#important other notes: joe hills wrote and sings rejoice in this world because DUH of COURSE he does

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

i'm going on a VERY fun rabbit hole with this life series/hermitcraft/empires blaseball au thing, so have the next installment, the hermit blaseball au! this one is a lot easier to understand if you don't know anything about blaseball, because this is Much more "i've just put them into the plot of blaseball, they're just hanging out in there". my empires blaseball au can be found here, and the third life blaseball au will be linked here one i finish writing that up.

also, a few of my choices for teams i am not... particularly confident about (namely xisuma, bdubs, hypno, and tango) so if you have a better suggestion for them please pitch it.

Grian: Batter for the LA Unlimited Tacos

Scar: Batter for the Miami Dale

Mumbo: Batter for the New York Millennials, Siphon

Cleo: Pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints

Ren: Batter and team captain for the San Fransisco Lovers, Charm

Bdubs: Batter for the Hawai’i Fridays

Impulse: Batter for the Hellmouth Sunbeams

Pearl: Pitcher for the Houston Spies, Precognition

Gem: Pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints

Xisuma: Pitcher for the Philly Pies

Evil X: Pitcher for the Hades Tigers

Wels: Batter for the San Fransisco Lovers

Hels: Batter for the Baltimore Crabs

Hypno: Batter for the Mexico City Wild Wings

XB: Batter for the Atlantis Georgias

Beef: Pitcher for the Dallas Steaks

Keralis: Batter for the Core Mechanics

Joe: Pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints, later batter for the Seattle Garages

TFC: Coach of the Ohio Worms

Doc: Pitcher for the Core Mechanics

Jevin: Batter for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Flinch, later rerolled into Reverberating

False: Pitcher for the Tokyo Lift

Stress: Batter for the Tokyo Lift

Iskall: Batter for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands

Tango: Pitcher for the Chicago Firefighters, Fire Eater

Cub: Batter for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, got Flinch from fighting god and got it rerolled into Debt

Etho: Pitcher for the Canada Moist Talkers

Zedaph: Pitcher for the Yellowstone Magic

Wormman: Pitcher for the Ohio Worms

This AU is, even more so than the Empires part of this AU, just me shoving the Hermits into the Blaseball universe and letting it happen.

The only people who are even sort of replacing an actual Blaseball player are Cleo, Joe, and Gem.

Cleo is our Jaylen. She pitches for the Kansas City Breath Mints, and is the best pitcher in the league, and when the Forbidden Book opens, she dies. Her intended replacement is False Symmetry II, aka Empires!False, but when the Forbidden Book is opened in the Empires, Hermitcraft, and Life Series universes all at once, everything gets a little muddled, and everyone comes out of it a little muddled. The biggest change is that Cleo is instead replaced by Gemini Tay, the newly generated player from the Empires world who was meant to replace Xornoth. 

When she is resurrected at the end of season 6, Joe goes into the Shadows in exchange. Within a few seasons, he is able to leave the Shadows and bats for the Breath Mints for about a season, afterwards he is transferred to the Seattle Garages, where he stays. I am not putting him back in the Shadows because it makes me kind of sad.

Cub and Jevin are both players for the Thieves, so they get cursed as a result of the boss fight against the Shelled One. We will resolve that later. Hels, despite being on the Crabs, does not get cursed, because he doesn’t join the Crabs until after they return from ascension.

Other than that, the Hermits are just sort of Existing in the world of Blaseball. Evil X and Hels are both created in similar ways to Evil Twin and Bontgomery Mullock, which is to say, Blessings break and accidentally clone a guy, so we just slightly edit one of their names and keep going. Don’t worry about it. 

At one point during Expansion, while the Reroll Will is still in effect, fans of the Thieves attempt to reroll the Flinch modifier that Cub got as a side effect of fighting god and losing that one time. It gets rerolled into Debt, in a similar vein to what happened to Silvaire Roadhouse, but because he’s on the Thieves, he actually gets to kill people. Good for him. Jevin’s Flinch modifier also gets rerolled, but he gets Reverberating. Good for him, but in a different direction.