#imagine lilian writing down everything and noting how it works

[flos-obsessivus]

Greetings!

We hope this letter finds you in Jolly times, the brave men and women in the front decided to send some trinkets from our recent victories! (We hope they reach you and our darling Prince ;] )

However, our morale has not been entirely sturdy and we hope to hear how the festivities are going.

How is our darling Prince, Lilian doing? We know not of his condition nor if he has any plans with family and friends, would you be so kind as to share some stories to lighten the mood here in the freezing frontlines?

Lots of Love

- The Royal Knights

Greetings from the castle!

It's great to hear from you all, it has been a while hasn't it? And thank you for your gifts, we'll make sure to put it amongst the pile of gifts he has received. As always, he is loved by everyone here.

The festivities has been a huge success and the prince has enjoyed the 1 week celebration for the holidays. This time, the other staff were planning on making the celebration for the new years to be even longer, but his highness' advisor had to put a stop to it before it gets out of control.

During the holidays, the prince had been adamant on kissing the advisor under the mistletoe, even going as far as to ask us to lead them under one while he waits just out of sight. So far he hasn't been successful in that regard. The closest he has been was right after the holiday ball near the balcony, unfortunately he passed out in their arms a few inches from the advisers face.

Another thing, the prince has been giving gifts to the adviser since the 1st day of the winter month. He has seem to be taken by that song '12 days of Christmas' that has been popular recently, so his gifts followed the lyrics up until the last day. However, it still went on until the 25th, but we never knew what the gifts were past the original 12. The adviser has been secretive in opening the gifts, but they always seem to turn red before rushing off somewhere.

We asked the prince himself but all we get is a dreamy sigh and something about 'toys for the bedroom'. We did not know the adviser likes to play toys in their spare time.

Other than that, the holidays has been good and everyone seems to have a great time here. We of course, also bring gifts for everyone, we understand how cold it is in the frontlines so we have prepared thick blankets and proper cloaks for everyone to enjoy, the kitchen staff also prepared candies and other delicacies to bring in the holiday cheer.

May the Royal Knights prosper and may this holiday bring in joy to everyone!

Yours truly,

The Castle staff

[sweetlydraws]

Painted Lady AU Christmas at Clover-Bloom (Dealing with the Pressure.)

I started to write this at the begging of December. Life got in the way. I wanted some character interaction. Marinette and the OCS.

Warnings? (Panic attack. Criticism of the Class.)

Third-person P.O.V

Marinette leaving her design class when her tablet binged from a notification. An email? The email reads,

“Dear Students of Clover-Bloom Academy,

As we are now in the month of December, I must remind you all that holiday plans are to be submitted to the head office before the 19’th. We do not want anyone missing any holidays with their family or friends.

Another reminder will be sent on the 10’th. Have a lovely rest of your day.

Headmaster Jean Corbin.”

Marinette read the email a few times. She didn’t realized that you had to put in leave for Christmas. Her tablet binged again, this time it was a text from Brethold.

“Hey M-Nette you out of class? Want me to pick you up?” Marinette sends a quick okay back. She then sits on a nearby bench. Ever since she made some jeans for Brethold, he’s been insisting that he do stuff for her.

Marinette takes her hair out of her pigtails. Running her fingers threw her hair. The middle of her hair is still wet. Sighing she puts her hair in a ponytail instead. Feeling movement in her bag, she sees that Pollen and Trixx having a silent fight about who get to play this new Ladybug and Chat Noir phone game.

Marinette honestly didn’t like this phone game. Like the Ladybug movie, whoever made it had bad characterizations of her and Chat. But she’s not Ladybug anymore, so she can’t denounce it. Pollen and Trixx seem to enjoy it, so she tolerates it. Sadly Nooroo wasn’t there. Nooroo was tired after last night. They had to stop another fight between the Crimson Beetle and Chat Noir again.

Sighing, Marinette just couldn’t figure out why Chat wouldn’t let her talk to him. According to Nooroo, Plagg should know that she’s the Painted Lady. When she first introduced herself to the Beetle, Tikki and Nooroo seemed to have some conversation that left the Beetle trusting her. Why couldn’t Chat do the same?

BEEP BEEP!

“M-NETTE! YOUR TAXI IS HERE!” Brethold yells from his helmet. Brethold was sitting on his scooter, waving at her. Getting up, she walks towards him. Brethold hands her a helmet. They zoom off. “How was class?” Brethold half yells.

“Busy!” Marinette yells back. In Marinette design class her final project is something you work on all year. Because Marinette started school later, she only had to make 3 out of the 4 outfits she designed. She decided on the ones based on Pollen, Nooroo, and Trixx.

“Did you get the holiday email?!” Brethold yelled.

“Yeah!”

“Do you have plans!?”

“I don’t know yet!” Honestly Marinette’s parents only celebrated Christmas because they were semi-forced too. Her mom side of the family only like 4 or 5 people did Christmas and her dads side weren’t really there. Sighing, Marinette decided she would just call her parents tonight and ask them.

“I’m staying!” Brethold’s voice broke Marinette’s thoughts. Before Marinette could yell back they arrived at the Greenhouse Cafe. Brethold parks and they both get off.

“What do you mean your staying?”

“If you don’t have plans, or don’t summit leave you stay at Clover-Bloom over the holiday break.” He shrugs. “My parents don’t do Christmas, never could afford it growing up. Just wasn’t a thing we do. Also my parents house wasn’t updated to accommodate my leg.” He patted his hip, gesturing down his leg.

Marinette nods. She couldn’t imagine if she had hurt her hands or legs and trying to get into her room.

“What is Clover-Bloom like during the holidays?” Marinette asks. She and Brethold head into the cafe.

“Well… There are no classes. Classrooms that have expensive equipment in them are locked but other than that. There all opened. If you have a year-long project you have this time to work on it.” Brethold explains as they head to the booth in the back. Lilian and Vivienne are already there.

“Sup loser! Hey Mari, how was fashion class?” Lilian smiles as she moves her bag to block Brethold from sitting. He sits on the bag, never breaking eye contact from Lilian.

“Will you two ever stop?” Vivienne asks looking tired. Whatever was going on between the cousins, cause them to ignore Vivienne.

“Vivienne, what are you doing for the break?”

“During brake I live with aunts. So I’m staying. I’m probably not going to be in my dorm, but who knows.”

“Do you celebrate Christmas?”

“If my aunt Seong-Min is here for Christmas, then yes.”

“Where is she again?” Lilian asks as she yanks her bag from under Brethold.

“Last time she checked in it was Toronto Canada.” Vivienne rubs the back of her neck.

“Before you ask Marinette, I’m also staying. And no, I don’t celebrate Christmas. Well my parents do but I don’t.” Lilian holds her drink and points at Marinette.

“Can I ask why?” Marinette pulls out her phone to text her parents.

“I just don’t like that I have to buy stuff on this one day to show that I care about people.” She shrugged. “I give people things all year to show that I love them you know. It’s just frustrating that if you don’t give someone something then your a bag guy, even if you gave them something they week before.” Lilian started to get worked up. She shakes her head. Christmas is not a thing to get amokized over.

“Do you celebrate Christmas Mari?” Lilian asks after chugging down a red bull.

SMACK!

“What was said about that.” Vivienne hissed. Brethold quietly snickered. Lilian only muttered under her breath.

“Kinda...” Marinette answered. “My mom side of the family are all in China and my dad side isn’t really in my life. My grandfather doesn’t like my mom, and my grandma travels the world. My parents mostly used Christmas as a day off. At my old school I spent most of the month making things for my former class.” Marinette sighed. It’s been a few months since what happened but it still is sore to talk about.

“Marinette you don’t have to make anything for us. I don’t know if you were planning to or not. I just wanted to throw that out there.” Vivienne says.

“Yeah! You made me these jeans already and I still need to pay you back for them!” Brethold adds.

“I love your designs but I’m not going to get them for free. I’ll gladly pay you first.” Lilian agrees.

Marinette is taken aback. She is just so use to making things for free and not getting anything in return. Before she could rebuttal Aurora bounced in.

“Hello! Guess who is going to Berlin to see her brother for Christmas!” Aurora sang.

“Vivienne?” Brethold joked.

“No, me! Xavier called me last night and told me the plans. I just sent my notice. I leave the 19’th and I’m coming back the 6’th! What were we talking about before I showed up?” Aurora change topics easy.

“Marinette was asking what we're doing for the holiday and if we celebrate Christmas. And we were telling her not to make us clothing as a present.” Vivienne explained.

“If Marinette makes me something I’ll make her something back! Also my family celebrates Christmas. Since my family all live apart, we really go ham for Christmas. Vivienne knows!” Aurora smiles. Vivienne's eyes go wide and she shudders.

“Your family tried to kill me,” Vivienne says pointing her finger. Marinette gasps.

“It’s not my fault your family doesn’t do touching.” Aurora laughs.

“Wait I’m confused?” Marinette whispers.

“My family is a very touchy-feely one. They love showing they love people. So Vivienne was the target of a lot of that love. Her family is very…. Stiff?” Aurora explains through giggles.

“My grandmother,” Vivienne mutters. Marinette nods in confusion.

“Did anyone tell her about our tradition?” Aurora asks. The table goes silent. Lilian smacks her head.

“No, we forgot.” She mutters. Marinette tilts her head.

“On the 15’th we meet up on the roof of C building, bring a karaoke machine and some junk food and have a blast! Since you here, you're invited!” Aurora claps her hand a few time.

“How do you have access to C building? We all live in D?” Marinette questions

“I have keys to all the dorm buildings. Perks of my uncle being the headmaster.” Lilian grins. Marinette is taken aback.

“Do I have to bring anything?” She asks prepared to take notes.

“Only your self. If you want to bring anything that’s up to you.” Vivienne says. Marinette finds this very frustrating before she was constantly told what to do, what to bring. Marinette chest tightens. What if they did want something? What if they get mad at her! What if she messes up! “Ma-” What if they can’t get food, and she didn’t bring anything!”Ette-” What if,what if,what if,what if,what if,what if,what if,what if!

“MARINETTE!” Hands grab her shoulders. Marinette’s eyes won’t focus but Brethold is the one holding her.

“Shit! I think she having a panic attack!” Lilian says. She runs off to grab a water.

“Marinette I need you to focus on me okay,” Brethold asks in a soft voice. Marinette tries to focus her eyes. She is only able to see a blurry picture of Brethold tho.

“Marinette I’m going to need you to take several deep breathes,” Vivienne says. Marinette follows what Vivienne told her to do. While Marinette is focused on trying to see Brethold and breathe, Aurora is able to take Marinette phone out of her tightened hands. Lilian rushes back with the water.

“Drink.” Lilian hands the water over. Marinette takes a minute to finishes it, but when she's done her chest isn’t tightened anymore and she can clearly see Brethold. “Do you need more water?” Marinette turns towards Lilian and shakes her head.

“Nette I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have just assumed that you wanted to come! I-” Aurora was cut off my Vivienne hand touching her shoulder. No one knew that from Marinette bag the two kwamis watch with concern. Pollen and Trixx were able to feel Marinette’s panic. It had taken everything for Pollen to not rush out and comfort Marinette.

“Aurora we don’t need you also in a panic.” Aurora nods, her head drooped lower. “Marinette, if you’re feeling up to it, can you tell us what just happened please,” Vivienne asked not wanting to push Marinette.

“Please expect something from me.” Marinette barely whispers. If the group of teens weren’t already quiet they would not have heard, but they did.

Brethold first thought was one of pain. As the former soccer captain, he knew what it was like to have people put pressure on him… Brethold looks at Marinette, she trying to make her self smaller. His heart is breaking. He doesn’t understand. Who would make Marinette feel like this? He frowns.

Aurora was next. She felt nothing but sadness. Marinette sounded so defeated. The fact they didn’t want anything from her sent Marinette into a panic attack. Marinette seems so happy. Aurora closed her eyes and thought. When they did anything Marinette put almost everything on her plate. When Brethold mentioned that because of his leg brace he can’t find jeans that were comfortable. Marinette went and made him jeans. Vivienne’s aunt mentioned that they were trying to find a new pastry for the menu Marinette offered to help. Why didn’t Aurora see this sooner? She opens her eyes and looks at Marinette.

Lilian was mad. The only thing she could think of was that old school of Marinette’s. Lilian was the unofficial leader of the D-dorm building. Mostly because of her uncle being the headmaster. So when a new student was moving into the dorm, she went to her uncle. All he would say is that the student had a hard time at her prior school. Once she got to know Marinette she learned that she was akumatized. Marinette doesn’t like talking about it. Lilian starts to connect the dots. Her fingernails start to cut into her palm.

Vivienne was quiet. Looking at Marinette felt like a mirror. That feeling of needing a purpose. That feeling that if anything goes wrong it will be your fault. That feeling. Vivienne fought a shiver. She’s had this feeling since she was a child. But this feeling was from a cycle of abuse from her mother, and her grandmother. Vivienne held her breathe. She was only just able to start healing. Even then there are many days that she’s afraid to leave her room. Vivienne forced her self to breathe. Who did Marinette have to help her?

“Marinette.” Vivienne says. Not sure of what to say she just starts to speak. “I know this seems hard to… Believe but you don’t need to do anything.” Marinette goes to open her mouth but Vivienne doesn’t stop talking.“Aurora doesn’t need to bring anything, Lilian, Brethold, or me none of us have to bring anything… This is for all of us to be together. You don’t need to plan out the whole thing.” Vivienne voice trailed.

“But!” Brethold cuts in. “If it would make you more comfortable. We could make a list of thing for the each of us to bring. So you don’t have to… Panic. About what to bring because you’ll know what everyone will be bringing.” Brethold laid the plan out hoping that everyone would give.

“I’m bringing the machine, and the speakers.” Lilian says looking at Aurora.

“I’ll bring the pillows and chairs.” Aurora claps her hands.

“I’ll bring the drinks. Speaking of which text me what you’ll want.” Vivienne adds.

“I’ll cover the snacks, like popcorn and stuff… and first aid things.” Brethold whispers the last part fast. Marinette was quiet. What was she going to bring? They said everything else. She looks at them all then looks down. Her thoughts are racing.

“How about you bring some baked goods.” Vivienne breaks Marinette thoughts.

“But! But Brethold is bringing snacks already! And, and  I don-”

“I’ll bring savory snack and you bring sweet ones” Brethold smiles putting his hand comfortably on her shoulder. Marinette nods. She can do that. She can bake some holiday-inspired dishes. She feels the knots in her gut fade.

“I’m sorry for what happened,” Marinette says. Aurora goes to say something but Vivienne stops her. “At… At my old school, I was the class president. At first, I had my old friend as my vice president, it was fine. It was easy! It was fun.” Her voice brakes. “But then it started just being me. I would plan everything! I would have to bring everything! Not only that but I had to make the decorations! For anything, I planned, and more! Stuff I didn’t plan. Things I wasn’t even apart of.” Marinette’s voice was desperate. Each sentence sounded more painful than the last. “ It only got worse when they made me interact with the guy I had a crush on! No. Not made, forced! Forced me to interact with him. I couldn’t even talk to him without panicking!”Marinette bangs the table slightly.

The group of teens looks at each other. Marinette continued. “Marinette make me this! Marinette I need this done before to tomorrow! Marinette what happened to bringing cookies in? Marinette I need this dress, that I didn’t tell you about done by this weekend, AND I’m not paying for it!” Marinette was turning red. “It was only worse after she came back. After they turned their back on me. I would have to plan parties I didn’t even get to go to. And she would always make comments about how she could have done it better and faster. In turn I. Had. To.” Marinette went quiet. Tears fell from her eyes.

No one said anything. The kwamis in Marinette bag froze. Even though they have been with Marinette since her akumatizing they hadn’t heard anything about this. They knew that the former class wasn’t the best but this! Pollen thought about the interaction her former queen and the turtle boy had with Marinette. How could Marinette choose to forgive? Her lady was stronger then Pollen would have been. Trixx, however, was raging. His former fox Ayla. That was the only person in his head at this moment. He knew she was something. Never out of the box long enough to figure it out, but now! His jaw tightened.

Brethold just hugs Marinette. He couldn’t think of any words to say. Aurora joins in. Lilian and Vivienne share a look. Neither hug Marinette but they do hold her hands. The group silently comforts Marinette. Marinette takes it in. Marinette wasn’t sure why she went off. Maybe it was the season, maybe she was just tired of holding it in. Marinette lets out a silent breathe. She makes eye contact with Pollen and Trixx. She wants to laugh, Trixx looks like an angry cat. His ears are laid back and he’s baring his teeth.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” Marinette tightens her grip on the hands she holds. The others don’t move immediately, but they do slowly. “Thank you. Really thank you.” She rubs her eyes.

The tender moment was ruined by Marinette's phone ringing. Aurora forgot that she was holding Marinette’s phone, resulting in Marinette’s phone almost going flying. Grabbing her phone she answers.

“Hi, sweetie! How was class?” Her dad's cheerful tone causes Marinette to start laughing hard. The others start following suit. “Did I miss something?” Was all her dad could ask.

“You could say that,” Marinette says after she laughed all she could.

“Well as long as you sound happy.” She could hear her dad smile.

“Hey dad I need to talk to you about what we’re going for the holiday break later okay.”

“Sure can’t wait. OH! Nino and his mom came by and dropped off a Christmas present for you. Said that if you can’t come home then to mail it.” Marinette was confused. Nino and his family didn’t celebrate Christmas.

“Um, okay.”

“Tom the cookies smell burnt!” Marinette heard her mom call.

“NOT THE GINGERBREAD! Call you back love you!” Before Marinette could respond her dad hung up. The group was taken aback.

“NOT THE GINGERBREAD!” Lilian jokey yelled! “Your dad sounds like a treat Mari!”

“What! Is with all the yelling.” Vivienne aunt Odette rolled up.

“Sorry aunt Ode,” Vivienne says. “Things got… a little sour over here.” Odette raised an eyebrow. She just sighs and rolls away.

“I’m going to head to my room, okay,” Marinette says. “My head hurt and all the emotions made me tired.” She snorts.

“Do you need me to drive you?” Brethold asks.

“No, I think I’ll walk.”

“Be safe,” Aurora says.

“You too.”Marinette smiles as she gathers all her stuff to leave. After she leaves, Pollen pops her head up. Marinette just puts her hand in her bag and hold the kwamis. Hopefully, during the break, Marinette can rest… No evil Santa or amokized kids. No Chat and Beetle fights. Just her and her friends and family hanging out. Marinette wonders what Nino could have got her.

Quick note! I changed certain things about Marinette and her family. According to Google, most Chinese people in China don’t celebrate Christmas. So  I tried to include that. As for Tom’s parents. Her grandfather seemed racist. I live in the southern United States, he reminds me of a lot of the old people here. Also Google also says Moroccan people don’t celebrate Christmas either. The creator says Nino and his family are Moroccan (That's what the wiki says.) so I tried to add that as well. (I’m a white American. I tried to get info. If any of this is false please correct me!)

I’m hoping to get the Kwami post done soon.

[sandstonesunspear]

Discovery

Supercorp

Found a prompt chart for Pride Month and figured I’d try my hand at it. I’m a day behind because life. Parings are random.

AO3

Kara thinks she discovers the truth about Lena on a Tuesday.

It’s an entirely accidental discovery. Lena’s stepped out of the office to take a call and Kara’s left on the couch waiting for her to come back. She was never good at being patient. It’s only a few moments of silence before Kara starts to feel antsy, a few more before her knee starts to bounce, and by the time two minutes is up, Kara is pacing.  

It takes two circuits around Lena’s office before Kara notices what Lena has pulled up on her computer. At first, she thinks Lena’s watching a YouTube video. A closer glance makes her stomach drop. The face on the screen is Lex.

Her eyes flick down at the legal pad Lena had been scratching away at before she arrived. The writing is in Gaelic, but Kara can read Gaelic. She can read and speak just about every language out there. She feels a pit open up in her stomach as she reads. The rhetoric she reads makes her want to vomit.

She doesn’t get the chance to. She hears the door click, a sign of Lena’s return. By the time Lena’s walks inside, Kara’s back on the couch. The not-so-small part of her that is crushing on Lena wants to give the Luthor heiress the benefit of the doubt. But the rest of her, the Kryptonian raised on earth who had watched news coverage of Lex’s repeated attempts on Kal’s life, can’t. Instead, she plasters a smile on her face and does her best to act like nothing’s wrong.

Everything is wrong.  

It’s a Thursday when Lillian releases the Medusa virus.

Kara watches in horrified despair as the missile explodes. Watches the smug, victorious smile on Lillian’s face widen as Alex screams into her comms for medical support. Watches as that smile turns into confusion, then disbelief as she and J’onn remain breathing.

“You swapped the isotope.”

“I did.” There’s something in Lena’s voice that has Kara’s head snapping to her. She feels her stomach flutter at the sight of Lena’s calm smirk. “I also took the liberty of calling the police.”

“You—”

“Won. Yes, I did.” Kara watches Lena take a step towards Lilian. “I beat you, and I beat him.”

The look on Lilian’s face turns ugly. Kara’s in between them before Lilian can do anything. She can feel Lena’s gaze burning into her back as her fists tighten, ready to knock the head of Cadmus into the next century. Before she can though, NCPD’s finest roll up on scene and slap cuffs on the Luthor matriarch.

The look on Lena’s face is relieved and sad all at the same time. It makes Kara’s stomach clench.

“Thank you for standing in my defense, Supergirl,” Lena says.

“Of course,” Kara says, “it’s what I do, after all.”

Lena gives her a wry smile. “Right,” she says, “Supers are super and Luthors are—“

“Super!” Kara blurts out before she can stop herself. In the background, she can hear the sound of Alex’s palm meeting her forehead. “You’re super, um, super awesome! For what you did.”

Inwardly, Kara wants to smack herself. English might not be her first language, but she knows she’s better with words than this. She’s a journalist for Rao’s sake!

Lena ducks her head. Red stains her cheeks. Kara thinks it makes her look adorable.

“You’re too kind,” Lena says.

Kara bites her lip, a move that goes unseen by Lena. She wants to argue that she hasn’t been kind enough, nor fair enough to Lena, that she’s guilty of doing all the same things that the rest of the public has, that she stopped giving Lena the benefit of the doubt just because of her name.

What she does instead, though, is take a step closer to Lena. She can feel her own breath hitch due to the close proximity that she’s now in, but she keeps her face calm.

“I have to ask,” Kara whispers, “but you, you never planned to—“

She can’t bring herself to finish the question. Not after having just called Lena super awesome.

Lena shakes her head in vehement denial. The hurt that flashes through her eyes feels like a stab in the gut for Kara.

“My plan was always to stop her, I swear.”

Kara places her hand on Lena’s shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I believe you.” It’s not a complete truth, but it’s not an outright lie either. Until she hears it as Kara and not Supergirl, Kara can’t fully believe Lena.

The smile that Lena gives her is radiant. Somehow, seeing it creates more pain in Kara’s gut than the hurt look Lena gave her.

It’s Friday when the real truth comes out.

It doesn’t come out in the paper or in a tabloid or even in one of those stupid gossip rags that Kara occasional buys to read and laugh at. No, it comes out in Lena’s office.

Kara shows up at Lena’s office under the pretenses of an interview for CatCo. (She’s the only journalist that Lena has agreed to meet with). The way Lena’s eyes light up at the sight of her has Kara biting her lip. She tries to convince herself that the action is due to nerves rather than guilt.

It doesn’t work.

“I’m glad that you’re okay,” Kara says. Okay might be a stretch though. To anyone else, Lena is the picture of poise. Her cheeks are rosy, her clothes are impeccable, there’s not a hair out of place. But Kara knows better, can see better. There are shadows under Lena’s eyes and there’s an air of exhaustion that Kara can feel even from the distance that she’s at.

“Yeah,” Lena sighs, “I am too.”

“Supergirl stopped by,” Kara says. She doesn’t miss the way Lena tenses at her words. “She said you were a hero.”

Lena’s eyebrows jump. “She said that?”

Kara nods. “Yeah.” It’s not a lie. She had said those words while arguing with Alex and J’onn the night after Lillian’s attempt at genocide.

Lena sits back. There’s something in her eyes, relief, awe, grief? Kara can’t quite tell.

“You know, I was certain she would change her mind,” Lena says absently.

Kara’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?” she asks.

“She told me I was super, can you imagine that? A super Luthor?” Kara can. The woman behind the desk is incredible. “But having to parrot Lex’s horrific rhetoric and pretending to help my mother commit genocide, those aren’t the actions of someone who’s super. They’re the actions of a Luthor.”

Kara doesn’t think she’s ever heard Lena say her last name with such disdain. She comes behind the desk and crouches down. “And why should those two things not be synonymous?” she asks.

The brilliant smile from earlier turns bitter. Lena stands and moves to look out the window. Kara stays in her position, waiting to see what will come next.

“My brother sent me videos the day of the attack.” Kara blinks at how random the statement sounds. “I didn’t get them until a week after. American postal system at it’s finest.”

That must’ve been the video Lena had open on her computer just days earlier. Still, Kara plays dumb and asks, “What kind of videos?”

“The kind made by a man so consumed with hate that he can’t even see that what he’s doing is wrong. Or maybe he can, he just doesn’t care anymore.”

Kara can understand that. Non had been the same way, even right up to the end.

Lena sighs, “They’re how I was able to fool my mother into thinking that I was on her side. I just had to parrot his rhetoric and she ate it up.” Her fist tights almost imperceptibly, but Kara catches the movement like she catches every other little detail of Lena. “She had this look of pride in her eye when I was talking to her and all I could think about was how much I wanted to vomit. I told her that I was willing to help her commit an act of genocide, to kill innocent people and all she did was smile just like Lex.”

The ragged note her voice takes at the end is all the warning Kara has before Lena slides down the glass. Before Lena’s knees can meet the carpet, Kara is by her side, holding her. Kara says nothing as Lena tucks her head into her shoulder. She closes her eyes, tightens her hold and lets Lena cry. Kara can feel her heart breaking with each shuddered sob Lena lets out. She understands that kind of grief, the kind that comes when a person you’ve placed on a pedestal turns out to be a monster.

Kara thinks about the article she needs to write. She’ll leave out Lena’s tears, but make her grief and her humanity clear. She’ll make sure that everyone knows just what kind of person Lena really is: someone just trying to make up for all the pain and misery her family has caused, and trying to put a little good back into the world. She’s a hero.

Kara rubs Lena’s back. “You’re my hero,” she whispers into Lena’s hair.

And it’s the truth, the real truth.

[iluvtv]

Seen in Scenes

Often art is wonderful because it feels as though it is speaking so directly to your individual experience. The intimacy in these moments can practically break your heart -- there is true power in feeling seen.

This desire to be acknowledged might explain my intrinsic obsession with satire. I never feel so fully understood as when a loved one mocks my misgivings. 

Perhaps my warmest memory of my little brother is when he would mimic my vanity by contorting his face into a somewhat pained overbite smile and craning his neck forward, pronouncing "I'm Sylvie looking in the mirror" -- inducing a shared bellyaching laugh between himself and my high school boyfriend. Similarly, I knew I liked my college boyfriend's group of buddies when they welcomed me to the posse by nicknaming "Bossy McHaterstein".

These people got me, they really got me!

And sometimes TV is just good because it feels likes the jokes were written just for you. 

In these moments I am filled with a warm fuzziness and a fantasy of a few writers combing through my diary for all my wittiest moments, observations and ideas and in a genius moment of inspiration realizing they could get rich just mocking the banality of my wonderfully overinflated ego. 

And why not? At the end of the day, all our most embarrassing rants and habits generally kept so close to the sleeve are actually really, really fucking relatable to enough people to garner award-winning audiences. I mean isn't it obvious? Behind all our makeup, botox, fashion, and rehearsed dialogues it is within the fleshy nasty bits where our true humanity hides. Those are the parts that make us simultaneously unique and also pretty fucking similarly hilarious. 

Almost everything I prioritize on my watch-list is fueled by this narcissistic need for comic relief and so in the spirit of not overlooking my ever-accumulating television viewing notes of shows which I already gave full-service blogs to last season, I'll just brief you on a few stand out quotes from my winter's streaming season. If nothing else maybe you'll be inspired to pick up a new show. Or better yet start writing your own about how very endearing all my anomalies are... I have lots of journals and am happy to collaborate. I mean why aren't we getting rich?!

First and foremost, Brockmire. In its second season Hank Azaria once again knocks it out of the ballpark (see what I did there?! A baseball pun for a baseball show! I told you, I'm available to hire as a working writer!) Consistently, all my favorite quotes in this series speak to Jim Brockmire's unabashed use of alcohol and narcotics. 

When Brockmire is told that being drunk makes him more likable to his radio audience he responds: "Those are the words that in his heart every alcoholic longs to be true." 

Hilarious! 

Viscerally we do all pray for this reality. 

hang on just one moment so I can have a drink and then you'll like my writing even more.

Alcohol is wonderful because even if others don't like me more when I drink I think I’m funnier

This makes me think of a wonderful line in the much-beloved series Letterkenny "People should only get hammered together so they never have to see how obnoxious their friends actually are."

Drunken conversations (come to think of it many sober ones too) are often random babble that floats from topic to topic without a coherent throughline. Many stories are not quite seen through from beginning to end. Nowadays we've branded this comedy and it even is a titled genre. Thank goodness! Non-sequiturs drive so much of the humor seen on television today and as I said, a little inebriation doesn't really hurt this “style”. Booze-fueled rants are perfect for non-sequiturs and sure, perhaps a true genius can conjure this wit sober but I'll live in the fantasy land where the gin is really helping.

Another untested theory that might help this special brand of comedy is one's gender. In an episode of my new podcast obsession (I have a lot of these) Good One, Julie Klausner attributes most of TV's best non-sequitur television not to alcoholics but to females.

This makes sense since actually talking is a necessity to this genre.

Clearly, we all owe Tina Fey quite a bit for popularizing this trend in 30 Rock. While the character she portrays in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt seems convinced she can only function if she compartmentalizes her life to the point of nightly blackouts, something tells me in real life Fey isn't coming up with these speedy off the cuff jokes in quite the same state. 

It's called ACTING, people!

In the final episodes of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Fey and the rest of the Kimmy Machine do not let us down. Appealing to my love of all random, mostly embarrassing and yet somehow unbearably relatable moments, the dialogue in these episodes is funny because you can simultaneously laugh and pretend you would absolutely never say/do/think any of these things while 100% knowing that the only thing between your behavior and theirs is just a couple more glasses of champagne. Like when Titus uses the pickles from his hamburgers as the soothing cucumbers a woman who actually takes care of her skin might rest on her eyelids while having a facial. Or when Lilian explains farties is a common nickname for children because "they smell bad, they almost always were an accident and you have to be extra worried if they're silent."

It just feels right to laugh at what we might imagine being the very worst version of ourselves.

Indeed, moments of doom can be terribly hilarious. How about the still wonderfully important Superstore a network sitcom which four seasons in still addresses important issues addressing our present socio-economic-political climate with one of the freshest voices I have yet to see on TV?! 

The crucial voice of this series is in large part thanks to another amazing female, America Ferrara (who coincidentally, was recently interviewed by NYT on the very apropos topic of being seen on TV).

This show creates truly refreshing (almost light) humor from some of the darkest plights that are facing Americans today. Health care, maternity leave, citizenship, and student loan debt... no topic is too taboo! It really should be required television as it offers quick wit, non-sequiturs, gag humor, romance and actual representation to huge parts of our population whose stories are normally left either in the margins or in tragic headlines. The diverse representation here is truly remarkable. And while I may be able to identify easily with basic bitch alcohol memes I am also fueled be a deep-seated passion for social justice and cultural-education and am equally adept at laughing at the asinine nature of my friend's plights as hard as I laugh at my own.

Like when Dina is encouraged to hold Glenn's baby for which she was the surrogate and instead voices utter disinterest; "it's kind of like shopping at Goodwill and you see a shirt you donated. For a second it feels meaningful and then you realize it's not." Or when the staff gets snowed into the store overnight and is stuck debating whether to watch Game of Thrones Season One or Friends Season Nine on DVD the general consensus is neither, "I agree, I watch TV to escape, not to watch more white people." 

How reassuring then that there are spaces on television now where everyone can be seen from the alcoholic sportscaster to the overweight black gay struggling actor, to the strong-willed assistant manager of a big box superstore. Here, in these fleshy bits, we can all laugh-- even the San Francisco personal trainer can relate. Deep down we all are imbeciles and we also all secretly would hate to change.