#in a world all my own: solo para

[sgiandubh]

Anon rebelde.

¿ En serio alguien pensaba que al finalizar el rodaje esto iba a ser pasto del aburrimiento ?

La promoción de NY no necesita más conversación, la interacción entre Sam y Cait habla por si sola por mucho que Mordor se empeñe en echar balones fuera pero llega el ultimo día de rodaje y firman que aquí acaba todo, cada uno por su lado, después de todo su relación solo se basa en el trabajo pero ¡¡¡¡¡ SORPRESA !!!!! Sam tiene un acto marcado con la etiqueta de negocio y su compañera de trabajo, después de un día de muchas emociones que pide calma y relax, aparece en el. Vamos a pensar que como ella también está en el negocio del alcohol va para tomar nota pero ¿ donde esta su "socio" en el ? La aparición de Cait en la fiesta del primer aniversario de Thegardensheddrinksco acompañada de su "socio" caballero con claros signos de pasar mucho frío a pesar de los looks más veraniegos del resto de asistentes, levantó una buena polvadera por qué era normal que asistieran juntos, entonces ¿ Porque el no asiste a este si todo está relacionado con el negocio del alcohol ?

Dear (returning) Anon Rebelde,

Gracias por los excelentes comentarios que haces aquí. Siempre es Navidad cuando envías algo, así que me apresuro a traducirlo:

'Did anyone really think that the end of filming was going to be boring?

The NY promotion doesn't need any more discussions, the interaction between Sam and Cait speaks for itself no matter how much Mordor insists with the blaming game, but the last day of filming arrives and they are adamant that this is where it all ends, each one on their own, after all their relationship is only based on work. But SURPRISE!!!!! Sam has a business event and his coworker shows up there, after a day of many emotions that requires calm and relaxation. Therefore, we could think that since she's also in the alcohol business she showed up to make some contacts, but where's her "partner"? Cait's appearance at The Garden Shed Drinks Co's first anniversary party, accompanied by her gentleman "partner" with clear signs of being very cold, despite the more summery looks of the rest of the attendees, raised quite a stir because it was normal for them to attend together. So why didn't he attend this one if everything is related to alcohol business?'

And just like this, boom! A lightbulb moment, here.

This. This is the million-dollar question: 'why didn't he attend this one if everything is related to alcohol business?'

Exactly. Where is the Director/Secretary/Director of several British and Irish companies, either in-common or separately owned, dealing with alcohol or pubs (LOOOOL)?

The answer is in those damn papers, of course. But there are none so blind than those who wouldn't see.

So, let me sum up the reasoning panic attack across the street:

Stage 1: filming just ended. She will go back to the Glasgow Taj Mahal with no double glazed windows and that's it. He will endlessly get drunk in some random sleazy bar with or without that incompetent saleswoman. They hate each other. So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu. And oh - he is, of course, gay.

Stage 2: ugh, another booze related event in Glasgow, featuring S and his permanent shilling, I am not giving this the light of day. Perhaps nobody will notice?

Stage 3: Queen C would never attend that sordid event, especially when the Peasant is shilling his booze. Nope. Over her dead body.

Stage 4: 🚨🚨🚨there was a woman in that car 🚨🚨. I repeat: 🚨🚨🚨there was a woman in that car 🚨🚨🚨. We know who she is [insert random name here], oh my (pearls sway), he has no shame!!!

Stage 5: there was no woman in that car.

Stage 6: there was a woman in that car, but I am going to fix myself some hot cocoa and fuck you all. In my world, the Eiffel Tower can be a Twinkie. Or the other way round.

Stage 7: confirmation that C attended the event. I have been called out for hiding things. I am, therefore, a victim. I am starting the drama, full cycle. Divert, divert, divert attention. Engage!

Stage 8: this was an OL-related event. The second wrap-up party. No, this was a common friend's birthday. No, this was... ok, this was an after work thing. Nooooo....

Stage 9: there has been an, as yet unexplained, shortage of babysitters in Glasgow on Friday October 25th, 2024. Fathers babysit. That is modern enough and hopefully that avoids more inconvenient questions. Right?

Stage 10: let's quickly post something about irrelevant social media statistics. No, nope, no, I am not unsettled by anything. Nope.

Stage 11: nobody brought his/her better half. Fact.

Stage 12: they are co-workers.

Stage 13: everything happened because of the Shippers.

[dailytomlinson]

Louis Tomlinson, two passions and one direction: “I absolutely love football, but for me nothing comes close to music”

The former One Direction will perform in Chile on May 24 at the Bicentenario Stadium in La Florida with his “Faith in the Future” tour. We spoke exclusively with the British star who went from being a teenage pop idol to a professional footballer, and finally to consolidating his own more mature and rock sound. This is the successful present of the artist who loves to sing as much as he loves

In 2022, Louis Tomlinson set foot in Chile for the first time alone to present his debut album “Walls” . A bet that exceeded any expectations, since the madness was such that the British, that the former One Direction filled the Movistar Arena three times

But that was not all, his fans had prepared a surprise for him that, as he confessed to La Cuarta , gave him “goosebumps . ” During the chorus of the song “Kill my mind” , the young women organized themselves to coordinately move the lights of their cell phones, creating a kind of hypnotizing wave, leaving the singer and his team speechless, so much so that the moment was recorded in their documentary “ “All of Those Voices . ” Furthermore, the photo of one of those concerts was nothing more and nothing less than the poster.

But the music that makes him vibrate so much was not always his first choice in life. In 2013, just when One Direction's world tour was announced, which brought them to Chile with two concerts at the National Stadium , Louis signed a contract with the League Two team Doncaster Rovers , and only in 2017, two years after the group took an indefinite break, he was able to debut as a substitute in a match witnessed by more than five thousand fans.

INTERVIEW UNDER CUT:

“It is truly an honor to be at the club where I spent most of my childhood,” he wrote on his Twitter account at the time. However, the kid's dream was stagnant when in 2020 and in the middle of the pandemic, he decided to go solo, all of his former bandmates had done it, it was his time.

Thus, Louis - who recognized us as being nostalgic, familiar and interested in psychology - became one of the most important artists of his generation, adding milestones such as one billion streams on Spotify , numerous awards and being in the Guinness World book. Records for breaking the record for the most-watched livestreamed concert by a male soloist.

“I FEEL VERY GRATEFUL TO HAVE THAT LOVE HERE”

On the day of the interview with the pop newspaper , we arrived at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel where the performer spent two days after a successful presentation at Tecate Pa'l Norte 2024 in Mexico, and a promotional tour of Brazil. Despite his fatigue, he maintained a good attitude with the press, but mainly with his fans gathered outside the venue, who shouted his name from time to time.

Being in front of a pop idol who has spent half his life on tour, in conferences and with a handful of iconic songs that marked more than one generation, is truly intimidating, but Louis makes anyone lower their guard because he welcomes you. as if he were your friend. Wearing a pair of relaxed jeans, a black t-shirt and matching sneakers, he smiles and greets friendly, he is surrounded by people who make up his team, overwhelming, but it is his natural environment; and thus begins a dialogue with La Cuarta about his two passions.

Louis, you return to Chile in May after filling three arenas on your last visit, something historic! What will it be like to return with such a powerful precedent?

I feel like my Spanish is coming back! I almost knew what you were asking (laughs). I'm very excited, I feel very lucky to be able to perform in a venue that size on my... well, technically my second solo tour. I feel very grateful to have that love and passion here. Mainly I feel very excited for these shows.

- In several of your songs on “Faith in the future”, you talk about nostalgia, changes and the passage of time. Are these themes that you think about frequently or do they only arise when composing?

Yes, I would say I'm a bit of a deep thinker, I think it helps me as a songwriter, but I also think nostalgia is a great thing to write about, it's a great thing to feel about as a listener and also to write about as a songwriter. And I'm also interested in psychology, so anything that makes the brain feel a certain way, I think is interesting.

- What would the 32-year-old Louis, with a second successful album under his arm and a new tour, say to the teenager who applied for The X Factor in 2010?

I would insist that he should do it. I think there's definitely an element, in every young person in that situation, there's something very scary that makes you want to go. But I would also tell him, what I have learned the most, to trust his instincts, trust that feeling and be brave to make decisions, the right decisions for yourself.

- Among those decisions is being the last member of 1D to go solo, and today we are here with “Faith in the future” which has a sound that is 100% yours. Looking back, how do you see the path you have traveled?

I feel very comfortable. The mindset I have now feels very different than when I started this journey as a solo artist. I feel very blessed to be able to continue making music. But it's also a very nice feeling and it's something very new for me to feel so comfortable on stage and so comfortable when I'm making the music I want to make. Overall, yes, I am very happy.

-Louis, I imagine there must have been a moment in your career when you said, wow, I did it!

You know, I used to resist that idea, because for some reason, I don't know, I never wanted to give myself that. But I've had it, I've started trying to have those moments for myself. It often happens during concerts, it can be something that fans did together, like entertaining fan projects. But also, even when I played the festival now in Mexico, that was one of those moments. I was a little nervous going out and the crowd was so big, people looked like they were having a good time. So yeah, it was amazing.

- Now that you mentioned the fan project, when you came to Chile your followers prepared one for the song “Kill my mind” that was beautiful, how did you experience it from the stage?

I had no idea what was going to happen! I know that fans often do fan projects, in a way to do something entertaining for me and something unique in each show, but I didn't know what to expect. And to be honest, I remember getting goosebumps, it was an incredible show. And, again, always in these concerts, and especially in Latin America, there are not ten people, everyone in the venue is participating! It's a very euphoric thing to see from the stage for me.

- Changing the subject, football is one of your passions, what place does it occupy in your life today?

I would say that definitely, before I was in the band, nothing came close in my life, football was everything to me, now music is. I absolutely love football, but for me nothing comes close to music. Obviously it's my job, that's important, but as a fan, I'm speaking more like a fan, I probably don't watch enough football these days, I'm usually busy, but I catch up on the highlights. ). It's still a big part of my life, especially when England plays. I'm excited for the upcoming Euro Cup, we're going to win it!

- Of course! You are the fathers of football. Finally, what makes you most happy today?

Family, definitely, family and friends. And specifically in my work world, it's live concerts, that gives me amazing feelings.

Louis Tomlinson will perform at the Estadio Bicentenario La Florida on May 24. General ticket sales are available through Ticketmaster.cl

[lledron]

Allou AlbertxLouis o LouisxAlbert

Fics that I will work on in my universe Allou AlbertxLouis or LouisxAlbert.

Evil Albert x Louis: Another Life

“Many years ago, actions of people changed the course of this country forever. And though I've tried to forget it, sometimes I'm filled with deep desire and fear and longing. I am the one who loves the master of crime, James Moriarty. And maybe when I put all this in writing, I'll finally forget it."

Female AlbertxLouis // The Countess

Prisoner in her own home like Erzsébet Báthory herself, Victoria, last countess of the Moriartys, reflects on love, death and Louis.

Female Louis x Albert // Demons in the house: Albert looked at the child in Louise's arms. Green eyes like his He could never be Lukas's father, before the world he would only be his uncle.

AlbertxLouis AU Modern:And I'll Cook You Cremme Brule

When Louis accidentally stabbed him, Albert realized he was going to have to use other methods to get close to him, preferably without looking like a stalker.

LouisxAlbert Canon: Ghosts in the house.

He hugged him to know that he was real.

Fics en que trabajaré en mi universo Allou AlbertxLouis o LouisxAlbert.

Evil Albert x Louis

“ Hace muchos años, acciones de personas cambiaron el curso de este país para siempre. Y aunque he tratado de olvidarlo, a veces me llena un profundo deseo, miedo y anhelo. Yo soy quien amo al amo del crimen, a James Moriarty. Y quizás cuando ponga todo esto por escrito, lo olvidaré por fin”

Female AlbertxLouis

La Condesa

Resumen: Prisionera en su propia casa como la propia Erzsébet Báthory, Victoria, última condesa de los Moriarty, reflexiona sobre amor, muerte y Louis.

Female Louis x Albert 

Demonios en la casa: Albert miro al niño en los brazos de Louise. Ojos verdes como los suyos.Nunca podría ser el padre de Lukas, ante el mundo solo sería su tío.

AlbertxLouis AU Moderno: 

Cuando Louis lo acuchilló sin querer, Albert se dio cuenta de que iba a tener que usar otros métodos para acercarse a él, de preferencia, sin parecer un acosador.

LouisxAlbert Canon: Fantasmas en la casa. 

Lo abrazo para saber que era real.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Most-Listened of December 2023

(via stats.fm/spotistats)

This was finals month, and a particularly rough set of finals, too. But I always tend to enjoy music as a whole more in December, as everyone takes time to appreciate their favorite songs of the year! So, though there weren't a whole lot of new releases, this was a great listening month for me, hence all the five-star songs :)

[last month]

1. The Very First Night -- Taylor Swift

This is an exuberantly painful song--just how happy Taylor Swift sounds, as she dreams of the impossible, breaks my heart and then brings me back for yet another listen.

2. Elevarte Caer -- Xoel López, Repion

This song is so powerful, hit after hit after hit of melody. The headbanging goes WILD whenever this one comes on.

3. Pierre -- Ryn Weaver

Soundtrack to my (requisite) finals breakdown, and WOW is it catchy. The bittersweet feeling chokes me up every single listen!

4. Closer -- The Chainsmokers, Halsey

Of all the songs Todd in the Shadows has featured on his yearly best lists, I don't know why THIS is the one that has made my own monthly list twice. But here we are!

5. Like I Can -- Sam Smith

Sam Smith angst is something special. I still like "Stay With Me" more, but "Like I Can" has the bite I needed this month.

6. Lean On -- Bely Basarte

I got really sick around Christmas, and Bely Basarte's soft covers of songs from my childhood helped comfort me through it :)

7. Numb Little Bug -- Em Beihold

Thanks @embroselu for the rec! When the instrumental go CRASH I go SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (the texture is fantastic we love it)

8. Blame Brett -- The Beaches

This one is so much fun!! It brings pop euphoria to rock music just as excellently as my favorite Yena tracks!

9. Favorite Crime -- Olivia Rodrigo

Yeah, none of the GUTS ballads have managed to match this one, or "1 step forward, 3 steps back", for me.

10. Temporary Fix -- Dirty Blond

This is exactly what winter gloom feels like.

11. Una Sonrisa -- Repion

I've taken this on as sort of personal theme song, I love it so much!! AL FINAL, TE CANTARÉ, PARA SI SENTIRME BIEN &lt;3 AL FINAL, TE CANTARÉ, PORQUE ME HACE BIEN A MIIIIIIIIIII PORQUE ME HACE BIEN A MIIIIIIIIIIIIIII <3

12. Royal -- IVE

This song is fine, I don't mind it! I left it on repeat while speedrunning a final essay, and apparently that was enough repeats to get it on this list--I don't think I've listened to it in any other context.

13. Heavy Lashes -- Ichiko Aoba

Accidentally clicked on this while looking for "Heavy" by Linkin Park & Kiiara--no regrets! It's mysterious but also tender, a ballad that's full of surprises. One listen, and I knew it was going to be on the five-star songs list.

14. Piklu's Vacation Dream -- Abeer Khandker

Every list needs a random meme song! Thanks to Pinely on YouTube for bringing this song into my world <3

15. All-American Bitch -- Olivia Rodrigo

Me when Olivia Rodrigo lyrics...

Five-Star Songs This Month:

BIBI Vengeance -- Bibi (i didn't realize how great this one is until it showed up on my spotify wrapped top 100 this year. bibi & the song work SO well together, it's captivating!! and there has to be something in that chorus, because its shock value still hasn't worn off)

Bruise -- Jo Yuri (this was overshadowed by the other songs on the album, but i fell hard for its delicate atmosphere this month. jo yuri's vocals on love all really are something else!!)

Call My Name -- Sunmi (yet another flawless sunmi bside. i really hope she releases another mini album--or an album, if we're lucky--soon!)

Elevarte Caer -- Xoel López, Repion

Heavy Lashes -- Ichiko Aoba

Peach Blossom -- Yuju, sokodomo (another song i underestimated earlier in the year. i'm so glad yuju's solo songs have been centering her vocals so heavily, moving away from gfriend's dramatic, showy instrumentals--she really can carry a song, and i'm so glad for the chance to appreciate her singing more!)

[louiscassettes]

lucky again interpretation

even though life is too busy at the moment, i wanted to post my interpretation of lucky again because im absolutely obsessed with this song right now and i need to get it out.

overall, to me this song feels like him talking to his younger self, specifically when he was in 1D, how he lost himself but worked towards finding himself and is now back to his true self again.

1st verse: "you give and give until it's gone away, just tell yourself you've got another day" - he starts off with these lines as an allusion to how he presumably gave the most of himself to the band, writing those many songs by pouring out all his emotions till he might've felt emotionally drained but telling himself he has another day to catch his breath, to get a break.

"you've lived that life, you just don't see it yet, i see how hard you've worked to be yourself" - current louis telling his younger self that he has lived that superstar life and did the insane level of hard work that superstars do but it might be difficult to see then as it all felt very surreal being in the band and being thrust to this level of fame so fast.

pre chorus: "if you believe a guy is Superman, they're selling tickets at the cinema, whatever gets you through the darkest night, just find the light out in the madness, hold tight" - fav lyrics from the song!! but also, this para sort of stumps me a little. from i could gather, it looks younger louis might've believed some guy is the "saviour" (like how superheroes are supposed to be saving people), so he tries to go see him. but maybe he was wrong (note the use of 'if' and 'whatever', used as a tone of dismissal to that previous belief of the guy being some sort of a true helping hand). or i feel it could also be about how louis likes/d marvel/dc and this para could be referring to how it was so mad being in the band, he found someone who he thought of as superman in his head, just to ground him, even though he probably knew it wasn't true. but he needed that false belief to hold on and get himself through the darkest nights of madness.

chorus: "'cause I'm a hard man to lose, but i figured it out, then made my way back to a life I would choose, we werе lucky once, i could be lucky again" - this feels about how he lost sight of himself as an artist after 1D which was hard for him as up until then he probably had a sense of identity regarding everything he did including songwriting in 1D and leading 1D. louis has also mentioned similar sentiments in many interviews after the 1D hiatus and during walls release. he then goes on tell his younger self that he figured out how to come back to the life he wants (to make the kind of music he wants to, go on tour, play the venues that he wants to, sing his own songs to his fans). he is also telling his younger self that they (current and younger louis) were lucky to have had the opportunity of being in 1D (and thus hard launching his career) but he could also be lucky again (with his solo career to have a similar amount of love from fans). the last line of the chorus makes me sob.

2nd verse: "beforе the world, it got so serious; before the time, it got away from us i'll meet you at the favourite subway stop; we grab some food, then meet the lads for one" - his world got serious as he went from being a high school student in a small town to being in the biggest boy band of the decade. louis felt the time getting away from him, slipping through his fingers as he grew up in the haze of being in the public eye (he has similar themes of being afraid of growing up, of change in other songs and interviews). current louis wants to meet the louis he was (before all of the above happened) at his favourite subway stop to just grab some food, take a breath, and probably meet his childhood buddies for one beer (ties in to how he references pubs and night out with his lads in other songs). (the subway stop might have been a hangout spot with his friends and could have a lot of fun pre-fame memories attached, hence "favourite").

"i'm a hard man to find, but you figured it out and I love you for that look back on a time; i was lucky once, i could be lucky again" - the final two lines are almost identical to the lines in the chorus, but with some changes. current louis seems to assure his younger self that was lost that he figured it out and found himself, for which he loves him (himself?). for me, the last line further solidifies this theory of current and past louis for me as he says "look back on a time" = 1D; AND he finally changes the "WE" to "I" in the line "i was lucky once" as throughout the song it seems to progress through his career. like he started from 1D in verse 1 by giving it all, to feeling lost after the band in verse 2 to reaching this stage where his current and past selves meet. i sort of imagine past him walking through the stages of his life and merging with his current self as a form of self acceptance and acknowledgement of everything he has lived through. and lastly, now that the two are one, he refers to himself, current or past, as just "I" (instead of "we"), saying that since he was lucky once, he could be lucky again.

also, his soft voice in the whole song could be how he is talking gently to his past self who current louis knows how lost he is feeling.

anyways, this was soooo long but yeah. love fitf so much and i literally cannot stop playing ever since it came out!!

[harleiquina]

Not me writing a post just because I saw @wilwheaton 's Spotify Wrapped on Instagram and thought "I can show him some new dark/gothic bands" (Links to the playlists in the band's names. Some of Soda Stereo's songs are translated in my main blog @illegalbilingual #Soda Stereo and #Gustavo Cerati)

So let us begin with my country (Argentina)

Soda Stereo basically our The Police with some The Cure and Bowie mixed in (among others that either I don't recognize or don't remember now). Featuring in this playlist:

-Cae el Sol (Sun's down)-En la ciudad de la furia (In the City of Fury) - Lo que sangra (La cúpula) (What bleeds (The Dome)) - Hombre al agua (Man overboard - I translated it as "Man on water" because I'm dumb) - En el borde (On the Edge)- El ritmo de tus ojos (The Rythm of your eyes)- (En) el Séptimo Día ((On) the Seventh Day)- Tele-ka - Corazón delator (Telltale heart)- De música ligera (Of light music)- Cuando pase el temblor (Once the tremor passes by) - Zoom - Juegos de Seducción (Games of Seduction) - Ella usó mi cabeza como un révolver (She used my head like a revolver)- Entre caníbales (Among canibals).

And if you liked Soda, you should listen to Gustavo Cerati's solo career. Sadly he passed away in 2014 after being in coma for 4 years due to a stroke that wasn't properly diagnosed while on tour. In this list:

Te llevo para que me lleves (I'm taking you so you take me (away))- Rapto (Rapture) - Dejà Vu - Tracción a sangre (Blood traction)- Karaoke - Puente (Bridge) - Crimen (Crime) - Adiós (Goodbye)- La Excepción (The Exception) - Corazón delator (sinfónico) (Telltale heart, simphonic version) - Cosas imposibles (Impossible things)- Paseo inmoral (Immoral walk)

Now... let's go to Russia. Yeah, I know not cool overall but I started to learn the language in 2018 so I'm not quitting now and I try to find artists that oppose everything P*tin stands for so...

Агата Кристи (Agatha Christie). The first time I listened to them I associated them with The Cure and Tears for Fears. Vadim is now a P*tin fan but Gleb (the one that wrote about 80% of their catalogue) is not. In this playlist you'll find:

Как на войне (Like in a war)- Сказочная Тайга (Taiga of fables) - Опиум для никого (Opium for nobody -this song just got banned in Russia) - В интересах революции (In interest of the Revolution) - В такси (In a taxi)- Садо-мазо (Sado-maso)- Абордаж (Boarding) - Гномы каннибали (Canibal gnomes)- Трансильвания (Transylvania)- Декаданс (Decadence)- Пуля (Bullet) - Триллер (Thriller) - Грязь (Dirt) - Кто украл мою звезду (Who stole my star?) - Весёлый мир (Happy world) - Последнее желание (Last wish)‐ Ураган (Hurricane)

Gleb started his own band called The Matrixx (at first known as Глеб Самойлоff + The Matrixx) where he got to do and write whatever he wanted. He experiments a lot. The first few albums are dark -kinda like Marilyn Manson- and very political. The rest are more about stories mixed with lots of techno. In this playlist you'll find:

Сердце и Печень (Heart and liver) - Такой день (That day)- Живые но мёртвые (Alive but dead) - Добрая песня (ft. Линда) (The Kind song -ft. Linda-) - Резня (Massacre) - Любить снова (Love again) - В дверь стучат (Knock on the door)- Москва-река (Moscow river) - Никто не выжил (Nobody survived) - Опасность (Danger)- Мы под огнём (We are under fire)- 13 - Романтика (Romance) - Готика (Gothic) - Звезда (Star) - Умереть за любовь (To die of love)- Синие цветы (Blue flowers) - С.Н (S.N)

Now let me introduce you to Король и Шут (The King and the Jester) a punk-rock band that mixed in some russian folckloric sounds and rock. All the lyrics have some magical/horror twist somewhere. Sadly one of the singers Mihail Gorshenov died in 2013. The other singer Andrey Kniazyev has his own band called Княzz (Prince) but I didn't listen much of it since I feel like something's missing also the last formation of the band renamed themselves Северный флот (Siberian flot after one of the songs) and still play some old songs and new ones. In this list you'll find:

Кукла колдуна (The sorcerer's doll) - Лесник (The Forrest ranger)- Прыгну со скалы (I'll jump off a cliff) - Танец злобного гения (The dance of the evil genie) - Камнем по голове (A stone in the head) - Прокляиый старый дом (The old cursed house)- Хозяин леса (The Forrest's Master)- Ром (Rum) - Ели мясо мужики (The men ate meat)- Мёртвый анархист (The dead anarquist)- Марионетки (Puppets) - Мест Гарри (Harry's revenge) - Джокер (Joker) - Тяни! (Pull!)- Сапоги мертвеца (Dead man's boots) - Валет и Дама (Jack and Queen)- Фокусник (Magician) - Король вечного сна (The King of Eternal Sleep. This reminds me A LOT to Sandman. Translation)- Вестник (Herald)- Дагон (Dagon)- В Париж -домой... (In Paris, home).

Honorable mentions:

Линда - Вороно (Linda - Crow) the videoclip is the weirdest thing ever. I love it.

Super Collection Orchestra - Сильнее (Stronger) from the movie Major Grom: The Plague Doctor -highly recommended-

Лето - Summer

Anzhela Vopit

Толко мной (Just -with- me)

Девочка Roketa (Rocket girl)

Мало (A little)

Голова муэссы (Head of Muessy)

Neon

[groennuuk]

Teoría de la percepción cuántica, por Margarita García Alonso

Perception and quantum trip. Theory and study, by Margarita García ALONSOTeoría de la percepción cuántica. Teoría y estudio, by Margarita García Alonso I -II -III –IV-V Teoría de la percepción cuántica. Teoría y estudio, by Margarita García Alonso I -II -III –IV-V Es difícil llegar al “ Yo”, o “Ser interior” porque somos tridimensionales y, sin embargo, nos vemos en un plano único, lo cual impide la integralidad del individuo. El todo corporal posee zonas oscuras e inabordables. La percepción del cuerpo es errada, lo cual encierra al cerebro en un plano lineal, que repercute en su forma de constatar el Espacio y el Tiempo. Si usted conduce un cuerpo que no conoce, no tiene viabilidad, no se abre el camino cuántico. Unificar los diferentes planos – noción física del cuerpo -de frente, espalda, costado, superior e inferior, interior, como en una holografía suspendida; - y mentales –los principios rudimentarios actuales, llamados científicos, son un freno - proyectará - al exterior- el ser interior de' luz que traspasa espacios y tiempos. En el desarrollo de mi teoría, comprobé que las “realidades” o “mundos paralelos” existen al unísono, dentro del Hombre así como las nociones espiritualidad y/o Dioses, o no creencia en su existencia - y solo un forzado trabajo de búsqueda obliga al cerebro a desplazar los puntos de vista y a vivir la experiencia cuántica. Con internet, el cerebro cambia a la forma tridimensional. Este conocimiento aportará libertad al Hombre, su energía -que es la que puede viajar- no está sometida. En teoría hallé un simple procedimiento para experimentar la percepción cu��ntica: Unir los planos humanos: manos, corazón y cerebro- actuar según cómo se piensa y siente y luego restablecer la apreciación de los planos corporales. Tener consciencia de estos planos diferentes es el paso previo para realizar / entender “viajes” cuánticos. Mi teoría o estudio de la percepción cuántica se apoya en estas creaciones gráficas. Perception and quantum trip. Theory and study, by Margarita García Alonso It is difficult, hard to get to his «The Self », or «Innerself »-"I"-, because we are three-dimensional and yet, we are in a single plane, which prevents the integrity of the individual. The body has all dark and unapproachable areas. Body perception is wrong, which encloses the brain in a linear plane, which affects their way of verifying the Space and Time. If you don't know your own body then it won't be able to open itself to the quantic world. Unify the different levels - physical notion of body-from front, back, side, top and bottom, inside, like a hanging ; - and mental-the rudimentary principles holography current, called scientists, are an obstacle - will project - the outside-the be inside 'light that crosses space and time. If you don't know your own body then it won't be able to open itself to the quantic world In developing my theory, I found that the "realities" or "parallel worlds" exist together within the Man and the notions spirituality and / or gods, or no belief in its existence - and only forced labor search obliges the brain to move the views and quantum living experience. With the internet, the brain switches to the three-dimensional shape. This knowledge will bring freedom to man, his energy, which is what can trip- is not subject. In theory I found a simple procedure to undergo quantum perception: Uniting human planes: hands and heart brain act according to how they think and feel and then reset the appreciation of body shots. Be aware of these different levels is the first step to realize / understand quantum "travel". My theory or study of quantum perception is supported by these graphic creations. Quantum perception I Theory Quantum perception II Study Quantum perception III Study - Body reunification Quantum perception IV Study- Inner self, be energetic Quantum Trip V Study

[bnavmo]

fantasy world

"i don't belong in the world"

it's a thought i try to ignore

like a never-ending encore

that my inner demons adore

life is ruthlessly abusive

goal chasing feels elusive

these voices are intrusive

they're why i'm seclusive

these drugs are slowly killing me

but they're the ones keeping me (here)

cos a new day means a new fight

when there ain't much light (here)

i'm on fire, but still looking wet

so composed, so out of breath

all these memories in my head

miss your body here in my bed

let's paint the sky, make it red

you're the crystal to my meth

now missing my own breath

fantasizing about my death

if you knew, then you'd forget

everything that was ever said

you'd see blood and sweat

cos i like to play, play dead

at the core of my vulnerability

i had to shut down emotionally

despite all the unpredictability

i was forced to think rationally

when did i get so cold?

i was never this bold

the things i've seen, what i've been told

the distress that comes from getting old

y aunque estoy bien solo, a veces me pongo a titubear

acerca de las tragedias que podrían un día pasar

el amor verdadero nunca llegar a encontrar

no tener un compañero con quien la vida disfrutar

llegar a viejo y no tener alguien con quien contar

estar enfermo en una cama sin nadie a quien preocupar

y después de tanto ver y pensar

en silencio mis lágrimas vuelvo a derramar

si lo que aspiro es ficción me empiezo a preguntar

bajo la lluvia nocturna, mi almohada vuelvo a abrazar

en mi mundo de fantasía

abunda mucha paz y alegría

está lleno de amor y grata simpatía

carece de espacio para la apatía

un cielo bondadoso y sin osadía

un lugar donde siempre es de día

quién lo diría, que se podría

crear en mi imaginación otra vida

[correctrvbquotes]

Radio sounds

Command: This is Command calling Red Base, come in Red Base.

Sarge: This is Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.

Command: Agent Washington has reassembled the Blues.

Sarge: I knew it! I knew he was a Blue!

Command: Gather your team, we want you to stop Agent Washington at all costs. This is a level one directive. Good luck Red Base.

Sarge: Hey, one sec. Any word on that soldier poison I ordered?

Command: No. Good luck Red Base.

Sarge: What about the robot nuts?

Command: No. Good luck Red Base. Command out.

Sarge: Well you don't have to get so testy. Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? This thing gets terrible reception. Only have one bar! Hello?

Sarge runs down the ramp from Red Base to find Lopez standing idly doing nothing

Sarge: Can you hear me now? Can you hear me? Stupid 4G network. Lopez!

Lopez: Sí.

Sarge: That was Red Command.

Lopez: Sí. Yo sé. [Si. I know.]

Sarge: Were you listening to my call?

Lopez: Registro todas nuestrasllamadas por seguro de calidad. [I record all our calls for quality assurance.]

Sarge: They said those dirty Blues are up to no good!

Lopez: Esa llamada sonaba extraña a mi. [Actually that call sounded strange to me.]

Sarge: I agree! We have to stop 'em. No matter what the cost.

Lopez: Casi como si alguien tomó otra llamada y la corrigió. [Almost like someone took another call and chopped it up.]

Sarge: You're right! I shouldn't be here flappin' my gums, I need to shake a tail feather!

Lopez: Sí, usted se debería ir para su misión falsa al tiro... [Yes, you should go on your fake mission right away...]

Sarge: I gotta reassemble the team! And I know I can't get Donut, so that leaves just Simmons...

Camera pans to a wooden cutout of Grif with darts.

Sarge: ... and Grif.

Lopez: ...y quien sea que haya enviado la llamada lo matará. [...and you will most likely be killed by whomever sent that fake message.]

Sarge: Ah, good point! Maybe I'll get lucky and Grif was killed. Not in a glorious manner like battle of course, but doing something menial and humiliatin'! Maybe he drowned in a toilet while cleaning it.

Lopez: Pendejo. [You're an idiot.]

Sarge: I know, I know, I'm hopin' for too much. Lopez, pack m'gear. I gotta get goin'!

Lopez: Ya lo hice. Lo hago cada mañana con la esperanza que decida irse. [It's already done. I pack it every single morning in hopes that you will decide to leave.]

Sarge: Good ol' Lopez, dependable as always. Now Lopez-

Lopez: Oh dios... por favor. No quiero tener un momento. [Oh God... please. I don't want to have a moment.]

Sarge: I know we've had a lot of good times together-

Lopez: No haga esto. [Don't do this.]

Sarge: You've always relied on my guidance and protection.

Lopez: Ni siquiera pudo ganar contra la adolescente.[You couldn't even win the fight with that teenage girl.]

Sarge: But you're going to be on your own now.

Lopez: Bien. [Good.]

Sarge: I prepared you for the world as best I could.

Lopez: Usted me programó en un idioma que nadie habla acá. [You programmed me in a language that no one here speaks.]

Sarge: So take care of yourself. And always remember that I'll be thinkin' of ya.

Lopez: Voy a borrar todo recuerdo tuyo el segundo que te hayas ido. Al igual que por...y... [I am going to erase every memory of you the second you are gone. Just like I did for [FILE DELETED] and [FILE DELETED].]

Sarge: Nope. No words, Lopez. I'll see you again. In a better place. Adios amigo. Adios.

Lopez: Solo vete, viejo hombre estúpido. [Just go, you stupid old man.]

Sarge: I'll miss you too Lopez! Every single day. I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

Lopez: Menos hablar. Más partida. [Less talking. More leaving.]

Sarge: Me too Lopez! Me too!

Lopez: El pedal está a la derecha. [The gas pedal is on the right.]

Sarge: Heh heh. Now to find Grif and Simmons. I can only imagine what amazing adventures they must be having right ... now.

[massageonmallorca03]

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[mariposa-invisible-blog]

Yohoo, capitulo nuevo!!! No estoy 100% satisfecha con él pero es necesario para avanzar la trama.

Ya tengo a todas mis tortugas en el tablero, ahora solo hay que empezar a mover las fichas.

Yohoo, new chapter!!! I'm not 100% satisfied with it but it's necessary to advance the plot.

I already have all my turtles on the board, now I just have to start moving the pieces.

[benefits1986]

head, shoulders, knees, and toes

When in doubt, go big before going home.

A good number of people my age are at a place wherein they can settle, however, there's a lot of unpacking to do. A lot of them are on track when it comes to the basics like building a house, getting a car, exploring the world of dating in the light of marriage, thinking of what their kiddos will look like, being in their best health stats ever, traveling to their dream destinations, and perhaps, giving back to their families and loved ones.

This is glossed to the nines as the behind-the-scenes gets very interesting. Why so? And how so? What a lot of people my age don't meddle with openly are stuff like unloading the responsibilities that come with building a house, figuring out which car suits them best in every sense of the word, dating and realizing that while they know what they want, a part of them still believe in magic and in the mundane, overthinking about whether their "theoretical" kiddos will be a better version of themselves in every sense of the word, too, managing their health stats which usually involve aging (and perhaps degenerating) head, shoulder, knees, and toes (knees and to-ho-hoes), eye and ears and mouth and nose... LOL.

Let's dig a bit deeper and talk about travels. I can take this topic as an introverted solo traveler. I madly and truly enjoy being on my own. There's so much growth that goes with being in a destination with no one whom you can rely on. However, there are times when I'm in the middle of something really interesting, say for example, cooking class in a humble family somewhere in the outskirts of Hanoi, there's something in the back-burner, too. I sometimes wish I could share it with a "partner in crime" who doesn't exactly need to be a romantic partner, but a life partner, a legit ride or die. It's not emo. It's not even a sinking feeling of loneliness as it isn't my vibe. It's coming from a place where you'd want to share a superb feeling with someone worth sharing it with. Gets? Basta. IYKYK, you know? LOL. Ang aga.

And so, giving back to the family and the loved ones. YOOOOWZAAAA, MAMA. Here we go. It's super funny to be in a spot where you have to say no more rather than say yes more. Single people especially in big families are the usual go-to for anything shitty, anything that needs legit fixing which requires deep focus. Alam mo 'yung para kang sandigan ng bayan na mala-Tiyang Amy sa Face to Face BENTE KWATRO (dahil 'di natutulog ang mga balitang ungas) levels pero wala kang tagpagpayo? Hahahahahaha. Damn. Y SO GRAPHIC? It's as though we have all the fucking time in the world. It's as though we're meant to rework things that are usually bloody hell and heavens.

And, my favorite thing to fuck around with --the aging head, shoulders, knees, and toes... People my age usually have a solid and strong front and back. However, the sidelines and "inside lines" are shaking and degenerating, knowingly AND unknowingly. YASSS. This doesn't just cover physical health. A lot of times, the pull happens really bad when it comes to the mental, spiritual, and emotional health stats which aren't part of the usual annual check-ups. HUY.

People my age usually don't cry out loud. They usually don't cry even when it's okay to cry and melt. They usually choose to numb emotions just because it's more convenient and on-strat, too. LUL. More so, they usually curate a lot of things instead of being super straight up with what they wanna happen, and how they want things to pan out, usually forda greater good. EMS. Hahahahahaha. Mind you, these types of people are typically those who are very marketable, however, they are on all fours (full force) when it comes to being vulnerable. LUHHHH.

So, what?

Cheerios and rainbows to people my age who are rooting for the basics of a well-lived life. A strong and perhaps super small circle. A house that's a legit home. Trips that make being, doing, and thinking more alive and sustainable. Health stats that go beyond the greens of annual physical exams. Being wanted rather than being needed through and through (Laspag na po kami sa lahat ng aspeto. Medyo tantanan niyo na ang belief na kaya namin lahat. Kaya namin, actually. Itabi niyo. Pero 'yung pake namin, nasasagad madalas.) Having a really time off that's focused on what matters most --self-love, self-reflection, self-recalibration, and TMI na, so pass na muna. And perhaps, connections that don't just run deep. Connections that go wild, free, and in the name of feeling young again. Armi, pasok.

Abangan!

PS1: Iba rin talaga 'pag nage-English araw-araw (hanggang kinabukasan) na contextual. Hahahahahaha. Iba rin kapag may 'yung araw-araw na English ay 'di lang forda bills, pang life after bills pa na legit. LOLLOLL. GIBA. Puwede na rin naman Tagalog na 'di umaayaw at bumabayo sa ngalan ng isa na namang bagyong malala. PS2: Menopause, be mine. Anong petsa na???? PS3: 'Pag talaga galing sa ___ nakakatawang HEHEHEHEHE kausap.

[ishikawayukis]

literally same, specially when I have free time is like “well I’ll just watch a couple” y termino ya en la mitad del arco o por terminarlo 🤡JAJAAAJ it was good arc tho, it just made me cry LOL

SO THATS WHERE I HEARD IT!!!!! Okay gracias porque si sentía que me estaba volviendo loca y casi me pongo a escuchar cada ost en orden JAJAJA pero si binks no sake en violin si me pone en llanto😭🫶🏽

si tengo preguntas JAJAJA pero prefiero tenerlas y tratar de no ver tanto spoiler para disfrutar el plot:’) de Law ya no tanto misterio porque ya llegué and I get the hype but he also looks kindy silly imo, lo vi y dije “Law tuvo un tumblr emo en el 2012 and he stuck with the vibe” JAJAJAJA

quisiera decir que está bien y solo es un anime but god I’m not your strongest soldier 🥲 JAJAJAJAJA sigo revisando ocasionalmente la guía que encontré para ver en orden por las películas (ay me encantó Strong World<3) pero aunque no la haya revisado ya presiento que estos arcos son los decisivos

it’s doing pretty good for me!! There were some weeks I realized it still hurt when try to sleep on that side pero volví a aplicarme neomicina como por una semana y desde ahí ya ningún problema🫡✨ ALSO did you see the Mackenyu apparently has a whole clothing brand and released some merch?? Yo dije “yo sé que sin duda todo va a estar caro, pero quiero ver si sacó los aretes” y pues, efectivamente están increíblemente JAJAJAJAJA

lastimosamente, si soy JAJAJAJA yo sé que objetivamente no estoy vieja porque no es como que esté en mis 40s-70s BUT STILL sometimes it feels like I have the back and the knees of a grandma💀 but let’s hope working out more frequently helps with that lol

(acabo de recordar que no lo mencioné y solo lo pensé, pero también me encanta nuestro spanglish JAJAJAJAJ)

gonna put everything (the other ask too) on a read more because we're getting long LMFAO

siii si no fuese pq obligué a mi hermano a ver el live action jamás me habría dado cuenta AJJAJAJ that's the good thing about watching everything more than once i guess you start noticing things you didn't before

emo law my beloved he gets even more emo gotta love that dude. pero sí es mejor tener preguntas q después se te responden solas q spoilearte ajajaj

ay yo aún no veo las películaaaaaaaaaas. i told myself i would watch them as soon as i was done with the anime and yet here i am for some reason putting them off LMFAO i'm like i have nothing to do should i watch the movies? and then i don't

i did saw his collection!!!! i saw people complaining about how expensive it was and i was like ............. my guys it literally says there luxury brand LMAO pq claro puedes encontrar los aritos más baratos en etsy o lo q querai, pero entre q estai pagando por la marca en sí y también la marca registrada de one piece obvio q te va a salir un ojo de la cara AJAJJAJ i saw the hoodies and they were soooo pretty and honestly worth that kind of money. also all the characters had their own spin on the logo of the brand and i thought it was so cute good for him for making this collab tbh

no pero estoy igual AJAJAJJA not even 30 yet and my hip and back are just Fucked, hopefully working out will turn out better for you than for me LSDHGL

i'm not gonna spoil anything but they have even more Moments together and i just could go a little insane about them (i could go a little insane about all of sanji's relationships but that's another thing al together)

oda knows how powerful sanji would be with a decent wanted poster so he needs to humble him in more than one way LMFAO. y siiii de verdad amo como logra hablar de tantos temas tan variados de la manera q lo hace, pq tampoco parecen fuera de lugar todo tiene demasiado sentido con la historia de verdad 10/10

dude the way i was Sobbing when that happened they made it so sad and just heart breaking because no one could do shit about it and it was literally the only time luffy was like dude we gotta run away or else and yet he still couldn't save them

some people genuinely ship them like to the point of actually wanting them to end up together and i'm like ??????? luffy cares about her but not like That just let her be delulu and honestly a huge help

no pero esq todas sus islas son literalmente tan buenas para cada uno de ellos AJAJAJ son todo lo q necesitan y no diré mucho más pq spoilers :) admitiré q no me gusta la manera q interpretan por así decirlo a las drag queens, pero pucha q me reí igual parte de mi estaba como es lo q se merece sanji por ser tan tonto a veces JAJAAJ

[musiconanironingboard]

31 January 2024: three volumes of Julian Cope's Cope's Notes series:

Cope's Notes #1: The Teardrop Explodes (1978-1982) (Head Heritage, 2019)

Cope's Notes #3: World Shut Your Mouth (Head Heritage, 2022)

Cope's Notes #4: The Black Sheep (Head Heritage, 2023)

Julian Cope's catalog since leaving the major-label system in 1997 is a vastly complicated web. Along with his regular new albums of what I'd call pop songs, there are numerous ambient/instrumental albums, projects attributed to other names than his own (e.g. Black Sheep, Robin Hood, etc.), the occasional oddball one-off album connected to things like Cope's giving a lecture at the British Museum, and so forth. I seem to buy most everything he does, but I'm still not close to being a completist. The latest road he's gone down is a series of archival book/CD sets dubbed Cope's Notes. These are generally companion pieces to existing albums or projects, and include lengthy essays by Cope about the work and his life at the time of the subject matter. I never intended to buy all of these, but I was so taken with Cope's Notes #2: Droolian, an expanded reissue of his weirdo 1990 album Droolian, that I now sit here with all five entries in the series to date. Another issue that I purchased while this page was on hiatus, like Droolian, was Cope's Notes #5: The Modern Antiquarian, an examination of his landmark 1998 archaeological textbook of the same name. The CD component of that one is a new studio album in disguise—all-new songs inspired by his own book. I like it quite a bit, and alongside 2023's Robin Hood it makes Cope's second good album of new material in that single year. With volumes 2 and 5 in my home, and knowing how much I enjoyed them both, I felt there was no question that I should buy all the others. I enjoy reading the book component of these issues, and I imagine I will continue to buy any new releases in the series.

Each volume features a strange sort of packaging: on the front cover of the book (more of a lengthy booklet, really) is a CD spindle, and each package is housed in an incredibly flimsy resealable plastic sleeve. Since the CD is otherwise unprotected, you need those sleeves, but in the case of Droolian I've used it so much that the sleeve is approaching the state of being in tatters. These are odd-sized items and I don't have any good replacement sleeves that would fit, so what I really need to do is just put the discs in jewel cases and be done with it, but of course I want to reference those books all the time and the damage gets done to those flimsy sleeves.

Below I'll show each of these three recent purchases, first the front cover, then the back cover, then a random shot of a book spread. The artwork on the CD is identical to what you see on the book cover when the discs are removed, so I didn't bother to show the packages both with and without the discs in place.

First is Cope's Notes #1: The Teardrop Explodes (1978-1982), "48 page of previously unpublished handwritten lyrics, notes, poems & photographs; Included also is a 42-minute documentary soundtrack CD." He's really been mining the Teardrops era lately, as in 2021 he also issued an album called Cold War Psychedelia, half of which consists of 1982 Teardrop Explodes demos. (And it was Universal Music's doing, not Cope's, but 2023 also saw the new six-CD Teardrop Explodes box Culture Bunker 1978-82.)

Next we see Cope's Notes #3: World Shut Your Mouth. This one is devoted to exploring material ancillary to his 1987 solo album of the same name. In Cope's words, "38 pages of previously unpublished lyrics, poems, photographs +4,500-word memoir; Included also is a 35-minutes-long documentary CD."

Last, here is Cope's Notes #4: The Black Sheep, which chronicles the weird period during which Cope's music turned starkly to anarchic, para-military posturing. Black Sheep was ostensibly a music collective; Cope was the obvious leader, but there were Black Sheep spin-off albums that didn't include him. I've not heard any of those, but I did like the 2008 Black Sheep LP and its 2009 follow-up Kiss My Sweet Apocalypse.

In Cope's words, this one features "Forty-eight pages of revolutionary art and songs + an extensive memoir of the early Black Sheep period; Included also is over forty minutes of rare Black Sheep material, new versions and unheard songs."

Here is a shot of all five editions to date of the Cope's Notes series, including the two I purchased when this blog was on hiatus.

[ivanreydereyes]

Lo que parece CLARO aqui es q EEUU esta PRINGADA con VIRGINIA MAESTRO y KYLIE MINOGUE (no se me olvida su ridicula partipacion en la pelicula Apocaliptica SAN ANDRES donde sale 1 minuto.. Y tras decir que no se quien murio ahogado.. Muere en un TERREMOTO).. Todo esto es muy GRAVE Y UNA CAGADA q espero PAGUEN LOS RESPONSABLES..

Tampoco se me olvida ni lo de la cantante de mi barrio Nat SIMONS (sobre todo q retraso su concierto en VITORIA con CHERIE CURIE por una TORMENTA q me hizo comprar un PARAGUAS de CAMUFLAJE a un chino con camiseta de APOCALYPSE x cuadruplicado.. X lo q coincidio con IGGY POP autor de AMERICAN CAESAR)=multimillonario Judio amigo de bill Gates.. ni lo de NIKKI LANE.. ETC

Lo que estoy SEGURO de TODO esto que SI DIOS QUIERE JODER O MATAR ALGUIEN COMO HA VENIDO HACIENDO de forma REVELADORA.. LO HACE..

Aqui el UNICO IMPRESCINDIBLE SOY YO.. EL QUE HA HECHO EL TRABAJO DE LUZ O DIOS.. COSA QUE NO HA SIDO COSER Y CANTAR.. PUES LA OSCURIDAD MILENARIA NO ES MOCO DE PAVO PARA SOLO UN HOMBRE PERO QUE ME HACE EL MAS GRANDE DE LA HISTORIA DE LA HUMANIDAD

Here we are, born to be kings

We're the princes of the universe

Here we belong, fighting to survive

In a world with the darkest powers

Heh

And here we are, we're the princes of the universe

Here we belong, fighting for survival

We've come to be the rulers of you all

I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings, yeah, yeah

I have no rival, no man can be my equal

Take me to the future of you all

Born to be kings, princes of the universe

Fighting and free

Got your world in my hand

I'm here for your love and I'll make my stand

We were born to be princes of the universe

No man could understand

My power is in my own hand

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, people talk about you

People say you've had your day

I'm a man that will go far

Fly the moon and reach for the stars

[nonchastin]

Para-social pt.2

It hit me, like a crater on the moon, deeply impacted because of the lack of the atmospheric coat. I wasn’t able to say anything, not because I didn’t want to but because I just couldn’t fathom my own voice, it was stuck inside but somehow I managed to say, “Hi.” With my hand extended in his direction, he was dressed in all his glory, a black suit jacket with black shirt and pants, his mullet combed neatly enough and his aura, enough to put me off my senses. “I was asking, due to lack of company….” He took my hand and brushed the tip of his thumb on my knuckles, non existent shivers ran down my spine. “Would you like to dance?” I could remember taking those web quizzes, could remember how I didn’t enunciate energy which would make me get asked to a Jane Austen dance but here it was, the opportunity. I pretended not to know him, I pretended that I never crashed with him in the morning, even though he did. Despite the fact that this was the second time we met. “Sure, but I’m not professional.” I told him, as he snaked his arm around my waist, so slowly that I grew impatient, pulled me closer till we were nose to nose. He didn’t know, or did he? Did he notice the slight gasp I let out or did he notice my goosebumps, he didn’t know that this moment would inspire me to write on for years to come. This small dance on the balcony of a restaurant located in the city of love, it might’ve felt insignificant to him. I might’ve been just another woman he asked to dance but for me this wasn’t a daily occurrence. This slow jazz music, these soft yellow lights and the murmurs of the crowd, faded into nothing. All I could see was him, staring in my eyes as if he was my one and only love. As if he would burn the world to ashes and still dance with me like this. I looked away from his pretty face and focused on our feet, moving in sync as if this were the hundredth time we danced like this. As if this were a stage performance and our rehearsals took place in the kitchen every morning. “How is this city treating you?” He questioned, “Amazing actually, it made me realise that I like solo trips.” It was true, I enjoyed the comfort my family and my few friends provided me with but I had a different magnitude of solace when I was by myself. My thoughts on loose, my mind lost in itself.

“Agreeable, I mean I enjoy the members a lot but-“ he paused, maybe he thought that I didn’t know him but I did. I knew what he was talking about. “I know,” It was odd, it felt like home. Saying his name when he was in front of me. Saying his name as it was addressed to him. He smiled, a shy boyish grin. “I really thought that you don’t know me.” How could I not, I wanted to scream at him but my hand on his shoulder tightened slightly, “does that make me any less capable of a dance with you?” I asked, a bit of sarcasm slipped in my sentence.

“No, in fact it’s good to see someone who is- forget it. How long are you here for?” I wanted him to continue but he didn’t, he wasn’t comfortable confiding in with a stranger. And I was fine with it, at the end of the day no matter how much I admired him the only relationship we had was the one of a fan and idol. “I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.” He hummed, and considered my answer.

“Perfect. It turns out that I too like going solo at times, but it’s getting lonely with no friends. Would you like to explore with me tomorrow?” Did he expect me to say no, because well, my smile must’ve given it away, the unconscious and uncontrollable smile I had on my face due to his proposal. I am meant to be doomed, because if he is even close to the figments of my imagination then there’s no turning back. “Why not? But, how are you so comfortable with me?” It was matter of fact, how was he so comfortable? No idol confides in their fans like this, asking them to join for a pretty day out, no one does and I happen to be skeptical by nature. “Like I said, it’s getting lonely. I could use someone to click my pictures. I’d click yours too.” His English had an accent, it was….cute. “Okay.”

“That okay of yours sounded very skeptical.” I chuckled, “And what shall I call you?” I was in such a haze that I forgot what he asked for a second, and stumbled to remember my own name.  ---

I was currently waiting at the reception of the hotel, co-incidences lined up as we realized we were staying at the same five star hotel. He was staying in a suite, and well I was staying in a simple room I had booked for two nights because I couldn't afford to stay four in them. Just in case, I had gotten up half an hour early and was here twenty minutes before the time we mutually agreed on. The hotel manager passed me, I kept a straight face but then remembered it was Paris, that the people's mannerisms didn't teach them to hug but to kiss. So when she turned back I smiled lightly but by the time I did that she was already heading towards me, "oh sweetie, how is your stay so far?" I staggered a bit, awkwardly, "It's good, really. I love the breakfast buffet." I did like eating five different donuts in the morning after I jogged on the hotel treadmill for half an hour to sweat off the puffiness on my face. 

Narrator's pov; The manager left soon but not after a minute, she was welcomed with his presence, "The French tend to kiss alot." He said as he walked closer to me, "On the cheek mind you." She lifted her index finger, pointed it at him accusingly. "Now that's not as french as it should be, right?" The fan pages dedicated to him had said that he was a flirt, a good one at that but it was now that she experienced it, the way he often brushed his hair back which might've been a tidbit. "Maybe," she shrugged her shoulders, unfortunately that was the only response she could think of. "And you're here, fifteen minutes early." He took a look at his watch, did realise this, despite being the person who often ran late for things. It came to him like an unconscious surprise he gave to himself. "Oh, I suppose so." 

"Do you wanna make a quick call and tell your members how you're not late for once?" She said this as a joke, but then gave herself a mental slap. She just let the fact slip that she was a dedicated fan. "You know about my mannerisms? How long have you been stalking me for?"  his tone severely dramatized, a smile about to spread on his face. "Ages, you have no idea." and while he chuckled at her words it was only her who knew that they were always the truth. She was good at hiding her emotions. But he was maybe a good observer because he didn't miss the way she looked away and started walking towards the exit, saving herself from taking a glance at him. 

They had breakfast at a cafe and then took a walk downtown before going to an art exhibition they came across. Exchanged the mutual acknowledgement on how art in itself is never about the viewer but it's all about the artist and their inspiration. The thirst of getting their thoughts on the canvas but then realizing how they put too much of themselves in it that they unclothed their thoughts bare. That the canvas goes to a corner of the room not because it wasn't good, it was because it was so surreal and out of imagination that people wouldn't understand it, but when they did then the consequences would be life changing. "Hey, the light is almost about to go green." she took a hold of his hand and ran to cross the road in under ten seconds, he still felt her touch on his hand, so much so that he stopped when they reached the other side and she still walked toward the cartier store. It wasn't after a full three and a half seconds later that he regained his consciousness and followed her. "Wait up." he caught up to her as the security guard opened the door, "What are we here for?"

"I'm thinking of getting my mother a bracelet, she always wanted one. With a cartier tag on it." he didn't say it, but internally asked himself two questions, how old is she? is she popular and only I don't happen to know about her? "Damn." he patted her back, appreciatively as if saying that he was proud of her. "How much do you even own?" he meant it as a joke, a full joke which was just supposed to be a tease but, "Oh, I'm just in my second last year and I actually write as a side-job so yeah, it would be my first time getting something for my parents." she explained him, "That's really sweet of you." Before he could say anything else an employee interrupted them, the store itself couldn't be more European-esque, multiple floors and cream colored walls with a ginormous golden chandelier right in the centre. "The delicate ones, not really studded with diamonds all over, yes thin and elegant." as she selected different bracelets, it was him tying them for her around her wrist, not shying once from letting his fingers brush against her skin. 

"You have nice arms, you know?" she let her index finger trail against the surface of his bulged veins and maybe it was him who realized that he liked the sensation of it, that he felt warmth under her touch and his heart beat seemed to still. "Th-thanks." She turned her head to the other side, only to smile when she noticed his reaction, and noticed how his ears were a deep pink. She did make him flustered once, but now the hunger grew like a beast. The selfishness never getting quenched, she wanted more, more minutes, more hours, she wanted everything of his. She wanted him, no she needed him. A few hours passed after she bought the bracelet, clicked his pictures from her phone to treasure them later, clicked one where they both posed a victory sign, he didn't miss the way she seemed to glow. Had he known that it was because of him, because of his presence. 

They were still strolling on the streets, light hearted discussions about his profession until he saw someone with a DSLR camera and it was his reflex which clicked in, the moment his adrenaline spiked up. He registered the fact that he was here without a mask, two that he had a woman beside him. It wasn't that he was phobic to the cameras, he seemed to love this invention, how it could catch the moments we didn't want to forget. How we could face-time someone who was thousands of miles away. But when he existed as a simple normal human, and not as a celebrity on the road he desperately felt the need to ignore the cameras. The people of the media could click the infamous from angles which would've made a blind man see what the media wanted them to see. The first thought which rushed in his head wasn't that he was here but it was that she was with him, if anyone even clicked a picture then her reputation would get attacked. Her profile dug up and thrown on the internet, that's how strong his fanbase was. The thought scared him so much that the next thing he did was take a hold of her wrist and hurried towards the closest corner of the building. 

A questioning look on her face, "What happen-" but she paused when she saw a middle aged man walking past them with a camera. "Hey it's fine." she kept her hand on his shoulder and he nodded in a panic stricken state. A few deep breaths after his adrenaline seemed to return on its usual levels. "I'm so sorry." he rasped out but she held up her hand, convincing him. "No, it's fine. Don't worry." and she comprehended at that instant, that he was close, a bit too close. 

How long had he been trying? To make her blush? just once? Like she had from the past six times, but now when they stood in a close proximity everything seemed to blur. The slow traffic, the laughs of the kids who were playing with helium balloons, trying their best not to make them fly away. She looked in his eyes and her heart dipped all the way down to her stomach, she was sweating but her back shivered as she became conscious of the fact that they were exchanging breaths, that her hand rested on just above his heart, she could feel it thump, fast. It was when he removed his hand from her waist only to tuck the strand of her hair fringe behind her ear, it was then when her eyes downcast, he finally saw that red color creeping up her neck. A smile plastered on his face, a stranger standing across them mistook them for lovers. "I'm tired..." he sighed contently, "I am too, but nice kind of tired." he understood what she said, that all the walk from the hotel upto here was so much worth the tiredness, that they knew they would collapse on the bed but they would be wide awake because the day would replay in their minds. That he would look back to this years later, how he had felt a desperate need for a travel partner and how this woman in front of him who looked a bit too beautiful happily volunteered. 

He would return to his life after two days, resuming his word for producing music. She would go back to hers, resuming her studies tomorrow. "Can I hug you?" his voice was soft as he melted into her embrace the moment she nodded yes. He closed his eyes, inhaled her scent, the soft smell of the shampoo she used, he tightened his arms around her until all he could feel was her arms wrapped around his neck and her soft chest against his. He sighed yet again, but not because he was tired but because maybe he would never receive a hug like this, so warm that it felt like home. So tight that he didn't want to let go. 

This was maybe the first and the last time but she regretted hugging him, because she would continue to miss his arms for even she didn't know how long. But she closed her eyes, felt her cheek on his linen shirt, felt his fingertips brush the skin of her back ever so slightly, tried to take the best out of this moment. Tried that in her memories this moment would last for an eternity. Tried to savor it the best it could, but even the memories of a person are put to shame when they are right in front of us, creating more of the flashbacks every turning second of the clock. "Hey," she said, slightly muffled. Tears pricked her eyes, trying the best to not let her emotions show in her voice. "Hmm?" he wanted to press his lips against the crook of her neck, "Thank you for this." She wanted to say so much more, thanks for being here. Thanks for holding my hand, thank you for giving me this experience, I will remember it. Thank you for being the way I imagined you to be. Thank you. I think I'll continue to fall for you forever. But she didn't. "I should be the one saying that,"

 —

What was this sadness? What did it imply? Even she didn't know as she walked off with both her hands pulling the trolleys, tiredly enough that if she could then she would sprawl on the floor and cried like it was the end of the universe. But tears did not come, with experience and with trying to hide her feelings so much that her body adapted itself to it. That it didn't allow her to cry her heart out until she didn't reach a breaking point. But all her neurology was going wrong, didn't it know that she had reached further from the breaking point. That she wanted to break things, that she wanted to shatter a fragile glass in her hand, that she wanted to feel the blood drip on the floor as she stared at her cuts and the red glass shards numbly enough that the world would be burning but she wouldn't spare it a single mindless glance. Her chest ached, and though the pain was familiar enough that it didn't feel strange but it did feel like it was magnified, it did feel like the pain won't stop anytime soon and that the pain would give her the power to write the saddest of her works. That the pain, despite being a curse, blessed her with such artistic approach that the words she would write again would feel cut through. 

She passed a wine shop. She passed a clothing designer brand and then she passed a bookstore, decided to enter it, decided that reading a mystery would take her mind off for at least some time if not forever. Fast paced steps, fast enough that she had chances of colliding with someone yet again. But it didn't happen. This time her neurology was cautious. She skipped to the non-fiction section and went to the mystery section, fetched some books but her eyes diverted to a section dedicated to poetry. Surprisingly enough, found an entire section dedicated to her works. She gasped, at the enormity of situations like these, knowing this well enough that her work had received critical acclaim but still found it flabbergasting. She never faced imposter syndrome, never felt those comments which often said that she's over hyped. Because she knows that it's not the hype but rather the fact that all the things she wrote came straight from her heart, her words true and honest. She put herself in front of the people, her feelings raw and naked but she hid in anonymity, found comfort without having to expose her face and her name. A thought rushed in, maybe she should've told him, should've told him that he is her muse. Nonetheless she didn't and she regretted it. She remembered her mother's words, 'everyone has their own regrets, that is why there is no such thing like a time machine.' 

She picked up one of her books, inspected it as if she was trying to watch it from the eyes of a buyer, ran her finger through its spine, flipped the book and swept through the pages- She heard her name being called, she put the book down immediately and scanned the surroundings, "What the absolute hell." she muttered under her breath as she found him searching for her, she was just about to call his name but then recalled that she couldn't, "Hey." he looked in her direction, hesitation in her eyes, why was he here now? Why was he fueling her false hopes? She stood rooted at her spot as he walked up to her. 

"There's something I wanted to tell you." He was slightly patting, he flipped his hair to remove them from his eyes, to get a better look at her. "What is it?" What was that he wanted to tell her? That it couldn't wait but they hadn't exchanged numbers or their social media handles. There was no other way to communicate. 

"The night at the restaurant." he took a brief pause, looking in all directions except her eyes. "It wasn't the first time we met." Oh, that was it? Should she accept the fact that she knew that it was him she collided with. "I know, the morn of that day. I know it was you, I read your identity card." He stayed silent, he should've said something but he didn't.  

"I'm sorry I didn't tell this to you earlier-" she stopped herself from rambling further when he stopped her mid sentence, "No, I saw you for the first time in the Louvre." That was the very first day of her trip, but he kept talking, "And for the second time when you were shopping for souvenirs, the third time when you were having croissants in a cafe while you were face-timing someone." She just was on the verge of letting the book slip out of her hands, here she had been thinking that their meet was enough to wreck her life and here he was telling her that it had been so much more. 

"Do you believe in fate?" she laughed sarcastically, her nails dug in her palm deeper. The next second she knew, she turned away from him and towards the book rack, took out all the books under her writer name, tears finally coming at the brink, what an ill timing they had. She breathed, a long inhale and then an exhale, blinked away repeatedly, turned to him again. He knew, knew that this whole thing wasn't heading to where he thought it would, he didn't precedent that she would take his hand in hers, "You." she kept one book in his hand, or more like slammed it. 

"You, you, it's all you.'' She kept all the four books in his hand, their weight feeling heavy not because they were, because her words were implying something entirely different, because not his other five lives would have thought of this. "Do you believe in fate?" They stared in each other's eyes, a broken expresion coating her, an aura of question, an invisible blanket of disbelief surrounding him. 

"Let me answer your question, I don't." It was fake, it was false, it gave you an island of security for a moment when a tsunami of destruction was headed your way. A sweet mirage created to twist the bitter reality into something which was never there. Fate, if just it was real. 

"And I do. Co-incidents? Yeah if it's twice. But if I'm just crossing paths with a person over and over-" then I would like to try, then I would like to enjoy not just a day but all of the seasons if I could, that's how hopeful I am and to see you this hopeless somehow makes me feel that we need to change perspectives. There's no fixing, there is no saving but there's a certain push you give to me. But I cannot ask you to stop, you have your life and we are strangers to each other. But you feel so much more, it's hard to explain. He wanted to say all of this, but he didn't.  She shook her head, as if she was trying to drag herself from this self perpetual haze. Tried to snap out of it, no she couldn't think about any of this. She didn't have the time. She didn't have the nerves to see the outcome of this whole thing. "Keep an eye on my work." he grew confused, "A masterpiece is waiting to be released." she took a step away but then he stopped her, with his fingers on her wrist. She prayed that he couldn't feel her veins pulsating. "If I ever see you again, then I'll ask you to stay. It's up to you if you want to." But the chances are not slim, they are just not there. She saw the end of it, did he really have the audacity to make her wait for him like this? She grew vexed, but didn't let it come on her face. "Goodbye." 

—— I had controlled my tears from the past twelve hours, god had gifted me with such capability but when the door opened I broke down, I didn't even get to step inside the house before I was on my knees sobbing, my father had grown so worried that he kept asking about what had happened, but it was my brother who hugged me till i grew still, till the time tears still slipped down my eyes, their tank never emptying but i had regained my breath. He didn't ask me anything, I felt like he knew. Like he knew what had happened. In the night it was my mother who consoled me and when she left I typed endlessly like a never ending ebb, flowing till infinity. That night I knew I would write the saddest lines, because I loved him and in those microscopic seconds which I wished lasted longer he loved me too.

--- She was celebrating the latest publication of her new poetry and prose collection with her cousins, on the rooftop of a building in the heart of New York, the ever too bustling and ever too chaotic city which never slept. It seemed to love the hustle and the never quite decorum it never had from the start. She seemed content, in herself and her career, her family poured her with love and the limited friends she had made were caring enough that she could rely on them. But a void, deep inside her, in a corner there was a void which would never get filled. That regret, she should've tried, she shouldn't have walked away, she should've asked for his number. She didn't. 

His career took off years back, but he had felt like an artist now, the one which was critically acclaimed. He had thought that he wasn't good at writing lyrics, and here he was, he had received the praises for writing that album he worked so hard on. He had found the reason two years back, the reason which stood in front of him a few yards away on a table talking in a language which seemed very foreign to his ears. He prayed, look back please. 

When she did, disbelief and her trust that fate didn't exist shattered. Like a fragile glass she would break in her hands. He rose an eyebrow, a look implying 'See I told you'