#immediately bc I’m scared and I don’t know if I like ppl until I’ve known them longer

[gothgamergaara]

Want boyfriend so bad The worm in my brain keeps whispering to download grindr

[ofprcngs]

BRANDON ARREAGA — Well, if it isn’t JAMES POTTER, the GRYFFINDOR superstar. For those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. Most people think that they’re CHARMING and INCISIVE, but they can also seem pretty DEPENDENT and INEXORABLE. Sometimes people call them the SHEPHERD. Sure, they’re a PUREBLOOD, but that doesn’t define them. 

i literally have 0 explanation for why i did this other than i’m in love with him. but also, he’s a mess, so jot that down. if you wanna know more about him ( protip: don’t ) then i recommend checking out his pinterest and then i dunno.... contemplate why i’m a punk ass bitch, i guess. enjoy this mess. plot with me. ily.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts. 

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego to know that everyone did.

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like... so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like... yikes. 

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point --- he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy.... that infuriated him. 

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ --- life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals --- every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just.... popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

i hate him.

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess 

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like... boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side.... i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like... idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos. 

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

WANTED CONNECTIONS

girlfriend: i hate to expose myself as a whole ass jily stan but... here i am i guess. but also, listen: he really thinks he’s over her right now. like, he truly believes his days of pestering lily evans are behind him. it was just a crush! it’s gone! ( spoiler alert: it’s not ) BUT he is so convinced that he has got himself into this relationship which is really just... a mess. like highkey it’s obvious he could never fully love her bc his Heart Belongs to Lily or whatever but he does care for her deeply and has tricked himself into believing it’s love. it’s hard, man. he’s confused. send help.

ex-girlfriend(s): more of above but like... less intense? or more intense! who knows, frankly.

childhood friend(s): i’d die for childhood friends. jake/gina dynamic? iconic. just anything, really.

odd friend: ok like... as i mentioned, he’s still kinda wary of slytherins and ppl who grew up in purist culture, but i would love love love to see someone who was one of the first to show him that not all those people are so bad. like someone from a purist family or the like who was just chill and friendly and actually befriended this asshole even when he was... well, an asshole. it’d be fun, ig. also if they eventually do end up recruited for the de’s bc of family stuff or whatever... bonus points.

rivals: i’m tired. you understand.

[thebvtchinghour]

( JACK MULHERN, TWENTY-ONE, HE/HIM )┊seems like CYRUS OZMAN has left the isle to come over to auradon. they are the child of THEODORA and have TWO SIBLINGS. i’ve heard they’re known to be CHARMING + MOODY. rumor has it they HAVE teamed up with the villains. maybe we should keep an eye on this one. ( hylia )

                         ❛  girl , would it kill you just to throw a little bit of attention ??? ❜                             playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.                             ( plz ignore the playlist cover + fc section of the board ; normally                             cyrrie’s fc is. a lil bit different. first time i’m using jack for him bc                              grizz in the society is That Bitch. ) click for more under the cut !!!                              tws : bullying , toxic relationships , depression ,                             drugs & alcohol ( mention ) ,  smoking ( mention )

not much of an introduction rn bc i’m a lil tired and sick so i’ma try and keep this relatively short !! Cyrus is a well-beloved OC of mine I’ve had for about three years , but this is the first time I’m writing him as a child of Theodora since his creation. So yeah , here we go !

HISTORY

On the Isle, Cyrus was a much different child than the man he is today ; believe it or not , he used to be sweet , quiet , polite , etc. - but growing up on the Isle hardens you , and unfortunately Cyrus wasn’t spared that fate.

Bullied as a kid for the reasoning he just didn’t like to be bad like most of the other kids , he’d prefer to keep to himself and draw everything in sight - until that bullied escalated , and Cyrus would eventually grow tired of it , even going as far as physically defending himself when receiving the same.

And he always was a natural pickpocket ; maybe it wasn’t the toughest means of proving himself , but sticky fingers were formed in an effort to ‘ fit in ’ - and also , he had a fear of growing poor due to the already unsavory conditions of the Isle.

So... yeah. Baby never had many friends.

When he was a teenager , he fell hard for his first boyfriend - but it was evident Cyrus was only being used and was never truly cared for , given his boyfriend would only talk to him if he brought him something shiny. And then when Cyrus would turn up empty-handed , it would be like he never existed. 

So when the VKs came over from the Isle... it really , really angered Cyrus when his boyfriend immediately ghosted him to try and romance the pretty rich royals of Auradon.

Their relationship was never healthy - but besides his siblings, his boyfriend was the only person in his life that never left him. Until now. And here he was alone, again.

So this would lead a lonely boy to dive deep into the magic he’d always been talented with on the Isle , that nobody else knew how much potential he had save for his family. He’d study , now focusing on solely becoming powerful in magic to the point he’d even call himself magic to feel better about himself.

And six months later , with research and practice and building up a reputation for himself as an underground magic prodigy , he only wanted two things: power , and money , to laugh in the face of those that had only kicked him down in his past. Even though , he knew he was only lying to himself , and the only thing he’d ever want in his life was love.

PERSONALITY & FACTS

Basics - Cyrus is trans male, panromantic pansexual w/ a slight lean towards men, diagnosed bipolar ( like me so I promise u I know what I’m talkin about ) and again - one of my favorite OCs to write. Ever. Like normally he’s the very first OC I bring into groups.

So in a nutshell !! Cyrus is a major facade - on the outside , he acts like an arrogant party boy only concerned with getting money and using magic for the prior reason. He does magic “favors” for people and essentially is sort of a magic dealer in that sense - enchanted objects, spells, you name it? He’ll sell you it.

But this is to hide the fact that he is actually scared , lonely , and hurt. He’s too afraid to admit that to anyone since he does NOT want to be used and hurt again. He has a huge heart - but he doesn’t want anyone to know that. It’s easier to act like you don’t have feelings ; or at least , that’s what he thinks.

In reality , he just wants someone to give him attention , love , and care. He wants to be special to someone and valued - to be told he matters.

But that doesn’t mean Cyrus isn’t actually talented in his act - aside from being an INCREDIBLE witch , he’s also extremely charismatic and can talk his way out of almost any situation. It’s what makes him such a good thief , too , since he can easily distract.

By his mouth. Because he never shuts the fuck up.

He has a habit of drinking and partying as also to fit in this mask , to try and numb himself to fill that annoying fucking hole he feels in his chest. And the euphoria of it all is all temporary - in this sense , it’s also why he practices more... costy forms of magic.

He attends parties and social gatherings a lot , yes , but every time he knows he’d rather be home alone.

So I also mentioned he IS siding with the villains - ...because one of them is paying him. This is unknown to nobody except the people on the side of the villains , and in reality , Cyrus is only working for them because of the money and also because of revenge on his ex for abandoning him like he was nothing. But he needs to be pulled back to reality and realize that it’s not worth it.

Big into Pagan witchcraft , too !! Tarot cards , crystals , divination - you name it. He almost always has crystals on his person whether they’re in the forms of rings , pendants , earrings - anything. Also regularly smokes a pipe full of opium incense as a stress reliever ( bc yk... wicked witch of the west... opium is from poppy seeds... )

Admittedly falls a lot into classic witch imagery and stuff like his mom because frankly? He just thinks it’s funny. He can ride a broom, sometimes wears large black floppy hats with sunglasses, even has a pair of ( faux ) ruby boots. A lot of his shirts also have a black and white striped pattern.

Also I’m gonna share his clothing aesthetic bc frankly I think it’s cool - lots of chokers, leather jackets, sunglasses, laced fingerless gloves, black painted nails, striped shirts, LOTS OF BLACK... he’s also rly fond of headbands.

Has a huge fear of water thanks to knowing what it does to his mom.

He’s always had an interest in ghosts and the supernatural - trying to practice necromancy for that reason to speak with the dead.

Most people expect his favorite color to be green - but shockingly? It’s blue.

Inspirations bc I love that shit !!

Sabrina Spellman ( CAOS )

Theodora ( duh )

Madison Montgomery & Misty Day ( AHS: Coven )

Violet Harmon ( AHS: Murder House )

Midna & Princess Zelda ( The Legend of Zelda )

Klaus Hargreeves ( The Umbrella Academy )

WANTED CONNECTIONS 

SO. I’d love like... a Weird Sisters like connection of three people ( including Cyrus ) who specialize in magic and hang together and cause trouble with it?? All the time??? Please give me this??

Listen gimme folks Cyrus has dealt magic shit too. Please. Please. This can either end positively or negatively considering he is the way he is.

People who know Cyrus and are aware pretty much everything about him is just an act.

People who spite him bc of this

People who want to HELP him bc of this

PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE

Someone he was going to curse for someone else but then chickened out at the last minute bc I’ll be honest he’s not heartless and he certainly would feel bad 

People he never got along with on the Isle tbh

ppl who genuinely want to be his friend but he keeps pushing away bc dude has trust issues for days

.........maybe the ex-boyfriend? Maybe????

hook-ups bc homie certainly has a habit of sleeping around

unrequited crushes?? exes?? that stuff bc let’s make all my sons cry???

also would love sort of like a skinny love where he feels one way towards a muse and they reciprocate but he can’t be w/ them bc he’s well aware of all his issues and shit ( this would have to be decided after checking out chemistry and stuff )

just eneMIES PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE

magic rivals that are constantly trying to one-up each other

ummmm also feel free to brainstorm w/ me bc this is getting long !!

 i’m gonna end this here bt yeah !! please feel free to hmu for plotting or my discord - rocky lynch lovebot / hylia.#0329 . :^) so sorry this is messy nnnnnnnnnng

[livingllz-blog]

The Story of Us: Part 2

WEEK 5:

This week, you went to colorado for hockey. We went to lunch and hung out the night before you left and I started ignoring your attempts to talk to me in person and just gave one word responses and even BABUSHKA-ed out of your room. You texted me later asking if I were upset w you. In all honesty I was upset w myself since I felt like I was dragging you along and couldn’t decide on how I felt. We talked that night before you left and I told you to keep your options open and maybe meet a girl in colorado (HAHA) bc I realized I couldn’t live w myself if I hurt you. Since I couldn’t decide on how I felt, you suggested we kiss. I honestly got so scared. I didn’t want our first kiss to be awkward and forced. But I also was afraid if I felt nothing in the kiss, it would hurt me or worse, you. I realized it was kinda a mistake and I really should have but by then, you were on your flight to colorado.

That Friday night/Saturday morning I called you. In tears. You were out to dinner w your whole team but made time for me. I cried about a douche that tried to get w me and I was honestly upset he didn’t wanna be friends after I said no. It was stupid but I was drunk and just couldn’t understand the situation. You cared mostly about whether or not he touched me in any way I didn’t want him to and once you found out I was safe and okay, you comforted me in the fact that you would be home soon and everything would be okay. That was enough for me to fall asleep

You returned from colorado saturday afternoon. I was really excited to see you esp after you sent me a snap saying “*winky emoji* tonight” and then never showed. Your excuse? “was tipsy yesterday”

That was the first time you lied to me and cancelled.

WEEK 6:

You suggested we get sushi that night after your business pitch meeting that “shouldn’t take long” and I was beyond excited. I love sushi. But then you had to cancel on dinner bc your meeting went too long and once you were free I wasn’t. But you didn’t even cancel on me did you. No I had to figure it out myself.

That was the second time you cancelled.

But ig it wasn’t that big of a deal bc you asked me to come up that night and somehow I ended up sleeping over again. We had class the next day and from some miscommunication, I ended up walking to class alone. You thought I said something else besides meeting up and when I asked why you didn’t just ask to clarify, you said “cuz actions speak louder than words?” “And what were your actions” “Too just keep laying there with you?”

You even suggested we have a cuddle sesh. The next day, I even met your sister and you bought me bubble tea. I gotta say it was nice. I could see us doing that more in the future.

Then the next night, you invited me to the hockey house. And then last minute you cancelled and said it wouldn’t be fun. I waited the whole night for this party and I was so disappointed. So my roommate (V) and I went to pi kap instead. Then we went to delta sig where I saw your friend (D). We took pictures together and decided to walk back to race together. We were originally gonna meet you on the lawn but it was so cold outside I called and told you we would be waiting on the couch. You immediately got really angry, frantically asking what couch (you assumed the one in my room) but I only meant the couch in the lobby.

This was the first time you got jealous. But not the first time you got salty. The most salty I’ve ever seen you.

The three of us walked to get my roommate from (U) and then we walked to get pizza. I made casual conversation w (D) and you just sulked behind us not talking to anyone. At one point (D) saw someone he knew and when he stopped to talk to them, you pulled my arm and said “let’s go, he’ll catch up later”. At the pizza place, I was looking out the window for (D) to make sure he was coming and you said “whatever. Who care’s where (D) is”. When we left the pizza shop, you didn’t leave w us and when I asked, you said “I wanna stay here”. I had to basically babysit you the entire way home, your mood only lightening up when (D) went back to his room. I got out of the elevator on my floor w my roommate (V) and you reached out to me and said “where are you going?” I said “to my room to eat my pizza?” You replied “maybe I’ll see you later tonight”. I honestly didn’t want to. You were acting so weird all night and I just wanted to eat my pizza and sleep. But then later you texted “so you don’t want to hang out with me?” And I knew it wouldn’t be good if I didn’t come up so I did. When I walked into your room, you had your head in your hands and it sounded like you were crying when we talked. You kept mumbling something about (D) and leaving you to go dance w him. It was so funny bc it obviously wasn’t what I wanted. But you couldn’t see that. You were too blinded by your jealousy. I then tried to put you to bed and you kept throwing salty comments at me but I knew you were drunk and upset so I just let them all slide. You asked me why I wasn’t getting into bed w you when I tucked you in and I told you I wanted to sleep in my bed but you weren’t having it. You were so convinced I was going to leave you for (D) after you went to sleep. HA.

The next night, we had our third talk. And in that, I basically friend zoned you. I didn’t think I could deal w how clingy you were the night before and this was all before we were even dating. I told you I was so busy and I didn’t have enough time for a relationship and that it wouldn’t be fair to you.

WEEK 7:

The next two days after our talk, you were really salty at me. I asked you to go on a walk w me and you said no. I asked you to go to dinner and you said you just left. Finally after you asked to hang not so well “what you up too” *3 mins pass* “fuck it nvm”. We ended up watching stranger things and cuddling, so ig it worked kinda well. We even had a cuddle sesh the next night too, even tho I was sick. I hadn’t eaten anything all day and decided I should at least drink a smoothie but going out into the cold wasn’t a good idea for me so you memorized my order and actually got dressed to walk out into the cold just to get a smoothie for me. My heart swelled. How were you such a good guy. I didn’t think I deserved you and you were so whipped for me.

WEEK 8: where things start going downhill

You said we couldn’t hang out anymore or cuddle bc “I teased you too much”. Okay can I just say, while we were cuddling, I didn’t understand why your dick was OUT OF YOUR PANTS. That’s not a thing!!!

This weekend, we hung out friday night and I fully thought we were gonna sleep together. And when we woke up? I was gonna ask you out. But of course things never happen as they should. You were really salty that night when I said I would go back out to another party, you said “just go. Idk what you’re still doing here” I stayed in w you, for you. And when I was ready for bed, you said I’m gonna sleep here tonight. Even tho there were ppl fucking in your room. Why couldn’t we sleep in my bed? Bc you wanted to sleep in yours. That’s such bullshit.

That is the third time you cancelled. And the worst time of all.

The next night, we met up outside of our building and I thought we were just gonna go up to your room, but instead you took us to the hockey house to play flip cup. I was surprisingly really good. We even had a 1v1 and I beat your ass haha. If I wasn’t already drunk before, I definitely was now. But I still remember everything that happened that night. We played more flip cup and even did some dancing together. I love dancing, I can’t believe it took us 8 weeks to dance together. Can’t say you’re too bad at it either. Also, can I just say leading up to tonight, you have always respected my boundaries and not tried to push me to do anything I didn’t want to. You never forced yourself onto me or kissed me when I didn’t want it. While you’ve made the situations, going the 90%, you ALWAYS waited for me to put in that last 10% when I was ready. That was something I really respected about you. Tonight was kinda the same, while we were dancing, you did try and kiss me but instead I asked what the hell last night was about, you not wanting to sleep w me. You said “can we talk about this later” and I just went on dancing and you moved on. I ended up talking to this guy that went to PSU since my best friend goes there and I was asking him about their parties. I noticed you eyeing us, so I included you into the conversation but if anything that just made you more salty and we left almost immediately after that. On the walk home, I asked you again about last night. For some reason you seemed really hesitant but we pinky promised to tell the whole truth. You said “I don't understand what we are. Normal ppl don’t just cuddle as much as we do and it never leads to anything. We haven’t even had our first kiss yet!” So I kissed you. Under the tree next to the parking lot outside our building. “What I only get one kiss” And I kissed you again.

Honestly I expect a kiss to have fireworks and be amazing. All the other guys I’ve kissed, there has been nothing in the kiss. But with you, I felt something more. Not fireworks and the whole shabang, but I did feel a little spark. Maybe it just needed more time. After all we only knew each other for 8 weeks.

But then as we stood under our building roof, you holding both my hands bc it was cold and it also made it more intimate and dramatic, you said that you needed more from me. You wanted to fuck me. “Don’t use that word tho (fuck), it’s not the only thing I want from you. I also want a relationship”. But I had told you already, I’m not having sex until marriage to which you replied “I know you’re a good Christian girl. But 10 years is a long time. What if it’s in the moment tho? What about true love”

Whoa whoa whoa. What about true love??? We’ve known each other for 8 years. You can’t be serious. You can’t be saying you love me..can you? So I asked you “do you love me?”

“I like you a lot and I feel really comfortable around you”

“I feel comfortable around other ppl but it doesn’t mean I love them. Do you love me? Yes or no”

“Yes I do”

WOW what a truth bomb.

But by the end of the night, it’s agreed that we have differences of opinion and one of us has to decide. There’s no compromise here and I’m not folding on what I believe. So if he truly likes me so much, loves me, he needs to decide he’s not having sex, not having sex w me. He asks for some time to thing about it and I tell him of course, he should think it through. But I’m not worried. Sex is such a little thing. It shouldn’t be a deal breaker, esp if he likes me so much.

The night before thanksgiving break, we’re playing Kings in your room and the card is never have I ever. Your roommate (C) goes “never have I ever waited until marriage”

Ouch. What hurt even more? When someone asked (C) why he said that, he replied “I wanted Liz to drink”

So you told your roommates something extremely private about me, and then they used it against me. That’s fucking messed up.

I talked to you about it the next morning before I left for break and you apologized for him. You said it was never your intention to hurt me and I knew that was the truth. I willingly forgave you.

Throughout thanksgiving break, the time apart makes me realize I like you more and more. I can’t wait for us to talk after break bc then we can finally start going on dates and seeing what the future has in store for us.

[survivorindia]

Disturbing Patrons with my Mental Breakdown- Kendall (Episode 8)

Okay, soooo. I'm pretty sure all of the returnees threw the challenge RIGHT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW in order to vote out the minority newbies... Aka me.... So, I'm pretty pissed off as it's evident that I'm the only one who actually TRIED at this challenge, when I clearly shouldn't have because I'm extremely sick with strep and should be sleeping all day. SOOO, that was a huge waste of my time and I'm pretty pissed about it... But it's fine, bitches. Satan will see you in hell <3 :*

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE JUST THREW THE CHALLENGE. I have never thrown a challenge before and that was terrifying. If this backfires on me i'm gonna look like a moron but I have good faith. Hopefully bye bye Ruben, Worst case scenario bye bye Casey, Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye allies, and Worst-Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye Jordan

i definitely picked my tribe with the intention of screwing someone over. i think things have revealed themselves nicely on where loyalties still lie, and while one or two people might think they're in the driver's seat, i'm in a good position to shift the gears without them noticing. and that means their car will crash and we all die. hehe.  i'm prepared to make a move if we lose immunity, but im not letting that happen. i want to win this one just so i can be safe one more round. figure things out a little more. let tea spill. but i'm not going to let myself make the same mistakes and spill my guts to anyone willing to listen. i'll keep information to myself. i know i'm on the bottom of the returnees alliance and probably the newbies one, too. but i'm content for right now, because ultimately the returnees will start to fall. we'll be picked off one by one. dom wants to throw immunity, and sometimes its not a bad idea to do that, but this round, it needs to not happen. ruben will likely go home but i dont think he trusted me in the first place, so it's his time. sorry.

i'll take his position if he does. lexi needs a #2 and its between robin and myself. i respect robin bc they were there for me when i had no one else there for me. i feel like i've known them for years, but we just met and thats powerful. i have a powerful bond to this person. they're important to me. but this is also a game and i know my competition when i see it. if they have to go at my expense of making it another day, i'll do it.  idk if im still a villain or if im becoming a hero. i think that's up for determination. 

LOOOL WILD TRIBAL. BUH-BYE, JULIA. GLAD I DIDN'T SEE YOU AHAHAHAAAAA

This is oh so sweet. If everything goes well, bye bye, Ruben! This one's for Johnny.

Can i just say........ HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU JAIDEN FUCK YOU DOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE JULIA LEFT. Lets get down to brief overview and how i feel about it  1) Julia gets voted off.....SO MAD 2) Alex, Dom, Jaiden are in clear alliance of three, split the tribes up so everyones pair is separated...so basically...jordan and I are gone, casey and ash, ruben and lexi ...u get the point. 3) They put me on a tribe to fuck me over...im gone when they make these tribes and I come back to the ugliest tribe ever. Jaiden. Robin. Dom. Lexi. Alexis. Ashley and I. Now Ash and I are just sitting there like.................................i – i- this plan is so obvious??!?!? and do those three boys think its not obvious their together and they did this on purpose to FUCK ME OVER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! um why u so obsessed with me BACK OFF 4) Ashley calls me at work during the comp and TELLS ME DOM IS TRYING TO THROW THE COMPITITION..................to say that the reason hes doing that is to save casey....thats right CASEY. YA RIGHT DOM FUCK OFF WHO DO U THINK WE ARE..........................now lets talk about this because ...................bitch u really want to try me!?! I know those three boys arent as stupid as their moves are coming off!?!? but do they think this is believable!?!?!? Seriously? Im kinda confused because a) They vote julia equalling in jordan and i coming full force on them.....like if ur gonna go for the two headed snake ....dont go for its tail? Sorry but julia was just a number. Jordan and I are the ones who game talk together and as much as i hate playing with him...i love playing with him if that makes any sense. b) you want to throw a competition...to what? To get me out? um....do you underestimate jordan , kendall and I? Yea were on two different tribes but its clearly obvious im fucked over. As if they wouldnt throw this comp.  5) We win immunity....and you would think the way ppl were acting was as if we lost. But it was so obvious everyone of them threw that and im PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [7:00:19 PM] jaiden: that's fucking bullshit [7:00:24 PM] jaiden: I went back and CORRECTED myself [7:00:26 PM] jaiden: i'm pissed [7:00:36 PM] jaiden: I'm glad we won but FUCK. THAT. [7:09:57 PM] Sarah: ARENT U HA;PPPYYY [7:10:00 PM] Sarah: YUHJGEDSXF [7:10:08 PM] jaiden: that would've been sooooooo bad sarah [7:10:19 PM] jaiden: I would've felt like SHIT if we had to go to tribal all because I made a simple mistake ............Jaiden................You had the lowest score on our tribe. And you think i didnt know I was going if we lost?.... “Simple mistake” mhm HUNTY I BELIEVE U FOR SURE Now its kinda obvious what dom is doing and honestly......................................fuck u wtf do u think ur doing being a better player than me? I cant wait till i vote ur ass out. Please take it as a compliment Actually...wait  no fuck u binch face motherfuck i hate u anyways so i was thinking that if we lost immunity ...i could come up with a plan. Jordan gives me the idol, it will be publicly shared, Jaiden will immediately come to me freaking out because hes being a fake ass, asking if jordan gave me the idol...I will tell him (in confidence HAHHAHAHAHAHA) that jordan gave me a fake one and that i only did it so people are scared to vote me out. He'll tell dom so they dont switch votes on Ashley. Then when I get majority votes ill idol out my votes, ashley puts one vote on me, i put one vote on dom so it ties. So if dom plays his idol it will be WASTED ANYWAYS. But if they split votes then ill be safe who cares if ashley goes home. Because im safe and in f13!!!!!!!!!! and hopefully merge happens soon so i can stop doing this. But its ok bc im gonna pray kendall and jordan throw the next comp. Honestly I love Kendall so much I want a f2 with her now that Julia is gone. So watch out for that in the future. http://i.imgur.com/D8kFHyf.gif DONT MESS WITH ME I WILL SELL MY SOUL JUST TO MAKE SURE I MAKE MERGE

Candle added Jordan Pines to this conversation.  From: Candle Jordan you know I adore you Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Jordan Pines oh no Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Candle But if you want to make a group chat, do it yourself Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Candle From: Jordan Pines hahahaha Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Jordan Pines this callout XDDDDDD Sent on: 2:10 pm  I couldn't have said that better myself Sent From: Candle Kay well I’ve made my point so get off my lawn you damn youngings Sent on: 2:11 pm Candle has removed Jordan Pines from this conversation Candle has removed Gavin from this conversation  AYYYYYYYE. YES. KENDALL. YES.

I hate getting lied to at Tribal Councils, but Julia left which is actually a good thing and kind of my fault oops. It's Kendall all over again in Malaysia. 

 But yeah, things got messy but I got to pick my tribe for the tribe swap. Jaiden and I got on call and decided we were going to split everyone up (Sarah/Jordan, Ruben/Lexi, Casey/Dom), so that's really fun and exciting. It'll be neat to see how everything goes with the pairs being split. Gavin and I are still together which is sweet. 

 I'm pissed about the vote count at Tribal. Jaiden ruined my no vote streak, but at least he did it on Day 87 for me not getting votes, which is my favorite number. 

I haven't been having fun in India and I never really knew why. It wasn't as though I was losing, it wasn't as though I was in any danger. I was just bored... it felt like something was missing, aside from my soul. So I had a heart to heart with myself over a cup of coffee. I went up to me and said "Me, what's wrong? I've been acting sadder then I usually am, what's wrong egg?" I simply gave myself a shrug and sadly responded "I dunno, I really want to have fun but something is missing... it feels like I am going through the motions," I gave myself a sad sigh. "Oh me, what am I going to with I? How am I going to win a game that I don't have the will to even play," It was at this time I was politely, but sternly, asked to leave by the Starbuck's Barista because I was "disturbing patrons with my mental breakdown," Which was bullshit by the way, I've had like 6 mental breakdown and they are not nearly as tame as me talking to myself. And so, as I argued with the barista and as threatened to call the cops, I had a realization. I have been experiencing the human emotion known as 'pouting'. I have given up because I felt like I had no opportunity to get to the end, that I was either going to get dragged as a goat or voted pre merge. But I have things I can use to my advantage. I don't have to lie down and play dead. If I just pretend to be a good little soldier until merge, reconvene with Sarah and some others, I could do something incredible. For now I just need to play nice. I have decided to stick with my allies. Not because I suddenly grew a brain. Not because I felt some sort of kinship with them or 'friendship'. It's just the best thing I can do Here is an elaboratation on my reasoning the form of a chart: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qPAkC4IhbNWgE2II29QqNaQFR1rgckfBEK_yKCOat5A/edit?usp=sharing 

Oh right, I almost forgot to mention during my ego maniacal ramblings. We are going to probably through the challenge to save Sarah (For strictly strategic purposes... I promise). I say probably because nothing has been confirmed. TBH if we lose, even if it is unintentionally, I'm about 80% sure Jordan Pines will claim that he meant to do it. Welp that's a common side effect of working with a narcissist. What are you gonna do?

Okay so FUCK this tribe swap. I am literally stuck on a tribe of people I have like never even spoken to, that is my fault of course, but damn how did I get so unlucky? Jaiden says he chose me because I am good in challenges and that I am a nice person, I mean that is nice and all but I am now separated from Gavin, Jordan, Alex, literally anyone who I actually liked and was hoping to really get to work with. This counting challenge is also a goddamn mess. Dom has gotten us like -25,000 points already ON PURPOSE. He tells me he likes me and isn't coming after me, but that leaves only two other returnees on our tribe that he could go after; Jaiden and Sarah. Sarah is kind of certain that Jaiden and Dom are working together, which kind of goes against the whole "newbies vs. villains" thing they are trying to start. But who knows. I can only hope the guys on the other tribe will also try throwing some challenges to give Sarah and I a chance over here on this tribe. They don't want newbies to have majority either.

Jaiden picked me to be on his tribe so that was perfect because I really did not want to be on the other tribe. Lexi spoke to me a bit and let me know that Ruben talked highly of me and how she was fond of me for that reason Robin's nice Jaiden's cool and we've both wanted to be on the same tribe for quite a while now so that finally happened Ashley rarely ever speaks to me and forgets to reply constantly Sarah only now started talking to me a bit more since she believes she's in the minority and Jordan probably said she could flip me Dom is a bit suspicious at times but I believe he trusts me and that he wants to take the newbies far I lost it again last night after the results, I should have done my confessional then but everyone already assumes I'm already crazy so maybe we'll save that for later. I feel a bit more calm now but last night I wanted to request tribal and still do sort of but I don’t think it’s possible. I wish I threw the challenge since I hate when the other tribe gets what they want and I don’t want Ruben to go. I like this Lexi, Robin, Dom group going on so I am hoping to solidify that soon and I think they assume it’s newbies vs returnees still. I’m hoping that by some miracle, a returnee gets voted out and apparently Dom just handed Ruben an idol. I believe Jordan assumes I’m closest with him still and that’s why Sarah has been trying to talk to me more lmao! I like Jordan so we'll see where that goes but he's controlling a huge part of the game as of now. Sarah should have tried a bit earlier to speak to me because now it seems like desperation, but I’ll keep playing this middle role, it amuses me. Sarah said she only really talks to Ashley so that's nothing new since I assumed she was close with her from that returnee alliance before the swap. Here’s to hoping the next challenge is something easily thrown so we can finally say goodbye to Sarah or Ashley :)

That was honestly a messy challenge result. I don't necessarily blame anyone for throwing though. I didn't know I was in the negatives so I'm sure everyone probably made mistakes they didn't catch. I'm worried for Ruben. He's the only one from my old alliance on the other tribe. Dom gave him his idol though so he'll hopefully be safe. On another note, I've been talking to the other Lexi. To be honest, if started off because I confused her for lexi my ally. We're getting along pretty well. She's definitely someone I'd like to work with in the future. Jaiden's also pretty cool so I have my bases covered once we go to tribal