#imagine Michael and Eddie getting to bond and talk about it :/

[gingerwerk]

Okay I deadass feel So Stupid but one of the major plot points of the entire 911 series is fucking comphet!!!!! Eddie you don’t need to explain yourself to the audience just go be gay!!!!

[shes-an-oddbird]

A Very long list of Season 5 Predictions/Wish List

I tried to hit as many of the characters as possible so this is really really long

The trickiest thing about this show seems to be the ever growing cast creating several stories at once and the fact that it’s a show about first responders so even characters that don’t seem like they would follow that career choice end up there and those that don’t sometimes feel out of place.

This is not to say that I don’t LOVE AND ADORE FIREFIGHTER ALBERT HAN! (but really kind of thought it came out of nowhere and yet I’m not surprised because what else were they going to do with him?)

It seems unlikely they’d assign Albert to the 118 unless Bobby requests him like he did with Eddie, but I think Bobby might have some hesitations about that. They’re already as close as family and sometimes make dangerous decisions because of it. He might feel its better for Albert to be with a different fire house or maybe Chimney would.

But he’s a regular so putting him with the 118 would be the best way to give him screen time

I personally think he’ll be assigned to the 133 since we’ve seen a bit of them this season. I’d love if there was a fun rivalry between the two firehouses (whichever one Albert ends up at.) I’ve said it before that the 118 is probably notorious at this point for the weird situations they get into. The teasing and the taunting would just be so much fun to watch. Albert talking to Chim or Buck and just being like, so the guys told me about this time…

Actually can we take a moment to appreciate that the 118 got ANOTHER firetruck destroyed and this one wasn’t even theirs. The 133 spends FIVE MINUTES with Buck and Eddie and their truck is in shambles.

On a more serious note, we might meet Chimney and Albert’s dad. I’m thinking he’s not going to be thrilled about his youngest joining the fire department and show up to talk some sense into him and scold Chimney for letting him do it.

I’m so confused about how much time has passed? How long does it take to become a firefighter? They must have some sort of plan for him because cutting out him going through training seems like a lost opportunity. It’s a story we haven’t really seen through anything but montages. Is it difficult? Would he try to quit? I’d have liked to see him making the decision in the first place.

putting the rest under here because its really a lot

We’ll also miss Eddie recovering (and Bobby too actually), which I’m a little bummed about but not devastated. It sounds like we won’t see much in the way of the effects of either shooting but can’t do anything about that now unless they flash back and have them work towards that moment on the roof.

My biggest concern with the time jump is missing literally any of Maddie’s story. I don’t know much about PPD or if its called recovery or overcoming it but I do want to see Maddie work through that and Chimney and the others supporting her.

I think her leaving the dispatch center will be temporary but it may take half or all of next season for her to return.

Maybe she’ll take over for May, if she does go off to school

Or May might continue working at Dispatch and going to school.

If she doesn’t go to school Athena is not going to be very happy with her. But maybe we could get Maddie and Josh being big siblings to May which is an underappreciated dynamic. Maybe it will help Maddie cope with how useless she’s feeling with Jee.

I’ll need to rewatch to see if they say what May wants to do but maybe she’ll study journalism or something that will keep her in the loop of the main characters the way it does Taylor.

And speaking of Taylor, she is actually a very interesting character, whether you like her (morally) or not. I think we’ll see more of her in season 5 and I genuinely think she’ll fall hard for Buck. And I think everyone needs to chill about how it’ll destroy her character.  We’ve already established that Taylor is like the female version of Buck (with a bit more sense maybe but a mirror if him non the less). If Buck is allowed to grow and want an actual relationship, is anyone really surprised they’d have Taylor go through that too.

She’s just a few steps behind, like he’s in relationship phase and she’s just coming to terms with her own feelings for him

My big concern, since they like to break Buck’s poor little heart, is that she’ll leave. She’ll get a job opportunity and pick it over Buck. I think it would be a hard decision for her but in character. Or maybe they’ll surprise us and make Buck and Taylor endgame (I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that but I could see it happening that way)

On the flip side I don’t know what’s going to happen with Eddie and Ana. I know she’s pretty much hated but its super unclear what the plan is other than that they’ll eventually break up per what Carla implied. I suspect they’ll be together for a bit of season five until Eddie figures out what’s up with what his heart wants. I don’t think Ana is some awful witch so the break up will probably be mutual or at the very least Ana won’t be surprised.

But hopefully we get more than just that as far as Eddie goes. The episodes we do get that are focused on him are really some of my favorites. They are wrapping up his moving on from Shannon arc which is cool. The trying to be a good father to Christopher will always be there, that’s something that will never change and always be a growing/learning experience.

I’d love to meet one or both of Eddie’s sisters. They don’t have to stick around long term like Albert did but to have them pop up with some crisis would be interesting and we could learn more about Eddie and the dynamic with his family which seems loving but strained.

Maybe we will see Eddie working more with Hen too. I was wondering if they’d make Eddie a full paramedic to take over for her eventually, which I decided they probably won’t do. But one episode of Buck distressed over the fact that he and Eddie wouldn’t be partners anymore would be fun drama.

The two really are just at a loss without each other and I love that. They get so pouty when they’re apart.

I don’t know what other plans they might have for Buck next season. I suspect we’ll see him worrying over Maddie and I’d kill to see him watching Jee-Yun.

I don’t know how old she’ll be because of the time jump but can you imagine Buck watching the baby and it just being an absolute disaster. So he starts calling everyone in a panic and we get firefam taking care of Baby Jee, maybe while Chim and Maddie are at a therapy session or just a weekend away for themselves.

I’m convinced the Baby would love Eddie. I think its just me projecting my desire for Eddie and Maddie to interact more. But like Hen teasing him because of course the baby loves him, all the girls love Eddie, he’s got the pretty face. Buck being super jealous that Jee likes him more. Eddie being genuinely surprised because he felt like such a failure when Chris was a baby. 

Denny, Harry and Christopher are all getting older too so there has got to be a story there with at least one, if not all of them. Harry was sidelined this season but I love that kid, he is the spawn of Athena and Michael and we already know he’s a little trouble maker. Match that with Christopher who is sassy and too smart for his own good and Denny who is clearly the good kid of the bunch. I don’t know, it’s another lost opportunity if they don’t do something with that.

They could assign Karen and Hen an older foster kid who’s maybe not such a good influence at first. Unless they opt for just younger ones, I’m not really sure how that works. But they could get one that’s not as easy as nia and they have to work for that bond.

Might be they adopt them at the end

I hope we see more of Hen’s mom and med school friends but not like a crazy amount. The cast is already too big but I love them so an occasional appearance would be welcome.

I love David and Michael too but they always seem like the hardest to work in because, as stated, they are not first responders. David is a doctor though so maybe we’ll see some interaction with him and Hen. And all the Bobby and Michael content is welcome.

I NEED A WEDDING NEXT SEASON! Just pick a pair and marry them please!!! Maddie and Chimney!!! Michael and David!!! Someone, please! Even just a proposal?! Maybe? Please?

And there will be another crossover event which is exciting because I really enjoyed the first one. I wonder if they’ll come to LA this time and what would bring them there. With the scheduling of the shows next season they won’t have to tie them together so much time frame wise. They literally could just be popping in for a visit. I’m not gonna lie when I thought about another crossover I really wanted Bobby the self-taught chef to meet Charles the actual chef but now I can’t have that and it makes me so sad.

Putting all this out there is a really good way to insure it never happens, but still, they seem like logical places to go as of the finale.

[toyboy-molloy]

reddie + the historical au part two that no one asked for

Edward had changed since he’d met Richard. Everyone had noticed but, unlike Bowers, no one else seemed to mind. The young ruler no longer wished to be called Edward, preferring the much less formal ‘Eddie’. Richard, or ‘Richie’ as people had taken to calling him, was setting into the high life very well. He often greeted the public kindly, offering fist bumps and high fives to random people. He seemed quite popular and it was obvious to many why he was sticking around, often in the new king’s company.

Eddie had taken to dressing down more often, choosing casual robes and attire rather than the fancy garments his mother had made him wear when he accompanied her. Richie enjoyed pampering and lavishing Eddie with gifts, despite the fact he had everything already. He’d once returned from the market with a gaudy ruby ring for him; Eddie had been delighted with the cheap jewellery and wore it proudly on his pinky finger. But the worst thing, besides the affectionate looks, lingering touches and lack of personal space, was the fact that Eddie insisted on promoting Richie as often as he could.

“What do you think about Richie being more involved?” He’d said aloud one morning, to his group of confidantes. William and Michael agreed wholeheartedly, having grown fond of the loudmouth. Bowers didn’t say anything, hoping his distaste was evident in his expression. Lady Myra looked positively disgusted, “perhaps even Captain of the Guard?”

Bowers scoffed, “I don’t think he’s capable.”

“And he would be away a lot,” Stanley said nonchalantly, feigning disinterest in the whole thing. This seemed to pique Eddie’s curiosity, as if he’d just remembered Richie would actually have to do the job he’d given him. He shrugged, “maybe a title that would keep him here. Like, King Consort or something.”

“That’s hardly appropriate,” Myra started but was silenced by a wave of Eddie’s hand. She huffed, folding her arms and storming out of the room. Not that he noticed. He was too busy thinking about Stanley’s words.

“You don’t think that’s too presumptuous?”

"Who cares? He obviously likes you,” William said encouragingly whilst Michael nodded along. They seemed to have forgotten that Bowers was there. He certainly wouldn’t encourage this behaviour. If Sonia could see her beloved son now...

Emboldened by his friends’ words, Eddie was soon hurrying off in search of Richie. He was buzzing to tell him the good news. He didn’t have to look far. Richie was in Eddie’s bedchamber, practising his royal bows. He was looking particularly good today, his hair wild and untamed. His grin was wide and wolfish when he noticed Eddie.

“You know I could get used to all this stuff,” he emphasised his point by picking up a grape from one of the fruit bowls, popping it into his mouth, “some lady said to me today I’d make a good king. I thought she was making fun of me.”

“I’m glad you feel that way because I want you to stay,” Eddie sat at the foot of his bed, watching Richie parade around in the new robe he’d bought for him, “for a long time.”

He laughed, ruffling Eddie’s hair playfully, “well, I wasn't planning on going anywhere.”

Eddie watched him fondly, unable to stop the soft smile spreading across his face, “I was considering a position for you.”

“I like the sound of this,” Richie wiggled his eyebrows, gracelessly leaping onto the bed next to Eddie. He rolled onto his side in what he hoped was a seductive pose. If the other man’s laugh was anything to go by, he’d failed.

“I mean I suggested enlisting you as captain of the guard but I don’t think I could bare to be away from you...and if you came to harm,” it struck Richie then just how much Eddie cared for him. In the short time they’d known each other, their bond was strong and unbreakable. He would lay down his life for Eddie without question. He sat up, suddenly much closer to Eddie than he had been before, “I would like you at my side permanently.”

Swallowing, Richie reached up to move a stray hair from Eddie’s face, “you mean like...a jester? ‘cause I’ve always wanted one of those hats.”

Eddie chuckled, taking Richie’s hand in his and pressing a soft kiss to his palm, “my people have accepted you, adore you even, my friends are your friends. You make me laugh, you have made my life better since I’ve known you. I feel like I’ve known you forever. And-”

Richie silenced him with a kiss so powerful Eddie thought he was going to drown in the pleasure of it. His hands flailed until they found Richie’s shoulders; he held tight, afraid he was just imagining the moment. When they finally pulled away, Richie looked just as breathless as he felt.

“Sorry for interrupting you and I totally feel the same and stuff but I really wanted to do that,” he paused, taking several deep breaths, offering a sheepish smile, “you’re not going to throw me in prison, are you?”

"Shut up, Richie.”

And so he did.

-

"Duke of his King’s Pleasure?”

Bowers raised his head from some royal documents he’d been in the middle of signing to stare at his king, perplexed. The royal was sitting in the throne (although he used the term ‘sitting’ loosely, more like draped across it lazily), watching Richie chatting to William with a dazed look on his face. Bowers cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry, your Highness?”

“Richie’s new title. Thoughts?”

Bowers resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It was no secret what the king and his new friend had gotten up to last night; there were strict instructions for no one to disturb them and no one dared to. Bowers had spent most of the evening comforting Lady Myra, assuring her it wouldn’t last and she’d have her king. But even he wasn’t so sure anymore. It was quite clear to everyone that Richie was more than just one of Eddie’s passing fancies. Perhaps it really was true love. He shuddered at the thought.”

“I don’t think there is such a title, my lord.”

“Oh,” he paused, returning Richie’s enthusiastic wave fondly, “well there is now. We’re taking our first official outing today.”

Bowers couldn’t hold back any longer; he’d made a promise to Sonia that he’d protect her son but that didn’t mean he had to support him. He gritted his teeth, “if you’re not careful, your highness, people will start talking.”

Eddie finally looked away from Richie, frowning at Bowers, “meaning?”

"Well, they’ll think of you and Richard as...more than friends,” Bowers signed a final document, adding the royal seal. He made no effort to hide his distaste of Eddie’s lifestyle, adding, “it’s improper.”

The young king nodded, leaning back into his throne, “you think?”

"I do, yes.”

"So, I should be more subtle?”

"Yes,” Bowers sighed in relief, pleased Eddie was finally listening to him. 

He was beginning to think the boy was a lost cause. That he was still trying to punish his mother. If he had any sense, he’d settle down with Myra, have some children and forget all about Richie. Eddie rose from his throne and Bowers thought that was the last of it until Eddie approached him.

“I see. In that case, consider this: Richard, my one true love, High Consort, Coveter of the King’s Royal Backside, Divine Lover and Top Pleasurer. Would you prefer that?”

By the time he’d finished speaking, he was standing in front of Bowers’ table, leaning his hands on the desk, an eyebrow raised at the man in front of him. Bowers stared back blankly, considering his options. He could say what he really thought but that might end up with him banished or worse executed. He didn’t really believe Eddie that cruel but he wasn’t one to tempt fate. He sighed, defeated.

"Duke of his King’s Pleasure, it is, your Majesty,” Eddie smirked in satisfaction, fixing his outing attire. He’d made sure to go to the extra effort for his first walkabout with Richie. He was proud and wanted to show him off. As he walked away, Bowers followed, attempting one last effort to convince him to stop giving Richie stupid meaningless titles, “my lord, do you not think that Sir Richard the Wise, King Consort, Commander of the Empire, Master of the Bedchamber, Most Honoured Lord and Keeper of his King’s Love has enough titles already?”

Eddie considered this for all of five seconds before shrugging, “nope,” he flashed Bowers a happy grin and flounced towards Richie. He smiled as the other man kissed his cheek, taking in his outfit appreciatively. Eddie held out his hand, “ready, my love?”

“Hell yeah.”

[onimiman]

Halloween 2018 Film Retrospective (no major spoilers ahead)

Throughout the entirety of the month of October 2018, I had watched a movie everyday that was, in at least some tangential way, related to Halloween. I can't really call all of them horror films (and to find out why, please see below), although I will say that many of them were unfortunately films that ranged from mediocre to downright unwatchable; had I not been forcing myself to watch these movies for the month, I would have given up ten minutes or so in. And I know I'm a bit late to the party since I'm only posting this on November 3rd, but fuck it, here's the list anyway. So without further ado, let's begin this retrospective with not the first film I watched this October, but the last film I watched for September, which I will call Film #0.

#0: The Babysitter (2017)

The plot: A twelve-year-old boy still hangs out with his babysitter when his parents are away, and just as he is developing deeper feelings for her, he learns a dark secret about her and her friends. This prompts him to undergo a night of survival that forces him to grow up and move on from his own feelings of inadequacy.

My thoughts: This movie feels like it was somehow a holdover script from the 1990s; when the film brings up an element from 1996's hit movie Independence Day, a movie that no one gives a shit about anymore (see how its sequel, 2016's Independence Day: Resurgence, flopped hard at the box office), it serves as only one piece of evidence for that claim. However, I did find the movie to be quite fun nonetheless, even if not all of the jokes in this horror comedy quite landed the way they intended to, but to me, it did have a stable story structure and everything storywise paid off with what was established early on. It's an easy less than 90 minutes to kill on Netflix and I recommend it even if you're not a horror fan.

#1: Leatherface (2017)

The plot: In this prequel to Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, we see the birth of the cannibalistic Sawyer family's iconic member turn into this film's titular villain.

My thoughts: By all means, this was a stupid and unnecessary film that shouldn't have been made. But I went into this expecting to simply be entertained by the violence and gore that was to come about. And was I? Yes, I was, and admittedly, the film did make me feel stupid in misleading me as to who Leatherface was going to be, even though there was a piece of evidence in the movie that did make me think, “Naw, it couldn't be.” So, for that, I can't completely shit on this film. If you're not a fan of gore, you'll despise this movie, but for me, it's a guilty pleasure by far.

#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The plot: In this remake of Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre... pretty much the same shit from that film occurs in this one with only a few slight differences.

My thoughts: Having watched this not long after watching Leatherface, I knew that I was going to get something significantly more conventional, and boy did I get it. It's as boring and unmemorable as most other horror films from the 2000s are, and if I wasn't doing this retrospective, I would have forgotten this one altogether. And moreover, the kills in this are so much more disappointing than in Leatherface, with little to no gore here, so I can't even watch this from the POV of basic primal enjoyment. Skip this one whether you're a horror fan or not.

#3: Goosebumps (2015)

The plot: What starts off as a boy-meets-girl story turns into a spooktacular tale of adventure that involves stopping an army of monsters that come directly from the mind of children's horror author R.L. Stine.

My thoughts: This is a movie that I imagined that I would have enjoyed watching as a kid every now and then, especially during Halloween, but as it stands, it's a little too dull for me and it makes me question what kind of threat do any of these monsters pose to our characters if they never actually kill anyone. It's still fun, if even in a standard way, and Jack Black as R.L. Stine, while incredibly hokey in the role, is obviously having a lot of fun here, so for that, I guess I can recommend this one if you have kids. There's nothing in here that'll actually scare them (unless they're a young Justin Bieber type who'll have nightmares over fucking Scooby-Doo) so you won't have anything to worry about showing them this.

#4: Silent Hill (2006)

The plot: When a young woman takes her adopted daughter to a ghost town called Silent Hill to solve the mystery of the girl's nightmares, they are quickly separated from one another and plunged into a dark demented world with hints of a core secret that must be solved.

My thoughts: I heard about how bad this one was for years, but as I was watching it once the characters actually reached Silent Hill, I found myself enjoying it and finding it to be a legitimately scary movie. The problem? The payoff at the end. I don't know if this is the payoff in the game, but the solution somehow felt a little too mundane and I kind of eye-rolled at the film's jabs at religion (and I speak as someone who's not religious at all). Decent movie for the most part, but I can't really recommend it on account of where it all leads.

#5: Venom (2018)

The plot: When disgraced San Francisco journalist Eddie Brock sneaks into the lab owned by the business magnate who ruined his career, he is bonded to an alien parasite who gives him extraordinary abilities and the antihero persona of Venom. Together, Eddie and Venom must work together if they are to take down business magnate Carlton Drake and the symbiote that he bonded to, Riot, before they can unleash a symbiote invasion upon Earth.

My thoughts: Okay, I know this is kind of cheating because it's not really a horror film in a conventional sense, but since the movie deals with a man being bonded to something that can kill him from the inside if they are both not properly fed, I thought I'd include this movie in this retrospective. Now, with that being said, I found this movie to be pretty standard for a superhero film, and in the year that films like Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, and Deadpool 2 came out, Venom looks kind of subpar in comparison. However, as standard as the story and action scenes were, I still enjoyed it for what it was, and as cliched as it is to say this now, Tom Hardy as both Eddie and Venom have some magnificent chemistry that makes me want to see more of them in a sequel. I'd recommend it, but with this stipulation: Only if you're not too versed in superhero films.

#6: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The plot: A pair of mysterious death leads a medical doctor and the daughter of one of the victims to investigate a conspiracy in a Halloween mask-producing factory that can have far-reaching consequences.

My thoughts: I regret seeing this movie for only one reason: That this wasn't the film I saw for October 31st, because this is, by far, the most Halloweeniest movie I have ever seen. Otherwise, I enjoyed this movie more than I did the original 1978 Halloween or any of its sequels or remakes (which I'll get to later in this retrospective). While not exactly having the best atmosphere, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a very interesting movie that is draped in its titular holiday, with a unique premise to boot, that is kind of suspenseful, even if it doesn't have a real resolution. It's a film I wouldn't mind rewatching for next year, especially if it's a rainy day.

#7: Final Girl (2015)

The plot: A teenage girl is trained in rigorous self-defense techniques by a mysterious man for the purpose of combating those who seek to wrong others.

My thoughts: As trite as that premise may sound, it's still very interesting in execution, especially if one is familiar with horror movie tropes like the defenseless teenage girl who wins at the end despite all odds against her. It's decently acted and directed, it runs at just the right length, and if I have any complaints about it, I just wish we went into this movie with our killers believing that this was just going to be another of their victims so that we could be surprised at the turn of events. Other than that mil critique, it's a quaint, simple film that you could watch on Netflix on a rainy day like the previous movie above.

#8: ThanksKilling (2008)

The plot: A 500-year-old talking turkey is brought back to life via dog urine on his grave and intends to kill the nearest people nearby.

My thoughts: This movie was an abominable piece of shit that's as unbelievable in every way as the premise that I laid out above. I'm not even joking about the dog piss thing either; that's how the killer comes back. The filmmaking here is student-level amateurish, the acting in it is jaw-droppingly bad, and this film's attempts at trying to be humorous make me want to punch a cat. Never watch this movie ever.

#9: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The plot: Ten years after his killing spree in 1978's Halloween and 1981's Halloween II, Michael Myers has returned (as the title would indicate). With his sister Laurie Strode having died in a car accident in between films, Michael's new target is his niece, Jamie Lloyd, and his titular return renews the carnage that his psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis, must stop.

My thoughts: A fairly dull film that's only half as decent as the first two films and nowhere near as entertaining as the third. The acting on the parts of Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis and Danielle Harris's turn as Jamie Lloyd were the bright spots in this film, and the ending is famous for being one of the most shocking things in this series that is never followed up on. Unfortunately, I can't recommend anyone watch this, whether you're a normie or a Halloween fan, especially considering what follows...

#10: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

The plot: Pretty much the same shit as the last movie only with more self-aware corniness this time around and a shittier Michael Myers mask.

My thoughts: Ditto from what the plot described. I feel bad for Pleasance and Harris here, they are way too good for this movie.

#11: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The plot: Michael Myers finally kills his niece Jamie Lloyd, but now must go after her child as per instructions from the Cult of Thorn. But not if Dr. Loomis, Kara Strode, and Tommy Doyle have anything to say about it!

My thoughts: If you thought that how I delivered this plot wasn't exactly all that Halloweeny, believe me, this movie doesn't deserve to be treated with that kind of respect. I honestly don't want to say anything more about this movie except for these two things: what an awful last movie for Donald Pleasance to go out on before he died, and for a first movie, who woulda thought that Paul Rudd could be so damn boring?

#12: Halloween II (2009)

The plot: Director Rob Zombie takes one last shit on the Halloween franchise after his 2007 remake of the first movie debacle. Is it sad that this movie gets less of a respectful plot synopsis than the last three Halloween movies discussed on this list?

My thoughts: I saw Rob Zombie's 2007 Halloween remake in the theater, and it was one of the worst movies I'd seen on the big screen. I'm so glad I missed out on this one when this came out in theaters because holy fuck, this one makes Zombie's first Halloween look like a masterpiece in comparison. I could go on to explain why for those of you haven't seen these movies, but all I have to do is point you to Phelan Porteus's reviews of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies; he'll explain it all.

#13: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The plot: Deranged child murderer Fred Krueger returns from the dead in the form of a dream demon to kill the teenage offspring of the people who murdered him through those teenagers' dreams.

My thoughts: Finally, a legitimately good movie on this list that I don't have to dismiss as just mindless fun or even scary but with a bad payoff at the end like with Silent Hill. This movie is good even if you're not a horror fan; I whole-heartedly recommend this. And if nothing else, it's interesting to see how young Johnny Depp was, what with this being his first movie, and I could see just what the ladies saw in him back then.

#14: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

The plot: Freddy's back! And this time, he intends to enter the real world through the form of a troubled teenage boy who may or may not have some repressed feelings about himself...

My thoughts: This movie is about as subtle in its homo-eroticism as a series of Michael Bay explosions (not that I'm against homo-eroticism, since I'm a bisexual myself, I just think that this movie was a little too on the nose with that kind of stuff). And while I did find this movie to be surface-level enjoyable for the creative kills, I can't help but think that this was kind of dull, especially in comparison to the first film and as we move forward with the other sequels. The worst part about this is that I find myself scratching my head as to why this is a Nightmare on Elm Street movie when, in spite of the use of dreams here, this doesn't really feel like the Freddy Krueger we know from the first movie nor does this hold up with the character we see in the subsequent sequels. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow, Freddy's characterization seems off in this one. In spite of this film's inclusion of homo-eroticism, something we seldom see in movies like this, I have no problem saying that you can skip this one.

#15: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

The plot: Nancy Thompson, the sole survivor of the first Nightmare on Elm Street, returns with Freddy Krueger this movie, and this time, she intends to help his intended victims fight back. In a sanitarium for suicidal teens with sleep disorders, Freddy intends to kill the last of the Elm Street children. But Nancy intends to utilize the help of one of the teens, Kristen Parker, who has the special ability to unite people into a single dream space and allow them to develop their own dream powers to counter Freddy.  But Freddy isn't as easy to defeat as one may think.

My thoughts: Honestly, this is as good of a sequel as the first Nightmare on Elm Street deserved, as it's a unique take that manages to continue the story of the first in a natural yet unorthodox way, not unlike what Aliens did with Alien. The horror of the first film may be toned down significantly here, but at least the story was interesting, the characters were fun to watch, and Freddy is so much fun here. I recommend it for how Inception-y this movie can get, even if this doesn't have the same level of intelligence as that movie did.

#16: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

The plot: Despite his defeat at the end of the previous film, Freddy Krueger is resurrected and he finally accomplishes his goal of murdering the last of the Elm Street children, accomplishing his goal once and for all. However, Freddy isn't so satisfied; he wants more children and teens to kill, and he will get more, through Kristen Parker's friend, Alice Johnson, to whom Kristen gave her dream-sharing ability. So unless Alice can find a way to stop Freddy, the latter's fun could continue...

My thoughts: I think it's safe to say this is the point in the franchise when all the horror in Freddy Krueger is pretty much gone and replaced with fun schlocky Freddy. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because it's always great to see Robert Englund have fun in this role. And in spite of the writing not being as strong as it was in the first and third films, I still find myself caring about our characters like Alice, and I was genuinely saddened when the last of the Dream Warriors died. It's rare when I can actually feel that kind of sadness for dead meat characters like these. Fun watch, would recommend, but be prepared to look at Freddy in a different light. And stay around after the credits, as Freddy sings a hilarious rap that just made me smile.

#17: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

The plot: Freddy just can't stay dead, for now he has a new dream master to kill people through: Alice Johnson's unborn child, who spends 70% of his life in a dream state in his mother's womb. So how can Alice defeat Freddy this time without having to sacrifice her dream child in the process?

My thoughts: “Faster than a bastard maniac! More powerful than a loco-madman! It's Super-Freddy!” If you don't know what that scene is, I urge you to look it up, as it's the best scene of the whole movie and it really capitalizes on just how much of a joke Freddy Krueger has become at this point in the series. However, unlike the bastardization of a character like Michael Myers in, say, one of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies, Freddy is still an enjoyable enough character where even one who despises the Nightmare sequels overall can still find little jewels like the aforementioned line. Give it a watch if only for just that one scene.

#18: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

The plot: Freddy Krueger has all but run out of kills in his hometown, and now he wants to expand nationally. But not if his daughter has anything to say about it!

My thoughts: This has become pure comedy at this point. But my God this is golden. When one of this movie's kills is an extended scene of a guy jumping around with cartoonish sound effects to boot while dreaming that he's in a video game being played by Freddy, you know that the filmmakers know what kind of movie they're making. And I enjoyed this as one of the most guilty pleasure films I'd ever seen. I do think that the film ended on a somewhat anticlimactic note, but alas, the film was an interesting end to Freddy's evolution as a character of horror to a character of dark comedy, and for that, I recommend this one.

#19: Halloween (2018)

The plot: Forty years after he terrorized Haddonfield, Michael Myers has once again escaped from Smith's Grove Hospital to return to where his reign of terror all started. But this time, the one who got away, Laurie Strode, is ready for him... but her daughter and granddaughter may not be.

My thoughts: Aside from Jamie Lee Curtis's fantastic performance in this film, I thought this was just a run-of-the-mill horror film that's competent enough and has its moments but is otherwise forgettable if you forget that this is a Halloween film. If you're a Halloween fan, I think you'll be satisfied; it's certainly better than the majority of its sequels (especially The Curse of Michael Myers and Resurrection) but that's all.

#20: Meet the Blacks (2016)

The plot: During the Purge, the Black family (yes, that's their last name, and yes, the film does make several racially inappropriate jokes about it) move into an upper class white neighborhood where they are confronted by their patriarch's past in the forms of those he's financially wronged in some way or another.

My thoughts: This is only the second worst movie I've seen for this retrospective (yes, ThanksKilling is number one). Aside from all the racist jokes going on here, this movie is just a failure of a comedy and as a spoof/satire of the Purge franchise. It doesn't say anything new or fresh or in any interesting ways, and in fact, some of the “comedy” here just doesn't make any sense (then again, I just might be missing out on a reference, as if that's supposed to justify bad comedy). This movie may have been less than 90 minutes, but my God, it felt like an eternity having to slog through this piece of shit. Do I honestly even need to say skip this one?

#21: The Rezort (2015)

The plot: Years after the cancellation of the zombie apocalypse, the remaining zombies have been rounded up to an island owned by a private company where people can come and pay as tourists to shoot zombies. But when a conscientious objector sabotages the island's systems, the zombies quickly take over and many people die. So a small group of tourist survivors must reach a rendezvous point at the end of the island if they are to escape not only the zombies but also a strafing bombardment meant to eliminate the zombie outbreak.

My thoughts: For a movie that was obviously conceptualized as Jurassic Park (or Jurassic World since this park is actually running) but with zombies instead of dinosaurs, this movie ain't half-bad. The characters are nothing to write home about, although there is a Dirty Harry-type I was routing for the entire movie, and the action and plot are pretty standard for a zombie flick. Still, it's a mildly fun time and I recommend you give it a go.

#22: Scream (1996)

The plot: A mysterious serial killer who is savvy in the ways of the slasher subgenre of horror is gradually killing off various people around high schooler Sidney Prescott. So who could it be?

My thoughts: Talk about a standard slasher flick elevated by the principle of being meta. I enjoyed it, yes, and with the way the film is constructed as a whodunit, it certainly manages to stand out as above average overall. I could see how this was revolutionary back in the 1990s, but now, with pretty much every single genre movie being self-aware in some way or another, I just kind of shrug my shoulders at it as an experience. I think it helps if you're familiar with the slasher subgenre if you're to watch this, but I think it's a good enough film to stand on its own to someone who hasn't seen a slasher flick their whole lives, if only for the story.

#23: Hush (2016)

The plot: A woman with an instinctive writer's mind who is both deaf and mute in a cabin in the woods is thrust into a deadly cat-and-mouse game with a deranged serial killer who wants to toy with her before he kills her.

My thoughts: This is a movie that squeezes every bit of tension and suspense it can in the eighty-something minutes it has, and it makes good use of that tension and suspense in conjunction with its expert pacing. At no point did I think anything was dragged out; everything here was just as long as it needed to be, and it was all resolved in a satisfactory (and quite bloody) way that left me feeling, “Yep, that was a good time.”

#24: The Bye Bye Man (2017)

The plot: There is a demonic entity known as the Bye Bye Man who will psychologically torture you before he kills you if you think or say his name. And he's doing that to three young adults who are all living together in a haunted house. Yeah...

My thoughts: A very forgettable, subpar horror film with an antagonist with an awful name and no memorable appearance. Skip.

#25: Scream 2 (1997)

The plot: One year after the Woodsboro killings, Sidney Prescott is once again haunted by the return of Ghostface as she is attending college this time around. But who could Ghostface be this time? And what meta-commentaries could this movie bring forth about the slasher genre and sequels both?

My thoughts: This is a film that feels like it was planned out from the beginning as a companion piece to the first film; by that, I mean that it feels like writer Kevin Williamson always intended to have this movie be made after Scream had come out. And considering that this movie was released only a year after its predecessor, I think that theory may be true (then again, I haven't done any research for this movie, so for all I know, Williamson and Wes Craven didn't even intend for there to be a sequel in the first place). Regardless, this feels like a natural progression of the first film and while not necessarily surpassing it in terms of quality, I feel like it lives up to the first Scream in a satisfactory way.

#26: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

The plot: After years of killing horny teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees is finally blown away into literal bits and pieces by the FBI. However, his spirit lives on as his essence is passed on from person to person until he can find a permanent new body through a living blood relative, and all the while, his killing spree resumes.

My thoughts: As a movie that was intended to be the finale to Jason Voorhees, this did have some silly moments in it like Freddy's Dead but not nearly as over-the-top. And it is a little disappointing to not have Jason in his prime form like he was in Friday the 13th Part VI to VIII and, again, it was a little bit more disappointing than Freddy's Dead (which is far more entertaining), especially since this movie retcons so much of Jason's mythology that it feels like no one who worked on this movie has ever seen a Jason movie. So, yeah, I can't recommend this one unless you're a Friday the 13th fan (and even then, I don't think you'll like it).      

#27: Terrifier (2016)

The plot: A mute man in a creepy clown costume stalks multiple victims in a condemned apartment complex with ruthless killing methods that make him worthy of the moniker Terrifier.

My thoughts: Holy shit, this movie was fucking creepy... and I fucking loved it. Of course, I can't recommend it to everyone, as this movie was also ridiculously over-the-top with its violence and gore. I don't want to give anything away, but as an example, there is a scene that involves our killer, Art the Clown, with a saw and a woman's who's upside down that's one of the most shocking things I've seen... and, again, I fucking loved it. It was an unnerving film that's worthy of having been watched for this month.

#28: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

The plot: Take Jane Austin's feminist classic Pride and Prejudice and then shoe-horn a half-baked zombie plot into it. Okay...

My thoughts: I'm not familiar with Pride and Prejudice, so I went into this completely blind. But with that being said, I still thought that this was one of the most pointless, unfunny and unexciting parodies I've seen. The action scenes aren't all that good and it makes me wonder why this was adapted to the big screen. And as for the parts that are actually in Pride and Prejudice (at least as far as I can guess), I thought they were competently done, but they're just not for me. I guess someone who really Pride and Prejudice might like it, but that's only if they have a taste for zombie violence, too. Otherwise, skip this one; it's just dull.

#29: Zombeavers (2014)

The plot: A container of radioactive waste falls from a truck and floats down a river to infect a number of beavers that are nearby a cabin where a bunch of horny teenagers are. And those beavers become zombie beavers, or zombeavers.

My thoughts: I thought I was going into a movie that was going to be on the same level of bad as ThanksKilling, but thankfully, while the comedy isn't anything to write home about, the acting is at least competent and I was amused by the events that were going on. It was interesting to see what would happen if a zombeaver infected a human, and there were decent amount of subverting of expectations as to who was going to die first and who would live (and not in a Rian Johnson way either). I could see this movie not working for everyone, but it's fun enough as a creature feature with a supernatural element to it.

#30: Event Horizon (1997)

The plot: In 2047, a spaceship dubbed the Event Horizon mysteriously reappears near the edge of Earth's solar system and a salvage team is sent to investigate what happened. But as they arrive, they find that the ship may be more than just a ship now...

My thoughts: As much as I'd love to see what this movie would have looked like had the filmmakers not toned back on the violence and gore, I was still satisfied by what we got here. Sam Neill delivers a deliciously evil performance once Dr. Weir goes to the dark side that it practically borders on Tim Curry territory, and I thought the movie was a good space horror film that was just original enough to be its own thing and not be a knockoff of, say, Alien. Give it a watch; the violence you do see here ain't that bad.

#31: Halloweed (2016)

The plot: A couple of stoners move to a small town so that one of them can get away from the reputation of being the son of a now-dead serial killer. But what these stoners don't know is that they've arrived just in time for a slew of killings to start as Halloween approaches.

My thoughts: I'm mentally kicking myself for having this be the movie I ended the month of October on. This was one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen in my life; I can't remember laughing at all in this bland turd. And it could hardly qualify as a slasher film since the slasher killings don't start until there's about 49 minutes left in the film, and even then, it's barely focused on for the rest of the movie until it's resolved at the end. Skip this and don't let it be anywhere on your viewing block for next Halloween.

And that's it. Those were all 31 of the films I'd seen for the month of Halloween, one for each day. It was quite a venture, but one worth the time if only for bragging rights if not for entertainment (especially since very few of these movies were any real good). So please leave a comment, let me know if you saw any of these movies, if not for this past Halloween, then if you have seen any of these at all, and if so, let me know if you agree or disagree. Until then, here's to better films next Halloween!

*This post has been paid for and sponsored by Silver Shamrock, Inc. When you want quality masks at affordable prices, and a guarantee that they won't unleash killer insects and snakes that will trigger a potential apocalypse, look no further for a Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

[tonystarkbingo]

Week 21 Roundup!  As of today, we have 62 days left in our TSB - Round Two!  That’s just shy of 9 weeks!  

Title: About A Little Boy That Lived In A Blue World - Chapter 4: Loki, A History Collaborator: camichats Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - Abuse Ship: FrostIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Arranged marriage, first kiss, first time, explicit sexual content, past abuse, misunderstandings, getting together Summary: Fill for Tony Stark Bingo K5-Abuse Word Count: 10,444

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Title: Minus One Day Collaborator: Amy (InnitMarvelous) Link: AO3 Square Filled: A3 - free square Ship: Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: angst, major character death, grief/mourning Summary: "If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.” – Winnie the Pooh  In the aftermath of the events of Endgame, Rhodey grieves for the loss of his brother. Word Count: 2607

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Title: everything in its right place Collaborator: cvdmus Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - dark fic Ship: Tony and Peter, implied future Starker Rating: Teen Major Tags: dark Tony, demon Tony Summary: Peter starts to hear whispers from his closet, he is intrigued. Turns out destiny has a play for him. Word Count: 2146

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Title: Took You Long Enough Collaborator: queen-of-the-avengers Link: Tumblr Square Filled: S3 - poker night Ship: Natasha/Reader Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: fluff Summary: Your weekly poker night with the crew is always a fun time. This week’s wager? Dates. Word Count: 1239

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Title: Art for  Speed Dating (Isn’t Supposed to Happen in Cars) by @orbingarrow​ Collaborator: feignedsobriquet Link: Tumblr Square Filled: R3 - picture of tony stark in his racing suit Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: art of mechanic Tony and race car driver Bucky and Dum-E

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Title: Love finds a way Collaborator: ethereal-lullabies Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K5 - Team Bonding Ship: OT6 Avengers Rating: Teen Major Tags: moodboard Summary: canon divergence where the team was always in a relationship, other events still the same, though no Clint’s family, no Steve kissing Sharon, Thor dating Jane, Tony with Pepper, etc, ends with no one dying or hurt after Endgame and them having a movie night that ends up in a cuddle pile

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Title: all the time in the world Collaborator: cvdmus Link: AO3 Square Filled: T1 - gardening Ship: FrostIron, FrostWidow, IronWidow Rating: Gen Major Tags: Afterlife/Heaven, Endgame spoilers, polyamory, domestic fluff Summary: Tony Stark dies and finds himself in the afterlife which is basically a beautiful lake, surrounded by lovely flowers and trees and a cozy cabin decorated by Natasha Romanoff. Loki is also there, and they have the most common thing they can have: Love. Word Count: 3398

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Title: Coming Together (Falling Apart) Collaborator: Iron_Eirlyssa (Eirlyssa) Link: AO3 Square Filled: T5 - Anticipation Ship: Tony & Steve, Natasha, and Clint Rating: Teen Major Tags: Steve POV, Avengers family, implied/referenced torture, hurt Tony Summary: Rescue is finally coming... though it's taking longer than Steve would like for it to. Word Count: 10,296

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Title: Fancy Meeting You Here- Chapter 2: Square R4 - Date Night Collaborator: dracusfyre Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - Date Night Ship: Eddie Brock/Tony Stark Rating: Gen Major Tags: Eddie POV, BAMF Tony Summary: Eddie sees an unexpected person from his past and decides to give him a hand. Word Count: 2248

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Title: DUM-E's Drawings - Chapter 3: TON-E's hero Collaborator: LBibliophile Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - Tony in workshop Ship: Dum-E & Tony Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: TON-E is not very good at remembering about lab safety. That is why DUM-E has to be ready to protect him!

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Title: The Only Worlds We Know Collaborator: lokivsanubis Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - Wish Ship: Stuckony Rating: Gen Major Tags: major character death, grief/mourning,Celtic mythology & folklore, widowed Steve, angst and feels Summary: “Just yesterday. I found new ways to say I miss you, my god how I miss you all.” - Michael Lee, The Only Worlds We Know  A widowed Steve Rogers recounts his birthday to his lost loves on a sunny morning in July. Little does he know it won't be long till he sees them again. Word Count: 1888

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Title: Only In New York Collaborator: Trashcanakin Link: AO3 Square Filled: A2 - Only In New York Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: preslash, banter, crack, sort of animal death, innuendo, fluff Summary: Tony and Bucky go out on a mission, it definitely does not go as planned. it was supposed to be a simple mission, what did they do to deserve this? Word Count: 9549

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Title: I Missed You Collaborator: queen-of-the-avengers Link: Tumblr Square Filled: T4 - robots Ship: Tony/Reader  Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: fluff Summary: Tony is gone all the time, and you can’t leave the tower. So, what do you do? Your imagination is limitless. Word Count: 1416

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Title: You had me at 'goodbye' Collaborator: feyrelay Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Peter Parker/Spider-Man Ship: Starker Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, angst, cheating, sneaking around, not a happy ending Summary: Short & not so sweet. Tony Stark, genius-billionaire-philanthropist-family man. Word Count: 1028

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Title: You're My Playground, Love - Chapter 1 Collaborator: feyrelay Link: AO3 Square Filled: T4 - KINK: collars Ship: Starker Rating:  Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, BDSM, water sports, daddy kink, age difference, electrocution, collars Summary: Flash has been bullying Peter over every little thing he says at college. Tony, as usual, over-engineers the solution. Word Count: 7749

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Title: You're My Playground, Love - Chapter 2 Collaborator: feyrelay Link: AO3 Square Filled: S2 - whump Ship: Starker Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, BDSM, water sports, daddy kink, age difference, electrocution, collars Summary: Flash has been bullying Peter over every little thing he says at college. Tony, as usual, over-engineers the solution. Word Count: 7749

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Title: maybe we could find new ways to fall apart Collaborator: CVdmus Link: AO3 Square Filled: S5 - high school Ship: IronStrange Rating: Gen Major Tags: soulmates, soulmarks, student/teacher relationship Summary: Tony never believed in finding his Soulmate until his student from the Physics class, Stephen Strange talked about his Mark on his chest. He does what everyone would do. You’d push them away, right? Right? Word Count: 2595

[fathersonholygore]

Hulu’s The Path Season 2, Episode 3: “The Father and The Son” Directed by Michael Slovis Written by Julia Brownell

* For a recap & review of the previous episode, “Dead Moon” – click here * For a recap & review of the next episode, click here. We begin with Cal Roberts (Hugh Dancy) giving us a talk on Meyerism, saying it must not “remain static” – these are actually the words of Dr. Steven Meyer (Keir Dullea), as he talks of Cal and Sarah (Michelle Monaghan) being Guardians of the Light. Meanwhile, we flashback with Richard (Clark Middleton) to his first time taking the drugs the Meyerists do. He trips hard then Dr. Meyer comes out to comfort him. And imparts that it isn’t for him to decide who’ll lead them after he’s gone isn’t up to him: “That‘s up to the Light, man.” Ah. Now, he’s got doubts about Cal and the supposed words of the doctor coming from his lips. In other news, Mary Cox (Emma Greenwell) is worried about first time motherhood, so the cult prays for her; Abe Gaines (Rockmond Dunbar), undercover, included. Then out of nowhere, police arrive. You can see just from the look on Cal’s face this worries him. Their mere presence enough to disturb that quiet underneath the surface. Likewise, Sarah’s worried, and she isn’t as good as Cal at hiding it; not that he’s great. Well the cops were there about Hawk (Kyle Allen) and Noa (Britne Oldford) throwing a rock through a window on their previous night walk. Nothing too serious right now. Speaking of Hawk, he and his father Eddie (Aaron Paul) talk about the retreat he went on, that he “floated” and that he received a sign. When his dad brings the sceptical real world into the picture Hawk does not respond well. The kid doesn’t want anything to do with his denier father anymore. These are the first steps of Hawk’s indoctrination, fully he’s being submerged in the dangerous side of this so-called faith; the side convincing him, in his youthful idealism, that there’s something real about “the ladder” and all the other Meyerist nonsense. And he’s stuck between one parent who’s come to their senses, as well as another that’s also stuck between a rock and a hard place with her own faith. Later, Sarah takes Hawk to see the woman whose window he smashed, Libby Ducaan (Molly Price). She makes an offer: she’ll not worry about the window at all, if they “stop their campaign of false propaganda” involving the people of Clarksville. Libby even provides result of the tests on the water, to show she’s on the level. Is she? Or are we seeing another aspect of a cult where they can’t even see how their philanthropic ideals, in a rush to ‘be good’ in the eyes of the outer world, are being misused? Then we’ve got Abe and his wife Jocelyn (Jasmin Walker). Things aren’t going well. She knows that he’s doing important work undercover, she’s understanding. But it’s all Abe talks about, and simultaneously she has had to bear all his training, all his work, all this undercover stuff taking up his time. She feels as if the family’s being alienated. And y’know, we already see Abe getting too close to Nicole (Ali Ahn), so it’s not hard to imagine he might be slipping into Meyerism a little. Kodiak (James Remar) is feeling terrible about what happened to Steve, believing he let the man down. All the same, Sarah’s mother Gab (Deirdre O’Connell) comforts him; they have a history, these two. I wonder will Kodiak being around cause friction? Seems like there’s an unresolved love there, or at the very least a passion. In a not unexpected development, Hawk starts opening up to Cal, who begins playing the father figure role. Yeah, that’s going to turn out well. Nevertheless, they bond and Cal willingly steps in to try giving him direction. And across the street Eddie watches, as his son slips away, from him, and further into the cult. So he makes a split decision to confront them. Eddie tries appealing to his boy, he tries to be understanding. He’s desperate. Hawk runs off while Cal puts up a tough front, and Eddie makes clear: “I will fucking murder you before I let you take him from me.” Together, Richard and Kodiak look over the final few Rungs, the former believing Steve didn’t write the last three Rungs. And Kodiak’s inclined to believe he didn’t. They wonder now if the man drawn on the cave in Peru, involved in Steve’s death, was in fact Cal.

Mary goes for a talk with Sarah. She reveals that her baby may or may not belong to Sean (Paul James). She’s concerned that he’ll be devastated finding out the child isn’t his (no telling what Cal will do if he knew for sure). However, Sarah has other things on her mind. Eddie contacts his estranged wife. They met and he’s clearly angry about Hawk, what Cal and possibly Sarah are putting in his head. No telling where all this is headed, but I know it ain’t good. Note: Truly fantastic score from Will Bates (Imperium). In the next scene, this pounding rhythm takes over and drives the tension you feel mounting. This goes on for a stretch of time, as paranoia begins setting in. On the road Eddie notices someone following him. Does he? Soon the car vanishes, and he’s relieved. Then at a gas station the car pulls up, a young guy gets out. Quickly, Eddie pumps his gas and takes off. He meets Chloe Jones (Leven Rambin) for a drink at a casino, telling her about all the madness of his life as of late. When Eddie sees the guy from the gas station this sets his paranoid mind off, big time: “I‘m not letting them control me, okay?” he all but yells at Chloe. When Sarah talks to Hawk, he says he’s filled with rage. And therefore Cal will help him “channel” all that. Like an unknowingly oxymoronic statement. He further rejects his father, and his mother worries for what she can’t say: Cal is a god damned murderer, one who’s killed his own friend. Super choice of a role model. Somehow Sarah continues falling for him and she’s, essentially, asking him to offer up money in exchange for her silence re: his sins. Finally, Mary suggests to Sean the baby may not be his, and without words confirms she may be carrying Cal’s child. Uh oh. I wonder, will Sean let his old self through and take out his frustrations on the cult leader? Sarah finds out Ducaan’s testing isn’t complete. Hundreds of thousands of dollars are needed to do the rest, which is, of course, why nobody has found anything major yet as proof. But she knows there’s something wrong. She’s trying to reassure a Clarksville farmer they’re doing their best to help. “I will take on your burden,” Sarah tells him before taking a drink of the contaminated water herself. Stupid faith, and now poison, runs through her veins. In a car park Cal confronts Lisa about their tax exempt status. He wants their application pushed through, though she says exemptions are being pushed back for a while. Cal wants to be repaid for Meyerism helping her in a time of need. He’s being unbearably creepy, physically threatening without ever uttering a threat or raising a hand. And while everyone else goes on with their lives, Richard and Kodiak summon the spirit of Dr. Steven Meyer. They beat drums, hoping to speak with him. Kodiak reveals Steve is “not in the light.” Worst of all, Eddie starts having a bad reaction to the alcohol he drank with Chloe. He’s rushed to a hospital, his breathing staggered, his face going deep red. Will he make it through?

I loved this episode. The personal tensions between characters are coming to a head, and the family of Lanes is coming apart at the seams. Like a juggling act, seeing who’ll be able to carry the biggest emotional load, and who’ll succumb to defeat. The Path – Season 2, Episode 3: “The Father and The Son” Hulu's The Path Season 2, Episode 3: "The Father and The Son" Directed by Michael Slovis…

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda

Welcome, welcome, welcome. After last weeks very entertaining trainwreck, I gotta say I was pretty fucking pumped to revisit the AYTO cast. Nothing makes these recaps easier to write than failure of other people. Lucky for me, this cast not only fails but also does some straight-up stupid shit in the process. I mean, between Tyler and Carolina these recaps practically write themselves.

Anyways, Im drinking cheap wine and my laptop is charged. Lets begin now.

AFTER BLACKING OUT AND LOSING A SHIT TON OF MONEY

Carolina has produced enough tears to give the town of Flint some clean water. Shes literally moving from one location to the other just fucking sobbing. Joeys pretty upset toonow hes a loveless trashman. Sad!

They are both like kneeling on the floor, praying to sweet baby Jesus that they can overcome this horrible hardship of losing your love of two weeks. Joeys low-key kneeling down to pick up some trash off the ground because you cannot take the man away from his livelihood, goddammit.

Kathryn/Rushboobs is like ARE WE DONE?? to Ozzy and its like, uh, is this a trick question? Oh duh, I forgot shes an education major from FSU. Someone needs to basically fucking spell out how this game works for her.

Ozzy tries to let her down easy and she storms off because how dare he try and focus on the whole object of the game!?

Kam, the girl with the grey/purple hair as my mom calls her (like, mom its a three fucking letter name), is like “OKAY EVERYONE STOP FUCKING CRYING.” I am Kam, Kam is me.

Rushboobs cant help that she has a lot of feelings and the fucking mentality of a 14-year-old.

Tee is like “I WANT A BOYFRIEND WITH A BRAIN.” And when you want an intellectual boyfriend the first place you should go is an MTV reality show. *cough, cough BULLSHIT cough*

Shes into Oswaldo, who is low-key hot but also looks like Austin Ames friend from (the one in the middle). YEAH, I KNOW, IM FUCKING RIGHT.

He is talking about how he wants to be a businessman and watches Animal Planet because knowledge is power. Yeah, I bet watching episodes of is really going to put you ahead in your fuckin career.

Honestly, I cannot hear him saying anything besides diner girl.

THE CHALLENGE

Can I just saylots of slow motion running this season. We get it. You use special effects.

The game involves the casts social media and they have to answer questions based off their profiles. Apparently they all are fucking crazy online too, further solidifying the fact that they will never get jobs in the real world.

Except Joey. Trash collecting doesnt have a lot of requirements to it.

They all are asked the same questions and need to find the answer for their partner in a maze like web that Ryan so cleverly calls the inter-net.

Whenever Ryan says something fucking cheesy that cast cracks up like its the best shit theyve ever heard. I imagine producers are standing behind them with like guns pointed to their backsfucking laugh at Ryans pun or Ill murder your family. Carolina, shed a tear if you need help.

Thats not really a thing, you fucking idiots.

It goes like this:

Question: Biggest turnoff in a guy?

JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who listens, because I listen. ALSO JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who eats food because I eat food.

Joey, be a doll and never speak again. Thanks!

Question: If I won the lotto what would I buy?

NORMAL PEOPLE: A plane ticket anywhere in the world! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would donate to charity! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would pay loans! HAYDEN: ME BUY LARGE TRUCK.

Question: Whats a gross habit you have?

OZZY: Im just here to fuck Carolina, so Im picking the first thing I see *picks wipes boogers on the wall* CAROLINA: Omg he knows me so well!!!

Note to self, never, ever go to Carolinas booger house.

Hayden and Rushboobs get in first, Joey and KARI get second. To make it even more awkward, Ozzy and Carolina get third. Oh, I love this.

Ryan tells them they are all going hiking with monkeys and Ozzy has to act excited, like he doesnt do that every other day.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Michael is like I WAS AN EMT BUT I QUIT BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT? Thats like being like I WAS A VET, BUT ANIMALS, RIGHT? Michael, further implicating himself as unemployable.

Gianna is like, still having a lady boner over Michael and Hayden has developed a city on Friendzone Island where he is now the mayor. Shes like, laying all over him and totally loving the fact that hes more whipped than a girl in BDSM porn.

Carolina is in love with Ozzy faster than President Trump can delete the LGBT Rights page from his website. Quite suddenly, hes the hottest guy in the house and she liked him the whole time she was with Joey. Hmm, sounds like alternative facts.

Shes like “MY PARENTS WOULD LOVE YOU” hes like “mmmm okay, Booger rubber.”

Also, when talking to the camera separately, Carolina seems like the most boring person literally ever. Was she on a sedative? Why do I feel like they put her on this show like, mid-wisdom teeth removal?

Rushboobs is pounding wine, honestly same, while Ozzy and Carolina start making out.

Tyler, this seasons resident fuckboy, is like Shannon is fun and flirty! Which is the way of saying easy! Shannon, you seem nice, but when you speak I want to throw myself in front of a fucking train. Her voice truly sounds like everything annoying in the world just took a massive shit in her vocal chords. Did she do the voice over for Bubbles in ?

Taylor is like “dafuq is this?” And straight-up calls Tyler out. Shes like you didnt even get to know me very calmly and Tyler is like WOAH.

TYLER: YOU ARENT MY GIRLFRIEND TAYLOR: I know, I just wanted to get to know you because you seem cool TYLER: WOW, WHAT A CRAZY BITCH

Rushboobs is talking to Ozzy about how she still cares about him and shell never forget the 14 days they had together on a reality show, where everything is pretty much superficial.

Carolina comes in hot and is like “RUSHBOOBS DOESNT KNOW IF IM GOOD FOR OZZY OR NOT! not even understanding that they arent talking about her.

Joey comes in to defend Rushboobs and mostly just shit talk Carolina. Joey starts yelling at Carolina about how she juggles guys and shes crazy and all this other bullshit. Joey, pull your tampon out and quit being a little baby about this. Move the fuck on. Youre a single trashmanyour life can only go up from here!

Joeys like “WHY DONT YOU TAKE A FIRST CLASS FLIGHT HOME WITH OZZY!!!!” And its like, ooooohhh good one, bro, and Ozzys like uh, Im from here. Ozzys mom will be picking him up after the show, thanks for the concern though.

Shannon is talking to Tyler and I swear I have heard more interesting shit come out of a Baby Born doll. Why do you sound like you survive on a diet of rainbows and helium? Whatever, they annoy me. Moving on.

THE DATE WITH ALL THE LITTLE BIRDIES AND THE MONKEYS

They go to play with the monkeys and Carolina is like we took food out and the animals attacked us. Wow, groundbreaking.

She and Ozzy start making out and its like, could you just chill for a second? There are fucking animals eating corn off your head.

Joey starts complaining to KARI about Carolina and shes like I think you still like her. KARIs in med school man, dont fuck with her. Also, she can literally see into your mind with those big-ass eyes of hers.

Hes like “I SWEAR ON MY LIFE IM OVER IT! I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LOVED THAT I AM SO OVER THAT HORRIBLE, HATEFUL, CRAZY BITCH CAROLINA.” The trashman doth protest too much.

KARI leaves because she doesnt need this bullshit. She can fucking read minds and save people. Time to move the fuck on.

Am I watching ? Because I swore I just heard Joey say can I steal her for a minute? Joey, do not fucking try to hybrid my reality shows rn!

He pulls Carolina aside and is like KARI WONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU!!! Uh, wait what? Carolina starts yelling and this is just a goddam mess. Honestly, the sexual tensionyou could cut it with a knife.

Ozzy goes to save Carolina before she starts rubbing boogers all over Joeys face.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Carolina and Ozzy are in the Truth Booth, thank god. Put me out of my fucking misery.

But wait, Ryan offers a deal where they dont send Ozzy and Carolina and they take $150,000 bucks instead. But if they take the money, they can never send those two in the truth booth again. Damn Ryan, back at it again with the shitty trades.

The house is divided with Kam being like CAROLINA IS CRAZY TAKE THE MONEY and everyone else being like hmmm idk.

Ryan asks Derrick, who is like the unofficial spokesperson of the house, what their plan is and they decide to not take the truth booth trade. Damn, Ive heard stupider shit come out of Kellyanne Conways mouth.

And lookie here, NO MATCH.

Moral of the story: Listen to Kam. Listen to me. Never make a decision on your own. Bye!

Carolina is crying again. Someone put a Brita filter under this bitch.

Rushboobs is like wow this is so sad *smiles* *dances* *throws flowers around the room* *throws party*

Joey and Rushboobs bond over alcohol and their hatred of Carolina and start flirting. This is how it goes, I shit you not:

RUSHBOOBS: Stop! JOEY: No, you stop *leans in closer* RUSHBOOBS: No, you stop *leans in closer* ME: NO SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN STOP.

Ive seen better flirting skills from a fucking third grader. Where did you learn to communicate with the opposite sex, Rushboobsyour students? Joey, I dont even want to know how your livelihood has affected your lovelife.

Tee is like “I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCK OSWALDO,” and its like, wow okay. Shoutout to her parents. But also, do you girl #womensmarch

KARI and Tyler start talking. Tylers playing the role of the victim like I cant help that every girl wants to bone me! wow, life must be so hard for you. How do you even get up in the morning?

Tyler is hot though, dammit. Always the pretty ones. KARI ends up straddling him and they go to bed together. Well. Okay then.

Meanwhile, Kam and Eddie are hanging out and giving me couple goals. If they arent a match Im fucking throwing hands.

MTV: Kam and Eddie, you are not a couple ME: CASH ME OUTSIDE, HOW BOW DAH

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

The girls pick tonight so hopefully it wont be too much of a shit show.

Rushboobs picks Joey, a trashy match made in heaven.

Tee picks Osvaldo, the knowledgeable son of a bitch. I imagine he is just whispering animal facts into her ear all night.

Hannah picks Derrick/Kellyanne.

Casandra and Jaylen. Yawn.

Kam and Eddie, because duh.

Shannon picks Tyler. Yuck. Ryans like Tyler, hows it going? And Tylers like “I GOT TO KNOW KARI INTIMATELY!” Okay. Not the question but whatever. So classy. Goddam, I want to kiss your face but also hit it with shovel???

Hes like I was sauced and tries to act like it was a drunken thing. Very cool of him. And STOP USING THE TERM SAUCED. Like I literally just picture you rolling around in marinara.

KARIs like fuck it, yeah I gave him a handjob. Wow, okay MTV youre really doin the damn thing. Honestly, who hasnt given a regretful handjob?

Taylor is crying because shes like wait you never even spoke to me! Everyone, including me, feels bad for Taylor because like, Tylers fucking gross.

Tyler: The funny thing about a conversation is give me a handjob.

Tylers like I guess Im the bad guy and its like, hmmm, what gave it away? I shall play you the worlds smallest violin. Can you hear it?

Carolina picks Hayden and Giannas like “WTF NO.”

Gianna picks Ozzy and Ozzy literally looks like he wants to kill himself. Relatable.

Alicia picks Mike. Cool story.

Taylor comes up and crying and Ryans like how do you feel? Uh how do you think she fucking feels? Is the crying not a clue? Shes like I feel disrespected but honestly, when am I ever not. This is like a speech from a movie.

TAYLOR TO TYLER: But waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing. (name the movie)

Taylor picks Michael as her perfect match.

Andre is like “Taylor is hot and sad. I make happy. We bone. Yay!”

Im endorsing that couple RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Andre and KARI are left.

They are all like we cannot get another blackout! and Im like just fuck me up, fam. Give me another blackout, make my goddam day.

But alas, they get 4 BEAMS. Not bad for a bunch of pretty degenerates.

Cant wait to see what fuckery next week holds!

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from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda