#imhereforyouaswell

[starved-little-stoner]

I have absolutely no idea how to start this or even where to start, but I need to get some of these feelings off of my chest. First off, I’m completely jealous of how skinny/thin everyone else in my life is compared to me. It’s just gotta horribly worse now with having my boyfriend being exponentially thinner than I am; it’s made the competitive jealousy reach an all time high. And I can’t even be honest with him in that aspect since he detests his physical appearance although I know he wants me to be completely open with him which I try to be. However this just isn’t something I feel like I can talk to him about because he wouldn’t get it. Like he truly doesn’t fathom that if I could trade my body with his I would in a heatbeat/no regrets. Secondly, I feel so isolated anymore. Even more so than what I had been when living with my mother and sisters (as I now live with my boyfriend) and I just feel so out of the loop in everyone’s lives. Like I’m literally the last person to know anything where I was the first in the know in most cases. It’s not even something that should bother me but it truly does. For my third point, I just feel so lost with how to navigate in a relationship especially one where the other person has so many trust issues due to past exs cheating/lying. Don’t get me wrong I can completely understand how debilitating a person doing such things to you can wreak your sense of self worth and even your trust in the opposite gender (or same gender) but there has to come a point in time where you have to try and let it go right? Holding onto those thoughts and feelings only deteriorate your ability to put forth the effort, affection, and trust in any new relationship right? I just don’t understand how someone can accuse another of cheating repeatedly with no evidence other than what an overthinking brain is trying to convince you of...I really don’t. I want to be able to help my boyfriend with this but I just seriously don’t know how to and it’s coming to the point of exhaustion. Anyone have any advice or experienced something similar? Lastly, financial troubles have been on the rise with me losing my job recently and bills are starting to pile up quickly. Had an interview a couple of days ago but completely bombed the drug test due to not being fully thc free so hopefully I can start work at this other job that I just did the onboarding training for. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 However much I hate to do this and thank you so much for reading this far, but if anyone is willing to help out with a couple dollars here or there I would greatly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I’ll link my paypal down below. Again if you’ve read all the way through this my entire gratitude is yours indefinitely as it means more to me than I can even describe in words. I hope you all have a lovely rest of your night/or day depending on where you are from and stay safe and blessed out in this crazy time that we are in. Xoxoxo 💜

[followmyshadcw]

Just so you know,

I follow back! :)