#imagining august keeping a pink diary with a pink fluffy pen.

[fckaugust]

actually ✍ ( ignore the other one, i'm indecisive )

✍: for what my muse has written about yours in their diary.

disclaimer: this is all hypothetical, of course ! also, all spelling errors he inevitably would’ve made have been corrected with the exception of jake gyllenhaal’s name.

november 17th, 2010:

today that nice guy mx took me to meet a couple people he’s friends with. they were all pretty cool i guess, but it was kinda weird because apparently a lot of them knew i ‘replaced’ this guy named eddie. maybe i’ll try to meet him. anyway, one of them was named syrelle (i think) and i think she was my favorite. she was really nice and honestly very pretty too!

november 18th, 2010:

update: it’s spelled cyrelle. with a c.

november 22nd, 2010:

cyrelle learned i was born (and partially bred, you know my story! you’re me!) in west virginia and had me watch this movie called ‘october sky.’ she was talking the whole time so i don’t really know what it was about, but that’s okay. i think i liked that better than just the general concept of watching a movie in the first place. she’s really smart. like... really smart. i also didn’t really know what she was talking about because she’s so smart, but i still liked it a whole lot. she gave me a copy of the dvd. i looked it up to see if it seemed like i should watch it without cyrelle. apparently it’s a combo of our worlds, if you will: west virginia and space. and jake gylenhal jake gyllinhall jake gillenhall jake gyllenhall (sp?).

january 4th, 2011:

so apparently cyrelle’s mom’s some kind of famous actress? i don’t know. there seems to be a lot of weird judgment going on about her family which... i don’t get? everyone has weird family things going on. unless she’s part of the manson family (and i don’t think they were actually related or really a family... right? also wasn’t that in the 60s? rip sharon tate), WHO CARES ABOUT LOCAL DRAMA?!?!?!

july 18th, 2013:

so ‘the conjuring’ is coming out tomorrow. i think i might try to actually ask cyrelle to hang out - like, go to the movies with me, that kind of hang out. the one you see in movies. 

july 21st, 2013:

ignore july 18th, re cyrelle. i didn’t send the text and i don’t think i will. i’m gonna be that guy who says he’s in the ‘friendzone,’ ew. i hope someone punches me if i ever say that or call myself a ‘nice guy’. or wear a fedora. so anyway, [ stuff about other people ].

september 20th, 2014:

i was so worried cyrelle and [insert various other names] were in there. i hate that i was thinking about all of them and i still couldn’t just... go in. i was so close. and now nina’s dead because i’m a damn coward. and george is dead because i didn’t do a damn thing even though i was so fucking close to it. all it took were five goddamn steps. and i just kept thinking... you selfish idiot. if you go in, you’re a selfish idiot because you just wanna be a big damn hero. if you stay here, you’re a selfish idiot because you’ll let your friends burn to a crisp. i’m really glad cyrelle and [the other names] weren’t there. rachel was though, and now she might be blind. we’re not close enough for me to know all the details yet, but i know it’s not... good. and jesse’s face is all disfigured which is unfair because he actually saved people. at least i finally have proof that karma doesn’t exist. 

november 28th, 2014:

i wonder how everyone else is doing... i wonder if they even wanna talk about it. i wonder if cyrelle is okay.

july 16th, 2018:

jesse keeps calling me. i don’t know why he hasn’t stopped yet. i know why. so i don’t know why he keeps calling - how he hasn’t gotten the message yet. but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t wonder every now and again how cyrelle’s doing. it’s been hard to keep in touch with most of my old friends, we’re all unreachable for one reason or another. i think the only person still even kind of keeping us together is mx...

october 15th, 2018:

he’s dead. i saw it coming and i didn’t do shit about it. a goddamn idiot. who else am i gonna lose now? and i don’t just mean to substances or a lack of communication. i’ve lost a lot of people that way. but to death. to literal death, probably caused by substances. i’m so fucking scared cyrelle’s gonna be next, but we haven’t talked in so long i shouldn’t just go fucking meddling. there’s no point in pulling a jesse. dean didn’t fucking listen to me about mx, so who the hell’s to say cyrelle would listen to me about herself? and why should she even care? what are we to each other anymore, just acquaintances? it’s so fucking funny how people can leave your life as quickly as they came into it. maybe i’ll be next. it’d be a lot easier that way.

october 29th, 2019:

it’s cyrelle’s birthday today. i don’t think anyone’s having a good one anymore, at least not the people who aren’t coping well. i haven’t had any good ones that i can remember. but i still hope something good happened. maybe neil degrasse tyson finally admitted he was mutually feuding with her? i don’t know. we all have so little time.

march 23rd, 2020:

happy birthday to me. happy birthday to me. happy birthday mr. carpenter. happy birthday to me. i never liked birthdays, i didn’t want people to wish me happy them. but i never actually thought about what it’d be like to not hear it once i started hearing it. cyrelle, mx, nina... it’s weird. it’s odd that only one of those three is still alive. physically.

february 27th, 2021:

i haven’t tried to talk to cyrelle again. she hasn’t tried to talk to me again. i don’t know why i’m still writing about her. consider this my last entry. forever. it’s been real, my sweetest friend.

THE REMIX:

february 28th, 2014:

so many entries are gone. so i guess i’m writing about her again, but now i can write about anyone... because we’re all alive? it’s kinda tragic, isn’t it? we talked. it really was like it was 2014 again, but before all the bullshit happened. i don’t know which is more tragic: having to face up to all the dead people who don’t know they died and will probably die again, or having to face up to all the lost friends and recognize that so much time has passed but so little has too. i don’t wanna miss it this time around -- this might be the only good part of being 22 again. but i also don’t want to sacrifice our second chance. but even if i do... what will it matter in the long run? it’s just gonna repeat itself. why get my hopes up for anything different?