#im weeping at the fanon assumption that Jean has an aversion to touch. like what??? that was not at all my take away from this book
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bienmoreau · 6 days ago
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It might have been (hopefully was) just a very brief rogue comment by someone who doesn't like him and doesn't care abt the book/this story. (unfortunately I was seen a fair bit of that straight after publication last year) rather than more genuine criticism/blame but it sure stuck with me cause of how bs it was.
Apparently I wrote an essay?? Sorry abt that, you do not have to read it and this is moving away from my original post which was more intended to be abt the nuance of that one moment being foreshadowing of why it's a trigger for him.
I absolutely refuse to join in with discourse in this fandom. I am too exhausted by simply navigating this space these days already.
But as a response in a sensible conversation (which I feel like you'd be open to), I think it's worth noting that this moment happens before the beach revelation. And the moment with Jeremy is even earlier. And with Lisinski it's just a whole other situation. I don't believe Jean is touch adverse, or that the others are invading his boundaries all the time. I think he lashes out when he's surprised and is already in a state of internal reactive stress. With Jeremy it's because of him asking about learning french and Jean is thinking about the trouble it caused when Kevin asked. With Laila it's because he's just be told Grayson is in town and it was suggested he meet him. Importantly in both these situations the others don't know that what they've just said is triggering something internal for Jean.
But I think it's unfair to say they don't back down or learn from these. I think they do get better as they learn more of the things that are off limits and how to identify when it wouldn't be good to touch him. As well as plenty of times where they do touch him and he has absolutely no issue with it. (Also, but I think importantly, often when they physically intervene when it may not 'be fine' it's to stop him from unconsciously self harming.)
Also as much as they may talk about him the three of them (and especially extended to the rest of the floozies as we know they don't share his personal shit with the rest of them.) aren't a hive mind and they can each make the same/similar mistakes without meaning to or it being an intentional ignoring of a boundary they may not know yet.
I do think a big part of it is them learning a very different way of being with and supporting someone traumatised. We see how affectionate they are with each other and at least with Jeremy's background I would imagine it makes sense for him to seek out physical contact as comfort and the girls are also happy with that and don't think twice about it. So it makes sense to me that there's a steep learning curve for them. Laila isn't intentionally doing something wrong there. She's trying to tend to his wound. That's a caring gesture, it's just very badly timed and perhaps not as thought through as it could have been. But she isn't inside his head like we are so doesn't know where he's at mentally just then. I also think had it been, say, his arm instead of his neck, his reaction would likely have been different in that moment.
I also think it's important that he's not been put in bubble wrap. Of course I don't mean they should ignore his boundaries or expect unreasonable progress from him but if he doesn't get pulled out of his modus operandi and given some new expectations and experiences he's going to stay pacing the walls of his self sustained cell. It's a fine line and I won't pretend they don't cross it sometimes (or that I would expect them not to lbr. This is a random bunch of pretty privileged young adults in '07 California. Why would they be inherently good at dealing with all of his everything?) but I also think that it's important for those boundaries to be tested occasionally, and going both ways, so that he has the chance to learn that it's safe to test them too. Someone touching a wet cloth to his neck isn't a threat or attack. His instinct to lash out when stressed and triggered isn't going to cause him to be beaten. Moments like this while of course not ideal, and uncomfortable to read, are points in which he learns in real time that this place isn't the nest and what he's been conditioned intentionally and unintentionally by his time there does not serve him in the world outside that environment.
A huge part of healing is identifying the ways we survived that we cling to beyond their usefulness. Of seeing how sometimes the survivor in us is now doing more harm than good to our system and ability to move beyond our trauma in a healthy and functional way.
As much as I agree about him having the right to defend his boundaries I don't agree that violence is necessarily a proportionate response and that's also something he is learning by being with them. From the Jean I met in this book he doesn't like violence. He doesn't relish it or want to be subject to it or subject it on others but he is still learning how to not bite when he could just growl or when maybe he doesn't even need to do that and he would still be okay.
Back on my annotated reread of TSC and thinking abt how Jean's reaction to Laila when he hits her isn't just about being touched unexpectedly.
It's because it's his neck.
It is specifically because it's 'something warm and wet against his injured neck'.
It's because it's literally happening in the middle of a conversation in which Cat just suggested Jean meet in person with Grayson.
Like as much as people can be upset he hit her or didn't immediately apologise (also tho like. Did we read the same book? It literally has it right there that apologising is not how this kinda thing is handled in the nest. Why would Jean think to do that here??) can you really be surprised that those circumstances triggered his fight response? Like really?
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