#in all reality it’s not terrible it’s okay I guess like I have a kindle so? I’ll take that instead ig 😭 yeah I’m not worried but goddd it’s
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MY LAPTOP CHARGER WAS ACCIDENTALLY PACKED UP AND MY LAPTOP IS DEAD AND IT’S SUCH A CRUSTY OLD ASS PIECE OF TECH NONE OF THE PLACES NEAR ME HAVE THE EXACT ONE I NEED AND I CAN ONLY GET A NEW CHARGER ON TUESDAY BUT MY TEST. IS FUCKINGGGGG. TOMOROW.
#in all reality it’s not terrible it’s okay I guess like I have a kindle so? I’ll take that instead ig 😭 yeah I’m not worried but goddd it’s#annoying and I love to complain. so.
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I'm a terrible human being but at least we're making our way through the island.
You know, I wasn't sure about Windmill Shuriken but it's growing on me.
It's a killer traversal tool as well as a potent weapon in its own right.
Getting a definite Boss Room Ahead vibe from this setup. Tiki Shopkeeper, you have anything to say about what I'm about to face?
Nothing?
Huh. Maybe I misread the--
Okay, fuck you too, I guess! I can't believe this! I rely on her to give me useful information about bosses! What a fucking prick.
Maybe she just. Like. Doesn't do that in this timeline or something. Or she's mad. Can't imagine what I could have said to piss off Tiki Shopkeeper that badly, though.
Whatever. I slew the Dweller of Strife singlehandedly; At least, that's how I'm choosing to remember it. I can manage this!
These barely even count as attacks. Honestly, it's like you want to face the wrath of my ultimate technique:
Your harmless little tiki heads are NO MATCH for an endless barrage of twirly-doos! I am the twirly-doo champion, and I'm going to do pirouettes on your face until you're nothing but a pile of kindling! What do you say about THAT, huh!?
....
....
....
(;° ロ°)
OH FUCK ME
Okay. So. In my haste for triumph and glory, I. Uh. May. Have. Misconstrued your ritualistic totem levitations as... something that they was not.
I am a big enough man to admit when a misunderstanding has taken place and a tragic mistake has been committed. You're right. It's pretty clear where the fault for this lies.
Tiki Shopkeeper. It's Tiki Shopkeeper's fault. She... She, uh.... She said....
...nothing. She said absolutely nothing about an upcoming Boss Fight. Because no Boss Fight was upcoming.
...I... assaulted and batteried you, and destroyed your personal property... for absolutely no reason at all.
...
Hold up, what was that about a volcano erupting?
Barrel Thyme, that's what that smell was! Thanks, pal. So the plan is to fuck him up again, save the Phobekins, and then enjoy a pleasant vacation on whatever mysterious island this place is.
Glad there's no hard feelings, pal. I'd hate for a small misunderstanding like this to get in the way of us becoming the best of pals!
I'm so glad they're taking it well. I like to think that I'm a pretty great guy once you get to know me. Like an acquired taste! And I wouldn't want them to miss out on the opportunity.
Anyways... apparently this island has a volcano. We should take a look at the map and make sure we have a good idea of where we're going.
Alright. Voodkin Island's not as big as I thought it'd be. So if Bartleby's plan is to jump me at the ritual then he should be right around the rim of the....
...of the....
Hold up.
Is this Kiln Mountain!? This super looks like the volcano where the great continental bread loaf was baked.
That's not what he called it. The hint is in its utility: That it's a kiln. But I'm still convinced that this is the same mountain.
...so does your shop exist in a parallel reality Tower of Time, or is there only one Tower of Time and we're just in a different room next door to Arcane Shopkeeper's room?
Because I could believe either.
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Volume 5 OST
I don’t normally have such verbose opinions on the RVVBY music (it’s like writing a review for fiberglass insulation) I managed to sit down and listen to this album the whole way through. My feelings on these tracks feels like a culmination of all my feelings of previous RVVBY music. I won’t try to be lengthy about this but I got some solid thoughts.
First of all, can we just collectively agree to stop making every fucking RVVBY song put on Youtube use fan art? Like can we just get a solid fucking static picture of the volume cover art maybe? I’m sick of the mediocre ship art used for goddamn everything and it looks incredibly unprofessional. Also since these are RT fans you know they don’t give a flying fuck about credit.
The Triumph Not to kick this off on such an upbeat note but this is one of my favorite OP’s. Maybe my favorite. Maybe. I could not fully appreciate this song when the episodes were coming out because the opening itself was the biggest trashfire to come out of this show. Like, sorry I can’t get hyped up on 10 seconds of Ruby and Ren and Jaune sitting on a couch. Listening to it alone though? Big improvement.
Jeff Williams does this thing where he’s clearly way too proud of his proud choice and rhymes, and usually lines end with a big focus on stupid vernacular. Trust me, this will come up later. The Triumph manages to avoid that. This Will be the Day does as well because it’s a pretty hammy song with a better, more consistent tone. “Back to reality, back to the show” is an awful, terrible, horribly ironic line in the context of Volume 5, but it’s not as in your face as it could be, so it gets a pass from me. I also think “That’s when you learned you were messing with gods” is awesome, sorry. It could be more awesome if these characters like, seemed more like gods? And they don’t? So eh.
Then the second verse happens and it calls back to the first with “Yeah I’m a girl but I’m also a god” and I’m like, oh, so you’re just gonna- oh, okay then. Yeah let’s just beat the one good part like a dead horse, sure. That really ruins the song for me ngl.
It also manages to avoid the formulaic trend of post-second verse slow sappy breakdown. Time to Say Goodbye and Let’s Just Live do that and it gets old after a while. If you’re gonna give me hype music then stick with it. Not that Let’s Just Live really hypes you up.
Overall it’s like a 7/10 for me because it has a good pace and it doesn’t scream “look at how clever I am!” at every turn.
Ignite The song I was most excited for and the most disappointed by. I wrote about it here and I’ll try not to do anything more than summarize what I said there.
It’s obnoxious and the lyrics are way too dumb. Not funny dumb, not hammy dumb, nope, just dumb. It’s not even in the style of Yang’s usual dumbness, which by all accounts should now be under Armed and Ready’s foot since that is now the prime Yang theme. The major problem is how obvious these issues are. Like you can’t not hear how bad the writing is.
Then Lamar comes in, and I usually enjoy him since, like I said above, he brings with him some hammy, corny lyrics that manage to be fun. But he’s phoning it in here. He’s mumbling and tripping over his own words. God I didn’t even understand what mumbling truly sounded like until I heard that verse.
4/10 and I hate to write that on a Yang theme but this song is everything wrong with these soundtracks.
Path to Isolation Which brings us to my favorite annual game of “Count How Many Times a Weiss Song Uses the Word ‘Mirror.’” Spoilers: it’s a handful.
It’s fine. Weiss songs have always been fine. The worst thing I can say about them is that you have to dredge through their slow-ass, repetitive openings to get to the good part. 5/10
All Things Must Die aka “Slow And Brooding Villain Song That Turns Into a Rock Anthem #5″ aka “Sacrifice And Divide Did It Better But Even They Were Only So Good” aka “We’re Not Even Going For A Subtle Title Here.”
I don’t even know whose perspective this is sung from anymore. Like Cinder is our designated villain song candidate but she has like no autonomy this volume so that falls flat, meanwhile Salem still has no clear motivation. Hazel and Adam might be the most developed(?) bad guys this volume but this song has nothing to do with them. 4/10
This Time (From Shadows Part II) I’m writing about this one before Smile for a reason.
A song called From Shadows Part II deserves better, lol. Also given the fan art uses on the version I found posted, this is a Blake+Sun song? I don’t know. It starts with the beautiful piano solo from the original which was godlike and relaxing and also dramatic.
Lyrics are just shitty but in a shocking twist they’re hard to hear other than THIS TIIIIME in the chorus which...I’m fine with. I’m legit convinced that the fewer lyrics you can make out in these songs, the better. This all sounds rather nice and has a good flow to it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s kinda just trash. Absolute filler. Fluff. Churned-out melodrama to keep the White Fang kindle going.
Also I guess in hindsight it’s weird to have Jeff singing here since this song is supposed to represent Blake moving on with new resolve. Like before it was clearly Blake and Adam singing, but now it’s Blake and...Sun? Adam again? Like some non-canon reformed Adam? Idk. At least it’s tonally a good contrast to Part I. It’s easy to listen to the song without focusing on the lyrics which is rather soothing, but it’s still nonsense. 5/10
Smile (From Shadows Part 0)
No yeah I made that part up, but I think this song is a better From Shadows Part 0 than This Time is a Part II. I’m dead serious. They gave us an Ilia song and made it more interesting than her character is in volume 5, if not extremely on the nose.
Because my god, it’s on the nose. It’s just Ilia’s backstory about blending in to avoid all the pain your oppressors brought you and biding your time until you can rip the smiles off their faces...oh I don’t think that’s how Ilia’s backstory went. This is much darker. Very Count of Monte Crisco and dare I say actually interesting. It makes Ilia sound way more compelling than Blake while also making her out as a foil to her. Except I don’t know why the fucking hell the character presented in Smile would ever join the White Fang, especially under Adam’s authority, and then follow him so blindly. But I guess as of last volume’s OST we should be use to that disconnect between show plot and music lore.
7/10 for being accidentally interesting.
All That Matters
It’s....fine? Fine-ish. Obligatory slow and sappy song because ofc. Casey at least sounds like she’s in her comfort zone. It just doesn’t mean much to me.I guess it’s the theme of the girls being back together but I have my own issues with that, which is mainly that three of them were already reunited halfway into Volume 5 and it was only Blake’s arrival that really pushed them into sappy territory.
5/10 it’s not bombastically terrible enough to merit a lower score and not interesting enough to be higher.
I’m Her Daughter After All - RVVBY Volume 5 Official Score
I don’t know why this song is here because it’s an actual non-lyrical official part of the soundtrack, which is mind-blowing. You’d think Jeff was contractually obligated to have his blood’s voices dip their toes in every track.
It’s a nice medley of Yang’s themes, namely I Burn and Armed and Ready. It also makes you appreciate how Yang’s musical themes have actually evolved, unlike those of the other characters. Why do we have this Western thing going on? Qrow had it too in Bad Luck Charm. I don’t mind it since I think it’s kinda neat, but 6/10 for being a random score track.
Mayday! Lancers! - RVVBY Volume 5 Official Sc- wait
They did the score thing again. I don’t know why. I also forgot the Lancer scene actually happened in Volume 5 until I heard this. Like, Weiss did so little in Volume 4 that I’m attributing stuff that happened in V5 to last volume.
It’s fine? It’s nice to have a non-lyrical Weiss song, actually. 5/10
Armed and Ready ie The Appeal Of The Original Was Lost On Us
This song did not need a remix lol. Armed and Ready is actually damn good, is a great proper evolution of Yang’s theme that successfully moves her out of the shadow of I Burn, and was a really, really good climax to her recovery arc. This turns it into a dance remix, which ironically is the exact sort of thing the original moved her character away from. 4/10
Gold (Acoustic)
As I listened to this I realized it wasn’t just the original vocals played over an acoustic cover; Casey actually re-recorded the song. That’s blowing it out of the park for a RVVBY remix. Also it’s like, good.
I always liked Gold for whatever reason. I just thought it was uplifting and it did the nice thing where the lyrics are simple and flow well. The loud instrumentals had me unsure if it made for a good complement to the lyrics or if it was just a bad choice. This just sounds wonderful. Most importantly, it makes you really appreciate Casey’s singing talent. More than anything, she sounds absolutely comfortable singing this song. No stressed notes, no weird word choices, no ham. This is just a nice song and it’s my favorite on this album. 8/10
Let’s Just Live (Remix) “The Obligatory OP Remix Oh God Triumph Is Gonna Get This Treatment Next Year
It doesn’t go above my expectations but I like the new instrumentals. Reminds me of Stickerbrush Symphony. I think it’s much more fitting than in the original and is a true improvement on it. 6/10
The final issue I have with this album is this, and it involves some statistics. This is a 12-song album. That isn’t strange. But here are some numbers for you:
Ruby Songs: 0 Weiss Songs: 2 Blake Songs: 1 (2 if you count Smile) Yang Songs: 4 Remixes: 3 Scores(?): 2
Just to put that in front of you. Remixes comprise 1/4th of the album, glorified scores are 1/6th, and Yang received 4 whole slots (one-third of the album!) while Ruby, the protagonist, got absolutely none. Nothing in this album is about just Ruby, and I think she kind of deserves that. I mean she did nothing this volume so whatever, but we didn’t even get Glorious Score Track Of Jaune Healing Weiss so that’s super strange. They didn’t even shaft her in lieu of anyone, she was just left out.
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can't wait to unwrap your package
@ritarmandi | AO3 | I hope you like it! Happy holiday!
Derek is notorious for giving terrible gifts, from the time he got his high school girlfriend the worst smelling perfume on the face of the earth to the time he got Stiles strawberry fudge, completely forgetting that Stiles is allergic to strawberries. This year, he finds the perfect gift for Stiles: a Polish grimoire. But looks can be deceiving and the book of spells may not be as innocent as he anticipated.
Gift giving had never been Derek’s forte.
When he was younger, way back in sixth grade, he had participated in a class Secret Santa exchange. The name he had picked out of the hat belonged to a girl that Derek hadn’t known very well.
She always wore rose barrettes in her dark brown hair and sunflower patterned dresses on warm days. Derek had figured a potted plant was the perfect gift.
Apparently not considering the girl ran out of the classroom screaming and crying when Derek presented her with the potted pansies. According to one of the girl’s friends, she was terrified of bugs, even the innocuous ladybug that had been resting on one of the pansy petals.
In high school, he’d had a similar experience with his first girlfriend, Paige. With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, Derek had found himself running around town looking for the right gift.
He had ended up having to ask his older sister, something Laura had held over his head for months. She had suggested something classy and romantic, like fancy chocolates and perfume.
Instead of taking the easy route with a cheap chocolate assortment, Derek had devoted himself to finding Paige a bottle of perfume. His overachieving ways led him to yet another gift giving disaster.
While at the store, perusing through displays of various perfumes and cologne, Derek hadn’t bothered to actually smell any of the perfumes. His sensitive nose had already been irritated enough by all the scents of the mall.
He had simply read the labels on all of the perfumes, trying to guess which one would complement Paige’s natural scent. After hours of searching, Derek had settled on a reasonably priced bottle of perfume promising a musky, woody scent with floral notes.
It had sounded perfect. But in reality, it was the farthest thing from it.
Paige had eagerly tried it out the day Derek gave it to her. And she had promptly gagged on the overbearing scent of old ladies and rotting trees.
Derek had nearly been sick, the horrible, dated scent immediately giving him a migraine from hell. He’d had to avoid Paige for a week afterwards, the scent still clinging to her skin.
A year or so later, he ended up giving a maniacal murderess the keys to his family’s home as a gift thanks to his teenaged tendency to think with his dick instead of his brain. And, well, everyone knew how that had ended.
For the next several years, he hadn’t had to bother getting anyone gifts, alleviating the pressure of being a horrible gift giver. But considering the fact that he was now dating the guy who always seemed to give the most perfect gifts, it was time for him to get better at it. And fast.
He hadn’t done so well last year.
Aside from getting Erica the wrong shade of lipstick — he had gotten her cream pink when she only wore shades of red — and buying Isaac a video game that he already owned he had screwed up royally with Stiles.
After weeks of agonizing over what to get his new boyfriend for their first Christmas together, Derek had finally decided on what he had hoped would be the perfect gift. He had visited the local bakery that Stiles had dragged him to countless times and bought two pounds of strawberry swirled fudge.
He even had a whole spiel ready about why he picked out the fudge for Stiles; it was sweet, like Stiles, and the swirls of strawberry were pink, which was close enough to Stiles’ favorite color red, though Erica may have disagreed.
Derek had been extremely confident, sure that Stiles would be delighted by his gift and hail Derek as the best boyfriend ever. Okay, maybe he wasn’t that confident, but he had been pretty optimistic.
Of course, that optimism had been completely shattered the day before Christmas when the pack had gathered at the loft to exchange gifts.
Stiles had torn into the shiny wrapping paper covering his gift with all the unbridled enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning. His face had lit up brighter than a Christmas tree when he saw the logo of the bakery on the box.
When he had yanked the top of the box off, his smile had faltered. To anyone else, it probably wouldn’t have been noticeable, but Derek had seen it and it had sent his high hopes plummeting to earth in a fiery blaze to outdo Icarus.
“Oh, Derek, I love it,” Stiles had cooed, but his voice had been devoid of any real enthusiasm. Placing the lid back on the box of fudge, Stiles had looked up at Derek with a sad little smile as he explained, “But I can’t eat it. I’m allergic to strawberries.”
Derek hadn’t believed his ears, except that he did because of course, he had screwed up again. He had given Stiles the one thing that he was allergic to.
Over the next week, Derek had worked his way through the box of fudge, every bite more bitter than the last.
This year, he was a bit more confident that the gifts he picked out for the other members of the pack would be much better received. Mostly because Stiles had helped him out with the shopping.
For hours they had wandered around the local county mall, picking out all sorts of things for the pack. Derek didn’t know how Stiles did it, but he managed to find perfect, wonderful things for everyone without breaking a sweat.
He found a pair of emerald drop earrings that were guaranteed to make Erica drool along with a new pair of leather boots for her since her last pair had gotten ruined the previous full moon. Derek bought the earrings and Stiles bought the boots, brushing off all of Derek’s offers to pay for everything.
He had subsequently found Boyd a fancy coffee maker, that Derek paid for, and a new Kindle, that Stiles paid for. And a new camera and fashionable scarf for Isaac, mostly so he could continue to tease the beta about his scarf fetish.
Their day had continued on like that for hours as Stiles found the perfect gifts for everyone from Kira — a stand mixer for her new apartment and a six month subscription to Birchbox — to Peter — a fancy wine decanter and a set of whiskey stones, mostly because if there was one thing Peter loved more than being a dick for the hell of it, it was high quality alcohol.
Derek had desperately tried to find something that Stiles would appreciate as a gift. While window shopping, Stiles had pointed out something in a shop window, commenting that it was nice.
Derek had immediately offered to buy it for him, insisting that Stiles could just act surprised when he opened it in front of the pack. Stiles had demurred with a fond eye roll, leaning heavily against Derek’s side as he tsked, “Der, I am not shopping for my own presents.”
Derek had grumbled under his breath about how horrible of a gift giver he was, reminding Stiles of the previous year’s fiasco. But Stiles had remained adamant, Derek had to pick out a present for him all by himself.
Which is how Derek wound up in some seedy, hippy bookstore a few towns over that reeked of cheap pot and even cheaper vodka, looking for the perfect gift three days before Christmas.
He wanted to find something special for Stiles, something that showed him how much he cared. After vetoing every department, boutique, and dollar store in Beacon Hills, he had decided to venture out of town to find Stiles’ gift.
The bookstore in Green Springs had caught his attention in part to the bright neon sign designating it as an ‘eclectic bookstore’ and the slight scent of magic that hung in the air. He figured at the very least, he could pick Stiles up a few books about different types of magic other than the ones that Deaton was teaching him about.
He realized that books weren’t exactly the very best present but he was getting extremely desperate. Besides, Stiles liked reading and he was sure to go crazy over anything to do with his emissary training.
He was almost a full year into his training, having started the previous February shortly after his and Derek’s first fight as a couple. After a powerful witch had moved into town, Stiles had wound up nearly getting killed when he refused to stay home where it was safe.
Following their fight that had mostly consisted of Derek berating Stiles for being so reckless and Stiles trying to defend himself by pointing out that he sure as hell wasn’t going to just sit on the bench while his friends put their lives in danger, they finally came to a compromise. A compromise that led to Stiles convincing Deaton to start training him as an emissary.
With Stiles’ spark and the fact that he was dating an alpha, it just made sense.
Following his nose, Derek wandered through the bookstore in search of something Stiles would like. The stacks of books were covered in cobwebs and layers of dust, the musty scent of old books nearly overpowering the hint of magic that led him towards the back of the store.
There was a long glass display case that ran along the back wall of the shop, individual books displayed on a bed of maroon velvet. A yellow post-it note on top of the glass designated the books as grimoires.
Even through the thick glass, Derek could smell the books. Most of them were just as ordinary as any other book in the shop but then he found it.
It was a clearly ancient grimoire bound in cracked dark brown leather that absolutely reeked of magic.
Leather straps with burnished gold buckles held the book shut yet there was no scent of anything nefarious. Small clumps of light green moss seemed to grow out of the leather binding, a testament to the book’s inherent magic.
The pages were gilded, clearly well-maintained. In the center of the cover, a gold silhouette of a linden tree was pressed into the leather, branches and roots encircled by a gold loop.
It was extremely promising. And when he noticed another post-it note, this one beside the book announcing it as Polish grimoire, he knew that it was perfect.
Half an hour later, Derek was back in Beacon Hills wrapping Stiles’ present, the smell of hope and magic mingling in the air.
*******
Three days after Christmas Eve, Stiles was still trying to figure out why his boyfriend had given him a book full of sex spells for Christmas.
The gift exchange on Christmas Eve had gone even better than expected. The betas had all torn into their gifts like the pack of voracious wolves that they were.
They had all loved their presents, ooh-ing and aah-ing and singing Derek’s praises for not giving them all horrible gifts like the previous year. Boyd was the only one who had kept his gift from last year, partially because of his loyalty to the alpha and partially because the sweater Derek got him was too ugly to donate to charity.
Stiles had eagerly ripped into his own gift with equal parts excitement and trepidation. But the grimoire he had discovered under the shiny gold wrapping paper chased all fears of Derek’s penchant for giving horrible gifts out of his head.
Stiles had spent the rest of the evening lauding Derek for his wonderful choice in gifts, resting his head on Derek’s shoulder as they cuddled on the couch. He hadn’t even bothered to stick his tongue out at the others when they let loose with a chorus of jokes about him and Derek being an old married couple.
He had been too wrapped up in the calm happiness of being with the pack in Derek’s loft, gathered around as they all snuggled up together. He had been too content with nodding off on Derek’s shoulder, drooling onto the sleeve of his Henley, to even open the grimoire.
The following morning, Stiles had celebrated Christmas with his dad the way they had for the past decade.
Stiles woke up early to get a shower before starting on breakfast, tiptoeing past the mountain of poorly wrapped presents under the tree. Half an hour later, he had a package of turkey bacon cooked and a stack of whole wheat pancakes flipped.
It had taken another half hour for Stiles to cajole his dad into getting out of bed. He had to brew a pot of coffee and bribe the Sheriff with the promise of real bacon the next time he had a weekend off.
After a shower of his own, the Sheriff finally made his way down to the kitchen. In a pair of threadbare Christmas lounge pants and a faded Beacon County Sheriff’s Department t-shirt, he looked comfier than Stiles had seen him in a long time.
Over a breakfast full of lighthearted banter and copious amounts of coffee, they watched old holiday movies that were playing on cable. They sang along off-key to every single song.
They opened their presents together on the couch over cups of hot chocolate, shredding both wrapping paper and newspaper coverings. They mostly exchanged clothes, ironic t-shirts and flannels for Stiles and sweaters for the Sheriff, and other small things that were selected with both practicality and sentiment in mind.
Unfortunately, the Sheriff still had to go work. Giving his son a tight hug, the Sheriff said his goodbyes and promised to be home in time for dinner.
With no other plans for the remainder of the day, Stiles had decided to browse through the grimoire Derek had given him. Maybe try out a few easier spells just to get a feel for the type of magic.
He had expected a handful of simple spells, spells designed for beginners so they wouldn’t be overwhelmed. A few conjuring spells, maybe some incantations for stress relief, one or two transfiguration charms.
So imagine his surprise when he cracked open the grimoire to find a collection of sex spells. Merry Christmas to him, indeed.
*******
For days he tried to figure out why exactly Derek had given him a grimoire chock full of extremely detailed and sometimes very kinky sex spells.
His suspicions ran the gamut from Derek trying to not so subtly hint that he would like to spice up their sex life with a little bit of magic to Derek unknowingly giving him the Slavic version of a magical kama sutra.
So, in typical Stiles fashion, he had dedicated himself to finding out whether or not Derek had purposefully given him a collection of sex spells. Which is why he invited himself over to Derek’s loft under the pretense of binge watching shitty Christmas movies.
Derek didn’t seem suspicious at all, probably because Stiles inviting himself over was an increasingly common occurrence in his life. Instead, he had greeted Stiles at the door with a wide grin and a huge bowl of caramel popcorn.
While Netflix buffered for an insanely long time, Stiles curled up on the couch with Derek, laying his head on Derek’s shoulder and throwing an arm around his waist. Like an affectionate puppy, Derek nuzzled into Stiles’ hair, hand feeding him bites of caramel corn like the sappy dork he was.
They sat in companionable silence as the opening credits rolled, introducing actors neither of them had ever heard of before, until Stiles cleared his throat. Keeping his eyes on the TV screen, Stiles asked, “Hey, Der? You’re, y'know, satisfied, right?”
“What?” Derek replied, confusion evident in his voice. Brushing his fingers up Stiles’ upper arm in an absentminded caress, he assured him, “Yeah, of course, I am. I have everything I’ve ever wanted.”
He punctuated his statement by pressing a kiss to the top of Stiles’ head. With one suspicion checked off the list, Stiles hummed and fell silent again.
Half an hour into the movie, when the main characters were introduced and the main plot of saving Christmas was set into motion, Stiles piped up again. Chewing a mouthful of popcorn, he shrugged and nonchalantly asked, “You don’t have any like ‘weird’ fantasies or anything, do you?”
Stiles didn’t look away from the screen but he knew without looking that Derek whipped his head around to gape at him. Still waiting for an answer, Stiles tossed a few more pieces of popcorn into his mouth, chewing patiently.
“Uh, no,” Derek answered eventually, sounding somewhat cautious. Given Stiles’ previous question, it made sense for him to be wary. Still sounding a bit reluctant, Derek continued, “Not that I can think of, anyway.”
Stiles nodded to himself, mentally checking off another potential possibility. Leaning more heavily against Derek’s side, he relaxed a bit more.
He waited a little longer to pose his next question, getting embarrassingly engrossed in the extremely predictable plot to the point that he was muttering under his breath about how stupid everyone was being. No wonder all these made for TV movies were two hours long, all of the characters were so freaking stupid!
He found the perfect window of opportunity for his next question when one of the characters onscreen made a comment about speaking three languages. Tipping his head up, he inquired, “How many languages do you speak, babe?”
“Eight,” Derek answered easily, letting out a soft sigh of relief when he realized that Stiles’ question was more innocuous than his previous two. “English, Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, Japanese, and Russian.”
A quiet moment passed, Stiles humming with a thoughtful nod, before Derek asked, “Why?”
“So, you don’t speak Polish? Or read it or anything?” Stiles pressed in lieu of answering, tightening his arm around Derek’s middle. “Like, you can’t read the grimoire you got me or anything?”
“Nope. Not at all,” Derek returned, trailing his fingers down Stiles’ arm. Stiles considered that.
“So you didn’t intentionally get me a book of sex spells. Cool.”
Derek promptly choked on a mouthful of popcorn.
He beat a fist against his chest as he coughed, desperately trying to dislodge the popcorn from his esophagus. Straightening up, Stiles took pity on his boyfriend, snapping his fingers with a little burst of magic to help the poor guy out.
“I gave you a what?!” Derek blurted incredulously the moment his airway was clear. His eyes were wide, thick brows nearly at his hairline.
Stiles reached out to lay a calming hand on Derek’s chest, shifting closer until their bodies were pressed together thigh to thigh. But it didn’t seem to do much to calm Derek down as the next thing he did was blurt out, “Oh my god! I really am the worst at giving gifts!”
With that, he clapped his hands over his face and collapsed back against the couch cushions. The tips of his ears burned bright red.
He let out a groan followed by a heavy sigh as he hid his face. His refusal to look at Stiles prompted the emissary to unceremoniously plop himself down in Derek’s lap, hands on Derek’s wrists to gently guide his hands away from his face.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Stiles cooed softly, pausing to press a kiss to the center of Derek’s palms. Squeezing Derek’s hands in what he hoped was a comforting gesture, Stiles assured him, “You got me an amazing gift, Derek. It’s not your fault it just so happened to be written by some Polish pervert.”
Derek managed to crack a smile. Reaching up to brush an eyelash off Stiles’ cheek, he teased, “I didn’t know you wrote grimoires.”
“Asshole,” Stiles chuckled, already leaning down to press a kiss to Derek’s lips. Laying his forehead against Derek’s, he murmured, an undercurrent of heat in every word, “Besides, it’s not all bad. I’d really like to try a few of those spells out.”
With a very interested hum, Derek leaned up for another kiss. Maybe he wasn’t such an awful gift giver after all.
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Outlander is almost back and soon we’ll be able to watch, take in, dissect, and discuss each episode as they come. But there’s still a month before that and what if your kindle is a little light and your bookshelves are growing bare? I know that feeling and I’m here to help with some more of my favorite novels that Outlander fans might enjoy. To pick up any of these books, just click on the title to take you to their Amazon pages.
London by Edward Rutherfurd
This is for fans who miss stories that span the decades. This book follows London’s history from the ice age to the present day in the steps of several families. It’s great for history buffs who want some sex, action, and mystery in their reading. It’s a bit of a hefty undertaking, but my trusty paperback copy has been re-read so many times, I think it deserves top slot.
The Winter Sea by Susanna Kearsley
This is an author you’ve probably already heard about and one that Gabaldon actually likes as well. The Winter Sea is a novel about an author named Carrie who goes to Scotland to write a book about the Jacobites and finds out that she’s writing a true story, one that her ancestors lived, without even knowing it at first, in the form of waking dreams. There’s time travel of sorts, a touch of romance, a lot of history, and even more fun.
Into the Wilderness by Sara Donati
In 1792 a woman named Elizabeth finds herself unmarried at the age of 20 (gasp!) and moves from her comfortable estate to join her father in the mountains of New York. There she meets a man who lives among the Mohawk people and although her father tries to marry her off to a local doctor, Elizabeth is too headstrong to just sold off like a cow. Soon, she ends up at odds with the local slave owners, her family, and finds herself torn between the live she has the life she wants. Sounds a bit like Claire, doesn’t it?
A Rip in the Veil by Anna Belfrage
Somehow, a woman named Alex is thrown from 2002 to 1658 and into the path of a Scottish outlaw named Matthew. Both are confused by the occurrence, but when both of you are basically on the run, it’s easy to take up together. While Alex grieves the lost of coffee, showers, and cars, Matthew begins to grow on her, especially when they begin to try and find out how she ended up back in time. This one is a hit or miss for Outlander fans, who may not enjoy the “younger” voice of the heroine and compare it a bit too much to Gabaldon’s rousing series. But it’s a good read that I think deserves a shot.
My Name is Mary Sutter by Robin Oliveira
In the midst of the Civil War, midwife Mary isn’t okay with staying home in safety as the menfolk fight. She joins the wounded, using her skills to help where she can and learning the realities of war as she goes. She is refused traditional medical schooling, but that doesn’t stop her from getting the guidance of two trained surgeons. This is a story of heartbreak, the horrors of war, and the will to live and succeed when others want you to fail.
Wishing for a Highlander by Jessi Gage
Melanie is single, pregnant by a guy who ran away, and working in a museum when she daydreams about a hunky, kilted hero to save the day (don’t we all?). Then she’s pulled back in time and thrown into 16th century Scotland where people obviously thinks she a witch. Enter Darcy Keith, who finds himself drawn to the woman his people were about to try. Will Melanie long to return back to her own time, or be happy her wish literally came true?
The Forever Queen by Helen Hollick
Emma of Normandy is trapped in a loveless marriage to the King of England in 1002 and finds out that her husband is a terrible ruler. When the Vikings threaten their shores, Emma ends up having to take charge and defend her new home from invasion. But when her husband dies and the Viking king claims everything, Emma had a whole new world to battle with. This author marries the true accounts of Emma of Normandy with the touches of fiction that makes it a great read.
Waterfall by Lisa T Bergren
Along with her sister, Gabi spends every supper being shlepped around archeological sites with her parents. They’re at a dig in Tuscany when she places her hand on a hand print in an ancient tomb. Then, you guessed it, Gabi is thrown back in time and into the arms of handsome Italian knight Marcello. But Gabi’s sister Lia was also pushed back to Marcello’s time and it then lost. Now Gabi must try to survive in the past, fight through her feelings to a man she can never be with, find her sister, and a way home. Now, this is technically a teen book, but it makes for a nice, light read.
A Dance Through Time by Lynn Kurland
Modern day Elizabeth is a failed romance author who has been suffering from writers block. But then dreams come to her of a kilted hero who can save her from herself. She takes a walk in the park, falls asleep by accident, and wakes up in the 1300s. She finds herself in the presence of a feared Scottish lord who has never shown any interest in women…until her. This is a traditional romance with a bit of action.
Transcendence by Shay Savage
Here’s one you didn’t expect…caveman romance! That’s right. A caveman is checking his traps one day and comes upon a woman wearing odd clothing and making noises he couldn’t understand. Yes, that woman was sent to the past and instead of a Scottie hottie, she got a caveman. But there’s still a love story and an ending readers all love.
♥♥♥
That’s all for this list, but there’s more to see over on our Outlander page HERE!
And if you like all my Outlander posts, you’ll probably love my historical romance series. Set in Victorian England and Scotland and featuring two kilted men and the British woman who try to stay away, you can get Queen of Emeralds HERE and The Amethyst Bride HERE!
~GIVEAWAY~
Have you ever heard of the WeeBox? It’s a subscription box from Scotland that’s filled with perfectly cultivated items to give you a taste of the Highlands. Well, they’ve gives us a special wee box to give to one of you! Click HERE for all the super easy and free ways to enter.
Droughtlander Reading List Outlander is almost back and soon we'll be able to watch, take in, dissect, and discuss each episode as they come.
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