#imma call them moonstar

[imagoofball]

When I was younger I never understood the love triangle problem. I always thought they would all just date each other instead of fighting. This was before I knew that gay people existed so imagine how much harder I fought for all 3 dating when I learned it could actually be possible.

[hufflepirate]

I just finished rewatching X-men Origins: Wolverine, and like... I get it.  This movie is terrible. I get that. There are massive, MASSIVE continuity problems with the other X-men movies. Like... drive several busses side-by-side through those plot holes continuity problems and WHY IS CHARLES XAVIER WALKING. The choices they made with Deadpool are not just weird they're an abomination, and most of what they did with Gambit was pretty much a waste of his potential. Kayla Silverfox deserved better than the racist Native stereotypes that cropped up around her and also better than being played by a white lady, so bad job, movie. Liev Schreiber's Super Fingernails never once fail to look ridiculous. Emma Frost is apparently?? Native American?? How??  Also, her diamond form looks terrible.  The fact that Dominic Monaghan is in it is weird. It's WEIRD.

But this movie has a special place in my heart anyway, because it was the first comic book movie I went to in the theater after discovering that I liked superheroes in college. I walked out of it thinking “wow, that was kind of disappointing” but still.  Special.  And I obviously didn’t give up on superheroes.

So anyway, here is an exhaustive list of all the things I love about Wolverine Origins: 

All the scenes of Logan being a sweet tormented lumberjack. It's cheesy. I don't care. I love it.

The scene where Kayla drives him to work and demands a kiss before he gets on the truck with the guys and he comes back and kisses her and all the guys make noises like they're teenage boys at school and somebody got called to the office and he just climbs into the back of the pickup and rides off like it's whatever ok whatever he loves her. 

 Logan: *wakes up screaming from a nightmare* 

Kayla: Was it the wars? Which one? 

Logan: All of them 

An actual line actually uttered nonsexually: "Looks like we're gonna need new sheets again, baby." 

The part where Logan is making boards while chewing on a CLEARLY UNLIT CIGAR, which he then refers to as "clean living." 

The part where this time I watched it and I’m about to make more money in a year than Lumberjack!Logan instead of the same amount or less. This isn't about the movie and I still don’t make very much money but this is the most I’ve ever made in my life and that’s pretty great.

"Your country needs you." "I'm Canadian." 

THEY USE THE I'M THE BEST AT WHAT I DO AND WHAT I DO BEST ISN'T VERY NICE LINE I'M PERPETUALLY SHOOK 

 SOMETIMES WHEN HE'S WITH KAYLA HE SMILES AND I DIE 

 I can't watch the part where he's running around naked without thinking of that one behind the scenes story about Hugh Jackman running naked down the hallway and rounding a corner to find a bunch of female crew members waving dollar bills at him.  That was actually from X2, but shhhhh, I still always laugh. 

 EVERYTHING! WITH! THE! OLD! PEOPLE!  (Except the part where they get murdered.  That part is the Worst.)

"Travis, I think there's a naked man in the barn." 

Every line Travis has in the barn is golden I'm not kidding. 

I can't even list all the things I CANNOT HANDLE ABOUT LOGAN WITH THE OLD PEOPLE 

(I'm glad the New and Good Wolverine standalone also has family dinner with kindly strangers bc OH MY GOSH MY HEART.) 

That scene where he blows up the helicopter is Peak cool-guys-don't-look-at-explosions and possibly the last truly great cool-guys-don't-look-at-explosions shot to be presented unironically, unpoisoned by the filmmakers' knowledge of that song. 

Every single thing about that first boxing scene with Blob is 100% terrible. It is Transcendently Bad. Every moment it lasts makes it more absurd. Will.i.am is in it. It's great. 

Did I mention Will.i.am is dressed like some kind of cowboy? Because he is. It is 100% believable, especially the part where his hat kind of looks like it might have a flower on it?

I love Taylor Kitsch. This movie may be a waste of Remy Lebeau, but I love Kitsch and it's nice to remember that time a couple years after this movie came out when we all thought his career might be taking off. I mean, obviously it didn't, really, but still. Good times.

The last 30 minutes are almost irredeemably awful, but the "Nobody kills you but me" line is good. Also everything between Logan and Kayla is Extremely Cheesy but imma be honest I'm here for all of it except the bits where they’re using Cheesy Indian Tropes.  We already talked about that, though.  I especially enjoy the part where she's injured and he literally carries her off into the sunset, but like, before he gets shot.  The 20 seconds of walking before the getting shot is great.