#imagine the fear that he must live in in the current timeline

[aystoria]

i desperately need to know just how many times lu guang relived the same tragedies. for science.

Lu Guang dive in S2 final (left) vs his dive in Yingdu ep1 (right)

The difference in Lu Guang’s expression, Lu Guang holding the photo up while sitting in s2 but just laying it on the table in Yingdu, and finally, the time difference between S2 and Yingdu on Lu Guang’s watch and on the clock in the room.

These two dives are definitely not the same dive on the same timeline

[positivelybeastly]

From the Ashes Infinity Comics #15: Pygmalion, Part 1

So, for those who are not aware - Infinity Comics are online-only comics distributed through Marvel Unlimited, their subscription based app and browser collection of comics. Regarded as 'inessential,' but still very much canon, the raft of Infinity Comics coming out of From the Ashes have been quite good, but I haven't seen fit to comment on them for a bit, until now, because . . .

Let's go.

For those not aware, Pygmalion is a famous novel by George Bernard Shaw, detailing the attempt by a phonetics professor called Henry Higgins to 'elevate' a Cockney flower-girl named Eliza Doolittle.

Intrigued by a bet that he could pass her off as a duchess through careful schooling, he decides to take her on, and though he succeeds, she ends up feeling marginalised and overlooked, treated as an object of gambling and curiosity rather than an individual in her own right, and though the play is best known for the 'culturing' of Eliza Doolittle, it is as much about the arrogance of Higgins, who is a thoroughly unpleasant and rude individual, in thinking that he has any ownership over Eliza for his education of her. He may have 'created' her, but he does not control her.

The Factory that the X-Men are living in at present must have really good central heating for Cyclops to be wearing basketball shorts and a crop top that short.

Beast is currently investigating some kind of issue with Magneto's chromosomes - to put it succinctly, he appears to be ageing rapidly, and does not have access to his X-gene at present. This is a continuation of the storyline in the previous Infinity arc, which focused on Magneto.

Something worth noting - this is the first acknowledgement of the fact that though Hank's body may be of roughly the same physical age as his original, his mind is considerably younger, situated at some point in his mid 20s. For someone who was always the oldest of the original X-Men, this is fairly significant.

Also worth noting - Hank joins the ranks of superheroes who are actively seeking therapy for their problems! Good on you, Hank! And good on you, too, Scott, for suggesting it. Though, perhaps, given recent developments in the mainline X-Men comics, you should take your own advice . . .

The fact that Hank refers to himself as the only one left seemingly confirms that X-Force took care of the Beast clones who Beast Prime planted around various landmarks as part of the Ghost Calendars arc. Though they were defeated in their respective future timelines, I wasn't quite sure if they had been taken care of in the present as well. This seemingly confirms that they were.

Hank's therapist is Dr. Andrea Sterman, a supporting character from Jed MacKay's Moon Knight run, and a member of the Midnight Mission. Given that the writer, Alex Paknadel, confirmed on Twitter that he talked with Jed MacKay about making sure all the details for Hank's storyline would line up with the mainline X-Men book, I can only imagine this was done as a rather fun continuity nod.

Hank also refers to a Shi'ar warship, an avian alien race that the X-Men deal with on a regular basis. This makes sense, given that Hank was beamed aboard the Shi'ar imperial flagship during the events of Dark Phoenix Saga in 1981 - ancient history for us, but relatively fresh in Hank's mind, given his memories come from 1985.

Hank, naturally, does himself a disservice here. Dark Beast was, assumedly, abducted at a relatively young age from his human parents, and indoctrinated by Mister Sinister as something of a protege - a protege living in perpetual fear of his mentor. He probably didn't have a chance to develop any kind of moral code divorced from the social Darwinist hellhole that is the Age of Apocalypse.

That being said, Hank probably lacks that context, and Dark Beast is unique among Age of Apocalypse denizens, not just for his unerringly cruel nature, having never shown any altruistic tendencies (unlike, say, AoA Cyclops or Nightcrawler), but also for his resilience. He persists, even now - though last seen in Immortal X-Men #9 as a head in a jar, he has come back from the dead at least twice before, and it is unlikely he is gone for good.

Fun fact - his appearance here is based on the costume he wore during his scrap with Emma Frost's X-Men team in a confrontation with Spider-Man and the Lizard. Though the X-Men naturally encountered him after this point, it's fun that this appearance by Dark Beast is considered iconic enough to be the 'definitive' look for him by this comic.

Hank's final remark, about 'Henry McCoy plus time equals atrocity,' is a sentiment often repeated on social media boards, and it's interesting to see it being internalised by Hank himself, given his unique perspective on the events that created his future self and the other potential timelines the X-Men files likely refer to.

Mm. A lot to unpack here.

Hank's relationship with his X-gene has always been complicated, and the way he views it here, as essentially morphing him into a shape that he finds abhorrent, predatory, and beyond his control, is consistent with how Hank seemed to see himself during his feline mutation, which lasted from 2000 to 2013.

Though his feline phase is not referenced in this comic, beyond the 'over time, and with a little help, these became more pronounced,' (probably a reference to Sage's jumpstarting his secondary mutation) it assumedly would be in the files Hank has been using to catch up, and one has to wonder if he's been repeating some of the thought processes that made feline Hank such a uniquely neurotic version of the character.

It's also nice to see a canonisation of my long held fanon that Hank's X-gene is actively attempting to craft a form for him that is best suited for survival, a belief that Hank only hinted at back in Morrison's New X-Men, but which made sense, given the circumstances of his mutation in X-Treme X-Men.

That being said, Hank's own mind seemingly strays back to the night his furry mutation first manifested at the Brand Corporation in Amazing Adventures, where he flew into a berserker rage and nearly killed Carl Maddicks, which always seemed a little incongruous with how Hank was written in subsequent appearances in Avengers and Defenders, but which now seems to be retroactively made an expression of the brutality he was capable of during his feline phase.

The 'violent upheavals' Hank refers to here are likely his initial secondary mutation, and then his near-death experience when said mutation randomly destabilised in All-New X-Men. It could also be a reference to his numerous genetic troubles during X-Factor volume 1.

His opining that he found refuge in the life of the mind is very reminiscent of Hank's desire to find meaning in poetry, literature, art, humanity, in the wake of the changes in his body in both X-Factor and New X-Men. X-Factor #33 and New X-Men #117 both specifically reference his delight in the freedom to think, in opposition to the clouding of the mind that came with his Pestilence inflicted dumbing down, or his newly awakened predatory impulses.

Ironically enough, Magneto is, aside from Simon Williams, the character with whom this version of Hank has shared the most panel time and dialogue, between his conversations in X-Men and previous From the Ashes Infinity Comics. It would appear that Max's need for a cure for his condition are fostering a necessarily stronger bond than Hank and Max have ever shared before in canon.

Precisely where the rest of the team is during the course of these events is unknown. If I had to guess, it's possible this might be set during the events of X-Men #2, where the rest of the team was attending to a mutant rescue in San Francisco, accounting for the lack of availability of the Marauder and a reliance on an old Quinjet.

Quite how Hank got his hands on said Quinjet is unknown, though it's possible it might be a holdover from Hank's Defender days, where he would regularly borrow a Quinjet from the Avengers, for purposes ranging from actual superhero missions to attending Patsy Walker's wedding.

Though this Hank's memories originate in closest proximity to the Defenders, and though that team did enjoy some degree of notoriety under Hank and Candy Southern's stewardship, the Avengers have always been where Hank was most popular in-universe, and he has had a habit of using that association to smooth things over in mutant related books, such as in X-Factor volume 1 and the 90s X-Men run.

Unfortunately, mutant rights are in a more dire state than ever before, with things having seemingly gotten only worse for them since the 1980s, and it's likely Hank didn't expect this level of hatred from normal civilians.

I have, unfortunately, run out of images, so I'll be posting the last of this issue and my final thoughts and predictions in another post.

[tixdixl]

failure and Future

Or Oisín and Kingsley ÒwÓ

Oooh thank you for these!

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

Kingsley - This is actually a toughie for me. Because his biggest failure at current is something that I currently haven't fully fleshed out yet? I don't fully have the consequences mapped out yet, but others (essentially his inner-most circle) do know about it. At current? His biggest failure is agreeing to a contract with @cyanide-latte 's archfae, Cenric, without accounting for all possible loopholes. His gut even told him he messed up, but he quite genuinely couldn't figure out how until he essentially told Dragon Roll about it. Cue Floyd piping up from the kitchen: "Oh, you ✨️really✨️ fucked up, didn't you?"

Oisín - Something I have thought about but haven't explored in writing yet would be a moment where the dullahan is confronted by someone who doesn't want their loved one to cross to the other side, and the fight results in a double kill, where they use their UM on the person who wasn't supposed to die yet. I do think it's something they carry with them, but not for the moral reasons people may think? I moreso imagine that the punishment of the "mistake" hits them way harder than the actual death. And that it makes them far more careful and precise when carrying out missions- even leading to the level of precision and long haul planning that takes them to pull off a murder in the middle of the SDC.

I haven't decided yet if I will have someone else know about it. But if I do? It'd most likely be Baul and/or Lilia. Really just depends on where I throw it in the timeline.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

Kingsley - I've actually answered this one here

And while I did actually answer Oisín's there as well, I'm going to actually update this answer?

Oisín - I mentioned before that the worst possible future would be them getting stabbed. But on second consideration, and looking at where they are NOW? Losing their entire family before their time(s). I always questioned what exactly would make them overblot, and I never had an answer for it. But based on fics that I have written since I originally answered that question? If all of their loved ones were to be taken away from them before their time? If all of them passed suddenly? Intentionally? Brutally? That's a dullahan going on a rampage actually.

And truthfully? I think there are hints? I think they have like... passing inklinations and feelings? Because their own nightmares distress them. They have had to come to terms with the fact that they are terrified of being alone again- in living in total isolation again. They are afraid of wandering aimlessly again, like they did before they met those they hold closest to them. They are afraid of being abandoned. They are afraid of the heartache that would come from losing a loved one in front of their own eyes and not by their own hand. Dullahans don't grieve- why must they grieve!?

A future where they must face the mortal grief of humans and other fae is a future they fear with every fiber of their being.

Prompt

Tag list: @ramshacklerumble @elenauaurs @thehollowwriter @rainesol @starry-night-rose

@cyanide-latte @blithesharem @theleechyskrunkly @inmateofthemind @boopshoops

@the-trinket-witch

Lmk if you want added/removed

[comeuptomycl0ud]

Time is longer than I could have never imagined before, prior to the beginning of my conscious days. There is a much engraved-like anticipation and great expectations for my upcoming. Yet, I am needlessly being consumed through everything I have never lived. Birds fly high, way above my ceiling where the sky does not meet another state of being, not yet. I've watched them continually gathering together and singing. The singing changes as the days go, I can hear them sing slowly, passively, and soberingly when they are still hungry. Also, usually when the weather turns to rain. When I was younger they screamed my name multiple times, when I wasn't aware of my identity still. I fell on an invisible grey blanket that had no disposition on anything or anyone. I hardly recognized my mother. I was the only form of existence through this timeline, and everything and everyone were put for me. A game that regrettably resulted on a haunted mind of uncertainty. However, when these birds would naughtily fly farther from me and screamed my name, hidden behind those hills, hung over those trees- I would cease dragging myself through my Grandmother's floors. Sunken on a boat of fear, unknowingly hearing my name being pronounced by someone else's mouth that knew I existed. A stranger's awareness of my silent soliloquies, not merely a simple presence. Being pure and mindless, yet filled with a desire to destroy anything visible and more defenseless than me. Chewing out and licking on bones that weren't my own. This went on for years, as I got better to stand firmly on dry concrete, climbing to the house's roof and stomping on it to scare the same devilish birds that seemed increasingly eternal and wiser than me. Singing excruciatingly, so loudly- so that they wouldn't have to. The days don't seem entirely exact and its impossible to estimate how long that went for, but I can assure that they must be gone now. Although, I would have much rather have them stay despite the turbulences. Solitude is the current spiral of doubt, and I can't continue playing an act of repetitive wickedness. A knight that has gone insane after a battle that wasn't meant for him. He vaguely thought about it, and believed his god-willing fate was to die there. Then he could finally go to heaven. Moving through the slow, consuming, and repetitive passings of the sun and the moon until the awaited moment arrived. The days seemed to go through impossible, infinite loops. Time could have never been so slow. An idea of heaven and a finally comfortable enough, happy enough, warmer enough place for us to stay was encrypted under the bedhead of each individual who felt the same way. I just could have never imagine it would take this long to get there.

[lunamiuna-the-curious-fella]

[I'm gonna take what I wrote in a reblog that doesn't relate to the original source, cause when I search for it by the tags I added it doesn't show up for some reason. It's me ranting about my OC and Fresh, including fanfic like parts, and I would love to hear anyone's thoughts about it. Took a lot of inspiration from the fic 'Sweet Sweet Swagger' by MissPawTastic, go check them out! Also you can imagine this as taking place well after Loveball 2016 and Timeparty2k16 roleplays, to explain why he isn't entirely emotionless. Or not. Whatever fits, idk]

So, Arial, my OC. They're very self inserty and share a lot of traits with me, like being Aroace, Agender, any pronouns, AuDHD, Infp personality type, and in general my personality, interests, and quirks. Here they are in gacha life 2:

But the gist is that they're actually a human monster hybrid, not just monster like they seem and go by to keep up appearances, and a powerful one at that. They're kind of an anomaly, cause y'see, not only they are stronger than most, their soul which looks like this:

has the theoretical potential to be stronger than all 7 human soul kinds combined. But since her body obviously can't handle all that, it just gives how much is currently needed and adapts. Which means even if Fresh were to possess them, while it would feel just as bad as for anyone else at first, with time they would adapt to the possession, eventually even being able to take back control entirely. They would much prefer to share the body though, if they're on friendly terms with Fresh. Also their short term in the moment soul energy is highly dependable on their emotional state, with strong emotions causing it to produce more energy, enough to smoothly take over control even, if the emotion is intense enough.

Whether they know of Fresh's secret identity or not and whether she's aware of the full capacity of her power in relation to him varies a lot, there's a lot of different timelines and what if's to this. Either way, if Fresh is somewhat nice, and doesn't like, do evil shit to innocent people for no reason, then they're friendly and understanding of his situation, cause like, he has to hurt people, just to exist... How tragic is that!

Arial's home AU is set in a classic adjacent universe, the lore being that basically there's this secret line of skeletons (and other monsters too) that managed to hide amongst humans with some rare magic or artifacts that gave them disguises, like they weren't trapped under Mount Ebott. Arial has this muddy green goat named Falcon as their main mentor/father figure in his life, since her biological parents abandoned them before they could ever form any memories of them. They don't talk much nowadays, having little in common and living away from each other, but they care about each other very much and are protective of each other. There were ancient magic scientists in the childhood hidden village they lived in, and they are the reason why she knows about the capabilities of their soul.

Now, to more present times. Basically after the barrier broke, and the monsters began to be more accepted, the secret clan came out of hiding, big reunion, he became friends with the main Undertale group, got introduced to the multiverse through Sans, and went like: Oh my gosh, I must EXPLORE! :O (She got this device from someone from the multiverse to help her navigate between the universes and stuff) It basically became their new hyperfixation, learning everything there is about the multiverse, AU’s, the people in it, outcodes, secrets, all that stuff.

And, here it comes, that includes Fresh and his secret. She learned it from one of his survivors. And she absolutely believed it, I mean, it's the multiverse! Anything is possible! Though she kinda did it by nagging and begging him about it, so he made her swear to never tell anybody, ESPECIALLY Fresh, for fear he will get him. So she took it to heart. Though that's kinda what she would do anyway, why would she out herself like that…

Overall, he appears meek and naive. But they know more than she lets on. Is very kindhearted too. Just wants to have fun.

Anyway, one day, there's Fresh. He's looking for a new host. And look, there's a naive lonely skeleton with a powerful soul which he can sense! How can he not pick them as his new host? So he decides to gain her thrust and befriend him, in order to later possess him. Arial, of course, suspects this, but goes along with it anyway because that's what she would do normally, if she didn't know. But also, they know that if push comes to shove, they can handle it. She knows what her soul is capable of, after all. She knows that ultimately, it will adapt with time, and overcome it. And they're lonely, so, can you blame them?

And what happens for a good while is that basically he doesn't know that they know, and they know he doesn't know! On one hand, you have Arial, that's just vibing, trying to enjoy the friendship in spite of Fresh’s true intentions, on the other, you have Fresh that's convinced he’s fooling them. Pretty funny, huh? They especially like throwing ambiguous parasite hints. It always throws him off guard.

But eventually, they had enough of not knowing if it all was actually genuine or not, minus the parasite stuff. They told him they wanna talk, in this serious solemn voice, at which Fresh wondered: "What’s da matter broski? :("

She asked him:

"Hypothetically, if you had a specific harmful ulterior motive for this friendship and I secretly knew but didn't mind it, as long as the friendship part is genuine, would the friendship part still be genuine?"

Fresh's shades would darken, perhaps because he's starting to catch on, as he wondered how he should answer to this. If this truly was what it seemed, that would mean they knew from the beginning, and they still befriended him. It was hard to believe. He answered, going back to his cheerful attitude:

"In that purely hypothetical situation, if you truly didn't mind, I would totes go for continuing our super rad friendship my friendo! :D It could definitely still be genuine in that sense. Why you asking?"

She would immediately hug him. "Dang that's such a relief! I appreciate that so much." He would be surprised at the suddenness, but after a moment would awkwardly hug back. "Dun' mention it dawg."

Arial would lean back, and start rambling, explaining how they knew what he was from the start and why they still wanted to be friends with him, how for reasons she'll get into later, possession isn't as bad of a thing for her than for others, how he empathized with the reality of Fresh's existence as a parasite and how inherently tragic it is, and how they don't mind being possessed in the future as long as it's when they're ready and on their terms.

And well, that's quite a lot for our poor Fresh. Not only did he get the confirmation of what he suspected but had a hard time believing, but found out someone actually understands and empathizes with his situation, and is okay with him possessing them in the future. It was, bizarre... He didn't know how to deal with it. His initial reaction was to consider them foolish for it. After all, how could someone be friends with a literal parasite? He had trouble admitting it but, it did feel kinda nice. Neat. And he can't refuse a willing host! (it was actually more than neat but he wasn't ready to confront that)

"Huh. Dat's great, buddy. I- You're really fine with me possessing ya?"

"Yeah, in the future."

"Why?"

"Wellll, y'see, I'm not exactly your average monster skeleton. I'm a human monster hybrid, actually, a powerful one. I'm kind of an anomaly, really, cause my soul basically has the theoretical potential for power stronger than all 7 human soul kinds combined, but since my body obviously can't handle all that, it just gives how much is currently needed and adapts. That's why, even if you were to possess me, while at first it would feel just as horrible as for any other typical skeleton, with time it would gradually adapt to the possession, eventually even allowing me to fully gain back control by producing more energy than you can control. I would rather share the body though, so don't worry about me not letting you in control."

That, of course, surprised Fresh quite a bit. He could sense that their soul was quite powerful, but he could never guess to that extent. Arial was a dang long lasting powerhouse for him. He was looking forward to possessing them.

"You're gonna wait until I'm ready though, right? You're not gonna push me into it when I'm not fully comfortable with it yet, or worse, possess me without my permission?"

"Heh, alrighty, Imma patient guy, I'll totes wait." -He was tempted though.

"Just some additional motivation, remember that eventually after I adapt to your possession I'll be able to easily take back control whether you like it or not, so it wouldn't be wise for you to not treat me right and then regret it after I'm able to gain back control and treat you accordingly." -He was no longer tempted.

...

"Anyway, how is your host btw?"

"My host?"

"Yeah, I mean like are they relatively okay? How are they doing? Cause like, I don't wanna just ignore their existence while being buddy buddy with THE parasite that's possessing them!"

"..Well, dey aren't up an' doing da worst, dats for sure! Dey still got a few months in dem."

"A few months until you leave them so they can recover, or a few months until they die?" They look at him sternly

"Da first one."

"Okay good. How are they mentally?"

"They've gotten used to it by now. Dey're actually surprised at someone acknowledging their existence and well being for once!"

"Of course I acknowledged them, they are a person too after all, just like me or you! Just because they're a host doesn't mean their experience isn't valid. In fact, both of you are valid, you for needing to eat, your host for still absolutely hating it."

Fresh chuckles

"Dey sure are excited about you, broski. U have an eye opening way of looking at things,, I like that about you"

"Thanks.. :>"

And so, they became friends, for real this time, and did many fun things. Like that one time when they went to a playground, and just had honest fun! The best part was the merry-go-round, she dared him to try to make her dizzy by spinning her very fast, and of course, he just couldn't pass up the challenge! He was doomed from the start though and they knew it, because they're pretty much immune to spinning (Like me!! I love spinning very fast, it doesn't make me dizzy at all c:) They even threw their head back to make the effect stronger, and laughed through it! (I do that ehehe :>) The only problem was the centrifugal force nailing their back to the backrest railing, but she could bear it. Then they switched roles, and she tried spinning him very fast, and the whole time he was sitting seemingly nonchalantly, his expression not showing any signs of distress, at least at first glance. They couldn't really see it cause they were spinning him very fast, but he sat there considerably more stiff than normal. He was feeling the effects, he was just hiding it well. Later he’d deny any accusations of him being dizzy.

Another time, they asked him if he could be all creepy and stuff, and he was like eh, sure! And went all creepy at them, lowering his sunglasses and looking at them with this creepy hungry look, and Arial was like: "Ohoho, jeezz, wow! I love it." It reminded them of why Fresh was friends with them to begin with.

Fresh raised his brow. "You do?"

"..Yeah."

Fresh smirked "Well ain't dat an interesting revelation! Never thought somebroski would like dat side of dear ol' me."

Arial stuttered "Well uh, I kinda do, because I know I can trust you. Like, I like that kind of fear, when I know I'm not actually in danger."

"Ya like fear?" It was quite a bizarre concept for Fresh, to like the primal instinct that lets you avoid danger.

"When I know I'm in a safe environment."

"How?"

"It's thrilling. It gives me an adrenaline kick, while the knowledge that I'm not actually in danger acts like a safety net."

"Huh." ...A smile crept on Fresh's face, at which something in Arial's nonexistent stomach stirred. He was certainly intrigued. He never expected for this friendship to allow him to act creepy and intimidating. He was fully prepared for it to be all fluffy wholesomeness. But this... This was certainly an interesting, entertaining development.

And thus, playful scaring was added to their list of fun time activities. Fresh can be both fun and friendly, as well as scary, and she loves that. She likes that contrast, how it amplifies both sides and mixes with each other. (Heh, it's one of the reasons why Fresh is my absolute favorite character)

Or! Or! The time when they had a sleepover. They played games, sung songs, had a pillow fight, all that stuff. They even made themselves painted nails by using glue on fake ones! Arial's first painted a row of colors that created a rainbow gradient, then crackle black, then white hearts shaped using a thin wire, and of course top coat, and it looked something like this:

Fresh's were these colors more or less:

But with a bunch of fun stickers on that I'm too lazy to draw.

It ended with them cuddling on the couch with a bunch of blankets and pillows, and it was very comfy.

So comfy in fact, Arial decided to bring up an idea they had some time ago.

"Btw, if I were to summon and temporarily offer my soul to you, under the condition that you wouldn't take too much and completely devour it, of course, would you be able to feed off of it without possessing me?"

"You would offer your soul like that to me?"

"As long as you're gentle with it."

"I promise."

And so, Arial summons their soul, and gives it to him, which he held gently. At first sight, it looked similar to other monster souls. It shone significantly brighter though, and had hints of rainbow on the edges. It was beautiful. Fresh was mesmerized by it.

After a while of him just admiring it, he started gently brushing against it's surface with his phalanges, channelling comforting intent. For Arial, it felt incredibly relaxing and nice. He continued to do that, gently rubbing it, caressing it, focused on the task, at which Arial practically melted into the blankets and pillows.

Unexpectedly, he slowly raised their soul up to his mouth and licked it, using his parasite tentacle as tongue, at which Arial let out a surprised yelp and a garble of confused sounds, as Fresh looked right at them with a knowing smile. It felt... Weird, for them. Confusing. Vulnerable. Intimate. And yet, exciting and dare I say, weirdly enjoyable??? Like, there was a subtle sting to it, but it didn't feel bad somehow??? Combined with his gentle touches, it just acted like a bit of spice added to the experience. They didn't wanna admit it to themselves, but it felt stimulating. They were a blushing mess of jumbled thoughts and emotions. (They have a pastel rainbow blush btw)

Fresh chuckled at their reaction, and asked:

"How did that feel?"

Arial just whined, having trouble expressing their complex thoughts and emotions.

"Good?"

"Yes and I don't know how to deal with that!!"

Fresh chuckles. "Dun worry bae. Just relax and enjoy yourself." He runs his boney thumb over their soul again.

They take a few deep breaths. "Okay. Okay. Fuu- Jeez, okay. You can continue."

And he did, and it felt amazing. Arial was laying face down in the blankets, letting out soft quiet noises which he very much enjoyed. Their reactions were captivating. He liked tasting their soul too, it was sweet, with a high concentration of their emotions.

After a while, he returned their soul to them. They were a bit stunted, their soul still beating fast.

"...Wow...."

"How are ya feeling?"

"Good, I think. That was... Certainly something. Wow..."

Fresh hugs them from the side. "I realz liked the taste of yo soul broski. Could up an' taste your feels."

"Haha, cool..."

After a moment, Arial adds: "It was really fun though. I didn't expect for it to be this... Y'know."

"Your reactions were hella captivating dude."

Arial rubs the side of their vertebrae. "Yeah, I get that."

Fresh chuckles. "You're one odd cookie."

There's a moment of content silence, which Arial breaks: "We should probably do that regularly, yeah? To let my soul get used to the drainage."

"Sounds like a plan yo. I'm looking forward to tasting more of your magic dawg."

"You really liked it that much?"

"Yeah, homie!! It was rad sweet and powerful. I could even taste your emotions, and that's unusual. Your short term energy levels must depend a lot on your emotions."

"So you could taste what emotions I was feeling in that moment?" Arial looks to the side, slightly blushing.

Fresh pokes their cheek. "Yep! Tho I didn't need dat to tell that you were enjoying yourself."

Arial groans, flustered, at which Fresh chuckles.

"How about you describe yo thoughts throughout dat experience for me?"

"You already know my feelings, you wanna know my thoughts too??"

Fresh just grins in confirmation

"Ughh, you're such a tease! Finee.....

At first it was very relaxing and nice, I was practically melting under your touch. And then you decided to suddenly lick it, without any warnings, and it funking- aaghhg, it felt- I don't even know how to describe it, and it frustrates me so much!! I hate not being able to describe what I'm feeling."

Fresh listened with amusement. "Take yo time."

"I guess, it was very surprising. I was like: Aaahh, what is happening, what is this, why is this, what am I feeling right now, it technically stings a little and yet it's weirdly enjoyable, like what?!?? Really, it felt less like a sting, more like an electrifying sensation that added some spice to the experience. Made it more intense, but not in the negative direction, even if I was disoriented by it."

Fresh nods. He could vaguely tell what their feelings were at that moment, but it was more of a general vibe than an exact description, so he happily drank the new information Arial was giving him. Like, they felt all that. Cause of him. He made them feel that way. Something stirs in Fresh at that.

"Well broski, that's quite the feelings you described. I'm happy to be the one that caused them in you though.."

"Haha, cool..." It seems to be their go to response when flustered.

They lean into Fresh, yawning. It seems the exhaustion in Arial finally begins to set in after that drainage. Very enjoyable drainage, but still, drainage. Nothing a good sleep can't fix though.

Fresh smiles, much more softly this time, and runs his hand over their skull as they're falling asleep. Is he getting attached? -he thought. That's thought unsettled him a bit. No, surely not. It's all part of the deal. -he justified it to himself, and stopped thinking about it for now.

Anyway, they started doing that soul licking thing regularly. After quite a few of them, Fresh even surprised them by mixing it up and adding multiple tongue-tentacles to the mix, rather than keeping it one, and boi that was a fun one. Just picture that image in your head.

If I were to describe their relationship, I would say, queerplatonic, since their friendship exceeded what is typically considered a friendship by now I think.

Anyway when it comes to the possession that's a few months into the future, it was... Rough. But not as bad as it could have been. They were sitting on the couch at Arial's place. Fresh, having already taken off his sunglasses was like:

"Ya sure you're ready for this?" Feeling kinda bad for the pain he's going to inflict on them after they became so close. Arial at this point, was sure of this, because she wanted to help him, and because he didn't want to keep his host waiting any longer. "Yes." -He said

"Alright. Don't fight it." He gently cupped their face with his hands and leaned into them. They spent a moment just staring into each other's eyes, before Fresh linked their foreheads together and entered through their eyesocket, leaving his previous host barely conscious and dazed, just laying there, rapidly falling into unconsciousness, leaning against the side of the couch. Poor guy needs the sleep. As his true form was hanging out on the inside of Arial's bone structure, it didn't feel bad for them, actually. Not yet. It felt hella weird and bizarre, but not the bad kind. Kinda nice even. ..But then he grabbed onto their soul and began taking over, and then it hit. It was agonizing. Arial held onto themselves tightly, wincing and crying in pain, desiring comfort very strongly. Fresh picked up on that, and hugged them in the mindscape, rubbing circles onto their back in a comforting manner.

"There there broski. You're doing so good. Just focus on da hug and try to relax for me, m'kay?"

Arial buries their face into his chest and hugs him tightly, shuddering. Gosh they needed this. It helped a TON, and eventually relaxed enough for him to take over. He could do it by force, of course, but it would cause unnecessary pain for them, and he could totally spare some time to comfort them first.

When Arial became aware of their surroundings once again, they could see their room, and Fresh's previous host laying unconscious next to them on the couch. It still kinda hurt, but not as bad as the first moments of the possession. And It felt weird, to not be in control over their movements anymore. They immediately imagined a self image of themselves in their mind, which they could control, unlike their real body, for some semblance of autonomy and expression. They trusted him though, so they believed it'll be alright. Fresh chuckled at their immediate usage of their imagination. They sure were imaginative!

He stood up and lifted his previous host bridal style, planning to drop them off where he found them.

"Are they gonna be alright?" -Arial asked in their mind

"Totes. Dey just need a lotta rest!" He Fresh-poofed to the universe his host originated from and left them somewhere safe.

"Are we just gonna leave them here, and not even wait until they wake up?"

"They got close ones to take care of them, and I don't want dem seeing me"

"Oh, alright, fair."

Fresh poofed back to Arial's place

"Alrighty my homie! Time to pick out a radical new fit yo!" Arial was excited, and definitely helped a lot with their eye for art, style, and aesthetics, even picking out their own accessories that fitted the fit, a lot of which they made themselves. (Which are actually my accessories, I didn't just made them up) After a lot of experimenting, the fit looked let's say, somewhat like this:

But with more details like goofy necklaces and lots of colorful bracelets, including handmade Aroace and Agender bracelets, because coincidentally it fits both of them.

Fresh took them for his usual shenanigans and adventures, and it was fun. (Just imagine that Arial is the host when you see that kind of fiction or art with Fresh, like I did)

Eventually though, they take a chill at a random hotel, laying on the bed. With Fresh giving back control to them, it didn't hurt as much. Having his true form woven around their bones felt.. comforting, actually. It was nice. They were glad he trusted them enough to give up control over them for a bit. They wished to pet him.

"Pet me?" -Fresh asked. This of course required a lot of trust, to let them touch his fragile vulnerable form.

"Yeah." They responded in a soft voice. Not an ounce of bad intent.

"Okay." He partially crawled out of their ribs, and she started gently running their phalanges over his tentacles. It was a nice moment of peace, and comfort. Felt nice for Fresh too.

A good few weeks into the possession, there was a moment when Fresh was listening to some music, and played 'Sailor Stars Song (full)' specifically, cause he likes Sailor Moon, and it was like a massive wave of nostalgia and memories washed over Arial, their soul responding in kind. Y'see, Sailor Moon was their favorite childhood show (mine too), and Sailor Stars was their favorite opening song (mine too), and they haven't heard it in such a long time. That's why they reacted with such big emotions. And with emotions, their soul produced more energy, enough to smoothly slip out of Fresh's control and start moving along to the music, without even thinking about it. Fresh was startled, and a bit unsettled, because hosts taking over usually means bad things for him, and they aren't supposed to do it so easily! He calms down after he realizes they just wanna vibe to the music and mean absolutely no harm to him though, and recalls the time when they already told him that's how their soul works. When Arial noticed they were in control, they started passionately singing along to it and dancing, tears running down their face out of nostalgia and happiness. Once the song ended, they started gushing over how much they loved Sailor Moon, that it was their favorite childhood show, and Fresh was like: "You love Sailor Moon too?? Sick! B-D"

"Wanna binge watch the entirety of Sailor Moon 90's anime?"

"Of course I do broski!"

They proceeded to binge watch the entirety of Sailor Moon 90's anime, and specials.

[To be continued. Someday...]

[chidoroki]

Isabella - 73584

I had a serious debate with myself over whether or not I wanted to sit down and spend my weekend writing another one of these praise posts. I was content with just doing one for each of the Fullscore Trio kids and ending it there.. but apparently I love this woman too much to just ignore her on her birthday. So here were are on September 9th with a list of all her best and my personal favorite moments as to why I believe she’s such a great character, antagonist and mother (yeah you heard me right). Considering she only shows up in the beginning and very end of the story, this post ended up longer than I originally anticipated, which just goes to show how many thoughts I really have about this woman. (for real, this rivals Ray’s post in terms of points but there’s far more words)

Since she also has some backstory and certain events differ between manga and anime (thanks to the second season), I’ll try to go in chronological order between both timelines instead of chapter by chapter, which might be a bit confusing as we’ll jump around the story a lot but just to bear with me as I try to makes sense of it all.

(spoilers for the entirety of The Promised Neverland & ch181.7, so if you haven’t read/completed the manga yet, consider this your first warning, because I’m literally going from start to finish with this one last time. I promise.)

- I’m not sure how well she compares to Emma when it comes to athleticism, but Isabella seemed to have no trouble climbing up and down trees when she was younger.

- Not only that, but she managed to scale the wall by herself using a method that requires a fairly impressive jump. It’s also implied that this is how she climbs the wall again so many years later when chasing the soon-to-be escapees, which helps prove that even at an older age, she hasn’t lost her touch.

- Was chosen to undergo training to become a Mom, which required high test scores and the current mother’s recommendation. She accepted the offer in order to keep living and survive as human the demons couldn’t eat.

- Based on Sienna’s comment, is it fair to say Isabella is on par with the full score trio? I mean, the woman is basically flawless.

- She was practically untouchable during her time at headquarters while training too apparently. Mom positions are scarce so the environment where these ladies fight (physically/mentally/emotionally) to even snag that job is highly competitive, and yet Isabella never let anyone deter her from her goal of becoming a Mom, which probably led to the “Iron Lady” nickname she received now that I think about it.

- She was the youngest ever to be granted the Mom position at..what, 19? 20? Somewhere around there, but impressive nonetheless considering they’re forced to have a child, build up a strong, emotionless exterior and endure so much fear. (but my goodness, the woman doesn’t age at all. she looks just as good when the story actually starts as she did her when she was a bit younger)

- It became common knowledge among the Sisters that she was also very successful in the way she raised her children.

- Her success greatly benefited the farm, as she offered up countless high quality goods, which sounds terrible, I know, but believe me when I say she gave her best effort for her children. Even though she held the Mom position, the amount of power she actually had in this system was pretty minimal, especially with how much she valued her own life. She couldn’t afford to make any mistakes or risky changes, so she settled with doing the most with what she was capable of. She provided her children with a normal lifestyle, not only to keep up the orphanage facade, but knowing that their lives would all be cut shorter than they anticipate. She gave them love in hopes that no one would ever have to feel the dread she felt after Leslie’s death and/or finding out the truth. She tried to delay that horrific fate by encouraging them to learn all they can (like teaching the trio about strategy and chess) so they could achieve higher tests scores and (unknowingly to them) add a couple more months or years onto their lives. Yes it was her job to raise these children to such high standards but she excelled at it for their sake too.

- And I know y’all will just throw Ray in my face like, “oh but he was her actual child and she treated him horribly/different.” Okay but deep down I don’t think she actually wanted to? When they both realized they were truly mother and son, Isabella couldn’t just dote on him and start treating him as such. I’m sure Ray wasn’t too fond of Isabella at this point in his life either, knowing that she sent several of his siblings away to get killed. They probably would’ve gotten along just fine in a perfect world, but since they were both aware of the hell they’re trapped living in, they emotionally distanced themselves and formed a business-like relationship as a result of Ray’s deal, which benefited them both in different ways. For Ray, it was more practical, with the obvious notion of living as long as possible along with obtaining various rewards and knowledge of the outside world. For Isabella, it helped emotionally by simply just ignoring their true relation. I believe if she clung to that realization, it would break the orphanage illusion and eventually wear down her “Iron Lady” exterior that she relies so heavily on.

- Like can you imagine how much you would have to harden your heart in order to quite literally walk children to their death every couple months for years on end and just move on like it’s completely normal? Now imagine how earth shattering it must be to think about doing the same to your actual child. All those years spent perfecting a fake smile and emotionless exterior like she was trained to have and her son shatters it in an instant. She becomes completely terrified about how he’s actually alive and in front of her right now and there’s nothing she can do to truly save him.. and yet she still recovers so damn quickly I can’t even comprehend it! But there’s still some sadness in those eyes. You can’t tell me otherwise. That one moment of weakness speaks volumes to me.

- So now with her general backstory FINALLY out of the way, we can finally start with ch01/ep01 and how her laugh is sweet and innocent. I say that because (all hidden emotions and motives aside) that’s exactly how she’s supposed to sound in this moment, not only to us but to the children as well.

- She of course checks Emma’s tracker a moment later but other than that I still think it’s a pretty genuine moment between the two.

- As previously stated, her ability to raise high quality children is unmatched, which is clear as day thanks to the fullscore trio.

- Despite their crazy level of intelligence, the trio has yet to win a simple game of chess against Isabella, even when teamed up.

- She treasures everything about the kids.

- She really cares about them, even when it’s time to send them off with a smile, which we know is thanks to her strong facade.

- But mother dearest isn’t really fine. She doesn’t like walking kids to their death, especially so young. But she can’t let them (or even herself) know that. She can’t show weakness, so she hums Leslie’s song, which is a tool she’s used for years in order to give herself strength.

- Don’t worry, I disliked her this moment happened too, just as the story intended. And here’s where her fantastic antagonist role begins for all the world to see.

- A true champ at jump scares.

- Acts completely calm the night after a couple of kids found out the secret of the farm.

- She uses the tracker in plain sight, sending whomever went to the gate last night a threatening but silent message.

- Correct Norman, that’s the “Iron Lady” for ya. Also the name of ch03 for us. Well, “The Iron Woman” but same difference.

- She switches from calculating and manipulative breeder to sweet and pleasant mother so quickly and effortlessly it’s incredible. Isabella even checked Emma’s pulse in this scene to see if she was acting normal.

- At this point she still had no idea who went to the gate (Ray didn’t tip her off yet, at least I don’t think so) but her guess couldn’t have been more precise. The level of fear she drives into both Emma and Norman was great too, but then again her presence is enough in any scene to give us chills.

- Notices her watchdog isn’t at his usual post and starts to get suspicious.

- Not only of him, Emma and Norman, but Don and Gilda as well, thus giving the five extra chores to finish in an attempt to slow down any escape planning, such as cleaning vacant rooms, organizing the pantry and inspecting spare linen.

- While the trio believes Isabella was being too soft and patient in finding her targets, she effectively catches them off guard by bringing in Krone for assistance. The trio soon realize they were actually preparing the sister’s new room and those mundane chores were just an excuse to buy time.

- Look at her, all smug. Checkmate indeed. (and totally not important, but her eyes are such pretty shades of purple)

- The sass and her no nonsense attitude.

- Immediately puts Krone in her place the moment she even thinks about shipping out the targets. Of course holding off on shipping the targets would benefit the farm, as it would produce higher quality merchandise as time passes, but plant 3 is run by Isabella and she’ll be damned if an assistant thinks they could waltz right in and decide her children’s fate.

- She check’s Emma tracker again despite her claim of knowing exactly who the targets might be. You can never be too careful.

- Her precious children managed to win a game of tag against Krone, which is still impressive considering the kind of training the sister has gone through, so kudos to her teachings.

- Knows right away that Krone was trying to take advantage, which allows Krone to realize that the opening she had to learn more about the children was all planned by Isabella herself. Her intimidating nature is enough to scare adults too.

- Reveals that Krone was mostly summoned in order to keep Ray in check after his failure.

- Despite the trust issue, Isabella still keeps up her end of the deal by requesting the items Ray asked for, thanks to the odd perks she had under Grandma Sarah which allowed her to order goods that weren’t on the supply list.

- This hug between her and Phil is just too cute not to mention.

- I imagine she makes this comment because she knows exactly how long a rope must be based off her own almost-escape.

- It’s just something about how this scene is framed alongside this dialogue that makes me think “oh, like mother, like son.”

- I blame her very thoughtful planning for my first big freak out when I watched season 1 blind, like ma’am that’s my favorite boy, please don’t.

- She conspires with Grandma Sarah in order to get rid of Krone for good, which renders the evidence sister just found out about the children’s escape completely useless. Sarah believes there might be some truth to it, but ultimately ignores it and puts her faith in Isabella’s ability of controlling the children & the situation.

- She then cuts Ray off and ends their six-year long deal, opting to control the situation herself from now on. Also, how she wanted to keep him around until the very end is kinda bittersweet. Does she mean as merchandise? Or because she wanted him to live as long as possible? Ah such a tricky little comment.

- She also tosses him across the room like a rag doll.

- Thank god for this panel existing and actually being adapted into the anime so I could hear it because I had absolutely no memory of her laughing in this moment.

- “She says it so nonchalantly,” Norman said once upon a time, and it’s still so frightening.

- As insane as her ideals seem given the circumstances, nothing she says here is really a lie.

- She has the strength to quite literally break a leg and that cracking noise still haunts me to this day.

- It wasn’t even a spur of the moment thing either. Isabella came fully prepared with bandages to fix up any injury she was willing to inflict and that thought alone is terrifying.

- Not only that, but she broke it so cleanly that Emma’s leg does indeed heal perfectly in the exact time frame she estimates. This entire moment is so unfairly impressive, like ma’am how dare you do this to Emma of all people.. like why couldn’t you at least use that kind of force to snap Peter’s neck instead or something?

- To make matters worse, she then reveals Norman’s shipment date. And it’s the following day, which sends the kids into a very understandable panic.

- Needless to say, November 2nd, 2045 was a very successful day in the life of Isabella. Woman was putting everyone in checkmate in ep08 and my anger on full blast.

- This sly smile she sends Ray’s way after announcing Norman’s shipment to the younger kids is so cruel.. it’s perfect.

- I can only imagine she asked about Ray’s whereabouts because she knew the boys were close friends and she hoped they would at least say goodbye to one another, but that’s just me.

- Puts an end to Norman’s parting words in such a simple and chilling matter.

- The way she just openly threatens Emma with others just out of earshot.

- Norman out here asking the real questions. If anything, I say she’s more “content” rather than happy. I don’t think she’s ever really thought about her own happiness, at least not often enough, hence the slight pause. This entire time she’s been focusing on how to make her children’s lives perfect, but for herself she just wants to survive in this hellish world they’re all living in.

- I’m honestly still not sure who’s final decision it is to send people to Lambda, either Isabella, Peter or someone else (honestly never bothered to check), but whether or not Isabella had any say in the matter, I’m sure she’s at least a little glad that Norman gets to live a bit longer? Perhaps that’s a stretch, but I’m putting the idea here anyway.

- I say this because I believe that’s part of the reason why she offered Emma a Mom recommendation, not only because our girl’s high test scores, but in hopes that she could live a longer life.

- Although she really stresses in an intimidation fashion how pointless Emma’s efforts are now that Norman’s “dead,” the cliff remains a major hazard and her leg is still bandaged up, Isabella still tries so hard to convince her to give up, like Ray has, in order for Emma to end her own suffering. It was the first instance during my blind watch-through were I started to get the hint that Isabella might actually care about her kids, and of course I know now it’s because she didn’t want Emma to experience the same pain she did after Leslie’s death.

- With Emma and Ray both broken, things went by rather smoothly for Isabella those last two months, though she continued to keep a close eye on them.

- Her humming is so soothing. And why it took me this long to bring up “Isabella’s Lullaby” is beyond me, but oh my god, that song and any other soundtrack that uses its melody is absolute perfection.

- Had enough sense to not let her guard down the final night, even though her efforts were ultimately unsuccessful, but the idea counts.

- Though her caretaker side is focused on more during the fire, some motherly instincts do kick in as she instructs Gilda to get the babies from her room and lead everyone outside to safety. She was also concerned for Emma’s well being, hoping all the smoke didn’t get to her when the girl vanished. (i know you can argue “she’s only worried because they’re merchandise” which is fair but c’mon, i swear she’s not completely heartless)

- Took a hot minute (ahha) but Isabella eventually realized that the kids were actually escaping solely based on what they were wearing on their feet. I’m sure Emma’s discarded left ear was a big tip off too but to come to that conclusion by noticing the shoes they had on during all that chaos is surprising.

- She looks completely insane here but I always thought this shot of her was nicely animated with all the fire (or embers? sparks? whatever they are) flying around. The laugh she does before this is also a nice bonus. Oh, and she somehow managed to secure a radio from the room Don had locked.

- Figured the fifteen kids would head towards the bridge and called in headquarters to block it off.

- But when the children didn’t appear at the bridge, she just happened to know exactly where else they might try to cross the cliff.

- In the anime’s case, Isabella climbed the wall and ran there quick enough to engage in a stare down with Emma before she finally slid down.

- The moment I knew I was doomed.

- After the 15 kids successfully escaped, Isabella admits defeat, for she couldn’t really see how much her children have grown to outsmart her.

- This iconic quote, which conveys so much truth and sincerity. There were multiple occasions where she had to distance and restrain herself due to the system that controlled her, but the love she was able to show the children was genuine. If she wasn’t held back by the strict rules enforced by Mom position, I don’t doubt she would’ve treated Ray better or became far more emotional whenever a child had to leave for good or seriously injured, instead of donning a fake smile and being closed off.

- She realizes with this unspeakable loss in merchandise, the reputation she worked so hard to build up is meaningless now and that the farm no longer has any use for such an incompetent caretaker. She figures she’s as good as dead anyway now, so she wastes no time in actually helping the escapees by reclaiming the ropes to hide their exact method and route of escape, if only to grant the kids some extra time before the pursuers really locate them.

- She doesn’t act bitter as a result of her loss, instead choosing to wish the escapees luck with the future they grasped for themselves and care for the children that were left behind.

- She’s just so pretty y’all. Thank you anime.

- She was named “Best Antagonist” (and rightfully so!) back during the 2020 Crunchyroll Anime Awards, winning over Askeladd (Vinland Saga), Overhaul, (My Hero Academia), Garoua (One Punch Man,) & others.

(Post-season 1 spoilers ahead, even though the anime is completely finished at this point, but will be touching upon her special chapter more as well.)

- Completely owns up to her mistakes that caused the farm a massive loss in profitable goods and is ready to received whatever punishment necessary, which she expects to be death.

- Only.. she’s not being killed, she’s actually being promoted to Grandma. Though Isabella was directly responsible for the children’s escape, the blame ultimately falls on Sarah who couldn’t correctly control Isabella, thus leading the old lady to be shipped out in place of the goods Isabella lost.

- Peter also notes that the farm found more worth in Isabella than Sarah, so her past merits also played a part in sparing her life, as having a woman like Isabella in charge would surely produce the level of quality the farm needs.

- Isabella eventually accepts the promotion, though she can’t help but feel hesitant and shocked about the whole deal. This woman was ready to embrace death and finally be free from this cruel world, but now she has to witness not only more kids being shipped off, but moms and sisters in training as well (yay old chapter reviews coming in clutch).

- She could have very well just refused Peter’s offer, but we all know how much Isabella originally wanted to survive, so she doesn’t just accept because this man dangled a sense of freedom in her face, she also agreed so she could have the opportunity to help her children in any way her newfound power would allow her.

- Of course, her transition to Grandma happens a bit differently in the second season, but I will give some bittersweet thanks to the anime once more for the obvious but curse them for also having this entire scene dark as hell. Let me see her beauty darn it! I can only fix the lighting so much until it looks overexposed and bad again.

Anyways, Sarah is still alive at this point and taunts Isabella with the escapee’s lives just to see how she would react, which gave her a small sense of hope. Then some demons pay a visit later on and also ask if she would want to see the children one last time, but Isabella tells them that not only would she be too ashamed to face them but that they would manage to survive Grandma’s capture plan, which involved several men blowing up their shelter. It’s now clear to the demons that these children are special, and while Isabella agrees, it’s not for the same reason the demons think so. The demons believe the kids are special because of how they were raised to such a high quality. Isabella calls them special simply because they’re her children, just as any mother would.

- In the anime, it’s the demons who offer Isabella the Grandma deal if Sarah’s current plan were to fail (which it does) and she takes it and the freedom from Grace Field House without question. Do I still believe she had similar intentions to help out the children like she did in manga at this point? Of course.

- Not even a full month into her new job did she start preparing to help Emma & the others by considering who from the current Sisters she wanted to recruit to personally assist her destroy the farm entirely.

- A month later and Isabella had already decreased the number of shipments that took place at Grace Field, which obviously helps raise the quality of the children by default, but it also means less death and gives those kids a chance to live longer.

- She completely anticipated that Matilda, Jessica, Sienna & Scarlet were conspiring against her and caught them quite easily, as they were among the top scorers.

- Each had a fair chance at becoming Moms but with those positions limited, it was obvious to figure out they were trying to force Isabella’s seat open by creating some suspicious activity to place on her almost perfect record. Unfortunately for the girls, our new Grandma is too smart for her own good and I love it.

- The four women are apprehensive to join her insane plan to go against the farm, but Isabella assures them there’s no freedom if they follow the system’s rules and betray her. The harsh reality they’re all living in will continue unless they stop competing with one another and combine forces to defeat the true enemy.

- To persuade them further, Isabella mentions the children they all gave birth to are still alive, bringing out an array of emotions from the women that they each thought they had buried deep down.

- THIS! Just all of this is wonderful and shows just how much Isabella learned from her children who once defeated her.

- To fully gain the women’s trust, she gives them Ray’s farewell note that he originally left in order to bait Krone, as proof she won’t double-cross them at any point.

- I love the fact that she kept the note close to her because it acts just like all the other various toys and items she saved in her secret room back at plant 3. The original owners were all precious to her so she kept a piece of them behind to remember them in a place only she knew about. As I said before when mentioning her “I wish I could have just loved them normally” quote, all the love she had for her children had to be suppressed when she was under the system’s control, but that doesn’t mean she never cared. Because she did, and if I haven’t made at least that clear by now then I’m failing.

- Can her intentions and love for her children be any more clear? (possibly, i’m not done with this darn post yet. how you guys holding up? i’m going a little insane at this point.)

- Anyways! Second season didn’t make the rest of the story easy so apologies for any timeline mishaps as I switch between both anime and manga events from here on out.. like how in manga Isabella is informed of the escapee’s return to Grace Field via Peter, while the in the anime it’s her who helps lures them back with a fake transmission via the radio they stole.

- Just before Emma & the others do return to Grace Field on November 13, Isabella finally reaches out to the farm’s many other Sisters to recruit them. She waited until the right moment to inform them of her crazy takeover plan so Peter wouldn’t become suspicious from all of headquarters acting/thinking differently (you know, like how Emma kept the jailbreak plan under wraps until the night of). These ladies also feel a bit wary and even think of Isabella’s offer as a joke, but with some real, heartfelt encouragement, she manages to win over every single woman to her side.

- The moment when it was first revealed to us that she was not only still alive but was also promoted to Grandma is still so powerful.

- She snaps Nat’s finger back into place after Peter broke it. (and considering emma’s group infiltrates the farm right after this, i’m pretty sure that ch170 with rallying the sisters took place before this..i think?)

- Gave me a minor heart attack.

- *CLAPS FRANTICALLY!!!* The moment she truly won me over.


- While her betrayal against Peter in the manga is fantastic and quite possibly one of my favorite moments, the anime did give us a little something too. It shows Peter spewing utter nonsense to Emma about how she’s destined to fail, only for best girl to bite back with such a fantastic quote, and then Isabella drops the act and switches sides. While I agree Emma’s comeback is “wonderful,” it’s the English dub that completely wins me over in this scene by having Isabella comment “Now that’s my girl” instead, like bro.. hearing that makes me so happy.

- For real dude, you have several highly skilled women pointing guns at you, I think her betrayal is crystal clear.

- This is like the perfect example of how she had to conceal her feelings while bound by the system. She just misses these kids so much y’all but she can’t let her true emotions show yet.

- Having her call Peter a boy is beyond hilarious to me. Also, how she disagrees with him on so many levels is excellent, like how he believes in experimenting on kids and having the right to call yourself their parent just because you created them, while Isabella believes in raising and loving children normally and that you earn that parent title by actually being part of their lives. To be fair they both inflicted pain on kids (Nat’s finger/Emma’s leg) but Peter’s action was a mistake in itself. Isabella got frustrated back when Krone even threatened to ship out the kids who discovered the secret, so you can bet she’s probably pissed off at this boy for harming one of her kids on purpose.

- The best mother-daughter moment ever! It’s such a shame it never got truly animated since the second season decided not to give the children guns, but we get to see a small smile from Isabella after Emma decided to still call her “mom.”

- The anime never gave Peter the chance to run away, like he (somehow) managed to do in manga, so we had the chance to see someone actually shoot at him. Well, in his general direction at least. Isabella lands a perfect shot not even a full second after he pulls out that disc. Accuracy on point.

- Said this once or twice in the past in manga so I’m glad the anime brought it back.

- Remains cautious and keeps her gun raised at Peter when Emma approaches him and rightfully so considering he still had his knife hidden at this point.

- Refuses Emma’s offer to join the kids in the human world at first because she knows that her (& the sister’s) actions shouldn’t be forgiven so easily, but with some rather blunt sympathy from Ray and encouragement from her other children, she finally gives in.

- This entire post summed up in one image.

- She apologizes even though distancing herself from her kids and preparing them for death were just required of her role as a caretaker. She wouldn’t have done any of that in a normal world. (do i sound like a broken record yet? probably)

- The emotion you hear in her voice during this entire dub scene hits my heart in all the right places.

- She still thinks of Leslie after all this time and I think that’s real cute.

- Her protective nature is on full display when she protects Emma from this bastard of a demon. A truly surprising and heartbreaking moment, considering this is the woman who’s survival used to be her top and only priority in the past, but now doesn’t hesitate to give her life in order to save her kid (and by extension that small girl emma saved. also, major heart attack for me).

- Despite being critically injured, this woman still possess enough strength to hold back a demon twice her size. She doesn’t even pay any mind to its nonsense. Like the demon, people often think this is when redemption arc starts but I believe it started way back in ch37 when Isabella retrieved and hid the ropes the kids used to escape. Ever since she admitted defeat on the wall that night, she threw caution to the wind and began cheating the system in hopes to one day assist the kids achieve a brighter future. Despite all the work she’s done behind the scenes, Isabella believes there’s still so much more she can do to atone, so even though she’s already received the children’s forgiveness, she continues to assist them by jumping in and saving them directly from demons for once in her life.

- Ma’am it’s sweet you’re so concerned with their safety, but we should be asking you that question ya know? (but then again emma was the same way after she woke up from her coma).

- Knows that just apologizing and saving Emma isn’t enough to suddenly forgive all her actions and wants to do so much more for the children as a result. Even though I already acknowledged all her subtle and hidden moments, I wish we got to see her care for them more openly.

- I simply can not read through ch177 and not get emotional. No matter how hard I try, I always feel tears start to form in my eyes. Oh my god, how cruel that death can be this beautiful. It’s so unfair.

- *uses old chapter review because I’m too upset right now* “She apologizes for everything. For not treating him right and loving him as a mother normally would her own son. For making him despise his life so much and enduring so much pain that he thought the only escape was suicide.”

- “She leaves him with one last wish to protect everyone, and that completely breaks me because you know exactly how much they both care for their family. Not only would they literally die for their family, but they would live for them too if someone asked. Truly like mother, like son.” (aaaaaahhhhh)

- Her, umm.. ghost (along with Conny’s & Yuugo’s) help Ray reunite with Emma in 2049.

- All my tears aside, the anime did something right by actually keeping her ALIVE!

- Have you ever seen something so GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL in all your life?? This image is so powerful it literally tossed aside any salty feelings I had that night with how the second season ended. Seeing her like this grants me so much happiness y’all, it’s truly unbelievable. I still can’t get over it and hopefully I never will.

Okay, now I’m done, thank god. Sorry this is like ridiculously long, especially since she’s absent for sooo many chapters. Also find it so hilarious how drastic my opinion of her changed from the beginning to now, from “bitch” to “oh my god I love her so much.” I know people will always have opposing opinions whether she’s actually a good mother or not and that’s totally fine. Wasn’t trying to convince y’all of that either because yes, some of her actions are real unforgivable, but she was suffering under the farm system too and just followed through with what she was trained to do in order to survive, but while other Sisters fought to climb ranks and help themselves survive, Isabella ultimately wanted the best for her children. The more power she gained, the more risks she took and once the system crashed so did her facade.

An absolute queen.

[metalbvcky]

Back in May, I made my first Stucky Ficrec post and months later, I’ve decided to make another since this fandom is hella talented. There’s a little over two dozen fics down below ranging from 10k-100k+ and everything’s categorized.

Do note that lot of these are Modern AU’s (I love those) and most of them are smutty. (yes hello, an asexual here who enjoys smut so very much) Also heed the tags once you click the link(s). Other than that, enjoy!!!

Key:  ♥ = My personal favorites, S = Smut, DS = Dom/Sub

a) CANON UNIVERSE

If You're Reading This, Steve Rogers by fallendarlings Words: 39,273 | Post/Canon Divergence 2012 Avengers/TWS, Recovery, Slow Burn

Nobody tells Steve it's okay to cry.

Nobody touches him.

Nobody remembers Steve Rogers is a person under the mantle. It's okay. He hasn't felt like a person since he watched Bucky fall.

don't threaten me with a good time ♥ by canistakahari - Words 10,106 | Post-TWS, Sick!Fic, Sick!Bucky, Cabin Fic

Steve's taken him on vacation to a cabin in Canada in the middle of winter, so it's obviously the perfect time for his body to go haywire. Bucky is determined to stick it out, though, partly because he's a stubborn bastard, but mostly because he feels some kinda way about Steve.

Higher Ground by EmilianaDarling - Words: 13,002 | Post-TWS, S, DS (undertones), Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

“S’okay,” Bucky murmurs quietly, and Steve sucks in a sharp breath at the brush of Bucky’s lips against his ear, his breath hot against the side of Steve’s neck. There’s a hint of a grin in Bucky’s voice; amused affection and confidence and something heated beneath it all, a familiar tone from so long ago that makes Steve’s heart clench and his cock twitch helplessly in his jeans.

“S’okay, Stevie,” he says again, and Steve can feel the curl of Bucky’s lips against his throat when he smiles. His metal thumb is rubbing circles on Steve’s shoulder. “M’gonna take care of you.”

A year and a half after the events of The Winter Soldier, Steve's been acting recklessly. Bucky deals with it as best he can.

The Simple Life ♥ from The Simple Life Series by howler32557038 - Words: 114,329 (Series Total: 337,273 + ongoing) | Canon Universe, MPreg, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

"The simple life."

"You'll get there one day."

"I don't know. Family, stability...The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out."

Bucky wants to be part of Steve's life. He wants to be an Avenger. He wants to be a good partner. Unfortunately, sometimes that means not telling Steve everything.

a road less traveled by Claudia_flies, cyclamental art (cyclamental),maichan, zilia - Words: 75,396 | 2012 Timeline AU, Post-Avengers 2012 (Endgame Divergence), Domestic Avengers, Recovering!Bucky

Steve wakes up on the cold stone floor of the foyer. He scrambles up; there’s glass shards everywhere and they crunch under his gloved hands. People are staring, holding themselves back. They must have seen the fight, must have seen two of him.

His own voice rings in his head.

“Bucky is alive!”

Kept Safe by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 54,419 | S, DS, BDSM

Steve and Bucky are friends. Best Friends. If asked, Bucky would say he knows absolutely everything about Steve. Except when it comes to sex. Steve lives such a monastic existence that Bucky doesn't know if he likes girls, boys, or none of the above. For all he knows, Steve may have no interest in sex whatsoever.

But then a mission goes wrong, Steve is bleeding out from a wound to the femoral artery and Bucky is trying to stop the bleeding when his hand brushes against metal. Where there most definitely shouldn't be metal. Or a padlock. And most definitely not a torturously small cage.

48 hours by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 25,894 | Post-CW, S, DS, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

Steve is keeping it together. No one would say he's keeping it together well, but he's getting by. Mission after mission, he goes back to his apartment in Wakanda and breaks down. Then he watches Bucky sleep and tries to not notice how everyone looks at him like he's the saddest bastard that ever lived.

But, this time is different. This time, Steve goes back to his apartment post-mission and Bucky is awake, out of cryo and making them dinner in Steve's kitchen. The breakdown is still happening. Bucky isn't pleased, but he does have a plan. For 48 hours after every mission, Steve is going to let Bucky take care of him or he's going to be on Steve's next mission. He can't risk losing Bucky again. Which should make the decision simple.

It isn't simple.

The Sex Therapist ♥ by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 179,941 | S, DS, DKink, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve, Current/Past Steve/Sharon

Sharon has given him an ultimatum- either go to sex therapy or it's over. Sex therapy sounds like normal therapy but more humiliating and expensive. It's total BS. He will go because she's making him, but he will also make everyone's lives miserable (Yeah, including his own) and never return again.

Do they have a lot of sex? No. Does Sharon want more sex? Yes. Does Steve do his best? Yeah, actually, he does. He can get it up, he just needs time. Alone. There's... preparation involved. It's not like one just 'is' aroused.

He can't explain it. And he won't. He definitely won't tell Bucky what exactly he thinks about to get worked up enough to screw his girlfriend.

Found My Place in Time - Cap_D, humapuma - Words: 12,492 | Post-EG (Divergence, duh) S, Fluff, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

“Buck,” he heard Steve say, “wake up. We’re here.” Bucky opened his eyes and rolled his shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension out of his back. When Steve’s words sunk in, though, he turned and leaned forward, staring past Steve’s chest to look out the window. Beyond the wing of the plane, he found a beautiful coastline with white sand, blue waters, and palm trees, as well as rows of bungalows on the water. “Wow,” he murmured. “We’re staying in one of those, right?”

In which Steve invites Bucky on a trip to Fiji and they discover something a lot more than beautiful vistas and friendly locals.

Total Institution ♥ from the Institutions of Love and Incarceration series by thelittlestpurplecat - Words: 94,303 | Canon Universe AU, Prison!AU, Guard!Steve, Prisoner!Bucky, Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, WS Trial

The Winter Soldier has been sentenced to life without parol. His entire world had been condensed to a hot, cramped cell that he hasn't seen the outside of in the four years since his apprehension. It's hell. He has no means of escape, no means of terminating his suffering, and no means of distraction...that is, until he's assigned a new guard. Steve Rogers is assigned the Winter Soldier as his singular charge. He expects a sadistic, violent murderer. What he finds instead is a broken, tormented man with no memory of his past life, and no control over what had been done to him. He's a victim. Not a monster. And Steve won't stand to see him pay for crimes over which he had no control.

Raise Your Glass by minkeys - Words: 10,008 | Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve, Light DS, S, DKink

Bucky knows Steve in ways that his 21st century friends could never even begin to imagine. Or at least, they couldn't until tonight. It's about time somebody corrected all those historians that painted Steve as a straight-laced, God-fearing soldier, and what better way to do it than over a harmless game of "Never Have I Ever." What's the worst that could be said?

b) SHRUNKYCLUNKS

Waking Up Slow ♥ by odetteandodile - Words: 44,638 | Dad!Bucky, Kid!Fic, Hurt/Comfort

In 1945 Steve Rogers crashed the Valkyrie into the Arctic Ocean and was never recovered.

In 2019 Bucky Barnes is walking along the beach below the decommissioned lighthouse where he lives with his sixteen month old daughter when he finds the body of a man washed up in the surf, half frozen but miraculously alive.

Bucky manages to revive him, but finds that the stranger has no memory of who he is or how he got here aside from a name: Steve. Snowed in by a blizzard soon after and unable to get Steve a medevac, Bucky discovers that the funny, good-hearted man slips into the fabric of his and Alice’s life faster than he would have thought possible. The two are undeniably drawn to each other, but as their feelings grow so does the looming possibility that the answer to the question “who is Steve?” might be much more complicated than either of them realized.

Isn't It Ironic? (Don't You Think?) ♥ by HeyBoy, Huntress79, imhereforgaysuperheroes - Words: 33,342 |  Jewish, Dad!Bucky, Kid!Fic

Bucky is used to his daughter bursting into tears in the middle of department stores. What he isn't used to is someone braving the wails and actually being able to stop Becca's tantrum in its tracks. Oh, and he's also not used to that someone being Captain America.

AKA, how Steve Rogers calms a screaming kid in Target and falls in love with two more Barneses than he had bargained for.

in my condition love's the best physician by aniloquent - Words: 9,177 | Pharmacy!AU, Russian!Bucky

“This situation is a little more delicate because I don't even know if he speaks English and I'm tired of going down to the pharmacy for constipation medication and allergy pills when I haven't sneezed since 1941.” Steve shouts.

The room falls silent, and he turns back around to find four pairs of stunned eyes watching him.

Tony, as always, speaks first. “He?”

Or the one where Bucky is a hot pharmacist and Steve keeps making up bullshit reasons to go see him.

c) MODERN AU

Home Is Wherever I'm With You ♥ by cydonic  - Words: 88,570 | Neighbors!AU, Slow Burn, Parent!Steve, Kid!Fic

This is what happens when you buy a house to flip having only seen the online images: you get more than you bargained for. Bucky Barnes brings all the tools to handle a dilapidated home, but he's hardly prepared for a smart-mouthed child (with poor aim), a crying baby, and the hottest dad he's ever seen in his life living right next door.

That House-Flipper!AU.

if only you could see me (for the pie that i am) ♥ by bitelikefire (theoleo) | Words: 35,121 | Baker!Steve, WeddingPlanner!Bucky

In which Steve is the proud owner of Frost; a semi famous local bakery in D.C. And despite the overwhelming insistence that it’s about time he start dating, Steve swears up and down he isn’t ready for that.

Or as of recently, just doesn’t have the time because of Mr. Barnes. The highly demanding wedding planner on the phone who keeps asking for nearly impossible deliveries and maybe Steve would like to personally strangle him. Maybe.

(There is pie. And misunderstandings. But a lot more desserts and eye rolls.)

So Alive ♥ from the Brooklyn Heights Books Series by GottaSaveBucky (Cosmic_Entity_1of4) - Words: 109,074 (Series Total: 165,440 + ongoing) | Bookstore!AU (sort of), Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky, DKink

A man wearing a light denim jacket over a dark blue shirt came into the shop, a box tucked under his right arm. Despite it being late afternoon, he was wearing sunglasses with bright blue lenses, and his long, dark hair was pulled back in a messy little bun. A few strands had escaped, framing his strong, unshaven jawline. The man looked into the café, smiled widely, and waved in Clint’s direction as he kept walking into the bookstore, and Steve’s mouth went completely dry.

Beautiful, was the only word to describe that smile; straight, white teeth framed by full, lush, red lips, bracketed by laugh lines and an adorable dimple in his right cheek, a charming little chin cleft just visible under the light stubble—Steve was struck literally speechless. And that was before he got a glimpse of the man’s backside. Slim hips and a round, firm-looking ass led to long, lean legs that were encased in snug, dark blue jeans.

“Guh,” Steve said, watching the dark-haired man continue on to the back of the store.

The Penthouse Suite ♥ by elle1991 - Words: 15,873 | S, DS, BSDM, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky, Happy Ending

Bucky Barnes has the chance to earn $5,000 in one night. All he has to do is go to the penthouse suite of a luxury hotel and spend the night with his client, one enigmatic Steve Rogers.

The catch? Steve is a massive pervert, intent on using this one night to satisfy every single one of his many debauched kinks.

Even ignoring the big box of sex toys on the bed, Bucky should have known he was in trouble the moment Steve opened his mouth and said his first words: "My name is Steve Rogers, but you can call me Sir..."

Burnin' For You by GoldBlooded - Words: 15,753 | Firefighter!Steve, Detective!Bucky, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

Steve Rogers is Fire Captain of Brooklyn’s very busy Station 118. He wants three things out of life: People he can count on, for everyone to get through their shifts safe and sound, and for Sergeant James Barnes to get the hell off of his arson scene.

James Barnes is Detective Sergeant of Brooklyn’s very busy 107th Precinct. He wants three things out of life: A decent cup of coffee, good leads to chase, and for Captain Steven Rogers to get the hell off of his arson scene.

Everyone knows to steer clear when these two have to deal with each other. Everyone knows about their mutual dislike and sometimes hatred. But what everyone doesn't know? How they got to be like that in the first place.

Collar Full of Chemistry ♥ from the Rich People Are Wild Series by 2bestfriends - Words: 188,437 (Series Total: 219,519) | Heavy BDSM, DS, S, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

Steve is very rich and desperate to feel in control of his life again after a recent divorce has left him feeling bitter and lonely. When he keeps crossing paths with a disaster twenty-something, an unconventional solution presents itself. Steve's always been one for following his instincts.

Bucky is very broke and can't seem to catch a break, especially after some asshole fires him for one fucking mistake. So of course, it follows that he should sign a contract agreeing to do everything and anything that same asshole wants for a whole year in exchange for a payout that could finally change his life for the better.

Toothpaste Kisses ♥ by buckybees - Words: 18,736 | Dentist!Steve, Patient!Bucky, Amputee!Bucky

Sitting in the horribly antiseptic gateway to hell, otherwise known as the waiting room, Bucky was deeply reassessing his life choices. Maybe if he didn’t eat ice cream for every meal this wouldn’t have happened.

Steve's a dentist, Bucky's a patient. You know the drill.

Out of the Blue ♥ by IsabellaJack - Words: 37,564 | PreSerum!Steve, Detective!Bucky (and Sam!), Mystery!Fic

“Does she have family?” Barnes asks again.

Steve tries to remember. “I don’t know.”

“You sing her praises and don’t know a simple info like that?” Barnes huffs, looking irritated.

Love Is An Ocean Wide by fancyh - Words: 29,009 | Shapeshifter!AU, Orca!Bucky, Marine Biologist!Steve

When marine biologist Steve Rogers helps to rescue an injured orca from the marine traffickers Hydra, he has no idea how his life will change. Once rehabilitated, the orca is released and disappears, and a despondent Steve throws himself into his work, only to feel a spark when a new volunteer arrives, a man with one arm and curiously familiar blue eyes.

Bucky has lived in the ocean his whole life. But when his family is killed and his sister captured by Hydra, he is forced to turn to humans for help. One human in particular intrigues him, a man by the name of Steve. As Bucky comes ashore to search for his sister, he finds himself falling for the man, but dangerous secrets still stand between them.

Includes clueless-about-humans Bucky, heart-eyes-Steve, and lots of Very Important rocks.

Innocent Until ♥ by L1av - Words: 136,866 | Lawyer!Bucky, Defendant!Steve, DS, BDSM, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

Bucky Barnes made a name for himself as the attorney who could get anyone off, but he still lives by the saying, "Innocent until proven guilty." Steve Rogers finds himself on trial for multiple homicides but he swears he was only trying to protect a girl. Bucky's been in this business long enough to know when someone's innocent, and Steve is innocent. Steve already feels like a monster and Bucky's worried this guy's going to lay himself on the sword come his trial. So Bucky offers up another course for punishment:

Turns out, chains and whips really excite Steve.

Brooklyn Syndrome ♥ by lordelannette - Words: 158,350 | DARKFIC, Dark!Steve (VERY DARK, heed the tags, you have been warned) Doctor!Steve, Writer!Bucky, Kidnapping, Slow Burn, Graphic Violence

Bucky's back was pressed against the cold floor and he stared through blurry eyes as Steve stood over him. He was trying to push himself as far away as he could, using his hands and bare feet to slide himself out from between Steve's legs but he couldn't find purchase against the wooden floor. Steve's legs were locked on both sides of his hips and Bucky couldn't move, couldn't get away, and the room was swimming before his eyes and he couldn't focus, couldn't think straight. All he could make out was the hazy figure of Steve towering over him and he lifted his arm to push uselessly at Steve's shin.

"P-please," Bucky whispered. His voice was weak, like him, and his jaw trembled as Steve reached down.

Steve slid down onto the floor and effortlessly gathered him into his strong arms, cradling Bucky to his chest as he leaned against the wall. "Bucky," Steve breathed. One of his large hands slid gently into Bucky's hair, the other curving against his spine and pulling him even closer. "You're mine now, remember?"

Steve's grip tightened then it all went black.

lay me down (tell me i've been found) by coffeeinallcaps - Words: 25,188 | Modern!AU, DS, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

The collar is a little on the heavy side, and incredibly soft against Bucky's skin. Even softer than he thought it would be. It seems to fit snugly, and for a second he feels like he can't breathe. Then, Steve slides two fingers under the collar and runs them along the inside, almost all the way around. Bucky shivers. Goose bumps spread down his back, his arms. "How does it feel?" Steve murmurs, hooking his fingers into the ring and giving a gentle tug on it. Bucky swallows. Nods.

(In which billionaire businessman Steve shows up and turns Bucky's life into an improbable fantasy.)

All Those Things You've Always Pined For by LavenderProse - Words: 92,142 | Family Man (2000) aka the Nicholas Cage movie AU, Domestic, Kid!Fic, PreSerum!Steve

“Steve Rogers. I haven’t thought about him in…God, at least ten years. Probably longer." “Who is he?” Sharon asks, and perches on the corner of his desk, hands folded in her lap. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bucky clears his throat, tosses the sticky note onto the desk. “Steve was…my college boyfriend. We almost got married.”

It's been fifteen years since Bucky Barnes left Steve Rogers standing in a New York airport and never saw him again. Those fifteen years have brought him wealth and stability; everything his lower middle class Brooklyn upbringing had not provided. He is happy. He doesn't want for anything. He doesn't need anything. That's about to change.

Karma's A Fake Orgasm ♥ by daisymondays - Words: 51,637 | College!AU, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Slow Burn

There’s another abandoned mug, festering with mould in the living room — Steve offically has the world's worst roommates. And complains about them. Often. Bucky, tired of his lack of action, decides it’s time to avenge Steve's sleepless nights and unsanitary conditions once and for all. They’ll pretend to be the world’s most annoying couple: excessive PDA, loud fake sex, and general repugnance. The plan sounds easy enough; it will be strictly platonic. Or will it?

I'll Be Your Shield by 17 pansies (17pansies) - Words: 23,332 | Bodyguard!Steve, Rich!Bucky, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

"If he's just minor nobility, why does he need a bodyguard?" Steve shoved the folder which held Barnes' details towards the middle of the table. "He's not exactly prime kidnap material."

"His parents aren't worried about kidnapping," Fury said. "They need someone to steer him away from the dumb ass situations he keeps getting into."

"You mean he needs a babysitter." Steve sat back and folded his arms. "Seriously."

I think this is a pretty diverse list :) There’s a good sample of everything here, some old fashioned post TWS recovery fics, some good dom steve/bucky, slow burns, fake pretend relationships and so forth!

PS: I’m on AO3 with more bookmarks plus my own hurt/comfort fics if anyone is interested :P

[opinions-of-loki]

Loki - Episode One, Summary bullet points in form of an unnecessarily detailed opinion

- What I found sort of funny was Loki, who immediately hit the dessert and immediately hurried to the next higher stone, as if this were the pedestal that was his equal, only to be able to explain / present himself to the Mongolian inhabitants, only that they did not understand him and asked again who he is. It kinda gave me Hela vibes. Black haired Odin children have a tough time getting heard.

ALSO! THE SASS! Yet staying polite despite him being confused of what is going to happen to him - Trying to be all intimidating, but nobody takes him serious, as always! You can’t scare the time space cops my boy :/ Finding out how the company works and being all confused was honestly a very sweet and funny moment

- What’s up with the soundtracks??? Someone give this dude a raise who composed these Blade Runner-que music for the TVA followed with those cool bagpipes traditionally used for Scandinavian folk music? FUCK YES! Also the end credits music, it’s just excellent!

- Loki questioning if he’s a robot or not! I mean, he was told to believe he was an Aesir but in the end wasn’t. So who knew if Odin adopted a robot son? Better check on this one - I kinda got cute vibes from Mobius and Renslayer, they seem to perhaps have a closer connection towards another, especially after he greeted her with a formal Hi and talking to her on a somehow personal level - Mobius at first seemed like a very kind man and being patient with Loki, even supportive, but he is an experienced cop and knows how to handle complicated people, especially Loki variants. Mobius gives off a vibe of an older Blade Runner who takes his job very serious. But in the middle I kind of started to hate him a little

- The story of why Loki is an American crime legend D.B. Cooper just because he lost a bet to Thor when they were younger! Hilarious! Most of the most legendary pranks ever! I would have been more happy about the details of why Thor demanded this, or if it went like ” Loki! Cause some chaos on Midgard. Humans are easy to impress.” ” Say no more, Brother!” - Though Mobius seemed like the only person ever who had the ability to call out Loki to his actions: That he isn’t a God of mischief, because he confronted Loki about if killing innocent people is part of his fun, if it brings enjoyment to him to torture people who had nothing to do about Loki’s past. Loki denying that it’s not true, Mobius harshly confronts him about his earlier maniac like expression when removing someone’s eyeballs, if this is still harmless mischief-making. - BUT! Where is it mentioned he was controlled by the mind stone and the thriving fear of Thanos to get killed??? Loki was under pressure, to get killed by the Mad Titan, and he wasn’t thinking rationally when he invaded New York? For someone who studied Loki’s life so well, Mobius sucks to get a point to this one, or it will be mentioned in the future, I better hope so - Loki doesn’t trust easily, because “Trust is for children and dogs.” Gave me Natasha vibes. Because she and him were sharing a quite similar conversation a few hours earlier.

- SEEING FRIGGA’S DEATH! Loki giving great speeches about wanting to free everyone, being a ruler of the Nine Realms to hide away what he truly desired and that nobody would understand his thoughts and emotions, but seeing 2012 Loki seeing that HE gave the coordinates to the Dark Elves, unknowing Frigga would be on this very wing, you can see how hurt he was and panicked! He completely lost all trails of thoughts, asking where she is, if the TVA also kept her, if she is okay! He wanted to save her so badly, he doesn’t want to become the version who will kill her once again. - Mobius saying that there is nothing he can change and that Frigga HAS to die to get back in the flow of time, OUCH! - I get more TTDW vibes when everything that has been explained to Loki, that he will only bring death and chaos no matter what he does, that not only Frigga is destined to die, but Loki is about to die at some point, it made me think of Odin’s words:

Mobius said the same things, Loki’s destiny is to bring death or to ultimately die himself, no matter if he goes the bad or good path. It left me with weird vibes about Mobius being like Odin, just less of an abusive father mentor thing. He was made to cause pain, death and suffering. It hurt. Knowing those weren’t Loki’s goals, he came to the realization that Mobius is right, but doesn’t want to admit it, or at least denies it, but agreed in the end in a very subtle way - MOBIUS AND LOKI FIGHTING!! ” Do you enjoy killing?” “I will kill you!” “Like you did to your mother?” MOBIUS! FUCK YOU! At this point, he lost any sympathy from me towards him. He was guilt-tripping Loki, perhaps even gaslighting him. But this is also part of his job. He isn’t supposed to be Loki’s friend, he is a cop after all. Loki is an emotional and vulnerable being, so hitting him at the worst spot to get out more of him probably wasn’t the kindest thing to do, but probably the most effective for Mobius. Loki likes to pressure other people, but doesn’t like to be the pressured one. - Loki’s purpose is to bring those together he ultimately tried to remove according to Mobius, Loki brought together a team of legendary superheroes together that barely knew each other, and they grew strong together thanks to Loki’s wrongdoings. It somehow hurt a lot, but in the end, Mobius was speaking the harsh truth -  "I will gut you out like a fish!” “What's a fish?!” BLESS CASEY!

- Endless Infinity Stones! I am in love with this idea! I don’t know why I saw people getting confused by it because even though the Stones are what hold the universe together, the TVA doesn’t live in that very universe, they are beyond that very space and time we don’t know and can’t grasp, they visit timelines after timelines, so of course it happens they find stones and keep them, either knowing or not knowing what they are, or they simply don’t care, because they have no purpose in the TVA. Perhaps these stones are variants too and don’t belong to a certain timeline and needed to be removed, such as Loki’s Tesseract

- What got me the most, and we all know what I mean, Loki crying privately when he once again viewed the life of his alternative self, viewing the loss of his family, the loss of his own life. I don’t really know if he mourned over Odin too, but in this series, Odin never threatened to kill or imprison Loki which perhaps didn’t cause any damage towards his anger. Though he was aware that Odin took the other Loki in a cell, but it was a destiny he could avoid now that he knew how things will turn out when he returns to Asgard. He will never get arrested, Frigga probably wouldn’t die because of him, though I get a feeling the Dark Elves will come nevertheless, but this time, it shall be Thor’s problem not to screw it up. Though it was a relief to see him smile soon after when he realized Thor was the only one believing in him, even though their relationships always has been kinda weird, as Loki always was jealous of him being everyone’s first choice, but in the end, Thor was alive, everything that was left, and Thor didn’t hate him - End of File - I don’t know why, but reading this, Loki himself reading this, the very end of his life, it made me shiver. He saw his memories of what could be, what MUST happen to him, and that there are more happy memories. But in the end, there are no memories anymore - end of file. That’s it. That was his life. - I can’t imagine how many thoughts must have been go through his head to see Thanos again, Loki’s try to kill him, just to see his neck and wind pipe getting cracked. He currently recovers from the effects of a full year of torture, both mentally and physically, just the same he would treat his ‘Children’. I can imagine Thanos promised him the world, something small to rule over to expand over more realms. Thanos triggered Loki’s fear and anger, who had to deal with the information he never belonged to Asgard in the first place. Whenever Loki would try to flee or play games with Thanos, I can imagine Loki got punished for it, he never even spoke sassy with Thanos during Infinity War.  Loki is terrified of him for good reasons. I imagine this young man, feared, terrified, trapped on a rock with daily mental manipulation and pain. Loki became obedient and would have done anything for Thanos, whatever he ordered, including an exchange of power. Even if Thanos never fully was on his side and used Loki as a puppet with power and sorcery, being useful, I get a feeling Loki clung to his words and promises to rule over Earth as a savior and liberator, which completely went wrong - His laughter following after could have many reasons, relief, stress or disbelief. He was still crying between those laughs, which could be taken as desperation about no matter what he does, his actions will lead to harsh consequences. Disbelief of what he just saw, as if it felt so unreal to even believe what he had just witnessed, that it was all real, a destiny that was meant to him. But what else did Loki do during serious situations? He avoids them, he doesn’t want to acknowledge problems and shoving them away with a sassy comment or a smile to cope with it - which could mean this laughter could be part of his coping mechanism

- Him opening up, addressing why Loki hurts people, was honestly the best scene to me. He spoke about his inferior complex, his fear of not being strong enough to survive, building up a facade, a fake personality to survive also with the help of his magic. He thought he can be superior to anyone if he could scare everyone, gaining respect and love in form of war and destruction, as he perhaps thought of Odin being a former warlord, he would prefer a son who is able to conquer, being merciless. He doesn’t want to get hurt, he doesn’t trust anyone easily, that’s why he has to hurt people, to avoid of getting hurt or betrayed in the end. He became a double-edged sword I’m open for opinions and private chatting if you guys want to add something ! :DD

[heyyy-hey-babyyy]

When We Were Young (part VII)

Dean x Fem!Reader; Sam x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Read part I here ; Read part II here ; Read part III here ;

Read part IV here ; Read part V here ; Read part VI here

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of trauma/abuse, brief moments of self-harm, mentions of anxiety attack, *moments of assault*

**This chapter contains images of assault. Please be aware if this is trigging for you!

B/N: I’m getting a little lost in my own timeline, so apologies for any inaccuracies... All mistakes I claim as my own. 

2164 words

Summary: Dean, Sam, and Y/N grew up together, but when she’s taken away for over 10 years, the boys have no idea what she’s been through. Will asking her to move into the bunker with them reveal more than she’s ready for?

You could feel Dean crouched in front of you, and could see his lips moving as he spoke, but everything was moving in slow motion and the words weren’t reaching your ears. Standing quickly, Dean didn’t have time to reach for you as you excited the house as fast as you could. You needed air.  

Dean stood again, wearing the same shocked look as Sam and Bobby. But he didn’t follow you, giving you space for a moment. 

“Did she just say that was Greg?” Sam asked quietly, moving to stand next to his brother. You had just exited the house, the screen door slamming shut behind you. “The same Greg she emptied a gun into almost fifteen years ago?” 

“Yeah,” Dean grunted out, weighing his options. He knew you were upset with him for his outburst back at the bunker and he didn’t want to push you away further, so instead he turned toward Bobby trying to figure out their next move. 

“One of you boys gonna fill me in on what all that was?” Sam scrubbed a hand down his face, knowing this wasn’t his or Dean’s story to tell, but he definitely was not about to dive into the specifics of Y/N’s life in foster care. Especially not when Bobby was glaring at both him and Dean like he was. Like a protective father.

Dean cleared his throat loudly, before speaking. “Something bad happened to her, Bobby, when she was in foster care...” Dean trailed off, measuring his words. “And the guy that did it is supposed to be dead. I guess he isn’t as human as she initially thought...” He trailed off again, glancing toward the front of the house. He squeezed Sam’s arm once, knowing he would speak more with Bobby, before heading outside with a quick, “she shouldn’t be alone.” The two men nodded in agreement and Dean headed toward the front door, intent on keeping you close to him from here on out. 

-----------

You weren’t planning on going anywhere after rushing out of the house. You just needed some quick air, and plopped yourself down on the hood of the Impala once you were out the door. Dean would be pissed that you were scuffing up baby’s hood, but you didn’t care at the moment, and he’d forgive you. 

You laid back against the cool hood, losing yourself in your thoughts. How could he possibly be alive? And why come after you now? 

You didn’t want to think too far into the situation, afraid you would have to live through those long nights shaking in your bed again, so you tried your best to separate that life from the one you were trying to lead now, the biggest different of course being Dean. It didn’t seem to be a huge coincidence that the darkest moments of your life were when you were miles away from Dean and Sam Winchester. The thought made you smile to yourself despite what was going on. 

You were so caught in your own head that you didn’t feel the hand grasp tightly around your ankle and drag you from the Impala’s smooth hood, slamming your head on the bumper on the way down, making your world go black. 

-----------

“Y/N, listen,” Dean started walking across the patio toward the Impala figuring you would be close by. He glanced around quickly when he didn’t see you leaning up against the car’s smooth hood like he expected. 

“Y/N” He called loudly, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice. Maybe you had walked down the aisle of cars. You couldn’t have gone too far, he thought to himself, it had only been minutes since you walked through the front door. 

Dean walked swiftly down the first row of immovable cars, turning the corner to glance down the next, and the next, and the next, not seeing any sign of you. 

“Y/N!” Dean shouted again, running down the last few rows and back up toward the house, beginning to panic. 

Sam and Bobby heard his last shout and were clamoring out the door toward him, fear written across their faces. 

“What’s going on?” Sam asked anxiously. Dean shook his head, running his fingers through his short hair in frustration. 

“She’s not out here!” He finally called out at the two men, who swiftly turned and rushed back into the office, preparing to pull up the security footage again. Dean followed, pacing the floor anxiously while Bobby slowly pulled up the salvage yard’s security tapes.

Sam was trying to calm his brother with constant mantra’s of ‘it’s gonna be okay’ and ‘we’ll find her,’ but Dean wasn’t having any of it, swiping Sam’s hand away when he placed it on his shoulder.

“Come on, Bobby, we don’t have all day!”

Bobby glared at Dean again, hard, reminding the older Winchester of his place. Dean shut his mouth but continued pacing, avoiding his brother’s gaze.

“Alright,” Bobby started, snapping Dean to attention. “it’s starting. Looks like Y/N was just sitting on the hood of the Impala after she walked out.” Dean rushed to Bobby’s side and glanced down at the security footage, hiding a small smile when he saw you sprawled out on the hood, exactly like he knew you would be. He kept watching when suddenly the footage went all garbled and they couldn’t make any sense of what was happening. The tape fixed itself and Y/N was gone, the Impala’s hood barren.

“Dammit!” Dean roared, knowing that Greg must have messed with the security tapes. Bobby slammed the laptop closed, muttering to himself, while Sam went back to mother-hening Dean.

“Sam!” Dean shouted, warning his brother. “Get. away. from me.” Sam huffed out a sigh in response, knowing nothing was going to get through to his brother until Y/N was back by his side safe. The three men did nothing for a few seconds but stare blankly around the room, desperate for any answer to appear out of thin air. Dean startled them all when he screamed out, “where is she!?”

-------------

When you woke you, the lingering smell of rain and dead bodies hit you like a freight train, and you decided to try to trigger your hunter senses before you opened your eyes and gave away your present status. You hadn’t hunted in over a year, promising Sam and Dean that you were more comfortable with research, when in reality you didn’t trust your own abilities anymore. You didn’t trust yourself with many things lately.

You started your investigation with your own body. You didn’t feel drugged or anything, just tired from the fall, and your back ached a little. Attempting to move your arms you realized they were chained above your head and you were on your knees, jeans soaking up the horrible smelling water beneath you. Wincing you decided to open your eyes, hoping that whoever this was wasn’t around at the present moment. You weren’t delusional enough to think that this could be anything other than Greg, but you hoped that perhaps some sort of monster followed you and the Winchesters to Bobby’s. But your hoping was in vain, as you slowly opened your eyes and came face to face with a larger and older version of the kid who ruined your life. 

When he saw you open your eyes and look into his, he offered you his wolf grin, before you avoided his gaze quickly. 

“Y/N.” His tone was even and you could tell he was still smiling. Though his voice had dropped an octave or so, it sent a chill through your body. You weren’t the most skilled hunter, but in your current predicament, even the newest hunters would be jumping into some kind of game plan and playing off of their adrenaline and anger. You felt yourself shrinking into yourself, hoping you could simply disappear. As always, Greg never sensed any discomfort from you, and continued talking like nothing was wrong. 

“It’s so good to see you!” He didn’t touch you, but the way he was coming toward you had you cowering back into the corner as far away from him as the chains would allow. 

He clicked his tongue at your movement, “Ah. I see.” You glanced up at him as he spoke, following his movements. He knelt down in front of you, and you couldn’t lower your head any further to get away from him. “I’m not mad, Y/N.” He said simply, using a gentle tone, one that you recognized. Long ago you stopped falling for the gentleness knowing that what was to follow wasn’t going to be nice and gentle. 

He stood suddenly making you jump, walking slowly around the room as he thought. “I know you did what you needed to do, and I’m not mad... I just wish you would have stuck around a bit for the real fun.” The wolf smile was back and you shuddered, imagining his bloody body rising before your eyes after you thought you had killed him.

He was turned toward you, and clicked his tongue again when you refused to look at him. Kneeling down he snaked a finger toward you, smiling when he reached your chin and was able to tilt your head back so that you were forced to look into his eyes. 

“It’s okay, hunny...” You shuddered when he used the nickname he used to use for you, often referring to you as his little ‘hunny-bear.’ The foster agency and your foster parents thought it was so cute.

“We have plenty of time for you to make it up to me.” 

Quickly the single finger under your chin, became his entire hand gripping the back of your neck, and he pulled your forward, the chains attached to your arms clinking behind you. He held you steady in front of him, while he roughly pushed his lips to yours. You kept your face stoic, refusing to react to his assault of your lips, and you felt a growl building deep in his chest. When your lips didn’t react against his, he pressed his hand against your cheek, pressing down on the sensitive skin and forcing your mouth to open. He took your bottom lip between his teeth biting hard enough to draw blood. You tasted the salt on your tongue, wincing as the blood seeped into your mouth. 

Greg pulled back, releasing your face, his wolf smile revealing dark crimson teeth, your own blood staining his lips. He stood to his full height and raked his eyes up and down your body. 

“Oh hunny-bear, you have definitely filled out. Damn!” You flinched at the volume of his words, but he ignored you. “You turned into quite a looker.” He tsked his tongue continuing to look you up and down. “But why do you hide behind all of these baggy clothes!?” He suddenly sounded angry, and you realized you were wearing one of Dean’s flannels, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and buttoned all the way to the top. 

“That definitely won’t do.” He spit out, walking toward you again, and beginning to undo the buttons, slowly, as if he were trying to ‘set the mood.’ As each button brought him closer to your chest and stomach, you felt your abs clenching, feeling like you might vomit on him at any moment. 

Once he finished the buttons, you heard him wolf-whistle realizing you were only wearing a plain black bralette underneath the heavy material, the lace and fabric not leaving much to the imagination. You felt tears sting your eyes, imagining happier times on your way to South Dakota when you simply threw on one of Dean’s flannels to be more comfortable on the drive, while the boys were inside at the gas station. The fabric was soft and long and smelled like Dean, so you didn’t bother putting anything under it. You never imagined you’d be in this situation. 

Greg continued to look you up and down and you let the tears fall freely. Someone please save me! 

----------

The Winchesters and Bobby had been sitting at their individual laptops looking for any clues of where you might be. They figured the shifter was probably moving on foot, so he couldn’t have gone too far in the time that Y/N went outside and they tore apart the salvage yard looking for you. Dean jumped into the Impala after the security footage turned out to be a bust, and drove damn near across South Dakota looking for any sign of you. 

Sam sighed loudly, taking a huge drink from the crappy gas station coffee, Dean grabbed before heading back to the house, knowing they needed be alert.

“Dean, I think it’s time you called Cas...” Dean nodded once. It had been almost 6 hours since you were taken and every minute that passed had Dean screaming on the inside, desperate to find you. 

Taking a deep breath, he put his hands together in prayer, muttering for Castiel, angel of the Lord, to get his feathery ass down here. That they needed him. Throwing in a ‘please’ for good measure. 

Dean opened his eyes when he heard the rustling that could only be the blue-eyed, trenchcoat clad Angel. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

When We Were Young Tag List: @vicmc624 @woundedxsmile @akshi8278

Read part VIII here

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

After Each Midnight Begins A New Day

Extra #10 - pre-fic

[Masterpost]

Anelmemi over on Ao3 commented on chapter 4: “If you’re taking requests or prompts, the line about baby!Lan Zhan with all the intensity of first timeline 30 year old Lan Zhan is an image that stuck with me. The conversation where he tells his mom about everything would make for an interesting extra.”

So here it is! Disclaimer: I’ve gone in a sliiiightly different direction (in that this is 7k words long and they don’t even get to the part where Lan Zhan tells her everything) BUT - that being said - I think I’m going to use this prompt as the first chapter/installment of a selection of scenes from the Wangxian side of the fix-it. Like you know how I said I wrote AEM as a ‘sequel’ to a fix-it fic that doesn’t exist? I’m gonna make the fix-it fic exist, at least in bits and pieces. I guess I already have kind of been doing that with the amount of pre-fic extras I’ve written for this universe, but none of them have been from the Wangxian side of things where the actual fix-it mechanics are happening. Might be time to change that. We’ll see! Either way, here’s some baby-not-actually-baby!Lan Zhan scaring the living hell out of his mom for you <3

----

Lan Zhan opens his eyes with a gasp, the blindingly blue flash of his and Wei Ying’s array gone as suddenly as it had flared. He’s in the dark now, kneeling in the middle of the floor of a room that is definitely not the addition to the Jingshi he had built to be Wei Ying’s workroom. It takes a long moment for his eyes to adjust but when they do he blinks and forces himself to take slow, deep breaths in and out.

He has to stay calm. 

They hadn’t been sure if the array would work, or, if it did, exactly what they would be in for. 

Getting separated was, unfortunately, a distinct possibility. 

It is now his reality. 

He has to focus on what he can control or risk sinking into a despair too deep for him to accomplish the task he and Wei Ying have set for themselves, and he will not break a promise to Wei Ying. They have agreed to try again - he will have to try, and trust that he and Wei Ying will not truly have to be separated again in any life. 

Lan Zhan stands slowly to take stock of the situation and immediately becomes disoriented when he rises to his feet only to find that everything is in nearly the same spot in his vision it had been while on his knees. He glances down at himself and holds a hand up in the moonlight and…

Ah. Childhood. 

That’s...less than ideal. 

Of course while writing the array they hadn’t specified a specific time or age to return to (beyond limiting it to their own lifetimes). To be quite honest Lan Zhan hadn’t entirely been able to follow Wei Ying’s logic for most of the components of the array, but he trusted his husband to ensure it wouldn’t kill them or others. Beyond that, their only desire had been a chance to retain their memories and use the wisdom of their years to heal all the rifts they possibly could in their world, to attempt to soothe the pains that they and everyone they love (who is still alive) have all had to learn to live with.

He’s grateful that it worked.

That being said, he doesn’t particularly want to be a child again. He’s awfully short, after all - and Wei Ying isn’t here, which is perhaps the worst offense. 

He reaches up to touch his cheek as he feels something drip down it and his small fingers come away wet with tears; he suppresses a sigh as he tries not to continue crying. It would seem that a toddler’s body is a bit too small and immature to hold the weight of the grief he carries with him in the depths of his soul, and he can already tell by the feeling rising in his chest that trying to contain it will be useless. He dusts his knees off as more tears start to drip down his cheeks and then he turns to walk sedately across the room to his little bed. He crawls into it, buries his face in his pillow, and promptly starts sobbing, the way he hasn’t since the first time he was this age.

When A-Yuan had still been a toddler, there had been some (many) who accused Lan Zhan of being too soft on the boy. He had been prone to crying if left to his own devices for too long, and after the third time he heard of it happening while A-Yuan was supposedly in the care of those who watched the rest of the sect children, Lan Zhan had insisted that the boy remain with him in his seclusion if Lan Xichen needed to be relieved from watching him to attend to business. It meant that A-Yuan had grown up with less socialization amongst his peers as a young boy, but his nature was such that the lack could hardly be seen by the time he had grown out of his fears of separation to join the other children in their classes.

It had also meant that when A-Yuan cried, he was never without a comforting hand in his hair or on his back, soothing him, reminding him that he was not alone, that he would never be left alone again. If his son was spoiled then so be it, but Lan Zhan would not allow his and Wei Ying’s child to grow up bowed under the cold austerity of a rule warning against excessive grief taken to its most extreme interpretation and weaponized against the grief-stricken. Lan Zhan is intimately aware of the products of that rule, and it’s one he refused to enforce - a decision he has never regretted.

Tonight, however, there’s no one to do the same for Lan Zhan. No one is here to pet his hair or talk softly to him about how the rabbits are doing, or tell him a story of the sort he used to tell A-Yuan to distract him. Lan Zhan, unlike his son, is used to it, and so he cries until his head hurts and then he bundles himself up in the tightest ball of blankets he can manage to try to sleep and wait for morning. It’s strange, trying to sleep without Wei Ying crowded into his space, breathing steadily against his neck and muttering under his breath in between soft snores. He eventually manages it when the moon slips behind the mountain again and the room is plunged into the soft almost-black blue of false dawn. In the gentle hum of the world dipping into its deepest hush outside his window he manages to let his exhaustion take over long enough to get a couple more hours of rest.

Lan Zhan wakes at five.

The gong rings through the mountain in exactly the way it always has and he opens his itchy, tired eyes to begin dressing and preparing for the day. His hands are clumsier than they ought to be, his grip weaker than he can ever remember it being and his limbs slightly less cooperative than he would prefer. He manages not to get too frustrated by the dissonance of it, though by the time Lan Xichen comes to fetch him he’s wearing a truly impressive pout (for him) and he watches, disgruntled, as his brother stifles a laugh behind his sleeve.

“Good morning didi,” Lan Xichen greets when he’s done silently laughing at him and Lan Zhan watches in fascination as his brother - still just a child himself, of course - glances both ways up and down the hallway with a mischievous little smile before dropping to one knee and holding his arms out to him. “You look like you had a bad night. Do you want a hug?”

Lan Zhan’s pouting lower lip trembles as he nods and steps forward slowly to tuck himself into Lan Xichen’s chest.

He honestly can’t remember the last time someone besides Wei Ying hugged him (he supposes it must have been A-Yuan, back before he had grown too old to ask for them anymore), but as Lan Xichen wraps him in his arms it feels so entirely natural that he practically melts, going boneless and rubbing his face into the heavy silk on Lan Xichen’s narrow shoulder like a cat seeking affection. Lan Xichen huffs a soft chuckle and squeezes him a little tighter; Lan Zhan wouldn’t be perfectly happy staying like this forever (he misses Wei Ying, and this isn’t helping them find each other again), but he would be perfectly content to stay there for a few days at least, just being held and cared for by his brother while he’s still small enough to reasonably get away with it.

Of course the list of people that Lan Zhan would tolerate such affection from - at any age - is extremely small, limited only to his immediate family - Wei Ying, A-Yuan, Lan Xichen, Lan Qiren (should he ever be the type to offer it). But as Lan Xichen releases him and reaches down to take his hand, as he leads him out of the children’s dormitories and onto the path outside, Lan Zhan realizes that there’s one person he hadn’t even considered as an option but who, especially in his current state, certainly tops the list.

“Mother,” he whispers with tears in his eyes as Madam Lan stands in the open door to the Jingshi, the familiar home still hers.

“Didi?” Lan Xichen asks, startled, as Lan Zhan pulls his hand from his but he doesn’t stop to answer - instead he runs across the courtyard as quickly as his legs can carry him and up the steps to fling himself into his mother’s arms. He likes to imagine that if he were physically the correct age he would be more composed, but he can’t say with complete certainty that that would be the case. His mother has always been special like that. She was the first to ever make him believe that he could be loved and accepted if he revealed the true depth of his feelings - no one else had been able to make him feel that way after her death until Wei Ying.

As it is, though, as young as he is - with all the tumultuous, too-large feelings of childhood despite the age of his soul - he promptly starts crying as he clings to her. Her hands are soft and gentle as she pets his hair and rubs his back precisely as he had done for A-Yuan as a boy, and Lan Zhan hiccups as he presses in closer.

“Zhan-er,” she says warmly above his head and all it does is make him cry a little harder, the tenderness of the greeting and the fact that he hasn’t heard it from a single soul in 32 years hitting him too hard for his little body to handle. “Oh dear,” she says next and he can hear her smiling, he can feel the way she’s suppressing a laugh in the slight shaking of her shoulder under his cheek and he clings. 

“I think he had a nightmare last night,” Lan Xichen supplies apologetically as he approaches at the properly sedate pace.

“A good thing it’s your day to come visit, then,” she replies softly, implacably, and Lan Zhan nods his agreement as he hiccups and tries to compose himself with little success. “Come in, Huan-er, I’ve got breakfast for us. Let’s see if we can cheer your brother up together, hm?”

Lan Zhan’s stomach swoops as he’s scooped up while Madam Lan stands and he lets himself be carried into the house. He finally manages to get himself somewhat under control after a while of sitting in his mother’s lap and letting her dry his cheeks with her sleeves, but he’s still hiccuping and crying fresh tears every now and then.

He can’t help but stare. It’s been so long since he’s seen her face, and she’s just as beautiful as he remembers, maybe even more so. She’s serene and gentle in a way he really never sees in anyone but perhaps Lan Xichen. Even A-Yuan, as sweet as he is, still carries the mischievous streak planted in him by Wei Wuxian and encouraged by a lifetime of friendship with Lan Jingyi. Whatever she’s done in the past, no matter what anyone else thinks of the incident that had led to her imprisonment, the woman she is now is so kind, so tender, that Lan Zhan has never once in his life understood the continuation of her imprisonment for so many years. 

He watches with wide, solemn eyes as she steadily wipes his cheeks clean when fresh tears replace those that have already fallen, a perpetual little smile on her lips as she talks to Lan Xichen over his head to make sure they both get as much of her attention as they can in their limited time with her.

He eventually manages to stop crying entirely and he’s promptly plied with a bowl of rice for breakfast, which he obediently eats, his eyes still on Madam Lan. He doesn’t want to ever stop looking at her. He had never gotten to say a proper goodbye, had never gotten the closure he needed after her death (not that closure would have helped, most likely. If he’s proven anything to himself it’s that the death of those he loves is not something he handles all that well.)

The point is - his mother was ripped away from him with no warning, and now she’s been returned to him and he will never in this new life take her presence for granted.

As the day goes on and he settles, he can’t shake a feeling of deja vu. It isn’t until they’re nearly ready to leave for the evening that it strikes him.

This is their last day with her. He knows this day, when he had been younger he had replayed the events of it over and over in his mind, searching for something in his behavior that had upset Madam Lan to the point where she didn’t want to see him again. Before he had understood that she had died he had been so sure that it was his fault the door wouldn’t open anymore, that she was inside languishing in disappointment in her youngest son.

And so when Lan Xichen makes as if to bundle him off into the evening just after supper, Lan Zhan takes a page from A-Yuan’s book and sits down to lock his arms around her leg, every ounce of his considerable determination set in stern lines in his serious little face. 

“Didi, we have to leave,” Lan Xichen prods - gently - as he kneels in front of him.

“No,” he protests, his voice petulant but he doesn’t care. He’s not letting her go. He’s here to fix things on a much larger scale than anyone around him can yet understand, but he’s going to begin with their mother. They will get to grow up with a mother this time, and a father too if he has anything to say about it. He can fix things for their family first and let the effect spread outwards from Cloud Recesses. A stone dropped into the center of a pool will create ripples that reach all the way to the edges, and if he begins with Madam Lan’s survival and perhaps her return to the world from her isolation, there’s no telling just yet how far such an influence will spread.

Even if it goes no further than their little family, he doesn’t care. He can fix this, so he will.

“A-Zhan,” Lan Xichen tries next, reaching out to tug gently on his sleeve and he holds on tighter, buries his face in the skirts of Madam Lan’s robes.

“No!”

“It’s alright, Huan-er,” Madam Lan soothes as she drops a hand down to rest on top of his head. “Go on ahead, I’ll make sure Zhan-er gets returned to his rooms in time for curfew.”

Lan Zhan turns his head enough to open one eye so he can watch Lan Xichen have a bit of an internal debate before he nods and straightens up to accept one last hug before he turns to leave. The pair of them, Madam Lan and Lan Zhan, stay still and watch him until he disappears down the path and only then does Madam Lan bend down to put her hands under his arms and lift him up onto her hip. She offers him an indulgent look as she leans in to press their foreheads together and he relaxes instantly.

“Zhan-er, what’s gotten into you today, hm?” she asks softly as she shuts the door with her foot to carry him back inside, sitting down on the edge of her bed to set him down on her knees. It should feel strange, he supposes, to be treated like a child like this, picked up and carried around wherever someone else wants to take him. But he’s never known anything else in regards to his mother, he’s never gotten a chance to both be older than a toddler and to know her. In his memories, this is how he remembers her, and so it doesn’t feel strange at all to sit in her lap and study her face like he’s doing his best to memorize it.

“What’s wrong, Zhan-er?” she asks again, even more softly, as she brushes a few stray hairs back from his forehead and runs her thumb along the silk of his ribbon - it must be brand new for him at this age.

“You are going to die,” he says, deciding then and there that he doesn’t have the luxury of trying to find a way to fix things on his own while trying to hide that he’s really a fully-grown man with a husband and child of his own, that he carries a full life’s worth of pain and experiences. He and Wei Ying had agreed that no matter what happened with the array they wouldn’t tell anyone what they had done - it would defeat the purpose of fixing things, and there was also no guarantee that it wouldn’t do harm. In any other circumstance he would agree it’s better to be safe than sorry, but he’s so young - there’s not much he can do but talk to Madam Lan directly and allow her to handle the situation in his stead - or at least help him - without blowing his cover.

Madam Lan blinks down at him for a moment, a small furrow between her brows. How had he never noticed as a child that she doesn’t wear a headband?

“Who told you such a silly thing?” she asks with a hint of a smile and a little tap of her fingertip against the tip of his nose. “Is that what your nightmare was last night?”

“Mother,” he says as seriously as he can manage. (It’s very difficult to sound grave, he realizes, when he’s a literal 5-year-old [he even still has a bit of a childish lisp] but he needs her to understand.) “I have lived this before. This is the last day you will see Xiongzhang and myself. You are going to die. No one has ever told me how.”

Madam Lan blanches at that, though whether it’s because of what he said or because her 5-year-old son is speaking like an adult or a combination of both he isn’t sure.

“Zhan-er, what...what are you talking about?”

He takes a deep breath in and clambers down off her lap to straighten his robes and dust himself off before he offers her a deep bow. 

“Mother, please listen to me and trust what I say. I am your son, Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, Hanguang-Jun, current Chief Cultivator. I have already lived this life, and have returned to my childhood through the power of an experimental array I created with my husband, Wei Ying, Wei Wuxian of Yunmeng Jiang.”

“Zhan-er,” Madam Lan gasps and he looks up to find her definitely far too pale as he blinks owlishly up at her.

“If I leave tonight without warning you of danger, I fear this will once again be my last memory of you.”

The fear in her eyes makes him feel a bit like squirming with guilt for putting it there, but he holds himself still, watching for a sign that she believes him, that she’s taking him seriously. He knows what he must look like - if A-Yuan had ever suddenly started behaving like he is now he would have been very concerned that he had been possessed. Judging by the look on Madam Lan’s face, it’s entirely possible that that’s exactly what’s on her mind.

“Mother, please, you must believe me. Wei Ying and I wish to right the wrongs done to those around us, to live with no regrets. We have made many painful choices in our lives, as have all of those we care for. We have decided to attempt the impossible and rewrite the past.”

“You..But you....”

Lan Zhan stays still and watches as Madam Lan clearly tries to piece things together. He’s dismayed - though not entirely surprised - when she faints backwards onto the bed, but he supposes it’s better than if she had outright tried to say that he couldn’t possibly be telling the truth. He climbs up onto the bed to sit beside her and make sure she’s otherwise alright before he settles down to wait patiently for her to wake.

It doesn’t take too long, thankfully, and he can’t help but reach out to put the back of one small hand against her forehead to check her temperature when she blinks her eyes open.

“Do you feel alright?” he asks as he watches her face go through a series of interesting emotions in quick succession.

She sits up slowly to look down at him with an expression that seems to have settled on something like incredulity and bemusement. “I think you must see why that question is not easily answered at the moment.”

“Mn. It is a strange situation, I understand,” he agrees solemnly with a nod. Madam Lan raises her sleeve to cover her mouth as she bites back a laugh, the corners of her eyes crinkled with mirth.

“Oh Zhan-er,” she says - and then she’s laughing, truly laughing, one hand over her mouth and the other arm curled around her stomach as she laughs in a way that sounds just this side of manic. Years of being married to Wei Ying and he still doesn’t understand how to handle people who deal with their stress by laughing about it.

“Mother?”

“Oh dear, Zhan-er I’m sorry,” she laughs weakly as she wipes at her eyes. “This is just..Well as you said, this is very strange. And you’ve always been a serious child but this is..I’ve never seen a child behave this way!”

“I am 37.”

“Oh dear. Much too old for hugs, then,” she says with a twinkle in her eyes and Lan Zhan has to think about it for a long, dismayed moment before he realizes he’s being teased. He shakes his head ‘no’ and lets her pull him into her arms again to cradle him close, one arm wrapped around his back and the other over his bent knees to hold him in place. “37, hm?” she asks once they’re settled and Lan Zhan nods. “And married?”

“Yes, mother. I also have a son. He is 24.”

“My own baby, married and with a child, hm? And you said Chief Cultivator?”

“Mn. I do not enjoy such a public position but it is necessary.”

Madam Lan laughs at that, though it’s thankfully less frightening than her laughter at the situation as a whole had been. “I have never heard of such a thing but I can only imagine such a position involves quite a lot of talking to other Sect Leaders, which sounds very unpleasant.”

“Mn.”

They’re both quiet for a few long moments, lost in thought. Lan Zhan is only grateful that Madam Lan seems to believe him, and when she breaks the silence again it becomes clear that that is actually the case.

“You said I am going to die soon,” she murmurs and Lan Zhan can’t resist cuddling closer as the pain of losing her flares too hot, too sharp through him.

“I remember this day,” he replies after a few deep breaths and a chance to gather his thoughts. “It is the last day we were allowed to visit. I do not know when, precisely, you passed away, but by the next appointment we were no longer allowed to visit, and...when I came to kneel anyway every month after, your door never opened for me.”

“And you are telling me all of this now to prevent it happening again.”

“Mm. Wei Ying and I performed the spell last night, I am still becoming accustomed to being a child again. I apologize for my outbursts, it is..difficult to control my emotions while so young.”

“Zhan-er, you never have to apologize to me for your feelings,” Madam Lan chastises gently. “No matter your age. I have never wanted you and Huan-er to be raised so..rigidly.”

“Who is keeping you imprisoned?” Lan Zhan asks softly - a question that’s been on his mind since he had been this age originally, and which no one has ever sufficiently answered for him. “Xiongzhang and I always wished we could be raised by you.”

Madam Lan sighs heavily at that and holds him a little tighter. “Qiren is so strict with you two,” she murmurs thoughtfully. “I’ve tried telling your father that you two are growing up to be so serious, so unhappy, but he won’t hear of it. He’s technically the one keeping me here, though I suspect it’s the clan elders speaking through him.”

Lan Zhan can’t help but glare at the wall when the elders are mentioned. The only other person in the world he wishes to argue with as much as he does the elders is Jiang Wanyin.

“I will fix it,” he vows with grim determination.

“Zhan-er,” Madam Lan instantly chastises and he shakes his head, already intent on arguing whatever point she feels needs to be made.

“I will not lose my mother again. The elders have gone too long without challenge. There are many many good things about the Lan that do not need to change, but there are a great many traditions that have become harmful in their execution at least, if not in nature or original intent. I will fix it.”

“You deserve to have a childhood,” Madam Lan argues right back, equally adamant. “It is your father’s duty to lead the Sect, the elders only advise.”

“Uncle is the acting leader of the Sect,” Lan Zhan retorts with a deepening of his frown, this time in confusion. He leans back to look up at Madam Lan, who’s blinking down at him in something like surprise, if a bit muted. “Father is in seclusion, he never again ran the Sect before his death during my boyhood.”

Lan Zhan stays quiet as he watches Madam Lan think through that, wondering just what exactly she’s thinking. Perhaps comparing what she thought she knew to this new information? 

It seems that may be the case when she quietly murmurs,“Well that..that does change a few things,” after a long while, her eyes distant. “Maybe we should compromise. You can tell me what you know, and perhaps what you plan to do in regards to the elders, and I will do my best to listen and perhaps together we can come up with something that will work. Does that sound alright?”

Compromise. Lan Zhan hates compromise, has hated it with a passion since the day he watched the Sect Leaders of his youth decide that ‘compromise’ meant ‘kill Wei Wuxian’, and he definitely hasn’t grown any fonder of it since it’s become his turn to ‘compromise’ with many of those same Sect Leaders on a near daily basis as the Chief Cultivator. But these are, he will admit, wildly different circumstances, and for a much better purpose than yet another boundary dispute or arguing over who should receive more disciples from the local families.

He nods and opens his mouth to begin the story at the beginning - and yawns so widely his jaw gives a tiny little pop.

“Oh dear,” Madam Lan chuckles as she snuggles him tighter and rocks him slightly back and forth. It’s shocking how heavy his eyelids feel all of the sudden as she does so and he huffs a sigh with an accompanying pout, irritated with his young body that apparently tires far too quickly. “I believe our plan shall have to wait until morning. You’ve had a long day.”

“Being a child is frustrating,” he confesses and Madam Lan laughs her bright, bell-like laugh - hearing it has always been one of his most treasured memories and to hear it now again in the flesh makes him so happy his irritation with his youthful limitations dissipates in an instant.

“I would imagine so. What an interesting puzzle you are, my Zhan-er,” she sighs as she continues rocking him gently, the repetitive swaying motion dragging his eyelids further and further down despite his best attempts to stay awake. “Such an old soul in the body of a child. So wise and self-assured like an adult, and yet quick to fluster, quick to cry, just like a child. I can only imagine how frustrated you must be.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan manages to hum even as he slips further down into her lap to rest his head in the crook of her elbow, getting comfortable.

“Go to sleep, Zhan-er. We’ll figure this out in the morning, alright? You’re not going to lose me again, I’m here.”

Lan Zhan drifts off to sleep in his mother’s arms for the first time in his life that he can remember, and it’s mercifully deep and dreamless.

----

When Lan Zhan wakes in the morning it’s with a gasp and the vague fear that his mother has, despite his best intentions, died inexplicably once again in the middle of the night. He sits up quickly and looks around the Jingshi just as the gong tolls and he only relaxes when he realizes that she had made him a little nest of blankets to rest in on the outer edge of the bed while she had taken the inside beneath the window.

He clambers down out of bed to go about getting ready for the day. He locates his ribbon where Madam Lan had removed it for him and carefully coiled it into a neat loop; he’s moments away from putting it on before he sets it down again to wait. Wei Ying likes to put it on for him these days - or rather, he supposes, in the future (this is going to give him a headache) - and while Wei Ying can’t do it for him right now, he feels it would be equally as special to ask his mother to help him with it instead.

He explores the Jingshi, acquainting himself with how Madam Lan organizes the familiar space. He finds basic food stored near the small hearth the house had contained before he had modified it himself to accommodate cooking for A-Yuan as a boy, and he takes a moment to set out what they’ll need for breakfast before he withdraws again to meditate. Perhaps, he supposes, if he can center himself and calm his energy he’ll be able to avoid further emotional outbursts. If he’s going to tell his mother all the details of his first life while so emotionally volatile, it’s going to be a very long day indeed. He’ll appreciate beginning it more at peace than he had begun the day before.

He settles into the familiar pattern of breathing and being, just..existing, doing his best to feel and let go, to accept that this is his reality now. He’s starting his life over. He can try again. He can not only avert the broad tragedies that had affected the world at large, he can also repair his own life.

The most obvious personal change will be that he can openly love Wei Ying from the moment they see each other again. He can live an entire lifetime with his beloved at his side, his other half, the bright sun to his distant moon.

Perhaps less obvious of a consequence but one that he suddenly realizes he wants just as badly - he can be closer to his family. Raising A-Yuan had taught him much about the sort of family he wanted to have. The closeness, the affection, the warmth present in their home even when he had been outwardly as cool and aloof as ever. He had never let A-Yuan believe for a moment that he wasn’t adored, he had taught him how to see Lan Zhan’s love for him, had taught him that it was boundless, had taught him to turn that love outwards in a way that Lan Zhan had never been allowed to. He had raised their son to be sweet and kind to everyone he met, Wei Ying had taught him to smile and laugh and to understand so he could forgive.

He can do that again, but this time he’ll start with the members of his family he had been too late to understand the first time. He can help guide Lan Xichen through the confusing mires of childhood, attempt to create an even closer relationship between them than in their first life - a relationship in which they’re free to just be brothers and Lan Xichen doesn’t have the weight of being his Sect Leader on his shoulders as well. He can ensure that they get to grow up with a mother to guide them, her gentle affection thawing the cold austerity the Lan push their children into. He can save Father, he can keep Uncle from becoming bitter and overly rigid in his ways. There’s so much time stretching out ahead of them, he’s sure he can repair their fractured little family and help nurture it into something beautiful.

“Zhan-er?” Madam Lan calls some time later and Lan Zhan opens his eyes to find her already ready for the day with his ribbon in her hands, her expression a question.

“My hands are still clumsy with childhood,” he replies solemnly, looking up at her with wide eyes. “Will you tie it for me?”

“Of course,” she agrees with a faint hint of a smile. “May I assume you’re still an adult in there?” she teases gently as she knees behind him to start threading the ribbon through his simple hairstyle and tie it securely.

“Mn. I am making plans.”

“I can’t wait to hear them.”

Lan Zhan hums his acknowledgement just as she finishes tying his ribbon and he can’t help but relax when she puts her hands on his shoulders to smooth out the fabric of his little robes and sweep his hair properly behind his neck. They’re interrupted by a sudden knock at the door and Lan Zhan frowns, though Madam Lan doesn’t seem surprised at all. Rather she stands and crosses the house with graceful steps and after a moment Lan Zhan stands to drift after her silently.

“Lan Qiren,” she greets with ice in her voice as soon as the door opens and Lan Zhan blinks in surprise. Uncle? He had always thought that Lan Qiren never approached the Jingshi while it was still Madam Lan’s residence - he and Lan Xichen had been making the journey to it from the dormitories unaccompanied since the visits began, and he supposes now that he had just..never bothered to wonder who else came to see Madam Lan besides them and the servants who tended to her. She doesn’t sound surprised, though, to have Lan Qiren on her doorstep, so it must not have been entirely outside the realm of possibility.

“Wen Yun.”

Wen Yun? Wen?

Lan Zhan feels like he just got hit with a hammer between the eyes.

He had never known his mother’s name. Perhaps most people would find that strange, but Lan Zhan had never truly questioned it (beyond wishing that he did know it). She was a criminal in the eyes of the Lan Sect after all; certainly no one had ever thought to tell him her given name when he had been a child, and by the time he was old enough to know he hadn’t known who or how to ask. She wasn’t even in the clan records - or in the ancestral shrine - as anything but Madam Lan, reduced to nothing more than her married title that she hadn’t even wanted. The disrespect of it still rankles him to this day. But..

Wen Yun. She’s a Wen. He is a Wen, certainly by blood if never knowingly by name. That’s..an interesting thing to process. Even more interesting that Lan Qiren has known, all this time, and had never breathed a word of it to anyone that Lan Zhan was aware of, even before the Wens’ destruction during the Sunshot Campaign. He hadn’t expected to be quite so caught off guard by anything he could learn by returning to his childhood, considering he had already lived it once, but clearly he’s going to need to rethink that very quickly.

“Wangji.” Lan Qiren’s voice is sharp, remonstrative, and Lan Zhan instantly focuses on the present again. He can’t, under any circumstances, let Lan Qiren know that he is who he is, but he also can’t help but feel an all-too-familiar surge of (perhaps slightly petty) rebellion in his chest at that tone of voice, at being scolded like the young child he outwardly appears to be. He looks up at Lan Qiren impassively, his face solemn, as he holds his hand up for Madam Lan to take. As he is intimately aware, there’s no time like the present to begin changing things for the better.

Madam Lan slips her hand into his instantly, giving his fingers a little squeeze, and Lan Zhan sets his jaw stubbornly. He’s got an ally in her, and he’s nearly forty years old. He can face down Lan Qiren, he’s done it plenty of times already for what he thinks is right.

“Wangji, let go. Your time to visit your mother is long over.”

Lan Zhan watches Lan Qiren’s anger with a detached sort of interest, tipping his head slightly to the side and shuffling closer to Madam Lan’s skirts as if to hide in them, though of course he isn’t in the least afraid.

“Staying,” he announces with all the gravity he can muster. He really wishes in that moment that he could sound at least somewhat closer to his actual age rather than having to do his best with the sweet, high voice of childhood, but oh well. It still clearly startles Lan Qiren, that he would talk back, and Lan Wangji meets his gaze evenly.

“Wangji!”

“I will be raising my son from now on,” Madam Lan suddenly declares. “Huan-er as well, if he wants me to.”

Lan Qiren splutters in a way that Lan Zhan finds...kind of funny, actually. He’s only ever known Lan Qiren as stoic (with a small range of other emotions couched within that stoicism) or angry, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen him so...gobsmacked.

“You - the elders -“

“Oh, I didn’t realize the elders had taken over raising them,” Madam Lan replies with ‘innocent’ curiosity. “I was under the impression that they were still your responsibility, Qiren, and that concerns about their upbringing should be brought to your feet.”

Lan Qiren huffs out a frustrated sigh and Lan Zhan tips his head to the other side as he watches, able to study Lan Qiren with all the experience of a full life spent as his ward.

He knows, of course, that Lan Qiren loves him and Lan Xichen as if they’re his own children, and that that affection started when they were handed off to him as mere infants, just old enough to leave the wet nurses. By this point in time, Lan Qiren has had five years to raise Lan Wangji and eight for Lan Xichen - that affection for them is clearly already firmly in place. After all, it’s Lan Qiren who had held them when they were too young to walk on their own yet, who had rocked them to sleep and taught them their first lessons - how to talk, how to eat, how to read, how to count.

But Lan Zhan also knows that Lan Qiren is already a much stricter hand than they really need. He’s spent a lot of time meditating on the peculiarities Lan Qiren had possessed as a parental figure, and while he still can’t conclusively point to the root of his behaviors, he already knows how it will end if allowed to continue - with Lan Zhan himself cold and rigid but for a small handful of people whom he still struggles to show outward affection towards, and with Lan Xichen pouring kindness and gentleness out onto others to soften the blows of the world until he’s left with none to offer himself. 

Lan Zhan knows Lan Qiren loves them, but he also knows that that love could be shown in much healthier ways if they’re all allowed to recover. 

“The elders won’t ever allow this,” Lan Qiren finally snaps, his eyes flickering briefly down to Lan Zhan and then back up to Madam Lan. “And I won’t plead your case.”

“Oh,” she says idly. “Well that’s a shame, then, I would have appreciated the support.” Lan Zhan looks up as his mother looks down at him and he can’t help but feel safe as she offers him a quick wink, out of Lan Qiren’s view. “I guess Zhan-er and I will have to make our case to the elders ourselves.” 

Lan Zhan nods once at that and squeezes her hand to let her know it’s alright with him and Ford into his plans.

“Wangji?” Lan Qiren prompts and Lan Zhan looks up at him, reads the fear behind the indignation, the hurt feelings behind his censure. But with the foresight that Lan Zhan has, he trusts that if they change this, if they give his mother a reason to live again, that everyone in their family will be better for it. Happier. 

A little pain is necessary for growth and change - an old tree must fall to allow the new to grow, the winter snows have to come and melt away again to refresh and awaken the world properly in the spring.

Lan Zhan lets go of Madam Lan’s hand to step forward and wrap his arms around Lan Qiren’s leg, holding onto him tightly and hugging him with all the strength and affection he can muster for the man for a long moment - a goodbye to the man who had raised him, who will soon become a different man than Lan Zhan knows - before he lets go again to take his mother’s hand and lead her back into the Jingshi.

She shuts the door gently with Lan Qiren standing shocked on the other side of it.

They have plans to make, and time is of the essence. 

[artisticflutter]

Blanc Week 2021 - Day Eight

Whaddya mean it isn’t Monday anymore? The fun thing about writing is it’ll happen eventually... and that time is nooow.

SO, here’s my last fill for Blanc Week, and it’s related to my already plenty mentioned Chat Blanc!AU (rated M, not for everyone), and I’ve posted some other things for it further during AU Yeah August last year. For the last day of Blanc Week, have another short fill! And always remember to leave some people alone when they make the effort to distance themselves.

Series: Miraculous Ladybug Rating: T Genre: Angst, Fluff Pairing(s): Love Square Summary: One day, maybe he will snap… but that sounds like a good dream to him. Or was it? Warning: No beta! Fill for Day Eight (Bonus) - “The Other Timeline” RE//SET-Based

“They’re going to take her away, you know? Her and your son...”

He doesn’t answer - he can’t answer. He can never answer because…

“How long can you maintain this new facade? You know not everyone accepts Gabriel Agreste’s son has nothing to do with all those months of Hawkmoth’s torment. And when that day comes, what will you do?”

The voice wasn’t wrong.

“Being back in this world when it was just you two for ten years… Isn’t having to be nice so tiring? When people harass you, don’t you just wanna go crazy?”

That isolated world really had become perfect, hadn’t it? Even now, living outside of Paris, there was still the occasional person. It didn’t matter Gabriel had akumatized his own son, it didn’t matter that Adrien had ended up in a dimensional pocket essentially where he destroyed the world and was older because of that; no, being older just made him free game. Whatever protections that were available to him as a minor weren’t applicable in this society and some would scream at him in public, demanding he tell the truth when there was no other ‘truth’ to give besides Marinette’s.

The worst had been a car attempting to tail him back home, but he’d stopped and gotten out, making them turn away before going on his way. It must be nice for them yelling in his face, but apparently, most weren’t ready for actual retaliation from him.

But how long would that last?

… And when the first one did come, then what?

Looking at his right hand and upon the silver miraculous affixed to his ring finger, he imagined black but blinked and saw white, claws hooking into the armrest of his chair.

“Why not? They hate you for his actions…  Why not make them fear you for your own? No one will both you, Marinette, or any of our kits again…”

Would they? Technically, he might - there were protections in place should akuma victims find themselves having any post-traumatic episodes. And all legal documentations knew that he, along with Marinette, were seeking to isolate themselves after being effectively child soldiers. This was their life, and they were healing - Ladybug was taking care of everything as always. So, maybe there wouldn’t be any harm in… just one meager incident? To make sure no one harmed her or Louis, or Emma when she arrived in three months.

Raising his head, he saw blue eyes - his eyes - reflecting back.

A hand resting on his shoulder had this image face, and Adrien drowsily blinked back into the waking world, lazily peering around as he did. Outside the window, it was still bright - perhaps one or two in the afternoon - and the sun was shining in on his current spot. His chair was reclined and a blanket lay haphazardly over his chest, covering the blonde two-year old toddler sprawled over him and still napping away. Lifting his eyes, Adrien smiled upon seeing bluebell eyes gazing back at him and Marinette leaned over just enough to kiss his forehead without making her back sore.

“I know my two little kitties are enjoying their sunny nap, but both of them need to have lunch before it gets too late,” she remarked softly, giving Adrien a gentle scratch beneath his chin. He purred, lifting his head for a little more, but still whined when it ended. She stepped back, and he sat up slowly, taking care in easing Louis from his chest and onto his shoulder in such manner that the little boy only stirred slightly. Once Adrien was on his feet, however, only then did Louis really begin to rouse.

“Oh, and Adrien…”

Perking up, Adrien turned to look at Marinette standing at the door to the kitchen. She was smiling so serenely as she spoke.

“Do you mind taking care of the compost from last night? I’m afraid some vermin got in and now we can’t use it unless it’s ash, you know?”

Vermin?

Adrien paused, thinking - remembered a brief commotion last night and a window open in Louis’s room. His wife holding their crying son as she stood above a body - his hand covered in white as he watched a small car and its occupants turn to ash, blowing away in the night…

His mouth quirked a little more, revealing sharper canines to Marinette and the two kwamis now at the door.

“I’ll get right on that, my Princess...”

[shyrose57]

2: I will figure it out eventually and that's a promise.

3: Watson is aboustely heart broken and near tears multiple times as well hearing Ran in so much distress and actually crying. Jackie does cry, he attempts multiple times to hug Ran and make it known he's there to comfort him, but it only works sometimes, and when it doesn't work Ran gets scared and tries to get away believing an attacker has gotten him. Grievous is almost like silently grieving, knowing he can't do anything to help his close friend. Cletus feels bad, and since he isnt too good with emotions, focuses on instead attempting to cheer everyone else up. Isaac and Benjamin feel awful as they feel at fault for letting it happen, so to hopefully help they make plans on how to make Ran as comfortable and safe as can be while also getting him to a nearby town they heard about to hopefully reverse it. Charles is doing his damn best to comfort Ran while also distracting him from his own thoughts, which mostly means Charles (and Watson) play the role of story teller for a while. Ranbob is the hardest hit by it, he's suffering so much because he so badly just wants to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him, tell him that it'll all be ok and that Bobby would protect him. But also knows he can't because he knows that would most likely do nothing but make it worse. For a while he spends his time blocking his ears and wrapped in a comfort blanket trying to comfort himself, as everyone else tend to his suffering brother. One thing that makes it harder is that Ran begins to purr to himself in a vain attempt to comfort himself (cause I personally like to think Enderman hybrids are like cats and purr like them, when their happy, content, comfortable, but also to soothe themselves and heal wounds), when Ranbob knows Ran's never purred, so knowing he's so desperate to try it now hurts him. 

You will get some comfort, like Watson manages to convince Ranbob to at least hug Ran, and Ranbob manages to purr alongside Ran a bit, which does actually help to calm Ran down. Ran getting wrapped up with the fluffiest blanket they have and always having Watson, Jackie, or Grievous by his side. With Jackie tending to hold his hand. 

4: All of the above. Sudden touch can be overwhelming to Ranbob at times, especially when he's not doing well mentally. Also while in this state, touch reminds him of the desperate grabbing and touching of the people he killed that tried to escape or fend him off. And Dream was able to hurt Ranbob by starving and dehydrating him of course, but when Ranbob was being particularly disobedient and tried to fight back Dream would often take control and cut or stab Ranbob then gave back control as punishment. 

10: It does get better! Idk if I already said but Kelalen is actually where they get the antidote for Rans blindness potion! And when their given it for free and it works, they become very grateful to Adler and Lucia (the one who actually convinced Adler to give them the potion in the first place cause it was the only one left). And a few days after they arrive they actually decide to explore the town, where they meet Siren and get more information on Dream and who he was, they also get their weapons and armor repaired by them. But while talking with Siren, Cletus and Grievous sneak off and run into Atlas, then Cletus and Grievous agree to help Atlas with his prank. But by the end of their second week in Kelalen the group starts to truly enjoy their stay, Ranbob often saying how it kind of reminds him of Mizu before everything happened. 

12: Thats funny though and is exactly how I'd want to be seen.

13: *CLAPS HANDS* OH BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I RECENTLY TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT RANBOB SEEING HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT FAILED TO TELL THEM IT WASNT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY. SO THEY TOOK IT LITTERALY AND THEY HAVE GIVEN ME IDEAS, WHILE ALSO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE USED TO SET UP FOR RANBOB MOVING PAST HIS TRAUMAS AND CAN LEAD TO MORE FLUFF AND ANGST. SO NOW IT IS PART OF THE STORY, WITH CHANGES THAT IT HAPPENED DURING A DREAM AND HE DIDNT BELIEVE IT AND CONSIDERED IT A CRUEL JOKE BY FATE ITSELF AT FIRST. AND YES BY AT FIRST I MEAN THIS HAPPENS MANY MORE TIMES.

Also my friend has a message for you, "HahA THEY BETTER THANK ME I SET THEM UP FOR MORE MISERY 😈😈 /j" (I wanna be safe so if you don't know /j means that their joking)

14: Im not doing Foolish and Dream brothers because I personally don't like/get it. But I was thinking maybe they meet Foolish after Mripat tells them that there was a member of the SMP who was said to be a god and immortal. And after some long conversations they decide to go hunt for this apparently immortal god. Which takes a while since no one actually knows where he is, just that he likes deserts, and have to go off possible sightings or hints in history books. And when they finally meet him they manage to learn about totems (which they previously didn't know about) and even get some. They also learn that infact even during the SMP time no one quite knew what Dream was, and learns the ways the SMP tried to permanently get rid of him. Foolish is also devastated to know that Dream infact survived and becomes determined to help them. Even offering his help that if they ever go back to Mizu to face Dream, he'll come along and help in anyway he can. 

15: I like to imagine Edward remembers Ranboo as the young troubled enderman that he basically adopted and took care of. So Edward sees Ranboo in both Ran and Ranbob, so he offers his help and advice. Basically becoming their Grandad, telling stories about everything he's seen. Especially about Ranboo because Ranbob is so curious about his ancestor he just cant help but ask. One convo I've been particularly thinking about goes something like, "Edward: Older one, what do you think your brother thinks about you? Ranbob: I..I think he doesnt like me, and that he wants me gone. Edward: Hmm, your wrong. Ranbob: What? Edward: When I look at Ran, I see a child, not an adult yet, scarred, scared and traumatized. A child that wishes you two were closer, that he could forgive you and wants to believe you, just so you two could be family again. But is afraid too, for he already has a family, that he is terrified of losing, and is scared if he attempts to trust you again that they may leave him. But make no mistake, your brother wants to make amends, your brother cares about you and wants you happy. He knows deep down that he can trust you, and that you are innocent, but you all must help him acknowledge those parts, and stand by him, helping him walk when needed, as he traverses his own nightmares." AKA I really want Edward to be the reason Ranbob realizes that Ran does want to be family again but needs help. Cause if I had to describe the brothers current positions with their trauma it'll be, Ranbob-Knows he has trauma and is trying to get better and live with it, willingly getting help. Ran-Is fucking drowning in trauma cause he refuses to acknowledge he has it and hides it well most of the time, also doesn't ask for help. 

2: I fear the day.

3: Hahaha, ow, ow, ow. That, overall, is...heartbreaking. At the same time though, it’s sweet to see everyone pitching in to do their best and help him. We got it with Ranbob, now we get it with Ran.

I am curious, though. From what you’ve said, Blindness potions don’t wear off immediately? Why’s that?

4: *Chants* Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. How do the fishermen deal with this, and help Ranbob?

10: Oh, god, Ran’s blind when they arrive in town. That’s definitely a high tension situation. Not only have you got him out of commission, but everyone else high strung from it, and probably having their protective instincts in overdrive when they randomly get treated hostilely. What exactly does an antidote for blindness consist of? Do most potions have antidotes, or counters? Is milk no longer used, or is that not a thing in the AU? It does sound nice that they all end up making friends later on though. How does Ran adjust to having his sight back? And, y’know, having everyone see him like that, and his brother comfort him(if they aren’t on good terms at this point, the timeline’s confusing me a bit)

12: Throughout this conversation, every time I read something sad, the image struck me, and honestly, it’s what you deserve. If these keeps up, I’m gonna start inserting these little 🏹s every time you hurt my heart. 

13: I’m being conspired against. Does everyone see this? Brothers Anon and their friend are conspiring to break my heart. Such gremlins. What did I ever do to you two?

Also, you can tell your friend that from this point on, I will closely associate them with a tiny, purple, cackling imp. 

14: Huh. Why do they want to find Foolish? Curiosity? To learn more about the Smp? About Dream? Sounds like it has a lot of potential to be quite the interesting encounter. And, since they didn’t previously know about the totems, they probably wouldn’t notice if one activated in a certain situation where it’s popped...do with that what you will.

15: Anon, I love all of this. Tell me more about Grandpa Edward. Does he fondly look back to Ranboo being polite and quiet while Ranbob and Ran cause havoc in the background? Does he bake them snacks and tell them about Ranboo’s adventures, and how much he loved to mine-which, in hindsight, is kind of funny, considering you just mentioned that so few people follow Skeppy because of the mining, but apparently their ancestor did that thing for fun.

[ms-interpretation]

Lee Gon’s and Jeong Tae-eul’s choice of each other (fate and future) (Part 2)

The question of ‘imbalance’

Lady Noh being from the Republic is an important reveal, as other’s have pointed out, as it shows that there is nothing wrong with living in another universe. There are no actual instances of imbalance being an issue during the show. Expect when your doppelganger is killed by someone from the other world. The show heavily implies that it is Fate and/or the Flute which is marking the people responsible for such a trespass with the lightning scars. I.e the lightning scars are the marks of someone trespassing on Fate’s domain and/or abusing the Flute’s power. It is a physical manifestation/reminder to Lee Gon that Lee Lim must be stopped and his actions ‘undone’. Alternatively it simply means that the death of Lee Ji-hun is wrong and must be remedied, LG’s scar (and in that case the others’) being the physical manifestation of this ‘wrong’. There is importantly no scars or signs of cosmic imbalance implying there being anything wrong with Jeong Tae-eul during either of her two visits to the Kingdom. During her first visit she inhabits the Kingdom at the same time as Luna and during the second they have switched places. There are no signs of anything being wrong or imbalanced at either time (or even when Tae-eul and Luna are in the Republic at the same time). In addition if imbalance and simply using the Manpasikjeok was wrong then Prince Buyeong would have been brought back after the reset. He however stays dead, why? Because he was destined to die (i.e his death was not a trespass on Fate’s domain). Lee Lim’s lightning mark probably comes from him murdering his own doppelganger, which is a trespass on Fate’s domain. How do I know that? Because Lee Lim’s doppelganger is back and alive in episode 16. We also have a scene showing that Lee Lim gets his underlings to kill their own doppelgangers, which explains why so many of them have scars. However, as in the case of Lee Gon, Lee Lim’s second in command man also suffers from lightning scars despite not being the one to kill his own doppelganger. This is because the doppelganger was killed ‘wrongly’ and not when he should have as according to Fate and his doppelganger gets to (as Lee Gon) carry the sign of this wrong. Lee Lim’s interference and abuse of the Manpasikjeok has messed up the worlds so much that the timeline needs to be canceled. All of this is actually important because if the drama had wanted to show that things have to be balanced it would’ve had to actually show it in some way. The writer does a lot of ‘showing not telling’ and plants red herrings (the fear of imbalance is one) regarding the obstacles facing the characters. The characters being worried about it is not evidence in itself, especially not in light of the Lady Noh reveal. There’s also no reason to believe that her counterpart wasn’t alive when she moved to the Kingdom. Lee Gon and Jeong Tae-eul are also shown as not being worried about imbalance anymore in the last episode. In episode 13 we even have Lady Noh asking Jeong Tae-eul to take care of Lee Gon, knowing that there is no potential issue of imbalance.  

(A side note: I am again marking other meta I’m referencing with * and **. You can find them both linked at the end of this post. It’s a great blog, would recommend)

So what might Tae-eul be contemplating in this picture? As noted by others she is adamant in episode 16 about visiting the Joseon period. This because so she can wear the Binyeo (which I’ve been told is an hairpin worn exclusively by married women). She asks Lee Gon to pass it to her during their scene in the ‘in-between’. Lee Gon even asks her about her focus on it, a question she deflects which indicates to the viewer that there is an underlying real reason (a hint that Tae-eul wants to marry him eventually). Link with info about the Binyeo and its meaning at the end of this post***.

The ‘flash-forward’ and the ‘flash-back’ to their current selves

As someone who was a little confounded at first by the ending, because it builds up to them dating as a way of catching up (Lee Gon even describes it as so), implies Tae-eul becoming Queen and there being an heir (Lady Noh talking about the Ancient Shrine), have Lee Gon truly embrace his identity as the King to then have them do a flash-forward seemingly implying them dating forever. This was incredibly weird to me because the secondary “plot problem” of the show is the question of Lee Gon’s marriage. It is brought up a lot. Way too much to be resolved by having his cousin inherit the position of monarch. It would also be very out of character of Lee Gon since his cousin is (purposefully as to disabuse us of the notion) implied to be happy with her current life. It is only when Lee Gon believes he must sacrifice himself that he makes her his heir (which shocks everyone since they know that Lee Gon is a responsible monarch who knows of his duty to have his own ‘proper’ heir). It was as I already mentioned something Lee Gon seeks to solve during the drama, as evident in his discussion with Prince Buyeong and by him proposing to Jeong Tae-eul. So leaving it seemingly unresolved was to me strange. The direction of the last scene seemed to speak directly against the writing. I even wondered for a second if the director decided last minute to have a more open ending somewhat similar to CLOY (it would still be more open than CLOY’s though, since otherwise they would have cut the reference to the Ancient Shrine and Lady Noh making Lee Gon take a talisman with him). Re-watching the episode however I did realize that the dating was (as I mentioned above and previously) literally explained as them ‘catching up’ on what they’ve missed. *It is a call-back to Tae-eul expressing the wish to do so in that heartbreaking episode 15 scene by the bench. They are even on their way to watch a film in that last scene, one of the things Tae-eul mentioned she wanted to do with Lee Gon when ‘doing everything that they had skipped’. It does make a fair amount of sense to have the show end with them ‘catching up’ and having all of the time in the world. This because they have earlier had to ‘skip’ a lot of things and be fearful of the uncertain future (fearing that they have only so much time). Tae-eul worries about this early on and Lee Gon is devastated about it during episodes 12-15. 

Lee Gon telling the secretary about his relationship status as he knows it is his duty to marry one day (episode 13). This being before Tae-eul finally takes the leap, putting on his necklace and later accepting his flowers. 

More importantly however is that the direction doesn’t actually speak against the writing. I don’t believe it seeks to determine that they never get married. Why do I think so? As I’ve written before, because after the flash-forward to their old selves the drama flashes back to their current selves, leaving them as they are in the present about to write their own future. This is a deliberate choice and is something which is narratively important since Lee Gon has finally fulfilled his life-long duty. He is now free to make his own fate with Jeong Tae-eul, which he asked for advice as to how to do in his conversation with his uncle the Prince and in his conversation with her at the hospital (seeking to resolve the ‘marriage plot’). Jeong Tae-eul has overcome her fears (her ‘trial’ of the drama - she was pushed on her decision to be brave and to have faith**) and has bravely embraced and chosen him as her fate. Embracing that this will probably mean, as Jo Yeong suggested, becoming Queen, traveling between worlds and keeping quiet about the other world. How they do it is not spelled out and is probably something the director/writer wanted to skip. 

Enjoying having time i.e. enjoying today i.e. dating

I have a guess as to why actually. The couple is purposefully left enjoying the present, which they have earned after all the time they have had to worry about the future believing that they are running out of time. Enjoying the present at this moment to them means enjoying dating (as I said earlier - them going to watch a film should be understood as them ‘doing what they’ve skipped’ because it references Tae-eul’s earlier wish to do so, not as them dating forever). Them enjoying today could be argued would have been emotionally undermined if they themselves were shown thinking about/planning the future. This is why Lady Noh instead is there hinting about it with the talisman and the talk of the Ancient Shrine. (There’s a link below with meta which has some great suggestions based on the what we’ve seen so far in the show on how and when Lee Gon and Jeong Tae-eul might get married). The flash-forward simply shows us their promise visually (and confirms) that they will love each other forever tirelessly. In ‘the Heirs’ (written by the same writer) there is also a ‘flash-forward’ which is the main character imagining a possible (but implied certain) future before the drama flashes ‘back’ to the present leaving the main characters about to embrace the rest of their lives. I don’t believe that either ‘flash-forward’ is meant to do anything else than to imply that the characters will be happy together in the future.

Perhaps the drama ran out of time and this is why the drama goes out of its way to almost literally say “Everything will be fine”/”They will be happy forever and face everything together” + hinting with another reference to the Ancient Shrine. Doing so knowing that they had built up to them marrying/getting engaged without actually having time to show it and to show how to fix the doppelganger situation. Or they simply didn’t believe it necessary to do so and thought it better to leave them as enjoying finally having time. The books which were published after the show do have Lee Gon proposing by asking Jeong Tae-eul: “Can I be the one who fills your days?”/“Can I be part of your everyday?” (she accepts) which to me seems to mean that they will be part of each others’ everyday i.e. the opposite of only having weekend rendezvous (which would entail being only part of each others’ days - quite literally). It somewhat seems to me also to be the writer deciding to make some of the emotional subtext of the second flower scene into text as well (according to my reading of that scene at least). It could simply be the writer deciding to make it more clear that they will eventually marry.

Are you telling me that these two clingly love-sick idiots (I adore them) will be able to keep themselves apart when they look this sad after only a couple of weeks? (To be slightly more serious: They are acting like a ‘new’ couple dating, which is no coincidence because it is at that stage in their relationship we leave them. You can find similar scenes to this in other kdramas which is no coincidence as it is (I believe) meant to evoke them). 

+ There is also a scene in episode seven which implies that Jeong Tae-eul feels stuck in her job. As @ambitious-witch pointed out during the drama she doesn’t seem to care too much about being promoted. In this episode seven scene when asked why she is adamant about trying for a promotion (despite seemingly not adequately preparing for it which KSJ asks her about, implying, that her heart is not in it) she replies:

Not a very meaningful reason, which is no coincidence. If the show wanted Jeong Tae-eul to continue being a cop forever it would have built it up and it wouldn’t have had a storyline of her feeling restless in her job. Jeong Tae-eul’s drive is being brave and doing what’s right when others cannot. She has a very strong sense of right and wrong (as Lee Gon does). This entails being someone who fights for justice, which is why she is adamant to stop Lee Lim and call out PM Koo. I believe if she can do these things in another way she could very well choose to do so. The Royal Family is portrayed as the people who protect the Kingdom and through the responsibilities of the Manpasikjeok and the Four Tiger Sword we know that the monarch is tasked with standing up against evil. So is it a big leap that Tae-eul would eventually become Queen aiding Lee Gon and taking part in his responsibilities? I don’t think so. Sure, perhaps she remains a cop for awhile and is a very low-key behind-the-scenes Queen (*as not to disturb Luna’s life - though she could be a more official Queen if she wants), but I don’t see why they eventually wouldn’t decide to live together and have a kid/an heir. *Who importantly would be the next monarch and protector, and who would need just and good parents to bring them up and prepare them.

(The question of doppelgangers and Luna is a non-issue, as explained in the meta below*. The scene with the wiping of fingerprints is a PPL scene as I mentioned in my last meta and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. It is even deliberately undermined by Lee Gon struggling with erasing the CCTV footage in the next scene. Given the clues and the foreshadowing going on in episode 16 I can personally only conclude that they will get married one day. Below is a TL;DR though I have added some new details as well)

TL;DR: The drama hints during the last episode that Lee Gon and Jeong Tae-eul will eventually marry. It leaves them however as enjoying the present and ‘catching up’ on everything they have missed. Simply focusing and enjoying dating at the moment no longer fearing that their time together will be short. During the drama Lee Gon seeks to solve his and Tae-eul’s problem (of being from different worlds since he must eventually marry and produce an heir) by asking Prince Buyeong for advice. The Prince indicates that even though they are from different worlds things will be fine. That fate is not something Lee Gon must fight and that he hopes that Lee Gon’s fate is a woman since he really should get married soon. The Lady Noh reveal indicates that there is no problem with moving into another world. During the drama Jeong Tae-eul refers to Lee Gon as her fate (in episode eight) and in the last episode after having gone through hardships they state that they have chosen each other as their fate. The fate that chose them is not the fate of being from different worlds but each other, which is consistent with how they have spoken about fate during the drama. They also state that they will love each other tirelessly no matter what the future might bring. In the background Lady Noh and the FluteKid/FateKid are plotting to get them married soon and perhaps even have an heir by next year. Lady Noh’s talismans clearly work and Lee Gon is chided into accepting one (which is about getting the Kingdom a Queen) which results in him bringing Jeong Tae-eul back later. Honestly we should all be kinda scared of Lady Noh, cause everything she wants to happen does. Perhaps Jeong Tae-eul will be a somewhat private Queen (*not unheard of in the real world) or they will solve the issue with Luna in another way (since she still doesn’t have parents a ‘surprise twin’ is not impossible). The drama perhaps didn’t have time to show all of that though (a lot of things were already being tied up in episode 16) which is why the episode merely indicates them getting married in the future rather than showing it. It could also be as to not emotionally undermine the couple enjoying the present. The important conclusion of TKEM is that Lee Gon and Jeong Tae-eul are reunited, that they remember each other and that they don’t have to be worried anymore of time running out. The future is theirs to shape and they can make it into what they will. 

Or more accurately into what Lady Noh wills. Remember how Lee Gon made Lady Noh throw the talismans away in episode one? Here he has changed his tune and is now accepting it, putting it back into his pocket (Someone wanna guess why?)

*This blog has written brilliantly about the ending and LG’s and JTE’s future, it also explains the Ancient Shrine, which I’ve referenced in this meta and I would highly recommend people to read it: https://bitchesoverdramas.com/2020/06/16/the-king-ep-16-the-happy-ending/

**Blog post from the same blog which explains how Jeong Tae-eul’s faith was challenged in her scene with Lee Lim: https://bitchesoverdramas.com/2020/06/14/the-king-eps-15-16-qas-on-mackerel-embracing-fate-and-palm-leaves/

***About the Binyeo: https://www.korea.net/TalkTalkKorea/English/community/community/CMN0000003426

Would love some comments on this two-part meta or just asks about anything TKEM, dramas or stories in general (or other stuff) so please feel free to get in touch. Should I write shorter posts and break them down into several instead of posting long ones? I do have a list of headcanons about TKEM I might finish and share soon. 

[summoner-kentauris]

What does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir? (You can either just answer or write a lil story if you feel like it)

OOOO now i have thought in my free time a fair amount about what líf thinks of zasha but, and i cannot believe this, i have not thought about what zacharias thinks about líf and thrasir. full disclosure, book III happened to be going on when i formally stopped playing feh. i kept up with the story after that but, theres my obligatory knowledge base disclaimer.

also minor cws through this whole thing because i talk here and there about zacharias and his... mm, canonical relationship to death/selfharm

-

so, i spent a lot of time thinking about this one, and i keep coming back to my gut reaction, which is that i don't think zacharias would like them very much. i dont know why i think that, though.

PART ONE

i think a lot of it would depend on how they approach him, which is maybe why i've spent more time thinking about the reverse of this ask, come to think of it. see, i think zacharias could go any which way in terms of what he thinks of them. i think he could hate them, as two people who killed versions of everyone he ever loved, including metaphorically killing off the two people closest to him.

i think he could love him, having seen the hell (ha ha literally) that they went through. understanding what that feels like. given the way he talks about his suicide attempts, and honestly that he spent most of book I trying to get people to kill him, really his whole relationship to death. i mean the man talks a lot about death and killing. he might not be the feh OC who best understands how manipulative and... whats a good word. alluring? what im trying to say is that besides eir, he might be the one most likely to understand why Hel and hel's offer appealed to líf and thrasir. i feel like this bit has a place here: "With his dying breath...he begged for his life. He called out your names! "I'll do anything you ask! Just let me live!" excepting of course that i still am not sure if i think he said/thought that or not. ive never been sure who really is in control of speaking right then and there. Anyway. Probably he could come to understand Líf and Thrasir's stance, enough that he could care about them the same ways he cares about his versions of Alfonse ann Veronica

on the other hand, i can see him being fully horrified by the choices those two made in response. this bit: Not anyone... This dark god...seeks death. And it cries for the destruction of Askr. Like. Líf and Thrasir are intentionally enacting the same thing as the dark god's desires, in order to correct a mistake they made that, uh, also enacted the same thing as dark god's desires. talk about awkward. and i think Zasha, who has lived with this nightmare in his head for so long, might recoil from people who are so directly aligned with it. who wants to be around someone who has become, who has chosen to become, everything you ever feared you'd be? especially when you're nearly drowning from the effort of fighting to stop yourself.

i could also see him meeting them and it being incredibly, incredibly bad for him. i feel like, he puts a whole lot of... mm. what am i trying to say.here:

Yet it is you that says this, dear friend, and so I must consider it. I see the faith reflected in your eyes. Perhaps it is possible...

SPEAKING OF BUNNY ZACHARIAS I ALSO THINK YOU COULD TAKE THE FOLLOWING:

You never change. All you see is a lofty goal, even if you lack the means to achieve it... The idea that gods would fall by the hand of man is a fantasy... and a preposterous one. This is a goal that even our ancestors Líf and Thrasir could not achieve.

setting aside the obligatory wtf zash i know you know your lore (fuck, maybe there is no killing the gods, maybe all Fire Emblem victories are temporary at best and Zenith is the only one who knows it. but i think, probably not), i think you could spin a very believable scenario where zacharias takes one look at these two ambitious, arrogant posers and absolutely refuses to speak to them any further.

so, part one, i think that zacharias could think any number of things about líf and thrasir. which i suppose means that i think he's fairly neutral on the subject of líf and thrasir. makes sense to me, i suppose. i feel like zacharias | bruno has practice (regardless of whether he's any good at it or not, or whether its any good for him) at holding and maintaining separate personas, so I don't think the fact that líf and thrasir were alfonse and veronica would necessarily be all that important to him.

which brings me to part ii

what happened to dead zenith zacharias

if zacharias is neutral on the subject, I think a lot of their relationship is going to pushed in one direction or another by líf and thrasir themselves.

and, complicating matters (when do I make things simple?), i think their approach to zacharias would of course depend on what happened to their zacharias. correct me if im wrong, but i dont think we have even a hint what happened to him.

there are three ish options I'm seeing. one: as dead world zenith is further along in its timeline and as zacharias claims he's almost out of time with his curse, other zacharias died due to that before the war with hel. i feel like scenario one is the most likely to lead to a good relationship between main zacharias and líf and thrasir.

two: mr. professional "knows plot relevant things out of knowhere" was the one who found out about angrboða's heart in the first place. especially given "As destruction took hold, we joined with Embla to seek the forbidden heart...", which to me sounds a lot like, "hel was kicking our ass then zacharias showed up and said we should go get this mystical plot object from embla". thrasir even says she and líf weren't allies before the world went to shit. anyway. hear me out here:

Yes. The heart is sealed within an Emblian blood temple. If that seal is broken, someone will die each time the heart beats... Those who perform the rite are the first to die.

Now. Líf claims he was the one who broke it open, but he also was present for the war that followed and only after was he killed and inducted into hel's army. so. both of those things can't be true. i propose that the magic mcguffin located in a sealed emblian blood temple was unlocked by our dear zacharias and thats what killed him in other zenith. i think its possible that other veronica was the one who did it, but you know. its all imagination at this point. also, and i forgot this, but thrasir does go off about how she can't lose until she saves her brother, so. something especially tragic happened at least. and oh boy is scenario two a nice fresh tasty tragedy. so that's scenario two. other zacharias directly died as a result of attempts to fight hel

number three thing that could have happened to zach is boring. he's always off doing things, he could have just died off screen. i mean. everyone did, eventually.

frankly he could still be alive for all i know. the heart appears to take the lives of people in the world, not of the world, or else the summoner would have been fine. so, if zacharias was on one of his off world jaunts, he could conceivably be a-okay. well. as okay as someone who's whole world died. i don't think that's what happened, because thrasir is pretty clear about feeling that she failed him, but yknow.

líf and thrasir's reactions to the above

thrasir is i think the most straightforward. i can't really see her approaching main zacharias with anything but positive intent. even if she's only a little bit open, i think thrasir and zacharias will probably have a decently tolerable relationship. if zacharias can come back to a country that exiled him as a kid and let his mother die in a dungeon and then go on to not just befriend but protect and care for a half sister he didnt know before then, then i think he'll find a way to care about thrasir. you know, intsys could have had fun making another perpetual older brother character. as i understand it, xander gets brother'd a lot, he and zach could have talked. could have been fun. a whole, zacharias, a historically traumatized child: *arrives in a world* every currently traumatized kid in a five mile radius: oh shit this one's ours now. you know what im saying? found family except zacharias would very much like it to stop finding him. he's got important brooding to do. but anway, they didn't go that route and its a tragedy.

líf is... more complicated. i think scenario one creates the most positive outlook. i can see him still having guilt over zacharias' loss, but i think any of it would be overshadowed by everything else that happened. in this scenario, líf finally gets back a piece of the world he'd lost. yeah, it's not his zacharias, but still. it is a zacharias, who is living and breathing and frowning and asking why you are staring at me, knight. i think the two of them could get along rather well, although i see them having significant issues with pessimism. inch-restingly enough... the dark curse bades its hosts to kill askrans. and líf is, well. dead. so... perhaps... perhaps líf wouldn't trigger the curse like alfonse does. in that case, not only does líf get someone back he thought he'd never see again, but so does zacharias.

scenario two is just a nightmare. frankly, i initially thought this scenario would lead to líf just ignoring zacharias (out of guilt, pain, etc), but i was rereading the scripts looking for the spelling of angrboða and this came up:

Tell Hel. She'll erase those memories. She'll erase them all...

so, honestly? i think that in scenario two líf just straight up gets hel to remove his memories of zacharias (as an aside maybe this is also why he never ever ever talks about other anna >:{ )

in that case, líf wouldn't really have any reason to talk to this man, who causes this empty deeply sad feeling to well up in him for now discernible reason. and zacharias has no reason (or time) to talk to this standoffish general of the dead. so. that's a real ships in the night moment.

number three i think líf would still hold the same guilt as in number two, but i don't think it would be as horrifically tragic, so i think it's more likely he'd be willing to approach zacharias. he does appear to have even worse of a thing than alfonse about not opening oneself up to people, but i think that even if he's líf, he once was an alfonse, and being that this is me answering this, i don't think any alfonse can really keep away from a zacharias for very long. its a version of the person who once knew him as well as any other person in the world. like líf can't really seem to stop himself from associating with main sharena, i don't think he could stop himself from reaching out in his own way to main zacharias. and god does that man need some more friends. i think zacharias would probably be a little frightened of líf, and of what an alfonse could become. but i think probably... i feel like a lot of book i issues stem from the fact that, justified or not, zacharias thinks alfonse would risk anything, any harm to save him. i don't know that confronting an alfonse who literally risked everything and did all harm to save his world would be a comfort, but i do think zacharias would get a lot out of having someone who's already done the worst they can do. been there, done that, got the tshirt. i think zacharias would be a little afraid of what an alfonse could become, but i think he would no longer have to be afraid of... no, anxious about it. i think there's a kind of calm in having something confirmed that zacharias could appreciate. healthy? unhealthy? fuck if i know. i also think that in líf, zacharias has a friend who he can't physically hurt anymore. lífs already dead. been there done there got the.... glowing gel torso. i think, curse nonewithstanding, zacharias will always have some degree of tension and fear about hurting people he's in a relationship with, be that because of his issues with abandonment, of abandoning, of harm, etc. but you know. líf's kind of a rock. and he's already hit his rock bottom, now that i'm thinking about rocks. i think that kind of steady, placid deathness could really help zacharias. and i think he would find it soothing, whether or not he knew why.

plus he will be able to know that if the curse gets him, if he dies... he'll still have a friend in the realm of the dead. he doesnt have to be so afraid of leaving and getting left

so there we go! lots of musings. i have been thinkin about why my headcanons are less that and more elaborate branching theories, and i think it is because i would change my opinion depending on which story i wanted to tell or hear or see.so yeah. dunno which one of these answers belongs to the question, what does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir?, but hopefully at least one of them is interesting to read about!

OH also. i think he would be petty-ly annoyed about them cribing líf and thrasir's name. like full on scholar petty. probably showed up to the order in a nerdy huff excited to meet the actual factual líf and thrasir and turns out its just those two, sitting around glowing and reciting death metal lyrics like they're spoken word ballads. dont think he'd get over that ever.

[sonickedtrowel]

1, 2, 4, 10, 20!!

Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Oh boy so I’m sure I must have mentioned it at some point but I won’t turn down a chance to ramble about it again: me and @regalpotato​ are working on a Day of the Doctor rewrite and I’m pretty psyched about it!  Basically, Eight is there rather than War (although War does make an appearance!) and also River is there, because Duh, and there are other Things going on that are different from the episode/novel, but that’s spoilers and also still partially cooking in my brain, lol.  It’s at 11k-ish right now but still pretty early in the story, too early to probably say what I will love most.  But I’m having a ton of fun with it, especially the dialogue, and currently torturing Ten in every way I can think of.  You know, lovingly torturing.  For the most part.

That is the really big thing I’m excited about, but I do still have two prompts left from a couple weeks back (I didn’t forget you, anons!) and those are milling around in my head too waiting for inspiration to strike. 2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

No secret that I love writing multi-Doctor / River stories, and in fact having somewhat recently finished an 8 and 11 / River fic I will have to be on my toes to not repeat myself too much haha.  But I just love getting everyone together and letting them yell at each other for a while - the best honestly - and then later we get Revealing Conversations about Feelings, as well as POV changing chapters.  Not to overhype it but!  I think it’s gonna be fun! Putting the rest under a cut because I am long-winded lol.

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

Hmmm I’ll pick something I like from the WIP that’s all my writing - this is from Night of the Doctor with Eight and Ohila, but it’s diverged from the original script here and iirc pretty much all new dialogue for Eight.  I don’t normally write this sort of Doctor speech because I’m usually doing romance, but I can hear Paul McGann righteously shouting/soliloquizing in my head so I’m pretty happy with it: *** “What would you have me do?” the Doctor hissed.  “What does your broken prophecy foretell?  That I become one more loyal soldier in Gallifrey’s glorious army?  I can join this fight and take a thousand lives, die a thousand deaths, and this war will still go on.  The universe doesn’t need another soldier!” “Not a soldier,” said the Sister, “a warrior, with the power you’ve refused to wield.  You could have destroyed the Daleks before they were even created.” “Yes, I could have done.  And I didn’t, because I have no right!  Whatever it is you think you can turn me into, Sister, you’ll continue to be disappointed.  Because there’s one person who is always needed in a war: a good doctor, willing to help whomever they can.  No matter if they’re despised, or called traitor— no matter who they lose or how many times they fail!  There will always be more lives to save, and I’ll be there, helping, wherever I can.  I only hope I’m strong enough to carry on doing it half as well as another doctor I knew.” ***

(Yes of course we have Liv Chenka references!) 10. How would you describe your writing process? It takes me forever to get ideas, but once I have a sort of general amorphous direction for the story and an emotional starting point for the characters, I just jump in.  And then I keep getting shower thoughts about more and more stuff happening and what was supposed to just be some fun fluff starts growing a plot and getting wildly out of hand and this is just my life.  I am very much not in control. 20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) Ohhhh this is such a good question!  Definitely going with There is a love I reminisce because there’s a lot going on under the surface in that fic and not all of it stated super explicitly.  So um, huge spoilers below if you haven’t read it!

Manhattan and Trenzalore (both times) are essentially retconned, through a combination of River’s innate abilities and Eleven going around the timeline trying to do better after being confronted with his shortcomings in TNOTD.  How the Doctor survived Utah is explained and it’s not because he was in a stupid robot.  It spawns an implied post-Library reunion with River, Eleven and the Doctor’s oft-referenced and never quantified or named children from Gallifrey.  It implies a different resolution to the Hybrid thing and an alternate series 10.  And of course it uses BF’s far-superior Ravenous 4 plot twist to preemptively annihilate the timeless children crap, and a combination of Ravenous 4 and Doom Coalition 4 to make River basically a time goddess.  But maybe my favorite thing was giving life to this headcanon of mine.  IT CANNOT BE REFUTED!  They’ve never said ANYTHING specific about his family so it’s free real estate baby!

*** “Yes, sorry to harp on about this, honey, but I think we can discuss the regeneration semantics later,” River cut in.  “You’re saying I came back from your future to your distant past and just… stayed?”

“Well… yes, I think so.  There were certain things we couldn’t discuss.  I had always just assumed that I’d reached the end of my last regeneration and you weren’t too pleased with that, so…  You know, describing it now, it does seem very irresponsible.  But I don’t recall having any complaints.”

“No, I shouldn’t think you would.”  River smiled, but her mind was racing.  “How would that even work?  Eventually, we’d come back round to when we first met on your end, and what, I wipe myself out of your memories?  Selectively, for your entire lifetime?  I think you might notice a little thing like that.”

“I suppose you must have had a plan for it, but I can’t remember it now.  I just remember the two of us, together through the centuries.” He smiled fondly and River felt like the ache in her chest would strangle her.  “I remember our family.”

“Our what?” she cried, as the older Doctor had a sudden choking fit.

“Our family.  Our children and…”  Dread slowly dawned on the young Doctor’s sweet face.  “Oh, please, no,” he whispered.  “Don’t tell me they’re…  No, this happened! It happened in both versions of my memories!”  He looked to his older self, panic-stricken.  “Tell me you remember!”

“You had a family,” River soothed, as Babyface stumbled over his own tongue.  “It just wasn’t with me.”

“What?” he laughed incredulously.  “Who else would it be?”

“Your first wife, sweetie.  I’m your second.  Well, the second one that counts.”

“No, that’s— I’m sorry, that’s nonsense.”  He turned to the older Doctor again. “You can’t tell her, is that it?  Because she hasn’t done it yet?  I’m sorry, River, maybe I shouldn’t have—”

“No!” Babyface shouted, finally collecting himself.  “Yes, we— I had a family, on Gallifrey, before I ever left.  River wasn’t there, obviously, because that’s not how anything works!”

“Who, then?” the young Doctor demanded.  “Who was your first wife?”

“I— I— she was—”  He opened and closed his mouth silently, looking increasingly horrified.

“You don’t like to talk about it,” River explained.  “She passed away.”

“Yes, but just between me and myself,” the young Doctor pressed on with an utter absence of tact that made it easier than ever to see this was the same man before her, “who was she?  And your children, what were their names?”

River hesitated, watching as the older Doctor wrestled with himself.  These were details not even she had ever asked him for.  She knew the general outline, of course, and that was enough.  It was a hurt so deep and so impossibly ancient, she couldn’t truly imagine how distant it must be for him now.  No sense in forcing him to open that door and dwell on it again.

“I, I don’t,” he finally muttered, looking almost fearful, “I don’t talk about it.  I don’t think about it.”

“You’ve forgotten them,” the young Doctor said, voice low and furious.  “How could you?”

“S-Susan,” Babyface stammered, wide-eyed.  “I left Gallifrey with Susan.”

A relieved smile flashed across the young Doctor’s face.  “And where did you suppose she came from?”

“No, she… I don’t…”  Chair legs scraped abruptly across the tile as the older Doctor bolted up from his seat, white-faced, and stumbled back from the table.

“Doctor?”  River stood, her hearts racing.  

His eyes met hers for a split second, the strange terror in them sending a chill through her, and then he was gone like a shot.  

“Doctor!”  She made to chase after him, but his younger version was still clasping her hand.

“He’ll be fine,” he reassured her.  “He’s just working it out.”

“Working it out?” she repeated, too stunned to reach out and grasp for the obvious.  She turned to him in a daze.  He smiled, and for a fleeting moment she fancied she could see the long contentment of a life she’d never dared dream of, etched in each little line on his older, younger face.

“I told you, River.”  He laid his other hand over hers, warm and steady.  “It was always you.”   ***

[salenakingston]

This is sort of a rewrite of something I wrote years ago, but is basically still canon to this story. Salena’s obviously not from earth, so how did she come into the world of Novembria? Well this answers that very question, and gives an insight to not only the man she fears the most, but first impressions with Alexander Whitegale. Warning: The manner in which Xander speaks to Salena may not be desirable to everyone. Bare in mind he is a zealot, and has an immense hatred for the undead.

Prompt: None

Warnings: Blood, Medical Talk, Torture, small Self Harm

Timeline of Events: Pre-Whitegale Estate (Backstory)

Total Word Count: 3,433 words

Her back felt like it was on fire.

Suppose that was the entire point of it wasn’t it? To make the flames he had etched into her skin burn eternal. They would have to die down eventually, just as all flames did, but the damage had already been done. If the scars held no ashes from the flames, then the blackened brand at the center of her back did. For someone of such a holy practice, even that seemed far more brutal than Light above might allow.

But even whatever being controlled that power allowed this to happen, and continued to grant him access to that light. So long as he truly believed that he was deemed just, he would never have to worry about a loss in that control.

He gazed down at her, somehow his smaller human form towering over her. She hated that smug look he carried along his face. He must have thought this was an appropriate punishment for past deeds. He must have taken great pleasure in binding her down, taunting her, letting the heat lick at her fur before it was pressed into her. He spared her no mercy when the knife came just after it. No rest for the wicked. Each plunge was dragged out, a means to make her suffer more than necessary. It came to about half way through when she had been unable to hold back her cries. She didn’t want to go back to her hollow state, not when she had worked so hard to get her emotions back. Larregis would probably tell her she was being weak, that even wanting these feelings back would make her weak.

She missed him. He took advantage of her depressed state. She should have known better. He taught her better.

Now here she was, laying nearly face first against the stone floors, a bubble of concentrated light around her. That in of itself wouldn’t have been so bad, but it was the location he chose to keep her that made things worse. The many cathedrals scattered across the realm all came with one very important characteristic: being built on consecrated ground. So, even if the pain wasn’t enough to keep her down, the constant drain she felt was.

His smug look hadn’t faded. She wasn’t bound anymore, not seeing a reason for such. She was encased in the very thing that hurt her the most, and the only reason she was before was to ensure she wouldn’t attack anyone stepping inside her prison. She hated this feeling.

And she hated him.

“How the mighty fall. You should have expected this would happen.”

Her head turned up towards him. He just stood there, hands behind his back. When she didn’t fire back a retort, he took it as incentive to continue, “You undead monsters have been allowed to run free for far too long. It’s time someone took up the mantle of eradicating your kind.”

The beast found her voice, though barely a whisper. An echo to the torture she endured, “Then… just… kill me…”

“As much as I would love to, I think I’ll hold off a little longer. You’ll make for a good example to the rest of the Ebon Blade.”

“That’s… stupid…”

“You might think so, but our numbers will grow. You might have others fooled abomination, but not me. It’s all an act. Even I can see the blood on your hands, and if I can, then so will others. You’ll fall back into your old ways. It’s only a matter of time. Might as well put the dog down before it becomes rabid.”

“You… light damn… zealot…”

“You’re mistaken. I am not a zealot. I’m simply following through with what we should have done a long time ago.”

She wanted to press her head back down against the stone, block him out, and pretend all of this was some kind of messed up nightmare. Then the searing pain slipped back to remind her of reality. Why did she have to feel so weak? Narrowed eyes peered at one another, forcing her body up from the floor. She couldn’t raise up further than her knee, head lowered down as pants escaped from her maw, “Still have the strength to stand defiant against me hmm?”

Again she said nothing, the signature glow of her kind’s eyes barring down on the paladin. He considered the look, but ultimately dismissed it with the growth of his smile, “Admirable, but we’ll break you soon enough. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how much you fight, you’ll get what you deserve in the end.”

What she deserved? Maybe, deep down she truly believed she deserved this sort of punishment, but why should he be allowed to judge her? He didn’t know her. She tried to turn her life around. That should be what matters right?

No, of course that’s not what mattered. She was undead, a soldier, and one to be put out of her misery. Maybe she should, after all… what was there to live for now?

Larregis saved her, but for what reason? Her heart sank.

But all it took was one look at that smug smile to make a switch in her head flip. How badly she wanted to see it vanish… stop looking at her like that! Her eyes fell from him, just for a moment. The walls of her prison were not solid, the only binds keeping her inside being fear. Fear. She should fear nothing. Yet one look at the shimmer of yellow stops her in her tracks. Damn him!

Damn him!

Was she supposed to just take this lying down? It was just some damn light. Don’t be afraid of it.

Wipe that smirk off his face!

Her claws ran against the stone, body trembling as her head lowered. He didn’t need to say a word for her to know just what was running through his head. He’d conquered her, and he would end her on his own schedule. The only reason she was still alive was to be used as a message. Their forces would have to grow. Why her rather than someone else? Perhaps that too was a punishment for her own past sins. No… it couldn’t be like this. If she were to die, should it not be on her own terms?

Not his’!

This will come with pain. She was already in pain.

Endure it like always.

Just ENDURE…

And-

Her body propelled itself forward, firing pain scorching her fur. Light clung to her form, searing it as she raced through. Finally, she saw that grin wash away from his face, replaced with genuine surprise. Who would be stupid enough to jump through the one source of power that was their greatest weakness. Each passing moment seemed as if it were playing in slow motion. One of her arms pulled back, claws racing for his face. Her pupils were nothing but pricks, teeth bared as her face went feral.

She felt her claws rake across skin, blood pouring down the center of his face.

When time sped back up, her body came crashing down on his’. Even with her body trembling terribly, pain racing through her entire being, she still had enough weight to keep him pinned to the ground. He looked back at her wild gaze, arm already pulling back to strike him again. Rather than show fear, he laughed right in her face. She hesitated.

“Go ahead! Do it you bitch! Go ahead and kill me! Prove to me you’re the monster that I know you are!”

A wave of shame flowed through her. He deserved death for what he had done to her… but that would make her no better than him. She already knew she was a monster, one that was trying to make up for it. If she fell back into her old ways… she could imagine Larregis would push her towards killing him anyways. Morals were never something they could agree on… but she stuck by her own now. Her hand lowered, but hung only for a moment. She found enough strength to push herself to her feet, gripping his leg, and throwing him as hard as she could into the closest wall.

She didn’t want to hang around for the aftermath.

The beast lowered herself down onto all fours, her body swaying some as she began to take off up the closest set of stairs, a command ringing out behind her, “Stop her! Don’t let her escape!”

The catacombs of this church were hard to navigate, and with the pain rushing through her, it made nearly every inch look the same. Was she making any kind of progress? She kept moving, even with her body swaying from her speed. She’d crashed into walls and paladins alike, but there was only one thing that mattered.

Get out of here!

Just how long would she be able to keep this up for? Apparently not too long, as her body finally collapsed to the floor. His damn followers were able to block off both her paths. This couldn’t be the end of it. She had to be so close. Just a little longer and she could get out. She looked up… they were closing in on her. She had to move… NOW!

A bright light seemed to engulf the entire side of the catacombs, a wall where none had been standing previously. Whether on impulse, or desperation, she pushed herself back onto her hands and feet. If it was anything like those she knew, it had to be some kind of portal. Whatever was lying in wait on the other side couldn’t have been much worse than her current predicament. She pushed past the advancing men, jumped into the light, and then she was surrounded by nothing but white.

‘It couldn’t have been worse than her current predicament?’ She seemed to regret that sentiment now.

Pain once again shot through her body, but not scorching heat like before. No… it felt as if her body structure was changing. Something along her rear felt like it was trying to break out, and her hands were forced to her head with the rush of pain panging there. Her entire chest felt like it was tight. Just what the fel was happening?

When the light finally faded, she was no longer underground. She could feel grass and dirt under her form. Whatever strength she had before to get up had finally left her. At least from what she could tell, there was no one around, which meant she had managed to escape her captors.

The feeling didn’t last long though.

There was that tight feeling all along her chest again, something along her upper chest felt like it was beating so hard that it would break through the skin. That would be impossible though. Her mouth opened, and it felt like all the air escaped from her. Impossible. She’s undead. She doesn’t need to breathe!

Her arms clung across her form, choking gasps escaping from her maw. So this was really it then? Escaping her tormentors just to fall here… alone… Well… at least it would be as she wanted, on her own terms. Everything began to grow black, darkness working to claim her. The last thing she saw before everything went dark was the blocky shape of someone standing in front of her.

----

Beep… Beep…

What was that sound?

Beep… Beep…

It seemed to be the only thing she could hear, unable to bring her eyes to open. She could hear the sound coming from one side of her, but the same question remained: What was making that sound?

Beep… Beep…

All she had to do was open her eyes, then she would be able to tell what it was. Just open your eyes. It’s not that hard. If she could fight to stand her ground when she felt like collapsing, then she could break through the heavy feeling keeping her eyes shut. When they finally broke open, her vision was flooded with a bright light. Had she imagined the outside before passing out? Was she still trapped in the light she ran into? If that was the case, she should at least still be able to move right?

So how come when she tugged at her arms, they wouldn’t budge. Panic began to set in.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

The sound was getting more frantic, as if it were following in tune with her own rising feelings. Had she been captured again? Did he somehow manage to find her again? How? How was that possible? Blurry shapes began to fill her sight, some blocking out the light. She had been captured! She fought to get free of whatever was holding her down, though the fight didn’t last long. Her ears could catch the faint sound of a low hiss… and then everything started to go blank again…

Beep… Beep…

That sound came back into focus again. What happened before? Much like important details prior to this point, it was a blur. This time when she opened her eyes, she could see things much more clearly. The room she found herself in was nothing like those she knew. No.. they were not held up by wood or stone. What was this strange white plaster along the walls, and strange squared pattern on the floor?

Speaking of strange things, what was with the bed she now woke up in? That’s what it was right? But the bars along the side were unlike anything she’d ever seen, though the same could be said for the machines in the room. Not even the goblin or gnome engineers had tools like these. The beeping was coming from a small device at her right. It contained a black screen, a beep echoing in the room each time a spiked green line passed by.

She couldn’t recognize any of the other ones, only that a fair amount of them were hooked up to her body. In the case of one, there was a needle sticking into her wrist. Ordinarily she would have ripped the strange thing out, but she had come to realize the reason she couldn’t move was due to leather restraints along her wrists. No matter how much she tugged, her arms would not come free.

Along her muzzle was also an oddly shaped device. It was made out of some kind of see through material, fitted around her muzzle so that it covered her nose and mouth. There was some kind of tube coming out of it as well, attached to a tank at the side of the bed. Just what the fel was all this? Why was she here? What was whomever captured her doing to her? The worst part of all this was she couldn’t fight back.

And there would be no one coming to save her.

Her ears snapped to the side, the sound of footsteps coming. Her captor perhaps, coming to gloat over his newest catch.

An older man stepped inside the room, adorn in a suit that she couldn’t recall any man around Stormwind wearing. He had a clipboard in his hands, and it didn’t take long for his gaze to fall on her. Her ears pinned back, not liking the way his gaze fell. What did he want with her? She could only tense her body as he approached, “You’re awake. Good. You gave my staff quite a scare.”

Staff? She gave them a scare? What was he talking about?

He stepped over to the right side of her bed, one hand moving over the closest restraint. Her body tensed more, lips pulling back as she bore her teeth. How could she trust this stranger when she had just escaped someone that hurt her so badly? What’s to say he wouldn’t do the same to her now? Unlike before, there was something keeping her down other than her own fear. He seemed to notice her sudden aggression, “Calm down. I’m not here to hurt you. These were for the safety of my staff. Can’t have you injuring them while they work now can I? Behave and I’ll remove them.”

He was talking to her like she was some kind of dog in training. Why should she bend to his will? Her eyes narrowed more on him. His expression didn’t change much, “I’ll say it again, I’m not going to hurt you, though I would think you should be a little more thankful. I did save you after all.”

Save her? No he didn’t! She was still trapped! She gave a tug of her arms, “Says my captor. Why should I believe anything you have to say?”

“Captor? Dear, you are mistaken. I didn’t capture you. You’re here because your body was shutting down. Had I not brought you in, you would have died.”

Impossible. She was undead. She couldn’t die like that.

“You’re lying.”

One of his eyebrows seemed to raise. Without much hesitation, he reached for the strange piece along her muzzle. It took little time for it to be removed from her face. Everything seemed fine… but only for a moment.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

That noise was getting quicker, and she couldn’t seem to get any air again. Choking gasps rang out around her, eyes going wide as she tried to correct the problem herself. Growls echoed between her frantic inhales. The man standing over her seemed to smile, satisfied with his show of proof. He gripped her muzzle, slipping the device back on.

Beep… Beep…

Everything was normalizing.

“Believe me now? Are you going to behave?”

Damn him… What could she really do? She was truly at this man’s mercy, “I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Well you do, but unless you want to stay strapped to your bed, I suggest you work with me.”

Damn him! She really didn’t have a choice. Staying like this would only make things worse off for her. She gave a nod, feeling the tightness finally leave her wrists. She pulled her arms back closer to her chest, fingers rubbing over the sore feeling from her attempts at tugging. She could hear the man talking again, though most of it was drowned out. She had picked up on a few things.

“Your body is badly damaged. Your organs are acting as if they haven’t been used in years. They can’t handle functioning your body on their own. We’ll be keeping you in here and under close watch until they become more stable.”

Of course her body couldn’t handle itself. What reason would they need to work while she was undead? Such a thing meant nothing to her; but of course, they were still part of her body since she had not died before gaining her new state. And now… somehow… all of them were working again… and this man was aiming to try and keep her from dying. Why?

“What do you want with me?”

“Pardon?”

“I think I was pretty clear. Why did you save me? Why keep me here? What do you want from me?”

“My reasons are my own, but for the present time, I am willing to share that you are certainly not from here, and you look like you may need a place to stay. I can offer that to you.” He stretched an open hand out to her. Her own hand began to move up, but images began to flicker in front of her eyes. His own arm changed, covered in dark plate… That’s right… she’d been made this offer once before…

And look where that got her.

Her claws swiped across his wrist, the man pulling it back as she returned her own towards her chest. Eyes narrowed once again, her head turning to the side. There was a silence that hung over them for a while before he sighed, “Very well. I imagine you’ll be here for a while during your recovery, but that offer will always be open for you. In the meantime, perhaps it is best you rest. A doctor will be by later to check on you.”

And with that, he left. Once she was sure he was gone, a claw moved across her exposed arm, blood trickling down it. This stranger had opened up his place to her, and she threw it back in his face. She was going to be here a while… but that won’t stop her from punishing herself for her actions… This ‘doctor’ he mentioned wasn’t going to be happy when he or she turned up.