#in a i need to isolate myself from everyone and everything bc I'm terrible and so are the people in my life way

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

..

[shotofstress]

Coming back after being almost a week without electricity, phone, and internet connection. Huge storms with lightning and rain, and winds. We have never have winds like that here and the roof of so many houses were ripped off, stuff flying, etc. All this bc global warming, and the deforestation and mining in our lands. At this rate, in 5 years we will have tornadoes, a thing we have never ever have here. Nor our lands, infrastructures, states, and culture are prepared for this. Areas of the country are devastated, ppl have died, many are without electricity nor Internet connection so they are isolated. The houses are flooding with water, and the ones that not, are leaking from the ceiling. Too many neighbours and compatriots don't have roofs and the streets are full of fallen trees and pieces of roof material, no electricity, no signal, food rotting, but suffering at the same time for the cold of this terrible winter, and trying to do something, patching even when its gonna go to hell when the storm comes again this next days. More than 33,200 people affected and 41,500 isolated due to 5 days of rain and windstorms. In just a couple of days there were 170,000 homes left without power due to wind and rainstorms and even more as time went by.

If u want to help me to fix the roof, walls, to buy food and being warm this winter please check my Ko-fi. If u can't donate, please reblog bc thats the only way to make this being seen by ppl thus receiving help. I'm really not being able to keep living like this, i can no longer cope, so please share.

Here are in my PayPal or MACH . I took the kofi link bc they were charging me a fee.

Please, educate about global warming and the effects on Global South, specially for working class, chronically ill, autistic, disable, and long covid survivor ppl like myself.

Edit: I added links and pics

Edit: the weather is getting better, but I still need to fix were I live/sleep bc the walls are broken and one of the walls is not a wall, but like 1cm wide stuff and all was bad build so even the door is twisted and dont work correctly, there is black mold, the paint is falling, the lamp has fallen, everything is broken and ugly, etc. I still need to buy food and everything so please, please, share or donate if you could. I don't want to survive like this and here, no one mask even when they were the ones giving me covid bc of it and they have making me also catch flue the other day bc they cogh over everything and don't care if they kill me, they are abusive and really violent people and are working to put me and everyone in danger. I dont even want to be in my country bc we will have a dictatorship soon, but I have nowhere else to go nor money to migrate (i need like $10.537 dollars or € 9.760,95 euros to pay all the documents, the bank money I have to show to prove I am a human being deserver of rights, the tickets, rent money and stuff to migrate).

I currently have $100 dollars donated (coz i spent 40 in food and meds this past month)

I know i will die here, but at least help me to survive in a less dehumanising way.

Edit: tumblr has blocked me from recive or send messages from the chat and comment of posts, so if you are trying to reach throughout there I can't see it, sorry, I'm cut from any communication (cant even see past messages from chat or asks), except send asks. I'm waiting that tumblr do something, but still hasn't even answered the help file I sent to them.

[snezario]

sorry again the depressive spiral continues cw: depression, suicide

you know how ppl get seasonal depression in the winter? i could never relate bc i almost always have depressive episodes in the summer. it's a lot worse this year because on my birthday i cried for an hour and became even more suicidal than i already was.

i know a big part of it has to do with the fact that my birthday is in the summer and since HS it's always been a tough time for me. when i was growing up everyone was on summer break during my birthday so it wouldn't get celebrated. and because it's very close to the 4th of july most people were busy celebrating the holiday so only my family was around. which isn't terrible ofc and i'm grateful to have a supportive family but it made me feel worthless beyond them.

these past few birthdays have been particularly bad. i feel like everyone is passing me by - getting engaged/married, having kids, high-paying career, etc. i wish i could stop comparing myself to others but i’d have to complete isolate myself from well everyone and everything.

i apologize for always venting here but other than my therapist this is really the only place i have to express my thoughts without a filter. if i do open up to people in my life i downplay it or provide a more palapable version. maybe i need to take a break from here so i'm not always just dumping triggering things

[bellysoupset]

i’ve been acting delulu about the whole wen+vin fight that we all knew was coming up, kinda like completely ignoring it was a thing and all your warnings bc im #notemotionallystrong and i liked pretending it wasn’t gonna happen to cope <3333 BUT AHHHHH after this last fic IM LITERALLY FULL ON SOBBING (IN PUBLIC) WHAT THE FUCKKKK SOUP😭😭😭 you’re so mean (lovingly) 😩 FR IM SO SAD I LOVE MY BABIES SO MUCH THIS IS AWFUL BUT ALSO THE FIGHT WAS SO WELL WRITTEN😭 AND LIKE SO UPSETTING AND UNCOMFY BC OF HOW REAL IT FELT idk how to explain it but it’s like hearing my parents (aka my best friends who’ve been together forever LOL) fight LMAO sobbing 😩😩😩 and also OMG I AUDIBLY GASPED AND HAD TO LOOK AWAY WHEN I READ THE PHONE NOTIFICATIONS THING AND REALISED IT WAS LEO’S TEXT like if there was a terrible way to find out it was THIS 😭😭😭😭😭 BABY GIRL THINKING EVERYONE HAS KNOWN FOR MONTHS???? AND THEN VIN SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF???? AND JUST TALK??? (a lil too late tho buddy but also I GET IT GOSHHHH) AND THEN BOTH SOBBING GODDDD I CANT I CANT this is so devastating amazing job boo‼️

OMG AND ALSO THE OTHER FICS? i hadn’t commented on them bc i was waiting for this one to react to everything but GODDAMN????? LUKE POOR BUB all feverish spilling everything??? and their reactions🥺🥺🥺🥺 (also side note jon so worried about luke was beautiful and i enjoyed it very much🤭) and OMG leo’s guilt about not noticing the depression symptoms 😩 and the whole thing w bella and kit GOSH I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE HES SUCH AN ASSHOLE‼️

BUT ANYWAYS GOING BACK TO MY BABIES RAAAAAHHHHH I NEED WEN AND VIN TO BE OKAY omfg IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THIS😭😭 you’re so good at writing angst tho like goddamn i’m still crying and will probably continue to cry about this 😩😭 they need to be okay 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ also i know you said you were nervous about luke and wen’s storyline and im SO CURIOUS and excited to read‼️ im sure whatever you choose to do with them is gonna be amazing and you know we all have a beautiful love/hate relationship w angst so i have a feeling we’re gonna eat it up!! (which we will do regardless bc your writing and storytelling is always wonderful!!!)

sending a snotty sobby virtual hug to all my babies and a strong virtual punch to kit <33333

🦦

ANSWERING THIS SO LATE THAT VIN/WENDY ARE BACK TOGETHER I'M SORRYYYY

I'm actually cackling at you acting delulu because I remember I dropped many MANY hints of the Wendy/Vince break up and you were in my inbox completely ignoring them and me thinking "damn, am i being too subtle???"

Its so funny (and terrible) to be answering this late, because I can totally say the things I was nervous about. So ORIGINALLY Vin/Wendy didnt get back together, they actually broke it off for good and Wendy feeling very isolated from her friend group relapsed in her eating disorder.

But then Wendy kinda girl bossed her way into getting back with Vince, which was not planned, AND opened up to Bella, that was also not planned at all. So I scrapped that storyline! I still want to do something with her E.D, I remember I got an ask ages ago that was something like "Wendy refuses to eat because she's feeling queasy, Vince thinks she relapsed and tries to push her, only to have it come back up and he realizes she's actually sick", so I'll probably write that! A more mild version of what I originally had in mind!

And I'm SORRY i'm a terrible person but I'm sooo proud of myself for making you cry in public. I need a blog badge just for that #angster

Love you 🦦!

[chigusaeyes]

was tagged back by @altairring for the fandom character meme

you know how to choose them 😘

putting things under a cut~

I'll go in Reverse Order & start with Clavis ~!

I haven't paid any attention to the cesspool of self-righteous idiocacy that makes up the majority of Otoge Fandoms on Tunglr dot com, only my dear moots & the few gems I have found along the way, but I am slamming my hand down right now & declaring with confidence that the fandom at large is Probably Most Definitely wrong about him.

About what exactly? Idk I just came out swinging bc Have you met him? Yeah. I mean, I did choose 'no.' for a reason and that reason is that I clocked him as someone who is going to give me Problems & I won't be able to stop myself from loving him anyways.

Clavis, Clavis, Clavis...we have a salad spinner that we call "Nikos's Boyfriend" bc Nikos is very attached to it? He likes to try laying atop it. Idk, cats, yanno? But were I able, I would throw Clavis into Nikos's Boyfriend and spin him in there with all the love in the world.

He's a poster child for Local Clown Actually Broken Inside. P clear him & all his brothers are traumatized on some level, it comes with the...everything. Refined for each of them.

Anyways, he's the most refined mess out there and I love him. And his beauty marks. Plus his color is purple and BINCH ME TOO.

And onto Saizo.

Saizo's a fuckin' binch and I love him, I do, but oh my god do I want to SQUEAK him. Playing his route is half me going AHHHH & half me going GDI Saizo Why Can't I Quit You (This is Why I Can't Quit You ).

The Cold Asshole trope isn't my preferrence honestly, as I'm not usually into beating my head against a wall. Talk about a man loaded with trauma. But the glimpses behind The Wall that Saizo has up before he finally opens up a bit to the MC always keep me hanging on. And then the side stories etc that are post-opening up etc make me forget how much of an ass he's been. Which is the point, I think.

I say this with wry affection bc imo, Saizo is like...the fave that doesn't need to be mentioned as your fave unless you gun for Saizo and Saizo alone. Bc just abt everyone has a soft spot for him, in my experience. Not always, but it's a thing yanno?

Also him & Yukkins will never not be one of my fave combos of all time. I deeply enjoy Saizo's commentary on any+everyone else. ESPECIALLY Nobuyuki.

And speaking of Nobuyuki...

Nobuyuki is probably definitely one of my favorite Genuinely Dangerous romance/love interests of all times in a game. The Gentle Yandere is probably definitely the most sinister & dangerous of the yandere archetype.

( Not to be mistaken for the yangire, who is the "if I can't have you, I will kill you" ( vs the Classique yandere tactic of imprisonment and/or isolation ), who is arguably the most dangerous any of the Obsessive (yan-) archetypes, if only bc you're Way more likely to just fuckin' die. )

Boy I really know how to choose them huh.

( In fairness to myself - tho this Really Needn't Be Said - Nobuyuki is my favorite LI who I would Never actually want to be with irl. )

Anyways.

The psychological power of the gentle yan is so dangerous bc it gives the illusion of free will & choice, without realizing your stage has been effectively set up around you. It takes an enormous amount of interpersonal skill via manipulation & tactics, etc, to do as such too. Especially without revealing his hand. He doesn't need to lock the one he decides he wants to be with up, bc she willingly walks into the cage and locks herself in there of her own fkn volition. Brilliant, I love him So Much, he's terrible and wonderful all at the same time.

There's always going to be a power differential between Buyan and his wife & it's not for everyone's fictional preference, but it certainly is for mine. Or at least my MC-OC, gdi. Plus there are ways in which the MC proves herself to be a capable wife that Buyan respects & actively adores.

Honestly, it's those positive feelings that make him so dangerous, bc this is a man used to sacrificing aspects of himself & his own desires for the sake of his clan. And the fact that he meets someone he actually develops feelings for & gets to keep her? Oh boy. She ends up being a cage for him to put his heart into while she locks herself into a cage of his making.

Ahhh, Nobuyuki let me count the ways...between the Gentle Yan aspects, his tender smile, willingness to sacrifice his personal honor & morals for the greater good of the family ( and skill in never revealing this ), and weight upon his heart in trying to keep Yukimura safe in whatever few ways he can...seriously I love him so much.

Is Nobuyuki good? Well, he's a dutiful son & a doting maternal brother figure & a very wise leader who values his people and hearing their input. And he'll use people as he needs in order to ensure the safety and longevity of his family and their land + the people under their rule. So like. Good by what definition? WHOSE definition?

If you asked Nobuyuki if he was "good", he'd probably laugh in that soft way of his and ask what makes someone Good, before likely saying that Yukkins is the pinnacle of Goodness by the Sanada standards or something. Just rip my heart out and stomp on it, huh?

All of this is to say that while thankfully many ppl have already spoken on Buyan & how wonderfully complex he is & helped spread recognition of that...I'm, as always, very confident that there are plenty of Wrong People out there - be it due to comprehensive or critical thinking issues.

I want to put him in a salad spinner until he finally lets some goddamn tears out. I've humored ( read: hurt ) myself thinking about Nobuyuki & his Wifey MC during Yukkins's funerary process etc and the sheer grief of it all for EVERYONE involved and I hate it SO MUCH. Hate hate hate HATE. But it's also an inevitably, so fuck it, have THAT be a part of a 2nd Season for Nobuyuki, Voltage, don't be cowards---

🥲

No seriously, Nobuyuki makes me think SO MUCH, too much really, and I just. Wanna eat my whole fist. When I think abt him. I haven't opened the app in literal ages ( on one hand, it's practical, on the other hand, I missed his bday stuff Again so fuck me right? ), but I still---I mean! *waves hands at my url* I still!!!

Also that sexy scene of his where he instructs MC to meet his eyes before he will Initiate Physical Consummation of their Relationship & then having her keep her eyes locked with his during, etc? Boy that still gets me a-flustered if only bc like. Just looking AT someone during sex can be difficult at times, but maintaining eye contact?

Actually did u kno that apparently, accordingly, staring your partner in the eyes while kissing them helps to build + strengthen intimacy? I'll fuckin' say. Buyan seems like the type who would enjoy that too, what a Gigacha--- 🤣

I could keep going but seriously I love Nobuyuki and people can pull him from my cold, dead hands.