#immediately bought the album once i saw that

[ssunric]

i used to pray for times like these (sunric special unit song)

[lamourdemalvie]

TRY IT; BITE IT.

sub!billie

A/N: sub!billie has been on my mind for literally like months now and this idea randomly popped in my brain today and i immediately knew i had to write it. anyways, sorry that i like NEVER post i just hate writing sometimes :,) anyways enjoy!

contains: sub! billie , dom!reader , overstimulation , degrading, praising if you squint , uhh panties used as a gag?

NOT PROOFREAD !

billie gasped as you pushed her down on the bed. biting her lip and furrowing her eyebrows, she backed up to the headboard as you began to crawl up to her. a smirk plastered across your face.

usually with billie, she was on top. it was always just an unspoken rule. but tonight. tonight was different.

billie grabbed onto your shirt, pulling you closer to her. your legs straddling her sides, on top of her and basically in her lap. “needy tonight aren’t we?” you said under your breath. billie said nothing; but instead gripping your shirt tighter and pushing her lips onto yours roughly.

your hands moved up her body. starting at her hips up to her neck. your lips moved in sync and it started to get heated fast.

billie was getting impatient, needy, pathetic. she began to grind up on you, her hands placed in your hair. you pull back with a smirk as you tapped her shoulder. “damn you really want this, huh bils?” you asked. billie looked up with the most innocent yet lustful eyes. she looked like a lost puppy. she pouted as she started to tug on your shirt, desperately trying to lift it.

you chuckled, taking it off for her. you clipped off your bra as well and threw it across the room. billie looked up at you in awe; not knowing what to do. she looked at you like she had never even touched a girl before. her eyes kept going up and down from you’re eyes and your tits. she was trying so hard not to make it obvious, it was cute. “god, you don’t have to act dumb. you can touch them, slut.” those words only getting billie more heated

she placed her hands on your waist and moved up. her hands falling right on your boobs. she then positioned herself up and moved her head to your chest. beginning to leave kisses and licks on your tits. you moved your hand into her hair, holding tight on it as she began to suck them. your head fell back, letting out a low moan.

you then pulled her head back. a little pop leaving her lips and a pout plastered on her face. “want more..” she said quietly. “ill give you more.” you replied.

you then pushed her back down. you began to take your pants off and then removing all her clothes. you were left in your lacy black underwear that billie had bought for you when she went on her trip to tokyo to do press for her album. billie absolutely loved when she saw you in them, and when she noticed, a wide smile creeping on her face. and you noticed. you knew right away what she was smiling at.

your fingers hooked onto the hem of your underwear. “you like seeing me in them, huh?” billie nodded frantically. you rolled your hips on billie’s, leaving little moans to come out of the girl beneath you. her eyes began to squeeze shut, she needed more.

you then began to take your underwear off. billie’s eyes opening once again and watching your moves. “wanna try them? huh bils?” you asked as you held the black pair of underwear up to her. billie furrowed her eyebrows. confused as to what you were asking her.

all of a sudden, you shoved the panties in billie��s mouth. her eyes widened and a whimper escaping but then being muffled. you laughed. “god i wish you could see how stupid you look.”

you then began to move down to her thighs. you pressed kissed on them. you took your hands on her knees and began to spread her legs wide. billie’s eyes growing more wide at your actions. billie’s wanted to beg for you to do something, but she couldn’t. “you want me in you? huh princess?” you asked. muffled noises could be heard from the girl but nothing was made up. “what’s that? i cant hear you.. guess you don’t want it then..” you smirked. seeing her face grow pain.

she was so impatient. she needed it badly. she hated how you were acting.

you began to run your fingers lightly on her clit. she began to squirm, so sensitive to your touch. she needed it all, she wanted you to give her your all. but you kept and kept toying with her. until you all of a sudden slipped your fingers inside of her.

her back arched, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. you chuckled as you began to speed up your pace. she gripped the sheets; her nuckles going white and cold.

you continued to fuck her senseless, not slowing down whatsoever. your could hear the noises she was making even with the panties in her mouth. she was vocal and you knew that. her face was scrunched up; every so often opening her eyes to look down at you. each time you locked eyes with her with a smirk.

“you gonna cum princess? hm?” billie started nodding and her legs began to shake. coming down from her high, she coated your fingers with her. her body and stomach shaking as your fingers started pumping inside her slower.

she looked down at you, expecting this to now be over. but oh was she wrong, this wasn’t over. you still began to fuck her. your thumb now coming up to do circles on her clit. her eyes widened. she was a shaking mess, she couldn’t take this what so ever.

she grabbed the underwear out of her mouth, gasping. “i-i cant take it..” she quivered.

you immediately looked up at her. you took your other hand to shove the panties back in her mouth and grabbed her wrist above her head. billie could feel her 2nd orgasm coming up. she was so overstimulated when she closed her eyes she could see stars.

as your movements went harder she then released herself once again. her hands shaking at your grip. her dripping mess coating your fingers once again.

you smiled and got up from on top of her, her body still in shock and shaking. you removed the piece of cloth from her mouth. “you did such a good job bils.” you praised her. she grabbed onto your wrist and pulled you into a passionate kiss. you giggled into the kiss, remembering how clingy she gets when she bottoms. “god i need you to top more.”

[starsinthesky5]

you are in love | joe burrow x reader

description: how did you end up falling head over heels for the quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals? but most importantly, how did the quarterback end up falling harder for you?

a/n: this is my first fic ever so bare with me! i’m still getting the hang of writing about joe. i have tried a few times but ended up deleting them because I didn’t like how they turned out LOL. buttt I got bored and got a little confidence and decided to try again. i hope you all like it (if anyone even reads this). this is based off of one of my favorite songs ever and I thought it would make a nice fic. i hope its not too cringe, enjoy :)

warnings: slight smut and allusions to sex, language

word count: 5.5 k

part 2

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

present day:

One look, Dark Room

Meant just, For you

Time moved too fast, You play it back

“And that should do it,” Joe says as he places the final pillow onto the fort.

“Didn’t know you had “architect” in your job portfolio. This is impressive,” you giggled as you got into the fort.

“No need for the flattery babe, gotta make sure your first night here is comfy so you come back,” Joe replied while draping a blanket over your legs.

“Oh I’ll be back, someone has to use the massive pool, and knowing you, you won’t go in there without me,” you said while thinking about all the exciting things you’ll get to do with him at his new house.

“You got that right, but you’re the one who needs to hang on to me and use me as her personal flotation device,” he says as he settles on the pillows across from you.

“Well then, maybe you shouldn’t be so huggable Mr. Burrow,” you say before throwing a pillow at him.

Today was you and Joe’s 6 month anniversary. You two had spent the entire day moving Joe into his new house that he bought when he signed his extension. There were boxes everywhere and hardly any furniture set up, so Joe ended up building a blanket fort for the night. He spent every free moment apologizing for not being able to do something romantic for your anniversary, but you didn’t mind. Any moment with him was special.

“Thank you for helping me out today, I know you probably didn’t think we’d be spending most of the weekend doing this when I asked you to come to Cincinnati,” He said as he was fidgeting with his wristbands.

You lived all the way in Los Angeles and were currently in the middle of working on your 3rd studio album. You were in desperate need of a break and inspiration, so you jumped on the first flight to Cincinnati to see your favorite person.

“Joe, you've apologized enough. Seriously, it’s perfectly fine. You know that I don’t care about the fancy dates and over-the-top gestures. Any time we get to spend together means the world to me, even if it involves carefully moving your extensive Lego collection to the new house,” you chuckle while rubbing his foot.

Joe’s heart was exploding while you were talking. He seriously doesn’t understand how he got so lucky. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he wanted to do everything possible to show you. But the one thing he adored most about you was that you didn’t care for all the glitz and glamor of dating an NFL quarterback. And you loved that he didn’t care about your Hollywood status or all the attention you’d get from the public.

Joe got up on his knees and crawled over to the spot next to you. Once he sat down, you immediately latched onto him and buried yourself into his neck, missing the warmth of his body.

“See, you’re so huggable,” you murmured against his neck.

You heard him softly laugh and felt his hand move up your side, squeezing your arm. “How did I get so lucky” you wondered to yourself.

——————————————————

first meeting:

Buttons on a coat, Light-hearted joke

No proof, not much

But you saw enough

Flashback to July 4th: The Hamptons, New York

You dreaded going to the big 4th of July bash hosted by Micheal Rubin every year, but as an up-and-coming musician, saying “No” to this kind of party would be stupid given the number of connections you could make. The party would always have the most elite Celebrities, Models, Musicians, and Athletes; meaning a lot of small talk and fake laughing. This would be your third time going, and every time you end up sitting in the corner, alone with your way too strong Vodka Martini, counting down the minutes until you could leave. But this year, something was different.

You did end up sitting in the corner with your way too-strong Martini, but you weren't alone. And you certainly weren't counting down the minutes until you could leave. Hell, you were even wishing this night would never end.

“What happens to Football Players when they become blind?” he asked.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” you replied.

“They become referees,” he said while smirking.

“Joe! You can’t say that!” you wheezed out. You couldn't contain your laughter any longer. You weren’t sure if it was because of the Martini, or the fact that Joe Burrow was sitting next to you, also drinking a Vodka Martini.

“Hey, it’s the truth, but you didn’t hear that from me,” Joe said while throwing his hands up.

“You got it Mr. QB1, but I do agree; it’s such BS when they miss the most clear calls,” you giggled.

You weren’t really sure how you and Joe ended up basically spending the entire party by each other's side. One minute you're about to sit and scroll on your phone as usual, and the next thing you know you’re telling your life story to a guy you just met. Were you a little buzzed, absolutely. But something about him made you feel comfortable and safe, even though you just met.

“You’re really cool by the way,” Joe whispered.

“Gee, aren’t you Shakespeare,” you smiled and took another sip of your drink.

“Seriously though. The entire time we've been sitting here, not once did you purposefully bring up the fact that I’m an NFL quarterback. Not many girls can talk to me without bringing up football or trying to flirt with me. It’s exhausting,” he confessed but quickly realized how cocky he sounds. “Not that every girl tries to flirt with me,” he added. 

You laughed and said, “Well, lucky for you I find more value in real conversations than all that superficial stuff. I totally understand the feeling, I love talking to people about my music but after a certain point I just want to talk about normal things and have real conversation,”

I do think it’s cool that you’re a football player since I grew up watching it, but I want to know more about you, not the quarterback,” you continue.

“Well then Miss Y/N, I’m in New York for a few more days, let me take you out to dinner so you can get to know the real Joe a little more,” he boldly asked.

You stared into his deep blue eyes, eyes you wouldn’t mind getting lost in. Something about those eyes was promising. You’ve only just met him and for all you know, he could be a typical “Fuck Boy athlete” looking for a quick hookup. There was nothing to attest to what he was saying, but part of you was willing to take the risk. Something about him felt different.

“Earth to Y/N-”

“Okay,” was all you said.

Little did you know that saying yes to Joe was one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

——————————————————

early dating:

Small talk, he drives

Coffee at midnight

The light reflects, The chain on your neck

He says, “Look up”, And your shoulders brush

No proof, one touch, But you felt enough

Flashback to your first time visiting Joe in Cincinnati

It had been a few weeks since you and Joe had dinner together and he had been nothing but a gentleman. The two of you talked about everything from your childhoods to your current aspirations, to your favorite music, and even geeking out about Marvel Movies plus everything nerdy. Joe made you feel good about yourself. He would always tell you how pretty you looked and paid the most attention whenever you would talk. He made you feel butterflies, something which you hadn’t felt in a long time.

After you left New York, the two of you couldn’t stop talking to each other. The silly conversations eventually turned into deep ones; you telling him things you’ve only shared with a select number of people. You felt comfortable when you were talking to him, so this wasn’t difficult for you. He shared things with you about himself that he would only share with those close to him, which was very few since he kept a tight circle. You both shared a mutual feeling of trust, willing to lay yourself bare just to get to know one another. You’d always text him after a vigorous studio sesh to vent and he would update you on his off-season progress. Those texts eventually turned into late-night facetimes, which ended up in Joe asking you to fly out and see him. You hesitated a bit before saying yes. In the back of your mind, you were scared. You knew that the more you two talked and saw one another, the more attached you’d get. He could break your heart into a thousand pieces if you weren’t careful. But you owed it to yourself and to Joe to try.

You hummed along to whatever song was playing on the radio as you looked out the window and watched the bright city skyline fade. It was currently midnight in Cincinnati and Joe insisted that he take you to his favorite secret spot on your first trip here.

“You tired?” Joe asked as he glanced over to you, taking in every one of your features.

God you looked so pretty, he thought. You were wearing one of his old Athens Football hoodies and had your hair in a messy bun. You weren’t wearing any makeup and even had on a pair of his slides, which were a few sizes too big. Even in your most natural state, he looked at you like you were a diamond.

“A little. Didn’t get a lot of sleep on the plane,” you yawned out.

“I promise this will be worth it,” Joe said as he placed his hand on your bare thigh.

You immediately tensed up at the foreign contact. Joe felt you tense up and went to remove his hand but you put it right back on your thigh and felt your face turning red. Your stomach was doing somersaults right now.

“Those damn butterflies,” you thought to yourself.

“So, how’s the album coming along?” Joe casually questioned as if he didn’t just make you want to scream out of excitement.

“It’s good, slow, but making progress. I feel like I’ve hit a dead end and am having major writer's block so I think stepping away from it for a little bit will be good for me. Things were getting a bit stuffy and loud. I feel like I was getting somewhere but it always ends up being nothing,” you say as you place your hand on top of his, playing with his fingers.

“That’s good, I hope this weekend will be a breath of fresh air for you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Always remember that you’re doing your best,”

You looked over at Joe and felt your heart swell up. He knew exactly what to say and how to make a girl feel special.

~10 minutes later~

“We’re here,” Joe says as he turns off the car. 

You looked out the window and saw nothing but trees and grass. You were confused as to where he brought you but before you could ask him, he got out of the car and jogged to your door to open it for you.

“Thank you, Joey,” you blushed as he closed the door behind you.

Joe stepped behind you and whispered into your ear “Close your eyes, I promise it’ll make it even better”.

You closed your eyes and felt his hand on the small of your back. He led you through what felt like a clearing in the trees to a flat grassy patch. You could feel the cold wind against your bare legs meaning that you were out of the woods.

“Open,” he told you.

When you opened your eyes you were met with the most beautiful sight. The same skyline you saw up close, now you were looking at from a distance. It was breathtaking. In Front of you was a picnic blanket and a beautiful set up of candles.

“Holy shit Joe, this is beautiful,” you say in awe.

“Welcome to the lookout point. My favorite place to go when I need a minute alone. I also remember you mentioning how you loved looking at skylines during the sunset and even though we couldn’t make it for the sunset part, I thought this would be the next best thing,” He says as he leads you both to the blanket.

You both sat down on the blanket and he immediately pulled you into his chest. You both faced the bright skyline and all Joe could think about was how much peace he felt at that moment. It was just the two of you sitting in your own little world. The darkness and quietness around you both felt comforting because it was a sign that this moment was just for you both;  no outside noise or distractions.

“This is insane, I mean you can see the whole city and river from up here!” You say as you settle into his arms, your back to his chest.

“That’s not even the best part Y/N, look up,” He points.

You turn your head up to look at him and then you look up. You’re met with what is probably the clearest view of the stars you’ve ever gotten.

“It’s beautiful,” you whisper, not removing your eyes from the sky.

“You’re beautiful,” Joe says while looking down at you.

You got that feeling again. Your stomach was doing somersaults and the butterflies were back. Could this be that feeling? A feeling you hadn’t felt in a while? That feeling you get when the right person enters your life at the right time? Was Joe that person? So many questions filled your head that you didn’t realize Joe had been softly caressing your thigh the entire time which pulled you out of your trance. 

“That right there is the Big Dipper which points straight to-”

“Polaris,” you interrupt.

“Space nerd,” Joe shakes his head and laughs out.

“Don’t think I don’t know about your space nerdy ways Burrow, I know this is your domain,” you huff out. Joe had told you back in New York that he loved anything and everything space and physics-related. You admired how someone like him was a complete nerd under the tough shell he had. You naturally went back to your apartment and spent an hour or two updating yourself on space quick facts, which certainly paid off.

You slowly got out of his embrace and sat up across from him. 

“Is something wrong?” He asked with a hint of confusion in his voice.

“No, nothing’s wrong Joe,” you chuckle.

“It’s perfect actually. It’s all perfect. You’re perfect,” you say as you move closer to him, still sitting up. “You know how to make a girl feel special, this was really sweet of you Joe,” you say as you play with the strings of his your hoodie. 

“I just wanna make my girl feel special,” he confesses while moving your hair out of your face.

His girl.

Those were the only words you needed to hear before you jumped onto him and pressed your lips against his. His lips fit perfectly against yours like you were made for each other, so soft and sweet. He slipped his tongue in between the valley of your lips and entered your mouth which caused you to let out a soft whimper. You both spent a few moments exploring each other’s mouths before he broke apart the heated moment.

“I take that as a “yes I’ll be your girlfriend”,” he questioned while searching your face for an answer.

“I didn’t know you were asking,” you teased.

Joe’s face dropped, did he push you too fast? You noticed his facial expression change and immediately pressed a soft kiss onto the tip of his nose and laughed,  “Yes silly, I’ll be your girl,”.

——————————————————

it's getting serious:

Morning, his place, Burnt toast, Sunday 

You keep his shirt, He keeps his word

And for once, you let go, Of your fears & your ghosts 

One step, not much,  But it said enough

Flashback to Joe’s house (4 months into dating)

The warm sunlight flooded the room as you slowly woke up, your body sore and wrapped up in Joe’s sheets, and Joe himself. Joe was sound asleep, fully koala bear hugging you with his head on your chest. God, how does he look so perfect this early in the morning? His dirty blonde curls were sprawled out against your chest and his lips were curled up, almost smiling. Your eyes moved to his back, a few red scratches still visible. You made a mental note that you should probably trim down on the length of your acrylics if this was going to become a common thing for you two, smiling at the thought of what unfolded the night before. You freed your hand from under the sheets and moved it around his back, hoping to soothe any pain you caused. 

The two of you had stumbled into his house late last night after a delicious dinner and wine tasting at a local winery. You two had a few too many glasses of wine and were lucky you made it home in one piece. 

 Flashback to last night 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had that many glasses of wine in one sitting before,” you slurred as Joe led you inside the kitchen.

“Me either, next time make sure I stop after the 3rd glass. And it’s a good thing we got someone to take us back and forth,” he said as he took off his jacket and went to get you both some water. 

“Literally. If you were to drive I think we’d end up in the Ohio River,” you deadpanned. 

“Haha, really funny,” Joe said as he handed you a glass of water. 

“God my feet feel like they’re on fire,”. You wailed out while taking a sip of the icy cold beverage.

Joe looked over at you and saw you eyeing your feet. You were wearing a short skin-tight black dress; one of his favorites. The low cut of the dress highlighted your neck which had his favorite part of your outfit. The necklace he gave you for your 1 month anniversary. A simple pendant with the letter “J”. After he gave you that necklace, you never took it off. It became a part of you, and he noticed that. 

Joe crouched down and began untying your heels. 

“Joe you don’t have to do that,” you cooed while twirling your fingers through his hair. 

“I don’t have to, but I want to,” he said while flashing you a smile.

He helped you step out of your heels and back onto the ground. Once he got back up he wrapped his big hands around your waist and your hands immediately found their home around his neck and into his hair again.

You inched your face a little closer to his and pressed a delicate kiss onto his soft pink lips.

“Hi,” you whisper against his lips. This time, he pressed a soft kiss on your nose.

“Hi,” he whispered back, staring into your eyes.

“Tonight was really fun. Thank you for always knowing how to get my mind off of things,” you say while staring into his baby blues. 

“No need to thank me Y/N. I know how hard you work and how things can become overwhelming. I’m glad that I can get your mind off of things, even if it’s for a little bit,” 

He wasn’t wrong. Things often become too much for you back in LA and coming to Joe was your escape. Being with him blocked out the outside noise, you would completely forget about whatever was bothering you. You guys would often end up doing the most random things together, without any plan, but that was okay. Those nights where you’d end up eating Chinese takeout on the floor while building a new Lego set were your favorites. The hot summer days where you both would spend the entire afternoon attached to each other in the pool was one of your favorite ways to destress, it was just the two of you. He is your shelter in the hurricane that is your life. 

For Joe, it was very similar. Anytime football would get too real, he’d come straight to you. You were always there whenever he needed to vent or talk something out, knowing you’d always listen. You had been to every single one of his games so far and were always waiting for him in the suite after. Whether he was upset after a shitty game or on Cloud 9, you were always there waiting with open arms. And he loved it. He loved being able to share his high moments with you, even if you had to see some of his lows. Your relationship hadn’t become public yet, which you two were incredibly grateful for. You both were incredibly private people and wanted to take in as much as you could before the whole world had an opinion of your romance. Getting to know each other in private, away from prying eyes, was a blessing.

The two of you continued to stare into each other's eyes, you found yourself once again getting lost in his. 

You felt Joe’s hand migrate to your ass, giving it a soft squeeze.“Getting handsy now aren’t we, Burrow,” you softly giggled. 

“Can’t help it if my girl looks so goddamn beautiful in this dress,” he said matter-of-factly. 

“I appreciate the flattery Mr. Burrow, but do you need something from me or are you just being a flirt” you teased.

“I need you,” he blurted out. 

Your heart almost beat out of your chest when you heard him say that. You and Joe haven’t taken that step in your relationship. You’ve had your fair share of heated make-outs that occasionally involve wandering hands, but nothing like that has happened, yet. It’s not that you didn’t want to, god you wanted to. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to climb him like a tree. His perfectly sculpted chest, his muscular arms, those thighs, and that face. He made you weak in the knees, and he was well aware. He never pressured you to go there, letting you know that it’s okay to take things slow. But tonight you didn’t feel like taking it slow. 

“Then show me, Joe,” you said as you felt your arousal shoot up.

Joe immediately picked you up, bridal style, causing you to let out a shriek. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he launched you both up the stairs, taking the steps 2 at a time, eventually rushing into the bedroom.

“Joe, slow down!” You squeak out while laughing. 

He carefully laid you on his bed admiring you for a second; you looked perfect, even with messy hair and smudged makeup. Joe moved onto the bed and started placing soft butterfly kisses up your arm, right up to that spot on your neck that he knows you love.

“Joe, please,” You whimpered, fully implying you wanted more with the tone of your voice.

Joe removed himself from your neck, looked into your eyes, and said “Are you sure?”. 

You smiled and said “Absolutely,”. 

He then captured your lips in a passionate and deep kiss. You felt like kissing him till your lips fell off, it was like heaven when you two would connect. Slowly, both of your clothes ended up on the floor and those passion-filled kisses turned messy and sloppy. You felt those butterflies in your stomach again as he was kissing his way down your body. You did not doubt that Joe would be careful with you, and you knew he wanted this just as much as you did. 

End of Flashback

You decided to go back to sleep since it was still pretty early and you know Joe was tired from last night. You woke up a few hours later to the smell of cinnamon and coffee. 

“Mmmm,” You say as you stretch out. You didn’t feel any weight on you anymore so Joe must have woken up. You looked around the room and didn’t see him anywhere so you decided to freshen up in his bathroom and head downstairs. When you entered the bathroom you saw one of his shirts (a purple long sleeve LSU shirt aka one of your favs) on the counter with a sticky note saying “For you :)”. You put on the soft shirt (which was way too big) and start fixing your messy hair before heading downstairs. 

You walk into the kitchen and see the dining table decked out with a vase of pink carnations (which happens to be your favorite flower), 2 plates of French toast, and a smoothie for Joe. You also noticed a mug of coffee which made you smile. Joe knew that you would be a zombie the whole day if you didn’t have your daily morning coffee.  Joe was too busy cooking the bacon to notice you coming downstairs, so you walked up behind him and wrapped your hands around him from behind.

“Good morning sexy chef,” you murmured against his back.

“Tryna get me going again?” He teased. 

“You wish, last night was a damn workout. I need at least 3 hours to recover before we go at it again,” you giggled.  

You heard his soft laugh before he spun around and wrapped his hands around your waist. “Well, we will def be repeating that. “Sooner the better,” he added. 

“Horndog,” you said as you pressed a kiss on his cheek.

“Only for you babe,” he says before going back to the bacon. “I’m almost done with this, you can sit at the table.”

“Damn, quarterback, perfect boyfriend, and chef? Impressive job portfolio,” you say while walking to the table and sitting down. 

Joe finished cooking the bacon and sat down across from you. “The French toast is a little burnt, I got distracted by the TV,” he admitted. “They were showing this month’s Top 10 funniest cat videos.” 

You burst out laughing and say “Guess I should add Cat Lady to your job portfolio too,”

You two spent the morning digging into the delicious breakfast Joe had prepared, even though the French toast was slightly burnt. He talked about the upcoming football season and how excited he was for the new offensive schemes they had come up with. After breakfast, you both ended up on the couch and decided to play a round of go fish. You gave him some album updates, which he’d constantly ask for, and even played one of your demos for him. 

“Y/N this is amazing,” he said softly. The song he had just heard was called “Sweet Nothing”, and you weren't planning on ever letting anyone hear it because of how intimate and special it was. A big part of what you did involved you being in the public eye a lot, which allowed everyone to nitpick and talk about your life. It was exhausting how often people would comment on your relationships, friendships, career, body, and everything in between. They always expected you to be perfect in every aspect and when you weren’t, they would make it known. You had written about how Joe never expected anything from you like everyone else did. Being with him was easy and you knew you could always go to him whenever the background noise would get too loud. And now here he was, listening to those feelings you had a hard time saying out loud. 

“Thank you. To be honest I wasn’t planning on letting anyone hear that,” you say while looking down and fidgeting with your rings. 

“Really?” he asked. “It’s really good, and I’m not just saying that because I’m your boyfriend.” 

“Yep. I love it, I really do. I think it’s one of the best songs I’ve written so far, but I feel like it’s too bare and the fans won’t understand the real meaning behind the song. And I feel like they won’t like it.” 

“And that’s exactly why you should release it. I know the real you, and that is the real you,” he says while pointing at your phone. Screw the fans, you should do what makes you happy.” he says before reaching for your hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “You make music because that makes you happy and you shouldn’t have to worry about what people will say. If they have an issue with you doing what you want, then they are sure as hell not fans.” 

You got up on your knees and jumped onto Joe’s body, making you both lay flat against each other on the couch. 

“How do you always know what to say,” you beam while prepping soft kisses all over his face. 

Your heart felt like it was about to explode. It only took a few months for someone you just met to understand you more than people following your journey over the past few years. Joe’s words felt like a warm comforting hug, and they always made you feel like everything was going to be okay. You valued his words so much, you trusted him so much, and he loved that you were so open and vulnerable with him. He knew that opening up was difficult for you, and he felt at peace knowing you felt comfortable confiding in him. You weren't holding back anymore. You were 100% open and honest with him and he never took advantage of it. Your fears of getting hurt were fading away.

——————————————————

present day:

You kiss on sidewalks, You fight and you talk

One night he wakes, Strange look on his face,

Pauses, then says, “You’re my Best Friend”

And you knew what it was, He is in Love

“Y/N?” was all you heard as you felt your shoulder shake. “Did I lose you there?” Joe asked. 

“What?” you questioned as you looked up at him. You were back in the fort Joe built for you two. 

“I was asking what you thought of the house,” he says as he plays with your hair. “Is something wrong?” he asks. 

“Oh. Sorry, I must have dozed off for a second,” you lied, not admitting you were caught in a series of flashbacks. “I think it’s amazing. It’s sooo big and has so much potential.” you continue. 

“Yeah, it is pretty big,” he says with a sigh. You look up at him and immediately sense the change in his tone plus the dejected look on his face, “Is that not what you wanted?” you say with concern. “I thought you wanted a big house.” 

“I did, I do. I just don’t want to be alone in this big of a house when you aren’t here,” he confessed, feeling slightly embarrassed as if he didn’t have other things to occupy his free time. “Unless,” he added.

“Unless what?” you asked. 

He hesitated before saying, “Move in with me”. 

It took a few moments for your brain to register what he said to you. You immediately sat up, as did he. You were about to say something but he cut you off before you could.

“Y/N. These past 6 months have been nothing short of peaceful and amazing. Being with you brings me the balance I need in my life. I know that if I ever fly too high or get lost, I have someone who can find me and bring me back down. You are everything I’ve ever wanted in life, and now you’re everything I need.” he says. 

“You’re my biggest cheerleader, my support system, my safety net, but most importantly.” He pauses and says, "You're my best friend.” “And I love you.” he finishes. 

Those 3 words. The 3 words that you’ve wanted to say to him for months but didn’t because you weren’t entirely sure if he felt the same way. Those 3 words just came out of his mouth, and he meant it. He loved you more than anything and he needed to make it known. He needed to wake up to your smile every morning. He needed to hear your voice echo through the halls of the house. You made him feel loved, and he needed you to know that.

You didn’t realize the hot tears streaming down your cheeks until Joe lifted his hand and started wiping them.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asks, feeling nervous since you didn’t respond to anything he just said. 

You started crying even harder. He loved you. He really loved you. 

“Y/N you’re scaring me”.

“Shut up,” you said before you put your hands on his face and brought him in for a passionate kiss. 

You kissed him for a few heartbeats and finally whispered against his lips “I love you,” loud enough for just him to hear before you captured his lips in another kiss.

He stops kissing you and stares into your eyes for a moment, getting lost in them like you do with his eyes. “So about my first question,” he beams. 

“Yes silly, I’ll move in with you,” you giggle. “Someone has to make sure that you don’t burn this place down while making french toast. You got lucky last time,” you laugh out while remembering that morning. 

“Haha, really funny babe,” he says before pulling you into a hug. The warmth of your bodies pressed together was the most comforting feeling in the world. Joe spent the rest of the night telling you how much he loved you, and you reciprocated the feeling by showing him how much you loved him.

We’re in love.

—The End—

[odearly]

pt 2 - habits (stay high)

without me? - halsey

⟡ summary: Being a fairly well known K-pop idol was difficult, especially when you're hiding a consuming drug problem. A drug problem you and su-bong shared, and after an article gets made about your habits your entire career comes crashing down. Su-bong leaves you in the dust to avoid getting caught in the crossfire of Korean media, but when you meet again in the squid games can you really trust him to be on your side even now?

⟡ warnings: angst, drugs, no happy ending.... unless, typical squid game violence

You were a star, destined for greatness when Korean tabloids shot you out of the sky. Your boyfriend, su-bong who had achieved a rap career after you openly promoted him to your record deal and fans did nothing to try and support you after your scandal.

"I can't be seen with you anymore! What if they try to drug test me too?" Su-bong said, arguing with you after having to have a meeting about letting you go from the album they were making together.

"Really? Really Su-bong? You're kicking me to the curb after everything we've been through?" You were angry, rightfully so.. you just watched all of your income slowly get drained out of your account with lawsuits from brand deals saying you 'ruined their image'.

"You're being selfish! I can't ruin my career over your dumb decisions!" Su-bong argued back, he had a tone that did nothing but break your heart and you didn't know how to handle this loss aswell as the loss of your career.

"MY dumb decisions? Are you fucking kidding me Su-bong? You're as much of a drug addict as me!" You snapped back, venom lacing your tone from complete anger, shame and hurt from this argument.

"I'm not getting caught like you though am I?" He asked, raising his eyebrows in question. He really didn't care.. or atleast thats how it seems.

You shook your head with a scoff, walking off to the shared bedroom they have. You grabbed one of the Prada duffel bags he'd bought you years ago for one of your birthdays, shoving as many clothes as you can fit into the bag and putting it over her shoulder. You gave him one last chance to say he didn't mean it, looking at him for a moment in silence. Your eyes looked like they were about to well up in tears but you blinked them back, Su-bong stayed silent. He didn't utter a word as you walk out the door, watching you drive away in his Cadillac to one of your high school friend's houses.

now here you were, laying in the shitty bunk beds that were provided for each of the contestants of these fucked up games. desperately craving a pill, needing a release from your mind begging your thoughts to stop for even a moment. your thoughts wont stop, they wouldn't after watching nearly a hundred people die in a game of red light, green light.

you sat up in the uncomfortable bed giving the room a small once over as you notice a mop of purple joking around with a shoulder length black haired man in the corner. you couldn't believe your eyes.. why was he here too? was he in debt? a million questions came to her mind before the biggest one... did he have pills?

you were staring so long you didn't even notice the black haired man that was sitting beside him pointing a questioning finger at you, causing su-bong to lock eyes with you.

as soon as he saw you the color drained from his face, worry immediately washing over him as she turned around and tried to put together his thoughts.

it was only a couple minutes later before he pulled himself up and walked over to your bunk.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his tone sounding angry with a hint of worry.

"Why do you care?" You snapped back with a sting of a million bees. If looks could kill, the glare you were sending through his soul could certainly knock him out at least.

"What the hell do you mean? You can't be here, its not safe!" Su-bong exclaimed slightly slurring his words as he spoke, his voice was all too familiar when he got upset and high like this.

You looked at his eyes, looking at the dilated new moons in his eyes. He was still on drugs, that much was certain.

"Obviously i'm here for money, i'm not really finding jobs out there with multiple lawsuits i can't afford to pay for." you snark back sharply, scoffing in disbelief at his audacity.

Your words sobered him up, reminding him of the outside world and what he had waiting for him aswell.. debts and his own suffering after you were gone.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed in frustration that he'd now be competing against you. "Listen.. okay.. I'm sorry for how things went down between us but you need to stick by me. I'll get us out!"

You stayed silent for a moment, almost genuinely considering his offer but you couldn't trust him anymore. His word meant nothing after he abandoned you when you needed him.

"I don't need your help or your pity, su-bong. Go find another girl to prey on for their fame this time." You turned around in your bed, officially ending the conversation with him.

You heard him scoff and the tip tapping of his shoes as he walked off. You didn't understand why he wanted to be so protective now when he certainly didn't feel like protecting you before.

The night came quickly after voting you had voted stay because the current 9.1 billion won split between over 300 players wouldn't fix the issues you came here to solve. Dinner passed by in a blur and Su-bong didn't try to speak to you for the rest of the day.

When the lights went out you tried to sleep but your restlessness was not aided by the stiffness of the bed or the thought of possibly dying tomorrow in the next game. You did eventually fall asleep though, after your thoughts got too exhausting and you finally felt your eyes getting heavy.. bracing yourself for the moment you wake up and have to play another game.

a-n: first time posting one of my stories lmk if u like it. this song is literally so him coded!! next chapter will be more fluffy 🫡

[knightyoomyoui]

Rather Be

ft. TWICE's Jeongyeon (x Male Reader)

TYPE: Fluff, Angst GENRE: Romance, Drama, Slice Of Life REQUESTED BY: anon who asked for this: "Hi knight-nim, glad that you are back and lookong forward to your fics. Is it possible to request a Jeongyeon slice of life as an idol fluff fic about how she navigates her love life especially during her hiatus era and her comeback and her new youtube shows. I am a sucker for fluff with a tinge of angst and a supportive couple. Thank you." I hope you liked what I made for you and hopefully it reached your expectations!

WORD COUNT: 7083 ADDITIONAL NOTE: This might be one of my favorite fics I've made. I've enjoyed writing this a lot (which is why I exceeded to my 3k word limit) and I think I really went deep onto their personalities here. Probably because most of the dialogues here was like these were all I would like to express to Jeongyeon personally. Love my bias!

DONATE OR REQUEST FOR COMMISSION HERE: https://ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui ===000=== An unexpected and saddening news was released right during the month of October which was TWICE’s 5th anniversary since their debut and the hype as well for the release of their upcoming 2nd full album titled ‘Eyes Wide Open’. It is said on the link that was posted by the agency itself JYP Entertainment that Jeongyeon, one of the members of the said group is suffering both from a severe anxiety attack and a herniated disc injury on her neck. This requires her to be on hiatus for an indefinite period of time, resulting for her to be pulled from the promotions of their album including their live celebration of their anniversary on YouTube.

The conditions were mutually agreed both from JYPE and TWICE, especially to Jeongyeon who is the most affected here. After the announcement was posted, it spreaded through the K-Media articles as well as globally for all of the ONCEs to see. The fans were disheartened from the idea of how Jeongyeon is suffering right now and disappointed of the unfortunate timing it occurred. Without any choice, the fans had to express their thoughtful and caring messages for Jeongyeon’s speedy recovery while others combined it with criticizing the agency for another mistreatment of their idols. Jeongyeon saw everything in the social media.. Despite the heartwarming messages being sent to her by ONCEs, the quivering feeling inside of her cannot be shaken away of what her current unstable state has been caused. Remembering what the doctor have said to her that the primary thing for her to do on beginning her recovery is to keep her distance away from the public and take some time-off she needed for herself. The burden of stress and guilt taking an effect of her led to Jeongyeon deciding that she wants to retreat back on her hometown of Suwon. She informed her sister Seungyeon about this and immediately accepted. However, she mentioned that she’ll be only taking her there and won’t be much in around as she is in a middle of filming a new series, but she promised that she’ll visit from time to time as long as she can monitor how she’s been doing. Touched by her sister’s love for her, she is determined now to depart temporarily from attracting an attention to the flashing cameras, public’s eyes, and the relentless pressure of the industry putting her on.

===OOO===

It’s a 30 minute drive from Seoul to Suwon. Before packing her belongings and drive away with Seungyeon and her recently bought car, she said goodbye to the girls and thanking the staffs including JYP himself for allowing her to take a break, in which it was done with pure intention as they believe everybody deserves to be and nobody should sacrifice their lives for exhaustion. She saw the signage that says she’s near now to her destination, Jeongyeon couldn’t help but to atleast crack a smile for a little, as she couldn’t hide her excitement to relive the nostalgia she had on that place. Now arriving to the province, Seungyeon parked the car to the familiar placed standing still and looking just as great as the last time they left here to pursue the best of their careers. They unloaded her things and approached the house where they were greeted by Yoo’s longtime helper Mrs. Song. She was stunned to see two women who were once little to her eyes, now a fully grown up and looking prettier than ever. “Hi, Mrs. Song.”

“Oh my Jeongyeon and Seungyeon-ah, it’s been a long time since you two went here!” Mrs. Song went to hug them both in which they giggled in response. “Look at you two looking like a grown-up women now, it has been a while isn’t it? Last time we’ve been together, I had to babysit you two and keep your playfulness in control.” All of them laughed at that memory. “We missed you too, Mrs. Song. We apologize if it only had come to this where we have to go back here. It’s busy out there in the city and… it’s an urgent matter.” Mrs. Song nodded, as she understood what Seungyeon is referring, which was their phone call last night. “I get it, and I can’t demand selfishly.” Her expression shifted into a softer one, turning her attention to Jeongyeon who is looking exactly as what she’s expected. “What did they do to you there, hmm? I heard what happened to you, Jeongyeon-ah. Have you’ve been tiring yourself too much on your work?” She held Jeongyeon’s hands which began to tremble. Meeting her eyes, she was shocked and devastated to see her the younger Yoo cry in her grasp.

“Aigoo, they’ve been too harsh on you.” Mrs. Song quickly hugged Jeongyeon into comfort. Seungyeon witnessing this scene tugs her heart and at the same time feeling sorry for her sister. “Don’t worry, I will take care of you here, okay? Enjoy your stay here, forget all of those you left behind for a while. This is about you that you have to be focused on first and they can’t stop you for it. Okay?” Jeongyeon nodded and answered in a muffled sobbing tone. “Yes, ahjussi.” z

“Ssshhh, save your tears, my Jeongie. Let’s take it here inside and continue. Here, let me help you two grab your things to your rooms.” Mrs. Song said as she rubbed Jeongyeon’s back before letting go and went through the luggages. ===OOO=== After an hour of reliving the old memories and catching up the lost times with their beloved helper, Seungyeon regrettably informed her that she has to go now for her schedule. Mrs. Song wished her goodbye and a safe trip back in Seoul while repeating what she advised to her in relation to Jeongyeon’s situation. Seungyeon keep it in mind and hugged Mrs. Song in gratitude. Jeongyeon stepped near at the car and watched her sister enter. Rolling down the window, she peeked at her vulnerable younger sister and aims to set some reminders. “Call me anytime if you need me, okay? Keep me updated on how you’re doing, you know I’ll always be concerned of you, especially mom and dad. Got it?” “Alright.” Jeongyeon nodded. “Have to go now, bye and love you!” “Love you too, noona.” Jeongyeon waved her hand and slightly smiled for her sister as she watched the car start to move and disappear through the distance. Mrs. Song smiled at the interaction of the two from the balcony before calling Jeongyeon. “Jeongyeon-ah, let’s go. I could take some help on the kitchen for our lunch.” “Okay, Mrs. Song!” Jeongyeon responded after rotating her body to face her. She entered the house and locked the gate. ===OOO=== The next day, Jeongyeon began to list down the things she wanted to do, motivated to heal and put herself back together again. Now convinced and contented on her procedure of self-therapy she arranged, she didn’t waste any more time to check them off the list. She started by reconnecting with some old friends in which they welcomed them back with open arms and offered assistance to her especially after what they have learned of her current struggles that brought her back to Suwon. Jeongyeon appreciated it and gladly granted them. She also went to revisit some of the places she has been since she was a child and other places where it was added during the length of time they departed to Seoul. She made sure to capture everything and add it to her gallery to compile once she feel like reminiscing again and see the progress of her hiatus.

She was also joined by Mrs. Song on exploring some new activities to discover and probably consider it to be added on her new hobbies. She was taught on how to paint to canvas, forming a clay pot, baking a cake, gardening and others that will surely gain her peace and relaxation that she craves to have. The past 5 days has been awesome for Jeongyeon. Despite the conflict both on her mental and emotional well-being, she is constantly attempting to fight through all these now that she is encouraged to do so with the continuous addition of everything and everything she loves back into her life. Which now then leads to this one particular moment when she was walking through the seashore in barefoot, wanting to feel the sand along with the splashes of the water and the breeze of cold air hitting her skin, her hair and dress flowing freely through the direction of the wind. Jeongyeon was so focused on viewing the emerging sunset from the sky when she was distracted by an accidental bump to someone. Her body flinched and got alerted at the impact that they both took. Believing that it’s her fault for being too oblivious and clumsy, she checked on the guy who abruptly fixed his camera and wiped it lenses. She noticed that it was a photographer she had just collided with. “I’m really really sorry, mister. I didn’t saw where I was heading towards at, I was looking at the sunset.” She apologized deeply to the guy who is bowing in front of her, still on aiding his camera. “No problem, just try to be careful next time.” The guy said. “But… how about your camera? Is it okay? I can pay for it if-” “No, you don’t need to. It didn’t had any cracks or whatsoever.” He began to straighten his posture after wiping the lenses with his shirt. “I’m really sorry again-” As their eyes met, both Jeongyeon and the guy couldn’t believe what faces they were seeing so closely. Both were in denial, but as further close inspections and such, they have confirmed each that it’s really who they think they actually are.

“J-jeongyeon?!” “Y-YN, right?” They’ve been greeted themselves by another familiar person that they’ve gotten closer with during their time here in Suwon. Jeongyeon and YN are staring at their former high school classmate. However, for YN only; it means more than just that which the latter doesn’t know at all. “W-what are you doing here? When you have been in here?” YN asked Jeongyeon, highly confused. “I’ve been here for 5 days now.” Jeongyeon answered. “I thought you are now in Seoul, like you know… being an idol. Are you for work as well?” “No, I’m not currently active in work right now.” Jeongyeon. “Actually, I just returned here to have a vacation, you know…. Take some time off.” “Ahh… well if that so, well uhh hi. Welcome back and… long time no see isn’t it?” “Yeah… how long it has been?”

“8 years I guess, or maybe more than that.” “That’s pretty damn long indeed.” They both chuckled. “Wow uhh, really I really didn’t expect that you’ll visit here again, seriously.” “Me as well, but I realize that I did needed this to you know…  take a break through everything.” “Why? Is something wrong going out there? Are they not doing well for you?” Jeongyeon remained silent and frowned. YN received the imaginary answer and an idea formed in his mind to create a necessary action to it. Meeting again this woman that made an immense effect to him since back to when they were younger, he don’t want the time to be ruined because of the ongoing suffering she must’ve been containing within herself, simply because of looking back at the numerous times that Jeongyeon made his days complete.

Determined to help her, he spoke cautiously at her. “Would you want someone to talk with and listen to whatever that’s bothering in your mind? Deep talks about life and some stuffs.  I’m available.” Jeongyeon looks at him and agreed to his invitation. “You sure it’ll be fine to you?” “Absolutely, why not? Especially when people needs to have a company to share things they haven’t been able to release. And it seems to be you right now sooo… as a friend, I’m willing to be the one by your side for that. Also, I’m just capturing the shore anyways so I’m not bothered.” “O-okay.”

“Where do you want us to talk? I suggest for us to remain here, Would it be perfect to do it in  a perfect scenery like this?” “Yeah, this would do.”

Jeongyeon and YN sat together in the sand, facing the waters and surrounded by the sound of nature that is effectively providing Jeongyeon the peace she has been searching for. YN lets Jeongyeon initiate to begin their conversation, starting off with detailing how is her life doing rn in Seoul and what happened in the middle of her successful career of being an idol that made her end up in the place where it all began for her.

“So… what brought you here in Suwon? Are you longing for your memories you’ve made here, chasing for solace, or… other than that?” “I’m here to rebuild myself on my own. I mean, I have my personal therapist to aid me but… I want atleast contribute something on the process of healing by myself. To feel that I can somehow… help myself in my own ways and value what I have become for the better.”

“Therapist?”

“I’ve been taking treatments, both physically and psychologically. Well, because of what happened to me. I got an anxiety disorder right when we’re on the road to preparing for our comeback and our group’s anniversary as well.” Jeongyeon’s voice starts to shake, holding her impending emotions.

“Oh god, I’m sorry about that Jeong.” YN became speechless as he watches Jeongyeon making her fragile self in notice in front of him. He couldn’t imagine that she has to reach this stage of her life where she grew to risk her emotional health in shambles to the point that not just a single simplest comfort would be enough for her to recover. “Tell me more about it. Why did you ended up being very anxious and just everything that stirs up inside of you? Were you being pressured in your work?” “Guess you can say so.” Jeongyeon tilted her head, now hugging her knees as she stares at the sea in deep thoughts. “I’ve always regarded myself as the least popular member of TWICE and I get that. It makes me believe that I just don’t do something that interest the fans to like me as much as the rest. Maybe I’m just not that talented or possess a likeable personality unlike my co-members. A boring person, if that’s how I can put it.” “But I admit, just because I believe that I am like that doesn’t mean I just want to be that way and have no any plans to change who I should be. It hurts me still, deep inside I want to prove that i’m not who they think I am, that I know I can still improve and show them that I’m just as the same level and feel like I deserve to be in TWICE.” “So I began to work my ass as much as I could. Every day I would spend my entire day just singing and dancing our choreo for More and More -it’s a song we released this year- in our company. I was so eager to cure this sickness of me always forgetting the choreo and try to find the spots where I think I lack at until… I didn’t think of the consequences anymore. All I wanted is to give what I got that this industry requires me to be.” “Then what happened?” “One day, while I was dancing together with the members, I felt a stinging pain on the back of my neck after we did like a move that requires our head to spin. Since we do numerous takes, we have to do it again and again. I was just so tired at that moment and when I felt that I just neverminded it for a while, but when I got to rest for minutes… and it proceeded to worsen starting on the next morning after I woke up.” “At that moment I just know this will be bad, so I kept it within myself as to not make my members and the staffs worry too much that may disrupt our preparation for the comeback. Thankfully it didn’t, but it started to distract me a lot when we also have to rehearse too for our virtual concert with ONCEs. My neck hurts a lot whenever I move, to the point that I was crying it out when I got to be alone, for no one else to see.” “Until one day, it couldn’t be helped, I was accidentally caught by our eldest member and my bestfriend Nayeon holding my neck. She scolded me when i revealed to her that i’m in so much pain and I’m keeping this to anybody for the sake of our project. Then, she advised me to report it to our company’s medical partners and… it was shown that I have a neck injury called herniated disc. It’s simply a dislocated disc on the weakened part connected to my spine.” “After that, my worries and fears increased about the possibilities of what this may cause my group’s activities and to what I worked hard for. You know, I always have this weird sense that I… can call it if there’s gonna be a trouble.”

“And… it came true?” Jeongyeon nodded, her tears now began to flow in her face. “I was diagnosed with anxiety attack as well when they did checkups on me. They have decided to put me into hiatus in which they had to receive my approval first for consent. As much as I don’t want to, seeing the members suffer more because of how stubborn I am made me surrender for good. I told them okay, and they did the announcement, and yeah, it sucks that i didn’t had to last long for me to promote our new album and join them on the celebration. I was supposed to be there with them today but… it’s just too much for me to handle.” she sobbed harder. “And now I’m here in Suwon to step away from being the center of attention because of condition, I don’t want to distract them too much from our album’s promotion. I listened to what my doctor said, because I couldn’t contain this feeling of of disappointment I just gave to myself and the fans who were still there to support me. I always let them down, YN. I’m trying so hard to forget them, distracting myself or taking my meds but I rather just end up costing me with insomnias at night or have a panic attack. I’m just scared at the thought that maybe I should not perform again due to how insufferable and failure I’ve become.” Jeongyeon continues to pour our her exhaustion and pain from going through all of these challenges she had to encounter in the peak of her career. Her sobs became louder and her body shivers both from the cold temperature and the amount of crying she’s having.

Meanwhile, YN sinks everything that Jeongyeon shared and it ached him imagining how much she sacrificed before her body gave up on her. He just watch Jeongyeon become emotional in pity which immiedately making an impact to him as well. Not only because of her hardships or her being a friend that had to be in that scenario… but especially with the fact that this is woman she loves that he had to learn she was struggling in her life despite being successful.

And he wasn’t there for him to guide and support her in all of these. Snapping back onto reality, he founds himself to be sitting inches close beside to Jeongyeon. He may have not been able to do what he wanted but now that he has the opportunity placed for him at this time, at this very moment, he knows there’s only way to make things right. He’ll be one to pick her up when she’s down. Jeongyeon felt warmth around her body. Opening her eyes, she saw YN embracing him to the side, trying to ease her emotions. She appreciated the gesture and she actually like how gentle and safe it makes her feel. “I know what you feel, Jeongyeon. Afraid that everything you’ve poured a lot of effort and strategies just to ensure that you’ll reach expectations and requirements just so you won’t lose the purpose of what you have. I know because I’ve been there, but the opposite is that I relate because I actually lose what I wanted to have unlike you who already grabbed it.” YN proceeds to share his own story that might motivate Jeongyeon. “You know I always dreamt of becoming a songwriter right? Back when we were in high school you’ve seen me tried to compose or write my own songs and some went well. I just didn’t have like enough equipments to give it more life, only the guitar that my dad has given to me would do the bare minimum.” “Well… unfortunately that dream had to die, after all I’ve done just to prepare myself to enter college with Fine Arts in Music or offer somebody to get my song. Nobody liked it, and coincidentally I happen to look for more money when my father became sick with diabetes. We didn’t had enough money to give him continuous treatment and medicines. I did try to perform everywhere, I do receiving some but still not enough. Then it made me understand it all too well that this may not for me when my mother happens to be granted by my aunt in States a business to build.” “You see that cafe that was closed there? That’s ours by the way.” YN said, pointing at the particular spot. “Really?” “Yeah. I made it official and clear that I have to give up my dreams through the pressure and desperation to make ourselves stable in life and to treat my dad. Fortunately, he’s been keeping up really well these days. Me and my mom are still working hard to run the cafe. So yeah, what I can only say about your side is that don’t let your dream end just because you don’t satisfy and fulfill what the people wants from you. We are bound to make mistakes and we can’t always satisfy ungratefulness. I mean, there’s always a time, just trust the process without any rush. 

And why give up when you’re at the stage of your career where you have it all? It depresses me already to give up something I want to achieve, what’s more for you?  Just because of them? Jeongyeon, those people aren’t your fans if that’s the case. You’ve spent all those years giving everything to the world. If you feel anxious that you agreed to take the hiatus, well damn them because you deserved it. It’s completely okay to give something back to yourself, and if you’ve been giving everything to the world that you weren’t been able to do that, and they still don’t like you for it, then they don’t deserve you. Jeongyeon, the real fans who loves you don’t just wait for you to come back as an idol. They wait for you to comeback as the best version of yourself.”

Jeongyeon couldn’t help but to shed some tears again because of your uplifting words you have in store for her. Your whisper and mellow tone of speaking it close to her ears is make her feel light around your arms. “Your anxiety manifested because of overthinking yourself to enhance your image as a member of TWICE. But… your worth shouldn’t be measure just by how you should perfectly perform on stage. You’re already enough just by being you. I know you want to improve, but don’t let it be driven by criticisms and insecurities. Jeongyeon, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You don’t owe the world often a fantastic performance. We are bound to have our limits, and I suggest that you do what you do because you love it not because people out there expect you to be.”

That concluded YN’s advice for her. Jeongyeon assured that she’ll apply it within herself because she didn’t want to make your well-spoken thoughtfulness be wasted for nothing. She is so overwhelmed that she’s to one you’ve expressing that amount of care you can develop and protect for the people that you’re close with.

Only if she knows the wider aspect of that which urged you to do what has to be done. “Thank you, YN. I am pleased, so much with your kindness.” Jeongyeon mumbled into your shoulder, her soft voice hitting your heart. “It made me miss you a lot.” “I-I missed you too, Jeongyeon. That’s why.” YN almost went stuttering as he blushes intensely at Jeongyeon’s confirming her longing for your presence. Both of them went silent as they enjoy the night with them unbothered that they’re still within each other’s embrace, in their minds motivated to do the right thing that benefits each of them.

===OOO===

Beng a man of his words, YN’s proposal to guide Jeongyeon on rebuilding her confidence and get her back on the right track began the next day. Mrs. Song who learned about the encounter Jeongyeon had to his former classmate and friend and surprised her with the most important and reliable advice she needed right now was happy to see that it made Jeongyeon to look on the positive side. That’s why when she excused herself again to her parents to meet him at the designated place, they didn’t hesitate to do so, for the sake of her happiness.

Jeongyeon went to YN’s cafe and they began chatting, this time about random stuffs about their lives that happened during those years when they separate ways. YN discovered that Jeongyeon is currently learning how to brew different types of coffee, an idea popped in his mind after realizing the perfect timing. He offered Jeongyeon an additional tutorial with him and even a part-time job for her to pass some free time on, in which Jeongyeon who was first shy and shocked at the offer, accepted it afterwards.

Week after week as Jeongyeon’s bond with YN lasts through the journey of her reigniting the joy of reality becoming an idol without the pressure, their friendship deepens into something more. Jeongyeon showcasing her talent and him allowing to play the guitar for her after a long time of quitting suddenly reminds him of why he loved music. He was helping Jeongyeon to become a tough idol to handle the public in reception to her performance, yet it also created a strong effect in his soul to carry that creative passion that he once had for music.

That one night, as YN and Jeongyeon rode a bicycle together after closing the cafe, they were sharing laughters and remarks through their random conversation. As they suddenly brought up those times when they were in high school together, something inside YN made him bravely admitted something that he’s been keeping for very long. Maybe it’s due to the fact he’s trying to sweep aside that Jeongyeon is scheduled to return in 2 days back to Seoul to meet her therapist regularly. “Jeongyeon, can I be honest with you? I… I just thought nobody has even mentioned this to you from one of the people you’ve met during your pre-debut days. Or probably there is but they haven’t got the chance to say it, so I’ll do them the favor.”

“Hmm? Which is what?” “I already knew you’ll be a very famous idol someday.” YN said with a smile. “In fact, I hoped and prayed for this and it happened. I’m even glad that I appeared out of nowhere around of you to see that it did, and… I’m just so happy for you, really.” “Come on YN why are you being like this?” Jeongyeon whined playfully. “I’m about to sleep when I reach home, I don’t want to burn my eyes with tears again.” “Sorry, I just… wanted to release it, you know. I’m taking all the chances tonight and definitely tomorrow before you uh… leave. Again..” His chuckle slowly died in the end. “But thank you for that. You were right, I mean there’s others who have told me that they called it of me becoming a member of TWICE, but that was when they started to root for me since SIXTEEN era. But you… you were the first to do so, and it’s special to me because out of everybody, you were the one from outside my career who truly supported me.” Jeongyeon smiled brightly as the moon displayed above her. “Please do so, what I’m working hard for, it’s also because of you now.”

YN’s chest tightened in joy hearing such sweet dedication from her. “I-I never stopped, that’s why I’m doing this for you too.” “Good, and also I wish you can the same thing for your dream of being a songwriter, YN. Don’t you have anymore desire to do so? I’m not forcing you but there’s still time to-” “Actually about that…” YN paused for a moment as well him paddling the bike. Jeongyeon was perplexed on why you suddenly stopped, her concern of the possibility that she made you mad grew.

“I-is everything o-okay, YN?” “Y-yeah, it’s just…” YN huffed some air before facing Jeongyeon, preparing himself for something. “Uhm there’s last thing that I want to get off my chest, after many years of keeping this a secret to myself.” “I-I’ll be listening. You can talk it to me, YN.” YN took another breather and continued. “Okay. So you do remember that I wrote songs before right? I couldn’t help it, even when we’re at school I always find some time to draft it all.” “Yeah, you’re a full built musician since then, YN. I was just saddened that you decided to give it up. You have so much potential, if I recall correctly i’ve read one of the lyrics and it was so well-written.” “Yeah, and I said that those words all came from my heart. Do you still remember that?” “I am.” She nodded. “Jeongyeon… out of everything I’ve spent my time doing songs, that piece was my proudest work of mine.” You smiled genuinely. “How remarkable was it to made me keep it to myself after all these years whenever I go, just for instances that I have to be ready when I wanted to perform.” “That song was always the one I play the last, saving for the best you know?” 

“I bet the people would applaud you and leave them with their ears blessed and smiles across their face.”

“They are. I have no doubts about it. And I’m glad they love it just much as I am making it for you.” Jeongyeon became silent. Her eyes fixed at YN, she was stunned at the last words you’ve mentioned. Her lips shuddered, prompting to speak in the midst of bewilderment. “YN… that was for me?”

YN pulls out his phone and tugs off its case. At the back, there was a folded paper with ink marks behind it, a hint that has filled with handwriting. You unraveled it, and Jeongyeon saw the familiar outline she complimented years before. “I actually don’t know why I haven’t removed it now that my dream is done. When you left, I began to lose the motivation, it was like a part of it disappeared with you. Then the family stuff followed, I just… ran out of the passion I needed. But now I realized why I still singing it everywhere for years, keeping it with me, giving this crumped sheet of paper a purpose… because there was always a reason why.” “That’s you, Jeongyeon. I may have given up my dream but the love that I used to create my own masterpiece, it never went away.” Jeongyeon’s eyes became watery at your confession. She was oblivious for a long time that while she was wondering if anybody would found her dearly, there was always this one guy who remained faithful and loyal for him. Despite through the unfortunate circumstances and challenge he had to surpass, the value of the love he developed because of her was used not only to continue living his life, but to keep his most cherished talent alive as well. YN endured that for more than a decade, only for Jeongyeon. “I believed in you, I supported you, I did it all just to know how you’ve been doing. Then I heard the news that you were hurt.” “You don’t know how much I wanted to visit you, but I know it won’t be that easy knowing about the industry you are in. That’s why all I did instead is to pray for you to get better, and hope for miracle atleast, that we’ll see each other again.”

“We did.” Jeongyeon smiled through her tears. YN nodded and bowed his head in guilt, he didn’t want to make her emotional again but he sweared that this will be the last. Jeongyeon came out of her bike and stepped forward closer to YN. She lifted her chin to see his bittersweet face. His mood went upside down when he suddenly felt her body wrapped around his. “Don’t be sad about whatever it is, YN. I want you to know that after everything you told me, I became happier and grateful that I got to have you through my difficult process of healing.” Jeongyeon started to sob harder in his shoulder. She felt his large yet tender touch gliding on her back. “I’d be willing to do it always if it’s you.” he replied. “Thank you for holding my hand and reminding me that I’m stronger than I refuse to be.”

Jeongyeon leans away from the hug and stares at him, this time not only with impression but with adoration. The urge complied her to push her head forward and lay a kiss on his cheek, startling him. She smiled sweetly and grinned. “Now that we’re exposing our secrets here, I’ve also started to convince myself that not only you’re good hearted person but… you’re actually good looking too.” “W-what…” “I like you too, YN.” Jeongyeon stated, making his mouth open in amazement. “I know its not as much as you’re expecting me to say but-”

“No, I don’t care. Having you is already enough.” YN nodded and shrugged it off. “I know we can’t rush things, so take every time you got. B-but Jeongyeon, are you sure you want to be with someone like me?” Jeongyeon furrowed her brows as it clicked to her the negative thoughts you were trying to imply. “What? That you’re not as successful like me? That I’m an idol and you’re just a stranger?”

“Yeah, exactly.” “You said it yourself, I don’t care. As long as we learn how to keep supporting each other  without losing ourselves in the process, we’ll be fine. I know it’s a shot in the dark, but I’ll take it. Will you?”

Jeongyeon’s assurance instantly erased all of YN’s mindset of inadequacy and insecurities. “ You gave me a chance, Jeongyeon. Why won’t I do the same?” And they both laughed at their mutual arrangement.

===OOO=== Jeongyeon has finally returned to Seoul. As per the schedule, she met her therapist and examined her through narrating whatever she did during her time off. From revisiting her hometown, staying in her childhood house, meeting loved ones, especially reconnecting with YN. The therapist took all of that in a positive note. Due to this, she made an evaluation that this is an advantage to make her recovery faster and smoother. She learnt other coping mechanisms—meditation, journaling, and understanding her triggers. She made a promise to remain in contact with YN despite being distant again from each other. Jeongyeon can notice how YN’s sweet talking at her is greatly increasing her love for this man. However, it wouldn’t be the same as having his presence being around her, that’s why it causes her discomfort everyday not seeing him physically when she’s alone in her place.

Months later, Jeongyeon made her surprise appearance at the 2021 Seoul Music Awards to join her fellow members of TWICE to receive their awards. It became the headline of numerous articles and became trending all over social media. Not only did the fans and the K-Pop community acknowledged the return of the idol, but also to her new appearance. She was touched at all the welcome backs she received, but she also can’t dodge the toxic comments about her new look from toxic bodyshamers who most of them just simply hate TWICE and had the opportunity to find something to bash her on. Her return resulted to a mixed emotions for her, but she tried to be composed. She just turned her attention more on being with her group, with her family, her therapist, and YN.

Returning to vocal and dance training after months of rest feels harder than she imagined. Her stamina isn't what it used to be, and self-doubt creeps in. She tried to mask it in during their promotions for Alcohol-Free, until a clip from her fancam was leaked spotting her wincing in pain whenever she dances that requires head movement made her wondering if she’s still not truly back as what it seems to be. A candid moment with YN reminds her that her artistry is about authenticity, not perfection. She tried to live up to it, but the desperation ran wild inside of her to the point that she’s starting to forget it again. It then went blank when she requested at their choreographer to teach her for almost an entire day just to execute the choreo of Perfect World well. Her struggle triggered her anxiety and panic disorder again, causing her to take another hiatus in August 2021. She couldn’t take it anymore, she then requested for her manager and driver to pick up YN from Suwon. As he finally arrived to her location, her longing for his company activated, hugging him tightly and tears burst out of her tired eyes.

“You’ll get through it, Jeongyeon. I won’t go away, I’ll be here for you.”

“You better be. I thought I could manage to stand up for myself.” She muttered. “But I got lost again.” “It’ll be okay. I’ll make sure you will be prepared as much as you need to be. Learn to disregard the unnecessary, Jeongyeon. What matters is what holds importance to you.”

===OOO=== Through YN’s stronger guidance, Jeongyeon became steady at her pace again. Her appearances on their 1st English Single “The Feels” made a lot of positive reception both for her and the company, stating that it’s impressive and respectful on both side agreeing for the sake of making the vibe of their comeback “complete” without causing any harm, especially to Jeongyeon’s current state. The girls including the staffs met YN and learned about their relationship, in which they both shared their decision to keep their relationship private. The were still grateful for their support and wished them to stay strong together. Luckily, after almost a year of recovery, Jeongyeon was then cleared by her therapist to return full-time as an idol starting with the title track of their 3rd Full Album, “Scientist”, in which YN attended on every music shows and fanmeets to support Jeongyeon for the first time. More comeback eras have passed, Jeongyeon remained on doing well as she took things slow and focused on a healthier schedule that was granted to him by her company after standing up for herself, a demand that she’ll do everything on her own terms now with their group projects as well as her doing solo. She had photoshoots, a cover, and even hosting her first YouTube series.

Last year, Jeongyeon made a comeback of writing a song called “Bloom” for their mini-album “With YOU-th”, which was inspired by her experiences with YN when they reunited at Suwon. She felt proud and overwhelmed at the highly positive reactions from ONCEs, with others claiming it as their personal best track in the album. While scrolling on her tablet, she came across of a post by a ONCE featuring a beauty appreciation of her. She saw the comments of the said post, and again the inevitable, she came across some negative comments about her weight gain. She was about to be sad hen she heard the bathroom door open, revealing YN in a freshly new bath. She blushed at the sight of your manly figure but her heart moved in euphoria when she was flashed by his smile.

“You busy?” She looked back again at the screen of her device, but unspokably, her eyes went towards the comments of her fans defending her. A smirk crept up on her lips before shutting off her tablet. “Nope. Why?” “I just wanted to talk to you, I didn’t want to disturb you onto something.” “How thoughtful of you.” She rolled her eyes and laughed. YN joined her on the bed, sitting on the edge as she faced her. “I wanted to say thank you. For bringing me here to Seoul for a new beginning, the help you gave to my mom on our cafe, and… what we have right now.” he holds her hand and cuddled it on his cheek. “I made a promise, I might as well fulfill it, especially because it’s for you.” Jeongyeon said. “Take it as a return for everything you did for me… and also, I can’t let us be apart again.” She locked his hand stacked against hers. “I’m never going anywhere this time. There’s no place I would rather be if I’m not with you, Jeongyeon. I love you.” “I love you too.” After they shared a passionate kiss and another quick one on her forehead, YN excused himself to buy dinner while Jeongyeon reopened her gadget, switching back onto the Notes app she was typing at before she took a short break while scrolling through X. She reviewed again his part and her unfinished part on the song you and her will both collaborate to write for the first time, as well as now both being a songwriter and an artist for JYPE respectively.

===END===

[mio-actuallywrites]

The World You Once Loved 2

Apparently being in your world is still surprising for you.  PREVIOUS NEXT

2/?

//Reader lives in Japan.  not proofread

Fyi through out all these parts NO book 7 spoilers.  also I assure you next part I will try to make it longer!!

Apparently 8 months in Twisted Wonderland means 16 on Earth. And those 16 you have spent in a coma. Apparently your Roommate Oboko said you had got ran over by a car and have been in a coma ever since. 

She had also told you the night before you woke up, items had appeared in your room, apparently in your suitcase. (Haha I wonder why)

After the doctor came in, checked on your vitals and health you were told you needed to stay a day or more in the hospital. So after getting to eat earth food again, thinking about what you missed in that last year, thinking about all those memories and how they are doing right now you were ready to go back. 

After getting Oboko to drive you to your place, you finally entered the house you thought you would never return too. 

After entering the front door, your eyes immediately trailed to all around the house, all the furniture was the same, but it was werid to see new and not old furniture, I guess living in Ramshackle caused you to get used to the sometimes uncomfortable and dusty furniture. 

“All are you going to enter?” Obokos voice rang in your mind as she suddenly lightly pushed you in, bringing you out of your shock. 

“Sorry Oboko-Chan I’m just still in… shock you know??” You replied hoping she would just shrug it off. 

“It’s fine, however I have your phone with me if you wanted it, I was gonna give it to you in the car. But I wanted you to get adjusted.” She replies as she hands you the phone. “I’ll be in my room if you need me!” She yelled as she left. 

You stood there for a second as you grabbed your phone and went to sit on the couch. 

You put in the password you would never forget, no matter how many worlds you been in you will always remember. *insert password* seeing as you logged in, you had million of notifications, filled with texts, updates and snaps that were left unseen for the months you were gone. 

You opened up Magi- no Instagram and viewed every news peice you missed. The new Taylor Swift album, the new update to Genshin, the upcoming movies, new trends etc. It seems like it will take AWHILE to catch up on all of those events. 

After looking through the app you decided to go into your room, and see the place you thought you would never see again. 

However right when you entered the first thing you noticed was the luggage you clearly packed a few days ago. You went over to the luggage and opened it, once you opened it the first thing you saw was the picture of you and the first years + Grim. You guys were all at Ramshackle probably at a sleepover. 

Under the photo you found your diary you kept that you bought at Sam’s shop. It was filled to the brim with the 8 months you spent there, going from your first unbirthday party to (Something that happend in chapter 7)

After picking up the diary and putting it on your desk, you grabbed your school uniform, and hung it up. Once you hanged up your school uniform in your closet you then grabbed the photo and hung it up next to your desk. 

Thinking about what to do with your life now that you finally returned after it being your goal for so long. But wasn’t completing a goal make you happy?

Today marks the 1st anniversary since you left. If you were right it had been six months since you left in Twisted Wonderland. Your friends were now 2nd years and some were about ready to graduate. And again, If you were right, they were in the middle of finals, since you left during that period. 

Yes although you did have the period of tears, and overwhelming sadness of leaving all of those memories behind, right now you were living your BEST life right now. 

While you were in your 3rd year of Highschool. Like Night Raven, you stayed at the High School with your Childhood friends, Oboko and Saki. Yes you did have your fun with them, but what about those past memories that you dearly loved and held at your heart?

“Reader? Are you there? We still have work to attend to and close shop, not zone out.” Your co-worker snapped at you. 

“Sorry Keiko, I tend to a lot.” You responded, although it was a little bit of a lie, you would still cling onto those memories from time to time. 

“Anyways, I’ll finish the dishes you start locking up.” She responded, completely ignoring your response. 

You nodded in response and left the Cafe’s kitchen to go lock up all the windows, doors, blah blah whatever this job paid good that’s all you cared about. 

After quickly finishing it up, you walked to the back door walking past Keiko who was still washing dishes, you were always fortunate when you didn’t have to. (Who even likes washing dishes???)

“Bye Keiko! See you tomorrow!” 

She had mumbled a response as you left the door and entered your car. 

While jamming out to the new album of your favorite artist, the drive home was relatively short. Basically 5 minutes.

You pulled into the driveway and couldn’t wait to get into your home. All that felt nice was a nice warm shower and watching your favorite episodes of your favorite show/anime. With a cup of hot chocolate on the side. 

As soon as you entered the dorm avoice hit you. 

“Hey, reader, just like 5 minutes ago there were some people saying they knew you and kept assisting them. I don’t know if you know them but the acted like they knew you for a while or so. They are in the kitchen currently because they acted like they haven’t eaten in awhile. Uh please be safe?”

/ENDING WAS RUSHED, once I have time I’ll go back and edit. 

[what-gs-watching]

“I can only smile like this because I have lost so much.”

Y’aaaaaaall, how excited am I that Doctor Who is finally back?! The 60th anniversary specials got me so on board for 15, and I am really so curious about how his arc is going to play out. Nunuwho, and all that. I’m here for it, I’m ready, I desperately need the distraction. 

Obviously, last time we saw 15 he was getting into hijinx with his new companion Ruby over Christmas, and I appreciate that’s exactly where they picked up for the first episode. 

Let’s talk about it. 

Space Babies

Wherein the Doctor and Ruby end up on a space station and something is definitely wrong.

Okay so, this episode was honestly just really cute from start to finish. Babies on a space station? Running the station, rolling around in little strollers? Trying to fight the boogeyman? Fucking adorable. Was the CGI to move their mouths weird? Of course. But again, I’m totally bought into this absolutely ridiculous situation so you gotta just roll with it. It’s pretty clear that this season is going to be a lot more whimsical than they have been in the past, and that might not be some people’s thing, but oh well. I can’t drag myself away from Doctor Who, it’s become too much of me, so I really will just follow where they lead, why the eff not. 

It’s also obvious they’re gonna keep leaning into the whole Timeless Child business, and I’ll go along with that too even if I was NOT a fan of the Flux because I’m interested to see what 15 is going to make of it. He was surprisingly upfront about where he was from when Ruby was grilling him, that was something that historically had to be PULLED out of the Doctor. Telling her, “the one that was adopted was the last one left” (which, isn’t he technically the first time lord also, since they basically harnessed whatever he technically is to become time lords?) And then this man actually said the word ‘genocide’ AND  expressed his gratitude about the fact that he’d survived. Is the Doctor finally letting go of the guilt he felt over that entire absolutely insane situation? 15 really is all about that emotional growth. You love to see it. 

Bypassing the ridiculousness that is a monster made out of straight up baby BOOGERS, I also thought it was interesting that they let that creature live. I’m not sure 10 would have. But again, the whole ‘the only one of my kind’ thing. Adopting the forgotten. Saving everybody, for once. 

Basically, the whole thing was pure fluff. And I like that sometimes. Cute first official adventure. Even though I gotta say I was surprised he gave Ruby a key like, fucking immediately. 15 really is going all in on those human emotions. It’s gonna get him in trouble, gang…

The Devil’s Chord

Wherein Ruby makes a request for where she’d like to go, and they land in 1963, but again, something is definitely off.

OKAY so, here’s the thing about this episode. Asking to see The Beatles recording their first album is a DIRECT LINE to my heart. Ruby talking about listening to records with her aunt - that’s me with my dad. And it’s absolutely what I would suggest. I enjoyed that he said everyone asks about the Titanic (I would too, eventually) but this girl got her priorities right. 

And I loved how he reacted to it. Pure fucking joy, 15. And the little vignette with them getting dressed up and strutting through the fucking TARDIS, yelling “I’ve got wigs galore!” And then being so absolutely excited about landing basically on the cross walk of Abbey Road. Just, all of it. Pulling all kinds of strings for me. I can’t even. 

I can also appreciate how  they got around not being able to utilize actual Beatles music - music is dying! Music is gone! John and Paul singing about having a dog; “my dog is alive, he’s not dead … he’s not your dog, if you want a dog get your own.” I loved the surprise of it, how absolutely absurd. 

The conversations that Ruby and The Doctor have with Paul and John too…the whole episode is a love letter to music, and I love that. 15 says something like “songs that lift you and devastate you and-and make you soar…” and shit, that’s exactly what it is (I say, as I continue to cry through The Tortured Poet’s Department).

John saying “why do I wake up crying?” ugh. The whole fucking thing. As someone whose life has always revolved around music in some way or another, the thought of losing it really is mind melting. All the feels.

All that to say - the Maestro. Damn, gang. Hard fucking whimsy, I see. And what an absolute psychopath. In a creepy, good, but also terrible way. What the fuck was that? 

The point being now we know a little bit what they’re up against - because 14 played a game at the end of the universe, they apparently let gods from the Pantheon into the universe. So now we’re less about aliens, and more about forces The Doctor really shouldn’t be fucking with, but is going to anyway. Because he caused it, after all. And the devastation he had when he realized that - 15 feels so much, so hard. Gonna hit the entire emotional spectrum with this one, which is so not a Doctor thing, and I will enjoy the entire ride.

 There were so many good moments in this one - Ruby playing the piano on the roof, or when she was trussed up in musical notes and just started emitting Christmas music - and that’s the other thing, the Maestro saying “this creature is very wrong.” Girl, what are you? I love the companion backstories, I really do.

Oh AND The Doctor declaring they had to hide, at one point. My dude is realizing his limitations. 14 wondering what he was underneath all of the gadgets and the time machine really sunk in. And then him talking about how his soul was ripped in half? Jesus. Growth, growth, growth. 

Someone might as well get the emotional epiphanies I should probably be having. It counts if I watch someone else go through it, right? 

There’s too much to say about this one. I loved it, even if I did think the last musical number was almost a bridge too far. But, I’m already on this train, so I’m giving up on clinging to expectations.

Boom

Wherein the two of them land on a planet that’s clearly at war but maybe it’s not all that they think it is.

This one is definitely more classic Doctor Who - immediately they’re in danger and it just ramps and ramps and ramps the entire episode and you can never really relax. I love those. This episode is basically all stakes. 

Doctor standing on a landmine? Check. Ruby valiantly trying to help but most likely is going to make it worse but does it anyway? Yes. Post-apocalyptic “ambulances” wandering the battlefield killing people if they’re injured instead of actually helping them because an algorithm decided it? Of course. 

I feel like a lot of shows lately have been trying to lecture me about the danger of AI (I’m looking at you, Murder At The End of The World, which was so terrible I didn’t even bother writing it up) and I’ve been like ‘yeah yeah I get it jesus’ but I think they did a solid job of it in this one. Capitalism and AI together is honestly a worrying combination, and they got me with this plot.

Essentially, 15 is trapped on a landmine that immolate whomever it ensnares basically, turning him into a giant bomb  which isn’t great because as we know he’s a big ol’ space-time event and he needs to get out of it but then the daughter of a soldier we saw killed by the ambulance shows up and then another soldier coming after the kid and things just go haywire. 

The point is, AI is running everything because war has become an industry (more than it already is) and the algorithm is forcing casualties in a war that literally doesn’t exist and everything is kind of terrible but the Doctor manages to talk his way out of it sort of, by connecting to a projection about being a father and protecting their kids always and forever, no matter the form they’re in. 

It’s kind of sweet that they’re letting 15 talk more about his long, long life - in the previous episode he mentioned his granddaughter and when Ruby asked if he had kids he said something like “did have, will have” and then at the end he tells the child he’ll be back to check on them and that “fish fingers and custard” is his favorite which obviously made me squee and I just really appreciate that he’s more…integrated? It’s always felt like they worked so hard to make sure they’re all different and of course they are, but they’re all The Doctor and I want that thread of all of the things that have come before. 

Also, Ruby again with the weirdness, making it snow after she gets shot accidentally and then grabbed by the ambulance, basically dying on the ground. Girl is complicated. Gimme that backstory!

The other thing I really enjoyed was the mockery of “thoughts and prayers”. Fuck people who hide behind that. Fuck corporations that hide behind that. The Doctor’s not taking your shit, and neither should we. 

All that to say, all three of these episodes were ridiculous in their own ways, and I’m about it. So far, 15 is 1000000% his own thing and I love it even if it is fairly far off the beaten path for Doctor Who and I’m excited to see where else he’ll take us. 

Like he said, “There's hardly any time that we're not dead. Which is a good thing, too. We've got to keep the pace up.”

[flash-the-readies]

Calling my younger self out for all the embarrassing things they thought/did when I first started getting into Pink Floyd (I just think I was endearing albeit annoying)

Initially confused them with LED Zeppelin because for some reason my brain put them on a similar tier

Went to watch the Pulse tour DVD … promptly realised it was post-Waters, cried, shut it off immediately, and haven’t seen it since (I actually own a DVD and a VHS tape of the film…both of which were gifts actually)

Saw that Live at Pompeii gif of Roger blowing the smoke rings and just stared at it for a long while promptly falling in love

Didn’t know the Wall was a double album and just assumed the second disc was demos so I never listened to it and would only listen to half the album. Eventually I decided to play the second disc and realised how stupid I was (In the Flesh confused me)

Had an entire wall in my room dedicated to The Wall (I painted out the brick design and had these posters)

Didn’t really care much for the WYWH album (and now it’s my favourite Pink Floyd album..)

FUCKING GAVE AWAY THE IN THE PINK NICK SEDGWICK BOOK BECAUSE I WAS GOING THROUGH SOME SHIT AND ROGER WAS MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY AND HORRIBLE

Would listen to the Wall at least once a day for months on end especially while sitting alone at lunch

Used the fact that my mum desperately wanted me to make friends to go to a Roger Waters concert with this boy who had a crush on me and then promptly started trying to convert me to Catholicism once he found out I’m atheist, bisexual, and non-binary. Roger Played the Gunner’s Dream for the encore so no regrets there

Had a long and unhealthy obsession with The Final Cut and would play my LP of it at least once a day

Read something about Roger calling the rest of the band “the muffins” and promptly dubbed David “greasy muffin”…and got the rest of my online friends to join in

Wrote endless HCs with a friend about Watershend (Roger Waters x Pete Townshend)… I stand by this one. Sorry

Did a 10 minute presentation on the Wall for a history class when I was…14

Called in sick to school even though my teachers knew I was going to watch Roger Waters in concert

Found a copy of Rick Wright’s Wet Dream on vinyl at a market… had no cash in the moment … asked my friend if they could give me cash and then I’d pay them back later… my friend agreed thinking it was for food (I wasn’t trying to deceive them I promise I just didn’t communicate what that money was for as clearly as I thought I did… but I did pay them back plus a bit extra!) I did get my record tho

Went to Battersea Station…. DIDN’T REALISE IT WAS A FUCKING SHOPPING MALL ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE I FAILED TO DO MY RESEARCH AND DIDN’T EVEN ATTEMPT TO GO INSIDE BECAUSE I AM AWKWARD AS HELL… so instead I opted to awkwardly stand around the outside and check out the nearby shops (this is recent ;-;)

I used to draw and would just fill my notebook up with drawing of Pink Floyd (mostly just Roger…)

I am just now remembering how much of my fanart was nose-centric

You know that common trans experience of “trying desperately to live as your assigned gender one last time so you overcompensate before you come out”… well that overlapped with my “ukulele and Syd Barrett let’s dress psychedelic” phase

Have bought way too many pieces of clothing because they remind me of something Roger wore once (I think I’ll make this into it’s own post perhaps)

That’s all I can remember for now. Just feeling nostalgic. I could make a second part of all the most recent cringe shit I’ve done. I’m not laughing at myself I’m laughing with myself. Honestly my younger self was iconic, gotta love her

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

It's been a long and difficult week, but I have finally made it to February 22nd. The day that I can get on a train - I fucking love trains - and go to Montreal, and see Nish Kumar live. I actually barely slept last night due to sudden and unexpected significant anxiety, which I'm assuming was just my brain coming to terms with the fact that I'm going to be in a place where these comedians I'm obsessed with, who exist in sound waves and pixels, will actually be in 3D and displacing air and things like that. I say "comedians" because apparently Amy Annette opened for him in Toronto last night. I knew she had family in Canada, I've heard her talk about it several times, and Nish has mentioned it on The Bugle (specifically recently, mentioning that his girlfriend's family lives in the 51st state). I'm not sure if she's with him for the entire tour or not, but that would be a great bonus, if I get to see her too.

Amy Annette is a fantastic compere, and when she brings an act out, she picks someone in the crowd and asks them who their teenage musician crush was, that when they were in a teenager they'd go to their show in the hopes of having sex with the band. So I need to be prepared, right? kd lang. Possibly Melissa Etheridge. Maybe Tegan and Sara. But no, kd lang's number one. So don't worry everyone, I'm ready for any question I might get asked. As long as that question is "What musician did you want to fuck as a teenager?" (Obligatory note: kd lang's album Hymns of the 49th Parallel I believe is literally one of the top ten greatest albums ever made by anyone in any genre, I do not wish to reduce her to being only someone I wanted to fuck.)

I'm still wildly disproportionately anxious, but it's probably good for the anxiety to hit me last night/this morning, rather than all at once when the show starts. The train will probably calm me down. I fucking love trains. It's about a two-hour ride to Montreal.

I got an early train in, that gets me there a bit after noon, because I have an old friend in Montreal. He and I used to be very close, we were roommates for a few years in my early twenties. But I'd not seen him since about 2016, when he moved away. I saw him for the first time in eight years last July, at the bachelor party for another old friend of ours. We reconnected and I immediately remembered why I used to get along so well with this guy. He and I used to be bond over being the only two people with nerdy interests, in our group of mostly straight male jock friends. Some exceptions - the bachelor party was for our very non-straight male friend to marry his husband. Though when said gay friend first came out, everyone joked that they'd assumed it would be our other friend - the one who lives in Montreal now - who'd come out as gay instead. Because it was 2009, and the fact that that guy sometimes wrote poetry meant he was probably gay (see Amy Annette's comedy material for how weird people were about gender and sexuality in 2009, it was a hell of a time). Anyway. I used to bond with the guy who recently married his husband over being the only two gay people we knew, and I used to bond with the guy who now lives in Montreal over being the only two vaguely nerdy people in the group, in that he liked to read comic books and write poetry, and so did I. He actually got me into a lot of the stuff I'm still into. When we lived together, he kept his huge comic book collection in the living room and let me borrow from it, that's when I got really into things like Alan Moore and The Sandman (the latter of which has been deeply tainted by recent revelations, but as Nish Kumar says, just because you danced to Billie Jean at a wedding doesn't make you complicit in... nope, I agree with his point but the Gaiman stuff's too raw for that, I had to skip my yearly reread of the Sandman books that I bought off my friend years ago when he sold most of his stuff to move to Montreal).

Anyway. Anyway. The point is that I'd not seen this guy in years, I saw him last July at our friend's bachelor party, then I saw him in October at our friend's wedding, he was great to have around at that wedding because he and I were both uncomfortable with the large fancy social situation so we kept sneaking outside to take breaks, got back in touch, and now I'm going to his city early to hang out with him and crashing at his place after the show so I can get a train home tomorrow. Instead of having to borrow my parents' car and come back tonight. This is much better. I love trains. The train ride will probably make me less anxious. I hope so. I'm very excited, but for some reason my central nervous system is currently under the impression that I'm being hunted for sport. It's probably fine.

[marty-the-martian]

We have been told to reflect on the years since TMBTE’s release. I saw @kaddyssammlung do it and got inspired, so here goes.

Bit sensitive and also kinda long so most people probably don’t care which is totally fine so it’s going under the cut

I was first told about sleep token in the early summer of 2023 by a regular at the coffee shop I worked at. I was really into Ghost and classic metal like Iron Maiden, Ozzy, etc and I wanted to get more into the metal genre.

He recommended two bands to me: Lorna Shore and Sleep Token. Now one thing about me, it’s always been really hard for me to listen to new music. Idk it’s some sort of hold-up I have, especially when I’m on my own. So it took me a while to work up the mental courage to check them out. Of course I started with Lorna Shore which, for a metal newbie, maybe wasn’t the best idea. I love and appreciate their stuff but the vocals are legitimately too intimidating for me to listen to them outside of just a couple songs.

After that experience, I gave up on trying the other band he recommended bc I thought they would be too intense for me too. Kicking myself daily for that, lemme tell you.

So months go by and I don’t listen to them, I keep getting really into Ghost and start my little tumblr and get back into reading fanfic (hadn’t really read any since the early Steddie days). I start hearing this audio on TikTok which kinda annoyed me, people were posting all sorts of videos with the “oh and my love… did I mistake you” etc and I didn’t love it but it got stuck in my head so bad so I went and tried to figure out what the actual song was so I could listen to it and get it out of my head.

Of course, that’s The Summoning, and it’s an excellent song, and gets pretty heavy throughout. I honestly thought it was the wrong song bc it sounds nothing like the end at first but I was really enjoying it so I didn’t care. Then it got to the end part and I was honestly kinda disappointed. I wanted it to be this crescendo of power and instead it was the sexy audio that booktok was spamming everyone’s fyps with. (Take me back to Eden, you were my girl the whole time I just didn’t know it yet!)

Eh, I liked most of it. I decided to download the whole TMBTE album as well as Spotify’s this is sleep token playlist because I had a pretty long plane ride ahead of me. This was early summer 2024, almost a year after the guy had recommended them to me. I instantly fell in love with the whole TMBTE album and many of the other songs.

I got home and listened through the entire discography in reverse chronological order (TMBTE was my favorite and I wasn’t sure about the One EP so I figured I’d work my way up to it). Then I listened to TMBTE all the way through again and then listened to the entire discography once more (skipping instrumental albums for now btw) from One EP back through TMBTE.

So yeah. I was immediately hooked, and even though I didn’t get it all immediately, I knew I wanted to try and so I just kept listening and listening and then I got it and then I didn’t want to listen to anything else.

It felt like a missing piece of my soul had been found. The feel of the music just made sense to me. The melancholy, the rage, the yearning, the sorrow, the power. It felt like me. It felt right.

They helped me get into some heavier music, even though I still don’t really want to listen to much else most of the time, but now at least I can enjoy heavier things thanks to them.

I was inspired to start creating again, so I bought and keyboard and a guitar and have tried to practice some even though I was so busy with work and also depressed (new year’s resolution, I will learn!!) I also started my own fanfic which I’m still making and really proud of.

Part of their music, dealing with relationship struggles and mental health struggles and just the deep-seated day-to-day yearning for better but having no idea how to get it no matter how hard you try… it also kinda hurt. It was bringing things up for me that I had pushed down instead of actually dealing with. Sexual traumas that had been compounding since childhood, religious trauma that had impacted me a lot more than I wanted to admit, the fact that I was in a 4+ year relationship which had started beautifully but was turning sour.

Their music helped me access all that old hurt that I had hidden from myself but still carried every day. I have started to unpack and address and attempt to heal those parts of me. I broke off the relationship, which was really hard for me to do.

I was able to reach out more to the people around me, who now say that I’ve grown so much as a person in the last 6+ months. Addressing my traumas has been really hard, and some of my old SH urges have come back with a vengeance. Things I haven’t had to deal with in a long time and I forgot how scary they were.

This is going to sound so stupid but I promised Vessel. I promised I wouldn’t hurt myself again and I haven’t. (Who’s spend hours sobbing to are you really okay?? Just me?? Okay cool) Months of on and off urges and I have not given in. I even told a friend at work I was struggling on a particularly bad day, which I would have never done before.

Sleep Token has changed my life. I have started so many hobbies and found so many things that I enjoy about my life. I have gotten closer with friends and even family. Most importantly, I’ve gotten closer with myself. Ive learned and worked on so many things about myself and I have become stronger, happier, freer.

This band has changed my life. I will always owe so much change and growth to Sleep Token. I don’t care if people think we as fans get too obsessed or into it, that’s okay. If they don’t understand, then it isn’t for them. It’s okay.

Anyway, last thing. Thank you ST community here on tumblr too. You guys have been supportive and welcoming, just like the Ghost fandom has been. You guys have really helped me grow in confidence and helped me enjoy these goofy little masked men all the more. If you read this far, that is a personal thank you to YOU.

Much love 🖤

Stay safe out there y’all, and if you ever need to chat I’ll be here. I get it. I do.

Worship 🖤

[luke-hughes43]

haunted | cole and caroline

cole and caroline seeing each other for the first time since breaking up

~

caroline's pov

i'm at the era's tour in detroit with my best friend and roommate through four years of college, katie. we're having a great time and it's time for the surprise songs. she starts with haunted and me and katie instantly wrap our arms around each other in excitement. 

this song has a lot of meaning to me because i often listened to it after cole and i broke up. i related to this song so much because i felt haunted by his presence everywhere on campus in madison.

i am belting every word of this with my whole chest because i just have so many emotions when it comes to this song. for whatever reason, i had turned around and made direct eye contact with cole as i'm screaming, "something keeps me holding onto nothing" and everything i felt before and after our break up came rushing back all at once. 

i pull katie's arm and she turns and see what i am getting her attention for. she immediately turns me around and says, "hey, we're here to have fun together. we can deal with that later."

"i know but why is it that the first time i see him since we ended things is during a live performance of the song that got me to a good place after the fact." i say. she shakes her head, "not now caroline."

i nod and try to focus on the music and the fact that i am at a taylor swift concert.

cole's pov

while in detroit, i'm at the eras tour with brock and a few buddies. this show is crazier than i thought. like it's epic. she puts on one hell of a performance. 

she at the part of the show where she does the surprise songs. which i think is cool. and the first song she does is haunted. i'm enjoying myself when all of a sudden, i make eye contact with my ex girlfriend caroline. and it's at the part of the song where it goes "something keeps me holding onto nothing."

the way she looked while she was singing along made it feel almost too personal to her. her best friend katie then sees me and turns caro around and causes us to break eye contact.

this is the first time i've seen her since we broke up and i haven't really thought about the break up or her in almost 2 years because i was so focused on hockey. she looks good. really good.

i don't even know what to do. i say to brock, "dude, i just saw caroline. like my ex girlfriend caroline."

"oh fuck. what are the odds dude. you ok?"

"i don't know. i don't even know what to feel. i just kinda pushed it all down to focus on hockey but fuck dude, i miss her. like i don't even know what i should do now?"

"i dont know cole. now is not the time to do this. let's have a good time, we can do this later." brock says. i nod and just try to focus on the show and having fun with my brother and buddies.

caroline's pov

we get back to our air bnb after the show and i grab the bottle of wine i bought and just start drinking from the bottle. seeing cole, brought back so many emotions that i was not prepared to deal with. katie sees me with the bottle of wine and says, "caro, it's not healthy to drink your feelings away with wine."

"i don't care katie. he's my first love, and the one i thought would be my only. i really thought i was over him but seeing his smiling face tonight made me realize that i still love him and want to be with him. so i get to drink this bottle of wine in peace."

she backs off and i drink the wine while looking at the album on my phone of photos of us that i couldn't bare to delete. i guess i never truly did get over cole caufield, but then again, how could i? he's perfect.

[hirayaaraw]

Unbreakable Ties 6: In A Heartbeat

idol!Jaehyun x OC

Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers; slow burn; angst

Note: After a long hiatus, I am back. I am sorry it took long. I will try to update more.

Tags: @yincotton @26zcl @ahtisa02 @joepomonerof @painted-hills @ukiyoneo @ourbeautifulaffair @wintersoulwarrior

Jung Jaehyun is a persistent man. If he says he will do it, expect results. That attitude catapulted him into stardom. As much as his attitude is desirable, Eunhye is hating it right now.

Jaehyun rushed to his car after the call. Saying goodbye to his mom and leaving her with the poor plant. Now, he is being cooed by her younger cousins and elders of the family. It became Jaehyun's fan meeting.

Apparently, her younger cousins are NCT fans while the elders are big fans of his dramas. Albums were signed left and right. Jaehyun enthusiastically entertained them and everyone congratulated you for pulling a guy like him.

In which Jaehyun replied, 'It's the other way around. I am the luckiest to have her.' Jaehyun said it brightly with his dimples showing. She almost forgot that they are pretending.

Just like their middle school and high school days, Eunhye watched him to be admired by everyone. He really has the star quality even kids are drawn to him.

"If Auntie Eunhye is your girlfriend, then can I call you Uncle?" Jaehyun lowered himself to be at eye level with her niece.

"Of course! I can be your Uncle Jae." The kid giggled and asked to be carried which Jaehyun obliged. A pain struck to her heart. That could be her son.

'You made the right decision.' She reminded herself. Eunhye carefully listed down his achievements in her mind and reminded herself that Jaehyun wouldn't reach those if things didn't go as she planned.

One night, one mistake shouldn't ruin his life. Eunhye knew Jaehyun worked hard to debut. Call her a martry or dumb but she would do it again in a heartbeat for her bestfriend.

Jaehyun saw the change of emotion on her face. He brought down her niece and went to her.

"Are you okay?" She nodded and tried to blink her tears away. Jaehyun noticed her tired eyes. "Should we go home?"

Eunhye nodded as a reply. They bid goodbye and made Jaehyun promise that he will come visit again. He happily agreed while holding her hand tightly.

"You shouldn't make that promise." Eunhye said once they are inside his car. She knew it was wrong to lash out to Jaehyun if he doesn't know anything.

"When did I break a promise?" Jaehyun scoffed when he sense her biting tone. She looked at the window while silently wiping her tears. Eunhye remembers how he will drop or do anything he can if she needs him. "You shouldn't be talking about promises if you ask me."

And it breaks her. Every pieces of her heart shattered. "Can you drop me off at my old house?"

She changed the topic. Jaehyun sighed as he failed to address the elephant in the room.

Once they reached her old house, they both alight from his car. Eunhye insist that she could handle it but Jaehyun stayed.

When they turned on the light, it was nothing compared to the bright and homey feeling of their childhood. Everything is so dim and lonely. Eunhye inspects each box trying to find something in the middle of the mess.

She smiled with loneliness. Eunhye brought it to Jaehyun and he noticed immediately what inside the box. His brows furrowed abruptly.

"Someone already bought the house. I won't be able to take everything so--"

"You are erasing everything about me." He held the box tightly. The box that contains their pictures, his gifts, and letters to her for every birthdays.

"Jaehyun..." She said his name lowly.

"11 years, Eunhye. For pete's sake, I waited for 11 years and this is all I got. Not even an explanation?" Jaehyun put down the box and turned his back to wipe his tears then faced her again. "I tried to contact you. Called your number, sent you thousand of message in facebook which you never opened, spoke to our high school friends, and even asked your college friends and professors but they all don't know."

Jaehyun rarely gets angry or cry but right now he is fuming angry and crying. She just stood in front of him calm as a sea but storm raging inside.

"Is it because of that night?" Jaehyun asked as this is the only reason he can think about.

"Why should we talk about something that happened a decade ago?"

"Stop ignoring my questions. I waited and lived miserably for 11 years without you." Jaehyun brushed his hair in frustration. "Do you know how it hurts to wait for someone you love when you never know if they will come back?"

Some people get their love confession in flattering way but Eunhye got hers in an argument. Eunhye blinked at him again and he groaned. She can hear him cursed himself for having the worse confession.

"We live in different worlds, Jae." He looked at her upon hearing her call him in his nickname. "We are meant to drift apart. You have the whole world in your palm and my world will be in Canada."

"And if I leave everything and come with you?" Eunhye felt her throat is hurting and eyes stinging from preventing herself to cry.

"You worked hard for all of these."

"For what? All of these but without you." Jaehyun laid his heart to her. Eunhye smiled bitterly hearing those words. Her early 20s self will never believe that she will hear those words years later.

"Don't destroy yourself for this." She said with finality. Eunhye picked up the box again and gave it to Jaehyun. "Leaving you still one of the best decisions I made."

Eunhye bought the earliest flight the next day. Fearing that she will crumble if she stays within Jaehyun's vicinity. Just like 11 years ago, Jaehyun woke up the next day confused. He went to her airbnb and to her old house but he couldn't find her. It's a repeat of his nightmare and he doesn't if he will be able to recover from this heartbreak.

2016

It hasn't been a year since Jaehyun debut as an idol under a group called NCT. Eunhye also started college that year in Seoul. Despite being in one city, they can't find a common availability to meet.

Jaehyun is in the middle of recording for their first mini album when his phone rings. It shows her name but he already told Eunhye that he will be recording so he declined. The phone rings again and for the third time he answers.

"Eunhye, I'll call in a bit. I am recor--"

"Hello! Is this the guardian of Lee Eunhye?" He freezed upon hearing a stranger's voice say her name. "You are on his emergency contact.

"What happened?" Jaehyun tried to be calmed but even his leader so him fidgeting and asked through sign if he is okay.

"Vehicular accident. She got a fractured arm but we will run more test to see if anything is wrong."

Jaehyun didn't waste anytime. He apologized to the producer and his teammates but he promised to give his best next recording.

When he arrived to the hospital and saw you lying in the bed of emergency room, he felt his knees weakened.

"What are you doing here? Your fans might see you."

"That should be my question. What are you doing here?" He put on a brave mask in front of her.

"Dumbass driver forgot to step on his break." Eunhye winced when she tried to move. Jaehyun immediately called a nurse just to check her.

When the nurse is gone, Eunhye laughed that made him frown because nothing is definitely funny about the situation.

"I can't believe we finally found a time to hang out and it's in an emergency room." Eunhye laughed in the absurdity of her thought but Jaehyun made a promise to himself to make time for her even if they have a busy schedule.

On that day, he realized that he will do anything for Eunhye in a heartbeat.

[mimieyhhee]

Journal Entry #1 12 July, 2024

Officially As Diploma Student!

The days awaited as a diploma student. My family and I left from Alor Setar to Kuala Lumpur at 12pm. My feelings at that time were very mixed because I was going to be away from my best friend who had been friends for 4 years when we were in high school. At 5:30 in the morning, our family arrived in Kuala Lumpur. Dad stopped at RNR to get ready for morning prayer. Mom and I went for a walk to catch the morning breeze and watch the sunrise. Mashaallah it was very beautiful and calm at that time. I managed to take some pictures to remember that time. After we finished the morning prayer, we left to go have breakfast before we went to register at KPTM Bangi. My family went to eat at a viral restaurant that serves oriental cuisine. I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS SOOOO TASTY! After we finished, we immediately left for KPTM Bangi to register. Dad confidently said that he knew the way to KPTM Bangi but the fact is that we got lost. Mama looked angry at that time and I was just pleased at that time. At 2 pm, we finally arrived at the place. I continued to go to the student registration area which was very crowded at that time. With very hot weather! At 2:30pm, I got my roommates, Zatty and Aqilah. They asked me if I had a roommate. At that point, I continued to say that I didn't have a roommate with me yet. We ended up being roommates.

At night, we got to know each other more closely while eating instant noodles because we were too lazy to go out and buy food. After we ate, we went to the next room to get to know each other, unexpectedly I met a friend who was born in Terengganu. And that friend is Adriana. When I see her, I can feel that she is a reliable friend. Since then, we always give the same opinion when we talk. With that, I dared to get closer to her. We ended our first day with an introduction session.

Sincerely,

-mimiey

Journal Entry #2 13 July, 2024

Comeback D-day1

Finally one of my favorite groups has made a comeback after a few months. "Romance: Untold" by ENHYPEN. I'm so excited to see their new look! Indeed, their album this time is very different from the melody and genre of the music. At 1pm, I had time to ask my mother to go to Family Mart to buy my favorite snack and water, which is a matcha latte. My mother also had time to stop at Watsons to buy her necessities. That way, I also buy things at Watsons without feeling guilty. Once in a while doesn't matter, right? After that, we went home and I ran to my room to streaming music videos from ENHYPEN. FINALLY THE TIME HAS COME!! I was so nervous and excited. My heart was beating fast at that time. I screamed after I saw the music video had started. When I saw the intro it was my favorite person! It’s Lee Heeseung!!!!!. He is very handsome and very cool. The same goes for other members. WOOOWWWWW!!!! Their album is now a hot topic on social media. Their concept is very boom this time. I really like it even though I didn't buy their album but that's okay because I bought their card picture and without my parents permission!

At night I continue streaming the music videos and see all their video content. With that, my day was very cheerful. Thanks to them!

Sincerely,

-mimiey

Journal Entry #3 19 July, 2024

Happy Birthday Sister!

After a long time we did not celebrate my sister's 22nd birthday. This time my parents plan to celebrate at my sister's favorite restaurant. At 10AM, mom told me that they want to celebrate sister's birthday. I was very surprised and happy at that moment. Mama also told me not to tell my sister about this plan. At 1PM, mom immediately booked sister's favorite restaurant for tonight's party. Mama also calls her friends, and close family only. At the same time, Kakak also felt odd because she saw mom busy making reservations. My sister asked me why mom was strange and seemed so busy. With no hesitation, I answered calmly and said that I did not know.

The next day, mom and dad told sister that they are going abroad because they have work there. Sister looks sad because she hopes that this time we will celebrate her birthday. Without looking sad, sister just nodded and said okay... but her feelings said she was very sad at that time. I was holding back my laughter and trying not to tell that this was a prank. At night, we moved saying we were going to the airport instead of we wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate his birthday. Once we reached our destination, he looked very strange. After that, she saw that the restaurant was very lively. She cried because she was moved. She hugged her mother and thanked to them.

Sincerely,

-mimiey

[starlostastronaut]

DAY 06 | STORIES TO BE TOLD

PAIRING: han jisung x reader

GENRE: idol au (jisung is a soloist), not angst, but bittersweet?, ambiguous ending

WC: 1.14k

CW: idol trainee!reader, implied felix/reader

PROMPT: coming back after years apart

here it isss! to the person who asked for no angst... well guess what lol (pls dont kill me ilyy). i remember having a great idea for this when i wrote the masterlist so naturally i forgot it 😭 but i have this instead. tbh i think i spent more time on backstory than the actualy story but oh well. and yes, i did put felix/reader in the story, but you can read it as past relationship if you want ;) enjoy <3

title from laughter lines - bastille

general masterlist here

<< previous | mctc masterlist | next >>

Jisung looked out of the window again. His head was bobbing to the rhythm of the song playing through his headphones, and he watched the landscapes and cities pass by as the train made its way back to Seoul. He looked at his phone to check the time again. Exactly three minutes went by since he last checked. With a frustrated groan, he sank into his seat. The train was too slow, and Jisung was starting to regret deciding to ride it in the first place. He was visiting some of his friends down in Busan while also filming a music video, and against his better judgment, he decided to take the train back. He hoped he would have lesser chances of getting recognized, since no one would expect an idol on a train of all places. So there he was, tormented to several hours on a train. Normally, he wouldn't really mind, though. He had his beanie, headphones, and mask on, looking unrecognizable even with his manager sitting opposite him. He had his peace and quiet. Normally, he would be happy to relax on the train, but not today. Today he was seeing you and that made him extremely restless and giddy with excitement.

You and Jisung went way back. You were trainees at the same company, which is how you met. Your first conversation was a fight over the last piece of cheesecake at the company café. Having agreed to share it, you began talking, and ever since then, you became inseparable. You and Jisung would wait for each other after vocal lessons, he would give you pointers on your rapping, and in return you helped him with the JYPE basic dance routine. You had this symbiotic relationship that worked really well between you. Until Jisung's debut date approached. He would spend more time in the studio, going over his performance over and over again. You saw him less and less. And then he debuted, and you haven't seen him at all for a month because the public immediately fell in love with him, and as the new sensation, he was pushed from one music show to another. But he promised you that when you debuted as well and the initial whirlwind of chaos calmed down, it would go back to how it was. Except none of you thought of the fact that just a few weeks before your group was set to debut, you had been kicked off. The company never gave you a good enough reason, just some talk about “not fitting the group's vibe and concept” . You took it hard - harder than anyone expected. With your dreams being crushed, you packed all your things and moved to Australia. Jisung would never find out if it weren’t for another trainee named Chris, who helped you sort everything out. You didn’t even get to say goodbye. Not that you didn't want to, but Jisung and his success was just another painful reminder of the fact that you failed, and you didn't need that at that time.

In Australia, your life has gone pretty well. You applied to college, got your first boyfriend - a very sweet guy named Felix -  and slowly healed from your failure back in Korea. Meanwhile, Jisung was busy with his idol career. You watched him thrive via social media once the pain eased a little. You even bought some of the albums. Felix convinced you to get tickets for Jisung's concert last year, but you never told anyone you went there. You did it mostly for your boyfriend anyway, who, as it turned out, was Jisung's fan. He almost lost his mind when he found out you and Jisung used to be best friends. But despite all of that, you never tried to contact Jisung, not even when he was in Sydney for his first tour. You were too scared of his reaction. After alll, you ran away without a proper goodbye. And Jisung never made contact either anyway, so you took it as a sign of your friendship truly being over.

Which eventually brought Jisung here, three years after he spoke to you for the last time. While he was in Busan, Chris messaged him to tell him that you were visiting Seoul in the next few days. Jisung spent a lot of time thinking about why Chris told him that. At first, he felt bitter and jealous, because clearly you've kept in contact with Chris but not him. His second thought was that he had to message you because he hadn't seen you in forever. His third thought was fear, because if you hadn't tried to contact him all this time, why would you want to see him now? But after two phone calls with Chris, he somehow found the courage to ask for your number and send the first text. He did it right before he went to sleep, knowing that otherwise he would be checking his phone every five seconds.

You left him on read for almost the whole day, carefully weighing the pros and cons. Ultimately, you decided to agree to his offer, the longing to see your former best friend again winning over the fear. So there you were, sitting in a small café alone, the half-empty cup of coffee in front of you slowly going cold. You almost decided to give up when Jisung came stumbling through the door. Your breath hitched in your throat. He looked the same as he did back then, but older and more mature. His hair was different, too. He spotted you almost immediately, rushing to your table.

“Hi! Hi, sorry I'm late, I-” He stopped and looked at you properly. “Hi.” 

“Hi,” you replied, smiling as you watched him sit down. He still had that nervous smile and the joyous spark in his eyes. You decided to break the tension by asking the most trivial, most hated question. But in your case, it only made sense. “How have you been?”

At first, it was awkward; both of you were unsure how to act with each other. But with every new topic, the conversation flowed more easily, until it felt like old times. You told him about Australia, about your time with Felix and about your life there. He told you stories from the tour, he told you about the people he's met and about his career. By the end of the afternoon, it was as if you had never left. You realized you missed this. You missed him. Suddenly, you didn't know how you managed to go three years without talking to him. 

Jisung nervously checked his watch. “Look, I need to go in a moment, but I have the day off tomorrow?” he asked, gathering his things and taking out his wallet to pay the bill.

You smiled. “Yeah. I would like that.”

taglist: @stayconnecteed @saintriots @vivioluh @ivaneedssleep @jazziwritesthings

©starlostastronaut 2023 | do not repost/translate my work without permission

[purplesurveys]

1757

What can you smell right now?   I can't really make out a scent in my room.

What was the last thing you bought online?   Heh, just K-pop albums. Got Jungkook's album, all versions as usual.

If you drink coffee, when was the last time you went a day without having one?   I think there was a day sometime last week where I didn't have the time to fix myself a cup.

Do you have any appointments coming up?   Not til the next month.

Do you put appointments in your phone's calendar app to remember them?   Nah, I just backread through my chat threads since that's usually how I book appointments now.

Will you be visiting anyone's house in the next week or so?   I doubt it. The only other house I visit these days (besides family) is Angela's, and we don't have any plans made any time soon.

Have you ever been to a petting zoo? What animals did you pet? I haven't been to one and don't think I'll ever be interested in visiting.

What was the last movie you saw in theatres?   It wasn't a movie, but the last thing I booked tickets for was BTS' Busan concert. I don't really feel the urgency to catch anything else in the theatres since they'll usually be out in no time in any one of the streaming services anyway.

Do you know anyone who has done a PhD?   Apart from a number of my professors, no one I know personally.

How many unread emails are in your inbox right now? On my personal email, a little under 2,200. I always clear out my work emails so it's always at 0, but I would guess that anywhere between 2-5 would've come in today (Saturday). I just don't check it during weekends because that's one of the things I need to do to keep my sanity in check.

What four apps do you keep on the home bar on your iPhone? (Sorry, I'm not sure if Android has an equivalent!)  Contacts, Safari, Photos, Messages.

Have you ever used Tumblr? Do you still use it today?   Well yes, that's what I'm using to post this.

Are you tired right now?   A little bit, but I worked all afternoon + attended a party tonight so even though I'm a bit buzzed while taking this LOL I wanted some me time so here we are.

What's your favourite day of the week and why?   Friday. It just makes me happy and puts me in such a calm state.

How far away is the nearest major city?   Manila would be a good 1.5 hours away, even with no traffic. It's just so damn far which is why I always hate having to go there. So polluted and chaotic, too.

If you ever find yourself visiting the Philippines, I'll be the first to tell you there's nothing to miss if you're skipping out on Manila. In fact my #1 advice is to please just stay away from Manila. If you can't escape Metro Manila just go to BGC or Poblacion lol.

Do you own an electric kettle?   Nope.

Are your eyebrows wispy or bushy?   They're bushy.

Have you ever lost your wallet or purse? Did you have to replace a bunch of things?   I've lost a wallet once, but it didn't bother me all too much because I was in high school and had probably like only all of P200 on there.

Where are you right now? Describe the room or place to me.   I'm in my bedroom. It's technically the smallest room in the house but I like it because it feels very private/intimate – when entering, you'll immediately be greeted by a loft bed, wherein the stairs also double as cubbyholes where I've stored my K-pop merch. Directly below my bed is my work station and also a small 'sofa' which is really just two foldable sleeping bags bunched together; right across is my TV and TV stand which come with shelves, also home to more of my merch.

Do you prefer big dogs or small dogs?   I love all dogs but I am admittedly more likely to baby big dogs.

Are you good at understanding heavy accents? Which accents would you say you're the best at understanding?   I'm terrible with understanding accents. It's why I need subtitles all the time, even if what I'm watching is already in English. I don't think there is one accent I understand more than others, either.

Have you ever played on a real life pinball machine, or just on the computer?   I've played both IRL and computer-game pinball.

Do you have a lot of word documents or notes on your computer?   So many. The Notes app is my lifeline.

What's your favourite Ben & Jerry's flavour?   I never get B&J because they're so expensive.

Have you ever been to a school reunion? How was it?   Yes – we had our first and last (so far) reunion in around 2017, a year after we graduated. I remember having fun, although I cannot remember what exactly we did there. I imagine a present-day reunion would be even more fun considering so many of us have since gotten into K-pop, hah.

How many nights a week do you generally cook at home?   I don't cook.

What colour are the street signs in your neighbourhood? Are they the same all over town or do they vary? They're green text on a white background. No, it's different per subdivision.

Do you have good grammar and punctuation skills?   I would say so, yes. At work they always have me as an SOS line for any copywriting-related concerns lol.

Have you ever tried vegan chicken? Did you like it? I don't think I have, but I'm open to trying!

[lastchancevillagegreen]

Monday, 2 October 2023:

The Stars Are God's Bullet Holes John Murry (Submarine Cat) (released in 2021)

Back when I was a regular monthly reader of MOJO I learned about a lot of new music. One of my favorite discoveries was The Graceless Age by John Murry which came out in 2013 (on Rubyworks in the US). I look at my Top Ten for 2013 (I'm shocked I actually had one that late) and I also cringe at my choice for Number One:

1.  Muchacho Phosphorescent

2.  Once I Was An Eagle Laura Marling

3.  Tooth and Nail Billy Bragg

4.  About Farewell Alela Diane

5.  The Graceless Age John Murry

6.  The Argument Grant Hart

7.   Ripely Pine Lady Lamb The Beekeeper

 8.  Country Sleep Night Beds

 9.  Fade Yo La Tengo

10.  The Impossible Truth William Tyler

Phossy at Number One? Seriously? Out of that entire list, that is the one album that doesn't belong. I've not heard The Graceless Age in a decade but I remember it fondly. I'll be playing it before I even get around to playing this new(ish) John Murry.

I didn't even know Murry had a new album out. Heck, I didn't even know he was still making music. The last thing I bought by him was 2017's A Short History of Decay. I discovered this album via a post on God's Jukebox for Flat Party's I'm Bored Give Me Love which is on Submarine Cat, a label I'd never heard of. It's a UK label and when I looked it up (because discogs has zero entries for Flat Party) I saw they released this newest John Murry album. I immediately ordered it and now here it is.

Above you see the album cover (for what that is worth, Christ, anything is fair game for an album cover these days) and then the back of the album. Below you can see the inner sleeve front and back.

The final two shots are of the both sides of the record label. That photo seen on the cover makes a far better record label than it does an album cover.

The singles that are taken from this album seem to have a bit of a theme going for them. One assumes these photos were all the same photo shoot. The first cover you see is for the track I Refuse To Believe (That You Could Love Me). The second cover is for the single Ones and Zeros.

Myself, I think a new art director is a must have for Murry.