#in a 'wow you get hit on like 5x more than everyone else'

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

Deeply baffled by the fact that customers seem to constantly want me carnally despite The Everything about me.

[queerworldtravelers]

Sidi Bou Saïd, Tunisia

36°52′0″N, 10°20′0″E

The time had come for us to head back to the US. Our second Schengen visa was nearly up and we have a 90th birthday party and a wedding to go to. It turns out that air fare this summer is wildly expensive. A one-way flight from Rome to New York started at $2,000 each and kept increasing in price. There had to be another way! Lucky for us Google Flights lets you search from an airport and see flight costs for anywhere in the world. After a little digging we discovered a $500 flight from Tunis, Tunisia to New York City with a layover in Casablanca. Rock on!

Getting from Palermo to Tunis can be accomplished in two ways: an expensive one hour flight or a cheaper ten hour ferry ride. We opted for the ferry ride because when else will we get the chance to cross the Mediterranean? We also anticipated that the border control at the port would be less picky than at the airport and we were dancing really, really close to a creative interpretation of Schengen visa laws. In retrospect we encourage anyone considering this journey to take the plane.

We had to check in for the ferry at 6:30am and there was no ferry at the port. Interesting. We picked a spot under a tree and posted up for the next four hours. We packed a lot of snacks because everyone said the ferry was a nightmare. We watched as cars piled with suitcases filed into lines to board the ship once it actually arrived. At the border control station I handed over my passport not thinking anything of it and nearly had a heart attack when the agent started flipping through our entry and exit stamps and then counting on his fingers! Thankfully we had nine days left from our last entry stamp and proof of an onward journey. Never underestimate the port.

The ferry ride was wild and truly a beautiful cultural experience. We were corralled and pushed on board and then took our pullman seats that we paid to reserve only to observe that general deck passage gets you on board and then you just go look around for an empty seat. Brilliant. We left port at 2:30pm (our original departure time was supposed to be 10:30am). It was sort of like a dirty mall with lots of kids throwing shoes at the wall and running up and down the stairs. Not completely horrible, but also not a sought after experience. We arrived at the Port of La Goulette at 12:30am and witnessed an almost stampede to get off the boat.

We read that the border control in Tunis can be formidable and we were prepared for bribes. We printed every single document for where we planned to be between the port and New York City in French, Arabic, and English and arranged to have our host pick us up.

Often while traveling US passports afford a privilege that others are not privy to. Tunis was an example of this. We handed over our US passports and were shooed through every check station with very little questioning.

Our host Nabil was a saint! When we exited the border control station the sidewalks were packed with people offering rides, selling food, and looking for their loved ones. Nabil swooped us up and then gave us a driving tour of Carthage on the way to Sidi Bou Saïd. He pointed out the best grocery store (where they won’t charge the Americans 5x more) and the best bank to exchange money at. As soon as our heads hit the pillow we were out!

The next morning we stopped by the café Nabil suggested for a rose cardamom latte (WOW) and then adventured to the grocery store. Dates and amazing cans covered in Arabic script full of harissa met us as we collected provisions for the week.

It was also at least 110°F every day we were there. In a stroke of genius we realized we could start shifting our schedule to match New York City time and take advantage of the cooler nights, so that is exactly what we did!

Tucked on the main street in Sidi Bou is a gorgeous homage to traditional Tunisian life. Dar El Annabi feels like someone just stopped living in the house and set up a ticket booth at the front door in the 90s. Traditional and historical items surround things like a VCR. The views from the top were really special and being able to enter the prayer rooms and drink mint tea were appreciated privileges.

From 1909-1921 a French painter named Rodolphe d'Erlanger had the Ennejma Ezzahra Palace built (Tunisia was a French colony from 1881-1956). He is said to be responsible for funding and implementing the white and blue building motifs throughout Sidi Bou Saïd. The palace was a gift to wander through. It took us a bit to find the door, but once we did it did not disappoint.The day we visited was a toasty 114°F and the palace was cool and refreshing inside. A true testament to the power of engineering in the days before air conditioning. Today, the palace is a museum that houses the Center for Arabic and Mediterranean Music. You can tour the palace virtually and listen to the music collection!

The Tunis médina is a wandering, mystical maze of goods trading. From the 12th-16th centuries Tunis was considered one of the greatest and wealthiest cities in the Islamic world. The médina is centered around a central mosque and the souqs (shops) radiate out in all directions. We dove in and headed to Dar Slah for a nourishing and traditional Tunisian lunch. Imagine lamb roasted with potatoes, dates, and figs. We then hit the narrow alleys in search of goods to stuff into our packs for the folks we love. The whole complex is below ground apparently so when camels came in loaded with goods they could be easily unloaded. It also kept everything refreshingly cool compared to the ambient temperature outside.

We had been warned that folks will approach you and act as your friend, making suggestions, and showing you things you must see only to demand payment for their services at the end. We wandered in and looked around and tried to find our way and then we got twisted around. As soon as we passed the same point for a third time a man popped out and started to suggest, guide, and ask questions in very good English. We also read that a firm “no thank you” usually does the trick. We are here to report that five firm no thank yous released us from the spell of the unwanted guide. A little flustered, we attempted to make our way back toward the entry gate and somehow ended up in the back alleys outside of the beaten path. Five months in the Ballarò, which is truly just a one thousand year old Arabic médina stuffed in what is today considered Italy, prepared us to tread bravely through the trash-ridden streets as we passed dead kittens swept up with the rest of the day's waste. We made it back to the beaten path with no incidents at all, but have a deep and profound understanding for the mysticism of One Thousand and One Nights as it sort of felt like we were lost for that long.

The greatest gift of being in Tunisia was the undeniable kindness of her people. We have been on the road for nearly a year now and the kindness we encountered in Tunisia is second to none.

We made our way to the airport and flew Royal Air Maroc to Casablanca. We can not recommend them enough! The seats had ample leg room and they fed us on a three hour flight! In Casablanca we just booked a hotel by the airport and discovered that if you have a layover longer than eight hours Royal Air Maroc will put you up in a hotel and pay for it! Next time, friends, next time. We arranged an evening tour of the sights and we are so glad we had a tour guide! He picked us up and took us around to the key places, Hassan II Mosque, Rick’s Cafe, and the médina. We aren’t normally big sight people, but getting between places was most fascinating.

Our flight to JFK was early and it was fun to slowly collect the familiar swagger of the Americans as we waited at the gate. We have new eyes that can clearly see what makes us so unmistakable in the rest of the world. We were also swiftly reminded that black bodies are not safe in the presence of authorities in the United States as we navigated Moroccan customs with a black man from New York City. There was no denying we were headed back.

[needsmoresarcasm]

strip that down on the charts

I don’t know if you’ve heard but Liam Payne released this song called “Strip That Down,” and like it’s totally smashing, or maybe it’s definitely a flop. Because, like, it peaked at #441 on Icelandic Hits Bi-Monthly and everyone knows that’s the chart that really matters. But it was also the most played song in the 9 o’clock hour on KISZ 104.7 in Kennebunkport, Maine, which is totally unheard of for a debut single released by an artist with four (... sometimes five?) vowels in their name. Or something. 

AKA a post in which I attempt to break down how Strip That Down has been doing on the (mostly US) charts (and what those charts actually mean) because every time I run across another poorly argued stan war a little piece of my soul dies, and I’m already running dangerously low on soul. 

So, how much success has Strip That Down had? The answer is, of course, it depends. On worldwide streaming services? Fucking excellent. On US digital sales for a One Direction member? Pretty dire. Overall as a debut single? As with any serious question asked to a magic 8-ball, too soon to tell. So, like, let’s just get into some charts.

The Hot 100 | Chart Run: 42 - 65 - 51 - 44 - 34 - 33

Billboard’s Hot 100 is the traditional measure of success for singles in the US, so let’s start there. The Hot 100 ranks songs using a formula that takes into accounts radio play, sales, and streaming, where 1 download = 1000 radio audience impressions = 75 on-demand streams (or 150 radio-like streams). Thus, doing well on the Hot 100 is a holistic measure of success. Two caveats here: a song may do well overall, but its peak on the Hot 100 may not reflect that if it doesn’t do well on everything all at once. So a song like Awolnation’s “Sail” peaked at #17, despite going 5x platinum, because it essentially peaked twice: once on alternative radio, and once on mainstream formats. Second, a song may be a non-factor to the world, but have an artificially high peak because of first-week sales. My guess is no one in the world could hum more than a line of Taylor Swift’s “Today Was A Fairytale,” but that song had the same peak as “I Knew You Were Trouble” thanks to (at-the-time) record-breaking first-week sales. TL;DR: Hot 100, good success barometer, but like, don’t pray at its altar. Or do if that’s your thing. idk, I’m not gonna judge, people pray to way weirder shit.

On to Strip That Down’s run. It’s currently at #34, its peak, after six weeks on the chart. After falling from its initial position of #42, it has been steadily rising for the last month. Of course, without context, these numbers are about as meaningful as tickets to a Lauryn Hill concert. So for some damn context, let’s compare Strip That Down’s run to three songs released essentially at the same time as it: Bad Liar, Crying in the Club, and Swish Swish. 

Swish Swish has been a tragic circus car disasterfest, and so like, Strip That Down has at least hurdled that unfortunately low bar. It’s not quite doing as well as Bad Liar, Selena Gomez’s lead single, but is outpacing Crying in the Club, Camila Cabello’s lead single. Crying in the Club is probably the best comparison here, as a debut lead single from an artist after leaving a popular group. (Admittedly an imperfect comparison, as 1D was bigger than Fifth Harmony, but Camila’s name as a solo act is better known to US radio stations thanks to a host of features.) Of course, there may be even better comparisons. And, let’s be real, that’s what everyone is here for. And as much as I do not want to get into these comparisons, you kinda need to to get any objective sense of Strip That Down. 

Again, the resounding conclusion here is that Strip That Down (goddamnit if this song had a less terrible acronym I would be saving so many characters) is... doing fine. Like, not a whole lot of surprises in any direction. It’s certainly not close to the Hot 100 success of Sign of the Times’s early run. But its run is somewhat different looking from the other 3 debuts. It has seen fairly steady growth almost immediately, whereas the other songs fell for a handful of weeks before climbing again. (The reason for this is pretty clear: sales, but we’ll get to that in a bit.) Strip That Down’s run looks most like Slow Hands, a song that’s like kiinda smashing at the moment. Overall, Strip That Down is doing fine on the Hot 100. If it falls off a cliff tomorrow, it would have had a seriously disappointing chart run. But like, otherwise, don’t lose any sleep over it, but also don’t be one of those people arguing in the comments on a Youtube video about how it’s a smash hit. If you’re arguing in the comments section of Youtube, you’ve already lost. Even if you’re right. Which, you’re not, because you’re arguing in the comments on Youtube.

[Sidebar: Strip That Down has been pretty rockin on the UK Singles Chart, which tracks streams + sales. Its run has been 3-3-4-4-4-6 so far. The UK charts turnover much quicker than US ones, so that kinda longevity is already quite good. Like, it’s sticking around for longer than any of One Direction’s singles did.] 

Sales | Total Sales: 121,653 (US), 253,408 (UK)

Sales are sales are sales are sales. Not a whole lot to explain here. Early sales are driven by fanbases, and then continuing sales are driven by the “general public” - the inexplicable holy grail of stan war arguments. In the US, Strip That Down started with 52K sales, which was pretty underwhelming compared to the rest of the One Direction solo debuts. This Town sold about twice as much initially (121k in two weeks), Sign of the Times sold 3-4x more (200k in two weeks). Just Hold On sold about as much as Strip That Down. Of course, all of this leads us to the incredibly shocking conclusion that Harry has the largest fanbase, then Niall, then Liam and Louis. Now, if that’s news to you, let me catch you up on some other things: Donald Trump is President, Vine is dead, adjustable-rate mortgages are a trap, he could see dead people, Talkies are the next big thing, and there’s an entire continent west of Europe before India. 

Since then, Strip That Down has been steadily growing. It has spent the last two weeks or so in the low twenties on iTunes. increasing at a rate commensurate with its exposure. A quick note here: Strip That Down has never been discounted to $0.69, and discounts actually do have a pretty significant effect on sales - 11 of the current top 20 songs are discounted. So... overall, relatively poor sales so far in the US. If it has a long chart life, its sales could end up being amazing, so the writing is hardly on the wall. If they like it, they will come. (... phrasing?)

And if you feel the need to see success everywhere you look, it’s doing really well sales-wise in the UK. So grip that fact with white knuckles and mention it any time you talk to anyone ever. Here’s a sample conversation: 

PERSON: I can’t believe Sarah Huckabee Sanders unhinged her jaw and consumed Glenn Thrush on live TV!

YOU: STRIP THAT DOWN BY LIAM PAYNE WAS CERTIFIED SILVER IN THE UK FASTER THAN ANY OTHER SOLO DEBUT SINGLE FROM A FORMER BOYBAND MEMBER IN THE LAST TWO YEARS. #KING 🔥🔥🔥💯 💯 🔥🔥 👣🥑

PERSON: Wow! That information really changes my opinion of that song! That really makes me want to buy Liam Payne’s music! Thank you, kind stranger, for letting me know. 

~end scene~

Airplay | Pop: #21, Rhythmic: #17, 31.234M A.I.

Radio play is interesting because it’s something fans have essentially no control over. Because no matter how many times you Twitter request a song to get in on WHYT The Hytz’s Top 7 @ 7, that’s just a drop in the radioplay bucket. Instead, it’s dominated by label support, artist familiarity, and general audience reaction. The most commonly referred to charts (on the interwebs) for radio airplay are Mediabase’s charts. (Billboard draws its numbers from BDS, not Mediabase, but in the grand scheme of things, the similarities in the tracking systems far outweigh the differences.) Mediabase keeps genre-specific charts, and charts songs based on the number of plays (spins) the song gets on those stations. Aside from spins, the other important number for radio is audience impressions (A.I.) which measures how many people heard a song. Because a spin on New York’s pop station Z100 at rush hour is going to reach more people than a spin on WSTW, Wilmington DE’s Hot Adult Contemporary station at 2AM.

The chart people care about for the purposes of stan-warring is the CHR/Pop chart, which is exactly what it says on the tin: the pop chart. And wow, what do you know, here too Strip That Down has been steadily rising since its release (chart run: 36 - 31 - 26 - 24 - 24 - 22). You’d be pretty hard pressed to argue that this is underperforming. You’d also be pretty hard pressed to argue that it’s overperforming. So don’t! No one wants to be hard pressed. Well, actually... Err, where was I? Oh right, here’s a chart.

Again, aside from Swish Swish, which, lol, the general trend for all these songs is pretty similar. Bad Liar/Sign of the Times both grew way faster with some pretty significant radio deals. Everything else kinda chugged along. Strip That Down has been seeing a pretty linear increase in spins, and if it’s going to really climb, that’s going to need to pick up. But radio is super top-heavy, in that the top 10 songs account for a huge percentage of total spins. Maybe the radio gods will deign to grace Strip That Down and it’ll sky rocket. Or maybe not and it’ll stall in the mid-teens and like, that’ll be fairly respectable. 

In terms of overall audience, Strip That Down is the 58th most-heard song on radio, reaching 31.235 million/week. A majority of that is from pop stations, but a sizable chunk is also from CHR/Rhythmic stations, which are more hip-hop/r&b leaning. (And, a small slice is from Hot Adult Contemporary stations, a format that skews closer to pop rock, but generally plays every big pop hit.) Strip That Down has been seeing its biggest audience gains in the last couple days, so who knows. The world is its oyster.

Streaming | Spotify #23 (US), #9 (Worldwide), Youtube #57

Because it’s 2017 and millennials refuse to spend money on anything but avocado toast and actively staying unemployed, streaming exists. And tbh, I don’t really know shit about streaming patterns because the last time I followed music charts closely, Spotify wasn’t really a thing. And like every old person who used to know something, instead of doing the research and educating myself, I’m just gonna speculate wildly and hope no one notices when I pronounce Zendaya like it rhymes with papaya.

From my rigorous research, it looks like streaming turnover is definitely faster than radio turnover. And streaming in the US (at least on Spotify/Apple Music) trends more towards hip hop/rap. It also seems like streaming is basically its own beast, but not totally insulated from label influence. IDK how Spotify’s top hits playlists work, but like, my guess is there’s not no money to be had there.

What really matters is that Strip That Down is kinda killin’ it. It’s been gaining in the top 30 for US Spotify streams, and in the top 10 for worldwide Spotify streams for the last month. It’s definitely had the benefit of being on the most popular playlists, so that probably explains some of it. I don’t know what explains the rest of it. But like, idk, I guess the youths are digging it. Let’s visually illustrate this multiple times to place more emphasis on the streaming factor because such an emphasis would be advantageous to the perception of Strip That Down that most appeases my carnal desires. 

Wow, for once the analysis isn’t “idk we’ll see how it does.” For streaming, Strip That Down has just straight up done well regardless of the context or comparison you’d like to make. It’s already a streaming success for who knows what reason.  

Let’s end on that note. Please use this information for good and not evil. I don’t care if you like Liam or hate him or WHATEVER (that’s a lie, I do care if you hate Liam, because you’re a monster), but have some basic grasp of what the various chart numbers mean, please. Or if you must continue to engage in petty, misinformed arguments with rando strangers on the internet, do it in a place where there is zero chance of me stumbling upon it. (Those places don’t exist on the internet, because I will scrape into the deepest recesses of the web to find people saying nice things about Liam Payne. Because I am so bored.)

But, y’know, if your mental well-being depends on Liam’s songs performing well, then there’s definitely enough here for you to tell yourself that he’s #smashing #kingofpop #yourfavescouldnever #heynowyourearockstargetyourshowongetpaid.