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heavencasteel420 · 1 year ago

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Can you do director’s commentary on Nancy’s letter drafts to Jonathan? 🥹 The one where she pretends she got Barb back killed me

Thank you for the ask! I'm so glad you liked the Barb letter; it was a late addition and I'm very fond of it myself.

(Some discussion of suicide and Billy being gross below the cut, not beyond what appears in the fic.)

Okay, so first of all, the Regular Letter:

Dear Jonathan,

I hope that you're doing well. I thought I would write to you to ask how things are going in Indianapolis. I know we didn’t really talk when you were still in Hawkins, but I was thinking about you the other day and wanted to see how you were.

What’s it like living in a city? I know it’s just Indianapolis, but I bet the record stores are better. I remember you liked all that art rock stuff. It’s probably nice to be in a place with more kinds of people, too. It gets a little boring around here.

Things are about the same for me. School is going well, even though I’m about to tear my hair out over chemistry. I’m still going out with Steve Harrington. You are probably making a face now and thinking “Ugh, Steve Harrington.”He’s actually matured a lot, though. And maybe you’re actually wondering why he’d go out with dorky Nancy Wheeler. Well, I haven’t matured a lot. I guess I’m about the same.

Do you remember Barb Holland, my best friend? There hasn’t been any news since you moved away. I don’t think she would’ve gone to Indianapolis, but could you keep an eye out for her?

Mom and Dad and Mike and Holly are all doing well. I hope you are, too.

Sincerely,

Nancy

Nancy's being so normal right now! She's very carefully trying not to brush up against any of the things about Jonathan's life that might be hard or weird or bad, which is difficult because all she has to go on is that he lives in Indianapolis with his dad and not in a mental hospital. (She remembers his taste in music, though!) She's sharing totally benign news about her own life

...and yet she's already getting a little weird with it. She brings up Jonathan's presumed dislike of Steve when (a) that's not something he ever shared with her and (b) it's not really a lighthearted topic, given that Jonathan's reason for disliking Steve is his obvious disdain for the Byers family. (I did have a draft where she says "ugh, Steve Harrington" in the letter she sends to Jonathan, and Jonathan's like "yes, Nancy, that's exactly how I said it, because I'm actually a Valley Girl now, how did you know?")

Her self-loathing also creeps in, albeit in a mild way. Her reasons for feeling not good enough for Steve are way sadder than her initial insecurity over him being cooler and slightly older, but she's still acting like Nice Girl Nancy in this letter so she reverts to that. And of course she asks about Barb.

(She crumpled up this letter and put it in the wastebasket because she thought it sounded too stupid.)

Now...the Mean Letter.

Dear Jonathan,

How are you doing? It doesn’t matter, because I’m about to make it worse, just like I always do. Maybe you remember the day I came up to you in the hallway and said I was sorry about Will. Maybe you don’t, because too many horrible things happened afterwards and there’s no reason you’d remember one wimpy girl offering her pathetic condolences. Either way, that’s maybe the last nice thing I ever did, and it wasn’t much.

Nancy's mostly being mean to herself here, but this would also be a super-fucked-up letter to send to Jonathan. She's just so angry at herself that she's indulging this fantasy of being horrible to other people, too.

Why am I writing to you, then, when I never talked to you when it might have actually helped? Well, hear me out: I was drinking in your old house with a bunch of kids who used to make fun of you for being weird and poor. That’s what people do in your old house now: drink and stare at the evidence of your mom losing her mind, like a bunch of ghouls. Tommy Hagan was one of them. Remember how he used to say you’d murdered Will? He feels kind of bad about it since you tried to kill yourself. Anyway, I drank too much bourbon and hallucinated your brother’s ghost. Just thought I’d let you know, in case you were nostalgic for the worst three months of your life. God, I hope they were the worst.

She's more actively ashamed of hanging out in his old house now (although, being Nancy, she's eventually going to be like "well, I did find Will's ghost, though!"). She's also recognizing that, even if she wrote it in a nice way, bringing up this false hope has the potential to be incredibly cruel.

What else is new? I let Billy Hargrove (you don’t know him, he moved here after you went away, but he’s an asshole) touch my boobs at a party, even though I’ve been going out with Steve Harrington for a year. I know Steve was always rude and snotty to you, but, trust me, I’m way worse than he is. I think Barb would hate the person I am now. Maybe she already knew I would turn out like this, and that’s why she left.

Her self-loathing is sharper and more specific here. She's not just hateful; Barb would hate her, and she caused Barb's disappearance by being awful. This is, of course, pretty nonsensical, given that (a) Barb couldn't predict the future and (b) if Barb could see what Nancy was going through, she would recognize that her drinking and her brittleness and her apathy are the result of losing her. She would be very sad!

I almost hope that’s true. If she left because she hated me, that would mean that she decided to leave, instead of being taken away. That would mean maybe she’s okay.

Anger is easier for Nancy to deal with than the grief underneath it, but the grief still works its way into the letter. She's probably a little drunk when she writes this.

I could probably get sued or even arrested for writing this letter. Recklessly using the U.S. Postal Service to inflict emotional distress or something. Maybe you can tell your dad to stop trying to sue the quarry and set his sights on Queen Bitch Nancy Wheeler instead.

I don’t know why I’m saying all of this to you. You don’t deserve it.

Sincerely yours,

Nancy

Again, this would be a fucked-up thing to say if she ever sent the letter, regardless of Jonathan's feelings about his dad. She scribbles over and tears up this letter, partly because she's horrified by it and partly because she really doesn't want Karen to find it. Karen totally goes through her stuff.

And the Barb Letter!

Dear Jonathan,

I know it’s probably weird to get a letter from me. We only really knew each other through Mike and Will, but you were always nice to them even when they (almost always Mike, let’s be honest) made me want to tear my hair out. I’m really sorry about everything that happened, and I should have written sooner. In my defense, a lot of things have been going on.

This is the only letter where Nancy really talks about Mike, who is mentioned throughout the non-letter parts of the chapter as being depressed and withdrawn. She's both concerned about and detached from his suffering; it doesn't occur to her to reach out to him herself. It's only in the fantasy letter than she can really acknowledge him.

When you left Hawkins, I was still going out with Steve Harrington and my best friend Barb was still missing. Neither of those things are true anymore. Steve was actually a good boyfriend. I know he wasn’t always great in other ways, but he really tried to be there for me when Barb was gone. I wasn’t a very good girlfriend. I was just sad all the time and picked fights with his friends. Not that it’s hard to get into fights with Tommy and Carol, but mostly I hated them for not being Barb.

After she came home, there wasn’t really any reason for us to keep dating. I just wanted to spend time with Barb and he didn’t feel like he had to look after me. He’s with Chrissy Cunningham now. You probably remember her—she was always really sweet and cute, and she made the cheerleading squad sophomore year. She’s good at it, too. Anyway, I’m really happy for her and Steve.

Deep down, Nancy knows what she wants and needs to let Steve go, at least as a boyfriend, but that's excruciatingly hard when she cares about him and he's her only friend...except for maybe Tommy and Carol, whom she assumes would stop hanging out with her if she broke up with Steve. And she does have some positive feelings towards them, too.

Chrissy, of course, has her own problems, but to Nancy she's an avatar of Ideal Teenage Girlhood.

Barb really did run away. She took a bus way out West, to some little town in Nevada. She worked as a waitress and lived in a dirty house with a bunch of other girls. She says it was exciting sometimes, and the desert was beautiful, but mostly it was just hard and lonely. She wanted to come home pretty soon after she left, but she couldn’t face everyone after scaring them so badly. It was only after some asshole stole all her money that she called home.

Nancy has, without realizing it, constructed a Desert Hearts scenario for Barb in her head. She's going to hold onto that lesbian dream even though she is only barely aware that Barb might've been gay.

I was mad at her for maybe five seconds after I found out, because I’d worried something worse had happened, but I couldn’t stay that way. I was too happy to have her back. Besides, she was going through a lot of things I never knew about. I won’t go too much into it because it’s her private business, but she felt really alone and some of that was because of how I acted. She thought I was going to ditch her for Steve and his friends. I don’t think I would have. I love her too much. But I can understand why she thought so. I think some people can be good no matter what happens or who they’re with, but I’m not one of them. I didn’t like who I was with Steve and his friends, and it wasn’t even their fault. It was me.

Nancy's kind of overcorrecting here. Obviously she was not immune to peer pressure as a high school sophomore, but as we see in canon this is a function of youth and circumstances, not an essential wishy-washiness in her soul. This is the girl who, at a crucial popularity-making moment, offered her condolences to Jonathan when the people she was with clearly thought it was weird and unnecessary.

I wish I’d talked to you in between coming up to you at the bulletin board that day and writing this letter. I knew things were bad, that your mom wasn’t working or even leaving the house anymore, and you always looked so tired in school. My mom was worried about you both. I didn’t feel like I could do anything to help, because I was so messed up myself, but maybe it would’ve made a difference. Which is maybe why I’m writing now. I have no idea how things are for you in Indianapolis. I don’t expect you to write back to me and tell me. But, if you want to write me, I’d like to hear from you. Mike would probably also like to hear how you’re doing. He misses Will, too.

Yours truly,

Nancy

She's not being totally fair to herself here, either. Even Karen, an adult with some resources who cared about the Byers family and recognized there was a problem, couldn't figure out what to do on her own. But the instinct for noticing and connecting is a good one.

The Final Letter!

Dear Jonathan,

I’ve tried to write this letter a bunch of times, but I don’t think there’s any getting around the fact that I’m doing something weird. We never really talked before, except in passing. It wasn’t because I had bad feelings towards you. Our lives just seemed so different. You always seemed like a miniature adult, looking after your brother and working to pay the bills, while I was reading Seventeen with Barb and fantasizing about marrying Mikhail Baryshnikov.

This is a pretty blunt thing to say, that she noticed his life was hard and she found that alienating. She's getting farther and farther away from writing the letter the way she would to a real person; this is a note in a bottle, a message beamed into space.

Also, I strongly believe in younger Nancy's crush on ballet dancer and Soviet defector Mikhail Baryshnikov. My mom is almost an exact contemporary of Nancy's, and that was her junior high crush.

I almost didn’t come up to you at the bulletin board that day, because what could I say to you? My biggest problem was trying to date Steve Harrington without hurting Barb’s feelings or strangling his friends. Isn’t it strange that I thought that, and the very next day my own best friend disappeared and no one seemed to know what to say to me? Barb’s parents are the only other people I know who would understand, and of course it’s worse for them, but they’re so optimistic that she’ll come back that I feel like the worst person in the world around them. Because I think she’s dead. Maybe you remember me screaming in the hallway about it, after I broke my own hand. I don’t do crazy stuff like that anymore, but I still believe what I said. I can almost believe that Barb would run away, that something was making her so unhappy that she couldn’t stay in Hawkins and for some reason she couldn’t tell me what it was, but I can’t believe she would leave me and her parents without letting us know she was safe. She was responsible. She loved her parents. She loved me.

Nancy and Steve aren't regularly having dinner with the Hollands in this universe, because Nancy doesn't feel a special responsibility due to knowing the truth. They're still in town, though, and holding on to the hope that Barb is alive. This is part of why Nancy doesn't say anything to Jonathan about Will's voice; she knows how cruel hope can be.

She's a little more clear-headed here, though. No matter how bad she feels about her last moments with Barb, intellectually she recognizes that they probably weren't enough to drive Barb away and that something is off.

I feel like I moved to another country after she disappeared. Everyone else I know is still in America and I’m in Kiribati. Do you feel that way, too, or is it different because you’re in a new place? I’m not trying to say our situations are exactly the same, but I think you might understand what I’m feeling more than anyone in Hawkins. Why didn’t I talk to you before? I saw you, drifting through the halls like a ghost, and I felt bad.

She's not consistently keeping in mind that he might read this letter. She's expressing compassion here, but she's also calling him a ghost, which is pretty messed-up.

I don’t really understand why I did anything back then, honestly. Did you know I poured pig blood all over Officer Callahan’s car last May? (His personal car, not his cop car—I wasn’t that stupid.) He acted like a pig the first time I talked to him and Officer Powell about Barb disappearing, making it all about how I had sex with Steve Harrington that night. He did that in front of my mom, and he looked really pleased with himself for embarrassing me. Like he was knocking me down a peg for thinking I had something important to tell the police, and that was way more important to him than the fact that Barb was in danger. I guess I was still stewing about it months later, because I got drunk and bitched about it to Carol—you remember Carol Perkins? Big hair, bigger mouth?—and she said I should do something about it. So she and Tommy Hagan helped me get some pig’s blood and dump it all over his car the very next week. I think that’s why I’m still friends with them. They’re assholes sometimes, but it wasn’t easy to get all that pig’s blood.

Nancy "Fuck Tha Police" Wheeler, everyone. Powell and Callahan are mostly comic figures in the show, but their behavior when they're questioning Nancy in front of her mom in S1 is so incredibly gross, especially Callahan's.

Carol and Nancy might not get along, but she's not gonna let some sleazy cop insult her sort-of friend! Tommy was like "oh, this fucks, actually" about it.

This is another instance where Nancy is being super-frank, in a way she might not be if she really expected an answer from Jonathan.

Steve—I’m still going out with Steve Harrington—thought we took it a little too far. He’s nicer than me, and he was worried about me getting in trouble. I did, of course. Callahan didn’t press charges, but my parents had to pay for repairs. Dad was so confused. He actually asked if I wanted people to think I was a Manson Girl. Mom made me go see a psychiatrist, who was almost as disgusting as Callahan. I didn’t even know a woman could be that gross. All she wanted to do was talk about why I had sex with Steve when we hadn’t been going out that long. Like wanting to have sex with a good-looking guy made me a nympho and that was the real problem. I don’t know if you’ve seen a psychiatrist, but, if you have, I hope it was actually helpful and not a stupid, humiliating waste of time.

Nancy kind of gets off the hook for being a nice white middle-class girl, plus all of Hawkins knows why she's Like That. Karen's intentions are good, but Ted's indifference is a powerful force, especially when the first psychiatrist is bad.

She's sort of acknowledging some uncomfortable facts about Jonathan's life now, and maybe kind of fishing for info.

Mom stopped making me go pretty soon, at least, since I’d calmed down and Dad kept pestering her about the bill. I still do messed-up stuff, but I’m sneakier about it. I drink a lot. Bourbon is my favorite. I also let this really sleazy new senior, Billy Hargrove, put his hand on my boob at a party this Halloween. It wasn’t a surprise or anything. He gave me more than enough time to say “I have a boyfriend” or move away. I wanted to let him, because he was looking at me like I was something gross he’d stepped in, and that was how I felt.

Billy makes a move on Nancy mostly because she's Steve's girlfriend and he feels the need to knock Steve down a peg so Billy can be the Big Man on Campus. (This may also be a way to channel his own attraction to Steve—either way, it’s not very nice to Nancy.) But he’s also intrigued by how much she hates it. Also, this isn’t a case where Nancy freezes up, but that could have very well been what was happening so Billy is doing something kind of shitty.

You probably don’t want to hear any of this. I would understand if you threw this letter in the garbage. Even if you do, I want to let you know I’m glad you’re alive. That was the only good thing to come out of this whole mess.

Love,

Nancy

Nancy lashes out and distances herself a lot in this fic, but she has a lot of kindness in her heart and she really means this, partly just because Jonathan is a fellow human being and partly because she’s holding onto the idea that someone got out of Hawkins and was able to be happy. This is also pretty blunt of her—she’s acknowledging the suicide attempt—but in this case her directness is actually pretty necessary. He hasn’t heard this much, if ever, between Joyce not knowing he tried to kill himself and Lonnie refusing to acknowledge (to him, anyway) that the attempt was serious.

#maldonadobyers #ask #tonight tonight the highway's bright

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luxeavenger · 2 years ago

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hi so this might be kind of long, so if you don’t want to or don’t have the energy to answer please don’t feel like you have to

basically, I’m the same anon who was in here a while ago about possibly having adhd. After about 6 months I finally made an appointment and I just had it now

it really did not go the way I wanted it to, basically at the end she said that from what I’ve said, it doesn’t seem like my focusing dysfunction has “passed the line of adhd” (something along the lines of that)

which okay, i could have taken that and went with it, I wasn’t really expecting someone to right off the bat be like YOU HAVE ADHD

But then she basically just said that I “need to get off my screen, go outside, and make some friends”

which yea, I do need to do that and it’ll probably help some stuff but the way she said it as if it’ll fix everything and that me getting off my screen will make me focus more was really invalidating and frustrating to hear

not a great way to start my day 🤠 but I have a friend who works at an adhd clinic at my school, so I think I’m gonna try and go there

i just feel like something is up past me not having friends and not going outside, I just don’t really understand how me having friends is gonna help me figure out why I can’t sit through a class that’s longer than an hour or why I can’t seem to take any notes that actually get processed in my brain

I’m putting in so much effort to just do good in school, and even if I’m just getting average grades, I know I can do better if only I could just be better at focusing and notes and everything

i just feel like It takes so much effort for me to just function normally, and it’s been that way for so long that it feels normal at this point

I’m also afab and I know that a lot of afab people have trouble getting diagnosed because they did well in school as a kid and they weren’t or aren’t hyperactive (which is exactly me)

idk I’m sorry for the rant, I’m just really frustrated right now

oh sweetie. i’m so sorry that happened to you. *big hugs for you*

please don’t feel defeated. your journey isn’t over. i promise

c’mere—

i’m not advocating doctor-hopping until someone tells you what you want to hear then gives you a prescription for amphetamines. BUT. no doctor should EVER tell you to make friends and go outside as if that’s an actual cure for anything.

because it fuckin isn’t

neurodivergencies are caused by altered brain chemistry. we are fragile little meat puppets… too much of this chemical, it too little of that chemical and it fucks us up real hard. the only way to balance those chemicals is medication. sure you can find ways to manage symptoms through therapy (or good ol trial and error, like a lot of people who have been diagnosed later in life), but it isn’t a cure.

“go outside” is maybe helpful advice if you have seasonal affective disorder. and since it didn’t sound like you doctor thought that was the issue, your doctor is just being an asshole.

people who are afab are consistently under-diagnosed because adhd doesn’t always manifest with the “normal” hyperactivity that’s commonly seen in people who are amab. and in addition to that afab have a higher chance of medical professionals treating us as if we’re hysterical, exaggerating, or just being whiny

it’s frustrating as all hell. especially since you’re the one living in your own head, and you KNOW something is wrong. to have no one listen to you is demeaning, and defeating

my whole heart goes out to you right now, sweetie. you did something good for yourself, and your doctor did you dirty

the good news is—she isn’t the only doctor out there. get a second opinion. or a third. or a fourth. again, i’m not advocating just hunting for someone who’ll throw an adderall rx your way, but i’m definitely advocating that you find someone who will listen to you when you express these things that are happening to you. maybe it is adhd, maybe it’s something else. whatever it is, you deserve to have someone caring for you that actually cares about you and wants the best for you

i’m not sure where you are, but if you’re in the US like i am, and you can afford it, i HIGHLY recommend looking for a nurse practitioner. in my experience they are much more kind and compassionate than your run of the mill MD. not that MD’s are bad, per se. but every negative and/or traumatic medical experience i’ve had has been at the hands of a MD. just shop around for someone who you actually feel safe with. who actually listens when you speak, instead of just waiting for their turn to talk

please remember: you deserve to feel safe and cared for. in life, and also with your healthcare. find someone who treats you as a person. don’t settle for less just because they have a medical degree and you don’t. YOU. DESERVE. GOOD. CARE. full stop

nonnie, ilysm. i see you, and i want you to know you’re worth the time it takes to find out what’s happening to you, and take steps to feel better. you’re doing what’s best for you, and i’m so proud of you for it. keep at it. i know you’ll find some answers. keep me posted, and know that you’re in my thoughts 💜💜💜

#evie’s inbox #adhd nonnie

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handelplayssims · 1 year ago

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Autumn’s sleeping until 7AM...because I had the manually wake her up to be ready for school. Not even enough time to get some breakfast because we had to shower! At least the locker has free apples, which is very good because I really don’t feel like the snacks. Cream-filled treat is a sometimes food. Don’t necessarily feeling like studying for exams so let’s just chat with our locker mate. Mana Takeuchi. Cheerleader and Geek, what a combo. Autumn’s now feeling sad because she’s suspicious of the teacher from that pop up prank awhile back. Huh. Today’s art class! That raises painting, photography, and acting. A rather productive class! Pop-up is if Autumn wanted to nap in class. Since her relationship with the teach is lowered, I’m feeling spicy. I’m feeling nap time! ...we didn’t get a good nap in and lost performance. Alas. And now it’s stormy. Everyone’s going to feel panicked. Except Autumn, who’s sad.

Made some small talk at lunch, got an additional sad moodlet from seeing a friend who’s uncomfortable, and made it through computer class. (It levels programming, natch) Autumn wants to chat with Manami, so I’ll send a sad text and see if it does anything...it does not. Let us meet up somewhere then! Park’ll I guess do. Anyway, time to make Autumn’s day worse! Let’s actually argue about Manami about her evil ways. Though she won the argument, at least! Anyway, doing what I usually do when glum, nothing much at all! I’ll let Autumn do whatever and it seems to be trying to cheer herself up. If that’s the case, might as well jog to try to clear her mind. Annd it’s thunderstorming. WELP. TO HOME!

Freddie made some dinner for the both. ...and she’s tense because she has the distant phase. Oh boy! I had them argue about who’s better...and now Freddie’s hurt again. Man! I get the feeling that Autumn feels that she has to do everything around here and help out with his parties while he does nothing. Now he has a festering grudge as he goes to bed. ...adding insult to Autumn’s injury is that she’s getting pestered in the DM’s. Don’t normally bother with that stuff but this time, it’s time to get mean and nasty in the public timeline!

Neighborhood Watch!

Sophie McHenry left her job as an Office Assistant in the Business career.

...I’m going to remove Autumn as one of Freddie’s contacts on Social Bunny. It’s too good at passively gaining relationships so yeah. I want there to be a chance of this relationship, that dropped down into friendship, actually getting worse! Freddie’s whims are to listen to tunes and have a drink at the club. Hmm. Well, tunes I can easily do but clubs wouldn’t be open until...oh, the evening, yeah? Let’s punch a punching bag. Good for getting the anger out! Next is to chat with someone, tied to aspirations. Hmm. Well, we need to throw more parties! And attend social events at 5 unique locations. AKA, when people call you, you answer! Let’s set up another keg party though. Oh wait! Tomorrow is Spooky Day! Let’s set up a Spooky Party! Ah wait, can’t be goaled on that day. And Autumn still has Sidney set up as a prom date so I’m unwilling to just schedule something on Saturday so Sunday it is! Mm. But I want to have Autumn co-host and add some of her teen friends so we’ll wait until she’s back from school.

Oh hey! Anton...dropped in? Weird. Okay! He was one of the ones I wanted Freddie to get to know for the party so that’s good! And Freddie automatically offered a massage. Listen, if we’re doing that, we’re going to get paid for it! Don’t have anything in mind to do so I’m just going to have Freddie meditate.

...Anton is burning like a crisp doing homework outside. Anton, this seems like a BAD idea. I resetobjectdebug so he might move out of the sun but we’ll see.

IDIOT.

Had Autumn try to plead for Anton but alas. Fell upon death’s ears. I engraved his epitaph with words to his stupidity but alas, the game didn’t want to put it on. Perhaps it needs to be his original household. Anyway, Ash dropped by so I’ll just have Freddie introduce himself to Ash, as per the whole planning-for-the-party thing, and then have Autumn drop by the Leone household. Give the ashes to his parents. Hey! You can post about witnessing a death on Social Bunny. GOOD. Got some friendly emoji’s and some angry ones. Fair enough. Jesus H Christ, the mourning debuff is for 11 days. 3! I grant you three days of mourning for a good friend!

Anyway, Freddie now has his time to go out and go clubbing! He’s unaffected by this death! He was upstairs meditating. I’ve been to Del Sol Valley too many times, let’s head to Discotheque Pan Europa! Now Mei Prescott is a mixologist. Man, school does mean you gotta put in side-jobs! Yeesh, Freddie is not having a time of this. Decor is boring and he got pranked by the toilet. Let’s see if the dance floor perks him up.

...not quite dancing but the Snobbily Surrounded buff! It’s...oh it’s the DJ. Hmm. Might as well at least say hi. And then let him get back to work. Oh, we didn’t find out he’s a snob but did find out he’s good. Nice! Just adding Felipe to Social Bunny and sending a message. He’s still on the job after all ...and somehow we’re becoming good friends with the famous celebrities Candy Behr and Charity Hand?! -shrug- Haven’t even properly introduced myself but okay? Anyway, this is now Freddie’s favorite club! Mostly the dj.

Demetrius Pyor is here! Let’s see if we can’t order him a drink! Er, well, dj stopped, as they do at 4AM so we shouldn’t linger for too much longer but...well, drink first. ...and he’s gawking at celebrities. Welp. It’s a lost cause. She says, as he finally accepts Freddie’s offer for a drink. Jesus, it’s 7AM and we are still here. Need a bite to eat, need to go to the restroom and then we go home ...we’re heading off to school with Autumn! I hope her needs are decent. Needs to freshen up at the locker it seems.

Anyway, it’s also All Haunts Day. Autumn likes the Spooky spirit (and she does have a ghost she would probably like to talk to), trick-or-treating and wearing costumes. Not so much mischief spirit, as she’s hot-headed. Anyway, I’m not giving her much control, just letting her be sad. Honestly seems fair. Friday is Exam day! Huh, Brendan decided to chat as Autumn was at the computer trying to have some fun. Turns out! He’s mean! Klepto and mean. School bully! Exam 2 done. Rough exam day for Autumn. GEE I WONDER WHY? Anyway, let’s head home and take a shower. Been needing it all day.

Freddie is exhaus- OH NO YOU DON’T! I am not having you in the pool while you are utterly exhausted, that’s death by drowning! TO BED! Anyway, villian costume didn’t really appeal to me so let’s figure out another one for Autumn. ...all of the Spooky Stuff costumes of Fairy, Witch, Pirate, Zombie all appeal to me. With her mood, let’s go zombie! Also Demetrius dropped by asking to be Freddie’s best friend. I would normally say sure but he’s asleep at this time! So nah. Hmm. One of Autumn’s whims is to rile up someone. Sure. Why not Demetrius? Alright, it’s now 9PM and that means ghosts and vampires will be wandering around the neighborhood. I’ll see if Anton shows up. Annnd he doesn’t. To bed!

Neighborhood Watch!

Forgotten Hollow: The Assaoui household moved out.

Yahir Crum in the Crum household has died. Yahir tried to make cereal but it burst into flames.

Glimmerbrook: The Yamashita household has moved in.

Alvin Tubbs in the Tubbs household has died. Shockingly, Alvin botched a repair and was electrocuted.

Copperdale: The Bermudez household has moved in.

Annnd I forgot to write down the Copperdale residents in my personal file listings. Better late than never!

#sims 4 #blogging #bougie duo #freddie hatton #autumn ziggler #anton leone

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meanwhileinstasiville · 2 years ago

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Dear Bryan, a blue truck met me at the airport turn-out right as I passed, and then at the fabrication shop a “beardy” (what I call people who try to resemble religious effigies) got into his car exactly as a walked up to it, as it was parked right next to the road. Around the corner, someone dragged his garbage can up to the road, to *meet me* exactly at that point in the corner.

When I got to the overpass, there was a “pool masters” truck (because my latest gay stalker is a deviant in addition to probably a serial killer), backed up by yet another blue truck. A red honda is parked at the house I normally cross the road to, before the elementary school. At the corner I turn of of iowa on the way to the library, another red honda. I had said that swiss/hungarian woman was my shake with your religion because if “she’s for nazis” then QED your religion is for nazis and “not for me”. These sorts of vehicular encounters represent syndicated stalking, until someone proves otherwise. And the sort of back alley that leads to this library has an arborist nightmare tree on it, that has historically been asplundh or one of the serious pruning outfits tending to it, that today (after the red hondas and the like) some company with a giant “p” on the side of their vehicle (I think it’s supposed to be “p” for phil because ms13) that I’d never seen before.

(I don’t do hints, impressions, and/or suggestions)

As I have tried a number of things to get around this stuff, I suspect that based on the number of years it has gone on, that “this is how things are around here” and this is what passes for “keeping the peace”. I also think, that being the case, that being harassed and made out the way I’ve been (in the absence of evidence) for someone’s amusement or otherwise, is alternative to “we have some options here” i.e. getting shot on the sidewalk or shanked in or out of prison.

I think all those people out on the mountain road were trying to tell me that I was being watched. And that’s true. When I slept out in the woods, I got routinely spotlighted by BMX riders with headlamps at 2-3AM. People have met me on Guthrie. People have met me on Scenic, on Granite, all the way out on Nevada street, even up on Guthrie to tell me (as a couple I might add) “that’s too much comfort” on the very day I got trespassed from the college library. The couple left their home and walked *all the way down* to the Holly street intersection, to say that to no one in particular. When I had visited my mom, one of two or three of her neighbors was *always without exception* waiting on the sidewalk outside her apartment on the way to her door. Every single time. Sometimes the maintenance guy would be waiting outside the manager’s office. To say nothing of the “Bob Marley” wall hanging clad “lookout” apartment down on the avenue. I’ve had people meet me on Rose street, two towns over. Out at the lake here in Ashland, I’ve had Eric’s “gopher” bighouse we used to call him, seek me out in a sheltered cove or two when nobody else is in sight. On Tolman. On Mistletoe Road. The bike path at all points of access from where it starts here, all the way through Medford.

I’ve been flown over by paragliders flagging nazi colors. After being buzzed by airplanes (because someone has it in their head that flight PTSD equals being scared of airplanes), I’ve been flown over by helicopters. And since Ashland is a system of impressions that people are supposed to get, nobody tells me what any of this stuff is supposed to mean. A “suicide is painless” still in service Vietnam chopper was among the more interesting of the helicopters, btw.

I’ve been met by a clown car of armed Mexicans with a “TRIGUN” vanity plate. A lot of -650 (feo) plates. Mexicans say I’m ugly with their signaling apparatus. White people follow me around with mini-coopers and some pride flagged cars and trucks (and I’m not gay).

Something says they’re trying to correct a misperception that I have, which is actually a misperception on their part. I haven’t had medical or dental care outside of emergencies since I was a teenager. That’s nothing to do with gang “pecking orders” that I’ve never belonged to, or social classes that seem far more concerned with me personally than I am with any of them, or even privilege levels. And I *would* call that persecution if asked, and if I had to prove it.

Edit: I’d love to hear about nazis from the horse’s mouth, because there’s a security guy at the library named “lee” full of lake wobegon tales about having everything, in the place of the “first” library security guy who was as close a resemblance to duane as they could manage, and a reference librarian lee-expy named cody who floats around upstairs. You know, where Ken Burns works; no, not the documentary guy. I could see where people would be confused having never visited, though.

0 notes

violetsaffron5 · 2 years ago

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Infinity

6 | Training

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x f!Reader

Meet Shoko, training with Gojo

Words: 5380

Genre: JJK Universe with slight additional fantasy elements bc reader is not a sorcerer

cw/an: horrible Alvin and the Chipmunks, some body horror stuff with the curse

“I’m Ieiri Shoko, but you can just call me Shoko. It’s nice to meet you,” the brown haired woman in the morgue explains before Ijichi scampers off.

When you arrived at the school in the morning, he met you at the Torii gates, leading the way through campus, giving a proper tour of the facilities and land the school owns.

The last stop being the morgue. You’re told when Satoru arrives, he’ll meet you here, but first you need to have a physical and a few other tests completed. All standard and normal procedures for sorcerers.

Of course, this had you chuckling to yourself because you do technically meet the definition, but you’re not really sure you’re able to do anything like what Satoru has displayed he’s capable of.

You’re not really sure what to do, so you awkwardly extend your hand. She looks up from her notepad with a raised eyebrow, extending her own small, delicate hand.

Taking the opportunity presented, you quickly look her over. Long white lab coat akin to that of a doctor. Dark circles under her eyes, like she hasn’t slept in days, but despite that, she’s stunning.

“I didn’t realize sorcerers could be doctors. Does that make you a witch doctor?” You chuckle nervously at your own lame joke. “Wait. Is that offensive?”

She doesn’t reply, just gives a soft smile returning to her notes for several minutes before setting it down on her desk, returning to your earlier question about being a doctor.

Shoko explains her technique to you. How she’s able to heal others with her cursed energy, how that’s rare for sorcerers to be able to do. It’s more common for others to be able to only heal themselves, much like you do, Satoru can do it too, but that’s also fairly uncommon.

The morgue is cold and bleak, as you sit on the metal table off to the side of the room. Metal refrigerated cabinets for bodies line the wall, and tiles line the floor with a few drains in the center of several tiles. Aside from a desk and a few metal benches, there’s not much to see in this room.

The room is quiet, the only sound filling the room coming from the velcro of the arm band she’s placed on you to check your blood pressure. It squeezes your arm uncomfortably as she pumps it, checking the time on the wall behind you before twisting the knob on top, the air hissing out of the band as it deflates.

So far, this is all oddly normal. You half expected there to be some sort of witchery involved for this kind of stuff, but Shoko is sitting there taking notes. Grabbing all of her little instruments like this is normal, everyday life for her.

Shoko has you stick your tongue out, placing a wooden stick on your tongue as she uses a light to check the back of your throat. Taps your knee with a patellar hammer to check your reflexes and shines another light in your eyes to check your pupils, leaving black and white dots in your vision for several minutes.

There’s a thought in the back of your mind you can’t shake, which makes your hands cold and clammy. Is Shoko on your side like Satoru, or will the information she’s collecting on you go to the higher ups, so they know how to kill you, should the time come?

“Nervous?” She asks quietly, stethoscope pressed to your chest as she listens to your lungs and heartbeat.

“A little, yeah.” You answer quietly, arching your back as she places the cold metal in the center of your back.

She doesn’t make much conversation. A few comments here and there, but she’s likable nonetheless. Maybe, if she isn't pro-killing you, the two of you can be friends one day. It would be nice to have someone to spend time with occasionally.

You watch as Shoko writes notes on occasion, eventually asking you about your abilities. The one topic of conversation you were sure was going to present itself. You’re sure she’s already heard about the things you can do, the things you’ve done, but you explain anyway as she writes more notes, nodding along the way.

“You’re able to heal from physical cuts and bruises, easily. I wonder if the same would apply to common colds and other illnesses,” Shoko says to herself, tapping her pen against her chin, “or even an STD since you survive off sexual energy.”

Your eyes widen at her thoughts, “if you ever try to do anything like that to me for your own curiosity, I will fuck Ijichi on top of your grave.”

Before Shoko’s able to clarify her thoughts, Satoru and Geto walk into the room. Satoru sits at one of the metal benches in his school uniform, eyes covered with his round glasses as Geto stands next to him, legs and arms crossed, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.

Shoko decides to move on with her examination, grabbing her tweezers, a cup and a few vials, before returning to your side.

“I’d like to get a few samples of blood, hair and urine from you, if you’re okay with that.”

You shrug, “sure. What are you going to do with it?”

“Research to see how you’re different. Though truth be told, I’m not sure we will get an answer from this, but we might as well exhaust all options.”

Delicately, Shoko plucks a few strands of hair from your head, and takes two vials of blood before having you use the restroom next to her office, returning with the filled cup, and placing it on her desk.

Once she’s done and has everything marked and tagged properly, Satoru grins, telling you to go out the way you came and he’ll meet you outside soon for training.

“... and then she threatened to fuck Ijichi on my grave, so that was… pleasant.”

Satoru throws his head back in a spirited laugh, “that’s my girl.”

“What do you mean, “your girl”?” That was Shoko’s response.

“You hadn’t heard? Our friend here couldn’t wait to shove his dick in her.” Geto explains, telling Shoko how he walked in on the two of you.

The tips of Satoru’s ears turn red and he huffs at the memory of being interrupted by his best friend.

Shoko rolls her eyes, no stranger to the white haired sorcerer’s escapades, but does give him a little smile. Her own way of saying nice, now that she’s seen you.

Suguru groans, obviously annoyed with his two friends. “We don’t even know what she is. You can’t keep it in your pants for five minutes?”

“Hey! I waited a day,” he answers, shoving a piece of chocolate from his pocket in his mouth, “besides, you should all be thanking me.”

“Thank you for sleeping with her?” Shoko asks, amused.

“Yeah, otherwise we’d have another dead body. So really I took one for the team.”

“It is valuable to know sorcerers will live.” Shoko’s pulling out her notebook again, scribbling several notes down.

“Well, I will. Maybe not others.”

Both Shoko and Suguru give him a strange look, “other sorcerers will likely be fine too.” Shoko points out, “Or really, anyone with above average abilities.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He grumbles, a small pout apparent on his features.

“Alright. Can we hurry this up now? I’d like to get some sleep.”

“You’re going to sleep?” That was Suguru, scoffing because he already knows the answer.

“No, I have several rounds to make and patients to check up on. A few surgeries are scheduled for this afternoon too.”

Satoru isn’t paying attention. He’s zoned out, having removed the glasses from his face, watching the residuals of your energy outside the door to the medical facility.

Shoko and Geto do a little recap, discussing the bodies they’ve found over the last few months. Drained, but impossible to determine how at the time, despite their bodies still being filled with blood.

Satoru watches intently as Yu Haibara comes over, greeting you with a wave. He frowns as he watches your two energies embrace in a hug, your form more stiff than his. Of course he’s giving you a hug. A small annoyed groan leaves Satoru as he rolls his eyes.

“... all were found with smiles on their faces.”

“I can tell now why,�� Gojo snickers to himself, only half listening to what’s going on around him.

And there’s Nanami, coming over to greet you as well. You shake his hand, probably with a smile. Satoru suspects he’s inviting you to lunch, to eat at the little cafe he goes to every day and he ticks his jaw at the thought.

“Whore.” Geto mutters to himself.

Satoru clicks his tongue at his friend's comment, “I’ve seen you stick your dick in much w-”

“Moving on.” Shoko announces sternly. “I would like to see what she’s capable of and how she heals. I’m thinking it may be like my technique, but has to take energy from others to use it. It’s hard to tell without having seen it in action.”

Satoru ignores her curious thoughts. Because he has seen it. Instead, he turns his attention back to you. The way your body rolls with laughter at something Nanami and Haibara are saying.

“... would love to get some raw data on her and really get into the composition of her makeup.”

“Are you listening, Satoru?” Suguru asks, an obvious annoyance in his tone.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Get into her raw. Already have.”

“Christ. Did you even use your infinity?” Suguru again, through clenched teeth. Afterall, you’re his least favorite topic of conversation and here he is, talking with one friend who is fascinated with you and your genetics, while the other is fascinated with you for other, completely unrelated reasons.

Satoru purses his lips, hesitating to answer.

“Oh for fucks sake man. I get her pussy was good but she could have -”

“It’s not that!” Satoru whines, tearing his eyes away from you, taking a deep breath. “First, she’s technically a non-sorcerer who has no idea what’s going on. So, I’m not going to kill her. Second, I think there’s more to her than meets the eye. I want to find out what it is. Third, her pussy is great.”

“Wow. Okay. I’m leaving now.” Shoko announces as Suguru gives Satoru an unamused look, one the strongest ignores, stating he needs to leave too, and get to training with you.

“Could just kill her, throw her into a ditch somewhere and be done with all this. Let the humans clean up her mess,” Suguru mutters to himself.

Once Satoru was done, he met you outside and led you out to the forest behind the school, hands in his pocket, whistling along the way as the birds chirped happily in the background, until you were both standing in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by trees.

The buildings of the school are nowhere in sight, but he says you’re still on campus.

“Alright,” he smiles, facing you, “hit me with your most powerful technique.”

You let out a low laugh and raise your eyebrows staring at him until you realize he’s not joking. He really wants you to hit him.

“How do you expect me to do that,” he gives a quizzical look as you walk close to him, “when you have this?”

Trying to place your hand on his chest, you’re stopped shortly, a force whirring between the two of you, before your hand falls, landing gently against the soft fabric of his uniform, where it couldn’t moments earlier.

Smiling, you look up, only to be met with a shit eating grin plastered on his face, “that’s my infinity.”

“Well, don’t use it. That’s not fair.”

“Fiiiiine,” he whines before you grab the collar of his uniform and pull him in for a kiss, easily slipping your tongue past his lips, tasting the familiar warmth of his mouth.

It doesn't take him long to accept it, wrapping an arm around your waist, placing the other on your cheek, letting out soft groans as a small trail of energy goes between you when you pull away slightly. His hand squeezes your hip, before pulling you closer; his kiss is hot, aggressive, needy.

And then your fist makes contact with his jaw. You wince, shaking out your hand, wondering if you’ve broken it - of course his jaw looks sharp as steel, but you didn't expect it to feel that way too.

“Ha - you bitch,” he rubs his jaw, “good job distracting me. I gotta admit, you punch harder than I thought.”

Before he’s had time to recover, you try to take him by surprise again, which just results in him laughing as the two of you fall to the ground. As you sit up, legs on either side of his waist, you giggle about how ridiculous this all seems, and for actually fucking punching him in the face.

He licks the small amount of blood from the corner of his mouth, from when you punched him, and you look so fucking proud of yourself. But in reality, you have no clue what you’re in for.

Slowly, his hands creep up your thighs to rest on your hips and you already know this is going to be a problem. How you’re supposed to be taking this seriously, yet you’re in the middle of the woods trying to resist the urge to squeeze your thighs together, quite literally, on top of him.

He grins, the sharp edges of his canines on full display when you’re suddenly hurled off him, full force into a tree.

You gasp, the wind getting knocked out of you before slumping to the ground. Satoru walks over, offering a hand but you refuse, taking a few deep breaths to steady yourself, trying to process what just happened.

“Come on,” wiggling his fingers, he keeps his hand outstretched, “you still have a lot to learn.”

Huffing, you take his hand and stand, patting away the dirt on your uniform, as he continues.

“Now, we’re gonna do that again. And this time, you’re going to try to hit me, okay?”

It doesn't take long for your uniform to rip in several places; on the shoulders, elbows, knees, a few other small holes here and there from tree branches. Twigs and leaves are in your hair, dirt from the forest is smeared across your hands and face.

And aside from the first one, you haven't landed a single punch.

Yet you still can't help the feeling he’s taking it easy on you.

You’re tired, having been spending your days with Satoru training. He’s been taking it easy on you, you’ve learned. And he is, in fact, the strongest. He wasn’t lying about that.

Now, he has you practicing with weapons, which you’ve learned you’re a natural at. He says he can teach you the basics, but it would be best to train with Nanami, since he uses a sword of sorts and can help develop your technique a bit more.

He’s had you do this for several hours, multiple times over the course of the week. Satoru says there are a few reasons he has you doing this so often.

One, is for your aim. He has targets set up in the forest by the school, hidden behind trees, in shrubbery, a few in plain sight.

Two, he wants you to try and put your energy into the weapon. It hasn’t worked so far.

The third he hasn’t told you about it yet. Says he wants you to focus on the first two before moving on.

With two throwing stars in hand, you aim at the target in front of you, easily throwing one into the smallest circle available.

Bullseye, you smile to yourself as you see Satoru appear at your side.

“Can you hand me the six inch?” You ask for the small knife, aiming the second star before throwing it. It lands right next to the other, right in the center.

“Add a little more than four inches to that, and then I can.”

The two of you haven’t been together since you left the club over the weekend, but it hasn’t stopped him from insinuating he’s interested.

It’s not that you’re not interested in hooking up again, because you definitely are. But you’re more tired than you ever have been before. Training. Learning about this life you’ve been thrown into. Perhaps sleeping with him and taking more energy would alleviate that symptom.

But there’s something freeing about dealing with this. Getting home in the evening, cooking a small dinner and letting sleep take over your body. It makes you feel human. Normal.

Satoru on the other hand has had no rest. He’s been with multiple women this week. Some alone. Some along with their friends. Chasing that high, that feeling he had when he was with you, with no luck.

He pouts, bringing you the knife you asked for as you steady yourself. Aiming at the next target, just behind the last.

Then there’s a pair of large hands on your hips. You try to ignore them.

Hot breath on your neck. Harder to ignore. So you nudge your shoulders as a set of lips ghost your skin.

A chuckle with a soft lick to the shell of your ear as the hands trail up your waist, giving a firm squeeze.

You clench your thighs together, trying to focus on aiming the damn knife, but you can’t not feel the way his thumbs caress your skin, just below your breasts. His thumbs draw small circles, grazing the underside of your tits ever so lightly with every stroke.

“Throw it,” he whispers into your ear, the warm air sending shivers down your spine as you do what he’s asked… and miss the target completely.

“What a shame,” he whispers quietly by the shell of your ear, keeping the goosebumps present on your skin. “Try again.” He hands you a different knife this time.

Taking a deep breath, you try to ignore him. Just as you throw the knife, he bites into the soft spot below your ear causing you to yelp out in surprise. He chuckles against you as the knife misses again.

“Can you stop that?” you ask annoyed.

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“Reason number three. Distractions.”

“Do you really think a curse user is going to be doing this while fighting with me?” You ask incredulously.

He has his legs spread wide behind you now, so he’s no longer leaning down. The perfect height to be at the shell of your ear, hands splayed across your stomach feeling your deep breaths.

Satoru hands you another knife. He’s silent as you aim, swiping his thumb over your nipple as you throw it, making you miss a third time. You gasp and tense from the interaction as he chuckles before placing his forehead on the nape of your neck.

“With your abilities… there could be situations where you need to be doing things like this,” it’s a whisper, barely audible. You don’t miss the way he grits his teeth slightly or squeezes your side as he says it.

It’s the end of the week now, and Satoru says you’re going on your first “field test,” which is really just the woods you’ve become more familiar with behind the school.

You’re going to be fighting a curse, he says. And you couldn’t be more nervous.

There’s no doubt this was going to happen, but did it really have to be so soon? You’ve failed all your tests and practices during the week by trying to imbue your energy into weapons. And you know from previous life experience that you’re unable to kill a curse as it stands now.

So what the hell are you realistically supposed to do?

Satoru comes up behind you, wrapping a corset around your waist, taking the time to adjust the strings and tie it in the back for you.

“What the hell is this? And where did you get it?”

It’s white, clearly vintage in the way it shapes the waist, small black buttons lining the front. The top rim and down the back is laced with a small blue ribbon - it’s pretty on its own, but when you have the prettiest blue eyes to compare them to, the ribbon is almost ugly.

“A corset. Believe it or not, I found it in a wedding shop the other day. Perfect timing.” He says, pulling the strings tight around the back, making sure it’s not going to fall off.

“And what’s this for?” You question with a raised eyebrow.

He shrugs, before lowering a curtain. Something Ijichi explained to you earlier in the week. It’s dome shaped, looks as if it’s becoming night, despite being the middle of the day. Once it’s completed, you note you can’t really see outside of it. It’s almost like a kaleidoscope.

In front of you stands a creature you didn’t notice before. It’s a woman, or was at one point.

She’s thin, gaunt cheeks with tired, droopy eyes, one of them almost popped out. Her eyebrows are way too thin, and sit way too high over her eyes. The lips that sit below her nose are entirely way too large to have ever been natural as well.

She’s in a corset too. White, stained red with what you can only presume is blood. Waist so thin you could wrap your hands around on either side and intertwine your fingers. Internal organs are spilling out from a hole in the center of the fabric, as if they were compacted entirely way too tight, for way too long and they had no choice but to burst through one day.

The smell is horrible - like a combination of rotting skin and piss. And her skin most definitely looks like it’s rotting with the way pieces of it are hanging off her skin.

“What’s with her?” You ask curiously, nodding your head towards the fragile creature hobbling towards you.

“Curse born of beauty standards. Thought this one was a nice touch, given your powers.”

“You’re insufferable. Take it off me.”

“You wanna get naked? Right now? With a curse standing there?” He teases. You glare at him. “Exorcise it, and then I’ll take your clothes off.”

You continue to glare at him as he smirks.

He’s selfishly hoping you fail, so he can swoop in and save you by letting you ride his dick in the middle of the forest to heal. He’s nothing if not selfless.

This curse is maybe a little stronger than what he thinks you can handle. Totally for testing your prowess and not for riding his dick reasons.

“What am I supposed to do?”

He rolls his beautiful crystalline eyes. “You need to exorcise it. Obviously.”

“Ah, yes, exorcise it. Great plan. That’s like telling a drowning person to breathe. You’re kind of a shitty teacher.”

He gives a toothy grin, “that’s Gojo-sensei to you, baby.”

“No. You would like that way too much.” He juts out his lower lip in a pout.

The curse hobbles on its feet toward you, wearing shoes that are entirely way too small for her body. If this curse is based on beauty standards, then this is one you’re aware of. How feet used to be more desirable if they were smaller, so women would break their feet to fit in smaller shoes.

Poor thing.

“And how do you think I can kill it? I don’t exactly have cursed energy.”

“You gotta figure that out.”

“Are you serious right now? I’ve known about curses for all of 5 minutes. How do you expect me to ‘figure it out’?”

He shrugs, not giving a real answer to your questions. And now you’re questioning if he even knows either.

“You’re unbelievable.” You scoff, watching the curse as she continues to shuffle in your direction.

“Thanks, I think so too,” he gives an infuriating smile.

The curse is close enough to the two of you know, that she looks between you for several seconds before letting out an ear splitting scream.

“Can you just hold on a minute? I’m a little busy.” You hold up your index finger, as if she’ll know what this means.

“Did you just tell a curse to hold on?”

“I did. Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, not at all. You’re crazy, you know that?”

“Wow. Should have fucking drained you when I had the chance.”

“You’ll have more,” He smiles and chuckles, leaning in close, you can feel his breath on the shell of his ear. “And I encourage you to try.”

You groan, he laughs. “Listen, I can’t give you all the answers. You’re going to have to figure some things out on your own.”

He really wants to watch you use your powers before giving you a weapon but if you’re mad, maybe that will help. Maybe your energy works in a similar manner as cursed energy.

The curse is close to you now, and you notice Satoru is no longer standing by your side. When she swipes at you with long nails - like what you would imagine Sleeping Beauties would look like if she never woke up - you jump back.

Up close you’re able to see her cracked skin and thick makeup, red large lips and eyelashes that are too full and too long. She lurches towards you again, so you dodge to the right this time.

“P-preeetttyyy,” the curse cries out with a raspy smoker's voice.

You dodge each time she swipes her claws at you, but you need a plan. You’ll quickly run out of stamina at this rate, but you’re not sure what to do. And Satoru is no help, standing off to the side doing god knows what on his phone.

Over the week, you learned you’re nowhere near as fast as Satoru, and you’re not sure you could ever be that quick, even when he’s not using his techniques. The one thing you know you can do is use your technique.

When the curse swipes again, you run around her side, and hop on her back. Her body is so fragile though, you’re not entirely sure she’s going to be able to hold any weight. No matter how large or small.

It won’t matter in the end because you’re pulling her face towards yours, placing your lips on hers.

And it’s disgusting.

Easily the most horrifying thing you’ve ever experienced in your life. And the taste of her energy is worse. Some people taste like nothing, Satoru is a little sweet. This curse tastes like depression and death. This is hands down the worst thing you have ever tasted, it boils in your stomach until you're hunched over on the ground retching.

“Nuh uh, down girl.” You hear Satoru say next to you, and the curse goes flying a safe distance back. If you were able to pay attention, you would have noticed she was about to attack you. But he wouldn’t let that happen. “So, you really can’t hurt it, huh?”

You shake your head, spitting the remaining saliva from your mouth before wiping it away with the back of your hand.

“Curses aren’t really alive, they’re pure cursed energy. But hey, now we know you can’t live off of that, and you’ll get sick if you try!”

You give a small pitiful smile as you stand to your feet. He hands you a katana, pulling it out of… well, you’re not sure where. Might as well have been thin air since you haven’t noticed it this entire time.

“Really? This is the weapon you’re giving me?”

He shrugs, “thought you’d look hot with it. I’m not wrong.”

You sigh, accepting the weapon as Satoru goes back to the tree he was standing next to, leaning back on it with his arms crossed, watching intently this time.

The curse is obviously hurt after his blow. Her hobbling is worse now, one foot dragging on the side of her ankle, while trying to maintain balance on the other with each step. Despite being mangled, she’s still quick.

You’re still recovering from your little mishap earlier, so when the curse swipes at you once again, she gets you in the leg as you try to hop away. A trail of blood trickles out on your leg and down the pants of your uniform. It stings, but it’s not too bad.

Realistically, dodging can’t be your only plan. And you’ve spent enough time with Satoru this week to learn he’ll inevitably grow impatient if you don’t do something soon.

Looking at the curse, it makes your skin crawl, and you can’t help but wonder if all of them are like this. Disgusting. Wistful and sad. The fact that this thing was born from hatred and jealousy of beauty standards through the ages, and how every so often she keeps calling you beautiful is definitely kicking the creepy factor up a notch.

“Soo-oo pretty.”

“Yeah, I know. You think I’m pretty. Get in line.” You grumble.

The weapon Satoru gave you is imbued with cursed energy, so when she claws at you again, you grab her by the wrist and twist. Her skin is cold, and feels like leather, but is also incredibly thin like paper. With her wrist in hand, you shove her to the ground where she lands with a “humph.”

She lurches forward again, aiming for your feet so you kick her in the face. Her head snaps back as she lets out a shrill cry.

As quickly as you can, you take the blade and slide it through her skin a few times. It cuts like butter as she lets out an incredibly loud scream of pain before dissipating into nothingness.

You stand, panting and holding your side as Satoru claps, coming to your side.

“She was the most beautiful person many people got the pleasure of laying their eyes on, as a human, legend says. But, she got greedy, asking for surgeries over and over again. Died because she never let her body fully recover before going in for the next. Her feet are especially harrowing, because she would break them on her own, like the Chinese tradition, and stuff them in too-small shoes.”

Listening to his tale of the curse, and thinking about what you just went through to kill it, you’re not sure you’re cut out for this life. If these are the things you’re going to have to deal with on a daily basis, how are you supposed to move on and accept it? How could anyone?

Satoru grabs you by the chin, pulling your attention up towards him. He gives a soft, crooked grin, but his eyes hold a hint of sadness you haven’t seen in them as well.

He looks devastating like this. Sun shining behind him, hair glowing from the rays of the sun. Taking a deep breath in, you’re able to smell his cologne, the stench from the curse leaving along with its body. And he smells like a dream after that experience. Looks like an even better one.

You give him a soft smile back.

And because he’s annoying, he pinches your cheek. “How do you feel about your first victory? Against a Vengeful Spirit and you didn’t even die!”

“Uhm, kind of sad.” You answer honestly, still looking up at him.

Satoru watches the sadness in your eyes before they light back up.

Yes, this is sad, but you had nothing to do with it. This curse was born because of someone else. Not because of you. So, if anything, you were able to put it out of its misery and ensure it would never hurt someone.

And that’s something you can add to the list of good you’ve done with your abilities.

“Come on, I’m bleeding and need to heal. Let’s go see Shoko. She’s been wanting to see how my abilities work.”

“You wanna have sex in front of Shoko? Kinky.” he grins, flashing his eyebrows.

“It’s small enough, we can just kiss.” You roll your eyes before winking at him.

He pouts, “you’re no fun.”

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storiesofsvu · 2 years ago

Text

A Redemption Earned Ch 30

Heather Dunbar x reader

Pics of the new place they buy together. A nice 4bdr in Sth Chevy Chase nice & close to everyone else.

The next few weeks went by just as smoothly as the previous ones had, Lily hosted a couple of family dinner nights so the hosting wasn’t always on Heather or Rob, and this way Cody was able to show off quite literally everything he owned. He had a couple more sleepovers at Robs, and a few more nights over at either your or Heather’s place. Lily was pretty open and comfortable but was still a tiny bit hesitant about Heather being alone with Cody quite yet always making sure that you were around for the full visit or sleepover too. She said something to you in passing about listening to too many True Crime podcasts, letting it get to her head that something terrible was going to happen to Cody. You also knew she was still friends with some of her old circle, ones that knew the Dunbar’s, had known Jordan, and they were shocked that she was letting anything happen, so you weren’t totally surprised at her hesitance. You made sure to assure her that Heather knew it would take time, and that it was a big step, you added on that things were hectic at your houses right now anyway, it was just easier to go to Rob’s.

Things were even more hectic at your houses (multiple, now three) because you had been approved and gotten the house you and Heat had instantly fallen in love with once you saw in person. It had a unique exterior that you’d both been a little unsure of, but once inside you knew it was the perfect place for the two of you. You’d gotten the important stuff moved over and set up, your bedroom, Cody’s room, and the living room to start with. Some of the kitchen was still in boxes, the second guest room and home office were simply filled with boxes or completely bare, but at least Cody’s playhouse was set up in the backyard and ready for use. You were ever thankful for the movers who were set to come with the rest of your things over the next week and set up the last couple of rooms so you could fully settle into your new home, together.

It was early Friday morning, even a little too early. You’d barely had time for breakfast, grabbing a coffee to go, kissing Heather’s cheek before having to race off to the school. Between all the selling, buying, looking at houses, packing, and now the addition of a child in the house basically every weekend, you’d started to slack with some of your work. Which was not helped by the fact that report card season was fast approaching and you had tests to mark from God knows how long ago on top of making sure that you had the curriculum completed in time. You were at your desk, fresh cup of coffee next to you while you worked through a pile of tests, trying to ignore the yells and shrieks of joy from out on the playground as the kids came in for morning drop off. There was a knock at the door and you didn’t even bother to look up, knowing that basically everyone on staff was as overworked as you were.

“Yeah?”

“Do you have a minute?” Lily’s voice broke through your concentration and you glanced up, letting out a sigh.

“Yeah, course.”

“I uh… I’ve got a work thing today that starts around the normal pick up time and is set to go until about nine, which would be fine, but I just got a call from my regular sitter and she’s out sick, like, super sick.”

“Okay.”

“I know there’s some like, school policy that Cody wouldn’t be able to go home with you, but maybe if Heather could pick him up? I’ve already added her and Rob to the approved pick up list.”

“Yeah that’ll work.” You smiled over a very much needed sip of coffee, “oh… though, Rob’s in a conference this weekend, and I’m on bus duty this afternoon, followed by a staff meeting that probably won’t be done ‘til like, seven?”

“Oh that’s fine.” She waved you off and you raised a brow.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” She smiled, letting out a small laugh “it’s about time isn’t it? I mean, as long as she’s up for it of course.”

“I’m sure she is.” Your hand darted to your phone, quickly shooting off a text, “I don’t think she has any open cases right now and she’s been working mainly from home so she can keep unpacking. If she’s busy, at the very least she can pick him up and I can weasel my way out of that meeting and be with him til she’s done work.”

“Amazing. You guys really are lifesavers, I hope you know that.” She started to turn to leave,

“Hey!” She turned back at your voice, “it’s Friday, he’s got a set up at our place, why don’t you just take the night for yourself? Pick him up tomorrow?”

“Okay, you are officially my favourite of all of Cody’s teachers.” She grinned and you laughed, “thank you. I’ll text in the morning.”

“Sounds great!”

She was gone from your classroom with a small wave, darting back to the office to update who was picking Cody up before she made her way to work. On your end, your phone pinged with a reply from Heather, she was more than happy to pick Cody up and have some Mimi time including dinner and games. You assured her you’d be home in time for a slightly late dessert, and to not worry about leaving you dinner, you could just stop at a drive through on the way home. The bell rang and you silenced your phone, tucking it into a drawer of your desk and returned your attention to your job.

Heather made sure to stop and say a brief hi to you while she picked up Cody, surprised at how easy it was to get him off the playground. You assured both of them you’d pick up a fancy dessert on the way home and you could eat it on the couch while you watched a movie, and you’d try your best to be as fast as you could. She asked Cody what he wanted for dinner and he requested mini pizzas with dino nuggets on top a side of tater tots, and if he had to have a vegetable he wanted red peppers on the side. While she had the nuggets and the tots, they did have to make a pit stop at the grocery store for some mini frozen pizzas and a pepper. Heather was pleasantly surprised with how well Cody was behaved and credited Lily’s parenting skills, he kept to himself and didn’t have any sticky fingers leading in to unknown items in the cart when they got to the till. She did however see him eyeing a pack of double fudge stuffed cookies silently so she swiped a package, shooting him a quick wink that he beamed at as she added it to the cart.

They spent a bit of time hanging out in the living room when they first got home, Heather asking him how his week was and he rambled on about school, friends and a couple of playdates. She made sure to clean out his lunchbox so Lily wouldn’t be dealing with it on Saturday. Thanks to Rob being out of town, she had very reluctantly agreed to take Steve for the weekend so Cody had a blast burning off some energy playing t-ball and tag with him out in the backyard and climbing around on the play structure.

Heather wrangled them both inside, feeding Steve first in the hopes he wouldn’t beg too much while they made dinner. Cody did his best to help, pressing the buttons to preheat the oven, traying up the pizzas and nuggets and setting the timer, carefully assembling them when they were ready, even convincing Heather to at least have one slice of pizza with a nugget on top. She made a bargain that they had to eat in the dining room if she was trying his creations and he agreed, even helping her rinse dishes and fill the dishwasher afterwards. They played a few rounds of Snakes and Ladders before Cody asked if he could take Steve for a walk and since the dog needed to go anyways (and was old and small enough she knew it wouldn’t be an issue) Heather agreed.

By the time they got back, Steve was wiped, accepting a bone from Cody before curling up in his dog bed while the other two settled into the couch for a movie. Unsurprisingly, Cody picked Lion King once again, curling up on the couch next to Heather with a couple glasses of chocolate milk.

Wrapping things up had taken longer than you’d expected, and traffic ended up being torturous between the school and your house. Then the person buying your tv had been running late, so by the time you’d gotten home it was well past eight. You had your very late fast food dinner in one hand, your bag in the crook of your elbow and a tray of McFlurries in the other as you finally nudged your way in the front door. You could hear Lion King playing on the tv, letting out a huff of a laugh at Cody’s reliable movie choice as you dropped what you didn’t need by the door and kicked off your shoes.

When you rounded the bend into the living room you spotted Heather and Cody on the couch, though, not as you had expected, letting out a little laugh. Heather was propped up against the arm of the couch, out like a light, Cody perched in her lap, attention fully on the movie in front of him, barely noticing you entering the room. Crossing through the room you ducked to press a kiss to Heather’s forehead, Cody’s face finally swinging to face you as his expression lit up and you held a finger to your lips.

“Can we play the inside voices game and let Mimi sleep?” You asked, “she had a long week.”

“Mhmm.” He nodded, eyes widening at the tray of desserts in your hand.

You smiled, passing one off to him before you briefly disappeared into the kitchen to stash the other two in the freezer for later. It wasn’t long after that the movie ended, and Cody admitted it was actually the second time they’d watched it that night. You let out a little chuckle, asking if he was okay to get ready for bed and he bounded up the stairs with you at his heels, making sure his teeth were brushed before reading him a story. You made sure the night light was on in the guest room and wished him sweet dreams before you headed back downstairs.

You tidied up your own takeout mess, along with a couple of other things around the house, giving Steve a scratch behind the ears before you finally turned the tv off. You then perched on the edge of the couch, hand caressing at Heather’s cheek before you leant down to kiss her forehead.

“Hey…” you nudged her softly, “you don’t wanna sleep on the couch, trust me.” She let out a little grumble, her eyes fluttering open before they shot wide with panic, quickly sitting up.

“Oh god!”

“Hey,” you laughed, “don’t worry. I put Cody to bed, he’s upstairs, he was so enthralled with the movie he barely noticed me come in.” You leant toward her, pressing a soft kiss to her lips that she happily accepted, “kid wore you out, hey?”

“I guess so.” She chuckled, “despite it not being that busy at work I guess it was a draining week.”

“Why don’t you head up to bed?” You squeezed at her thigh, “I need a bit of wind down time, but I won’t be long.”

“Yeah.” She smiled, leaning in to kiss you, “thank you. I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Not possible.”

You barely woke up the next morning when Heather did, as much as she had needed the early night the previous evening, you needed more of a sleep in today. So she pressed a kiss to the top of your head and slid out of the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind her to let you sleep. She wasn’t surprised to find Cody up already, sitting on the couch with SpongeBob on the tv, a juice box in his hands he’d snagged from the fridge. He was still a little sleepy himself, quietly curling into Heather’s side after she’d made coffee and settled on the couch beside him. It held a very nostalgic feeling for Heather, thinking of all those mornings when Rob would whisk Becca off on some adventure and she was left to just have some lazy tv time with Jordan. She couldn’t help but wrap an am around Cody and press a soft kiss to his head, ever thankful that her life had taken the turns it had to lead her right back where she needed.

It was probably an hour or two later when you awoke again, this time to Steve’s barking, though you quickly realized it was Steve’s ‘I’m included too’ barks, laughter and playful shrieks echoing up the stairs. You could hear a quiet playlist in the background, wafting through the house along with the smell of something from the kitchen, all you could really make out at this point was coffee, and something sweet. Reluctantly, you got out of bed, washing your face and brushing your teeth to signify to your brain it was time to start the day before you pocketed your phone and made your way downstairs.

The laughter and noise of Heather and Cody’s voices got louder the further down you got and you rounded the corner into the kitchen where your eyes widened at the sight in front of you.

“We’re making pancakes!” Cody squealed and you let out a tiny laugh, glancing towards Heather.

“I can see that…”

“Sorry sweetheart,” she winced slightly, “I hope we didn’t wake you.”

“It’s fine.” You laughed, moving further into the kitchen as you took in the crime scene.

Rather than just opt for some frozen Eggos, or even a pancake mix, it appeared the decision had been to make them completely from scratch. And to experiment with what could go in them and taste delicious, there were bowls of sprinkles, blueberries, chocolate chips, melted peanut butter, bananas, jars of jelly, chocolate and caramel sauces and of course maple syrup. The island was covered in flour, sugar, a few broken eggshells, drippings of pancake batter, though at least most of that was contained to the griddle. There was chocolate smeared across Cody’s face, and you didn’t even want to think about how sticky his hands were, or how much of a sugar high he was gonna get from this.

“Looks like breakfast is a bit of an adventure?” You asked and he nodded eagerly, carefully pressing M&M’s into a pancake on the griddle.

“I will clean this up myself, I promise.” Heather chuckled softly, leaning in to steal a kiss, her hand resting on your forearm and you let out a little grimace.

“You even realize how sticky you are?” You laughed, “glad you’re having fun…. God Heat it’s in your hair…” You sucked your thumb into your mouth and reached out to attempt to wipe away the chocolate on her temple but you were right, part of it was already stuck into her hair.

“I’ll admit things may have gotten a little out of hand.” She blushed and you chuckled.

“As long as you’re enjoying yourselves.” Smiling you moved passed her to fill up a mug of coffee and wash the sticky off your arm to avoid getting even more messy that fast.

“Ms. Y/n, I’m gonna try one with gummy worms next, you wanna share it?” Cody asked, looking up at you with eager eyes and you laughed over the rim of your coffee.

“How about… you make me a very special one with some blueberries?”

“Okay!” He scrambled over to the bowl of blueberries, bringing it back to beside the griddle as Heather ladled out some more batter onto it. Cody dumped probably far too many blueberries onto it, watching as it cooked until Heather helped him flip it over, praising him on a job well done when it didn’t go flying all over the place.

“Thank you very much.” You smiled, taking the plate from him to add a little bit of syrup before cutting it into pieces to eat. Honestly, it was pretty good, even if it was more blueberry than pancake. As it turned out, the gummy worm one was not good, and got added to the ‘nope’ pile of pancake filling to remember for next time. You’d just refilled your coffee when Cody turned to you again, having watched the way Heather had stolen a brief kiss,

“Ms. Y/n?”

“Yes?” You raised a brow.

“Are you also my gramma?”

You did your best not to scoff as Heather let out a snort of a laugh, trying to hold back more laughter as she glanced over to you and you shot her a glare.

“I…uh… I mean… not by blood. But I guess, I kind of am? But we can just stick with y/n, okay?”

“Okay.” He shrugged, picking up a few gummy worms from the non cooked bowl to much on before turning to Heat, “Mimi can we watch more SpongeBob?”

“Of course.” She smiled, “just wash your hands first.”

Cody leapt down from the stool and raced down the hall to the bathroom and you let out a little laugh,

“Well, thanks for making me a gramma.”

“You’ll get used to it.” She replied with a grin, leaning in to kiss you softly, “and I promise, I will clean the kitchen up after Lily picks him up, don’t you dare lift a finger.”

“Okay.” You let out a small laugh, turning to refill your coffee, “I’ve got some more marking I need to finish by Monday, you think you can handle it on your own?”

“Yes. And I wouldn’t complain if you happened to do it on the patio and kicked the ball around for Steve to burn off some energy?”

“I think that can definitely be arranged.”

Halfway through your day of marking and keeping Steve occupied you moved from the back yard to the front to attempt to keep somewhat in the sun. You’d finished a pile of math tests and moved onto book reports when you caught movement out of the corner of your eye, glancing up right as Steve practically launched toward Lily with a friendly bark and a happily wagging tail.

“Hey.” You greeted with a smile, stacking up what you were working on and gathering your things together.

“Hey.” She replied, “have to admit, kinda glad you were out front, the address was a little hard to see.”

“Oh shit, right.” You laughed, “this is your first time at the new place.” You whistled to Steve as you stood, nodding toward the house and he happily trotted along after you after a scratch from Lily, “come on in.”

“Oh it’s gorgeous.” She complimented as she followed you through the house, though she suddenly stalled in her tracks in the doorway to the kitchen, “oh.. oh god… I probably should’ve warned you he can be a bit of a tornado in the kitchen.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You shot her a grin, “I think Heat was responsible for more than half of it, and they had fun.”

“Mom!” Cody’s voice rang through the space and he happily jogged up to her, proudly presenting the macaroni art they’d been working on.

“Hey bud.”

“Quite the creative genius you’ve got here.” Heather commented and Lily laughed,

“Wild imagination for sure.”

Conversation began to flow easily, catching each other up on how the sleepover went and plans for the upcoming week. Lily complimented the house once again, prompting Cody to drag her off on the full tour and she winced once again at the state of the kitchen. Heather assured her the mess was mainly her fault and to not worry about it whatsoever and once Cody had collected his things, they were on their way.

Heather retreated to the dining room to first tidy up the macaroni art, making sure everything found its way to their proper homes before she finally turned to face the kitchen, catching you leaning against the door frame.

“You sure you don’t want help with this?”

“Yes.” She laughed, stepping toward you to press a gentle kiss onto your lips, “I’ll be fine, but maybe we should order takeout for dinner, you could take care of that in a bit?”

“Of course.” You smiled, watching the dreamy look in her eyes as she thought for a moment before turning, her eyes sweeping through the space, “what?” You asked softly.

“I... uh, nothing.” She waved you off, “it’s silly.”

“As silly as putting gummy worms in pancakes?” You raised a brow and she laughed.

“I guess not.” She sighed lightly, “I just, I’ve had more fun in these last couple of weeks getting to spend my days with Cody than in a long time.” She faltered suddenly, “except with you!”

“I know what you mean.” You laughed.

“It’s just nice knowing that we’re not forcing ourselves into his life, that it’s giving Lily some actual alone time, or grown up time, or whatever she wants to do with it time. There’s a lot of days that I wish we could give her even more than that.”

“Well, what’s stopping you?”

“Work, mainly.” She let out another little sigh, “but I haven’t felt that same passion about work that I used to in a long time.”

“When was your last actual case?” You asked and she paused to think.

“Before Jordan’s birthday….”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Which is why… God I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but these past couple of months I’ve been thinking more and more about retiring.”

“Seriously?” Your head tilted, “you were practically married to the job when I met you!” Heather let out a chuckle.

“I didn’t have any other way to spend my time. I hadn’t for a decade.” She shrugged, “I guess it’s kind of just making more sense now. When I first got back they wanted me to start up the firm and get it running smoothly, make sure the respected Dunbar name was attached to it and go from there. I honestly didn’t think I would be staying in Washington. I had zero plans to reach out to Becca or Rob, and never in a million years did I think they would be as willing to give me a second chance as they have…” as she trailed off you could see the slight misting in her eyes, “I was still wary about staying until I met you…”

“Heat…”

“I’m serious. It was never meant to be permanent, and the last thing I actually want to be doing is running a law firm full time without ever taking cases. But even then, I’ve lost a little bit of the passion for the legal field that I used to have. And I think I’d rather just spend time with you, Cody, the rest of my family, that’s the important stuff, right?”

“Sounds like you’ve had some time to really think this through?” You grinned, raising a brow in her direction and she chuckled softly, accepting the kiss you left on her lips.

“I have. After Lily let us in, I stopped taking cases on purpose, guess I wanted to see if I could do it or if it would drive me stir crazy.”

“And?”

“I would be more than happy if I never have to set foot in that firm again.”

“And it’s not like you have to worry about money.” You teased and she scoffed with an eye roll.

“I don’t.” She took a breath before glancing up at you, “what do you think?”

“I think…” you stepped toward her, looping your arms around her shoulders, “that if you want to be a stay at home gramma, that’s perfectly fine with me.” You grinned when she scowled at the use of the word ‘gramma’, but she still smiled, leaning in to kiss you again. “I mean it Heat, you should do what makes you happy, and I’m sure Lily would love having more hours where she can rely on you. You could go down to like, part time or something first, make sure they’ll stay afloat without you and then fully retire.”

“I’m sure they will but that’s probably the best idea.” She pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek, “thank you. Now, I’m sure you’ve still got marking to do, let me take care of this damn kitchen.”

“Good luck.” You teased, squeezing at her hand before you disappeared into the dining room.

________________ @ms-calhoun @naturalxselection @yesterdaysgone @hbkpop @giftedchildturns40 @anya-casablanca @svulife-rl @swimmingstudentchaos891 @alexusonfire @jamiethetrans @red1culous @oliviaswifey @mysticfalls01 @cmmndrwidw @bumblebear30 @svushots @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @addictedtodinosaurs @imaginaryoperagloves @multifandomlesbianic @annegilletteslostwh0r3 @bookpillows @drduckthief @whimsicallymad @mmmmokdok @ladysc @momlifebehard @mmemalwa @holycrapraewth @poisonedcrownss @wannabe-fic-reader @when-wolves-howl @dead-of-niight @fighterkimburgess @lannister-slings-and-arrows @borg-queer @godard-muse @itisdoctortoyousir @brooklynmhm @nobody-important1212 @emilyprentiss4life @httpjupiterbby

#heather dunbar #heather dunbar x reader #house of cards #a redemption earned

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letarasstuff · 4 years ago

Text

Normal People don't know their IQ

(A/N): Inspired by me, who recently discovered normal people don’t know their IQ, while I was tested two or three times already...

Summary: A certain someone is the only way to get the UnSub. But there’s also something different that makes her special.

Warnings: Angst (fluffy end, I swear), language, mentions of rape and torture, mention of dead people, the usual CM stuff I guess Wordcount: 2.0k

✨Masterlist✨ _________________________________________

“Garcia, I need you to look into high school teachers, who are suspended or fired for inappropriate behavior towards students and live in the area of the kidnappings”, Hotch orders in a stern voice. But you can’t blame him, after all there are currently six dead teenage girls and one missing. One can only hope and work as fast as possible to get her back to her parents alive.

The team is working a case in Sacramento, California. Teenage girls get abducted on their way home from school, are held for exactly a week and are killed by a simple cut to their throat. The torture they have to endure beforehand isn’t as simple. The last two also show signs of rape.

The dumbing sites are different parks all over the city. The placing happens overnight only to have the girls found the next morning by a clueless jogger or stroller.

“Let’s go over the profile again, I feel like we are missing something”, Rossi commands. His gut feeling tells him only that much, he just has to find out what it is.

“It’s a white male in his mid thirties to late forties. He blends in, so he has to be or has been a teacher. Someone who looks like they belong into a school isn’t suspicious”, Spencer counts the facts.

“The victims all look similar, probably resembling an ex-wife or girlfriend”, Morgan adds. Before he can get into the depth of the torture a phone rings.

“My lovely crime fighters, I got an address. Charles Collins. philosophy and history. Got suspended for suggestive talk towards his female students. He is also said to stare at them and certain body parts for way too long and way too obvious. Gross. Annnd that- wait”

“What is it, Garcia?” Hotch asks after a moment of silence, which is unusual for the ever bubbly tech analyst.

“You got your profile wrong. Collins doesn’t take these girls because of an ex flame.”

The team looks at each other in confusion. Garcia always stresses how she isn’t a profiler and can’t judge over people, because she only wants to see the good in them. How is she able to tell that the profile is off?

“Shoot baby girl, we don’t have much time left”, Derek urges her. He wants nothing more than to have this SOB finally behind bars. The whole team wants that.

“He has a daughter. Technically it’s not his daughter, it’s someone else’s, but he is her foster father. Go and please save both girls!”

Penelope doesn’t have to say it twice. After a brief thank you and goodbye the team is on their way to the given address. As soons as they get there, everyone notices the absence of a car in the driveway. Hotch sends Spencer, Emily and Derek through the back door, the rest goes in from the front.

“FBI! OPEN UP!”

It’s needless to say that nobody opens up. There is no other way than kicking the doors down.

After entering the house and clearing the first floor, Rossi points towards the stairs that leads to the first story. There are only two rooms. A bathroom right hand and a closed door left hand.

Morgan counts quietly down before also kicking this door down and screaming “FBI!” But he seemingly talks with air, because there is no one to be found. Once again the team swarms out to look for evidence or clues.

As Spencer looks through the room they cleared last, he sees various things that make him smile. Several bookshelves are flooded with all kinds of genres, authors and covers. At first he can’t make out in which way they are sorted. But a closer look makes him realize that they are sorted by the author’s birth year. The doctor is kind of impressed, because that means the person knows when they are born in order to find a certain book. He likes the idea, it is a nice little challenge.

While he investigates further a sound makes him stop. He sends a text to Emily and waits for her. When she enters the room Spencer gestures to her to keep it quiet. Then he points to the bed.

They lower themselves down to the floor at the same time on each side of it. A girl, no older than 14 years, lays there shivering in angst. With big doe eyes she looks at Spencer and whispers:

“Please don’t hurt me.”

A while later the team is back at the station with the girl sitting in one of the interrogation rooms. The temperature is already set down, though Hotch feels really bad for it. Still there is another girl out there waiting to be safed.

“Baby girl, what can you give us on her?” Morgan sets his phone in the middle of the table and switches the speaker on.

“Our little girl’s name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N), fourteen years old. Parents were deemed to be unable to look after her since they are both heavy drug addicts and didn’t even register her crying for two hours straight. Since the age of six months she bounces through the system with nobody wanting to keep her longer than two years. They claim she is too smart for them and want somebody to look after her, who can challenge her intellectually.

“Collins took her in one and a half years ago. He got her signed up in several activities after school, like chess and academic decathlon. As of right now she is a junior with an opportunity to graduate next year. Her teachers describe her as incredibly bright with a complicated way of thinking.”

“Complicated way of thinking? Her intelligence was neglected for years, so she gave herself her own challenges. I found her books sorted by the birth year of the authors. She found ways of making things more difficult for herself, that’s why she fabricated strange ways of thinking. This is often found in children with high intelligence, who are not boosted enough by their environment”, Spencer explains, getting more and more furious.

His colleagues feel that this is a sensitive subject for their resident genius. JJ comfortably puts a hand on his shoulder, making the tense go away.

“Emily and Dave, I want both of you to interrogate her. We need to know where he hides the girls. JJ, try to hold the press off for a bit longer. Morgan, Reid, I want you to watch and look for tells or anything else”, Aaron orders.

Everyone works on their given task immediately.

You don’t need to be a profiler to see that (Y/N) is scared out of her mind. She has her feet on her chair and her head lies on her knees. When the two agents enter, she tries to at least fake some kind of composer. But she fails miserably at it.

“Hello (Y/N), may I call you that?” Emily begins in a soft voice. The teenager nods shyly. “Good, (Y/N). My name is Emily Prentiss and this is David Rossi. We are agents from the Behavior Analysis Unit from the FBI. Do you know why you are here?” The teenager shakes her head.

“Ok, let’s cut the chase”, David's voice booms through the small room. “You know exactly why you are here. From what we saw in your room you are an incredibly smart girl. How high is your IQ? 130? 135?”

“147 a-actually”, she nervously corrects the agent, never meeting his eye. The team notices this fairly quickly.

“Even better, normal people don’t know their IQ. So you know what your forster father does. You saw the news, you read the papers, you heard your classmates talk. In addition to that, the girls look alarmingly similar to you. And all of the sudden Charles is more often out than usual. So do us a favor and come clear.” Then he pulls out a picture from a manila folder on the table. Emily tries to intervene.

“Rossi, don’t. She is not the UnSub. (Y/N) is just unfortunate to be at the wrong place.” “She might as well be another UnSub if she doesn’t do anything to help us. Do you know how long you are going to jail for helping hi-”

“I don’t know anything. I- of course I saw what is h-happening. A-and I connected the dots a long time a-ago. You know, Charles lost his job and that’s a stressor. T-then Child Service was investigating him, because of the suspension’s reasons. I-I couldn’t do anything. I had no evidence, the police wouldn’t believe me. I asked him once wh-what he thinks about, you know, what’s happening. He slapped me and told me to not talk about it again. I’m so sorry, I wanna help. The only thing that comes into my mind is an old cabin he once mentioned when I first arrived at his. B-but I don’t know if it helps you. P-please, I don’t want to go to jail or juvenile, I-” Then (Y/N) breaks down into tears.

Emily is in an instant by her side trying to calm her down, while Hotch gives the information to Garcia. As soon as she finds the location, JJ takes a seat next to (Y/N) and the rest of the team flies out.

“You don’t have to be scared of him anymore, Sweetheart. My colleagues will find him and he will be tried and convicted. He will never be a threat to you again”, the blonde tries to comfort her.

“Whenever I leave an abusive home, there will be another one that’s exactly the same. The only difference with Charles was that he seemed to understand me. He helped me. There’s nobody who is willing to do what he did for me”, she admits sadly.

It breaks JJ’s heart, because her words are true. Even though he is a killer, Collins did help her. But she is also determined to show the young girl that he isn’t the only one who can do that. That there are more people out there, who are kind and as helpful if not more.

Not long after this the team brings the man into the station, Morgan guiding him with a deadbolt-like grip.

Rossi spots (Y/N) in a break room with a hot drink in her hands. While making his way over there, Spencer follows him. He wants to talk with her as well.

“(Y/N) I’m sincerely sorry if I hurt you earlier. I didn’t intend to scare you, we just had to act quickly and you were the only source of information available. I also wanted to tell you, that your achievements are astonishing and I guarantee you a bright future, maybe even at the FBI”, he winks at the end of his last sentence.

“I understand, Agent Rossi. But doesn’t everybody know their IQ? I assumed everybody gets at least tested once in their life in some way”, she asks with surprise in her voice.

At that the older man is speechless. Of all things she could accuse him of legitimately, (Y/N) goes with the most innocent question.

“Actually, not everybody gets tested. A reliable test has to be done by a psychologist and most people don’t go to one. Furthermore there has to be a valid reason to do one, that’s why a great part of the population doesn’t know their IQ”, intervenes Spencer. He has to infodump, since the last time was over half an hour ago.

“But you also have to differentiate between the several kinds of intelligence, because intelligence is way more than being good at math. There…”

Rossi stopped listening to the excited interaction between the two geniuses. Instead he watches their body languages and facial expressions. He hasn’t seen both of them more at calm than they are now.

After all there might be a way for (Y/N) to get a little Happy End.

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path-of-my-childhood · 4 years ago

Text

Musicians On Musicians: Paul McCartney & Taylor Swift

By: Patrick Doyle for Rolling Stone Date: November 13th 2020

On songwriting secrets, making albums at home, and what they’ve learned during the pandemic.

Taylor Swift arrived early to Paul McCartney’s London office in October, “mask on, brimming with excitement.” “I mostly work from home these days,” she writes about that day, “and today feels like a rare school field trip that you actually want to go on.”

Swift showed up without a team, doing her own hair and makeup. In addition to being two of the most famous pop songwriters in the world, Swift and McCartney have spent the past year on similar journeys. McCartney, isolated at home in the U.K., recorded McCartney III. Like his first solo album, in 1970, he played nearly all of the instruments himself, resulting in some of his most wildly ambitious songs in a long time. Swift also took some new chances, writing over email with the National’s Aaron Dessner and recording the raw Folklore, which abandons arena pop entirely in favor of rich character songs. It’s the bestselling album of 2020.

Swift listened to McCartney III as she prepared for today’s conversation; McCartney delved into Folkore. Before the photo shoot, Swift caught up with his daughters Mary (who would be photographing them) and Stella (who designed Swift’s clothes; the two are close friends). “I’ve met Paul a few times, mostly onstage at parties, but we’ll get to that later,” Swift writes. “Soon he walks in with his wife, Nancy. They’re a sunny and playful pair, and I immediately feel like this will be a good day. During the shoot, Paul dances and takes almost none of it too seriously and sings along to Motown songs playing from the speakers. A few times Mary scolds, ‘Daaad, try to stand still!’ And it feels like a window into a pretty awesome family dynamic. We walk into his office for a chat, and after I make a nervous request, Paul is kind enough to handwrite my favorite lyric of his and sign it. He makes a joke about me selling it, and I laugh because it’s something I know I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. That’s around the time when we start talking about music.”

Taylor Swift: I think it’s important to note that if this year had gone the way that we thought it was going to go, you and I would have played Glastonbury this year, and instead, you and I both made albums in isolation.

Paul McCartney: Yeah!

Swift: And I remember thinking it would have been so much fun because the times that I’ve run into you, I correlate with being some of the most fun nights of my life. I was at a party with you, when everybody just started playing music. And it was Dave Grohl playing, and you...

McCartney: You were playing one of his songs, weren’t you?

Swift: Yes, I was playing his song called “Best of You,” but I was playing it on piano, and he didn’t recognize it until about halfway through. I just remember thinking, “Are you the catalyst for the most fun times ever?” Is it your willingness to get up and play music that makes everyone feel like this is a thing that can happen tonight?

McCartney: I mean, I think it’s a bit of everything, isn’t it? I’ll tell you who was very... Reese Witherspoon was like, “Are you going to sing?” I said “Oh, I don’t know.” She said, “You’ve got to, yeah!” She’s bossing me around. So I said, “Whoa,” so it’s a bit of that.

Swift: I love that person, because the party does not turn musical without that person.

McCartney: Yeah, that’s true.

Swift: If nobody says, “Can you guys play music?” we’re not going to invite ourselves up onstage at whatever living-room party it is.

McCartney: I seem to remember Woody Harrelson got on the piano, and he starts playing “Let It Be,” and I’m thinking, “I can do that better.” So I said, “Come on, move over, Woody.” So we’re both playing it. It was really nice... I love people like Dan Aykroyd, who’s just full of energy and he loves his music so much, but he’s not necessarily a musician, but he just wanders around the room, just saying, “You got to get up, got to get up, do some stuff.”

Swift: I listened to your new record. And I loved a lot of things about it, but it really did feel like kind of a flex to write, produce, and play every instrument on every track. To me, that’s like flexing a muscle and saying, “I can do all this on my own if I have to.”

McCartney: Well, I don’t think like that, I must admit. I just picked up some of these instruments over the years. We had a piano at home that my dad played, so I picked around on that. I wrote the melody to “When I’m 64” when I was, you know, a teenager.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: When the Beatles went to Hamburg, there were always drum kits knocking around, so when there was a quiet moment, I’d say, “Do you mind if I have a knock around?” So I was able to practice, you know, without practicing. That’s why I play right-handed. Guitar was just the first instrument I got. Guitar turned to bass; it also turned into ukulele, mandolin. Suddenly, it’s like, “Wow,” but it’s really only two or three instruments.

Swift: Well, I think that’s downplaying it a little bit. In my mind, it came with a visual of you being in the country, kind of absorbing the sort of do-it-yourself [quality] that has had to come with the quarantine and this pandemic. I found that I’ve adapted a do-it-yourself mentality to a lot of things in my career that I used to outsource. I’m just wondering what a day of recording in the pandemic looked like for you.

McCartney: Well, I’m very lucky because I have a studio that’s, like, 20 minutes away from where I live. We were in lockdown on a farm, a sheep farm with my daughter Mary and her four kids and her husband. So I had four of my grandkids, I had Mary, who’s a great cook, so I would just drive myself to the studio. And there were two other guys that could come in and we’d be very careful and distanced and everything: my engineer Steve, and then my equipment guy Keith. So the three of us made the record, and I just started off. I had to do a little bit of film music - I had to do an instrumental for a film thing - so I did that. And I just kept going, and that turned into the opening track on the album. I would just come in, say, “Oh, yeah, what are we gonna do?” [Then] have some sort of idea, and start doing it. Normally, I’d start with the instrument I wrote it on, either piano or guitar, and then probably add some drums and then a bit of bass till it started to sound like a record, and then just gradually layer it all up. It was fun.

Swift: That’s so cool.

McCartney: What about yours? You’re playing guitar and piano on yours.

Swift: Yeah, on some of it, but a lot of it was made with Aaron Dessner, who’s in a band called the National that I really love. And I had met him at a concert a year before, and I had a conversation with him, asking him how he writes. It’s my favorite thing to ask people who I’m a fan of. And he had an interesting answer. He said, “All the band members live in different parts of the world. So I make tracks. And I send them to our lead singer, Matt, and he writes the top line.” I just remember thinking, “That is really efficient.” And I kind of stored it in my brain as a future idea for a project. You know, how you have these ideas... “Maybe one day I’ll do this.” I always had in my head: “Maybe one day I’ll work with Aaron Dessner.”

So when lockdown happened, I was in L.A., and we kind of got stuck there. It’s not a terrible place to be stuck. We were there for four months maybe, and during that time, I sent an email to Aaron Dessner and I said, “Do you think you would want to work during this time? Because my brain is all scrambled, and I need to make something, even if we’re just kind of making songs that we don’t know what will happen...”

McCartney: Yeah, that was the thing. You could do stuff - you didn’t really worry it was going to turn into anything.

Swift: Yeah, and it turned out he had been writing instrumental tracks to keep from absolutely going crazy during the pandemic as well, so he sends me this file of probably 30 instrumentals, and the first one I opened ended up being a song called “Cardigan,” and it really happened rapid-fire like that. He’d send me a track; he’d make new tracks, add to the folder; I would write the entire top line for a song, and he wouldn’t know what the song would be about, what it was going to be called, where I was going to put the chorus. I had originally thought, “Maybe I’ll make an album in the next year, and put it out in January or something,” but it ended up being done and we put it out in July. And I just thought there are no rules anymore, because I used to put all these parameters on myself, like, “How will this song sound in a stadium? How will this song sound on radio?” If you take away all the parameters, what do you make? And I guess the answer is Folklore.

McCartney: And it’s more music for yourself than music that’s got to go do a job. My thing was similar to that: After having done this little bit of film music, I had a lot of stuff that I had been working on, but I’d said, “I’m just going home now,” and it’d be left half-finished. So I just started saying, “Well, what about that? I never finished that.” So we’d pull it out, and we said, “Oh, well, this could be good.” And because it didn’t have to amount to anything, I would say, “Ah, I really want to do tape loops. I don’t care if they fit on this song, I just want to do some.” So I go and make some tape loops, and put them in the song, just really trying to do stuff that I fancy.

I had no idea it would end up as an album; I may have been a bit less indulgent, but if a track was eight minutes long, to tell you the truth, what I thought was, “I’ll be taking it home tonight, Mary will be cooking, the grandkids will all be there running around, and someone, maybe Simon, Mary’s husband, is going to say, ‘What did you do today?’ And I’m going to go, ‘Oh,’ and then get my phone and play it for them.” So this became the ritual.

Swift: That’s the coziest thing I’ve ever heard.

McCartney: Well, it’s like eight minutes long, and I said, “I hate it when I’m playing someone something and it finishes after three minutes.” I kind of like that it just [continues] on.

Swift: You want to stay in the zone.

McCartney: It just keeps going on. I would just come home, “Well, what did you do today?” “Oh, well, I did this. I’m halfway through this,” or, “We finished this.”

Swift: I was wondering about the numerology element to McCartney III. McCartney I, II, and III have all come out on years with zeroes.

McCartney: Ends of decades.

Swift: Was that important?

McCartney: Yeah, well, this was being done in 2020, and I didn’t really think about it. I think everyone expected great things of 2020. “It’s gonna be great! Look at that number! 2020! Auspicious!” Then suddenly Covid hit, and it was like, “That’s gonna be auspicious all right, but maybe for the wrong reasons.” Someone said to me, “Well, you put out McCartney right after the Beatles broke up, and that was 1970, and then you did McCartney II in 1980.” And I said, “Oh, I’m going to release this in 2020 just for whatever you call it, the numerology...”

Swift: The numerology, the kind of look, the symbolism. I love numbers. Numbers kind of rule my whole world. The numbers 13... 89 is a big one. I have a few others that I find...

McCartney: Thirteen is lucky for some.

Swift: Yeah, it’s lucky for me. It’s my birthday. It’s all these weird coincidences of good things that have happened. Now, when I see it places, I look at it as a sign that things are going the way they’re supposed to. They may not be good now, they could be painful now, but things are on a track. I don’t know, I love the numerology.

McCartney: It’s spooky, Taylor. It’s very spooky. Now wait a minute: Where’d you get 89?

Swift: That’s when I was born, in 1989, and so I see it in different places and I just think it’s...

McCartney: No, it’s good. I like that, where certain things you attach yourself to, and you get a good feeling off them. I think that’s great.

Swift: Yeah, one of my favorite artists, Bon Iver, he has this thing with the number 22. But I was also wondering: You have always kind of seeked out a band or a communal atmosphere with like, you know, the Beatles and Wings, and then Egypt Station. I thought it was interesting when I realized you had made a record with no one else. I just wondered, did that feel natural?

McCartney: It’s one of the things I’ve done. Like with McCartney, because the Beatles had broken up, there was no alternative but to get a drum kit at home, get a guitar, get an amp, get a bass, and just make something for myself. So on that album, which I didn’t really expect to do very well, I don’t think it did. But people sort of say, “I like that. It was a very casual album.” It didn’t really have to mean anything. So I’ve done that, the play-everything-myself thing. And then I discovered synths and stuff, and sequencers, so I had a few of those at home. I just thought I’m going to play around with this and record it, so that became McCartney II. But it’s a thing I do. Certain people can do it. Stevie Wonder can do it. Stevie Winwood, I believe, has done it. So there are certain people quite like that.

When you’re working with someone else, you have to worry about their variances. Whereas your own variance, you kind of know it. It’s just something I’ve grown to like. Once you can do it, it becomes a little bit addictive. I actually made some records under the name the Fireman.

Swift: Love a pseudonym.

McCartney: Yeah, for the fun! But, you know, let’s face it, you crave fame and attention when you’re young. And I just remembered the other day, I was the guy in the Beatles that would write to journalists and say [speaks in a formal voice]: “We are a semiprofessional rock combo, and I’d think you’d like [us]... We’ve written over 100 songs (which was a lie), my friend John and I. If you mention us in your newspaper...” You know, I was always, like, craving the attention.

Swift: The hustle! That’s so great, though.

McCartney: Well, yeah, you need that.

Swift: Yeah, I think, when a pseudonym comes in is when you still have a love for making the work and you don’t want the work to become overshadowed by this thing that’s been built around you, based on what people know about you. And that’s when it’s really fun to create fake names and write under them.

McCartney: Do you ever do that?

Swift: Oh, yeah.

McCartney: Oh, yeah? Oh, well, we didn’t know that! Is that a widely known fact?

Swift: I think it is now, but it wasn’t. I wrote under the name Nils Sjöberg because those are two of the most popular names of Swedish males. I wrote this song called “This Is What You Came For” that Rihanna ended up singing. And nobody knew for a while. I remembered always hearing that when Prince wrote “Manic Monday,” they didn’t reveal it for a couple of months.

McCartney: Yeah, it also proves you can do something without the fame tag. I did something for Peter and Gordon; my girlfriend’s brother and his mate were in a band called Peter and Gordon. And I used to write under the name Bernard Webb.

Swift: [Laughs.] That’s a good one! I love it.

McCartney: As Americans call it, Ber-nard Webb. I did the Fireman thing. I worked with a producer, a guy called Youth, who’s this real cool dude. We got along great. He did a mix for me early on, and we got friendly. I would just go into the studio, and he would say, “Hey, what about this groove?” and he’d just made me have a little groove going. He’d say, “You ought to put some bass on it. Put some drums on it.” I’d just spend the whole day putting stuff on it. And we’d make these tracks, and nobody knew who Fireman was for a while. We must have sold all of 15 copies.

Swift: Thrilling, absolutely thrilling.

McCartney: And we didn’t mind, you know?

Swift: I think it’s so cool that you do projects that are just for you. Because I went with my family to see you in concert in 2010 or 2011, and the thing I took away from the show most was that it was the most selfless set list I had ever seen. It was completely geared toward what it would thrill us to hear. It had new stuff, but it had every hit we wanted to hear, every song we’d ever cried to, every song people had gotten married to, or been brokenhearted to. And I just remembered thinking, “I’ve got to remember that,” that you do that set list for your fans.

McCartney: You do that, do you?

Swift: I do now. I think that learning that lesson from you taught me at a really important stage in my career that if people want to hear “Love Story” and “Shake It Off,” and I’ve played them 300 million times, play them the 300-millionth-and-first time. I think there are times to be selfish in your career, and times to be selfless, and sometimes they line up.

McCartney: I always remembered going to concerts as a kid, completely before the Beatles, and I really hoped they would play the ones I loved. And if they didn’t, it was kind of disappointing. I had no money, and the family wasn’t wealthy. So this would be a big deal for me, to save up for months to afford the concert ticket.

Swift: Yeah, it feels like a bond. It feels like that person on the stage has given something, and it makes you as a crowd want to give even more back, in terms of applause, in terms of dedication. And I just remembered feeling that bond in the crowd, and thinking, “He’s up there playing these Beatles songs, my dad is crying, my mom is trying to figure out how to work her phone because her hands are shaking so much.” Because seeing the excitement course through not only me, but my family and the entire crowd in Nashville, it just was really special. I love learning lessons and not having to learn them the hard way. Like learning nice lessons I really value.

McCartney: Well, that’s great, and I’m glad that set you on that path. I understand people who don’t want to do that, and if you do, they’ll say, “Oh, it’s a jukebox show.” I hear what they’re saying. But I think it’s a bit of a cheat, because the people who come to our shows have spent a lot of money. We can afford to go to a couple of shows and it doesn’t make much difference. But a lot of ordinary working folks... it’s a big event in their life, and so I try and deliver. I also, like you say, try and put in a few weirdos.

Swift: That’s the best. I want to hear current things, too, to update me on where the artist is. I was wondering about lyrics, and where you were lyrically when you were making this record. Because when I was making Folklore, I went lyrically in a total direction of escapism and romanticism. And I wrote songs imagining I was, like, a pioneer woman in a forbidden love affair [laughs]. I was completely...

McCartney: Was this “I want to give you a child”? Is that one of the lines?

Swift: Oh, that’s a song called “Peace.”

McCartney: “Peace,” I like that one.

Swift: “Peace” is actually more rooted in my personal life. I know you have done a really excellent job of this in your personal life: carving out a human life within a public life, and how scary that can be when you do fall in love and you meet someone, especially if you’ve met someone who has a very grounded, normal way of living. I, oftentimes, in my anxieties, can control how I am as a person and how normal I act and rationalize things, but I cannot control if there are 20 photographers outside in the bushes and what they do and if they follow our car and if they interrupt our lives. I can’t control if there’s going to be a fake weird headline about us in the news tomorrow.

McCartney: So how does that go? Does your partner sympathize with that and understand?

Swift: Oh, absolutely.

McCartney: They have to, don’t they?

Swift: But I think that in knowing him and being in the relationship I am in now, I have definitely made decisions that have made my life feel more like a real life and less like just a storyline to be commented on in tabloids. Whether that’s deciding where to live, who to hang out with, when to not take a picture - the idea of privacy feels so strange to try to explain, but it’s really just trying to find bits of normalcy. That’s what that song “Peace” is talking about. Like, would it be enough if I could never fully achieve the normalcy that we both crave? Stella always tells me that she had as normal a childhood as she could ever hope for under the circumstances.

McCartney: Yeah, it was very important to us to try and keep their feet on the ground amongst the craziness.

Swift: She went to a regular school...

McCartney: Yeah, she did.

Swift: And you would go trick-or-treating with them, wearing masks.

McCartney: All of them did, yeah. It was important, but it worked pretty well, because when they kind of reached adulthood, they would meet other kids who might have gone to private schools, who were a little less grounded.

And they could be the budding mothers to [kids]. I remember Mary had a friend, Orlando. Not Bloom. She used to really counsel him. And it’s ’cause she’d gone through that. Obviously, they got made fun of, my kids. They’d come in the classroom and somebody would sing, “Na na na na,” you know, one of the songs. And they’d have to handle that. They’d have to front it out.

Swift: Did that give you a lot of anxiety when you had kids, when you felt like all this pressure that’s been put on me is spilling over onto them, that they didn’t sign up for it? Was that hard for you?

McCartney: Yeah, a little bit, but it wasn’t like it is now. You know, we were just living a kind of semi-hippie life, where we withdrew from a lot of stuff. The kids would be doing all the ordinary things, and their school friends would be coming up to the house and having parties, and it was just great. I remember one lovely evening when it was Stella’s birthday, and she brought a bunch of school kids up. And, you know, they’d all ignore me. It happens very quickly. At first they’re like, “Oh, yeah, he’s like a famous guy,” and then it’s like [yawns]. I like that. I go in the other room and suddenly I hear this music going on. And one of the kids, his name was Luke, and he’s doing break dancing.

Swift: Ohhh!

McCartney: He was a really good break dancer, so all the kids are hanging out. That allowed them to be kind of normal with those kids. The other thing is, I don’t live fancy. I really don’t. Sometimes it’s a little bit of an embarrassment, if I’ve got someone coming to visit me, or who I know…

Swift: Cares about that stuff?

McCartney: Who’s got a nice big house, you know. Quincy Jones came to see me and I’m, like, making him a veggie burger or something. I’m doing some cooking. This was after I’d lost Linda, in between there. But the point I’m making is that I’m very consciously thinking, “Oh, God, Quincy’s got to be thinking, ‘What is this guy on? He hasn’t got big things going on. It’s not a fancy house at all. And we’re eating in the kitchen! He’s not even got the dining room going,’” you know?

Swift: I think that sounds like a perfect day.

McCartney: But that’s me. I’m awkward like that. That’s my kind of thing. Maybe I should have, like, a big stately home. Maybe I should get a staff. But I think I couldn’t do that. I’d be so embarrassed. I’d want to walk around dressed as I want to walk around, or naked, if I wanted to.

Swift: That can’t happen in Downton Abbey.

McCartney: [Laughs.] Exactly.

Swift: I remember what I wanted to know about, which is lyrics. Like, when you’re in this kind of strange, unparalleled time, and you’re making this record, are lyrics first? Or is it when you get a little melodic idea?

McCartney: It was a bit of both. As it kind of always is with me. There’s no fixed way. People used to ask me and John, “Well, who does the words, who does the music?” I used to say, “We both do both.” We used to say we don’t have a formula, and we don’t want one. Because the minute we get a formula, we should rip it up. I will sometimes, as I did with a couple of songs on this album, sit down at the piano and just start noodling around, and I’ll get a little idea and start to fill that out. So the lyrics - for me, it’s following a trail. I’ll start [sings “Find My Way,” a song from “McCartney III”]: “I can find my way. I know my left from right, da da da.” And I’ll just sort of fill it in. Like, we know this song, and I’m trying to remember the lyrics. Sometimes I’ll just be inspired by something. I had a little book which was all about the constellations and the stars and the orbits of Venus and...

Swift: Oh, I know that song - “The Kiss of Venus”?

McCartney: Yeah, “The Kiss of Venus.” And I just thought, “That’s a nice phrase.” So I was actually just taking phrases out of the book, harmonic sounds. And the book is talking about the maths of the universe, and how when things orbit around each other, and if you trace all the patterns, it becomes like a lotus flower.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: It’s very magical.

Swift: That is magical. I definitely relate to needing to find magical things in this very not-magical time, needing to read more books and learn to sew, and watch movies that take place hundreds of years ago. In a time where, if you look at the news, you just want to have a panic attack - I really relate to the idea that you are thinking about stars and constellations.

McCartney: Did you do that on Folklore?

Swift: Yes. I was reading so much more than I ever did, and watching so many more films.

McCartney: What stuff were you reading?

Swift: I was reading, you know, books like Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier, which I highly recommend, and books that dealt with times past, a world that doesn’t exist anymore. I was also using words I always wanted to use - kind of bigger, flowerier, prettier words, like “epiphany,” in songs. I always thought, “Well, that’ll never track on pop radio,” but when I was making this record, I thought, “What tracks? Nothing makes sense anymore. If there’s chaos everywhere, why don’t I just use the damn word I want to use in the song?”

McCartney: Exactly. So you’d see the word in a book and think, “I love that word”?

Swift: Yeah, I have favorite words, like “elegies” and “epiphany” and “divorcée,” and just words that I think sound beautiful, and I have lists and lists of them.

McCartney: How about “marzipan”?

Swift: Love “marzipan.”

McCartney: The other day, I was remembering when we wrote “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”: “kaleidoscope.”

Swift: “Kaleidoscope” is one of mine! I have a song on 1989, a song called “Welcome to New York,” that I put the word “kaleidoscope” in just because I’m obsessed with the word.

McCartney: I think a love of words is a great thing, particularly if you’re going to try to write a lyric, and for me, it’s like, “What is this going to say to that person?” I often feel like I’m writing to someone who is not doing so well. So I’m trying to write songs that might help. Not in a goody-goody, crusading kind of way, but just thinking there have been so many times in my life when I’ve heard a song and felt so much better. I think that’s the angle I want, that inspirational thing.

I remember once, a friend of mine from Liverpool, we were teenagers and we were going to a fairground. He was a schoolmate, and we had these jackets that had a little fleck in the material, which was the cool thing at the time.

Swift: We should have done matching jackets for this photo shoot.

McCartney: Find me a fleck, I’m in. But we went to the fair, and I just remember - this is what happens with songs - there was this girl at the fair. This is just a little Liverpool fair - it was in a place called Sefton Park - and there was this girl, who was so beautiful. She wasn’t a star. She was so beautiful. Everyone was following her, and it’s like, “Wow.” It’s like a magical scene, you know? But all this gave me a headache, so I ended up going back to his house - I didn’t normally get headaches. And we thought, “What can we do?” So we put on the Elvis song “All Shook Up.” By the end of that song, my headache had gone. I thought, you know, “That’s powerful.”

Swift: That really is powerful.

McCartney: I love that, when people stop me in the street and say, “Oh, I was going through an illness and I listened to a lot of your stuff, and I’m better now and it got me through,” or kids will say, “It got me through exams.” You know, they’re studying, they’re going crazy, but they put your music on. I’m sure it happens with a lot of your fans. It inspires them, you know?

Swift: Yeah, I definitely think about that as a goal. There’s so much stress everywhere you turn that I kind of wanted to make an album that felt sort of like a hug, or like your favorite sweater that makes you feel like you want to put it on.

McCartney: What, a “cardigan”?

Swift: Like a good cardigan, a good, worn-in cardigan. Or something that makes you reminisce on your childhood. I think sadness can be cozy. It can obviously be traumatic and stressful, too, but I kind of was trying to lean into sadness that feels like somehow enveloping in not such a scary way - like nostalgia and whimsy incorporated into a feeling like you’re not all right. Because I don’t think anybody was really feeling like they were in their prime this year. Isolation can mean escaping into your imagination in a way that’s kind of nice.

McCartney: I think a lot of people have found that. I would say to people, “I feel a bit guilty about saying I’m actually enjoying this quarantine thing,” and people go, “Yeah, I know, don’t say it to anyone.” A lot of people are really suffering.

Swift: Because there’s a lot in life that’s arbitrary. Completely and totally arbitrary. And [the quarantine] is really shining a light on that, and also a lot of things we have that we outsource that you can actually do yourself.

McCartney: I love that. This is why I said I live simply. That’s, like, at the core of it. With so many things, something goes wrong and you go, “Oh, I’ll get somebody to fix that.” And then it’s like, “No, let me have a look at it...”

Swift: Get a hammer and a nail.

McCartney: “Maybe I can put that picture up.” It’s not rocket science. The period after the Beatles, when we went to live in Scotland on a really - talk about dumpy - little farm. I mean, I see pictures of it now and I’m not ashamed, but I’m almost ashamed. Because it’s like, “God, nobody’s cleaned up around here.”

But it was really a relief. Because when I was with the Beatles, we’d formed Apple Records, and if I wanted a Christmas tree, someone would just buy it. And I thought, after a while, “No, you know what? I really would like to go and buy our Christmas tree. Because that’s what everyone does.” So you go down - “I’ll have that one” - and you carried it back. I mean, it’s little, but it’s huge at the same time.

I needed a table in Scotland and I was looking through a catalog and I thought, “I could make one. I did woodwork in school, so I know what a dovetail joint is.” So I just figured it out. I’m just sitting in the kitchen, and I’m whittling away at this wood and I made this little joint. There was no nail technology - it was glue. And I was scared to put it together. I said, “It’s not going to fit,” but one day, I got my woodwork glue and thought, “There’s no going back.” But it turned out to be a real nice little table I was very proud of. It was that sense of achievement.

The weird thing was, Stella went up to Scotland recently and I said, “Isn’t it there?” and she said, “No.” Anyway, I searched for it. Nobody remembered it. Somebody said, “Well, there’s a pile of wood in the corner of one of the barns, maybe that’s it. Maybe they used it for firewood.” I said, “No, it’s not firewood.” Anyway, we found it, and do you know how joyous that was for me? I was like, “You found my table?!” Somebody might say that’s a bit boring.

Swift: No, it’s cool!

McCartney: But it was a real sort of great thing for me to be able to do stuff for yourself. You were talking about sewing. I mean normally, in your position, you’ve got any amount of tailors.

Swift: Well, there’s been a bit of a baby boom recently; several of my friends have gotten pregnant.

McCartney: Oh, yeah, you’re at the age.

Swift: And I was just thinking, “I really want to spend time with my hands, making something for their children.” So I made this really cool flying-squirrel stuffed animal that I sent to one of my friends. I sent a teddy bear to another one, and I started making these little silk baby blankets with embroidery. It’s gotten pretty fancy. And I’ve been painting a lot.

McCartney: What do you paint? Watercolors?

Swift: Acrylic or oil. Whenever I do watercolor, all I paint is flowers. When I have oil, I really like to do landscapes. I always kind of return to painting a lonely little cottage on a hill.

McCartney: It’s a bit of a romantic dream. I agree with you, though, I think you’ve got to have dreams, particularly this year. You’ve got to have something to escape to. When you say “escapism,” it sounds like a dirty word, but this year, it definitely wasn’t. And in the books you’re reading, you’ve gone into that world. That’s, I think, a great thing. Then you come back out. I normally will read a lot before I go to bed. So I’ll come back out, then I’ll go to sleep, so I think it really is nice to have those dreams that can be fantasies or stuff you want to achieve.

Swift: You’re creating characters. This was the first album where I ever created characters, or wrote about the life of a real-life person. There’s a song called “The Last Great American Dynasty” that’s about this real-life heiress who lived just an absolutely chaotic, hectic...

McCartney: She’s a fantasy character?

Swift: She’s a real person. Who lived in the house that I live in.

McCartney: She’s a real person? I listened to that and I thought, “Who is this?”

Swift: Her name was Rebekah Harkness. And she lived in the house that I ended up buying in Rhode Island. That’s how I learned about her. But she was a woman who was very, very talked about, and everything she did was scandalous. I found a connection in that. But I also was thinking about how you write “Eleanor Rigby” and go into that whole story about what all these people in this town are doing and how their lives intersect, and I hadn’t really done that in a very long time with my music. It had always been so microscope personal.

McCartney: Yeah, ’cause you were writing breakup songs like they were going out of style.

Swift: I was, before my luck changed [laughs]. I still write breakup songs. I love a good breakup song. Because somewhere in the world, I always have a friend going through a breakup, and that will make me write one.

McCartney: Yeah, this goes back to this thing of me and John: When you’ve got a formula, break it. I don’t have a formula. It’s the mood I’m in. So I love the idea of writing a character. And, you know, trying to think, “What am I basing this on?” So “Eleanor Rigby” was based on old ladies I knew as a kid. For some reason or other, I got great relationships with a couple of local old ladies. I was thinking the other day, I don’t know how I met them, it wasn’t like they were family. I’d just run into them, and I’d do their shopping for them.

Swift: That’s amazing.

McCartney: It just felt good to me. I would sit and talk, and they’d have amazing stories. That’s what I liked. They would have stories from the wartime - because I was born actually in the war - and so these old ladies, they were participating in the war. This one lady I used to sort of just hang out with, she had a crystal radio that I found very magical. In the war, a lot of people made their own radios - you’d make them out of crystals [sings “The Twilight Zone” theme].

Swift: How did I not know this? That sounds like something I would have tried to learn about.

McCartney: It’s interesting, because there is a lot of parallels with the virus and lockdowns and wartime. It happened to everyone. Like, this isn’t HIV, or SARS, or Avian flu, which happened to others, generally. This has happened to everyone, all around the world. That’s the defining thing about this particular virus. And, you know, my parents... it happened to everyone in Britain, including the queen and Churchill. War happened. So they were all part of this thing, and they all had to figure out a way through it. So you figured out Folklore. I figured out McCartney III.

Swift: And a lot of people have been baking sourdough bread. Whatever gets you through!

McCartney: Some people used to make radios. And they’d take a crystal - we should look it up, but it actually is a crystal. I thought, “Oh, no, they just called it a crystal radio,” but it’s actually crystals like we know and love.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: And somehow they get the radio waves - this crystal attracts them - they tune it in, and that’s how they used to get their news. Back to “Eleanor Rigby,” so I would think of her and think of what she’s doing and then just try to get lyrical, just try to bring poetry into it, words you love, just try to get images like “picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been,” and Father McKenzie “is darning his socks in the night.” You know, he’s a religious man, so I could’ve said, you know, “preparing his Bible,” which would have been more obvious. But “darning his socks” kind of says more about him. So you get into this lovely fantasy. And that’s the magic of songs, you know. It’s a black hole, and then you start doing this process, and then there’s this beautiful little flower that you’ve just made. So it is very like embroidery, making something.

Swift: Making a table.

McCartney: Making a table.

Swift: Wow, it would’ve been so fun to play Glastonbury for the 50th anniversary together.

McCartney: It would’ve been great, wouldn’t it? And I was going to be asking you to play with me.

Swift: Were you going to invite me? I was hoping that you would. I was going to ask you.

McCartney: I would’ve done “Shake It Off.”

Swift: Oh, my God, that would have been amazing.

McCartney: I know it, it’s in C!

Swift: One thing I just find so cool about you is that you really do seem to have the joy of it, still, just no matter what. You seem to have the purest sense of joy of playing an instrument and making music, and that’s just the best, I think.

McCartney: Well, we’re just so lucky, aren’t we?

Swift: We’re really lucky.

McCartney: I don’t know if it ever happens to you, but with me, it’s like, “Oh, my god, I’ve ended up as a musician.”

Swift: Yeah, I can’t believe it’s my job.

McCartney: I must tell you a story I told Mary the other day, which is just one of my favorite little sort of Beatles stories. We were in a terrible, big blizzard, going from London to Liverpool, which we always did. We’d be working in London and then drive back in the van, just the four of us with our roadie, who would be driving. And this was a blizzard. You couldn’t see the road. At one point, it slid off and it went down an embankment. So it was “Ahhh,” a bunch of yelling. We ended up at the bottom. It didn’t flip, luckily, but so there we are, and then it’s like, “Oh, how are we going to get back up? We’re in a van. It’s snowing, and there’s no way.” We’re all standing around in a little circle, and thinking, “What are we going to do?” And one of us said, “Well, something will happen.” And I thought that was just the greatest. I love that, that’s a philosophy.

Swift: “Something will happen.”

McCartney: And it did. We sort of went up the bank, we thumbed a lift, we got the lorry driver to take us, and Mal, our roadie, sorted the van and everything. So that was kind of our career. And I suppose that’s like how I ended up being a musician and a songwriter: “Something will happen.”

Swift: That’s the best.

McCartney: It’s so stupid it’s brilliant. It’s great if you’re ever in that sort of panic attack: “Oh, my God,” or, “Ahhh, what am I going to do?”

Swift: “Something will happen.”

McCartney: All right then, thanks for doing this, and this was, you know, a lot of fun.

Swift: You’re the best. This was so awesome. Those were some quality stories!

#this just might be the longest post I have ever posted #I have so much work so I'll read and edit later #taylor swift #paul mccartney #Rolling Stone magazine #interview #folklore era

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makeste · 4 years ago

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literally just another giant post of Bakugou faces.

so I did this last year, but I only got up to chapter 120 before I ran out of steam. happily, though, this left me with an additional 190 chapters’ worth of glorious gremlin faces to choose from for this year’s edition! which I figure I had better do, before tumblr finally pulls the plug on my poor sweet image limit.

so without further ado, happy birthday to Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s asymmetrical HAH face where his eyes do the thing like ( ◣益◢).

why I like it: so this is from Kirishima’s flashback in chapter 133, where Kirishima was getting all down on himself because his quirk Only Does One Thing, and Kacchan was all “nah bro don’t worry about it because your One Thing is totally fucking rad, and you’re strong enough to withstand anything.” so that of course was incredibly sweet, and one of the few times we’ve seen him give an actual heartfelt pep talk without so much as a single insult thrown into the mix. but what really puts this scene over the top for me is the fact that you can see the ever-so-subtle hints of guilt and regret when he talks about All Might and Kamino. for just a moment, he gets this distant look in his eyes, and his expression turns soft and contemplative. basically this is a rare collector’s edition Kacchan face you will not find in many other places.

why I like it: because this frankly needs to happen in every damn fight until this kid finally gets it through his thick skull to ditch the mask so we can see every fantastic facial expression in full 4k glory. work with me here please Kacchan.

why I like it: because character growth!! this was our first big moment of post-DvK2 Kacchan development, and the payoff was well worth the wait. it only took him 166 chapters to realize that it’s hard to grow as a person if you’re determined to be a humongous dick to every single person you meet!! lmao, but it’s progress though.

why I like it: these two panels are criminally underrated. the way his face transforms when Deku gets the answer wrong dlkjfldk. this is easily one of the funniest subtle gags in the entire series.

why I like it: “hey Bakugou do you want to play in our band?” “fuck you, no.” “pretty please.” “fine, but I refuse to call it a band.” “well then what do you want to call it -- ” “MURDER.”

why I like it: GONNA MURDER EVERYONE BY PLAYING THE DRUMS!!!! SOMEHOW WE’VE SUCCESSFULLY COMPARTMENTALIZED THIS SCHOOL-SANCTIONED DISPLAY OF PERFORMING ARTS AS A DEATH MATCH. OH TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THIS YOUNG MAN’S MIND.

why I like it: hah?! I love how he has to tilt his neck all the way back every single time he does this. he’s so cute I love him so much.

why I like it: somewhere around this point in the manga Kacchan decided to do away with being handsome and decided to just be a full-time gremlin in every single panel. this persisted for the next 90 chapters or so and he was very dedicated. I’m pretty sure he was going for vulgar and intimidating, but unfortunately for him he’s too inherently adorable and so the end result is just endearing and almost charming in its own way.

why I like it: this was from chapter 194 when Aizawa was announcing that they’d have a special guest for the Joint Training arc, and so Kacchan was all “BOY OH BOY A NEW ASS TO KICK.”

why I like it: more character development! and just look at that confidence! he’s fully recovered from his low point after Kamino and the provisional exam. he knows what he’s about now, and he is THRIVING. and once again you can see how his conviction inspires the people around him and makes them more determined. just, he is going to be such a good number one hero you guys.

why I like it: it’s the three little “!!!” lines hovering in the corner next to his head for me. “oh my god it’s All Might, All Might saw me being cool and Saving To Win and stuff, what’s he gonna say what do I do omg quick act natural.”

why I like it: QUICK HIDE YOUR FEELINGS!! WE CAN’T LET THE NEIGHBORS KNOW WE CARE. fjkdlsjklk

why I like it: this is his expression when he first sees Deku activate Blackwhip for the first time. it’s one of the few unguarded expressions of complete surprise that we’ve gotten from him and I love it thank you.

why I like it: classic asymmetrical HAH face. he truly has perfected this look. look at him, casually clinging to a pole for no reason other than to look dynamic. this boy truly cannot sit or stand or walk or do anything normally. he spent three months working his ass off to catch up to Deku and the others, and now that he finally has he’s filled with so much pent-up energy that he simply cannot hold it back anymore and he’s gotta climb a pole. he’s just gotta.

why I like it: because he is so fucking good at saving people now you guys, he’s like a whole-ass professional and shit, and yet it hasn’t changed who he is one single iota. he will save your life and he will SCREAM AT YOU WHILE DOING IT and you’ll sit there and be grateful goddammit.

why I like it: o noo he was caught unawares. All Might was all “I’m gonna have a dad moment and nobody can stop me” and he walked right up to him and put his hand on his head because he’s All Might and so what is he even gonna do about it. nothing, that’s what. you got played, Kacchan. outmaneuvered and outfoxed. all he can do is stand there and make that grumpy face he makes when he’s receiving unwanted affection (҂⌣̀_⌣́).

why I like it: more unwanted affection. now they’re even feeding him ffs. how could he let this happen. mm chicken.

why I like it: GREATEST ASYMETRICAL HAH?! FACE OF ALL TIME. out of all the people to befriend him against his will, Todoroki is by far the most confusing to him and it’s just so great.

why I like it: this is when Hawks is staring at him in chapter 244 because he fake-killed his mentor and stuff and he feels sorta guilty about it. but meanwhile Kacchan just thinks he’s trying to start some shit, and so he’s all “I WAS FASTER THAN YOU BACK THERE YOU KNOW” and Hawks is all “hahaha okay little buddy you just keep telling yourself that”, because as previously discussed Kacchan is too adorable to ever be intimidating.

why I like it: this is from 246 when he’s in the middle of arguing with Burnin’ and all of a sudden Endeavor calls to him and he’s just like o shit what’d I do.

why I like it: because Endeavor’s mentoring them and shit and he’s just casually sitting there eating his lunch like yeah. with his lil hamster cheeks lulz.

why I like it: the look that instantly became iconic. this panel cured me of the misconception that Bakugou “goes to bed at 8:30pm” Katsuki was a morning person. the truth is he loathes all times of the day equally.

why I like it: this one is a team effort because Deku’s faces are equally as good. I’m genuinely shocked that this family dinner with the Todorokis didn’t prematurely unlock Danger Sense. you can tell that he and Deku have a silent agreement to call a temporary truce on their rivalry for as long as they sit at this table as outsiders in this strange land. this is by far the most hazardous meal Bakugou has ever experienced, and yet the mapo tofu is too good to go to waste, so he’s just shoveling it down his throat trying to finish as much as possible before shit inevitably hits the fan.

why I like it: Kacchan is New Here so he doesn’t yet realize that if the Todorokis are spilling family secrets, there is always inevitably going to be someone listening in the shadows just outside the door.

why I like it: the battle with Ending was probably peak gremlin!Kacchan. like, we’ve had gremlin before and afterwards, but never quite to this same degree. Horikoshi really decided to push the limits of contorting this child’s face in the strangest ways.

why I like it: peak. gremlin.

why I like it: nothing to see here, just Kacchan quietly realizing after 252 chapters that he MIGHT have been just a BIT of a cartoonishly villainous asshole to Deku back at the beginning there ha ha ha oh god oh fuck.

why I like it: because he found the answer to What It Is That He Lacks, and he’s all cool and calm and infuriatingly secretive about it. it’s such a sudden and stark contrast to the gremlin faces he was making only moments earlier, and it makes this moment hit home that much more.

why I like it: because this is him being friends with Deku!! like for real though!! because he’s fucking around and insulting him and making weird faces and stuff, but it’s because in his mind That’s What Friends Do. they clown on each other and help each other train and shit. half an hour after this they’ll go down to the training gym and play Catch-A-Kacchan, and then he’ll quietly confess to All Might that he wants to atone. he may be a gremlin, but he’s a gremlin with layers goddammit.

why I like it: because this is right after TomurAFO shows up out of nowhere and scares the shit out of him and Deku and makes them see a terrifying death vision and stuff, and you can see how shaken up he is by it. he definitely understands how close they came to dying just then and he’s sobered the fuck up. this is the moment when it really sinks in that shit has gotten real. eight minutes from now he’ll move without thinking and save Deku’s life.

why I like it: hydro homies. nothing restores those electrolytes like good old Raquaius Sports Drink.

why I like it: because this panel was when it started to become clear that the real reason he grabbed this sports drink was to pretend like he was busy so he could act like he wasn’t interested in Deku’s training because god forbid the neighbors know that he actually cares.

why I like it: because the sideways glance!! and the fact that he doesn’t deny it!! in fact he does the opposite of denying it, and he basically starts pouring his heart out about how goddamn worried he actually is. he’s guilty and anxious and restless and this entire conversation is amazing.

why I like it: he looks so goddamn young here. when he finally stops scrunching up his face and putting on his usual tough guy act and for once allows his actual emotions to show on his face instead, the result is so damn striking. for once we got an entire conversation with no gremlin faces, because Horikoshi had to drop them completely in order to show just how serious he is here. which was incredibly effective btw.

why I like it: because he’s basically just fidgeting with the bottle now to avoid making eye contact with All Might because he just revealed a deep dark secret to him and he’s precariously vulnerable right now. that’s the body language of a kid who knows how badly he fucked up, and just wants to hear from someone else if it’s going to be okay, if he can still make it okay. he looks so small here.

why I like it: the worry lines under his eyes. the look of uncertainty and wanting to believe that what All Might says is true (“you’ll get a chance to talk eventually”). the hesitance to turn back and look at him, and the way he doesn’t dare until he finally gets that small bit of reassurance. All Might isn’t judging him. All Might understands him and understands where he’s coming from, and he’s giving him his blessing. he’s giving him a thumbs up and reassuring him that he sees the change in him and sees that he’s sincerely trying, and basically saying that he has faith that he and Deku will be able to work it out. and you can see that it means a lot.

why I like it: because this kid spent his entire internship with Jeanist doing nothing but bitching nonstop, and then later on when Jeanist went missing he was all tight-lipped about it because once again NOBODY CAN KNOW THAT WE CARE GODDAMMIT, and it was all very Classic Bakugou. but then Jeanist finally shows up again at Jakku, and we get this little moment of happy, smirky FUCK YEAH, I KNEW YOU WEREN’T DEAD YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, and it’s just the best.

why I like it: HE’S SO UNABASHEDLY PROUD GOD BLESS HIM.

why I like it: because he nearly died and then he woke up here in the hospital two days later not knowing where anybody else is or whether they’re even still alive, and this, my friends. this is finally the moment. the moment where he was all FUCK IT, MAYBE WE CAN LET THE NEIGHBORS KNOW WE CARE AFTER ALL. character fucking development. you love to see it.

BONUS:

WHAT HAVE I BECOME, MY SWEETEST FRIEND. EVERYONE I KNOW GOES AWAY IN THE END.

happy birthday Katsuki. feel better sweetie. HORIKOSHI YOU BETTER TREAT HIM RIGHT I AM COUNTING ON YOU.

#bakugou katsuki #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha meta #bakugou meta #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 3 years ago

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Tues 8 June ‘21

Harry recorded a message that was played at the Stoneman Douglas High School graduation; SD is the school in Parkland Florida that in 2018 became the site of the deadliest school shooting in US history. Harry has consistently been a vocal supporter of the student activism to curb gun violence that followed the shooting (it was when he added the Stop Gun Violence stickers to his guitar and he spoke about it before when playing near there on HSLOT, for example, as well as signing on to things and donating money and talking about the bravery of the young women leading the effort in particular). “You are an incredibly strong group of people and I have no doubt that you’ll all do incredible things whatever you chose to do in the future, so good luck, love each other and be nice to each other and I hope at some point I’ll get to see you guys,” he said in the video.

A blurry blob in a blue hoodie in London last night was said to be him, out for a stroll, Don’t Worry Darling was announced to be set for release next year, and some fans literally chased Harry and Olivia down the street while filming them against their wishes (recently, not today, seems like she might be back in the US with Jason now that his filming is wrapped) and then people tried to blame their behavior on... larries?? UM did larries possess them and force them to literally chase a person asking to be left alone I DON’T BELIEVE SO, I am BEGGING you guys to quit listening to anything anyone on twitter says. My Policeman is filming in Hitchin, at a location reported by local media to be “shrouded in mystery”, but I’m pretty sure the hordes gathered to peep at filming have killed any aura of mystery at this point. They are working on location at a pool in Butts Close (YEAH I KNOW) and are apparently besieged with fans, some of whom managed to get more pictures of a blurry blob said to be Harry- this time in tiny yellow short shorts (2021/1950 version)!

Niall and Anne Marie’s Tonight Show performance aired! Anne Marie’s black and white cheetah print lined three piece outfit is amazing, like Niall is pushing the envelope a little with shapes and fits but her look takes center stage I’m afraid; anyway also they sound great and are cute, yes yes.

Liam has been in his discord lots, commenting on things and polling people. Current polls, yes no or wtf about NFTs, which landslide result (wtf) got him to say yeah okay I’ll make an explainer, and should we rename my fandom which resulted in a chat for people to make suggestions. About front runner Paynedora’s Box (Liam’s own amazing suggestion) he said “it came to me as I thought it meant every type of fan is a possibility, never know what you’re going to encounter.” Yes plus Pandora’s Box was full of demons! Apt indeed though Liam’s fans are sweeter than some, it’s true. He gives a little love to Champaynes too, which is good though given our boy’s struggle with alcohol addiction I’ll stick with my vote for the first one. He posted from an “impromptu night photoshoot” (about which his hair guy said “bringing the grit back, prepping for a very exciting launch…”), followed NFT co-creator Gabe Damast who later posted some behind the scenes talk about the making of Lonely Bug (with glimpses!) and the page for animated film Ron’s Gone Wrong, which he commented about (“this looks amazing!”), liked a Lonely Bug fanart of the bug with his face on it, and signed on to a UNICEF letter, along with 28 other celebs, asking the G7 (rich countries) to donate vaccines for distribution where most needed. And he was seen today at a Top Golf! An employee posted a distanced pic with him. Also btw those necklaces he’s been wearing all the time lately are apparently diamonds and are £50k each, but he wasn’t wearing them for golf time at least.

And additional bits from Liam’s interview from yesterday because it’s REALLY LONG, one recap wasn’t enough-- Liam said he definitely has not yet figured out what makes him happy (which makes me sad although also, normalize not having it all figured out in your 20s I don’t think that’s unusual) and talked about the difficulty of figuring out what to do when you’ve already accomplished your life goal so young, he mentioned the people speaking out against the X Factor and that he thinks there needs to be a care system for people in those shows, and said “find you a man who looks at you like Russell Brand looks at you when he’s listening to your stories, he looks into your soul,” and when host Steve talks about meditating naked says “now that’s what I want to think about!” (they’d been talking about what to focus your thoughts on for meditation). He said he wants to experiment with the way he does promo, specifically to wait to see if a song is doing well before doing press tours that might not have any point and that he thinks the industry is in a place where they need to throw out the old molds, and he talked about the industry wasting money on things they don’t need to do for promo. “You have your fanbase, grow it organically, properly,” he said, which is so much more true for any one of the 1D boys than anyone else, for sure, and it makes sense he’d say this stuff not just for the obvious reasons- we’ve all seen how badly labels have fallen short with post 1D solo stuff- but also because the 1D fandom always has been in a position out at the forefront of new ways that fan engagement work (as Liam points out, he talked about the perfect storm of the rise of twitter trends and of 1D) and modeling what will be next for other artists, so trying to fit it into old boxes doesn’t make sense, and it’s still true. Other solo artists simply DON’T HAVE the same kind of fandom these five do, and trying to market them the same way you would any random artist is just throwing away money and engagement! So it is exciting to see these guys take the lead on their own stuff and experiment with new ways of doing things, and Liam is smashing it at that.

#harry styles #niall horan #liam payne #tw gun violence #tw shooting #drag we down #my policeman filming #butts close #there's a very short shorts/butt's close joke to be made but eh #his butt is... close to the bottom of those shorts?? HEH? idk you'll just have to imagine it #something pretty much like that only actually funny #can anyone come up wiht good Liam fandom names I WANNA HEAR THEM #8 jun 21 #tw alcoholism

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years ago

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Omg thank you so much for your posts about rinharu!! :"")) I was one of those people who were like "why are rinharu fighting again?? Did kyoani purposely seperate them /again/ just for the sake of drama ?? (And so that they have more oppurtunities to showcase other ships??)" I was really irked at first cuz i thought the first part of TFS is finally going to be a movie about rinharu being a powercouple, but! After reading your posts i realised that haru never really moved on from rin leaving, even in S3 the reason why hiyori's words affected him was because he thought he caused rin to leave (and by extension ikuya, but lbr haru wasn't as frustrated with ikuya nearly as much as he was with rin right) so i'm just here to say.. thank you so much for opening my eyes!!! Now i'm really looking forward to the second part!!

Awww no problem <3 tbh I've always said that free is one of those that has so many nuances left bts that it's sometimes confusing for those who aren't as invested I think. Like there's so many important things that are left out and are in additional materials, that some has no idea what's going on at times. Like back in the days when some interpreted s2 in the opposite way bc of that one thing. My point is that not everyone is even watches stuff like recaps for example (where there are in fact new easter eggs and so many important things like Rin's dad death aftermath etc), and even less read novels and checked side stories and dramas.

For example, in books this Haru's issue about him thinking he's cursed and hurts everyone with his swimming is a huge thing, when Asahi "lost his ability to swim" after seeing Haru's free. But in SD it wasn't adressed at all tbh.

And what Haru feels for Rin is such tornado of emotions, that surprised even me with all the descriptions, bc like it's real bad. Like that part I posted from the chapter when Rin leaves is at least understandable, since he leaves. But the way he reacts to him in general even when he just appears in his sight is always described as if someone tortures him for real lol. And he's always like "pls someone save me, I don't know how to deal with this, bc I've never felt such emotions before".

So basically, like yeah, he's as it is has this thing, when he thinks of himself as some bad omen, so he's very sensitive about it, but since everything Rin-related feels x100000000 for him, its just... well, it hurt for a very long time and sadly was just overlooked by a certain someone, so here we are.

I think we all at first believed that bc Rin's so shocked and in disbelief that Haru could even think that it was his fault in some way:

that maybe they talked about it bts or smth like after the relay. But it seems like Rin either forgot or most likely I think he maybe thought that Haru understood without words? I'm just real sad still that Haru didn't get to hear this speech:

I mean, they made it look by the end of s1 that it was about relay, which partially yeah, but for Rin it was really about Haru. You see what he said.. he said that that 1x02 race with Haru alone.. what made him want to swim again. This whole speech was not only about the fact that Haru wasn't at fault that he quit swimming in the first place, but about the fact that Haru is his lucky charm, that makes everything better. AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO HEAR THAT. So like for Haru it's to this day like "after I messed him up, Rin was saved with the power of friendship and a relay". But he was saved by Haru really. Bc according to s3 info, it was basically just about Haru being on the relay team. I don't try to demean their friendships or anything, but its just what it is.

And as I've said before in one post it's just fascinating that to this day Rin for example thinks that s1 shananigans were just about him and just his problem:

Haru thought it was about them and their problem:

So like my point here is I also up to the end of s2 thought that maybe Rei or Rin told that to him, bc we seemed to move on to another problems, until in Kizuna we were shown that he still dreams about that scene of Rin leaving. s3 Hiyori just exposed the wound really.

But also once again see what he said there, it's not just about that one time he keeps reliving, aka his first come back, its really just about each time Rin was leaving. Like the very first one already was bad, the second was the worst, bc he thought he hurt him and thought that bc of him he quit swimming, others are just painful bc by then it was already another kind of feeling. I mean, I do think that this first Rin's return to Australia thing needs to be cleared up since it's obviously still haunting him. But again it's just part of this. Haru after the Australian trip and "I've always admired you" and "without you I have nothing to aim for" and after TYM goodbye when Rin told him that he doesn't need a surprise party and that just swimming with Haru before leaving is the greastest surprise for him, he knows already about the way Rin feels about swimming with him... I think the reason why everyone is freaking out here is that bc the way it's executed it's just really about him constantly missing him and "why am I always have to longingly watch you leave, while you seem fine." If he was in a free race, but wasn't on a relay team, he'd get the same reaction. Its just all seasons combined that brought us here. We already in 3x01 without Hiyori knew that he wasn't handling Rin being far away again good. So tbh it's logical even without any explanation really. I mean, Rin does indeed leave and come back as he pleases and does what he wants without holding back or sometimes thinking about consequences. There's no lie here.

It's like since the beginning for Rin it was like "I found the gorgeous guy I adore and I want to swim with, I'll transfer schools just to nag him into swimming with me, it's not like he's gonna care if I leave after that." (he literally in the book didn't think it was a big deal)

For Haru it was like "I lived just fine, but this guy stormed into my life, made me want things I didn't think I'd ever want, got me addicted to him and then dropped me like a hot potato".

Rin's just very passionate about life and things he wants, like Haru for example, but he's really also very unobservant and very clueless at times.

But like just bc he doesn't know about Haru's existential crisis and all the pain he's truly in when he's leaving, doesn't change the fact that he at times didn't even treat him as a simple friend (because they can't be just friends I KNOW), but still things like "you could've called" "well sorry, I guess I'm just not good at it" are probably hurtful, considering the fact that you are good at it with everyone else tho, Rin sweetie. Like thanks for avoiding us the most and holding back and visiting us the last each time, we feel real special. Haru is like the opposite, he doesn't call anyone for example, but he can call Rin in the middle of the night if needed, he always does for Rin smth that's completely out of his comfort zone.

It's like some say "Rin didn't know he wanted him to call" or "he didn't know Haru felt guilty". He did know he wanted him to call and he didn't know Haru felt guilty and stopped swimming competitively when he stopped swimming, but then Rei told him and Natsuya in 3x03 reminded him about this too. Its just the fact that he doesn't want to add 1+1 and thinks "well, there's no way I can affect Haru like that right?", "he can't be that upset about Rin Matsuoka, right?". While facts are he IS literally the only one who affects Haru in such huge way. It's like everyone else can just pass him by and it's nothing, but he walks by and it's a whole "asdfghgfdsa why my body is on fire, its just Rin who's just standing there".

And I'm also buffled by this thing that some people really say stuff like "where did this come from, they were perfectly fine" etc, as if they ever had normal "friendship" relationship. I'm like when did they ever behave themselves okay? In 3x03 Rin is dying to call Haru, but can't do it, while he's constantly texting everyone including Nagisa. First thing he says in the airport when he comes back is "I'm home, Haru" to air, but then goes to hang out with Makoto and Sousuke, desperately looking for an excuse to see the one whom he from the beginning, as it was shown wanted to see the most, but in his opinion can’t without a reason. It's only when Makoto tells him that Haru was upset about Albert he quickly rans off out of there bc "hooray, I have an excuse to see my bae”. Like we know from the airport scene that he wanted to see Haru the most. If they're so as people say were doing great, than how do you exlain all of their s2 and s3 behavior for real? It's like as if in TYM Haru didn't lose his shit from some gossip about persimmons. I mean, they never settled anything really. And Haru is constantly scared of Rin leaving again since forever.

So it's complicated, but yes, we're super excited for p2, bc asdfghjhgfds.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free! the final stroke #free!#rin matsuoka #nanase haruka

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onebizarrekai · 4 years ago

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v3′s art is comically terrible for a professionally distributed game in a series: a compilation

in this not-essay I will list all of the mistakes and problems I have spotted in v3′s art. don’t worry, it’s entirely for fun and I’m doing this on a whim, so please feel free to not take this seriously but also it’s hilarious and embarrassing how ridiculous this is like what happened did they speedrun the whole production or what

see, there are some things you can take as meta like “they made it bad on purpose to allude to the downfall of tv shows that have been on air for much too long” but I have a very strong feeling this is not the case due to the nature of some of these errors

disclaimer, the more I study this art, the more I fear that the artists were underpaid and underslept, so if this is in fact the case, I am so sorry to all of them but also I’m going to make fun of the art anyway

anyway let’s get started!

if you study this image for longer than 5 seconds, you will see that kaede is the only one fully shaded and keebo is literally just his normal sprite pasted into the image. every other character is just an ordinary ref, hence most of them facing the exact same direction with neutral expressions on their faces. it looks like a bad edit, and is probably one of the worst pieces of art in the game. it kind of gets better from here on, but my roasting will not.

with that out of the way, here’s the problem that officially bothers me the most and clarifies my viewpoint of “this is not meta and an actual lack of company communication”

this freaking cg, which seems normal at a glance, but some wiseass was like “oh, kaede is a girl, so obviously she’s going to be shorter than the Male Protagonist™” ah, that’s funny. because if you look at the character bios, kaede is, in fact, one inch taller than shuichi and not like 6 inches shorter as she is shown here.

also shuichi’s shoulder is disproportionate and horrendous and he looks vaguely like a jojo character, but I wasn’t even thinking about that until right now.

thanks guys, 50% of the fandom who has never bothered to check these bios thinks that kaede is like 5′3 (did the developers really put so little thought into her to the point where drawing her correctly in the game didn’t even matter??)

also I would like to point out that, even though this isn’t related to the art itself, yes, a character kaede’s size being only 117 lbs is unfeasible, but this applies to literally every character in danganronpa ever and it’s not new news that it’s unrealistic

update: someone in the tags informed me that in versions of the game that use centimeters, like the japanese version, kaede is actually shorter than shuichi, which just adds another thing to the list of weird decisions the localization team made for no reason. that said, after confirming this, kaede is 167 cm in the original, while shuichi is 171 cm, which are approximately 5′6 and 5′7 respectively, but one inch is still nowhere near as drastic as it is depicted above. (in spite of this, I would rather depict kaede as slightly taller, so I’m probably going to keep doing that.)

the journey continues!

bro if you want kaede to have shoulder length hair then stick to it to begin with

you can pretend this is at an angle all you want but they definitely committed the shorter kaede sin a second time

wait a goddamn second.

DO YOU SEE THIS

no………… it wasn’t kaede who shrank. it was shuichi who got taller

speaking of which, can we talk about how shady the perspective is in this elevator pic? look at shuichi and kokichi in comparison to kaede. kokichi, who is canonically 7 inches (edit: or 5, if you’re loyal to the original) shorter than kaede, looks taller than kaede. he’s growing too. what steroids are these gays taking

running into the room, electric boogaloo: I don’t think tsumugi is supposed to be the same height as kokichi

gonta… gonta you’re lookin a bit like a jojo character there

I love how kaito’s head looks kind of like it was pasted onto his body. why is he the same size as shuichi? shouldn’t he be high school bully size or something? his torso is teensy

ah yes, white angie.

I love this cg but why is shuichi’s right hand so much bigger than his left hand

I also love how this cg looks like they literally took pictures of trees and pasted them into the background, especially on the left. the shadows are so weird, especially closer to the ceiling, it’s difficult for me to believe they didn’t do exactly that.

return of Enlarged shuichi

puberty update: kokichi is now taller than shuichi in spite of shuichi never missing leg day. what crimes will he commit

I have to mention it, guys. this has to be one of the worst danganronpa cgs. kokichi’s facial proportions look atrocious. look at the way his face sticks out like his jaw is in the wrong place. his scarf is a pasted texture. that’s it. this moment was so iconic but the cg just looks so… so… off. like something is terribly wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

you know what? let’s get into that ‘pasted texture’ thing.

let’s imagine you’re an artist working on a professional game. you’re assigned to draw cgs of kokichi ouma, who has a checkered scarf from hell. sure, it will be terrible to draw, but you only have to draw it once at a time! plus, perspective is pretty important, right? can you be bothered? nah, actually. let’s just copy paste a checkered pattern into the cg, because I’m sure nobody will notice. it’ll blend right in with the other cgs that someone actually put effort into drawing his scarf in, right?

no. the answer is no and I very much noticed. this genuinely looks terrible and I would understand taking a shortcut like that in fanart or even an indie game but this is a full price pc and console distributed game

(an addition: look at kokichi’s TINY HANDS in that last one)

meanwhile, they straight up forgot to color in kokichi’s scarf in this cg.

dude. I forgot about whatever the hell this cg was. anyway look at keebo please just look at him

lovin kaito’s baby arms

real talk, maybe you could argue that he’s missing muscle because he’s deathly sick, but most of his cgs don’t line up with this, and his arms just look disproportionate to his torso size (granted this is a consistent problem across all danganronpa games and a lot of characters have this weird problem, like hajime, but also kaito is bigger than hajime so I kind of have higher expectations of him) maybe it’s his stupid goatee and the way he reminds me of yasuhiro?? it creates this illusion that he’s older than he is and so I keep expecting him to look more like an adult

oh, also rantaro is missing some of his accessories in that video he made–you know the one–but I don’t wanna go back and screenshot it

also you may have noticed that I’m skipping all of the monokub cgs because I literally do not care about them and I’m not even bothering to check and see if they have artistic mistakes in them

JIMMY NEUTRON???

hey um uh kaito you seem to be missing your neck

hey guys do you like my pregame fanart

so, that done, the sprites are also pretty terrible at times. they’re not as interesting to go through, however, and downloading the full sprite sets for every character and studying every single one of them will drive me insane, so I’ll just sum some of the ones I noticed up. I made things for kaede and shuichi before deciding I wasn’t going to get into it, so here are these.

that said, other mistakes include kokichi missing his purple highlights in all of the sprites encompassing a specific pose, stray pixels all over the place on everyone, and everyone also has heavily inconsistent shading, but literally all I think about is how pregame shuichi is unshaded and two of kaede’s pregame sprites have glaring outfit change mistakes in them

anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my ridiculous ramble. in all seriousness, there’s this looming presence of some lack of communication in the development team, like with all the art and design inconsistencies, pieces and sprites that look rushed, stray pixels, and missing basic proportional stuff. these are the kinds of things that you supposedly have to pretty much have in the bag in order to get jobs in professional businesses, so it’s really weird to me that this game suffers from so many of these problems. it’s like they tried to make the art so much more crisp than the other games, but it fell on its face as they realized it was going to take longer to draw everything and they started to rush. it’s weird, because the coloring itself looks normal–it’s just sloppily drawn, and the proportions are a mess once put into the context of perspective. many of the cgs look like they were drawn by different people, and I’m still not over the fact that half of kokichi’s cgs have his scarf pasted in as a texture.

the moral of the story is that if you’re selling a game at full price that also happens to be in a series that has had 3 very good games in it already the stakes should probably be higher than this. v3 has been out for more than 3 years and it’s still $40 (did it cost more than that before? I sure hope not), and the overarching quality of the game is just not as high as the other games. I’m not saying that the other games don’t have any problems with their art at all, they’re just not as glaringly obvious and every artistic choice in those games feels intentional.

regardless, I had a blast roasting the art at 2am, so maybe you got a kick out of all this chaos.

#god I keep telling myself I'm gonna stop rambling about v3 #v3 spoilers #drv3 spoilers #ndrv3 #random stuff #but making this… it sounded so fun #danganronpa

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taeyohonic · 4 years ago

Text

stolen dances | chap. 11

summary: sometimes supporting the person you love is the hardest challenge you’ll ever face.

pairing: jeon jungkook x fem!reader

rating: m

warning: swear words, therapy talk

additional tags: f2l, ceo!jungkook, bestfriend!jungkook, shrink!yoongi, my best friend’s wedding meets 27 dresses (if the boss/secretary couple had happened), angst-y

words: 2300

links: prev. | next [masterlist]

note: lower case letters intended

chapter summary: seokjin mid sneeze would ruin half of your wedding pictures.

“let’s do this picnic then,” jungkook breathes against your skin and you feel a headache coming – again. you don’t know what you expected, but for him to not even comment on the fact that yoongi is your therapist, is well… kind of insulting.

“yeah, let’s do that,” you agree and let go of his ear. you go girl! tell him exactly how you feel.

“is there a reason i’m not allowed to carry anything?” he’s struggling with the basket as well your backpack and the two iced coffees you hadn’t noticed before. still, jungkook is not letting you help him in any way, his sunglasses are as high up his nose as his ego.

“nah,” he scoffs with humor, “you’ll just drop the coffee – can’t risk it.”

“that was one time,” you argue and push a single finger straight up his nostril. jungkook scrunches his nose adorably before he pushes you away.

“gross, ____”

the weather is nice and you can’t help the spring in your steps as the two of you join the many visitors. for a moment you’re afraid of them recognizing your former idol friend. but jungkook doesn’t seem to care – he is more focused on the melting ice in your drinks. and he knows his bodyguard is close by. but you haven’t noticed the bulky man following behind you.

“can we move closer to the tree line?” you ask him, not wanting to join the couples sunbathing. nah, your hangover is not smiling kindly upon your headache. shade and some non-alcoholic liquid should do the trick.

“of course” your best friend changes directions and guides you to the more secluded area. the air smells fresh and you take a moment to breath it in – not even thinking about helping jungkook set up the picnic. the green is vibrant around you and for a second you imagine how beautiful his wedding would have been if it was right here. right now. but no, they had to do an autumn event. you want to get married in spring, you think and feel a smile touching your lips.

“why are you looking like that?” your friend asks, already seated on the soft blanket, sipping on his iced coffee.

“i’d like a spring wedding,” you answer, not even filtering your thoughts – you shouldn’t have to in front of your friend. jungkook’s reaction is close to comedic gold: his eyes widen while he sucks a breath of caffeine in his lungs; coughing harshly.

you move on instinct, closing the distance and rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“wh- what the-e fu -…fuck?” he coughs and pushes against your touch to lean further on you.

“spring… it’d be so pretty, don’t you think?” you start after checking that he’s breathing normally again. “and just imagine the sea of flowers during this time. i really like the idea.”

you are met with silence. a long one. without looking at him, you grab your drink and take a sip.

then, jungkook answers. “your skin would look lovely against cherry blossoms.”

now you’re the one speechless – who even says stuff like that?

“don’t be condescending, kook,” you respond, willing your cheeks to discolor asap. your best friend just chuckles.

“i’m telling the truth, ____,” jungkook protests as he grabs your hand and holds it up against the treetops. “look, your skin glows.” his fingers push against your palm and you’re just… not stable enough for this. with a silent shudder you escape his touch.

“don’t say stuff like that to me, jungkook,” you voice rather harsh and you avoid his questioning gaze. you miss his touch as much as you hated it in the first place. jungkook doesn’t answer for a moment, but when he does, there is a forced joke on his lips.

“jin-hyung would be sneezing 24/7 with his allergies.” true, the oldest always looks in so much pain when you all move around during pollen season. you chuckle and try to get your thoughts away from a very unattractive mid-sneeze seokjin and more focused on the cupcakes peeking out of jungkook’s basket.

“can’t have my man of honor sabotaging all the wedding pictures,” you snort and grab one of the baked goods – it’s an apple crumble muffin, making your mouth water instantly.

“hah” your best friend laughs at you while some crumbles fall into your lap. “if taehyung isn’t your man of honor, he’ll prank bomb the hell out of your wedding.”

“what about you?” you ask and face him fully, the half-eaten muffin in your palm an unspoken invitation as jungkook snatches it from you. he takes a bite and you think he regrets taking off his sunglasses. his eyes look at you hesitantly.

“i’m not sure you’d like to have me as your man of honor,” he confesses and you watch him with surprise. is he the same person who wanted you to become his best man a few days ago?

“why would you think that?”

“you know,” jungkook starts and moves an inch away from you – his palms are pressed into the blanket. “the last few weeks i felt like… maybe there are some… moments where this” – jungkook’s head moves between the two of you – “wasn’t as honest as it’s used to be.”

you are kind of disappointed in yourself. there you are – going to therapy twice a week, working on a healthy, objective relationship with your crush. and now it’s him, not you, who is the brave one.

“but it’s not bad, right?” you voice, insecurity making your tone more timid than you’d like. even if jungkook doesn’t love you, he still cherishes you, right? your best friend looks at you like there is a whole ass shinigami on your shoulder.

“____, our friendship could never be bad. never.” then there is a silence. “but, like… do you feel secure with me? with this?”

his eyes shine with questions you are not ready to answer. but jungkook’s stare is there and it’s now and maybe it’s right on time.

“my mental health hasn’t been so good lately,” you start hesitantly. “i’m trying to reevaluate my relationships… see… where to make… improvements or… or where to set boundaries.”

honesty without being explicit. yoongi would roll his eyes.

the man in front of you nods, no judgement in his face. then he speaks:

“i’ve been in therapy since bangtan retired,” jungkook offers, which makes you suck in a harsh breath – for years he’s been seeing someone without you – his best friend – knowing?

“i had this whole identity – people idolizing me – milking me for… money, fame… opportunity. and then i just – just stopped being a singer. stopped my vlives. stopped my posts. many left – was i nothing without my band?” he asks softly tracing the lines on the blanket underneath you. there are tears in your eyes at his pain.

“talking about it, reshaping myself, rediscovering me – was … so tiering.” he chuckles without humor and you can’t help but agree: every therapy session is like a sixty-minute cardio routine.

“it was actually my therapist who recommended me doing these dance workshops in schools. i wouldn’t have met you if i didn’t listen to her,” jungkook reveals and you smile softly at the memory of a flustered jungkook surrounded by all your students, excited to meet a former idol.

“so, i hope you know that i’m very proud of you for seeing yoongi.” his voice sound strained, not entirely honest. “and i hope you realize that this“ his hand moves between the two of you “is a good thing.”

your heart beats faster while your skin shudders from a phantom cold. it’s confusing and exciting at the same time. jungkook looks as vulnerable as a porcelain doll in front of you. you feel close to tears watching your best friend.

“i hope so too, kook,” you admit and smile. he doesn’t mirror you because there is a part of him disappointed you are hoping instead of knowing. it’s a big part.

“you are a good thing to me, ____,” jungkook offers instead. “and that’s verified by my therapist.”

now a chuckle escapes him and you can’t help your own laughter joining in.

“but you have so many good things – i’m still searching for mine.” there is a wistful undertone in your voice and you are not ashamed of it.

“apart from you and the boys and my company… there is little that brings me joy,” jungkook confesses, making you freeze with his exclusion.

“what about your fiancée?” you ask and can’t look into his deep eyes.

“you know how it is with her,” he answers in a monotone voice. you want to scream at him, that you in fact do not know how it is, that you have only seen her a handful of times. heck, you’ve even met seokjin’s housekeeper more often than jungkook’s fiancée. your best friend has done the most to separate you two. you can count every mention of her on your fingers and you’d still have some left. it’s unfair he looks at you like you’re it when he’s got a woman at home wearing his engagement ring with pride.

there is so much frustration mounting in your stomach, it makes you mad.

“maybe i don’t know enough,” you say, the heat missing in your words. you sound more resigned and seeing how distant jungkook looks at you, there is little hope he’ll explain more… or anything.

“sir” jungkook’s bodyguard scares you, not having heard the mountain of muscles coming up to the two of you. “excuse the interruption” he is not interrupting anything. “a few girls have spotted you. your location is compromised.”

jungkook looks relieved and nods at his security. there is a silly part of you who’s glad as well, but another one would have loved to press your best friend for… anything.

“let’s pack up, ____” jungkook is on his feet in seconds and even though he mentioned the both of you, there is an unspoken order as his bodyguard starts to collect the food while the ceo takes your empty coffee cups. you shouldn’t lift a finger – still, it’s you who gets up and folds the now unoccupied blanket. the silence is not uncomfortable, but there is an underlying tension making you vibrate not only from the caffeine.

you’re out of the park in under ten minutes. during the ride back you steal one of the untouched muffins. jungkook acts like he doesn’t notice. the next morning a few pictures of your outing make it onto page six of the local newspaper. taehyung is astonished because he wasn’t invited. seokjin makes an unflattering meme out of one snap where you are drinking coffee. and jimin is silent, as are you and jungkook.

most of the times when you are waiting for yoongi to open his door and invite you into the now familiar office, you feel anxious. it’s normal, you know that. most people don’t like working through their problems. like jungkook said, it’s tiering. still, you are always 12 % excited to see your therapist because he is cool. talking to him means something to you. today however you feel impatient.

your picnic with jungkook is fresh in your mind. you’ve even taken the time to write some of your dialog down, so you’d be more objective during the retelling. yoongi will know how to work through this; you’ve got confidence in him.

“_____?” your therapist looks at you from the threshold of his door. he looks professional in his teal button down, wearing his glasses. but at the same time his face is paler than usual, fatigue clouding his eyes. you try to grin at him while closing the distance.

“hey, yoongi! how have you been?” you ask, making your voice extra soft not to irritate him. there is a forced smile on his lips – the one he always has when you start to rant about your oats. it makes you halt in front of him.

“everything okay?”

yoongi just nods before stepping back into his office and motioning you to follow him. still unsure about his mood, you just want to feel the familiar leather of his couch underneath you. he’d explain soon, you think. yeah, and then you could talk about jungkook. again.

but the couch is not empty. hell, your seat – the one you’ve had for months – is occupied. a man is grinning at you so brightly you want to close your eyes. and move him from your seat. in that order.

“huh?” you go, _____. very eloquent.

“hoseok, this is ______. ______, this is hoseok,” yoongi introduces you formally and you can’t help it but to bow curtly at the male in your seat. the man – hoseok – gets up from his – your – spot and moves closer to yoongi and you.

“______, i’m so, so happy to finally meet you!” this person is too happy. it’s like he tries to be the extrovert energy in the room that’s missing between you and yoongi. hoseok looks like the sun and you don’t like it. what is he doing here? and what does he mean by finally? confused, you stare at yoongi. why does he look so ashamed while tilting his glasses further up his nose?

“what is he doing here?” you ask a bit too blunt, but you know yoongi doesn’t care.

“he’s a colleague of mine. one of the best”, your shrink says slowly. so what, they had a meeting? lunch date? and he’s leaving now? just an overlap of meetings?

hoseok seems to take pity on his old friend when he addresses you next.

“i’ll be taking over your case from now, ______.”

_____

sorry that i’ve been away for so long. life has been bad. too much stress to handle. then i read a lot of fanfic to destress and it made me just more insecure about my own writing. still, i tried my best with this chapter and i hope you enjoyed it! please let me know what you think! i’d love to hear from you! fair warning: next chapter is gonna be the downhill to the angst-y part of this fic. just to clarify: i don’t like what yoongi and jungkook are doing here. just to be clear. but i do think they are both trying. somewhat. love, dana p.s. someone recommended this fic @ ficswithlove and it was very touching and i loved that a lot... thanks again to this kind soul!

taglist: @livewittykid @thequeen-kat @kagami-s-void @goldenclosethobi @youwannabelostandnotbefound @jinsalpaca @bishuthot @laabellaavitaa21 @baekstans @jalexad @jinsearthh @kseokwu @betysotelo18 @daydreambrliever

#btswriterscollective #bangtanuniversity #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #ceo!jungkook #idol!jungkook #bts x you #bts x reader #bts angst

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keyofmgy · 3 years ago

Text

Some brainstorming on the existence of Egon Spengler’s daughter, Callie, and why he was absent from her life. Suggestions and additions encouraged in the notes.

Two things first.

One: I am operating under my personal opinion/head canon that Egon is a hetero demiromantic asexual. The theories I’ve come up with are informed by my own lived experience as a demisexual who was (in retrospect) functionally asexual until age 18. Also by my own lived experience as a divorced person.

Two: The earliest date that I’ve personally noticed on Egon’s wall devoted to Callie is 1987. Others have seen 1983 on it. This of course means that she was, at the very least, anywhere from around a year to even two years old during the climax of the first movie.

Okay. So.

Let’s say at some point during college or grad school or postdoc program, Egon meets a woman who he happens to hit it off extraordinarily well with. (Or what amounts to ‘extraordinarily well’ where he’s concerned.) He’s super into her, but he’s not interested at all in sex, or even marriage, really — I can see a young Egon in the 70s subscribing to some of the principles of the free love movement, stuff like “the concept of marriage is a societal construct meant to facilitate an exchange of goods and power between two parties” etc etc. But it’s… expected of people? And she wants it? So he kinda forces himself into it.

Which isn’t to say that he doesn’t care for and love this woman, because he does. In his own way, which just happens to be a way that isn’t the accepted norm. And of course sometimes people, especially when they’re young, will make themselves be someone they’re not, out of a desire to fit in or be ‘normal’ or make someone happy or because they think it’s what they’re supposed to do. (Believe me, I know.)

So it works at first and they’re happy for a while. But over time she starts to cotton on that he really isn’t into the sex, and starts to resent him for it. (I’m not convinced they have to have gotten married, though. Feel free to debate me on this point.) It creates friction and/or a rift between them. Egon might not even be aware of it, not necessarily because he’s socially awkward and oblivious but because she does her best to not let on that anything’s wrong. Sometimes poor communication in a marriage just… happens, deliberately on one party’s side or not. (Again, believe me, I know.)

Other possibilities in conjunction with the above: maybe she was a fellow free love free-thinking hippie who started to grow out of the mindset and wanted to settle down into a more traditional family unit. Maybe she started to disapprove of his research which clearly was not headed in a tenure-track direction? Maybe she started to feel he wasn’t being loving enough or attentive enough (or come to the conclusion that he never really had been, not to the degree that she wanted)? Maybe spending too much time on or distracted by his work, and not enough with her? And all of this especially if she happens to get pregnant?

I can imagine the final straw, for her, being what she perceives as Egon being a completely uninterested father. So maybe it isn’t very long after Callie is born that her mom decides to split (break up, uncouple, divorce, what have you) and go for full custody of their daughter. You could probably take this even further and say she decides to also fight to deny Egon visitation rights. And Egon, who has perhaps been almost totally blindsided by all of this and is utterly heartbroken, just rolls over and gives in to her demands in order to avoid as much conflict as he possibly can. (My own lived experience may or may not be contributing to this part of my brainstorming.)

Hell, maybe Callie’s mom told her that Egon abandoned them because, from her point of view, he did.

I haven’t worked out how this would account for the photographs Egon has of Callie, most are which are old-school developed-film photos. I know close to jack shit about family/divorce law but maybe he retained just enough backbone to win a stipulation that if he wasn’t going to be allowed in his daughter’s life, he should at least be provided regular updates on her. Or something. I dunno. Maybe he got sent stuff on the sly from her sympathetic maternal grandparents.

Regarding Ray and Peter: Isnt it canon somewhere that they all met in college? And if this split from Callie’s mom happened relatively recently in relation to the events of the first film, then there’s no way they wouldn’t have known Mom or Callie, even if only fleetingly. I can imagine Egon would have refused to talk much, if at all, about the split. Ray would definitely have tried to get him to open up about his feelings. It might have taken Egon losing his temper for him to finally drop the subject and just… never mention it again. I think Peter would have simply chosen to actually exercise discretion for once and gone out of his way to not say a damn thing about it.

It has occurred to me that this theory would make the scene where Dana visits Egon at the beginning of Ghostbusters 2 secretly heart-shattering. An arguing couple on the brink of divorce on one side, and a little girl with a puppy on the other? BRB walking myself into the ocean.

#Ghostbusters #Ghostbusters Afterlife #Egon Spengler #Callie Spengler #Wild Mass Guessing #Jail for me for one thousand years

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sgt-paul · 4 years ago

Photo

MUSICIANS ON MUSICIANS: Paul McCartney & Taylor Swift

❝ During the shoot, Paul dances and takes almost none of it too seriously and sings along to Motown songs playing from the speakers. A few times Mary scolds, ‘Daaad, try to stand still!’ And it feels like a window into a pretty awesome family dynamic. ❞

interview below the cut:

Paul McCartney: Yeah!

McCartney: You were playing one of his songs, weren’t you?

McCartney: I mean, I think it’s a bit of everything, isn’t it? I’ll tell you who was very … Reese Witherspoon was like, “Are you going to sing?” I said “Oh, I don’t know.” She said, “You’ve got to, yeah!” She’s bossing me around. So I said, “Whoa,” so it’s a bit of that.

Swift: I love that person, because the party does not turn musical without that person.

McCartney: Yeah, that’s true.

Swift: If nobody says, “Can you guys play music?” we’re not going to invite ourselves up onstage at whatever living-room party it is.

McCartney: I seem to remember Woody Harrelson got on the piano, and he starts playing “Let It Be,” and I’m thinking, “I can do that better.” So I said, “Come on, move over, Woody.” So we’re both playing it. It was really nice.… I love people like Dan Aykroyd, who’s just full of energy and he loves his music so much, but he’s not necessarily a musician, but he just wanders around the room, just saying, “You got to get up, got to get up, do some stuff.”

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: Well, I’m very lucky because I have a studio that’s, like, 20 minutes away from where I live. We were in lockdown on a farm, a sheep farm with my daughter Mary and her four kids and her husband. So I had four of my grandkids, I had Mary, who’s a great cook, so I would just drive myself to the studio. And there were two other guys that could come in and we’d be very careful and distanced and everything: my engineer Steve, and then my equipment guy Keith. So the three of us made the record, and I just started off. I had to do a little bit of film music — I had to do an instrumental for a film thing — so I did that. And I just kept going, and that turned into the opening track on the album. I would just come in, say, “Oh, yeah, what are we gonna do?” [Then] have some sort of idea, and start doing it. Normally, I’d start with the instrument I wrote it on, either piano or guitar, and then probably add some drums and then a bit of bass till it started to sound like a record, and then just gradually layer it all up. It was fun.

Swift: That’s so cool.

McCartney: What about yours? You’re playing guitar and piano on yours.

Swift: Yeah, on some of it, but a lot of it was made with Aaron Dessner, who’s in a band called the National that I really love. And I had met him at a concert a year before, and I had a conversation with him, asking him how he writes. It’s my favorite thing to ask people who I’m a fan of. And he had an interesting answer. He said, “All the band members live in different parts of the world. So I make tracks. And I send them to our lead singer, Matt, and he writes the top line.” I just remember thinking, “That is really efficient.” And I kind of stored it in my brain as a future idea for a project. You know, how you have these ideas… “Maybe one day I’ll do this.” I always had in my head: “Maybe one day I’ll work with Aaron Dessner.”

McCartney: Yeah, that was the thing. You could do stuff — you didn’t really worry it was going to turn into anything.

Swift: That’s the coziest thing I’ve ever heard.

McCartney: Well, it’s like eight minutes long, and I said, “I hate it when I’m playing someone something and it finishes after three minutes.” I kind of like that it just [continues] on.

Swift: You want to stay in the zone.

McCartney: It just keeps going on. I would just come home, “Well, what did you do today?” “Oh, well, I did this. I’m halfway through this,” or, “We finished this.”

Swift: I was wondering about the numerology element to McCartney III. McCartney I, II, and III have all come out on years with zeroes.

McCartney: Ends of decades.

Swift: Was that important?

Swift: The numerology, the kind of look, the symbolism. I love numbers. Numbers kind of rule my whole world. The numbers 13 … 89 is a big one. I have a few others that I find…

McCartney: Thirteen is lucky for some.

McCartney: It’s spooky, Taylor. It’s very spooky. Now wait a minute: Where’d you get 89?

Swift: That’s when I was born, in 1989, and so I see it in different places and I just think it’s…

McCartney: No, it’s good. I like that, where certain things you attach yourself to, and you get a good feeling off them. I think that’s great.

Swift: Love a pseudonym.

McCartney: Yeah, for the fun! But, you know, let’s face it, you crave fame and attention when you’re young. And I just remembered the other day, I was the guy in the Beatles that would write to journalists and say [speaks in a formal voice]: “We are a semiprofessional rock combo, and I’d think you’d like [us].… We’ve written over 100 songs (which was a lie), my friend John and I. If you mention us in your newspaper…” You know, I was always, like, craving the attention.

Swift: The hustle! That’s so great, though.

McCartney: Well, yeah, you need that.

McCartney: Do you ever do that?

Swift: Oh, yeah.

McCartney: Oh, yeah? Oh, well, we didn’t know that! Is that a widely known fact?

Swift: [Laughs.] That’s a good one! I love it.

Swift: Thrilling, absolutely thrilling.

McCartney: And we didn’t mind, you know?

McCartney: You do that, do you?

McCartney: Well, that’s great, and I’m glad that set you on that path. I understand people who don’t want to do that, and if you do, they’ll say, “Oh, it’s a jukebox show.” I hear what they’re saying. But I think it’s a bit of a cheat, because the people who come to our shows have spent a lot of money. We can afford to go to a couple of shows and it doesn’t make much difference. But a lot of ordinary working folks … it’s a big event in their life, and so I try and deliver. I also, like you say, try and put in a few weirdos.

McCartney: Was this “I want to give you a child”? Is that one of the lines?

Swift: Oh, that’s a song called “Peace.”

McCartney: “Peace,” I like that one.

McCartney: So how does that go? Does your partner sympathize with that and understand?

Swift: Oh, absolutely.

McCartney: They have to, don’t they?

Swift: But I think that in knowing him and being in the relationship I am in now, I have definitely made decisions that have made my life feel more like a real life and less like just a storyline to be commented on in tabloids. Whether that’s deciding where to live, who to hang out with, when to not take a picture — the idea of privacy feels so strange to try to explain, but it’s really just trying to find bits of normalcy. That’s what that song “Peace” is talking about. Like, would it be enough if I could never fully achieve the normalcy that we both crave? Stella always tells me that she had as normal a childhood as she could ever hope for under the circumstances.

McCartney: Yeah, it was very important to us to try and keep their feet on the ground amongst the craziness.

Swift: She went to a regular school .…

McCartney: Yeah, she did.

Swift: And you would go trick-or-treating with them, wearing masks.

Swift: Ohhh!

Swift: Cares about that stuff?

Swift: I think that sounds like a perfect day.

Swift: That can’t happen in Downton Abbey.

McCartney: [Laughs.] Exactly.

McCartney: It was a bit of both. As it kind of always is with me. There’s no fixed way. People used to ask me and John, “Well, who does the words, who does the music?” I used to say, “We both do both.” We used to say we don’t have a formula, and we don’t want one. Because the minute we get a formula, we should rip it up. I will sometimes, as I did with a couple of songs on this album, sit down at the piano and just start noodling around, and I’ll get a little idea and start to fill that out. So the lyrics — for me, it’s following a trail. I’ll start [sings “Find My Way,” a song from “McCartney III”]: “I can find my way. I know my left from right, da da da.” And I’ll just sort of fill it in. Like, we know this song, and I’m trying to remember the lyrics. Sometimes I’ll just be inspired by something. I had a little book which was all about the constellations and the stars and the orbits of Venus and.…

Swift: Oh, I know that song — “The Kiss of Venus”?

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: It’s very magical.

Swift: That is magical. I definitely relate to needing to find magical things in this very not-magical time, needing to read more books and learn to sew, and watch movies that take place hundreds of years ago. In a time where, if you look at the news, you just want to have a panic attack — I really relate to the idea that you are thinking about stars and constellations.

McCartney: Did you do that on Folklore?

Swift: Yes. I was reading so much more than I ever did, and watching so many more films.

McCartney: What stuff were you reading?

Swift: I was reading, you know, books like Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier, which I highly recommend, and books that dealt with times past, a world that doesn’t exist anymore. I was also using words I always wanted to use — kind of bigger, flowerier, prettier words, like “epiphany,” in songs. I always thought, “Well, that’ll never track on pop radio,” but when I was making this record, I thought, “What tracks? Nothing makes sense anymore. If there’s chaos everywhere, why don’t I just use the damn word I want to use in the song?”

McCartney: Exactly. So you’d see the word in a book and think, “I love that word”?

Swift: Yeah, I have favorite words, like “elegies” and “epiphany” and “divorcée,” and just words that I think sound beautiful, and I have lists and lists of them.

McCartney: How about “marzipan”?

Swift: Love “marzipan.”

McCartney: The other day, I was remembering when we wrote “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”: “kaleidoscope.”

Swift: “Kaleidoscope” is one of mine! I have a song on 1989, a song called “Welcome to New York,” that I put the word “kaleidoscope” in just because I’m obsessed with the word.

Swift: We should have done matching jackets for this photo shoot.

McCartney: Find me a fleck, I’m in. But we went to the fair, and I just remember — this is what happens with songs — there was this girl at the fair. This is just a little Liverpool fair — it was in a place called Sefton Park — and there was this girl, who was so beautiful. She wasn’t a star. She was so beautiful. Everyone was following her, and it’s like, “Wow.” It’s like a magical scene, you know? But all this gave me a headache, so I ended up going back to his house — I didn’t normally get headaches. And we thought, “What can we do?” So we put on the Elvis song “All Shook Up.” By the end of that song, my headache had gone. I thought, you know, “That’s powerful.”

Swift: That really is powerful.

McCartney: What, a “cardigan”?

Swift: Like a good cardigan, a good, worn-in cardigan. Or something that makes you reminisce on your childhood. I think sadness can be cozy. It can obviously be traumatic and stressful, too, but I kind of was trying to lean into sadness that feels like somehow enveloping in not such a scary way — like nostalgia and whimsy incorporated into a feeling like you’re not all right. Because I don’t think anybody was really feeling like they were in their prime this year. Isolation can mean escaping into your imagination in a way that’s kind of nice.

Swift: Get a hammer and a nail.

McCartney: “Maybe I can put that picture up.” It’s not rocket science. The period after the Beatles, when we went to live in Scotland on a really — talk about dumpy — little farm. I mean, I see pictures of it now and I’m not ashamed, but I’m almost ashamed. Because it’s like, “God, nobody’s cleaned up around here.”

But it was really a relief. Because when I was with the Beatles, we’d formed Apple Records, and if I wanted a Christmas tree, someone would just buy it. And I thought, after a while, “No, you know what? I really would like to go and buy our Christmas tree. Because that’s what everyone does.” So you go down — “I’ll have that one” — and you carried it back. I mean, it’s little, but it’s huge at the same time.

I needed a table in Scotland and I was looking through a catalog and I thought, “I could make one. I did woodwork in school, so I know what a dovetail joint is.” So I just figured it out. I’m just sitting in the kitchen, and I’m whittling away at this wood and I made this little joint. There was no nail technology — it was glue. And I was scared to put it together. I said, “It’s not going to fit,” but one day, I got my woodwork glue and thought, “There’s no going back.” But it turned out to be a real nice little table I was very proud of. It was that sense of achievement.

Swift: No, it’s cool!

McCartney: But it was a real sort of great thing for me to be able to do stuff for yourself. You were talking about sewing. I mean normally, in your position, you’ve got any amount of tailors.

Swift: Well, there’s been a bit of a baby boom recently; several of my friends have gotten pregnant.

McCartney: Oh, yeah, you’re at the age.

McCartney: What do you paint? Watercolors?

Swift: Acrylic or oil. Whenever I do watercolor, all I paint is flowers. When I have oil, I really like to do landscapes. I always kind of return to painting a lonely little cottage on a hill.

McCartney: She’s a fantasy character?

Swift: She’s a real person. Who lived in the house that I live in.

McCartney: She’s a real person? I listened to that and I thought, “Who is this?”

McCartney: Yeah, ’cause you were writing breakup songs like they were going out of style.

Swift: That’s amazing.

McCartney: It just felt good to me. I would sit and talk, and they’d have amazing stories. That’s what I liked. They would have stories from the wartime — because I was born actually in the war — and so these old ladies, they were participating in the war. This one lady I used to sort of just hang out with, she had a crystal radio that I found very magical. In the war, a lot of people made their own radios — you’d make them out of crystals [sings “The Twilight Zone” theme].

Swift: How did I not know this? That sounds like something I would have tried to learn about.

McCartney: It’s interesting, because there is a lot of parallels with the virus and lockdowns and wartime. It happened to everyone. Like, this isn’t HIV, or SARS, or Avian flu, which happened to others, generally. This has happened to everyone, all around the world. That’s the defining thing about this particular virus. And, you know, my parents … it happened to everyone in Britain, including the queen and Churchill. War happened. So they were all part of this thing, and they all had to figure out a way through it. So you figured out Folklore. I figured out McCartney III.

Swift: And a lot of people have been baking sourdough bread. Whatever gets you through!

McCartney: Some people used to make radios. And they’d take a crystal — we should look it up, but it actually is a crystal. I thought, “Oh, no, they just called it a crystal radio,” but it’s actually crystals like we know and love.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: And somehow they get the radio waves — this crystal attracts them — they tune it in, and that’s how they used to get their news. Back to “Eleanor Rigby,” so I would think of her and think of what she’s doing and then just try to get lyrical, just try to bring poetry into it, words you love, just try to get images like “picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been,” and Father McKenzie “is darning his socks in the night.” You know, he’s a religious man, so I could’ve said, you know, “preparing his Bible,” which would have been more obvious. But “darning his socks” kind of says more about him. So you get into this lovely fantasy. And that’s the magic of songs, you know. It’s a black hole, and then you start doing this process, and then there’s this beautiful little flower that you’ve just made. So it is very like embroidery, making something.

Swift: Making a table.

McCartney: Making a table.

Swift: Wow, it would’ve been so fun to play Glastonbury for the 50th anniversary together.

McCartney: It would’ve been great, wouldn’t it? And I was going to be asking you to play with me.

Swift: Were you going to invite me? I was hoping that you would. I was going to ask you.

McCartney: I would’ve done “Shake It Off.”

Swift: Oh, my God, that would have been amazing.

McCartney: I know it, it’s in C!

McCartney: Well, we’re just so lucky, aren’t we?

Swift: We’re really lucky.

McCartney: I don’t know if it ever happens to you, but with me, it’s like, “Oh, my god, I’ve ended up as a musician.”

Swift: Yeah, I can’t believe it’s my job.

Swift: “Something will happen.”

Swift: That’s the best.

McCartney: It’s so stupid it’s brilliant. It’s great if you’re ever in that sort of panic attack: “Oh, my God,” or, “Ahhh, what am I going to do?”

Swift: “Something will happen.”

McCartney: All right then, thanks for doing this, and this was, you know, a lot of fun.

Swift: You’re the best. This was so awesome. Those were some quality stories!

#paul mccartney #old paul #taylor swift #*m #💖#grandpaul #silver stubble #(aahh king)#(I LOVE HIM SO MUCH F*CK OFF EVERYONE)#(the thumbs lads. its always about the thumbs)

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