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ruiniel · 2 years

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Endless - IV

Fandom: The Silmarillion

Rating: M

Relationships: Maedhros/fem!OC

Characters: Maedhros, Celegorm, Curufin, Maglor, Caranthir, Fingon, Fingolfin, Amrod, Amras, Original Elf Character(s), Sauron, more to be added

Tags and warnings: alternating POV, Recovery, Trauma, Beleriand, The Sindar, The Noldor, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Dehumanization, Flashbacks, Past Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst, Mental Anguish, Survivor Guilt, Past Abuse, Alternate Universe, Psychosis, Internalized ableism, POV Original Character, Maedhros POV, more tags coming

Also on AO3

IV. Before dawn

The night was cold and unyielding when Mithiel reached her tent, her mind afire over the first encounter with the king of these people.

I am not at my best.

She chewed her lip, placing the journal Maedhros had given her on the table in the corner and taking a seat. He wanted to learn their language, which would apparently become part of her responsibilities. In truth, having now seen more of his demeanor — vastly different from his earlier mood at dinner — the prospect was as good as the circumstance allowed and would suit her approach. She hoped.

And Mithiel had spoken true on the topic of escaped thralls. But what she had seen of them, what she’d dealt with treating the shells of the Elves they once were, the vacant gazes and broken wills… the scarred Elf sitting before her tonight had possessed none such traits. He was undoubtedly marked and maimed in more ways than one by his ordeal at the hands of the Enemy, but there was resilience, that same silver-gold hope brimming in the depths of a blue-grey stare, fuelling her own determination.

He was often in pain, that much was certain; both physical and otherwise, but still he’d tried his best with her and that had also been evident, apologies notwithstanding. Mithiel still recalled the jerk of his body and the brief look of caged despair when she leaned closer to touch him, to wipe his cheek.

What have you lived through? she wondered, opening the journal and skimming over the writings in the hand of one who, it is said, turned to ashes upon death, finally consumed by the fire of his willful fëa.

Undoubtedly, this was his son, Mithiel concluded with half a smile, long fingers trailing over the neat binding and crisp pages, the beauty of the flowing script.

She pored over the notes for some time, indeed finding nothing to correct: the observations were insightful and showed an unmistakable linguistic prowess. Mithiel read on, the soft light from the holders splashing over details on her people’s customs and language, all through the eyes of a newcomer.

Once the letters began twirling before her eyes, adding to a yawn’s overture, Mithiel closed the journal. She looked to her new bed with its welcoming folded arrangements. Despite the lateness of the hour, the prospect of sleep — or rather, of lying still — beckoned little. She felt like a seabird bound to a cliff, a wave seeking shores to crash against. Her limbs moved, set to remove her outer layers of clothing while her mind roamed far.

She did not pity him, no. She thought of the way the yellow lights gleamed on his auburn hair, a beautiful shade framing a face carved by wielders of woe and hatred. As she sat on the bed, undoing her plait, their conversation resurfaced like restless fireflies.

His questions, the cool assessment of her on his part Mithiel attributed to uncertainty. After all, this Elf had lived through the horrors of the mountain dungeons, had borne the yoke of slavery to the endless dark. His interest in her experience with the others was genuine, she could not fault him that.

She was pacing through the tent again before long, and since sleep eluded her and would do so for a while — since the first rising of the sun, parsing the waking hours from strips of night left erratic resting patterns — she donned her outer layers again and her cloak, then exited the tent. A little reconnaissance on her own away from the watchful eyes of princes would aid in obtaining a footing besides.

“What are… what are you doing here?” Maedhros asked, eyes still feverish as he took in Fingon’s windswept hair, the pronounced hollows and dips in his features, highlighted by the tall fires lit nearby. He was much thinner than in Valinor times, the struggles marked in his yet handsome face.

Fingon shrugged, glancing at his cousin with a kind smile, one of those crooked affairs leaving most people seeking more of it. “You might think me foolish.”

“Many already do, for your deliverance of me. Say on.”

His kinsman sighed. “I had strange, strange dreams as of late. One learns to discard some of Irmo’s nightly incursions into one’s mind, but I was restless during the day, moreso after sundown. I wanted to… I must return soon, I cannot stay. I will not linger on news, my cousins will no doubt relay all that business when they reach you,” he spoke as Maedhros regained himself.

Maedhros nodded. Fingolfin would not look kindly upon his son’s incursions into the Fëanorian camp, that much was plain, no matter the honor Fingon had gained among them, and irrespective of the few changes it brought. Thinking of current matters pacified his mind, and the cold bit into his cheek, seeped through his thought and quelled its feverish unrest. Fingon’s presence also aided though Maedhros could do little but pull at the loose threads of his own tunic until they unraveled completely, a ceaseless habit developed since his return to consciousness.

“Shall we go to your marquee to speak?” Fingon asked, looking this way and that, to the guards and other folk staring long at him — some with respect, some with awe, most with unease still.

Maedhros swallowed. Cowardly though it was, he could not return there, not now. “Or… or join me by the fires?” he asked, blinking away a flashing vision of sharp, white teeth. He gestured at the people already gathering to one side of the settlement.

Fingon acquiesced, “As you wish.”

They settled for a place farther from the others, sitting side by side down on a woodcrafted bench, watching the figures hallowed by flames and the sparks from the bonfires soaring up and dying in the night.

“Your people would rally to you,” Fingon spoke suddenly, and Maedhros knew why he had come.

He threw a stick into the nearest fire. “But yours would not.” He sighed. “Finno…”

Fingon gazed at him silently, urging Maedhros to continue with a dip of his chin.

“I have seen…” Again, his tongue was in knots though he wanted to speak of it, knowing Fingon would listen if it meant it brought him relief. But he could not. To this day, he could not even share with his brothers what squirmed and haunted his innermost burrows of the heart. He stared into his cousin's expectant, hopeful gaze. Yes, he wanted to speak of it, but each time he tried, the stench of decay stifled his thoughts, and shadows blurred his memory. And then, there was… there was…

Fingon shifted in his place, his speech low on the backdrop of other voices rising in soft humming a distance away. “Nelyo? I am here.”

Maedhros conjured his first memories of that lair, later proven to be only a skim of what followed. He closed his eyes at the unreal pressure of savage fingers wrapped around his throat, and turned his mind to the present, latching onto the sounds of a flute playing nearby. “I stood before the creatures he breeds; I knelt before his throne.” He glanced sideways at Fingon, catching the tremor of his clenched fists. “There are... no words, for the ways they seek to humiliate our people; for the torments they devise.”

Fingon peered at him with that cutting gaze and a calculating, righteous flare of ire Maedhros knew all too well. He burned with his own fire. It urged him to continue on the same spur that, in happier times, drove them together. Past the fires he looked, where his—their people gathered and mingled despite the foul-smelling fog, sharing in sweet-scented mead, their cloaks and shawls drawn tight about them. The words inched away from his scarred lips; the Silmarilli were bright in his mind. “The way we stand, now, will not avail us,” Maedhros said at last.

“Somehow, I knew you would say this... and then?”

“I have yet to find an answer to that. But…” Maedhros looked his cousin in the eye. He knew Fingon, like the rest of Fingolfin's people, had not wholly, if at all, forgiven the betrayal. He knew his cousin had sought to retrieve him, desperate and alone, mainly for the closeness they once shared and the love that still bound them. “We should act as one host, not two.”

His kinsman nodded, then his bright gaze sought the skies, perhaps for long lost stars.

“I will… try to speak with Ñolofinwë,” Maedhros added. “Many are still wary and resentful, as I know they have a right to be,” he looked in sorrow upon Fingon, who’d lost friends, whose brother had lost a wife to the Ice and more. “The odd fights and conflicts, while not as frequent as before, have not ceased, have they?”

Fingon shook his head.

“I know many of our own are remorseful,” Maedhros unraveled another thread from the sleeve of his right wrist. “Many had friends and kin among your host; many had looked in wonder upon you and saw crippled families, grief and a loss that is their own.”

“And yet.”

“And yet.” Maedhros clenched and unclenched his good hand. “Penance must be shown. Somehow.”

“Please tell me you do not speak of yourself, Maitimo,” Fingon murmured, shaking his head. “Even if it were so, your penance I have seen with my own eyes. You need not do more.”

Maedhros grit his teeth at the name, though coming from Fingon, it lost some of its acquired dread in the dungeons. “Dear Findekáno, you always thought too much of me.”

“One of us has to,” Fingon muttered, not unkindly. “Tell me, what are your thoughts?“

Maedhros nodded, looking blankly ahead. “It would be a start. It must be done. And then, our deeds should match our words.”

“Nelyo.” Fingon raised a hand, his hesitant palm close to Maedhros’ shoulder, the question in his eyes.

Maedhros could not blame his caution, for after all, he had scratched and torn at his cousin with wiry limbs before, first prey to a rabid confusion upon the eagle’s back; he remembered mighty wings spread like great sails, and a confusing warmth cocooning him after years being whipped bare by the elements. He lowered his head, swallowing at the slight pressure on his shoulder. “That is not all,” Maedhros said.

Fingon released him slowly. He curled a knowing brow. “No.”

“Even before we set out on the march, there was division, was there not? You remember; I stood by Father, I could do nothing else. I... we, loved and still love him fiercely, you know this truth though it must hurt. But it was impossible to ignore how many looked to Ñolofinwë, to you; how many refused to renounce him. Do you recall?”

Fingon let his head fall back, gazing through the mists. “I remember the arguments, the fights. I remember fearing you’d break with so much tension amid all that strife, which both troubled and drew me closer to it all. But even those who had no love for my uncle were moved by his words, and I was one of them.”

Maedhros stared ahead, then back down, noticing his restless fingers had unravelled the hem of his sleeve. “But you did not knowingly slay your own.”

“No,” Fingon gritted, his voice turned hoarse, “we did so unknowingly,” he added with bitterness. “Do you forget most of us carry the guilt for those same crimes? I have not, nor has Father. They changed us all.”

Maedhros said nothing, and Fingon sat and pondered for a while. The murders lay thick and heavy between them, in blood and saltwater. “How strange to look upon the past. We all saw untrodden lands before us, a return to an ancient homeland, to thrive with our knowledge and skill.”

“That may still come to be,” Maedhros spoke unto the flames, his voice flat and expression thoughtful.

Fingon hummed. “You know, Russo, there is aught I’ve come to know on these shores,” he glanced at his cousin, a glint in his eye reminding Maedhros of bygone Tirion. Fingon was much the same in spirit, he found, save for the sharper edge to his dusky features and the icy resolve in his eyes. “The shadows are deepest before dawn.”

Maedhros turned the words over in his head. He added, lighter of mood than he’d felt in weeks, with a shade of snark he used to wield well. “Then, we must be near to dawn.”

Fingon shook his head with barely a whiff of laughter. “This I will say. Father is of a like mind with you. But keep your own counsel on this, for now. Please.”

“Have I ever been loose-tongued?”

“No, indeed. My father’s always known division will cripple us after we met the Enemy on the field, faced his stronghold and leaguer. But he is loath to foster more conflict and bring forth more dissent from ones holding resentment against those who abandoned them. Some would still rather punish than forgive.”

Maedhros caught Fingon’s gaze, and with much difficulty, smiled his smile that hurt. The light of the flames danced crookedly upon his scars. “I am hoping my attempt will aid in that respect.”

“My cousins—” Fingon began.

“... are my subjects,” Maedhros countered, frowning as he stared ahead. “Leave that matter to me.” Surprising even himself, he found a strong belief in his own words.

Fingon sighed again, his dark brow lifting in tune with a pointed half-smile, both tender and sorrowful. He lowered his head in a nod. “Well. I, for one, trust you.”

The muscles in his jaw unwound into the broader likeness of a smile, and Maedhros nearly did not utter the words. “After everything.” Emotion wound about his inner being like stubborn weeds on barren mountain paths.

“Moreso, after everything.”

When done paying a short visit to see her horse, pleased at the care with which he’d been tended to and sheltered, Mithiel took to wandering aimlessly through the settlement. The chill brought a sprint to her step, her silver hair hallowed in the pale blue light shed over paths by those peculiar, captivating lamps hung throughout the wide campsite area. Soon, this will be as sturdy as a kingdom proper, since their builders I’m told are as gifted and speedy as their kin abiding on the opposite lakeside, she thought. Mithiel knew these same folk had already built stone dwellings there, which they abandoned upon the arrival of their bedraggled kindred who’d survived the Ice.

She walked, and walked, until the restless discord of thought within was somewhat abated, and her spirit was soothed by the stir of life around her. Already she missed her home, the small, warm cottage with its dark wood, its strong scents of herb and poultice. Already Mithiel missed her father, but steadied herself thinking of the duty promised to fulfil.

The night spread like a giant formless beast slumbering across the land, and somewhere not far, a flute was playing. The music soothed, and as drawn by a foreign spell, Mithiel neared, finding her way towards many tall, bright fires. They soared against the blackness as in defiance of the persistent fog, and the folk gathered round them seemed none too different to her own during such cold, endless a night as Mithrim had known, long before the rising of the Sun.

A flat, shining surface reflected back golden light not far to the right — the expanse of the great lake. Mithiel approached; by this time, it should be layered in ice, she thought, as happened already with many pools in the area at this time of year. She looked to the fires, but though their warmth teased her cheeks and the gathering seemed merry, her feet took her closer to the water’s edge.

Drawing nearer, she saw another standing there, alone, gazing out into the distance; she discerned a tall, lithe frame, a dash of auburn in the ever-dancing firelight. At first, she wavered. Had he not found rest yet, either?

Turning back would be cowardice, though she halted some distance away, thinking he might favor his solitude; all Mithiel truly wanted now was to look upon the great mirror.

She gazed into the murky darkness, unable to discern anything on the far opposite side due to the brume. But the stray light behind her glittered gold and orange over the glazed body of water, and though she missed the stars, this had a beauty all its own.

“Does rest elude you, Mistress?”

Mithiel started, not having expected him to recognize her, let alone speak. They parted amiably enough—considering the circumstances, and she wanted to keep it that way. After all, she had work to do.

“No more than it does you, my—lord,” she settled.

There was silence again, for a long time.

“Your people were the first to inhabit these lands, were they not?” came the question after a while.

“It is so,” Mithiel replied, still watching the lake, receiving a hum in response.

Though his manner was not light, the question had been merely that: a question. And so, Mithiel dared her own. “Is it true?” she asked. “That you looked upon the faces of the Ones of the West?” She knew the Ñoldor worshipped them, more than any of their kindred, and had heard they abided by their side and thrived in the kingdoms of that realm.

“I have,” came the answer, “Even as they cursed us, I have.”

Mithiel faltered, “I— I am not sure I understand,” she added, her damned curiosity getting the better of her; suddenly she fretted having upset him; from what she’d seen of his nerves, they were curled and strung to the point of snapping most of the time.

“No. But perhaps one day you will,” Maedhros said, and turned away even as Mithiel, out of instinct, neared to aid him; he stopped her with a sharp gesture of his left hand. “Good night once again, Mistress. I will see you on the morrow.”

“Rest well, king Nelyafinwë,” Mithiel spoke, and thought she heard a snort as she watched his retreat, and she wound her arms around herself tighter against the bitterness in his voice.

Part I

#maedhros x oc #ruiniel:fanfiction

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hydralisk98 · 1 year

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Just a heads-up for speculative biology

While I am still researching and seeking ways to incorporate even more flavour into 16^12 as a documentation atlas / encyclopedia-worthy setting guide overall (especially over alternative technologies, linguistics & cultures), I figured that a bunch of people could really appreciate some more speculative biology resources, games and a handful of considerations / suggestions over lesser-known topics of world building related to such worth considering.

Starting by providing external resources with a couple YouTube channels and some other related resources:

There are way more, but those should give you great insight into the process of speculative contemporary biology as we are aware of right now.

Now, as for my own suggestions, beware that they mostly pertain to foreign time-wise "ecological niches" if you even can call such existential domains that. Either mythologically-inclined, automated lively constructs or literally far, far ahead in time.

Cosmogony & early mundane life suggestions

For ease of reach, I will use the Christian + Hellenistic Classical Greece mythology as a referee guide for meta-physical representation. Could be any mythos, invented or real, it is all true if you count the whole of existence for all I care. But that specific one is one that most people here reading this would know of.

So the creation of the Universe, Earth, Eden and the War in Heaven between Lucifer and Saint-Michael (so not the Apocalyptic scripts, that's custom-tailored flattery fan-fiction by my worldview but whatever...) feels like a logical progression of steps where a root system (some call it God, I call it the existential root likewise to how it is shown on Linux he-he-he) divides themself into smaller and smaller units (first into grander agents and going ever so smaller down to the smallest of axioms...), and then those divide the world into domains of their choosing and executing roles / functions across the wider cosmos...

Sounds like a computer bootstrap process, doesn't it? Well yes, but it is also akin to the ecological niches and adaptation process of what we are most aware of as life that you can emulate and customize as you wish to if you so desire.

You can also extrapolate / interpolate from such a divine / ethereal starting point and make them have all kinds of children species, automata and lifeforms. I would advise going through an "Angelic Constructs" to "Transformers" route for the first mundane plane lifeforms, kinda similar in agency and functionality as our early analogical robotics, both emulating the process of a child learning by playing with toys and also starting very simplistic (like how the simple rules of a cellular automaton like Conway's Game of Life may result in very complex behaviours on the grid) until they build on top of each other significantly.

But you can do whatever you so desire, as the reference model does divide some of the upper tier angelic court beings into themes or existential roles (and does the same for those of whom from such who became upper level Hell governors). It is simply a strong recommendation to emulate the iterative process of life and agency, as that builds a strong world-building cohesion and nuanced depth to the set of variables you tinker with as a creative, engaging people further into its intricacies.

Elderly universe

As I apply the same rules over and over again, I tend to figure historical patterns (likewise to those of sound-tracker's music) and re-utilize the content I enjoy most where relevant. That's part of my research and iterative process. And it turns out that as I feel (and went through several psychic experiences) around and about far futures, it mostly sticks to some vague approximate guesses I make.

Granted, I will definitely make use of some mystery, secrets and quantum choice principles across for the things I am really out-of-reach for knowing, but I can give you some subjective tips of mine to derivate cosmically far futures that both works realistically and feel great to tell exaggerated stories over. (Not always needs to invoke eldritch by any means too, I prefer to give a more nihilistic-optimistic yet esoterically-grounded take on things because I am somewhat tired of dark and dire traumatisms-centric stories of contemporary times)

First, I persist into assuming there are sapient lifeforms (mechanical and divine ones are guaranteed) of some kind across the full spectrum of time. Granted, I have bold vision even for humans and other fully biological intelligent folks to survive even past the red dwarves' major era death into the iron stars period, even without involving much use of magic in the setting period. But it is worth keeping somewhat because entirely lone sapient individuals in such a late era don't exist in a vacuum and needs a few things to persist there for longer than a couple of minutes.

Second, on the same vain I tend to have at least one major native species of this time-wise era either they are time-travelling dwellers, timeless beings or just sapient individuals who stuck around as species for that long. It really gives a vibe of being so elderly as a universe, with cultures, languages, history, knowledge and nuances worth investigating. It is a mechanic I will take full advantage of into my very own worldbuilding if you are curious.

Third, consider realistically "conservative" (as in, with the least change involved) estimates of history, entropy and perhaps timely tourism into consideration for your world(s) and interpolate relevant data for such as needed. There are still going to be changes across the board in the broad spectrum of time, but I would guess that somewhen things will settle down (or at least lower the variation / valence and quiet somewhat more compared to the current cosmos we live in) as the universe becomes less habitable for our definition of life, which are really intricately complex and sophisticated lifeforms.

It really goes to show that if one can imagine / ask a question about anything, it is real somewhere in the whole of existence (perhaps you prefer calling it an omniverse, but not me). And, in this instance, that reinforces the notion that there may be a handful of tourists into the edge periods of time present for all sorts of reasons, no matter how sparse or few of them there may be. Also, it applies the other way around too, especially as my story has a certain emphasis unto a (younger than the elderly majority peers, aka a late teenager / young adult) character agent who wraps back in time for quite mundane reasons really...

Thanks for reading this messy info dump (initially meant to be a shorter article production than the other articles I had in my drafts, oups...) and I wish you good luck.

#youtube #speculative evolution #speculative biology #maskoch #worldbuilding #world building #mythos #mythology #mythopoeia

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gendercensus · 3 years

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Supplementary survey: they/them reflexives, The Sir/Ma’am Issue, and Spivak vs. Elverson

This short, clarifying survey ran from 4th until 24th April 2021. There were 2,998 usable responses. Unlike the annual Gender Census survey, this one was open to anyone of any gender, provided they lived in an English-speaking country.

It asked about two things:

They/them verbs and reflexives - basically whether people who prefer they/them pronouns prefer the reflexive to be themself or themselves, and which people feel is more “correct”.

Sir/ma’am/? - investigating why people use sir/ma’am in areas where it’s polite and common to do so, and whether there are any viable nonbinary or gender-neutral alternatives.

This blog post will also investigate the Spivak vs. Elverson issue, which was actually a separate poll that took place on two social networks.

THEY/THEM VERBS AND REFLEXIVES

Someone asked about themself vs. themselves, and it reminded me of some of the they/them issues that people ask about in feedback boxes and various confusions surrounding them.

Singular they - what is it, and when and how do people use it?

Plural they - what is it, and when and how do people use it?

What is the “correct” reflexive for each of these?

You can see the statistics in more detail here, but here’s the graph as an overview:

Participants were asked a series of questions about singular they pronouns. Everyone was asked a “which is correct” question, and participants who sometimes or always like to be called ”they” were also asked about their personal preferences.

The graph is a view of only participants who sometimes or always like to be called “they”.

Verbs. As you can see, participants overwhelmingly (94.3%) wanted people to use plural verbs (”they are reading a book”) when talking about them in the third person - even though the percentage of people who thought that was the most “correct” form was a little lower (81.8%). This was lower because 11.4% of participants who preferred “they” answered “both are correct”.

Reflexives. People were much more likely to say that both themself and themselves were correct (28.3%), and more likely to have no preference between the two (17.4%). However, themself was still more popular overall at 59.3%, and 47.3% thought themself was grammatically correct.

You as a control. I also asked all participants whether yourself or yourselves was more correct when addressing one person as a kind of control question, because they is almost grammatically identical to you - it can refer to one person or multiple people, it takes plural verbs even when referring to/addressing one person, and in that situation only the reflexive changes. Many people who say that singular they is grammatically incorrect have no issues with singular you, so it seemed like something that might be interesting to compare. In the graph above you can see that 93.6% of people thought yourself was more correct; only 4.2% of they-accepting participants felt that both yourself and yourselves were equally correct when addressing one person.

There were a couple of things that came up several times in the comments:

“They is” is common in African-American Vernacular English (AAVE), and probably in other dialects too. As I don’t live in the US I’m pretty unfamiliar with this dialect, but either way that seems fine to me. It’s part of why I also asked for participants’ locations, because I wanted others to be able to download the results and see if some regions were more likely to use some words/constructions than others.

There were some alternatives to themself and themselves presented, such as theirself and theirsen. Both of these points lead nicely to the third...

The idea that any language choice is more “correct” than another is quite prescriptive. What feels correct or natural varies depending on a lot of factors, such as where in the world you learned English, and there is no such thing as objective correctness when it comes to such a broad and variable language as English.

I am aware of and agree with that third bullet point, so my asking which phrases were more “correct” was a bit of a trick question. It was a good way to get a feel for people’s linguistic instincts.

I also thought it was interesting that participants who never wanted to be called they were slightly more likely to side with the most popular view on what is “correct” across the board, and less likely to say “both are correct”.

PLURAL VS. SINGULAR THEY

I actually ran another version of this survey first and then scrapped the responses, because it was clear that my survey design was leading to some pretty confused and unhelpful data! Among other things, it asked participants whether they preferred singular or plural they for themselves and then directed them to particular questions based on their answer, and the comments suggested that people either didn’t really understand the distinction or meant different things by those terms, even though I had added help text.

This is my understanding:

Singular they is they/them pronouns when used to refer to one person. Verbs are usually plural (i.e. “they are” rather than “they is”), and themself and themselves are both common. Example usage: They are getting themself a cup of coffee. They bought themselves a nice new hat.

Plural they is they/them pronouns when used to refer to two or more people. Verbs are usually plural (i.e. “they are” rather than “they is”), and themselves is almost universal (with the exception of regional variations such as theirselves). Example usage: They are getting themselves some coffee together. They all bought hats for themselves.

Some plural/multiple people refer to themselves as “we” and prefer to be addressed as “they/themselves” (which they call plural they) because they are a group of individuals sharing one body.

The reason I initially asked directly about singular vs. plural they is because I was concerned that plural/multiple systems would cause some statistical confusion. Many plural people have asked me to add plural they to the checkbox list of pronouns in the annual survey, but since it has never been entered by over 1% of participants I have never had reason to do so. As far as I knew, the only difference between singular and plural they is the reflexive (themself for singular and themselves for plural), so I wanted to be able to investigate non-plural people in isolation, and I was curious to know about any trends or differences. I wanted to find out if I should be doing anything differently to ensure that Gender Census statistics are helpful.

So, I swapped out the badly-designed question for a straight-up checkbox, a “check this box if you’re plural/multiple” type of thing, with a note that participants should fill in the survey once per body wherever possible, and then I made some graphs.

Here you can see that plural systems were still more likely to prefer people to use themself to refer to them rather than themselves, though the margin is narrower:

Plural participants were also more likely to say that they sometimes or never want people to refer to them as they, whereas non-plural people were more likely to want people to always refer to them as they (or they just feel fine about it):

There’s not a lot in it, though. It’s all relatively evenly distributed, with no strong leader in either category there.

For the curious: 8.2% of participants checked the plural/multiple box.

In conclusion: plural and non-plural people alike all prefer people to use themself when referring to them in the third person using they/them pronouns, and I feel that there is probably no need to ask about plurality or separate out data from plural people in future. (Asking about this and seeing the responses did in part prompt me to start an anonymous feedback form for plural participants of the Gender Census, though.)

THE SIR/MA’AM ISSUE

For several years participants have been asking me in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey to also ask about gender-inclusive or nonbinary-specific alternatives to sir and ma’am. I’ve largely not done anything about it, because when informally asking around I’ve generally had the response “just don’t say sir or ma’am, just leave it out altogether.” I live in the UK, where if someone calls you sir/ma’am you’re either looking at home in a fancy restaurant for billionnaires or you’re being made fun of - or sometimes both.

However, during this year’s annual survey while talking about it in a little more depth I learned that there are places in the world where sir/ma’am is very common, required for politeness, and basically inescapable. Nonbinary people in those areas are really struggling, because they do actually need a nonbinary-friendly stand-in for those terms - omitting the sir/ma’am isn’t an option.

Again, the location question was asked so that anyone else downloading the spreadsheet of responses can analyse by region to find out whether sir/ma’am is ubiquitous in particular regions and in which contexts it is used, and can even check whether there is a region-specific alternative to sir/ma’am emerging. I asked several questions about sir/ma’am, including about reasons/contexts and personal preferences, and some superficial analysis is included on the spreadsheet of responses.

But the juicy bit is the nonbinary-specific and gender-inclusive alternative words, right?

[The counting formula is case-sensitive so I made everything lowercase to make the count a little more accurate.]

Suggested gender-inclusive alternatives to sir/ma’am

mx - 4.1% (151)

friend - 2.2%

comrade - 1.2%

captain - 0.7%

ser - 0.5%

mate - 0.4%

m - 0.3%

per - 0.3%

boss - 0.3%

folks - 0.3% (9)

Suggested nonbinary-specific alternatives to sir/ma’am

mx - 8.3% (250)

mix - 0.7%

tiz - 0.5%

friend - 0.4%

ser - 0.4%

comrade - 0.3%

mixter - 0.3%

captain - 0.2%

ind - 0.2%

mir - 0.2% (6)

So it looks like Mx (pronounced “mix” or with a toneless vowel that sounds a bit like “mux”) is the clear winner in both categories. If you want to try to introduce a gender-neutral version of sir/ma’am in your area this one is probably your best bet.

SPIVAK VS. ELVERSON

This wasn’t part of the same survey! It was a Twitter poll and a Mastodon poll that ran for one week and ended today, and I’m putting it here because it has to go somewhere.

Sometimes people refer to the ey/em and e/em “versions” of the Spivak pronoun set, which makes my eyebrows do things, because they’re not both Spivak. They are distinct established pronoun sets with their own names.

Spivak - e/em/eir/eirs/emself - written about by Michael Spivak in the 1990s. [source: Nonbinary Wiki]

Elverson - ey/em/eir/eirs/emself - created by Christine M Elverson in the 1970s. [source: Nonbinary Wiki]

The Elverson set is older, but it’s less well-known for some reason, so they’re assumed to be variants of Spivak due to the similarity in spelling.

I was recently asked how we can know which is more popular, given the “oh this checkbox option is close enough, I’ll just choose that instead of typing in my very slightly different set” effect and the “hmm this checkbox option is very close to my set, I’m probably meant to choose this one” effect, plus the boost that checkbox options get with the “oh I hadn’t thought of that one but yeah, why not” effect. Spivak (e/em) is on the checkbox list of pronouns in the annual survey, so it appears to be much more popular than Elverson (ey/em)... but is it really?

I ran a poll on both Twitter and Mastodon, and then used a spreadsheet to extract the useful numbers. There were 141 relevant votes after one week. I wouldn’t usually make annual-survey-altering decisions based on a sample that small, but in this case the results are extremely decisive:

It seems that the highest proportion of people who like at least one of the sets are happy for both to be used, at 48%. 45% prefer ey/em (Elverson) and 7% prefer e/em (Spivak). This is pretty stunning! I’ve been presenting e/em (Spivak) as a checkbox option on the Gender Census annual survey for years, possibly since the first survey in 2013, and because it’s a checkbox option it seems to be consistently a lot more popular than ey/em (Elverson). That’s 4.3% and 0.6% respectively in the 2021 survey. But this poll suggests that actually ey/em (Elverson) is much more popular when the two pronoun sets are viewed on a level playing field.

When you remove all “I don’t mind” votes, you get this:

Over 6 times as many people prefered Elverson!

I will definitely be adding Elverson to the Gender Census next year, just so that we can split the e/em and ey/em votes and really get to the bottom of this.

Anyway, while we’re on the topic, ey/em takes singular verbs most of the time.

#results #spivak #elverson #sir/ma'am #they/them #singular they #plural they #pronouns #neopronouns

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sasorikigai · 2 years

Note

So here's the thing, I've been a fan of this game franchise for years and I have to say that I've never, ever come across such a portrayal like yours. I understand that we all see characters differently, which is great and I probably would've never thought of a character with nearly three decades of history the way you do... And that to me is simply wonderful! I love how much depth, love and thought you bring to this character. I can feel in every interaction, every headcanon, every phrase how they ooze love, effort and thought that you put into him and his particular development and even though it's so out of line with what I personally could think of for the character, it just enriches the whole lore and story all the more. GHHHH! I am so grateful to have found someone with such enthusiasm to play this character and all his nuances and aspects that maybe most people could have overlooked after so long! KEEP DOING THIS GREAT JOB MY DOOD! ~ ♡

「 ASK MEME : HOW’S MY PORTRAYAL? 」|| @indulgentia || accepting

I’ve only been the fan of Mortal Kombat franchise for a few years, although I was well aware of the popular game’s existence since I was young. Growing up in an Asian country where 1 vs. 1 game doesn’t do well, not certainly and nearly as much as MOBA or RPG games, I knew the existence of popular characters such as Raiden, Liu Kang, Scorpion, and Sub-Zero, but never have I thought I would pick Hanzo/Scorpion as my muse. The OG lore certainly didn’t intrigue me in the slightest, because Scorpion sounded like an underdeveloped antihero/villain on a back burner with your familiar tragic family story gone awry. After familiarizing myself with the MKX lore and anticipating the release of MK11 back in April 2019, I have fully decided to invest my time and energy into this evermore popular, if not, one of the most well-known and recognized game character in the world as he became my main muse.

His story is painfully and tragically human, and ubiquitously and universally related. Wrath, regret, vengeance, and guilt are what humanity deal with ever since the inception of mankind and his loss, death, sense of despair, enduring tribulations, etc. all become his remarkable, resilient strength and wisdom as his character develops in its depth and complexity, and that to me is extremely worthwhile and fruitful to pursue.

In regards to the expansion of my non-canon portrayals, I have @sonxflight and @somniaxperdita to thank for. Such deviation and extension of canon Grandmaster Hasashi/Scorpion literally was birthed due to these two muses through the exchange of HCs and writing various verses together. Dari definitely opened my eyes towards the immense possibilities that could be birthed through alternate universes and non-canon verses. Jack/Ryou and she were the literal catalyst and incorrigible partner when it comes to Hanzo’s modern and other canon-derived verses which I tend to often gravitate to. I fell more in love with the movie portrayal of Hanzo/Scorpion through Vic’s OC, Olivia Winter, with her jazz and sun goddess verse, respectively with my modern Hanzo and MK2K21 Scorpion.

I like to believe, even such out-of-character moments which some people may not relate to, can very well be absorbed into more proverbial and well-known facet of his character, which is more somber, serious, and austere. My portrayal of Hanzo/Scorpion will always be ornately poetic and eloquent. Who speaks something like “With Fire, be blazed,” and don’t think him as viscerally vivid rhetorician and a strong leader?

Regardless, Bru, whenever I see your multifaceted talent grace my dash, I strive to become a better writer myself, and tap into my creative outlet and further develop it. You are immensely talented, both linguistically and artistically, and I enjoy every bit of our convos on Discord. Thank you so much for being this special friend and collaborative partner in my life. It means so much more than my humble brain can describe now.

#✗ breathing iron and rust (outofkombat)#(positivity)#indulgentia

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mrfancyfoot · 8 years

Text

Some Assembly Required: It Didn’t Come With Instructions So I Googled and Found the Swedish Version, pt.1

Since I’ve been asked to clarify/explain/spoil “the spirit” companion of Bevin more than a couple times now, I figured that I would make a one stop post for this and other stuff since bits are kind of scattered throughout several chapters now and I can’t blame anyone for needing a refresher. I’ll make two sections: one for where we currently are in SAR and one for where I’ve currently developed (i.e. spoilers and in-depth explanations). To explain the spirit will also need me to explain some of Bevin’s powers and a little more background, so that will also be included in both sections, though primarily the latter. Also added are other fun bits. Spoilers are included, as I’ve mentioned, but they will be in the bottom section for if you don’t want to read them.

I’ll try to update this as the story progresses, but if I fall behind, just let me know.

The Spirit so far:

Bevin officially meets the spirit in Chapter 12. She starts off as the soothing presence that Bevin feels after having one of her “nightmare visions” of the torture she went through in the Red Future.

After her talk with Dorian, who is fleetingly concerned about potential spiritual possession after witnessing it in the Red Future, the spirit makes herself known so that Bevin can throw Dorian off of this line of inquiry. A “that must have only happened in the alternate timeline” kind of excuse.

The spirit explains that she is the one responsible for protecting Bevin from the eruption at the Conclave. She saw Bevin pulled through and decided that an outsider was what Thedas really needed. Specifically, she says: “I was but an ever-weakening spirit, watching our worlds for over two thousand years from inside the Fade. I saw you pulled through that very first rift between the worlds. I believed that an outsider was the exact thing this tumultuous land needed, and used what power I had to protect you.”

So, two thousand year-old (at least!) spirit who was able to watch both worlds from some corner of the Fade.

She goes on to mention that she knows nothing of how Nikki came to be involved or anything about the Conclave.

During talks, the spirit frequently uses terms that Bevin knows to be elven.

She specifically calls her “‘Ma da’isenatha” which translates to “my little dragon.”

The spirit refers to Solas as Bevin’s “hahren” or “mentor” frequently.

Bevin’s Powers:

From the very first chapter, we learn that Bevin has weird powers and brand new facial markings.

Powers = foresight

Markings = blood red sideways tear drop shape angled across either cheek near the outer corners of her eyes that she describes as being about as big as her thumb(nail).

In Chapter Three, Solas deduces that Bevin is passively syphoning in mana from the environment somehow. Her storage limitations and general output are still very low, so any sudden increase in intake (such as magic applied directly to her) creates a surge that bounces right back out (which makes her face itch and sneeze).

To a much slighter degree, all Mages recover mana from the Veil this way, and some can learn in intake excess mana from around them as a very temporary, active skill. Solas and Dorian discuss this briefly during their general party banter in the game.

Dorian shares (also in Chapter 12) that the markings on her face are from syphoning magic. It’s an old Art, the effects of which were known to “make one’s palms itchy.” He has never heard of anyone being able to sustain the magic passively before.

“Passively” here meaning “without trying.” The magic automatically draws in mana from the environment around Bevin.

Bevin eventually deduces that she is also taking in what she calls life energy. This is something that everything living has (people, animals, plants, etc).

She thinks this is driving her innate healing ability and has fears that it might leave her with a form of at least temporary immortality based on her knowledge of fictional lore and mythus.

Bevin’s (Awful) Background:

Chapters Four and Five are where most specifics of Bevin’s past begin appearing.

In ch.01, Bevin mentions that she’s from Michigan.

In ch.04, Bevin visits the Fade for the first time.

She starts off in a memory of her childhood that she recognizes as the precursor to a particularly bad event. When Solas joins her dream, she immediately asks how to stop it and he dispels it, drawing her deeper into the Fade.

Soon, they are attacked by Fearlings that have taken on the forms of various church elders and her father. Her magic, fueled by her anger is able to get rid of them but draws the attention of a Rage demon. Solas kills the demon for her, stating that she is not quite to the strength to be able to take on and defeat such a demon.

In ch.05, Bevin and Nikki are prompted into sharing details of their lives prior to being dropped in Thedas.

Bevin tells the group that she had just finished her university studies for Linguistics and Criminology and was working as an intern for the local Coroner (also known as the Office of Medial Examiner). Fairly certain somewhere she mentions that she’s going on to graduate studies.

Following more prodding, Bevin shares that she grew up in a religious cult.

Said cult was made up of fanatics, many of whom were eventually found guilty of murder, namely her parents, due to her efforts.

She grew up homeschooled, so would attempt to sneak out to the forest around her house any chance she got when her dad was gone.

Remained homeschooled up until highschool (when it becomes state mandated that children join a public/private school at least part time - no idea if this actually applies to her state, but it did apply to mine :P).

Here she gains access to the internet and eventually talks to someone who wants to get her out of her situation. Through the help of “kind internet strangers” she is eventually able to escape her family by the opening of a successful murder investigation against them/the cult.

As is made clear from ch.04, memories of her father in particular still haunt her.

General (not entirely so awful) details:

Has a number of “adventurous” piercings and hints of a tattoo on her back

Underwent surgery to remove her uterus following health complications.

To be continued via edits as the story progresses. :]

The Spirit (and everything else) as a whole:

Spoilers galore from here on out for almost everything in SAR (for the past and future). This part will touch on the spirit, Bevin’s powers, Bevin’s background, Solas’ thoughts/actions/inactions, background plotlines, future plotlines, and my own personal headcanon/lore-bending. Basically, I explain all the nuances and shit here. It’s very hodge-podge and I try to keep relevant stuff together if not in chronological order. If I’ve missed anything or you want more for some part, let me know.

Open secret that the spirit possessing Bevin is actually Mythal.

The first time the spirit makes her debut is actually in Chapter 10 during Nikki’s venture into the Red Future. The is the entity that takes over when Bevin is too frail to help with the fight (to note, Mythal is still very weak here).

In this alternate future, Solas is captured along with Leliana when they mount a rescue attempt that ultimately fails. Solas originally leaves the Inquisition following the Herald going missing/presumed dead, but becomes overcome with guilt and agrees to join with the Nightingale once seeing that his plans have little to stand on with the Elder One gaining so much power in the first place. They see getting the others back as an all or nothing effort.

Well, they’re captured. Solas spends the days/nights listening to them torture Bevin and Leliana while he’s very slowly dying of lyrium poisoning. He attempts to entertain and soothe Bevin with stories of the Fade and his past. He doesn’t really bother hiding anything at this point. Future-Leliana is far more concerned about getting Nikki back to the past to defeat the Elder One than she is with sharing Solas’ identity.

Later in present day, when Bevin is getting flashbacks of these days, she hears bits of these stories, but doesn’t have much context for them. She sees them as the bits of sunshine that peak through her nightmares. She’ll start to wonder about certain details later as some will conflict with what she otherwise knows.

When Bevin officially meets her present day, Mythal explains why she saved her. But she’s leaving out a lot of details and not at all telling the whole truth. Let’s break down her lieslines:

“I am the reason that you survived that eruption those months ago.”

Yes, well, she’s also the reason that Bevin was pulled through in the first place. Bevin’s entire involvement is due to Mythal.

“I was but an ever-weakening spirit, watching our worlds for over two thousand years from inside the Fade. I saw you pulled through that very first rift between the worlds. I believed that an outsider was the exact thing this tumultuous land needed, and used what power I had to protect you.”

She’s conveniently skipping over the part where she used Flemeth as a host for a long time. Mythal/Flemeth have been aware of the other universe for a long time. A habit of theirs has been watching select occupants as they live their lives unknowing. Mythal takes a shine to Bevin and her plentiful childhood struggles growing up in a crazy cult of psychopathic murderers. She reminds her of a much younger Fen’Harel. Upon seeing the fleeting opportunity, she decides that Bevin would make a perfect companion for her old friend given her unique insights and experiences.

Bevin is brought through the Breach and confronted by Flemeth, in an exchange that she has been made to fully forget for her own good. Mythal is transferred to Bevin who becomes the new host. In exchange, Mythal states the she will help Flemeth with her desires in the future (namely the events following the Well of Sorrows saga with Morrigan). Mythal ultimately sees this as getting what she wants. Solas succeeding with his plans and being happy is vengeance against the other gods for killing her. Bunch of long con-ers.

She’s not above poking and prodding, but, for the most part, she stays out of Bevin’s relationship with Solas simply so she can prove a point later when Bevin inevitably figures everything out. She made the opportunity but never forced or groomed her into anything.

When asked if she knows anything about Nikki’s involvement: “I am afraid not. Her circumstances are a mystery to me, just as those surrounding the events that took place here.”

This is actually true. She has no fucking idea about Nikki or the Conclave. She merely saw an opportunity and took it.

During talks, Mythal frequently uses terms that Bevin knows to be elven.

She specifically calls her “‘Ma da’isenatha” which translates to “my little dragon.”

Bevin garners the nickname from Mythal’s affinity for dragons and because of the large, ornate dragonfly tattoo across her back.

The spirit refers to Solas as Bevin’s “hahren” or “mentor” frequently.

There’s some lore bit somewhere that I read - absolutely no idea if it’s actually canon or not anymore since I have a horrible habit of not taking note of precisely where I read things (definitely my headcanon, hehe) - that mentioned that student/mentor romantic relationships were almost expected in some elvhen clans/alienages.

Within SAR, I’ve made reference to this through Solas. He uses his mentorship of her to keep her close and help enforce a sort of private authority over her even while she gains influence within the Inquisition and Thedas. He does, ultimately, want to include her in his plans, and that means ensuring that she listens to him above anyone else. He gets a bit underhanded.

Leliana’s doing something similar with taking Bevin under her wing (minus the romantic angle). Solas recognizes this and it creates a sort of rivalry between the two that escalates over time.

Bevin’s Powers:

Okay, you read all the general stuff on her powers above, so this is the nitty-gritty of it.

Solas really doesn’t have a clue about this particular magic beyond how he has used a form of it to intake excess mana from around him in a kind of “one fell swoop” gathering of it. He can sustain himself via the Fade for prolonged amounts of time, but this isn’t quite the same thing.

So he keeps an ear out for any new information regarding it, both in the Fade and out. It irks him to no end that Dorian has more knowledge of this area than he does while still not knowing enough about it.

Bevin’s syphoning magic is knowledge passed from Flemeth and Mythal.

She’s essentially been “branded” with it by them.

It’s involved in most of Bevin’s “peculiar” gifts.

Her vast, perpetual stores of mana from syphoning is part of what is powering her Foresight abilities.

The other part is spiritual energy, as is conveniently provided by Mythal.

This is why Mythal becomes dormant to recover after visions, especially more “involved” ones or after times where there are multiples.

As Bevin’s mana stores are depleted, Mythal grows weaker. As they become larger/stronger, Mythal grows stronger.

Foresight wasn’t actually a purposeful endowment by Mythal or Flemeth but an odd happenstance that came about from combining the powerful magics just right within one particular person (Bevin). To a much lessor extent, spiritual/Fade magic is used in minor divining and fortunes.

Cole, as a spirit, is also able to influence her visions. When he happens upon one, he can help make her “lucid” during them so that she has free range to move.

The life energy that she’s intaking is what is driving her healing ability.

To a more extreme end it is also part of what is changing her into an immortal being.

The other part being her gradual merger with Mythal/spiritual energy.

Her healing still has its limits: she cannot regenerate lost limbs or organs.

Cutting off her head would still probably kill her if it’s not reattached quickly. Smashing her head in would definitely still kill her. If a blade were to be shoved into her heart and twisted a few times, there’s a chance that she’d recover from it as that would still leave it mostly intact. Just removing her heart from her chest would kill her, though.

Her healing will revert her back to the body that she gained the ability with. So her prior scars will remain. She’s not getting her uterus back spontaneously.

So, Bevin is well on her way towards immortality.

A kind of “gift” from Flemeth/Mythal.

Flemeth has used spirit energy to remain effectively immortal for many, many years. Mythal helps deliver the spirit of the old god Urthemiel to her to fulfill their exchange so that Flemeth retains her immortality as well.

Yes, this is my hack for fixing this issue with her being human with Solas. >.>

After she fully merges with Mythal, she’d still be human, but she’d have an Elvhen mana system...thing.

Bevin’s other powers:

She’s primarily Storm natured, with a secondary nature for Fire (thanks to Mythal)

She can’t use Ice magic for shit (not the whole of the Winter School, but this is where most of her struggles lie).

Water’s not fun, either, but not seemingly impossible for her.

She eventually will learn that she can manipulate plants/nature magic.

And thus thinks that the entirety of Circle magic teachings are a load of bullshit.

She’s, like, half right.

Lotta bullshit, but she’s practically using Elvhen magic herself since she hosts Mythal, so she’s also not entirely right.

I am, of course, referring to the bit of game lore that says only Elves can use Nature magic/certain other aspects of Creation magic.

Mythal teaches her to shapeshift.

Beginning with forcing her into the body of a fennec and making her figure out how to turn back.

This first comes up in the Schematics side bit, “A Foxy Look for You.”

Bevin really likes her Barriers.

A lot.

Defensive magic is her A-game.

As a recap:

Mana

Life energy (I’m toying with just calling this “chi”)

Spirit energy

How Other Lore Ties In:

My pet theory for SAR.

Certain people from our world, typically of more creative minds, have been able to see dreams and memories from the Fade while asleep/dreaming.

Popular works of fiction have elements based on things that actually happened in the DA world.

Religions here have influences from events and religions there.

So when Bevin’s noticing an awful lot of similarities in the cultures and histories of the two worlds, it’s not just a coincidence.

Spells and magic theories that she’s read/heard/watched frequently have real world counterparts in the DA world.

And this is why some of her seemingly bizarre magic works.

Bevin’s Really Awful Background

Bevin’s background is based on bits of actual events/cases that I’ve read about/studied and my own experiences with growing up in a highly religious area and finally being able to “escape” it. This will move fairly chronologically through her life.

In ch.01 she mentions that she’s from Michigan, but she means this as in “I was living in Michigan at the time.”

She actually grew up in Louisiana, born Bébhionne Chael Ní Hallmhuráin (which is read “Bevin, daughter of Chael, (female) descendant of Hallmhuráin” in traditional Irish).

Daddy wanted a boy and took out his resentment on Bevin after they were unable to have any more children.

As a clan/cult elder, he dictated her life. She’s forced to participate in his extreme tutelage to follow their religion (which she describes as “quote-unquote Catholic.” Anything viewed as a mistake or slight to his demanded perfectionism of her resulted in mental/physical torture.

Her mother basically enabled him through her passivity, as is what is expected of women in the cult. She did nothing to physically abuse or detain Bevin (beyond neglect), but would inform on her to her husband. So there was some mental abuse, there.

Bevin has a couple friends from the cult that she would sneak off to play with (not all families were as strict as hers).

The first time her father catches her, he shaves her head to humiliate her.

Bevin tells herself from then on that she doesn’t care about her hair, but she still can’t stand to have it short. Once in Thedas, she really only wants it shorter to make it easier to manage.

Past that, though, it was more beatings/locking her in the closet/etc.

Also results in Bevin’s fear of small, dark places/claustrophobia.

Becomes best friends with a female cousin named Delanay, who has epilepsy.

Her clan had essentially overrun a small, isolated bayou town, which lead to her physical struggle to leave it.

Bevin tried numerous times to run away from home, each time spending a number of weeks/months surviving off the land as she tried to work her way further from the town. The first time she ran away to seek local authorities was when she learned that they would only delivery her right back home.

The last try, she’s hunted down by dogs until they’re attacked/scared off by the local, highly territorial pack of red wolves. She proved herself to the pack, gaining a new set of scars across her ribs, but voluntarily goes back home after one is found shot dead and threats are made on the rest of the pack.

She’s given up on life a lot by the time she’s in highschool.

She’s the small, quiet, awkward homeschooled kid that no-one really pays any attention to. This was her first exposure to computers and the internet. She uses the time waiting for her bus departure to explore online and eventually finds people that she talks to.

Someone points her in the direction of a group that helps minors leave abusive households.

She initially reached out to the group and even agrees to meet with an investigative lawyer named Jeremy after months of talking, but got cold feet, stood him up, and quit all contact.

When she was fifteen, she witnessed Delanay die of a seizure during an exorcism ritual performed by her father and other elders/clan members.

Following this, she’s plagued by guilt and reaches out to Jeremy again thinking that if she had followed through in the first place, this could have been avoided.

Through her talks with Jeremy, she learned that there was a case being built against the cult following several suspicious deaths and missing persons. She knew of evidence to support this and agreed to help him out, even though she has the physical evidence (in the form of scars) that could more easily get her removed from the family.

She then learned that her family was planning on marrying her off to a much older man. With this new development, she worried that she would no longer have access to where she knows that evidence is hidden since upon that marriage, she would be moved out of the home.

Bevin sneaks off to the forest in search of a certain plant warned to be avoided for its high degree of toxicity. She doesn’t want to kill the man outright, but knowing of her family’s superstitious nature, she takes advantage of the extreme hallucinogenic nature of datura (also known regionally as ‘devil’s snare’ or ‘moon flowers’).

The man was brought over to see her and she managed to poison him via his frequent drinks of alcohol.

His following extreme behavior that lasted for several days was enough to put off her parents before he managed to drown himself.

Bevin later greatly distrusts alcohol (and other “mind altering substances”) and the general culture of drinking due to this incident. She doesn’t like how easy it is to take advantage of someone under the influence, so will not partake herself.

Bevin used this time while they were distracted to gather the evidence needed and take it to Jeremy. After a time of further investigation, they had all that was needed to turn it over to the proper federal authorities, who ran with the case.

Aside from murder, most of the cult/clan was involved with money laundering among other crimes. The cult was disbanded.

Once free of her clan, Bevin changed her name by anglicizing it and taking on the name of her best friend (Delanay) in order to cut ties with and formally disown the clan name.

She was transferred to a group home in Michigan before being adopted by the man she had come to see as a father figure over the past year. She stayed with him for a quick two years until she was accepted to a university on scholarship and funds brought in from interviews and donations.

With life finally settling down following the initial trial verdicts, Jeremy took on another case through a boy trapped within another cult. This one gets a target painted on him and eventually killed for his efforts.

Bevin very much retreats into herself following his death, and throws herself into her coursework.

Running into a friend named Greyson from the group home finally brought her back out of her shell and she started actual therapy. She began volunteering in projects, including the study and tagging of wolves. This took her back to her roots where a group was looking to relocate her pack of red wolves to a protected reservation.

Throughout these years in uni is when she amasses her collection of piercings and select friends “civilize” her to the modern world.

A friend recommends a tattoo artist who ends up doing her dragonfly back piece.

Which Bevin gets to cover up the physical scars of her childhood.

Also saw a doctor about frequent abdominal pains that often completely incapacitated her. One thing lead to another, and she ended up with a hysterectomy to remove her uterus.

She had already intended for her family line to die with her, and was more than okay with this outcome.

In my headcanon, Solas is perfectly fine with this. He’s not looking to personally revive his people through the fruit of his loins.

I will never write about babies.

Puppies. Everyone gets puppies.

This mostly takes us to the present day.

Other details:

English is not a native language for Bevin (despite growing up in the US, her family spoke Irish almost exclusively), and she forgets words all the time. Sometimes the entire language. She had to learn it for high school and pushed herself really hard in order to make the most of her little online time and to not flunk out of school and be more permanently stuck with her family.

She grew up speaking Irish and Latin at a native level thanks to her clan roots and religious influence.

To a slightly lessor extent, she speaks fluent Bayou French (which is kind of more of a creole language).

She purposefully lost her Irish accent and adopts the General Midwest Dialect.

She occasionally lapses.

Solas and Leliana

As pointed out a bit above, there’s a growing rivalry between the two.

They both take on different mentoring roles for Bevin quite early. While Nichole learns more about the troops and warrior-ing, Leliana takes Bevin under her wing and teaches her more about the scouts/spy network.

Starts off as minor things at first: basic cyphers for messages, handling the ravens, general workings of the network and The Game.

Leliana increasingly sees Bevin almost as a younger version of herself.

Leliana doesn’t fully trust Solas from the beginning but not for the typical reasoning of him being an apostate.

She’s very aware that he doesn’t have a known background, and she’s worked to verify the little he has shared.

When she’s unable to, she becomes suspicious of him.

And worried about Bevin since the others rather lobbed her under his care exclusively.

Her agents’ inability to track him for very long also rings alarm bells.

So she knows that he’s likely more knowledgeable/ skilled than he lets on.

He is constantly under surveillance.

She sends Scout Kalen Highridge, who’s been in charge of watching out for Bevin, along with them when they head out after the lead on the Grey Warden.

He’s been kinda flirty with her before, and takes advantage of her reciprocation (she sees him as fling material) to try and wheedle his way into answers about Solas.

Her being not forthcoming at all really irks him as he’s begun catching actual feelings from their growing “relationship” and internalizes this as a kind of betrayal.

He “doesn’t see what she sees in him.”

He ends up botching his mission by pissing off both Bevin and Solas in such a way that makes it obvious what he’d been trying to do.

Solas specifically warns him away from Bevin for his duplicitous intentions.

Bevin has every intention of confronting Leliana, who she knows put Kalen up to it, but isn’t able to get the woman alone prior to the attack on Haven.

Had the attack on Haven not occurred, Leliana would have lobbied for the removal of Bevin from their shared hut.

Given that, she’s quite pleased that Bevin is given her own quarters at Skyhold.

Not so pleased that Bevin continues to spend quite a bit of time with the elf.

Bevin’s increasing duties take away most of her free time, so Solas begins seeking her out instead.

Leliana is the source of a lot of this work, and she takes the time to pull Bevin aside to have a “heart to heart” about their resident apostate.

Pretty much warns her but also says that she won’t come between them (just make it really difficult).

Also around the time that Bevin realises she has feelings for him, but this reaffirms to her that Solas may have ulterior motives or a sketchy past.

Game Solas vs Concept Art Solas

This is something I’ve been toying with for awhile that I finally decided to make into SAR canon.

They’re the same person. Solas uses a complex glamour spell, rooted to the halla jawbone he keeps on him. Removal of the jawbone wouldn’t result in an immediate change, but a gradual one as the weaving of spells wore off, so temporarily removing it would not be cause for alarm.

He created himself as-is out of the mildest parts of himself. He purposefully tries to make himself look bland to blend in with the first elven populations he comes into contact with upon waking up from uthenera. Older looking, no hair, lighter skinned, slightly softened bone structure.

Keeping it tied to the bone makes it so that he expends the least amount of mana/energy on it and so that it’s harder to detect.

Bevin can tell there’s magic attached to it, but doesn’t really question it, yet.

Bevin (and we) first sees a glimpse of him in Ch.21 when she finds herself in one of Mythal’s memories. He looks different enough that she isn’t struck by any kind of familiarity (and such a thing would not occur to her at this time, anyway).

The Minor Bits and Details:

““Never thought I would meet another sky watcher in these parts,” he heard the Avvar Mage mumble as he stepped to follow after Bevin. Turning, the Mage faced away to the flames, head once more upturned to the sky.”

Found in Chapter 23. Totally headcanon, but Amund is also able to see mana and life energy the way Bevin can. He recognizes the way she “watches the sky” as he does, leading to an offhand comment that Solas picks up, but has no context for, so pays it no mind.

To be continued via edits as the story progresses. :]

#Some Assembly Required #MrFancyfoot #The Details #SAR #dragon age fanfiction

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