible. They feel theyhave tried to win his friendship to no avail, so now they’ve given up. Their relationshipstops just short of real intimacy. They have shared history, but they don’tbare their souls to one another.

In the end, Brittana and Klaine represent a failed experiment bothinside and outside of their fictional universe.

The writers tried to make “two same-sex couples as buddies” fetchhappen, but they never truly allowed the groups to overcome their rocky startswith each other. Their inability to scaffold and build up this friendshipcorrelates to a larger failure on their parts in the way that they wieldedSantana as a character—namely, that they never quite knew what to do with heronce they could no longer just straight up treat her as a villain following herdevelopment in S2.

They knew that Santana could be nice, but she made such aconvenient heavy that they were reluctant to label her a hero. Their attitudetoward her is reflected in Kurt’s treatment of her, and it accounts for many ofthe starts, stops, and stalls that she and Kurt experience over the years.

The same is also true to for Brittany and Kurt, as the writerswere never able to gracefully transition Brittany between what they had firstenvisioned her as in S1 and what they eventually made her into from S2 on, and,consequently, Kurt was never able to advance his views of her, either.

Since Kurt’s attitudes eventually became Blaine’s, the wholeBrittana and Klaine friendship stalled from the onset. For every one bondingmoment they experienced, there was always a fight or a misunderstanding or agrudge that prevented them from truly drawing close. Klaine keep their guards up. Brittana have hurt feelings and eventually move on.

Of course, none of this analysis is meant to discourage peoplefrom enjoying the idea of a Brittana and Klaine friendship in fic and fanon. It’sjust to say that, in canon, I think that the Glee writers choked in theirexecution and that the whole situation is a lot more complicated than itappears on the surface.

As for my own views on Klaine, I don’t personally ship them,though I respect those who do.

Sorry this answer turned into such a monster piece.

Thank you for the question!

[lesbianrpc]

writing a character with ocd: a guide written by a writer with ocd.

“so, you want to write a character with obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd), but you a.) aren't sure where to begin; b.) want to do it respectively and need some assistance; c.) don't trust what you've read online and want an inside perspective; or d.) all of the above. well, congratulations!  you've come to the right place.

i've had ocd since i was a child. it first manifested as childhood ocd, went away until puberty, and then came back as full-blown ocd. i was diagnosed officially (don't worry; your girl supports self-diagnosis) at age sixteen and have been through cognitive behavioral therapy as well as take medication for it to this day.

i'm here to give you the perspective of someone with ocd that you may be unfamiliar with thanks to the popularized "neat-freak" and other stereotypes. this is not to say this isn't accurate for other sufferers, but it's my hope that this guide will shed some light on a broader perception of ocd.

DISCLAIMER: this should not be used as medical advice or treatment. i am not a medical doctor or certified psychologist. please seek a doctor or certified psychologist for any and all medical treatment and advice. this guide is purely for FICTIONAL CHARACTER CREATION and not meant to be used for anything else.

1. WHAT IS OCD?

according to the international ocd foundation, it is a "mental health disorder that affects people of all ages and walks of life, and occurs when a person gets caught in a cycle of obsessions and compulsions.

OBSESSIONS are unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images or urges that trigger intensely distressing feelings. COMPULSIONS are behaviors an individual engages in to attempt to get rid of the obsessions and/or decrease [their] distress." (x)

the page goes on to state how most people deal with obsessive thoughts or compulsive behavior during their lives. this does not an ocd sufferer make. ocd arises when it becomes clear that the symptoms are so severe that it prevents the person from living their life in such a way that is meaningful to them. when the obsessions and compulsions consume time and get in the way of performing tasks that the person enjoys, then it's a disorder.

important terms for ocd:

intrusive thoughts (sometimes shortened to ITs)

overt compulsions (compulsions we can see like hand-washing, hair twirling, etc.)

covert compulsions (compulsions we can’t see such as counting, praying, etc.)

ego-dystonic (in order for something to qualify as an OCD symptom it must be this, which is defined as “[the symptoms] clash with the sufferer’s self-identity and cause distress”)

2. WHAT IS HAVING OCD LIKE?

there is a good example on the same above about page that i want to share, because i find it's very indicative.

again, from iocdf.

"imagine that your mind got stuck on a certain thought or image… then this thought or image got replayed in your mind over and over again no matter what you did… you don’t want these thoughts — it feels like an avalanche… along with the thoughts come intense feelings of anxiety… anxiety is your brain’s alarm system.  when you feel anxious, it feels like you are in danger.  anxiety is an emotion that tells you to respond, react, protect yourself, DO SOMETHING! on the one hand, you might recognize that the fear doesn’t make sense, doesn’t seem reasonable, yet it still feels very real, intense, and true… Why would your brain lie? why would you have these feelings if they weren’t true? feelings don’t lie…  do they? unfortunately, if you have OCD, they do lie.  if you have OCD, the warning system in your brain is not working correctly.  Your brain is telling you that you are in danger when you are not. when scientists compare pictures of the brains of groups of people with OCD, they can see that some areas of the brain are different than the brains of people who don’t have OCD. those tortured with OCD are desperately trying to get away from paralyzing, unending anxiety…"

ocd is often difficult to describe. it’s also a very diverse disorder. how i experience ocd may not be how anyone else with the disorder experiences it, so on and so forth. it's important to remember this, as there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to have ocd.

keeping this in mind, let's talk about some common obsessions.

3. OBSESSIONS

click here to review each of these common obsessions in detail. 

contamination

unwanted sexual thoughts

losing control

religious obsessions

harm

perfectionism 

concern with getting diseases or illnesses

superstitious ideas about lucky/unlucky numbers or certain colors

this leads us to the part where i tell you about PURE-O (click to read more about it in detail).

PURE-O also known as primarily obsessional OCD or purely obsessional OCD is OCD without overt compulsions or with covert compulsions.

if you click through the link, you’ll read that pure-o is - in laymen’s terms - a form of ocd that focuses either heavily or entirely on obsessions. the sufferer does not or does not often revert to compulsions to combat these obsessions. that is not to say compulsions don’t happen with pure-o, but they don’t revert to them as frequently as suffers with other forms of ocd.

with pure-o, this is where you'll often find the extensive list of acronyms. sufferers that deal with one or several obsessions over others will sometimes like to differentiate this.  the following are examples you may see:

COCD (could be Combination or Checking OCD)

ROCD (could be Relationship or Religious OCD)

HOCD (Homosexuality OCD)

SOCD (Sensorimotor OCD)

VOCD (Violent OCD)

so on and so forth; basically add a letter or two in front of OCD, and there you go.

anything can be an obsession, really, but these are what are considered ‘most common.’

so, with obsessions more or less covered, let’s talk about compulsions.

4. COMPULSIONS

click here to review each of these common compulsions in detail.

washing and cleaning

checking 

repeating (actions, phrases/words)

mental compulsions 

hoarding

putting items in order

telling, asking, or confessing to get reassurance

avoiding situations that will trigger obsessions

compulsions can be physical actions just as often as they can be mental gymnastics. the sided of ocd that most people are familiar with are the physical routines (washing, cleaning, checking locks, hoarding, etc.).  the mental routines are equally important to consider when writing a character with ocd, because for many people with ocd, in an effort to hide our illness, we’ll resort to “quiet” compulsions or ones that are easy to mask.

repeating things in our heads, reviewing events in sequence to ensure “good” outcome, praying because if we don’t pray something “bad” will happen, cancelling and redoing something until it feels right or good, and verbally checking with someone else to confirm events over and over again are lesser known but crucial characteristics for many people with ocd.

5. THERAPY AND TREATMENT

not all people with ocd seek or get treatment.  however, knowing firsthand how unbearable the disorder is, i believe it’s safe to say most are interested in some form of coping mechanisms or ‘healthier’ ways to deal with their disorder.

there are special types of therapy that work especially well with ocd sufferers.

cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) - this is the most common therapy given to ocd patients because it’s seen as the most effective and successful for this particular disorder. if your character has sought treatment for ocd, then this is likely the kind of treatment they were given.

exposure and response prevention (erp) aka exposure therapy - this is a subset of cbt and is almost always included in cbt. this is where the therapist will work with the patient in a controlled environment to expose the patient to triggers in order to retrain the brain to lessen anxiety when exposed.

psychotherapy - this is classic therapy wherein the patient verbally communicates concerns and experiences to a therapist whom listens and may offer some guidance toward personal insight. it’s largely passive and more centered around figuring out the how’s and the why’s as opposed to building tools or coping skills. it’s still helpful, especially for trauma.

here are the most common antidepressants given to ocd sufferers. medicine + cbt are the most effective treatments when paired together and maintained.

selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (ssri’s)

sertraline (zoloft)

paroxetine (paxil)

fluvoxamine (luvox)

fluoxetine (prozac)

citalopram (celexa)

escitalopram (lexapro)

if the patient doesn’t respond to ssri’s, sometimes a psychiatrist or doctor may try a tricyclic antidepressant (tca). this is the most common cleared for ocd treatment:

clomipramine (anafranil)

the serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (snri) most commonly used is:

venlafaxine (effexor)

IN SUMMARY...

ocd is a very diverse disorder. if you do not personally suffer from it but want to write a character (which i encourage!) who does, please keep this in mind. here are some fast fact tips:

your character can and likely should have more than one obsession and compulsion. of course, they can have their main/central ones where others are less common and only arise for certain triggers

ocd suffers very, very often partake in STIMMING

ocd can be a spectrum in that there may be days where your character is functioning very well but others where they can’t even leave the house or perform simple tasks because of obsessions and the need to perform compulsions. they can be late to events or not go at all. they can be completely incapacitated by their ocd

anxiety is nearly constant unless the obsessions are sated, and this should reflect in your character’s actions (eyes darting, hands fidgeting, stuttering, fast heartbeat, etc.)

there’s often a lot of guilt, shame, and embarrassment involved in ocd, especially if others become involved or witness compulsions

ocd can be treated and sufferers can live happy, productive lives if the disorder is continuously treated with therapy, meds, or a combination of the two

your muse can and should have multiple coping mechanism methods

do your research

be open to criticism

HELPFUL LINKS

Kinds of OCD

OCD Masterlist 

OCD Treatment Options

Coping Mechanisms

Managing Your OCD at Home

happy writing!

[lets-idont-even-know]

1-123

1: My name? -Haleigh 2: Do I have any nicknames? -not anymore 3: Zodiac sign? -Gemini 4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? -Fallout ¾, The Last of Us, NBA 2k16, FIFA 16 5: Book/series I reread? -Paper Towns 6: Aliens or ghosts? -BOTH UGH don’t get me started 7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? -idk honestly 8: Favourite radio station? -Hot 107.9 out of Fort Wayne 9: Favourite flavour of anything? -cherry limeade slushes from Sonic 10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? -Phenomenal or Lit 11: Favourite song? -Sleepover 12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? -what’s something that isn’t a secret, you just don’t tell people because they don’t generally ask? 13: Favourite word? -Yikes 14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? -Yes 15: Last song I listened to? -Headlines by Drake 16: TV show I always recommend? -Californication 17: Pirates or ninjas? -Ninjas 18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? -White Chicks 19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? -It ain’t me 20: Favourite video games? -Same ones as my other question 21: What am I most afraid of? -being forgotten 22: A good quality of mine? -I’m funny 23: A bad quality of mine? -I have a habit of taking things too far 24: Cats or dogs? -lmao dogs 25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? -Meryl Streep 26: Favourite season? - Summer 27: Am I in a relationship? -yessss ☺ 28: Something I miss? -Her kisses 29: My best friend? -Her name is Ashlyn ☺ 30: Eye colour? -Blueish grey 31: Hair colour? -Dark Brown 32: Someone I love? -My best friend 33: Someone I trust? -Faith 34: Someone I always think about? -Faith 🙈 35: Am I excited about anything? -My possible internship opportunity 36: My current obsession? -sunsets 37: Favourite TV shows as a child? -Wizards of Waverly Place 38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? -yesssssss his name is Cuba 39: Am I superstitious? -sometimes 40: What do I think about most? -Moving 41: Do I have any strange phobias? -I don’t like hair when it’s not attached to the head 42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? -Behind 43: Favourite hobbies? -Playing video games and playing my ukulele 44: Last book I read? -I’m reading Looking for Alaska again so it’ll be the last book I read 45: Last film I watched? -Blended 46: Do I play any instruments? -ukulele and I used to play others but not anymore 47: Favourite animal? -a wolf 48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? @youknow-me-not-my-story @place0fperfecti0n @meghanjordyn @alleycat9978 @khaleesi-alexandra 49: Superpower I wish I could have? -mind reading or flying 50: How do I destress? -Playing video games 51: Do I like confrontation? -eh not really 52: When do I feel most at peace? -when I’m talking to her 53: What makes me smile? -Faith 54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? -what kind of question…. off 55: Play any sports? -used to 56: What is my song of the week? -Sleepover 57: Favourite drink? -Pepsi 58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? -Faith in a package she received yesterday 59: Afraid of heights? -nope 60: Pet peeve? -semis passing other semis 61: What was the last concert I went to see? -I don’t even remember 62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? -no 63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? -lawyer. Or a professional basketball player 64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? -lol yeah 65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? -supernatural 66: Something I worry about? -Time 67: Scared of the dark? -yes and no 68: Who are my best friends? -Faith, Ashlyn, Katie, Kayleigh, and the rest of my friend group 69: What do I admire most about others? -their confidence 70: Can I sing? -I’ve been told I can so I guess so 71: Something I wish I could do? -Drive a race car, I think that’d be lit 72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? -Buy a house wherever I wanted, move Faith in with me, and go after the job of my dreams and help her get the job of hers 73: Have I ever skipped school? -Yes lmao 74: Favourite place on the planet? -her arms honesty 75: Where do I want to live? -somewhere not too far from the beach but not with a high cost of living 76: Do I have any pets? -A lil pup 77: What is my current desktop picture? -A concert with a caption on it but I can’t remember what it says 78: Early bird or night owl? -night owl 79: Sunsets or sunrise? -hard omg. Ummm sunsets 80: Can I drive? -yeah 81: Story behind my last kiss? -it was at an airport and I don’t wanna talk about it 🙃 82: Earphones or headphones? -earphones 83: Have I ever had braces? -yep 84: Story behind one of my scars? -ummmm well I was teaching my friend to poll vault and I didn’t have shoes on and she spiked me down my ankle and into my foot and I had to get stitches 85: Favourite genre of music? -pop 86: Who is my hero? -Selena Gomez 87: Favourite comic book character? -I don’t have one 88: What makes me really angry? -Learning things about myself I didn’t know and that aren’t true 89: Kindle or real book? -Real book 90: Favourite sporty activity? -Basketball 91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? I’m not sure how to answer that question honestly 92: What was my favourite subject at school? -in high school, history. In college, personal training 93: Siblings? -1 brother 94: What was the last thing I bought? -Calvin Klein boxers 95: How tall am I? -5'7 96: Can I cook? -basic stuff 97: Can I bake? -if I follow a recipe 98: 3 things I love? -pizza, video games, music 99: 3 things I hate? -traffic, when the mcflurry machine is down, and when certain freeze machines are down at Taco Bell 100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? -girls 101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? -girls 102: Where was I born? -Indiana 103: Sexual orientation? -gay as hell 104: Where do I currently live? -Ohio unfortunately 105: Last person I texted? -Faithhhh 😘 106: Last time I cried? -ummmmm last week I think 107: Guilty pleasure? -ummmm idk honestly 108: Favourite Youtuber? -Mamrie Hart or Krissychula 109: A photo of myself. I’ll post next 110: Do I like selfies? -not really because I’m a toe 111: Favourite game app? -family feud 112: My relationship with my parents? -pretty good honestly 113: Favourite accents? -Italian 114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? -Italy 115: Favourite number? -13 116: Can I juggle? -yeah actually 117: Am I religious? -yeah 118: Do I like space? -it’s my favorite thing ever 119: Do I like the deep ocean? -yes omg 120: Am I much of a daredevil? -depends 121: Am I allergic to anything? -Bullshit 122: Can I curl my tongue? -yeah 123: Can I wiggle my ears?

-no

[63824peace]

Friday, 4th of november 2005

Three major institutions have collaborated to develop a new type of rice. It will prevent hay-fever attacks induced by cedar pollen. The National Institute of Agro-Biological Sciences, the Institute of Medical Science at the University of Tokyo, and the University of Shimane have worked together to refine the medicinal food.

The engineered rice has a special protein attached. The special protein is actually an allergen found in cedar pollen. When a person eats the rice, his body gradually creates antibodies to the allergen. He builds immunity. I've heard that experimental mice sneezed at one-third their usual rates after they were inoculated with the rice. For the experiment's next phase they'll test the rice's toxicity on rats and crab-eating macaques.

I wonder when it will see practical use. I doubt that they'll have it ready in time for next spring.

As long as they're engineering something like this, I'd prefer that they develop a variety of foods instead of just sticking to rice. It would be even better if the substance were liquid. I expect to see cedar pollen allergen food products sold in many stores within two or three years.

I noticed that Murashu wrote about the material that was cut from Anubis in his October 31 entry of Murashu Trek. Well, perhaps I ought to say that I stole a peek at it rather than "I noticed it." It's an industry insider's blog after all.

I read about the material that Murashu had created and cut. It was titled The Boy in Atlantis. As I read I remembered my own ideas for Anubis.

I had suggested two plots. The first story was called Celestial Religion.

In the story, humanity roves through space. The experience gives rise to new religious outlooks.

Historical astronauts have actually given accounts of experiences that attest to a whole new perspective borne from space travel. We glean a new way of thinking once we are freed from Earth's gravitation... like the liberation of leaving the womb... a new epistemology felt in space and nowhere else.

In the story, humanity experiences this epiphany on a mass scale. The occasion marks the birth of a new and personal sense of religious feeling.

Anubis is also a story about humanity going into space. Once there, human beings adopt a new attitude toward their environment.

In my scenario, a multitude of religions appear out of the new, extraterrestrial perspective. Those neophyte religions face off against the terrestrials' religious perspectives. A confrontation flares up against traditional religions.

The conflict is called The Celestial Dispute, and it erupts between those living on Earth and those living in space. The Celestial Dispute becomes a source of terrorism, and war breaks loose at the end.

That was the gist of Celestial Religion.

The other story was titled Stellar Procreation.

As in Celestial Religion, humanity must confront a big problem when it leaves Earth's atmosphere. People discover that they can't reproduce by natural means in space. The phenomenon's cause is a mystery. No one knows whether it's caused by the low-gravity environment or the shuttles carrying people into space. Whatever the cause, the result is that sperm can't operate normally in outer space.

Extraterrestrial fertilization is therefore impossible. Since fertilization can't happen in space, humanity living in space must rely upon either artificial insemination or copulation on Earth.

Sperm trading becomes a big factor in the economy. The Earth faction takes advantage of the circumstances and places restrictions on fertilization for space-dwellers. Birth control equals population control, of course. The Earth faction assumes a position of great power.

And suddenly a new type of individual appears: the Reproducer, who can fertilize even in space.

A fight ensues over the new Reproducer type. What is the Reproducer's true identity? That's the meat of Stellar Procreation.

I had another idea in which I combined the two stories. By the time I finished putting it together, the main character was a biological father and a clerical Father!

The staff said, "Are you serious? A lot of trouble could come of this!" Even Murashu was alarmed and turned a deaf ear to my ideas. Murashu is less of a creative novelist and most of a broadcast writer after all.

I always hold to this theory: "Stories depend upon their plots. Science fiction's ideas are its essence. And science fiction requires a unique, peculiar narrative context."

Anubis isn't my game though. It belongs to Murashu and his staff. I didn't push my ideas any further.

I remembered all of that just now.

I ate menchi-katsu for lunch at the restaurant Mikawaya. Afterwards I went to the Cold Stone Creamery that opened yesterday.

I heard that Roppongi has Japan's first Cold Stone. I haven't seen the television announcement for it in quite a while. "Cold Stone Creamery arrives in Japan!"

And the line is so long! Lots of people stand in the queue carrying bags and luggage. Most of them are probably tourists rather than office workers.

I'll likely squander my whole lunch break standing in line. I heard that people had to wait in line for three hours yesterday during the grand opening. I guess I'll give up on the bookstore and the CD shop today.

Some Konami employees teased me while I stood in line. They were on their way back to the office after their lunch break.

"What? You got a problem with a grandpa eating ice cream in winter?!"

A person must remain interested in everything、even the taste of ice cream in winter. Curiosity is the key to preserving creativity and keeping young. This perspective helped me tolerate their banter, along with a little orneriness.

I bought ice cream after waiting only twenty minutes.

Cold Stone's specialty is the clerks' chorus. The employees sing a particular song if a customer asks. The clerks sounded like they weren't entirely used to singing together yet. I detected a hint of self-consciousness.

The shop girl recommended the Strawberry Blonde flavor, so I tried a cup. It wasn't as sweet as I had expected-- it was really good.

I'll come back here again.

Murashu got me a poster.

"This should be a treat for someone who likes both the Vitruvian Man and Spiderman," he said, and then suddenly presented the poster as a gift!

I wasn't sure what all this meant. I wondered if I had done something wrong.

I'm glad anyway. Thank you Murashu.

I saw the Christmas decorations in front of the Hills on my way home. The lights weren't turned on yet, but they were being tested.

Roppongi Hills was plastered with posters for the Tokyo International Film Festival just a few days ago, yet today the Christmas decorations have already been installed. I can't keep up with all this. Time flies by too quickly.

I hadn't thought that the Hills could change its appearance so quickly. The transition seems too easy.

I'm pleased that the Hills can emulate the spirit of the season, mind you. I'm simply a bit dejected that the quick turnaround has also helped to end autumn. I would have liked some of the ambience to have lingered, at least a little bit.

The city streets and people's fashions all change according to the seasons. Game creation doesn't really allow us to sense the seasons because our work lasts so long. The production site knows nothing of winter or summer.

Our windows are blanked with blinds, and our climate control is balanced all year round. Each person must go out of his way to develop a relationship with the outside world.

We live in a country with such powerfully distinct seasons, and it seems wasteful to ignore them. That's why I try to go outside at lunch and in the evening, as often as I can. I feel a tremendous sense of exclusion when I learn that the seasons have rushed ahead without me.

I bought Mr. Hiroyuki Kurokawa's new book Ansho. The duo returns-Ninomiya from Ninomiya Planning and Kuwahara from the Nichokai yakuza group! This is the third book in the series, preceded by Yakubyo-gami and Kokkyo. This time the story is set in Okinawa.

I've already begun reading another book, but I flirted with Ansho anyway. I read about fifty pages. Wow... this one looks like it will be interesting too. I want to read it soon.

Every time I read one of Mr. Kurokawa's books, I feel really glad that I'm a Kansai native. The Kansai folk living in Big Tokyo ought to read his books. I'm sure they'll feel proud of their roots.

At night I swam in the gym and then ate a healthy meal.

I'll spend some time tomorrow writing my article for Hyper Playstation2 magazine. I'll write about Kamen Rider: THE FIRST.

I should watch the movie first thing in the morning.

Is it time to put on my mask? Or is it time to remove it?

Either way, I've aged beyond the point of transformation.

[fic-dreamin]

Spellbinding and enchanting Anjali Sachdeva’s spellbinding stories in her debut book “All The Names They Used For God” combine life’s harsh realities and losses with a mysticism that is sometimes redeeming, sometimes disturbing, but always enchanting. In the powerful title story — straight from recent headlines — two Nigerian girls kidnapped by a militant religious organization not only survive but exact a satisfying revenge using the dark arts. An angel, a mermaid, and a group of alien overlords with a long list of peculiarities are among the cast of characters that Sachdeva expertly, and believably, weaves into these nine stories. Alongside the mysticism, science also plays a prominent role, most strikingly in the emotionally devastating “Pleiades” that caps this wonderfully varied collection of stories. “All The Names They Used For God” is a must-read debut by a major new writer. Go to Amazon

Fantastic Book, Amazing Read These short stories will leave you breathless. While reading, you'll find yourself looking up at the clock to notice another hour has gone by as you've gotten more and more engrossed in the stories.They're smart, funny, sad, and quite heavy at times. My book club selected this and everyone loved it, making it a front-runner for favorite book of the year. 10/10! Go to Amazon

Storytelling of this caliber is few and far between Dang if this collection didn’t convince me I should read more short stories. Then again, storytelling of this caliber is far and few between. The breadth of Sachdeva’s imagination is incredible: one moment, you’re alone with a spelunking Albino; the next, you’re watching as your fellow citizens duly accept a bizarre physical modification enforced (enforked?) upon them by alien invaders. Other subjects include: a mermaid, a man with a glass lung and a divining rod, and, in the titular story, two captives of Boko Haram. And it’s all done so lyrically, with a mythical tilt. Definitely one of the best books I’ve read this year (much better, for instance, than The Mars Room, which I’d read just before)—and the pages go by as quickly as ideas and imagery within them linger. Go to Amazon

Fresh Approach to Vexing Social Questions How I have enjoyed this new entry into the Science Fiction genre, All the Names They Used for God! Go to Amazon

A wonderful read. Every story an original. A wonderful read. Go to Amazon

Completely original and beautifully written I can't quite put my head around this book, but I know it's nothing like I've ever read before. I found the stories strange and beautiful and horrifying. The writing is entrancing and gorgeous. I ate it up like a bowl of soup. Go to Amazon

Unputdownable Excellent from start to finish. Each story is so carefully crafted, so easily relatable, and written with such richness I felt myself a little more put together and a little more undone after each one. Gave me some Black Mirror vibes at some points so if youre a fan of that series, you may very well like this. Go to Amazon

This was a perfect book club pick The breadth of Sachdeva's imagination is staggering in this sharp, creative collection of short stories, whose prose soars. This was a perfect book club pick, as there were so many layers to her prismatic work -- feminist, fabular, mystical. I've never read anything quite like this book before, with its outrageous plot lines and observations about staring straight at the unknowable forces that shape our lives, be they nature, religion, science. Go to Amazon

well written I just was absorbed from page 1 to the end ... Thanks Surreal and Wonderful A surprising delight that was extremely hard to put down. Definitely has some literary value. Loneliness, it drives us to seek Amazing and lovely reading A beautiful, magical story collection Wonderful collection of short stories! Not good enough.

[presidentsims]

Will... I Am Here Forever

Will… I Am Here Forever

I remember how it began and how it is supposed to end. I mean I did not come here to argue about religion or semantics. Shit I fucked up many of times and got diagnosed as bipolar and schizophrenic by doctors in two different states. I lost my drivers license and ride my bike everywhere but I remembered that I traded a physical car for a spiritual car with a dope Co-pilot that has followed every instruction written in time. I do not remember who you are but you remembered that I like to work and three’s and flourish when someone threatens a good time. It funny how religious scholars and just regular people who follow a religion, in general, think their “God” would come back performing magical shit to send the world over the edge. Imagine if you saw a guy walking around turning water into wine, blowing trumpets, and calling for their disciples to begin the process to destroy the world and start a new everlasting Heaven with Jesus or 72 virgins. I sorry but that is not how this story ends, quite honestly this story will never end if we do not learn to love each other for who we are and just chill.

There once was a kid that wanted to know why everything was so black and white, why their was good and evil. Why a good person goes to Heaven and a bad person went to Hell. So he dug deep and found the answer and started spreading shit he shouldn’t have. O the universe had to fix itself and he lost his mind. By the time he lost his mind it was too late, people started using the words he said to control the simple minded and gain power for themselves. Over time the world started changing and a small amount of chaos start to ensue in different parts of the world and humanity kept trying to fix it by building. They built rules, regulations, and governments. They built structures, industries, and culture. The more they built, the more they had to build to maintain i=order in the world they were creating. Now here we are in 2017 demolishing the system they built with love, understanding, and a little bit of humor. The thing is you can not destroy a civilization with politics, because that leads to war. War will lead to total chaos and total chaos will lead to well… The end.

Many people may be lost by the words that I am speaking but that is okay because if you keep reading you will start to understand the words that you read from these pages. This is not a biography, but it sure as hell isn’t fictional story. I mean you can believe it is, I would not be mad. I’ve lost my mind to many times trying to find the right words to find myself again. Yeah I am the kid that found out the purpose of good and evil. I am the kid that tried to figure this shit out. I am the kid that ruined the world trying to make it better. The thing is we are going to keep building until… Well we find a solution to something that is simple to fix. We are going to build something that will destroy the Earth before we can reach an enlighten stage and we are going to start all over and live this same life. Why? Well I tested a perfect system and I am suppose to learn a lesson. I have learned the lesson already multiple times but Man as a whole has not learned the lesson because I’ve always either killed myself before I wrote this story, shared the story, or I lived my in silence with my best friend secretly sharing the story with each other to ensure we both weren’t crazy. We both have anxiety problems. He takes anxiety medications to help him and I smoke cigarettes. We are the living breathing definition of fight or flight.

So what am I trying to get at with this story? Well I found my true love, with tattoos, art, music, and drugs I can now say I am ready to tell the story and fix the attempt to fix the world. I am down to the hardest part because I do not know if I have been here before. I could lose my mind again… If I do I will kill myself but if I can make it through this fall without ending up in the hospital again. I will know this is how it all begins again, this is how we make it to a happy heaven like place. The science and religious talk is going to get weird but I have taken enough time away. Plus my love looks good with his deer tattoo, lol I don’t even care if I have sex with him. We just chill, smoke, and talk. This religion built and created by “God” has trained the human psyche to group up find someone to love and marry them and have a family and kid with them. I but I never read that shit in my bible. Then again I never finished the bible in this lifetime. Anyways a majority of the population runs around looking for that person to love but in all actuality we just looking for someone to fuck or hold us and give us their attention when no one else does. That lifestyle may be for you but it’s not for everyone, you could say I am a lonely gay guy just writing of that fantasy because I will never find love but I find love in so many other ways.

This will not be your regular love story about how a two people find each other and fall in love with each others. This is a love story about a person who loves them self so much it blossoms into the atmosphere around them. I bet you’re tired of my rambling and would love to know where it all began? Well it all started with this nerd I had my eyes on from middle school through High school. It was the middle school field day and there he was, a tall nerdy 8th grader they looked like Harry Potter. It was love at first sight, I did not know what sex was, I was just attracted to him and I wanted to hangout and play video games and just talk about shit. Well I let that go because guys should not like other guys. I grew up in a very religious family. Well then boom out came all the middle school lesbians guiding me to being comfortable with the idea of being gay. Lol I remember I dated this one girl in middle school as a bread so people would stop calling me gay. By the time 7th grade rolled around I was the best wingman, I would stand in front of my friend and the girl she was talking to and blocked the teachers view so they could kiss on the playground. Then it began I started looking for someone to kiss, someone to like, someone be with.

Once I made it to high school along came another nerdy white kid in choir, the kid that outed and changed my life forever. See when I was a freshman my sister was a senior and my brother was a junior. We all went to the same school so when one person finds out you’re gay everyone does. Eventually my brother and sister found out but they pretended like they didn’t know, people at my church found out and they started making rude comments about being gay in bible study and hinting to my youth pastor that I was gay. Once that happened I said fuck it and started looking for someone to kiss and hold in public, not just a person to fuck me. Actually I don’t even get fucked anymore that whole situation just kind of ruined bottoming for me. Well along came my best friend. This cute little artist in my biology class, I mean he did not become my best friend until my senior year of school when he moved in with me because of person beef with his parents that I still do not understand. To be honest I could write a whole book on our friendship… But I mean ugh that is not what we are here for. Something’s have to remain a secret, but I love a good deer. Then along came my first real relationship, that nerdy kid I had a crush on in middle school… Yeah I went for him, I went the sweet route. I went to a football game with our mutual friends and brought him food from the concession. When that didn’t work I started texting him everyday. I mean he was a quiet kid but he was fun as fuck. Eventually I gave up the sweet shit and when straight for the kids heart… I offered him a blowjob :) Shit I got to stop offering guys blowjobs. Some guys think that shit is weird and call you a rapist.

So after I gave him a blowjob I played the waiting game. All the way up to prom, I noticed he was going to prom with his friends and I was going to prom with my girl that I will always love no matter how crazy she drives me. Well, my dumbass friend decided to wear some high ass hooker heels to prom and decided to leave 20 minutes into prom so there I was at prom all alone having a good as time and in comes Christian looking fine as ever. That was the night I asked to dance.The night we fell in love. Shit, I said this was not your typical love story but your heart is probably melting right now. Well, stick around because this is where it all begins. This is where I found out what the world calls love. Holy shit this story is about to get good fuck. Ambiguity begins for those of you who do not know who am I am. The truth is being told to my friends who know my story. Thanks to Will I am found again. By the grace of God I am here to stay forever. I am not a writer so feel free to edit..

[studentsofshield]

A Story of (Secret) Empires Past and Present

By Vincent Faust

(This was originally published on April 20, 2017)

Marvel just officially kicked off their summer 2017 event story Secret Empire this week with the #0 issue. To say this event is controversial would be a gross understatement. Secret Empire is being written by Nick Spencer. In the lead up to the big event, Spencer has been writing the two ongoing Captain America comics.

The last major Marvel relaunch was All-New All-Different in fall/winter of 2015. One of the books in the first wave was Captain America: Sam Wilson by Nick Spencer and Daniel Acuña. That book already kicked off with controversy thanks to a repurposing of the classic Serpent Society as anti-immigration militant vigilantes. Conservative media pundits like Fox and Friends provided their critical commentary on the issue. One of the hosts concludes the segment by saying “keep politics out of comic books, that’s what I say.”

Sam Wilson is of course the hero who once went by Falcon (and still does in the film adaptations). Wilson has been a longtime companion of Steve Roger’s (the original Captain America). When Steve Rogers had his super soldier serum drained from his body, he reverted to an older and more feeble physical appearance. No longer quite able to do the flips and throw the shield properly, he passed the mantle onto Sam.

Captain America: Sam Wilson has dealt with various real world issues since its controversial debut. In addition to illegal immigration, Sam has tackled police brutality, campus protests, and others. Writer Nick Spencer even found time to bring underrated 1990s Avenger and New Warrior Rage back into the spotlight.

That series served as the flagship leading into the lower key crossover Avengers: Standoff. It was discovered that private intelligence group S.H.I.E.L.D. was hiding and manipulating super villains into believing they were idyllic suburbanites in a town called Pleasant Hill. All the Avengers teams (and some worthless no-name books) got involved to investigate and expose this shady deal. The finale somehow ended up with the discovery of a cosmic cube that manifests itself in the form of a little girl named Kobik. The epilogue ramification of Standoff involved Kobik restoring Steve Rogers to his peak physical form.

In the aftermath, another former Captain America, Bucky Barnes aka the Winter Soldier took it upon himself to watch over Kobik alongside his new Thunderbolts team. The revitalized Steve Rogers then got his own series aptly titled Captain America: Steve Rogers. If the opening of Sam’s book got people riled up, Steve’s took it to a whole other level.

The final page of the book features Steve uttering the infamous words “Hail Hydra.” The secret signifier than one is a member or ally of the evil terrorist organization H.Y.D.R.A. This angered many people because Hydra has a very specific history. It was founded by the Red Skull and his lackeys in the twilight years of World War II. In Nazi Germany. Skull was initially an underling and protege of Adolf Hitler himself. So to make Captain America, the iconic symbol of liberty and justice, an agent of a quasi-Nazi organization was clearly going to ruffle some feathers. This is further compounded by the history of Captain America. Who in his first appearance socked Hitler in the jaw. And who was created by two Jewish Americans in 1941. Joe Simon and Jack Kirby were actually picketed by the Nazi Party of America, as the character debuted prior to Pearl Harbor and the United States’ entry into the war. Furthermore, this year is actually the centennial of Kirby’s birth.

If you ask some people, Nick Spencer has just further dug his own hole. At first everyone assumed that this was a kooky science fiction story about implanted memories that Steve would finally resist and break free of. With this week’s issue, the wrinkle expands. It turns out that the Nazis actually won WWII in the Marvel Universe originally. The Allies then used the power of a cosmic cube to alter history in a last ditch attempt. So, actually Captain America has been a Nazi the entire time and Kobik simply awakened the dormant conscience that was buried by the 1940s alteration of the timeline.

Steve’s evil plan seems to involve a literal mass murder cleansing. As of yet, there does not seem to be any ethnic or religious motivation to his actions. He wants to undermine the superhero community, some of that seen in the previous event Civil War II, and then manipulate the alien Chitauri to invade Earth. He wants millions to die so that he can build a “stronger” society out of the ashes.

Secret Empire has literally just started, so it’s difficult to guess what Spencer and Marvel have up their sleeves to guide us through this event and then conclude things. I truly can’t think of a really great way to wrap this arc up without permanently soiling Steve Rogers.

However, as has been the popular with Marvel storylines of recent years, Secret Empire actually lifted its name from a previous story.

The original Secret Empire arc was written by Steve Englehart and drawn by Sal Buscema. It appeared in Captain America Vol 1 169-176 in January to August, 1974. 

The Secret Empire of this original story was a sect within Hydra focuses on infiltrating the United States government. Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson investigated, eventually leading to “Number One,” the leader of this rogue movement. Cap chased Number One through the White House and into the Oval Office, where the villain revealed his identity. Steve was shocked to discover his foe to be a high ranking American official. Number One then committed suicide in front of Rogers. It is heavily implied that Number One was in fact the President of the United States. Who at that time would have been the scandal-embroiled Richard Nixon.

In the aftermath of hunting and exposing the Secret Empire, Steve Rogers was disillusioned with the US government and made the decision to abandon his Captain America costume and title. This led to his stint as Nomad.

It is intriguing to look at these two eponymous arcs side by side. They share the same basic themes, but the hero of one becomes the villain of the next. It’s almost surreal. I am beyond curious to see how, and if, Nick Spencer actually ties these two stories together and how he resolves his own take on the Secret Empire concept.

Let me know in the comments below how you initially reacted to all these controversial stories. Has your opinion changed as the subsequent ones have come out? What role do you see political issues having in superhero comics?

[fic-dreamin]

Spellbinding and enchanting Anjali Sachdeva’s spellbinding stories in her debut book “All The Names They Used For God” combine life’s harsh realities and losses with a mysticism that is sometimes redeeming, sometimes disturbing, but always enchanting. In the powerful title story — straight from recent headlines — two Nigerian girls kidnapped by a militant religious organization not only survive but exact a satisfying revenge using the dark arts. An angel, a mermaid, and a group of alien overlords with a long list of peculiarities are among the cast of characters that Sachdeva expertly, and believably, weaves into these nine stories. Alongside the mysticism, science also plays a prominent role, most strikingly in the emotionally devastating “Pleiades” that caps this wonderfully varied collection of stories. “All The Names They Used For God” is a must-read debut by a major new writer. Go to Amazon

Fantastic Book, Amazing Read These short stories will leave you breathless. While reading, you'll find yourself looking up at the clock to notice another hour has gone by as you've gotten more and more engrossed in the stories.They're smart, funny, sad, and quite heavy at times. My book club selected this and everyone loved it, making it a front-runner for favorite book of the year. 10/10! Go to Amazon

Storytelling of this caliber is few and far between Dang if this collection didn’t convince me I should read more short stories. Then again, storytelling of this caliber is far and few between. The breadth of Sachdeva’s imagination is incredible: one moment, you’re alone with a spelunking Albino; the next, you’re watching as your fellow citizens duly accept a bizarre physical modification enforced (enforked?) upon them by alien invaders. Other subjects include: a mermaid, a man with a glass lung and a divining rod, and, in the titular story, two captives of Boko Haram. And it’s all done so lyrically, with a mythical tilt. Definitely one of the best books I’ve read this year (much better, for instance, than The Mars Room, which I’d read just before)—and the pages go by as quickly as ideas and imagery within them linger. Go to Amazon

Fresh Approach to Vexing Social Questions How I have enjoyed this new entry into the Science Fiction genre, All the Names They Used for God! Go to Amazon

A wonderful read. Every story an original. A wonderful read. Go to Amazon

Completely original and beautifully written I can't quite put my head around this book, but I know it's nothing like I've ever read before. I found the stories strange and beautiful and horrifying. The writing is entrancing and gorgeous. I ate it up like a bowl of soup. Go to Amazon

Unputdownable Excellent from start to finish. Each story is so carefully crafted, so easily relatable, and written with such richness I felt myself a little more put together and a little more undone after each one. Gave me some Black Mirror vibes at some points so if youre a fan of that series, you may very well like this. Go to Amazon

This was a perfect book club pick The breadth of Sachdeva's imagination is staggering in this sharp, creative collection of short stories, whose prose soars. This was a perfect book club pick, as there were so many layers to her prismatic work -- feminist, fabular, mystical. I've never read anything quite like this book before, with its outrageous plot lines and observations about staring straight at the unknowable forces that shape our lives, be they nature, religion, science. Go to Amazon

I just was absorbed from page 1 to the end ... Thanks Surreal and Wonderful A surprising delight that was extremely hard to put down. Definitely has some literary value. Loneliness, it drives us to seek Amazing and lovely reading A beautiful, magical story collection Wonderful collection of short stories! Not good enough. It was a great read.