#in case the read more clitches

[daggryet]

hiii, was wondering if you could do the niki birthday party VOD since there's so much lore content in it and people have a hard time finding it/finding the parts their looking for when they wanna talk about it :)

i couldn't find the original vod on youtube, so i'm transcribing this video (every time there's a - to seperate sections, the video has made a cut)

hope that's okay, and sorry for the delay :D

LINK TO THE TRANSCRIPT

KARL: Wilbur, you didn’t see down here.

WILBUR: Oh, let me, sorry, I’m very-

KARL: This is where the party’s happening.

WILBUR: Ah, Niki, I see you’ve got your birthday meal of lamb, potato-

NIKI: Yeah!

KARL: Yeah.

WILBUR: Nothing like a munch of mutton to celebrate.

NIKI: Yes.

WILBUR: Gosh, I love flesh. What?

BADBOYHALO: What?

KARL: Is that- where is the blood from?

WILBUR: Huh? No, no, that’s just my dinner.

KARL: That’s your dinner?

NIKI: Oh, you already had dinner?

WILBUR: I have, but I can eat again, I can eat again.

NIKI: Okay, okay.

PUNZ: It’s spooky, spooky dinner table.

KARL: Is everybody here or are we waiting on Big Q?

NIKI: Oh yeah!

AWESAMDUDE: Oh, yeah, I made this table.

NIKI: Do you think he’s gonna come?

AWESAMDUDE: Everyone gets some pie

BADBOYHALO: Oh! Give me pie!

QUACKITY: Hey fellas!

KARL: Hello!

QUACKITY: I’m late to the big party, but that’s how you arrive in style.

KARL: It’s okay ‘cause we’re Christmas-ifying, we’re Christmas-ifying.

QUACKITY: Oh my gosh, coke!

WILBUR: We only have pepsi as well, I’m sorry

QUACKITY: Who the fuck is this?

AWESAMDUDE: Big Q. This is you, Big Q

QUACKITY: What?

WILBUR: Did you just say “who the fuck is this guy”?

QUACKITY: Yeah, I said, “who the hell is it”?

PUNZ: Yeah, I think it’s his long lost cousin

AWESAMDUDE: It’s ‘cause you’re late

WILBUR: What do you mean who the hell-? I’m Wilbur Soot!

QUACKITY: I’m not talking about you! Where are you actually?

WILBUR: You just said you were talking about me!

QUACKITY: You’re not even inside! You’re- we’re waiting for you!

KARL: Where are you?

WILBUR: *Screaming*

KARL: Niki, Niki, come on. Hurry, hurry.

NIKI: Yes, yes.

KARL: Come, over here, it’s just- it’s just not-

NIKI: This is our safe space, Karl.

-

QUACKITY: Hey!

PUNZ: Why are you not wearing a shirt?

KARL: Oh, you have a little snow fort!

WILBUR: I’m busy, Big Q. Please step away from my majesty.

QUACKITY: You said you wanted a hug, hug me now.

WILBUR: No.

QUACKITY: Uargh!

WILBUR: Big Q, you may stare at me and give me attention, but you may not touch.

QUACKITY: Oh, Wilbur.

NIKI: It’s just like museums’ artwork.

WILBUR: Yes. I am.

QUACKITY: Can I pet him? Can I pet him?

WILBUR: You may not pet me. I will end you.

QUACKITY: I just did. I just pet him. Does he bite?

-

WILBUR: First one to break gaze loses, let’s go.

AWESAMDUDE: Ladies and gentlemen, this is intense. The passion in Wilbur’s eyes.

NIKI: And here you see a wild Wilbur Soot and Quackity stare at each other. Who is going to break the tension first? We may never know.

AWESAMDUDE: Quackity with that smug smile he has. Wilbur with that fierce determination.

WILBUR: Hey Big Q? Big Q? Can we- can we roleplay for a minute?

QUACKITY: You wanna roleplay? Okay

WILBUR: Come closer to me. *Kissing sounds*

NIKI: Oh.

KARL begins critting WILBUR with his axe.

QUACKITY: What the fuck? Ey, ey! Woah, woah!

KARL: Hey, you can’t do that with Q!

QUACKITY: Woah, woah! Ladies, please! Please! Everyone, calm down!

KARL: That’s my mans!

QUACKITY: Calm down

KARL: That’s my mans!

WILBUR: It’s a birthday party. Now it’s a party,

QUACKITY: Karl, Karl, I need you to- I need you to, ehm-

WILBUR: I’m kissing the back of your neck now, Big Q, alright?

QUACKITY: Thank you. Oh, that feels so good, I was so tense today. All day today, I was so tense

WILBUR: You doing good at work?

QUACKITY: That feels- that feels really good. Yeah, no, I was stressed all day.

WILBUR: I know how you feel.

QUACKITY: Yeah, thank you.

WILBUR: I’m hugging you now.

BADBOYHALO: This is a weird birthday party.

QUACKITY: Ey, what, are you fucking jealous?

NIKI: Karl?

QUACKITY: What are you, fucking jealous?

NIKI: Karl?

AWESAMDUDE: I’ve never been to a birthday party like this.

QUACKITY: Badboyhalo is jealous ‘cause he’s single, oh, Badboyhalo is single

BADBOYHALO: I’ve never been to a birthday party like this.

WILBUR: Big Q, Big Q, I’ve cooked you a meal while you were down in the mines.

QUACKITY: Hey, hey, Karl, I’m gonna need you to show this picture on stream. Let’s see-

KARL: No!

BADBOYHALO: Skeppy! Join me in the other Discord real quick.

QUACKITY: Why-why would you bonk me, Wilbur? What the hell?

WILBUR: I didn’t- I didn’t like-

QUACKITY: I’m not into that!

WILBUR: Oh, I didn’t-

QUACKITY: If you bonk- you singlehandedly- you singlehandedly-

WILBUR: I think we’ve made people uncomfortable.

QUACKITY: You singlehandedly made three people leave.

-

KARL: Take off your outfit.

BADBOYHALO: There!

KARL: The pants!

BADBOYHALO: No!

KARL: No pants!

BADBOYHALO: Everyone, he’s making me take my pants off!

KARL: Guys, can we- can you please help me tell Badboyhalo to take his pants off?

BADBOYHALO: Fine, I took my pants off.

QUACKITY: I’ve never seen you without your pants off.

AWESAMDUDE: You’re in danger.

KARL: It took Punz seconds to turn this into a competitive sport.

QUACKITY: We’re bonding, we’re bonding.

-

WILBUR: Okay. *Sneeze* I don’t actually know the cords for “Happy Birthday”

KARL: Here, here, I’ll make you a stage

WILBUR: I’m gonna guess- I’m gonna guess-

QUACKITY: Nah, nah, I’ve got them for you, Wilbur.

KARL: Here you go.

WILBUR: Yeah, give me the cords, give me the cords.

QUACKITY: It’s- it’s C- it’s C major. G7, G7 again, F major-

KARL: Get off! Who is this nimrod?

QUACKITY: So, it’s happy = c, birthday to = G7, to you-

WILBUR: Okay, that’s good.

QUACKITY: Yeah, yeah. You got it, right? Okay.

WILBUR: Is it alright if I play it in a relative minor, just to add a little bit of suspense?

QUACKITY: Yes!

KARL: ‘Cause it is a haunted house.

WILBUR: Okay.

QUACKITY: Yes!

WILBUR: *Sings*

QUACKITY: Who the hell brought Blink-187 into this fucking party?

WILBUR: You gotta- you gotta cry, Quackity, let out a tear.

QUACKITY: Oh!

WILBUR: *Sad singing*

QUACKITY: Oh!

WILBUR: *Sad singing*

QUACKITY: Hey Karl, fuck your cobwebs. Honestly.

WILBUR: *Sad singing*

QUACKITY: Hey, this is- wouldn’t you say this is the most depressing birthday you’ve had yet?

NIKI: I’m actually really enjoying it. Like, honestly, seriously.

QUACKITY: Why do you lie all the time? Why do you- you can be honest!

KARL: You can tell us.

QUACKITY: You can say how depressing this all is

NIKI: No! I- I’m, like, genuinely happy to have this evening with you.

WILBUR: I’m single, by the way, ladies

QUACKITY: Say no more.

KARL: Do the thing! Do the thing, Quackity.

QUACKITY: Sorry. No, no, no. You haven’t paid me.

WILBUR: Thank you, that was my brief arrangement.

QUACKITY: Wow, woo!

BADBOYHALO: Yay!

QUACKITY: Can you make a version that doesn’t make us wanna die?

WILBUR: Eh, I can- I have some original songs.

BADBOYHALO: Nah, that’s alright.

WILBUR: This one’s called “I hope-“

BADBOYHALO: That’s okay! Thank you, Wilbur.

WILBUR: This one’s called “I hope no one dies on my birthday”

BADBOYHALO: Alright, here we go, let’s sing happy birthday.

KARL: How do we still hear him?

BADBOYHALO: Oh my goodness…

KARL: The noise gate isn’t working.

BADBOYHALO: I think we may need to put sand on him.

NIKI: No, no, no! No, guys, no!

QUACKITY: You’re not scared of killing the guitarist, though?

BADBOYHALO: Oh my goodness.

KARL: Not Bad killing the guitarist. I, ehm-

NIKI: “Not Bad killing the guitarist”

BADBOYHALO: It’s a good name for a song. Wilbur, play one round of “Bad killing the guitarist”

WILBUR, singing: Please don’t murder me, Badboyhalo!

KARL: Can I do vocals? Can I do vocals?

KARL: Let me turn you up

WILBUR, singing: I’m so scared, Karl!

KARL, singing: AH! Badboyhalo wants to kill Wilbur. AH! Nothing’s gonna happen because Bad can’t do it. AH! Bad, please stop killing Wilbur. AH! Now Bad’s killing me. AH! Wilbur’s escaping. AH! I don’t know where Wilbur went, Bad, ‘cause you can’t kill him.

BADBOYHALO: Mhm.

NIKI: Oh my gosh. Where did he go?

KARL: I guess you can’t kill him. I guess you can’t kill him, Bad.

-

KARL: Ehm, Niki?

NIKI: What?

BADBOYHALO: I will do my best.

KARL: Can you, eh, can you please sit at the table next to the cake?

NIKI: Mhm.

KARL: There’s a- there’s a surprise birthday present for you.

NIKI: Really?

KARL: Yeah, yeah. Okay, everybody else, everybody else, stand over here. Everybody else, stand over here.

BADBOYHALO: Shouldn’t we sing happy birthday?

KARL: Bad, no, not yet, not yet. Trust me, not yet. Okay, guys, ready?

BADBOYHALO: Yes.

KARL: Quackity? Come on out.

QUACKITY comes out, with autotuned and bad sounding music (in terms of audio, not the song).

KARL: You’re wearing a chest plate, you’re wearing a chest plate.

NIKI: What are you- what is- are you-?

QUACKITY: Bring up Badboyhalo! Come on up here, mister!

KARL: Come on up, Bad! Come on! Come on! Bad, go, go, it’s really important.

BADBOYHALO: Stop

SKEPPY: Bad, go!

BADBOYHALO left the game.

NIKI: Well.

QUACKITY: Sam!

AWESAMDUDE: Ey!

NIKI: Way!

QUACKITY: Yeah!

KARL: It’s shaking its head!

-

KARL: Go ahead, show him the work.

QUACKITY: Alright, alright, ready?

WILBUR: I’m ready. Do I get to be on the cake?

KARL: You can stand on the cake, yeah.

QUACKITY: You are the cake, baby.

QUACKITY starts his music again and takes off his clothes.

QUACKITY: Yeah! Yeah!

-

KARL: Okay, guys-

QUACKITY: Are you ready to sing happy birthday?

KARL: Yes!

NIKI: Is Wil here? Wil?

WILBUR: I saw things, I saw things…

NIKI: Oh no… are you okay?

KARL: It’s gonna be okay, you know that, right?

WILBUR: I- yeah- I…

NIKI: It will be alright, Wilbur.

WILBUR: I stared at the void, and the void stared back.

NIKI: Do you wanna wait?

QUACKITY: Anyways, I brought KFC, guys! Everyone, have a piece!

KARL: No chance! No chance! Free KFC? No chance, bucko!

FUNDY: What’s going on with Wil? Like, why is he-?

KARL: Oh, wait, Fundy didn’t see. One second. Everyone back to the corner, back to the corner.

NIKI: No! No!

KARL: Fundy!

NIKI: We’ve been through this!

FUNDY: What happened?

KARL: Fundy, stand on the- stand on the-

NIKI: No!

KARL: Fundy, can you please stand on the cake? Guys, guys, come to the corner.

BADBOYHALO: Oh my goodness…

FUNDY: What- eh? Is that what happened to Wilbur because then I don’t-

KARL: No, no, no, you’re good, you’re good.

BADBOYHALO: Go stand there.

KARL: Can you go stand on the bed over there? That pink bed. Maybe turn around, the pink bed.

FUNDY: Who, me?

KARL: Yeah, yeah, Fundy, yeah, yeah. Perfect. Let’s go for it, Quackity.

QUACKITY: Alright, alright.

Autotune is back.

QUACKITY: Welcome Fundy!

KARL: Fundy, come to the cake!

QUACKITY: I have something to tell you, Fundy!

FUNDY: What- what are you doing?

KARL: That’s a-

QUACKITY: Yeah! Woo!

KARL: What do you think?

QUACKITY: You’re gonna pay me for this, right?

KARL: Yeah, man, yeah- oh!

FUNDY left the game.

KARL: Oop, Fundy.

NIKI: No! No!

-

KARL: Are you kidding me? Take off your armor! Quackity, get back on a seat!

BADBOYHALO: Let’s sing happy birthday

KARL: Sam, you got in my seat!

BADBOYHALO: We saw what happened to Wilbur when he wasn’t wearing armor.

QUACKITY: I’m putting my pants off.

WILBUR: Yeah, you saw what happened to me, high five, Bad!

NIKI: No! What?

WILBUR is killed.

WILBUR: Oh.

-

BADBOYHALO: We need the cake.

KARL: Ehm, I want to let everybody know; Technoblade is not at his computer, but he wishes the best for the-the-the birthday, that’s what it’s called.

NIKI: Aww. For the birthday

BADBOYHALO: Happy birthday!

KARL: Wilbur!

NIKI: Wil!

BADBOYHALO: Wilbur, welcome back

WILBUR: Give me attention, give me attention

KARL: Wilbur! It’s him, guys!

Everyone cheered.

NIKI: We’re so happy to have you here.

KARL: Okay, let’s take a seat.

WILBUR: Big Q? You haven’t said anything

QUACKITY: Hey Wilbur!

WILBUR: Give me attention, you gotta say- you haven’t said anything.

QUACKITY: Oh, sorry, I was getting my… it’s none of my business. Hey Wilbur! It’s so good to see you here, man.

WILBUR: Thank you. Alright, let’s sing happy birthday.

KARL: Alright! Quackity, take it away!

QUACKITY: Okay… happy birthday, Karl!

Everyone singing.

KARL: Happy birthday, dear Niki-not-Karl

AWESAMDUDE: Happy birthday

BADBOYHALO: Okay, now that we sang happy birthday, Karl, let’s sing it to-

KARL: Quackity! Quackity, do you know whose birthday it is? Quackity?

QUACKITY: Who the fuck slammed a bottle on the table?

QUACKITY sings happy birthday to BADBOYHALO.

BADBOYHALO: I’m about to murder someone.

KARL: Sounds Skeppy

QUACKITY: Oh, Wilbur’s here! My bad.

QUACKITY sings happy birthday to WILBUR

WILBUR: Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m glad I’m getting the appreciation I deserve

QUACKITY: Guys, guys!

WILBUR: I’m glad I’m so finally getting the attention that I deserve.

QUACKITY: You just got out of rehab? Happy getting rehab to you-

WILBUR: Thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you, I still have a very bad drug problem, but I’m okay-

KARL: Oh! I think it’s-

QUACKITY: You’re an addict, Wilbur, you’re an addict, Wilbur. You’re an addict, you are

BADBOYHALO: Stop it!

WILBUR: I’m enjoying these songs less and less.

BADBOYHALO: Wilbur!

KARL: Okay, it did take a lot of organization-

NIKI: Very.

KARL: Alright, Quackmeister?

QUACKITY: Hurry up, man!

KARL: Quackmeister, it’s you! Do happy birthday! And then we can eat the cake- oop! I didn’t think, I’m sorry.

QUACKITY: Fuck! Fuck! Okay, alright, let’s do-

BADBOYHALO: Language!

QUACKITY: I’m gonna curse all I want, I don’t give a shit what Boy says-

BADBOYHALO: Hey!

QUACKITY: I’m gonna curse all I want-

BADBOYHALO: You wanna die?

QUACKITY: I don’t give a fucking shit-

BADBOYHALO: You can stop trolling or I’ll kill him again.

QUACKITY: Alright, Jesus, chill out. Chill out, man.

KARL: Okay, say happy birthday

QUACKITY: *Sings happy birthday*

EVERYONE: *Sings happy birthday*

NIKI: Yeah! Thank you, everyone!

PUNZ: Yeah!

NIKI: Yeah!

BADBOYHALO: Very good job, Quackity

QUACKITY, singing: Your eyes are gorgeous, you’re dark and beautiful, you’re gorgeous

BADBOYHALO: Okay, okay, it’s time for presents

WILBUR: Big Q! Thank you, Quackity, thank you

-

KARL: You guys are honking up- oh, wait! We have to turn it into Christmas now.

QUACKITY: You like my bicycle hat?

NIKI: Mhm! It’s really pretty, I like it

KARL: Are we gonna Christmas-ify the-?

QUACKITY: It’s not supposed to look pretty.

BADBOYHALO: Let’s go, Skeppy

SKEPPY: Bye!

BADBOYHALO: Later, guys!

KARL: Bye!

WILBUR: Big Q, I can see you. Big Q, our eyes are locked, our eyes are locked across the room.

NIKI: Bye!

WILBUR: Bye, bye.

QUACKITY: Sing for me.

WILBUR: *Plays I’m in Love With An E-Girl* This is a song I wrote for you, Quackity.

QUACKITY: Really?

WILBUR: It’s out of tune

-

NIKI: Oh shit

QUACKITY: I got it. I’m in love with an, I’m in love with an e-girl

NIKI: I guess this is our only friend now

KARL: Just adding more snow…

NIKI: Oh, is it- is it two? Oh, yeah! Thanks!

KARL: How do I take his hat-helmet off?

NIKI: Ehm… shears, I think

WILBUR, singing: Well, it’s 2.45 pm, Alex, wake up from snoring, open Alex’s dms, can a red bull by my bed, and I’m- Alex is there, snapchat from Alex is read

QUACKITY: Yeah…

KARL: Wow…

WILBUR, singing: What’s popping, Big Q?

QUACKITY: My love for, eh…everyone!

WILBUR, singing: He’s beauty, he’s grace

KARL: Wow!

WILBUR: Minecraft skin of a peach, and-and that’s it

QUACKITY: Yeah…

WILBUR, singing: Just a single message more, send him riding down my heathen chord

QUACKITY: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh

NIKI: I have- I have iron in my ender chest

WILBUR, singing: I want it so bad, one to fall asleep on call with, I make you forget

KARL: What is this?

QUACKITY: Practicing

KARL: Just practicing? That’s it?

QUACKITY: Yeah, that’s it.

KARL: Okay, sweet.

WILBUR, singing: Everything that came before you, I love- like you, and you are also like a-

KARL: He hit him with the like

WILBUR, singing: Let’s skip to the good bit, that’s consumed me on Minecraft connection. I’m in love with an, I’m in love with an, I’m in love with a Big Q

NIKI: Oh!

KARL: OH!

WILBUR, singing: I’m in love with a-

KARL: He’s just practi- no, it’s okay.

WILBUR, singing: -Big Q. I’m in love with a, I’m in love with a, I’m in love with a Big Q. I’m in love with a, I’m in love with an, I’m in love with Big Q.

KARL: Woah, he’s just practicing?

WILBUR: Just practicing, yeah, yeah

QUACKITY: Just practicing.

QUACKITY: I gotta make sure these are the right chords.

QUACKITY, singing: Wake up in the morning

WILBUR: Yes, yes, that’s a good way to start

QUACKITY: What?

WILBUR: I said it’s a good way to start a song

KARL: Wait, should I- how do I use a name tag?

NIKI: Eh, you just click on them.

QUACKITY, singing: It’s Wilbur streaming, then I see he’s streaming with me today, and it seems like he’s fully ignoring me

NIKI: Is it not working?

QUACKITY, singing: Oh no, looks like Wilbur is already dating someone. Oh no-

WILBUR: I am?

KARL names the name tag for the snowman, NIKI JR

QUACKITY, singing: -looks like Wilbur is already dating someone. Look at my counter, I see a knife-

NIKI: Oh, wait! Oh, wait! Oh my gosh!

WILBUR: Big Q, that’s TOS.

NIKI: Aw!

KARL: Yeah?

NIKI: Thank you, Karl!

KARL: Of course!

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur is going […] I am fucking pissed, why’s he not dating someone who starts with a Q?

KARL: Wait… is this practice?

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur, please, come back home. Our daughter misses you

KARL: Come on, let’s go. Let’s listen to them practice

NIKI: Okay. I wanna get my friend with me, though

KARL: Oh!

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur, please come, please come home to me.

The snowman falls through the stairs.

NIKI: Oh!

KARL: Oh!

-

WILBUR, singing: Big Q, the moment I saw your twin town videos in my recommended section

QUACKITY: I never raided Twin Town, but yeah

WILBUR, singing: Shut the fuck up-

KARL: Woah!

WILBUR, singing: You are big piece of shit, I’m just tryna pour my heart out, all you’re doing is shutting me down, like you shut down this party; yeah, I said it. You ruined-

KARL: Ah!

WILBUR, singing: -Niki’s birthday bash-

KARL: Apparently, the snowman’s gonna die

NIKI: No!

WILBUR, singing: With your stupid acts of unpresented sexual agitated dancing-

QUACKITY: He’s right

WILBUR, singing: I am never gonna invite you to anything I do-

KARL: Here

NIKI: Oh!

WILBUR, singing: ‘Cause you’re a fucking piece of shit, and I can’t fucking stand you.

QUACKITY: Okay… oh

WILBUR, singing: But, you’re still really hot-

KARL: True!

WILBUR, singing: You’re boring me with all your little indecisive bullshit actions-

QUACKITY: Okay.

WILBUR, singing: You are the perfect one for me if you promise you never speak, and you just stand there in my room, looking pretty

KARL: Wow…

-

QUACKITY strumming the guitar.

KARL: Yeah!

WILBUR: Yeah, yeah

QUACKITY, singing: I fucking hate you-

KARL: Yeah!

QUACKITY, singing: I fucking hate you, I fucking despise you, everything you say about me in front of me-

WILBUR: I love this new hundred GEC strat

KARL: Oh, you don’t need to hear- have you heard his 100 GECS?

WILBUR: I’ve never heard his 100 GECS

KARL: Quackity, switch to 100 GECS, hurry

QUACKITY: Huh?

KARL: Switch to 100 GECS

QUACKITY strums the guitar.

QUACKITY, singing: I fucking hate you, I fucking hate what you do, you treat me like ass-

WILBUR: Sounds like a sex bit

QUACKITY, singing: As I’m […] your ass

KARL: I don’t think this is- what is this?

QUACKITY sings.

KARL: That was-

QUACKITY, singing: You can kiss my ass, but you’d have to wait in line, you don’t deserve me, my presence, or my rhymes. I despise you, I despise you, I despise you so much, I despise you, I despise you so much

KARL: The CatJams are flying

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur Soot, you’re a dick, you don’t deserve all of this, you’re a narcissistic- I stopped midway because you don’t deserve any more lyrics from me.

KARL: Let’s go!

-

QUACKITY, through a muffled mic: Hhhhhhh

WILBUR: He sounds like-

KARL: Corpse? Is that Corpse?

WILBUR: He’s Corpse Husband!

QUACKITY, in deep voice: Choke me like you like me

KARL: Did you see his tweet? Choke me like choke me ‘cause you choke me

QUACKITY: Choke me like you choke me like you choke me. Choke me like you choke me, and choke me at the grocery, I’m shopping, choke me like you choke me

KARL: Wow. Just when we thought this party couldn’t get any better. Everybody left and then Corpse showed up

QUACKITY: How’s it going? Choke me like you choke me

WILBUR: Have my babies!

QUACKITY: *Deep breathing*

WILBUR: Impregnate me!

QUACKITY: *Deep breathing*

WILBUR: Make me pregnant.

QUACKITY: *Deep breathing* Choke me- uahahaha

WILBUR: I crave your seed.

QUACKITY: Wow

KARL: I love your hands

QUACKITY: Hello everyone, how’s it going?

KARL: Oh, the 100 GECS

WILBUR: My womb is throbbing

QUACKITY: Oohhh

KARL: Okay…

-

Guitar strumming. QUACKITY and WILBUR sing “Send Me On My Way”

KARL: I just realized we did the part- we did the birthday party at a haunted mansion instead of an island, I literally named Party Island.

NIKI: Oh, yeah! But we did it together, Karl.

KARL: Oh, but we did- yeah, that makes sense. Oh?

QUACKITY and WILBUR whistle.

QUACKITY: Hey, hey, play me some party in the USA.

WILBUR: Yeah, sure, but also, Niki, what would you said if last year you told yourself that on your birthday, you’d be trending on Twitter?

NIKI: I’m trending?

KARL: Oh! You are! You are for me.

NIKI: Oh!

QUACKITY and WILBUR play Party in The USA. KARL and NIKI join in a little.

-

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur, now I know, I messed, I was wrong-

NIKI: Oh

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur, I’m sorry, I neglected you, oh, I never expected feeling this empty, your stream right now would sound like music to me, please come home ‘cause I miss you, Wilbur. Wilbur, come home-

KARL: Oh! Woah!

KARL thinks QUACKITY and WILBUR were kissing.

QUACKITY: Hey Wilbur

WILBUR: Yeah?

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur, can’t you see? I was blind- hold on. Wilbur, can’t you see? I was blind, I’ll do anything to change your mind, more than a streamer, you’re my best friend – too cool to forget. Come back, I don’t fucking know this part- Wilbur, come home. Wilbur, come home. Wilbur, come home.

KARL: How do all these-?

NIKI: Wilbur!

QUACKITY, singing: Wilbur, I’m subscribed to your channel, it’s a tier 3, but I cancelled it. Wilbur, if you come back I’ll renew my sub, I’ll do a 13 months and that’s more than enough for you to come back and stay with me. Your response right now would sound like music to me

WILBUR: Quackity…

QUACKITY, singing: Please, come home because I miss you, Wilbur

WILBUR: This- this coral block is as vibrant as our love

WILBUR places yellow coral.

KARL: Oh. I thought that was practice…

The coral turns grey.

QUACKITY: Oh my gosh… what happened?

KARL: Oh…

QUACKITY: What the-?

NIKI: Oh…

QUACKITY: What the hell?

WILBUR: You’re scum.

QUACKITY: Wha-what? What?

WILBUR: You’re scum. You’re scum. Look at me. Don’t look away from me. Stop being terrified of me. Look at me.

QUACKITY: What? What do you want?

WILBUR: I’m gonna blow up Manberg.

QUACKITY: What-?

WILBUR: And you’re gonna watch.

KARL: Woah, woah, woah

WILBUR: Ah, we’ve come full circle, we’ve come full circle. We’ve come full circle!

QUACKITY: No, no

KARL: Wait!

QUACKITY: No chance

-

WILBUR: The minute it goes wrong, I’m there.

KARL: I mean, he literally is here.

QUACKITY: I’ll go through with it, Wilbur. I’ll go through with the planned bomb if it-

KARL: Planned bomb?

WILBUR: When. When are you going to go through with this meeting?

QUACKITY: Give me a couple days. I gotta- I gotta set up a few things.

WILBUR: Tell you what, tell you what. If-if you haven’t done it by Friday, I’m detonating it.

QUACKITY: Okay… okay.

WILBUR: I wanna be watching that meeting stream, alright? I’m gonna be watching that stream of you before Friday.

QUACKITY: Alright. Okay. You’ve- you’ve given me a timeline. I’ll tell you soon, okay?

WILBUR: Thank you!

WILBUR leaves the call.

QUACKITY: Fuck’s sake, man!

NIKI: Oh my gosh!

QUACKITY: For fuck’s sake! Oh my gosh, what the fuck just happened?

KARL: Oh my gosh!

QUACKITY: Oh, I gotta fucking figure this shit out

NIKI: Oh…

QUACKITY: I gotta fucking figure this shit out…

NIKI: Oh my gosh…

KARL: What do you need to figure out?

NIKI: He needs you to do something, Quackity. Karl, he’s gonna blow the fucking place up

QUACKITY: No, no, no, I’ll figure it out. Just-just know that we’ll… Manberg is staying, alright? Manburg is gonna stay.

KARL: Manberg forever.

NIKI: L’Manberg!

KARL: Yeah… that’s what I said.

NIKI: L’Manberg.

KARL: That’s what I said. Oh, Quackity’s gone.

NIKI: Oh… bye Quackity.

KARL: It’s just like how the stream started

NIKI: Yes! Exactly!

KARL: Yay!

NIKI: That was great. Really! I know I’ve been saying that a lot, but I can’t thank everyone enough for- for this.

KARL: Of course! It’s your birthday

NIKI: It’s so nice

KARL: Happy Birthday, Niki!

NIKI: Thank you, Karl!