#imagine being told he's gonna be your future husband and then become even more unappreciative

[catgirlxox]

The Overlooked Reality of Being a Superhero's Significant Other

(Specifically, in the case of Ben 10)

"But I guess that's the deal when you decide to date a superhero." - Julie Yamamoto (Ultimate Alien - "Duped")

And this is the deal when you decide to be a superhero.

It is one thing to say that your significant other is a superhero, and it is another thing altogether to realize and accept exactly what that entails.  

First and foremost, something which has surprisingly been overlooked by many of Ben’s canon love interests is the fact that dating Ben 10 would mean that they would be agreeing to date someone who has chosen, voluntarily, to continue to make saving the world his priority. It goes unrecognised that Ben, since Alien Force, arguably even since the original series, he has chosen voluntarily to take all of the following factors and consequences into what should be his normal life. Regardless of whether it is assumed by some that he continues to be a hero for the thrill or in the interest of helping others, he has still chosen to deal with all of this. 

While the saying goes that, in every healthy relationship, both partners should sacrifice things for each other, it is almost impossible to equate any kind of sacrifice the girlfriend/significant other of a superhero can make for him in comparison to what he is voluntarily “sacrificing” everyday of his life. 

The Ultimate Alien episode “The Perfect Girlfriend” tries to handle this idea. The episode opens with Ben driving Julie to the airport, and before he can walk her up to the gate, Ben's car picks up a police report about a suspected hostage situation involving an alien criminal. The following is that report word for word:

“Ssserpent has escaped from prison...Police believe Ssserpent is holding a hostage. Negotiators are tying to reach him by phone. But how do you bargain with something like that?”

Immediately, as expected, and as indicated by Gwen’s attempt at hiding the situation from Ben so that it doesn’t get in the way of his relationship with Julie again, Ben decides to go handle it. Both Gwen and Julie are obviously upset with him for this decision. And, as I have stated multiple times when discussing these types of conflicting relationship situations, it effectively makes Ben look bad for choosing to deal with a serious call for help instead of continuing to spend time with his girlfriend.

Before I continue, I’d like to point out that we can not really balance the importance and urgency of a hostage situation and a tennis tournament. 

During this scene, Gwen also states that she could handle it instead. And, while I do not doubt that she absolutely should be able to, the last time Gwen and Kevin were up against Ssserpent in Alien Force’s “Vengeance of Vilgax” they were having a really hard time defeating him until Ben showed up. 

This only further encourages the idea that Ben has to ultimately find the solution to every problem, because, if something goes wrong, and he doesn’t stop it like they expect him to, it is automatically his fault no matter how many people are in charge of handling the situation. 

Whereas, in terms of his relationship with Julie, Ben’s decision to prioritize innocent lives which might be in danger as soon as he hears about a hostage situation, will not affect Julie’s freedom to live her life, which is what she seems to personally value the most in these types of conflicting scenarios. 

Julie: “My life is just as important as yours!” 

Returning to the episode plot, Julie, who, for the majority of this episode after the initial airport scene is actually Elena disguised as Julie, is shown “sacrificing” the things she enjoys for Ben so that their relationship would be “perfect.” 

Gwen brings up an interesting point about sacrifices within a relationship, challenging Elena-disguised-as-Julie’s point of view. 

Gwen: “I wanted to talk to you, about not going to Europe.”

Julie/Elena: “I already told you. It was an easy choice.” 

Gwen: “But it shouldn't have been.”

Julie/Elena: “Look. I love Ben. That’s all there is to it.” 

Gwen: “Fine. But that doesn’t mean you should make such a big sacrifice for him.”

Julie/Elena: “That’s what you do when you love somebody.”

Gwen: “No. You both make sacrifices for each other. What’s Ben giving up?” 

I understand where Gwen is coming from. In terms of her relationship with Kevin, they have both made sacrifices to be together, and, at this point, been through countless difficult situations which tested how far they were willing to go to stay together. Dating their former enemy, accepting their past, changing themselves for the better, and then watching each other struggle with their powers and private lives, respectively, just to name a few.

There are some people who are actually not in favour of how the build up of Gwevin was handled, or, according to them, lack thereof. Within the context of the universe they exist in however, the opportunity to form a strong connection with people who have taken you in and shown you a better way to live will have a profound effect one oneself, namely Kevin. And, just to state the obvious, one of those who helped him find a better place to be and heal was Gwen. 

Throughout Alien Force and Ultimate Alien, Ben, Gwen, and Kevin were not just a simple group of friends. They were team mates. They've been through life and death situations together. Gwen and Kevin’s bond comes out of the loyalty and strong friendship which they up kept while going through countless traumatic situations together. 

Unfortunately, this is not the same situation with Benlie.

When it comes to Ben and Julie, making these “sacrifices” for each other is not a common factor because of the disconnect and misunderstanding which divides and differentiates them. This is saddening to type because it could have absolutely brought them closer together if they could sympathize or empathize with each other, and, in turn, sacrifice things which would benefit their significant other. 

I don’t want to constantly put Julie on the spot, but I believe the “issues” she had within her relationship with Ben were unnecessarily made into a big deal. Just like us, the viewers of this show, she should perfectly capable of understanding a superhero’s reality. 

“Be careful, Ben” - Julie Yamamoto (”War of the Worlds” - Alien Force)

We were not directly there to experience what Ben has, however we can still sympathize or empathize with the human emotions he feels. Why else do we become so emotionally invested in a character such as Ben? 

You make those “sacrifices“ for another person out of the empathy or sympathy you feel for them. That is, by definition, love. And, in regards to being the significant other of a superhero, that empathy or sympathy should come out of an understanding of the things they have already sacrificed in order to obtain the title they have. Because, as I stated previously, it is difficult to equate any kind of sacrifice you can make for your significant other when their job may lead them to sacrifice their own young life in exchange for the lives of others. 

In regards to Ben, I would argue that part of what drives him to continue to try to help others is the fact that he feels empathy and sympathy for them. A superhero saves lives simply because he cares they they do not suffer. And, in order to care that others do not suffer, you must know what pain feels like. 

(”Back with a Vengeance” - Original Series)

By “pain”, I am referring to both the literal sense and the psychological sense. There have been moments in his life which have caused him either or both, and even in spite of this, he still chooses to go on with his perceived duty to be a hero so that he may prevent that kind of suffering from spreading to others. Painful moments like this would include alien criminals trying to cut his arm off, rip the watch out of his skin, or even having his family threatened to be killed. 

(”Max Out” - Alien Force)

Obviously, getting physically involved in these types of scenarios may even leave him with injuries, bruises, or scars, whether they be from fighting or potentially, in the hypothetical case that no amount of Azmuth’s ‘perfecting’ of the device can prevent it, from rapidly transforming. 

(”Showdown: Part 2″ - Omniverse)

And, I think there’s no question that anyone in Ben’s place could develop a level of PTSD, indicated by how Ben often responds when others are vulnerable to dangerous alien technology, for instance. Such as they were in the Alien Force episode “Pet Project”, where Ben refused to let his unarmed and inexperienced girlfriend go on a potentially fatal mission. 

Before I begin to explain the more serious aspects of this lifestyle which may be over looked for various reasons, I’d like to point out something Julie might have had an easier time understanding in terms of sacrifice, since, she very obviously wanted others to value her life and her tennis career.

Tennis is a sport which she is obviously very invested in and loves to play. In the first episode of Alien Force, Julie is shown approaching Ben after his Soccer match. This indicates they had something in common from the beginning - an interest in sports. 

However, since then, Soccer is something he has seemingly needed to give up when his hero work became a much bigger part of his life, and, subsequently, took up much more of his time. It is still probably something he enjoys, but he can no longer be a part of a soccer team. 

Unlike an alternate Ben, No Watch Ben, who was immediately shown playing soccer to indicate that he still had the time for it from his lack of hero responsibilities. I bring this up to show that it is also the little things which he has had to somewhat “give up” or “sacrifice” in the name of the universe’s safety. This is possibly why, when he does have “free time”, it results in him being quite invested in a video game or a movie because he finally has the chance to actually enjoy it. This kind of behaviour can be seen in pretty much every Ben 10 series. 

(”Pet Project” - Alien Force)

Perhaps the most notable instance was Omniverse’s “It’s a Mad Ben World.”

“Doors: locked. Privacy: ensured. Phone: off. Omnitrix Comm link: disabled. I must not be disturbed under any circumstances. The fate of the entire universe is at stake...

The Sumo Slammer’s Universe, that is. Ah, my first afternoon off in weeks. Nothing can possibly ruin it.” 

You know, the episode where Ben freed people from slavery and all he wanted was a little break from his demanding full time job?

It is easy to call him a “bad boyfriend” for being distracted with a video game while conveniently getting a call from his girlfriend, who is clearly upset his attention is not completely directed at her.

But did you ever consider what he might have been doing while his former girlfriend was supposedly enjoying her tennis career, and meeting new boys such as Hervé?

She seemed to want all of his attention. And, interestingly, even though many see Ben as someone who loves attention, he never really demanded much from her.

He let her be independent long enough for her to find someone new.

Julie: “I’ve been busy. Living my life and all.”

Someone like Ben probably would not even look at his work as something of a “sacrifice” because he is primarily motivated by the idea that it is what he has to do since it is the right thing to do. This is something he has believed from a young age. 

“You think I don’t know? When it’s hero time, if I mess up, somebody could die. From what you told me, if we mess up this time, everybody could die.”

“Maybe that’s too much to have in your head when you have to win. Maybe if I pretend everything’s a big joke, when the time comes, I’ll be able to do what I have to do.” - 10 year old Ben (Ultimate alien: “The Forge of Creation”)

Please realize that a ten year old boy thinks this is something he HAS TO DO.

Not “wants to.” Not “might be expected to.” 

He “has to.” 

Cartoons, such as Ben 10, created primarily for a younger audience, already slightly gloss over the more serious and scarring parts of this concept. While it is not ignored completely, realistic attributes and side effects of this reality such as graphic battle damage are not usually drawn in detail. One can only infer the trauma that is caused by many of the scenarios presented within the series. That is part of why it is so easy for younger, inexperienced, and uninformed viewers to point towards Ben and claim he is a “bad boyfriend” for not making Julie’s interest in tennis his first priority every single time. 

His “hero” persona is often made out to be fun, not serious. Even Ben himself claims that he “pretends everything is a big joke.” 

I would like to compare this to something more understandable in real life - being a military girlfriend. 

Just like a soldier, Ben is susceptible to unfortunate circumstances as a side effect of his job. Which, is important to mention because he doesn't even seem to like to call it his 'job' or his 'work.' To him, it is, more accurately, his lifestyle. This lifestyle often puts his own life on the line, as well as just his general mental and physical well being. He's very susceptible to injury, trauma, PTSD, and death. 

I would even argue that it is not entirely correct to compare him to only one soldier. He literally has the ability to be the entire army. And not just any army - a super powered, alien army. 

At the age of sixteen. 

"One man superhero team." - Professor Hokestar ("Have I got a Deal for You" - Omniverse) 

He could literally become multiple Echo Echoes, as shown in Ultimate Alien’s “Duped”, and then those individual Echo Echoes can turn into any other alien he has available to him...making quite literally, an army. 

Not to mention, as admirable as this work may be, and how easy he may make it look, that does not undermine the fact that it is still extremely dangerous and often demanding. Take Omniverse's pilot episode, "The More Things Change", for instance. 

The scene where we are shown our main trio chasing after Zombozo takes place while it is supposedly still night time. A little while later, we can see that the sun is starting to come up - it looks to be sunrise. Needless to say, another short time skip shows that it is now daytime. 

Does this imply that our heroes were up all night taking down bad guys? Or did they just get up before the sun? 

This is interesting because, as a number of other fans have speculated, it implies they might have irregular sleep schedules. The same kind of situation can be found throughout Alien Force and Ultimate alien as the series progresses, with many of the events taking place during the night while normal teenagers should be asleep. 

(”The Creature from Beyond” - Ultimate Alien)

Some have even speculated that Ben may have insomnia, possibly caused by nightmares, which, are a common side effect of PTSD - an unsurprising condition to have when this is the reality you live in. 

Throughout the rest of “The More Things Change”, Ben and Rook are shown searching for the "big bad" in charge of the recent attacks, and eventually are led to Psyphon, as well as his gang. A fight breaks out, where Ben and Rook split up taking on different opponents. 

Before I address what concerns me regarding Ben, I'd like to point out that Rook is not only armed with what seems to be quite the useful and tactile Plumber tool, but he is also wearing special armour. This isn't to say he can not be injured, but, it definitely adds some protection if he were to be in dire circumstances and unstable environments. 

Ben, very obviously, is armed with the Omnitrix - a very powerful device, one of, if not the most powerful in the Universe. However, throughout the previous events of this episode, there is a constant running gag where the Omnitrix doesn't give Ben the alien he wants. Regardless if this is his fault or not, keeping in mind this is actually a new Omnitrix and that it can still time out at this point, it makes his tool quite unreliable sometimes. And, unlike Rook, he does not wear any armour whatsoever in his human form. 

Here he is earlier, as Spidermonkey, alone, in a huge crater in the ground, which another building just fell down on top of, trying to fight Crabdozer (Zed as the Nemetrix alien).

Speaking of which, was sent after him with fatal intentions. 

Look. At. Those. Teeth.

They want to rip Ben’s face off. 

Without an alien transformation, he is barely protected from scenarios like this. (Following images from “A Jolt From the Past” and “Showdown”, respectively.)

Returning to the scene I would like to bring attention to, Psyphon effectively disables Ben's arm, as Armodrillo. 

Which, then leads Ben to throw himself into an electricity outlet, electrocuting himself to turn back to human so that he may prevent any damage potentially being caused by the out of control drill on his arm. 

This leaves him visibly disoriented and vulnerable for a minute while he is lying on the ground still recovering from being electrocuted. 

Psyphon can be shown preparing to shoot him again, now that he is human, but, this is also conveniently when Khyber's dog attacks him, and, once again, pins him to the wall.

My reasoning for including these examples is not to say that Ben 10 should somehow be seen as incompetent or weak, because that is not the case at all. 

My point is that being the girlfriend of someone who is expected to deal with situations such as these in his day to day life should include caring about how this would affect him emotionally and physically, regardless that he is capable of coming out of it alive. Just because he survives doesn’t mean he is unaffected.  

Can’t you see the look on his face in most of those screenshots?

Wouldn't it be nice if there was someone he could lean on and be vulnerable to, without having to fear them selfishly finding him guilty of not being there for them enough? 

Such as that which I have suggested in my earlier example, a military girlfriend is often expected to be their boyfriend’s “rock” - “someone you can always rely on to help and support you.” (source). 

If, even in spite of all I have already mentioned, you still insist that Ben neglected his girlfriend for some selfish reason, I’d like to remind you that he was shown trying to make it obvious that he notices and cares about how his responsibilities have affected her side of their relationship. 

Ben: It feels like I'm always running off somewhere, doesn’t it?

Julie: It’s starting to.

Ben: Can we get together tomorrow night? For sure?

Julie: I’d like that.

(”Revenge of the Swarm” - Ultimate Alien)

When lives are on the line, for him, it’s hero time no matter what. He is not only a solider in the war. He is the first, and expected to be the strongest, line of defence. He is, more often then not, the universe’s only hope. This is especially important to remember when there are often circumstances where his back up, namely The Plumbers, are rendered defenceless, such as in the scenario presented in the Omniverse two parter episode, “The Frogs of War.”

In that particular episode, the Incurseans decide to send Ben into space in order to get him off the planet, leaving Earth enslaved without a hero. 

Emperor Milleous: “I see you anywhere near this system, and I mean ANYWHERE, my mutated To'kustar pets destroy everyone and everything you ever cared about!” 

Max agrees to their terms only because he believes it will save Ben’s life.

It is quite sad to realize that Ben’s Grandpa Max has to worry about losing him at a young age since he is, quite literally, fighting wars at the age of sixteen. 

Max: “I already thought I’d lost you once today. At least this way, I’ll know you’re alive.” 

Max is referring to this explosion from earlier, which was caused by Ben and Rook crashing into an Incursean ship. 

To add to it, Ben is very adamant about helping to fight off the bad guys. Even if Max were to force him to stay out of a battle due to a malfunctioning Omnitrix, he won’t listen. You could see this as stubborn, but, for the universe which depends on him, he is always reliable. He seems to care more about stopping the threat than his own safety.

Or in other words, he never backs down. 

Ben: “I can’t let them win! I never let Vilgax win, or Aggregor! I've never backed down and I'm not about to back down now!”

I know from experience that it is one of the most heart shattering things in the world to watch grandparents bury their (far too young to be dead) grandchildren.They haven’t even been around that long, their life had only begun, but, unfortunately, it is already over. 

I don’t mean to make it seem as though we should pity him for all the things he has had to “give up” in order to be a full time superhero, but I do think it should be acknowledged, especially by the one we are going to call his significant other. 

Why? Because Ben’s love interests really wanted to make a point of the things they were supposedly giving up and undermining by being asked to value Ben’s reality.

“Try Harder! Not everything’s about you, Benjamin Tennyson! This is important to me!” - Kai Green (”The Secret of Dos Santos” - Omniverse)

When he chooses to prioritize saving the world from whatever threat may come it’s way, he is also saving the life of his supposed “significant other” because they are a part of that world and therefore they would be in danger as well. 

It would make no sense to consider it right to shun him for trying to make sure there is still a world in which he may continue to spend time with his significant other.