#imissmylittleman

[findingsally8870]

One more. Just because. #homeiswhereverimwithyou #edwardsharpeandthemagneticzeros #alexebert #greektheatre #losangeles #livemusic #concert #elliott #imissmylittleman (at Greek Theatre) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0_ERXml0wz/?igshid=13dk8oyfpmds2

[suzannemaggdylanvox]

Grief. My first week without Farley.

It's everywhere. Farley is everywhere. I seem to be grieving everything I've ever lost at once. It seems I always lose. That must be why I don't like to compete. I'm competitive. But I never win. The people in the competitions I have been in are not very nice. I have a hard time with that. I'm too sensitive. But is that a bad thing? When I watch someone hurt someone else, it hurts my heart. It always seems to be the leader. And I then I wonder, maybe they're just a bully, and that's why they have so many followers? Eh, who cares. It's been a week since Farley's gone. I received beautiful cards, nice messages and lots of hugs. There are so many good people out there. Farley's ashes and paw print arrived Thursday. One day last week,I read 3 copies of Rainbow Bridge then I saw a rainbow. I realized why Somewhere over the Rainbow always makes me cry. There are 4 songs in the new Bodyflow that I usually cry during. Gracious is Farley's song. That's the song that was on when he fell asleep in my arms in the bathtub. Knuckles keeps looking for Farley. Every time I see her go from room to room very confused because Farley isn't anywhere, I cry. She's very sad. I'm very sad. I was able to work. My friends were surprised I was at work. I was too. People keep telling me I'm strong. I don't feel strong. I feel weak. I feel lost. Everything I did was for him. I didn't realize how Many choices I made for him. He's the reason I have a Cooper. I had to get something he could get in and out of that I enjoyed driving. Mornings have been the worst. He's my first thought. I wake up and think "Farley has to pee. I have to let him out". Then I remember he's gone. I used to get up early to feed him, pet him and let him out. He's why I put my coffee on a table, and why the table is in front of my chair. So Farley could get to my right side so I could reach his ears. Mornings were the worst until I practiced Bodyflow. While practicing Bodyflow, Farley didn't slobber on me or take my mat over. I told everyone Farley couldn't take the place of my first born, Destiny. She was my girl. Farley was my little man. He trusted me to take care of him. One July when it was 75 degrees, He followed me into the Bay at Chix because he was overheating. I needed to cool him off immediately so I could get him home. Whenever Farley was doing something he wasn't sure of, but trusted me, somehow he wrinkled his forehead even more than usual, and followed me. He gave me comfort. I was safe. He was reliable. He wouldn't suddenly wake up and not like me anymore. He wouldn't ever get mad at me because I was in a rush. He wasn't mad when I worked a lot of hours. He was the stable rock. I miss him so much. Grief is weird. I will be doing well, almost forgetting he's gone. Monday for instance. I was in my office with my boss and Coordinator. I had to flip the calendar over to August. There was a little frame I hung on the calendar, that said "Best Mom ever ". There's a very small picture of me petting Farley's ear while I read my morning meditation stuff. I have looked at this picture a bunch of times this past week. Today, I got completely lost when I looked at the picture and thought "I love my little man." Then I was faced with the present moment, he's gone. It took everything I had not to burst into tears. My eyes were full of tears as I tried to regain composure. I couldn't hear a word they were saying. I was trying to swallow the baseball sized lump in my throat. And breathe. I won't get to clean up his slobber. I won't get to hear him snore as he falls asleep standing up. I play old videos a couple times a day to hear Farley snore. I think it might be time to get rid of the Happi license plates. More on that next time. My house is painfully quiet.

[halcyonic-blog]

This view would've been better if I was looking at it with my Stephen Kyrie. #MamaFeels #IMissMyLittleMan 💔

[laineya]

Miss you♥ #dailydoseofRed #imissmylittleman