#im yet to read this without making any changes actually so even i havent properly proofread this yet

[tara-the-star]

the choiceless hope in grief by farq [Rated T, 6/6 Chapters, 5903 Words, Complete]

Jean knew that the world outside was better than what he experienced in the Nest, but he didn’t dare to hope for a better life. He was, and forever would be, alone.

Until Renee.

Or, Renee rescues Jean from the Nest.

written for @aftgficwritingmonth & @allforthegamebingo

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[gluestickcherrybum]

Happy Earth Day peeps! ヾ(@°▽°@)ノ

I haven’t written in a while but I wanted to write something for this occasion, and more posts about environmentalism since its something i’m quite passionate about. Coronavirus is pretty much all anyone’s talking about lately. And as a result , our entire way of living has been adjusted due to the outbreak: Staying indoors, washing our hands, and social distancing has become the new normal.

But just because we’re experiencing difficult times doesn’t mean we should lose sight of the bigger picture which is caring for the earth. 

Thinking about sustainability is even more important now because it connects us to the world at a time we’re told to quarantine ourselves. We’re told now more than ever to purchase single-use hand sanitizers, face masks, gloves, and other products. 

Unfortunately, these items will likely end up in landfills, or worse - the environment. Already, face masks are polluting the shores of Hong Kong. Also, people fear reusable items like never before - some businesses flat out refusing reusable mugs, containers and produce bags. While I understand we want to stay healthy, and prevent the spread of the virus, we should still make a conscious effort to think about how our decisions effect the Earth too. So, with this in mind, here’s how to stay zero waste during the coronavirus outbreak.

Why should we care about zero waste right now?

Sustainability probably isn’t on the forefront of anyone’s mind right now, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still care or talk about it. As I mentioned earlier, thinking about sustainability helps us connect to the world in a time we’re told to bunker down and stay inside. It helps us appreciate things and maybe view the world a little differently. And, as scary and disheartening as all of this is - there is some good news too.

For example, there have been several reports of clearer waters in Venice where fish are now visible. Air pollution has dropped significantly in Italy due to the fact that fewer fossil fuels are being burned from people staying indoors. Even New York, Los Angels, Chicago, Seattle and Atlanta have reported significant drops in air pollution.

I’m well aware these positive changes come at a cost - so they’re bittersweet, at most. However, they can’t be ignored. It would be fantastic if, after the emergency is over, we could remember the beauty we’ve seen reappear in the world and do our best to preserve it.

There’s of course negative news as well, single-use items are being disposed on the daily and ending up littering up our community. Worst part is, these gloves and masks are not biodegradable or good for the environment - they’re made with petroleum. They’re also a health hazard because you can’t exactly pick these items up without worrying you’ll catch something.

That’s why it’s so important to think about sustainability right now. And zero waste does figure into all of that. By remaining zero waste during this time, we’re acting on our commitment to bettering the planet as a whole. 

How can I stay zero waste during the coronavirus outbreak?

Thankfully, there are several ways to make an impact during this time. All hope is far from lost.

Make the most of your food by reducing food waste

In this hard time, the food we eat should be cherished. With so many people struggling to put meals on the table due to job loss, we need to make our food last us. One way we can do this is by cooking with leftovers. For example, if you have some leftover rice and vegetables - make fried rice. Or turn boiled potatoes into mash.You can also get creative and make vegetable stock out of food scraps, turn mushy berries into jam, pickle some fruit. Or getting into some good old composting.

Invest in reusable masks and gloves

During this time, you’ll likely see a ton of people walking around with face masks and gloves on. Most of them are single use too. As I mentioned earlier, lots of face masks and gloves are being littered right now. 

It’s bad enough these items are single use only, they should be disposed of properly. Face masks have already started to wash up on the shores of Hong Kong in addition to other ocean polluters. Yikes.

Cloth masks havent been proven to be as efficient as clinical face masks in filtering the air, but for those who are sick and would like to prevent infection to others, the cotton does aid in catching water droplets from coughing and such. Just make sure to wash them regularly.

Instead of plastic gloves, consider using those reusable rubber gloves that people use to wash dishes sometimes. You can wash them with soap or even boil them to disinfect.

Decluttering

If you haven’t yet read Marie Kondo’s book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, now’s a good time to get inspired. Time to go through all of your items and find the items that truly “spark joy” and be rid of the rest. Unfortunately during this time, you can’t exactly donate items to thrift shops. More than likely, thrift shops will be closed. However, you can at least set items aside to be donated once all of this is over. If you’re not comfortable waiting that long, you can always try selling it online like on Depop or Carousel.

That said, don’t be afraid to throw certain things out. I know that may seem kind of counterproductive, as I’m advising you to stay zero waste during this crisis.However, I’m fully aware there are some items we hold onto as zero wasters because we hope to keep them out of the landfill as long as possible. Items that are hard to recycle, or we don’t know how to recycle; items we believe we can fix but never get around to fixing; items simply destined for landfill one way or the other.

I know it hurts to let these items go, but you have to. It’s good for your mental health, and for the sake of your home. Remember: There is no such thing as being fully zero waste. We can get very close, but the truth is, our economy is a linear one. And every living creature creates waste of some sort. Now, this doesn’t mean I want you throwing out perfectly good items. Try to find items homes first! See if your friends or family want items you don’t first. Then, if not, seek to donate or sell. But obviously things like clothing tags and junk mail must go.

Invest in reusable period products

At this moment of crisis, with everyone panic buying basic necessities, menstrual pads and tampons are starting to get scarce so much so, you might have a hard time finding those items these days . This might be a good time to try out some sustainable alternatives. Women spend an enormous price in period products throughout their lifetime, so investing in reusables not only keeps a phenomenal amount of waste from landfills, but also saves the time going to the store and a whole lot of money.

Personally i use a menstrual cup (which i might write a whole post about it later), but for the less adventurous there are a good few other choices like reusable cloth pads and period panties (which sounded like a miracle when i first heard about them, but i haven’t seemed to be able to find any sold locally for now)

Heck, invest in reusable anything…

Its not just pads and tampons with reusable counterparts, if you want to get a little advanced in zero waste, try swapping out any disposable items possible, like stainless steel safety razors for plastic ones (ask your granddad), the infamous metal straw for plastic straws, or even things as simple as bar soap for bottled body soap.

Shop for food without the waste

During this time, please only stock up on what you need. You don’t have to hoard food - there’s plenty to go around. There’s more than enough food for everyone. Just take what you need and leave some for others.

To continue shopping sustainably, you can bring your own reusable shopping bags or produce bags (or you can diy some from old pillow cases)

I understand not everyone will be able to shop in bulk during this time for dry goods. So, you should shop as if you have no bulk food options. This means opting for items packaged in paper, cardboard, glass and aluminum.

If you must get something packaged in plastic, get the biggest container you can afford. Smaller plastics especially cling film are harder to or even impossible to recycle. Less than 9% of plastic is actually recycled so the less we consume, the less will likely end up in the landfill or oceans.

And thats all for today’s post, im sorry if its posted a bit later on Earth day than expected. I hope everyone is safe and healthy during these hard times. And if youre a student, i hope the online classes arent as bad as people say (im conveniently on a special leave of absence this semester (see my last post) so i have no idea how its going down) and if youre interested in more tips and tricks in being zero waste, feel free to hit me up and maybe ill write more posts like these. Thanks for reading ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

[wormssss]

so. basically. tl;dr i ffuucking hate school it sucks and it doesnt. do ANYTHING but make things worse . anyway.

the schooling system like. it sucks for me specifically in a few ways idk abt anyone else. for starters; neurodivergency literally at all makes it so hard to function in a classroom environment. its so loud? idk if anyone else gets that in their classrooms but you can hear my class of 23~ from the bottom floor of the 3 story building and that’s considered quiet. as well as like, i cannot function in a classroom without my friends? im out at school and like.... everyones.. transphobic obv why wouldnt they be, and its not in like a..any avoidable way. if i sit with the guys they’ll refuse to talk to me and deadname me all period adn if i sit with the girls theyll laugh at me every time i fucking breathe idk, but the school still thinks putting me in a classroom with kids that visibly hate me and see me as a CRINGE ENTERTAINMENT IRONY MACHINE is like a good idea? and a good way for me to make friends? i dont know if its my luck or if they’re deliberately doing it, but, next term for example i have drama and cooking as classes. two of my friends also have cooking ....but they dont have me in their class. they’re together. but im not in their class. im on my own because other than them and the girl who already did cooking these past two terms (so she cant do it next term) i have.... no other friends. so im definitely in a class of complete strangers! and the way they have this school, you have no choice but to work with someone else in a cooking class...... you are paired with someone in the same mini kitchen and its a disaster but i digress.

also, like. school goes for 6 hours. by the time you get home and get changed and get settled, its sunset so you can’t go out and do anything. you can’t go to the park or climb a tree. youre stuck inside. your family is like groggy from work or whatever and doesnt want to talk to you. you have no energy to get online and talk to your friends online. or theyre asleep. so basically at least for me i get... no time to actually talk to my friends, for example i havent had an actual conversation with piper in like... two months i swear. we’ve forgotten how to talk to eachother and that actually goes with all of my friends. by the weekend we’re still awkward because we havent spoken in months so we can’t really even talk. and because of this rigid like, routine you have to have to actually be able to go to school at all (wake up 7. eat. get dressed. go to school. come home. get changed. eat. shower. go to bed. repeat), i actually like.... find myself. forgetting Everything. i dont know what it is about strict routine where i cannot be myself (my school has a strict and ugly uniform), but it makes me ... completely forget everything slowly and my memory decays. my time blindness gets worse to the point where i dont know what month it is on a regular basis and like... i ditch a lot? because of this? maybe if the schedule didnt make me dissociate and forget everything i wouldnt ditch constantly and like. actually go to school. but like my attendance is... im not at school 25% of the time because i physically cannot go every single day and attend to that rigid and exact cycle that doesnt even teach me anything

doesnt even teach me anything? i dont ... learn anything from school. they like. reteach the same meaningless part of a subject every single year. every year in religious studies in october i learn about the rosary and we spend a lot of the period praying the rosary and i like. ok. cool. its a religious school yeah but what am i actually learning from this. and every year in social studies we learn abt the waitangi treaty but the way they teach it is so whitewashed and utopian and its fucked and they teach it the same way every year around the same time. and anzac day. and in math im not going to use any of those skills you teach me, i dont care about algebra or anything because thats not really going to actually help me in my life im an artist for fucks sake teach me about managing my own finances! teach me how to do taxes! teach me how to function in the society i live in! teach me the important things that ill sink under or die without knowing i want to actually know important things but by cramming so many unimportant things in my brain all the time i forget the actual important things, i fucking failed basic addition and subtraction last year, i’ve forgotten division and multiplication past the 10 times table, but i can vaguely read an algebra equasion BUT FUCKING ALGEBRA EQUASIONS WILL NEVER UFCKING GET ME ANYWJERE!!!!! and it makes me so fucking angry i want to learn and function and KNOW

and the way they tightly bundle everyone to being one conforming individual who dresses like everyone else, is at the same intelligence level as everyone else, is a catholic like everyone else, does not question authority as everyone else or does not question themselves like everyone else or think like anyone else OR BE DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE makes me want to FUCKING THROW UP. there are so many hopes and dreams that i remember watching from primary school to now sink into a hopeless pit of stereotypes and basic conformity, people who used to be nice are suffocated into being horrible people so that theyre liked by their peers or get anny attention from the school at all, guys who used to respect women (god forbid) suddenly becoming horrible to anyone of any slightly different gender identity but you can actually see on their face how weird it is to them, waves of 11-14 year olds getting nose studs that get infected and they’re forced to have them taken out by the school, kids trying to do their makeup to look like SOMEONE to BE AT ALL DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE are put right back in their place and told to take it all off and their parents are called and if youre caught with the wrong jacket your parents are called and youre told youre too poor to wear what the school provides yet THEY DONT EVEN LET YOU WEAR WHAT THE SCHOOL PROVIDES WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 70 DOLLAR HOODIE FOR WHEN YOU WONT LET ME WEAR IT WHILE IM SHIVERING I DONT SEE THE POINT OF ENFORCING SUCH TIGHT POINTLESS SMALL BOUNDARIES OF WHAT A PERSON CAN BE WHY IS IT SO LIMITED? are we not allowed to do anything? you cant even have one strip of hair dye yet a teacher can have a full head of bright purple hair what’s that about? you can have antisemetic pins on your senior year blazer jacket but the second you put a pride pin on there youre called to the principals office and asked why youre promoting this to kids

you try a speech on trans rights and they dont even pass you and pretend its because you got over the time limit but you didnt, you timed it yourself for your friends you didnt get over the time limit and you know it but you didnt even place in fourth you placed last out of 6 or 8 and you wonder why that is because every year in the past you soared into first so whats that about???? in my speech i said be yourself and dont be afraid to experiment with your gender lightly and they told me to take it out because its seen as too much and i said what the fuck? that’s the most important part of my speech, i want to promote acceptance in others and the self and they said take it out or you cant present your speech. they actively suffocate any sort of self expression or nonconformity of any sort you have to be a plain cookiecutter boy or girl and thats it you cannot be anything else, for nearly 6 months theyve fought me and my mom about my hair but if anyones being hurt by it its me because it draws more attention to the kid you can call slurs, are you hurt because im actually expressing myself? are you hurt by my little sharp stud earrings and my industrial piercing and the embroidered cuff on my shirt? are you offended by the heart on my belt or the platforms on my school shoes because the last time i checked none of these were illegal things to have at school

this kind  of got a lot angrier than i meant to make it but ive been . really angry abt this for the past year idk. i really just wanted to write this because i ahvent spoken to piper properly in months and the way we talk now seems like when we just met but i cannot carry a conversation anymore because school knocked the wind out of me all over again and the sudden inability to talk to any of my friends online makes me want to scream until my lungs give out im so tired

[murcuryretro]

3:09 a.m (est) 7-8-20

So JUST now, I was watching a T.V show called “Toys that made us” which actually inspired me to never stop dreaming. Althought the sales of toys have dramaticllly declined,the passion and creativity behind these toys is what makes them LEGENDARY. There are toys that will be forever KNOWN. Imagine creating something that never dies , making history as well. Amazing, truly inspiring. Now with that being said, decided to write down some of my thoughts before going to bed. Before logging in, the wifi randomly had cut off, cutting off the show I had been watching, and decided it was a sign to get on the laptop instead. I get on it, but to my “surprise” NO WIFI. I then ask my bf whos been sitting on the couch playing with his new switch for a few hours, pretty much since I got home from work Ive seen him sitting there and still is, IF he can please check the router. Anything the requires some brain power , is too much for him!!! I over loooked it for so many years, now its starting to bite me in the ass. He then gets up to check the wires, and ask if I had pay. I said no but its not due yet. Also even if it was overdue they dont CUT everything off until way after. ANYWHO, I use my hotspot so that I can check, and its not due until the 15th, SO AGAIN, i ask him to check the wires, because there were clear instructions on the screen about what might be wrong and it wasnt the WIFI it was the router itself. So we had internet , just wasn’t properly transmitted. So after asking him to check the router, he quickly starts complaining about the mess the last cable guy made, complaining how he cant turn it on and, giving me an attitude and a tone because he just can’t, doing the bare min, literally TOUCHED 1 wire and gave up, saying he feels better if someone else disconnects the wire to check, as he goes back on the couch, THEN complains how we HAVE To call them and give them a piece of our mind since we are paying customers. Funny thing is , when we says “we”, he means ME. He would never actually get on the phone and explain to a company his fustrations. It would be me, while hes most likely sitting on the couch playing video games or REALLY mad sitting on the couch not playing video games, because of the wifi. What bothers me most is the lack of responsiblity he takes on. Also like he wants to avoid all grown men responsiblities, its become the biggest turn-off and been thinking of ways to have real conversation with him without him getting butt hurt because he is very sensitive, also he plays victim and I cant let him do that. He is not a victim at all , in anyway, but the second i confront him about something he is trying to avoid, he plays victim. Im so tired of being the one that has to constantly asses every situation were ever in. Hes the man for goodness sake. In reality he’s a beta and I’m in alpha. which makes this kinda hard. Previous relationship , we were both alphas and as much as we did bump heads, we also agreed on a lot and learned things together as the are new to us. Other times, we both take the lead in situations and it was like working with 2 heads rather than 1. Now it feels like just 1 head with 2 people. And like they always say, 2 heads are BETTER than 1. I just feel so lost, because I’m so use to have a Man that can handle business without me, who uses their OWN judgement, I don’t even want to talk down on him, but as time goes on and were not doing anything for ourselves,I start to feel this hole, void, in my heart, something is missing, something is wrong. Why is he such a good person with a great heart but lacks what makes a person resilent. For years he has lied to everyone about having his license. Why ? Im not sure, not that I lived with him for a over a year, I know why, hes scared of real life responsiblities that he would have to handle himself because no one else will. No health insurance, even tho its free now in days, because thats just another responiblity he does not want or care to have, Even for his own health. UNLESS I push him, which I have brought up so many times, but I can not do it for him.Then his license, I have asked him to get it and he said okay, never did, asked him again, said he will do it, does it and forgets the date, then he says he will make a new date, havent heard anything about. I dont know how much more I need to annoy him about ?! Since I’ve met him  Im the ONLY driver, driving us everywhere. Any place, its me. Since 2016, its 2020. Not sure whats stopping him, He also brags a lot about the money he makes and he saves it, buys some toys for himself, and takes me out on dinner dates. Which I apprecaite so much of course, but I wish he would do more for himself. Hes just so scared of life I believe, I could be wrong, but thats all he seems to prove since Ive met him! Very sensitive and he likes attention. NEVER noticed that until a FEW people brought that up and I do see that very clearly now. Its hard to have a partner who only values what he says and disregard me. I can let him talk and I go along with it, he on the other hand, cant wait for me to stop talking and he never gives any kinda feedback because he wasnt really listening. Im getting pretty tired of it. Im starting to think I may have made the wrong decision. Whenever something is wrong its like I need to be the leader of the problem and fix it myself, and I think he thinks I like the idea of being the head bitch in charge but in reality its exhausting and just one sided. I have never seen him actually take control of a critical situation without my help. I always end up being the one to finalize everything, as if he HAS to go thru me. Which I do appreciate but it just also feels like he does it to hand me down the rest of the solution. Like NO! Once in a while would be nice if he did things that turn out fine, all alone. NEVER happens. I know of everything and mostly fix it myself.Even THINGS, Hes not hands on so things that would need a quick fix, something my dad would fix easily, john would have a total meltdown and give up fast as fuck. I thought having a person this gentel would be good for my soul but I think its the opposite. Since the day that we rekindle our friendship 2 years ago,I started using hard drugs, LITERALLY the day after we hung out at a show we were both at. I havent been okay since dec 2018 and i though dating him would make me feel better and help fix that void in me, so far, nothing.... I can see I’m stringing this relationship along and Im not sure if I should continue.I have very high hopes with living an amazing life with him, I always saw it in him , that WE would be perfect for each other. I think I based a book by its cover and the first two pages and ran with it. Without reading the whole book, and its not turning out so much as what I thought we would be. He quickly became like a grandpa once we started to date, and then telling me he didnt like when i went out, it was just so shocking considering that we , him, I and all my friends would go all the time, he loved he things I loved to do too, so wtf ?! He almost changed into a person I didnt want to date, the second we started to date. So confusing and almost decieved. Almost he faked how chill he was to get closer to me, It wasnt until a year ish later that I realized , I have been seeing only 1 side of him, the side he wanted me to see, and I loved it, and then the real him I didnt Know and frankly Im not sure if I really like. He loves me so fucking much, but I dont feel fulfilled. Something feels very off, I am missing something and I truly dont know what it is. I hope that we can help each other grow whether alone or together, I just want to know what I wanna do with my life and I need more motivation than what Im getting right now. I feel like im slowing my life down and going no where. I dont like it and I dont want this going on any longer.I NEED to find my way!!!! I hope hes there either as my bf or my friend and we work things out. wish me luck in whatever  I choose to do. THNXX  

[hungwy]

@ the 2 long fr ask v sorry anon u better read this cuz i typed a lot for u...

full ask:

full disclosure im not really sure where im going with this but i read your wall of text and i’m really curious about your worldbuilding frm a (supposedly, rip) writer perspective !!

you said that you were interested in gods that were more abstract and less anthropomorphic, so perhaps you could expand on that? it sounds like a fascinating concept because often people relate gods to humans somehow (either as all-powerful deities that somehow are capable of human-like reasoning and motivations, deities that can be Understood to a degree by regular human beings, or as concepts that people are already familiar with aka Personified Concept Of Justice or w.e), so it could be interesting to see an exploration of how human beings would relate to supernatural forces they’re not equipped to understand, whose motives and abilities are entirely outside of the scope of current human ideas about the world—humans seem to have a natural tendency to generalize and categorize things down into something they can grasp and work with, so culture evolving around trying to figure out a way to model the world in light of that could naturally breed the divergence between human ideas & Truth About Deities you mentioned.

if you think about it, a lot of things even in our “plain” universe that seemingly obeys scientific laws we’re systematically working on discovering can be pretty awe-inspiring in nature, right?? so many things are so far beyond general understanding that to the uninitiated, they can be pretty close to magic, even if there are ways to dig deeper into them and understand them more (or whatever we consider to be “understanding”). so it’s possible that in your universe the fundamenal forces governing things could be just. different? on a really core level, which naturally sends humans scrambling to make some kind of sense of things. i mean, we already kind of do, with religious explanations stepping in, so perhaps that would be more dramatic in a world where the unknowable is even more fucked and unperceivable to your human societies.

naturally, that might give more power to religion than science, if people have practical experiences that their “science” cannot explain well (maybe because it’s beyond human logic in the first place) & that religion seems to provide some kind of answer for. it might also keep the mysticism; religious belief might require some degree of dedication, which might be a risk in itself if you’re an average person playing with forces no one can properly explain yet. organized science might be struggling to catch up and maintain credibility; but at the core, it could also be that there’s nothing particularly unscientific about the source of what is perceived as magic/“gods”—just that the barrier to perceiving them in a logical and systematical manner with no spiritual aspect to it could be a lot higher, which then tempts people to go with the most accessible explanations. (again, made more tempting if your magic is powerful enough to represent some kind of real danger—framed as “displeasing the gods” or w.e, maybe—or to provide some highly desired abilities, even if their source is misunderstood by human beings thru misframing the entire concept.)

long messy rant aside, very very curious to know more about your ideas !!! do you intend magic to be some kind of old-as-time concept that human beings are slowly developing a relationship with/a deeper understanding of over the ages, where they develop their (possibly flawed) understanding of gods as well?? or is their understanding catalyzed by some specific event, presumably an interaction by said gods with society? do these “gods” have any perception of human society? pls share more if you are inclined to !! :>

(sorry if the rant was overstepping ahh i really got carried away didn’t i)

id like to preface this with i havent slept. PLEASE ask me clarifying questions

i think from a cultural perspective it would make sense for humans to anthropomorphize higher powers in order to relate to it better. even further i think (though i haven't really fleshed out the actual capabilities and motives of gods) gods would have the ability to appear to us as human or human-like. in this essay i typed completely without planning i will construct how.

i first have to consider the form or forms of divinity and how that relates to my -- ideally -- material universe. should i incorporate gods and magic as material phenomena that are observably composed of matter and energy -- or reactions of some sort of transcendent immaterial reality beyond normal human sense and reason? im sort of leaning towards that more spiritual reality. choosing that means id have to explain how incomprehensible, unknowable forces work and interact with comprehensible, study-able forces, which frankly is a lot more complex than just tossing in someone like Zeus.

so the question basically being asked is how does this divine force come to create our world? id basically have to create a whole metaphysical system. maybe i could give credence to panpsychism and say everything has sentience and subjective experience, and some vague actuation by this transcendental force began our universe. this Transcendence that shifts with eternal (but cyclical) change produces some sort of transcendental force which "peaks" as consciousness/sentience/experience (that panpsychism). (the "troughs" of this force are what we'd call other dimensions or planes, and this is where i plan for gods to reside) anyway, this consciousness is our fundamental “thing”, our atom, our quark, our light, whatever; consciousness itself IS the physical world. the shifting of this force means that our universe, too, is in constant (but cyclical) change, and has a regularity that comes with extending from one entity that allows the universe to be systematic and wholly not chaotic. im tempted here to say the Transcendence naturally promotes a balance of consciousness (= material reality) by interfering with those peaks of material reality. now im not claiming to understand the mechanisms of transcendent immaterial reality but certainly i should be able to claim that this universe is a closed system in which exchanges of transcendent force are allowed but exchanges of matter and energy (as we understand them) aren't.

we still have the problem of how we create an entity like a god, and magical forces. Remember that the transcendental force has both peaks and troughs of consciousness and therefore material reality.  Through this dualism of peak and trough (though not really a dualism… ive equated this force to a wave which means that there is GRADUAL change) I can now create two opposing realities: our universe and the antiuniverse. im basically just going to say that the realization of consciousness in the antiuniverse comes in the form of magic (=energy) and gods (=matter). just as with our universe, once you get down far enough the difference between magic/energy and gods/matter isn’t really apparent. it’s all really just a spectrum. Anyway. heres the big big big part: the troughs and peaks connect due to the nature of a wave being gradual. Our world affects theirs, theirs ours, etc. albeit not a whole lot for reasons I don’t care to think about. Matter and energy can travel into the antiuniverse and interact with magic and gods and vice-versa.

SO just gonna throw in here that like humans and rocks some gods will have more animacy than others (more magic) and will be able to purposefully and willfully travel into our universe. when they manifest they must cause some kind of eldritch psychological terror because they are a completely different realization of matter which frankly is probably impossible to comprehend. but more animate gods (more animate than humans) would be able to “correct” their forms into recognizable entities with magic, as id believe if humanity were to transcend their animacy they could rearrange their forms with energy. I think from here we can relatively easily extrapolate what gods are, provide them conscious motivations, create a hierarchy of gods and lesser supernatural entities, explain divine interference, etc etc etc. if you have any questions i can make up more answers!

NOW I can get to your points! youre indeed right that this could be “an exploration of how human beings would relate to supernatural forces they’re not equipped to understand, whose motives and abilities are entirely outside of the scope of current human ideas about the world”. in fact thats exactly underlies what religion will be about. humans wont be aware of another world at all except for a few souls who learned this secret knowledge. humans wont understand theres a massive rift between the strange occurrences that belong to our world and the even stranger occurrences invading it from the antiuniverse. everything is just sort of conflated to gods, ghosts, spirits, monsters. their experience with the physics of magic means that only gods in control of magic can really bestow any magical control to humanity (though id argue everything with consciousness has innate magical potential to some extent).  but here gods could actually be what is the equivalent to displeasement, the unsatisfaction of their intents, the disruption of their motives, etc, and have destructive reactions towards it, just as they can be pleased, satisfied, and complete (though these would just be approximations using human emotion).

[kitsunebishake]

Why Hríd is such an amazing character who just got done wrong during his “character arc” (SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE BOOK II AND FORGING BONDS)

WARMING: THIS IS JUST ONE LONG ASS LOVEMAIL POST FOR HRÍD

this was originally written as a thread on twitter but i’ll try my best to put it all here because someone asked for it some time ago

I’m putting it here because @chascah suggested i uploaded it here as well for those people who actually appreciate the icy boy

this is basically an analysis to most if not every quote from hríd, also adding some translations and little details from the japanese quotes (and some lore behind the whole idea of hríd’s new year alt)

let’s start then!

lemme start with the fact that hríd only appeared in 3 out of 13 chapters, yet is the character that caught my interest the most (funny because i already had a crush on alfonse, then i saw hríd and was like "oh, hello there")

hríd arrived like a half-dead yet somehow composed prince who somehow (x2) survived by himself in múspell for weeks (maybe even months, there's no exact timeline but it is canon that alfonse and the others spent some weeks in nifl, it probably also took them a while to navigate through múspell until loki arrived as ylgr)

he served as some kind of excuse to not put bruno too much with the main characters, practically a messenger only despite this guy being alive with burns and a broken sword (the crack on gjöll's blade hurts bc he couldve actually lost his sword and ended up defenseless in battle oof)

so, there was no really much use of his character other than being a magical solution for everything

he even helped unmask loki (though they never explain why hríd suspected of ylgr, we only know loki's own take)

btw, can we talk about the fact he probably outsmarted loki while the others weren't yet in múspell? he terrorized surtr's army and even outsmarted laegjarn and laevatein

and since he survived for so long i believe most of his wounds were made by surtr himself

they never really say whether he actually managed to kill surtr or not, but let's say yes just to add up on all of the things hríd does just in the story

at first glance it looks like he's doing nothing, but reading further into it and applying some logic

hríd's... he's pretty impressive for a prince so young

gotta also add how hríd appears less impulsive in japanese than in english

when "alfonse" blames him for being a traitor, hríd gets to the defensive immediately in english

in japanese, he's more in shock, probably because after all he's tried, he's being doubted by his allies (which shows a lot how much he cares about being perceived as perfect, something i'll get on to later if i have enough time)

I added this part in the middle of the whole thing because it was a different thread so excuse the sudden change of topic, kinda. It’s supposed to be from the last conversation in Book 2, where Fjorm tells Hríd she’s going to stay in Askr despite her “condition”.

"I understand your feelings, Sister. By all means, go. I will pray for your safety."

this is one of the quotes i'd like to put in that one hríd character thread i want to make

the feeling behind this quote got completely lost in translation, as there's no way to translate it properly

in japanese, hríd uses a pecular way of speech to refer to his sister here he says "... I get it. If that is what you wish, it's alright to go. I'll pray for your safety." the peculiar part, aside from hríds "..." is where he refers to fjorm, the "you"

hríd normally uses "kimi" to refer to people, which is like a more... gentle? way of speaking? men usually use it towards women bc they want to treat them nicely, and jps in general use it with people they don't know (it's that, or "anata" or "[name]-san")

yet here, hríd decides to use "omae" to refer to fjorm, which is more informal and even rude (specially for someone who normally uses "kimi", it means he wanted to express some kind of anger or frustration about fjorm's decision without saying it directly,,,,,,,,,,,,,which is very japanese to do so,,,,,, *looks into the distant "most japanese people i've known don't directly say 'no' and instead go 'hmmmmmm' '*very indirectly rejects*' and it's probably a fact*)

it feels like instead of being supportive, hríd just understood there was no way of convincing fjorm to stay with them

so he gave up and felt hurt by that

please protect hríd

Back to the rest of the analysis.

now let's talk about forging bonds, in the wiki there's only the opening part transcribed in japanese, the rest is only on english (i curse not having started playing 3 months earlier orz)

the first thing you can notice in the japanese version is how informal hríd is when he's stressed

while he speaks in an usually softer manner, here, he doesn't even greet ylgr and gunnthrá, he goes directly to "gunnthrá... ah, ylgr is here too" (he kinda does the same in the mainstory, where he just says “ah, fjorm, you’re okay... ylgr too :)”)

AND IMMEDIATELY, HIS NEXT TEXT IS HIM CALLING GUNNTHRÁ WITH "OMAE”

ALREADY DEEP INTO THE STRESS OF MÚSPELL INVADING THEM

this shows how easily stressed hríd gets and how much he lets his emotions dirve his attitude and actions (which makes sense with the part where he tells fjorm she should be the one wielding leiptr and not him, he's too emotional despite how much he tries not to be)

in these parts we also see some level of deattachment from gunnthrá, on english he goes "sister..." by the end of the opening conversation

in the jp, however, he stays silent, he doesn't even call her name

idk if it's just me overanalyzing it, but from my experience with animoo and vidya, it feels a little weird that he says nothing there, like he's thinking (this is probably foreshadowing hríd's inner feelings oof)

something that i particularily like about this event is that hríd seems so at ease when he's on the dreams, even in the english translation it seems like that he mentions it might be because he feels at ease with kiran but i feel like it also has to do with the fact they're just a dream, it's not the real world, there's nothing to worry in a world where there's no war

at least, that's the feeling his dialogues give me

the closest thing to that hríd is his lvl40 speech and ny hríd (who's happier)

the only quote where hríd mentions some type of concern for his mother btw

from here on it only gets worse when it comes to hríd, though

he speaks about the invasion and such he talks in a way that implies he's probably taking the role of a commander (same as how it is implied he trains the soldier, or that he trains with them, though since he's been training alone with fjorm for so long, it's most likely the former) aside from that, he's weighting on himself the responsibility of what happens to nifl and what happens to his family

and since he's doing so, here's when it comes the part of hríd not being able to care about himself

this young man is carrying a heavy weight, the hopes and dreams and lives of many innocent and PEACEFUL people who barely even know how to fight, on top of those of his loved ones

it doesn't seem like anyone asked him to, not even his mother or sisters

he just decided it on his own that he needed to be "the perfect prince/king" in order to "protect" them

/even if it costs him his life/

he prepared his sisters for that moment (which, might give an insight that hríd knew more than he says, but let's leave my conspiracy theories aside lol)

and to THAT PART, we can add this from the mainstory

in english, when he's rescued, he thanks them for doing so

but in the jp text he actually apologizes for it

not sure how to exactly translate it, but it's something along the lines of "my apologies...for having to be saved..."

idk you guys, but it sounds like what someone who just failed to commit suicide would say, instead of someone who's grateful to be alive

and it makes sense, with how obsessed hríd seems to be about "dying for his loved ones" despite it not being entirely necessary

i mean, look at that, he survived surtr and was aided by bruno as he escaped (probably? they never say what exactly happened, but since they're looking for hríd and not for bruno, it's most likely that they just found each other by accident)

and yes, even though he seems to calm down with those thoughts during the sequence, it is only a dream and we know he has no recolection of them

he forgets completely about that motivation to keep living, which leads him into further down the path of death  (whichinnorsemythologymightbecalledhríd,,,,,,orgjöll,,,ykow?)

im still not done, havent even gotten to his unit quotes lmao

hríd still did his best to survive for as long as he could, but it feels more like his strategic "i'm making time for fjorm and the askrans to make their moves" purely, out of the fact he didn't seem too happy to survive until he saw fjorm and ylgr

hat's all of hríd's quotes from that event, i can finally move on to his unit quotes

let's start with this one, luckily it is practically the same quote in both languages

this immediatelly counters any "hríd is boring" comment

though that is subjective, in my case what drove me even further into loving hríd was how different he was from usual characters related to ice

he might come off as cold sometimes, but it's purely because he's actually really dense/has a really bad sense of humor

in jp he tries to make an ice joke, but says "it's not suitable for him" (which is funny because in english he does have ice puns and i hate it)

1. he doesn't mention his mother 2. hríd blaming himself and being kinda gloomy part 1 

"I should have protected my people and sisters, I couldn't play that role... I can never forget that." 

this part hurts a lot (it's a little more poetic than the og one, i like it lol)

he could be talking about himself, about his sisters, his people, or all together, since the four of them have expressed desire for peace, and all four ended hurt by such thing

this part is scary, though it's not as much in english

NOT BECAUSE OF THE TRANSLATION, but because of his battle lines in eng (i'll get to that first and then come back to this one)

the most shockingly different skill trigger is the second one

the first one is exactly the same the third one in jp is "this is the last blow" (or smth like that) the fourth one is a little weird to translate (ice upon you works, but "freeze your life" sounds a little scary??)

OKAY BUT THE SECOND ONE ALONG WITH THE VOICE CLIP

IT KINDA SCARES ME A LITTLE FOR MY CUTE SWEET MOCHI BOY

it literally says "no mercy for the enemy"

IT'S LITERALLY SUGAR COATED, hríd went from a gentle giant to a merciless killer (who knows how many muspellians he's killed???) thanks to surtr and his fucking ass

hríd blaming himself and being gloomy part 2

the fact that he has not one, not two, not three, but about 5 to 6 lines that imply he's still dueling over everything that happened during the war is hurtful, he really can't forgive himself for that

he also sounds a little dead to me here (it’s one of the voiced quotes from his status page!)

which brings me back to the initial scary one

hríd is obsessed with earning his peace no matter what

and for that, he wants to get stronger

for that, he's willing to even perish, for everyone's sake

it's so sickening for me since i can kinda relate???? it reminds me a lot of the kind of wording they use for depression-themed japanese works, with the "peace" part and his willingness to just die anytime (which, is actually pretty normal for a warrior outside of FE. outside)

iT MAKES ME FEEL BAD BUT AT THE SAME TIME i kinda like he's written this way

AND EVEN WHEN HE'S LIKE THAT, hríd is still a gentle sweetheart who speaks so kindly you kinda forgets how merciless he is in the battlefield

like, the audio where he holds kiran's hands???? where he speaks about how the order of heroes saved nifl????? EVEN WHEN HE GETS STARTLED

he's always such a gentle and kind person

it makes me hate surtr even more because they didn't deserve this

hríd didn't deserve going through all of this fucking shit HE. DESERVED. HAPPINESS. AND PEACE.

then there's the ny hríd

he's an angel

a happy angel who makes me a little sad bc og hríd is not as happy

From here on everything was written like 2 weeks after the previous stuff :’) i’m sowwy

he's a resolute prince, he has the resolution of saving even at least one person,,,,,instead of being a "king", instead of being a "brother", or a "prince", he just wants to be "a hero",,,

hello, this is my opening statement of why ny hríd makes me cry with just existing

welcome

let us start with something that makes his quotes even better, particularily the previous quote and his lvl40 speech, which is the powerful meaning of this alt itself for a character such as hríd

in japan, new year used to be celebrated not at the end of the year, but at the end of winter, which is where geishun comes into the scheme, as it currently means "new years greetings" but in those old times, it was actually "welcoming spring" (or something along those lines i suck for precise translations)

and that's where our next quote comes into the picture

hríd speaks about nifl's winter, about how it practically symbolizes the nifleans' strength and will power

the alt itself is a more positive hríd, one who's willing to try his hardest for everyone, who doesn't regret his past, but looks into the future and has the purpose of being even better than before

of course, this hríd didn't suffer the same fate as the OG hríd, as he still has all 3 sisters (i want to believe ylgr was with them, just not shown bc of the lack of space for a sixth character) and now also 2 new allies to power their search for peace and strength to defend that peace

so, while our normal hríd is desparate to become stronger and suffers, this hríd is like his pole opposite, it's like the sun and the moon (too bad this hríd has no default special, sol would've fit him so well)

can we talk about how he feels so comfortable wearing the celebratory outfit?

the obi (the.....thing that acts as a belt) should be tied strongly enough so the hakama (the pants) doesnt fall down while he fights, yet he feels comfortable with it

i mean, it isn't as constrictive as a kimono as it doesn't prevent him from moving around freely, but he still shouldn't normally feel as comfortable with it as he is, he's never even worn something like that (it is implied, at least) yet he's loving it, isn't it adorable???

one time i joked about hríd being able to feel when winter is coming or when snow will start falling but

i think this quote pretty much confirmed it (YOU CAN'T SAY IT'S BECAUSE IT'S WARM, IT DOES SNOW IN ASKR WE'VE SEEN IT)

blessed boy munchs a whole fucking piece of mixed flour with FOUR HUNDRED GRAMS OF FUCKING SUGAR 

he's got a sweet tooth i know it, i know my people when i see them

it's just that he doesn't seem disgusted, and he also only mentions the mochi so we can assume he didn't drink sake or matcha with it

he ate the fucking thing alone and apparently liked it

we have a sweet angel, guys

i just think this quote is cute, he loves cold just as much as i love him

t HIS IS SUCH AN IMPROVEMENT FROM OUR NORMAL HRÍD HE'S SO POSITIVE AND DETERMINED I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

though in japanese, the last quote is a little more gloomy

im not entirely sure of how to properly translate it *looks at the jisho page of the kanji he cant understand* it's certainly a word

but it could be something like "to be in such a predicament from so early in the year... I'm unable to say it's pathetic..."

i???? imagine he says he "can't say it" because he's trying to be positive?????? or something along those lines, but saying it proves he's taking it way to the extreme

nasakenai can also be shameful or miserable, pitable, disgraceful stuff like that

i'm not sure how to describe this quote?

this time it's the english localisation that kinda throws me off, i don't understand what he's trying to say lmao

in japenese he's saying something about having been graced this early in the new year

7 years speaking english and i still can't break down complex phrases the only reason i've survived this long is through the power of deduction abilities

pray for me

u know hríd's damaged quotes in english are all grunts, right?

in japanese, this hríd has a peculiar quote i find adorable when he gets damaged

he says "as expected from you...!"

hE'S COMPLIMENTING HIS ENEMY, THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO SAYS NO MERCY AS HE KILLS THE FOE

btw listening to his english quotes is so funny

he sounds so damn cool in japanese and in english he

he sounds like a fucking nerd

I THINK IM TAKING A LIKING TO HIS ENGLISH VOICE ACTING PURELY BECAUSE HE SOUNDS STUPID

compare this (JP) https://gamepedia.cursecdn.com/feheroes_gamepedia_en/1/12/VOICE_Hr%C3%ADd_Resolute_Prince_SKILL_2_jp.wav

to this (ENG) https://gamepedia.cursecdn.com/feheroes_gamepedia_en/6/6a/VOICE_Hr%C3%ADd_Resolute_Prince_SKILL_2.wav

it's the exact same quote by the two different VAs

HE SOUNDS LIKE A NERD IN THE ENGLISH VERSION I CAN'T

back to translations and analysis

i hate this one

his eng quote is more positive while the japanese one is something along the lines of "I was useless... I'm sorry..."

I

HATE

IT

look, say whatever you want, but hríd is such a sweet man

he cares for people and he tries his best to be the perfect prince everyone thinks he is

AND FOR HIS *MORE POSITIVE VERSION* TO SAY THIS AS HE IS DEFEATED IS JUST

WHAT DID HE DO TO U INTSYS TO MAKE HIM SUFFER THIS MUCH??

despite how "im so useless...!" his japanese version is

he way he says these two quotes sounds way more positive in japanese lmao it's the same translation, only that he's more "I'll repay you!!!!!!" in jp ( https://gamepedia.cursecdn.com/feheroes_gamepedia_en/3/34/VOICE_Hr%C3%ADd_Resolute_Prince_MAP_3_jp.wav )

adorable

can’t use emojis on this pc so i’ll just leave the whole screenshot here

you see this quote here?

this is what it actually says

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY CHANGED IT BUT I THINK IT'S CUTE BECAUSE I THINK HE DIDN'T JUST SWALLOW THE WHOLE MOCHI

HE ATE IT NORMALLY AND THINKS HE'S GOT SOME ON HIS CLOTHES BC PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT HIM LGHDSKLGSDFKS

why are u so cute aaaaaaa///////////

this is probably the translation of hríd's quotes i hate the most  in english it just...sounds so rude

in japanese it's more like "could you please tell me if i'm wearing these clothes wrong? i'll fix it fast"

he's trying to be respectful to the hoshidans sobs

THESE TWO QUOTES ARE SO DIFFERENT BUT SO EQUALLY ADORABLE AND POWERFUL

THIS 180~195CM OR SO MAN IS THE MOST ADORABLE PERSON IN THIS WHOLE PUTRID PLANET AND IM GOING TO TELL YOU WHY

first, this is my fave quote on english

he sounds so confused as to why people think the hoshidan clothes suit him

HE'S. NOT. AWARE. OF HOW FUCKING GOOD HE LOOKS.

TELL ME THAT'S NOT THE CUTEST SHIT EVER HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT

to make it more adorable, in japanese, the original quote is something like "I wonder what makes a type of clothing 'suit' you..."

HE'S GOING ALL PHYLOSOFICAL ON THAT SHIT probably because people keep telling him he looks good in that kind of clothing

this man's density is so powerful that he can't even begin to understand people find him attractive and that the attire literally makes him go from a 10 to a 1000000000000000000

he doesn't get it and he wants to know if it's really true so he goes out of his way TO ASK KIRAN

i love hríd so much he's so adorabl e

i want to give him a hug

with this i finish my thread for now

for now

hopefully we will get another alt for hríd and i can come back to spam about how adorable his quotes are

please stan hríd he's literally an angel

[magicrested-a]

okay so far i’m thinking Wyatt comes to the Salvatore School in episode eight while the focus is on Hope & Alaric finding Landon. But, here we go! a plan of what he’s been doing. my sweet dumb son. Just a little note too that Wyatt is very hush hush about the fact that he fights demons. @melliwell​ and I have come up with a lil hc that explains why demons aren’t very common in legacies and it has a lot to do with Mystic Falls almost having a ‘barrier’ against demons (shay can explain it better like i suck at this stuff haha) so demons aren’t as common for them. They’re the ‘baddest bads almost’ while for wyatt, they’re bread and butter. 

However, Wyatt doesn’t keep it from them for that reason. He mostly just doesn’t talk much about demons simply because he doesn’t want to seem like a freak - or to scare people. Only Alaric knows the full history and details about Wyatt thanks to Piper. But in student teacher confidentiality, he keeps it private.

( also this is hecken long and im sorry i get way into shit so it’s under the read more! )

SEASON 1

EPISODE EIGHT - Maybe I Should Start From The End

After losing control of his powers in a very severe way ( detailed explanation here ) Wyatt is brought to the school by Piper and Leo who are shown around by Emma and Dorian (while Alaric is off with Hope on ‘business’). They are given a tour and eventually Dorian and Emma take Piper and Leo to Alaric's office to talk further about ‘details’. Wyatt is then left with MG who gives him a tour, shows him where all his classes are and where his room is. Wyatt is less than enthusiastic and while he’s not rude - he just doesn’t show much attention to it all and is a little sassy about the whole vampire deal. He doesn’t talk to anyone other than MG and a few people who are curious about him. But when Hope and Landon come back. Wyatt is immediately drawn to Hope - who wouldn’t be?

EPISODE NINE - What Was Hope Doing In Your Dreams?

Wyatt is introduced to Alaric and has a conversation with him about the school, why he’s there and how they can help. Wyatt doesn’t accept Alaric’s promise at first. He finds it all very insincere and is sarcastic towards him. He doesn’t mean to be so cold towards him, rude even, but the whole situation has left Wyatt very bitter - while he’s trying to hide how scared he is. Being separated from his family is extremely hard for him but Wyatt knows that he needs to be at that school.

Though, when he hears about the monsters targeting the school and eventually the night hag. Wyatt goes from bitter, to annoyed really quick. This school was supposed to be a safe, calm place. In some part of his mind, he was hoping he’d get the chance to just live as himself - to leave all the monsters and demons behind. Eventually, after asking around, he’s caught up on the history of the monsters and their obsession with the school. 

For the first few days that Wyatt had been at the school he’d only met MG and seen the rest around. But when Hope gets the team together and explains the plan he sneaks in, sits in and listens for a short while, until volunteering to help. It’s then that Wyatt meets Kaleb, Landon, Rafael, and properly - Hope. None of them trust him, they don’t know him and he followed them and eavesdropped on them but when he says he can and wants to help, they let him stay.

He doesn’t actually have as much as a nightmare that the rest do. Rather, he’s stuck in darkness - not like malivore (more like the underworld only less caves), but full of thick shadows that wrap around him. While the rest are dealing with their nightmares, he’s just stuck in that empty place trying to find a way out. 

EPISODE TEN - There's a World Where Your Dreams Came True

In this episode Wyatt mostly just focuses on his classes and has his first session with Emma. He’s very reluctant to open up, despite Emma knowing a lot about him already. Wyatt just has never felt comfortable being open and vulnerable. He’s had too much of a history where being that has hurt him, or others, even more. So its not as much of a productive session and more just Emma trying to make Wyatt feel comfortable with her. She teaches him some tricks to manage his anger and encourages him to try meditation. On the way out from his meeting with Emma he accidentally bumps into Josie while her and Lizzie were storming towards their fathers office. 

In the first two dream worlds, Wyatt doesn’t actually attend either schools. But in the third world he’s a vigilante who isn’t good or bad. He’s just angry (when is he not ha) and lost and scared. The world thinks he’s dead because he’s in hiding but he works to keep witches safe from Triad. 

EPISODE ELEVEN - We’re Gonna Need A Spotlight

In this episode Wyatt becomes more comfortable with Emma and begins to open more and more up to her. Only Emma, Alaric and Dorian know about who he is. While he doesn’t keep his past/his lineage much of a secret - the details of his life are things he tends to keep from people (like how powerful he really is, his twice blessed status and the demons/torture esp the demons considering Mystic Fall’s lack of them). He doesn’t want to seem like any more of an outcast, or that he’s reaching for sympathy. So when Emma becomes the only one he’s ever had the chance to talk to about everything. It really begins to help. Hope and Wyatt become closer and in her preppy (infected state) she encourages him to hang out with them more. 

He’s been a loner at the school since then, only really talking to MG and a few others. And really, he still doesn’t feel comfortable hanging around the gang. But when he’s infected by the slug his personality changes from guarded to arrogant and ‘charming’. He’s instantly talking to more people, showing off his powers and just telling everyone things he usually wouldn’t. And maybe, when it gets worse. Probably scaring them - getting too intense with his powers - thinking its just ‘harmless fun’ which, physically, it is but he is scaring people and getting too reckless with his powers. He becomes a bit too prideful, not so much that it becomes a problem for everyone, or that he’s going to hurt anyone or trying to but he’s definitely not himself. 

When the slug is expelled from him and killed he reverts back and becomes even more guarded, avoiding a lot of the students - especially Hope and the gang. He goes to Alaric and demands that he expel him. He’s terrified of what he could do if something like that happened again - he knows he’s dangerous and by staying there he could ruin everything, hurt too many people. But Alaric convinces him that everything will be okay. 

EPISODE TWELVE - There’s A Mummy On Main Street / EPISODE THIRTEEN - The Boy Who Still Has A Lot of Good To Do

While he’s closer with the gang, spending the odd days more and more with MG. Wyatt still feels like the odd one out. When Landon, MG & Raf go on their trip for spring break, MG convinces Wyatt to come with them just so he’d stop ‘moping around’ and being a loner. At first, he tries to get out of it, saying he has too much homework to do and catch up on. But eventually he ends up going with them and the boys actually get him to open up to them more. It’s a good little bonding moment and Wyatt finally relaxes around them - especially after his lapse with the slugs and lowered inhibitions. He becomes like he is when he’s home. Dorky, confident, ready to help anyone and make them smile and tells them more about himself. (tbh i forgot that these two eps happened at the same time and look there is a reason why wyatt doesn’t go home immediately for spring break i just havent thought of it yet - and that is a new panic! at the disco song title).

But eventually, when things go bad. Wyatt, vulnerable to vampires, is knocked out after trying to pull MG off Landon. He doesn’t wake up till the morning and barely remembers what happened. 

Without the use of his orbing, in the middle of nowhere - a large gash on the back of his head -  he wonders around the forest looking for the guys. But when he gets too light headed, struggling to see and breathe he passes out nearby a main road. He never should have left the school. In fact, he wasn’t supposed to. He was Wyatt Halliwell out with a few kids who didn’t know the severity of his life and the danger he was always in. In the end, he’s kidnapped by demons, lost to his parents, the school and the whole magical world. 

EPISODE FOURTEEN - Let’s Just Finish The Dance 

Waking up, all he sees is darkness. There’s a thick sludge on the back of his head, stuck to where the wound was. There’s no pain, no blood, he’s still dizzy but he’s okay. At least, he thinks he is. But leaving the school - no one even knowing where they were - Wyatt knew it wasn’t going to end well. He made a promise to his mother to stay at the school, to be smart because they weren’t there to keep him safe. But he screwed up and now he’s stuck in the underworld because of it. 

At first, he’s cocky. He’s always cocky - poking the bear as much as he can. They don’t scare him. Not completely. But when he starts to realise that these demons aren’t just winging it. He begins to lose more and more of his faux confidence. The demons start to torture him, cutting him with athames, using their powers, burning him. And when they remind him that he’s alone - it really starts to break him down. 

It’s all payback of course, for Wyatt not only being who he is - but for vanquishing one of the members in their clan. But shortly, being trapped for two days, Wyatt is saved by his family. Alaric helps to find him, feeling extremely responsible for it all but after everything, furious, Piper pushes him away. With that and the looming threat of Malivore Alaric focuses on his students. It’s only two days after it all that he hears about Wyatt being safe again and that he won’t be returning to his school (at least until Wyatt convinces his mother to let him go back in s2). To keep Wyatts secret he tells everyone that Wyatt had to go back home because his grandfather was ill. Only Landon, Raf & MG know more details, but even they are a lie. To explain what happened to Wyatt after he was knocked out, Alaric tells them that - essentially he’s home safe. But before that he was found by a family, after waking up trying to find help, and taken to a nearby hospital. 

EPISODE FIFTEEN - I’ll Tell You A Story & EPISODE SIXTEEN - There’s Always A Loophole 

After being found by his Mother and Aunts Wyatt spends the last episodes of s1 recovering from his torture / kidnapping. He finds out from his Mom that everyone is okay but doesn’t hear the full story or that Landon is a Phoenix or what happened after he was knocked out (Rafael being stuck between turns, MG killing Landon / being bit). A lot of his injuries couldn’t be healed, so his body takes a little longer to mend than usual. He’s exhausted and Piper isn’t ready to let him go back to Salvatore's. In fact, she pulls him out of the school all together and tells him that she doesn’t want him going back. But eventually after a lot of back and forth fighting Wyatt convinces her to let him return to the boarding school.

However, he doesn’t start back until the new year/semester in season 2. He misses everything that happens with Landon (and essentially Hope but ofc, like everyone else, he doesn’t remember her) and the attack on the school. 

SEASON 2 

EPISODE TWO - This Year Will Be Different

Returning with a better attitude than when he first started attending the Salvatore School Wyatt meets up with the gang and is completely filled in. He’s distraught for Landon, knowing how he would be if Chris was trapped in a situation like Raf is and offers Landon any help he needs with Raf. 

With Emma gone. Wyatt tries to rely more and more on the techniques she left him. He starts a journal, not really writing down what’s happened that day but more what’s bothering him. It becomes single words, drawings and even spells. Its just somewhere where he can empty his mind, really empty it, without anyone judging him or being scared of what’s really going on inside him. 

Hearing that Alaric is no longer the headmaster leaves Wyatt a little apprehensive about the situation. He talks about it to Dorian, who he’s grown quite comfortable with too - being reminded of one of his uncles in him. But eventually he understands. However, when the new headmaster is introduced, alarm bells immediately go off in his head. Throughout the whole assembly, he’s watching him, fighting the urge to say something. He doesn’t like his ‘we’re better than people’ conversation and it really rubs him the wrong way. No matter what, he doesn’t trust him - at all.

EPISODE THREE - You Remind Me Of Someone I Used To Know

In this episode Wyatt mostly just focuses on his studies and work on controlling his emotions / powers. He sneaks out late at night to the gym to train but also to use more of the powers that he keeps hidden from everyone else. But while he’s training, he uses it to relieve his anger and fear. Its the one thing he’s always found helps and doing it when others are around is always dangerous so he hasn’t had much of a chance to do so. 

However, while he’s doing just physical training, punching a boxing bag, his scars start to hurt. While he is mostly fully healed from when he was kidnapped he over does it and has to stop. (idk why this is relevant but shh i’m putting it in). 

When the morning comes and the announcement is made about the football match Wyatt wants to participate at first but ends up storming out muttering ‘that’s cheating’ when everyone is cheering for Landon. After ‘disappearing’ when things got tough for the school, Wyatt hasn’t got a good reputation with the other students and they all just think he’s jealous. But he’s just angry with how the Headmaster treats people. After all, he’s been taught a very different way to most witches. That and half his family are human, he, for all intents and purposes, is more or less human. Its wrong to him and it bugs him to no end. 

He ends up going to speak to Vardemus who, speaks first (’thinking’ wyatts going to him to ask to play with the stallions) and says its ‘not a good idea, with wyatts temperament’ to play. And all that does, is make him even more furious. So he’s back to the chalk board, punching that boxing bag while everyone is out watching the game. Eventually, after cooling off, he goes to watch the second half, which turns him from mad to genuinely concerned. 

EPISODE FOUR - Since When Do You Speak Japanese?

tbh i’m dumb and just see wy being pretty absent in this ep/can’t think of much he’d be doing. But he probs is just hanging out with MG a bit more and listens to MG when he tries to tell him about Lizzie’s new date. After the game from the past episode, he’s definitely more convinced that Vardemus is not who he says he is. He’s obsessed with it, determined to find out the truth and ends up threatening him in a very ‘non obvious way’ something like ‘if the people i care about are hurt, there’s nothing i wont do to protect them.’

[sparklyicecube]

He’d be proud

This is my secret santa present for @maidenofbagend for the Harry Potter Secret Santa! It’s a prongsfoot fanfic that I hope you will enjoy!

“Why must this happen to meeeeeeeeee.”

“Well well, I never thought I’d see you on the bed contemplating life, if I might guess, wondering why you like a certain deer?”

Sirius threw a pillow at the person.

“Shut up Remus. I don’t have a crush on any deer, and it’s a stag not a deer.”

Remus smirked while Sirius’s eyes widened in realisation of his mistake and buried his face in his pillow.

“Oh come on, what is it this time?” Prodded Remus.

“You know, James has done so much for me, taking me in on holidays, pranking with me, being so kind and helpful…” Sirius trailed off.

“I wouldn’t be so quick to give him those last two compliments if I were you.”

“I just,” Sirius sighed, “I want to get him something nice for christmas.”

Remus laughed, it wasn’t often that Sirius let down his cool, smug-like demeanor to show weakness like this, and the fact that this was for his best friend made it even better.

“If it’s just about that I’m sure you can find something great. Remember, it has to come from the heart.” Reminded Remus.

The door flew open as James dramatically walked in, Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius laughed.

“I’m so sorry my dear Sirius but I do quite need Remus for as long as this activity takes.” Declared James.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other, Remus shrugged and got up from where he was sitting on the bed to follow James.

Sirius kept up his cool smirk until the door closed then threw the blankets over himself in an attempt to figure out how to cool his face down.

James on the other hand was in a similar situation, except he now had a reluctant ear for him to talk to.

“Remus I called him ‘dear’!” Wailed James as soon as he stepped out of earshot. Remus wondered why his two best friends were like this. “Remus, I need to get him the best present ever! But I don’t think he even really wants anything!”

Remus sat in a comfy chair in the Gryffindor common with his book that he managed to grab, James spread out on a couch, it was practically midnight and they could talk well without any peepers, as far as they cared at least.

“Remuuuuuuus.” James whined, “What do I get him for christmas?”

Remus’s eye twitched but he didn’t snap.

“I don’t know, why don’t you wrap yourself up in a bow and give him that?” Hinted Remus.

“Best friend status doesn’t carry that far.” James complained. Remus sighed, these two were going to need a lot of pushing to get an inch past ‘best friend status’.

He went back to reading his book before another whine came from the couch.

“Remus, I know me and Sirius are close, and I know I’m irresistible, and you’re helping me but… I think he has a crush on you.”

Remus froze and put his book down, James didn’t know all the nights that Sirius spent ranting about James’s messy hair, dorky glasses, the infuriating dance between him and James that kept them always within arms length, never more never less. However, James had a point, for someone who never knew what was said, who just knew the hours and that Sirius was dying to talk to Remus for some reason, it was quite likely that it could be true. But not in this case.

“Look, I think we both know that’s not true, and even if it were, that wouldn’t stop you from getting him a magnificent christmas present or be stressed about it, so let’s work on one thing at a time okay? Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“You haven’t done your transfiguration homework?” Asked James as he caught sight of Peter’s frantic writing.

“What’s another word for ‘this shows’?” Asked a very stressed Peter.

“Try using ‘this highlights’.” Suggested Remus, taking a bite of the very delicious-looking sandwich.

The four were sitting at the dining table, eating their breakfast and doing their homework and…

“Hey Padfoot, no matter how much you stare at my muffin I’m not giving it to you.” Teased James.

Sirius snapped out of his trance-like state, from staring not at the muffin but at a certain someone Remus observed. He quickly bounced back.

“That muffin? I was just wondering how you never get sick of the same muffin everyday, really, you’re going to turn into a muffin one day!”

“Hah!” Exclaimed James. “You’re saying that but in reality you think my muffin is awesome!” The two burst into laughter.

James leaned over to peep at what Peter was writing.

“Um, I don’t think Minnie wants an essay on changing pizzas into muffins…” Commented James.

“I can’t stand it! I can’t write this! I need food!” He cried.

“I can’t wait until the holidays!” James said, ignoring Peter shovelling food into his mouth. “You guys could come over!” Realised James perking up.

“As much as I’d like to, my mom would freak if I don’t go home.” Answered Sirius with a slightly downed tone.

“Then… send me an owl when you convince her, we could meet up a week before school maybe?”

“Remember, she infiltrates all the owls.” Pointed out Sirius semi-dejectedly.

At that point the bell rang and sent the four scrambling for their books and equipment and imminent doom.

“Cleaning the trophy room is boring.” Declared James.

“Yes but we were 10 minutes late to class.” Pointed out Remus.

“Why did Professor have to split up me and Sirius?” Protested James as he attempted to wipe off the dust on a glass cabinet.

“She had a point, as long as you two were together there’d be no way the detention would be properly carried out.” Remus pointed out.

“Well in that case… Remus I still have no idea what to get him for christmas!!!” James complained, “And not much time to get it!”

“Why not a mirror, so you can feed his big ego?” Suggested Remus.

“A mirror is boring… “

“A phone?”

“What’s a phone…”

“It’s something muggles use to communicate with each other.”

“But that’s a muggle thing…” James’s eyes suddenly lit up, as if struck by a lightning bolt of inspiration. “You’re brilliant Remus! If I get him a mirror that we can use to communicate then there’s no way his mom can take it from him right? All I have to do is make it so that the mirror reflects what the other mirror should be reflecting! And audio of course… You’re a genius!”

“Well when am I not?”

Would a genius push their two best friends, who clearly want to get together, off a cliff? Yes, yes they would. Should he? Yes, yes he should. Can he? No, unfortunately there are not enough cliffs in Hogwarts that are convenient to push people off, and there aren’t any books in Azkaban. Would a genius push together, not just anyone, but Sirius Black and James Potter? The two biggest idiots and pranksters on the planet? No. Definitely not. But he shall do it anyway.

A slight trip and push landed Sirius a spot in James’s arms. It didn't end there though, nothing the marauders did ended at just that, no, James caught him like a fairy tale and spun him around. ‘Where did the rose in James’s mouth come from?’ Questioned Remus in his head. They threw their heads up in a flourish and ended on a showy pose. James looked down for a split second only the other marauders could see from their front row seats and proceeded to drop his best friend on the floor of the great hall, for now their fellow students can go back eating their dinner in peace.

James blinked in surprise then profusely apologised. Sirius made a big show of spinning his head around dizzily.

“Remus, I think I have a headache, take me to Madame Pomfrey.” Sirius then grabbed onto Remus’s hand and pulled him along out of the hall.

“What are you-”

“Remus I can't take it…” Sirius sighed. “Not that close, not that intimate just not that, you know?” Sirius looked at Remus for confirmation, a longing in his eyes.

“Then tell him already for goodness sake! It’s not my place to confess for you, you know?” Remus said.

“I would but…” Sirius looked away, “I don't think he'll say yes.”

“On what basis?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Remus, it's so obvious, he likes you.” Sirius stated sorrowfully.

Remus thought back to the time where James basically begged him to help woo Sirius, the time that Remus had to listen to an hour of ranting about Sirius’s amazing comebacks and so on, these two were crazy similar yet surprisingly dense to no one but the other.

“Look Sirius, even if he does for some insane reason have a crush on me, I’d turn him down.” Remus deadpanned. Sirius stared at him.

“What?”

“Well yeah, I don't have any feelings for James and there is someone right beside me who’d be perfect for him.” Remus nudged him with his elbow playfully.

“Thanks.” The two started walking back to the great hall. “You know I’m thinking a scrapbook…”

As they ate dinner Remus thought of possible date ideas, library? They would never. Picnic? Not grand enough. Astronomy tower? Too cramped. Now Remus was starting to reconsider the idea of pushing the two off a cliff, maybe into the lake would be more feasible. Wait, this year they can finally go to Hogsmeade! And Remus knows for a fact that the two have the signatures ready so…

“So, The trip to Hogsmeade is coming up soon, where do you two want to go first?” Asked Remus.

“I don’t know, oh! They said that they have a joke shop! Let’s all go and get materials!” Exclaimed James.

“What about the Three Broomsticks? We can all go-” Started Sirius.

“Actually,” Remus cut in, swinging his arm onto Peter’s shoulder. “Me and Peter have plans for Hogsmeade.” Said Remus calmly.

“We do?” Asked Peter blankly.

“Remember? We have some christmas shopping to do, alone.” Emphasized Remus. James and Sirius shared a mildly suspicious look.

“Better get us amazing presents!” Teased Sirius.

James and Sirius walked into the Three Broomsticks in awe, Hogsmeade was truly magical, even to those who had grew up in it. They snagged a comfy little table, they saw some of their fellow students but when they looked like they might come over they seemed to change their minds. The two were good at keeping up appearances but on the inside both were freaking out, it was so obvious that this was meant to be a cute little date for the two but they had danced this ‘best friend’ dance for so long that it was hard to step out.

“So, how is life?” Asked Sirius in a joking way, putting his face to rest on top of his palm, propping himself up.

“Well,” Began James, mimicking Sirius’s pose. “How is the most handsome person in the world?” The pickup line had been set in place, ready for Sirius to ping-pong it back but…

“Amazing, thanks for asking.” Replied Sirius coolly, making a mental note to try and quell the butterflies in his stomach.

They both laughed for a bit before discussing about a bit of light quidditch then lapsing into awkward silence.

“So… Remus and Peter went christmas shopping huh?”

“Yeah… On that note, have you gotten my gift yet?”

James had a look of terror on his face before replying: “All done and wrapped in time for christmas.” He boasted gleefully. “What about you?”

“You really think you’d be done before me? I finished ages ago.” Sirius inwardly panicked, he had started the scrapbook but it was only half-done.

“That sure is convincing.” James pointed out before bursting into laughter with Sirius.

“Are you sure about this Remus?” Asked Peter. The two of them were under James’s very handy invisibility cloak, Remus was watching James and Sirius walk into the restaurant. Remus finally explained everything to Peter (who was legitimately

unaware of everything that was happening) and made sure their unofficial date was a success. He managed to hand all the other students notes saying to keep away from the two, and was monitoring them.

“Yes. Not really but if I don’t do this now I will have to live more of this nonsense before christmas official comes.”

“Is that their new strawberry cheesecake crumpet?!” Asked Peter, dashing out, pulling off their invisibility cloak off. It was quite dark so not many noticed it but Sirius saw him and immediately made a beeline for him, almost spilling with news. James also got up and started going towards him and Remus panicked.

Remus grabbed Sirius’s hand and with some quick maneuvering managed to get it in James’s, carrying with the momentum a twirl.

“Take Sirius, dance with him, kiss him and shut him up please.” Pleaded Remus.

James looked into Sirius’s grey eyes, Sirius into James’s hazel. The bulk of the restaurant was watching. The moment stretched out and instead of dropping Sirius like the incident before (he is never going to live that down) James pulled Sirius up to connect their lips.

The entire restaurant was clapping and hooting and many stood up to give a standing ovation. There were fireworks in the background and this was truly where the both of them belonged, in the middle of a crowd right next to each other.

James hefted Sirius to his feet and they both had huge arching smiles that haven’t been seen for forever. Remus joined them as they started towards the door.

“Did something happen?” Asked Peter, sprinting to catch up with them.

The Marauders laughed and headed back towards the big castle of Hogwarts.

“Come on.” Whined James. “Your parents won’t allow you to be away on christmas, neither will yours or yours or mine!” Gesturing to all the Marauders. “And I want to see your faces when you  open my presents!”

“He holds a valid point.” Noted Sirius.

“Just Marauder presents though, I am opening all of my other presents on christmas day itself.” Finalised Remus.

The other three nodded with so much enthusiasm that Remus couldn’t help to laugh.

They started opening their presents, shouting with glee.

“A mirror?” Said Sirius quizzically, then immediately started posing in front of it.

“Nope! That’s what you think but actually, you see in this mirror what you are supposed to be seeing in the other.” Explained James with pride.

“We can see each other even when my mother doesn’t want me to!” Squealed Sirius, grabbing James and pulling him into a kiss, which, has been a regular occurrence ever since that date.

“Open mine now.” Said Sirius with excitement, passing the parcel over.

“Is this a… scrapbook?” Asked James.

“Yep! I added as many photos as I could, especially the embarrassing ones!” They spent all night looking through the book, even when the Head Prefect told them that some people needed to sleep. The four of them went home that year with the biggest smiles ever and constantly laughing, two of them with a newfound relationship and happiness.

“I remember that, you gave me and James ‘portable fans’.”

“Yep, a very good decision if you ask me.”

“What was it you said? Oh yes. ‘The next time either of you say ‘I’m so hot’ there is a fan right there.’ Very sassy.”

The two looked wistfully out of Sirius’s window.

“Do you think Harry is going to have a christmas as good as that?”

“Well if Molly gets ahold of him I guarantee you he will, and as long as you are around I’m sure he will also be happy, Sirius.” Sirius smiled sadly.

“I miss him.”

“There isn’t a soul who doesn’t.”

“Death Eaters?”

“They don’t have souls.” The two laughed slightly, not nearly as full or as carefree as they were when they were thirteen but when you are both scarred, scared and in the middle of a war, that is good enough.

“Well I’ve got to go, Nymphadora is expecting me soon.”

“Doesn’t she hate people calling her that?”

“Your point?”

“James would be proud.” Remus gave Sirius a tired smile.

Sirius sat in his room, it was decorated with red and gold, quidditch posters and so on, yes. James would be proud.

[wristsofidleness]

(happy birthday!!)

I wanted to send you something aside from the chat, but messages are too short and sending it to you via facebook seemed weird so… here I am!

(obviously this is less than a submission and more of an “I needed a place where I could type a lot and it wouldn’t get lost in our chat”.)

First and foremost:

Happy Birthday, Jinali! 🎉🎉🎈

I’m really shit when it comes to writing birthday messages/expressing feelings, but I really really wanted to use this opportunity tell you how happy I am that we’ve met online.

You’re this friend that weirdly takes a long time to answer messages and yet is also always there when I’m “in need”. I don’t even have to ask, I might just make a post because sometimes life is shit and all of a sudden there’s a message from you or some words of encouragement that mean the world to me ♥

And you’ve recommended so many good things to me, like The Raven Cycle, Six of Crows and Buffy (which I have yet to finish THOUGH NETFLIX REMOVED IT). I can’t imagine my life now without The Raven Boys (hello, my url) and not only did you recommend this to me, but you also read all my silly/stupid/senseless rants and feelings while I was reading/watching them.

The other day I saw a post that said that online friendships at first are weird because conversations consisted mostly of “hi”, “hi”, “how are you?” “great and you” “very well, thank you” and ended there and not only did I ever feel that it went like that with us back then*, but it’s been two years and we still have loads of things to talk about. At least for me, it’s never been weird. 

*(also, I’m 80% sure I’ve already told you this but just in case I haven’t I’ll say it again: I think we started properly talking (exchanging actual messages?) somewhere around my 23rd birthday. I don’t know exactly H O W, but I remember it had something to do with me posting something about my birthday, you commenting something about “oh, I didn’t know it was your birthday” and some message that I’m guessing you sent me because it’s not in my inbox (or I sent it and my inbox deleted it), and boom! we were friends. It was fast in a (nice) way because what I remember from that time is that we just started talking and went on and on and on and for me there was never some awkward phase of “mmm… I don’t know what else to say/how to respond to this” and until today it still feels this way *hopes I’m not jinxing it*. Anyway, what I think I’ve already told you is this: back then, I had been thinking a lot about sending you a message that basically went something like “you tag me on stuff, like my posts, I like your posts and you seem like a really cool girl, wanna be friends?” but obviously better written and with actual arguments. I never got around to send it, though, because we started talking, but you were weeks away from receiving a message like that. You just seemed so cool and I wanted to be your friend.)

(Speaking of old messages, I’ve just found that you also encouraged me to buy The Cuckoo’s Calling, so add that to the list of awesome things that happened in my life because of you. Isn’t it weird that I’ve never seen you in real life and yet you’ve had a visible impact in my life?

Also, in one of those late-2015 messages you said to me, when I asked you if I could follow you on instagram, “n yes OF COURSE! ill follow you back. insta, twitter, facebook, goodreads, whichever you want.” like WAIT ANOTHER YEAR AND WE’LL BE MESSAGING IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE WEBSITES)

I think I’m doing this with you right now because I like showing affection to my real-life friends (by hugging them, buying them some small present that I know they’ll enjoy, going places, making plans, etc), but you’re an online friend and I don’t have the chance to do any of those things. And it’s your birthday now, so isn’t it the perfect day to tell you how happy I am to have you in my life? 

So this long, endless, completely incoherent mess of a message is my way of telling you thank you for being my friend and being around all these years. I’m glad we started talking and I’m glad we’re still friends and haven’t drifted apart and I’m so happy to have a friend with whom I share so many things and fandoms in common ♥

You’re the best. Happy birthday, Jinali! Eat lots of cake, spend time with the people you love, and I hope this new year is full of love and good things! 💜💜🎂🎊🎉🎉🎊🎈

(PS: I hope I’m doing this whole submission thing ok. I think you have to approve it, and thus see it, and it doesn’t post it automatically. No, I checked on my blog and it should appear as a message, this is not a message sadly)

szkjfhkshfksfk Selene, listen thank you doesnt even begin to cover it. first off, you’re an angel for tolerating my bad replying habits. Ive been particularly bad about it this year. I know 🙈*hides in a corner*  thsi has been a frustrating year, not gonna lie, but you’ve been incredibly kind and thank you for not only listening to my rants but being so understanding. its helped me more than you realise 💖 

also i still cant believe that i actually have a friend with exactly the same taste as me. so thank YOU for fangirling and loving it all as much as I do so im not just shouting into the void anymore. 

Ive talked to quite a few people on here but i was never comfortable enough to actually tag them in posts or even dare to strike up a conversation out of the blue but you always seemed so approachable and i guess that speaks to the kind of vibe you gave out 😊 wait im pretty sure i can track down the post that got us talking so im gonna send you a link. also im so grateful to my weird 18 year old self who thought it was perfectly normal to thank someone for being their 100th follower back in 2012 😂

I still can’t understand how we havent run out of topics to talk about by now. I cant believe there’s not a single website where we dont have an ongoing conversation. I cant believe we didnt even spare goodreads ffs 😂 

just.. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for everything. I love you and I hope that even as we change and grow, we never drift apart 😙

[aerisse-remade]

literally just me complaining abt vocaloid/its fanbase

ok i got a good starting point so its Time to Complain

before i start complaining im just gonna say that some of these were taken from my ooooold pet peeves posts on tvs that i made in like. 2013. so if you see those now, keep in mind that i may no longer be bothered by certain things or ive just become less harsh in general. but some of them i still agree w obv. also i dont mind if anyone who actually reads this wants to add on to this post or to start a discussion (pls do!!!! i love hearing others thoughts) but pls either send me an ask, an im, or just reply bc i dont want to have a long chain of reblogs

also sorry again @ app users

i really cant stand certain headcanons, but the absolute worst ones are that the male vocaloids are huge perverts or even pedophiles....or any vocaloid in general. leave them alone!!!! why do u hate certain vocaloids so much that youd call them a fucking pedophile??? pedophilia isnt cute or funny, its fucking disgusting. and this might be very presumptuous of me but if you hc any vocaloid as a pedo you're disgusting too. [also if any pedos are reading this (bc i know some of you freaks go into the search) if you interact with this post or me at all, you'll be reported and blocked]

i also hate when ppl call any vocaloid (or ANY character for that matter) shotas or lolis. bc yknow...those terms are rooted in pedophilia, and once again pedophilia isnt cute or funny. like this literally isnt up for debate, if you try to defend that shit you'll also be reported and blocked

listen....i know vocaloids dont have canon sexualities so all hcs are valid...but when ppl hc luka or mayu as straight i die. i mean i hc most of the vocaloids being lgbt+ but especially luka and mayu. luka is like the biggest lesbian and mayu is also gay af

this one might be controversial?? idk but it kinda bothers me when ppl take a japanese vocaloid, change their skin colour, and then say theyre poc now. like japanese ppl arent white so werent they poc before?? like im genuinely confused. is the term poc for nonwhite ppl in general or specifically for darker skinned nonwhite ppl? bc ive seen both ways. also the issue here isnt making a pale vocaloid darker (bc im all for that!!! we need darker vocas) in general, its just when ppl imply that japanese ppl are white ig. (if you cant tell already im white, so if i said smth wrong, please correct me!)

i hate when ppl whitewash leon and lola. like ik they dont have official designs, but they are still canonically black (not to mention the whitewashed designs for them are ugly af....especially white, blond hair + blue eyes leon). also i dont like whitewashed merli, wil, bruno, and clara either

speaking of bruno and clara, i hate how even their official designs were whitewashed due to racists complaining abt their old designs!!! like. ppl literally sent death threats to the artist of their original designs

i hate pikos design. its not even anything in particular, his whole design is just ugly imo

i hate yohioloids boxart. i absolutely cant stand the way the artist drew his face, it looks like that generic straight girl fujoshi anime artstyle. i hate it lmao

this one also might be a big no-no but i honestly cant stand the western producers' fanbases? i cant even get into most of the western producers works. i like ghost as a person (they seem pretty cool), and i like their instrumentals, but i dont like the vocals/rhythm of most of their songs? and their fanbase is just....annoying. they treat ghost like a god or smth (which they themself is uncomfortable with!!) and idk basically im just tired of seeing ppl shit themselves over communications. this isnt supposed to be hate either, im just genuinely confused nd tired. also circusP's fanbase is also annoying bc i feel like his songs appeal to edgy 12 yr olds (like circus monster and insanity) who constantly spam his comments sections with "lol im psycho too!!!". i havent looked into his comments sections for a while now so if this has changed then im glad ig

when ppl call galacos hair rainbow....like, blonde, brown, yellow, red, and blue dont make a rainbow. mayus hair is rainbow tho!!

speaking of mayus hair, it bothers me when ppl forget she has rainbow hair?? especially fanartists. i understand if you know she has rainbow hair but you didnt include it bc its hard to colour in. its ok. but like....straight up forgetting?? im confused how do yall not notice it

also when ppl think mayus bday is December 5th. like yeah its her release date but her canonical bday is may 6th. pls im so tired of ppl saying "happy bday mayu!!!" on dec 5th but nobody saying shit on her actual bday....

also this might b petty but i dont like how most ships involving mayu are het. Let Her Be Gay

when ppl say mayu is a ritsu rip off...,like the only design similarities they have are those little hat things and the piano motif. thats it. also they were designed by the same person (hidari) so ofc theyre gonna have some similarities

this might be elitist of me but when ppl claim to be "vocaloid trash" or hardcore voca fans yet they dont know who unpopular vocas like big al and mew are. also when these same ppl (those who claim to be hardcore fans) cant even name a single producer

recolours and genderbends. u know what im talking abt...,the bs "shion family" or mikuo, luki, etc. theyre boring tbh

also when ppl think kaitos last name is canonically shion....like he doesnt have a last name. same with meiko being sakine. meiko sakine is a fanloid, not the actual voca meiko

obnoxious fangirls/boys in general. yknow, the "lenkun is mine!!! xdddd" kind. pls...,.grow out of that phase already...

ppl who call vy2 roro. or ppl who think thats his canon design. pls im so tired

ppl who think gumi extend/lily/cul/merli/etc look like "sluts". like bye

ppl who draw/make mmd models of voca appends, yet their "append" design is exactly like mikus

ppl who dont source their art or dont source it properly. zerochan and weheartit are not sources.,,,

ppl who complain abt there being "too many vocaloids". like vocaloid isnt even marketed to you, theyre marketed towards music producers lmao. let producers have a wide selection range

ppl who think vocaloid is a weeb thing. like yall will call literally anything japanese weeb shit. like....not all vocaloids are even japanese. and even if they were, smth being japanese nd having anime styled mascots doesnt automatically make it for weebs. vocaloid is a professional software. im so tired of seeing ppl like "omg im such a weeb im listening to vocaloid" or "im reliving my weeb days by listening to vocaloid" or "if u listen to vocaloid ur a weeb" fuck outta here w that bs

now this is a personal thing, but i just cant stand voca crossovers with mlp..,,im so tired of everything being ponified

ppl who hc rin and len as siblings AND ship them. like its fine to ship them if u dont hc them as siblings but if you do....,yall nasty. incest is nasty

i really dont like kailen, kaimi, yuki/kiyoteru, kairin, gakurin, etc. theres more ships i dont like but i'll probably make another post abt that sometime

honestly i dont really care for most f/m amd m/m ships in general? gimme the wlw

ppl who ship the child vocas  (ryuto, yuki, una, oliver) with adult vocas without aging them up. i mean even if its aged up its still kinda weird but not aging them at all is Bad

....also heres a super petty and personal one. when ppl say that white ppl cant kin/id with most vocaloids. like some white kid thinking theyre miku is in no way comparable to actual real world racism. as long as theyre not claiming to actually be another race it shouldn't matter. get mad over smth that actually matters lmao

basically just kin drama in general. like its fine to be uncomfortable w doubles but like....dont harrass them or send them hate or anything. let them be

also ppl who take vocaloid at face value and cant have fun. ykno, those ppl who are like "how do yall ship software and make headcanons for them?? get a life lol". like hey. its fun. let us be

theres probably more but i cant think of them rn. if i do think of more i'll just compile them into another post and call it part 2 or smth lmao

[calvinlepesh]

Interpret how u please but know it saved my mind and soul.

SUMMARYWe have primitive speech in comparison to aliens/ superior being/s/ {Our God self]DONT FUCKING READ THIS IF U ARENT OPEN MINDED! DEADASS FUCKING SERIOUS UR GONNA MISS OUT.to become open minded you must have some form of empathy. Some form meaning you must have to have either the almost perfect understanding empathy based on your ability to place yourself in somebody elses position along with all of their past tramas, what they just fucking ate, basically whatever relevant to the situation apparent or not. I.E do I help this guy for gas hes asking the clerk hes begging he says hes got no money has to get home to his family. seems like a good dude. not making a fuss. being very nice about it. I paid for his fucking gas. Thats good energy right there. sent away and returned in ways that probably already occured but I don't reconize them as a direct result from helping. If you did what you thought was right or whatever you wanted to do actually. Which is what you're going to do anyways cause thats what you fucking decieded you wanted yourself to do. So if this doesn't hit you like it hits most people and myself included. Then just close the book and call me insane. If being insane is living content in my beliefs and my tommorow during the today but with passion for the future. then im fucking insane. Because thats what my program has done for me Truly search for good and if it isn't what you want to spend your time trying to help or doesnt concern you. You weren't meant to be concerened by it and thats okay because it will concern someone else at the right time. etc considered and making a choice based off of critical information secured from a display of empathy. If you cant show empathy practice please fucking practice before you continue reading. Actually idgaf you do you. Your life do what you desire.Speech is used to manifest things into reality of time. Typically faster if done consistently. Tested and proved. By many. My barber for example. little over 7 months ago living in a 1 bed room dumb girlfriend cat and hes cutting hair in his kitchen. The entire time throughout the year  hes telling me about this house hes getting his own very first house brand fucking new completely taylored to him. He told me saying Lep yeah my mom is helping me buy a house and get my career moving finally. After long periods of being told to basically fuck off his mom basically has a change of heart randomly. Hes got a 3 bedroom house. A barber room with checkered floot. 3 tvs niceass fucking interior furniture hes painting the house and has done many renovations over the last few months of him having this house. Just returning there earlier tonight actually I had walked in and had to check if he changed the paint in his front room again! Truly He doesn't even realize it completely. Hes almost so dumb hes smart. in a sense that being happy is being smart. He isn't stupid tho. My barber is on some of the same shit I am. Some. thats a different story tho. The point is he talked to me everytime he cut my hair for 6 month. Not just me I know for certain. He would talk motherfuckers ears off im sure they hated it. Honestly I hadn't been enlightened at this point. I fucking hated it. OMg yeah we fucking get it bro u want checkered floors. So many motherfuckers are talking nowadays. But do they always talk the same shiteveryday? Ill say it again. Do you talk about the same thing everysingle day? Do you talk to someone every single day? I don' t even have to ask what or why you do it. You're doing it because you have the desire of the company of that person. or their opinion, Whatever they have of value or beneficially or mutually beneficially to you or both. My barber talked about all the cool shit he was gonna do with his house. Having a pit bike track in the back. making a fire bit. building a deck. Making a TV back drop out of stained wood stained nailed and cut by him and I. Painted the entire house. CHECKERED FLOORS MOTHERFUCKERS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is MANIFEST IT IN YOUR LIFE. The sooner you start talking about and creating this lifestyle and figuring out how you're going to do it one day at a time. Talk to the person ur nervous to talk to. If they fall in love with you. THATS FUCKING KICKASS. if he thinks u dont belong in his universe right now understand thats a huge fucking positive in your life. Now you can live in this moment in time and know in this moment in time that it isn't happening because if it isn't meant to happen yet if at all. For all you know you could meet  him in 5 years and get married have 3 kids live happily ever after. Straight the fuck up! Right now im consistently talking to a girl i had the hugest crush on but never did anything about it. WHY DIDN'T I DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. CAUSE HOW FUCKING AWKWARD WOULD IT HAVE BEEN in minnesota when im visiiting and havent been home for christmas in 5 years that we just so happen to go get breakfest at a taveren like wtf? and its where she works serving. Top it off while we are walking in I see the sign of the place and reconize it from an instagram post that she posted and I had liked and inturn she liked my picture. whatever not important. all im trying to say is the future is 100% unpredictable in every sense. but at the same time it will be 100% guarenteed with my mindset program if applied properly. You never know tomorrow and that may scare you but what if you already had chosen what happens tomorrow long before anything existed? Do you trust your own judgement? The best part is you dont even have to trust your own judgement. YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO. But sometimes doing them is what you're meant to do typically for your benefit anyways, if not its a punishment, and if it isn't your benefit its somebody elses and they may or may not know that you're the direct cause. you may or may not know ever. But I believe that when we die we are enlightened and are shown the purpose to life. whether a test or a simulation. multiple tests inside one another or something uncomprehensible to myself or anyone. But thats different. What I do know is that a key to a good life Is a good mindset. Choose the mindset of I'm the shit. Cause I am, Cause I decieded I am, Im good fucking looking, People may call you a slut or whore but honestly it may be disgusting a little bit but they're probably jealous of all the hot people you've been with. Or even the fact ur getting laid. most single people hate on girls anyway. aint no boy in a nice healthy relationship talking shit on females and if he is he probably likes u and is trying to hide it. anyways besides the point. You need to develop something you say to yourself {I recommend} outloud {especially for getting started} whether written or set as an alarm for your phone ur background to your phone it could be a picture with a completely hidden message behind it. just associate something or have something that has things you know deep down in your soul you need to say to yourself. For example for me, Ive always been sensitive, still am a lot less than I was alot, But over time After being outcasted from my family at 15 being legally kiddnapped, and broken down on all aspects of self with many failed although maybe not completely failed attempts at bettering myself to the way that works for normies or the purposefully chosen people to be uneducated of the power of speech. They were esentially taking me in at 15 with a metaphorical emotionally broken leg. { ie i hate myself and im a bad person i dont give a fuck and i just want to die cause i dont understand the world} that was my attitude ie the broken metaphorical leg that I came into the school but for the sake of this metaphor this hospital with. However pretend in our metaphor the break in my leg is un noticeable. if ur slow as fuck just know the broken leg is a metaphor for my fucked up thinking. The hospitol or treatment center/school I was at cant fix my leg without me telling them my leg is broken. Now they knew something is wrong or else I wouldnt be there. Many claim at that hospital upon recent arrival that there's been a mistake and they don't need to be there. many times I laughed with everyone else at group along with the director Parker. Parker I believe knows alot about this but would never share with the group for possiblities of the kids claiming they're being brain washed or told to believe such things without an adult or atleast enlightened soul and mind these practices may sound slightly lucritive. Anyway back to the story. Metaphorically I tried many times to dodge and weave around questions asked in therapy sometimes even hamming it up to seem cool because of how insecure I was. trying to seek acceptance from my therapist lmfao very dark times. Which got darker with small light at the end of the tunnel. Thats the thing about parker he never took away full hope and if he did he had a good reason for doing so. I completely trust his judgement even to this day. Lying to ur therapist or even if they think you're lying to your therapist which usually they're right. The only reason they were ever wrong with me lying was because the decision was made based on previous situations of past lies. Lied before you'll lie again? possibly. Anyway, the darkness brought upon u metaphorically and almost not was the wall/work crew. ADAYONTHEWALL In a way this is tramatic but it almost shouldnt be. It was trautic because I put myself there many times. Purposefully yes in a sense but not the living sense. I wanted to be the perfect student at Liahona. Be the leader everyone looked up to. Be the family fucking leader. But I literally just was to immature and weak in all aspects. Too much so to do any of those things. Now that I think back the beauty of it Is I did eventually get all of those things. Because I manifested them. I desired both with my words and the vibes my words created in my body that the universe recieved. My body had translated what I wrote in my daily evals every night at Liahona. I attended Liahona for 711 days. 9 Days short from 2 years. The program is 9 months long. Back to the main subject. The wall. 6 am wake the fuck up. HEADCOUUUUUNT!!!. Big ass motherfucking dude named Quando shouts it at the top of his lungs. LMFAO pretty funny to think but this guy would scare the shit out of new kids in the mornings. shouting out of their beds. I definitely woke up thats for sure. The whole facility of 50-60 boys come out of there room pretty much as fast as possible although groggily everyone dressed in the same navy blue shorts and grey liahona t-shit tucked into our gym shorts with either white black or grey solid socks. No designs or wild shit. All the rules at Liahona were created over the years it had transitioned from an old house to the facility to the newer facility. Everything from tuck in ur chair at all times to. turn off the lights when you leave a room. Hundred of rules probably around over a thousand actually. I hated it off the bat but what was I gonna do? anyway. After everyone lines up in a U- formation with quando standing in the open portion of the U. He would say the same things every morning. Almost as if he was designed to say the same or relatively the same thing. One thing was for sure the message was clear every morning. Go back to your rooms  Today is a new day its a beautiful day make your beds and start studying your quote or doing whatever you're aloud to do until you go for the morning run and breakfest. Now quado probably used a great deal more broken english being from the pacific islands one of em sorry dont actually know. anyways. we dismiss. or atleast. everybody else does. perusual here I am. I sit down in my LIFETIME costco chair sitting mere inches from the head of my twin mattress. I will now sit in this chair for the remainder of the day unless instructed or allowed otherwise. 6-7 morning shift arrives. Can't look away. I think to myself staring at the wall. The desire to look is bad but even the thought of having to write another 300 word essay although they've become easy now, pointless to get one for something so easily avoidable. putting my elbows on my knees I duck my head do as If to pretend im studying the quote (a passage of around 100 words- alot of fucking words that must be memorized in full word for word straight the fuck up and recited to either a very trusted upper level or staff member who will tell you when you mess up and must stop and either use one of 2 hints allowed by parker to figure out whatever word u forgot or fail and take a 300 word essay, However if the quote is failed to be passed off before friday then your points for that week will be cut into half basically prolonging your stay to an extent given points are used to determine not in full but definitely play a large part in even the opportunity of you being recommended to get your next level Ie the quote is very important, very difficult, and I fucking hated it so fucking much you have no idea, Fuck the fucking stupid fucking quote. Parker is smart for the fact that he knows theres got to be something that seems and may possibly be a punishment that is time consuming and benefits those who work harder and faster destroying room for socialism. Basically parker created the quote to see who the fuck is really trying and how hard. Based on when you pass off the quote, If you pass off the quote, and how long of the quote is and whats in the quote. Parker can determine your loyalty to the program and therefore your recovery) Sitting in my chair and ducking my head between my armpits I can finally look around in a small area on each side of my body without getting too ballsy. This is my entertainment for the remainder of the day. Besides playing with my hand/feet. Tapping my feet/hand. looking at the US map{ and sometimes if they put u on the other wall or farther down you got the south america map. To this day can name the south american countries for the most part in alphabetical order. Crazylol. I can do the states right now. anyways. } Eating Oats and water with 2 of the gnarliest fucking red delicious apples every fucking morning. YO WHERE DID U FIND THOSE FUCKING APPLES MARK AND WHOEVER THE FUCK SHOPPED? jesus christ. Still don't eat red delicious apples THERE NOT FUCKING delicious. liars anyway. Before that when morning shift arrives typically shortly after if not immediately after their arrival we do another headcount. Of course yelled much less.... whats the word.... manly lol. Derek had the lamest headcount call. His unenthusiastic Severous snape from harry potter like almost moan like noise. anyways fuck u derek. Derek would take us to get our shoes, at both the new and old facility there are shoe closets that contain every students single pair of running shoes. The new facility also has our never to be touched til we leave or go on a visit personal items. After getting our shoes on. We went outside. line up on the concrete basket ball court in 5 lines spanning accross the entire court each student assigned to a 'family' upon arrival in no paticular order I hope but idk. Usually it was the one with the lowest amount of students but some family leaders would try to boost by trying to speak with newer students asap and within the rules. Communication of any kind with any student not directly monitored without being directly told otherwise is strictly forbidden. No form of communication head bobs nods winks smiles smirks laughs even eye contact for long periods of time. Although of course these rules were broken many times over the course of my stay. I definitely stopped talking to kids. Literally it taught me and im kinda glad it did it taught me to not ask my peers but elder people with wisdom and knowledge for help. However in therapy groups they allow us to communicate freely with the presnence of the therapist who was 1 of two therapists. However he would quickly correct any advice given from a student to a student to not only teach us the correct way to solve whatever issue being discussed  or shared. but almost in a way indirectly teaching you that experience and age are similar but not the same and to seek those that give the best advice and help the most which tend to be the people u want anyways. I did learn many many many many useful things that I still use today from Liahona. Because of going im now 1000x ahead of an average person my age. Given my experiences and newly found and enlightened self. Given to me when I was ready to give it to myself. When I learned I control this reality with how I feel. And I tend to feel how I talk. Because my talk conveys my emotion. Talk good feel good do good deserve good. Lined up on the basketball court right my bad Im side tracked for the millionth time. gimme a break lol anyways. We line up in  5 columns of anywhere from 10 to 13 students typically ten atleast. 50 jumping jacks Go!" 1..2..3..4..5..6..7- ......49..50.  50 laps chop it up. At 8 laps a mile  50 laps was common but not that common. For awhile it was daily. All of our days depended on how all of us acted as a whole. If one person tried to run and doesnt succeed obvisouly never have never will. Everybody goes on lock down. No talking no moving everybody sits  in a circle. study a gigantic quote for that week cause homeboy tried running. or whatever the case is. Basically if you dont pull your weight somebody else has to and that weight is only their cause you are inturn now they hate u lol. Definitely was unlike for a vast majority by the vast majority however luckily in the end all works out as does all things in this universe in my world or currently my world.story sorry again 50 pushups now in unicen aswell 123-49-50 Then he tells us to go run and sometimes he'll tell u how many laps and sometimes hed tell u when you get to his standing spot at the finish line after your first lap. He does this to guage how and when certain students put in more effort. Shorter run? more harder runners? longer run? Whos putting in effort regardless of circumstance ie whats going on in ur life. Ie how many laps you got How are you moving before you know what your next move is. Are you jogging that first lap until derek tells you to save your breath cause you're banking on it being a longer run. Have you been running slow for 3 laps but the run was only 8 today so ur wasting ur time being lazy. Derek would see when you would run hard. who made u run harder cause u wanted to beat them. how many laps does it have to be minimum to run on the first lap. Whos running hard the first lap regardless of circumstance. They could tell who you were and what you could offer before you even knew anything about any of that. Because honestly you didnt give a fuck about trying before. atleast I didn't. I soon did. Over those 711 days I ran 95 percent of the week day mornings. was in niceass shape too for 17. weekends we got off thankf uckign god. After the blisters heal and you get calices on ur feet from running in the beginning being a new student it sucks alot don't get me wrong and it'll suck for awhile but you'll eventually learn to adapt and conquer by anymeans. I quit after 6 laps my first run. Not even a mile. sat down said I needed my inhaler. I didn't even have one.

[artsjournalblog-blog]

The Turing Test Review

We all awaken in a futuristic room with a talking robot looking down at us. He (or it) promotes us to pick up our EMT, a science fiction gun which often we quickly realise can pick up huge square bins and has a couple of modes regarding firing. Just about all is not even as we later learn as it appears. The whole thing feels strangely familiar. For those of you who else know Website, you can be excused for pondering Im reviewing the wrong online game, and that this is actually about Valves third instalment of the collection. Im not really, though. With any luck ,. Instead this can be the Turing Check, an independent online game developed by Bulkhead Interactive, and to call it a simple re-hash of these Portal can be doing it, and its creators, a online games for free without downloading good injustice. Playing as Ava Turing, a worldwide Space Agency engineer, players are brought to Jupiters largest moon Continente europeo with the objective of unearthing the secret behind the crews disappearance. Guided because of your robot friend T. U. M an individual navigate through 7 chapters, each and every containing 12 areas, looking for clues as to whats happened on this relatively deserted Europa base. To pass through each region you need to fix the puzzle inside, and once each part is completed youll be paid with a few extra hints as to whats going on.

As your character Ava may speak, the dialogue in addition to questions among her and T. U. M give the majority of the narrative: why do the crew seem to be covering? Why was Ava selected for this quest? What are Capital t. O. Ms intentions, if robots can even have those in the first place? Those of you who recognise the online games title will be some way to understanding the larger questions the game asks. The Turing Test had been devised by Alan Turing to see whether or not a computer could convince somebody who it is actually a human itself. Their main analyze was to have a computer and also a person sort on a individual screen, with someone guessing which seemed more human. Another way to perform it is by designing vague ideas which simply humans may solve thinking browser games outside the box common sense. You can see in which the rest is going. The Turing Test, such as the Portal collection before it, explains the appeal with regard to first person sci-fi puzzlers. The original 10 minutes will certainly seem primary, but that is the point. The sport teaches you the basic principles at first until you get to grabs with its mechanics, and then the real puzzles commence. As the problems increases with each part another gameplay mechanic will be introduced together with new objects, ensuring gamers stay amused whilst slowly and gradually increasing the problem. Therein lies the fun with this game as well as others like it; participants are made to sense more and more clever as the online game goes on. This produces in players a private pride not many other types can do. Why study to get a postdoctorate when you might play clever video games rather? Puzzles amongst people centre on different coloured electrical currents, all of which energy the objects around the rooms, like entry doors, cameras in addition to magnets. 1 colour runs constantly, others turn off and on regularly, although another keeps the current streaming for just a few seconds. Using your firearm you can take in these as orbs. Doing exercises how, when and where to shoot them in order to make your way to the next area is the main test. Its an interesting principle, and as an individual progress the overall game requires you to have speed, speed and good old fashioned brain power to find the right things working on the right time. But theres practically nothing ground-breaking inside the level, simply no reality changing physics. As good as the questions are, their impossible never to compare that to the gravity defying, mind-bending sibling Portal.

Players can anticipate to complete the main story in around six hours which is short, as well as the low price displays this. Yet there are accessories scattered amongst people that warrant a second playthrough. Throughout the primary story there are items to become picked up and data wood logs to be searched and read, enriching the particular narrative. Dotted around may also be secret areas, inaccessible till the game has been finished. I also wouldnt be surprised to see speedrunners breaking records about Europa, and fact its a pity that the programmers havent included final moment after completion. Seeing just how much faster you are able to go next time round guarantees re-playability. Aesthetically the PS4 version great looking, along with crisp plus detailed features. The designers have taken the time to apply this across the entire map, so it will be graphically fulfilling. One thing that is frustrating though is fill screen occasions. Not an issue in the beginning, half way through the sport there are cases of waiting thirty seconds to a minute when traversing areas. Contemplating there are 75 areas to maneuver between, that will adds up to plenty of waiting time. Yet this is a minor issue, and the fact that its among few exhibits how properly designed and enjoyable a game Typically the Turing Check is. Many people will look at a segment regarding gameplay or trailers for that Turing Test and consider it a Portal rip-off. Granted it is extremely similar plus Bulkhead Galleries inspiration will be telling, but there are very much worse online games to be compared to. This is a sport that will you should fans of genres, and it deserves to become recognised being a very good game in its personal right. Now thats that certain wrapped up. Did I actually pass test?

REVIEW CODE: Only at Brash Games we have the strict Overview Code policy, Paul Thomas owner / editor is the only associate ofstaffat Foolhardy Games authorized to obtain review code and distribute that within the Brash Games evaluation team. No other person will be permitted in order to request review code as well as send reviewlinksor contact typically the publishers at all whatsoever. If you want to send all of us review code please e-mail paulryan@brashgames. company. uk. Subscribe to our email list Get the newest game testimonials, news, characteristics, and more straight to your email Thank you for signing up for Brash Online games. Something went wrong. We respect your privacy in addition to take guarding it significantly, We do not spread or offer your information. 28 year-old Insurance Investigator Kevin Jaimes from Vancouver, loves to spend time reading, Best Word Puzzle Games On Android And IOS … and russian dolls collecting. Has recently finished a journey to Gusuku Sites and Related Properties of the Kingdom of Ryukyu.