#imjustalittleterrified

[afoolforatook]

Oh look... another rant about James Ironwood.....

I’ve gotten into this some before but I’ve been thinking about it a lot since Witch (I wrote most of this like that day, but then put off ever really finishing it, but in light of the preview for tomorrow’s ep…….I feel like I need to get this out, so…)

(still not 100% on how I said all of this but I’m making myself finish it even though I’m kinda foggy headed before the ep, so apologies if I missed some poor wording in anything)

So, Fear came on while I was in the shower and… Honestly, I’ve had a bit of a roller coaster with Fear over the past 12 months. I love the song, but something about it didn’t sit right with me at first to be honest, though I wasn’t quite sure what. 

It’s a gorgeous song. And the message seems like such a staple, good moral. It’s the whole  ‘the greatest thing to fear is fear itself’ idea; that we have to stand strong against fear; fear is the true evil and can cause even the best intentions to go wrong. 

But, the thing that always bothers me about those messages, or at least how a lot of people tend to interpret them, is the idea that we should judge a person’s morals ultimately by their reaction to fear. And specifically by them not handling their fear well. The idea that how we act in the face of fear is who we truly are deep down, that being truly ‘good’ means never letting that fear win, and if you do, then you must be weak, or a villain, or selfish, or a coward. 

And that has never sat right with me. 

(got long so rest under read more)

In a tags rant a while back I got into how, to me, James Ironwood is Qrow’s foil.  In the sense of ‘a character who chooses to be kind despite all their pain’. 

Qrow is that character people tend to love, who is torn down over and over and still pushes himself to be good and kind, and —that we have seen— he usually wins that battle. He has backsliding moments of course (the entirety of V6 is a good example) but even then, he doesn’t really fall into the deep end as far as letting his pain and fear turn him mean or controlling. He might not be particularly pleasant, he might be listless and blunt or even grouchy, but he still cares and he tries to keep to himself and keep his mood from making him outright mean (aside from hitting Oscar, which I’m not gonna get into here cause that’s a whole thing on its own and this isn’t about Qrow)

But here is James as a foil comes in. 

Qrow is the character who is pushed to his breaking point over and over, who hits rock bottom.  But he has the support around him to be able to keep getting back up, to keep having the emotional ability to choose to be good, to do the right thing. 

James? He doesn’t have that support. He has Winter and the Ops and an entire army under him, but he doesn’t have any real personal support. The closest we’ve ever really seen to him having peers or friends, is the hug with Qrow in V7, and Clover’s comment about trusting him with his life (and calling him James, which we’d just been told is only what his friends call him). 

And I don’t mean support as in someone telling him what he’s doing is right, someone backing him up in his decisions, making him feel better. 

Qrow’s support that got him back on track? It was Ruby standing her ground and telling him to stop treating them like kids he had to protect; to trust them to be able to do the right thing; to stop putting all the blame and responsibility on himself. It was calling him out on how he was letting his personal struggles affect how he treated and ultimately viewed the kids. 

James needs this too. He needs someone he trusts to tell him that he’s wrong, but that he can still try to make it right. (RWBY doesn’t count because, at the time that they stood up to him, he had just found out that Blake and Yang had, in his eyes, betrayed his trust. And for a man who is in a sharp spiral of having all his worst fears and paranoia confirmed, that means they can’t be trusted at all.)

We love the character who pushes and continues to be good and kind through hardship.  Who continues to do the right thing with the strength they have left. 

But everyone has a true breaking point. A point where they have pushed for so long and tried so hard, but then one thing goes too far and they don’t have the support to lean on, to help them keep fighting. And, despite having tried so hard to do the right thing, even thinking this still is the right thing, they react out of fear and pain. 

Ren called out Yang on her fear, and her masking it. 

We love the character who stands in the face of their fear, who meets it head on and doesn’t let it rule them. We love the character who gets back up over and over and chooses to keep fighting, their enemies, and their own fear and pain. 

But, what if one day, after years and years of fighting and pain and loss and paranoia and hard decisions, what if Yang gave into that fear, even just once? What if any of the kids did? What if they reached their limit and, even without realizing it, made the wrong choice because they were tired and afraid and hurting? And people got hurt because of it? Would that undo all the times they’d been ‘strong’ before? Would they be selfish, villains, cowards? Would they be weak?  

This is the problem when we see ‘giving into/reacting out of fear’ as a definite moral indicator. When we say that who you really are deep down is shown by the choices that you make when you’re afraid. 

Because it’s not.  

And that idea doesn't take into account all the times you’ve fought through that fear before. It doesn’t allow for the inevitability of being pushed too far, or the ability to come back from that breaking point. 

Yes fighting that fear, facing it head on, is brave. 

But no one, no one, can do that indefinitely, especially when they are doing it alone (emotionally).

Fighting that fear takes a lot of strength, that’s why it’s admirable, why it’s brave. It’s not easy.  But pushing yourself over and over, until that strength is completely spent, and then having to face that fear again when you genuinely have nothing left?

That doesn't make you evil or cruel or weak or a coward. It makes you human. 

James Ironwood broke. Not because of the machinery that is half his body; not because he doesn't have a heart; not because he’s selfish and thinks he’s infallible; not because he’s obsessed with power and too proud to admit he’s wrong, but because he pushed himself over and over until he had nothing left, and had no one to stop him, no one to snap him out of it. 

James Ironwood isn’t a coward. He isn’t just power hungry and unwilling to compromise. He isn’t incapable of compassion. He’s tired (I mean, look at all of V7), traumatized (his comment to Oscar in the vault about seeing things, and multiple other examples), a bit awkward (Penny telling him he was getting better at giving speeches), vulnerable (the hug with Qrow), understanding (telling the kids they didn’t have to stay at fight at the Fall), loyal (flipping his weapon around and refusing to attack when he thought Qrow was attacking him at Beacon). Not to mention still undoubtedly reeling from the pain and trauma of losing his other arm. 

He has fought his fear. 

Over and over. Until it wore him down completely. 

And we’ve seen nothing to make us believe he’s even properly addressed that trauma, let alone had proper time to process it ( and the conversation with the Ops about Tortuga all but confirmed this)

And the thing that I hate? That just really bothers me?

Yes. James is making awful, callous, choices that are costing lives. And he needs to answer for those choices. And he’s doing them because he is absolutely terrified, and he’s let that fear overshadow all other options. That fear has made him paranoid to the point that he trusts no one but himself to do what must be done to try to save anyone he can, even if it means abandoning others he’s meant to protect.  

But I hate the attitude I see from far too many people; that his fear,  and this inevitable loss to that fear, makes him weak, makes him a villain, a coward. That his reaction to that fear proves that he is just a power hungry dictator. Seeing people wanting to see him be shamed him for it, to laugh at how weak he really is for letting fear control him. 

We commend characters who push through trauma. We want representation for those who have fought trauma themselves. 

But real life? Actual people struggling with PTSD and paranoia, and just everyday fear?

They’re going to break. They’re going to wake up one day and be too tired to fight it, and if they don’t have the kind of support to help them get back to a place where they can fight, and think clearly, again —they’ll make bad, even hurtful, callous, decisions. Not out of malice or selfishness, but simply because they are afraid and unable to see the full picture clearly. 

And the way to help them isn’t to mock them for not being infinitely strong against their fear. It's not to tell them that, by submitting to their fear —no matter how many times they've beat it in the past— they have shown their true colors. 

The way to help them is by showing them that, even after their missteps, even IN the deepest part of their fear, they can find that strength again. They can come back and try to make things right. 

Fear is the enemy, maybe. But being afraid and not having the unending strength to fight that fear, does not make you an irredeemable villain. 

James’ flaw is that he sees himself as the grand hero. Not in the sense that he is infallible or better, but that he thinks it's his responsibility, his duty, it’s something he’s ready to make sacrifices for. And, with Oz gone, and RWBYJNROQ apparently against him, he has to believe that he can do it —he can save people— because if not him, who else can he trust?

And that kind of paranoia, on top of trauma, and unacknowledged fear, is so hard to fight on a good day, let alone after physical trauma, and under extreme stress, and having paranoia be proven right multiple times, triggering past trauma. 

People in power are still people, and will still have their own psychological reactions to trauma. Acknowledging that trauma and how it affects their decisions (and the reality of the nuance beyond ‘good’ and ‘evil’) and holding them accountable for their decisions are not mutually exclusive. (I’m not gonna get too into a whole thing about direct ties to real world politics and leaders, because I honestly don’t have the knowledge or energy, but let’s just settle that the fictional circumstances are completely different than real world, and that characters and actions have a narrative meaning and importance that is not how real world people and motivations work. Me saying that Ironwood’s trauma and how it affects his decisions is an important part of his narrative and the theme of trauma in RWBY is not saying that we have to take into account every trauma or psychological motivation behind the actions of real world leaders. ) 

The fact is that James shouldn't have had so much military power, or at the very least, not such seemingly unchecked control, since at least since the fall of Beacon (likely before as well, but we don’t know how much things changed). The fact that things were able to get so far without another military official of similar authority having input is a flaw in Atlas’ structure (not counting counsel members since it’s been made clear that IW is the military leader). 

I don’t in any way say that in a ‘traumatized/mentally ill people can’t ever be trusted with power’ way, but rather, that this is a man who has shown obvious signs of PTSD for years, with no apparent attempts or even opportunities to address and process his trauma, or likely even acknowledge it at all. 

Trauma and the lasting effects of it don’t automatically make someone unfit for leadership, but that is only as long as it is being addressed and managed properly, including having other people on the same level as you, so that your judgement alone does not control entire groups and their safety (that applies regardless of mental state but, my point here isn’t to get into complicated, real world accurate government debate)

My point is, I know how hard it is to, day after day, fight back that kind of looming fear and paranoia. How hard it is to tell yourself over and over that it is just that: paranoia. How hard it is to keep doing that, when even one or two things happen to seemingly reinforce that paranoia. Let alone when it’s huge things one after another after another. 

I know how exhausting that is, and my circumstances are infinitely less dire and large scale than what James has been facing for the last few years at the very least, likely much longer. 

The man broke under the pressure. And I don't fucking blame him. Of course he did. 

But he happened to also be in a position of power, in a system that did not have an appropriate distribution of power in place (really not just ‘happened’, because a large part of the stress that fed into this was feeling, and actually being responsible for countless lives, maybe even the entire world.)

James sees himself as a hero. Not in a bragging, overly confident way. But as his duty, his purpose. In that he must be unbreakable, he must be able to protect whoever he can at whatever cost. He has to win, or everything will be lost. It’s not arrogant pride. It’s twisted, tunnel vision, dedication. 

So, when everything depends on him, and giving into fear is unacceptable, even acknowledging his own breakdown would mean he failed. 

He doesn’t just think he is a hero, he thinks he has to be. But really, he’s just a man. And, anyone who refuses to even admit to their fear, who sees their fear as something to be ashamed and afraid of itself, is eventually going to lose that battle. 

And laughing at him for that weakness? Wanting to rub it in his face just how scared he really is? 

Like I get it, It know its fandom and we can joke. And honestly I'm not really talking about the jokes and memes (though I personally don't like some of them, but I’m not going to just say their inherently awful altogether) or the excitement to see the drama and action of his confrontation with Qrow. I’m not meaning the cathartic tension and messy emotions. I’m meaning people actually wanting to see this all be completely shoved back in his face and watch him be brought down a peg, watch him be humiliated or killed or whatever as a way of him ‘getting what’s coming’. Or just wanting to see him beaten and made to pay for being some power hungry cruel dictator, genuinely reveling in his falling apart.  

Like, y’all. It’s not going to be dropping him down a peg, or destroying some power grab. He is literally at rock bottom, backed into a corner. 

It’s just honestly very disturbing seeing people so ready to revel in the complete breakdown and possible demise of a (disabled) character with obvious and intentional signs of PTSD, who had previously always been shown to be a good, if somewhat short-sighted or misguided, person. 

And think about it, if you were dealing with that kind of overwhelming fear; if you were trying to keep fighting it off, and you saw someone having it shoved in their face just how scared they were, and how much damage that had caused, would you be willing to admit your fear? 

Or would you become even more afraid of not being strong enough and giving in to it. 

It's all cyclical. You’re afraid. You’re afraid of giving into that fear. You’re afraid of letting people down, of being hated, of being wrong, of hurting people, of becoming the villain in the end if you slip up even once and let that fear win. 

In essence you're afraid of being afraid. 

Yang has someone to acknowledge her fear in a safe way, she has the ability to admit how scared she is, and keep fighting anyway. Not denying her fear or feeling guilty for it, but accepting it and still moving on 

It's not that bravery is just being afraid and fighting anyway. It’s also admitting how scared you really are. Letting yourself be afraid, be terrified. And admitting when you've reached a breaking point. 

James isn't just not acknowledging his fear because he's too proud, or doesn't want to admit he is wrong, or give up his power. 

He thinks he can't afford to be afraid. That just being afraid, just admitting it, means he is too weak to do what he sees as his biggest role: be the hero. Just admitting how scared he is would mean that he's failed. 

Bravery isn't just being afraid and fighting anyway. Bravery is admitting that you are afraid and allowing that fear to be there as you keep fighting, without being ashamed of it. 

People aren't either just ‘brave’ or ‘cowardly’. Being brave takes something extra, something intentional. So does being cowardly. Not being able to do the ‘brave’ or ‘right’ thing, not being able to even tell what that is, or even doing the ‘wrong’ thing because it seems like the only option, or even the ‘right’ option,  doesn’t automatically make you a coward or evil.

Just because you aren't able to be brave, to be the hero, just because you make the wrong decision in the moment when you are terrified and alone, doesn't mean you are just a coward or the bad guy. That doesn't mean you've shown your true colors, and deep down you really are heartless or cruel. 

I'm not the biggest fan of the entire ‘Fear is the enemy’ thing. 

Because, if fear is the enemy, then how is the answer to then be afraid of fear? Fearing fear is still giving it power over you. If the worst thing you can do is give into fear, then the bravest thing you can do has to be allowing yourself to be afraid, working to keep that fear from making decisions for you, and forgiving yourself when you fail, and then just trying to do better. 

Everyone is going to be afraid. Everyone is going to make the wrong decision at some point because they made it out of fear. 

You aren't just allowed to be afraid. You are allowed to not be able to beat that fear 100% of the time. Hitting your limit, especially when you feel like you're doing it alone is okay. You can still come back. You can still try to do better next time, try to make amends for the mistakes you made. 

That doesn't mean you don't have to face the consequences of your actions. That doesn't mean the people directly hurt by your actions are obliged to forgive you. It's not an all or nothing thing. 

And none of this is to say that James is not at fault, that he isn't and shouldn't be responsible for his actions. That he shouldn’t face consequences. 

But his fear, his trauma, matters. It’s at the core of his entire character.  

At first, I was somewhat uncomfortable with Fear, because I thought it was saying that James was weak, wrong, the villain, for giving into his fear. That he was an example for RWBY about the dangers of letting your fear control you. That he was already lost because he had given in to his fear. 

And maybe it is, I don't know. 

But listening to it the other day, I noticed something hadn’t occurred to me before. 

‘But our greatest fear will be realized/ when we fall and lose ourselves to fear/ we become what we’ve feared all our lives’ 

Now, yes, this is all about looking ahead, about being ready to make the right choice in that coming moment. About being prepared ahead of time, and thinking about how you will act when you’re afraid. 

But this, and the chorus, also seem a bit reflective almost. It’s posed as future questions, but for James, he’s there already. He’s made the wrong choice. If you look at the lyrics from his perspective, it’s not about if it will happen. It’s about confronting yourself when it already has happened. 

James’ greatest fear is to realize he took the wrong path, he lost sight of everything but the most basic goal, he got so caught up in trying to be the hero that he missed how much damage he was really causing. In trying to be the hero, he became a villain. 

And, since the end of V7 he’s been having to face his worst fears (likely longer, but Gravity kicked it into high gear that pushed him over the edge). 

He’s faced (or believed he has) betrayal, physical trauma and further ‘loss of humanity’ and is almost certainly still in shock and/or pain from the injury and the brand new (likely rushed) prosthetic, not having Oz there (or ‘on his side’), events of the Fall reoccurring with the chess piece and the school being infiltrated, seeing Salem in his office and the loss of anywhere feeling protected, losing a trusted soldier/friend, Salem attacking, the world finding out about Salem and the possible aftermath, Atlas’ defenses failing.

He’s shut down, reacting out of desperation and fear, trying to salvage whatever he can (not to mention his semblance just making it easier for him to ignore his feelings or doubts and put blinders on). 

He’s alone, losing soldiers and control and protections and options. 

So, him truly realizing his mistakes, and having to face the reality of what he’s done, and try to fix things? 

That is the fear he has yet to face. He’s already met his first breaking point. Maybe this realization is the next, but maybe this time he’ll have someone support him enough to hold him accountable and help him come back. Give him the choice: prove he’s still capable of doing the right thing, and accepting his own weakness and need for help, or refuse to admit to his fear and truly become a ‘villain’.

--------------------

Also, at the end here I’ll tack on this total stretch of a theory that I couldn’t stop thinking about after Witch. 

Oz, Leo, James, Theodore (I don’t know how Qrow or Glynda would fit into this theory, just the headmasters.)

We say Leo fell to his allusion: he was cowardly and chose to protect himself despite the cost to others. 

So people think that James will fall to his allusion: He’ll be heartless. 

But it still to me just feels too straight forward for the Oz characters to just all fall to their original vices. 

But, in a way, Leo’s end (not his death, but his choices) was reminiscent of the wizard. He was being puppeted, hiding himself and the person really running things for his own preservation. 

So, if Leo fell to Oz’s flaw? 

Oz. Well, Oz was standing to protect his home, was caught up in sudden chaos and wounded (in his case killed) and flung into a new life.  

So.. if it’s a cycle… Oz got a ‘second’ chance, an awakening like Dorothy. Leo got the reveal of the wizard’s lie. 

What if James got the lion’s confrontation of his fears (not necessarily, and hopefully not, by dying. Also, James not dying could feed into a different progression than just the ‘headmasters dying’ pattern; Oz handed the reins over to Oscar, Leo acted to protect himself and died, maybe James is the one to have to directly face the consequences of his actions, including giving up his position). And then Theodore somehow getting a decision of heart. 

The other thing with Oz being ‘Dorothy’ in this pattern, is Oscar bringing up the ‘girl who fell through the world’ myth. Which feels very much like Alice in Wonderland. And L Frank Baum was influenced by Alice when creating Dorothy. So, what if Oscar’s allusion, at least in part, is Alice.

It’s all a stretch and I don’t know what it could eventually mean but, it’s just something I couldn’t stop thinking about last week.