#in fact beeminder will charge me money if i dont

[gender-trash]

why is my brain so fucking minmaxed i feel like a brachycephalic grayhound. employment makes me go into depression/executive dysfunction spirals where i get nothing done for a week every few months and lie desperately about it so i don’t get fired, but i also CANNOT COPE without the structure of Job. current mood is “craving novelty, but will fly into a rage if anything even mildly off-script happens”. it’s really fortunate that i have a special interest in an in-demand specialized tech field where employers will cut me a lot of slack for just kind of sucking sometimes!!