#in fact it wasn’t even ten years. I watched Liam on X factor the first year he auditioned the year before 1d

[sportsthoughts]

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[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour Three

Almost halfway through this hour, which is almost halfway through this day, is the point where Louis Tomlinson stops having fucks left to give and starts getting real. He’s still a professional throughout hour three (not like Harry in hour two, oof), but god, how??? Everything here is a disaster, and it’s infuriating when you consider that a) this must have been somewhat planned out (the band is HUGE, allegedly 32 million people are watching), and b) it’s being produced in LA, presumably with easy access to professionals who have had some experience with live shows (since, what, the 1930s???). Anyway, I would have loved to hear the choice words Louis no doubt had for Ben Winston when he ran away during one of the Google+ Hangouts, lmao.

When I first watched this two years back, Niall’s nervous laughter nearly drove me insane, but this time around, I’m loving the subtle nuances w/r/t wtf is happening on this here day as Louis’s rage starts to climb and Niall’s Slytherin core starts to emerge. Deets under the cut.

Niall and Louis literally burst through a paper wall to launch hour three and reveal Niall’s lilac hair (also revealed: the fact that Niall’s “a diva,” according to Louis). The color’s hardly even noticeable, but Niall’s all worked up about it, and I’m betting he had to do this because he has no tattoos, so everyone wanted to freak his Virgo ass out with something “permanent.”

The first bit is so tiresome (Louis’s childhood friend, Stan, forcing the Milkshake City staff to perform the world’s sleepiest version of “Rock Me”), but I’m a huge fan of Stan’s for the Larry purple dildo video alone (ICONIC; ping me if you need a link), plus I love the tidbit about the time Harry came in for a milkshake for himself and “a friend back at home.”

After we survive this long-ass bit of fill, Louis and Stan take the piss out of each other and banter a bit with Niall, which is all pretty hilarious and also makes me sad in the key of “oh how I wish that was me.”

Because it wasn’t at all tedious in hour one, it’s time for another Guinness Book of World Records challenge (Louis: “Of course it is”), this time balancing coins on faces. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know that men are at peak hotness between the ages of 32 and 36? This guy is 22 years old, doing the stupidest task ever, help me, Jeebus:

Next up is the randomizer, which randomly pulls celebrity videos, and this is when the in-ears start acting up for Louis, who’s midway through Robbie Williams asking them for the best live performer they’ve ever seen, prompting Louis to give Ben the evil eye off camera and go off script to say Michael Buble, ha.

Some random sports man (update: Doncaster Rovers manager) demands that they do pressups up and burpees, and Louis gives us a surprisingly strong and steady nine pressups before proving why he’s most relatable:

After fits of unnecessary laughter from Niall, and a lot of exasperation about the technical problems so far from Louis (friend, you’ve seen nowt yet), we get the best VT from this entire day, the iconic bts video for “Talk Dirty to Me,” and if you watch nothing from any of this, please tell me you’ve seen it in full for Zayn the goofball! Liam’s hanky code shoutouts! Harry’s hip chub! Louis and his glorious torso! Niall in full Farmer Ted mode!

Next up, we get astronauts congratulating the D from space, and whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean, honestly, WHY? Are these astronauts fans? Is anyone besides Niall into space? I know there’s an intense interest in making space interesting for teens (how many times have people on the international space station beamed their way into MTV award shows at this point), but whyyyyy.

Scott tells us we’ll soon see Doctor Who (mild interest from Nouis) and Simon Cowell (Louis: “SIMON COWELL, WOO HOO, I LOVE THAT GUY!” Niall: “Simon GROWL”), but first up is Doctor Who, and this is where the wheels fall off the bus, technically speaking. First, there’s a 15-minute delay (!!), so Nouis are standing around while the Doctor handles some other interview for the BBC. Eventually, they connect, and Louis makes the understatement of the year (“This is gonna be tough”) as both the video and audio go full Inception and echo in and around each other to make us all woozy:

Louis again understates the chaos happening on screen by saying, “I think actually that this is not working,” and then begging for any VT, they don’t care, help (the VT is Niall being all humblecholy about their success and Ireland and something something, I’m not actually interested, sorry).

We come back to Louis still losing it, curious as to how they can have a link to space but can’t have a studio in LA link to the BBC, and yeah. YEAH. But enough about that, it’s Google+ Hangout (lololololol) time, and we don’t get too many answers to these vital fan questions because Ben is in Louis’s ear so much that Louis starts arguing with him about it and eventually runs off stage to yell at him in person, and god, it’s glorious. READY 2 FIGHT:

Because this is an utter trainwreck, the team decides to do another live link again, this time to the X Factor while it’s airing in the UK, and it’s…yeah, not good. Just awful, cameras out of synch, no sound, etc. Save us, random VT of Denmark!!

Hearing Louis say “tits up” is my new religion, but honestly, this chitchat with McFly is such a revelation. Apparently, they worked with Niall on something, so they gossip with Louis about what a diva Niall is (!) and how he brought a friend of his named Shawn around (!!), and there’s a lot of inside jokes I know nothing about, but I’m LIVING for Niall looking at all these boys on the screen and saying, “I feel like I’m alone in my bedroom,” and Louis’s response, “Okay, Niall!”

“Don’t Forget Where You Belong” is announced, but we don’t get to hear it (although we DO get to see some sweet Nouis dancing), and two more girls go into the call box of doom. Because this show’s producers can’t go ten minutes without a disaster, there’s increasingly urgent screaming from Louis to Ben to just roll the Zayn graffiti VT, which takes at least a full, tense minute to post. 

Zayn is incredibly hot, but my heart breaks for him saying it’s their 127th show, and he’s feeling inspired and creative to make art, and I just wonder how??? How are you not banging your head against a wall instead of painting it? Anyway, it’s a lot of spraypainting/artist au Zayn come to life, with Liam working out shirtless nearby and heaping praise on just about every single thing Zayn puts on the wall (awwwww). Also some nice Flicker reference points (Niall: “Zayn, will you draw a picture of me?” Zayn: “No. I don’t like you”). Ouch.

We come back to Rebecca, an opera singer who’s here to sing some tweets, and this is a horrible idea that Ben Winston stole from Jimmy Kimmel, right? When he used to have Josh Groban sing tweets a million years ago? Anyway, this ripoff doesn’t work because nobody can really understand the words, but credit to Louis for trying to cheat and speed this whole thing up:

When Rebecca finishes, Louis says he got emotional (Niall just laughs), and this poor girl says not to worry, she’ll do more later, and lmao at Louis: “Oh, OH, there’s more in store, Niall” (Niall: “Can’t wait”), sighhhhh, it’s torture for us all, tbh. Anyway, time for some Belgian VT and reinforcement that Louis’s part Belgian, which is why it’s super relevant, I guess.

The last bit is back to Dynamo, to redo the magic bit that failed with Harry in hour two. I’m still curious about this trick because there’s a piece of paper locked in this box (Harry’s dick holds the key to it), and tl/dr, Harry says April for the month an hour ago, but Louis says November, and sure enough, November plus all the other details are in this locked box. HMMMMM. Me as Harry’s finger delivering the key immediately in this segment, meaning he’s literally right there watching all of it. Pick someone supportive, etc.

Anyway, back to the trick, there’s a bit where Louis says he told Dynamo all this information earlier (Niall starts chewing his nails a bit ferociously at that), but then he backpedals brilliantly later about what an amazing, stunning trick, etc., and this group of sneaky liars, god, I love ‘em!

We get more terrible highlights, which sucks, because I kind of liked the way Louis was asking Niall what HIS highlights were, but never mind, let’s get Ben’s. I’ll leave you with this picture that makes me think of Louis hosting Family Feud, you know, the final round, when you have to see how your answers stacked up with a family member’s and if, together, you cleared 200 (“Name someone a person may confess a crime to”):

[my-sweetest-creature]

Love Love. H

Not to be dramatic, but I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life to write this. As most of you following me will know, I fucking love Harry Styles. Many know him as the former curly-haired member of One Direction, but to his fans, he’s so much more. Maybe it’s the way he lacks inhibition when he performs on stage, really letting the music take control of his being. It could be that he’s one of the most genuine celebrities of his time. Or maybe it’s the fact that this man managed to slip and fall on a kiwi in the middle of a performance. Harry Styles has a voice that has the power to captivate listeners and he has the personality that makes him one in a million.

From when he first auditioned for the X-Factor UK back in 2010, there was something undeniably special about the dimple-clad Brit from Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. When asked to tell the judges something about himself, his immediate response was, “I work in a bakery.” This statement has become the ultimate meme within the fandom, as his former job as the cashier, mind you, has followed him all these years later. In fact, we were recently blessed with the music video for “Kiwi”, which includes children, puppies, and a whole lot of cupcakes! If this major throwback doesn’t give off nostalgic vibes, then I surely don’t know what will. The moment he sang the first line of Stevie Wonder’s classic “Isn’t She Lovely” was the exact moment the world and Simon Cowell fell in love with him. Re-watching Harry’s audition video always has me feeling a certain way. At the age of sixteen, he was already capturing the hearts of millions, and now, age twenty-three, the numbers have only grown exponentially.

The success Harry has achieved in the past seven years is incredible. Whether that be as a member of One Direction, or as a solo artist, you can’t deny that he has the “it” factor. However, it’s pleasing to know that he has remained incredibly grounded, despite the found fame and fortune. “I don’t like people saying you’re famous…I don’t like the word. It gives you like no substance.” Harry says in the One Direction documentary, This Is Us. “I was the same guy before. I was the same guy during. And I’m the same guy afterwards” This is a perfect representation of how despite the perks of being well-known, Harry is still that same boy that worked in a bakery all those years ago. In an interview, Harry says that within the top five perks of his job, the money doesn’t come close. For him, being able to look out of his family, who have always been there for him, has always been enough.

Harry is a dork, but in the best possible way, which is probably why so many people love him. He can be awkward at times, but honestly, who isn’t? While he’s a spectacular performer, it’s the moments where he’s just being himself that we just can’t get enough of! In his BBC special, him and close friend, Nick Grimshaw, spent the day in his native, Manchester. If you’ve seen it, then you know how precious Harry is. The poor guy was roasted by the elderly during a game of Bingo! Aww. He showed his competitive side when he and Nick went head-to-head in axe throwing. The determination on his face, priceless! Even back then, we couldn’t help but laugh at Harry’s awkwardness. Who could ever forget that spit comment mishap? During an interview, a reporter had asked him (and Niall) what they found to be unattractive in a woman. Harry answered that he didn’t like it when a girl spat. Although it wasn’t intended to, it ended up being a mess. It was adorable, however, that when he realized his mistake, he profusely apologized. He’s human, he makes mistakes.

The One Direction hiatus continues to break my heart, especially now that all its members are venturing into respective solo careers. One good thing that has come out of this is we got a whole album with strictly Harry’s phenomenal baritone vocals filling our ears until we pass out from all the perfection. This album…where do I begin? It was this debut album that has put me in my current predicament as a major fangirl that is almost too enthralled to function normally. When “Sign of the Times” dropped in April, I was totally taken aback. It wasn’t something I had expected from a former 1D member. This song is reminiscent of 70s/80s rock, but with that modern flare. Around the time, I had come to terms about liking music from before the turn of the century, so when I heard the song, it was definitely up my alley. Each song tells a personal story of Harry’s, giving the listeners a little peak into his very private life. “I wanted to let the work do the talking. Part of my ego wanted to see if I could write something people would like, without them knowing everything about me.”

The self-entitled debut album has been on repeat since its release in May. No longer having to share the spotlight with his bandmates, we are offered a full dose of ten songs that highlight Harry’s vocal prowess. He recorded the album in the famous Abbey Road Studios in London. “Coming in and being around the studio, to do this and play the album for the first time has been quite overwhelming,” says Harry in his Behind the Album Apple Music documentary. Before this, he had isolated himself for two months in Jamaica, in order to focus on writing for the album. Having spent the last five years of his life constantly surrounded by press, this was a much-needed escape. “It felt like a little secret. It’s fun to feel like no one knows where you are. It made such a difference from being in a busy city. It created this total 360 writing experience that I’ve never had before.”

During his time in One Direction, it was obvious that Harry was destined to be a performer. He’s undeniably charming and charismatic, and has whole lot of talent. This has followed along to his solo career, where he continues to show off his impressive vocal abilities. It’s obvious how much he loves to perform, he was meant for this life. The way he loses himself in a song is one of the most magical things to observe. When he sings his songs like “Two Ghosts” and “From the Dining Table,” you can see how personal the songs are to him by how emotional he gets. Whenever he sings “Kiwi” and “Only Angel,” he’ll start dancing around, not caring if he looks crazy. Don’t even get me started on when he starts jamming out to One Direction songs…SWOON. You can’t imagine how hard it is for me to watch videos of Harry singing live without losing my damn mind. Yeah, he’s that amazing. Maybe it’s because I’m such trash for this Brit, but he genuinely is very talented.

Here’s /∞ of my favorite performances: 

Harry manages to form a connection with each person in the room, even those who haven’t witnessed him in the flesh.. Here are some of the things his former bandmates have said about our favorite dimpled-singer:

“You’ve got Harry, who’s like the perfect rock star. He’s born for it, loves it.” – Zayn Malik.

“Harry is just Harry, cheeky and charming.” – Niall Horan.

“He’s great in this situation, he’s great on stage, he’s a great musician and artist.” – Louis Tomlinson.

“He’s just being Harry. He’s just going out and having a great time. He doesn’t want to waste a moment.” – Liam Payne.

Aside from being able to work an audience, anyone who has seen or been to a performance knows how much Harry cares about his fans. The slogan for his solo concert tour is Treat People With Kindness, a statement that perfectly sums up his personality. A few weeks back, Harry had stopped his show to make sure a fan was okay. Despite the pleads of the other audience members to proceed with the show, he was determined to get this girl the proper attention until she was alright. I’m not sure how many artists would do this, but this is something that resonates well with fans such as myself. To have the person you look up to the most, show genuine concern for his admirers, is an unexplainably amazing feeling.

There’s this time set aside at each concert where Harry asks members of the crowd to join hands or even hug. A Harry Styles concert is a no-hate zone. His aim at each show is have every single person feel that they belong and can be whoever they choose to be. “If you are black, white, gay, straight, transgender, whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you. I love every single one of you.” His ability to make each individual feel loved and appreciated, makes him all the more lovable and all the more deserving of everything he’s accomplished.

Let’s be honest, I stan a legend.