#im watching a bo burnham vine compilation

[hikiy]

asra: who's calling me?

[ calling: the other half of your heart ]

asra: hello?

lucio on MC's phone: you're a douche

[itskyleeyo]

*how i feel currently is best described as “that funny feeling” by bo burnham*

laying in bed rn and asking myself “why do i feel so empty when im flooded with emotions?” (anger. rage. fear. sadness.) and then it dawned on me. there’s a hole in my heart where my hope should be.

i, as a person, try my best to see the bright side. try to be flexible. be understanding. but it is so goddamn hard to understand the amount of hate in this country. i try to be flexible, but they’re going to bend me until i break. how do you find a bright side in all of this?

yknow what’s funny? all of this hate around me is bringing out the hate in me. the amount of anger i feel now honestly scares me sometimes.

i constantly hear older adults complaining about how “you can’t say an opinion/joke/belief nowadays because everyone is so sensitive.” as they hear about the most recent shooting and go “that’s a shame” and continue on with their day. whilst also dramatizing and being overly emotional/defensive about minute things. for example, getting offended when we don’t laugh at their racist jokes. they complain about how we act, when it directly stems from their lack of giving a shit about anything important.

i have to remind myself that some things are really, truly, genuinely out of my control. i have to remind myself that my anger is not at myself, and that i had no say over who is in power.

i am so sick and fucking tired of pretending that i don’t care in front of others just to avoid getting into an argument about basic human rights.

*deep breaths yall* it’d probably be good practice to take my own advice, right? so i’m gonna pet my dog and list out things that ain’t too shabby. 1. i can vote now! hopefully i’ll feel less powerless. 2. i’m going to college soon! hopefully i’ll be able to express myself without fear of judgement. and i’ll get to wear my cute clothes. 3. my people! my family. my friends. i love y’all so much and are my rock. you are the reason i keep going. 4. i can make a difference (even if it’s a small one) 5. people care about me. there are people out there that wish me well. 6. i care about me! i am good enough for myself. 7. there is still good! i will not let the state of our government ruin everything for me. there are flowers, and sunsets, and videos of goats eating fruit! and fluffy cows!!

it feels like a lot, and it is, but we can get through this. find your rock and hold on tight. go now, and i mean right now, and find you some happy. a video or a shitpost or a song. watch a vine compilation. it is ok to be angry or sad or scared or hurt, but don’t let it destroy you completely. go watch goats eat plants, or ducks run across wood so their feet make the “pit pat” noise! take this moment (even if it is just a moment) to bring a genuine smile to your own face. we can survive this. you are not alone. ily.